May 29, 2024 • 17 mins
What if your therapist holds profound respect for your bravery, but never tells you? In this thought-provoking episode of Psychologist Say, I, Dr. Tammy, unpack the fascinating article "10 Things Your Therapist Probably Won't Tell You" by Gerlach from Psychology Today. We dive into the sacred and intimate relationship between therapist and patient, exploring how therapist disclosures, when done right, can build a bridge of trust and rapport. Walking into a therapist's office takes immense courage, and this episode acknowledges that bravery while providing insights into the qualities to look for in a therapist and addressing common questions that arise during therapy.
Join me as we talk about the stigma around mental health and the strides we are making to overcome it. Understand that therapists view their clients with utmost respect and recognize that some truths take time to surface. This heartfelt episode provides a closer look at the unseen yet deeply felt aspects of psychotherapy, emphasizing the courage it takes to seek help and the respect therapists hold for their clients. Tune in and gain a deeper understanding of what makes the therapeutic process both challenging and incredibly rewarding.
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Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The following is a series of candid conversations.
The content is intended forinformational purposes only and
is not a substitute for seekinghelp from a mental health care
professional.
To learn more info regardingadditional disclaimers, privacy
policies and terms andconditions, please visit
HelloDrTammycom.
Bonjour, welcome toPsychologist Say, a podcast
(00:27):
where I talk about thepsychology of everyday living.
I'm your host, dr Tammy.
Today I'm going to be talking alittle bit about an article
that caught my eye from Gerlach.
It's in Psychology Today and itwas titled 10 Things your
Therapist Probably Won't Tellyou.
So let's get started.
When we think about yourtherapist, we are trained.
(00:51):
We know that psychotherapy is areally sacred profession.
It connects with individuals onan emotional and intimate level
, and we're able to askindividuals all sorts of
questions that range from simpleyes or no to very open-ended,
deep questions about your past,your present, your future, your
(01:15):
thoughts, your feelings, yourbehavior, the way you relate to
yourself and others.
These questions can definitelyfeel like an invasion of times
of privacy.
Yet that's the part ofdeveloping that helping
relationship and building whatwe call rapport, but building a
(01:39):
comfortable relationship withyour therapist so that these
questions that are being askedwith your therapist, so that
these questions that are beingasked, that it allows us to see
this part of you maybe it'shidden from the rest of the
world or hidden from othercertain individuals and to be
developing this area of trust.
And that your information willbe taken and held sacred by your
(02:01):
therapist so that we can get tothe core of what's bringing you
in for that therapy.
So, as therapists, we'retrained to be definitely focused
and monitoring our own level ofsharing with our patients.
So in our training, that'scalled your disclosures.
So if a therapist disclosessomething to you, it should be
(02:25):
very well thought out and itshould be part of what they feel
is going to actually benefitthe rapport, the building of
your relationship together.
So it's something that couldenter into your therapy.
However, it should never belike a switch where all of a
(02:48):
sudden, your therapist istelling you more information
than you need to know aboutthemselves, oversharing their
information.
It should always have anintention where it is to help
your experience and your levelof comfort and back and forth
(03:08):
with your therapist.
So that's something I alwaystalk to people about, whether it
just be a regular conversationabout seeking therapy.
A lot of people will wonderlike how do I find a therapist
that works for me?
What are some of the qualities?
That is something that we woulddefinitely want to have a
(03:30):
bigger conversation on in one ofour follow-up podcasts, because
those are great questions and,in terms of, for those of you
who may already have a therapistor you're getting into therapy
and thinking about it, some ofthe things that patients may be
wondering or clients iswondering, like what some of the
(03:52):
views are, and we want you toknow that definitely we're very
aware that it takes courage andwe respect our patients so much
for that ability to come intoour office, seek out our
services and utilize the therapyprocess, because it can be
(04:15):
something that is a pretty maybeunknown or unfamiliar task.
There is still stigma associatedwith it.
I wish there were no stigma.
