February 5, 2025 • 41 mins
What does it mean to be submissive in a relationship? This episode of the Pure Intentions Podcast explores the layers of submissiveness within relationships. Chrissy A. and Sir Anthony break down personal experiences, tackling misconceptions about submission and its role in modern love.
Filmed in beautiful Cancun, this discussion is as refreshing as the backdrop! From communication struggles to quirky kitchen debates and financial compromises, this episode is packed with real talk, self-awareness, and valuable insights. We dive into gender roles, relationship expectations, and the delicate balance between independence and partnership—all through the lens of intentional love.
In This Episode, We Discuss:
- The meaning of submissiveness and how it varies in relationships
- The power of effective communication vs. just listening to respond
- Gender roles in marriage—who should cook, clean, and handle finances?
- Financial trust: merging money, budgets, and shared responsibilities
- How social media impacts modern relationship expectations
- The role of conversation starter decks in deepening connection
What are your thoughts on submission in relationships? Do you think it’s outdated or still relevant today? Drop your thoughts in the comments!
Want to deepen your relationship conversations? Check out our conversation starter decks:
🖤 The Icebreakers - Dating Edition: Shop Here
💚 Beyond Dating - Committed Couples Edition: Shop Here
Key Takeaways from the Episode:
- Submission Looks Different for Everyone – It’s not about control but about support, adaptability, and teamwork. Each couple must define what it means for their relationship.
- Communication is Key – Active listening and responding appropriately help prevent misunderstandings. Not every conversation requires a response, but feeling heard matters.
- Balancing Independence & Partnership – Women can be both strong and submissive in ways that foster mutual growth. Submission doesn’t mean losing identity—it’s about trust.
- Financial Trust & Boundaries – Merging finances requires communication. Couples should set clear spending expectations and define what financial security looks like.
- The Small Things Matter – Who gets served first at dinner, who cleans, and who takes the lead in different areas of life can all impact relationship dynamics.
- Intentional Love Takes Work – Healthy relationships require effort, adjustments, and self-awareness. Couples act as mirrors to each other’s strengths and weaknesses.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Sir Anthony (00:00):
So you want 50 shades of gray submissives?
Huh.
Chrissy A. (00:05):
But you know what?
I think you confused that I amthe dominant in that situation.
I'm doing the whipping Hell no.
Welcome to the Pure IntentionsPodcast, where real love, raw
emotions and intentionalrelationships come together.
Welcome back to the PureIntentions Podcast, where we
talk everything relationshipfrom an intentional point of
view.
Welcome back to the PureIntentions Podcast, where we
talk everything relationshipfrom an intentional point of
(00:28):
view.
I am your host, Chrissy A.
Sir Anthony (00:30):
And I'm your co-host, sir Anthony.
Chrissy A. (00:32):
And we are on vacation.
Sir Anthony (00:36):
Vacation, vacation.
Chrissy A. (00:38):
Tell them where we are.
Sir Anthony (00:40):
We are in the beautiful Cancun.
Chrissy A. (00:42):
Period and this is my very first time being in
Mexico.
How many times.
Sir Anthony (00:50):
In Mexico tres.
Chrissy A. (00:52):
Tres, so he's been here three times.
I've been here this is my firsttime and I'm so glad that I'm
sharing these moments with you,like I couldn't imagine being
experiencing things like thiswith nobody else but you, cheers
me period.
Okay, so it is so beautiful outhere.
(01:16):
The music in the backgroundthere's like a water aerobics
class going on right now.
So if you guys hear the music,sorry about that, but it's great
Like our room is beautiful, theresort is beautiful.
Let's throw in some clips toshow them some stuff.
(01:37):
Thank you so sorry for thepeople that can't see it, but
(02:35):
you can also go on our youtube,if you're listening to this, and
watch it too, like subscribe,all that good stuff.
So now we getting into it.
So we're going to talk about,like just different things
within relationships andmarriage specifically, more
leaning, more towards marriage,and whatever.
But I wanted to because I'veseen a post that says something
(02:58):
about why is your opinionvaluable to people.
Like you see, social media,media everybody's always giving
their opinion on things, andit's like what makes you, what
makes us want to listen to you,like what makes you an expert at
what you're talking about.
Yeah, and I want you to kind ofanswer that on your end of why
(03:21):
should people listen to youradvice.
Sir Anthony (03:23):
From us from a pure intention standpoint, yes, Well
, what we're doing is basicallywe're therapying ourselves.
We're giving our ownexperiences from our point of
view and, just like anytestimony, somebody out there is
probably going through the samething and can relate, and this
might help them solve theirproblem or understand something
(03:47):
that they're going through orhave yet to go through yeah, and
I think for the most part Iknow that for the most part, we
really do come from anintentional place.
Chrissy A. (03:59):
If you have been listening to our podcast,
watching it, we give you guysour experiences with these
topics.
It's not like we're telling youyou should do this or you
should do that, or it's justbasically things that we've
dealt with and things that helpus get through.
Things that we've dealt with,you know, and we put ourselves
(04:20):
here and, like you said, likethis is like therapy for us, so
something that that's gearedtowards our audience is really
helping us in a sense with ourrelationship.
So, I mean, we're you can go toother people that say I'm
licensed this, I'm licensed that.
That's completely fine if wedon't rock your boat.
(04:43):
I completely understand.
However, we're just more intogiving the experience that god
gave to us to give to you.
Yes, so just wanted to get thatout the way, okay, okay.
So today we're gonna talk aboutsubmissiveness.
Um, now there is a lot of talkon different podcasts, on social
(05:07):
media period, where people talkabout women being submissive.
Like you know, with men, if awoman say what type of man the
thing is protect, protect andprovide and then men are like I
want a woman that's submissive.
But what really issubmissiveness Like?
Does it change depending on theperson?
(05:28):
Is there like one rule of whatsubmissiveness look like, and
can a woman be submissive insome ways and not others?
And that be okay?
That's what we're gonna tackletoday, okay, so what does
submissiveness look like like?
Like your preference of asubmissive woman in a
(05:48):
relationship looks like?
Sir Anthony (05:49):
my preference is someone that is supportive of
the things that I'm doing andthat the decisions that I'm
making for the household, theleadership soft-spoken when
necessary know how to just runthe home like you know, the
(06:11):
primary cook but it doesn'tnecessarily have to be the only
cook, because we share thoseresponsibilities even with the
child rearing.
The person that instills theemotion in the kids, especially
for boys like that, that balanceof masculinity and the ability
to deal and with your emotionsand handle your emotions, that's
(06:33):
what I want, uh ingrained to aboy nope, I don't want
femininity into a boy you askwhat my preferences are and I'm
telling you so I don't wantfemininity in the boy.
I want him to be able tounderstand his emotions and
regulate his emotions.
Chrissy A. (06:48):
That's a feminine energy.
Sir Anthony (06:50):
Okay, well, maybe I'm confusing this with the
feminine traits.
Chrissy A. (06:57):
You're confusing it with being a female.
Sir Anthony (07:01):
Just not feminine Manurism.
Chrissy A. (07:03):
Stuff like that yeah .
Sir Anthony (07:08):
What else?
Someone who listens, someonewho listens and not listens to
respond, but just you knowgenuine listen.
Sometimes you got you canlisten to somebody and it
doesn't deserve a response, andthen sometimes it does Not.
Saying that this should be allthe time.
You just shut up and do what Isay, but in some instances just
take that in.
Chrissy A. (07:29):
Can I ask a question ?
Sir Anthony (07:30):
Yes.
Chrissy A. (07:31):
So how do you determine what deserves a
respond and what doesn't?
Sir Anthony (07:36):
No, I'm saying you as the woman, so if I'm speaking
and then sometimes you justtake that in, okay, I don't need
to respond to this.
Chrissy A. (07:43):
Okay, but you said someone who listens and not
listens to respond, and I thinkan issue that we have had was
that I respond to, almost likewhen we're having conversation
about a confrontation that wehave, I'm going to have a
(08:03):
response to it, and sometimesyou think that I'm just
listening to respond, justbecause I have a response to
what you're saying, but I'm notlistening to respond.
I'm listening, I'm hearing youand what I heard from you, I
feel like, okay, well, he didn'treceive that the right way.
I have to respond so he canunderstand how I really meant
(08:24):
that or how it happened in myeyes, or whatever the case may
be.
But SHU confuses that withlistening to responding too.
So when I ask, like, how do youknow what to respond to and
what not to respond to?
I think that's where I'm comingfrom, that place.
Sir Anthony (08:43):
Well, the way you have exhibited is you're always
going to respond, and perhapsfrom what I'm asking for is work
on you not having to respond toeverything, and that's at your
discretion.
Chrissy A. (08:59):
That's the thing, like I don't respond to
everything.
It's so so many things that Ido pick my battles, like I
choose and pick my battles.
