June 6, 2025 • 33 mins
A groundbreaking study confirms what many have suspected: mothers in America are experiencing a mental health crisis. The data reveals a sharp decline in maternal wellbeing since 2016, with one in twelve moms rating their mental health as fair or poor. For single mothers and those with children on Medicaid or uninsured, the situation is even more dire.
Modern motherhood has become a perfect storm of challenges. Despite the appearance of connection through social media, many mothers feel profoundly isolated. The traditional "village" that once supported new parents has largely disappeared, replaced by inconveniently scheduled "mommy meetups" that few can actually attend. Meanwhile, women continue to shoulder the majority of childcare and household responsibilities, even when working full-time.
The conversation shifts to the financial reality of millennial divorce, where ending a marriage can cost upwards of six figures. This staggering price tag forces couples to make difficult choices – some remain legally married while living separate lives, others move back in with family members. Women are particularly vulnerable in these situations, as courts often fail to account for the gender pay gap and unpaid care work when dividing assets.
On a more hopeful note, recent research published in the New England Journal of Medicine demonstrates that structured exercise programs can significantly improve outcomes for cancer patients. For those with colon cancer, activities as simple as brisk walking for 45 minutes several days a week can reduce the risk of recurrence by 28% – comparable to the effectiveness of some medications.
From maternal mental health to divorce economics to cancer survival, this episode explores the challenges we face and the science-backed solutions that offer hope. Join us for a candid conversation about navigating life's most difficult transitions and finding strength in unexpected places.
Disclaimer: This podcast represents the opinions of Dr. Bridget Melton, MD and licensed therapist Marissa Volinsky, MS, LPC, NCC. The contents of our podcast and website should not be taken as medical advice. The contents of our podcast and website are for general informational purposes only, and are not intended to diagnose, treat, prevent, or cure any condition or disease or substitute for medical advice. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental health professional, or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or treatment and before starting or discontinuing treatment.
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or a crisis, please reach out immediately to the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 or text HOME to the Crisis Text Line at 741741. These services are free and confidential.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
welcome back to episode.
We're just laughing, I meangreat episode six of psychotic
py podcast.
We have a lot to talk aboutthis week, so let's get going
virgin yay, welcome to episodesix.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Wait, sorry, that was a crunch of a pillow.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
I'll move the pillow nobody heard that, but now you
just made it awkward, sorry, Idon't want to.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
I don't want my sound to be flustered, okay, um.
So yay, we're so excited.
Oh, my god, I just realizedit's june.
Is that not the summer?
Speaker 1 (00:33):
I turned pretty month yes, at the end of the month oh
my god guys.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Happy june, happy the summer.
I turned pretty final seasoneveryone.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Oh my god, I'm so you better end up with conrad or I
will rage, fire hells we're teamconnie, right?
Speaker 2 (00:50):
yeah, we're team connie, baby I although jeremiah
should be like a good friendforever, he's, yeah, I think he
will be, because I mean, they'repractically like cousins.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Also funny side story we were talking about this
yesterday, me and mom.
She was acting as if she knewthese people and this was like a
literal family that she summersshe's seen this show, yeah
she's making for the seasonthree and she was just like you
know what.
That girl is just messing withthose boys.
That is not right.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
She should not be ping-ponging and I'm like it's a
storyline, okay, she should notbe ping-ponging, though can we
just say belly girl, get yourshiz together?
You can't.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
You can maybe fuck with friends a little bit, not
brothers, yeah my mom how momwas saying it was like such a
close relationship.
They were more like cousins.
So it looks it's even worsebecause obviously you're always
going to be with these peopleyeah, oh no, yeah, mom was like
not having it.
She's like I love the show, butmy god, why does she jump back
and forth?
Speaker 2 (01:44):
The heart wants what it wants, jerry, I know, but who
wouldn't?
Connie's got the steaminess,but Jeremiah like personality
and like so funny, so cute.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Yeah, like Jeremiah makes me laugh, but that moody,
broody thing that Connie's got,ugh.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
I know Also, the star of the show is their mother,
who lives the dream life.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Unfortunately, she died of cancer.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Oh, yeah, I forgot.
Oh shit, yeah, rip, that doeshappen in season two.
I forgot.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Right, susan Is her name.
Susan, I have no idea.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Susan died.
Oh my god, so sad.
I forgot that.
It's been so long that Icouldn't even remember.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
Anyway, not the point of our podcast, sorry, no.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
We got off there, okay.
So, yes, welcome to the podcast.
But we are talking about mamastoday and mental health.
So, as they say in the news,the moms are not all right and
there's new data to prove it.
So there was a major study andit talks about moms in the US
and there's been a sharp drop inmental health since 2016.
(02:56):
Just a quick little side note ifanyone's had a baby or if you
work in healthcare, you knowthat when you go for your
six-week checkup, they give you,like the Edinburgh, postpartum
depression screening.
This should be standard.
So if you've had a baby and youwent to your six-week checkup
and you didn't get the screening, you better mention it.
And it just helps gauge if youthink you have.
It's just a questionnaire Doyou think you're more anxious
(03:20):
than usual?
Are you more stressed thanusual?
Are you having anger?
Are you crying more than usual?
Do you feel lonely?
All this stuff and a lot of itis like typical, like you might
be lonelier.
That's fine.
That doesn't mean you havepostpartum depression, but it's
a culmination of all thesymptoms.
So just that's how we gauge it,just so everyone knows.
So, among nearly 200,000 motherswith children under 18, one in
(03:45):
12, so one in 12 moms ratedtheir mental health as fair or
poor.
Single moms, no surprise.
And those with kids on Medicaidor uninsured are the worst,
because they're obviously livingin constant fear.
If your kid is uninsured or onMedicaid and for single moms,
(04:05):
you have not a minute toyourself, I don't think ever um,
so um.
The number of moms who saidtheir mental health was
excellent also has plummeted.
Dads also saw a decline, butnot nearly as bad as moms.
So the study did not follow thesame women over time, but
(04:28):
experts say that the trend isstriking and noticeable and we
need to do something about it.
So, and it's very validatingfor moms everywhere who, I think
I've been saying for a while,like you know, we're not okay,
and now I think people feel alot more comfortable because of
social media.
Probably Social media says likeit's okay to speak up.
(04:49):
Also, we're seeing, you know,moms from Denmark and moms from
Sweden who get a year paidmaternity leave and you know,
help and spousal support and allthis stuff, and you're like, oh
shit, like we are so far behind.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Yeah, no, absolutely.
We're so far behind.
It's embarrassing, yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
So researchers are trying to theorize why this is
happening and they think maybeyou know.
Inflation, obviously becauseyou have added stress of
budgeting, substance usedisorders, loneliness, which
we've talked about a lot, andthen racism and climate change.
I think all these things arejust stressors.
What do we call them?
Aces, adverse childhoodexperiences and stuff All these
(05:31):
added stressors in your life.
They just culminate and now youhave a baby and you're tired
and you're alone and yeah, it'svery, very sad.
So many women also carry thebulk of caregiving and housework
.
Even fully employed moms tendto do most of that work and they
do it without paid family leaveand mental health care itself.
(05:54):
So there's a therapist shortageand the costs and scheduling,
so you can't even get help, evenif you're asking for it.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
So there we go.
It's rough out there formothers, let me tell you.
I mean, all of this definitelywould explain why things are not
going in the right directionfor mothers and and what they're
reporting it doesn't shock meat all.
I think, now that we havesocial media, we are kind of
creating our own village.
That is definitely you know wehave a lack of these days, but
also sometimes I feel like thatcan still be isolating because
(06:29):
it's not like a in real life IRLvillage, right Like it's still
through a screen.
I mean I know there's mommymeetups and stuff, but not
everyone can go right.
It's sometimes, it's hard.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Okay, yeah, I have such a like.