I know that it's getting better, it's getting much better, and
so I think that's the piece ofit that's allowing more people
(04:39):
to seek out therapy, but torealize that your therapist is
always viewing you in arespectful manner and that we
know that it does take courageto come in and share some of
your most intimate and personaldetails about yourself with
somebody on this other end andthat you're able to trust that
(05:02):
they know how to guide and helpyou through that process.
So maybe that's something theymay not openly share with you
that feedback that maybe some ofyou may need.
That we know.
We know it takes strength andcourage to do the work, and so
we're already holding that inmind whenever we meet you and we
continue to work with you inmind whenever we meet you and we
(05:28):
continue to work with you.
And another thing is werecognize that there is a lot of
work that maybe hasn't beenrevealed to other therapists, or
even in the work that you'recurrently working on, maybe
there has been no previoustherapist.
We recognize that there arethings that maybe you're still
not ready to share and that isnot an uncommon.
(05:49):
That's actually very likelythat when individuals seek
therapy, there is somethingunderlying, something at their
core that maybe they're notready to share yet.
Maybe they're not ready toshare yet so that we may spend a
lot of time talking about otherthings that are going on
besides.
Maybe the thing that they'renot ready to share because it
(06:11):
could be something that's verypainful, something that they're
scared to open up about, and weunderstand that that's part of
this process, that it's takingtime to build up this back and
forth before and I'm sure and Iknow that there are many
patients I've worked with thatprobably never did tell me
exactly what some of those innercore things are.
(06:35):
They may have never pulled themout, and so I think this is
part of knowing that.
Yes, we know that that's goingon.
We know that's a commonstruggle.
We still want to see you, westill want to work with you and
work on the areas that you'reready to talk about.
So I hope that helps.
We may not be able to say it,we may not know exactly that in
(06:58):
that moment.
You're not telling us something.
So I just hope that helps forthose of you who are.
So I just hope that helps forthose of you who are maybe in
this situation and just keepgoing and even talking to your
therapist about that is a greatdiscussion to have.
That helps that you're thinkingabout things or you have stuff
(07:20):
that you're not ready to talkabout or that you're having
trouble with.
To me would be a great sessionjust to explore that and to be
able to have an openconversation about that feeling
and that reluctance or that fear, without still having to
actually go there.
So those are just some greatthings to think about if you're
(07:41):
in the therapy process orthinking about it, and we always
consider our clients asvaluable, and therapy will only
work if you're at your sessionsand that we can work together
and do the back and forth.
And it's about our goal.
(08:02):
Our role is to help you makethe change, identify the areas
of change that you want to makein your life or you want to
confront.
That's our whole goal is tohelp you get there and
ultimately to lead to some levelof healing.
Help you get there andultimately to lead to some level
(08:24):
of healing.
That's worth more than anythingto your therapist is that, when
you walk out of their office,that you're on a journey to
feeling that healing, thatyou're starting to feel better
and that something about yoursessions are really working for
you.
And so sometimes people who arein certain settings they may
(08:44):
get really worried about theirco-pays or the money involved
with therapy, and so that'salways again a really good
conversation to just have upfront with your therapist,
because we're definitelyfocusing on the session and the
content and how we're helpingyou, and so our mind is not
(09:06):
focusing on co-pays or anythinglike insurance, but those are
all important questions that youand your therapist definitely
need to have and go back andforth about.
But your therapist always wantsto see you and they want to
have these conversations withyou, especially if your mind is
(09:28):
thinking about them and you'regetting like a little
preoccupied and they're not surewhy.
These are all really greatplaces to just say I'm wondering
about this.
Many therapists are willing towork with you and develop plans
for you, especially if financialsituations are coming up.
(09:48):
I know for myself and my clinic, yes, we'd much rather have you
here talking to us about thisand finding solutions, because
the goal is to get you into yourtherapy sessions with your
provider so that we can keepworking on helping you.
So something like insurancepayments or anything of that
(10:11):
nature.
We would not want that to standin the way of us developing a
plan that you felt reallycomfortable with moving ahead
with.
Also, in between sessions, wedo work to prepare for the next
session.
So it's not just, you know, onehour or 45 minutes once a week
or every other week we do.
