January 22, 2025 • 53 mins
Can you really rekindle an old flame and make it work? In this episode of the Pure Intentions Podcast, Chrissy A. and Sir Anthony, alongside special guests Alana and Erica, dive deep into the complexities of "spinning the block"—revisiting past relationships. Is it about rediscovering love or falling into a cycle of breakup and reconciliation?
This candid conversation explores the reasons people reconnect, from personal growth to societal pressure, and even the temptation of revenge. Whether you're considering revisiting a past love or simply curious, this episode is packed with insights to help you navigate the journey with clarity and intention.
Looking for tools to foster honest conversations about your relationship history? Check out our Reignite Old Relationship Conversation Starter Cards, designed to help couples address unresolved issues and deepen their connection:
🔗 Shop the Reignite Deck
🔗 Read More on Our Blog
💬 Would you ever go back to an ex? Why or why not? Share your thoughts in the comments—we’d love to hear your perspective!
Key Takeaways:
- Revisiting past relationships requires honesty, self-awareness, and clear intentions.
- External factors, such as children or societal pressures, often influence the decision to reconnect.
- Personal growth during time apart is crucial to ensuring a healthier dynamic the second time around.
- Tools like the Reignite Deck can facilitate meaningful conversations about rekindling romance.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Chrissy A. (00:00):
It's a controversy of spinning a block.
A lot of people think youshould not go back to an ex.
A lot of people say that theyhave went back to an ex and now
they're married.
I did a little research.
It's like more people sayingthat you shouldn't than you
should, and I just wanted toknow from you guys' point of
(00:24):
view have you had goodexperiences spinning the block,
or would you not recommendpeople to do it?
Welcome to the Pure IntentionsPodcast, where real love, raw
emotions and intentionalrelationships come together.
Welcome back to the PureIntentions Podcast, where we
talk everything relationshipfrom an intentional point of
(00:45):
view.
I am your host, Chrissy A.
Sir Anthony (00:48):
I'm your co-host, Sir Anthony.
Chrissy A. (00:50):
And we have two guests today, two of my very,
very good friends.
You guys have already met Lelea few podcasts ago and introduce
yourself.
She had to do it it.
So that's how you pop yourcherry okay, um, formally or
(01:11):
informally, all right.
Erica (01:13):
Um, my name is erica.
I go by lady e.
You can find me on ig at ladye,underscore 312 and teach hills
classes.
I'm also hr manager by day umpalms coach.
That's my passion project thatI do for fun okay.
Chrissy A. (01:32):
So today's topic is about doubling back.
Now we all do it, it's nothingnew.
I mean some of you gonna belike, nah, I don go back, but
yeah, you done been back atleast one, you done spent the
block at least one time.
So I want to get into thattoday.
(01:52):
First, let's start with goingdown the line of saying, being
honest, have you ever doubledback and how recent was your
most recent double backexperience?
Yes, we is getting getting theend today which end you starting
(02:13):
on you that one okay, well,maybe we should start with our
guests.
Sir Anthony (02:18):
You know what we can, we can.
We can warm them up because theyfeel like you've been tuning
into this podcast that you youknow, or maybe you haven't, so
let's start fresh.
So I was recently engaged andhad to break that off, and this
was the only person that I everdoubled back with and in that
relationship we would break up,get back together, break up, get
(02:41):
back together.
And I thought at the time itwas like some kind of divine
intervention because it would bebad breakups but then time to
heal and then eventually findour way back.
Chrissy A. (02:52):
So you thought it was serendipity.
Erica (02:54):
Yeah.
Chrissy A. (02:55):
I love that movie that's a nice word, if you guys
have not seen that movie.
I recommend yeah.
Sir Anthony (03:02):
She made me watch it.
It's a good watch, see.
Erica (03:04):
It's a good watch.
See, it's a good movie.
I haven't watched it.
You should watch it.
Okay, got you, I got you.
Chrissy A. (03:10):
So for me, I have definitely doubled back.
I doubled back with my child'sfather.
I'm gonna leave it like that.
I double back with my child'sfather a few times um, we'll
dive deeper into that.
The most recent, that was themost recent and that was
(03:33):
probably two years ago.
Yeah, two years.
I was a double agent.
I'm crying.
Alana (03:49):
I am currently in what's it called Double.
Chrissy A. (03:55):
A double and back situation.
Alana (03:57):
Spinning the block anonymous.
I'm in rehab because, yeah, Itend to be like, hmm, but did I
sample that Now you're talkingabout like full-blown relation?
Yeah, I'm in.
I'm in Spend the BlockAnonymous.
And how recently did I spendthe block?
(04:19):
Um, just a few weeks ago.
That's hilarious.
Chrissy A. (04:29):
Okay, I was about to say you have to go.
Alana (04:32):
All right, all right, all right, I'm a lover girl, let's
just start there.
And there have been a couplefortunate people that I've spent
the block on.
Yeah and yes, more recent thanother situations okay, so now I
(04:52):
want to talk about because it'sa controversy of spinning a
(05:12):
block.
Chrissy A. (05:14):
A lot of people think you should not go back to
an ex.
A lot of people say that theyhave went back to an ex and now
they're married.
Um, I did a little research.
It's like more people sayingthat you shouldn't than you
should, and I just wanted toknow from you guys's point of
(05:34):
view have you had goodexperiences spinning the block,
or would you not recommendpeople to do it?
Alana (05:44):
I feel like there's levels to the block spinach.
Like I feel like if it'ssomebody that you were kind of
talking to and it like didn'twork out or they were
inconsistent or it was justweird, just leave it be, because
you know I'm saying like thatinconsistency, most of the time
guys will come back aroundbecause they done something in
(06:08):
their life, done failed, andthey want to come back and test
you out a little bit.
Them guys, you gotta kind oflead them, because it ain't
meant to be.
Chrissy A. (06:14):
If you're for them, they're going to intentionally
come full throttle to you howwould you be able to like
decipher if that person is beingintentional about coming back
to you rather than someone justtrying to get some again because
they missed that cat?
If it happens, let's be honest,I guess their approach.
Alana (06:38):
You know I'm saying if they randomly like wid, it's
like, you know, I'm saying, hey,big head.
You know I'm saying, right, thehabitual block spinners.
But if they're like, hey, youknow, I know it didn't work out
in the past, um, and I thinkthat I was going through a lot
and I want to blah, blah, blah,you know.
Or if it's somebody like fromyour past and you feel like,
(07:04):
okay, I've grown and I've had anepiphany, you know, maybe try
to do that.
But if it was something thatwas toxic, you know I'm saying,
and that you had to like escapefrom or something, and you're
thinking maybe that personchanged, I feel like no, just
keep it moving.
You know, yeah, to that I wouldsay like it sounds to me like
you got to come correct and notcome at all Right.
(07:26):
So I guess, for that to explainmore about my experience with
spinning a block, like for me,I've never, if I've spent the
block, I never really closed thedoor, if that makes sense.
Chrissy A. (07:40):
Yeah, yeah.
Alana (07:43):
If I close the door, I'm not going back okay um, so there
has to be a level of stillcommunication understanding.
I mean, people go throughthings, we evolve at different
times in our lives.
We understand, we have a mutualunderstanding of maybe, what
transpired and what took placeand if I see things that have
evolved and changed, thenthere's potential there, I think
(08:06):
.
But to speak on, I guess to geta little personal and to speak
on how do you discern whether ornot it's like intentional or
legit and it's not just tryingto?
You know, yeah, get that cat.
Yes, get that cat.
Yes, get that cat.
Sir Anthony (08:25):
Um, I don't know, I think it's just about the
connection that you had withthat person mine was a little
different okay um, the, theconstant going back was a result
of business, so we both shareda business and COVID kind of
(08:50):
killed it.
But then there wasopportunities when things went
virtual, where a lot of juicyopportunities would come back,
and so, you know, it was justtoo much to ignore the stuff
that was coming through theinbox, and so then we got back
together as far as doingbusiness, and then of course,
business led to naughty stuffand then that led to okay of
(09:12):
course, maybe getting that cat,yeah, and getting back together.
So that's what I thought when Isaid that divine intervention.
It's like the opportunitiesthat were land.
It was like wow, once in alifetime kind of thing, how
could you not do this?
It was almost like we shared achild together.
Chrissy A. (09:34):
I was going to say that I was going to be like it's
like your business became yourbaby.
So it's hard to separatebecause it's like we got to stay
together for the baby.
Alana (09:44):
And that's literally what it was yeah, that's why you got
to be careful who you're goingto business with not be careful.
But you know I'm saying likethat's mindful yeah I guess I
don't think that people aredisposable.
Explain I mean so when I getthat it could be your baby, but
also like it for me.
I've only been in likesituations where it's been long
(10:07):
term Right.
So it's not a three month, sixmonth type of situation.
I've been a blog, it's beenyears type of situation.
So I don't know, I just feellike it's a fine line with me
which is understanding, likewhether or not whatever
chemistry, whatever connectionwhatever, not whatever chemistry
(10:29):
, whatever connection whatever,I just I don't know like I think
I have a hard part a hard timewith like letting go um and so,
and it's because I don't believein people being disposable, do
you?
so it's not about like businessor whatever it's about like the
time and the connection thatI've had with that person.
Chrissy A. (10:41):
Do Do you think that people tend to go back back
with their exes?
Because because typically whenyou get into new relationships
or if you go through a periodperiod of being single, you
growing in some sort of way, andsometimes growing is very, very
(11:05):
uncomfortable because you haveto look at yourself and find
faults and reasoning of you know, things that you have to change
, and do you think sometimes itmay be?
Oh well, I didn't really haveto change too much about myself
with this last person, so maybeI should.
Alana (11:23):
Just it's a comfort zone yeah hell, yeah, yeah, I mean it
can be it, can be it can bethat.
You know I'm saying it can belike I was comfortable there.
You know I'm saying I don't I'mtrying not to shame or bash,
(11:44):
but I just think that we growand mature on different levels.
Yeah, so it's not.
I don't know, it might notnecessarily be a comfort zone,
but I think it's something thatyou might not have learned.
Erica (11:51):
I could say me, and that's stupid.
We mature slower than you are.
Alana (11:54):
Exactly so.
You might have not learned whatneeded to be, and vice versa.
Like you learn, vice versa, youlearn different things within
relationships as you go throughthose experiences, so I'm with
you on that.
Chrissy A. (12:15):
Like I get that people go back because it's
comfortable.
But I don't know no way I hadthis thought right.
Sometimes I had this thought.
Sometimes people can go back toa situation when they feel like
, um, get it together, Chrissy.
