April 9, 2024 • 21 mins
Between 80-90% of US teens report that they use social media, but we are only beginning to understand how social media use affects mental health. I had the opportunity to talk about this with WAVYTV10 News Anchor, Sarah Goode. In this episode, I share clips from our conversation about how to help kids navigate social media, share tips for talking with teens about their social media use, and share resources to help families develop a plan for healthy use of social media.
For more information and to listen to an extended version of this interview, check out the NBC Affiliate, WAVYTV10 at the link below:
https://www.wavy.com/10-on-your-side/kids-on-social-media-what-to-know-about-their-mental-health/
Check out our website PsychEd4Peds.com for more resources.
Follow us on Instagram @psyched4peds
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (00:21):
Welcome back to psyched for Peds, the child
mental health podcast forpediatric clinicians.
And for all of you helping takecare of kids, we're helping you
help kids.
A really hot topic in the fieldof child mental health right now
is social media.
And particularly, what do weknow about the connection
between social media and mentalhealth?
(00:41):
I had the opportunity last weekto talk about social media and
mental health.
With wavy TV v 10, which is anNBC affiliate.
TV station in Virginia.
And I had a wonderfulconversation with the wavy 10
news anchor, Sarah goode.
And I wanted to share excerptsfrom this conversation with our
listeners at psyched, for paeds.
(01:02):
We talk about what we currentlyknow about the association
between social media.
and mental health in kids Wetalk about tips for helping kids
navigate social media.
And finally we share helpfulresources that parents can use
with their children to develop afamily media use plan.
For as long as social media hasbeen around, kids and teenagers
(01:23):
have been struggling to dealwith it, and parents too,
because as parents, we're tryingto figure out how do we support
our kids.
when I think back to when I grewup and before social media times
the only access you had to mediawas really broadcast media, so
things like this, like TVprograms, and then occasionally
print media like magazines, youhad limited access to images of
(01:46):
supermodels, images ofcelebrities, images of your
friends, and it wasn'tbombarding you around the clock
and it was a lot easier to keepspace and time.
Sarah Goode (01:55):
And I know that's something where, we look back at
kids even just 10 years ago andyou know the way they do their
makeup or the way they wearclothes and things that's even
changed with social media as youget more into the trends and
wrapped up in what's happening.
I know that there are so manythings that we can talk about
with this.
I think the first thing is, whatare the first tips that you give
parents or Children navigatingthis world.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (02:18):
I want to be careful not to paint it as all
bad.
Absolutely.
There's so many potentialbenefits of platforms like
YouTube and social media forsharing positive information,
for sharing education.
Even like the makeup tutorialsyou were talking about.
It's so much easier to accessinformation in a way that's
easily digestible.
And that's a great thing.
(02:39):
Social media can also be a wayfor kids who have trouble
socially connecting with otherkids to be able to find people
with shared and commoninterests.
It can be really positive for alot of people in that sense.
And then, I think we always haveto be aware of potential risks.
what we consume, the food we putin our bodies and also our media
(03:01):
diet, everything that we'reseeing and taking in affects our
growth and affects our body andaffects the way we think.
we need to be more thoughtfulabout learning more about what
are our kids doing?
What are they spending theirtime learning?
And where is this informationcoming from?
It's important to ask kids,first of all, what platforms are
(03:21):
they using?
What social media, are they onTikTok?
Are they on Instagram?
Are they on Snapchat?
What sort of things are theydoing?
How much time are they spendingon it every day?
And anytime you ask that, Ithink every, all of us tend to
underestimate and aren't awareof how much time we spend.
And so it can be helpful to havevarious.
various programs on your phoneor on your tablet that kind of
(03:43):
keep track of your screen timeso you can realize wow I'm
spending two or three hours oreven more on social media.
So what are you doing?
How much time are you spending?
And then the final question isHow do you feel when you're done
or how do you feel while you'redoing this?
Is it a positive experiencewhere you're laughing at cat
videos and feeling like you'relearning things or connecting
(04:04):
with friends or are you having alittle bit of FOMO?
Do you feel like Wow, I'm seeingthese images of my friends all
doing fun things without me.
I'm, I feel inadequate becauseI'm seeing these pictures of,
these celebrities or influencerswho don't look like me and make
me feel uncomfortable about mybody or about my choices or
(04:26):
about whatever I'm doing.
I that ability to self reflectand to pay attention to take
your own pulse and pay attentionto how you feel after you use
social media is really importantand can help kids motivate
themselves to make differentchoices.
Sarah Goode (04:40):
And at that point, that critical thinking skill,
when does that really develop inkids?
Is that sort of case by case, oris there an area of time around
maybe puberty where they startdeveloping that?
