October 11, 2024 • 37 mins
What happens when a school decides to go nut-free, sparking a heated debate in Barnegat, New Jersey? Join us as we navigate the turbulent waters of modern parenting, celebrating the adorable one-month milestone of our little co-host, Theo, while tackling the anxieties that come with raising children in today’s world. As a doctor and therapist, we confront the serious misconceptions about allergies, emphasizing the vital need to prioritize children's health and safety over mere convenience.
Exploring the rise of nut allergies since the late 1990s, we pull back the curtain on global approaches to managing these concerns, drawing fascinating parallels with Israel's early peanut exposure methods. While acknowledging the inconveniences faced in public spaces like airplanes, we stress the importance of societal adaptability and empathy in creating a safer world for our children. Our discussion aims to enlighten listeners on the necessity of proactive measures and the growing trend of allergy awareness in various environments.
In the final segment, we share the raw realities of parenting a newborn, from disrupted sleep patterns to the sweet chaos of adjusting to life with baby Theo. It’s a journey filled with challenges and unexpected joys, as we learn to balance our personal identities with the demands of parenthood. We delve into the importance of maintaining a supportive partnership, carving out personal time, and ensuring that as parents, we not only nurture our children but also ourselves. Join us for practical tips and heartfelt reflections that underscore the transformative power of parenthood.
Disclaimer: This podcast represents the opinions of Dr. Bridget Melton, MD and licensed therapist Marissa Volinsky, MS, LPC, NCC. The contents of our podcast and website should not be taken as medical advice. The contents of our podcast and website are for general informational purposes only, and are not intended to diagnose, treat, prevent, or cure any condition or disease or substitute for medical advice. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental health professional, or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or treatment and before starting or discontinuing treatment.
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or a crisis, please reach out immediately to the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 or text HOME to the Crisis Text Line at 741741. These services are free and confidential.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
hello and welcome to psychotic beep podcast.
We're so excited to be with youhere today.
Um, this is probably like what.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Episode nine, season two maris, yeah, yeah we have
this one and one more for theseason two.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Yeah, okay, today is also my son, theo's, one month
birthday.
One month, one little month.
We wouldn't deal, okay.
Disclaimer, guys.
I am currently burping him.
See that?
Yeah, um, he is eating.
He's almost done eating, though, so you will hear some noises
that we cannot edit out.
You'll hear like little babygrunts.
I know what you're thinking.
(00:40):
Why can't Ted feed him?
So my husband has, I don't know, completely screwed up his neck
and he's using merciful, hadsome good treatments.
He's using all of them likearound the clock, but he fed him
this morning and every movementwas like ugh and I was like,
okay, can I like help you?
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
So I was like I don't want to like leave him where
God forbid I can't help himreach something and he'll just
be like trapped like this, likeso I'm feeding him while ted
takes some more pills, a leaveand relaxes a bit.
So you're gonna hear somenoises that we can't edit out
and I do apologize, but we'rehappy to be here with you and
we're so excited that the oceanmonth and we're talking about
some interesting parent heavytopics about, like anxiety,
(01:21):
parenthood, um, and some hottopics we saw on the news, so
we're going to dive right inMarissa, kick us off.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
So I just want to say welcome Theo to the podcast,
our guest star today.
Yay, first TV's podcast.
Wow, he beat us all.
I mean he's impressive at amonth old already on a podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Seriously, what a go-getter.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Go-getter Jerry would be so proud of her grandson.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
So, yeah, we're going to dive into a lot of topics
today.
First, the article we saw wason Jersey Shore Online and it
was titled School Changes Ruleto Protect Kids with a Nut
Allergy.
The reason why we wanted todiscuss this is because this
actually was an article basedoff of a school near me.
So I live in Barnegat, NewJersey, and this was the
(02:06):
barnagot school in the area.
What happened was parents havea kid with severe allergy to
nuts, so bad that the articlequoted the mom saying how they
realized it was.
They wasn't like the babysitter, right, a babysitter noticed.
And it wasn't even like heingested it.
That's how bad it was.
It was like he was kissed histoddler brother kissed him and
he had a reaction.
And it was really bad, like likethey had to go to the ER.
(02:28):
This isn't like, okay, let'sgive them, you know, some
Benadryl?
No, no, no, Like he could havedied.
So they kindly brought this tothe school's attention and now
the school is thinking abouthaving a nut free policy to be
safe for all kids and justsaying, like, listen, like we
live in a time where we have somany nut free alternatives and
things that taste just likepeanut butter.
That really isn't that.
(02:49):
We don't really need to bringreal peanut butter to school
anymore to keep the kids happy.
So, like, let's just stick toalternatives.
Or even if your kids don't evenlike peanut butter at all, pack
something else.
Well, as with anything in life,this got backlash and when me
and Bridget were reading thisarticle, we were really just
taken aback as professionalsespecially Bridget being a
doctor because some of thecomments were just nonsensical.
(03:12):
Honestly, I couldn't believethey actually wrote this in
print for people to actually see, because, again, you can't take
this back, people screenshot,even if you delete it.
But let me, let me read one ofwhat I was talking about and you
guys can see and see from ourperspective why we were kind of
like wincing and being like, ohgood Lord.
So one person on Facebook inthe Bar to Get Chatter, wrote
(03:32):
the whole nut free school policythat the school is doing is
ridiculous.
These kids can't be coddled.
They need to learn how tocontrol their allergy.
All these soft kids.
Bridget was cringing becausecontrol your allergy is not a
thing and, as I'm sure any ofour listeners know, because we
all know you're all educated andsmart and kind.
So, yeah, and also again, thisis a severe reaction.
(03:54):
Not the kid needed Benadryl forsome itchy patches like he
almost died.
His throat was closing.
I, just as a mother, my feel isthat if your kid could die from
it, I have no problem.
I have no problem.
I have no problem giving analternative.
It doesn't bother me.
What kind of got me thinking,you know, as a therapist, like
what?
Why is this woman so angry thatshe decided these kids are soft
(04:15):
and should control theirallergy?
Bridget, what's your thoughts?
Speaker 2 (04:18):
The whole control your allergy thing.
Obviously we know that is notpossible.
It's an overreaction yourimmune system has to a stimulus
that maybe it shouldn't.
But fine, I just don'tunderstand, because we live in
this world where Marissa, whatlike every daycare that you
looked at was nut free, prettymuch Like daycares have already
been nut free for probably thelast five, 10 years, like that's
normal.
(04:38):
Because they're so young,obviously they can't speak for
themselves and be like I have anut allergy, so nut free school,
nuts free zones, like all thisis very normal.
So it's just kind of like, wheredo you live, lady, that you
think like this is some like anovel experience, and also like
you would be saying something sodifferent if it was your child.
(05:00):
And maybe you have a child with, like an allergy and you say,
oh, just send them to schoolwith an epi pen, right, okay,
but they're so young that theydon't fully understand that nuts
, tree nuts, are in almosteverything.
You need to be able to read thelabel, all the fine print
processed in a facility that hasnuts like, and kids don't have
(05:21):
that capability.
They don't understand that likenuts touch almost everything
manufactured.
So I mean, god forbid someoneoffers something homemade, let's
say, and yeah, it might nothave nuts in it, but what if the
kid ate a peanut buttersandwich right before that?
And now the counter had nutcontamination.
You just don't know.
And these kids can't speak forthemselves.
Like you know, be verydiscerning like adults are.
(05:43):
Like you know, be verydiscerning like adults are.
So it's just wild to think like, yeah, I'd rather let a child
go into anaphylactic shock inschool than just not send my kid
to school with, like, a peanutbutter sandwich.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
I agree.
Also, like some of the commentswere like well, my kid's a
picky eater.
All he eats is peanut buttersandwiches.
What am I supposed to do now?
And to that I will say thearticle is pretty spot on when
they say there's so manyalternatives that taste the same
.
Now, because I obviously knowfrom daycare, sending me the
sheet of the list of stuff, andthey're readily available in
your groceries.
You don't have to go to aspecial grocery store for them.
(06:15):
You could have the pb proteinthat you make, you could have
wow, butter, sunflower butter somany that it's just like I
don't understand why you'regiving the school a hard time.
Okay, so your kid only likespeanut butter sandwiches.
Then switch them to one thattastes the closest to him, that
he likes, him or her, I shouldsay.
And then there you go, problemsolved.
I really don't understand whythese parents are freaking out.
(06:36):
It's like they've never beentold no before.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
Preparation is key for things like this, like if
the school is giving youadvanced notice and saying you
need to find an alternative,that's fine.
Now I have a story, actuallythat I forgot about which popped
in my head, and this is asituation where there was no
advanced notice and I think thiswould kind of I would still
follow the rules Obviously I'mnot a psycho person, but it
would kind of tick me off alittle.
Okay, so I know a girl who'sthis is really common in Europe.
(07:04):
You do what's called a skiseason, so you travel like
around Europe when you're not inuni, college, whatever.
You have time off from schooland you go and do like a winter
season abroad in likeSwitzerland, and you're like a
chalet girl.
So now if you work for theslopes like, you either train
them or you like do rentals, youknow like lessons, stuff like
that, or you do like cooking andcleaning in a chalet for the
(07:25):
family.
So I know a girl who is reallygood friends with someone who
did a ski season.
She was a chalet girl, so shewas going to like cook and clean
for family.
She has a severe nut allergy.
She took over a cabin lastminute because the chalet girl
who was supposed to be therelike I don't remember, got sick
or something.
So she had a week with a familywith young kids and like right
before they were flying in, shewas like oh, by the way, I have
(07:46):
a severe nut allergy, so likeyou can't have any, like
anything in the house.
And they were like shit, likewe're traveling with young kids
and like peanut butter is a notthe best source of protein, but
for kids it's like at leastsomething.
And like you're skiing and likeI think they were kind of
banking on that.
And it's a house like with afull kitchen so you need to like
go shopping and like fill itwith food.