When they feel like that theyhave to prove to themselves that
(12:37):
they didn't make a bad decisionfrom dating this person in the
first place.
So it's like you, you have toprove something like if I, if I
go back after a while, it's likeI had so much faith in you, I
invested so much time in youbecause I saw so much good in
you, and then maybe you hadfriends.
(12:59):
It was like no, uh-uh, thatain't it, that ain't for you.
And then when y'all finallyseparated, it was like damn,
like I don't like being wrong.
I know this person hadsomething good in them.
Yeah but, then after a whilethey like baby, I done changed.
I want to be better for you.
I want to do this again and youlike okay, well, let's do it
(13:20):
again, because I don't want tobe wrong and I saw something in
you and I know I did, so let'ssee if we can do this again.
That's interesting.
Alana (13:29):
Yeah, I feel like.
That's why I feel like it's notblack and white.
Like there's definitely levelsto this.
Like me personally.
Like I said, there are peoplewho are habitual block spinners
that do the WID and I'm justlike, yeah, no, I can't do that,
it's inconsistent.
There are people in my lifethat I feel like, ooh, but there
was good, the good like whatyou're saying, like, but the
(13:50):
good in them, but the good inthem.
And you know, I have tried todip my toe in that and most of
the time when I dip my toe inthat, that water's still dirty
and I'm like, ooh, you know whatI'm saying.
And then, aligned, you know I'msaying, and then there are
(14:11):
people, like you said, where I'mlike you know, I've grown,
you've grown.
What we had was, you know,maybe we were just young or
maybe whatever, whatever, I wantto try that again.
So all levels of this blockspinach, it's just, it's
definitely levels and it'sdefinitely gray areas, or
business, or yeah, orforgiveness, or babies, or come
on.
Chrissy A. (14:26):
That was my problem.
Erica (14:28):
That's the only reason why I wanted to make it work
with that man.
Alana (14:33):
Yeah, that's real.
Chrissy A. (14:35):
I'm not going to talk about it.
Yeah, we're not.
I will, though.
I will because I'm going toleave it there.
Alana (14:46):
I mean that's a big thing , though, because a lot of
people they especially if you'vegrown up in like for me grew up
in a household with one parentand you're like determined, like
no, I'm going to make it workfor this child.
I hear that so much People thatare still married today that I
know that are like no, we'regoing to stick it out because
you know of these kids.
Chrissy A. (15:04):
so and that can be a very toxic situation too,
because, even like I, wouldrather my child grow up in two.
I don't.
I wouldn't want this, but Iwould rather it to grow up in
two separate households wheremom and dad are happy, rather
than mom and dad being in thehousehold.
(15:26):
And now they seeing love lookedforced.
Alana (15:32):
Kids prefer that too.
Chrissy A. (15:35):
Yes, absolutely my kids was telling me, yeah, he
gotta go, mom.
Like they was already lettingme know.
Like this one ain't it, thisain't for you.
But I wanted to talk aboutpeople spending a block for
(15:55):
payback.
Alana (15:59):
Oh, that's the nigga trait.
Chrissy A. (16:00):
All right, let's go.
If you ever got hurt and didwrong, like the pain of being
hurt and you sit in there.
If it's a nigga, that bitchgonna break up with me, she
gonna do that to me.
And then when she come back andlike, well, babe, I thought
(16:22):
about it and I want to be withyou again and like, all right,
cool and then you're literallyplotting yeah on how to hurt her
worse than she hurt you or hurthim worse than they hurt you.
Erica (16:36):
Yes, it does go both ways .
I'm sorry it's not doublestandard, I'm just saying, but
I've heard the term of like whatdid?
I don't want to say no names,what is so?
And so say to me she was likeyou ain't never, I don't know,
fucked it away or something likethat.
Like that's strong, but I getthat people do that.
(16:57):
Yeah, like you know, that'sover.
The last time you're going toput it on them and just be.
Chrissy A. (17:06):
And ghost them.
Alana (17:07):
Mm-hmm.
What's his name?
Stephan Stephen the lovecommentator.
He talks about that too.
Chrissy A. (17:13):
Stephan LaBossiere.
Alana (17:15):
Oh him.
Chrissy A. (17:15):
Oh, I love him.
I met him y'all.
I wish I had the picture thatwe took together like it was,
though he'd be writing books.
Alana (17:24):
I know he signed, so he talked about so he talked about
like if, if, as a guy that'sbeen wanting you for a really,
really long time and you finallydecide to give him, you know,
attention, be careful, becausehe might be like I'm gonna show
her that she ain't all that andshe ain't unattainable, and all
these what she could have hadthat's crazy, it's ghetto out
(17:57):
here.
Yeah, I mean, but at the end ofthe day it is what it is karma
yes, and it's real, it's veryreal fierce yeah at your least
expected moment.
Erica (18:08):
Have you ever um tried to get back in a relationship?
The way I'm hearing this likethis is a thing.
Maybe I should have did that,that's not.
But so to your point.
Chrissy A. (18:12):
Like I, didn't know it was a thing.
Like I'm here, like I've heardabout different experience.
I'm like y'all crazy, likethese people are human beings,
like you that hurt, but that'speople.
It's people that are veryspiteful and very I think that's
my, that's my view of it Ithink I I did it unconsciously.
I was in my 20s, though, like Iwas very young, early 20s um,
(18:38):
it wasn't intentional, I don'tthink, when you look up, I don't
know, you know what they say,no, but it wasn't even like a
double back situation.
It was more of a what you said,like Stephon LaBossiere.
It was like I was dating girlsand you made me do all of this
(18:59):
for you and now you want meafter all it is now you want me?
Alana (19:06):
okay, let's get together hey it'd be like we got in a
relationship and it didn't workout yeah I guess not.
Chrissy A. (19:19):
It was fun, though it was fun to um all it was fun
revenge relationships.
Alana (19:35):
That's the time now.
Now look, when I broke up withmy high school sweetheart and
I'm getting specific when thisone, cuz you know who cares
about him I definitely was likeI'm gonna go over there.
How, how explicit can I get?
Chrissy A. (19:44):
because I was like done.
Alana (19:48):
Man.
You know he did all type ofstuff to make me you know all
the F?
Inner things, right, f-boythings F way out and we're
watching it now.
That's your explicit no.
No, no, it's a good.
Did I call the one?
I'm like what, what you doing?
He's like he was so excitedlike oh, you know, I'm just
(20:09):
chilling house, I'm gonna comeover, right.
So I came over, put that thingon him and pretty girl bounced.
When I said pretty girl bounce,I mean, before he could even
wake up I was gone and hethought things were about to be
different.
I'm like, no boy, I was justhaving a good night.
Chrissy A. (20:24):
You know what I'm saying so I did do that that
happened.
Alana (20:27):
Girls is players too early 20s life for sure y'all.
Chrissy A. (20:36):
So what is the most difficult thing about starting
over with someone, since youguys are like kind of a little
bit dabbling dibbling, you saidtwo weeks ago you didn't give a
specific time, but you did sayrecently, yes, so what?
(20:58):
What has been the hardest partof trying to start over again?
Alana (21:05):
I don't want to say trusting, but that's what that's
, that's that's at the tip of mytongue.
Um, it's just trusting that itwill be.
It'll be different this timearound, like trusting the things
(21:28):
that are actually um being saidand the actions, and just being
in in hope, not hoping, butjust seeing if it's going to be
consistent or not, or if it'sgoing to result back to the
reason why we ended.
Because, again, relationshipsto me I think it's like three
months, six months, a year, youkind of it's different phases
and you kind of see people atdifferent time frames, and so,
from my experience, I feel likeonce you get past if you can get
(21:50):
past the six months phase, okay, there's something, there's
something that's there, but thatthree years, that's the test,
right there.
Chrissy A. (22:00):
I think that the thing is when it started over,
once you made that decision togive someone another chance,
that starting over literallymeans just that yeah, you have
to Be present, you have toliterally take yourself from all
the past ventures, all the pasthurt, all the past pain, and I
(22:23):
think that's difficult in itself.
Erica (22:25):
So can I speak to that?
Because, to your point, that'swhere the trust comes in,
because you expect for thatperson to mutually understand
that and be in that same space.
So let's not talk about thepast.
When things come up that remindyou of that past, you have to
find ways to communicate thatdoesn't necessarily put you back
in that space, but also thatyou want to be present and then
(22:48):
where you're going.
Chrissy A. (22:49):
So I'm the advice that I would give, the advice
that I would, the advice that Iwould give is um to be able to
ask those questions.
We actually came up with a deckof cards.
This is the reignite deck.
It was inspired by some friendsnot gonna say no names.
(23:14):
I was trying not to make eyecontact but the reignite deck is
good just for that, becausehaving those tough conversations
about where the relationshipwent wrong and how can we move
forward and how can what did Ido that really actually hurt you
and talk about the things thathurt me from my perspective,
(23:37):
actually listening- and notlistening to respond exactly,
but actually listening taking itto understand and taking it in
and saying, hey, if we're goingto start over first, let's get
this out the way.
Let's get this out the way.
Yeah, these cards will help youget that part out the way and
(24:00):
they're available at pureintentions.
Erica (24:01):
314.com period can we get ?
it.
Can we do a little?
Alana (24:06):
yeah can I add, though, to like I, because I don't want
to double down I think, uh,trust is the number one answer,
but I think if you have, if it'sbeen a long time, like, say,
you were with someone, and it inlike six, seven years has gone
by, all of the things that youcould have not trusted them for
are you're over it, right?
I think another thing that isan obstacle is are we the same
(24:30):
people, because we've both grownso much individually and we
became different people?
Are we still the same peoplethat were together before?
Chrissy A. (24:39):
yeah, no, that, that is very that is very important.
I'm trying to tell y'all thosequestions like that.
That will get you in that mindframe.
They're in this deck, so ifyou're out there and you're
thinking about doubling back,spinning the block, reigniting,
(25:01):
reigniting I like that becausethat's the name of the card tag
Well, let's get into it.
Get these cards on our website.
Sir Anthony (25:12):
PureIntentions314.
PeerIntentions314.com.
Chrissy A. (25:15):
Period.
Okay, I just let's just readone.
Alana (25:20):
You know, we don't have to necessarily answer the
question.
Chrissy A. (25:23):
That's lame.
Alana (25:24):
I'm gonna answer it.
That's lame.
I'm going to answer it.
Erica (25:28):
That's interesting.
Okay, what does quality timemean to you and how can we
create more of it?
That person, though, but yousee it as what we don't know it
means a lot to me.
Quality time is like one of mylove languages.
So how you are intentional, howwe spend that time, how you
(25:50):
make time for me, that's veryimportant, because I reciprocate
that energy.
