July 12, 2024 • 55 mins
What if the wounds we cannot see are the most debilitating? This episode dives deep into the pervasive and destructive impacts of sexual violence on women's physical, reproductive, and psychological health. We unpack the critical role healthcare providers play in recognizing these traumas and providing comprehensive care, emphasizing the need for mental health support to foster healing and recovery.
Imagine a college experience marred by fear and injustice. We confront the harrowing realities of sexual misconduct on campuses, dissecting high-profile cases like Brock Turner and Emma Sulkowicz's protest at Columbia University. We scrutinize the systemic failures that lead to underreporting and discuss the importance of early intervention to prevent sexist behaviors from escalating. The conversation also champions transparency and proper reporting to safeguard student safety, ensuring informed decisions for parents and future students.
Our journey continues with a shocking look at Dr. Larry Nassar's abuse case, acknowledging the bravery of his victims who came forward. We explore the power of male allies like Terry Crews and Hannibal Buress in amplifying these issues, advocating for greater male involvement in combating sexual abuse. Finally, we examine Louisiana's controversial surgical castration law for sex crimes and its ethical implications, addressing broader societal issues surrounding domestic violence and the critical need for empathetic and actionable solutions. Join us for this vital conversation as we stress awareness, support, and systemic change in addressing these entrenched societal problems.
Disclaimer: This podcast represents the opinions of Dr. Bridget Melton, MD and licensed therapist Marissa Volinsky, MS, LPC, NCC. The contents of our podcast and website should not be taken as medical advice. The contents of our podcast and website are for general informational purposes only, and are not intended to diagnose, treat, prevent, or cure any condition or disease or substitute for medical advice. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental health professional, or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or treatment and before starting or discontinuing treatment.
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or a crisis, please reach out immediately to the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 or text HOME to the Crisis Text Line at 741741. These services are free and confidential.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Marissa (00:06):
Hello and welcome back to our podcast.
Today we're talking aboutsexual violence, so trigger
warning disclaimer.
This topic is a very heavytopic.
So you know, if this hashappened to you or someone you
know, or this topic is justheavy, please feel free to tune
out or skip this episode of ourseason.
So we're going to try our bestto make everyone feel
comfortable, so let's dive rightin.
Bridget (00:28):
All right, hi guys, welcome to psychotic PY podcast.
I don't want to say the P wordbecause apparently YouTube will
block us a little bit, so solet's just jump right in.
Yeah, so in 2013, gina Thomasand colleagues reported that
quote sexual violence, inaddition to violating a woman's
(00:50):
rights, can result in immediateand long-term health
consequences for women.
Now this probably seems reallyobvious to everyone, but we need
to really specifically say howyour long-term health can be
affected.
So sexual violence can lead toa multitude of health
consequences, including physical, reproductive and psychological
.
Some may be fatal, whereasothers, such as unhealthy
(01:12):
behaviors, may occur indirectlyas a result of the violence.
In total, these result in asignificant health burden and
should be considered by serviceproviders, government
authorities and non-governmentalagencies.
So for women who present early,immediate care should be
provided with plans forfollow-up.
Mental health interventions areimportant, as women who are
(01:36):
sexually assaulted have thehighest burden of post-traumatic
stress disorder.
So that is all a direct quotefrom this study.
The immediate health concernsare obviously sexually
transmitted infections,including HIV, quickly treated
infections like chlamydia,gonorrhea, etc.
Those are just more short term,whereas if you develop
something like HIV or herpes, itcan be a long term burden you
are now living with and thatobviously you know HIV greatly
(01:59):
impacts your health.
Later on.
Medium to long term healthconsequences can be
gastrointestinal those arereported as the highest.
So diarrhea, nausea, vomiting,tiredness and abdominal pain.
A lot of women who are victimsof sexual violence report that
as the most common symptom, andI think it's a lot to do with
stress not sleeping well, noteating well, and just constant
(02:21):
stress really irritates ourtummies.
You know.
To put it lightly, genitalinjuries can cause vaginal
bleeding, irritation, chronicpelvic pain, pms, utis.
So women who come in with whatwe would call dyspareunia, so
pain with sex.
You know, usually you need todig a little bit deeper with
these women and you will uncoversome sort of sexual trauma from
(02:44):
their past, because it isabnormal to have this chronic
pelvic pain through something assimple as consensual sex with
someone that you want to be with.
So it's really important thatyou don't overlook that and you
do dive deeper into their pastand really question them if they
were ever taken advantage ofand obviously that can then
(03:06):
affect their future familyplanning Someone who is with
someone who they love and theyconsent to be with but are in so
much pain that they cannot have, you know, meaningful,
penetrative sex, then it will bereally difficult for them to
conceive.
So these things can't beoverlooked.
It's really important we askwomen about that if they present
with chronic pelvic pain, likethat Quote.
(03:28):
Sexual violence has been linkedto high-risk sexual behaviors,
such as having unprotected sex,having multiple sexual partners,
participating in sex work ortransactional sex, having sex
while under the influence ofalcohol or drugs and having
high-risk sexual partners.
So these all these things, youknow, although not inherently
(03:48):
bad, but if it's a result oftrauma, we need to look into
this because it's almostnon-consensual at that point if
you're doing it as a traumaresponse.
In 2014, a cross-sectionalstudy performed by Santillaria
and colleagues reported thatsexual assault is a traumatic
event with potentiallydevastating lifelong effects on
(04:09):
physical and mental health.
Research has demonstrated thatindividuals who experience
sexual assault during childhoodare more likely to engage in
risky behaviors later in life,such as smoking, alcohol and
drug use and disordered eatinghabits, which may increase the
risk of developing a chronicdisease.
So it's so interesting, thesethings that we experience,
(04:31):
especially in young age, if itcan affect how you make
decisions in the future smoking,alcohol, drug use, disordered
eating habits as we know becausewe've discussed in season one
of this podcast.
All those decisions affect youroverall health.
Smoking obviously can lead tolung cancer, hypertension.
Alcohol use can lead todiabetes and hypertension, and
(04:53):
poor decision-making, which canopen you up to more infections.
Disordered eating obviously canlead to hypertension, diabetes,
heart disease.
So all of these things are aresult of a previous trauma,
potentially.
So we can't overlook thatmind-body connection.
It's really really importantand especially after something
(05:15):
as traumatic and life-alteringas sexual assault, sexual
violence.
So it's really important thatyour doctors, nurses, eas, et
cetera, really explore thatmind-body connection and don't
just say, oh well, you came inwith pelvic pain or a couple
infections and say, oh, it'sjust normal, you know, having
(05:37):
some risky sexual behavior, ofcourse you're going to develop
some infections.
You really need to say you know, was this a result of something
consensual?
Do you need to talk about itmore?
Do you need me to refer you toa therapist?
So yeah, it's very, veryimportant topic.
Marissa (05:51):
Absolutely, you know.
From the mental health aspect Iwill say it's as horrific as
the sexual violence is, the theaftermath and the mental health
I've seen in my own experiencehas been really detrimental
effects.
Let's understand sexualviolence from a mental health
(06:11):
perspective.
Sexual assault, rape, incestthese are all traumatic
experiences that can havedevastating and long-lasting
effect on survivors.
These can involvenon-consensual sexual contact or
behavior perpetrated by force,through manipulation or coercion
.
Mental health impact it couldbe, like Bridget said,
post-traumatic stress disorder,ptsd, and the survivors often
(06:33):
experience symptoms such asflashback nightmares, severe
anxiety, which is also similarto those seen in combat veterans
.
They can experience depression,feelings of sadness,
hopelessness, loss of interestin life and these are all common
among survivors.
Anxiety disorders you maydevelop a generalized anxiety
disorder.
Panic attacks, specific phobiasnow related to this trauma that
you've experienced.
(06:53):
Dissociation Very common amongsurvivors.
You may dissociate from yourcertain emotions and
surroundings as a copingmechanism after the assault.
You know if something istriggering you and makes you
relive that experience, even inthe slightest, you might
dissociate in order to protectyourself.
That's very common.
Victims may turn to substanceuse, whether it's drugs or
(07:15):
alcohol.
We also see that.
So increased risk of riskybehaviors and that's how they
try to cope with their trauma.
Suicidal thoughts they aredefinitely a higher risk for
suicidal ideation, suicideattempts, often due to
overwhelming feelings of shame,guilt and despair.
So these are all things thatyou might see for the mental
health, which might be kind oflike red flags, so you can maybe
(07:38):
, if someone hasn't disclosed intherapy what they're coming for
entirely and certain things arepopping up and they're maybe
having certain diagnoses orsymptoms, you can kind of
understand why it might be.
You might want to ask thesethings, like Bridget said, so
from her perspective, if, if shesees something going on
internally, she wants to askjust to make sure, is this due
to this, instead of just whatyou're coming for?
(08:00):
So that's what I may ask aswell and say let's dive into
your past here.
Have you ever been a victim ofphysical assault, sexual, verbal
?
Just trying to figure out whatthey may have experienced so I
can get the bigger picture and Ican fully help them.
Some barriers to recovery,though, I will say, is stigma
and shame.
Survivors often haveinternalized guilt and shame
(08:21):
which prevents them from seekinghelp or speaking out, lack of
support.
This is huge, I will say,especially in, maybe would you
say, bridget, like lower incomefamilies.
There is a lack of supportthere and I feel like those
victims easily turn more toalcohol and drugs or sex working
stuff like that, just reallybehaviors that are more harmful
(08:41):
than helpful and unfortunatelythey don't have friends and
family and institutions to helpthem.
They don't know where to go, sowhere else do they go?
Their behavior is just kind ofincreasing and complex trauma
which could be repeated, orprolonged nature of sexual abuse
in cases of incest, which couldobviously hinder the healing
process.
(09:01):
So those are a few barriers torecovery.
Some therapeutic interventionscould be EMDR and just
trauma-focused therapies ingeneral, and also seeking out a
therapist who has experience inthis and can really connect you
to the right people and team tohelp you.
Support networks you have tohave a strong support system
friends, families, supportgroups super crucial in this
(09:23):
time.
So these are all superimportant to take into
consideration when dealing withclients that have experienced
these types of traumas.
Bridget (09:32):
You know the thing about like sexual violence, like
we talk about it with these.
You know hushed tones andeverything's like.
It's so extreme, can youimagine, but it the reality is.
As a woman and to everyone outthere listening, if you identify
as female and you have femalefriends, you probably know
someone who has been eitherraped or victim of molestation
(09:59):
or some sort of sexual violencein their lifetime.
And it's so prevalent even indeveloped nations.
That is something we shouldreally be more open to speaking
about to lessen that stigmaBecause, as Marissa said, people
turn to these risky behaviorsbecause they don't have support
(10:19):
and they don't have supportbecause they're afraid to seek
it out for the most part, andit's such a shame that we really
I mean I'm saying this, but weall know someone who is a victim
one way or another of some sortof sexual violence.
If not, it happened toourselves Mostly the story is
they just did nothing about it.
Marissa (10:38):
Yeah, yeah, which is it's sad.
Support systems are superimportant.
I just mentioned, though, um.
You know, socioeconomic statusunfortunately does play a key
part in this, and how you knowthe victims will respond and the
help they'll get.
And it's really sad because,yeah, it should be talked about
more.
It shouldn't be.
You know, so hush, hush, andyou know this is something that
(11:00):
is happening.
You definitely probably knowsomeone in your life, whether
whether you know it or not, thathas experienced sexual violence
.
Bridget (11:07):
Yeah, and most of these people, I think.
I guess because we're so usedto brushing off poor behavior
that it's just like another stepand it's not the straw that
breaks the camel's back which isso fucked up Like, let's say,
for example, because it's socommon on college campuses in
the U S.
Marissa (11:27):
Turner.
Bridget (11:27):
Yeah, like we all know someone, or, like I said, or it
was.
You were like you went out onenight.
You woke up, you know you onlyhad a few drinks.
You woke up completely blackoutat like 4 PM Okay, not like an
11 AM.
Like Ooh, wow, I drank too much.
Like true blackout.
Like 4pm, okay, not like an11am.
Like oh, wow, I drank too muchTrue blackout.
You are now confused.
You have no idea what happenedthe night before and your
(11:49):
friends say you didn't evendrink that much.
You think there's a chance Iwas possibly roofied Okay, it's
very common.
And then you're like oh, thelast thing I remember actually
is like I woke up in a guy'shouse.
It's so sad that women are justlike well, it's just another
thing.
No one reports that.
It's so rare to then go toschool authorities and be like
(12:12):
you know, I was at so-and-sohouse and I'm pretty damn sure I
was roofied and I'm happy totake a toxicology screen.
I'll take myself to thehospital and get a blood test.
Most people just wake up and go.