But when it's something thatcomes for my characteristics as
a woman or if it's somethingthat I feel like, well,
basically, mostly that like, ifyou're trying to display me as
(09:24):
being something that I know thatI'm not, I'm going to respond
to that Because I value youropinion, I value how you view me
, and if I feel like you'reviewing me in a wrong lit light,
I want to screw that light onand help you fix that bulb okay
(09:46):
you know what I mean.
So I think there might be otherwomen out there who might feel
like their partner thinks thatthey listen to respond when,
because sometimes it is hard fora woman to not I don't want to
say defend, because youshouldn't be in a defensive mode
(10:09):
, but sometimes you get intothat when you're having
confrontation with your partner,like, sometimes it does feel
like you have to defend yourself, because it's like you have to
look out for you, and if I'm notdefending me in this moment and
I don't get what I need to sayout, then we might temporarily
(10:30):
solve the problem.
But in the back of my mind,because we are, as women, over
thinkers, it's going to be athought all the time.
So then, how can we bettercommunicate that or express that
to you guys?
So it don't come off as I justneed to have the last word,
(10:51):
rather than I want you to viewme in the light that I want to
portray and not in the way thatyou see it, and I want to
understand how you see it, but Ialso want to defend my
characteristics in that, like,is that a possibility to do that
?
Sir Anthony (11:11):
I am not sure about that.
That one is tough.
Chrissy A. (11:14):
The only advice I can give is do your defense in
love yeah, well, let us know ifyou had that situation, if you
feel like because I'm not gonnalie, a lot of us do listen to
respond, but men do it too, andI feel like it falls short where
a lot of things are blamed on awoman, like it's like the woman
(11:36):
does this, the woman, you talktoo much, you this, you that you
know I'm saying, but in reality, if communication is the the
thing in a relationship thathelps resolve a lot of problems,
why would I not be a talker?
So there is that balance.
Like you were saying that youwant your wife to prohibit the
(11:58):
femininity and teach your childhow to be in touch with their
emotions and how to you knowwhat I'm saying, so you can
teach your child the other half,the masculine side of that.
You know.
It's like there's good, bad,there's pretty, there's ugly.
Everything has a balance.
(12:18):
I talk too much because youdon't talk enough.
You know what I mean.
Like sometimes men just don'ttalk enough.
Sir Anthony (12:27):
It's just not what we do.
Chrissy A. (12:29):
But that's okay, it's just to the point indirect
and doesn't need over explainingand overthinking.
Sir Anthony (12:37):
Most men, we're just like that.
Chrissy A. (12:40):
Right.
No, I understand that and tothat point, what I'm saying is
there.
That's why it's a balance,that's why we talk so much,
because there's a complaint thatwe talk too much.
We always want to know how yourday went.
We always telling you stories,we all you know.
I'm saying like we want to talk, communicate all the time.
And if we had the same thingthat y'all had where we don't
(13:05):
value conversation, I ain'tgoing to say, value conversation
, but we don't want to talk Likeyou, just want to chill.
If we both was just chill, howboring would that relationship
be?
Sir Anthony (13:17):
You got some couples out there like that,
that they talk when they need totalk.
It's just not overly like howmost women are, and they'd be
cool what's so?
Chrissy A. (13:28):
you feel like I talk too much?
Sir Anthony (13:29):
you know, you talk a lot.
Chrissy A. (13:32):
Well, that's why we got a podcast, but do you feel
like I talk too much?
Sir Anthony (13:39):
sometimes you be a little chatty catty yeah, I tell
my man almost everything.
Chrissy A. (13:45):
I'm gonna say almost because some things like my
friends tell me I'm not gonnakill talking, he wouldn't even
want to hear it.
Y'all like I'm not even gonnahold you.
Like if I was like we had agirl's night the other night, if
I came in and said guess whathappened at the girl's night,
he'd be like I do not want tohear it, chrissy.
So I got a man that don't wantto hear the gossip, baby, but I
(14:07):
just be trying to get him thetea for it I try to get him the
tea on um reality shows.
He just be looking and he let meget it out because he don't
like to talk.
And I know this is happening,but I still talk facts but as
(14:28):
far as your ideal ofsubmissiveness, do you feel like
that?
Sir Anthony (14:32):
I fit that category oh, yes, yes, you do.
And then I didn't get to touchon a part about like at home.
Maybe we should splice in there.
So we both are great cooks.
I don't know, I might getChristy a little bit of the edge
on me, but I'm coming back forit.
We're going to have a cook-offand have taste testers to
(14:53):
measure.
Chrissy A. (14:54):
No, what it is with our cooking is we are good at,
better at certain meals than theother person, but it's like the
mid, it don't matter who cookit, it's going to be good.
But like you and seafood y'allmesh so well together, like I,
will not touch him with seafoodat all.
Those lamb chops, baby, handthat over to my man.
(15:17):
Like you, the lamb chop seafoodking.
Okay, you know.
Sir Anthony (15:21):
Barbecuing, barbecue okay, you know
barbecuing, you know, you know,and I'm coming up.
Chrissy A. (15:25):
I'm a breakfast girl and I know y'all like breakfast
.
Ain't no real food, but no,when I cook it it's not just
bacon and eggs and sausages, Iam cooking breakfast like it's
brunch period.
Sir Anthony (15:37):
Yeah, just to be able to like how I think we
talked about it on anotherpodcast, for those that are
listening.
I believe we have, I just can'tremember which one, but I will
be working and it was themanifestation one bad huh bad
(15:57):
huh it's understandable, but atleast the sun just went away for
a minute um, the manifestationepisode, where I just briefly
mentioned about how you will, uh, work and then get done with
what you're doing and come andfix me breakfast while I'm
working, like just thatintuitiveness.
I don't have to, I don't evenhave to tell you, or like when
dinner time come, if you feellike a meal that you want, you
(16:20):
just go prepare it.
If I need to be involved, ofcourse you'll ask, but if it's
something you want on your own,sometimes you do the whole
shopping by yourself and cookingby yourself, because I know a
couple that the man does theshopping, the woman does the
cooking.
She never goes shop for thefood, but he never cooks, and
that works well for them.
(16:40):
It's all about that balance.
Chrissy A. (16:44):
No, I like being able to do things for you.
It makes me feel more in touchwith my womanhood, if that makes
sense.
Is it a debacle?
Is that the word?
Sir Anthony (16:59):
What Debacle.
What does?
Chrissy A. (17:01):
that mean.
Sir Anthony (17:02):
Like an issue.
Okay, yeah.
Chrissy A. (17:06):
Conflict.
Yes, we had a conflict abouty'all.
I downloaded this app and I'mtrying to learn new words, so,
if y'all hear me, like, is thatwhat that means?
That's where I'm at with it.
So we, is that what that means?
Like, that's where I'm at withit?
Um, so we had a debacle.
Is that how you pronounce it?
We had one on the fact that, um,my cleanliness needs some work,
(17:32):
right, and it was like a bigthing for me because I'm
learning in this process to nottake everything so offensively.
And for me I felt judgedbecause, like I said, like I
care how you look at me, and itwas like you didn't say this,
but what I heard was you dirty,Clean up my car because you
(17:57):
dirty, and sometimes thathappened, like when you have
unhealed wounds, like things dotrigger you, and for me it was a
trigger and it took it to awhole nother level.
So now we're in confrontationand it's like this nigga, think
I'm fucking, I'm gonna leave,I'm gonna go.
If I'm so dirty, I'll be dirtyin my own house.
(18:19):
Like those are my thoughtprocesses when we get into it
about stuff that triggers me andI have to take like a second
and a step back and like,realize what the hell is going
on.
You know what I'm saying and,um, you told me the issues that
you had and I just fixed it.
Sir Anthony (18:41):
Yeah, you, just you adjust it.
You made an adjustment.
Chrissy A. (18:44):
Yeah.
Sir Anthony (18:45):
And you fixed it.
Chrissy A. (18:46):
But I must say me fixing it and doing those things
, just like cooking for you, itmade me feel closer to my
womanhood.
You know what I'm saying.
Like I'm'm not nasty, y'all,but I, I am a little messy.
Like I will take off clothesand they'll be on the floor,
like if the laundry is full,instead of going to go wash the
(19:07):
clothes and clear up the laundrybasket.
Like, but I'm growing and I'mchanging and, like I said in
previous podcasts, that we'reeach other's mirrors, so you're
going to show me things and I'mgoing to have to adjust.
You know, and it's not anegative thing, it's very
positive to be aware of who youare at that moment, because we
(19:31):
all here to elevate.
Like, we're here to elevate.
So me getting up in the morningmaking sure the bed is made,
because I'm the last person, itfeels good to me now, like it
really feels good, and I didn'trealize how good this would feel
.
I just felt attacked, you knowwhat I mean.