Because that's really hard to beable to take a pause of what
you're seeing and evaluate.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (04:55):
It really will depend on the child.
And so for teenagers, theyshould be able to stop and say,
how does this make me feel?
And, again, some of this has todo with emotional intelligence
and some people are really intouch with their emotions and
are able to say, okay, This iswhat I feel and maybe this is
why I feel that, but thatrequires a level of
(05:16):
sophistication that sometimes wedon't see until late
adolescence.
So older teens and even peoplein their 20s.
So for our younger kids, it'simportant to get parents
involved to be able to help themnavigate that and to be able to
reflect and say, wow, I see youlook pretty angry, but you just
slammed your water bottle downon the counter.
(05:37):
Like that tells me that maybeyou're not feeling well inside.
I wonder if that has anything todo with what you were just
doing, playing the video game orwatching, scrolling on social
media.
Sarah Goode (05:49):
And making those connections for them so they
might understand why they'rehaving that feeling whether,
honestly, whether it's good orbad and be able to register the
difference.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (05:58):
Yeah, and, and this is all part of also
just in general helping peoplehelping kids grow in emotional
intelligence and recognizefeelings.
So as you put it, Sarah, ifthey're feeling really great,
like you notice them laughingand say, Oh my gosh, you're
laughing.
It looks like, something must befunny.
What is that?
Why don't you share it?
And we can talk about it.
Or, Oh, it's a, I don't know.
(06:20):
It's some silly video thatsomebody posted, but I think
it's funny and it makes mehappy.
That's great.
It seems like this channel orwhatever you're doing.
Looking at is a really positivething for you and that, just
feeding that back and reflectingthat back to the kids can be
helpful.
Sarah Goode (06:33):
How important is that for parents to be involved
and understand what their kid isusing those apps?
I don't know if that's their owndigital literacy, understanding
the technology or just helpingthem with their emotions.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (06:44):
I think it's really important for as parents
of kids of any age and teenagersto be very much aware of how
much time they're spending onsocial media and if possible
which particular sites thatthey're using.
And there, there are all sortsof programs that you can get and
even things you can pay for totry to limit your child's access
to certain sites.
(07:05):
But what I, as a universalrecommendation Two things that I
like to tell parents.
One is, whatever smartphone youhave has a way of monitoring
screen time and creating afamily with you and your child
so that you can Easily see anyday of the week how many hours
are they spending on theirphones?
and it'll even break it down andsay how much of this time is on
(07:27):
what they call productivity likeare they You know, I don't know
doing something for school workor is and how much of this time
is social media And so you canreally quickly Monitor that and
potentially set limits.
The second thing that Irecommend for families is to
check out the American Academyof Pediatrics has a family media
(07:47):
use plan.
That's a little bit of acontract, but it starts a
conversation between parents andchildren about how much time
they're going to be spending ontheir devices, which types of
sites are okay and safe and whatis safe and behavior and then
what's not.
And then even making particularrules about are we going to have
(08:08):
access to screens at meals andthings like that.
And so for parents who may feeluncomfortable talking to teens
about social media or don't evenknow where to start, just having
this structured guide as almostlike an outline for having a
conversation with your teen canbe really helpful.
Sarah Goode (08:25):
Absolutely.
And, I want to talk about,social media right now.
It's not just to highlight real,but that's one way on some of
the apps that it feels, as ifI'll say Instagram, for example,
photos you post right now,people are posting videos of
where they got into college,very relevant for those teens
graduating soon.
Navigating that, and I'm surethis applies to a lot of other
(08:46):
issues, within, excuse me,within mental health, but.
How do you give your kid, thatconfidence, maybe internally
from these external factors?
I guess that's the same casewith friendships and friend
groups at school and things likethat.
But how important is developingthat internal, sense of self?
Dr. Elise Fallucco (09:05):
There's such a tendency for all of us to
engage in comparison and whetherwe're seeing our friends wearing
their new college sweatshirts,or we're seeing the highlight
reels of our peers lookingamazing on their spring break
vacations.
It's our natural tendency is tosay like, why, what am I, what's
wrong with me, or why do I nothave that, or what's different
(09:28):
about me.
And Knowing that's just a normalpart of being human is, it's
important to share with our kidsand then being able to have the
type of relationship with yourkid or your teen where you can
have open communication and beable to talk about, what are you
thinking right now?
And when you see, I noticed thatwhen you saw that photo or, when
(09:48):
your friend got into this oneplace, how did that make you
feel?