And they messaged back kind ofticked off, and we're like, well
(08:09):
, like we paid for it alreadyand we're already have travel
plans.
And now, like the couple daysbefore, you're telling us that
like we can't have any nuts,like we have young kids, like
what the frick?
And um, this friend of thefriend was telling the story to
me and was like I just thinkit's like really immature that
they reacted that way and I waslike I don't know, like I, I, I
wouldn't.
I would probably say it to Ted,I wouldn't have said it to her,
(08:30):
like I would have kept it tomyself.
But I would be a little tickedoff too if I already paid for
this.
We already have plans and nowyou're telling me and I get it,
it was like a last minute change, but I'd be like shit, like we
need to really rethink how we'regonna feed our kids this week.
But I wouldn't have said it toher.
Like they were messaging herlike kind of how you can message
like a host through Airbnb.
Like I would have kept it tomyself, but definitely to Ted.
(08:50):
I probably would have been likefuck, like we really need to,
you know, shift things aroundnow.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
I would have definitely said it to John.
I wouldn't have said it to thegirl, because I would just be
grateful that they were able toreplace the girl.
Like I don't want to have to doher job too, um.
So yeah, I mean it would haveput a damper on my plans, but I
would have quickly, like that'sthe whole thing about being a
mom and any mother knows you'reyou live to learn how to like,
manage and juggle and switchthings out and in last minute,
like that's all you do, you'rereally good at it.
(09:18):
So, like it is what it is, likeit sucks, but like would I have
figured it out absolutely?
Speaker 2 (09:23):
yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right, like you would
have like figured it out, butyou probably would have for a
second been like, ah shit that'sa human reaction.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
I would not have messaged the girl nasty, I would
have just been like okay,thanks for letting me know.
Vented to my husband while hehelped me make a new game plan.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
That's all yeah um, but otherwise, like with school
things, like they give youplenty of advanced notice when
you're touring a daycare.
They're like, by the way,there's a nut free facility, you
know.
Like it's not, like they'respringing it on.
You day one you send your kidwith a peanut butter sandwich
and they're like, sorry, you'renot eating today.
Like everyone is aware thatit's nut free and it's so common
nowadays.
So, yeah, like I'm sorry and toyou know, make a child feel
(10:02):
like it's their fault that theyhave an allergy.
They already know it sucks.
Maybe this kid liked peanutbutter.
Like they know it blows.
They don't want to be the kidwho can't have the Reese's Cup,
but that's unfortunately wherethey are at and I just think to
make a child feel badly aboutthat, like they're somehow
punishing the rest of the school, is bullying.
It is bullying.
You're bullying a child.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
And that's pathetic.
I'm actually shocked that theywrote that in the chatter.
So this is the chatter that I'mactually in, ladies and
gentlemen, because it's ourtownship chatter, and when I
actually read it before thisarticle came out, I remember
looking at this woman's commentbeing like oof jesus who pissed
in your cheerios today, jesus.
But yeah, I, it's that thecomments were uncalled for and
(10:46):
it's just like.
It is what it is.
You know, move along.
You don't have to like it, butyou do have to adapt.
Um, the article did mentionwhich I found interesting that
allergies the peanut allergiesamong children increased by 50
since the late 1990s.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
That's crazy yes, and I am actually going to.
So I think I've mentioned onthis podcast before that israel
has the lowest nut allergy inthe world and it's because the
first food that they introducedto their baby between four to
six months is it's called likeBoba Bombas.
I don't know if I don't knowthe name brand, but they're
basically little melt awaypeanut puffs and it's just a
common snack that melts.
So that's why it's not likethey purposefully were like, oh,
(11:22):
give peanuts to babies.
They were just like oh, itmelts away.
So, kids, it's like a perfectkid's first snack, like puffs.
And they have the lowest peanutallergy in the world.
And I think it's because of theearly exposure to nuts Sorry,
little baby.
And I think a lot of the reasonnut allergies did increase in
the Western world, specificallylike the US, is because for a
(11:42):
while people were nervous,because you were like well, I
don't know if my kid has a nutallergy and I don't want to
expose them too soon, and thenGod forbid they have an
anaphylactic reaction and die.
But now the advice is, if youcome from like a high allergy
family, to do early exposure, solike when you're pregnant, have
peanut butter as much as youcan, when they're four months
old, give them like a little bitof peanut butter, nut butter,
(12:04):
see how they react.
Obviously, your first reactionwill be nothing because it takes
a sensitizing event, so thesecond time you introduce it
they'll have a reaction, but theadvice is four months exposure.
If you come from a high allergyfamily or if, like your husband
, has an allergy like you know,something like that, yeah, so I
think it has a lot to do with,though, in the early 2000s,
(12:25):
people were just so terrified togive their kids nuts at such a
young age, and then theyunfortunately you eat it so late
in life that you've alreadydeveloped a resistance to it now
.
Yeah, an overreaction.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
I agree, and I mean, if Israel truly has the lowest,
maybe we need to import some ofthose snacks and do what they're
good.
Maybe that's that's the key.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Yeah, that's what they're good.
Maybe that's that's the key.
Yeah, that's what they sayearly exposure.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
It is a theory obviously, but I don't know.
Yeah, I mean, it's clearlygetting so bad that bridget.
You just mentioned to meyesterday that they now announce
it on every couple of flightsyou've been on right, yes, bane
of my existence.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Because I'm just like , okay, I'm one of those people
that like plans ahead for myselfso I pack myself.
I don't know if anyone hasthese, but they're called
perfect bars and they are like ahundred percent peanut, like
the first ingredient is peanuts,so I will like always pack a
snack, god forbid.
I just like don't like theairplane food or something, you
know what if it's like a funkychoice, so I always have snacks
on me.
I'm like a big loser, like that.
If anyone needs food, justcheck my pockets.
(13:22):
So I, about two years ago, I hadfriends visiting us in England
and they were telling us,because they fly a lot for
weddings, so domestic flightsare like every domestic flight
we get on lately they make anannouncement that you can't have
nuts because there's someone onthe flight with a nut allergy.
And I was like weird, like I,but I'm flying internationally.
So I'm like I've never heardthat since they mentioned it.
(13:44):
It's like they put a jinx on mesince they mentioned that about
two years ago.
I would say like one in threeflights I take, I hear that
announcement and I'm always likelooking at my perfect bar, like
oh, I'm going to eat you soon.
And then they announced it andI'm like damn it.
And then I was looking up, whyspecifically like?
Cause?
I was like is it the recycledair or something Like?
Is it the recycled air orsomething?
(14:04):
They think the peanut particlesare floating?
No, apparently it's because theshared bathroom facilities and
the shared railings, armrests,whatever.
So if you eat something withnuts and then, god forbid, you
go to the bathroom and you touchnow the flusher, the door,
handle all this stuff and thatperson uses the bathroom.
If they truly have a severereaction, you don't have to
(14:24):
ingest it to go into anaphylaxis, you just have to ingest it to
go into anaphylaxis, like youjust have to touch nuts,
basically right, right.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
So frustrating, but it's not their fault, but I am
always like god damn it.
But you know what's funny, Ibet, when the airlines announce
like if they ever do, say if theairlines in the future, because
our allergies just continuallyto be up in this in our country,
and they say you know whatairlines are nut free now, I
don't think anyone would startcommenting on that article like
you should control your allergy.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
You're soft, oh I bet you they would.
Marissa, I bet you they would.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
That's insane like it's not even a big deal.
You know what I mean.
Like there's so manyalternatives, people don't you
eat other things besides foodswith peanuts apparently not.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Peanut is life, because that's what people make
it sound like, that they onlyeat peanut butter jelly
sandwiches or something.
I mean, I don't know, I get it.
It's tough for a kid, but kidsare also very adaptable they are
.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
They are interesting.
Well, I guess we'll see whatour future holds for the airline
industry remember when you usedto like only get peanuts on a
plane.
Yes, wow, the times havechanged I know they would never.
They would never now if theysee you try to swipe a single
peanut and you're getting bannedyeah, I know, I was like hiding
(15:35):
my bars.
I was like oh my god weren'tyou allowed to like smoke on
planes?
And you definitely, yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah, that's funny.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
We learn, we live and learn we evolve, people we
evolve and then just eat thepeanuts in the privacy of your
own home exactly, or you're notkilling anybody, you murderer
yep so I don't know why, but Ijust got a like a flashback to
horrible bosses.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
When his boss had an allergy, he went to his house to
put it in his shampoo bowl yeah, and like, didn't buy peanut
oil, bought whole peanuts.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
I was like shoving, like as if you wouldn't be like
why are there nuts in myconditioner?
Speaker 1 (16:11):
like oh sorry, that was a funny scene, but not funny
if that was real life, but justbut funny scene, yeah, funny
funny movie, so yeah.
So I wanted to also check inwith you, bridget, now that
you're 30 days into motherhood.
Um, so why don't we?
I think it'd be good if youcould give maybe listeners who
are either thinking about havingtheir first kid or are on their
first kid, and what has it beenlike 30 days?
(16:33):
What's been hard, what's beeneasy?
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Oh, okay, 30 day check-in.
So I'm incredibly lucky andMarissa can attest to this.
Like Theo is a very goodnewborn, but even good newborns
require a lot of attention.
Like you're still tired withthe very best newborn.
He's making it very easy for us, though, but like you just need
to get used to the fact thatyou're never going to sleep the
same.
Like you sleep so lightly andhe gets up for one night feed,
(16:58):
literally one.
Like he's so easy and doesn'tmatter.
Like A, there's a newborn grunt.
Like they're always just likehe could be sleeping soundly.
He's loud as fuck.
Like I'm like shut up.
Like it's like sleeping with asnorer.
So if your husband does notsnore, your baby will.
Like they just little two.
Like they're just not quiet.
So A, that's in your ear and Blike you just sleep so lightly
(17:22):
because your brain is now hyperattuned to if he makes the
slightest noise and like I checkon him, it's wild.