(10:33):
We put a lot of thought intowhat we're going to do our next
session, what we're planning forin terms of your treatment
overall, and this may besomething that we may not be
directly sharing with you, andso every session, I guess one
thing I think about a lot of my,a lot of patients will tell me
(10:53):
I wasn't sure if I was going tocome in today, because I wasn't
sure if I what I would talkabout.
And I is one area where Irealized, oh, I need to reassure
them that I always want them tocome in and that I have a plan,
so I would never just beexpectant on my client to make
(11:15):
sure that the therapy sessionwas moving.
And so I think those are reallygood conversations to say just
come in, come in and we'll begintalking and something will come
up that you really need tofocus on and let me worry about
the session, and I just want, Iwant to make sure you're here,
(11:38):
and so having that conversationwhere I'm prepared.
I have other things that we cando, especially on weeks when
patients don't have a lot toshare or they're just really
fatigued with doing some of thatemotional work.
In my practice, we will end updoing more relaxation, going
(11:59):
through more of the exercisesthat they can implement at home,
increasing their toolbox sothat they can leave session with
something that is, um,something they can practice and
use.
So it's definitely on yourtherapist to make sure they know
how to plan a session and thento stick to their treatment plan
(12:20):
.
Those are great conversations.
They may not talk to you abouttheir treatment plan, but every
therapist should have atreatment plan, and I think it's
a great conversation that youshould, every patient should,
have with their therapist whatare my treatment plans?
What are my goals?
How long are we expecting thisto take?
(12:43):
When will we know if I'm makingimprovement?
All of those are part of atreatment plan, and sometimes we
don't detail those out up frontor be real clear about them,
because we're treatment planningall the time, and so that's
(13:05):
just another great conversationto have that we may not be just
fully telling you that we'redoing all of the work that we're
putting in behind the scenes,and so I just want to let you
know that your therapistcommitted to you.
We're thinking about your nextsession and, in the long run,
we're thinking about yourlong-term treatment plan, and so
(13:27):
I just want you to think aboutthat, the importance and the
dedication that's coming fromyour therapist, and then the
next thing is to just realizethat we love feedback.
Personally, I guess I lovegetting feedback and one thing
is that your therapeuticalliance it's the best predictor
(13:51):
of the outcome of therapy.
So being able to really alignwith your therapist, feel like
you're a team, feel like thatrelationship is really solid and
that there's a genuine back andforth and that vehicle for
change really comes in thattherapeutic relationship.
(14:11):
So that's an importantconversation that you and your
therapist may not actually betalking about, but it may be an
unsaid, where you can feel thesession is going well, that you
can feel that your therapist isinvested, they're motivated,
(14:32):
they're helpful.
Invested, they're motivated,they're helpful, they're in tune
with you, they can align withcertain needs that's definitely
what you would want to see in atherapist.
Yet they may not just tell youboy, this has been a really
great therapeutic relationship,and so that's one of the things
that they may also be feelingand not sharing with you.
(14:55):
Also, just honesty, be as honestas you can, and there's no
right or wrong in therapy.
It's being able to talk aboutanything without getting that
checkbox of that was a right ora wrong answer.
That's the beauty of therapy isto explore all of the thoughts
(15:15):
or possibilities and to be ableto have somebody who's listening
to you, who's non-biased, whodoesn't have judgment and who
isn't personally invested in youand knows you and is so close
to you that they wouldn't beable to be objective to you,
(15:38):
that they wouldn't be able to beobjective, and so that's the
main goal of finding that inyour therapist.
They may not be telling you allof this, but yet it's there.
It's part of what we do astherapists.
And then again, just a reminder, we're as human as everybody
else.
We've had our training.
We have our own struggles.
There are areas where, ofcourse, we seek out our own
(16:03):
therapy or our supervision tohelp us guide our work, and
those are things that we are notsharing with our patients or
our clients.
It's part of what your therapistis doing in terms of taking
care of themselves and theirneeds, so that they're able to
(16:25):
show up for you in a way thatyou can really feel is healthy
and genuine and working for you.
And so there are just so manyother areas I feel like we can
talk about, but this was a goodbeginning discussion into
looking at some things that yourtherapists.