So yeah.
A planner, don't waste her time.
Executor and planner yes.
Chrissy A. (26:03):
Did you want to pull one?
Yes, did you shuffle I did.
The low I time and planningyeah, yeah.
Did you want to pull one?
Yes, did you shuffle, I did thelow.
Erica (26:09):
I'll do it again.
Okay, I can see it.
Alana (26:15):
What's something you love about?
We got to pick another onethat's like specific to the
person.
A person, oh yeah.
I mean because you technicallysupposed to be doing this with
the person that you'rereigniting with so how do you
feel about our future togetherand what are you hoping to see?
Oh well, dream man.
(26:37):
I feel amazing about our futuretogether.
I'm hoping to see an effortlessfriendship where we can laugh
together even after we've beenhating each other.
You know, because that's real.
I'm hoping to see us supporteach other, continue to grow
(26:57):
individually and build somethingthat we can pass on as a legacy
.
Chrissy A. (27:02):
Period.
That's cute.
That was so beautiful.
I feel like you would talkabout my relationship.
Aww, okay, hostess, pull a card.
Oh no, we was good with that.
One more trial.
Yeah, let the people know whatthe cards say I feel like they
(27:23):
get it.
Alana (27:24):
That was for you.
Chrissy A. (27:27):
I ain't trying to reignite nothing.
Alana (27:29):
I got my man.
Let's just see, Even when yougot too mad sometimes you got to
reignite that thing.
Chrissy A. (27:33):
Oh, are there any fears you have about being
vulnerable with me again?
How can I help?
Alana (27:39):
with that.
That's a good one.
Chrissy A. (27:40):
Yes, I want to answer.
That's not good for the Dublinno.
I wanted to answer that's notgood for the double and back I
wanted an answer from y'all dowe qualify like we're not?
Alana (27:51):
eligible.
Do you have any fears aboutbeing vulnerable?
Chrissy A. (27:54):
period look you just crossed out that again are
there any fears you have aboutbeing vulnerable?
Erica (28:03):
honestly with me again yeah so I know it's probably
hard.
It's probably hard.
Chrissy A. (28:19):
I feel like we are really vulnerable with each
other.
I do feel like we have moments,but we always kind of get back.
We can always revisit and havethose conversations.
So I don't have a hard timebeing vulnerable, which is
(28:40):
probably the reason why I'mstill here.
Erica (28:43):
I'll take it.
Are you going to waste my time?
Is the fear Right?
Because if you're doubling back, the question is if I'm going
to be open, vulnerable, honest,all the things, is it mutually
going to be reciprocated?
(29:03):
I think that's yeah, so your?
Chrissy A. (29:07):
fear of being vulnerable.
Is that the other?
Person isn't going toreciprocate the same
vulnerability.
Yes, Okay, that makes sense.
Or the intentions are not thesame right.
Erica (29:19):
So, like to your point, you're just trying to get that
cat Like.
What is your intention Like ifI'm being open and vulnerable?
Are your intentions alignedwith mine?
Chrissy A. (29:30):
Because people the thing about intentions is we set
our own intentions for our life.
So the alignment thing is veryimportant, because I can be
intentional about a relationshipand not see it the same way you
see as being intentional abouta relationship and that could
(29:55):
that will cause conflict betweenwhat we have, which kind of
tells you that maybe youshouldn't double back there.
Alana (30:05):
Absolutely.
Chrissy A. (30:06):
In all honesty.
But yeah, these cards again areavailable on our website, and
the reason why I love it isbecause it's not just all these
hard-hitting questions, butthey're there because they're
important.
It's all so fun like questions,questions that you you also
(30:27):
need to, because you knowrelationships are not just
serious all the time.
Can I laugh with you?
Can I enjoy spending my timewith you like we don't have to
sit here and buy a deck of cardsand just be talking about all
the bad things that we'veexperienced, even though we do
need to revisit some things tosee how we can go back around
(30:51):
if we go to David Buster's and Iwhoop your butt, are you going
to have a great time you?
Alana (30:55):
know what I'm saying you and this, david, sorry.
Oh, that's a move.
I'm a big kid we need big kidsand still make money.
Chrissy A. (31:05):
Stigmas in doubling back, do you think that there's
any stigmas for men versus women, like, can men get away with
certain things and trying toreignite a relationship and
women what's so certain things?
Alana (31:26):
I don't know, you know, can they get away with?
I think it depends on the woman.
Oh, I'm sorry because I justspeak on it.
I just rewatched Insecure andthe Game, and those both shows
are literally entirely aboutspinning the block.
And I noticed that too, becauseI'm like in both those
(31:49):
situations the man well,actually Issa stepped out but
like Save the Game, like the manwas like, well, you are HOE,
but it's like you, the one thatcheated and we broke up.
You know what I'm saying I don'tknow, I feel like, especially
with women who have, like youknow, our friends and our
sisters are always going to lookat us like girl.
(32:09):
You doing that again.
Erica (32:12):
You know what I'm saying.
Alana (32:14):
And um, whereas I could be wrong.
But men are like like, oh,you've been here, you've been?
Chrissy A. (32:24):
do they even have those type of conversations like
we?
Erica (32:27):
just like we do, yeah, like probably not to the extent
that you all, but we, I'm gonnasay no they have it you have it,
but it's in your own, yeahthat's true, let me clear it up.
Chrissy A. (32:41):
Okay, so we, we girls, so we talk almost about
we are vulnerable, we're veryvulnerable with each other,
exactly like we talk about stuffnot to say that guys don't have
(33:03):
their bromance and they talkwith their, with their fellow
friends.
But y'all sorry so it's like ifthat nigga cheated if, if, if.
I got cheated on nine times outof ten, I'm going to call my
homegirl and be like this niggacheated on me.
Alana (33:24):
Unless, and we finna put sugar in his gas tank just so
you know.
Paint on the window.
Like do you?
Chrissy A. (33:32):
have those conversations with your homeboys
, yes or no?
Erica (33:37):
Like I just got cheated on yeah, I think they had that
conversation it won't be likethat, but said like that, but to
an extent um man, this whole,she got me look the accuracy
alexa, play these hoes ain'tloyal on these hoes ain't loyal
(34:03):
playlistsI gotta fuck nigga playlist
honestly.
Okay, tell me if I'm wrong.
I feel like there is a cold ora level of conversation, like if
they get together and it's timeto go outside, it's because
something ain't going right.
Okay, so it's not necessarilyopenly communicated, but it's
(34:28):
what you doing now.
It's time you know you.
Chrissy A. (34:30):
It is not necessary we, yeah, yeah like bro, what
you doing?
Alana (34:34):
you giving up the bronco, I know, but it's okay, right on
the floor, I know, but it'sokay, you can do that.
I mean, but it's guys watching.
Sir Anthony (34:43):
The whole thing is about being vulnerable and this
majority of women is going towatch this and they're going to
get the tips.
Alana (34:50):
But it's okay if we give it to you.
Chrissy A. (34:53):
You can agree or not agree, if we decided to create
a podcast about beingintentional, then you speak for
people that want to beintentional.
So you can't want to beintentional one way and not be
intentional to tell women like,look, if a man does X, y and Z,
(35:14):
she's accurate about that.
Erica (35:15):
It probably won't be as voiced as you are.
Y'all gonna talk about it.
We, bro, meet me up at so, andso we going out tonight and they
gonna say we outside where youbeen, let's go yeah but I'm
gonna drink about it okay, andlet me let me give you.
Alana (35:31):
Let me give you some credit, wait.
But no, let me give you somecredit because that doesn't
necessarily mean that they gonnafuck around or do whatever.
Erica (35:38):
That's exactly what it means.
No, it's not, because actuallyno, this actually happens to me.
Chrissy A. (35:44):
A woman cheats on you, we be on the same thing
though.
A woman cheats on you, well,i'ma call you and be like girl
we outside.
Erica (35:52):
But we not supposed to just have sex with a man?
And I don't think theynecessarily will, either they
might.
And I don't think theynecessarily will, either they
might, I don't know.
We gonna get that roster up.
Chrissy A. (36:00):
I don't think that some of them will, but I think
the majority of men will.
I think if they're going to abar, they're going there because
women are at the bar.
Erica (36:10):
okay, specifically, if they cheated, that's one thing,
but I'm saying like let's justsay that they're.
There's issues in therelationship.
They might not be a cheatedsituation, they still do that
shit, yeah, and that doesn'tnecessarily mean that they're
going to step out, but that'stheir way of communicating, yeah
.
Just know, and you know you cantalk about it to me.
But I'm that friend, that's mygirl.
Get your heels out.
(36:32):
We're going outside.
You definitely should.
Chrissy A. (36:35):
We're definitely going outside.
Alana (36:37):
He did what.
What you need is a new roster.
Oh Lord, she ain't telling nolie.
Sometimes you got to pop outand show niggas, okay, okay.
Chrissy A. (36:55):
Pack both of y'all up.
Okay, well, back to it, becauseI do want to talk about the the
stigma between men and women.
So is there asking you as a man, a woman cheats.
It's a rap.
Yeah, it's a rap.
(37:15):
I'm just like I'm answering thequestion in my head because I'm
not a man.
It's so hard on them let theman answer real quick nine times
out of ten is done for for theman.
Erica (37:34):
We talked about this before so if more often than not
, a man will be ready to theypride and ego can't take it.
Alana (37:41):
We can't take it so we wouldn't be able to see past it.
Chrissy A. (37:45):
I understand the up and leaving, but we're talking
about coming back.
Alana (37:50):
Oh no, you'll double back you'll double back yeah because
lawrence couldn't see isa as aregular girl.
For a long time I've beenseeing.
Erica (37:58):
Issa as a regular girl for a long time I wish we could
put the clip in.
Alana (38:03):
I know right.
Erica (38:04):
No, you keep, we don't get flagged.
Copyright and all of that.
Alana (38:07):
Issa ain't gonna do that to y'all.
Erica (38:09):
She started here too on YouTube.
Yeah, she might fuck with Issa,Shut up.
Alana (38:13):
Issa.
Chrissy A. (38:16):
Think about it All right.
Well, you actually experienceddoubling back to a cheater so
she's telling you did you spill?
It did you um?
Was it hard to trust her again?
Of course do you feel like itcaused more conflict?
Sir Anthony (38:41):
rightly so, because now you have to prove, you have
to gain my trust.
Back like she went throughextra efforts to do sneaky stuff
over some stuff that in myopinion it wasn't worth it.
But to each their own.
So now I look that situationand it's like, okay, that saved
me from some issues, because shewas materialistic and she
(39:03):
probably would have drained mefor everything that I had.