I love the idea of a mommymeetup, but I actually do not
physically understand, like, howpeople do it.
I've done one one ever Because,let's say, they're always like,
let's say, wednesday at 10am orsomething.
It's like an impossible time.
Also, like when you have a veryyoung baby and that's when you
(07:01):
actually need it the most.
Like they're not newbornsanymore, but they're so young
that you're like I haven't seenanyone in days.
They are literally like it'syour window of opportunity for
that mommy meetup is so narrow.
What are the odds that it'sthat hour that the mommy meetup
is taking part?
Right, like it just never works.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Nope, I know, I agree .
I honestly I probably went toonly one too.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
I don't know many moms who actually make it work,
because I feel, like anyone thatI know that's given birth is
like, oh yeah, like I like theconcept, but but, like time wise
, it's not gonna really work outfor me no, that's why I think
the best thing is, if you havelike a small group of even if
they're only acquaintances, butnow you get closer because you
have kids you can just text thegroup and be like, no, that
doesn't work, that doesn't work.
How about this day, this time,and you do a little poll and
(07:48):
you're, you get that day.
That's what I do with my bookclub, because we're all young
moms, like you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
You got lucky because your neighborhood is obviously
young people.
We have definitely like anolder crowd on our street, but I
mean they're great for otherthings you know, like being like
that dad or grandpa for you.
You know they have all thetools that you could ever need
to borrow, which is great, andobviously they have more
experience with homeowning.
So if we have questions, john'slike, let me ask joe, because I
(08:17):
don't know what the hell I'mdoing.
But uh, other than that I wouldsay it's a bit lonely.
I mean, obviously now bridges,you've seen they've expanded a
bit and obviously newer familieshave come in, but I feel like
there's still that separationbecause those families that
moved in got close, because theyall I don't know they're, they
have the same home builder Idon't mind is the other one that
(08:39):
left the area and I don't know.
I just feel like they all, justthe same way that us and the
older generation on our streetall kind of had this camaraderie
thing going on, and so now Ifeel like I missed the boat on
that, even though I know I couldjust walk 500 feet down and
just be social.
But that's the thing.
I'm not the social sister, so Idon't want to do that.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
You know what you should do Throw a fucking rager.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
You know what's funny ?
I think about that all the time.
Like you know how, on Bad Moms,the first original movie ever,
she starts getting like a lot offriends because she's just like
you know what, fuck it, I'mgonna do whatever the fuck I
want.
She's just like, skips allparent teacher conference
meetings, has this big rager ather house where moms are like,
yeah, let loose.
And I'm like, should I do that?
Is that?
Is that just for movies?
Speaker 2 (09:23):
no, you should.
The best thing about a being ahomeowner and b being an adult
is you can actually throw aparty whenever you want.
You're not like is mom out oftown.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
I am the mom, so you're telling me, you're giving
me the green light to throw amom rager, I think that would be
so cool, actually, you knowwhat's even cooler.
If I invite people from downthe street, I know that three of
them have cop husbands.
Does that mean if we have noisecomplaints, they'll ignore it?
There will be no noisecomplaints.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Will they delete them as they come in?
Yeah, oh my.
Will they delete them as theycome in?
Yeah, oh my god.
That would be so cool.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Oh my god, throw this party like I'm, I'm nervous,
like what if I throw it?
But it's like me, oh, I meanthen, they're done.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
That girl you've thrown a rager and no one showed
up.
That's not a, that's a storyfor another day.
It wasn't at my house, but youfucking tell me right now.
You tell all of our listeners,you tell them it.
No, I'm not going to name thename, but in high school uh, we
were only freshmen is like stillone of my best friends now, and
it was she.
It wasn't like we were like, oh,let's throw a rager, but like
(10:23):
you know, when you're in thefirst month of high school and
like everyone wants to throwparties just because you're like
we're in high school and that'show you make friends, whatever,
so she very casually was likehey, like I'm gonna have some
people over and she lives in agood neighborhood, so like
people from our school livenearby and um, it was literally
just like so last minute thateveryone like messaged and
they're friends of ours, genuine, like conflicts of interest,
(10:46):
like I have practiced tillwhatever time.
Like a lot, it was fall, so alot of guys were on the football
team.
One of the girls we cheeredwith um like hadn't moved yet.
She lived far away, still, um,because she was originally
coming down from like st johnviennese, like where she would
have gone to high school.
So she lived up there still andshe was like no, like I'm you
know, we're 14, like we don'thave our license anyway, all
this stuff.
(11:07):
So we were like, oh shit, likeno one and her mom like bought
us cookies, like we put cookieson a tray and we just sat there
so cute.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
It's actually really cute and sad.
I know jerry's gonna listen tothis and be like I knew I
shouldn't let her go.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
She lied no, I just hung out at this girl's house
and then we ended up like goingto the boardwalk with like a guy
friend and he's like, oh,weren't you throwing a party
tonight?
Speaker 1 (11:29):
and we're like, oh, no, no, we're not shut up.
It's girls night, so that's whywe're here, though like at
least I could like say if thathappened at 14, it's in the past
now.
But like you know how moms havelike we were just talking about
, moms have conflicts, like momsmight want to go, but then they
can't.
Their kid's sick babysitterdrops out, husband can't handle
shit and texts them non-stop.
(11:50):
What happens if, like they'relike, yeah, I'm going, and then
five minutes before they're likenot happening.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Sorry, what you do is you put an RSVP.
Adults are pretty like beholdento the RSVP, not moms.
Have you met moms?
Yeah Well, I.
Oh guys, let us know, shouldMarissa throw a little mom rager
?
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Can you please put this as a question on our
Instagram.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Yeah, I will.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
Oh my god, it'd be so no, what's gonna be
embarrassing is is if I actuallyhave to do it because you get a
lot of guesses.
And then I'm like, well, shit,it's the summer, girl, tis the
season, the podcast mid-ragerlike everybody say hey, oh, my
god, she's missing out.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Oh, no wait, no, do it in august oh god, that would
be cool.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Anyway, like let me know if, like, you've all seen
bad moms and you want to have amom rager, like let's do it.
My house is your house.
Yeah ditch those kids ditch,those kids ditch that should be
the hashtag after you ask thequestion hashtag ditch those
kids.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Um.
What else I want to talk about,though?
About like mental health, andbecause you know how there's a
pro-natalist movement with liketrad wives and trying to get
like make america pregnant again, but what we're seeing is
people our age who are likedinks, are like no, like we've
seen what it's done to ourfriends, like we don't want that
life, and I'm like more powerto you, like you might be making
(13:22):
them ready to rest, and they'resaying, like you know because I
think they were talking aboutgiving like a $5,000, a one-off
$5,000 bonus if you have a babyand people are like that's not
what we need, though.
Like what we need, though.
Like what we need is likehealth care, like maternal
mental health care and maternalhealth care.
Like if you want us to havekids, we need to be supported by
our government and supported byour community.
(13:44):
Like a one-time five thousanddollar.
Like I have a really goodfriends who are going through
the IVF process right now, andhe, he, you know, we were
hanging out in New York lastmonth and he literally was like
uh, what the fuck?
Like he's like fuck your $5,000.
Like you have no idea how muchthis shit costs.
Like he's like seriously, fivegrand, that's a drop in the
(14:07):
bucket, like what we need islike care.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Daycare, mental health care, like you know, what
I mean.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Yeah, no, $5,000 is not going to get you very far,
especially because mostdeductibles anyway like.
So our deductible for both kidsis $2,500.
So, like you know, for peoplewho do pay those off, wink, wink
, like that's, there's half yourfive gone, I know.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
So it's just like I think we are living in a time
where people are more informedand they're like I don't want to
have kids, just because thatfeels like the next step.
I'd rather be like takingvacations when I want, going to
eat when I want, not worryingabout scheduling a babys.