Sir Anthony (19:51):
And I tell you huh, no, go ahead.
Chrissy A. (19:53):
I tell you all the time, like when we have a
confrontation, like I'm not here.
I tell you all the time, likewhen we have a confrontation,
like I'm not here, I'm notagainst you, I'm with you.
I'm going to always be with you.
So anything that I say to you,don't take it as a negative, and
that was me having to take myown advice.
Like you're not against me,you're here for me and we're
(20:17):
here to grow together.
And sometimes we got to remindourselves of those things.
But I absolutely love you forthat.
Like I, I just I still don'tlike cleaning the bathroom.
I ain't gonna hold you.
I do not like cleaning thebathroom y'all.
It just be hair everywhere andthat hair be stubborn.
Y'all ever like y'all, y'allbeen there.
(20:39):
The hair just be so stubborndon't want to come off the floor
.
When you think you got it alloff the floor, you start mopping
this new hair on the floor andit's like where the hell did
this hair come from?
but I love being in mysubmissive energy.
I've always been a verysubmissive girl, but I think
you've taken my submissivenessto a whole other level and it's
(21:00):
making me love this version ofme more.
Sir Anthony (21:04):
Now another version that you hinted at on that
other podcast.
So you want 50 Shades of Greysubmissiveness?
Huh.
Chrissy A. (21:14):
But you know what?
I think you confused that I amthe dominant in that situation.
I'm doing the whipping.
Sir Anthony (21:22):
Hell no.
We ain't talking about that atall.
Chrissy A. (21:27):
We didn't.
I mean, I could take it, but Iwould prefer to be the person.
Sir Anthony (21:34):
Oh, we ain't got no deal.
Chrissy A. (21:35):
But you thinking of it in a different like.
I know where your mind is going.
I'm not whipping you on yourass and doing that like it's
gonna just try it.
Sir Anthony (21:44):
It might feel good, sorry, I thought I didn't post
it.
I'm about to be christian grayand you that's the whole movie.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
I'm submissive in real life.
Chrissy A. (21:59):
Like why can't be dominant in the bedroom?
Sir Anthony (22:01):
They got things to go for dominatrix.
Chrissy A. (22:07):
We'll talk about it off camera.
Sir Anthony (22:11):
What else to talk about?
Chrissy A. (22:12):
We really won't talk about it again.
Sir Anthony (22:14):
That's hashed out.
Chrissy A. (22:15):
That's crazy.
That's crazy.
Sir Anthony (22:18):
I wouldn't do that to you hey, I'm sorry, some
things, some you have to haveboundaries and no facts, because
I have my boundaries when itcomes to you sexually.
Chrissy A. (22:30):
Okay then, and some things are no go okay and it
won't go.
Sir Anthony (22:35):
Touche okay we'll leave the 50 shades of chrissy
alone.
Chrissy A. (22:36):
Man, I thought I was about to follow up and and it
won't go Touche.
Okay, we'll leave the FiftyShades of Chrissy alone.
Sir Anthony (22:40):
Man, I thought I was about to follow up and not
this video, because I had tolearn how to do this stuff first
and then come back and say, heyy'all, I'm the whipping ass
master.
Chrissy A. (22:49):
Oh no, baby, it was not Fifty Shades of Tony, it was
Fifty Shades of Chrissy, themovie.
The movie's called 50 shades ofgray after the guy, christian
gray, who was whooping that assthat's okay the male was
whooping the female's ass butshe never experienced it and you
haven't either and I'm notgoing to okay, back back to it.
(23:11):
Back to it.
Have you ever dated somebodywho was very submissive outside
of me, like we're not talkingabout me now?
Sir Anthony (23:19):
Yeah, my ex-wife was.
Chrissy A. (23:22):
Yeah.
Sir Anthony (23:23):
Yeah, y'all share a lot of the same traits.
Chrissy A. (23:25):
That's so funny because everybody keeps telling
me I look like your ex-wife.
Sir Anthony (23:29):
That's y'all favor.
Chrissy A. (23:32):
What she's a beautiful woman, very beautiful.
She is very beautiful.
Y'all have a beautiful daughterlike it was given.
It was given happy family, likeyou know, I'm saying it was
cool.
It was cool back then, but Ican get that energy from her.
(23:52):
Yeah, I could feel that.
Yeah, what was one thing thatshe did that you absolutely
loved?
Sir Anthony (23:59):
I think I told you about this in part of what
you're.
You didn't explain this, butI'll explain it.
What you're doing in adjustmentis she would, when things need
to be purchased for the house oranything for the house, she
would just go on my wallet andjust take the card or whatever
cash I had and go do it Back inthose days when you carried
mostly cash and didn't use yourcard as much, and you come in
(24:21):
your wallet.
It was like a love-haterelationship with that little
instance because I would go tothe store to buy something, knew
I had money in my pocket and goand get an empty wallet damn it
.
So do you all take cards?
That was back in the days whenyou had to ask do you take cards
?
So now everything is all cardsand it's rare that they can.
You know.
So if you run around with cashlist for a couple weeks, it's
(24:44):
you can get away with itnowadays.
Chrissy A. (24:46):
Back then you couldn't yeah, and now that
situation was hard for mebecause, like you said, that was
something that I'm learning howto adjust to, because I the
background I come from, you know, like, um, I had a situation, I
had situations where peoplestole from me.
(25:08):
I had situations where peoplestole from people that were
within our household, you know,and your mate huh your mate, or
just.
This is just no, this is justlike I don't want to get too
much in depth with like my life,but it was like family shit and
we dealt with people that wouldjust do that, and then I would
(25:30):
see the anger of response thatthe other person had, so like um
, I know women probably outthere.
Like he said, just grab his car,girl, and go you crazy, just
grab that one fucking go, butI'm I'm just not that like I'm
learning how to be that becausethat's what you prefer, but I'm
(25:51):
not like that type of girl likeI.
I need your permission.
Like I grew up in a household,we have to have permission to go
in the refrigerator.
We needed permission to do.
You know what I'm saying.
So when you come this is what Imean by when you come from two
different backgrounds you try tomerge them as one.
There are difficulties andpushes and pulls there because
(26:12):
it's like look, I grew up myentire life being trained
because that's what it is tryingto ask before I touch something
.
It blew me.
I felt it was a big littleexotic bug.
It was really tiny oh, um, butwe had to ask permission for
everything.
Like I couldn't even open all myChristmas presents, oh, wow
(26:35):
like I opened them up from thewrapper but I couldn't open them
all up and play with them.
Like it was like you pick twotoys to play with and then if I
wanted another one because I gottired of the other ones, I have
to go ask to open another one.
I can't just do it.
So that was the type ofhousehold I grew up in.
It was kind of difficult for meto just just like take your
(27:00):
card and just get the swipingand like, okay, we need this, we
need that, without saying, hey,babe, what's the budget this
month?
Or what is the budget that we,and then having to figure out a
plan to meet that budget.
I understand you know.
So that's why I'm likecompromise with me, like let's
put a budget together I can.
Sir Anthony (27:16):
I have no problem with putting the budget together
, and that's a plug to the otherepisode, our money episode.
So if you haven't watched orlistened to that one, go check
that one out on.
You know how couples can budget, deal with financial issues and
be on the same page, so for usis getting on the same page.
Of course, in our relationshipI'm the provider and you know I
(27:38):
provide money for you to do thethings you need to do.
But what I'm adding into thismix is what she's talking about
it if, whether she have it ornot, if it needs to be done and
it's in, you know, like hercourt, where she would go stuff
you know laundry stuff orclothing for cam or something
like that things that's neededfor the household just go.
I'm saying, go do it because Iknow it's going to be within
(28:00):
budget.
But you're saying, okay, here'sthe budget for this.
You know that you can go dowhatever you need to do, but
stay within this limit.
Chrissy A. (28:07):
Because I've been exercising my rights to use his
car y'all.
That's where I got this outfitfrom.
Sir Anthony (28:18):
It's a beautiful outfit, thank you.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
Show it on the screen right girl, you got me singing
oh, oh, oh oh, oh oh oh oh, oh,oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,oh, oh, oh, oh oh oh oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,oh Period.
Chrissy A. (28:47):
But yeah, so I love that I'm the woman that I am for
you because I love the man youare for me.
Like, I think, where socialmedia influences relationships
and everybody gets confusedbecause they think that your
life is supposed to be lived onetype of way, like if you depend
(29:09):
solely on the man, then you'llend up with the short end of the
stick if he leave you.
You know what I'm saying, but Idon't.
I don't necessarily live mylife for if you leave.
You know what I'm saying, but Ido like.
(29:29):
I mean, I don't work my job nomore.
I work for you and I am puttingmy trust in you, but the thing
that I know in the back of myhead is just something about
(29:54):
this just feels like it's me andif we weren't together tomorrow
, next week, I don't thinkyou'll just fire me and be like
you can't work for me, no more.
