June 2, 2023 • 30 mins
While in the hospital giving birth to her son, Veronica received the news that her sister had just passed away. Listen in to hear the story of how this woman of faith chose to react to her circumstances and how she turned her misery into a ministry that is helping others overcome adversity and loss.
#miscarriage #multiplelosses #faith #loss #grief
https://speakerhub.com/speaker/veronica-williams
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Episode Transcript
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Michelle (00:10):
Well, hey everybody and welcome back to Qualified,
the place where incrediblepeople share their stories of
overcoming great adversity andloss to inspire you and give you
hope. I'm Michelle Heaton.
Have you ever met someone whojust seems to smile in the face
of adversity?
(00:30):
Do you sometimes wonder howpeople can keep a good attitude?
Even when you know, they've beenthrough really hard stuff? When
you know their story, and youjust know there's no way you
could walk in their shoes? Howdo they do it? What's their
secret to persevering in theface of adversity and loss?
Well, my guest today is one ofthose people. You'll love her
(00:54):
positive attitude. And you'll beinterested to learn that she too
has been through some of life'smost difficult trials. She
managed to take her misery andturn it into her ministry. And
today, she's supporting otherpeople who need hope and
inspiration. She's a speaker anda personal coach, a licensed
(01:15):
minister, and the co founder ofAlliance Seminars, a
veteran-owned faith-basedorganization that provides
clients with motivationalspeaking, coaching services and
certified workshops. Her name isVeronica Williams, and it's my
great honor to have her on theshow today. Welcome to
Qualified, Veronica.
Veronica (01:37):
Thank you for having me, Michelle. I'm glad to be
here.
Michelle (01:41):
Of course. Well, Veronica, when you and I first
met and you shared your story, Iright away started thinking
about all the questions I wantedto ask you. Because I really
believe people want to know whatgoes on in the mind of someone
who holds it together so wellwhen tough things come out. And
so with that said, let's startat the beginning. Tell us about
(02:03):
that time in your married lifewhen you were longing to have a
child. But sadly, youexperienced two miscarriages.
How did losing two babies affectyou and your husband? And how
did you process your feelingsand your grief?
Veronica (02:19):
Wow.That's really packed.
So to start out, when my husbandand I first got married, we
said, oh, we don't want to havechildren. We're good. We're just
the two of us. And so probablyabout five years into our
(02:40):
marriage, maybe less than that.
We decided, You know what Ithink we want we want to have a
kid. And as we did decide to doso the first pregnancy that I
had, I was far along, I wasgetting close to the trimester.
Andwe found out that the first baby
was going to have a chromosome13, which is a chromosome that
(03:03):
will not allow the baby todevelop and grow to thrive in
life period. And if the baby didlive, it will cause me perhaps
my life. So as a result, we lostour baby. The second pregnancy
was a at home miscarriage. Andagain, very difficult, very
(03:31):
shocking in this case, because Iactually just thought I was just
having pains throughout thenight. Braxton Hicks the
contractions and so I had gottenup and lo and behold, the event
occurred. And my husbandimmediately called 911. They
came, they took me, my husband,he wrote with me in the
(03:57):
ambulance and dealt with thatfor several hours. I think he
was more worried about how isshe doing? You know, both times?
How's she doing? Is she okay? Hewas more worried about me and
his adrenaline pumped in that hewasn't thinking about himself at
that point.
Michelle (04:15):
Veronica, I am so very sorry for the loss of your two
babies. And when you weredescribing both situations, my
heart was breaking for youbecause you were so happy to
finally be pregnant. And thenyou had to face a reality that
your children would not live.
And again, I am so sorry. And ofcourse your husband was worried
about you. He loves you and Heknows that you're traumatized by
(04:37):
all of this. So tell us why youwanted to make the point that he
wasn't thinking about himselfduring this painful time.
Veronica (04:45):
Because I realized this wasn't both miscarriages
weren't really about me. And sooften, people gravitate to the
woman and not the man. Neitherof our pain weighed heavier than
the other But I made sure that Iwas there to be the support that
my husband needed. And to makesure that he was able to process
(05:09):
his feelings, his grief, hisdisappointment, and both like I
was going through. And we didthat by processing together,
talking, communicating. Sooften, couples that go through
miscarriages or a loss of achild, it draws them apart. But
(05:30):
we were intentional didn't knowit. But we were intentional to
make sure that each other wasokay. And was going to handle it
and that we didn't go throughany mental anguish or anything
that will keep us stuck in ourmind to move forward. We knew
that we were going to have tomove forward. But we had to stay
in that for a little bit oftime. We call it a little season
(05:53):
wasn't long, just to process atall.