Well, I hope I didn't regretanything too much and they don't
do anything about it.
We all just chat about it withthe girls and we're like that's
really fucked up.
But you know it's so rare and Ido know that Gen Z is now a lot
(12:34):
more vocal about inequalitiesand I do hope that that next
generation is actually like youknow what.
I actually don't know ifanything happened to me, but but
I know for a day I'm sure I wasprobably drugged and that in
itself is enough to complainabout.
Marissa (12:49):
Let's start teaching our children better.
If you're out at a fraternityparty, sorority, whatever, and
someone you're trying to getwith is drinking all night,
maybe it's not the best night tohave sexual relations with this
person.
Like they're not reallyconsenting I I just don't know
how you can see that asconsenting.
It's really disgusting, like Ihad mentioned before, like brock
(13:11):
turner, like what did he get?
Like six months or something.
Like it was a joke of probation, of probation.
It was a joke.
I'm sorry, but like what he didwas wrong, because wasn't this
the case, if I remembercorrectly, where someone only
caught him because he was likeby a dumpster or something?
Yes, which is even morehorrific, because it's not like,
oh, we were both drinking at aparty.
(13:31):
No, no, no, no, you had thisgirl by a dumpster, like the
criminal that you are, and youwere doing god knows what and
someone had to catch you in theact.
Like that's disturbing, that'scriminal behavior, I'm sorry.
And what's really crazy andthis is gonna really ruffle some
feathers is the difference hereis, if this same scenario
(13:51):
happened but it was a blackafrican-american male, the
sentence would have been wayheavier, oh, definitely way
heavier.
Bridget (13:59):
It's because he was a white guy who was on the swim
team at swim team at stanford.
So they were like, oh well, wedon't want to ruin his whole
future.
Yeah Well, how about the futurethat he ruined?
And how many other women he'staken advantage of?
How many women are now werefailing because they were living
with this trauma?
How many women needed to gettreatment for sexually
(14:19):
transmitted infections?
How many women now had toignore coursework to seek
therapy because they werestruggling to deal with what
happened to them?
Their futures are also I'm notgoing to say ruined, because I
hope that they carry on withtheir lives and they're absolute
badasses and they crush it, buttheir futures are changed about
(14:46):
literally last episode ourprofessions.
Marissa (14:47):
We see trends, violence escalates.
So now all you taught him iswow, he got off the hook.
You don't think this violenceis going to escalate later in
life?
He's already showed you histrue colors.
He's perfectly capable of that,and probably more.
This is going to escalate.
Bridget (14:55):
I'm sorry, just a matter of time and it all starts
with these like in middleschool, honestly, with like
inappropriate jokes, justcomments that are incredibly
sexist, a little bit of maybeplayful violence here and there.
None of this should be accepted.
And, women, we need to startspeaking up earlier, like when
(15:17):
you're that loud mouthelementary school girl and you
still have all your confidenceif a boy says something that's
fucked up.
We need to start being like no,you can't say that, I'm sorry,
it doesn't matter that it's ajoke, and I think, maybe not
that it should be up to us,honestly, it should be up to the
parents and the boys themselvesto be changing for the better.
(15:38):
But if we call it out as we seeit, then we won't just be
continuing on the same liketreadmill of like well, you know
, that's college.
Marissa (15:48):
Like I guess I drank too much since this kind of fits
into what we're we'rediscussing.
Do you remember bridget in likeum 2014, 2015?
The female from columbiauniversity that carried the
mattress, like like throughcollege campus because they did
nothing about her rapist?
yeah, yeah so I pulled up hername.
I can't barely pronounce itit's emma sokolowitz.
(16:10):
Okay, columbia university.
She reported the alleged umsexual violence.
They did nothing about it, soshe carried her mattress around
until graduation.
She called it carry the weight.
I find it it's so, I don't know.
It just shows you like awfulthings can happen to people
(16:32):
every day, especially women.
And then women will just kindof come out and like rock that
shit, like oh, you're not goingto do anything about it.
I'm going to carry a mattressevery day around campus and make
a whole performance out of ituntil you acknowledge that this
alleged sexual violent acthappened, and I just find it
ridiculous that they were likenope.
Bridget (16:51):
So colleges launch internal investigations because
they want to brush it under therug, because they don't want to
inflate their crime stats,because no sane parent
especially especially forschools like Columbia, nyu et
cetera, expensive schools where,like fairly wealthy kids are
going, so their parents arepaying out of pocket they don't
(17:11):
want those parents to go.
Oh, no, no, no, no, there's toomuch crime there.
It's in New York, I knew thiswould happen, um, and not send
their child there.
So instead they purposefullybrush under the rug a of crimes
and they say they launched theirown internal investigation.
Now I went to fordham and Idon't know if this is true
anymore, but fordham had one ofthe highest rates of sexual
(17:36):
assaults reported and everyonewas like, yeah.
So everyone was like oh, youknow, fordham is like just a
rapey school.
The truth is it's because oursecurity guards were ex NYPD and
if you reported it, they did apolice report.
So it was an accurate report,whereas other schools do quote,
unquote internal investigationswhere they nothing comes of it.
(18:00):
There is no police report.
So Fordham, it sounded like, ohmy God, they have such high
like sexual violence.
But the truth was we wereprobably just average for
college, but we actuallyreported it and we're like you
know what?
This is the truth, this is theamount that's reported.
These are the police reportsthat we've done and you know
we're doing something about it.
Marissa (18:20):
Yeah, and honestly, also that and also where you
guys are located, it makes sensethat those, like you said,
they're probably average numbers.
The rest of the colleges arejust lying.
You know Exactly, which is sad.
It really is sad because peoplehave the right to know real
stats, because they're sendingtheir pride and joy their
(18:40):
children and it's it's.
I would say, like I would liketo know that I have a daughter,
I have a son.
I want to know the truth, likewhere am I sending my kids?
How safe is?
Bridget (18:50):
it and instead of putting up this facade of safety
me like, oh no, it doesn'thappen here, I'd rather you
report the truth and then showme what you've done to reduce it
and show me actual quantifiablechange that I'm like oh wow,
they actually take theirstudents reports seriously.
Marissa (19:07):
So I agree with you.
I think the problem is, too,not just because they want to
look good, but they're dependingon who is the perp Like.
Like you said, what can hebring to the school?
Like, is this person on asports team?
Was their parents very wealthyand donated a lot of money?
Are they a legacy there?
Like, has everyone in theirfamily gone there?
(19:28):
So these all play into thesethe factors of what's going to
happen to the perpetrator, whichis also really sad.
Again, I have, I'm speculatinghere.
I have no proof.
I'm not like behind the scenesof these colleges, but to me,
especially when, when I heard oflike the whole Brock Turner
thing, like that's the vibe itgave me.
It's like because he was ofimportance to that college, so
like your trauma didn't matter.
Bridget (19:51):
Also, I really don't like this narrative that it's a
he said, she said Because women,can we just like put the kibosh
on that?
Because, like no sane woman ofsound body and mind would put
them or no sane person I'll sayperson would put themselves
through the horrific nature of arape kit questioning, possibly
(20:15):
having to go to court andknowing that your your image is
also completely tarnished now,even though you're the survivor.
No sane person would putthemselves through that.
To what ruin one guy's image?
Like it's so offensive thatpeople think that women's brains
work like that.
Like we're so petty and sobitter that I'm willing to like
(20:36):
ruin this one boy's reputationno, because I'm ruining my
reputation in in the mix of thisas well.
So can we just please like stopthat whole narrative that like
oh, she's doing it to get backat him.
Like no, no, no, no.
Like anyone with a functioningbrain who is coming forward as a
witness or a survivor is doingso because they want to see some
(21:00):
change and they want thatperson to be held accountable
for their actions.
I just that whole ah it likebrings me back to like brett
kavanaugh, like flashbacks ofthem being like, oh, she's just
doing it because he's beingappointed to the supreme court
and she wants to like tear downa powerful man like?
No, she's a powerful woman.
She herself is a successfulwoman, married family, like, has
(21:23):
it all, and I think she's adoctor.
And you know, like why wouldshe risk her own career and her
own image at the age of like 45?
Why would she do that?
Obviously she had a true storythat she felt she needed to tell
and it's just like so insultingthat, like anytime a woman
(21:45):
tries to speak up and do theright thing, we're told oh well,
you're just doing it to tarnishthis powerful man I think to
what we're seeing, because Iremember exactly where I was on
the day that like the me toomovement was really um, picking
up full force and like it feltlike every day.
Marissa (22:02):
It was like, oh my god, this person did this, that like
everyone keeps reporting.
And I I remember talking to thecoworker that I was working
with at the time and she waslike, can you believe these
stories keep coming out Like agood for these women.
But it's crazy that for yearsthis was not talked about.
It was in the dark.
These people were activelyliving their lives, getting away
with it, and the victims weresuffering in silence.
(22:22):
And I remember saying to herbig enough, which is also sad
(22:49):
because it would be, I feel likeopposite if it was heavily male
victims.
So it's just, I'm so happy thatwomen finally feel like in
today's world that we can bevocal and loud about it, but
it's sad that it showed us howevil the world truly is because
there's so many it showed us howlittle they value our voices,
(23:10):
because you needed literallyhundreds to come forward for
them to finally go.
Bridget (23:15):
Well, I guess you can't deny it.
Marissa (23:17):
Yeah, I know, good Lord , or even I was watching.
I remember too the day wewatched the case.
What is it?
Dr Nassar or whatever?
Who was the guy?
Who was the gymnast?
No, oh not that.
Bridget (23:32):
Yes, dr Larry Nassar, the USA gymnastics coach, not
coach trainer.
Marissa (23:39):
And I.
So I watched that because I asa therapist, I was like
intrigued, cause I wanted to see, like how the victims with
their statements, interacted andhow his whole um, persona
versus body language was in thetrial and I thought it was crazy
that he was able to just getaway with it for so long,
because these girls were like Imean, I thought it was part of
the checkup.
You know, every he's he,everyone loves him.
(24:01):
So what was I going to do?
And I think someone did reportit, but did it like the
university, I'm not sure,somewhere, but the university
was like oh no, he's one of ourbeloved and they pretty much
brushed it under the rug, eventhough one of the victims did
report it before.
Everything kind of came open tothe world and watching the
(24:24):
victim statements, they were intears.
They were so uncomfortable.
They did it because they knewthey had to and they were like
you know what?
This is my chance to tell himhow I really feel and let the
world see what he did to meinternally and mentally.
There was just the statementswere sad.
I was getting tears watchingthese girls and they were, some
of them were so young it was.
Bridget (24:40):
And the one who did come forward.
Originally I think they calledher like athlete X or something.
She lost her spot.
She was definitely likeOlympics bound and she was
purposefully snubbed a spot onthe Olympic team.
And you know, with the Olympics, because they're every four
years and especially withgymnastics, like you age out of
(25:00):
gymnastics very quickly.
Um, so that was it.
That was her one shot at theolympics and she risked it all
just to speak up.
And then it took years, aftershe spoke up, to actually, you
know, see some change and forhim to go to trial and and no
wonder why these girls wouldn'twant to report it.
Marissa (25:16):
All you did was show them oh, you want to talk back.
You're.
You're out of here.
Your shot of your dream is goneyeah it's sad.
Bridget (25:25):
This is why, and like it's, it's so annoying that it's
true, but this is why you needmale allies.
So, when me too is happening Idon't know if you remember this
mercer, terry cruz, love him hecame forward and like released a
whole written statement wherehe basically was like hat in
hand, like letting it just allbe on the table, because some of
the things he said were likenot great, to admit, but he did
(25:48):
say I used to live in a worldwhere I thought men were the
main, the stars, and women wereco-stars.
Um, they were, you know,beeline character, plot,
whatever.
Um, and he said, and it tookuntil I was at a party and he
was molested by some bigwig inhollywood.
(26:09):
Um, it took until that momentfor him to realize what women go
through.
And he was like this was just metonight at this one party and
I'm, you know, like in my 30s or40s and it's never, never
happened to me before, and he's,I don't know, like 300 pounds
of muscle, like Terry Crews isabsolutely stacked and someone
had the audacity to molest him.
He was like what do women gothrough who are smaller, shorter
(26:34):
, you know, on average, justsmaller than men, and how many
years have they put up with it,and that totally changed his
mindset about how he views menand women in society, especially
in show business.
But it took until that momentfor a lot of Me Too for, like
male allies to kick off andspeak up, which is annoying,
(26:55):
obviously, that like a man hadto say something for then other
men to be like.
Oh yeah, that is a problem.
But that is why male voices arereally important.
Like you have to be alliessolely because your voice for
some reason has more weight toit, and it still does.
It's 2024.
And that's just the truth.
Marissa (27:15):
It's sad, but you're right, it is the truth.