But like and I'm not like ananxious mom, it's just like you,
you hear everything.
Now your ears are just likespidey senses.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
Yes, yes, and you're also like I would feel like
you're really in tune with yourchild, which is weird, because
when you're leaving the hospitalyou're thinking, hello, you
just let me leave, I don't knowwhat I'm doing, but then I feel
like once you get home, youreally get into a groove and you
really I just feel like.
It's like instincts.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
I can't explain it, you just yeah, it's so weird
because I'm like, I'm such abrand new mom.
Yeah, everyone like is asking.
They're like oh, so what do youwant to like?
Do you want the decision makernow?
So I'm like, yes, let's feedhim.
Like you know, it's kind of aguessing game.
But also, like you do feel likeyou kind of know and like
(18:11):
sometimes like someone else like, let's say, ted will be like,
oh, should we wake him up tofeed him?
And I'm like, no, not this time.
Like he's really sleep deprived, leave him.
And I'm like, how do I knowthat?
But you do just know it's weirdyeah it is weird.
So like definitely get used toless sleep, get used to it being
like so worth it though,because even like marissa had a
naughty little baby with hersecond one, but still like right
(18:34):
, you would say it's so worth itfor like the newborn cuddles
and just like the love that youfeel for them and you had like a
true colicky pain in the ass.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
But yeah, yeah, no, she's still breaking my balls
today, but no, he's adorable andobviously absolutely the light
of my life.
Even when she's trying to dimmine, it's fine that is evelyn.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Yeah, yeah, for sure, um, and then get used to like
the lack of mobility and freedom.
Not physical mobility, but likethe idea of like just leaving
your house to do something yeah,good luck.
Like you need to make sure it'sin between if you're formula
feeding lucky bitch, but ifyou're not, then it's in between
pumping, in between feeding, inbetween his naps and make sure
(19:16):
he has a fresh diaper, like.
So all that has to alignperfectly into like a golden
window of time when you're like,leave now, get the stroller and
go, otherwise, like you'renever, you just can't, yeah, get
out of the house.
Um, which is frustrating.
But sometimes that means likewe go for walks at six at night
and we're like, well, the day isalmost over, but we did it.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
You know, we got out, it's fine even if you're in
that window, sometimes a blowouthappens and you go motherfucker
yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
so also just like unpredictability.
Again, again, I'm incrediblylucky where, like I'm here with
very supportive parents andMarissa obviously, so like we
were able to go to a wedding onSaturday first night out alone,
which was weird.
Like like it was neverconcerned about Theo's like
wellbeing Cause I'm likeMarissa's got this, but you are
just like thinking about themall the time and I'm like, why
(20:03):
am I thinking about him?
I'm trying to be out and likebe with my friends, but, like Ed
and I were actually looking atphotos of him at the table and I
was like enough of that, we'redone.
They're like it's so weird likeyou, just your brain is just
fixated on them now yes,absolutely.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
You finally become the people that are always
showing too many baby photos andthey're like no, I know 60
times in different positions.
Yeah, I know he's cute, oh solame so lame.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
I just and like I don't know, like in any other
situation, I would have justlike thrown a dress on, going to
the, gone to the wedding andthen like, yep, have fun.
But it was just like likeplanning the milk and you know,
just like like you miss thatfreedom kind of of just being
like, yeah, I'm only lookingafter myself and I'm an adult,
so like god forbid I forgetsomething, like we'll figure it
out.
Like I can forget my underwear,like we'll, we'll be fine, like
(20:54):
we'll survive.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
You cannot forget things with your baby no tip
that I honestly enjoyed secondtime around is once we got that
minivan, we stocked it withstuff that we know we could
never go without.
So, like there's an x, we callit our the van wipes, if you see
where I'm going with that.
So like essential items thatmaybe needed to be replaced and
I didn't replace in the diaperbag, or just you know, we were
(21:15):
on the go and I was like, getthe car and I needed the it's.
Just you never know, um, or ifI told john and he thought he
told me and there was amiscommunication and it wasn't
packed properly.
So we just had extra things inour in the back of our trunk and
and boy did they those wipescome in handy a few times.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
I think I used your van wipes when we were at apple
picking.
Yeah, love it, love the vanwipes.
That's a great idea.
Okay, so when I get back toEngland I'm going to have like a
mini diaper bag that has wipes,diapers, maybe a bottle like
random shiz, like thatMerchandise pack and go.
Yeah, absolutely Okay, goodthinking, thank you.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
You're welcome and I hope anybody else who needs that
tip can use it, that's a goodthought Cause, as it is like we
basically do that around thehouse.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
So like his bassinet has wipes and diapers and A and
D cream ready to go the changingcable obviously has that and
Gaga's bedroom has it.
So like you never have to go,like I'm going all the way to
the front of the house Our houseis not big, by the way, but you
know what I mean Like in themiddle of the night you're
already changing a diaper withone eye and you're like I'm so
tired, like you don't want toget out of bed.
Go all the way to the changingtable, get that.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
You just want to like reach in find one and listeners
of something that I neverthought would happen, bridget.
So let me give you a littlebackstory If you don't know us
personally.
Bridget is the person that hasalways likes to be well dressed,
whether that be like runwayfashion outfit or even just
beautifully put together J crewlooking new England style
(22:37):
classic girl and she's alwayswell put together.
She always includes usuallyjewelry, light makeup, hair done
Um, and even if she she'salways the girl that I I would
be home in like sweats withholes and stains, she would
still even just to come to myhouse and have a tlc smothered
marathon, she would be fullydressed and makeup ready.
I'm like you look so great andI look like a shit stain and she
(22:58):
just couldn't.
She couldn't understand why Iwas like that.
She even threw some shade overthe years.
She was like girl, like loveyourself, put yourself together,
and I'm like fuck that.
No.
And then yesterday we had ouraunt katie and our cousin grace
visit us miss you guys.
And we were rushing because weknew they were on their way and
she's in her robe from middleschool.
It was like look like you couldbuy it from claire's shout out
(23:19):
to claire's if people don't.
And or like limited to, and shewas like in her milking broad
underwear from the previous dayand her robe still.
She forgot, I guess, to lookdown because she was like, oh
god, I'm stressed, oh yeah, andher hair was in a sloppy bun
setting the scene and she's likeI'm so stressed, so you know,
at least I'm in my outfit forthe day and looks down and goes,
I mean, I'm in my robe, I'm ina bathrobe, but but that's my
(23:42):
outfit.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
by the way, guys, now that's an outfit that.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
by the way, guys, now that's an outfit that's an
ensemble, yeah, okay, and she,just it was like she finally was
like I get it now.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
Lord there is.
I mean I would like to say thatI think it's good parenting.
We put him first.
So we wake up, I pump, ted,feeds him at the same time.
It's like 8am, let's say pumpand feed, go, divide and conquer
and then, once he's done withthe whole, maybe spit up window,
(24:13):
we get him to the changingtable.
It's really good to establishlike a daytime, nighttime
routine.
So like we change him everymorning pajamas every night, so
we change him, clean him freshdiaper, fresh outfit.
He's ready to go.
By the time that's done, it'slike 9.30, sometimes 10.
So we're still in pajamas.
We've not brushed our teeth,washed our faces, we've not had
breakfast, but he's like fullyclean, dressed, fed, ready for
(24:36):
the day and I'm like we put himfirst, as we should.
Obviously he's a baby who can'tfend for himself, but by the
time, like I'm getting dressed,sometimes it is noon.
Okay, so right now it's 2 pm.
I have fed him twice now,clothed him, everything, burped
him.
He's chilling.
Now he's in his boppy.
I did a workout this morning soI could have changed, but I was
like, no, I'm gonna like do aworkout.
That's why I'm still in pajamas.
(24:57):
At least you're in cutematching ones.
I'm in matching pjs but like,oh, and I fed myself.
I made protein waffles for gagaand I this morning.
So like we have eaten, but likeI have not brushed my teeth or
changed my outfit, buteverything else is handled.
So I'm like I'm putting himfirst, I'm putting like my.
Obviously I have to eat becauseI'm pumping so like I can't not
eat.
But, lord, let me tell you,sometimes I'm in these pajamas
(25:18):
until I have to leave the houseif anyone personally knows
Bridget and is thinking whatdoes she need around Christmas?
Speaker 1 (25:23):
cute lounge sets and matching pajamas so she could
feel good about herself whilenot dressing until lounge sets.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
I think that's like motherhood of the future, unless
everyone already does that, andI'm just like totally behind
lounge sets.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
I I mean, I heard about that when I was pregnant
with jack, but you know, john'scheap and we were way poorer
back then so, but, you know.
Someone said if you want tofeel better about yourself in
motherhood, always have a ton onhand.
Different colors, matchinglounge sets.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Lounge sets is where it's at gotta get you some girl.
I know I think that so nice,especially because with a child,
not that people don't tell you,they give you like a day or two
notice, but people pop in andsometimes you literally just
like don't have time for like ayou know visits.
You're like I tend to throwanything on.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Well, especially like with pumping and breastfeeding
moms, you know, it's like you'relike always having to whip a
titty out and be a cow.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Also now that I would like to highlight what Mercer
sent to me this morning.
So where is this?
There's something called Beyondthe Baby Blues mom-to-mom
support group and every Tuesdayit's Zoom.
You join Tuesdays at 10 amEastern time and it's on.
Beyond Baby Blues is theirhandle for Instagram.
So if anyone's interested inthat Mercer sent it to me this
(26:34):
morning.
I think that's such a greatidea.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
And I would like to make everyone aware.
Yeah, I think if you need thatextra support, even if you're
just like I, just need somesocial interaction with other
mothers who have babies so thatI don't feel bad if they hear my
baby getting fussy.