On your health, you have to getused to your new level of
(14:54):
fitness, used to your new body,used to you are never coming
first again.
Yeah, that's really hardsometimes.
I one time held my pee.
It was very recent, I'm sayingI one time.
It was literally like threedays ago.
I held my pee for like fourhours.
I forgot I had to go becauseyou yeah.
You tiny bladder bridge in ourfamily, wow, but like moms, you
(15:15):
know, like you, you you're like,oh, I have to pee, not right
now, because I'm doing this, I'mdoing this now, I'm doing this.
I finally put him to bed and Iwas like, I still have to pee,
like you, just you don't havetime.
And that is why maternal mentalhealth is so fucking bad,
because you really have to, like, grapple with this new life and
it's never the same, correctand like.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
I feel like, in order to have the help that you need,
you have to be well off,because it all costs big bucks,
so which it shouldn't be.
I mean, like, you want us tohave more babies, but like,
where's the support?
Why do I have to grovel at your?
Speaker 2 (15:49):
feet for it for like bare minimum pennies yeah, so
it's an interesting time thatwe're living in, um, you know,
with this whole trad wife thing.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Yeah, I don't know how I I have nothing against it.
Again, I don't care how peoplelive.
That's never been my problem.
It's like I don't like whenpeople start pushing it right
and then judge you for what youchoose.
That's where I'm like okay,take a step back, betty.
Okay, betty Crocker, get out ofhere.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
So they're using.
They're using these very youngcause they're all young, the
trad wives like younger than me.
They're using these younginfluencers basically to push
the pro-natalist movement.
So they're trying to like,slowly undermine, like the women
in the workforce thing.
That's my problem with it.
If you want to do it personally, you're like I've always wanted
to be a mom, fine, but don'tthen undermine, like the equal
(16:40):
rights act and right, becausethere are plenty of women who do
not want to be moms.
Don't fuck it up, for them.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
There's a sensitive whole area of people who do but
can't.
So what?
Speaker 2 (16:52):
Because they can't, they're now useless to to the
yeah yeah, yeah, because they'renot like following their divine
calling or something.
Yeah, no, I that's.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
That's my problem with it we're kind of crossing
into handmaid's tale a bit.
We're kind of this the story.
I've heard this before, I'veheard this before.
Oh god, I need to watch that.
Last season, okay I'm, I'm likeon four, episode four.
So I don't want to ruin anythingand don't spoil anything for me
if you've gone further, butokay, next subject.
But, um, yeah, no, I think,like you do you, that's fine.
(17:23):
What I will say, though, frommy experience with you talking
about um, tried wives and evenbeing younger than you, right, I
will say this is not the firsttime in history that that's
happened, and I'm not sayingbecause of our grandparents,
grandparents, whatever.
When I met my husband, john andhe was in the Marines that
remember Bridget I would tellyou stories of the women there
(17:45):
Like these were women who weremarried at 17, 18, all the way
up to 21.
Some already had two babies by21, 22.
The difference back then lesssocial social media, and it
wasn't like it was pushed byinfluencers or the government,
it was just military lifeculture, basically right um, but
I feel like it never truly wentaway.
It was always there because Ialways felt like I lived a
(18:07):
double life with john.
I would go down there and I wasthe weird girl for being in
college and wanting to have acareer and not being married,
and they were all like girl,what are you doing?
Just live on base, give up yourlife for this man and I'm like
no, thank you.
Oh, no thanks.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
That sounds horrible yeah, I think it could be very,
um, isolating and you feeltrapped at that age because you
didn't carve out a little placein the world for yourself yet.
And if you carve out that placeand then you decide to ditch it
, that's your prerogative,you're an adult.
But if you never carved outthat place, where do you go?
If god forbid you divorce or hedies or whatever?
Speaker 1 (18:46):
that's a bit unnerving well, what's even
scarier is, at least from ourwhole experience, there is only
I want, I want to say one, maybetwo, no, I think one, only one
couple out of the many we werein a group with that actually
stayed married to the firstmilitary partner.
Wow.
So it shows you that, likethat's not, you were, you were
(19:06):
babies, you didn't even know youyet and you decided to create a
whole last family.
Are you sure?
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Babies, having babies .
Speaker 1 (19:15):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Oh, that segues perfectly into our next topic
Millennial divorce.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Oh yeah, millennial divorce.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
You know what I actually think about, like all
the time, because I'm 30.
Like I've been to a millionweddings in the last few years.
Like in a decade I think I'mgoing to get invited to a lot of
divorce parties.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
It's inevitable, no matter what generation you grew
up in.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
Yes, I kind of can't wait just to be like oh, not
that I want anyone's marriage.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
No, but because of social media they're pretty lit
now Like wear the wedding dressand burn it.
You know they're like lit ashell.
Please invite me.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Like do do you and John have like in your head,
like the probabilities that acouple is going to fail or not?
Like do you talk about?
Speaker 1 (20:03):
it.
I wouldn't say numberstatistically wise, but do.
John and I have good perceptionof who's perfectly matched and
who isn't absolutely.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
We're usually spot on oh, so you've, you've called
some divorces oh my god, yeahI'm not there yet because no
one's gotten divorced.
But ted and I like have wedon't like discuss it in depth,
but like we'll be, like they'renot gonna make it, and like we
say, like they'll be married forlike a decade maybe, maybe less
.
So I just kind of like I can'twait to see things come to
fruition yeah, I know it'sfucked up, is that?
(20:30):
Their demise.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Fuck, I know, I know it sounds really bad, but it's
kind of nice to be like we wereright there is always that one
couple, though, that really getsus like um, like they're still
married, happily, we think, andwe're like really oh,
interesting, caught us there,you know there are uh couples
like that, yeah yeah that's ohno I mean me and john's
(20:55):
generation.
But I'm like, I know what you'resaying, but yeah, but yeah, no,
I'm just, they shock you and Idon't know if it's just like the
sheer bond of agreeing not todivorce that keeps them together
, but, uh, or their pure hatredof having to go back in the
dating world.
They're like now, fuck this Idon't know.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
They actually dislike each other, though, or is their
relationship just dysfunctional, but it works for them, maybe,
I think maybe it's dysfunctional.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
It works for them.
I do think they love each other, but it's very dysfunctional.
I would have thought, though,see, the thing is is what you
you do see is dysfunction couldtake it.
It takes its toll, right, and15 years into the marriage maybe
20 if you can last that longeventually one of the parties
that goes I deserve better, orpeace.
I don't want anything, but Ijust want peace.
You know, um, but I'm just.
(21:40):
It's just miraculous thatthey're just like.
They're like saints man.
They're just little go-getters.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Oh my God, we're going to talk about this when
we're done recording.
I want to know who it is.
I want the tea Right.
So we're talking about divorce.
We're talking about millennials, which you know.
Millennials are the firstgeneration ever to like help
bring the divorce rate to atleast like a slight plateau, but
it's not, you know, stoppingPeople still get divorced, but
we're the first generation tominimize it slightly.
(22:07):
So you need to save up for adivorce.
We all know that BusinessInsider today I read this in the
news today reports thatdivorces cost millennials
upwards of six figures.
It's so expensive that a lot ofpeople can't afford to live in
their cities anymore.
(22:27):
So we're talking like New York,chicago, la, major cities.
People are moving out of thecities and moving in with family
again.
They're moving back home, evenif you're like 30s, 40s,
probably in your 40s, becausedivorces are so expensive they
are.
So other couples are choosing tostay legally married while
(22:48):
living their single lives ratherthan pay for divorce lawyers.
So Pew Research found that 77%of partnered adults were doing
at least okay financially,compared to 64% of people
without partners.
So what we know is, if you arepartnering, you tend to do
better financially becauseyou're pooling resources just
(23:10):
basic math, like the two of youbuying a house versus one single
person, or one income buying ahouse.