And I mean it's a good thing hedid speak up, because maybe
that is kind of what took the MeToo movement to different
heights and really sit down andlisten to everyone.
Bridget (27:26):
Yeah, and the same thing happened with Bill Cosby.
I watched that special.
I watched Hannibal Love him.
I remember that special justpremiered on Netflix.
I watched it like as itpremiered and he made that.
So the Bill Cosby thing was awell-known secret Like everyone
(27:47):
in comedy knew.
Yet no one said a damn thing.
No male comics, no matter howfamous and far reaching their
power was, none of them had theballs to say anything.
Hannibal got up there on stageand was like, made a joke just
and he goes.
You know, that's true, right,and everyone kind of like had an
awkward laugh in the crowd.
A week later it was all overthe news and it was his joke.
(28:09):
And I am so happy because atthat time Hannibal, although
successful, like he had hisstints here and there he was not
like some really influentialcomic, like it could have
totally torpedoed his career,but he like you know what, I'm
gonna make the joke and I'mgonna put it, put it out there.
So now it's not just a knownsecret in comedy, it's gonna be
known to everyone because I'mputting it on netflix.
(28:29):
And I was like, yes, thank youfor saying that like because it
was just undeniable.
Then people had to investigateit.
I mean, it was so awkward.
And then boom, week later, weeklater, all over the news and
then within that year he wasgoing to trial.
Marissa (28:43):
It's crazy to me that, but again it shows you, like,
how many generations of womenjust suffered in silence because
why?
Cause he was famous, cause hehad power, cause he was a man,
or were they worried what hecould do to their careers and
lives?
It's insane, because that's notjustice, that's crazy.
Bridget (29:01):
Yeah, unfortunately, when there's that power dynamic,
you know, you're less likely tospeak up because you think,
well, this is going to ruin myreputation or my career as well,
whereas if it's that more rareinstance of like a stranger,
you're more likely to be like,hey, that's not right, um, but
that's not the case.
As we know, sexual violenceusually happens between someone
(29:24):
you know, uh, and unfortunatelypeople aren't willing to put
their butt on the line to speakup.
I agree.
Marissa (29:31):
I mean I, through the years, whether it was in my own
private practice or even backGod when I was an intern,
interning I mean this field hastaught me that the world is a
very scary ugly place for sure Iknow.
Normally each session I giveyou little tidbits of like,
maybe a certain example of aclient I might work with and
tell you how I work through it.
But this is such a sensitivetopic that I'd say I'm not going
(29:52):
to give any tidbits on whatclients may or may have not told
me.
But I will tell you I haveworked with victims and even in
the incest realm of rape, rapeand it's what they report is
awful, it's, it's actually theheaviest.
Sessions I always say are likestuff like that and like
obviously traumatic grief andlosses, because that session is
(30:16):
is so hard and sometimes it'suncomfortable for me internally
and I have to work through myown internal issues.
To just be like I need to sit,I need to be present, like
they're opening up there.
You know it's usually a lot oftears and hard conversations.
So I'll just say being atherapist has taught you that
the world is.
It can be an ugly place,sometimes even in your own
(30:39):
families, and that's it's scary.
Bridget (30:41):
Yeah, sometimes even in your own families, and that's,
it's scary, yeah.
Um, just from like my ownpersonal experience, I have
actually been like in asituation with a friend where we
were reporting like a man inpower, um, and we had like a
meeting with HR and everythingand we really like went back and
forth before we reported it,because he's married with two
(31:02):
young children, um, and we werelike, you know, because you're
not just, you're not justunearthing it for him to be get
in trouble like you'reultimately like possibly
flipping his life upside down,but that hurts his wife as well
and children and his wife andchildren.
Marissa (31:18):
I know, I know, but you just think like his wife and
children.
Bridget (31:20):
I know, I know, but you just think like his wife and
children don't deserve thatupending of their life.
And we really did go back andforth and then ultimately it was
like we have to say somethingbecause otherwise there's just
going to be more people that he,you know, affects.
And so we did say something,had this big meeting with HR and
(31:42):
we left kind of just like, notreally reassured at all, like
there was nothing officialreally being done.
They were just like, oh well,um, we, we could break his
contract with our hospital, butlike you know, he doesn't, he's
for like a contract doctor, likehe has contracts all throughout
the city, so like, and it wasjust so like we did all that for
(32:04):
maybe nothing, I don't know.
It's just really reallyfrustrating Because it feels
like you go through this wholebureaucracy and at the end of
the day, the result is alwayskind of like yeah, we'll look
into it.
Marissa (32:17):
It is frustrating because I don't know why they're
acting like it's not a crime.
Bridget (32:21):
It is a crime, especially if if this guy has
done it multiple times you'resaying that you know, yeah, and
we did our research, we asked,uh, women from years before us
and women within our class, andwe got, like written statements
from people who are comfortableenough to share that's upsetting
to hear.
Marissa (32:39):
to be honest, um, I'm not surprised.
I don't know.
I'll ask a question you candecline to answer, because I
know you know your job might beon the line, but is this
something that happened in theUK?
Bridget (32:49):
No, no, this was in med school.
Oh, okay, okay.
Marissa (32:52):
Allegedly.
Let's put that in there.
Disclaimer Can't sue us.
Bridget (32:56):
Allegedly.
I just want to clarify that Iwas not like a victim of sexual
violence, but I knew about whatwas going on and so I was the
person who was like I hadnothing to lose.
So I was like if anyone feelscomfortable enough to share
their name, you absolutely can.
(33:28):
But like we're taking this toHR, I've had enough of this well
, I'm glad you did that.
Marissa (33:33):
I'm sorry that it was really like they didn't do much.
It sounds like they're, asusual, brushing things under the
rug exactly.
Bridget (33:42):
So, like I don't even know what came of it, I just
know that when we asked thegrade below us, I think they
said like, oh yeah, we don't goto his clinics anymore.
Marissa (33:51):
I mean, I think that's that screams like guilty.
He's guilty they'reuncomfortable.
Clearly you wouldn't, youwouldn't make that decision if
you didn't fear him in some wayand his behavior.
That's.
That's a shame.
It's you know, it's.
It's definitely common and,like Bridget said early in the
episode, whether it's someoneyou know family, friends, or
(34:11):
someone you've just kind ofcontact with at work a co-worker
, acquaintance it happens moreoften than not, as sad as it is,
and it's also very common thatit gets brushed under the rug,
to be honest yeah, and it's allthese little things as well, all
these little microaggressionsthat we forget about because,
honestly, like as women, we'reso used to dealing with it.
Bridget (34:32):
We're just like, eh, whatever.
But like if you actually satdown and like debriefed yourself
after those littlemicroaggressions happen and you
told your friend, your friendwould be like that's fucked up
it absolutely is.
Marissa (34:45):
But you're right, we are kind of the way we grew up,
at least now, like you said,hopefully the newer generations
are learning from our mistakesand being louder with their
voices.
But it was.
It's just something that youwere like.
I mean.
Well, you know, like it happensalso makes me like like how
many times where people in thenews were portrayed as like
homewreckers, for instance, likemonica lewinsky, right?
(35:07):
was she a homewrecker or did hepressure her?
And of course, her job was onthe line the best job in the us,
apparently.
So she's not gonna, not becauseshe wants to work in the white
house yeah, that was a completepower struggle, power dynamic.
Bridget (35:21):
I think she was 27 or 26.
She was very young.
He is in his mid-40s, married.
He's the one who has a marriagecommitment.
He's the one who's a father.
He's the one who's in power.
He's the president.
Marissa (35:34):
She was absolutely not a homewrecker, same thing with
Anita Hill, I know, but theymade their jokes.
They made their skits and jokeson tv, acting like she was some
kind of harlot who was youngerand prettier, and you know
that's why she was able to take,uh, hillary clinton's man like
of course she's spending allthis time the way she was
dressing and it's like, even ifshe were to wear the sluttiest
(35:58):
thing you could think of, oreven be naked, like there is no
excuse for his behavior.
I'm sorry.
Bridget (36:02):
Exactly At the end of the day.
He's the one who's married,he's the one who has a
commitment.
Marissa (36:07):
He's the president of our country at the time.
I mean, like you're supposed torepresent us, like that's just,
it was so awful.
Bridget (36:14):
And then, all these years later, hillary is still
somehow blamed for that.
The woman who couldn't keephold of her husband.
Marissa (36:23):
Isn't that funny?
Like they, they really won'treally properly by law punish
someone, but they'll go out oftheir way to be like, okay, so
we destroyed the home record,now let's focus on the wife.
Like, maybe if you opened yourlegs more or stuck trying to run
for presidency yourself and andpleased your husband, he
wouldn't feel the need to stepout.
Like excuse me, do you see howthere's so many things wrong
(36:44):
with that statement?
Bridget (36:45):
like I know, we will literally blame any like a fly
in that room instead of theperson who actually perpetrated.
Marissa (36:51):
We just like cannot look at the man straight in the
face and go oh wait, no, he didit and even if he hadn't, wasn't
married and he was, just likeyou know, a sing president, I
feel like they would have beenlike oh, it's so hard to be
president to stress he reallyneeded sexual release.
Come on, can you blame him?
It's like what Do the rest Do?
(37:13):
Release like the rest of us.
Use your coping skills, go tothe gym, go on a walk Like, hang
out with friends.
You don't coerce someone togive you a blow job in the Oval
Office.
Bridget (37:23):
I'm sorry.
Seek out meaningfulrelationships outside of work.
Marissa (37:30):
Right, right, god, it cracks me up.
Yeah, now that we're reallydiving into this.
Yeah, I'm just really annoyedthat, like there is, there's
always someone else getting theblame Stop shifting the blame
Right.
Bridget (37:42):
Shall we get into Louisiana?
Absolutely All right, let'stalk Louisiana people.
All right, here's what'shappening.
So NPR reported one week agothat Louisiana is the first
state to allow surgicalcastration as a punishment for
sex crimes against minors.
This law goes into effectAugust 1st.
(38:03):
Surgical castration is apermanent procedure involving
surgical removal of testicles orovaries.
Now I do want to say thatchemical castration with
medication has already been inthe law books of quite a few
states for a while now.
It's just very rarely used.
That's why we never hear aboutit.
The guilty party can refusecastration and instead opt to be
(38:27):
imprisoned for an additionalthree to five years without the
possibility of parole or earlyrelease, and this law cannot be
applied to anyone under 17 yearsold who is found guilty of sex
crimes.
So anyone can say no, I don'twant that, and go to jail for
longer if they want, and minorsare exempt from this.
So the inspiration for this lawwas a Democratic lawmaker in
(38:51):
Louisiana was reading the newsabout a 51-year-old man who
raped a five-year-old, went tojail, went to jail, was paroled,
got out and raped a 12-yearyear old.
And so anyone who says this iscruel and unusual, she says.
I think raping a five year oldis cruel and unusual, Absolutely
so.
(39:11):
That is a new law in Louisiana.
Now, is it draconian?
Has it gone too far?
Is it government overreach?
There is that loophole that youknow you can say no and go to
prison for longer.
So we I really want to knowwhat you guys think about this.
Marissa (39:27):
My opinion is because there is the loophole of
declining it and getting alonger sentence without parole.
I don't think it's going toofar.
Also, they obviously exclude 17and younger.
So I don't think it's going toofar Cause, like you said, like
a 50 year old raped, afive-year-old did his time but
got out and did it to a 12 yearold, no, he should be castrated.
I said I mean again, maybecontroversial and some men will
(39:49):
attack us after listening tothis podcast, but again they
don't.
They could choose no and justhave a longer sentence.
Also, men like that, like theexample you just gave us, should
absolutely be castrated.
Bridget (40:08):
Why are you don't deserve your penis, get out of
here.
So the it's case by case.
And so let's say the jury findsyou guilty, it's up to the
judge to then use, you know,their power and their general
judicial powers, their balancedbrain hopefully it's balanced to
then say this person issuitable for a um like
punishment with castration ornot.
So it's not like everyone whosexually assaults a minor
automatically gets it.
(40:28):
It's only reserved for specialcases which you assume would be
like especially heinous.
Marissa (40:33):
Yeah, absolutely like I can't off the top of my head.
I can't remember the name, butrecently in the news, um, this
mom had a new boyfriend I thinkit was like a nine month old
daughter and she left the roomto go do laundry or whatever and
he raped her and then left herlifeless body and she died in
the like in the nursery.
I'm sorry.
Someone like that should beshot dead on the spot.
(40:55):
Also, castration is pretty nicebecause you still get to live
your life even though you'redickless, like the loser you you
are.
Because if I was that mother, Iwould kill you.
You wouldn't survive.
Dick or no dick, I would shootyou in the head On the spot
immediately.