You know, or I know, even ifsomething happened, I've always
been in a situation where, if Ifall, I know how to pick myself
(30:19):
back up, like it's nothing, toget back to me again, and even
with our relationship, like withthe money that I think you know
this, though, with the moneythat you'll be paying me, I put
some of it to the side.
Financial episode Go watch it.
Sir Anthony (30:38):
Go watch that episode, go listen to it.
Chrissy A. (30:40):
And I don't think you mind that, like you know,
because it's not like an escapeplan, but it's like, uh, we
don't have to spend all themoney type of thing, and let's
just say, all this money isstill together and cam goes off
to college.
We, we might have enough to justsend them off to college, you
(31:02):
know, or whatever, to buy himhis first car, you know, stuff
like that.
So, yeah, there's a balance tothis.
You don't have to listen toeverybody and compel together
like, oh well, this is what myman's supposed to be doing, this
is what my woman's supposed tobe doing.
Figure out what you like, whatyou enjoy, what makes you happy,
(31:24):
and I guarantee you, like Ithink it's easier for me to be
submissive with you, and becauseit's easier for me to be
submissive with you, because yougive me what I need, as like
you give me that protect andprovide, like I feel safe with
you.
You know, I don't feelcomfortable, I feel challenged
(31:46):
all the time with you, so itjust it just feels right.
So I'm gonna be submissive tomy man and I love that.
I love that about you yeah, butwe out here sweating y'all and I
feel like we spent enough timewith them.
Sir Anthony (32:02):
If you want to close out and say anything at
all, Well, as Chrissy said,submissiveness is something that
, as a woman, what do you definethat as?
And then as a man, what do youdefine it as?
And when you're together, howdo you combine that together?
Because there may be some dealbreakers or not, especially if
(32:23):
you all have the same and itmeshes well, then go for it.
But in general, what thesociety right now is wrestling
with is there is a lot ofindependent women that really do
have to do everything forthemselves and when they meet
somebody relinquishing thatcontrol to somebody to trust
(32:45):
that they'll take care ofeverything that they would have
needed and more, I understandthat challenge.
But once you meet that king thatis satisfying all those needs,
making you feel protected,making you feel in your feminine
energy then roll with that Like, run with that 1000%, because
(33:05):
that that reciprocal energy backto us as guys.
We love that.
We love a soft, energetic andsubmissive woman.
Like to have to wrestle withyou.
To come from wrestling with theworld to come in the house and
wrestle with you.
It's not what we want.
We want that peace at home, andbeing submissive is partly
(33:26):
creating that peace at home.
Chrissy A. (33:28):
That's all I have to say about it I have something
else to say, because you broughtup, sparked a memory.
Everything you just said loveit.
It sparked a memory because I Iwas a professional online dater
.
I'm not going to hold you.
I dated online.
I had every dating app I thinkI said this before.
I had every dating app that youcan think of, but I had met
(33:51):
this one guy and we startedFaceTiming each other and we
would talk on FaceTime and hewas pretty cool, you know, and
we was getting to know eachother.
We pulled out the deck of cardsasking the questions and he
started asking his own questionsthat he made up.
He's like oh, that's a dopeidea.
Let me ask you some questions.
(34:11):
The cards opened up his mind toask certain type of questions.
He asked me.
He gave me scenarios if you areat home and you're fixing,
you're serving me.
This is what he said.
And, yes, us women do have aproblem with the word serving.
I don't.
(34:31):
However, I don't have a problemwith serving.
It's saying I serve my manbecause my man serves me too.
Sir Anthony (34:38):
So, like, I don't have an issue with that word I
think the trigger with mostwomen is that now you'll be a
little on me and I'm perceivedas a slave yeah that's the
trigger yeah it's not what thatwill continue but he said if
you're serving me, are you goingto serve me on a paper plate or
a glassware?
Chrissy A. (35:00):
and I'm like well, we're home, I'm going to serve
you with glassware.
You know what I'm saying?
That's just how we cook.
The only time we use paperplates is if it's something fast
, like a sandwich.
Sometimes we even use plateswith that.
If it's like I just cleaned up,you just washed the dishes, or
(35:20):
I just washed the dishes, I'mgoing to use this motherfucking
paper plate, because who thefuck?
But sometimes I don't even dothat.
I do still do it, whatever.
That's beside the point.
Sir Anthony (35:29):
I was gonna say you haven't done that with me.
Chrissy A. (35:31):
No, I haven't.
Sir Anthony (35:34):
It's typically on glassware.
Chrissy A. (35:36):
Yeah, okay, so I'm tripping, but anyways, so I'll
answer the question.
It was like right answer.
Now, as he's talking, there'slike these triggers.
I don't like the way he'stalking.
I can receive it, but the wayhe's saying it it was just like
it did feel like I was meant tobe his slave or something in
(35:57):
those cases, I can understandthat, still working on it,
they're trying to give us arefill.
Love this resort but the wholeplate thing.
And then he was like, okay,we're at a friend's house and
they're serving dinner, butthey're doing it on paper plates
(36:20):
.
Are you going to go get a glassplate to put?
I'm like, no, that's not myhouse, why would I do that?
Like that doesn't even makesense.
He felt a problem with that.
I'm saying this to say open upthose conversations when you're
dating.
Like, open those conversations.
(36:41):
It's okay that he wanted me togo in a stranger's house for him
to get glassware.
That's okay for him.
So maybe there's a female outhere.
That's rude like that.
Because I think that's rudelike if you come to my house and
I'm serving stuff on on paperplates and you go into my
(37:01):
kitchen or even if you ask thewhole thing is I'm serving this
because I don't want to washthis that's what he said.
He said at least ask them first,so my answer was correct for
him when I said I was gonna dothe paper plates, but I didn't
ask, at least ask to see ifthey'll allow me to use the
glassware.
(37:21):
To me that's controlling andit's like, but there are women
out there that might not view itas such, so that's who that
person belongs with.
And that's why I say open upthese conversations, like the
topic of submissiveness.
What does submissiveness looklike to you?
That's a great question on afirst date.
What does protecting, providing, look like for you as a woman?
(37:45):
You know what I'm saying.
So I can know as a man, not me,but I can know as a man the
person you you're dating.
You know as a man if he's ableto protect and provide you in
the way that you value you know.
Sir Anthony (37:57):
So I just wanted to get that out the way no, now
you're sparking up other stuffbecause people can probably take
what I'm going to say next anddo maybe a checkbox what works
for you?
So like there's the age-oldquestion of when you cook and
the kids are home, who getsserved first.
Have that conversation.
Chrissy A. (38:16):
I do not like that question.
Sir Anthony (38:18):
Why.
Chrissy A. (38:19):
I don't like it because it's like everybody
finna eat, everybody finna.
Some people grew up in ahousehold where the kids got
their plates first.
I don't feel like there's aright or wrong answer with that.
You know what I mean.
Sir Anthony (38:33):
Like if I maybe because you did it and I just
assumed you knew it.
You served me first and that'sthe that's the preferred way
that.
Speaker 3 (38:41):
I Do, I do that.
Sir Anthony (38:42):
Yes, so that's why I never I'm hearing this
indifference right now, that youdidn't see that there's a no
baby.
Chrissy A. (38:49):
What we do is we will make all the plates and
just put them on the table andwe will eat together.
Speaker 3 (38:55):
Or eat together.
Chrissy A. (38:56):
Yeah.
But when we do eat, but Camtypically eats first, because he
always complaining about food.
Sir Anthony (39:02):
You know what You're right, I didn't notice.
Chrissy A. (39:04):
I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry.
Sir Anthony (39:06):
He must have a tapeworm.
He stays hungry Every timeyou're cooking.
You just get started.
Speaker 3 (39:13):
Is the food ready.
Sir Anthony (39:14):
You're 20 minutes into it Is the food ready, and
then he do this.
Chrissy A. (39:17):
Oh, it's going to take forever.
Yeah, so we gonna take forever.
Yeah, so we, we just get himout the way and be like here
here, boy, get the food, eat thefood here, your food.
But I just feel like it's acontroversial topic for no
reason.
Like we're all gonna eat.
I feed you more, like I giveyou more food than all of us,
because you are the man and wegotta make you big and strong
(39:39):
and keep that up, though.
So, but if there are women thatfeed their husbands before they
feed their children, great, ifthere are people out there to
feed their children before theyfeed their husband, I don't see
what the fucking problem is like.
Why are we talking about thiswhen people are out here dying?
Sir Anthony (39:56):
well, we're talking about communicating, about
submissiveness and that in myeyes.
I didn't even think about ituntil, but it is.
He's a hungry, hungry littlekid and he's always, he's the.
Are we there yet of food?
Yes, so he probably does gethis plate, first Like the little
portion, and then mine is stilllike simmering and doing his
(40:17):
thing, and it comes a littlelater.