Chrissy A. (39:06):
Yeah.
Erica (39:07):
And I wouldn't have been able to bounce.
Well, I can bounce back fromthat.
Chrissy A. (39:10):
I was about to say baby.
Erica (39:13):
But it's like over some little money.
Alana (39:17):
Yeah, that's deep, but it's like over some little money
, hmm, yeah, hmm, that's deep.
Chrissy A. (39:26):
That's all the questions you had.
Did y'all want to?
Erica (39:29):
respond to the whole stigma between I don't know.
I think it's interestingbecause there's definitely a
stigma.
I just I think I just don'tappreciate it.
Yeah, because at the end of theday, it's still the transaction
, it's still the exchange of thesame thing.
I do understand pride and egoand how that may look, or
(39:51):
they're no longer, you no longerview them in that same light.
But at the end of the day,there's nine times out of ten
women, women who take let's justtalk about if you get married
and the man steps out, ninetimes out of ten the women ain't
going for a divorce yeah we'llset you back we're gonna burn
(40:11):
your clothes and your favoritecar.
Chrissy A. (40:13):
Some light that shit on fire.
Erica (40:15):
But let the roles be in reverse.
Right it's, I need a divorceand to me it's just like.
To me it's just I don't, Idon't know.
I guess I'm putting my emotionsand feelings into it Like I
don't, I don't like it, I don'tfuck with that, so go ahead.
So I've had situations where Iwas dealing with someone who was
(40:37):
a multiple cheater, like theywere a serial cheater, you know,
cheated numerous and countlesstimes.
And then I have my one littlestep out and the distraught like
they just like are torn tothigh vagina.
Chrissy A. (40:55):
I've even had a situation look in the fucking
mirror.
Alana (40:58):
I've even had a situation where I'm like, okay, I see,
you know, we're young, youobviously can't stick to just
one thing right now, so whydon't we just have an open
situation?
But the thought of me alsobeing open was just too hard on
that person.
That's so good.
That's another topic thedoubling I'm going to let you
(41:20):
have it no, go ahead, go aheadbecause now that made me think
of, like, do men just doubleback because they don't want to
see that woman with someone else?
Erica (41:31):
oh, that's possibilities that is absolutely possible.
Y'all gonna be real.
Chrissy A. (41:38):
It's one of many possibilities so my situation of
me doubling back with mychild's father, it was
absolutely a hundred percent hedidn't want to see you happy,
you want me.
Alana (41:51):
Yeah, he just didn't want me.
Chrissy A. (41:53):
He just didn't want to see me with someone else.
And I noticed that becauseanytime I did get with someone
else, entertain someone else whohe felt completely threatened
by, I get a whole up version ofhim, like don't call me.
For nothing I could, I could bestranded on expressway.
(42:16):
He'd be like call nigga youjust went on a date with.
Yesterday, I just met him onthat dating app.
Call this nigga, I don't evenwant to talk to him, you know.
So I'm only speaking.
I feel like we speak fromexperience.
So with my experience, I'mgoing to say a good 80%, 85% of
(42:40):
these niggas just don't want tosee you with nobody else.
How do?
Alana (42:43):
you?
How do you know if that's thecase for the people?
Chrissy A. (42:48):
how do you know that a man is only with you because
he doesn't want to see you?
It's, it's, it's.
I feel like men show the samesigns.
If he's not giving you the time, if nothing, if everything is
still the same.
For me, it was mostly mostly um,like you said, it's hard to
(43:13):
gain my trust back because ofwhat you did, but he was getting
agitated because he had to workto gain my trust back.
It had.
It was supposed to be easy tohim because he really don't want
me, he really don't want towork for it.
He just want me to just come inand say I'm here, I'm the old
Chrissy again for you.
When a man doesn't show thathe's intentionally there for you
(43:41):
, when he doesn't show that he'swilling to go through the I
don't want to say backlash,because we use that word in such
a negative light but the traumathat I have experienced and
what that, come on, help me outy'all.
I went through trauma with thisman, so my responses to you
(44:10):
aren't going to be the same.
If you can't handle myresponses to you, then you don't
want me that fullaccountability.
Alana (44:20):
Have accountability, yeah , or just a consideration, a
little bit, yeah, and it's like,oh sorry, it's also that thing
of like when a man really lovesyou unconditionally, he don't
care.
Well, he cares, but regardlessof where you place him in his
life, in your life, especiallyif it's to fault of his behavior
, he's going to stand there.
(44:40):
You call and you want toexpress what he going to be
there.
He don't care who you datingtomorrow, who you dating
yesterday.
I think that's also a thing.
You know what I'm saying.
I mean, he cares Let me not saydoesn't care, but he's not just
going to be like.
Chrissy A. (44:59):
He cares more about your safety your well-being and
he does about his pride.
There we go.
That that's what it is, becauseI've had that experience too.
I've had it with a guy thatthat really does or did don't
talk to him no more, but didcare about me so much that when
I was into a new thing and I wasstranded, he and I called him.
All I had to do was call himand he came, and if he couldn't
(45:23):
come he was going to callsomebody else to say hey, I need
you to go get chrissy.
She such such like that's howit was and that's what I mean
like when a man care, he showsup and he shows the fuck out
what if it's just in them to bethat person like he feel like a
like that's just in his nature.
Erica (45:41):
That's the person that his mother, like the mother,
raised like it just is akindness thing.
It might not necessarily.
I'm just saying women.
It might not necessarily but ifhis mother raised that, he is
for you.
Chrissy A. (45:53):
He's just a good man but see if his mother raised
him to be that way.
She raised him out of love.
Yeah, so that means what heknows is love.
Alana (46:05):
Yeah that's real.
And you know, and you know thatguy, because you're gonna call
him, because you know he's gonnashow up.
Chrissy A. (46:11):
You know I'm saying that's not to say he gonna show
up and get back with you.
There we go, because thoseBecause those are two different
things, like a man and a womancan care about you, but not be
intimate or in love with you.
Alana (46:28):
Yeah, for sure, because I'm that person.
You know what I'm saying.
There's a lot of people thatcan call me right now and need
me, and I will be there, but Iain't get back with you.
Chrissy A. (46:36):
Likewise, yeah, you can't call me.
Don't fucking call me.
Call me, Because soon as I seeyou call me, I'm like Tony
answer this phone.
I don't know what that niggawant.
Erica (46:50):
The mic's still going, I can't even whisper.
I know that's right, okay.
So I wanted to say, because wewere talking about intentions
and how do you know if thatperson, if you should double
back or all of that, what if,like they like, give a little
(47:10):
and then pull back, give moreand then pull back.
Jesus, give a little more andthen pull back.
Chrissy A. (47:20):
So they're dangling a carrot in front of your face,
can?
Alana (47:23):
I answer and then pulling it up to see how far you're
going to jump.
Chrissy A. (47:26):
I want to just let people see how far you're going
to jump to catch the carrot,yeah.
Alana (47:32):
The inconsistency.
I think there's a conversationwhere you're just first open,
like, listen, I'm trying to,this is how I feel and what I
want from this situation.
It seems like you're pullingback, do you not?
It are, you, are, we on thesame page.
And then if that converse youknow if that does not change
(47:53):
after that conversation and yougot to keep it moving because
they may say, you know, yeah, Ido want that, but I'm just
having these fears or thesereservations, like that's their
floor to open up and say howthey feel what's going on.
But if they don't got no answer, or they perpetrate and like,
oh yeah, I do want this, buttheir actions are not matching
(48:13):
yeah, yeah, because baby actionsspeak louder than words.
Yes, I think that's why Ithought about that question,
because it's not necessarilylike to your point.
They might still show up foryou in certain ways because
there's still love there, butlike it's not consistent.
Yeah when it needs to be, yeah.
So that's another sign.
(48:35):
I think out there that youshould be aware of.
Chrissy A. (48:37):
Thank you for that.
That was good.
That was good.
You brought some good questions.
You know I try.
Alana (48:43):
I hear you.
Chrissy A. (48:45):
So what I would say is do you guys want to give
advice to our listeners?
Just to close out, sum upanything, Anything that's on
your heart, on your mind.
It doesn't matter what it is.
It don't even have to be aboutdoubling back, just I'll go.
Erica (49:06):
Um, no matter what you decide to do, I think you should
follow your heart.
Um, be mindful, be self-aware,but give yourself grace and
whatever decision you do decideto do, and make sure you're
checking in with yourself, notlooking for outside validation,
but checking in with yourselfand what makes you feel happy,
(49:28):
what makes you feel at peacewithin any relationship,
different world, a differenttime with social media and just
a lot of different things.
And we're looking forvalidation or approval or points
to prove from everybody elsewithin yourself.
So I think, no matter what thesituation is, you got to figure
(49:51):
out your center was right foryou and not compare yourself to
everybody else's situation.
That's my advice.
I love it.
I would say make sure that whatyou're seeking is seeking you.
As far as us talking aboutconsistency and things like that
, because you know it is in ournature to run to where we're
(50:12):
comfortable to.
So make sure that you aregetting outside your comfort
zone.
So make sure that you aregetting outside your comfort
zone.
Make sure that you're askingsources, be it God, the universe
, whoever you seek to forguidance and meditate on things.
(50:32):
Don't just kind of jump tothings or hop in things,
especially if it does not feelright.
Your body and your mind andyour spirit will tell you what's
right and what's not right.
And your spirit will tell youwhat's right and what's not
right.
And especially if it's a toxicsituation where someone is
disrespecting you, being abusivebe it emotionally, physically
or spiritually that's neversomething that you need to go to
.
Always know your worth and whatyou deserve and always be ready
to elevate what you deserve.
Yeah, maybe I was in that spacelast year, but now I know what
(50:52):
I deserve and what I don'tdeserve, and you are not it.
Don't do it in general.
That's the answer.
But if you feel it in your gutand both parties changed and you
can discuss it, give it a well,um, what I would you get?
Chrissy A. (51:22):
you guys said basically everything, but what's
on my heart, in my mind rightnow is everybody will have their
opinion about you, about yourlife, about the things you
accept and won't accept.
You can listen, but you don'thave to take it.
(51:43):
I would double back from whatElena says.
Make sure you're meditating,make sure you're praying, make
sure you're asking for guidance,because it's hard to do it
alone, and I know that a lot ofpeople say, oh, don't tell
people your business.
But when you have greatfriendships, when you have
people that you can trust inyour circle, I feel like not
(52:07):
people, that's going to just,yes, man you to death, but
people, those people and Iguarantee you that the guidance
will, will get you where youneed to go.
(52:27):
God bring people in your lifefor a reason, okay, so don't
listen to all of social media.