That can really fuck you up.
Yep.
So a family attorney said whenpeople get a divorce, they're
cutting their net worth in half.
You're cutting it in half, justaccept it.
And that obviously hitsespecially hard for women, since
courts don't always take thegender pay gap and unpaid care
(23:32):
work into account when dividingassets or awarding spousal
support and childcare.
So many boomers who divorcedoften had more financial
stability, but millennials facea different reality, um,
especially because we marrylater and there's more to lose
yes um, so yeah, the divorcedecline, hopefully will have,
(23:56):
will happen.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
And they say um quote till debt do us part I mean,
yeah, things are definitely notgreat in the economy right now,
so this, none of this shocks me,would you?
Speaker 2 (24:11):
financially speaking now cause you have children,
would you, if you were ever inthis position, stay legally
married just to avoid the hugehit to the, to the income and
the money flow to you know, yourkids and stuff?
Speaker 1 (24:24):
No, but only because I feel the.
I feel, see, this would bedifferent if I married somebody
else.
But I think, because I marrieda partner who would still be a
very present father and makesure he paid, like the child
support he needed to to makesure our kids had the same
lifestyle, if anything like,even though this is a very like
grim topic to talk about, me andjohn are still very open about
(24:45):
it.
Again, no plans to divorce atall, but like we are still like
to talk about things like whatifs, you know, just in case, and
we are pretty much very much onthe same page.
Like he's like you wouldabsolutely get the house or
whatever house you're in at thetime.
Like the kids need stability.
You're the mother keep thehouse, I don't want it.
Um, he's like obviously we stillwant to keep them in the good
(25:05):
Catholic schools.
So whatever that needs from me,you've got it.
Like he's still like whateverthey need I don't want to
interrupt the sports.
They're in the schools, they'rein their routine, so like, but
I married a good person, noteveryone.
Some people marry spitefulpeople, you know.
Like they are like how, how,which way can I fuck you left
and right, which they don'trealize.
You're just hurting thechildren.
If there are kids, you know.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Yes, so I mean again, no plans to divorce.
But Ted and I have discussed itthat, like we would, in order
to not divide assets, we wouldbasically just live separate
lives in the same home.
So our kids would not likenesting, like they say.
So like the kids don't move,but like you might, um, you know
, rent an apartment if someoneneeds to get away and you leave,
(25:48):
but the kids stay andeverything.
So, um, yeah, like I think, ifmoney was, if money was not an
issue at all and we needed toget legally divorced, we would.
But if money was, like you know, going to be cut in half and
we're in like a sticky situationat the time, we have said like
we would just stay legallymarried and like I would just
redo the guest room and get my,my bachelorette suite.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
You're like, don't mind me, ted Jorge's just coming
over, let him in.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
Sorry, ted, because it's I mean, it's.
It's interesting though, like Imean, if you have a good
relationship you can talk aboutthese things.
But you just think you know,especially with children, you
don't want the division ofassets in a way that is going to
negatively affect yourchildren's future.
Obviously, everything you haveyou want to leave to your kids.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Correct.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
So you don't want to lose it to divorce.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
Like you said earlier when you introduced this topic,
you're not just losing assets,you're dividing resources as
well, like childcare topic.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
You're not just losing assets you're.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
You you're dividing resources as well, like child
care.
So like, if you still can't coparent and be a good team player
, you're really screwingyourself to your kids and
yourself because you're going tobe a slave to the childcare
that if you can't like,communicate and divide properly.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
Yeah, it's so tricky to think about.
Oh my God, I actually feelreally bad for people now.
Um, like you'll be doingprobably double the like.
Let's say, now there's twoplaces to clean.
Now you're arranging pickup innot very nice way A lot of times
in divorce cause you're notlike, oh no, I'll get them this.
Like you're like you get themthis day.
(27:23):
You know it doesn't work for me.
Oh well, fuck you, it's yourtime.
So you're doing like double thescheduling, double housework.
Oh my God, so stressful.
Yeah, so they're saying itreally affects millennial women
more than anyone, because thewomen, as you've said, you do
all the scheduling and stufflike that for your family.
So now you're doing double theadmin work.
(27:43):
Plus, you're trying to likeclean the house without any
partner.
No help, now You're livingthere alone.
So, yeah, to add it to the listof the moms are not all right
Now, mothers who are divorced.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Oh God, well, I mean, I get it, though I mean the
topic, definitely I get it.
Like you said, we're gettingmarried later, except for the
whole tribe wife phenomena.
But we're getting married laterso we have more.
You know, our careers arefurther along or we have more
assets.
We're used to also, you know,being more like we could have
more freedom or career, women,this, that, whatever.
(28:21):
So it's like yeah, I mean itdoes take a hit financially.
And yeah, so it's like yeah, Imean it does take a hit
financially.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Yeah, In celebrity news Offset asked for spousal
support from Cardi B.
She makes way more than him Wow.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
Read that yesterday.
Wow Dang, yeah, did it work,did it happen.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
I don't know.
I don't know what he's going tobe awarded, but I assume the
children will live primarilywith her, so it doesn't really
have a lot of grounds to standon for spousal support.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Yeah, I mean, if you're not primary caretaker,
why do you need?
Speaker 2 (28:55):
that To uphold the life he was used to living.
I mean you're beat kid, I knowit's.
It's interesting becausethey're not necessities, you
know what I mean.
You're both celebrities, so themoney he makes, even if it's
like a fraction of what shemakes, is still more than the
average person.
So you have enough to live.
Yes, we'll see what happens,but we live in a crazy world now
(29:19):
where you celebrities can nowask for that even though they
both have careers.
That is crazy.
Wow, both have careers.
That is crazy, wow.
And now we're mixing it upcompletely.
To wrap this up, we are talkingabout exercise improving your
(29:40):
chances of survival andremission in people with colon
cancer.
Nice, love that switch up.
I know Such a switch up.
So the New England Journal ofMedicine just published an
article, and it was discussed atthe oncology conference in
Chicago just this past week.
So doctors can now definitivelysay that exercise will
significantly reduce the risk ofcolon cancer returning in
patients after treatment.
(30:01):
So these participants were allcolon cancer late stage two or
stage three.
They all had surgery and thenchemo, and then part of their
treatment plan they wererandomized.
Half of them, I think it waslike 441 and then 450.
So half went to no exercise.
The other half went into anexercise routine.
(30:23):
The important thing, though, isto know that these people were
working with trainers orphysiotherapists or
kinesiologists, so it was one ofthe you know, one of the three.
So they were assisted exerciseprograms where they asked you
specifically what you enjoy.
So it was a tailor-made programto help you stick with it.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
So that's important to know is that they did have
help from trainers, um, but onesthat randomize into the
exercise group.
Exercise was as useful as somedrugs, so you could reduce the
risk of cancer returning, a newcancer diagnosis or even death
by 28% reduction.
(31:01):
It's statistically significant.
And now they're saying, becausewhat you see is, after people
undergo chemo and surgerythey're like you know, what else
can I do?
And it used to just be like, oh, you know, just keep up a
healthy lifestyle.
And now doctors candefinitively say actually a
structured exercise program canimprove your overall survival,
(31:23):
which is so interesting.
I love reading about this stuff.
What else was it?
Oh, so they most people didabout a 45 minute to an hour
brisk walk four to five days aweek.
That was one of the mainexercises which we always say
walking is so good for humans,um, but yeah, so it's very
important to know that.
You know you can see reductionin.
(31:44):
So in these patients they hadreduced chances of developing
like breast cancer later on aswell.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
That's amazing.
I know it's so interesting, Ilove it.
So just to keep in mind, guys,if you are battling any chronic
diseases, usually a structuredexercise program does help.
If you're not physicallydisabled and you're able to do
it, you should try it.
Especially a little morningwalk, the sun good for your
serotonin in the morning,beautiful, great exercise.