So that's why I probably didn'tnotice when it's those one-offs
, this thing, and it comes alittle later.
So that's why I probably didn'tnotice when it's those one off,
otherwise we're all eatingtogether.
Yeah well, I prefer to beserved first and then the kids
after that.
So, um, but a good thing tohave those conversations.
So this opened up the dialogue,so we're having it now.
You've seen it live on the showin cancun.
You all have it in yourdiscretion.
Chrissy A. (40:40):
Period Well being on Shameless Plug.
Sir Anthony (40:44):
Shameless Plug.
We go to our store,pureintentions314.com, we have
conversation starters, the blackdeck, which is the intention
starters for any gamut,especially the beginning, but
the green deck, the beyonddating if you're committed.
It has questions for opening upthe submissive talk, dialogue,
and with that we're going toclose it on out.
Chrissy A. (41:06):
Period.
Thank you, guys, for joining usyet again, but it's time for us
to go out and have a good time,because we are on vacation.
See you guys next week.
So you want 50 shades of gray submissives?
Huh.
Chrissy A. (00:05):
But you know what?
I think you confused that I amthe dominant in that situation.
I'm doing the whipping Hell no.
Welcome to the Pure IntentionsPodcast, where real love, raw
emotions and intentionalrelationships come together.
Welcome back to the PureIntentions Podcast, where we
talk everything relationshipfrom an intentional point of
view.
Welcome back to the PureIntentions Podcast, where we
talk everything relationshipfrom an intentional point of
(00:28):
view.
I am your host, Chrissy A.
Sir Anthony (00:30):
And I'm your co-host, sir Anthony.
Chrissy A. (00:32):
And we are on vacation.
Sir Anthony (00:36):
Vacation, vacation.
Chrissy A. (00:38):
Tell them where we are.
Sir Anthony (00:40):
We are in the beautiful Cancun.
Chrissy A. (00:42):
Period and this is my very first time being in
Mexico.
How many times.
Sir Anthony (00:50):
In Mexico tres.
Chrissy A. (00:52):
Tres, so he's been here three times.
I've been here this is my firsttime and I'm so glad that I'm
sharing these moments with you,like I couldn't imagine being
experiencing things like thiswith nobody else but you, cheers
me period.
Okay, so it is so beautiful outhere.
(01:16):
The music in the backgroundthere's like a water aerobics
class going on right now.
So if you guys hear the music,sorry about that, but it's great
Like our room is beautiful, theresort is beautiful.
Let's throw in some clips toshow them some stuff.
(01:37):
Thank you so sorry for thepeople that can't see it, but
(02:35):
you can also go on our youtube,if you're listening to this, and
watch it too, like subscribe,all that good stuff.
So now we getting into it.
So we're going to talk about,like just different things
within relationships andmarriage specifically, more
leaning, more towards marriage,and whatever.
But I wanted to because I'veseen a post that says something
(02:58):
about why is your opinionvaluable to people.
Like you see, social media,media everybody's always giving
their opinion on things, andit's like what makes you, what
makes us want to listen to you,like what makes you an expert at
what you're talking about.
Yeah, and I want you to kind ofanswer that on your end of why
(03:21):
should people listen to youradvice.
Sir Anthony (03:23):
From us from a pure intention standpoint, yes, Well
, what we're doing is basicallywe're therapying ourselves.
We're giving our ownexperiences from our point of
view and, just like anytestimony, somebody out there is
probably going through the samething and can relate, and this
might help them solve theirproblem or understand something
(03:47):
that they're going through orhave yet to go through yeah, and
I think for the most part Iknow that for the most part, we
really do come from anintentional place.
Chrissy A. (03:59):
If you have been listening to our podcast,
watching it, we give you guysour experiences with these
topics.
It's not like we're telling youyou should do this or you
should do that, or it's justbasically things that we've
dealt with and things that helpus get through.
Things that we've dealt with,you know, and we put ourselves
(04:20):
here and, like you said, likethis is like therapy for us, so
something that that's gearedtowards our audience is really
helping us in a sense with ourrelationship.
So, I mean, we're you can go toother people that say I'm
licensed this, I'm licensed that.
That's completely fine if wedon't rock your boat.
(04:43):
I completely understand.
However, we're just more intogiving the experience that god
gave to us to give to you.
Yes, so just wanted to get thatout the way, okay, okay.
So today we're gonna talk aboutsubmissiveness.
Um, now there is a lot of talkon different podcasts, on social
(05:07):
media period, where people talkabout women being submissive.
Like you know, with men, if awoman say what type of man the
thing is protect, protect andprovide and then men are like I
want a woman that's submissive.
But what really issubmissiveness Like?
Does it change depending on theperson?
(05:28):
Is there like one rule of whatsubmissiveness look like, and
can a woman be submissive insome ways and not others?
And that be okay?
That's what we're gonna tackletoday, okay, so what does
submissiveness look like like?
Like your preference of asubmissive woman in a
(05:48):
relationship looks like?
Sir Anthony (05:49):
my preference is someone that is supportive of
the things that I'm doing andthat the decisions that I'm
making for the household, theleadership soft-spoken when
necessary know how to just runthe home like you know, the
(06:11):
primary cook but it doesn'tnecessarily have to be the only
cook, because we share thoseresponsibilities even with the
child rearing.
The person that instills theemotion in the kids, especially
for boys like that, that balanceof masculinity and the ability
to deal and with your emotionsand handle your emotions, that's
(06:33):
what I want, uh ingrained to aboy nope, I don't want
femininity into a boy you askwhat my preferences are and I'm
telling you so I don't wantfemininity in the boy.
I want him to be able tounderstand his emotions and
regulate his emotions.
Chrissy A. (06:48):
That's a feminine energy.
Sir Anthony (06:50):
Okay, well, maybe I'm confusing this with the
feminine traits.
Chrissy A. (06:57):
You're confusing it with being a female.
Sir Anthony (07:01):
Just not feminine Manurism.
Chrissy A. (07:03):
Stuff like that yeah .
Sir Anthony (07:08):
What else?
Someone who listens, someonewho listens and not listens to
respond, but just you knowgenuine listen.
Sometimes you got you canlisten to somebody and it
doesn't deserve a response, andthen sometimes it does Not.
Saying that this should be allthe time.
You just shut up and do what Isay, but in some instances just
take that in.
Chrissy A. (07:29):
Can I ask a question ?
Sir Anthony (07:30):
Yes.
Chrissy A. (07:31):
So how do you determine what deserves a
respond and what doesn't?
Sir Anthony (07:36):
No, I'm saying you as the woman, so if I'm speaking
and then sometimes you justtake that in, okay, I don't need
to respond to this.
Chrissy A. (07:43):
Okay, but you said someone who listens and not
listens to respond, and I thinkan issue that we have had was
that I respond to, almost likewhen we're having conversation
about a confrontation that wehave, I'm going to have a
(08:03):
response to it, and sometimesyou think that I'm just
listening to respond, justbecause I have a response to
what you're saying, but I'm notlistening to respond.
I'm listening, I'm hearing youand what I heard from you, I
feel like, okay, well, he didn'treceive that the right way.
I have to respond so he canunderstand how I really meant
(08:24):
that or how it happened in myeyes, or whatever the case may
be.
But SHU confuses that withlistening to responding too.
So when I ask, like, how do youknow what to respond to and
what not to respond to?
I think that's where I'm comingfrom, that place.
Sir Anthony (08:43):
Well, the way you have exhibited is you're always
going to respond, and perhapsfrom what I'm asking for is work
on you not having to respond toeverything, and that's at your
discretion.
Chrissy A. (08:59):
That's the thing, like I don't respond to
everything.
It's so so many things that Ido pick my battles, like I
choose and pick my battles.
But when it's something thatcomes for my characteristics as
a woman or if it's somethingthat I feel like, well,
basically, mostly that like, ifyou're trying to display me as
(09:24):
being something that I know thatI'm not, I'm going to respond
to that Because I value youropinion, I value how you view me
, and if I feel like you'reviewing me in a wrong lit light,
I want to screw that light onand help you fix that bulb okay
(09:46):
you know what I mean.
So I think there might be otherwomen out there who might feel
like their partner thinks thatthey listen to respond when,
because sometimes it is hard fora woman to not I don't want to
say defend, because youshouldn't be in a defensive mode
(10:09):
, but sometimes you get intothat when you're having
confrontation with your partner,like, sometimes it does feel
like you have to defend yourself, because it's like you have to
look out for you, and if I'm notdefending me in this moment and
I don't get what I need to sayout, then we might temporarily
(10:30):
solve the problem.
But in the back of my mind,because we are, as women, over
thinkers, it's going to be athought all the time.
So then, how can we bettercommunicate that or express that
to you guys?
