December 10, 2024 • 38 mins
In this episode of Purpose Project, host Leslie Pagel welcomes Marian Hodges to discuss her life's purpose and two emerging themes noticed in season one of the podcast. Marian shares her journey of discovering her purpose, emphasizing that living your life’s purpose doesn't mean one must be broke. They discuss the significance of self-understanding, tools like box breathing and journaling, and the concept of a three-legged stool framework to define purpose. The conversation also covers the idea that life's purpose feels overwhelming to many and the importance of defining it individually. Marian encourages listeners to embrace their unique light and impact.
00:00 Introduction to Purpose Project
00:37 Meet Marian Hodges
01:42 Exploring Life's Purpose
03:23 Marian's Background and Curiosity
05:47 Defining and Embracing Purpose
09:03 Purpose and Financial Stability
13:19 Purpose in the Workforce
16:14 Overcoming the Overwhelm of Life's Purpose
20:10 Understanding Self for Purpose Discovery
22:31 Journaling and Box Breathing Techniques
28:37 Framework for Defining Purpose
31:25 The Role of Passion and Energy
33:36 Embracing Your Light and Impact
37:06 Final Reflections and Closing Thoughts
Resource: “Our Deepest Fear” poem by Marianne Williamson: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EtAmAQfbxk
Purpose Project is a research study on the topic of life's purpose. You can follow along in the making of Purpose Project:
Instagram: @purpose.project
LinkedIn: @purposeproject-media
TikTok: @purpose.project
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Episode Transcript
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(00:04):
Welcome to Purpose Project.
My name is Leslie Pagel.
Thank you for being here.
On today's show, we havesomething a little bit
different.
Our next guest, Marian Hodges,joins Purpose Project to share
her purpose.
That's no different than others.
But also on this episode, Iasked Marian To help me explore
(00:28):
two of the themes that I've beennoticing across season one of
the podcast.
It's an interestingconversation.
Let's take a listen.
Marian (00:37):
Marian, thank you so much for being on Purpose
Project with me today.
I am looking forward to ourconversation.
We have two topics.
To talk about here today, onereally looking forward to
talking about your life'spurpose and exploring that.
And then also when you and Imet, I started sharing with you
(01:01):
some of the themes that I'mstarting to realize in this
study of life's purpose.
And you were reacting to thosewith your own experiences.
And I said, Marian, let's takethis and have a conversation on
the podcast.
And so I'm really lookingforward to picking up on that
conversation that we started acouple of weeks ago.
(01:23):
So thanks for being here.
Thank you.
Thank you, Leslie, for havingme.
I'm excited.
I'll try to contain myexcitement, but I love talking
about purpose and life and, andliving on purpose.
Thanks.
Mm hmm.
Wonderful.
Well, we're in the right space,aren't we?
We sure are.
Well, before we get into thattopic, share with us a little
(01:45):
bit about who is Marian.
You know, in the spirit of whatwe're talking about, I think if
I oversimplify and explain who Iam, I would just say I am just
another human person on thisearth trying to live out my
purpose and doing it in a waywhere I can actually financially
support myself as well.
I mean, so that's the gist ofit.
(02:07):
Well, I think most people canrelate to that.
We're all humans and, people arelistening to this because
they're trying to either realizetheir purpose, make it come to
life or to find out what theirlife's purpose is.
And then you added an elementof, of making some, some money
off of it as well, having somestability.
(02:29):
Yes.
And I'll, I'll add to thatbecause I don't know where this
comes from, but I get this ideaor sense that people think that
doing purposeful work or doingtheir purpose or living their
purpose means that they have tobe broke.
And I don't know where that ideacomes from, but what I do know
is, and I've said this to somepeople about a week ago, I said,
(02:54):
if you have an idea of what youthink your purpose Unless you
work on that idea.
No one else is working on it foryou.
So you'll never know whether youof all the people in the world
could monetize that unless youfigure it out yourself.
Love it.
Love it.
Anything else to say about, toshare with us about yourself
(03:16):
before we dig in?
Okay, well I'll give a littlebit more color.
So I am, I have a differentbackground.
I'm a U.
S.
citizen, but I was born outsideof the U.
S.
My father was in the military,so I grew up in Um, I went to
English speaking schools, butwhere I was from, everybody was
(03:39):
kind of like me.
They were different, they wereunique, but we were also
transplants.
So at a very early age, I had tolearn about when you say we're
friends forever, but you'rereally not friends forever
because your friend leaves andyou know, you don't keep in
contact, you don't writeletters.
This is before email came intoplay.
So you'd write little letters orpostcards, et cetera.
(04:00):
And so I guess for me, I wasalways.
And it's in that question in andof itself that I realized that I
was very curious about the humancondition.
About what made people decidewhat they were, what they would
do or go left instead of right,you know, and I think this falls
(04:21):
in line with purpose.
And so I bring that into thework that I've done, uh, or any
role.
So before it was nouveau tochange jobs a lot, um, pretty
much people back in my day, itwas not heard of to be in a
company for five years and thenleave.
Right now, today, people stayfor a year, you know, and
(04:42):
they're bouncing around.
But that's not how it was backthen.
And for me, it was, again, I wasjust curious.
Even when I went to undergrad,um, and was declaring my major,
it was, Well, like, why didn't,why is this the case in the
world?
I was an ethnic studies major.
I went to UC Berkeley and, um,and I was just very curious and
(05:02):
intrigued again.
I was intrigued about people,but I will stop and say this.
Um, I managed to get an advanceddegree and I've MBA from MIT.
I happened to work in thecorporate world at some point.
I've been an executive.
I've done all these things.
I've started a business beforeand failed and fired myself
because I sucked at it.
Um, and that was my first goaround.
(05:23):
And this is when the internetmarketing was all big.
Um, and I realized there arethings that I could do, but for
me, it's more important to dowhat really moves me and to more
importantly, uh, make adifference.
And that goes into kind of whatmy purpose is.
I was just thinking that is abeautiful segue into what your,
(05:46):
what your life's purpose is.
So I assume that you'veidentified one.
Is that, is that assumptionright?
Or.
Yes.
And I'll tell you something.
So I'll tell you what it is andthen I'll respond to how I feel
about it.
If that makes sense.
Yeah.
Right.
Let me start with a story.
I was working in my, I don'tknow, it was 24, 25 working at
(06:07):
an afterschool program.
And.
The parents of two fourthgraders that were in my program
said, Hey, Marian, what do youwant to be when you grow up?
And so they're thinking that I'mgoing to say some job title.
Now, I didn't want to tell themthat when I was growing up, I
thought I want to be adetective, you know, I wanted to
be these different things.
But in that moment, I gave avery adult and honest answer
(06:30):
because no one had really askedme, not even a teacher.
No one had asked me in my lifewhat I wanted to be when I grew
up.
Which is crazy.
But, um, I said, you know what,I just want to be able to say or
do something that makes adifference in someone else's
life.
And that's what I said, and itwas just so frou frou and kind
of out there.
But what I've realized, becauseI'm older, decades later, what
(06:57):
I've realized is that's been atheme for me, is really making
an impact.
And so It goes into sort of myphilosophy about how I think
about purpose.
And so it's one of those thingswhere you sort of said, this is
what I think I am or what I do,what my purpose is.
And then I didn't want to acceptthat's really what it was
because it seemed too, I don'tknow, weird or different or too
(07:21):
honest, right?
I wasn't comfortable in it.
And then as I look back, I'mlike, But that is it.
That is the answer.
So just embrace it.
And so what if it's differentfrom anybody else?
That's the whole point.
Otherwise you're full of it,right?
Cause I do believe that peopleare put on this earth to bring
something unique in the world.
And it's up to us to figure outwhat that is so that we have
(07:44):
meaning right in our life, oursignificance on this world.
So would you articulate yourpurpose as To make a difference
in the world.