They're processing in theirbrain.
(16:47):
They're having emotion, they'rethinking, but they're not
specifically just opening up andtelling you these certain
things.
So I hope you enjoyed thisconversation and check back in
with us next week for morecontent.
Don't forget to download andfollow us on social media and
(17:11):
give us a shout out if you'veenjoyed the Psychologist A
podcast.
Ps therapy is definitely agreat resource to use, and
having a therapist that you feelyou have a good relationship
with can definitely be a gamechanger.
Miigwech, thanks for listening.
The following is a series of candid conversations.
The content is intended forinformational purposes only and
is not a substitute for seekinghelp from a mental health care
professional.
To learn more info regardingadditional disclaimers, privacy
policies and terms andconditions, please visit
HelloDrTammycom.
Bonjour, welcome toPsychologist Say, a podcast
(00:27):
where I talk about thepsychology of everyday living.
I'm your host, dr Tammy.
Today I'm going to be talking alittle bit about an article
that caught my eye from Gerlach.
It's in Psychology Today and itwas titled 10 Things your
Therapist Probably Won't Tellyou.
So let's get started.
When we think about yourtherapist, we are trained.
(00:51):
We know that psychotherapy is areally sacred profession.
It connects with individuals onan emotional and intimate level
, and we're able to askindividuals all sorts of
questions that range from simpleyes or no to very open-ended,
deep questions about your past,your present, your future, your
(01:15):
thoughts, your feelings, yourbehavior, the way you relate to
yourself and others.
These questions can definitelyfeel like an invasion of times
of privacy.
Yet that's the part ofdeveloping that helping
relationship and building whatwe call rapport, but building a
(01:39):
comfortable relationship withyour therapist so that these
questions that are being askedwith your therapist, so that
these questions that are beingasked, that it allows us to see
this part of you maybe it'shidden from the rest of the
world or hidden from othercertain individuals and to be
developing this area of trust.
And that your information willbe taken and held sacred by your
(02:01):
therapist so that we can get tothe core of what's bringing you
in for that therapy.
So, as therapists, we'retrained to be definitely focused
and monitoring our own level ofsharing with our patients.
So in our training, that'scalled your disclosures.
So if a therapist disclosessomething to you, it should be
(02:25):
very well thought out and itshould be part of what they feel
is going to actually benefitthe rapport, the building of
your relationship together.
So it's something that couldenter into your therapy.
However, it should never belike a switch where all of a
(02:48):
sudden, your therapist istelling you more information
than you need to know aboutthemselves, oversharing their
information.
It should always have anintention where it is to help
your experience and your levelof comfort and back and forth
(03:08):
with your therapist.
So that's something I alwaystalk to people about, whether it
just be a regular conversationabout seeking therapy.
A lot of people will wonderlike how do I find a therapist
that works for me?
What are some of the qualities?
That is something that we woulddefinitely want to have a
(03:30):
bigger conversation on in one ofour follow-up podcasts, because
those are great questions and,in terms of, for those of you
who may already have a therapistor you're getting into therapy
and thinking about it, some ofthe things that patients may be
wondering or clients iswondering, like what some of the
(03:52):
views are, and we want you toknow that definitely we're very
aware that it takes courage andwe respect our patients so much
for that ability to come intoour office, seek out our
services and utilize the therapyprocess, because it can be
(04:15):
something that is a pretty maybeunknown or unfamiliar task.
There is still stigma associatedwith it.
I wish there were no stigma.
I know that it's getting better, it's getting much better, and
so I think that's the piece ofit that's allowing more people
(04:39):
to seek out therapy, but torealize that your therapist is
always viewing you in arespectful manner and that we
know that it does take courageto come in and share some of
your most intimate and personaldetails about yourself with
somebody on this other end andthat you're able to trust that
(05:02):
they know how to guide and helpyou through that process.
So maybe that's something theymay not openly share with you
that feedback that maybe some ofyou may need.
That we know.
We know it takes strength andcourage to do the work, and so
we're already holding that inmind whenever we meet you and we
continue to work with you inmind whenever we meet you and we
(05:28):
continue to work with you.