So it don't come off as I justneed to have the last word,
(10:51):
rather than I want you to viewme in the light that I want to
portray and not in the way thatyou see it, and I want to
understand how you see it, but Ialso want to defend my
characteristics in that, like,is that a possibility to do that
?
Sir Anthony (11:11):
I am not sure about that.
That one is tough.
Chrissy A. (11:14):
The only advice I can give is do your defense in
love yeah, well, let us know ifyou had that situation, if you
feel like because I'm not gonnalie, a lot of us do listen to
respond, but men do it too, andI feel like it falls short where
a lot of things are blamed on awoman, like it's like the woman
(11:36):
does this, the woman, you talktoo much, you this, you that you
know I'm saying, but in reality, if communication is the the
thing in a relationship thathelps resolve a lot of problems,
why would I not be a talker?
So there is that balance.
Like you were saying that youwant your wife to prohibit the
(11:58):
femininity and teach your childhow to be in touch with their
emotions and how to you knowwhat I'm saying, so you can
teach your child the other half,the masculine side of that.
You know.
It's like there's good, bad,there's pretty, there's ugly.
Everything has a balance.
(12:18):
I talk too much because youdon't talk enough.
You know what I mean.
Like sometimes men just don'ttalk enough.
Sir Anthony (12:27):
It's just not what we do.
Chrissy A. (12:29):
But that's okay, it's just to the point indirect
and doesn't need over explainingand overthinking.
Sir Anthony (12:37):
Most men, we're just like that.
Chrissy A. (12:40):
Right.
No, I understand that and tothat point, what I'm saying is
there.
That's why it's a balance,that's why we talk so much,
because there's a complaint thatwe talk too much.
We always want to know how yourday went.
We always telling you stories,we all you know.
I'm saying like we want to talk, communicate all the time.
And if we had the same thingthat y'all had where we don't
(13:05):
value conversation, I ain'tgoing to say, value conversation
, but we don't want to talk Likeyou, just want to chill.
If we both was just chill, howboring would that relationship
be?
Sir Anthony (13:17):
You got some couples out there like that,
that they talk when they need totalk.
It's just not overly like howmost women are, and they'd be
cool what's so?
Chrissy A. (13:28):
you feel like I talk too much?
Sir Anthony (13:29):
you know, you talk a lot.
Chrissy A. (13:32):
Well, that's why we got a podcast, but do you feel
like I talk too much?
Sir Anthony (13:39):
sometimes you be a little chatty catty yeah, I tell
my man almost everything.
Chrissy A. (13:45):
I'm gonna say almost because some things like my
friends tell me I'm not gonnakill talking, he wouldn't even
want to hear it.
Y'all like I'm not even gonnahold you.
Like if I was like we had agirl's night the other night, if
I came in and said guess whathappened at the girl's night,
he'd be like I do not want tohear it, chrissy.
So I got a man that don't wantto hear the gossip, baby, but I
(14:07):
just be trying to get him thetea for it I try to get him the
tea on um reality shows.
He just be looking and he let meget it out because he don't
like to talk.
And I know this is happening,but I still talk facts but as
(14:28):
far as your ideal ofsubmissiveness, do you feel like
that?
Sir Anthony (14:32):
I fit that category oh, yes, yes, you do.
And then I didn't get to touchon a part about like at home.
Maybe we should splice in there.
So we both are great cooks.
I don't know, I might getChristy a little bit of the edge
on me, but I'm coming back forit.
We're going to have a cook-offand have taste testers to
(14:53):
measure.
Chrissy A. (14:54):
No, what it is with our cooking is we are good at,
better at certain meals than theother person, but it's like the
mid, it don't matter who cookit, it's going to be good.
But like you and seafood y'allmesh so well together, like I,
will not touch him with seafoodat all.
Those lamb chops, baby, handthat over to my man.
(15:17):
Like you, the lamb chop seafoodking.
Okay, you know.
Sir Anthony (15:21):
Barbecuing, barbecue okay, you know
barbecuing, you know, you know,and I'm coming up.
Chrissy A. (15:25):
I'm a breakfast girl and I know y'all like breakfast
.
Ain't no real food, but no,when I cook it it's not just
bacon and eggs and sausages, Iam cooking breakfast like it's
brunch period.
Sir Anthony (15:37):
Yeah, just to be able to like how I think we
talked about it on anotherpodcast, for those that are
listening.
I believe we have, I just can'tremember which one, but I will
be working and it was themanifestation one bad huh bad
(15:57):
huh it's understandable, but atleast the sun just went away for
a minute um, the manifestationepisode, where I just briefly
mentioned about how you will, uh, work and then get done with
what you're doing and come andfix me breakfast while I'm
working, like just thatintuitiveness.
I don't have to, I don't evenhave to tell you, or like when
dinner time come, if you feellike a meal that you want, you
(16:20):
just go prepare it.
If I need to be involved, ofcourse you'll ask, but if it's
something you want on your own,sometimes you do the whole
shopping by yourself and cookingby yourself, because I know a
couple that the man does theshopping, the woman does the
cooking.
She never goes shop for thefood, but he never cooks, and
that works well for them.
(16:40):
It's all about that balance.
Chrissy A. (16:44):
No, I like being able to do things for you.
It makes me feel more in touchwith my womanhood, if that makes
sense.
Is it a debacle?
Is that the word?
Sir Anthony (16:59):
What Debacle.
What does?
Chrissy A. (17:01):
that mean.
Sir Anthony (17:02):
Like an issue.
Okay, yeah.
Chrissy A. (17:06):
Conflict.
Yes, we had a conflict abouty'all.
I downloaded this app and I'mtrying to learn new words, so,
if y'all hear me, like, is thatwhat that means?
That's where I'm at with it.
So we, is that what that means?
Like, that's where I'm at withit?
Um, so we had a debacle.
Is that how you pronounce it?
We had one on the fact that, um,my cleanliness needs some work,
(17:32):
right, and it was like a bigthing for me because I'm
learning in this process to nottake everything so offensively.
And for me I felt judgedbecause, like I said, like I
care how you look at me, and itwas like you didn't say this,
but what I heard was you dirty,Clean up my car because you
(17:57):
dirty, and sometimes thathappened, like when you have
unhealed wounds, like things dotrigger you, and for me it was a
trigger and it took it to awhole nother level.
So now we're in confrontationand it's like this nigga, think
I'm fucking, I'm gonna leave,I'm gonna go.
If I'm so dirty, I'll be dirtyin my own house.
(18:19):
Like those are my thoughtprocesses when we get into it
about stuff that triggers me andI have to take like a second
and a step back and like,realize what the hell is going
on.
You know what I'm saying and,um, you told me the issues that
you had and I just fixed it.
Sir Anthony (18:41):
Yeah, you, just you adjust it.
You made an adjustment.
Chrissy A. (18:44):
Yeah.
Sir Anthony (18:45):
And you fixed it.
Chrissy A. (18:46):
But I must say me fixing it and doing those things
, just like cooking for you, itmade me feel closer to my
womanhood.
You know what I'm saying.
Like I'm'm not nasty, y'all,but I, I am a little messy.
Like I will take off clothesand they'll be on the floor,
like if the laundry is full,instead of going to go wash the
(19:07):
clothes and clear up the laundrybasket.
Like, but I'm growing and I'mchanging and, like I said in
previous podcasts, that we'reeach other's mirrors, so you're
going to show me things and I'mgoing to have to adjust.
You know, and it's not anegative thing, it's very
positive to be aware of who youare at that moment, because we
(19:31):
all here to elevate.
Like, we're here to elevate.
So me getting up in the morningmaking sure the bed is made,
because I'm the last person, itfeels good to me now, like it
really feels good, and I didn'trealize how good this would feel
.
I just felt attacked, you knowwhat I mean.
Sir Anthony (19:51):
And I tell you huh, no, go ahead.
Chrissy A. (19:53):
I tell you all the time, like when we have a
confrontation, like I'm not here.
I tell you all the time, likewhen we have a confrontation,
like I'm not here, I'm notagainst you, I'm with you.
I'm going to always be with you.
So anything that I say to you,don't take it as a negative, and
that was me having to take myown advice.
Like you're not against me,you're here for me and we're
(20:17):
here to grow together.
And sometimes we got to remindourselves of those things.
But I absolutely love you forthat.
Like I, I just I still don'tlike cleaning the bathroom.
I ain't gonna hold you.
I do not like cleaning thebathroom y'all.
It just be hair everywhere andthat hair be stubborn.
Y'all ever like y'all, y'allbeen there.
(20:39):
The hair just be so stubborndon't want to come off the floor
.
When you think you got it alloff the floor, you start mopping
this new hair on the floor andit's like where the hell did
this hair come from?
but I love being in mysubmissive energy.
I've always been a verysubmissive girl, but I think
you've taken my submissivenessto a whole other level and it's
(21:00):
making me love this version ofme more.