You know, it's nice to havethat village.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
And also like, if you have a lot of friends who don't
have children, sometimes youfeel weird, like venting about
like simple things, but likewhen you say it to a mom,
they're just like oh my God, Iget it, like I totally get it
that we've been there, done that, don't worry, that's normal,
you know.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
Whereas if you are venting to your friends without
children, they're just like OK,like I don't know, you know, and
you feel like the old maid Iwill say, and as ted probably
attests this having a kid hasaged them like 20 to 30 years.
Poor ted's back is blown out.
He's just struggling to survive.
I know, honestly, we're so oldnow.
(27:25):
If you ask them to hang out now, they're like if it's past 8 pm
we will not be attending.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
We have to plan when we can watch a movie, dude, a
movie we're like, okay, he'sdown, turn the movie on now and
don't.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
How pathetic is that.
Wait till you want to have ababy number two and you have to
plan when to actually have it.
Like this, you know the act ofit making, oh my God, that is so
far from my mind.
According to the football gameyesterday, you will have another
kid in two years.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
And I will to the football game yesterday.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
You will have another kid in two years and I will
curse you forever for that.
But yeah, so it's important whenyou're having kids, keep a
village around it is.
You will notice, especially ifyou're the first of your friend
groups to have kids, that theycan't relate to you and they're
not.
You know, it's nothing on them,nothing on you, and you see
them still have their freedomand still do crazy last minute
decisions and go out maybe till2 to 3 am, maybe even after a
(28:16):
wedding and after party.
It is what it is they get to.
They're free, live your liferun I actually was thinking
about this.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
If people were ever like when do you know you're
ready to have a kid, whatever,because you're never ready, you
just have to like do it if youwant them.
If you want them, you just doit.
But I would say, when you like?
All my friends pretty much notall of them, but a lot of my
friends still live in the cityand they still use the city.
You know you're ready for kidswhen you don't really use the
city anymore.
Like Ted and I were, we livedright in the heart of Manchester
(28:47):
.
We didn't go out that oftenanymore, like occasionally for a
couple beers, but it was likenothing.
Like when we first moved thereand we'd be out to dinner once a
week, maybe twice a week, we'dgo to bars after work for a
couple of drinks, like we justweren't doing that anymore.
And that's when we were like,oh, actually, like we could
totally adjust to a quieter pacefor a bit because we're not
going out that often.
(29:08):
If you're still like a couplethat has plans every saturday
with your friends, maybe youhost a dinner once a week, you
go out late at night, like youhave to be willing to say
goodbye to all that and we'rechill parents, like we take theo
with us everywhere becausewe're like we're not gonna not
live our lives, like we'll justtake him with us, like we've
gone out to eat with him next tous, but like you have to be
(29:29):
willing to know that you can'tlive like that anymore because
you'll just you'll be toofucking tired.
It's not like you.
You can't because you're you'rea parent now, so you can't have
fun.
You still can have fun and youcan still have your own identity
and definitely carve out timefor yourself, but you just will
not have the time or the energyto do it yes, yes, I didn't know
if I was even going to talkabout this, but because you know
(29:50):
, it wasn't on our mind.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
But now, now that you brought it, it brings me to
another point.
I do think it's nice that we'rereally coming up on a
generation of very involved andpresent fathers, more so that I
feel like the older generationshave been, because in motherhood
for me it's been so essentialwhen John's been like you need a
girl's night, you don't evenhave to ask, you just need to
let me know when I'm watching.
These kids Never told me no toany girls trip, even when we
(30:12):
actually were not as financiallystable as we were now.
I mean, he would make it work,he would budget it for me, and
even just a trip just us too,without the kids.
He has never said no to thateither.
These are all things that aresuper important.
You need to still have timewith your girls and even your
spouse away, but unfortunatelythis is not always possible when
we don't have a great partner.
(30:32):
So, please, please, women,marry smart.
Pick your best friend for life.
Pick a great husband and agreat father, not someone who
just wants, you know, a wife anda kid, someone who actually
wants to be a husband and afather.
That's very important.
Ladies, listen back to that,you know.
Re-listen to this on thepodcast, because they're very
different things.
Sometimes men like the imagebut they don't want to actually
(30:53):
put in the work.
It's important you marrysomeone who wants to be in the
thick of it with you, supportiveas always, because otherwise
being a parent especially if youhave multiples- it's rough.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
It's rough out there, oh my God, even something as
simple as like a mani-pedi theday before the wedding.
And I was like okay, I'll begone for like two hours, I'm
really sorry.
And Ted was like like it's okay, like you need to relax, you
need to do things like that.
It's fine.
Like go get a manicure,pedicure, come back.
And I was like okay, and I waslike, of course, watching the
camera, like he was like stopwatching, relax.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Yes, yes, yeah, um, because I mean I've heard
stories of like people in oldergenerations being like, well, if
I wanted to go out, my husbandwas like well, who's watching
the kids, or are you taking themwith you?
I personally could not imagineif my husband spoke to me like
that, because we would bedivorced, because you're not
going to talk to me like thatour husbands together are going
to the opening uh, night ofdevil's game this week devil's
(31:44):
home opener, you know.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
ted was like is that okay?
I'm like, yeah, like you gottahave fun because we have that.
And then we have a wedding thenext night, another wedding.
So I'm like, yeah, like we, weneed to have fun because we have
that, and then we have awedding the next night, another
wedding.
So I'm like, yeah, like we, weneed to have fun.
Like we have to make time forourselves, otherwise you will
completely lose your identityand I'm not going to lie, you
lose probably a part of yourselfwhen you have kids, cause they
just like occupy a lot of yourbrain.
But like you can't lose touchwith who you are as a person.
(32:10):
Like I live for 30 whole yearswithout Theo.
Like you know, I'm still aperson who needs to look after
myself exactly, exactly.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Personally, it makes me a better mother.
When I have time for myself, Iam more present.
I use my phone less as anescape and I just am not like on
edge and like an angry, youknow, like someone who's just
like on the verge of yelling atall times, like I'm actually
calmer yeah, now that I've hadlike a night's sleep, we slept
well, last night, I feel like adifferent person.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
Whereas I was going on two nights of no sleep, I was
getting so irritable witheveryone like I was just like
I'm sorry, but like I am sleepdeprived, I need to fucking
close my eyes.
And now that I have done that,I'm a new person and katie just
said that yesterday to you.
She's like, once you get pastthat stretch, you're like a new
woman oh my, he slept for fivehours last night, guys like as
(32:58):
as a stretch.
Oh my god.
And the thing is, I don't knowwhat it was, but when I closed
my eyes I was down, whereas mostnights, even if he's sleeping,
I'm like just kind of staringlike I'm sleeping, but very
lightly.
Last night it was like he'sdown, I'm down, boom, oh felt
good nice, I love that for you.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
Thank you so but, yeah, so well, we did ask jerry
some questions about the nutallergy thing, so we'll get to
jare bear section and we'll letbridget read the answers for you
.
So here we go.
We asked jerry was the nutallergy very common when raising
her three kids?
If so, how did she deal with?
Speaker 2 (33:32):
it.
She said that it really wasn'tas prevalent back then because
we were in school in the late90s and then the early 2000s and
stuff when we were young, so itwasn't really as prevalent then
.
And then when I was coming outof my age, so when Bridget was
coming out of middle school,their St Joseph's grade school
in Tom's River had a nut-freetable and that was.
(33:56):
It was in the same cafeteriawith everybody else.
There was just a sign on itthat was a peanut and then like
a cross through it.
So she for so with her firsttwo kids like she didn't really
have to deal with that, but withMichael she remembers more of
like daycare being nut free andstuff.
But yeah, it wasn't asprevalent and it definitely
wasn't like a hot topic at thetime.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
Right, right.
Next question If it was thesame issue and they decided to
send you a letter home sayingyou need to use alternatives and
we are now peanut free, howwould you have handled that?
Speaker 2 (34:25):
Would have handled it fine.
It would have been a bitinconvenient.
Obviously, kids are picky.
Kids can be really difficult.
Kids can just smell something'sdifferent and be like, no, I
don't want it.
You know that kids are weird,but ultimately, like, your
child's health is more importantand you know, wouldn't risk
that and she would have justfound an alternative.
Like we always do, and you also, you kind of fib to your kids.
(34:47):
Your kids don't want to trysomething.
You go, oh no, this is um, youknow, red top peanut butter.
This is peanut butter, but thecan has the red top on it.
Oh yeah, and they just kind oflike believe you, so she would
have made it work and adapted.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Yeah, yes, yeah, she was very good like that.
And I will say, me and all mysiblings are great eaters, we
eat all kinds of things, we arenot afraid to try new things,
and I do think that's really alldue to jerry and how she raised
us and opened our horizons, soshe really did good on that
front and I could see why itwouldn't bother her.
You know, she might have beenlike, oh all right, whatever,
but yeah, she would just be likeand now we're going to be
(35:22):
eating this, ladies andgentlemen, and I don't want to
hear a peep, thank you oh yeah,that we were definitely.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
Uh, you can't complain at the table type of,
but she would just lie.
Like pork roll every kid doeslike, come on, pork roll is so
good.
If you're not from like the newjersey area, you don't know
what that is, but anyway it'sdelicious.
And to get michael to try itwhen he was a kid, she just said
they're flat hot dogs and hewas like oh, flat hot dog, yeah,
all right.
And then what she told your kid, that's canadian bacon, because
(35:46):
they love bacon well, evelynthinks it's a flat hot dog,
though oh, okay and um, that'sactually how she eats it.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
And I laugh hysterically that my mom has
one-upped her because otherwiseevelyn literally refuses, and
I'm like so, but yeah, you, just, you really adapt honestly, um,
and I'm, you know, she also,like she said, I was a little
different back then so shedidn't have to worry about the
same kinds of things, but I haveno doubt that she would have
easily adapted, like she saidyeah, like we were saying
(36:14):
earlier, parenthood is beingable to think on your feet and
find alternatives, because guesswhat Things do not go according
to plan when you're a parent.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
Pretty much every day is like a new little challenge.
We're like how am I going todeal with this?