Michelle (05:56):
Yeah, yeah. Well, thanks for sharing that. And I
think it's great that the two ofyou were able to support each
other. And you told me thateventually, you were able to
carry a baby to term and thatyou were ready to deliver, went
to the hospital. And then thatday, you receive some
devastating news. What happened?
Veronica (06:15):
Yes, so I was able to get pregnant again, I had a
wonderful doctor that told meyou're gonna have this baby,
there's a certain procedure thatthey have out there now. And as
a result, I carried my baby toterm I had to be on bed rest,
but I carried my babysitter. Sothere was some joy in that.
However, the day that I wentinto the hospital, I didn't
(06:38):
really know. But I called mymom. I said, Oh, they just gave
me my pertussis. We're about tobe here. But my mom wasn't as
excited as she normally is. Ijust chalked it up to maybe it
was a three hour timedifference. It was very early in
the morning, her time me notthinking with the excitement,
(06:59):
like I'm actually here, didn'treally focus in on my it's done
to me. And I told my husband, Isaid, my mom didn't sound like
herself. So I don't know what'shappening, you know? And he
didn't know either. He said,Well, don't worry about it.
Let's just focus on the baby.
Let's just focus on you rightnow get your rest. You know,
we're here now is like fiveo'clock in the morning. What are
(07:21):
the whole day and I reallydidn't talk to any family. That
whole day, I did not talk to anyfamily. When I thought about
trying to talk to somebody, myhusband would say you need to
rest our no one really calledme. I think when it probably got
too long. I was there from fivein the morning. And it was
almost eight o'clock. And Iactually delivered at 940. I
(07:43):
think my husband probably calledone of my family members to say
you need to call her and talk toher, just you know, don't stay
long. Just talk to her. So shecouldn't get settled, because
she's not settled right nowbefore and she's about to
deliver. So I actually talked toa family member, so they kind of
pushed me off the phone. But ofcourse, I'm in the mindset. I
(08:06):
didn't think anything of it. ButI was at a point where the
doctor came in, he told myhusband, he said she still
hasn't delivered. It's nineo'clock at night and she hasn't
dilated. He said we're gonna doa C section. And in that moment,
the room lit up. I'm a woman offaith. And what I saw was my
(08:26):
sister and Jesus on top of her.
And I heard my sister and Jesuskind of confirm that every birth
has a little pain. And in thatmoment, when I heard that, I
(08:47):
squeezed my husband's hand and Itold him, I'm going to push I'm
not going to have a C section.
And the doctor was like, Are youserious? I mean, she is close.
But women don't normally dothat. We got to do the C
section. I was like, I'm notdoing a C section. I'm gonna
push. And that's what I did. Ipushed and we had our son, our
oldest son. So of course I'mresting. The next day in the
(09:09):
morning. My husband takes myphone and like why I was gonna
call my family he was like, No,don't call them yet. You know, I
already called and let them knowthey're gonna just they just
want you to rest today don'tdon't call so that kind of
settled me but it didn't settleme. But later on in the day, we
had some visitors are pastor andour associate pastor's wife came
(09:31):
to visit. And I was like, Wow,that's great that they came to
visit that's really interesting.
They drove all the way out ofhere because we were like an
hour and something away from myhome. And the moment that I see
that the associate pastor takesthe baby, the pastor positions
herself near me. My husbandcomes he grabs my hand. And he
(09:52):
said I have some news to tellyou. And they told me that my
sister had passed away I guess Iwent silent. My pastor waited a
while and she said, how are you?
What are you thinking because Iwas silent. But in that silence,
I just prayed. I knew my sisterwas a believer. So that kind of
(10:14):
helped me. I was disappointedbecause she and I had talked the
day before for hour and a half.
And she said she was coming onJanuary 16. And I realized that
my balloon had just gotten burstthat she wasn't going to be
coming. But the thing that Isaid to my pastor is because I
(10:36):
was praying in my silence, theydidn't know what was going on.
It was like, okay, oh, mygoodness, I was praying. And I
told her, it was well with mysoul. And the reason why I was
well with my soul was because Ispent a year before I got
married, I live with my sisterand my brother in law, we got
really close. Her life changedtremendously in serving and
(10:59):
believing in God, she alreadywas a believer, but now she put
her faith to work. And I hadthat time with parents. And so
that was my comfort, and knowingthat it was well with my soul,
because I knew that she was abeliever, and I knew where she
was going, Hmm.
Michelle (11:21):
Well, I've got to ask you all these questions that are
going through my mind, you know,you talked about hearing from
God. And for a lot of people,that's a foreign concept. Can
you explain to us what it meansto you to hear from God, and how
you believe you were able to getto that place in your spiritual
life, where you could recognizethat it was actually God's
(11:42):
voice.
Veronica (11:44):
Over the years, I've always been serving that I've
always been actively involved.