And to allow them to have anopen space where they can
honestly communicate yeah, I'mbummed I Like I wanted to go
there or that and you know As aparent, one of the things that
we work on in our sessions withfamilies is to really just allow
kids to vent to some extent andto be, instead of trying to fix
(10:11):
their problems, listen to themand sometimes even validate,
yeah, that stinks, like I sawthe, I know, in some ways I know
what you're, experiencing.
Like I saw those pictures of myfriends on sailboats in the
Caribbean last week and thought,Oh my gosh, I'm at work.
Like they look like they'rehaving more fun than I am.
And it's normal to compareyourself and to feel that way.
(10:31):
And then also to recenter on,we're on our own journey right
now and we have different goalsand different priorities.
And right now your priorities orwhatever they are.
And, you're doing a great jobwith that.
And just, Yeah, to be able tojust end it in that way and
recognize like everybody's in adifferent place and they're like
(10:53):
sometimes literally in adifferent place doing different
things and that's okay and whereyou are is great and let's just
focus on what are your goals,what are your priorities, and
how you can get there.
Sarah Goode (11:04):
I guess, it's teaching the kids to your point
earlier, the skills to be ableto get through all these videos
or the information and actuallybe able to digest the good parts
out of it because the algorithmscan give you some crazy content
when you're looking on all ofthese apps, whether it's Twitter
or Tik TOK or Instagram.
Being able to navigate all ofthat with a good head on your
(11:25):
shoulders.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (11:26):
Yeah.
And, from my own experience, Ithink what's really helpful and
can be empowering for our teensand kids is the practice of
unfollowing and, not reflexivelyliking.
And so we know from thealgorithms that what you spend
your time looking at and whatyou heart and that's the type of
content that you're going to getfed more of.
And so if you're seeing thingswhere you're like, I don't like
(11:49):
that, or that's awful.
empower kids to scroll past thatand, definitely not to like it.
And, or if there are accountsthat keep popping up for them
and they're thinking, I don'tlike this at all, making sure
that they unfollow or if neededblock certain accounts.
And so giving them the sense ofautonomy to be able to make
(12:10):
choices about what are youputting into your mind?
What is your diet?
Sarah Goode (12:14):
And developing that autonomy, I'm sure, especially
as a teen, is so important as,if kids are going off to college
or developing on their own, theyneed that foundation.
You're not always going to beable to, potentially look over,
again, your kid's shoulders orhelp them navigate that.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (12:30):
Yeah, and starting early by helping them
navigate that, setting limits onscreen time and ideal usage of
media, and then being able togradually give them more
autonomy, step back as isappropriate, and, as they get
older, knowing that the ultimategoal is we're raising adults
here.
And so we want them to be ableto be empowered to make their
(12:51):
own choices and to make, ideallymake good choices, as many of
them as they can and then toknow what to do, if they don't
make a good choice to recognize,to try to course correct.
Sarah Goode (13:02):
And I do want to recognize one thing and somebody
put a comment in the chat, justabout not allowing their kids to
use social media and that'ssomething I've heard forever.
I'm not saying that there's aright or wrong answer, have you
heard, benefits to potentially,waiting until kids are later to
have these interactions?
Dr. Elise Fallucco (13:19):
Yes.
I think it's tricky.
If we're talking specificallyabout social media, I think
delaying access to social mediauntil your kid is mature makes
complete sense.
And, every kid is a little bitdifferent.
I, we've got one of our kids isa teenager at home and I'm
trying to delay his access tosocial media forever, basically,
(13:40):
if at all possible.
And we've had a lot ofconversations about this.
And so what's really interestingis that some of our larger
studies looking at theassociation between social media
and anxiety and depression havereally talked about in
teenagers, there's.
There's the social media is adouble edged sword.
And so basically kids who are,let's say they're mid teens, in
(14:04):
ninth or 10th or 11th grade inhigh school, and they're not at
all on social media.
And if we're connected in anyway that there is the potential
that they will feel a littleleft out or excluded if every
other person on their wholegrade is, using a particular
app.
But what we also know is themore time you're spending on
(14:24):
these apps is you spend an houror two or more a day.
Spending time on social mediaincreases your risk or is
associated with an increasedrisk of anxiety, of depression.
If you're a girl, you'reparticularly sensitive to these
effects and it can causedistorted body image and lower
self esteem.
And so as parents, you'rewalking this tightrope and
(14:45):
trying to figure out like, wheredo I go with this?
And, obviously trying to delayor limit use of social media
until your child is mature,makes complete sense.
And at the point where you feellike it's a good time for them
to start to use trying tomonitor as much as possible.
Again, thinking back to ourultimate goal is our child is
(15:07):
graduating high school and isbecoming an adult.
And at that point, they need tolearn how to use this.
And they may not have us lookingover their shoulders while
they're on their phone.