Is that, is that how you wouldsay it or say your purpose?
Yeah.
So I would say, um, it is tomake a difference in the world.
Now that sounds loose, but letme be more narrow.
(08:07):
What I have found that has madebeen much more rewarding for me
is to make a difference withpeople who have an idea of
something bigger than themselvesthat they want to bring forth
into the world.
Whether you're an entrepreneur,a visionary CEO, a visionary
person in your particular role,you want to do something big,
right?
Something that's.
That you have to buildessentially, right?
(08:30):
And so my purpose has been rightaway.
I can have a conversation withsomeone and what I do is I
reflect to them what I see.
Cause I feel that energy andsense that energy.
So that gets into like, I havethis whole framework that I use
when I think about purpose.
And for me, it's really abouthow do I help reflect to them?
You know, a way that they canget to what they're trying to do
(08:52):
in a tangible manner, right?
That helps unlock an obstaclethat they might be currently
facing.
Yeah.
Well, and you talked earlierabout.
Really being able to identifyyour purpose and then draw some
financial stability from it.
And so I hear you saying, thetheme, as I look back over my
(09:16):
life is to make a difference.
And when you narrow in on that.
And I think about how you mightmake a living from it.
It's about helping entrepreneurssucceed in their business.
It's about helping, people withan idea be successful.
Am I, am I connecting any dotshere or no?
(09:37):
You are, you are.
And I would say that underlyingall of that is this belief that
of purpose equals impact for me.
Right.
So it is, How can you make thegreatest impact?
And to me, that's gettingleverage.
This goes into sort of anexperience that I've had where
(10:01):
is the work that you're doingtoday, um, your day job,
whatever the day job is, youcould be an entrepreneur, right?
I don't care, but whatever thework is.
So is that work where you aregetting, paid, where you have an
economic relationship with thatrole, does it meet your purpose?
Or is there a small piece ofthat?
(10:23):
Is it 90%?
Is it 80%?
And to me, that's a good gauge,right?
Because what I have found isthat if there is a major
disconnect between what you doday to day to earn a dollar, to
make a living wage, if there isa major significant Disconnect
and you're the one to decide,right?
I'm not going to give like, Oh,if it's 80%, you know, but if
(10:45):
there's a disconnect betweenthat and who you are at your
core and what you believe.
Then at some point there is areconciliation that has to
happen and it actually affectsyou physically, your body,
right?
Because the demands of the job,the demands of the industry.
There are many more optionsavailable to people today than
in the past, where you worked ata job, who cares if, you know,
(11:11):
it was sucking the life out ofyou.
There weren't very many optionsand you just had to do it.
So pretty much people follow.
The same type of path, right?
Um, and so I think that's animportant question for people to
ask themselves And then if theanswer is they're not really
happy in their role Sometimesthe reason why they're not happy
(11:31):
in the world is because of howit's structured And maybe
there's a way that you can workwith whoever you're working with
to restructure that But if youcan't the question becomes can I
live with myself if I continueworking?
In the way that I'm workingtoday.
Right.
And that's a hard question toanswer right.
Yeah.
Yeah, but I'll go back to whatyou said earlier, people, people
(11:53):
have this belief, which I willsay I haven't heard much of this
belief yet on this show.
But one of the things that yousaid is this idea that if I
pursue my purpose, I'm going tobe broke.
And, and that's not necessarilythe case either, you know, so
it's correct.
Don't let that.
Perception keep you fromrealizing that you can pursue
(12:19):
your purpose and make money.
Correct.
Correct.
And let's, and let's make thattangible because I hear this a
lot and, and I'm going to pickon women and I'm going to pick
on women coaches.
So there are women coaches inthe very early stage of their,
them building a business wherethey're getting their
entrepreneurial legs underneaththem.
And they, are uncomfortable withcharging what they're worth,
(12:46):
what the service is worth, thevalue is worth, but they feel
called to coach, but they don't,I don't, they feel weird about
it, right?
Asking for money.
Now there's some other issues atplay there, right?
But at the end of the day, ifyou think about it, if you're
called to be a coach forwhatever reason, then guess
what?
You need to keep the lights onin order to do and provide the
(13:08):
service to the world.
You have to take care, have yourneeds taken care of in order to
keep living right and being ofservice.
And there's nothing wrong withthat.
Right.
So Marian, I know that you and Iare doing a little bit of a
recap on what I've learned inseason one, which we're going to
get to in just a minute.
(13:28):
But what we're talking about isactually the theme for season
two.
So season two, so you might justhave to come back and do a recap
then too, but season two is allabout how purpose shows up in
the workforce.
And I'm going to look at thatfrom a lot of different angles.
Um, but I'm curious, from whatyou're speaking to now, what do
(13:52):
you think I might discover inseason two?
So I think, um, it's in the bodylanguage of the people that you
work with.
So if somebody's showing up towork and.
They're just doing their job.
And I'm saying that toencapsulate the body language,
(14:14):
the way they're engaged, the waythey're curious, the way they
clock in, they clock out.
Very different than somebody whoseems to have a lot of energy.
Towards what they're doing,right?
Or even if that workopportunity, isn't their number
one thing, they know why they'redoing it.
It's because I'm doing this toafford an opportunity for my
family, right?
(14:35):
So to move into a bigger home orto have this other vacation or
actually travel outside of thecountry, because we've never
traveled outside of the country,for example.
Right.
So I think it's, I think it's,Part of it is a behavior thing
that I think you will see, um,and also people's attitude right
towards their work.
And then to what degree they,they are bought into the purpose
(14:57):
right of the company thatthey're working at.
Right.
Um, and sometimes, and Iactually used to say this to
people when I would interviewthem at my last company and I
was just being upfront and Isaid, listen, At some point in
your career, you might decidethat, you know what, you're no
longer growing with us.
(15:18):
And so what I would encourageyou to do to make the decision
to off ramp, right?
Because it's important that youcontinue growing, but people
aren't comfortable doing thatand then what happens is if
you're miserable at your job andthen you start sucking at it,
the performance gets affected.
You might be invited to leaveanyways.
Right?
Right.
So why not you?
Why not take control of yourcareer?
(15:38):
Right.
And your life and your options.
Yeah.
Okay.
So I'm hearing.
When someone connects theirpurpose to their job, they're
going to bring a differentattitude to work, more energy,
better attitude.
And that, that isn't necessarilyto say my job is my purpose.
(15:58):
It could be my job.
Is funding my purpose right?
Serves a purpose.
It serves a purpose, but maybepurpose.
Yep.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Perfect.
Okay.
Well, I'm going to be listeningfor that and in seeing how that
shows up in the workplace.
Okay.
Well, let's shift gears.
I mentioned that I've beenstudying this topic of life's
(16:19):
purpose and I've been studyingit in two regards.
One is seeing what research hasalready been done on the topic
and what can I learn from that?
Where are the gaps?
The other is throughconversations and those have
been happening through thispodcast.
Season one has been very muchfocused on people that have
(16:43):
clarity in their purpose andthey're actively pursuing it.
And so I'm learning as much as Ican from them about discovering
your purpose and then puttingthe steps in place to, to
realize it.
And I've noticed a couplethreads.
Throughout the research thatI've done.
(17:04):
And one of those threads is thatthis topic of life's purpose.
Feels big.
It feels very overwhelming topeople, even for the people that
have clarity in their purpose.
They would say things like,well, I think I have it, or I
(17:25):
guess it's this, does it have tobe just one, that type of thing?
what's your reaction to that,theme of life's purpose being an
overwhelming, big, scary thing?
So my immediate reaction has todo with the need for us to
(17:46):
define and clearly articulatethings, right?
So on the one hand, when I hearyou say that somebody thinks,
cause I've even said it, right?
Well, I think it's this.
And it's in response to, there'sa definition that if you talk to
an expert, right, of how theywould define what purpose is,
(18:07):
and then what's really true foryou, if that makes sense.