And another thing is werecognize that there is a lot of
work that maybe hasn't beenrevealed to other therapists, or
even in the work that you'recurrently working on, maybe
there has been no previoustherapist.
We recognize that there arethings that maybe you're still
not ready to share and that isnot an uncommon.
(05:49):
That's actually very likelythat when individuals seek
therapy, there is somethingunderlying, something at their
core that maybe they're notready to share yet.
Maybe they're not ready toshare yet so that we may spend a
lot of time talking about otherthings that are going on
besides.
Maybe the thing that they'renot ready to share because it
(06:11):
could be something that's verypainful, something that they're
scared to open up about, and weunderstand that that's part of
this process, that it's takingtime to build up this back and
forth before and I'm sure and Iknow that there are many
patients I've worked with thatprobably never did tell me
exactly what some of those innercore things are.
(06:35):
They may have never pulled themout, and so I think this is
part of knowing that.
Yes, we know that that's goingon.
We know that's a commonstruggle.
We still want to see you, westill want to work with you and
work on the areas that you'reready to talk about.
So I hope that helps.
We may not be able to say it,we may not know exactly that in
(06:58):
that moment.
You're not telling us something.
So I just hope that helps forthose of you who are.
So I just hope that helps forthose of you who are maybe in
this situation and just keepgoing and even talking to your
therapist about that is a greatdiscussion to have.
That helps that you're thinkingabout things or you have stuff
(07:20):
that you're not ready to talkabout or that you're having
trouble with.
To me would be a great sessionjust to explore that and to be
able to have an openconversation about that feeling
and that reluctance or that fear, without still having to
actually go there.
So those are just some greatthings to think about if you're
(07:41):
in the therapy process orthinking about it, and we always
consider our clients asvaluable, and therapy will only
work if you're at your sessionsand that we can work together
and do the back and forth.
And it's about our goal.
(08:02):
Our role is to help you makethe change, identify the areas
of change that you want to makein your life or you want to
confront.
That's our whole goal is tohelp you get there and
ultimately to lead to some levelof healing.
Help you get there andultimately to lead to some level
(08:24):
of healing.
That's worth more than anythingto your therapist is that, when
you walk out of their office,that you're on a journey to
feeling that healing, thatyou're starting to feel better
and that something about yoursessions are really working for
you.
And so sometimes people who arein certain settings they may
(08:44):
get really worried about theirco-pays or the money involved
with therapy, and so that'salways again a really good
conversation to just have upfront with your therapist,
because we're definitelyfocusing on the session and the
content and how we're helpingyou, and so our mind is not
(09:06):
focusing on co-pays or anythinglike insurance, but those are
all important questions that youand your therapist definitely
need to have and go back andforth about.
But your therapist always wantsto see you and they want to
have these conversations withyou, especially if your mind is
(09:28):
thinking about them and you'regetting like a little
preoccupied and they're not surewhy.
These are all really greatplaces to just say I'm wondering
about this.
Many therapists are willing towork with you and develop plans
for you, especially if financialsituations are coming up.
(09:48):
I know for myself and my clinic, yes, we'd much rather have you
here talking to us about thisand finding solutions, because
the goal is to get you into yourtherapy sessions with your
provider so that we can keepworking on helping you.
So something like insurancepayments or anything of that
(10:11):
nature.
We would not want that to standin the way of us developing a
plan that you felt reallycomfortable with moving ahead
with.
Also, in between sessions, wedo work to prepare for the next
session.
So it's not just, you know, onehour or 45 minutes once a week
or every other week we do.
(10:33):
We put a lot of thought intowhat we're going to do our next
session, what we're planning forin terms of your treatment
overall, and this may besomething that we may not be
directly sharing with you, andso every session, I guess one
thing I think about a lot of my,a lot of patients will tell me
(10:53):
I wasn't sure if I was going tocome in today, because I wasn't
sure if I what I would talkabout.
And I is one area where Irealized, oh, I need to reassure
them that I always want them tocome in and that I have a plan,
so I would never just beexpectant on my client to make
(11:15):
sure that the therapy sessionwas moving.