But most importantly, when youtalk about hearing God, or
whatever I had, I had arelationship with Him. And it
was the relationship thatconnected me to hearing his
voice. Now, we're, unbelieversare believers, it's just you can
do it. But you can hear hisvoice by reading a regular book.
(12:07):
Because sometimes books have amessage, or either the Bible,
there's always otheropportunities, it can be music,
or it can be through somecomforting words from other
people. And so those are theways that I love to hear God. So
we can always hear him, it'sjust are we in tune, to have our
(12:29):
ears open and not even sometimesour heart, open to hear
something that will comfort us?
Michelle (12:44):
Well, that's good. I like that you gave actual real
applications, real ways thatpeople can do that and test that
out. And I think that'swonderful. And I mentioned when
I introduced you that you hadthe quote, in your bio, that
your misery can produce yourministry, and I thought that was
so interesting. Can you talkabout what that meant in your
(13:05):
life and how other peoplelistening can understand it for
their lives?
Veronica (13:10):
Yes, when you look at the word misery, you can look at
it in so many different ways.
But let's just for my sake, Ilooked at misery as my pain, the
disappointment, the issue, theconcern that I was going
through, and out of all of thatI had to not be a woe is me. And
I had to find things that wasgoing to help me get through my
(13:33):
pain. And as a result, Idiscovered that my going through
could possibly help someoneelse. Let me be in tune to how
I'm going to get through this sothat I can help someone else
that is going through. And sothat's how your misery or your
pain, or something traumatic inyour life, helps you birth out a
(13:59):
ministry and ministry is reallyjust the word service. Right?
And when we look at service ishelp, so just helping someone
else. So my pain and losing mychildren and losing my sister.
It allowed me to relate to otherpeople who may go through a
(14:23):
loss. But the caveat there iseveryone's lost loss is
different based on therelationship that they have. So
staying away from words like Iknow how you feel. I felt like
that to our words that we don'tsay to someone that has lost.
(14:46):
You just comfort them to sayit's okay to feel the way that
you feel and embrace thisprocess for the journey. because
it's a journey, and we don'tknow how long we're gonna stay
there. But what I can tell youis that I have been in your
(15:07):
place where I have lost. Andtoday, I have some joy. So you
is all about getting through theprocess, and every phase of loss
or grief. On the other side,there is some joy and there is
some help is how I dealt withit, and how I share that with
(15:31):
others.
Michelle (15:34):
Yeah, and it's always so inspirational to hear from
another person who's on theother side of it, and who's been
through many years. And they'restill able to keep persevering
because then it just inspiresyou, I can do this too. So
Veronica (15:48):
and the thing about it is, we don't only just go
through one, one last one hurtone disappointment, and that's
it. These, when we go throughthat first one, it is the onset
of helping us learn some copingskills, or coping mechanisms,
realizing that we're not byourselves and realizing that
(16:11):
there are resources there. It'sa matter of choosing to use
those resources. Yeah, thathelps you to get to where we are
years later of, of our lives.
Michelle (16:21):
Yeah. And I'm sure you're like me, you probably
would have never imagined in amillion years that you could
have handled something like thisif it were to happen. But God
kind of prepares us like yousaid, and we get through it. We
manage it. People say I don'tknow how you do it, but you do
it. You know, it's hard to thinkof something else coming. But
(16:42):
you're right, where to expectloss. And in this life, we're
going to talk eventually, abouthow you're using your ministry.
But I want to know right nowwhat evidence you've had in your
life, that God is real. And thatfaith can actually carry us
through the hard times.
Veronica (16:59):
Every trial, every tribulation that I've gone
through that the evidence, andthe reason why is the evidence
is because even losing mysister, I told you, my husband
had to call in other people tohelp him deliver the news. My
family was 3000 miles away, noone was here to get to me close
enough. And they were afraid forme because they knew how close I
(17:21):
was with my sister. And theyknew that we had had that
conversation that day before. Sothey knew we had hoped they knew
that we were looking forward tothe joy and all of that. So they
really didn't know how I wasgoing to take the news. But I
took it better than they theycould. And that I think even for
(17:41):
my husband. That was the firsttime when he really not only to
having the miscarriages. But Ithink that was the first time or
one of the first times where hereally saw that my faith comes
to life in my life. And that itreally is what carries me
(18:03):
through it is one that gave me agave me strength to overcome any
hurdle in my life. And trust me.
I've had many, and I am just I'mjust the living evidence that
there is a God, and that Goddoes come through and see about
you. Because I'm standing today,there's been so many ways that
(18:26):
you could have probably not beenhere. But there's been so many
ways, on the evidence that he isa healer, a deliverer and a
person that sets you free fromany bondage.