And to me, I feel like purpose,it feels very squishy.
And I keep using that termbecause I go back inside.
Right.
And it's something to me thathits your spirit.
And I, quite frankly, I believeit's how you want to define it.
It's the thing that's drivingyou, right?
(18:28):
Only you can say what's drivingyou.
And the truth is, you may not beable to say what that is, in
part because we need to quietour mind and sit with ourselves
for a moment.
That's one way of doing that tofigure out like what is it and
hear the voice inside of usactually articulate some of that
and then just put it in yourshopping cart, for lack of a
(18:50):
better word, right?
And push it around the store,right?
Around your life to figure out,okay, does this, hmm, kind of
like this, right?
Sometimes we need help, right?
Because sometimes we can't getout of our own head trash.
I've used this exercise as itrelates to, um, what are you
good at, right?
And I've actually done, it'slike a one person survey, and
it's literally like a fiveminute conversation, and you
(19:12):
can't give anybody a heads up,and you ask various people
around you, friend, foe, youknow, client, whatever, hey,
what do you think I'm good at?
And then you just write downwhatever they say and you don't
like argue with them.
You don't talk about anythingelse.
You might ask a clarifyingquestion and then you get off
the phone with them and move onto the next person.
(19:33):
And it's better to do this likein sequence, like, just dial up
and then get it and then gatherthat data and see what it says
about you.
Right.
Right.
Yeah.
So I'm hearing there that thesense of it being overwhelming
is this fear that like theexperts say it's this thing, but
the reality is we get to definelife's purpose.
(19:57):
When I hear that, I think.
It shouldn't feel overwhelmingbecause it's up to you.
It's up to me.
You know, we get to make therules.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
And so remember when I said thatmy purpose was around making a
difference, but it was like,well, it just sounds kind of,
eh, you know, boring, but it'slike, just own it.
(20:26):
Well, the other thing that youtalked about, there's actually
the second theme that I'venoticed in it is this theme of
people that have clarity intheir purpose.
Across the board.
They have a deep.
Understanding of self, they takethe time to go inward and you
just spoke to that as well.
(20:48):
It's like quieting the mindgoing inward.
You shared a tool on askingpeople around you, what am I
good at?
And then looking at what youhear from them, any other
thoughts or reflections on thistheme of self understanding as a
prerequisite for discoveringyour purpose.
(21:09):
So here, here's my belief thatthere is something core to who
we all are.
Um, and then there are thingsabout ourselves that we're
constantly growing our depth ofunderstanding, if that makes
sense, right?
So it's not like I have the, Iknow who I am and it never
changes.
Right?
Like over time you grow, right?
(21:31):
And through growth, you have aneven deeper understanding of
self, but part of reallyunderstanding self oftentimes is
in juxtaposition to a role, toother people, to an experience,
right?
Because the experience helps youput words.
Around it.
And feelings around it.
(21:52):
Like, oh yeah, that doesn't feelright.
That doesn't seem right.
Um, and it just helps you makesense of.
Your your world, right?
Who are so understandingyourself quite frankly, I think
is just a key Uh superpower tounderstanding other people, and
where you're similar ordissimilar or what have you but
(22:12):
we're still all human and that'swhat makes us complex and
challenging and annoying Andwonderful and worthy of love and
you know, you want to fight themsometimes or whatever Yeah, yeah
I love that are there tools thatyou have used to help you
understand yourself?
So I do journal, but it's notjournal in the sense of here's
(22:34):
what I'm thinking today, butit's really a comp, I use a
bullet journal.
Um, and so, I do that for adifferent purpose, right?
I do it so I get clear aboutwhat my priorities are for the
week, but also I use it for selfreflection and it's easier for
me to find.
And also I find a technology,which is Handwriting, which is
(22:56):
starting to go away with the ageof the dinosaur.
Um, but there's something saidabout the written word and what
gets imprinted in our memory andour belief system, right?
And writing that and howpowerful that is.
So I'm going back to basics byactually doing writing.
I still type things up and Ihave, you know, my Apple notes
and all this other stuff.
(23:16):
But the, to answer your questionabout what I use today, um, I
started doing box breathing.
And which, you know, if youwould have told me this before I
went on, I went on a healthjourney, um, several months ago
and I, and I, if I hadn't knownthis, if I'd known this before
then I don't know that I wouldhave done it right.
It's almost like when youfinally need to do something
(23:39):
right to make a change thatyou're more receptive to, to
other tools.
So I box breathe at least, youknow, 15, 20 minutes, um, every
morning I start my day that way.
Share with us what box breathingis real quick for people that
don't know.
So, um, there's different waysof, of breathing, but imagine a
box with four sides, right?
(23:59):
And so I do a four count whereyou inhale for a count of four,
and then you hold for the nextcount of four.
Then you exhale for a count offour, And then you hold for a
count of four and then yourepeat the process.
Right.
And so, and the whole idea ofwhy you do that is to quiet your
(24:20):
mind.
It's to focus on just yourbreath, but there's a science
behind it.
When you talk about like yourparasympathetic nervous system
and, and really relaxation.
Right.
And so most people struggle justto sit down.
And just breathe for a littlebit.
And you're not supposed to doanything else.
Cause we're thinking like, whileyou're doing that exercise.
(24:41):
And it took me a while, Istarted thinking about work.
I started thinking about, Oh,what am I going to eat?
And it's like, no, no, no, no,no.
Just breathe.
Like just do that.
And it's so, it was soincredibly hard to do in the
very beginning.
But it's becomes easier when youhave practice and then over that
I overlay, you know,affirmations and I overlay
(25:02):
visualization of what I'm tryingto do.
So, but you don't do all of thatout the gate, right?
You just do the basic.
You start with just everymorning, every morning, 15, 20
minutes, it depends.
Every morning.
Focus on the breath.
Every morning.
And that's one of the firstthings that I do.
You know, I'm not, I don't, somepeople do meditation, um, and
(25:22):
I'm not going to get into thedifference of those.
I don't do that.
I'm just starting with just thebasics.
Let me just breathe.
Cause everyone's got to be ableto breathe.
And I just started learningabout, you know, it just calms
you down.
Right.
Um, and the thing about thehuman body is, you know, when we
are, let me back up.
I love.
The feeling of fear and thereason why I love the feeling of
(25:45):
fear is it tells me that I'mhuman and usually when something
comes up in your system thatmakes you afraid You it's
because you're uncomfortableRight, and you have to realize
is this something that's goingto actually hurt me like
physically hurt me Or is it justfalse evidence appearing real?
(26:05):
Right.
Is it just saying, well, I don'tknow, but really, so, so to me,
breathing, right.
Quieting your mind and beingstill and saying, okay, what is
this?
And then capturing that and thenjust say, okay, it's okay.
So I say that I had a kneeinjury.
Um, I'm a runner.
I hurt my knee.
I haven't been running in thelast two years.
(26:27):
And as I was doing rehab, Ican't like squat fully.
I get knee pain.
And what I found when I wasworking with my trainers, I was
trying to squat and it's my leftknee.
My left knee subconsciously.
Started coming inward because hewas afraid.
That it was going to get hurt.
It didn't want the pingingbecause there's pain.
(26:47):
The body remembers, right?
And so this sounds silly.
I just start talking like, okay,that's okay.
Me just know that I'm inalignment with you.
You can trust me, but I don'twant to do anything to hurt me
either.
Literally my trainers laughing,but it's so true.
And I'm like, okay, we're goingto do some squats today.
And I'm looking at my knee.
We're going to do some squatstoday.
(27:08):
Just come on.
Just, we can do this.
And so we do.
You know, you know, and thenit's okay, but then I have, so
that's what I'm saying.
The body knows, you know?
Yeah.
Well, and what went through myhead is you're making the
subconscious conscious.
Your knee was doing that andthen you recognize it's doing
(27:32):
it.