And so you do want to have someexposure in some time where the
child, your child, or yourteenager is using social media.
Before they leave where you'reable to monitor it.
(15:28):
Does that make sense?
Yes.
Sarah Goode (15:29):
Yeah.
No, I completely understand it'sfinding that balance and I guess
Everyone knows their individualchild, I, some people do just
ultimately have a differentsense of self and, different
levels of critical thinking andthey might not have, the fear of
missing out the same way.
And then, other kids aredifferent.
It probably also depends on,again, what you said, your
friend group, are they all onsocial media?
(15:50):
How are they communicating witheach other?
So I think that's reallyinteresting and obviously a very
dynamic process, for parents tosift through all of that.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (15:59):
Yeah, definitely.
And, I completely agree withrecommendations to certainly
wait until they're teenagers.
I think, it's the data we haveis wild.
Something like 80 to 90 percentof U.
S.
teens report that they're onsocial media, and one out of
three of them say that they'reon social media constantly.
(16:20):
and even though social media issupposed to be not available for
children under 13, our surveyswill say that kids 8 to 12 years
old, about 40 percent of themare already on social media
apps.
And so It is, as parents, thisis so hard because you want to
teach your kids literacy and,social media literacy, rather,
(16:41):
and how to navigate thesechallenging situations.
And also, you don't want themexposed to all of this at a
young age.
Sarah Goode (16:48):
Yeah, it's a lot to get through.
And then you bringing up, ofcourse, the body image part that
we briefly mentioned thebeginning, that could be a
whole, conversation obviously onits own and impacts of that.
And I know that we don't havetoo much time to delve into that
today, but I think, what a hugeimpression that could leave,
especially on those kids goingoff on their own and trying to
figure out who they are and howto dress and navigate
(17:10):
themselves, but you're alsoseeing these people, whether
fake or not, right?
And sort of their image thatthey have online.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (17:18):
Yeah, exactly.
All the, like the airbrushedimages,
Sarah Goode (17:21):
all the editing and filters, right?
And you don't always knowexactly what the person online
has done.
I think, there's sometransparency on some apps, but
that is not across the board, ofcourse.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (17:32):
Yeah, exactly.
And the more we talk about this,the more it makes me think if
kids are spending hours andhours looking at these images
and thinking about these thingson social media, like that's the
message that they're hearing intheir ears and they're seeing in
their eyes.
We as parents and as trustedadults, we need to be talking to
them even more than we alreadyare because we've got to counter
(17:53):
this social force that they'reup against.
So that we can say, Hey, I don'tknow if but a lot of those.
Let's say teenage girls thatyou're looking at, like they're
airbrushed images or they havesomebody professional who does
their hair and they pay howevermuch money to do that, like this
is not necessarily a realisticimage of what your day to day
(18:14):
life is going to be and the, thebodybuilders that I don't know
how much of that is real and howmuch of that is fake.
These are importantconversations to be able to have
with your kids.
Sarah Goode (18:25):
So it seems that not just to simplify it, it's
definitely a little bit moredynamic than this, but it really
boils down to having thoseconversations being open about
it and talking about theirfeelings, which I know is not
easy for every teenager todiscuss, their feelings with
their parents, but certainly theeffort, to try and maybe debunk
some of the fake things and alsolift up maybe the more positive
(18:49):
item.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (18:49):
Yeah.
And just the one last tip abouthaving the conversations.
One of my colleagues has thisgreat recommendation.
She about talking to teenagersand she says, if if you have a
car and you're driving yourchild somewhere, which I feel
like we are always doing fromvarious activities.
That is a great time to have aconversation because it's less
(19:10):
threatening for the kid.
You're not staring at themmaking intense eye contact.
You're just like listening tomusic.
They're a little distracted.
And if, that can be a reallygood time to just be like, Hey,
I just want to check in.
How's this thing going?
Or, I'm just curious tell me,ask questions in a non
judgmental way I'm just curiouswhat, which social media sites
(19:30):
are you on?
I was listening to this talktoday, and I just didn't know.
Tell me what you like about it,and is there anything you don't
like about it?
And, that's a nice way to openthe conversation with them.
Sarah Goode (19:41):
Absolutely.
Dr.
Fallucco, thank you so much forspeaking with me today, giving
all these very helpful tips.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (19:46):
And just to recap for our listeners.
We talked about the potentialrisks and benefits of social
media use for kids and teens.
We provided a framework fortalking to kids about social
media, asking them which appsthey use, keeping track of their
screen time through programs onyour phone or through
third-party sources.
And most importantly, forcommunicating with kids about
(20:09):
how they feel.
When they spend time on socialmedia.
We'll include a link to theAmerican academy of pediatrics
family media use plan on ourwebsite.