Michelle (18:41):
Amen. Yeah, you're right about that testing of our
faith. It sure does refine usand make us stronger. But it can
go the other way too. So I'mglad that it didn't for you,
Veronica. Is there a scriptureany particular scripture in the
Bible that kept you focused onGod, especially when things were
getting difficult? And why isthat scripture relevant to you?
Veronica (19:04):
Yes, what kept me and what we express with our babies
when we send thank you cards forall the gifts, the flowers, and
all of that to everyone thatshared and supporting us in the
process and any expressions overthe years was Romans 8:28. And
(19:26):
that is for those that don'tknow, that is located in the New
Testament of the Bible. And thescripture reads, and we know
that in all things, God worksfor the good of those who love
Him who are called according toHis purpose. What does that
(19:47):
mean? That even though thismight not be a good time for me,
or maybe a sorrowful time, Godis working it out. I don't know
what's gonna they're in. But theGod that I put my faith and
trust in, he's gonna work itout. And then I, how do I know
(20:09):
he's gonna work it out? BecauseI was called according to His
purpose, and how are you calledaccording to His purpose being
born, the birth that my mom gaveme. And then when I found out
about who Jesus is, acceptinghim as my personal Lord and
(20:31):
Savior, allowed me to be underthe umbrella laws that are
called according to His purpose.
And so I have to live my life asa woman of faith, and a woman of
trusting God, and a woman who iswilling to share the Lord with
others, and to be willing toserve as he did.
Michelle (20:57):
Thank you for breaking it down for us that way, because
that's really helpful tounderstand. Those are not just
words, they are meaningful wordsin Scripture. Yes, Romans 8:28.
And I'm thinking about a womanwho's listening right now, who
might be in the position youwere in who have a miscarriage
or two, you know, and they'refeeling really down. Maybe
(21:18):
they're even a believer, maybethey're not, what would you say
to that woman to encourage herright now?
Veronica (21:25):
I'm going to tell you, I would say to the woman, what I
heard when I had mymiscarriages, and the many women
after I gave my testimony abouthaving a miscarriage the first
time. And that is, you're onlyin your storm for as long as you
allow yourself to be. And whatdoes that mean? For me, God
(21:51):
said, I have no limits. Whenyou're ready. I am, I am here.
And the other portion of whathelped me in knowing is the
thought that I heard about this,the sooner I turn it over to
God, the sooner the healingprocess can start. So we have to
(22:16):
learn to release our pain toGod, and walk through it.
Because it don't leave you butwalk through it. And trusting
him to get you through day byday. And then be open to the
people around you that aregenuinely there to support you
(22:38):
receive the help receive allthat you need. And then for a
person that is dealing withsomeone that is going through
the loss. Sometimes you don'thave to go there with a whole
lot of words, perhaps taking ameal, some flowers, and just
(23:02):
say, I'm here, just so that youknow, I'm just gonna be out you
don't have to talk. I just wantyou to know I see you and I'm
present. I'm not here to talk. Ijust want you to know that
you're not alone. And I'm here.
Yeah.
Michelle (23:20):
Very comforting. Yeah, thanks for that. I'm sure that's
going to help somebody. So Iappreciate that. In your
coaching and speakingexperiences, have you seen
others began to turn their livesaround and trusting God? And
because I know that that's,that's a goal that you have. Can
(23:42):
you give us an example of one ofthose situations?
Veronica (23:47):
Yes, working with different people and talking to
different people. Yes, they haveturned turn their lives around.
I remember going through what Iwas going through in my life, I
had a co worker come to me, andshe said, Can you meet me in the
bathroom? And I said, okay,because I could see her face and
she's just crying. And she said,I know that you are a believer.
(24:13):
And I want to accept the Jesusthat you believe in. Can you
pray for me? And how do Ireceive him? And I pray with her
for the prayer of salvation. AndI even went a little further
because she didn't live too farfrom me. I showed her a church
where she can go and receivemore not just for today but that
(24:39):
would help her on a daily basisor further weekly basis if she
wanted to go
Michelle (24:44):
Yeah, that's important. And it's wonderful
that she saw Jesus in youbecause you're living
Veronica (24:50):
out yes because I'm I was on a job and I was going
through but I every day I thinkwhat mess them up. The more is
that everyday they probably Youwanted to deal with me. But I
always went in with joy and asmile, my energy, I don't know,
my sister is always a YouTubehybrid for me. But no matter how
I'm going through, because Godalways, you know, you may not
(25:13):
agree with how people treat you,but you know, they treated Jesus
bad. And he never said amumbling word. And so what
you're going to do is you submitthose people to Him in prayer,
and you keep it moving.
Michelle (25:25):
Well, I like that you said that it was modeling
Jesus's behavior to you, whichturned out to be a wonderful
testimony. Veronica, throughoutour discussion, you've we've
done some really good lessonsabout adversity and loss. And I
want to summarize here, youtalked about discerning the
voice of God, and told us thatwe can sometimes sense it
(25:47):
through reading a book, orreading scripture, through words
of comfort from other people orfor music, if we're open to
hearing from him. You said thatwhen you experienced your own
adversity, you realize that youare now equipped to help other
people through what you learned.