And so now I've got to tell theknee consciously, you know,
we're going to squat.
Don't, don't go inward.
You know?
Yes, exactly.
Cause you're making it worse forus.
Right.
And quieting the mind, theforce, the box breathing helps
quiet the mind, which also givesyou space to kind of think about
(27:56):
the subconscious and bring thatconscious.
Yes, absolutely.
And the subconscious is whereall of your programming happens,
you know, that you don't evenreally realize sometimes is
happening while you react tocertain things, right?
Right.
The beauty of the, the boxbreathing also is it's about you
controlling your response tothings.
So when you're doing, going theday to day and somebody's coming
(28:18):
at you the wrong way, You don'tautomatically just react.
It's like if you take a coupleof breaths, I'm not saying stop
and do box breathing right thenand there for 15 minutes, but if
you take a couple of breaths,you're like, okay, hold on.
Like, let's give them thebenefit of the doubt and you
control your response, versusyour reaction.
Right.
Right.
Yeah.
Marian, earlier you mentioned aframework for purpose.
(28:42):
Could you share that with us incase that's helpful for others?
Sure.
Sure.
Um, so it's a framework that Icame up for myself and I'm going
to use the idea of a threelegged stool and the seat of the
stool.
I'm going to use the word impactbecause I mentioned to you
(29:03):
earlier.
That I found that my purpose isabout making a difference and
making a difference means impactalso.
So you can define impact.
So whatever you want to definethat impact is.
And then I, the first part ofthe stool is really around
identity, right?
Who you are.
And so sometimes it might be arole.
Sometimes it just might be,you're just a good person at the
(29:24):
core and you see something inothers, right?
That you want to elevate.
Um, and so that's one thing it'sjust, and so self awareness
comes into this, right?
Yeah.
So that's, that's number one,like, who are you?
Right.
And by the way, this applies tocompanies also, right?
Who are you as a company, as anorganization?
Okay.
Um, the second leg of the stool,um, I've gone back and forth and
(29:48):
it depends on how I apply thisreally goes back to your
superpowers.
So it's not so much, um, Whatyou're good at, but what's
really distinct about you.
Right.
Remember I grew up with, youknow, actually like the halls of
justice and super friends andstuff like that.
And so every superhero had adifferent skill set that was
(30:09):
distinct to them.
But when they came together,they were able to solve, you
know, some of the greatestchallenges, right.
To humankind.
Right.
So with a company or even withyourself, you know, what's
distinct.
About you, right.
That you've developed or aredeveloping and to really be able
to like identify what that is.
(30:29):
Um, and that's just having anumber of times at bat, you
know, practicing, working onthat.
Right?
Right.
'cause there are some things,like you can say you wanna go to
the moon, but do you, can youreally go to the moon?
You specifically like right atthis day and age or whatever.
Right.
So it's, you know, applying.
That to, um, a particular cause,so to speak, cause, rule, what
(30:50):
have you.
And then the third leg, um, Italk about it from, from
sometimes I call it messaging,but it's really a point of view,
right?
So what does all of that mean?
Right?
Like bringing who you are,what's distinct and unique, um,
and your superpower to aspecific result or impact that
you want to have, right?
(31:10):
And so I bundle all those threethings together and you want to
point it at a worthy cause,something that's worthwhile of
your time, your effort, yourattention, your energy, and
ideally that you could also getpaid for.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So the second leg of the stool,you talked about your unique
kind of talent or what's uniqueabout you.
(31:32):
One of the things that oftencomes up when I've been talking
with people who are clear intheir purpose and they're
pursuing it is this concept ofpassion.
It is what lights them up.
It is what brings them joy.
And it's not, they don't talkabout it in terms of that's
their purpose.
(31:53):
It's actually been more of.
Their purpose is X, Y, Z, butthey use their passion to enable
their purpose.
It's the how of how they achievetheir purpose.
Could passion fit into thatsecond leg of the stool so I
think it could.
(32:14):
If somebody wants to borrow thisframework and use that for
themselves.
I don't use the word passionmyself, right?
Because I think that, um, manypeople misunderstand passion.
And I have to then explain whatpassion is, right?
Because sometimes passion andpurpose get mixed up.
Confused.
(32:35):
Yeah.
What I focus on is energy,right?
And so I am not a physics major,but has it's been explained to
me.
We all have energy.
We bring energy.
So, you know, when somebodywalks into the room and they
just brighten up the room, theydon't even have to say a word,
their presence.
Just brightens up the world.
(32:56):
Right.
Um, and I think that as humans,we all have a light that we can
bring in.
So I think that, you know, whensomebody says that it's their
passion or they have all thisenergy towards something that
kind of, it drives them, it, it,um, it brings them joy.
Right.
(33:16):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I appreciate you reflecting onseason one.
We did actually a littleforesight into season two
unexpected.
So appreciate that.
Thank you for sharing yourpurpose.
Is there anything else leftunsaid when it comes to this
topic of purpose?
So, I like to end these sorts ofconversations with, um,
(33:42):
something that I picked up fromMarianne Williamson's, Our
Deepest Fear poem.
And I recommend for people whoare not familiar with it, and I
don't have it memorized by heartbecause I always forget
different parts of it.
I'll put it in the show notesfor people to read.
Wonderful.
Because she talks about how ourdeepest fear.
Um, it's really that we're morepowerful, right?
(34:04):
It's our light, not ourdarkness, right?
And so the thing that I want toleave with everybody when I
think about how we all havesomething unique to bring, I
think that, um, if we don'tidentify our purpose, And work
towards our purpose in whatevercapacity, we will never discover
(34:24):
or uncover the thing thatspecial thing that you bring to
this world that could change thelife of forget about the whole
world.
How about your immediate selfand family, right?
You could be the first.
You could be the one thatchanges the history of your own
family.
(34:45):
So I'm not saying you need to beEinstein.
I'm not saying you need to bepresident.
I'm not saying any of that.
I'm saying in your own littleworld, you impact other people.
And if, and until you can bringthat light out for yourself that
we can all see, right.
And letting your light shine,then guess what Marianne
Williams talks about.
Williams talks about is then yougive other people permission to
(35:08):
let their light shine.
You know, so be a light toothers, right?
Role model the behavior.
Yes.
Yes.
You said something earlier aboutoftentimes what we fear is the
light.
Don't fear the light, be thelight, be the light, you know,
and I don't want to bring up oldmovies like poltergeist, but
(35:30):
they were all attracted to CarolAnn, right?
Cause she was a light.
And people are attracted to thelight, right?
People who are haters of thelight.
You can tell there's thisjealousy that people have.
And I realize it's becausehumans are natural mirrors,
because again, it goes back tohaving energy, what you bring to
the table, right?
And so sometimes people who No,that there's something more that
(35:54):
they could be doing and they'rejust not doing because they
don't want to apply themselvesor for whatever reason, you
know, you they're confronted bythat without you even saying any
words by just looking at you.
Right, right.
And so all you can do is just beyou do you and be a light.
You know, love it.
Surround yourself with others,you know, who have a light,
(36:16):
right?
And so you're in a lit room, buthere's the deal.
I know this sounds crazy.
Here's the deal.
But in order for you to reallyappreciate that light that you
bring, sometimes you have to bein the darkness.
So that you realize that you dohave a light and how bright and
shiny your light is, right?
I got goosebumps there on boththe idea of a group of lights
(36:41):
shining bright and then beingthe light in the darkness for
others.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yes.
Thank you so much for cominghere on Purpose Project and, and
sharing with us and, andreflecting on season one and,
and looking forward to seasontwo.
It's been a pleasure having youon the show.
(37:03):
Thank you for having me, Leslie.
This was really fun.
Awesome.
Leslie (37:06):
One of the themes that Marianne and I talked about is
that life's purpose feels sooverwhelming to people.
And as I've continued to explorethis topic of life's purpose,
that worries me.