Be intentional about everythingyou do and take some time to
yourself, like I know, peoplesay it all the time, but it's so
, so essential to buildingstrong foundations loving you,
(52:49):
learning you, learning what youwill and won't accept, standing
on that.
It comes from within.
It comes from spending timewith you nobody can love you
more than you can.
So that would be my advice, andthis has been another episode of
the pure intentions podcast andhe takes people out of your
(53:12):
life for a reason period.
Erica (53:16):
The rejection is for a redirection.
Chrissy A. (53:18):
Period, and we will have them back really soon
without this guy, though, butthey will be back really soon.
So stay tuned and see you guysnext week.
It's a controversy of spinning a block.
A lot of people think youshould not go back to an ex.
A lot of people say that theyhave went back to an ex and now
they're married.
I did a little research.
It's like more people sayingthat you shouldn't than you
should, and I just wanted toknow from you guys' point of
(00:24):
view have you had goodexperiences spinning the block,
or would you not recommendpeople to do it?
Welcome to the Pure IntentionsPodcast, where real love, raw
emotions and intentionalrelationships come together.
Welcome back to the PureIntentions Podcast, where we
talk everything relationshipfrom an intentional point of
(00:45):
view.
I am your host, Chrissy A.
Sir Anthony (00:48):
I'm your co-host, Sir Anthony.
Chrissy A. (00:50):
And we have two guests today, two of my very,
very good friends.
You guys have already met Lelea few podcasts ago and introduce
yourself.
She had to do it it.
So that's how you pop yourcherry okay, um, formally or
(01:11):
informally, all right.
Erica (01:13):
Um, my name is erica.
I go by lady e.
You can find me on ig at ladye,underscore 312 and teach hills
classes.
I'm also hr manager by day umpalms coach.
That's my passion project thatI do for fun okay.
Chrissy A. (01:32):
So today's topic is about doubling back.
Now we all do it, it's nothingnew.
I mean some of you gonna belike, nah, I don go back, but
yeah, you done been back atleast one, you done spent the
block at least one time.
So I want to get into thattoday.
(01:52):
First, let's start with goingdown the line of saying, being
honest, have you ever doubledback and how recent was your
most recent double backexperience?
Yes, we is getting getting theend today which end you starting
(02:13):
on you that one okay, well,maybe we should start with our
guests.
Sir Anthony (02:18):
You know what we can, we can.
We can warm them up because theyfeel like you've been tuning
into this podcast that you youknow, or maybe you haven't, so
let's start fresh.
So I was recently engaged andhad to break that off, and this
was the only person that I everdoubled back with and in that
relationship we would break up,get back together, break up, get
(02:41):
back together.
And I thought at the time itwas like some kind of divine
intervention because it would bebad breakups but then time to
heal and then eventually findour way back.
Chrissy A. (02:52):
So you thought it was serendipity.
Erica (02:54):
Yeah.
Chrissy A. (02:55):
I love that movie that's a nice word, if you guys
have not seen that movie.
I recommend yeah.
Sir Anthony (03:02):
She made me watch it.
It's a good watch, see.
Erica (03:04):
It's a good watch.
See, it's a good movie.
I haven't watched it.
You should watch it.
Okay, got you, I got you.
Chrissy A. (03:10):
So for me, I have definitely doubled back.
I doubled back with my child'sfather.
I'm gonna leave it like that.
I double back with my child'sfather a few times um, we'll
dive deeper into that.
The most recent, that was themost recent and that was
(03:33):
probably two years ago.
Yeah, two years.
I was a double agent.
I'm crying.
Alana (03:49):
I am currently in what's it called Double.
Chrissy A. (03:55):
A double and back situation.
Alana (03:57):
Spinning the block anonymous.
I'm in rehab because, yeah, Itend to be like, hmm, but did I
sample that Now you're talkingabout like full-blown relation?
Yeah, I'm in.
I'm in Spend the BlockAnonymous.
And how recently did I spendthe block?
(04:19):
Um, just a few weeks ago.
That's hilarious.
Chrissy A. (04:29):
Okay, I was about to say you have to go.
Alana (04:32):
All right, all right, all right, I'm a lover girl, let's
just start there.
And there have been a couplefortunate people that I've spent
the block on.
Yeah and yes, more recent thanother situations okay, so now I
(04:52):
want to talk about because it'sa controversy of spinning a
(05:12):
block.
Chrissy A. (05:14):
A lot of people think you should not go back to
an ex.
A lot of people say that theyhave went back to an ex and now
they're married.
Um, I did a little research.
It's like more people sayingthat you shouldn't than you
should, and I just wanted toknow from you guys's point of
(05:34):
view have you had goodexperiences spinning the block,
or would you not recommendpeople to do it?
Alana (05:44):
I feel like there's levels to the block spinach.
Like I feel like if it'ssomebody that you were kind of
talking to and it like didn'twork out or they were
inconsistent or it was justweird, just leave it be, because
you know I'm saying like thatinconsistency, most of the time
guys will come back aroundbecause they done something in
(06:08):
their life, done failed, andthey want to come back and test
you out a little bit.
Them guys, you gotta kind oflead them, because it ain't
meant to be.
Chrissy A. (06:14):
If you're for them, they're going to intentionally
come full throttle to you howwould you be able to like
decipher if that person is beingintentional about coming back
to you rather than someone justtrying to get some again because
they missed that cat?
If it happens, let's be honest,I guess their approach.
Alana (06:38):
You know I'm saying if they randomly like wid, it's
like, you know, I'm saying, hey,big head.
You know I'm saying, right, thehabitual block spinners.
But if they're like, hey, youknow, I know it didn't work out
in the past, um, and I thinkthat I was going through a lot
and I want to blah, blah, blah,you know.
Or if it's somebody like fromyour past and you feel like,
(07:04):
okay, I've grown and I've had anepiphany, you know, maybe try
to do that.
But if it was something thatwas toxic, you know I'm saying,
and that you had to like escapefrom or something, and you're
thinking maybe that personchanged, I feel like no, just
keep it moving.
You know, yeah, to that I wouldsay like it sounds to me like
you got to come correct and notcome at all Right.
(07:26):
So I guess, for that to explainmore about my experience with
spinning a block, like for me,I've never, if I've spent the
block, I never really closed thedoor, if that makes sense.
Chrissy A. (07:40):
Yeah, yeah.
Alana (07:43):
If I close the door, I'm not going back okay um, so there
has to be a level of stillcommunication understanding.
I mean, people go throughthings, we evolve at different
times in our lives.
We understand, we have a mutualunderstanding of maybe, what
transpired and what took placeand if I see things that have
evolved and changed, thenthere's potential there, I think
(08:06):
.
But to speak on, I guess to geta little personal and to speak
on how do you discern whether ornot it's like intentional or
legit and it's not just tryingto?
You know, yeah, get that cat.
Yes, get that cat.
Yes, get that cat.
Sir Anthony (08:25):
Um, I don't know, I think it's just about the
connection that you had withthat person mine was a little
different okay um, the, theconstant going back was a result
of business, so we both shareda business and COVID kind of
(08:50):
killed it.
But then there wasopportunities when things went
virtual, where a lot of juicyopportunities would come back,
and so, you know, it was justtoo much to ignore the stuff
that was coming through theinbox, and so then we got back
together as far as doingbusiness, and then of course,
business led to naughty stuffand then that led to okay of
(09:12):
course, maybe getting that cat,yeah, and getting back together.
So that's what I thought when Isaid that divine intervention.
It's like the opportunitiesthat were land.
It was like wow, once in alifetime kind of thing, how
could you not do this?
It was almost like we shared achild together.
Chrissy A. (09:34):
I was going to say that I was going to be like it's
like your business became yourbaby.
So it's hard to separatebecause it's like we got to stay
together for the baby.
Alana (09:44):
And that's literally what it was yeah, that's why you got
to be careful who you're goingto business with not be careful.
But you know I'm saying likethat's mindful yeah I guess I
don't think that people aredisposable.
Explain I mean so when I getthat it could be your baby, but
also like it for me.
I've only been in likesituations where it's been long
(10:07):
term Right.
So it's not a three month, sixmonth type of situation.
I've been a blog, it's beenyears type of situation.
So I don't know, I just feellike it's a fine line with me
which is understanding, likewhether or not whatever
chemistry, whatever connectionwhatever, not whatever chemistry
(10:29):
, whatever connection whatever,I just I don't know like I think
I have a hard part a hard timewith like letting go um and so,
and it's because I don't believein people being disposable, do
you?
so it's not about like businessor whatever it's about like the
time and the connection thatI've had with that person.
Chrissy A. (10:41):
Do Do you think that people tend to go back back
with their exes?
Because because typically whenyou get into new relationships
or if you go through a periodperiod of being single, you
growing in some sort of way, andsometimes growing is very, very
(11:05):
uncomfortable because you haveto look at yourself and find
faults and reasoning of you know, things that you have to change
, and do you think sometimes itmay be?
Oh well, I didn't really haveto change too much about myself
with this last person, so maybeI should.
Alana (11:23):
Just it's a comfort zone yeah hell, yeah, yeah, I mean it
can be it, can be it can bethat.
You know I'm saying it can belike I was comfortable there.
You know I'm saying I don't I'mtrying not to shame or bash,
(11:44):
but I just think that we growand mature on different levels.
Yeah, so it's not.
I don't know, it might notnecessarily be a comfort zone,
but I think it's something thatyou might not have learned.
Erica (11:51):
I could say me, and that's stupid.
We mature slower than you are.
Alana (11:54):
Exactly so.
You might have not learned whatneeded to be, and vice versa.
Like you learn, vice versa, youlearn different things within
relationships as you go throughthose experiences, so I'm with
you on that.
Chrissy A. (12:15):
Like I get that people go back because it's
comfortable.
But I don't know no way I hadthis thought right.
Sometimes I had this thought.
Sometimes people can go back toa situation when they feel like
, um, get it together, Chrissy.
When they feel like that theyhave to prove to themselves that
(12:37):
they didn't make a bad decisionfrom dating this person in the
first place.
So it's like you, you have toprove something like if I, if I
go back after a while, it's likeI had so much faith in you, I
invested so much time in youbecause I saw so much good in
you, and then maybe you hadfriends.
(12:59):
It was like no, uh-uh, thatain't it, that ain't for you.
And then when y'all finallyseparated, it was like damn,
like I don't like being wrong.
I know this person hadsomething good in them.
Yeah but, then after a whilethey like baby, I done changed.
I want to be better for you.
I want to do this again and youlike okay, well, let's do it
(13:20):
again, because I don't want tobe wrong and I saw something in
you and I know I did, so let'ssee if we can do this again.