And you pointed out the hardreality, that we don't just
(26:08):
experience a single loss in ourlives, but that will have
multiple losses over the courseof our lives. And that each one
gives us coping skills that willhelp us survive the next one.
You said that we're only in ourstorm for as long as we allow
ourselves to be, and that wehave God to turn to and lean on
(26:29):
in difficult times. You told usthat the sooner we release our
pain to God, the sooner thehealing process can start. You
explain the New Testamentpassage in Romans chapter eight,
verse 28, about how God worksall things for good for those
who love Him, and who are calledaccording to His purpose. And
(26:50):
you encouraged us to trust thosewords, and believe that he will
work it out. Veronica, whatother lessons have you learned
from your life experiences withgrief and loss? Can you share
with someone listening who needshope right now,
Veronica (27:07):
the big life lesson that I learned through the pain
or the loss or anything thatI've gone through is that it's
not going to last long. Andthere is a process and just hold
out for the process, and realizethat there is either a blessing
(27:31):
on the other side. And thenthere's healing on the other
side. I recently lost a familymember. Actually, it was
recently my mom several weeksago, my sister who passed away,
her husband passed away. And soI was able to go home. And it
(27:54):
was nothing but the grace of Godthat allowed me to officiate his
burial. And one of the thingsthat I told everyone there, and
I will tell anyone, because it'show I dealt with it is think of
a fond memory that had a lastingeffect on you by that person.
(28:18):
Because you're part of theirlegacy. Whenever you're going
through and you're thinkingabout that person, let that
memory come to life, as well aspray that God will help you get
through the void you're leftwith. Yeah. Yeah, from that
(28:40):
individual. utilize resourcesaround you and people.
Organizations are other sourcesthat are positive, positive
resources. And don't give upbefore the blessing or the
(29:01):
healing takes place. Hang inthere. You got that.
Michelle (29:06):
Amen. Well, Veronica, I will put a link in the show
notes to your website solisteners can learn more about
you and the services you offer.
Thank you so much for agreeingto be my guest on the show
today. It was a pleasure to meetyou and to hear your story.
Veronica (29:22):
Oh, thank you so much, Michelle. I really enjoyed it.
Michelle (29:28):
So for those of you listening, you may find yourself
in a place where you can't evenimagine comforting others
because of your own devastation.
I understand. I felt that waytoo. In the beginning, it feels
like it'll never get better. ButI love what Veronica shared
about only being in the stormfor as long as you allow
(29:49):
yourself to be. That's wisdom.
She learned that lesson bywalking through the pain and
then making the decision to keepwalking with God as her sword
strength. If you don't feel likeyou have God to lean on, I get
that too. I felt like that atone point in my life. But it's
(30:10):
as easy as asking him to be withyou right now. And he'll be
there. Many of my guests haveshared their stories of faith
and often say, I don't know howpeople do it that don't have
faith in God. And I agree. It'sthe hard way. You don't need to
take that road. Call out to Godtoday, my friend. He understands
(30:32):
your pain, and he'll comealongside you in the midst of
it, like no one else can. Thanksfor listening
Well, hey everybody and welcome back to Qualified,
the place where incrediblepeople share their stories of
overcoming great adversity andloss to inspire you and give you
hope. I'm Michelle Heaton.
Have you ever met someone whojust seems to smile in the face
of adversity?
(00:30):
Do you sometimes wonder howpeople can keep a good attitude?
Even when you know, they've beenthrough really hard stuff? When
you know their story, and youjust know there's no way you
could walk in their shoes? Howdo they do it? What's their
secret to persevering in theface of adversity and loss?
Well, my guest today is one ofthose people. You'll love her
(00:54):
positive attitude. And you'll beinterested to learn that she too
has been through some of life'smost difficult trials. She
managed to take her misery andturn it into her ministry. And
today, she's supporting otherpeople who need hope and
inspiration. She's a speaker anda personal coach, a licensed
(01:15):
minister, and the co founder ofAlliance Seminars, a
veteran-owned faith-basedorganization that provides
clients with motivationalspeaking, coaching services and
certified workshops. Her name isVeronica Williams, and it's my
great honor to have her on theshow today. Welcome to
Qualified, Veronica.
Veronica (01:37):
Thank you for having me, Michelle. I'm glad to be
here.
Michelle (01:41):
Of course. Well, Veronica, when you and I first
met and you shared your story, Iright away started thinking
about all the questions I wantedto ask you. Because I really
believe people want to know whatgoes on in the mind of someone
who holds it together so wellwhen tough things come out. And
so with that said, let's startat the beginning. Tell us about
(02:03):
that time in your married lifewhen you were longing to have a
child. But sadly, youexperienced two miscarriages.