Speaker 1 (36:26):
And what a worthwhile challenge, worthwhile challenge
, so hoping if anyone islistening out there really
needed this or is a new motherand is really feeling lonely and
like they're losing thatvillage and maybe part of their
identity.
Just know we empathize with youand we're here.
You know we're really friendly.
You could DM us Whatever youwant to reach us.
(36:47):
We will absolutely reach backout.
Yeah, and you know you got tofind what really works for you
and the people who can besupportive.
I'm glad Bridget shared youknow where to go for the zoom
link for Tuesday meetings if youreally need the extra support.
And yeah, just you know, let usknow what you'd like to hear.
And again, we appreciate all ofour listeners as usual.
(37:09):
Please like, subscribe andfollow us at psychotic py
podcast.
You can even give us a followover at youtube to subscribe for
us.
So with that, thanks forlistening.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
Thank you so much, guys, we really appreciate you.
And theo says over and outbecause he's got a poopy diaper.
Well then, bye-bye.
hello and welcome to psychotic beep podcast.
We're so excited to be with youhere today.
Um, this is probably like what.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Episode nine, season two maris, yeah, yeah we have
this one and one more for theseason two.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Yeah, okay, today is also my son, theo's, one month
birthday.
One month, one little month.
We wouldn't deal, okay.
Disclaimer, guys.
I am currently burping him.
See that?
Yeah, um, he is eating.
He's almost done eating, though, so you will hear some noises
that we cannot edit out.
You'll hear like little babygrunts.
I know what you're thinking.
(00:40):
Why can't Ted feed him?
So my husband has, I don't know, completely screwed up his neck
and he's using merciful, hadsome good treatments.
He's using all of them likearound the clock, but he fed him
this morning and every movementwas like ugh and I was like,
okay, can I like help you?
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
So I was like I don't want to like leave him where
God forbid I can't help himreach something and he'll just
be like trapped like this, likeso I'm feeding him while ted
takes some more pills, a leaveand relaxes a bit.
So you're gonna hear somenoises that we can't edit out
and I do apologize, but we'rehappy to be here with you and
we're so excited that the oceanmonth and we're talking about
some interesting parent heavytopics about, like anxiety,
(01:21):
parenthood, um, and some hottopics we saw on the news, so
we're going to dive right inMarissa, kick us off.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
So I just want to say welcome Theo to the podcast,
our guest star today.
Yay, first TV's podcast.
Wow, he beat us all.
I mean he's impressive at amonth old already on a podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Seriously, what a go-getter.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Go-getter Jerry would be so proud of her grandson.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
So, yeah, we're going to dive into a lot of topics
today.
First, the article we saw wason Jersey Shore Online and it
was titled School Changes Ruleto Protect Kids with a Nut
Allergy.
The reason why we wanted todiscuss this is because this
actually was an article basedoff of a school near me.
So I live in Barnegat, NewJersey, and this was the
(02:06):
barnagot school in the area.
What happened was parents havea kid with severe allergy to
nuts, so bad that the articlequoted the mom saying how they
realized it was.
They wasn't like the babysitter, right, a babysitter noticed.
And it wasn't even like heingested it.
That's how bad it was.
It was like he was kissed histoddler brother kissed him and
he had a reaction.
And it was really bad, like likethey had to go to the ER.
(02:28):
This isn't like, okay, let'sgive them, you know, some
Benadryl?
No, no, no, Like he could havedied.
So they kindly brought this tothe school's attention and now
the school is thinking abouthaving a nut free policy to be
safe for all kids and justsaying, like, listen, like we
live in a time where we have somany nut free alternatives and
things that taste just likepeanut butter.
That really isn't that.
(02:49):
We don't really need to bringreal peanut butter to school
anymore to keep the kids happy.
So, like, let's just stick toalternatives.
Or even if your kids don't evenlike peanut butter at all, pack
something else.
Well, as with anything in life,this got backlash and when me
and Bridget were reading thisarticle, we were really just
taken aback as professionalsespecially Bridget being a
doctor because some of thecomments were just nonsensical.
(03:12):
Honestly, I couldn't believethey actually wrote this in
print for people to actually see, because, again, you can't take
this back, people screenshot,even if you delete it.
But let me, let me read one ofwhat I was talking about and you
guys can see and see from ourperspective why we were kind of
like wincing and being like, ohgood Lord.
So one person on Facebook inthe Bar to Get Chatter, wrote
(03:32):
the whole nut free school policythat the school is doing is
ridiculous.
These kids can't be coddled.
They need to learn how tocontrol their allergy.
All these soft kids.
Bridget was cringing becausecontrol your allergy is not a
thing and, as I'm sure any ofour listeners know, because we
all know you're all educated andsmart and kind.
So, yeah, and also again, thisis a severe reaction.
(03:54):
Not the kid needed Benadryl forsome itchy patches like he
almost died.
His throat was closing.
I, just as a mother, my feel isthat if your kid could die from
it, I have no problem.
I have no problem.
I have no problem giving analternative.
It doesn't bother me.
What kind of got me thinking,you know, as a therapist, like
what?
Why is this woman so angry thatshe decided these kids are soft
(04:15):
and should control theirallergy?
Bridget, what's your thoughts?
Speaker 2 (04:18):
The whole control your allergy thing.
Obviously we know that is notpossible.
It's an overreaction yourimmune system has to a stimulus
that maybe it shouldn't.
But fine, I just don'tunderstand, because we live in
this world where Marissa, whatlike every daycare that you
looked at was nut free, prettymuch Like daycares have already
been nut free for probably thelast five, 10 years, like that's
normal.
(04:38):
Because they're so young,obviously they can't speak for
themselves and be like I have anut allergy, so nut free school,
nuts free zones, like all thisis very normal.
So it's just kind of like, wheredo you live, lady, that you
think like this is some like anovel experience, and also like
you would be saying something sodifferent if it was your child.
(05:00):
And maybe you have a child with, like an allergy and you say,
oh, just send them to schoolwith an epi pen, right, okay,
but they're so young that theydon't fully understand that nuts
, tree nuts, are in almosteverything.
You need to be able to read thelabel, all the fine print
processed in a facility that hasnuts like, and kids don't have
(05:21):
that capability.
They don't understand that likenuts touch almost everything
manufactured.
So I mean, god forbid someoneoffers something homemade, let's
say, and yeah, it might nothave nuts in it, but what if the
kid ate a peanut buttersandwich right before that?
And now the counter had nutcontamination.
You just don't know.
And these kids can't speak forthemselves.
Like you know, be verydiscerning like adults are.
(05:43):
Like you know, be verydiscerning like adults are.
So it's just wild to think like, yeah, I'd rather let a child
go into anaphylactic shock inschool than just not send my kid
to school with, like, a peanutbutter sandwich.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
I agree.
Also, like some of the commentswere like well, my kid's a
picky eater.
All he eats is peanut buttersandwiches.
What am I supposed to do now?
And to that I will say thearticle is pretty spot on when
they say there's so manyalternatives that taste the same
.
Now, because I obviously knowfrom daycare, sending me the
sheet of the list of stuff, andthey're readily available in
your groceries.
You don't have to go to aspecial grocery store for them.
(06:15):
You could have the pb proteinthat you make, you could have
wow, butter, sunflower butter somany that it's just like I
don't understand why you'regiving the school a hard time.
Okay, so your kid only likespeanut butter sandwiches.
Then switch them to one thattastes the closest to him, that
he likes, him or her, I shouldsay.
And then there you go, problemsolved.
I really don't understand whythese parents are freaking out.
(06:36):
It's like they've never beentold no before.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
Preparation is key for things like this, like if
the school is giving youadvanced notice and saying you
need to find an alternative,that's fine.
Now I have a story, actuallythat I forgot about which popped
in my head, and this is asituation where there was no
advanced notice and I think thiswould kind of I would still
follow the rules Obviously I'mnot a psycho person, but it
would kind of tick me off alittle.
Okay, so I know a girl who'sthis is really common in Europe.
(07:04):
You do what's called a skiseason, so you travel like
around Europe when you're not inuni, college, whatever.
You have time off from schooland you go and do like a winter
season abroad in likeSwitzerland, and you're like a
chalet girl.
So now if you work for theslopes like, you either train
them or you like do rentals, youknow like lessons, stuff like
that, or you do like cooking andcleaning in a chalet for the
(07:25):
family.
So I know a girl who is reallygood friends with someone who
did a ski season.
She was a chalet girl, so shewas going to like cook and clean
for family.
She has a severe nut allergy.
She took over a cabin lastminute because the chalet girl
who was supposed to be therelike I don't remember, got sick
or something.
So she had a week with a familywith young kids and like right
before they were flying in, shewas like oh, by the way, I have
(07:46):
a severe nut allergy, so likeyou can't have any, like
anything in the house.
And they were like shit, likewe're traveling with young kids
and like peanut butter is a notthe best source of protein, but
for kids it's like at leastsomething.
And like you're skiing and likeI think they were kind of
banking on that.
And it's a house like with afull kitchen so you need to like
go shopping and like fill itwith food.
And they messaged back kind ofticked off, and we're like, well
(08:09):
, like we paid for it alreadyand we're already have travel
plans.
And now, like the couple daysbefore, you're telling us that
like we can't have any nuts,like we have young kids, like
what the frick?
And um, this friend of thefriend was telling the story to
me and was like I just thinkit's like really immature that
they reacted that way and I waslike I don't know, like I, I, I
wouldn't.
I would probably say it to Ted,I wouldn't have said it to her,
(08:30):
like I would have kept it tomyself.
But I would be a little tickedoff too if I already paid for
this.
We already have plans and nowyou're telling me and I get it,
it was like a last minute change, but I'd be like shit, like we
need to really rethink how we'regonna feed our kids this week.
But I wouldn't have said it toher.
Like they were messaging herlike kind of how you can message
like a host through Airbnb.
Like I would have kept it tomyself, but definitely to Ted.