Psyched the number fourpaeds.com.
As usual, please feel free tosend me a chat on our websites
or message me on Instagram atpsyched for paeds.
I'm curious, what do you thinkabout social media use and how
(20:32):
do you.
Talk to.
The teens in your practice aboutthis.
Thanks again for listening.
We'll see you next time.
Welcome back to psyched for Peds, the child
mental health podcast forpediatric clinicians.
And for all of you helping takecare of kids, we're helping you
help kids.
A really hot topic in the fieldof child mental health right now
is social media.
And particularly, what do weknow about the connection
between social media and mentalhealth?
(00:41):
I had the opportunity last weekto talk about social media and
mental health.
With wavy TV v 10, which is anNBC affiliate.
TV station in Virginia.
And I had a wonderfulconversation with the wavy 10
news anchor, Sarah goode.
And I wanted to share excerptsfrom this conversation with our
listeners at psyched, for paeds.
(01:02):
We talk about what we currentlyknow about the association
between social media.
and mental health in kids Wetalk about tips for helping kids
navigate social media.
And finally we share helpfulresources that parents can use
with their children to develop afamily media use plan.
For as long as social media hasbeen around, kids and teenagers
(01:23):
have been struggling to dealwith it, and parents too,
because as parents, we're tryingto figure out how do we support
our kids.
when I think back to when I grewup and before social media times
the only access you had to mediawas really broadcast media, so
things like this, like TVprograms, and then occasionally
print media like magazines, youhad limited access to images of
(01:46):
supermodels, images ofcelebrities, images of your
friends, and it wasn'tbombarding you around the clock
and it was a lot easier to keepspace and time.
Sarah Goode (01:55):
And I know that's something where, we look back at
kids even just 10 years ago andyou know the way they do their
makeup or the way they wearclothes and things that's even
changed with social media as youget more into the trends and
wrapped up in what's happening.
I know that there are so manythings that we can talk about
with this.
I think the first thing is, whatare the first tips that you give
parents or Children navigatingthis world.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (02:18):
I want to be careful not to paint it as all
bad.
Absolutely.
There's so many potentialbenefits of platforms like
YouTube and social media forsharing positive information,
for sharing education.
Even like the makeup tutorialsyou were talking about.
It's so much easier to accessinformation in a way that's
easily digestible.
And that's a great thing.
(02:39):
Social media can also be a wayfor kids who have trouble
socially connecting with otherkids to be able to find people
with shared and commoninterests.
It can be really positive for alot of people in that sense.
And then, I think we always haveto be aware of potential risks.
what we consume, the food we putin our bodies and also our media
(03:01):
diet, everything that we'reseeing and taking in affects our
growth and affects our body andaffects the way we think.
we need to be more thoughtfulabout learning more about what
are our kids doing?
What are they spending theirtime learning?
And where is this informationcoming from?
It's important to ask kids,first of all, what platforms are
(03:21):
they using?
What social media, are they onTikTok?
Are they on Instagram?
Are they on Snapchat?
What sort of things are theydoing?
How much time are they spendingon it every day?
And anytime you ask that, Ithink every, all of us tend to
underestimate and aren't awareof how much time we spend.
And so it can be helpful to havevarious.
various programs on your phoneor on your tablet that kind of
(03:43):
keep track of your screen timeso you can realize wow I'm
spending two or three hours oreven more on social media.
So what are you doing?
How much time are you spending?
And then the final question isHow do you feel when you're done
or how do you feel while you'redoing this?
Is it a positive experiencewhere you're laughing at cat
videos and feeling like you'relearning things or connecting
(04:04):
with friends or are you having alittle bit of FOMO?
Do you feel like Wow, I'm seeingthese images of my friends all
doing fun things without me.
I'm, I feel inadequate becauseI'm seeing these pictures of,
these celebrities or influencerswho don't look like me and make
me feel uncomfortable about mybody or about my choices or
(04:26):
about whatever I'm doing.
I that ability to self reflectand to pay attention to take
your own pulse and pay attentionto how you feel after you use
social media is really importantand can help kids motivate
themselves to make differentchoices.
Sarah Goode (04:40):
And at that point, that critical thinking skill,
when does that really develop inkids?
Is that sort of case by case, oris there an area of time around
maybe puberty where they startdeveloping that?
Because that's really hard to beable to take a pause of what
you're seeing and evaluate.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (04:55):
It really will depend on the child.
And so for teenagers, theyshould be able to stop and say,
how does this make me feel?
And, again, some of this has todo with emotional intelligence
and some people are really intouch with their emotions and
are able to say, okay, This iswhat I feel and maybe this is
why I feel that, but thatrequires a level of
(05:16):
sophistication that sometimes wedon't see until late
adolescence.