How did losing two babies affectyou and your husband? And how
did you process your feelingsand your grief?
Veronica (02:19):
Wow.That's really packed.
So to start out, when my husbandand I first got married, we
said, oh, we don't want to havechildren. We're good. We're just
the two of us. And so probablyabout five years into our
(02:40):
marriage, maybe less than that.
We decided, You know what Ithink we want we want to have a
kid. And as we did decide to doso the first pregnancy that I
had, I was far along, I wasgetting close to the trimester.
Andwe found out that the first baby
was going to have a chromosome13, which is a chromosome that
(03:03):
will not allow the baby todevelop and grow to thrive in
life period. And if the baby didlive, it will cause me perhaps
my life. So as a result, we lostour baby. The second pregnancy
was a at home miscarriage. Andagain, very difficult, very
(03:31):
shocking in this case, because Iactually just thought I was just
having pains throughout thenight. Braxton Hicks the
contractions and so I had gottenup and lo and behold, the event
occurred. And my husbandimmediately called 911. They
came, they took me, my husband,he wrote with me in the
(03:57):
ambulance and dealt with thatfor several hours. I think he
was more worried about how isshe doing? You know, both times?
How's she doing? Is she okay? Hewas more worried about me and
his adrenaline pumped in that hewasn't thinking about himself at
that point.
Michelle (04:15):
Veronica, I am so very sorry for the loss of your two
babies. And when you weredescribing both situations, my
heart was breaking for youbecause you were so happy to
finally be pregnant. And thenyou had to face a reality that
your children would not live.
And again, I am so sorry. And ofcourse your husband was worried
about you. He loves you and Heknows that you're traumatized by
(04:37):
all of this. So tell us why youwanted to make the point that he
wasn't thinking about himselfduring this painful time.
Veronica (04:45):
Because I realized this wasn't both miscarriages
weren't really about me. And sooften, people gravitate to the
woman and not the man. Neitherof our pain weighed heavier than
the other But I made sure that Iwas there to be the support that
my husband needed. And to makesure that he was able to process
(05:09):
his feelings, his grief, hisdisappointment, and both like I
was going through. And we didthat by processing together,
talking, communicating. Sooften, couples that go through
miscarriages or a loss of achild, it draws them apart. But
(05:30):
we were intentional didn't knowit. But we were intentional to
make sure that each other wasokay. And was going to handle it
and that we didn't go throughany mental anguish or anything
that will keep us stuck in ourmind to move forward. We knew
that we were going to have tomove forward. But we had to stay
in that for a little bit oftime. We call it a little season
(05:53):
wasn't long, just to process atall.
Michelle (05:56):
Yeah, yeah. Well, thanks for sharing that. And I
think it's great that the two ofyou were able to support each
other. And you told me thateventually, you were able to
carry a baby to term and thatyou were ready to deliver, went
to the hospital. And then thatday, you receive some
devastating news. What happened?
Veronica (06:15):
Yes, so I was able to get pregnant again, I had a
wonderful doctor that told meyou're gonna have this baby,
there's a certain procedure thatthey have out there now. And as
a result, I carried my baby toterm I had to be on bed rest,
but I carried my babysitter. Sothere was some joy in that.
However, the day that I wentinto the hospital, I didn't
(06:38):
really know. But I called mymom. I said, Oh, they just gave
me my pertussis. We're about tobe here. But my mom wasn't as
excited as she normally is. Ijust chalked it up to maybe it
was a three hour timedifference. It was very early in
the morning, her time me notthinking with the excitement,
(06:59):
like I'm actually here, didn'treally focus in on my it's done
to me. And I told my husband, Isaid, my mom didn't sound like
herself. So I don't know what'shappening, you know? And he
didn't know either. He said,Well, don't worry about it.
Let's just focus on the baby.
Let's just focus on you rightnow get your rest. You know,
we're here now is like fiveo'clock in the morning. What are
(07:21):
the whole day and I reallydidn't talk to any family. That
whole day, I did not talk to anyfamily. When I thought about
trying to talk to somebody, myhusband would say you need to
rest our no one really calledme. I think when it probably got
too long. I was there from fivein the morning. And it was
almost eight o'clock. And Iactually delivered at 940. I
(07:43):
think my husband probably calledone of my family members to say
you need to call her and talk toher, just you know, don't stay
long. Just talk to her. So shecouldn't get settled, because
she's not settled right nowbefore and she's about to
deliver. So I actually talked toa family member, so they kind of
pushed me off the phone. But ofcourse, I'm in the mindset. I
(08:06):
didn't think anything of it. ButI was at a point where the
doctor came in, he told myhusband, he said she still
hasn't delivered. It's nineo'clock at night and she hasn't
dilated. He said we're gonna doa C section. And in that moment,
the room lit up. I'm a woman offaith. And what I saw was my
(08:26):
sister and Jesus on top of her.