(32:12):
So it's good to know.
Anything else to discuss today.
I'm going to put your poll upright now.
I should throw a rager.
Should I throw a rager?
Speaker 1 (32:23):
I don't think anything on my end.
I feel like this was successfulguys.
What do you think?
I think so, of course.
We ended with the colon.
You know, got to end with theass.
What we ended with the colonnudes.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Oh yes, Everything goes through the book.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
Oh, with your ass up Anyway.
So, bridget, just like shakingright.
Um, anyway, still that sisternot gonna get rid of me her
elevator waiting room music asshe puts our post up yeah, sorry
(33:05):
, guys.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
So thank you so much for joining us.
Episode six of this season,season three yep, yep, it's been
a great time so far, so we'rehappy to have you here.
Tell us what you wanted to talkabout, um, what you want us to
talk about?
Sorry, and I am going to put apoll.
Should versa throw a rager?
And thank you so much fortuning in all righty.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
have a great week, guys.
Bye, bye.
welcome back to episode.
We're just laughing, I meangreat episode six of psychotic
py podcast.
We have a lot to talk aboutthis week, so let's get going
virgin yay, welcome to episodesix.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Wait, sorry, that was a crunch of a pillow.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
I'll move the pillow nobody heard that, but now you
just made it awkward, sorry, Idon't want to.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
I don't want my sound to be flustered, okay, um.
So yay, we're so excited.
Oh, my god, I just realizedit's june.
Is that not the summer?
Speaker 1 (00:33):
I turned pretty month yes, at the end of the month oh
my god guys.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Happy june, happy the summer.
I turned pretty final seasoneveryone.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Oh my god, I'm so you better end up with conrad or I
will rage, fire hells we're teamconnie, right?
Speaker 2 (00:50):
yeah, we're team connie, baby I although jeremiah
should be like a good friendforever, he's, yeah, I think he
will be, because I mean, they'repractically like cousins.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Also funny side story we were talking about this
yesterday, me and mom.
She was acting as if she knewthese people and this was like a
literal family that she summersshe's seen this show, yeah
she's making for the seasonthree and she was just like you
know what.
That girl is just messing withthose boys.
That is not right.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
She should not be ping-ponging and I'm like it's a
storyline, okay, she should notbe ping-ponging, though can we
just say belly girl, get yourshiz together?
You can't.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
You can maybe fuck with friends a little bit, not
brothers, yeah my mom how momwas saying it was like such a
close relationship.
They were more like cousins.
So it looks it's even worsebecause obviously you're always
going to be with these peopleyeah, oh no, yeah, mom was like
not having it.
She's like I love the show, butmy god, why does she jump back
and forth?
Speaker 2 (01:44):
The heart wants what it wants, jerry, I know, but who
wouldn't?
Connie's got the steaminess,but Jeremiah like personality
and like so funny, so cute.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Yeah, like Jeremiah makes me laugh, but that moody,
broody thing that Connie's got,ugh.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
I know Also, the star of the show is their mother,
who lives the dream life.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Unfortunately, she died of cancer.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Oh, yeah, I forgot.
Oh shit, yeah, rip, that doeshappen in season two.
I forgot.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Right, susan Is her name.
Susan, I have no idea.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Susan died.
Oh my god, so sad.
I forgot that.
It's been so long that Icouldn't even remember.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
Anyway, not the point of our podcast, sorry, no.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
We got off there, okay.
So, yes, welcome to the podcast.
But we are talking about mamastoday and mental health.
So, as they say in the news,the moms are not all right and
there's new data to prove it.
So there was a major study andit talks about moms in the US
and there's been a sharp drop inmental health since 2016.
(02:56):
Just a quick little side note ifanyone's had a baby or if you
work in healthcare, you knowthat when you go for your
six-week checkup, they give you,like the Edinburgh, postpartum
depression screening.
This should be standard.
So if you've had a baby and youwent to your six-week checkup
and you didn't get the screening, you better mention it.
And it just helps gauge if youthink you have.
It's just a questionnaire Doyou think you're more anxious
(03:20):
than usual?
Are you more stressed thanusual?
Are you having anger?
Are you crying more than usual?
Do you feel lonely?
All this stuff and a lot of itis like typical, like you might
be lonelier.
That's fine.
That doesn't mean you havepostpartum depression, but it's
a culmination of all thesymptoms.
So just that's how we gauge it,just so everyone knows.
So, among nearly 200,000 motherswith children under 18, one in
(03:45):
12, so one in 12 moms ratedtheir mental health as fair or
poor.
Single moms, no surprise.
And those with kids on Medicaidor uninsured are the worst,
because they're obviously livingin constant fear.
If your kid is uninsured or onMedicaid and for single moms,
(04:05):
you have not a minute toyourself, I don't think ever um,
so um.
The number of moms who saidtheir mental health was
excellent also has plummeted.
Dads also saw a decline, butnot nearly as bad as moms.
So the study did not follow thesame women over time, but
(04:28):
experts say that the trend isstriking and noticeable and we
need to do something about it.
So, and it's very validatingfor moms everywhere who, I think
I've been saying for a while,like you know, we're not okay,
and now I think people feel alot more comfortable because of
social media.
Probably Social media says likeit's okay to speak up.
(04:49):
Also, we're seeing, you know,moms from Denmark and moms from
Sweden who get a year paidmaternity leave and you know,
help and spousal support and allthis stuff, and you're like, oh
shit, like we are so far behind.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Yeah, no, absolutely.
We're so far behind.
It's embarrassing, yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
So researchers are trying to theorize why this is
happening and they think maybeyou know.
Inflation, obviously becauseyou have added stress of
budgeting, substance usedisorders, loneliness, which
we've talked about a lot, andthen racism and climate change.
I think all these things arejust stressors.
What do we call them?
Aces, adverse childhoodexperiences and stuff All these
(05:31):
added stressors in your life.
They just culminate and now youhave a baby and you're tired
and you're alone and yeah, it'svery, very sad.
So many women also carry thebulk of caregiving and housework
.
Even fully employed moms tendto do most of that work and they
do it without paid family leaveand mental health care itself.
(05:54):
So there's a therapist shortageand the costs and scheduling,
so you can't even get help, evenif you're asking for it.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
So there we go.
It's rough out there formothers, let me tell you.
I mean, all of this definitelywould explain why things are not
going in the right directionfor mothers and and what they're
reporting it doesn't shock meat all.
I think, now that we havesocial media, we are kind of
creating our own village.
That is definitely you know wehave a lack of these days, but
also sometimes I feel like thatcan still be isolating because
(06:29):
it's not like a in real life IRLvillage, right Like it's still
through a screen.
I mean I know there's mommymeetups and stuff, but not
everyone can go right.
It's sometimes, it's hard.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Okay, yeah, I have such a like.
I love the idea of a mommymeetup, but I actually do not
physically understand, like, howpeople do it.
I've done one one ever Because,let's say, they're always like,
let's say, wednesday at 10am orsomething.
It's like an impossible time.
Also, like when you have a veryyoung baby and that's when you
(07:01):
actually need it the most.
Like they're not newbornsanymore, but they're so young
that you're like I haven't seenanyone in days.
They are literally like it'syour window of opportunity for
that mommy meetup is so narrow.
What are the odds that it'sthat hour that the mommy meetup
is taking part?
Right, like it just never works.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Nope, I know, I agree .
I honestly I probably went toonly one too.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
I don't know many moms who actually make it work,
because I feel, like anyone thatI know that's given birth is
like, oh yeah, like I like theconcept, but but, like time wise
, it's not gonna really work outfor me no, that's why I think
the best thing is, if you havelike a small group of even if
they're only acquaintances, butnow you get closer because you
have kids you can just text thegroup and be like, no, that
doesn't work, that doesn't work.