So older teens and even peoplein their 20s.
So for our younger kids, it'simportant to get parents
involved to be able to help themnavigate that and to be able to
reflect and say, wow, I see youlook pretty angry, but you just
slammed your water bottle downon the counter.
(05:37):
Like that tells me that maybeyou're not feeling well inside.
I wonder if that has anything todo with what you were just
doing, playing the video game orwatching, scrolling on social
media.
Sarah Goode (05:49):
And making those connections for them so they
might understand why they'rehaving that feeling whether,
honestly, whether it's good orbad and be able to register the
difference.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (05:58):
Yeah, and, and this is all part of also
just in general helping peoplehelping kids grow in emotional
intelligence and recognizefeelings.
So as you put it, Sarah, ifthey're feeling really great,
like you notice them laughingand say, Oh my gosh, you're
laughing.
It looks like, something must befunny.
What is that?
Why don't you share it?
And we can talk about it.
Or, Oh, it's a, I don't know.
(06:20):
It's some silly video thatsomebody posted, but I think
it's funny and it makes mehappy.
That's great.
It seems like this channel orwhatever you're doing.
Looking at is a really positivething for you and that, just
feeding that back and reflectingthat back to the kids can be
helpful.
Sarah Goode (06:33):
How important is that for parents to be involved
and understand what their kid isusing those apps?
I don't know if that's their owndigital literacy, understanding
the technology or just helpingthem with their emotions.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (06:44):
I think it's really important for as parents
of kids of any age and teenagersto be very much aware of how
much time they're spending onsocial media and if possible
which particular sites thatthey're using.
And there, there are all sortsof programs that you can get and
even things you can pay for totry to limit your child's access
to certain sites.
(07:05):
But what I, as a universalrecommendation Two things that I
like to tell parents.
One is, whatever smartphone youhave has a way of monitoring
screen time and creating afamily with you and your child
so that you can Easily see anyday of the week how many hours
are they spending on theirphones?
and it'll even break it down andsay how much of this time is on
(07:27):
what they call productivity likeare they You know, I don't know
doing something for school workor is and how much of this time
is social media And so you canreally quickly Monitor that and
potentially set limits.
The second thing that Irecommend for families is to
check out the American Academyof Pediatrics has a family media
(07:47):
use plan.
That's a little bit of acontract, but it starts a
conversation between parents andchildren about how much time
they're going to be spending ontheir devices, which types of
sites are okay and safe and whatis safe and behavior and then
what's not.
And then even making particularrules about are we going to have
(08:08):
access to screens at meals andthings like that.
And so for parents who may feeluncomfortable talking to teens
about social media or don't evenknow where to start, just having
this structured guide as almostlike an outline for having a
conversation with your teen canbe really helpful.
Sarah Goode (08:25):
Absolutely.
And, I want to talk about,social media right now.
It's not just to highlight real,but that's one way on some of
the apps that it feels, as ifI'll say Instagram, for example,
photos you post right now,people are posting videos of
where they got into college,very relevant for those teens
graduating soon.
Navigating that, and I'm surethis applies to a lot of other
(08:46):
issues, within, excuse me,within mental health, but.
How do you give your kid, thatconfidence, maybe internally
from these external factors?
I guess that's the same casewith friendships and friend
groups at school and things likethat.
But how important is developingthat internal, sense of self?
Dr. Elise Fallucco (09:05):
There's such a tendency for all of us to
engage in comparison and whetherwe're seeing our friends wearing
their new college sweatshirts,or we're seeing the highlight
reels of our peers lookingamazing on their spring break
vacations.
It's our natural tendency is tosay like, why, what am I, what's
wrong with me, or why do I nothave that, or what's different
(09:28):
about me.
And Knowing that's just a normalpart of being human is, it's
important to share with our kidsand then being able to have the
type of relationship with yourkid or your teen where you can
have open communication and beable to talk about, what are you
thinking right now?
And when you see, I noticed thatwhen you saw that photo or, when
(09:48):
your friend got into this oneplace, how did that make you
feel?
And to allow them to have anopen space where they can
honestly communicate yeah, I'mbummed I Like I wanted to go
there or that and you know As aparent, one of the things that
we work on in our sessions withfamilies is to really just allow
kids to vent to some extent andto be, instead of trying to fix
(10:11):
their problems, listen to themand sometimes even validate,
yeah, that stinks, like I sawthe, I know, in some ways I know
what you're, experiencing.
Like I saw those pictures of myfriends on sailboats in the
Caribbean last week and thought,Oh my gosh, I'm at work.
Like they look like they'rehaving more fun than I am.