Sir Anthony (21:04):
Now another version that you hinted at on that
other podcast.
So you want 50 Shades of Greysubmissiveness?
Huh.
Chrissy A. (21:14):
But you know what?
I think you confused that I amthe dominant in that situation.
I'm doing the whipping.
Sir Anthony (21:22):
Hell no.
We ain't talking about that atall.
Chrissy A. (21:27):
We didn't.
I mean, I could take it, but Iwould prefer to be the person.
Sir Anthony (21:34):
Oh, we ain't got no deal.
Chrissy A. (21:35):
But you thinking of it in a different like.
I know where your mind is going.
I'm not whipping you on yourass and doing that like it's
gonna just try it.
Sir Anthony (21:44):
It might feel good, sorry, I thought I didn't post
it.
I'm about to be christian grayand you that's the whole movie.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
I'm submissive in real life.
Chrissy A. (21:59):
Like why can't be dominant in the bedroom?
Sir Anthony (22:01):
They got things to go for dominatrix.
Chrissy A. (22:07):
We'll talk about it off camera.
Sir Anthony (22:11):
What else to talk about?
Chrissy A. (22:12):
We really won't talk about it again.
Sir Anthony (22:14):
That's hashed out.
Chrissy A. (22:15):
That's crazy.
That's crazy.
Sir Anthony (22:18):
I wouldn't do that to you hey, I'm sorry, some
things, some you have to haveboundaries and no facts, because
I have my boundaries when itcomes to you sexually.
Chrissy A. (22:30):
Okay then, and some things are no go okay and it
won't go.
Sir Anthony (22:35):
Touche okay we'll leave the 50 shades of chrissy
alone.
Chrissy A. (22:36):
Man, I thought I was about to follow up and and it
won't go Touche.
Okay, we'll leave the FiftyShades of Chrissy alone.
Sir Anthony (22:40):
Man, I thought I was about to follow up and not
this video, because I had tolearn how to do this stuff first
and then come back and say, heyy'all, I'm the whipping ass
master.
Chrissy A. (22:49):
Oh no, baby, it was not Fifty Shades of Tony, it was
Fifty Shades of Chrissy, themovie.
The movie's called 50 shades ofgray after the guy, christian
gray, who was whooping that assthat's okay the male was
whooping the female's ass butshe never experienced it and you
haven't either and I'm notgoing to okay, back back to it.
(23:11):
Back to it.
Have you ever dated somebodywho was very submissive outside
of me, like we're not talkingabout me now?
Sir Anthony (23:19):
Yeah, my ex-wife was.
Chrissy A. (23:22):
Yeah.
Sir Anthony (23:23):
Yeah, y'all share a lot of the same traits.
Chrissy A. (23:25):
That's so funny because everybody keeps telling
me I look like your ex-wife.
Sir Anthony (23:29):
That's y'all favor.
Chrissy A. (23:32):
What she's a beautiful woman, very beautiful.
She is very beautiful.
Y'all have a beautiful daughterlike it was given.
It was given happy family, likeyou know, I'm saying it was
cool.
It was cool back then, but Ican get that energy from her.
(23:52):
Yeah, I could feel that.
Yeah, what was one thing thatshe did that you absolutely
loved?
Sir Anthony (23:59):
I think I told you about this in part of what
you're.
You didn't explain this, butI'll explain it.
What you're doing in adjustmentis she would, when things need
to be purchased for the house oranything for the house, she
would just go on my wallet andjust take the card or whatever
cash I had and go do it Back inthose days when you carried
mostly cash and didn't use yourcard as much, and you come in
(24:21):
your wallet.
It was like a love-haterelationship with that little
instance because I would go tothe store to buy something, knew
I had money in my pocket and goand get an empty wallet damn it
.
So do you all take cards?
That was back in the days whenyou had to ask do you take cards
?
So now everything is all cardsand it's rare that they can.
You know.
So if you run around with cashlist for a couple weeks, it's
(24:44):
you can get away with itnowadays.
Chrissy A. (24:46):
Back then you couldn't yeah, and now that
situation was hard for mebecause, like you said, that was
something that I'm learning howto adjust to, because I the
background I come from, you know, like, um, I had a situation, I
had situations where peoplestole from me.
(25:08):
I had situations where peoplestole from people that were
within our household, you know,and your mate huh your mate, or
just.
This is just no, this is justlike I don't want to get too
much in depth with like my life,but it was like family shit and
we dealt with people that wouldjust do that, and then I would
(25:30):
see the anger of response thatthe other person had, so like um
, I know women probably outthere.
Like he said, just grab his car,girl, and go you crazy, just
grab that one fucking go, butI'm I'm just not that like I'm
learning how to be that becausethat's what you prefer, but I'm
(25:51):
not like that type of girl likeI.
I need your permission.
Like I grew up in a household,we have to have permission to go
in the refrigerator.
We needed permission to do.
You know what I'm saying.
So when you come this is what Imean by when you come from two
different backgrounds you try tomerge them as one.
There are difficulties andpushes and pulls there because
(26:12):
it's like look, I grew up myentire life being trained
because that's what it is tryingto ask before I touch something
.
It blew me.
I felt it was a big littleexotic bug.
It was really tiny oh, um, butwe had to ask permission for
everything.
Like I couldn't even open all myChristmas presents, oh, wow
(26:35):
like I opened them up from thewrapper but I couldn't open them
all up and play with them.
Like it was like you pick twotoys to play with and then if I
wanted another one because I gottired of the other ones, I have
to go ask to open another one.
I can't just do it.
So that was the type ofhousehold I grew up in.
It was kind of difficult for meto just just like take your
(27:00):
card and just get the swipingand like, okay, we need this, we
need that, without saying, hey,babe, what's the budget this
month?
Or what is the budget that we,and then having to figure out a
plan to meet that budget.
I understand you know.
So that's why I'm likecompromise with me, like let's
put a budget together I can.
Sir Anthony (27:16):
I have no problem with putting the budget together
, and that's a plug to the otherepisode, our money episode.
So if you haven't watched orlistened to that one, go check
that one out on.
You know how couples can budget, deal with financial issues and
be on the same page, so for usis getting on the same page.
Of course, in our relationshipI'm the provider and you know I
(27:38):
provide money for you to do thethings you need to do.
But what I'm adding into thismix is what she's talking about
it if, whether she have it ornot, if it needs to be done and
it's in, you know, like hercourt, where she would go stuff
you know laundry stuff orclothing for cam or something
like that things that's neededfor the household just go.
I'm saying, go do it because Iknow it's going to be within
(28:00):
budget.
But you're saying, okay, here'sthe budget for this.
You know that you can go dowhatever you need to do, but
stay within this limit.
Chrissy A. (28:07):
Because I've been exercising my rights to use his
car y'all.
That's where I got this outfitfrom.
Sir Anthony (28:18):
It's a beautiful outfit, thank you.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
Show it on the screen right girl, you got me singing
oh, oh, oh oh, oh oh oh oh, oh,oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,oh, oh, oh, oh oh oh oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,oh Period.
Chrissy A. (28:47):
But yeah, so I love that I'm the woman that I am for
you because I love the man youare for me.
Like, I think, where socialmedia influences relationships
and everybody gets confusedbecause they think that your
life is supposed to be lived onetype of way, like if you depend
(29:09):
solely on the man, then you'llend up with the short end of the
stick if he leave you.
You know what I'm saying, but Idon't.
I don't necessarily live mylife for if you leave.
You know what I'm saying, but Ido like.
(29:29):
I mean, I don't work my job nomore.
I work for you and I am puttingmy trust in you, but the thing
that I know in the back of myhead is just something about
(29:54):
this just feels like it's me andif we weren't together tomorrow
, next week, I don't thinkyou'll just fire me and be like
you can't work for me, no more.
You know, or I know, even ifsomething happened, I've always
been in a situation where, if Ifall, I know how to pick myself
(30:19):
back up, like it's nothing, toget back to me again, and even
with our relationship, like withthe money that I think you know
this, though, with the moneythat you'll be paying me, I put
some of it to the side.
Financial episode Go watch it.
Sir Anthony (30:38):
Go watch that episode, go listen to it.
Chrissy A. (30:40):
And I don't think you mind that, like you know,
because it's not like an escapeplan, but it's like, uh, we
don't have to spend all themoney type of thing, and let's
just say, all this money isstill together and cam goes off
to college.
We, we might have enough to justsend them off to college, you
(31:02):
know, or whatever, to buy himhis first car, you know, stuff
like that.
So, yeah, there's a balance tothis.
You don't have to listen toeverybody and compel together
like, oh well, this is what myman's supposed to be doing, this
is what my woman's supposed tobe doing.