Um, Because I want life'spurpose to be accessible to
everyone.
And it worries me to think thatsome people might feel it's too
(37:30):
grand, too big for them.
I love this notion that Mariantalks about that each of us gets
to define what life's purposeis.
We don't need an expert to tellus what life's purpose is.
It's up to each of usindividually.
And I love how Marian defines.
Purpose for her as impact inthis three legged stool of
(37:55):
identity, our superpowers, andour point of view coming
together to determine our impactin life.
Marian, thank you for being onPurpose Project and thanks to
all of you for tuning in.
(38:16):
Purpose Project is brought toyou for education and for
entertainment purposes.
This podcast is not intended toreplace the advice that you
would receive from a licensedtherapist or doctor or any other
qualified professional.
Welcome to Purpose Project.
My name is Leslie Pagel.
Thank you for being here.
On today's show, we havesomething a little bit
different.
Our next guest, Marian Hodges,joins Purpose Project to share
her purpose.
That's no different than others.
But also on this episode, Iasked Marian To help me explore
(00:28):
two of the themes that I've beennoticing across season one of
the podcast.
It's an interestingconversation.
Let's take a listen.
Marian (00:37):
Marian, thank you so much for being on Purpose
Project with me today.
I am looking forward to ourconversation.
We have two topics.
To talk about here today, onereally looking forward to
talking about your life'spurpose and exploring that.
And then also when you and Imet, I started sharing with you
(01:01):
some of the themes that I'mstarting to realize in this
study of life's purpose.
And you were reacting to thosewith your own experiences.
And I said, Marian, let's takethis and have a conversation on
the podcast.
And so I'm really lookingforward to picking up on that
conversation that we started acouple of weeks ago.
(01:23):
So thanks for being here.
Thank you.
Thank you, Leslie, for havingme.
I'm excited.
I'll try to contain myexcitement, but I love talking
about purpose and life and, andliving on purpose.
Thanks.
Mm hmm.
Wonderful.
Well, we're in the right space,aren't we?
We sure are.
Well, before we get into thattopic, share with us a little
(01:45):
bit about who is Marian.
You know, in the spirit of whatwe're talking about, I think if
I oversimplify and explain who Iam, I would just say I am just
another human person on thisearth trying to live out my
purpose and doing it in a waywhere I can actually financially
support myself as well.
I mean, so that's the gist ofit.
(02:07):
Well, I think most people canrelate to that.
We're all humans and, people arelistening to this because
they're trying to either realizetheir purpose, make it come to
life or to find out what theirlife's purpose is.
And then you added an elementof, of making some, some money
off of it as well, having somestability.
(02:29):
Yes.
And I'll, I'll add to thatbecause I don't know where this
comes from, but I get this ideaor sense that people think that
doing purposeful work or doingtheir purpose or living their
purpose means that they have tobe broke.
And I don't know where that ideacomes from, but what I do know
is, and I've said this to somepeople about a week ago, I said,
(02:54):
if you have an idea of what youthink your purpose Unless you
work on that idea.
No one else is working on it foryou.
So you'll never know whether youof all the people in the world
could monetize that unless youfigure it out yourself.
Love it.
Love it.
Anything else to say about, toshare with us about yourself
(03:16):
before we dig in?
Okay, well I'll give a littlebit more color.
So I am, I have a differentbackground.
I'm a U.
S.
citizen, but I was born outsideof the U.
S.
My father was in the military,so I grew up in Um, I went to
English speaking schools, butwhere I was from, everybody was
(03:39):
kind of like me.
They were different, they wereunique, but we were also
transplants.
So at a very early age, I had tolearn about when you say we're
friends forever, but you'rereally not friends forever
because your friend leaves andyou know, you don't keep in
contact, you don't writeletters.
This is before email came intoplay.
So you'd write little letters orpostcards, et cetera.
(04:00):
And so I guess for me, I wasalways.
And it's in that question in andof itself that I realized that I
was very curious about the humancondition.
About what made people decidewhat they were, what they would
do or go left instead of right,you know, and I think this falls
(04:21):
in line with purpose.
And so I bring that into thework that I've done, uh, or any
role.
So before it was nouveau tochange jobs a lot, um, pretty
much people back in my day, itwas not heard of to be in a
company for five years and thenleave.
Right now, today, people stayfor a year, you know, and
(04:42):
they're bouncing around.
But that's not how it was backthen.
And for me, it was, again, I wasjust curious.
Even when I went to undergrad,um, and was declaring my major,
it was, Well, like, why didn't,why is this the case in the
world?
I was an ethnic studies major.
I went to UC Berkeley and, um,and I was just very curious and
(05:02):
intrigued again.
I was intrigued about people,but I will stop and say this.
Um, I managed to get an advanceddegree and I've MBA from MIT.
I happened to work in thecorporate world at some point.
I've been an executive.
I've done all these things.
I've started a business beforeand failed and fired myself
because I sucked at it.
Um, and that was my first goaround.
(05:23):
And this is when the internetmarketing was all big.
Um, and I realized there arethings that I could do, but for
me, it's more important to dowhat really moves me and to more
importantly, uh, make adifference.
And that goes into kind of whatmy purpose is.
I was just thinking that is abeautiful segue into what your,
(05:46):
what your life's purpose is.
So I assume that you'veidentified one.
Is that, is that assumptionright?
Or.
Yes.
And I'll tell you something.
So I'll tell you what it is andthen I'll respond to how I feel
about it.
If that makes sense.
Yeah.
Right.
Let me start with a story.
I was working in my, I don'tknow, it was 24, 25 working at
(06:07):
an afterschool program.
And.
The parents of two fourthgraders that were in my program
said, Hey, Marian, what do youwant to be when you grow up?
And so they're thinking that I'mgoing to say some job title.
Now, I didn't want to tell themthat when I was growing up, I
thought I want to be adetective, you know, I wanted to
be these different things.
But in that moment, I gave avery adult and honest answer
(06:30):
because no one had really askedme, not even a teacher.
No one had asked me in my lifewhat I wanted to be when I grew
up.
Which is crazy.
But, um, I said, you know what,I just want to be able to say or
do something that makes adifference in someone else's
life.
And that's what I said, and itwas just so frou frou and kind
of out there.
But what I've realized, becauseI'm older, decades later, what
(06:57):
I've realized is that's been atheme for me, is really making
an impact.
And so It goes into sort of myphilosophy about how I think
about purpose.
And so it's one of those thingswhere you sort of said, this is
what I think I am or what I do,what my purpose is.
And then I didn't want to acceptthat's really what it was
because it seemed too, I don'tknow, weird or different or too
(07:21):
honest, right?
I wasn't comfortable in it.
And then as I look back, I'mlike, But that is it.
That is the answer.
So just embrace it.
And so what if it's differentfrom anybody else?
That's the whole point.
Otherwise you're full of it,right?
Cause I do believe that peopleare put on this earth to bring
something unique in the world.
And it's up to us to figure outwhat that is so that we have
(07:44):
meaning right in our life, oursignificance on this world.
So would you articulate yourpurpose as To make a difference
in the world.
Is that, is that how you wouldsay it or say your purpose?
Yeah.
So I would say, um, it is tomake a difference in the world.
Now that sounds loose, but letme be more narrow.
(08:07):
What I have found that has madebeen much more rewarding for me
is to make a difference withpeople who have an idea of
something bigger than themselvesthat they want to bring forth
into the world.
Whether you're an entrepreneur,a visionary CEO, a visionary
person in your particular role,you want to do something big,
right?
Something that's.
That you have to buildessentially, right?
(08:30):
And so my purpose has been rightaway.
I can have a conversation withsomeone and what I do is I
reflect to them what I see.
Cause I feel that energy andsense that energy.
So that gets into like, I havethis whole framework that I use
when I think about purpose.
And for me, it's really abouthow do I help reflect to them?