Absolutely.
Won't you dare touch my child.
These are the type of thehorrific things.
It's like you don't deserve apenis.
I'm sorry, you're not evenhuman at that point.
(41:17):
You're, you're a, you're ananimal, you're a monster.
I would like to clarify thatcastration just means your
testicles are removed, not yourpenis.
I've well, I think all shouldbe removed.
I'm even angrier now.
What's removing the balls gonnado?
Just make sure they can't getyou pregnant.
Bridget (41:33):
Still, they have the tool to still rape so the idea
is that it's like when youneuter a dog, you because your
your testicles and hold yourtestosterone and produce
testosterone.
Same thing for um women withtheir ovaries.
Ovaries produce estrogen.
So if you remove the hormoneproducing entities, it will curb
your.
You, let's say unholy desiresis the thought I have.
Marissa (41:58):
I have problems with this.
Honestly.
I think it all should be chop,chop, chopping, block, and then
they're forced to sit there andwatch me as I put it in a meat
grinder.
Bridget (42:15):
It is a really interesting thing that Louisiana
has done and I don't know ifwe're going to see other states
follow suit or I don't knowwe're going to see other states
follow suit or I don't know.
I'm not sure what's going tohappen, but it goes into effect
August 1st, so I'm very curiousto see if anyone actually is
sentenced to surgical castration.
I, like I said, I think itwould be especially heinous
crimes only after muchdeliberation.
(42:37):
But I'm curious.
I guess we'll find out.
Marissa (42:41):
Oh you see, good God made me a therapist for a reason
, cause if I was a judge, allmen gone, penis is gone.
I mean, if you come to mycourtroom for a case of rape,
you're gone.
No more penis, no more life, nomore penis.
And if you do have to live,you're eating the rest of your
life, eating the grinded up meatfrom your PP as hamburgers for
dinner every night.
That you're getting all rightmercy.
(43:02):
You are cruel and you definitelycannot be a judge because it's
just the stories that I see areand obviously, like I said
earlier, the people that come tomy office and I'm talking kids,
too young children.
It's disgusting, they shouldnot be allowed to walk free ever
again.
And they're lucky that peopleare even leaving them alive in
(43:23):
jail.
Because I would you know,because ridiculous.
Bridget (43:28):
No, so an argument to the law was why not?
I think someone said like oh,why not more extreme things like
death penalty, whatever?
But that is just like a fate.
That's too nice.
Marissa (43:41):
Um, I guess, yeah me.
As long as they stay in prisonfor life, like if they're
getting back out, then no, Iwould have preferred the death
penalty yeah, like wheneversomeone asks me my thoughts on
um capital punishment, Ihonestly just think it's like a
fate too, too kind.
Bridget (43:56):
The worst is to live your life in rotten jail oh yeah
, no for sure, but that doesn'talways happen.
Marissa (44:00):
as you mentioned, ber, the fifth year old got out, so
that's unfair.
Bridget (44:04):
They clearly didn't learn they didn't give a shit.
Our parole system is a joke andneeds to be completely redone,
but that's topic for another day.
So we're going to go into that.
Tough love with GerBear Marissais going to read the answer.
Marissa (44:20):
Oh wait, no, you don't have it, do you have it?
No, I'm the question girl.
You're the interpreter, jerryinterpreter.
Here we go.
Yes, all right, I know we'regetting our SHIT together, don't
you worry.
Okay, so answer for this weekregarding the new Louisiana law
Okay, Geri said Bridget, GeriWhisperer, right.
Bridget (44:44):
So basically, yeah, we just asked her her opinion
because I knew Geri would have agreat reaction.
But she said my gut reaction isgreat.
But when you think about it fora moment, many things come to
mind.
Like what if it wasn't him?
There's no reversal.
How does this help?
His mind is still wandering inthe gutter and probably still a
danger to children, which iswhat you said, marissa.
It's probably still a danger,he said.
(45:04):
My mind can go on and on.
How much is this going to costthe taxpayers for abysmal
failure?
Good question Therapy isn'tsuccessful either.
I get they are supposed tovolunteer, but I foresee immense
pressure.
Most young victims know theirperpetrator, family or friends.
No punishment is good enoughfor this type of harm.
True, lock them up and let thembe incarcerated.
(45:26):
Oh, let the incarcerated takeover.
That's enough.
Torture for life.
Get a dose of his own torture.
So okay, Geri is alluding tothe fact that if you are, if you
have domestic violence,violence against women and
violence against children, youare like the lowest of the low
in prison and everybody knows it, and you will be raped in
prison.
It's so interesting how likethey work out that hierarchy in
(45:49):
prison because you think like alot of these people just have no
regard for structure, but theydo.
And if you commit crimesagainst women, especially older
women, because they think oftheir moms and violence against
children, you will be fuckingraped in prison.
Yeah, Geri's solution is tolock them up and let the
(46:09):
incarcerated take over I likethe way.
Marissa (46:13):
Sometimes I'm like, yep , there she is, there's our Ger
bear good for you, that is agood answer oh god, um.
Bridget (46:22):
So that's our first answer for tough love by Gerbear
now, as we promised, the oneswe messed up last week.
Marissa (46:29):
Here we go.
So last week as you, if any ofyou did not tune in or forget it
was more about abusiverelationships and domestic
violence.
So the first question we askedher was how do you feel about
people stuck in abusiverelationships?
Bridget (46:43):
So she says it's a tough topic.
For me, no matter the answers,you sound insensitive and
intolerable.
It is a cycle they grow up inand are perpetuate.
Oh, is it a cycle they grow upin and are perpetuate?
Oh, is it a cycle they grow upin and are perpetuating?
Did they have self-esteemgrowing up or someone pushing
them?
I don't know, because I feelfor them, but I would never
stick around, for that Seemsunfair.
You want to judge, but youcan't without all the details.
(47:06):
It's a case by case analysisfor me.
I don't hang with people whohave these issues.
All my friends have strongpersonalities like me.
Birds of a feather.
Marissa (47:14):
Strong personality indeed.
Then we said we asked her well,is there any advice or tips
you'd give these people?
Bridget (47:23):
Get the F out, okay, there are places that can help.
If you do get out, don't berepeat and go back, like the
statistics say, three or fourtimes.
To be successful, do it foryour kids, if you have any Kids.
First priority Once is too manytimes.
Join a group online.
See a therapist.
(47:44):
I know a good one.
Believe in yourself first.
All cliches, I know, but alwayssome truth in them.
Marissa (47:50):
Latch on to one of them all cliches, I know, but always
some truth in them.
Latch on to one of them.
I know you said join a grouponline, but the way you said it
I thought you said group on.
I'm like, oh, there's a groupon for that when?
Join a group online?
You got our listeners beinglike domestic violence group on.
Where's that, oh man?
(48:12):
So next question Did you everknow somebody you asked to leave
a relationship because you feltthey were being taken advantage
of physically or mentally?
Bridget (48:22):
Oh, I don't recall knowing someone in an abusive
relationship my nieces withtheir parents, I guess.
I always tried to be the bestaunt but my sister always turned
them against us.
She limited their time with us.
We go to grandma's and shewould leave.
She would come earlier than us,always to have an exit plan.
Grandparents just kept themlonger and as much as possible,
thinking that would help.
I pick you up from daycare andthey would beg me to take to
(48:45):
take them.
But she wouldn't put me on thelist.
You know those pickup lists.
I wouldn't put me on the list.
You know those pickup lists.
Um, I'd say a cousin.
We tried to talk her intoleaving him before and after
marriage but she was wearingrose-colored glasses.
Then she stayed for the kidsand still stays for I tried
everything, live with us etc.
Then she moved too far for meto see it out of sight, out of
(49:06):
mind.
I see the domestic violencethrough my work.
Often the elderly were eitheralways abusive or in some cases
they became abusive as they gotolder and couldn't tolerate the
health issues and being a full,et cetera.
She said he didn't deserve it,was glad he died first for some
(49:34):
peace in her life.
Her children begged her toleave him, but when they aged
out and left, he was all she hadleft and couldn't do it.
Marissa (49:41):
Wow, that is very I see that too as well Very, very
common.
And you're, and she's right, itis mostly men because we are
more caretakers by nature.
So, yes, if the women, godforbid, gets sick first or has
Alzheimer's because they'venever had to have
responsibilities, like learn howto cook and I'm talking like
these older generations becauseobviously they're the older ones
(50:02):
now they can't handle it.
They're like they don't knowhow to keep a house and take and
this is an adult too, it's notlike a baby.
So like, say, if you have tochange a diaper, cause you know
their incontinence, whatever,it's hard to.
They're old too, so it's evenhard for me in my thirties Now
let's think of like 70 plustrying to roll another person
over and change an adult diaperoften, cause you know people go
(50:23):
to the bathroom all the timesthroughout the day.
It's frustrating, but, yes,women would just suck it up,
right, because we always havefor centuries.
But men, yeah, I could see whythey perpetrate the violence.
They can't handle thatresponsibility, and she's right,
they probably feel like they'rebeing cheated out of life.
Bridget (50:40):
Also we do need to address that.
As you age, let's say, youdevelop dementia, alzheimer's.
That affects your mental healthand you develop what we call
like geriatric depression, andso you can't be blamed for that.
It is true, like depressionassociated with Alzheimer's, you
don't become yourself.
You become a very dark versionof who you once were, and that
(51:04):
can cause violence as well.
So we're not speaking aboutpeople like that, because that
is like they're not of theirright sound mind, but we were
talking about specificallypeople who become resentful of
their lifelong partner becausethey don't want to feel like
nailed down to to the house,because they have to take care
of someone, and that's reallysad because there are resources
(51:26):
out there.
They can hire help, they canapply for help through um,
medicare, also through theirinsurance.
They can obviously ask childrenor relatives to help in the
area, but instead they don't.
They stew in their unhappinessand they take it out on their
partner, and it's really fuckedup I agree, I agree.
Marissa (51:45):
So those were both episodes questions from tough
love with Gerbear.
We hope you enjoyed her answers.
As always, she'sstraightforward and to the point
and you know you're not alwaysgonna like her.
Both episodes questions fromTough Love with Gerbear.
We hope you enjoyed her answers.
Bridget (51:58):
As always, she's straightforward and to the point
, and you know you're not alwaysgoing to like her answers, but
that's too bad.
Marissa (52:02):
But I thought her answers were very.
That's Geri, that's Geri.
But I thought her answers werevery, even though to the point,
well thought out and truthful.
You know, honestly, and I canrelate to that?
Bridget (52:11):
Yeah, no, I agree with them.
Yeah, I think she had sometruth there.
One of these days, we are gonnaget her on to speak to you guys
directly, because I know she'sdying too.
Marissa (52:22):
I feel like we should wait, though, till that when
we're doing video, because yougot to see this woman in action,
her body language alone I agree.
Bridget (52:28):
Actually part of the show is you know what?
You watching her, how shespeaks, how she gesticulates.
My God, she's very active.
Marissa (52:36):
Oh, absolutely she's.
She's something we love you.
So that's this episode.
It was a little bit lengthier,but we had a lot to go over,
plus tough love with GerBeartimes two.
So we hope you all enjoyed thisepisode.
Please like subscribe to ourYouTube channel at Psychotic PY
(52:59):
Podcast.
As always, we thank you guysfor listening.
We value you guys so much andtake care.
Bridget (53:06):
Please let us know what you think of the Louisiana law.
I want some answers from youpeople, I want opinions and we
will talk about them on our nextepisode.
Also, personal note, I amturning 30 this week.
Party party On July 14th, sothe day after this podcast will
(53:28):
air I will be turning 30.
Can I just say I actuallyforgot until last night because
I thought it was like early Junestill correction two days after
the podcast airs, it's a.
Sunday oh, my birthday is ohgod, pregnancy brain I'm all
(53:56):
confused, my bad, yeah, sorry.
Two days after, uh, I can'tbelieve it.
I'm so shocked.
I was like, wait what mybirthday is in a week.
Marissa (54:06):
I'm excited.
Welcome to the 30.
Best years ever so far.
Okay, we'll see For those ofyou who don't know, since
there's no video she just gaveme the nastiest look Like.
If she could Caesar Beam me.
She just did.
Bridget (54:22):
I feel really not ready yet.
Marissa (54:25):
I don't know, but you have the things that most people
like before 30.
You got the man, the house, thehouse, the baby, a great career
a podcaster.
Bridget (54:33):
look at this, it's not so much the milestones, because
I'm not one of those peoplethat's like comparing myself to
others.
Marissa (54:41):
It's just the fact that you, you really don't think
you're gonna like grow up, andthen, all of a sudden, you do
welcome to my life bitch Texas,I keep watching you and all the
cousins have fun at Thanksgivingand I'm like I want to go back.