(08:50):
I probably would have been likefuck, like we really need to,
you know, shift things aroundnow.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
I would have definitely said it to John.
I wouldn't have said it to thegirl, because I would just be
grateful that they were able toreplace the girl.
Like I don't want to have to doher job too, um.
So yeah, I mean it would haveput a damper on my plans, but I
would have quickly, like that'sthe whole thing about being a
mom and any mother knows you'reyou live to learn how to like,
manage and juggle and switchthings out and in last minute,
like that's all you do, you'rereally good at it.
(09:18):
So, like it is what it is, likeit sucks, but like would I have
figured it out absolutely?
Speaker 2 (09:23):
yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right, like you would
have like figured it out, butyou probably would have for a
second been like, ah shit that'sa human reaction.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
I would not have messaged the girl nasty, I would
have just been like okay,thanks for letting me know.
Vented to my husband while hehelped me make a new game plan.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
That's all yeah um, but otherwise, like with school
things, like they give youplenty of advanced notice when
you're touring a daycare.
They're like, by the way,there's a nut free facility, you
know.
Like it's not, like they'respringing it on.
You day one you send your kidwith a peanut butter sandwich
and they're like, sorry, you'renot eating today.
Like everyone is aware thatit's nut free and it's so common
nowadays.
So, yeah, like I'm sorry and toyou know, make a child feel
(10:02):
like it's their fault that theyhave an allergy.
They already know it sucks.
Maybe this kid liked peanutbutter.
Like they know it blows.
They don't want to be the kidwho can't have the Reese's Cup,
but that's unfortunately wherethey are at and I just think to
make a child feel badly aboutthat, like they're somehow
punishing the rest of the school, is bullying.
It is bullying.
You're bullying a child.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
And that's pathetic.
I'm actually shocked that theywrote that in the chatter.
So this is the chatter that I'mactually in, ladies and
gentlemen, because it's ourtownship chatter, and when I
actually read it before thisarticle came out, I remember
looking at this woman's commentbeing like oof jesus who pissed
in your cheerios today, jesus.
But yeah, I, it's that thecomments were uncalled for and
(10:46):
it's just like.
It is what it is.
You know, move along.
You don't have to like it, butyou do have to adapt.
Um, the article did mentionwhich I found interesting that
allergies the peanut allergiesamong children increased by 50
since the late 1990s.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
That's crazy yes, and I am actually going to.
So I think I've mentioned onthis podcast before that israel
has the lowest nut allergy inthe world and it's because the
first food that they introducedto their baby between four to
six months is it's called likeBoba Bombas.
I don't know if I don't knowthe name brand, but they're
basically little melt awaypeanut puffs and it's just a
common snack that melts.
So that's why it's not likethey purposefully were like, oh,
(11:22):
give peanuts to babies.
They were just like oh, itmelts away.
So, kids, it's like a perfectkid's first snack, like puffs.
And they have the lowest peanutallergy in the world.
And I think it's because of theearly exposure to nuts Sorry,
little baby.
And I think a lot of the reasonnut allergies did increase in
the Western world, specificallylike the US, is because for a
(11:42):
while people were nervous,because you were like well, I
don't know if my kid has a nutallergy and I don't want to
expose them too soon, and thenGod forbid they have an
anaphylactic reaction and die.
But now the advice is, if youcome from like a high allergy
family, to do early exposure, solike when you're pregnant, have
peanut butter as much as youcan, when they're four months
old, give them like a little bitof peanut butter, nut butter,
(12:04):
see how they react.
Obviously, your first reactionwill be nothing because it takes
a sensitizing event, so thesecond time you introduce it
they'll have a reaction, but theadvice is four months exposure.
If you come from a high allergyfamily or if, like your husband
, has an allergy like you know,something like that, yeah, so I
think it has a lot to do with,though, in the early 2000s,
(12:25):
people were just so terrified togive their kids nuts at such a
young age, and then theyunfortunately you eat it so late
in life that you've alreadydeveloped a resistance to it now
.
Yeah, an overreaction.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
I agree, and I mean, if Israel truly has the lowest,
maybe we need to import some ofthose snacks and do what they're
good.
Maybe that's that's the key.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Yeah, that's what they're good.
Maybe that's that's the key.
Yeah, that's what they sayearly exposure.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
It is a theory obviously, but I don't know.
Yeah, I mean, it's clearlygetting so bad that bridget.
You just mentioned to meyesterday that they now announce
it on every couple of flightsyou've been on right, yes, bane
of my existence.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Because I'm just like , okay, I'm one of those people
that like plans ahead for myselfso I pack myself.
I don't know if anyone hasthese, but they're called
perfect bars and they are like ahundred percent peanut, like
the first ingredient is peanuts,so I will like always pack a
snack, god forbid.
I just like don't like theairplane food or something, you
know what if it's like a funkychoice, so I always have snacks
on me.
I'm like a big loser, like that.
If anyone needs food, justcheck my pockets.
(13:22):
So I, about two years ago, I hadfriends visiting us in England
and they were telling us,because they fly a lot for
weddings, so domestic flightsare like every domestic flight
we get on lately they make anannouncement that you can't have
nuts because there's someone onthe flight with a nut allergy.
And I was like weird, like I,but I'm flying internationally.
So I'm like I've never heardthat since they mentioned it.
(13:44):
It's like they put a jinx on mesince they mentioned that about
two years ago.
I would say like one in threeflights I take, I hear that
announcement and I'm always likelooking at my perfect bar, like
oh, I'm going to eat you soon.
And then they announced it andI'm like damn it.
And then I was looking up, whyspecifically like?
Cause?
I was like is it the recycledair or something Like?
Is it the recycled air orsomething?
(14:04):
They think the peanut particlesare floating?
No, apparently it's because theshared bathroom facilities and
the shared railings, armrests,whatever.
So if you eat something withnuts and then, god forbid, you
go to the bathroom and you touchnow the flusher, the door,
handle all this stuff and thatperson uses the bathroom.
If they truly have a severereaction, you don't have to
(14:24):
ingest it to go into anaphylaxis, you just have to ingest it to
go into anaphylaxis, like youjust have to touch nuts,
basically right, right.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
So frustrating, but it's not their fault, but I am
always like god damn it.
But you know what's funny, Ibet, when the airlines announce
like if they ever do, say if theairlines in the future, because
our allergies just continuallyto be up in this in our country,
and they say you know whatairlines are nut free now, I
don't think anyone would startcommenting on that article like
you should control your allergy.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
You're soft, oh I bet you they would.
Marissa, I bet you they would.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
That's insane like it's not even a big deal.
You know what I mean.
Like there's so manyalternatives, people don't you
eat other things besides foodswith peanuts apparently not.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Peanut is life, because that's what people make
it sound like, that they onlyeat peanut butter jelly
sandwiches or something.
I mean, I don't know, I get it.
It's tough for a kid, but kidsare also very adaptable they are
.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
They are interesting.
Well, I guess we'll see whatour future holds for the airline
industry remember when you usedto like only get peanuts on a
plane.
Yes, wow, the times havechanged I know they would never.
They would never now if theysee you try to swipe a single
peanut and you're getting bannedyeah, I know, I was like hiding
(15:35):
my bars.
I was like oh my god weren'tyou allowed to like smoke on
planes?
And you definitely, yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah, that's funny.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
We learn, we live and learn we evolve, people we
evolve and then just eat thepeanuts in the privacy of your
own home exactly, or you're notkilling anybody, you murderer
yep so I don't know why, but Ijust got a like a flashback to
horrible bosses.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
When his boss had an allergy, he went to his house to
put it in his shampoo bowl yeah, and like, didn't buy peanut
oil, bought whole peanuts.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
I was like shoving, like as if you wouldn't be like
why are there nuts in myconditioner?
Speaker 1 (16:11):
like oh sorry, that was a funny scene, but not funny
if that was real life, but justbut funny scene, yeah, funny
funny movie, so yeah.
So I wanted to also check inwith you, bridget, now that
you're 30 days into motherhood.
Um, so why don't we?
I think it'd be good if youcould give maybe listeners who
are either thinking about havingtheir first kid or are on their
first kid, and what has it beenlike 30 days?
(16:33):
What's been hard, what's beeneasy?
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Oh, okay, 30 day check-in.
So I'm incredibly lucky andMarissa can attest to this.
Like Theo is a very goodnewborn, but even good newborns
require a lot of attention.
Like you're still tired withthe very best newborn.
He's making it very easy for us, though, but like you just need
to get used to the fact thatyou're never going to sleep the
same.
Like you sleep so lightly andhe gets up for one night feed,
(16:58):
literally one.
Like he's so easy and doesn'tmatter.
Like A, there's a newborn grunt.
Like they're always just likehe could be sleeping soundly.
He's loud as fuck.
Like I'm like shut up.
Like it's like sleeping with asnorer.
So if your husband does notsnore, your baby will.
Like they just little two.
Like they're just not quiet.
So A, that's in your ear and Blike you just sleep so lightly
(17:22):
because your brain is now hyperattuned to if he makes the
slightest noise and like I checkon him, it's wild.
But like and I'm not like ananxious mom, it's just like you,
you hear everything.
Now your ears are just likespidey senses.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
Yes, yes, and you're also like I would feel like
you're really in tune with yourchild, which is weird, because
when you're leaving the hospitalyou're thinking, hello, you
just let me leave, I don't knowwhat I'm doing, but then I feel
like once you get home, youreally get into a groove and you
really I just feel like.
It's like instincts.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
I can't explain it, you just yeah, it's so weird
because I'm like, I'm such abrand new mom.
Yeah, everyone like is asking.
They're like oh, so what do youwant to like?
Do you want the decision makernow?
So I'm like, yes, let's feedhim.
Like you know, it's kind of aguessing game.
But also, like you do feel likeyou kind of know and like
(18:11):
sometimes like someone else like, let's say, ted will be like,
oh, should we wake him up tofeed him?
And I'm like, no, not this time.
Like he's really sleep deprived, leave him.