You know, a way that they canget to what they're trying to do
(08:52):
in a tangible manner, right?
That helps unlock an obstaclethat they might be currently
facing.
Yeah.
Well, and you talked earlierabout.
Really being able to identifyyour purpose and then draw some
financial stability from it.
And so I hear you saying, thetheme, as I look back over my
(09:16):
life is to make a difference.
And when you narrow in on that.
And I think about how you mightmake a living from it.
It's about helping entrepreneurssucceed in their business.
It's about helping, people withan idea be successful.
Am I, am I connecting any dotshere or no?
(09:37):
You are, you are.
And I would say that underlyingall of that is this belief that
of purpose equals impact for me.
Right.
So it is, How can you make thegreatest impact?
And to me, that's gettingleverage.
This goes into sort of anexperience that I've had where
(10:01):
is the work that you're doingtoday, um, your day job,
whatever the day job is, youcould be an entrepreneur, right?
I don't care, but whatever thework is.
So is that work where you aregetting, paid, where you have an
economic relationship with thatrole, does it meet your purpose?
Or is there a small piece ofthat?
(10:23):
Is it 90%?
Is it 80%?
And to me, that's a good gauge,right?
Because what I have found isthat if there is a major
disconnect between what you doday to day to earn a dollar, to
make a living wage, if there isa major significant Disconnect
and you're the one to decide,right?
I'm not going to give like, Oh,if it's 80%, you know, but if
(10:45):
there's a disconnect betweenthat and who you are at your
core and what you believe.
Then at some point there is areconciliation that has to
happen and it actually affectsyou physically, your body,
right?
Because the demands of the job,the demands of the industry.
There are many more optionsavailable to people today than
in the past, where you worked ata job, who cares if, you know,
(11:11):
it was sucking the life out ofyou.
There weren't very many optionsand you just had to do it.
So pretty much people follow.
The same type of path, right?
Um, and so I think that's animportant question for people to
ask themselves And then if theanswer is they're not really
happy in their role Sometimesthe reason why they're not happy
(11:31):
in the world is because of howit's structured And maybe
there's a way that you can workwith whoever you're working with
to restructure that But if youcan't the question becomes can I
live with myself if I continueworking?
In the way that I'm workingtoday.
Right.
And that's a hard question toanswer right.
Yeah.
Yeah, but I'll go back to whatyou said earlier, people, people
(11:53):
have this belief, which I willsay I haven't heard much of this
belief yet on this show.
But one of the things that yousaid is this idea that if I
pursue my purpose, I'm going tobe broke.
And, and that's not necessarilythe case either, you know, so
it's correct.
Don't let that.
Perception keep you fromrealizing that you can pursue
(12:19):
your purpose and make money.
Correct.
Correct.
And let's, and let's make thattangible because I hear this a
lot and, and I'm going to pickon women and I'm going to pick
on women coaches.
So there are women coaches inthe very early stage of their,
them building a business wherethey're getting their
entrepreneurial legs underneaththem.
And they, are uncomfortable withcharging what they're worth,
(12:46):
what the service is worth, thevalue is worth, but they feel
called to coach, but they don't,I don't, they feel weird about
it, right?
Asking for money.
Now there's some other issues atplay there, right?
But at the end of the day, ifyou think about it, if you're
called to be a coach forwhatever reason, then guess
what?
You need to keep the lights onin order to do and provide the
(13:08):
service to the world.
You have to take care, have yourneeds taken care of in order to
keep living right and being ofservice.
And there's nothing wrong withthat.
Right.
So Marian, I know that you and Iare doing a little bit of a
recap on what I've learned inseason one, which we're going to
get to in just a minute.
(13:28):
But what we're talking about isactually the theme for season
two.
So season two, so you might justhave to come back and do a recap
then too, but season two is allabout how purpose shows up in
the workforce.
And I'm going to look at thatfrom a lot of different angles.
Um, but I'm curious, from whatyou're speaking to now, what do
(13:52):
you think I might discover inseason two?
So I think, um, it's in the bodylanguage of the people that you
work with.
So if somebody's showing up towork and.
They're just doing their job.
And I'm saying that toencapsulate the body language,
(14:14):
the way they're engaged, the waythey're curious, the way they
clock in, they clock out.
Very different than somebody whoseems to have a lot of energy.
Towards what they're doing,right?
Or even if that workopportunity, isn't their number
one thing, they know why they'redoing it.
It's because I'm doing this toafford an opportunity for my
family, right?
(14:35):
So to move into a bigger home orto have this other vacation or
actually travel outside of thecountry, because we've never
traveled outside of the country,for example.
Right.
So I think it's, I think it's,Part of it is a behavior thing
that I think you will see, um,and also people's attitude right
towards their work.
And then to what degree they,they are bought into the purpose
(14:57):
right of the company thatthey're working at.
Right.
Um, and sometimes, and Iactually used to say this to
people when I would interviewthem at my last company and I
was just being upfront and Isaid, listen, At some point in
your career, you might decidethat, you know what, you're no
longer growing with us.
(15:18):
And so what I would encourageyou to do to make the decision
to off ramp, right?
Because it's important that youcontinue growing, but people
aren't comfortable doing thatand then what happens is if
you're miserable at your job andthen you start sucking at it,
the performance gets affected.
You might be invited to leaveanyways.
Right?
Right.
So why not you?
Why not take control of yourcareer?
(15:38):
Right.
And your life and your options.
Yeah.
Okay.
So I'm hearing.
When someone connects theirpurpose to their job, they're
going to bring a differentattitude to work, more energy,
better attitude.
And that, that isn't necessarilyto say my job is my purpose.
(15:58):
It could be my job.
Is funding my purpose right?
Serves a purpose.
It serves a purpose, but maybepurpose.
Yep.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Perfect.
Okay.
Well, I'm going to be listeningfor that and in seeing how that
shows up in the workplace.
Okay.
Well, let's shift gears.
I mentioned that I've beenstudying this topic of life's
(16:19):
purpose and I've been studyingit in two regards.
One is seeing what research hasalready been done on the topic
and what can I learn from that?
Where are the gaps?
The other is throughconversations and those have
been happening through thispodcast.
Season one has been very muchfocused on people that have
(16:43):
clarity in their purpose andthey're actively pursuing it.
And so I'm learning as much as Ican from them about discovering
your purpose and then puttingthe steps in place to, to
realize it.
And I've noticed a couplethreads.
Throughout the research thatI've done.
(17:04):
And one of those threads is thatthis topic of life's purpose.
Feels big.
It feels very overwhelming topeople, even for the people that
have clarity in their purpose.
They would say things like,well, I think I have it, or I
(17:25):
guess it's this, does it have tobe just one, that type of thing?
what's your reaction to that,theme of life's purpose being an
overwhelming, big, scary thing?
So my immediate reaction has todo with the need for us to
(17:46):
define and clearly articulatethings, right?
So on the one hand, when I hearyou say that somebody thinks,
cause I've even said it, right?
Well, I think it's this.
And it's in response to, there'sa definition that if you talk to
an expert, right, of how theywould define what purpose is,
(18:07):
and then what's really true foryou, if that makes sense.
And to me, I feel like purpose,it feels very squishy.
And I keep using that termbecause I go back inside.
Right.
And it's something to me thathits your spirit.
And I, quite frankly, I believeit's how you want to define it.
It's the thing that's drivingyou, right?
(18:28):
Only you can say what's drivingyou.
And the truth is, you may not beable to say what that is, in
part because we need to quietour mind and sit with ourselves
for a moment.
That's one way of doing that tofigure out like what is it and
hear the voice inside of usactually articulate some of that
and then just put it in yourshopping cart, for lack of a
(18:50):
better word, right?
And push it around the store,right?
Around your life to figure out,okay, does this, hmm, kind of
like this, right?
Sometimes we need help, right?
Because sometimes we can't getout of our own head trash.