And it's normal to compareyourself and to feel that way.
(10:31):
And then also to recenter on,we're on our own journey right
now and we have different goalsand different priorities.
And right now your priorities orwhatever they are.
And, you're doing a great jobwith that.
And just, Yeah, to be able tojust end it in that way and
recognize like everybody's in adifferent place and they're like
(10:53):
sometimes literally in adifferent place doing different
things and that's okay and whereyou are is great and let's just
focus on what are your goals,what are your priorities, and
how you can get there.
Sarah Goode (11:04):
I guess, it's teaching the kids to your point
earlier, the skills to be ableto get through all these videos
or the information and actuallybe able to digest the good parts
out of it because the algorithmscan give you some crazy content
when you're looking on all ofthese apps, whether it's Twitter
or Tik TOK or Instagram.
Being able to navigate all ofthat with a good head on your
(11:25):
shoulders.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (11:26):
Yeah.
And, from my own experience, Ithink what's really helpful and
can be empowering for our teensand kids is the practice of
unfollowing and, not reflexivelyliking.
And so we know from thealgorithms that what you spend
your time looking at and whatyou heart and that's the type of
content that you're going to getfed more of.
And so if you're seeing thingswhere you're like, I don't like
(11:49):
that, or that's awful.
empower kids to scroll past thatand, definitely not to like it.
And, or if there are accountsthat keep popping up for them
and they're thinking, I don'tlike this at all, making sure
that they unfollow or if neededblock certain accounts.
And so giving them the sense ofautonomy to be able to make
(12:10):
choices about what are youputting into your mind?
What is your diet?
Sarah Goode (12:14):
And developing that autonomy, I'm sure, especially
as a teen, is so important as,if kids are going off to college
or developing on their own, theyneed that foundation.
You're not always going to beable to, potentially look over,
again, your kid's shoulders orhelp them navigate that.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (12:30):
Yeah, and starting early by helping them
navigate that, setting limits onscreen time and ideal usage of
media, and then being able togradually give them more
autonomy, step back as isappropriate, and, as they get
older, knowing that the ultimategoal is we're raising adults
here.
And so we want them to be ableto be empowered to make their
(12:51):
own choices and to make, ideallymake good choices, as many of
them as they can and then toknow what to do, if they don't
make a good choice to recognize,to try to course correct.
Sarah Goode (13:02):
And I do want to recognize one thing and somebody
put a comment in the chat, justabout not allowing their kids to
use social media and that'ssomething I've heard forever.
I'm not saying that there's aright or wrong answer, have you
heard, benefits to potentially,waiting until kids are later to
have these interactions?
Dr. Elise Fallucco (13:19):
Yes.
I think it's tricky.
If we're talking specificallyabout social media, I think
delaying access to social mediauntil your kid is mature makes
complete sense.
And, every kid is a little bitdifferent.
I, we've got one of our kids isa teenager at home and I'm
trying to delay his access tosocial media forever, basically,
(13:40):
if at all possible.
And we've had a lot ofconversations about this.
And so what's really interestingis that some of our larger
studies looking at theassociation between social media
and anxiety and depression havereally talked about in
teenagers, there's.
There's the social media is adouble edged sword.
And so basically kids who are,let's say they're mid teens, in
(14:04):
ninth or 10th or 11th grade inhigh school, and they're not at
all on social media.
And if we're connected in anyway that there is the potential
that they will feel a littleleft out or excluded if every
other person on their wholegrade is, using a particular
app.
But what we also know is themore time you're spending on
(14:24):
these apps is you spend an houror two or more a day.
Spending time on social mediaincreases your risk or is
associated with an increasedrisk of anxiety, of depression.
If you're a girl, you'reparticularly sensitive to these
effects and it can causedistorted body image and lower
self esteem.
And so as parents, you'rewalking this tightrope and
(14:45):
trying to figure out like, wheredo I go with this?
And, obviously trying to delayor limit use of social media
until your child is mature,makes complete sense.
And at the point where you feellike it's a good time for them
to start to use trying tomonitor as much as possible.
Again, thinking back to ourultimate goal is our child is
(15:07):
graduating high school and isbecoming an adult.
And at that point, they need tolearn how to use this.
And they may not have us lookingover their shoulders while
they're on their phone.
And so you do want to have someexposure in some time where the
child, your child, or yourteenager is using social media.
Before they leave where you'reable to monitor it.
(15:28):
Does that make sense?
Yes.
Sarah Goode (15:29):
Yeah.
No, I completely understand it'sfinding that balance and I guess
Everyone knows their individualchild, I, some people do just
ultimately have a differentsense of self and, different
levels of critical thinking andthey might not have, the fear of
missing out the same way.