And I'm like, how do I knowthat?
But you do just know it's weirdyeah it is weird.
So like definitely get used toless sleep, get used to it being
like so worth it though,because even like marissa had a
naughty little baby with hersecond one, but still like right
(18:34):
, you would say it's so worth itfor like the newborn cuddles
and just like the love that youfeel for them and you had like a
true colicky pain in the ass.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
But yeah, yeah, no, she's still breaking my balls
today, but no, he's adorable andobviously absolutely the light
of my life.
Even when she's trying to dimmine, it's fine that is evelyn.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Yeah, yeah, for sure, um, and then get used to like
the lack of mobility and freedom.
Not physical mobility, but likethe idea of like just leaving
your house to do something yeah,good luck.
Like you need to make sure it'sin between if you're formula
feeding lucky bitch, but ifyou're not, then it's in between
pumping, in between feeding, inbetween his naps and make sure
(19:16):
he has a fresh diaper, like.
So all that has to alignperfectly into like a golden
window of time when you're like,leave now, get the stroller and
go, otherwise, like you'renever, you just can't, yeah, get
out of the house.
Um, which is frustrating.
But sometimes that means likewe go for walks at six at night
and we're like, well, the day isalmost over, but we did it.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
You know, we got out, it's fine even if you're in
that window, sometimes a blowouthappens and you go motherfucker
yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
so also just like unpredictability.
Again, again, I'm incrediblylucky where, like I'm here with
very supportive parents andMarissa obviously, so like we
were able to go to a wedding onSaturday first night out alone,
which was weird.
Like like it was neverconcerned about Theo's like
wellbeing Cause I'm likeMarissa's got this, but you are
just like thinking about themall the time and I'm like, why
(20:03):
am I thinking about him?
I'm trying to be out and likebe with my friends, but, like Ed
and I were actually looking atphotos of him at the table and I
was like enough of that, we'redone.
They're like it's so weird likeyou, just your brain is just
fixated on them now yes,absolutely.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
You finally become the people that are always
showing too many baby photos andthey're like no, I know 60
times in different positions.
Yeah, I know he's cute, oh solame so lame.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
I just and like I don't know, like in any other
situation, I would have justlike thrown a dress on, going to
the, gone to the wedding andthen like, yep, have fun.
But it was just like likeplanning the milk and you know,
just like like you miss thatfreedom kind of of just being
like, yeah, I'm only lookingafter myself and I'm an adult,
so like god forbid I forgetsomething, like we'll figure it
out.
Like I can forget my underwear,like we'll, we'll be fine, like
(20:54):
we'll survive.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
You cannot forget things with your baby no tip
that I honestly enjoyed secondtime around is once we got that
minivan, we stocked it withstuff that we know we could
never go without.
So, like there's an x, we callit our the van wipes, if you see
where I'm going with that.
So like essential items thatmaybe needed to be replaced and
I didn't replace in the diaperbag, or just you know, we were
(21:15):
on the go and I was like, getthe car and I needed the it's.
Just you never know, um, or ifI told john and he thought he
told me and there was amiscommunication and it wasn't
packed properly.
So we just had extra things inour in the back of our trunk and
and boy did they those wipescome in handy a few times.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
I think I used your van wipes when we were at apple
picking.
Yeah, love it, love the vanwipes.
That's a great idea.
Okay, so when I get back toEngland I'm going to have like a
mini diaper bag that has wipes,diapers, maybe a bottle like
random shiz, like thatMerchandise pack and go.
Yeah, absolutely Okay, goodthinking, thank you.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
You're welcome and I hope anybody else who needs that
tip can use it, that's a goodthought Cause, as it is like we
basically do that around thehouse.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
So like his bassinet has wipes and diapers and A and
D cream ready to go the changingcable obviously has that and
Gaga's bedroom has it.
So like you never have to go,like I'm going all the way to
the front of the house Our houseis not big, by the way, but you
know what I mean Like in themiddle of the night you're
already changing a diaper withone eye and you're like I'm so
tired, like you don't want toget out of bed.
Go all the way to the changingtable, get that.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
You just want to like reach in find one and listeners
of something that I neverthought would happen, bridget.
So let me give you a littlebackstory If you don't know us
personally.
Bridget is the person that hasalways likes to be well dressed,
whether that be like runwayfashion outfit or even just
beautifully put together J crewlooking new England style
(22:37):
classic girl and she's alwayswell put together.
She always includes usuallyjewelry, light makeup, hair done
Um, and even if she she'salways the girl that I I would
be home in like sweats withholes and stains, she would
still even just to come to myhouse and have a tlc smothered
marathon, she would be fullydressed and makeup ready.
I'm like you look so great andI look like a shit stain and she
(22:58):
just couldn't.
She couldn't understand why Iwas like that.
She even threw some shade overthe years.
She was like girl, like loveyourself, put yourself together,
and I'm like fuck that.
No.
And then yesterday we had ouraunt katie and our cousin grace
visit us miss you guys.
And we were rushing because weknew they were on their way and
she's in her robe from middleschool.
It was like look like you couldbuy it from claire's shout out
(23:19):
to claire's if people don't.
And or like limited to, and shewas like in her milking broad
underwear from the previous dayand her robe still.
She forgot, I guess, to lookdown because she was like, oh
god, I'm stressed, oh yeah, andher hair was in a sloppy bun
setting the scene and she's likeI'm so stressed, so you know,
at least I'm in my outfit forthe day and looks down and goes,
I mean, I'm in my robe, I'm ina bathrobe, but but that's my
(23:42):
outfit.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
by the way, guys, now that's an outfit that.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
by the way, guys, now that's an outfit that's an
ensemble, yeah, okay, and she,just it was like she finally was
like I get it now.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
Lord there is.
I mean I would like to say thatI think it's good parenting.
We put him first.
So we wake up, I pump, ted,feeds him at the same time.
It's like 8am, let's say pumpand feed, go, divide and conquer
and then, once he's done withthe whole, maybe spit up window,
(24:13):
we get him to the changingtable.
It's really good to establishlike a daytime, nighttime
routine.
So like we change him everymorning pajamas every night, so
we change him, clean him freshdiaper, fresh outfit.
He's ready to go.
By the time that's done, it'slike 9.30, sometimes 10.
So we're still in pajamas.
We've not brushed our teeth,washed our faces, we've not had
breakfast, but he's like fullyclean, dressed, fed, ready for
(24:36):
the day and I'm like we put himfirst, as we should.
Obviously he's a baby who can'tfend for himself, but by the
time, like I'm getting dressed,sometimes it is noon.
Okay, so right now it's 2 pm.
I have fed him twice now,clothed him, everything, burped
him.
He's chilling.
Now he's in his boppy.
I did a workout this morning soI could have changed, but I was
like, no, I'm gonna like do aworkout.
That's why I'm still in pajamas.
(24:57):
At least you're in cutematching ones.
I'm in matching pjs but like,oh, and I fed myself.
I made protein waffles for gagaand I this morning.
So like we have eaten, but likeI have not brushed my teeth or
changed my outfit, buteverything else is handled.
So I'm like I'm putting himfirst, I'm putting like my.
Obviously I have to eat becauseI'm pumping so like I can't not
eat.
But, lord, let me tell you,sometimes I'm in these pajamas
(25:18):
until I have to leave the houseif anyone personally knows
Bridget and is thinking whatdoes she need around Christmas?
Speaker 1 (25:23):
cute lounge sets and matching pajamas so she could
feel good about herself whilenot dressing until lounge sets.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
I think that's like motherhood of the future, unless
everyone already does that, andI'm just like totally behind
lounge sets.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
I I mean, I heard about that when I was pregnant
with jack, but you know, john'scheap and we were way poorer
back then so, but, you know.
Someone said if you want tofeel better about yourself in
motherhood, always have a ton onhand.
Different colors, matchinglounge sets.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Lounge sets is where it's at gotta get you some girl.
I know I think that so nice,especially because with a child,
not that people don't tell you,they give you like a day or two
notice, but people pop in andsometimes you literally just
like don't have time for like ayou know visits.
You're like I tend to throwanything on.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Well, especially like with pumping and breastfeeding
moms, you know, it's like you'relike always having to whip a
titty out and be a cow.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Also now that I would like to highlight what Mercer
sent to me this morning.
So where is this?
There's something called Beyondthe Baby Blues mom-to-mom
support group and every Tuesdayit's Zoom.
You join Tuesdays at 10 amEastern time and it's on.
Beyond Baby Blues is theirhandle for Instagram.
So if anyone's interested inthat Mercer sent it to me this
(26:34):
morning.
I think that's such a greatidea.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
And I would like to make everyone aware.
Yeah, I think if you need thatextra support, even if you're
just like I, just need somesocial interaction with other
mothers who have babies so thatI don't feel bad if they hear my
baby getting fussy.
You know, it's nice to havethat village.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
And also like, if you have a lot of friends who don't
have children, sometimes youfeel weird, like venting about
like simple things, but likewhen you say it to a mom,
they're just like oh my God, Iget it, like I totally get it
that we've been there, done that, don't worry, that's normal,
you know.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
Whereas if you are venting to your friends without
children, they're just like OK,like I don't know, you know, and
you feel like the old maid Iwill say, and as ted probably
attests this having a kid hasaged them like 20 to 30 years.
Poor ted's back is blown out.
He's just struggling to survive.
I know, honestly, we're so oldnow.
(27:25):
If you ask them to hang out now, they're like if it's past 8 pm
we will not be attending.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
We have to plan when we can watch a movie, dude, a
movie we're like, okay, he'sdown, turn the movie on now and
don't.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
How pathetic is that.
Wait till you want to have ababy number two and you have to
plan when to actually have it.
Like this, you know the act ofit making, oh my God, that is so
far from my mind.
According to the football gameyesterday, you will have another
kid in two years.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
And I will to the football game yesterday.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
You will have another kid in two years and I will
curse you forever for that.