And I heard my sister and Jesuskind of confirm that every birth
has a little pain. And in thatmoment, when I heard that, I
(08:47):
squeezed my husband's hand and Itold him, I'm going to push I'm
not going to have a C section.
And the doctor was like, Are youserious? I mean, she is close.
But women don't normally dothat. We got to do the C
section. I was like, I'm notdoing a C section. I'm gonna
push. And that's what I did. Ipushed and we had our son, our
oldest son. So of course I'mresting. The next day in the
(09:09):
morning. My husband takes myphone and like why I was gonna
call my family he was like, No,don't call them yet. You know, I
already called and let them knowthey're gonna just they just
want you to rest today don'tdon't call so that kind of
settled me but it didn't settleme. But later on in the day, we
had some visitors are pastor andour associate pastor's wife came
(09:31):
to visit. And I was like, Wow,that's great that they came to
visit that's really interesting.
They drove all the way out ofhere because we were like an
hour and something away from myhome. And the moment that I see
that the associate pastor takesthe baby, the pastor positions
herself near me. My husbandcomes he grabs my hand. And he
(09:52):
said I have some news to tellyou. And they told me that my
sister had passed away I guess Iwent silent. My pastor waited a
while and she said, how are you?
What are you thinking because Iwas silent. But in that silence,
I just prayed. I knew my sisterwas a believer. So that kind of
(10:14):
helped me. I was disappointedbecause she and I had talked the
day before for hour and a half.
And she said she was coming onJanuary 16. And I realized that
my balloon had just gotten burstthat she wasn't going to be
coming. But the thing that Isaid to my pastor is because I
(10:36):
was praying in my silence, theydidn't know what was going on.
It was like, okay, oh, mygoodness, I was praying. And I
told her, it was well with mysoul. And the reason why I was
well with my soul was because Ispent a year before I got
married, I live with my sisterand my brother in law, we got
really close. Her life changedtremendously in serving and
(10:59):
believing in God, she alreadywas a believer, but now she put
her faith to work. And I hadthat time with parents. And so
that was my comfort, and knowingthat it was well with my soul,
because I knew that she was abeliever, and I knew where she
was going, Hmm.
Michelle (11:21):
Well, I've got to ask you all these questions that are
going through my mind, you know,you talked about hearing from
God. And for a lot of people,that's a foreign concept. Can
you explain to us what it meansto you to hear from God, and how
you believe you were able to getto that place in your spiritual
life, where you could recognizethat it was actually God's
(11:42):
voice.
Veronica (11:44):
Over the years, I've always been serving that I've
always been actively involved.
But most importantly, when youtalk about hearing God, or
whatever I had, I had arelationship with Him. And it
was the relationship thatconnected me to hearing his
voice. Now, we're, unbelieversare believers, it's just you can
do it. But you can hear hisvoice by reading a regular book.
(12:07):
Because sometimes books have amessage, or either the Bible,
there's always otheropportunities, it can be music,
or it can be through somecomforting words from other
people. And so those are theways that I love to hear God. So
we can always hear him, it'sjust are we in tune, to have our
(12:29):
ears open and not even sometimesour heart, open to hear
something that will comfort us?
Michelle (12:44):
Well, that's good. I like that you gave actual real
applications, real ways thatpeople can do that and test that
out. And I think that'swonderful. And I mentioned when
I introduced you that you hadthe quote, in your bio, that
your misery can produce yourministry, and I thought that was
so interesting. Can you talkabout what that meant in your
(13:05):
life and how other peoplelistening can understand it for
their lives?
Veronica (13:10):
Yes, when you look at the word misery, you can look at
it in so many different ways.
But let's just for my sake, Ilooked at misery as my pain, the
disappointment, the issue, theconcern that I was going
through, and out of all of thatI had to not be a woe is me. And
I had to find things that wasgoing to help me get through my
(13:33):
pain. And as a result, Idiscovered that my going through
could possibly help someoneelse. Let me be in tune to how
I'm going to get through this sothat I can help someone else
that is going through. And sothat's how your misery or your
pain, or something traumatic inyour life, helps you birth out a
(13:59):
ministry and ministry is reallyjust the word service. Right?
And when we look at service ishelp, so just helping someone
else. So my pain and losing mychildren and losing my sister.
It allowed me to relate to otherpeople who may go through a
(14:23):
loss. But the caveat there iseveryone's lost loss is
different based on therelationship that they have. So
staying away from words like Iknow how you feel. I felt like
that to our words that we don'tsay to someone that has lost.