That's interesting.
Alana (13:29):
Yeah, I feel like.
That's why I feel like it's notblack and white.
Like there's definitely levelsto this.
Like me personally.
Like I said, there are peoplewho are habitual block spinners
that do the WID and I'm justlike, yeah, no, I can't do that,
it's inconsistent.
There are people in my lifethat I feel like, ooh, but there
was good, the good like whatyou're saying, like, but the
(13:50):
good in them, but the good inthem.
And you know, I have tried todip my toe in that and most of
the time when I dip my toe inthat, that water's still dirty
and I'm like, ooh, you know whatI'm saying.
And then, aligned, you know I'msaying, and then there are
(14:11):
people, like you said, where I'mlike you know, I've grown,
you've grown.
What we had was, you know,maybe we were just young or
maybe whatever, whatever, I wantto try that again.
So all levels of this blockspinach, it's just, it's
definitely levels and it'sdefinitely gray areas, or
business, or yeah, orforgiveness, or babies, or come
on.
Chrissy A. (14:26):
That was my problem.
Erica (14:28):
That's the only reason why I wanted to make it work
with that man.
Alana (14:33):
Yeah, that's real.
Chrissy A. (14:35):
I'm not going to talk about it.
Yeah, we're not.
I will, though.
I will because I'm going toleave it there.
Alana (14:46):
I mean that's a big thing , though, because a lot of
people they especially if you'vegrown up in like for me grew up
in a household with one parentand you're like determined, like
no, I'm going to make it workfor this child.
I hear that so much People thatare still married today that I
know that are like no, we'regoing to stick it out because
you know of these kids.
Chrissy A. (15:04):
so and that can be a very toxic situation too,
because, even like I, wouldrather my child grow up in two.
I don't.
I wouldn't want this, but Iwould rather it to grow up in
two separate households wheremom and dad are happy, rather
than mom and dad being in thehousehold.
(15:26):
And now they seeing love lookedforced.
Alana (15:32):
Kids prefer that too.
Chrissy A. (15:35):
Yes, absolutely my kids was telling me, yeah, he
gotta go, mom.
Like they was already lettingme know.
Like this one ain't it, thisain't for you.
But I wanted to talk aboutpeople spending a block for
(15:55):
payback.
Alana (15:59):
Oh, that's the nigga trait.
Chrissy A. (16:00):
All right, let's go.
If you ever got hurt and didwrong, like the pain of being
hurt and you sit in there.
If it's a nigga, that bitchgonna break up with me, she
gonna do that to me.
And then when she come back andlike, well, babe, I thought
(16:22):
about it and I want to be withyou again and like, all right,
cool and then you're literallyplotting yeah on how to hurt her
worse than she hurt you or hurthim worse than they hurt you.
Erica (16:36):
Yes, it does go both ways .
I'm sorry it's not doublestandard, I'm just saying, but
I've heard the term of like whatdid?
I don't want to say no names,what is so?
And so say to me she was likeyou ain't never, I don't know,
fucked it away or something likethat.
Like that's strong, but I getthat people do that.
(16:57):
Yeah, like you know, that'sover.
The last time you're going toput it on them and just be.
Chrissy A. (17:06):
And ghost them.
Alana (17:07):
Mm-hmm.
What's his name?
Stephan Stephen the lovecommentator.
He talks about that too.
Chrissy A. (17:13):
Stephan LaBossiere.
Alana (17:15):
Oh him.
Chrissy A. (17:15):
Oh, I love him.
I met him y'all.
I wish I had the picture thatwe took together like it was,
though he'd be writing books.
Alana (17:24):
I know he signed, so he talked about so he talked about
like if, if, as a guy that'sbeen wanting you for a really,
really long time and you finallydecide to give him, you know,
attention, be careful, becausehe might be like I'm gonna show
her that she ain't all that andshe ain't unattainable, and all
these what she could have hadthat's crazy, it's ghetto out
(17:57):
here.
Yeah, I mean, but at the end ofthe day it is what it is karma
yes, and it's real, it's veryreal fierce yeah at your least
expected moment.
Erica (18:08):
Have you ever um tried to get back in a relationship?
The way I'm hearing this likethis is a thing.
Maybe I should have did that,that's not.
But so to your point.
Chrissy A. (18:12):
Like I, didn't know it was a thing.
Like I'm here, like I've heardabout different experience.
I'm like y'all crazy, likethese people are human beings,
like you that hurt, but that'speople.
It's people that are veryspiteful and very I think that's
my, that's my view of it Ithink I I did it unconsciously.
I was in my 20s, though, like Iwas very young, early 20s um,
(18:38):
it wasn't intentional, I don'tthink, when you look up, I don't
know, you know what they say,no, but it wasn't even like a
double back situation.
It was more of a what you said,like Stephon LaBossiere.
It was like I was dating girlsand you made me do all of this
(18:59):
for you and now you want meafter all it is now you want me?
Alana (19:06):
okay, let's get together hey it'd be like we got in a
relationship and it didn't workout yeah I guess not.
Chrissy A. (19:19):
It was fun, though it was fun to um all it was fun
revenge relationships.
Alana (19:35):
That's the time now.
Now look, when I broke up withmy high school sweetheart and
I'm getting specific when thisone, cuz you know who cares
about him I definitely was likeI'm gonna go over there.
How, how explicit can I get?
Chrissy A. (19:44):
because I was like done.
Alana (19:48):
Man.
You know he did all type ofstuff to make me you know all
the F?
Inner things, right, f-boythings F way out and we're
watching it now.
That's your explicit no.
No, no, it's a good.
Did I call the one?
I'm like what, what you doing?
He's like he was so excitedlike oh, you know, I'm just
(20:09):
chilling house, I'm gonna comeover, right.
So I came over, put that thingon him and pretty girl bounced.
When I said pretty girl bounce,I mean, before he could even
wake up I was gone and hethought things were about to be
different.
I'm like, no boy, I was justhaving a good night.
Chrissy A. (20:24):
You know what I'm saying so I did do that that
happened.
Alana (20:27):
Girls is players too early 20s life for sure y'all.
Chrissy A. (20:36):
So what is the most difficult thing about starting
over with someone, since youguys are like kind of a little
bit dabbling dibbling, you saidtwo weeks ago you didn't give a
specific time, but you did sayrecently, yes, so what?
(20:58):
What has been the hardest partof trying to start over again?
Alana (21:05):
I don't want to say trusting, but that's what that's
, that's that's at the tip of mytongue.
Um, it's just trusting that itwill be.
It'll be different this timearound, like trusting the things
(21:28):
that are actually um being saidand the actions, and just being
in in hope, not hoping, butjust seeing if it's going to be
consistent or not, or if it'sgoing to result back to the
reason why we ended.
Because, again, relationshipsto me I think it's like three
months, six months, a year, youkind of it's different phases
and you kind of see people atdifferent time frames, and so,
from my experience, I feel likeonce you get past if you can get
(21:50):
past the six months phase, okay, there's something, there's
something that's there, but thatthree years, that's the test,
right there.
Chrissy A. (22:00):
I think that the thing is when it started over,
once you made that decision togive someone another chance,
that starting over literallymeans just that yeah, you have
to Be present, you have toliterally take yourself from all
the past ventures, all the pasthurt, all the past pain, and I
(22:23):
think that's difficult in itself.
Erica (22:25):
So can I speak to that?
Because, to your point, that'swhere the trust comes in,
because you expect for thatperson to mutually understand
that and be in that same space.
So let's not talk about thepast.
When things come up that remindyou of that past, you have to
find ways to communicate thatdoesn't necessarily put you back
in that space, but also thatyou want to be present and then
(22:48):
where you're going.
Chrissy A. (22:49):
So I'm the advice that I would give, the advice
that I would, the advice that Iwould give is um to be able to
ask those questions.
We actually came up with a deckof cards.
This is the reignite deck.
It was inspired by some friendsnot gonna say no names.
(23:14):
I was trying not to make eyecontact but the reignite deck is
good just for that, becausehaving those tough conversations
about where the relationshipwent wrong and how can we move
forward and how can what did Ido that really actually hurt you
and talk about the things thathurt me from my perspective,
(23:37):
actually listening- and notlistening to respond exactly,
but actually listening taking itto understand and taking it in
and saying, hey, if we're goingto start over first, let's get
this out the way.
Let's get this out the way.
Yeah, these cards will help youget that part out the way and
(24:00):
they're available at pureintentions.
Erica (24:01):
314.com period can we get ?
it.
Can we do a little?
Alana (24:06):
yeah can I add, though, to like I, because I don't want
to double down I think, uh,trust is the number one answer,
but I think if you have, if it'sbeen a long time, like, say,
you were with someone, and it inlike six, seven years has gone
by, all of the things that youcould have not trusted them for
are you're over it, right?
I think another thing that isan obstacle is are we the same
(24:30):
people, because we've both grownso much individually and we
became different people?
Are we still the same peoplethat were together before?
Chrissy A. (24:39):
yeah, no, that, that is very that is very important.
I'm trying to tell y'all thosequestions like that.
That will get you in that mindframe.
They're in this deck, so ifyou're out there and you're
thinking about doubling back,spinning the block, reigniting,
(25:01):
reigniting I like that becausethat's the name of the card tag
Well, let's get into it.
Get these cards on our website.
Sir Anthony (25:12):
PureIntentions314.
PeerIntentions314.com.
Chrissy A. (25:15):
Period.
Okay, I just let's just readone.
Alana (25:20):
You know, we don't have to necessarily answer the
question.
Chrissy A. (25:23):
That's lame.
Alana (25:24):
I'm gonna answer it.
That's lame.
I'm going to answer it.
Erica (25:28):
That's interesting.
Okay, what does quality timemean to you and how can we
create more of it?
That person, though, but yousee it as what we don't know it
means a lot to me.
Quality time is like one of mylove languages.
So how you are intentional, howwe spend that time, how you
(25:50):
make time for me, that's veryimportant, because I reciprocate
that energy.
So yeah.
A planner, don't waste her time.
Executor and planner yes.
Chrissy A. (26:03):
Did you want to pull one?
Yes, did you shuffle I did.
The low I time and planningyeah, yeah.
Did you want to pull one?
Yes, did you shuffle, I did thelow.
Erica (26:09):
I'll do it again.
Okay, I can see it.
Alana (26:15):
What's something you love about?
We got to pick another onethat's like specific to the
person.
A person, oh yeah.
I mean because you technicallysupposed to be doing this with
the person that you'rereigniting with so how do you
feel about our future togetherand what are you hoping to see?
Oh well, dream man.