But yeah, so it's important whenyou're having kids, keep a
village around it is.
You will notice, especially ifyou're the first of your friend
groups to have kids, that theycan't relate to you and they're
not.
You know, it's nothing on them,nothing on you, and you see
them still have their freedomand still do crazy last minute
decisions and go out maybe till2 to 3 am, maybe even after a
(28:16):
wedding and after party.
It is what it is they get to.
They're free, live your liferun I actually was thinking
about this.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
If people were ever like when do you know you're
ready to have a kid, whatever,because you're never ready, you
just have to like do it if youwant them.
If you want them, you just doit.
But I would say, when you like?
All my friends pretty much notall of them, but a lot of my
friends still live in the cityand they still use the city.
You know you're ready for kidswhen you don't really use the
city anymore.
Like Ted and I were, we livedright in the heart of Manchester
(28:47):
.
We didn't go out that oftenanymore, like occasionally for a
couple beers, but it was likenothing.
Like when we first moved thereand we'd be out to dinner once a
week, maybe twice a week, we'dgo to bars after work for a
couple of drinks, like we justweren't doing that anymore.
And that's when we were like,oh, actually, like we could
totally adjust to a quieter pacefor a bit because we're not
going out that often.
(29:08):
If you're still like a couplethat has plans every saturday
with your friends, maybe youhost a dinner once a week, you
go out late at night, like youhave to be willing to say
goodbye to all that and we'rechill parents, like we take theo
with us everywhere becausewe're like we're not gonna not
live our lives, like we'll justtake him with us, like we've
gone out to eat with him next tous, but like you have to be
(29:29):
willing to know that you can'tlive like that anymore because
you'll just you'll be toofucking tired.
It's not like you.
You can't because you're you'rea parent now, so you can't have
fun.
You still can have fun and youcan still have your own identity
and definitely carve out timefor yourself, but you just will
not have the time or the energyto do it yes, yes, I didn't know
if I was even going to talkabout this, but because you know
(29:50):
, it wasn't on our mind.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
But now, now that you brought it, it brings me to
another point.
I do think it's nice that we'rereally coming up on a
generation of very involved andpresent fathers, more so that I
feel like the older generationshave been, because in motherhood
for me it's been so essentialwhen John's been like you need a
girl's night, you don't evenhave to ask, you just need to
let me know when I'm watching.
These kids Never told me no toany girls trip, even when we
(30:12):
actually were not as financiallystable as we were now.
I mean, he would make it work,he would budget it for me, and
even just a trip just us too,without the kids.
He has never said no to thateither.
These are all things that aresuper important.
You need to still have timewith your girls and even your
spouse away, but unfortunatelythis is not always possible when
we don't have a great partner.
(30:32):
So, please, please, women,marry smart.
Pick your best friend for life.
Pick a great husband and agreat father, not someone who
just wants, you know, a wife anda kid, someone who actually
wants to be a husband and afather.
That's very important.
Ladies, listen back to that,you know.
Re-listen to this on thepodcast, because they're very
different things.
Sometimes men like the imagebut they don't want to actually
(30:53):
put in the work.
It's important you marrysomeone who wants to be in the
thick of it with you, supportiveas always, because otherwise
being a parent especially if youhave multiples- it's rough.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
It's rough out there, oh my God, even something as
simple as like a mani-pedi theday before the wedding.
And I was like okay, I'll begone for like two hours, I'm
really sorry.
And Ted was like like it's okay, like you need to relax, you
need to do things like that.
It's fine.
Like go get a manicure,pedicure, come back.
And I was like okay, and I waslike, of course, watching the
camera, like he was like stopwatching, relax.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Yes, yes, yeah, um, because I mean I've heard
stories of like people in oldergenerations being like, well, if
I wanted to go out, my husbandwas like well, who's watching
the kids, or are you taking themwith you?
I personally could not imagineif my husband spoke to me like
that, because we would bedivorced, because you're not
going to talk to me like thatour husbands together are going
to the opening uh, night ofdevil's game this week devil's
(31:44):
home opener, you know.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
ted was like is that okay?
I'm like, yeah, like you gottahave fun because we have that.
And then we have a wedding thenext night, another wedding.
So I'm like, yeah, like we, weneed to have fun because we have
that, and then we have awedding the next night, another
wedding.
So I'm like, yeah, like we, weneed to have fun.
Like we have to make time forourselves, otherwise you will
completely lose your identityand I'm not going to lie, you
lose probably a part of yourselfwhen you have kids, cause they
just like occupy a lot of yourbrain.
But like you can't lose touchwith who you are as a person.
(32:10):
Like I live for 30 whole yearswithout Theo.
Like you know, I'm still aperson who needs to look after
myself exactly, exactly.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Personally, it makes me a better mother.
When I have time for myself, Iam more present.
I use my phone less as anescape and I just am not like on
edge and like an angry, youknow, like someone who's just
like on the verge of yelling atall times, like I'm actually
calmer yeah, now that I've hadlike a night's sleep, we slept
well, last night, I feel like adifferent person.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
Whereas I was going on two nights of no sleep, I was
getting so irritable witheveryone like I was just like
I'm sorry, but like I am sleepdeprived, I need to fucking
close my eyes.
And now that I have done that,I'm a new person and katie just
said that yesterday to you.
She's like, once you get pastthat stretch, you're like a new
woman oh my, he slept for fivehours last night, guys like as
(32:58):
as a stretch.
Oh my god.
And the thing is, I don't knowwhat it was, but when I closed
my eyes I was down, whereas mostnights, even if he's sleeping,
I'm like just kind of staringlike I'm sleeping, but very
lightly.
Last night it was like he'sdown, I'm down, boom, oh felt
good nice, I love that for you.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
Thank you so but, yeah, so well, we did ask jerry
some questions about the nutallergy thing, so we'll get to
jare bear section and we'll letbridget read the answers for you
.
So here we go.
We asked jerry was the nutallergy very common when raising
her three kids?
If so, how did she deal with?
Speaker 2 (33:32):
it.
She said that it really wasn'tas prevalent back then because
we were in school in the late90s and then the early 2000s and
stuff when we were young, so itwasn't really as prevalent then
.
And then when I was coming outof my age, so when Bridget was
coming out of middle school,their St Joseph's grade school
in Tom's River had a nut-freetable and that was.
(33:56):
It was in the same cafeteriawith everybody else.
There was just a sign on itthat was a peanut and then like
a cross through it.
So she for so with her firsttwo kids like she didn't really
have to deal with that, but withMichael she remembers more of
like daycare being nut free andstuff.
But yeah, it wasn't asprevalent and it definitely
wasn't like a hot topic at thetime.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
Right, right.
Next question If it was thesame issue and they decided to
send you a letter home sayingyou need to use alternatives and
we are now peanut free, howwould you have handled that?
Speaker 2 (34:25):
Would have handled it fine.
It would have been a bitinconvenient.
Obviously, kids are picky.
Kids can be really difficult.
Kids can just smell something'sdifferent and be like, no, I
don't want it.
You know that kids are weird,but ultimately, like, your
child's health is more importantand you know, wouldn't risk
that and she would have justfound an alternative.
Like we always do, and you also, you kind of fib to your kids.
(34:47):
Your kids don't want to trysomething.
You go, oh no, this is um, youknow, red top peanut butter.
This is peanut butter, but thecan has the red top on it.
Oh yeah, and they just kind oflike believe you, so she would
have made it work and adapted.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Yeah, yes, yeah, she was very good like that.
And I will say, me and all mysiblings are great eaters, we
eat all kinds of things, we arenot afraid to try new things,
and I do think that's really alldue to jerry and how she raised
us and opened our horizons, soshe really did good on that
front and I could see why itwouldn't bother her.
You know, she might have beenlike, oh all right, whatever,
but yeah, she would just be likeand now we're going to be
(35:22):
eating this, ladies andgentlemen, and I don't want to
hear a peep, thank you oh yeah,that we were definitely.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
Uh, you can't complain at the table type of,
but she would just lie.
Like pork roll every kid doeslike, come on, pork roll is so
good.
If you're not from like the newjersey area, you don't know
what that is, but anyway it'sdelicious.
And to get michael to try itwhen he was a kid, she just said
they're flat hot dogs and hewas like oh, flat hot dog, yeah,
all right.
And then what she told your kid, that's canadian bacon, because
(35:46):
they love bacon well, evelynthinks it's a flat hot dog,
though oh, okay and um, that'sactually how she eats it.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
And I laugh hysterically that my mom has
one-upped her because otherwiseevelyn literally refuses, and
I'm like so, but yeah, you, just, you really adapt honestly, um,
and I'm, you know, she also,like she said, I was a little
different back then so shedidn't have to worry about the
same kinds of things, but I haveno doubt that she would have
easily adapted, like she saidyeah, like we were saying
(36:14):
earlier, parenthood is beingable to think on your feet and
find alternatives, because guesswhat Things do not go according
to plan when you're a parent.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
Pretty much every day is like a new little challenge.
We're like how am I going todeal with this?
Speaker 1 (36:26):
And what a worthwhile challenge, worthwhile challenge
, so hoping if anyone islistening out there really
needed this or is a new motherand is really feeling lonely and
like they're losing thatvillage and maybe part of their
identity.
Just know we empathize with youand we're here.
You know we're really friendly.
You could DM us Whatever youwant to reach us.
(36:47):
We will absolutely reach backout.
Yeah, and you know you got tofind what really works for you
and the people who can besupportive.
I'm glad Bridget shared youknow where to go for the zoom
link for Tuesday meetings if youreally need the extra support.
And yeah, just you know, let usknow what you'd like to hear.
And again, we appreciate all ofour listeners as usual.
(37:09):
Please like, subscribe andfollow us at psychotic py
podcast.
You can even give us a followover at youtube to subscribe for
us.
So with that, thanks forlistening.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
Thank you so much, guys, we really appreciate you.
And theo says over and outbecause he's got a poopy diaper.
Well then, bye-bye.
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