I've used this exercise as itrelates to, um, what are you
good at, right?
And I've actually done, it'slike a one person survey, and
it's literally like a fiveminute conversation, and you
(19:12):
can't give anybody a heads up,and you ask various people
around you, friend, foe, youknow, client, whatever, hey,
what do you think I'm good at?
And then you just write downwhatever they say and you don't
like argue with them.
You don't talk about anythingelse.
You might ask a clarifyingquestion and then you get off
the phone with them and move onto the next person.
(19:33):
And it's better to do this likein sequence, like, just dial up
and then get it and then gatherthat data and see what it says
about you.
Right.
Right.
Yeah.
So I'm hearing there that thesense of it being overwhelming
is this fear that like theexperts say it's this thing, but
the reality is we get to definelife's purpose.
(19:57):
When I hear that, I think.
It shouldn't feel overwhelmingbecause it's up to you.
It's up to me.
You know, we get to make therules.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
And so remember when I said thatmy purpose was around making a
difference, but it was like,well, it just sounds kind of,
eh, you know, boring, but it'slike, just own it.
(20:26):
Well, the other thing that youtalked about, there's actually
the second theme that I'venoticed in it is this theme of
people that have clarity intheir purpose.
Across the board.
They have a deep.
Understanding of self, they takethe time to go inward and you
just spoke to that as well.
(20:48):
It's like quieting the mindgoing inward.
You shared a tool on askingpeople around you, what am I
good at?
And then looking at what youhear from them, any other
thoughts or reflections on thistheme of self understanding as a
prerequisite for discoveringyour purpose.
(21:09):
So here, here's my belief thatthere is something core to who
we all are.
Um, and then there are thingsabout ourselves that we're
constantly growing our depth ofunderstanding, if that makes
sense, right?
So it's not like I have the, Iknow who I am and it never
changes.
Right?
Like over time you grow, right?
(21:31):
And through growth, you have aneven deeper understanding of
self, but part of reallyunderstanding self oftentimes is
in juxtaposition to a role, toother people, to an experience,
right?
Because the experience helps youput words.
Around it.
And feelings around it.
(21:52):
Like, oh yeah, that doesn't feelright.
That doesn't seem right.
Um, and it just helps you makesense of.
Your your world, right?
Who are so understandingyourself quite frankly, I think
is just a key Uh superpower tounderstanding other people, and
where you're similar ordissimilar or what have you but
(22:12):
we're still all human and that'swhat makes us complex and
challenging and annoying Andwonderful and worthy of love and
you know, you want to fight themsometimes or whatever Yeah, yeah
I love that are there tools thatyou have used to help you
understand yourself?
So I do journal, but it's notjournal in the sense of here's
(22:34):
what I'm thinking today, butit's really a comp, I use a
bullet journal.
Um, and so, I do that for adifferent purpose, right?
I do it so I get clear aboutwhat my priorities are for the
week, but also I use it for selfreflection and it's easier for
me to find.
And also I find a technology,which is Handwriting, which is
(22:56):
starting to go away with the ageof the dinosaur.
Um, but there's something saidabout the written word and what
gets imprinted in our memory andour belief system, right?
And writing that and howpowerful that is.
So I'm going back to basics byactually doing writing.
I still type things up and Ihave, you know, my Apple notes
and all this other stuff.
(23:16):
But the, to answer your questionabout what I use today, um, I
started doing box breathing.
And which, you know, if youwould have told me this before I
went on, I went on a healthjourney, um, several months ago
and I, and I, if I hadn't knownthis, if I'd known this before
then I don't know that I wouldhave done it right.
It's almost like when youfinally need to do something
(23:39):
right to make a change thatyou're more receptive to, to
other tools.
So I box breathe at least, youknow, 15, 20 minutes, um, every
morning I start my day that way.
Share with us what box breathingis real quick for people that
don't know.
So, um, there's different waysof, of breathing, but imagine a
box with four sides, right?
(23:59):
And so I do a four count whereyou inhale for a count of four,
and then you hold for the nextcount of four.
Then you exhale for a count offour, And then you hold for a
count of four and then yourepeat the process.
Right.
And so, and the whole idea ofwhy you do that is to quiet your
(24:20):
mind.
It's to focus on just yourbreath, but there's a science
behind it.
When you talk about like yourparasympathetic nervous system
and, and really relaxation.
Right.
And so most people struggle justto sit down.
And just breathe for a littlebit.
And you're not supposed to doanything else.
Cause we're thinking like, whileyou're doing that exercise.
(24:41):
And it took me a while, Istarted thinking about work.
I started thinking about, Oh,what am I going to eat?
And it's like, no, no, no, no,no.
Just breathe.
Like just do that.
And it's so, it was soincredibly hard to do in the
very beginning.
But it's becomes easier when youhave practice and then over that
I overlay, you know,affirmations and I overlay
(25:02):
visualization of what I'm tryingto do.
So, but you don't do all of thatout the gate, right?
You just do the basic.
You start with just everymorning, every morning, 15, 20
minutes, it depends.
Every morning.
Focus on the breath.
Every morning.
And that's one of the firstthings that I do.
You know, I'm not, I don't, somepeople do meditation, um, and
(25:22):
I'm not going to get into thedifference of those.
I don't do that.
I'm just starting with just thebasics.
Let me just breathe.
Cause everyone's got to be ableto breathe.
And I just started learningabout, you know, it just calms
you down.
Right.
Um, and the thing about thehuman body is, you know, when we
are, let me back up.
I love.
The feeling of fear and thereason why I love the feeling of
(25:45):
fear is it tells me that I'mhuman and usually when something
comes up in your system thatmakes you afraid You it's
because you're uncomfortableRight, and you have to realize
is this something that's goingto actually hurt me like
physically hurt me Or is it justfalse evidence appearing real?
(26:05):
Right.
Is it just saying, well, I don'tknow, but really, so, so to me,
breathing, right.
Quieting your mind and beingstill and saying, okay, what is
this?
And then capturing that and thenjust say, okay, it's okay.
So I say that I had a kneeinjury.
Um, I'm a runner.
I hurt my knee.
I haven't been running in thelast two years.
(26:27):
And as I was doing rehab, Ican't like squat fully.
I get knee pain.
And what I found when I wasworking with my trainers, I was
trying to squat and it's my leftknee.
My left knee subconsciously.
Started coming inward because hewas afraid.
That it was going to get hurt.
It didn't want the pingingbecause there's pain.
(26:47):
The body remembers, right?
And so this sounds silly.
I just start talking like, okay,that's okay.
Me just know that I'm inalignment with you.
You can trust me, but I don'twant to do anything to hurt me
either.
Literally my trainers laughing,but it's so true.
And I'm like, okay, we're goingto do some squats today.
And I'm looking at my knee.
We're going to do some squatstoday.
(27:08):
Just come on.
Just, we can do this.
And so we do.
You know, you know, and thenit's okay, but then I have, so
that's what I'm saying.
The body knows, you know?
Yeah.
Well, and what went through myhead is you're making the
subconscious conscious.
Your knee was doing that andthen you recognize it's doing
(27:32):
it.
And so now I've got to tell theknee consciously, you know,
we're going to squat.
Don't, don't go inward.
You know?
Yes, exactly.
Cause you're making it worse forus.
Right.
And quieting the mind, theforce, the box breathing helps
quiet the mind, which also givesyou space to kind of think about
(27:56):
the subconscious and bring thatconscious.
Yes, absolutely.
And the subconscious is whereall of your programming happens,
you know, that you don't evenreally realize sometimes is
happening while you react tocertain things, right?
Right.
The beauty of the, the boxbreathing also is it's about you
controlling your response tothings.
So when you're doing, going theday to day and somebody's coming
(28:18):
at you the wrong way, You don'tautomatically just react.