Bridget (54:58):
I know, okay, aside from hearing about your opinions
about Louisiana, I also reallywant to hear your opinions on
turning 30, because I know a lotof our like friends who listen
to this podcast are my age orMerissa's age.
So you've also gone through it,like I'm young for my grade.
So most of my friends in mygrade have already turned 30.
So I just want to know, like,how, like what did you feel
(55:19):
about turning 30?
Why was 30 a big one?
Like, why 30?
Please, let me know.
She's desperate.
Please, for anything I'mdesperate.
So just tell me, like, why 30felt bigger to you or what you
did to deal with it.
Or if you're one of thosepeople it's like age is a number
bitch, get over it.
Just tell me.
Marissa (55:39):
I would love to read those.
Like she said, we're gonna,we'll read them.
It'll be a good time.
Yeah, anyway, as always, thankyou guys for listening.
Thanks always thank you guysfor listening.
Thanks so much, bye, bye.
Hello and welcome back to our podcast.
Today we're talking aboutsexual violence, so trigger
warning disclaimer.
This topic is a very heavytopic.
So you know, if this hashappened to you or someone you
know, or this topic is justheavy, please feel free to tune
out or skip this episode of ourseason.
So we're going to try our bestto make everyone feel
comfortable, so let's dive rightin.
Bridget (00:28):
All right, hi guys, welcome to psychotic PY podcast.
I don't want to say the P wordbecause apparently YouTube will
block us a little bit, so solet's just jump right in.
Yeah, so in 2013, gina Thomasand colleagues reported that
quote sexual violence, inaddition to violating a woman's
(00:50):
rights, can result in immediateand long-term health
consequences for women.
Now this probably seems reallyobvious to everyone, but we need
to really specifically say howyour long-term health can be
affected.
So sexual violence can lead toa multitude of health
consequences, including physical, reproductive and psychological
.
Some may be fatal, whereasothers, such as unhealthy
(01:12):
behaviors, may occur indirectlyas a result of the violence.
In total, these result in asignificant health burden and
should be considered by serviceproviders, government
authorities and non-governmentalagencies.
So for women who present early,immediate care should be
provided with plans forfollow-up.
Mental health interventions areimportant, as women who are
(01:36):
sexually assaulted have thehighest burden of post-traumatic
stress disorder.
So that is all a direct quotefrom this study.
The immediate health concernsare obviously sexually
transmitted infections,including HIV, quickly treated
infections like chlamydia,gonorrhea, etc.
Those are just more short term,whereas if you develop
something like HIV or herpes, itcan be a long term burden you
are now living with and thatobviously you know HIV greatly
(01:59):
impacts your health.
Later on.
Medium to long term healthconsequences can be
gastrointestinal those arereported as the highest.
So diarrhea, nausea, vomiting,tiredness and abdominal pain.
A lot of women who are victimsof sexual violence report that
as the most common symptom, andI think it's a lot to do with
stress not sleeping well, noteating well, and just constant
(02:21):
stress really irritates ourtummies.
You know.
To put it lightly, genitalinjuries can cause vaginal
bleeding, irritation, chronicpelvic pain, pms, utis.
So women who come in with whatwe would call dyspareunia, so
pain with sex.
You know, usually you need todig a little bit deeper with
these women and you will uncoversome sort of sexual trauma from
(02:44):
their past, because it isabnormal to have this chronic
pelvic pain through something assimple as consensual sex with
someone that you want to be with.
So it's really important thatyou don't overlook that and you
do dive deeper into their pastand really question them if they
were ever taken advantage ofand obviously that can then
(03:06):
affect their future familyplanning Someone who is with
someone who they love and theyconsent to be with but are in so
much pain that they cannot have, you know, meaningful,
penetrative sex, then it will bereally difficult for them to
conceive.
So these things can't beoverlooked.
It's really important we askwomen about that if they present
with chronic pelvic pain, likethat Quote.
(03:28):
Sexual violence has been linkedto high-risk sexual behaviors,
such as having unprotected sex,having multiple sexual partners,
participating in sex work ortransactional sex, having sex
while under the influence ofalcohol or drugs and having
high-risk sexual partners.
So these all these things, youknow, although not inherently
(03:48):
bad, but if it's a result oftrauma, we need to look into
this because it's almostnon-consensual at that point if
you're doing it as a traumaresponse.
In 2014, a cross-sectionalstudy performed by Santillaria
and colleagues reported thatsexual assault is a traumatic
event with potentiallydevastating lifelong effects on
(04:09):
physical and mental health.
Research has demonstrated thatindividuals who experience
sexual assault during childhoodare more likely to engage in
risky behaviors later in life,such as smoking, alcohol and
drug use and disordered eatinghabits, which may increase the
risk of developing a chronicdisease.
So it's so interesting, thesethings that we experience,
(04:31):
especially in young age, if itcan affect how you make
decisions in the future smoking,alcohol, drug use, disordered
eating habits as we know becausewe've discussed in season one
of this podcast.
All those decisions affect youroverall health.
Smoking obviously can lead tolung cancer, hypertension.
Alcohol use can lead todiabetes and hypertension, and
(04:53):
poor decision-making, which canopen you up to more infections.
Disordered eating obviously canlead to hypertension, diabetes,
heart disease.
So all of these things are aresult of a previous trauma,
potentially.
So we can't overlook thatmind-body connection.
It's really really importantand especially after something
(05:15):
as traumatic and life-alteringas sexual assault, sexual
violence.
So it's really important thatyour doctors, nurses, eas, et
cetera, really explore thatmind-body connection and don't
just say, oh well, you came inwith pelvic pain or a couple
infections and say, oh, it'sjust normal, you know, having
(05:37):
some risky sexual behavior, ofcourse you're going to develop
some infections.
You really need to say you know, was this a result of something
consensual?
Do you need to talk about itmore?
Do you need me to refer you toa therapist?
So yeah, it's very, veryimportant topic.
Marissa (05:51):
Absolutely, you know.
From the mental health aspect Iwill say it's as horrific as
the sexual violence is, the theaftermath and the mental health
I've seen in my own experiencehas been really detrimental
effects.
Let's understand sexualviolence from a mental health
(06:11):
perspective.
Sexual assault, rape, incestthese are all traumatic
experiences that can havedevastating and long-lasting
effect on survivors.
These can involvenon-consensual sexual contact or
behavior perpetrated by force,through manipulation or coercion
.
Mental health impact it couldbe, like Bridget said,
post-traumatic stress disorder,ptsd, and the survivors often
(06:33):
experience symptoms such asflashback nightmares, severe
anxiety, which is also similarto those seen in combat veterans
.
They can experience depression,feelings of sadness,
hopelessness, loss of interestin life and these are all common
among survivors.
Anxiety disorders you maydevelop a generalized anxiety
disorder.
Panic attacks, specific phobiasnow related to this trauma that
you've experienced.
(06:53):
Dissociation Very common amongsurvivors.
You may dissociate from yourcertain emotions and
surroundings as a copingmechanism after the assault.
You know if something istriggering you and makes you
relive that experience, even inthe slightest, you might
dissociate in order to protectyourself.
That's very common.
Victims may turn to substanceuse, whether it's drugs or
(07:15):
alcohol.
We also see that.
So increased risk of riskybehaviors and that's how they
try to cope with their trauma.
Suicidal thoughts they aredefinitely a higher risk for
suicidal ideation, suicideattempts, often due to
overwhelming feelings of shame,guilt and despair.
So these are all things thatyou might see for the mental
health, which might be kind oflike red flags, so you can maybe
(07:38):
, if someone hasn't disclosed intherapy what they're coming for
entirely and certain things arepopping up and they're maybe
having certain diagnoses orsymptoms, you can kind of
understand why it might be.
You might want to ask thesethings, like Bridget said, so
from her perspective, if, if shesees something going on
internally, she wants to askjust to make sure, is this due
to this, instead of just whatyou're coming for?
(08:00):
So that's what I may ask aswell and say let's dive into
your past here.
Have you ever been a victim ofphysical assault, sexual, verbal
?
Just trying to figure out whatthey may have experienced so I
can get the bigger picture and Ican fully help them.
Some barriers to recovery,though, I will say, is stigma
and shame.
Survivors often haveinternalized guilt and shame
(08:21):
which prevents them from seekinghelp or speaking out, lack of
support.
This is huge, I will say,especially in, maybe would you
say, bridget, like lower incomefamilies.
There is a lack of supportthere and I feel like those
victims easily turn more toalcohol and drugs or sex working
stuff like that, just reallybehaviors that are more harmful
(08:41):
than helpful and unfortunatelythey don't have friends and
family and institutions to helpthem.
They don't know where to go, sowhere else do they go?
Their behavior is just kind ofincreasing and complex trauma
which could be repeated, orprolonged nature of sexual abuse
in cases of incest, which couldobviously hinder the healing
process.
(09:01):
So those are a few barriers torecovery.
Some therapeutic interventionscould be EMDR and just
trauma-focused therapies ingeneral, and also seeking out a
therapist who has experience inthis and can really connect you
to the right people and team tohelp you.
Support networks you have tohave a strong support system
friends, families, supportgroups super crucial in this
(09:23):
time.
So these are all superimportant to take into
consideration when dealing withclients that have experienced
these types of traumas.
Bridget (09:32):
You know the thing about like sexual violence, like
we talk about it with these.
You know hushed tones andeverything's like.
It's so extreme, can youimagine, but it the reality is.
As a woman and to everyone outthere listening, if you identify
as female and you have femalefriends, you probably know
someone who has been eitherraped or victim of molestation
(09:59):
or some sort of sexual violencein their lifetime.
And it's so prevalent even indeveloped nations.
That is something we shouldreally be more open to speaking
about to lessen that stigmaBecause, as Marissa said, people
turn to these risky behaviorsbecause they don't have support
(10:19):
and they don't have supportbecause they're afraid to seek
it out for the most part, andit's such a shame that we really
I mean I'm saying this, but weall know someone who is a victim
one way or another of some sortof sexual violence.
If not, it happened toourselves Mostly the story is
they just did nothing about it.
Marissa (10:38):
Yeah, yeah, which is it's sad.
Support systems are superimportant.
I just mentioned, though, um.
You know, socioeconomic statusunfortunately does play a key
part in this, and how you knowthe victims will respond and the
help they'll get.
And it's really sad because,yeah, it should be talked about
more.
It shouldn't be.
You know, so hush, hush, andyou know this is something that
(11:00):
is happening.
You definitely probably knowsomeone in your life, whether
whether you know it or not, thathas experienced sexual violence
.
Bridget (11:07):
Yeah, and most of these people, I think.
I guess because we're so usedto brushing off poor behavior
that it's just like another stepand it's not the straw that
breaks the camel's back which isso fucked up Like, let's say,
for example, because it's socommon on college campuses in
the U S.
Marissa (11:27):
Turner.
Bridget (11:27):
Yeah, like we all know someone, or, like I said, or it
was.
You were like you went out onenight.
You woke up, you know you onlyhad a few drinks.
You woke up completely blackoutat like 4 PM Okay, not like an
11 AM.
Like Ooh, wow, I drank too much.
Like true blackout.
Like 4pm, okay, not like an11am.
Like oh, wow, I drank too muchTrue blackout.
You are now confused.
You have no idea what happenedthe night before and your
(11:49):
friends say you didn't evendrink that much.
You think there's a chance Iwas possibly roofied Okay, it's
very common.
And then you're like oh, thelast thing I remember actually
is like I woke up in a guy'shouse.
It's so sad that women are justlike well, it's just another
thing.
No one reports that.
It's so rare to then go toschool authorities and be like
(12:12):
you know, I was at so-and-sohouse and I'm pretty damn sure I
was roofied and I'm happy totake a toxicology screen.
I'll take myself to thehospital and get a blood test.
Most people just wake up and go.
Well, I hope I didn't regretanything too much and they don't
do anything about it.
We all just chat about it withthe girls and we're like that's
really fucked up.
But you know it's so rare and Ido know that Gen Z is now a lot
(12:34):
more vocal about inequalitiesand I do hope that that next
generation is actually like youknow what.
I actually don't know ifanything happened to me, but but
I know for a day I'm sure I wasprobably drugged and that in
itself is enough to complainabout.
Marissa (12:49):
Let's start teaching our children better.
If you're out at a fraternityparty, sorority, whatever, and
someone you're trying to getwith is drinking all night,
maybe it's not the best night tohave sexual relations with this
person.
Like they're not reallyconsenting I I just don't know
how you can see that asconsenting.
It's really disgusting, like Ihad mentioned before, like brock
(13:11):
turner, like what did he get?
Like six months or something.
Like it was a joke of probation, of probation.
It was a joke.