(26:37):
I feel amazing about our futuretogether.
I'm hoping to see an effortlessfriendship where we can laugh
together even after we've beenhating each other.
You know, because that's real.
I'm hoping to see us supporteach other, continue to grow
(26:57):
individually and build somethingthat we can pass on as a legacy
.
Chrissy A. (27:02):
Period.
That's cute.
That was so beautiful.
I feel like you would talkabout my relationship.
Aww, okay, hostess, pull a card.
Oh no, we was good with that.
One more trial.
Yeah, let the people know whatthe cards say I feel like they
(27:23):
get it.
Alana (27:24):
That was for you.
Chrissy A. (27:27):
I ain't trying to reignite nothing.
Alana (27:29):
I got my man.
Let's just see, Even when yougot too mad sometimes you got to
reignite that thing.
Chrissy A. (27:33):
Oh, are there any fears you have about being
vulnerable with me again?
How can I help?
Alana (27:39):
with that.
That's a good one.
Chrissy A. (27:40):
Yes, I want to answer.
That's not good for the Dublinno.
I wanted to answer that's notgood for the double and back I
wanted an answer from y'all dowe qualify like we're not?
Alana (27:51):
eligible.
Do you have any fears aboutbeing vulnerable?
Chrissy A. (27:54):
period look you just crossed out that again are
there any fears you have aboutbeing vulnerable?
Erica (28:03):
honestly with me again yeah so I know it's probably
hard.
It's probably hard.
Chrissy A. (28:19):
I feel like we are really vulnerable with each
other.
I do feel like we have moments,but we always kind of get back.
We can always revisit and havethose conversations.
So I don't have a hard timebeing vulnerable, which is
(28:40):
probably the reason why I'mstill here.
Erica (28:43):
I'll take it.
Are you going to waste my time?
Is the fear Right?
Because if you're doubling back, the question is if I'm going
to be open, vulnerable, honest,all the things, is it mutually
going to be reciprocated?
(29:03):
I think that's yeah, so your?
Chrissy A. (29:07):
fear of being vulnerable.
Is that the other?
Person isn't going toreciprocate the same
vulnerability.
Yes, Okay, that makes sense.
Or the intentions are not thesame right.
Erica (29:19):
So, like to your point, you're just trying to get that
cat Like.
What is your intention Like ifI'm being open and vulnerable?
Are your intentions alignedwith mine?
Chrissy A. (29:30):
Because people the thing about intentions is we set
our own intentions for our life.
So the alignment thing is veryimportant, because I can be
intentional about a relationshipand not see it the same way you
see as being intentional abouta relationship and that could
(29:55):
that will cause conflict betweenwhat we have, which kind of
tells you that maybe youshouldn't double back there.
Alana (30:05):
Absolutely.
Chrissy A. (30:06):
In all honesty.
But yeah, these cards again areavailable on our website, and
the reason why I love it isbecause it's not just all these
hard-hitting questions, butthey're there because they're
important.
It's all so fun like questions,questions that you you also
(30:27):
need to, because you knowrelationships are not just
serious all the time.
Can I laugh with you?
Can I enjoy spending my timewith you like we don't have to
sit here and buy a deck of cardsand just be talking about all
the bad things that we'veexperienced, even though we do
need to revisit some things tosee how we can go back around
(30:51):
if we go to David Buster's and Iwhoop your butt, are you going
to have a great time you?
Alana (30:55):
know what I'm saying you and this, david, sorry.
Oh, that's a move.
I'm a big kid we need big kidsand still make money.
Chrissy A. (31:05):
Stigmas in doubling back, do you think that there's
any stigmas for men versus women, like, can men get away with
certain things and trying toreignite a relationship and
women what's so certain things?
Alana (31:26):
I don't know, you know, can they get away with?
I think it depends on the woman.
Oh, I'm sorry because I justspeak on it.
I just rewatched Insecure andthe Game, and those both shows
are literally entirely aboutspinning the block.
And I noticed that too, becauseI'm like in both those
(31:49):
situations the man well,actually Issa stepped out but
like Save the Game, like the manwas like, well, you are HOE,
but it's like you, the one thatcheated and we broke up.
You know what I'm saying I don'tknow, I feel like, especially
with women who have, like youknow, our friends and our
sisters are always going to lookat us like girl.
(32:09):
You doing that again.
Erica (32:12):
You know what I'm saying.
Alana (32:14):
And um, whereas I could be wrong.
But men are like like, oh,you've been here, you've been?
Chrissy A. (32:24):
do they even have those type of conversations like
we?
Erica (32:27):
just like we do, yeah, like probably not to the extent
that you all, but we, I'm gonnasay no they have it you have it,
but it's in your own, yeahthat's true, let me clear it up.
Chrissy A. (32:41):
Okay, so we, we girls, so we talk almost about
we are vulnerable, we're veryvulnerable with each other,
exactly like we talk about stuffnot to say that guys don't have
(33:03):
their bromance and they talkwith their, with their fellow
friends.
But y'all sorry so it's like ifthat nigga cheated if, if, if.
I got cheated on nine times outof ten, I'm going to call my
homegirl and be like this niggacheated on me.
Alana (33:24):
Unless, and we finna put sugar in his gas tank just so
you know.
Paint on the window.
Like do you?
Chrissy A. (33:32):
have those conversations with your homeboys
, yes or no?
Erica (33:37):
Like I just got cheated on yeah, I think they had that
conversation it won't be likethat, but said like that, but to
an extent um man, this whole,she got me look the accuracy
alexa, play these hoes ain'tloyal on these hoes ain't loyal
(34:03):
playlistsI gotta fuck nigga playlist
honestly.
Okay, tell me if I'm wrong.
I feel like there is a cold ora level of conversation, like if
they get together and it's timeto go outside, it's because
something ain't going right.
Okay, so it's not necessarilyopenly communicated, but it's
(34:28):
what you doing now.
It's time you know you.
Chrissy A. (34:30):
It is not necessary we, yeah, yeah like bro, what
you doing?
Alana (34:34):
you giving up the bronco, I know, but it's okay, right on
the floor, I know, but it'sokay, you can do that.
I mean, but it's guys watching.
Sir Anthony (34:43):
The whole thing is about being vulnerable and this
majority of women is going towatch this and they're going to
get the tips.
Alana (34:50):
But it's okay if we give it to you.
Chrissy A. (34:53):
You can agree or not agree, if we decided to create
a podcast about beingintentional, then you speak for
people that want to beintentional.
So you can't want to beintentional one way and not be
intentional to tell women like,look, if a man does X, y and Z,
(35:14):
she's accurate about that.
Erica (35:15):
It probably won't be as voiced as you are.
Y'all gonna talk about it.
We, bro, meet me up at so, andso we going out tonight and they
gonna say we outside where youbeen, let's go yeah but I'm
gonna drink about it okay, andlet me let me give you.
Alana (35:31):
Let me give you some credit, wait.
But no, let me give you somecredit because that doesn't
necessarily mean that they gonnafuck around or do whatever.
Erica (35:38):
That's exactly what it means.
No, it's not, because actuallyno, this actually happens to me.
Chrissy A. (35:44):
A woman cheats on you, we be on the same thing
though.
A woman cheats on you, well,i'ma call you and be like girl
we outside.
Erica (35:52):
But we not supposed to just have sex with a man?
And I don't think theynecessarily will, either they
might.
And I don't think theynecessarily will, either they
might, I don't know.
We gonna get that roster up.
Chrissy A. (36:00):
I don't think that some of them will, but I think
the majority of men will.
I think if they're going to abar, they're going there because
women are at the bar.
Erica (36:10):
okay, specifically, if they cheated, that's one thing,
but I'm saying like let's justsay that they're.
There's issues in therelationship.
They might not be a cheatedsituation, they still do that
shit, yeah, and that doesn'tnecessarily mean that they're
going to step out, but that'stheir way of communicating, yeah
.
Just know, and you know you cantalk about it to me.
But I'm that friend, that's mygirl.
Get your heels out.
(36:32):
We're going outside.
You definitely should.
Chrissy A. (36:35):
We're definitely going outside.
Alana (36:37):
He did what.
What you need is a new roster.
Oh Lord, she ain't telling nolie.
Sometimes you got to pop outand show niggas, okay, okay.
Chrissy A. (36:55):
Pack both of y'all up.
Okay, well, back to it, becauseI do want to talk about the the
stigma between men and women.
So is there asking you as a man, a woman cheats.
It's a rap.
Yeah, it's a rap.
(37:15):
I'm just like I'm answering thequestion in my head because I'm
not a man.
It's so hard on them let theman answer real quick nine times
out of ten is done for for theman.
Erica (37:34):
We talked about this before so if more often than not
, a man will be ready to theypride and ego can't take it.
Alana (37:41):
We can't take it so we wouldn't be able to see past it.
Chrissy A. (37:45):
I understand the up and leaving, but we're talking
about coming back.
Alana (37:50):
Oh no, you'll double back you'll double back yeah because
lawrence couldn't see isa as aregular girl.
For a long time I've beenseeing.
Erica (37:58):
Issa as a regular girl for a long time I wish we could
put the clip in.
Alana (38:03):
I know right.
Erica (38:04):
No, you keep, we don't get flagged.
Copyright and all of that.
Alana (38:07):
Issa ain't gonna do that to y'all.
Erica (38:09):
She started here too on YouTube.
Yeah, she might fuck with Issa,Shut up.
Alana (38:13):
Issa.
Chrissy A. (38:16):
Think about it All right.
Well, you actually experienceddoubling back to a cheater so
she's telling you did you spill?
It did you um?
Was it hard to trust her again?
Of course do you feel like itcaused more conflict?
Sir Anthony (38:41):
rightly so, because now you have to prove, you have
to gain my trust.
Back like she went throughextra efforts to do sneaky stuff
over some stuff that in myopinion it wasn't worth it.
But to each their own.
So now I look that situationand it's like, okay, that saved
me from some issues, because shewas materialistic and she
(39:03):
probably would have drained mefor everything that I had.
Chrissy A. (39:06):
Yeah.
Erica (39:07):
And I wouldn't have been able to bounce.
Well, I can bounce back fromthat.
Chrissy A. (39:10):
I was about to say baby.
Erica (39:13):
But it's like over some little money.
Alana (39:17):
Yeah, that's deep, but it's like over some little money
, hmm, yeah, hmm, that's deep.
Chrissy A. (39:26):
That's all the questions you had.
Did y'all want to?
Erica (39:29):
respond to the whole stigma between I don't know.
I think it's interestingbecause there's definitely a
stigma.
I just I think I just don'tappreciate it.