How about this day, this time,and you do a little poll and
(07:48):
you're, you get that day.
That's what I do with my bookclub, because we're all young
moms, like you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
You got lucky because your neighborhood is obviously
young people.
We have definitely like anolder crowd on our street, but I
mean they're great for otherthings you know, like being like
that dad or grandpa for you.
You know they have all thetools that you could ever need
to borrow, which is great, andobviously they have more
experience with homeowning.
So if we have questions, john'slike, let me ask joe, because I
(08:17):
don't know what the hell I'mdoing.
But uh, other than that I wouldsay it's a bit lonely.
I mean, obviously now bridges,you've seen they've expanded a
bit and obviously newer familieshave come in, but I feel like
there's still that separationbecause those families that
moved in got close, because theyall I don't know they're, they
have the same home builder Idon't mind is the other one that
(08:39):
left the area and I don't know.
I just feel like they all, justthe same way that us and the
older generation on our streetall kind of had this camaraderie
thing going on, and so now Ifeel like I missed the boat on
that, even though I know I couldjust walk 500 feet down and
just be social.
But that's the thing.
I'm not the social sister, so Idon't want to do that.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
You know what you should do Throw a fucking rager.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
You know what's funny ?
I think about that all the time.
Like you know how, on Bad Moms,the first original movie ever,
she starts getting like a lot offriends because she's just like
you know what, fuck it, I'mgonna do whatever the fuck I
want.
She's just like, skips allparent teacher conference
meetings, has this big rager ather house where moms are like,
yeah, let loose.
And I'm like, should I do that?
Is that?
Is that just for movies?
Speaker 2 (09:23):
no, you should.
The best thing about a being ahomeowner and b being an adult
is you can actually throw aparty whenever you want.
You're not like is mom out oftown.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
I am the mom, so you're telling me, you're giving
me the green light to throw amom rager, I think that would be
so cool, actually, you knowwhat's even cooler.
If I invite people from downthe street, I know that three of
them have cop husbands.
Does that mean if we have noisecomplaints, they'll ignore it?
There will be no noisecomplaints.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Will they delete them as they come in?
Yeah, oh my.
Will they delete them as theycome in?
Yeah, oh my god.
That would be so cool.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Oh my god, throw this party like I'm, I'm nervous,
like what if I throw it?
But it's like me, oh, I meanthen, they're done.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
That girl you've thrown a rager and no one showed
up.
That's not a, that's a storyfor another day.
It wasn't at my house, but youfucking tell me right now.
You tell all of our listeners,you tell them it.
No, I'm not going to name thename, but in high school uh, we
were only freshmen is like stillone of my best friends now, and
it was she.
It wasn't like we were like, oh,let's throw a rager, but like
(10:23):
you know, when you're in thefirst month of high school and
like everyone wants to throwparties just because you're like
we're in high school and that'show you make friends, whatever,
so she very casually was likehey, like I'm gonna have some
people over and she lives in agood neighborhood, so like
people from our school livenearby and um, it was literally
just like so last minute thateveryone like messaged and
they're friends of ours, genuine, like conflicts of interest,
(10:46):
like I have practiced tillwhatever time.
Like a lot, it was fall, so alot of guys were on the football
team.
One of the girls we cheeredwith um like hadn't moved yet.
She lived far away, still, um,because she was originally
coming down from like st johnviennese, like where she would
have gone to high school.
So she lived up there still andshe was like no, like I'm you
know, we're 14, like we don'thave our license anyway, all
this stuff.
(11:07):
So we were like, oh shit, likeno one and her mom like bought
us cookies, like we put cookieson a tray and we just sat there
so cute.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
It's actually really cute and sad.
I know jerry's gonna listen tothis and be like I knew I
shouldn't let her go.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
She lied no, I just hung out at this girl's house
and then we ended up like goingto the boardwalk with like a guy
friend and he's like, oh,weren't you throwing a party
tonight?
Speaker 1 (11:29):
and we're like, oh, no, no, we're not shut up.
It's girls night, so that's whywe're here, though like at
least I could like say if thathappened at 14, it's in the past
now.
But like you know how moms havelike we were just talking about
, moms have conflicts, like momsmight want to go, but then they
can't.
Their kid's sick babysitterdrops out, husband can't handle
shit and texts them non-stop.
(11:50):
What happens if, like they'relike, yeah, I'm going, and then
five minutes before they're likenot happening.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Sorry, what you do is you put an RSVP.
Adults are pretty like beholdento the RSVP, not moms.
Have you met moms?
Yeah Well, I.
Oh guys, let us know, shouldMarissa throw a little mom rager
?
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Can you please put this as a question on our
Instagram.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Yeah, I will.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
Oh my god, it'd be so no, what's gonna be
embarrassing is is if I actuallyhave to do it because you get a
lot of guesses.
And then I'm like, well, shit,it's the summer, girl, tis the
season, the podcast mid-ragerlike everybody say hey, oh, my
god, she's missing out.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Oh, no wait, no, do it in august oh god, that would
be cool.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Anyway, like let me know if, like, you've all seen
bad moms and you want to have amom rager, like let's do it.
My house is your house.
Yeah ditch those kids ditch,those kids ditch that should be
the hashtag after you ask thequestion hashtag ditch those
kids.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Um.
What else I want to talk about,though?
About like mental health, andbecause you know how there's a
pro-natalist movement with liketrad wives and trying to get
like make america pregnant again, but what we're seeing is
people our age who are likedinks, are like no, like we've
seen what it's done to ourfriends, like we don't want that
life, and I'm like more powerto you, like you might be making
(13:22):
them ready to rest, and they'resaying, like you know because I
think they were talking aboutgiving like a $5,000, a one-off
$5,000 bonus if you have a babyand people are like that's not
what we need, though.
Like what we need, though.
Like what we need is likehealth care, like maternal
mental health care and maternalhealth care.
Like if you want us to havekids, we need to be supported by
our government and supported byour community.
(13:44):
Like a one-time five thousanddollar.
Like I have a really goodfriends who are going through
the IVF process right now, andhe, he, you know, we were
hanging out in New York lastmonth and he literally was like
uh, what the fuck?
Like he's like fuck your $5,000.
Like you have no idea how muchthis shit costs.
Like he's like seriously, fivegrand, that's a drop in the
(14:07):
bucket, like what we need islike care.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Daycare, mental health care, like you know, what
I mean.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Yeah, no, $5,000 is not going to get you very far,
especially because mostdeductibles anyway like.
So our deductible for both kidsis $2,500.
So, like you know, for peoplewho do pay those off, wink, wink
, like that's, there's half yourfive gone, I know.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
So it's just like I think we are living in a time
where people are more informedand they're like I don't want to
have kids, just because thatfeels like the next step.
I'd rather be like takingvacations when I want, going to
eat when I want, not worryingabout scheduling a babys.
On your health, you have to getused to your new level of
(14:54):
fitness, used to your new body,used to you are never coming
first again.
Yeah, that's really hardsometimes.
I one time held my pee.
It was very recent, I'm sayingI one time.
It was literally like threedays ago.
I held my pee for like fourhours.
I forgot I had to go becauseyou yeah.
You tiny bladder bridge in ourfamily, wow, but like moms, you
(15:15):
know, like you, you you're like,oh, I have to pee, not right
now, because I'm doing this, I'mdoing this now, I'm doing this.
I finally put him to bed and Iwas like, I still have to pee,
like you, just you don't havetime.
And that is why maternal mentalhealth is so fucking bad,
because you really have to, like, grapple with this new life and
it's never the same, correctand like.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
I feel like, in order to have the help that you need,
you have to be well off,because it all costs big bucks,
so which it shouldn't be.
I mean, like, you want us tohave more babies, but like,
where's the support?
Why do I have to grovel at your?