I'm sorry, but like what he didwas wrong, because wasn't this
the case, if I remembercorrectly, where someone only
caught him because he was likeby a dumpster or something?
Yes, which is even morehorrific, because it's not like,
oh, we were both drinking at aparty.
(13:31):
No, no, no, no, you had thisgirl by a dumpster, like the
criminal that you are, and youwere doing god knows what and
someone had to catch you in theact.
Like that's disturbing, that'scriminal behavior, I'm sorry.
And what's really crazy andthis is gonna really ruffle some
feathers is the difference hereis, if this same scenario
(13:51):
happened but it was a blackafrican-american male, the
sentence would have been wayheavier, oh, definitely way
heavier.
Bridget (13:59):
It's because he was a white guy who was on the swim
team at swim team at stanford.
So they were like, oh well, wedon't want to ruin his whole
future.
Yeah Well, how about the futurethat he ruined?
And how many other women he'staken advantage of?
How many women are now werefailing because they were living
with this trauma?
How many women needed to gettreatment for sexually
(14:19):
transmitted infections?
How many women now had toignore coursework to seek
therapy because they werestruggling to deal with what
happened to them?
Their futures are also I'm notgoing to say ruined, because I
hope that they carry on withtheir lives and they're absolute
badasses and they crush it, buttheir futures are changed about
(14:46):
literally last episode ourprofessions.
Marissa (14:47):
We see trends, violence escalates.
So now all you taught him iswow, he got off the hook.
You don't think this violenceis going to escalate later in
life?
He's already showed you histrue colors.
He's perfectly capable of that,and probably more.
This is going to escalate.
Bridget (14:55):
I'm sorry, just a matter of time and it all starts
with these like in middleschool, honestly, with like
inappropriate jokes, justcomments that are incredibly
sexist, a little bit of maybeplayful violence here and there.
None of this should be accepted.
And, women, we need to startspeaking up earlier, like when
(15:17):
you're that loud mouthelementary school girl and you
still have all your confidenceif a boy says something that's
fucked up.
We need to start being like no,you can't say that, I'm sorry,
it doesn't matter that it's ajoke, and I think, maybe not
that it should be up to us,honestly, it should be up to the
parents and the boys themselvesto be changing for the better.
(15:38):
But if we call it out as we seeit, then we won't just be
continuing on the same liketreadmill of like well, you know
, that's college.
Marissa (15:48):
Like I guess I drank too much since this kind of fits
into what we're we'rediscussing.
Do you remember bridget in likeum 2014, 2015?
The female from columbiauniversity that carried the
mattress, like like throughcollege campus because they did
nothing about her rapist?
yeah, yeah so I pulled up hername.
I can't barely pronounce itit's emma sokolowitz.
(16:10):
Okay, columbia university.
She reported the alleged umsexual violence.
They did nothing about it, soshe carried her mattress around
until graduation.
She called it carry the weight.
I find it it's so, I don't know.
It just shows you like awfulthings can happen to people
(16:32):
every day, especially women.
And then women will just kindof come out and like rock that
shit, like oh, you're not goingto do anything about it.
I'm going to carry a mattressevery day around campus and make
a whole performance out of ituntil you acknowledge that this
alleged sexual violent acthappened, and I just find it
ridiculous that they were likenope.
Bridget (16:51):
So colleges launch internal investigations because
they want to brush it under therug, because they don't want to
inflate their crime stats,because no sane parent
especially especially forschools like Columbia, nyu et
cetera, expensive schools where,like fairly wealthy kids are
going, so their parents arepaying out of pocket they don't
(17:11):
want those parents to go.
Oh, no, no, no, no, there's toomuch crime there.
It's in New York, I knew thiswould happen, um, and not send
their child there.
So instead they purposefullybrush under the rug a of crimes
and they say they launched theirown internal investigation.
Now I went to fordham and Idon't know if this is true
anymore, but fordham had one ofthe highest rates of sexual
(17:36):
assaults reported and everyonewas like, yeah.
So everyone was like oh, youknow, fordham is like just a
rapey school.
The truth is it's because oursecurity guards were ex NYPD and
if you reported it, they did apolice report.
So it was an accurate report,whereas other schools do quote,
unquote internal investigationswhere they nothing comes of it.
(18:00):
There is no police report.
So Fordham, it sounded like, ohmy God, they have such high
like sexual violence.
But the truth was we wereprobably just average for
college, but we actuallyreported it and we're like you
know what?
This is the truth, this is theamount that's reported.
These are the police reportsthat we've done and you know
we're doing something about it.
Marissa (18:20):
Yeah, and honestly, also that and also where you
guys are located, it makes sensethat those, like you said,
they're probably average numbers.
The rest of the colleges arejust lying.
You know Exactly, which is sad.
It really is sad because peoplehave the right to know real
stats, because they're sendingtheir pride and joy their
(18:40):
children and it's it's.
I would say, like I would liketo know that I have a daughter,
I have a son.
I want to know the truth, likewhere am I sending my kids?
How safe is?
Bridget (18:50):
it and instead of putting up this facade of safety
me like, oh no, it doesn'thappen here, I'd rather you
report the truth and then showme what you've done to reduce it
and show me actual quantifiablechange that I'm like oh wow,
they actually take theirstudents reports seriously.
Marissa (19:07):
So I agree with you.
I think the problem is, too,not just because they want to
look good, but they're dependingon who is the perp Like.
Like you said, what can hebring to the school?
Like, is this person on asports team?
Was their parents very wealthyand donated a lot of money?
Are they a legacy there?
Like, has everyone in theirfamily gone there?
(19:28):
So these all play into thesethe factors of what's going to
happen to the perpetrator, whichis also really sad.
Again, I have, I'm speculatinghere.
I have no proof.
I'm not like behind the scenesof these colleges, but to me,
especially when, when I heard oflike the whole Brock Turner
thing, like that's the vibe itgave me.
It's like because he was ofimportance to that college, so
like your trauma didn't matter.
Bridget (19:51):
Also, I really don't like this narrative that it's a
he said, she said Because women,can we just like put the kibosh
on that?
Because, like no sane woman ofsound body and mind would put
them or no sane person I'll sayperson would put themselves
through the horrific nature of arape kit questioning, possibly
(20:15):
having to go to court andknowing that your your image is
also completely tarnished now,even though you're the survivor.
No sane person would putthemselves through that.
To what ruin one guy's image?
Like it's so offensive thatpeople think that women's brains
work like that.
Like we're so petty and sobitter that I'm willing to like
(20:36):
ruin this one boy's reputationno, because I'm ruining my
reputation in in the mix of thisas well.
So can we just please like stopthat whole narrative that like
oh, she's doing it to get backat him.
Like no, no, no, no.
Like anyone with a functioningbrain who is coming forward as a
witness or a survivor is doingso because they want to see some
(21:00):
change and they want thatperson to be held accountable
for their actions.
I just that whole ah it likebrings me back to like brett
kavanaugh, like flashbacks ofthem being like, oh, she's just
doing it because he's beingappointed to the supreme court
and she wants to like tear downa powerful man like?
No, she's a powerful woman.
She herself is a successfulwoman, married family, like, has
(21:23):
it all, and I think she's adoctor.
And you know, like why wouldshe risk her own career and her
own image at the age of like 45?
Why would she do that?
Obviously she had a true storythat she felt she needed to tell
and it's just like so insultingthat, like anytime a woman
(21:45):
tries to speak up and do theright thing, we're told oh well,
you're just doing it to tarnishthis powerful man I think to
what we're seeing, because Iremember exactly where I was on
the day that like the me toomovement was really um, picking
up full force and like it feltlike every day.
Marissa (22:02):
It was like, oh my god, this person did this, that like
everyone keeps reporting.
And I I remember talking to thecoworker that I was working
with at the time and she waslike, can you believe these
stories keep coming out Like agood for these women.
But it's crazy that for yearsthis was not talked about.
It was in the dark.
These people were activelyliving their lives, getting away
with it, and the victims weresuffering in silence.
(22:22):
And I remember saying to herbig enough, which is also sad
(22:49):
because it would be, I feel likeopposite if it was heavily male
victims.
So it's just, I'm so happy thatwomen finally feel like in
today's world that we can bevocal and loud about it, but
it's sad that it showed us howevil the world truly is because
there's so many it showed us howlittle they value our voices,
(23:10):
because you needed literallyhundreds to come forward for
them to finally go.
Bridget (23:15):
Well, I guess you can't deny it.
Marissa (23:17):
Yeah, I know, good Lord , or even I was watching.
I remember too the day wewatched the case.
What is it?
Dr Nassar or whatever?
Who was the guy?
Who was the gymnast?
No, oh not that.
Bridget (23:32):
Yes, dr Larry Nassar, the USA gymnastics coach, not
coach trainer.
Marissa (23:39):
And I.
So I watched that because I asa therapist, I was like
intrigued, cause I wanted to see, like how the victims with
their statements, interacted andhow his whole um, persona
versus body language was in thetrial and I thought it was crazy
that he was able to just getaway with it for so long,
because these girls were like Imean, I thought it was part of
the checkup.
You know, every he's he,everyone loves him.
(24:01):
So what was I going to do?
And I think someone did reportit, but did it like the
university, I'm not sure,somewhere, but the university
was like oh no, he's one of ourbeloved and they pretty much
brushed it under the rug, eventhough one of the victims did
report it before.
Everything kind of came open tothe world and watching the
(24:24):
victim statements, they were intears.
They were so uncomfortable.
They did it because they knewthey had to and they were like
you know what?
This is my chance to tell himhow I really feel and let the
world see what he did to meinternally and mentally.
There was just the statementswere sad.
I was getting tears watchingthese girls and they were, some
of them were so young it was.
Bridget (24:40):
And the one who did come forward.
Originally I think they calledher like athlete X or something.
She lost her spot.
She was definitely likeOlympics bound and she was
purposefully snubbed a spot onthe Olympic team.
And you know, with the Olympics, because they're every four
years and especially withgymnastics, like you age out of
(25:00):
gymnastics very quickly.
Um, so that was it.
That was her one shot at theolympics and she risked it all
just to speak up.
And then it took years, aftershe spoke up, to actually, you
know, see some change and forhim to go to trial and and no
wonder why these girls wouldn'twant to report it.
Marissa (25:16):
All you did was show them oh, you want to talk back.
You're.
You're out of here.
Your shot of your dream is goneyeah it's sad.
Bridget (25:25):
This is why, and like it's, it's so annoying that it's
true, but this is why you needmale allies.
So, when me too is happening Idon't know if you remember this
mercer, terry cruz, love him hecame forward and like released a
whole written statement wherehe basically was like hat in
hand, like letting it just allbe on the table, because some of
the things he said were likenot great, to admit, but he did
(25:48):
say I used to live in a worldwhere I thought men were the
main, the stars, and women wereco-stars.
Um, they were, you know,beeline character, plot,
whatever.
Um, and he said, and it tookuntil I was at a party and he
was molested by some bigwig inhollywood.
(26:09):
Um, it took until that momentfor him to realize what women go
through.
And he was like this was just metonight at this one party and
I'm, you know, like in my 30s or40s and it's never, never
happened to me before, and he's,I don't know, like 300 pounds
of muscle, like Terry Crews isabsolutely stacked and someone
had the audacity to molest him.
He was like what do women gothrough who are smaller, shorter
(26:34):
, you know, on average, justsmaller than men, and how many
years have they put up with it,and that totally changed his
mindset about how he views menand women in society, especially
in show business.
But it took until that momentfor a lot of Me Too for, like
male allies to kick off andspeak up, which is annoying,
(26:55):
obviously, that like a man hadto say something for then other
men to be like.
Oh yeah, that is a problem.
But that is why male voices arereally important.
Like you have to be alliessolely because your voice for
some reason has more weight toit, and it still does.
It's 2024.
And that's just the truth.
Marissa (27:15):
It's sad, but you're right, it is the truth.
And I mean it's a good thing hedid speak up, because maybe
that is kind of what took the MeToo movement to different
heights and really sit down andlisten to everyone.
Bridget (27:26):
Yeah, and the same thing happened with Bill Cosby.
I watched that special.
I watched Hannibal Love him.
I remember that special justpremiered on Netflix.
I watched it like as itpremiered and he made that.
So the Bill Cosby thing was awell-known secret Like everyone
(27:47):
in comedy knew.
Yet no one said a damn thing.
No male comics, no matter howfamous and far reaching their
power was, none of them had theballs to say anything.
Hannibal got up there on stageand was like, made a joke just
and he goes.
You know, that's true, right,and everyone kind of like had an
awkward laugh in the crowd.
A week later it was all overthe news and it was his joke.
(28:09):
And I am so happy because atthat time Hannibal, although
successful, like he had hisstints here and there he was not
like some really influentialcomic, like it could have
totally torpedoed his career,but he like you know what, I'm
gonna make the joke and I'mgonna put it, put it out there.