Figure out what you like, whatyou enjoy, what makes you happy,
(31:24):
and I guarantee you, like Ithink it's easier for me to be
submissive with you, and becauseit's easier for me to be
submissive with you, because yougive me what I need, as like
you give me that protect andprovide, like I feel safe with
you.
You know, I don't feelcomfortable, I feel challenged
(31:46):
all the time with you, so itjust it just feels right.
So I'm gonna be submissive tomy man and I love that.
I love that about you yeah, butwe out here sweating y'all and I
feel like we spent enough timewith them.
Sir Anthony (32:02):
If you want to close out and say anything at
all, Well, as Chrissy said,submissiveness is something that
, as a woman, what do you definethat as?
And then as a man, what do youdefine it as?
And when you're together, howdo you combine that together?
Because there may be some dealbreakers or not, especially if
(32:23):
you all have the same and itmeshes well, then go for it.
But in general, what thesociety right now is wrestling
with is there is a lot ofindependent women that really do
have to do everything forthemselves and when they meet
somebody relinquishing thatcontrol to somebody to trust
(32:45):
that they'll take care ofeverything that they would have
needed and more, I understandthat challenge.
But once you meet that king thatis satisfying all those needs,
making you feel protected,making you feel in your feminine
energy then roll with that Like, run with that 1000%, because
(33:05):
that that reciprocal energy backto us as guys.
We love that.
We love a soft, energetic andsubmissive woman.
Like to have to wrestle withyou.
To come from wrestling with theworld to come in the house and
wrestle with you.
It's not what we want.
We want that peace at home, andbeing submissive is partly
(33:26):
creating that peace at home.
Chrissy A. (33:28):
That's all I have to say about it I have something
else to say, because you broughtup, sparked a memory.
Everything you just said loveit.
It sparked a memory because I Iwas a professional online dater
.
I'm not going to hold you.
I dated online.
I had every dating app I thinkI said this before.
I had every dating app that youcan think of, but I had met
(33:51):
this one guy and we startedFaceTiming each other and we
would talk on FaceTime and hewas pretty cool, you know, and
we was getting to know eachother.
We pulled out the deck of cardsasking the questions and he
started asking his own questionsthat he made up.
He's like oh, that's a dopeidea.
Let me ask you some questions.
(34:11):
The cards opened up his mind toask certain type of questions.
He asked me.
He gave me scenarios if you areat home and you're fixing,
you're serving me.
This is what he said.
And, yes, us women do have aproblem with the word serving.
I don't.
(34:31):
However, I don't have a problemwith serving.
It's saying I serve my manbecause my man serves me too.
Sir Anthony (34:38):
So, like, I don't have an issue with that word I
think the trigger with mostwomen is that now you'll be a
little on me and I'm perceivedas a slave yeah that's the
trigger yeah it's not what thatwill continue but he said if
you're serving me, are you goingto serve me on a paper plate or
a glassware?
Chrissy A. (35:00):
and I'm like well, we're home, I'm going to serve
you with glassware.
You know what I'm saying?
That's just how we cook.
The only time we use paperplates is if it's something fast
, like a sandwich.
Sometimes we even use plateswith that.
If it's like I just cleaned up,you just washed the dishes, or
(35:20):
I just washed the dishes, I'mgoing to use this motherfucking
paper plate, because who thefuck?
But sometimes I don't even dothat.
I do still do it, whatever.
That's beside the point.
Sir Anthony (35:29):
I was gonna say you haven't done that with me.
Chrissy A. (35:31):
No, I haven't.
Sir Anthony (35:34):
It's typically on glassware.
Chrissy A. (35:36):
Yeah, okay, so I'm tripping, but anyways, so I'll
answer the question.
It was like right answer.
Now, as he's talking, there'slike these triggers.
I don't like the way he'stalking.
I can receive it, but the wayhe's saying it it was just like
it did feel like I was meant tobe his slave or something in
(35:57):
those cases, I can understandthat, still working on it,
they're trying to give us arefill.
Love this resort but the wholeplate thing.
And then he was like, okay,we're at a friend's house and
they're serving dinner, butthey're doing it on paper plates
(36:20):
.
Are you going to go get a glassplate to put?
I'm like, no, that's not myhouse, why would I do that?
Like that doesn't even makesense.
He felt a problem with that.
I'm saying this to say open upthose conversations when you're
dating.
Like, open those conversations.
(36:41):
It's okay that he wanted me togo in a stranger's house for him
to get glassware.
That's okay for him.
So maybe there's a female outhere.
That's rude like that.
Because I think that's rudelike if you come to my house and
I'm serving stuff on on paperplates and you go into my
(37:01):
kitchen or even if you ask thewhole thing is I'm serving this
because I don't want to washthis that's what he said.
He said at least ask them first,so my answer was correct for
him when I said I was gonna dothe paper plates, but I didn't
ask, at least ask to see ifthey'll allow me to use the
glassware.
(37:21):
To me that's controlling andit's like, but there are women
out there that might not view itas such, so that's who that
person belongs with.
And that's why I say open upthese conversations, like the
topic of submissiveness.
What does submissiveness looklike to you?
That's a great question on afirst date.
What does protecting, providing, look like for you as a woman?
(37:45):
You know what I'm saying.
So I can know as a man, not me,but I can know as a man the
person you you're dating.
You know as a man if he's ableto protect and provide you in
the way that you value you know.
Sir Anthony (37:57):
So I just wanted to get that out the way no, now
you're sparking up other stuffbecause people can probably take
what I'm going to say next anddo maybe a checkbox what works
for you?
So like there's the age-oldquestion of when you cook and
the kids are home, who getsserved first.
Have that conversation.
Chrissy A. (38:16):
I do not like that question.
Sir Anthony (38:18):
Why.
Chrissy A. (38:19):
I don't like it because it's like everybody
finna eat, everybody finna.
Some people grew up in ahousehold where the kids got
their plates first.
I don't feel like there's aright or wrong answer with that.
You know what I mean.
Sir Anthony (38:33):
Like if I maybe because you did it and I just
assumed you knew it.
You served me first and that'sthe that's the preferred way
that.
Speaker 3 (38:41):
I Do, I do that.
Sir Anthony (38:42):
Yes, so that's why I never I'm hearing this
indifference right now, that youdidn't see that there's a no
baby.
Chrissy A. (38:49):
What we do is we will make all the plates and
just put them on the table andwe will eat together.
Speaker 3 (38:55):
Or eat together.
Chrissy A. (38:56):
Yeah.
But when we do eat, but Camtypically eats first, because he
always complaining about food.
Sir Anthony (39:02):
You know what You're right, I didn't notice.
Chrissy A. (39:04):
I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry.
Sir Anthony (39:06):
He must have a tapeworm.
He stays hungry Every timeyou're cooking.
You just get started.
Speaker 3 (39:13):
Is the food ready.
Sir Anthony (39:14):
You're 20 minutes into it Is the food ready, and
then he do this.
Chrissy A. (39:17):
Oh, it's going to take forever.
Yeah, so we gonna take forever.
Yeah, so we, we just get himout the way and be like here
here, boy, get the food, eat thefood here, your food.
But I just feel like it's acontroversial topic for no
reason.
Like we're all gonna eat.
I feed you more, like I giveyou more food than all of us,
because you are the man and wegotta make you big and strong
(39:39):
and keep that up, though.
So, but if there are women thatfeed their husbands before they
feed their children, great, ifthere are people out there to
feed their children before theyfeed their husband, I don't see
what the fucking problem is like.
Why are we talking about thiswhen people are out here dying?
Sir Anthony (39:56):
well, we're talking about communicating, about
submissiveness and that in myeyes.
I didn't even think about ituntil, but it is.
He's a hungry, hungry littlekid and he's always, he's the.
Are we there yet of food?
Yes, so he probably does gethis plate, first Like the little
portion, and then mine is stilllike simmering and doing his
(40:17):
thing, and it comes a littlelater.
So that's why I probably didn'tnotice when it's those one-offs
, this thing, and it comes alittle later.
So that's why I probably didn'tnotice when it's those one off,
otherwise we're all eatingtogether.
Yeah well, I prefer to beserved first and then the kids
after that.
So, um, but a good thing tohave those conversations.
So this opened up the dialogue,so we're having it now.
You've seen it live on the showin cancun.
You all have it in yourdiscretion.
Chrissy A. (40:40):
Period Well being on Shameless Plug.
Sir Anthony (40:44):
Shameless Plug.
We go to our store,pureintentions314.com, we have
conversation starters, the blackdeck, which is the intention
starters for any gamut,especially the beginning, but
the green deck, the beyonddating if you're committed.
It has questions for opening upthe submissive talk, dialogue,
and with that we're going toclose it on out.
Chrissy A. (41:06):
Period.
Thank you, guys, for joining usyet again, but it's time for us
to go out and have a good time,because we are on vacation.
See you guys next week.
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.