And then, other kids aredifferent.
It probably also depends on,again, what you said, your
friend group, are they all onsocial media?
(15:50):
How are they communicating witheach other?
So I think that's reallyinteresting and obviously a very
dynamic process, for parents tosift through all of that.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (15:59):
Yeah, definitely.
And, I completely agree withrecommendations to certainly
wait until they're teenagers.
I think, it's the data we haveis wild.
Something like 80 to 90 percentof U.
S.
teens report that they're onsocial media, and one out of
three of them say that they'reon social media constantly.
(16:20):
and even though social media issupposed to be not available for
children under 13, our surveyswill say that kids 8 to 12 years
old, about 40 percent of themare already on social media
apps.
And so It is, as parents, thisis so hard because you want to
teach your kids literacy and,social media literacy, rather,
(16:41):
and how to navigate thesechallenging situations.
And also, you don't want themexposed to all of this at a
young age.
Sarah Goode (16:48):
Yeah, it's a lot to get through.
And then you bringing up, ofcourse, the body image part that
we briefly mentioned thebeginning, that could be a
whole, conversation obviously onits own and impacts of that.
And I know that we don't havetoo much time to delve into that
today, but I think, what a hugeimpression that could leave,
especially on those kids goingoff on their own and trying to
figure out who they are and howto dress and navigate
(17:10):
themselves, but you're alsoseeing these people, whether
fake or not, right?
And sort of their image thatthey have online.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (17:18):
Yeah, exactly.
All the, like the airbrushedimages,
Sarah Goode (17:21):
all the editing and filters, right?
And you don't always knowexactly what the person online
has done.
I think, there's sometransparency on some apps, but
that is not across the board, ofcourse.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (17:32):
Yeah, exactly.
And the more we talk about this,the more it makes me think if
kids are spending hours andhours looking at these images
and thinking about these thingson social media, like that's the
message that they're hearing intheir ears and they're seeing in
their eyes.
We as parents and as trustedadults, we need to be talking to
them even more than we alreadyare because we've got to counter
(17:53):
this social force that they'reup against.
So that we can say, Hey, I don'tknow if but a lot of those.
Let's say teenage girls thatyou're looking at, like they're
airbrushed images or they havesomebody professional who does
their hair and they pay howevermuch money to do that, like this
is not necessarily a realisticimage of what your day to day
(18:14):
life is going to be and the, thebodybuilders that I don't know
how much of that is real and howmuch of that is fake.
These are importantconversations to be able to have
with your kids.
Sarah Goode (18:25):
So it seems that not just to simplify it, it's
definitely a little bit moredynamic than this, but it really
boils down to having thoseconversations being open about
it and talking about theirfeelings, which I know is not
easy for every teenager todiscuss, their feelings with
their parents, but certainly theeffort, to try and maybe debunk
some of the fake things and alsolift up maybe the more positive
(18:49):
item.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (18:49):
Yeah.
And just the one last tip abouthaving the conversations.
One of my colleagues has thisgreat recommendation.
She about talking to teenagersand she says, if if you have a
car and you're driving yourchild somewhere, which I feel
like we are always doing fromvarious activities.
That is a great time to have aconversation because it's less
(19:10):
threatening for the kid.
You're not staring at themmaking intense eye contact.
You're just like listening tomusic.
They're a little distracted.
And if, that can be a reallygood time to just be like, Hey,
I just want to check in.
How's this thing going?
Or, I'm just curious tell me,ask questions in a non
judgmental way I'm just curiouswhat, which social media sites
(19:30):
are you on?
I was listening to this talktoday, and I just didn't know.
Tell me what you like about it,and is there anything you don't
like about it?
And, that's a nice way to openthe conversation with them.
Sarah Goode (19:41):
Absolutely.
Dr.
Fallucco, thank you so much forspeaking with me today, giving
all these very helpful tips.
Dr. Elise Fallucco (19:46):
And just to recap for our listeners.
We talked about the potentialrisks and benefits of social
media use for kids and teens.
We provided a framework fortalking to kids about social
media, asking them which appsthey use, keeping track of their
screen time through programs onyour phone or through
third-party sources.
And most importantly, forcommunicating with kids about
(20:09):
how they feel.
When they spend time on socialmedia.
We'll include a link to theAmerican academy of pediatrics
family media use plan on ourwebsite.
Psyched the number fourpaeds.com.
As usual, please feel free tosend me a chat on our websites
or message me on Instagram atpsyched for paeds.
I'm curious, what do you thinkabout social media use and how
(20:32):
do you.
Talk to.
The teens in your practice aboutthis.
Thanks again for listening.
We'll see you next time.
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