So now it's not just a knownsecret in comedy, it's gonna be
known to everyone because I'mputting it on netflix.
(28:29):
And I was like, yes, thank youfor saying that like because it
was just undeniable.
Then people had to investigateit.
I mean, it was so awkward.
And then boom, week later, weeklater, all over the news and
then within that year he wasgoing to trial.
Marissa (28:43):
It's crazy to me that, but again it shows you, like,
how many generations of womenjust suffered in silence because
why?
Cause he was famous, cause hehad power, cause he was a man,
or were they worried what hecould do to their careers and
lives?
It's insane, because that's notjustice, that's crazy.
Bridget (29:01):
Yeah, unfortunately, when there's that power dynamic,
you know, you're less likely tospeak up because you think,
well, this is going to ruin myreputation or my career as well,
whereas if it's that more rareinstance of like a stranger,
you're more likely to be like,hey, that's not right, um, but
that's not the case.
As we know, sexual violenceusually happens between someone
(29:24):
you know, uh, and unfortunatelypeople aren't willing to put
their butt on the line to speakup.
I agree.
Marissa (29:31):
I mean I, through the years, whether it was in my own
private practice or even backGod when I was an intern,
interning I mean this field hastaught me that the world is a
very scary ugly place for sure Iknow.
Normally each session I giveyou little tidbits of like,
maybe a certain example of aclient I might work with and
tell you how I work through it.
But this is such a sensitivetopic that I'd say I'm not going
(29:52):
to give any tidbits on whatclients may or may have not told
me.
But I will tell you I haveworked with victims and even in
the incest realm of rape, rapeand it's what they report is
awful, it's, it's actually theheaviest.
Sessions I always say are likestuff like that and like
obviously traumatic grief andlosses, because that session is
(30:16):
is so hard and sometimes it'suncomfortable for me internally
and I have to work through myown internal issues.
To just be like I need to sit,I need to be present, like
they're opening up there.
You know it's usually a lot oftears and hard conversations.
So I'll just say being atherapist has taught you that
the world is.
It can be an ugly place,sometimes even in your own
(30:39):
families, and that's it's scary.
Bridget (30:41):
Yeah, sometimes even in your own families, and that's,
it's scary, yeah.
Um, just from like my ownpersonal experience, I have
actually been like in asituation with a friend where we
were reporting like a man inpower, um, and we had like a
meeting with HR and everythingand we really like went back and
forth before we reported it,because he's married with two
(31:02):
young children, um, and we werelike, you know, because you're
not just, you're not justunearthing it for him to be get
in trouble like you'reultimately like possibly
flipping his life upside down,but that hurts his wife as well
and children and his wife andchildren.
Marissa (31:18):
I know, I know, but you just think like his wife and
children.
Bridget (31:20):
I know, I know, but you just think like his wife and
children don't deserve thatupending of their life.
And we really did go back andforth and then ultimately it was
like we have to say somethingbecause otherwise there's just
going to be more people that he,you know, affects.
And so we did say something,had this big meeting with HR and
(31:42):
we left kind of just like, notreally reassured at all, like
there was nothing officialreally being done.
They were just like, oh well,um, we, we could break his
contract with our hospital, butlike you know, he doesn't, he's
for like a contract doctor, likehe has contracts all throughout
the city, so like, and it wasjust so like we did all that for
(32:04):
maybe nothing, I don't know.
It's just really reallyfrustrating Because it feels
like you go through this wholebureaucracy and at the end of
the day, the result is alwayskind of like yeah, we'll look
into it.
Marissa (32:17):
It is frustrating because I don't know why they're
acting like it's not a crime.
Bridget (32:21):
It is a crime, especially if if this guy has
done it multiple times you'resaying that you know, yeah, and
we did our research, we asked,uh, women from years before us
and women within our class, andwe got, like written statements
from people who are comfortableenough to share that's upsetting
to hear.
Marissa (32:39):
to be honest, um, I'm not surprised.
I don't know.
I'll ask a question you candecline to answer, because I
know you know your job might beon the line, but is this
something that happened in theUK?
Bridget (32:49):
No, no, this was in med school.
Oh, okay, okay.
Marissa (32:52):
Allegedly.
Let's put that in there.
Disclaimer Can't sue us.
Bridget (32:56):
Allegedly.
I just want to clarify that Iwas not like a victim of sexual
violence, but I knew about whatwas going on and so I was the
person who was like I hadnothing to lose.
So I was like if anyone feelscomfortable enough to share
their name, you absolutely can.
(33:28):
But like we're taking this toHR, I've had enough of this well
, I'm glad you did that.
Marissa (33:33):
I'm sorry that it was really like they didn't do much.
It sounds like they're, asusual, brushing things under the
rug exactly.
Bridget (33:42):
So, like I don't even know what came of it, I just
know that when we asked thegrade below us, I think they
said like, oh yeah, we don't goto his clinics anymore.
Marissa (33:51):
I mean, I think that's that screams like guilty.
He's guilty they'reuncomfortable.
Clearly you wouldn't, youwouldn't make that decision if
you didn't fear him in some wayand his behavior.
That's.
That's a shame.
It's you know, it's.
It's definitely common and,like Bridget said early in the
episode, whether it's someoneyou know family, friends, or
(34:11):
someone you've just kind ofcontact with at work a co-worker
, acquaintance it happens moreoften than not, as sad as it is,
and it's also very common thatit gets brushed under the rug,
to be honest yeah, and it's allthese little things as well, all
these little microaggressionsthat we forget about because,
honestly, like as women, we'reso used to dealing with it.
Bridget (34:32):
We're just like, eh, whatever.
But like if you actually satdown and like debriefed yourself
after those littlemicroaggressions happen and you
told your friend, your friendwould be like that's fucked up
it absolutely is.
Marissa (34:45):
But you're right, we are kind of the way we grew up,
at least now, like you said,hopefully the newer generations
are learning from our mistakesand being louder with their
voices.
But it was.
It's just something that youwere like.
I mean.
Well, you know, like it happensalso makes me like like how
many times where people in thenews were portrayed as like
homewreckers, for instance, likemonica lewinsky, right?
(35:07):
was she a homewrecker or did hepressure her?
And of course, her job was onthe line the best job in the us,
apparently.
So she's not gonna, not becauseshe wants to work in the white
house yeah, that was a completepower struggle, power dynamic.
Bridget (35:21):
I think she was 27 or 26.
She was very young.
He is in his mid-40s, married.
He's the one who has a marriagecommitment.
He's the one who's a father.
He's the one who's in power.
He's the president.
Marissa (35:34):
She was absolutely not a homewrecker, same thing with
Anita Hill, I know, but theymade their jokes.
They made their skits and jokeson tv, acting like she was some
kind of harlot who was youngerand prettier, and you know
that's why she was able to take,uh, hillary clinton's man like
of course she's spending allthis time the way she was
dressing and it's like, even ifshe were to wear the sluttiest
(35:58):
thing you could think of, oreven be naked, like there is no
excuse for his behavior.
I'm sorry.
Bridget (36:02):
Exactly At the end of the day.
He's the one who's married,he's the one who has a
commitment.
Marissa (36:07):
He's the president of our country at the time.
I mean, like you're supposed torepresent us, like that's just,
it was so awful.
Bridget (36:14):
And then, all these years later, hillary is still
somehow blamed for that.
The woman who couldn't keephold of her husband.
Marissa (36:23):
Isn't that funny?
Like they, they really won'treally properly by law punish
someone, but they'll go out oftheir way to be like, okay, so
we destroyed the home record,now let's focus on the wife.
Like, maybe if you opened yourlegs more or stuck trying to run
for presidency yourself and andpleased your husband, he
wouldn't feel the need to stepout.
Like excuse me, do you see howthere's so many things wrong
(36:44):
with that statement?
Bridget (36:45):
like I know, we will literally blame any like a fly
in that room instead of theperson who actually perpetrated.
Marissa (36:51):
We just like cannot look at the man straight in the
face and go oh wait, no, he didit and even if he hadn't, wasn't
married and he was, just likeyou know, a sing president, I
feel like they would have beenlike oh, it's so hard to be
president to stress he reallyneeded sexual release.
Come on, can you blame him?
It's like what Do the rest Do?
(37:13):
Release like the rest of us.
Use your coping skills, go tothe gym, go on a walk Like, hang
out with friends.
You don't coerce someone togive you a blow job in the Oval
Office.
Bridget (37:23):
I'm sorry.
Seek out meaningfulrelationships outside of work.
Marissa (37:30):
Right, right, god, it cracks me up.
Yeah, now that we're reallydiving into this.
Yeah, I'm just really annoyedthat, like there is, there's
always someone else getting theblame Stop shifting the blame
Right.
Bridget (37:42):
Shall we get into Louisiana?
Absolutely All right, let'stalk Louisiana people.
All right, here's what'shappening.
So NPR reported one week agothat Louisiana is the first
state to allow surgicalcastration as a punishment for
sex crimes against minors.
This law goes into effectAugust 1st.
(38:03):
Surgical castration is apermanent procedure involving
surgical removal of testicles orovaries.
Now I do want to say thatchemical castration with
medication has already been inthe law books of quite a few
states for a while now.
It's just very rarely used.
That's why we never hear aboutit.
The guilty party can refusecastration and instead opt to be
(38:27):
imprisoned for an additionalthree to five years without the
possibility of parole or earlyrelease, and this law cannot be
applied to anyone under 17 yearsold who is found guilty of sex
crimes.
So anyone can say no, I don'twant that, and go to jail for
longer if they want, and minorsare exempt from this.
So the inspiration for this lawwas a Democratic lawmaker in
(38:51):
Louisiana was reading the newsabout a 51-year-old man who
raped a five-year-old, went tojail, went to jail, was paroled,
got out and raped a 12-yearyear old.
And so anyone who says this iscruel and unusual, she says.
I think raping a five year oldis cruel and unusual, Absolutely
so.
(39:11):
That is a new law in Louisiana.
Now, is it draconian?
Has it gone too far?
Is it government overreach?
There is that loophole that youknow you can say no and go to
prison for longer.
So we I really want to knowwhat you guys think about this.
Marissa (39:27):
My opinion is because there is the loophole of
declining it and getting alonger sentence without parole.
I don't think it's going toofar.
Also, they obviously exclude 17and younger.
So I don't think it's going toofar Cause, like you said, like
a 50 year old raped, afive-year-old did his time but
got out and did it to a 12 yearold, no, he should be castrated.
I said I mean again, maybecontroversial and some men will
(39:49):
attack us after listening tothis podcast, but again they
don't.
They could choose no and justhave a longer sentence.
Also, men like that, like theexample you just gave us, should
absolutely be castrated.
Bridget (40:08):
Why are you don't deserve your penis, get out of
here.
So the it's case by case.
And so let's say the jury findsyou guilty, it's up to the
judge to then use, you know,their power and their general
judicial powers, their balancedbrain hopefully it's balanced to
then say this person issuitable for a um like
punishment with castration ornot.
So it's not like everyone whosexually assaults a minor
automatically gets it.
(40:28):
It's only reserved for specialcases which you assume would be
like especially heinous.
Marissa (40:33):
Yeah, absolutely like I can't off the top of my head.
I can't remember the name, butrecently in the news, um, this
mom had a new boyfriend I thinkit was like a nine month old
daughter and she left the roomto go do laundry or whatever and
he raped her and then left herlifeless body and she died in
the like in the nursery.
I'm sorry.
Someone like that should beshot dead on the spot.
(40:55):
Also, castration is pretty nicebecause you still get to live
your life even though you'redickless, like the loser you you
are.
Because if I was that mother, Iwould kill you.
You wouldn't survive.
Dick or no dick, I would shootyou in the head On the spot
immediately.
Absolutely.
Won't you dare touch my child.
These are the type of thehorrific things.
It's like you don't deserve apenis.
I'm sorry, you're not evenhuman at that point.
(41:17):
You're, you're a, you're ananimal, you're a monster.
I would like to clarify thatcastration just means your
testicles are removed, not yourpenis.
I've well, I think all shouldbe removed.
I'm even angrier now.
What's removing the balls gonnado?
Just make sure they can't getyou pregnant.
Bridget (41:33):
Still, they have the tool to still rape so the idea
is that it's like when youneuter a dog, you because your
your testicles and hold yourtestosterone and produce
testosterone.
Same thing for um women withtheir ovaries.
Ovaries produce estrogen.
So if you remove the hormoneproducing entities, it will curb
your.
You, let's say unholy desiresis the thought I have.
Marissa (41:58):
I have problems with this.
Honestly.
I think it all should be chop,chop, chopping, block, and then
they're forced to sit there andwatch me as I put it in a meat
grinder.