It's like if you take a coupleof breaths, I'm not saying stop
and do box breathing right thenand there for 15 minutes, but if
you take a couple of breaths,you're like, okay, hold on.
Like, let's give them thebenefit of the doubt and you
control your response, versusyour reaction.
Right.
Right.
Yeah.
Marian, earlier you mentioned aframework for purpose.
(28:42):
Could you share that with us incase that's helpful for others?
Sure.
Sure.
Um, so it's a framework that Icame up for myself and I'm going
to use the idea of a threelegged stool and the seat of the
stool.
I'm going to use the word impactbecause I mentioned to you
(29:03):
earlier.
That I found that my purpose isabout making a difference and
making a difference means impactalso.
So you can define impact.
So whatever you want to definethat impact is.
And then I, the first part ofthe stool is really around
identity, right?
Who you are.
And so sometimes it might be arole.
Sometimes it just might be,you're just a good person at the
(29:24):
core and you see something inothers, right?
That you want to elevate.
Um, and so that's one thing it'sjust, and so self awareness
comes into this, right?
Yeah.
So that's, that's number one,like, who are you?
Right.
And by the way, this applies tocompanies also, right?
Who are you as a company, as anorganization?
Okay.
Um, the second leg of the stool,um, I've gone back and forth and
(29:48):
it depends on how I apply thisreally goes back to your
superpowers.
So it's not so much, um, Whatyou're good at, but what's
really distinct about you.
Right.
Remember I grew up with, youknow, actually like the halls of
justice and super friends andstuff like that.
And so every superhero had adifferent skill set that was
(30:09):
distinct to them.
But when they came together,they were able to solve, you
know, some of the greatestchallenges, right.
To humankind.
Right.
So with a company or even withyourself, you know, what's
distinct.
About you, right.
That you've developed or aredeveloping and to really be able
to like identify what that is.
(30:29):
Um, and that's just having anumber of times at bat, you
know, practicing, working onthat.
Right?
Right.
'cause there are some things,like you can say you wanna go to
the moon, but do you, can youreally go to the moon?
You specifically like right atthis day and age or whatever.
Right.
So it's, you know, applying.
That to, um, a particular cause,so to speak, cause, rule, what
(30:50):
have you.
And then the third leg, um, Italk about it from, from
sometimes I call it messaging,but it's really a point of view,
right?
So what does all of that mean?
Right?
Like bringing who you are,what's distinct and unique, um,
and your superpower to aspecific result or impact that
you want to have, right?
(31:10):
And so I bundle all those threethings together and you want to
point it at a worthy cause,something that's worthwhile of
your time, your effort, yourattention, your energy, and
ideally that you could also getpaid for.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So the second leg of the stool,you talked about your unique
kind of talent or what's uniqueabout you.
(31:32):
One of the things that oftencomes up when I've been talking
with people who are clear intheir purpose and they're
pursuing it is this concept ofpassion.
It is what lights them up.
It is what brings them joy.
And it's not, they don't talkabout it in terms of that's
their purpose.
(31:53):
It's actually been more of.
Their purpose is X, Y, Z, butthey use their passion to enable
their purpose.
It's the how of how they achievetheir purpose.
Could passion fit into thatsecond leg of the stool so I
think it could.
(32:14):
If somebody wants to borrow thisframework and use that for
themselves.
I don't use the word passionmyself, right?
Because I think that, um, manypeople misunderstand passion.
And I have to then explain whatpassion is, right?
Because sometimes passion andpurpose get mixed up.
Confused.
(32:35):
Yeah.
What I focus on is energy,right?
And so I am not a physics major,but has it's been explained to
me.
We all have energy.
We bring energy.
So, you know, when somebodywalks into the room and they
just brighten up the room, theydon't even have to say a word,
their presence.
Just brightens up the world.
(32:56):
Right.
Um, and I think that as humans,we all have a light that we can
bring in.
So I think that, you know, whensomebody says that it's their
passion or they have all thisenergy towards something that
kind of, it drives them, it, it,um, it brings them joy.
Right.
(33:16):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I appreciate you reflecting onseason one.
We did actually a littleforesight into season two
unexpected.
So appreciate that.
Thank you for sharing yourpurpose.
Is there anything else leftunsaid when it comes to this
topic of purpose?
So, I like to end these sorts ofconversations with, um,
(33:42):
something that I picked up fromMarianne Williamson's, Our
Deepest Fear poem.
And I recommend for people whoare not familiar with it, and I
don't have it memorized by heartbecause I always forget
different parts of it.
I'll put it in the show notesfor people to read.
Wonderful.
Because she talks about how ourdeepest fear.
Um, it's really that we're morepowerful, right?
(34:04):
It's our light, not ourdarkness, right?
And so the thing that I want toleave with everybody when I
think about how we all havesomething unique to bring, I
think that, um, if we don'tidentify our purpose, And work
towards our purpose in whatevercapacity, we will never discover
(34:24):
or uncover the thing thatspecial thing that you bring to
this world that could change thelife of forget about the whole
world.
How about your immediate selfand family, right?
You could be the first.
You could be the one thatchanges the history of your own
family.
(34:45):
So I'm not saying you need to beEinstein.
I'm not saying you need to bepresident.
I'm not saying any of that.
I'm saying in your own littleworld, you impact other people.
And if, and until you can bringthat light out for yourself that
we can all see, right.
And letting your light shine,then guess what Marianne
Williams talks about.
Williams talks about is then yougive other people permission to
(35:08):
let their light shine.
You know, so be a light toothers, right?
Role model the behavior.
Yes.
Yes.
You said something earlier aboutoftentimes what we fear is the
light.
Don't fear the light, be thelight, be the light, you know,
and I don't want to bring up oldmovies like poltergeist, but
(35:30):
they were all attracted to CarolAnn, right?
Cause she was a light.
And people are attracted to thelight, right?
People who are haters of thelight.
You can tell there's thisjealousy that people have.
And I realize it's becausehumans are natural mirrors,
because again, it goes back tohaving energy, what you bring to
the table, right?
And so sometimes people who No,that there's something more that
(35:54):
they could be doing and they'rejust not doing because they
don't want to apply themselvesor for whatever reason, you
know, you they're confronted bythat without you even saying any
words by just looking at you.
Right, right.
And so all you can do is just beyou do you and be a light.
You know, love it.
Surround yourself with others,you know, who have a light,
(36:16):
right?
And so you're in a lit room, buthere's the deal.
I know this sounds crazy.
Here's the deal.
But in order for you to reallyappreciate that light that you
bring, sometimes you have to bein the darkness.
So that you realize that you dohave a light and how bright and
shiny your light is, right?
I got goosebumps there on boththe idea of a group of lights
(36:41):
shining bright and then beingthe light in the darkness for
others.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yes.
Thank you so much for cominghere on Purpose Project and, and
sharing with us and, andreflecting on season one and,
and looking forward to seasontwo.
It's been a pleasure having youon the show.
(37:03):
Thank you for having me, Leslie.
This was really fun.
Awesome.
Leslie (37:06):
One of the themes that Marianne and I talked about is
that life's purpose feels sooverwhelming to people.
And as I've continued to explorethis topic of life's purpose,
that worries me.
Um, Because I want life'spurpose to be accessible to
everyone.
And it worries me to think thatsome people might feel it's too
(37:30):
grand, too big for them.
I love this notion that Mariantalks about that each of us gets
to define what life's purposeis.
We don't need an expert to tellus what life's purpose is.
It's up to each of usindividually.
And I love how Marian defines.
Purpose for her as impact inthis three legged stool of
(37:55):
identity, our superpowers, andour point of view coming
together to determine our impactin life.
Marian, thank you for being onPurpose Project and thanks to
all of you for tuning in.
(38:16):
Purpose Project is brought toyou for education and for
entertainment purposes.
This podcast is not intended toreplace the advice that you
would receive from a licensedtherapist or doctor or any other
qualified professional.
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