Speaker 2 (15:49):
feet for it for like bare minimum pennies yeah, so
it's an interesting time thatwe're living in, um, you know,
with this whole trad wife thing.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Yeah, I don't know how I I have nothing against it.
Again, I don't care how peoplelive.
That's never been my problem.
It's like I don't like whenpeople start pushing it right
and then judge you for what youchoose.
That's where I'm like okay,take a step back, betty.
Okay, betty Crocker, get out ofhere.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
So they're using.
They're using these very youngcause they're all young, the
trad wives like younger than me.
They're using these younginfluencers basically to push
the pro-natalist movement.
So they're trying to like,slowly undermine, like the women
in the workforce thing.
That's my problem with it.
If you want to do it personally, you're like I've always wanted
to be a mom, fine, but don'tthen undermine, like the equal
(16:40):
rights act and right, becausethere are plenty of women who do
not want to be moms.
Don't fuck it up, for them.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
There's a sensitive whole area of people who do but
can't.
So what?
Speaker 2 (16:52):
Because they can't, they're now useless to to the
yeah yeah, yeah, because they'renot like following their divine
calling or something.
Yeah, no, I that's.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
That's my problem with it we're kind of crossing
into handmaid's tale a bit.
We're kind of this the story.
I've heard this before, I'veheard this before.
Oh god, I need to watch that.
Last season, okay I'm, I'm likeon four, episode four.
So I don't want to ruin anythingand don't spoil anything for me
if you've gone further, butokay, next subject.
But, um, yeah, no, I think,like you do you, that's fine.
(17:23):
What I will say, though, frommy experience with you talking
about um, tried wives and evenbeing younger than you, right, I
will say this is not the firsttime in history that that's
happened, and I'm not sayingbecause of our grandparents,
grandparents, whatever.
When I met my husband, john andhe was in the Marines that
remember Bridget I would tellyou stories of the women there
(17:45):
Like these were women who weremarried at 17, 18, all the way
up to 21.
Some already had two babies by21, 22.
The difference back then lesssocial social media, and it
wasn't like it was pushed byinfluencers or the government,
it was just military lifeculture, basically right um, but
I feel like it never truly wentaway.
It was always there because Ialways felt like I lived a
(18:07):
double life with john.
I would go down there and I wasthe weird girl for being in
college and wanting to have acareer and not being married,
and they were all like girl,what are you doing?
Just live on base, give up yourlife for this man and I'm like
no, thank you.
Oh, no thanks.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
That sounds horrible yeah, I think it could be very,
um, isolating and you feeltrapped at that age because you
didn't carve out a little placein the world for yourself yet.
And if you carve out that placeand then you decide to ditch it
, that's your prerogative,you're an adult.
But if you never carved outthat place, where do you go?
If god forbid you divorce or hedies or whatever?
Speaker 1 (18:46):
that's a bit unnerving well, what's even
scarier is, at least from ourwhole experience, there is only
I want, I want to say one, maybetwo, no, I think one, only one
couple out of the many we werein a group with that actually
stayed married to the firstmilitary partner.
Wow.
So it shows you that, likethat's not, you were, you were
(19:06):
babies, you didn't even know youyet and you decided to create a
whole last family.
Are you sure?
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Babies, having babies .
Speaker 1 (19:15):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Oh, that segues perfectly into our next topic
Millennial divorce.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Oh yeah, millennial divorce.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
You know what I actually think about, like all
the time, because I'm 30.
Like I've been to a millionweddings in the last few years.
Like in a decade I think I'mgoing to get invited to a lot of
divorce parties.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
It's inevitable, no matter what generation you grew
up in.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
Yes, I kind of can't wait just to be like oh, not
that I want anyone's marriage.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
No, but because of social media they're pretty lit
now Like wear the wedding dressand burn it.
You know they're like lit ashell.
Please invite me.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Like do do you and John have like in your head,
like the probabilities that acouple is going to fail or not?
Like do you talk about?
Speaker 1 (20:03):
it.
I wouldn't say numberstatistically wise, but do.
John and I have good perceptionof who's perfectly matched and
who isn't absolutely.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
We're usually spot on oh, so you've, you've called
some divorces oh my god, yeahI'm not there yet because no
one's gotten divorced.
But ted and I like have wedon't like discuss it in depth,
but like we'll be, like they'renot gonna make it, and like we
say, like they'll be married forlike a decade maybe, maybe less
.
So I just kind of like I can'twait to see things come to
fruition yeah, I know it'sfucked up, is that?
(20:30):
Their demise.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Fuck, I know, I know it sounds really bad, but it's
kind of nice to be like we wereright there is always that one
couple, though, that really getsus like um, like they're still
married, happily, we think, andwe're like really oh,
interesting, caught us there,you know there are uh couples
like that, yeah yeah that's ohno I mean me and john's
(20:55):
generation.
But I'm like, I know what you'resaying, but yeah, but yeah, no,
I'm just, they shock you and Idon't know if it's just like the
sheer bond of agreeing not todivorce that keeps them together
, but, uh, or their pure hatredof having to go back in the
dating world.
They're like now, fuck this Idon't know.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
They actually dislike each other, though, or is their
relationship just dysfunctional, but it works for them, maybe,
I think maybe it's dysfunctional.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
It works for them.
I do think they love each other, but it's very dysfunctional.
I would have thought, though,see, the thing is is what you
you do see is dysfunction couldtake it.
It takes its toll, right, and15 years into the marriage maybe
20 if you can last that longeventually one of the parties
that goes I deserve better, orpeace.
I don't want anything, but Ijust want peace.
You know, um, but I'm just.
(21:40):
It's just miraculous thatthey're just like.
They're like saints man.
They're just little go-getters.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Oh my God, we're going to talk about this when
we're done recording.
I want to know who it is.
I want the tea Right.
So we're talking about divorce.
We're talking about millennials, which you know.
Millennials are the firstgeneration ever to like help
bring the divorce rate to atleast like a slight plateau, but
it's not, you know, stoppingPeople still get divorced, but
we're the first generation tominimize it slightly.
(22:07):
So you need to save up for adivorce.
We all know that BusinessInsider today I read this in the
news today reports thatdivorces cost millennials
upwards of six figures.
It's so expensive that a lot ofpeople can't afford to live in
their cities anymore.
(22:27):
So we're talking like New York,chicago, la, major cities.
People are moving out of thecities and moving in with family
again.
They're moving back home, evenif you're like 30s, 40s,
probably in your 40s, becausedivorces are so expensive they
are.
So other couples are choosing tostay legally married while
(22:48):
living their single lives ratherthan pay for divorce lawyers.
So Pew Research found that 77%of partnered adults were doing
at least okay financially,compared to 64% of people
without partners.
So what we know is, if you arepartnering, you tend to do
better financially becauseyou're pooling resources just
(23:10):
basic math, like the two of youbuying a house versus one single
person, or one income buying ahouse.
That can really fuck you up.
Yep.
So a family attorney said whenpeople get a divorce, they're
cutting their net worth in half.
You're cutting it in half, justaccept it.
And that obviously hitsespecially hard for women, since
courts don't always take thegender pay gap and unpaid care
(23:32):
work into account when dividingassets or awarding spousal
support and childcare.
So many boomers who divorcedoften had more financial
stability, but millennials facea different reality, um,
especially because we marrylater and there's more to lose
yes um, so yeah, the divorcedecline, hopefully will have,
(23:56):
will happen.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
And they say um quote till debt do us part I mean,
yeah, things are definitely notgreat in the economy right now,
so this, none of this shocks me,would you?
Speaker 2 (24:11):
financially speaking now cause you have children,
would you, if you were ever inthis position, stay legally
married just to avoid the hugehit to the, to the income and
the money flow to you know, yourkids and stuff?
Speaker 1 (24:24):
No, but only because I feel the.
I feel, see, this would bedifferent if I married somebody
else.