Bridget (42:15):
It is a really interesting thing that Louisiana
has done and I don't know ifwe're going to see other states
follow suit or I don't knowwe're going to see other states
follow suit or I don't know.
I'm not sure what's going tohappen, but it goes into effect
August 1st, so I'm very curiousto see if anyone actually is
sentenced to surgical castration.
I, like I said, I think itwould be especially heinous
crimes only after muchdeliberation.
(42:37):
But I'm curious.
I guess we'll find out.
Marissa (42:41):
Oh you see, good God made me a therapist for a reason
, cause if I was a judge, allmen gone, penis is gone.
I mean, if you come to mycourtroom for a case of rape,
you're gone.
No more penis, no more life, nomore penis.
And if you do have to live,you're eating the rest of your
life, eating the grinded up meatfrom your PP as hamburgers for
dinner every night.
That you're getting all rightmercy.
(43:02):
You are cruel and you definitelycannot be a judge because it's
just the stories that I see areand obviously, like I said
earlier, the people that come tomy office and I'm talking kids,
too young children.
It's disgusting, they shouldnot be allowed to walk free ever
again.
And they're lucky that peopleare even leaving them alive in
(43:23):
jail.
Because I would you know,because ridiculous.
Bridget (43:28):
No, so an argument to the law was why not?
I think someone said like oh,why not more extreme things like
death penalty, whatever?
But that is just like a fate.
That's too nice.
Marissa (43:41):
Um, I guess, yeah me.
As long as they stay in prisonfor life, like if they're
getting back out, then no, Iwould have preferred the death
penalty yeah, like wheneversomeone asks me my thoughts on
um capital punishment, Ihonestly just think it's like a
fate too, too kind.
Bridget (43:56):
The worst is to live your life in rotten jail oh yeah
, no for sure, but that doesn'talways happen.
Marissa (44:00):
as you mentioned, ber, the fifth year old got out, so
that's unfair.
Bridget (44:04):
They clearly didn't learn they didn't give a shit.
Our parole system is a joke andneeds to be completely redone,
but that's topic for another day.
So we're going to go into that.
Tough love with GerBear Marissais going to read the answer.
Marissa (44:20):
Oh wait, no, you don't have it, do you have it?
No, I'm the question girl.
You're the interpreter, jerryinterpreter.
Here we go.
Yes, all right, I know we'regetting our SHIT together, don't
you worry.
Okay, so answer for this weekregarding the new Louisiana law
Okay, Geri said Bridget, GeriWhisperer, right.
Bridget (44:44):
So basically, yeah, we just asked her her opinion
because I knew Geri would have agreat reaction.
But she said my gut reaction isgreat.
But when you think about it fora moment, many things come to
mind.
Like what if it wasn't him?
There's no reversal.
How does this help?
His mind is still wandering inthe gutter and probably still a
danger to children, which iswhat you said, marissa.
It's probably still a danger,he said.
(45:04):
My mind can go on and on.
How much is this going to costthe taxpayers for abysmal
failure?
Good question Therapy isn'tsuccessful either.
I get they are supposed tovolunteer, but I foresee immense
pressure.
Most young victims know theirperpetrator, family or friends.
No punishment is good enoughfor this type of harm.
True, lock them up and let thembe incarcerated.
(45:26):
Oh, let the incarcerated takeover.
That's enough.
Torture for life.
Get a dose of his own torture.
So okay, Geri is alluding tothe fact that if you are, if you
have domestic violence,violence against women and
violence against children, youare like the lowest of the low
in prison and everybody knows it, and you will be raped in
prison.
It's so interesting how likethey work out that hierarchy in
(45:49):
prison because you think like alot of these people just have no
regard for structure, but theydo.
And if you commit crimesagainst women, especially older
women, because they think oftheir moms and violence against
children, you will be fuckingraped in prison.
Yeah, Geri's solution is tolock them up and let the
(46:09):
incarcerated take over I likethe way.
Marissa (46:13):
Sometimes I'm like, yep , there she is, there's our Ger
bear good for you, that is agood answer oh god, um.
Bridget (46:22):
So that's our first answer for tough love by Gerbear
now, as we promised, the oneswe messed up last week.
Marissa (46:29):
Here we go.
So last week as you, if any ofyou did not tune in or forget it
was more about abusiverelationships and domestic
violence.
So the first question we askedher was how do you feel about
people stuck in abusiverelationships?
Bridget (46:43):
So she says it's a tough topic.
For me, no matter the answers,you sound insensitive and
intolerable.
It is a cycle they grow up inand are perpetuate.
Oh, is it a cycle they grow upin and are perpetuate?
Oh, is it a cycle they grow upin and are perpetuating?
Did they have self-esteemgrowing up or someone pushing
them?
I don't know, because I feelfor them, but I would never
stick around, for that Seemsunfair.
You want to judge, but youcan't without all the details.
(47:06):
It's a case by case analysisfor me.
I don't hang with people whohave these issues.
All my friends have strongpersonalities like me.
Birds of a feather.
Marissa (47:14):
Strong personality indeed.
Then we said we asked her well,is there any advice or tips
you'd give these people?
Bridget (47:23):
Get the F out, okay, there are places that can help.
If you do get out, don't berepeat and go back, like the
statistics say, three or fourtimes.
To be successful, do it foryour kids, if you have any Kids.
First priority Once is too manytimes.
Join a group online.
See a therapist.
(47:44):
I know a good one.
Believe in yourself first.
All cliches, I know, but alwayssome truth in them.
Marissa (47:50):
Latch on to one of them all cliches, I know, but always
some truth in them.
Latch on to one of them.
I know you said join a grouponline, but the way you said it
I thought you said group on.
I'm like, oh, there's a groupon for that when?
Join a group online?
You got our listeners beinglike domestic violence group on.
Where's that, oh man?
(48:12):
So next question Did you everknow somebody you asked to leave
a relationship because you feltthey were being taken advantage
of physically or mentally?
Bridget (48:22):
Oh, I don't recall knowing someone in an abusive
relationship my nieces withtheir parents, I guess.
I always tried to be the bestaunt but my sister always turned
them against us.
She limited their time with us.
We go to grandma's and shewould leave.
She would come earlier than us,always to have an exit plan.
Grandparents just kept themlonger and as much as possible,
thinking that would help.
I pick you up from daycare andthey would beg me to take to
(48:45):
take them.
But she wouldn't put me on thelist.
You know those pickup lists.
I wouldn't put me on the list.
You know those pickup lists.
Um, I'd say a cousin.
We tried to talk her intoleaving him before and after
marriage but she was wearingrose-colored glasses.
Then she stayed for the kidsand still stays for I tried
everything, live with us etc.
Then she moved too far for meto see it out of sight, out of
(49:06):
mind.
I see the domestic violencethrough my work.
Often the elderly were eitheralways abusive or in some cases
they became abusive as they gotolder and couldn't tolerate the
health issues and being a full,et cetera.
She said he didn't deserve it,was glad he died first for some
(49:34):
peace in her life.
Her children begged her toleave him, but when they aged
out and left, he was all she hadleft and couldn't do it.
Marissa (49:41):
Wow, that is very I see that too as well Very, very
common.
And you're, and she's right, itis mostly men because we are
more caretakers by nature.
So, yes, if the women, godforbid, gets sick first or has
Alzheimer's because they'venever had to have
responsibilities, like learn howto cook and I'm talking like
these older generations becauseobviously they're the older ones
(50:02):
now they can't handle it.
They're like they don't knowhow to keep a house and take and
this is an adult too, it's notlike a baby.
So like, say, if you have tochange a diaper, cause you know
their incontinence, whatever,it's hard to.
They're old too, so it's evenhard for me in my thirties Now
let's think of like 70 plustrying to roll another person
over and change an adult diaperoften, cause you know people go
(50:23):
to the bathroom all the timesthroughout the day.
It's frustrating, but, yes,women would just suck it up,
right, because we always havefor centuries.
But men, yeah, I could see whythey perpetrate the violence.
They can't handle thatresponsibility, and she's right,
they probably feel like they'rebeing cheated out of life.
Bridget (50:40):
Also we do need to address that.
As you age, let's say, youdevelop dementia, alzheimer's.
That affects your mental healthand you develop what we call
like geriatric depression, andso you can't be blamed for that.
It is true, like depressionassociated with Alzheimer's, you
don't become yourself.
You become a very dark versionof who you once were, and that
(51:04):
can cause violence as well.
So we're not speaking aboutpeople like that, because that
is like they're not of theirright sound mind, but we were
talking about specificallypeople who become resentful of
their lifelong partner becausethey don't want to feel like
nailed down to to the house,because they have to take care
of someone, and that's reallysad because there are resources
(51:26):
out there.
They can hire help, they canapply for help through um,
medicare, also through theirinsurance.
They can obviously ask childrenor relatives to help in the
area, but instead they don't.
They stew in their unhappinessand they take it out on their
partner, and it's really fuckedup I agree, I agree.
Marissa (51:45):
So those were both episodes questions from tough
love with Gerbear.
We hope you enjoyed her answers.
As always, she'sstraightforward and to the point
and you know you're not alwaysgonna like her.
Both episodes questions fromTough Love with Gerbear.
We hope you enjoyed her answers.
Bridget (51:58):
As always, she's straightforward and to the point
, and you know you're not alwaysgoing to like her answers, but
that's too bad.
Marissa (52:02):
But I thought her answers were very.
That's Geri, that's Geri.
But I thought her answers werevery, even though to the point,
well thought out and truthful.
You know, honestly, and I canrelate to that?
Bridget (52:11):
Yeah, no, I agree with them.
Yeah, I think she had sometruth there.
One of these days, we are gonnaget her on to speak to you guys
directly, because I know she'sdying too.
Marissa (52:22):
I feel like we should wait, though, till that when
we're doing video, because yougot to see this woman in action,
her body language alone I agree.
Bridget (52:28):
Actually part of the show is you know what?
You watching her, how shespeaks, how she gesticulates.
My God, she's very active.
Marissa (52:36):
Oh, absolutely she's.
She's something we love you.
So that's this episode.
It was a little bit lengthier,but we had a lot to go over,
plus tough love with GerBeartimes two.
So we hope you all enjoyed thisepisode.
Please like subscribe to ourYouTube channel at Psychotic PY
(52:59):
Podcast.
As always, we thank you guysfor listening.
We value you guys so much andtake care.
Bridget (53:06):
Please let us know what you think of the Louisiana law.
I want some answers from youpeople, I want opinions and we
will talk about them on our nextepisode.
Also, personal note, I amturning 30 this week.
Party party On July 14th, sothe day after this podcast will
(53:28):
air I will be turning 30.
Can I just say I actuallyforgot until last night because
I thought it was like early Junestill correction two days after
the podcast airs, it's a.
Sunday oh, my birthday is ohgod, pregnancy brain I'm all
(53:56):
confused, my bad, yeah, sorry.
Two days after, uh, I can'tbelieve it.
I'm so shocked.
I was like, wait what mybirthday is in a week.
Marissa (54:06):
I'm excited.
Welcome to the 30.
Best years ever so far.
Okay, we'll see For those ofyou who don't know, since
there's no video she just gaveme the nastiest look Like.
If she could Caesar Beam me.
She just did.
Bridget (54:22):
I feel really not ready yet.
Marissa (54:25):
I don't know, but you have the things that most people
like before 30.
You got the man, the house, thehouse, the baby, a great career
a podcaster.
Bridget (54:33):
look at this, it's not so much the milestones, because
I'm not one of those peoplethat's like comparing myself to
others.
Marissa (54:41):
It's just the fact that you, you really don't think
you're gonna like grow up, andthen, all of a sudden, you do
welcome to my life bitch Texas,I keep watching you and all the
cousins have fun at Thanksgivingand I'm like I want to go back.
Bridget (54:58):
I know, okay, aside from hearing about your opinions
about Louisiana, I also reallywant to hear your opinions on
turning 30, because I know a lotof our like friends who listen
to this podcast are my age orMerissa's age.
So you've also gone through it,like I'm young for my grade.
So most of my friends in mygrade have already turned 30.
So I just want to know, like,how, like what did you feel
(55:19):
about turning 30?
Why was 30 a big one?
Like, why 30?
Please, let me know.
She's desperate.
Please, for anything I'mdesperate.
So just tell me, like, why 30felt bigger to you or what you
did to deal with it.
Or if you're one of thosepeople it's like age is a number
bitch, get over it.
Just tell me.
Marissa (55:39):
I would love to read those.
Like she said, we're gonna,we'll read them.
It'll be a good time.
Yeah, anyway, as always, thankyou guys for listening.
Thanks always thank you guysfor listening.
Thanks so much, bye, bye.
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