And so I think those are reallygood conversations to say just
come in, come in and we'll begintalking and something will come
up that you really need tofocus on and let me worry about
the session, and I just want, Iwant to make sure you're here,
(11:38):
and so having that conversationwhere I'm prepared.
I have other things that we cando, especially on weeks when
patients don't have a lot toshare or they're just really
fatigued with doing some of thatemotional work.
In my practice, we will end updoing more relaxation, going
(11:59):
through more of the exercisesthat they can implement at home,
increasing their toolbox sothat they can leave session with
something that is, um,something they can practice and
use.
So it's definitely on yourtherapist to make sure they know
how to plan a session and thento stick to their treatment plan
(12:20):
.
Those are great conversations.
They may not talk to you abouttheir treatment plan, but every
therapist should have atreatment plan, and I think it's
a great conversation that youshould, every patient should,
have with their therapist whatare my treatment plans?
What are my goals?
How long are we expecting thisto take?
(12:43):
When will we know if I'm makingimprovement?
All of those are part of atreatment plan, and sometimes we
don't detail those out up frontor be real clear about them,
because we're treatment planningall the time, and so that's
(13:05):
just another great conversationto have that we may not be just
fully telling you that we'redoing all of the work that we're
putting in behind the scenes,and so I just want to let you
know that your therapistcommitted to you.
We're thinking about your nextsession and, in the long run,
we're thinking about yourlong-term treatment plan, and so
(13:27):
I just want you to think aboutthat, the importance and the
dedication that's coming fromyour therapist, and then the
next thing is to just realizethat we love feedback.
Personally, I guess I lovegetting feedback and one thing
is that your therapeuticalliance it's the best predictor
(13:51):
of the outcome of therapy.
So being able to really alignwith your therapist, feel like
you're a team, feel like thatrelationship is really solid and
that there's a genuine back andforth and that vehicle for
change really comes in thattherapeutic relationship.
(14:11):
So that's an importantconversation that you and your
therapist may not actually betalking about, but it may be an
unsaid, where you can feel thesession is going well, that you
can feel that your therapist isinvested, they're motivated,
(14:32):
they're helpful.
Invested, they're motivated,they're helpful, they're in tune
with you, they can align withcertain needs that's definitely
what you would want to see in atherapist.
Yet they may not just tell youboy, this has been a really
great therapeutic relationship,and so that's one of the things
that they may also be feelingand not sharing with you.
(14:55):
Also, just honesty, be as honestas you can, and there's no
right or wrong in therapy.
It's being able to talk aboutanything without getting that
checkbox of that was a right ora wrong answer.
That's the beauty of therapy isto explore all of the thoughts
(15:15):
or possibilities and to be ableto have somebody who's listening
to you, who's non-biased, whodoesn't have judgment and who
isn't personally invested in youand knows you and is so close
to you that they wouldn't beable to be objective to you,
(15:38):
that they wouldn't be able to beobjective, and so that's the
main goal of finding that inyour therapist.
They may not be telling you allof this, but yet it's there.
It's part of what we do astherapists.
And then again, just a reminder, we're as human as everybody
else.
We've had our training.
We have our own struggles.
There are areas where, ofcourse, we seek out our own
(16:03):
therapy or our supervision tohelp us guide our work, and
those are things that we are notsharing with our patients or
our clients.
It's part of what your therapistis doing in terms of taking
care of themselves and theirneeds, so that they're able to
(16:25):
show up for you in a way thatyou can really feel is healthy
and genuine and working for you.
And so there are just so manyother areas I feel like we can
talk about, but this was a goodbeginning discussion into
looking at some things that yourtherapists.
They're processing in theirbrain.
(16:47):
They're having emotion, they'rethinking, but they're not
specifically just opening up andtelling you these certain
things.
So I hope you enjoyed thisconversation and check back in
with us next week for morecontent.
Don't forget to download andfollow us on social media and
(17:11):
give us a shout out if you'veenjoyed the Psychologist A
podcast.
Ps therapy is definitely agreat resource to use, and
having a therapist that you feelyou have a good relationship
with can definitely be a gamechanger.
Miigwech, thanks for listening.
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