Yeah, because at the end of theday, it's still the transaction
, it's still the exchange of thesame thing.
I do understand pride and egoand how that may look, or
(39:51):
they're no longer, you no longerview them in that same light.
But at the end of the day,there's nine times out of ten
women, women who take let's justtalk about if you get married
and the man steps out, ninetimes out of ten the women ain't
going for a divorce yeah we'llset you back we're gonna burn
(40:11):
your clothes and your favoritecar.
Chrissy A. (40:13):
Some light that shit on fire.
Erica (40:15):
But let the roles be in reverse.
Right it's, I need a divorceand to me it's just like.
To me it's just I don't, Idon't know.
I guess I'm putting my emotionsand feelings into it Like I
don't, I don't like it, I don'tfuck with that, so go ahead.
So I've had situations where Iwas dealing with someone who was
(40:37):
a multiple cheater, like theywere a serial cheater, you know,
cheated numerous and countlesstimes.
And then I have my one littlestep out and the distraught like
they just like are torn tothigh vagina.
Chrissy A. (40:55):
I've even had a situation look in the fucking
mirror.
Alana (40:58):
I've even had a situation where I'm like, okay, I see,
you know, we're young, youobviously can't stick to just
one thing right now, so whydon't we just have an open
situation?
But the thought of me alsobeing open was just too hard on
that person.
That's so good.
That's another topic thedoubling I'm going to let you
(41:20):
have it no, go ahead, go aheadbecause now that made me think
of, like, do men just doubleback because they don't want to
see that woman with someone else?
Erica (41:31):
oh, that's possibilities that is absolutely possible.
Y'all gonna be real.
Chrissy A. (41:38):
It's one of many possibilities so my situation of
me doubling back with mychild's father, it was
absolutely a hundred percent hedidn't want to see you happy,
you want me.
Alana (41:51):
Yeah, he just didn't want me.
Chrissy A. (41:53):
He just didn't want to see me with someone else.
And I noticed that becauseanytime I did get with someone
else, entertain someone else whohe felt completely threatened
by, I get a whole up version ofhim, like don't call me.
For nothing I could, I could bestranded on expressway.
(42:16):
He'd be like call nigga youjust went on a date with.
Yesterday, I just met him onthat dating app.
Call this nigga, I don't evenwant to talk to him, you know.
So I'm only speaking.
I feel like we speak fromexperience.
So with my experience, I'mgoing to say a good 80%, 85% of
(42:40):
these niggas just don't want tosee you with nobody else.
How do?
Alana (42:43):
you?
How do you know if that's thecase for the people?
Chrissy A. (42:48):
how do you know that a man is only with you because
he doesn't want to see you?
It's, it's, it's.
I feel like men show the samesigns.
If he's not giving you the time, if nothing, if everything is
still the same.
For me, it was mostly mostly um,like you said, it's hard to
(43:13):
gain my trust back because ofwhat you did, but he was getting
agitated because he had to workto gain my trust back.
It had.
It was supposed to be easy tohim because he really don't want
me, he really don't want towork for it.
He just want me to just come inand say I'm here, I'm the old
Chrissy again for you.
When a man doesn't show thathe's intentionally there for you
(43:41):
, when he doesn't show that he'swilling to go through the I
don't want to say backlash,because we use that word in such
a negative light but the traumathat I have experienced and
what that, come on, help me outy'all.
I went through trauma with thisman, so my responses to you
(44:10):
aren't going to be the same.
If you can't handle myresponses to you, then you don't
want me that fullaccountability.
Alana (44:20):
Have accountability, yeah , or just a consideration, a
little bit, yeah, and it's like,oh sorry, it's also that thing
of like when a man really lovesyou unconditionally, he don't
care.
Well, he cares, but regardlessof where you place him in his
life, in your life, especiallyif it's to fault of his behavior
, he's going to stand there.
(44:40):
You call and you want toexpress what he going to be
there.
He don't care who you datingtomorrow, who you dating
yesterday.
I think that's also a thing.
You know what I'm saying.
I mean, he cares Let me not saydoesn't care, but he's not just
going to be like.
Chrissy A. (44:59):
He cares more about your safety your well-being and
he does about his pride.
There we go.
That that's what it is, becauseI've had that experience too.
I've had it with a guy thatthat really does or did don't
talk to him no more, but didcare about me so much that when
I was into a new thing and I wasstranded, he and I called him.
All I had to do was call himand he came, and if he couldn't
(45:23):
come he was going to callsomebody else to say hey, I need
you to go get chrissy.
She such such like that's howit was and that's what I mean
like when a man care, he showsup and he shows the fuck out
what if it's just in them to bethat person like he feel like a
like that's just in his nature.
Erica (45:41):
That's the person that his mother, like the mother,
raised like it just is akindness thing.
It might not necessarily.
I'm just saying women.
It might not necessarily but ifhis mother raised that, he is
for you.
Chrissy A. (45:53):
He's just a good man but see if his mother raised
him to be that way.
She raised him out of love.
Yeah, so that means what heknows is love.
Alana (46:05):
Yeah that's real.
And you know, and you know thatguy, because you're gonna call
him, because you know he's gonnashow up.
Chrissy A. (46:11):
You know I'm saying that's not to say he gonna show
up and get back with you.
There we go, because thoseBecause those are two different
things, like a man and a womancan care about you, but not be
intimate or in love with you.
Alana (46:28):
Yeah, for sure, because I'm that person.
You know what I'm saying.
There's a lot of people thatcan call me right now and need
me, and I will be there, but Iain't get back with you.
Chrissy A. (46:36):
Likewise, yeah, you can't call me.
Don't fucking call me.
Call me, Because soon as I seeyou call me, I'm like Tony
answer this phone.
I don't know what that niggawant.
Erica (46:50):
The mic's still going, I can't even whisper.
I know that's right, okay.
So I wanted to say, because wewere talking about intentions
and how do you know if thatperson, if you should double
back or all of that, what if,like they like, give a little
(47:10):
and then pull back, give moreand then pull back.
Jesus, give a little more andthen pull back.
Chrissy A. (47:20):
So they're dangling a carrot in front of your face,
can?
Alana (47:23):
I answer and then pulling it up to see how far you're
going to jump.
Chrissy A. (47:26):
I want to just let people see how far you're going
to jump to catch the carrot,yeah.
Alana (47:32):
The inconsistency.
I think there's a conversationwhere you're just first open,
like, listen, I'm trying to,this is how I feel and what I
want from this situation.
It seems like you're pullingback, do you not?
It are, you, are, we on thesame page.
And then if that converse youknow if that does not change
(47:53):
after that conversation and yougot to keep it moving because
they may say, you know, yeah, Ido want that, but I'm just
having these fears or thesereservations, like that's their
floor to open up and say howthey feel what's going on.
But if they don't got no answer, or they perpetrate and like,
oh yeah, I do want this, buttheir actions are not matching
(48:13):
yeah, yeah, because baby actionsspeak louder than words.
Yes, I think that's why Ithought about that question,
because it's not necessarilylike to your point.
They might still show up foryou in certain ways because
there's still love there, butlike it's not consistent.
Yeah when it needs to be, yeah.
So that's another sign.
(48:35):
I think out there that youshould be aware of.
Chrissy A. (48:37):
Thank you for that.
That was good.
That was good.
You brought some good questions.
You know I try.
Alana (48:43):
I hear you.
Chrissy A. (48:45):
So what I would say is do you guys want to give
advice to our listeners?
Just to close out, sum upanything, Anything that's on
your heart, on your mind.
It doesn't matter what it is.
It don't even have to be aboutdoubling back, just I'll go.
Erica (49:06):
Um, no matter what you decide to do, I think you should
follow your heart.
Um, be mindful, be self-aware,but give yourself grace and
whatever decision you do decideto do, and make sure you're
checking in with yourself, notlooking for outside validation,
but checking in with yourselfand what makes you feel happy,
(49:28):
what makes you feel at peacewithin any relationship,
different world, a differenttime with social media and just
a lot of different things.
And we're looking forvalidation or approval or points
to prove from everybody elsewithin yourself.
So I think, no matter what thesituation is, you got to figure
(49:51):
out your center was right foryou and not compare yourself to
everybody else's situation.
That's my advice.
I love it.
I would say make sure that whatyou're seeking is seeking you.
As far as us talking aboutconsistency and things like that
, because you know it is in ournature to run to where we're
(50:12):
comfortable to.
So make sure that you aregetting outside your comfort
zone.
So make sure that you aregetting outside your comfort
zone.
Make sure that you're askingsources, be it God, the universe
, whoever you seek to forguidance and meditate on things.
(50:32):
Don't just kind of jump tothings or hop in things,
especially if it does not feelright.
Your body and your mind andyour spirit will tell you what's
right and what's not right.
And your spirit will tell youwhat's right and what's not
right.
And especially if it's a toxicsituation where someone is
disrespecting you, being abusivebe it emotionally, physically
or spiritually that's neversomething that you need to go to
.
Always know your worth and whatyou deserve and always be ready
to elevate what you deserve.
Yeah, maybe I was in that spacelast year, but now I know what
(50:52):
I deserve and what I don'tdeserve, and you are not it.
Don't do it in general.
That's the answer.
But if you feel it in your gutand both parties changed and you
can discuss it, give it a well,um, what I would you get?
Chrissy A. (51:22):
you guys said basically everything, but what's
on my heart, in my mind rightnow is everybody will have their
opinion about you, about yourlife, about the things you
accept and won't accept.
You can listen, but you don'thave to take it.
(51:43):
I would double back from whatElena says.
Make sure you're meditating,make sure you're praying, make
sure you're asking for guidance,because it's hard to do it
alone, and I know that a lot ofpeople say, oh, don't tell
people your business.
But when you have greatfriendships, when you have
people that you can trust inyour circle, I feel like not
(52:07):
people, that's going to just,yes, man you to death, but
people, those people and Iguarantee you that the guidance
will, will get you where youneed to go.
(52:27):
God bring people in your lifefor a reason, okay, so don't
listen to all of social media.
Be intentional about everythingyou do and take some time to
yourself, like I know, peoplesay it all the time, but it's so
, so essential to buildingstrong foundations loving you,
(52:49):
learning you, learning what youwill and won't accept, standing
on that.
It comes from within.
It comes from spending timewith you nobody can love you
more than you can.
So that would be my advice, andthis has been another episode of
the pure intentions podcast andhe takes people out of your
(53:12):
life for a reason period.
Erica (53:16):
The rejection is for a redirection.
Chrissy A. (53:18):
Period, and we will have them back really soon
without this guy, though, butthey will be back really soon.
So stay tuned and see you guysnext week.
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