But I think, because I marrieda partner who would still be a
very present father and makesure he paid, like the child
support he needed to to makesure our kids had the same
lifestyle, if anything like,even though this is a very like
grim topic to talk about, me andjohn are still very open about
(24:45):
it.
Again, no plans to divorce atall, but like we are still like
to talk about things like whatifs, you know, just in case, and
we are pretty much very much onthe same page.
Like he's like you wouldabsolutely get the house or
whatever house you're in at thetime.
Like the kids need stability.
You're the mother keep thehouse, I don't want it.
Um, he's like obviously we stillwant to keep them in the good
(25:05):
Catholic schools.
So whatever that needs from me,you've got it.
Like he's still like whateverthey need I don't want to
interrupt the sports.
They're in the schools, they'rein their routine, so like, but
I married a good person, noteveryone.
Some people marry spitefulpeople, you know.
Like they are like how, how,which way can I fuck you left
and right, which they don'trealize.
You're just hurting thechildren.
If there are kids, you know.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Yes, so I mean again, no plans to divorce.
But Ted and I have discussed itthat, like we would, in order
to not divide assets, we wouldbasically just live separate
lives in the same home.
So our kids would not likenesting, like they say.
So like the kids don't move,but like you might, um, you know
, rent an apartment if someoneneeds to get away and you leave,
(25:48):
but the kids stay andeverything.
So, um, yeah, like I think, ifmoney was, if money was not an
issue at all and we needed toget legally divorced, we would.
But if money was, like you know, going to be cut in half and
we're in like a sticky situationat the time, we have said like
we would just stay legallymarried and like I would just
redo the guest room and get my,my bachelorette suite.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
You're like, don't mind me, ted Jorge's just coming
over, let him in.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
Sorry, ted, because it's I mean, it's.
It's interesting though, like Imean, if you have a good
relationship you can talk aboutthese things.
But you just think you know,especially with children, you
don't want the division ofassets in a way that is going to
negatively affect yourchildren's future.
Obviously, everything you haveyou want to leave to your kids.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Correct.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
So you don't want to lose it to divorce.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
Like you said earlier when you introduced this topic,
you're not just losing assets,you're dividing resources as
well, like childcare topic.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
You're not just losing assets you're.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
You you're dividing resources as well, like child
care.
So like, if you still can't coparent and be a good team player
, you're really screwingyourself to your kids and
yourself because you're going tobe a slave to the childcare
that if you can't like,communicate and divide properly.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
Yeah, it's so tricky to think about.
Oh my God, I actually feelreally bad for people now.
Um, like you'll be doingprobably double the like.
Let's say, now there's twoplaces to clean.
Now you're arranging pickup innot very nice way A lot of times
in divorce cause you're notlike, oh no, I'll get them this.
Like you're like you get themthis day.
(27:23):
You know it doesn't work for me.
Oh well, fuck you, it's yourtime.
So you're doing like double thescheduling, double housework.
Oh my God, so stressful.
Yeah, so they're saying itreally affects millennial women
more than anyone, because thewomen, as you've said, you do
all the scheduling and stufflike that for your family.
So now you're doing double theadmin work.
(27:43):
Plus, you're trying to likeclean the house without any
partner.
No help, now You're livingthere alone.
So, yeah, to add it to the listof the moms are not all right
Now, mothers who are divorced.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Oh God, well, I mean, I get it, though I mean the
topic, definitely I get it.
Like you said, we're gettingmarried later, except for the
whole tribe wife phenomena.
But we're getting married laterso we have more.
You know, our careers arefurther along or we have more
assets.
We're used to also, you know,being more like we could have
more freedom or career, women,this, that, whatever.
(28:21):
So it's like yeah, I mean itdoes take a hit financially.
And yeah, so it's like yeah, Imean it does take a hit
financially.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Yeah, In celebrity news Offset asked for spousal
support from Cardi B.
She makes way more than him Wow.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
Read that yesterday.
Wow Dang, yeah, did it work,did it happen.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
I don't know.
I don't know what he's going tobe awarded, but I assume the
children will live primarilywith her, so it doesn't really
have a lot of grounds to standon for spousal support.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Yeah, I mean, if you're not primary caretaker,
why do you need?
Speaker 2 (28:55):
that To uphold the life he was used to living.
I mean you're beat kid, I knowit's.
It's interesting becausethey're not necessities, you
know what I mean.
You're both celebrities, so themoney he makes, even if it's
like a fraction of what shemakes, is still more than the
average person.
So you have enough to live.
Yes, we'll see what happens,but we live in a crazy world now
(29:19):
where you celebrities can nowask for that even though they
both have careers.
That is crazy.
Wow, both have careers.
That is crazy, wow.
And now we're mixing it upcompletely.
To wrap this up, we are talkingabout exercise improving your
(29:40):
chances of survival andremission in people with colon
cancer.
Nice, love that switch up.
I know Such a switch up.
So the New England Journal ofMedicine just published an
article, and it was discussed atthe oncology conference in
Chicago just this past week.
So doctors can now definitivelysay that exercise will
significantly reduce the risk ofcolon cancer returning in
patients after treatment.
(30:01):
So these participants were allcolon cancer late stage two or
stage three.
They all had surgery and thenchemo, and then part of their
treatment plan they wererandomized.
Half of them, I think it waslike 441 and then 450.
So half went to no exercise.
The other half went into anexercise routine.
(30:23):
The important thing, though, isto know that these people were
working with trainers orphysiotherapists or
kinesiologists, so it was one ofthe you know, one of the three.
So they were assisted exerciseprograms where they asked you
specifically what you enjoy.
So it was a tailor-made programto help you stick with it.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
So that's important to know is that they did have
help from trainers, um, but onesthat randomize into the
exercise group.
Exercise was as useful as somedrugs, so you could reduce the
risk of cancer returning, a newcancer diagnosis or even death
by 28% reduction.
(31:01):
It's statistically significant.
And now they're saying, becausewhat you see is, after people
undergo chemo and surgerythey're like you know, what else
can I do?
And it used to just be like, oh, you know, just keep up a
healthy lifestyle.
And now doctors candefinitively say actually a
structured exercise program canimprove your overall survival,
(31:23):
which is so interesting.
I love reading about this stuff.
What else was it?
Oh, so they most people didabout a 45 minute to an hour
brisk walk four to five days aweek.
That was one of the mainexercises which we always say
walking is so good for humans,um, but yeah, so it's very
important to know that.
You know you can see reductionin.
(31:44):
So in these patients they hadreduced chances of developing
like breast cancer later on aswell.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
That's amazing.
I know it's so interesting, Ilove it.
So just to keep in mind, guys,if you are battling any chronic
diseases, usually a structuredexercise program does help.
If you're not physicallydisabled and you're able to do
it, you should try it.
Especially a little morningwalk, the sun good for your
serotonin in the morning,beautiful, great exercise.
(32:12):
So it's good to know.
Anything else to discuss today.
I'm going to put your poll upright now.
I should throw a rager.
Should I throw a rager?
Speaker 1 (32:23):
I don't think anything on my end.
I feel like this was successfulguys.
What do you think?
I think so, of course.
We ended with the colon.
You know, got to end with theass.
What we ended with the colonnudes.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Oh yes, Everything goes through the book.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
Oh, with your ass up Anyway.
So, bridget, just like shakingright.
Um, anyway, still that sisternot gonna get rid of me her
elevator waiting room music asshe puts our post up yeah, sorry
(33:05):
, guys.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
So thank you so much for joining us.
Episode six of this season,season three yep, yep, it's been
a great time so far, so we'rehappy to have you here.
Tell us what you wanted to talkabout, um, what you want us to
talk about?
Sorry, and I am going to put apoll.
Should versa throw a rager?
And thank you so much fortuning in all righty.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
have a great week, guys.
Bye, bye.
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