(14:46):
You just comfort them to sayit's okay to feel the way that
you feel and embrace thisprocess for the journey. because
it's a journey, and we don'tknow how long we're gonna stay
there. But what I can tell youis that I have been in your
(15:07):
place where I have lost. Andtoday, I have some joy. So you
is all about getting through theprocess, and every phase of loss
or grief. On the other side,there is some joy and there is
some help is how I dealt withit, and how I share that with
(15:31):
others.
Michelle (15:34):
Yeah, and it's always so inspirational to hear from
another person who's on theother side of it, and who's been
through many years. And they'restill able to keep persevering
because then it just inspiresyou, I can do this too. So
Veronica (15:48):
and the thing about it is, we don't only just go
through one, one last one hurtone disappointment, and that's
it. These, when we go throughthat first one, it is the onset
of helping us learn some copingskills, or coping mechanisms,
realizing that we're not byourselves and realizing that
(16:11):
there are resources there. It'sa matter of choosing to use
those resources. Yeah, thathelps you to get to where we are
years later of, of our lives.
Michelle (16:21):
Yeah. And I'm sure you're like me, you probably
would have never imagined in amillion years that you could
have handled something like thisif it were to happen. But God
kind of prepares us like yousaid, and we get through it. We
manage it. People say I don'tknow how you do it, but you do
it. You know, it's hard to thinkof something else coming. But
(16:42):
you're right, where to expectloss. And in this life, we're
going to talk eventually, abouthow you're using your ministry.
But I want to know right nowwhat evidence you've had in your
life, that God is real. And thatfaith can actually carry us
through the hard times.
Veronica (16:59):
Every trial, every tribulation that I've gone
through that the evidence, andthe reason why is the evidence
is because even losing mysister, I told you, my husband
had to call in other people tohelp him deliver the news. My
family was 3000 miles away, noone was here to get to me close
enough. And they were afraid forme because they knew how close I
(17:21):
was with my sister. And theyknew that we had had that
conversation that day before. Sothey knew we had hoped they knew
that we were looking forward tothe joy and all of that. So they
really didn't know how I wasgoing to take the news. But I
took it better than they theycould. And that I think even for
(17:41):
my husband. That was the firsttime when he really not only to
having the miscarriages. But Ithink that was the first time or
one of the first times where hereally saw that my faith comes
to life in my life. And that itreally is what carries me
(18:03):
through it is one that gave me agave me strength to overcome any
hurdle in my life. And trust me.
I've had many, and I am just I'mjust the living evidence that
there is a God, and that Goddoes come through and see about
you. Because I'm standing today,there's been so many ways that
(18:26):
you could have probably not beenhere. But there's been so many
ways, on the evidence that he isa healer, a deliverer and a
person that sets you free fromany bondage.
Michelle (18:41):
Amen. Yeah, you're right about that testing of our
faith. It sure does refine usand make us stronger. But it can
go the other way too. So I'mglad that it didn't for you,
Veronica. Is there a scriptureany particular scripture in the
Bible that kept you focused onGod, especially when things were
getting difficult? And why isthat scripture relevant to you?
Veronica (19:04):
Yes, what kept me and what we express with our babies
when we send thank you cards forall the gifts, the flowers, and
all of that to everyone thatshared and supporting us in the
process and any expressions overthe years was Romans 8:28. And
(19:26):
that is for those that don'tknow, that is located in the New
Testament of the Bible. And thescripture reads, and we know
that in all things, God worksfor the good of those who love
Him who are called according toHis purpose. What does that
(19:47):
mean? That even though thismight not be a good time for me,
or maybe a sorrowful time, Godis working it out. I don't know
what's gonna they're in. But theGod that I put my faith and
trust in, he's gonna work itout. And then I, how do I know
(20:09):
he's gonna work it out? BecauseI was called according to His
purpose, and how are you calledaccording to His purpose being
born, the birth that my mom gaveme. And then when I found out
about who Jesus is, acceptinghim as my personal Lord and
(20:31):
Savior, allowed me to be underthe umbrella laws that are
called according to His purpose.
And so I have to live my life asa woman of faith, and a woman of
trusting God, and a woman who iswilling to share the Lord with
others, and to be willing toserve as he did.
Michelle (20:57):
Thank you for breaking it down for us that way, because
that's really helpful tounderstand. Those are not just
words, they are meaningful wordsin Scripture. Yes, Romans 8:28.
And I'm thinking about a womanwho's listening right now, who
might be in the position youwere in who have a miscarriage
or two, you know, and they'refeeling really down. Maybe
(21:18):
they're even a believer, maybethey're not, what would you say
to that woman to encourage herright now?
Veronica (21:25):
I'm going to tell you, I would say to the woman, what I
heard when I had mymiscarriages, and the many women
after I gave my testimony abouthaving a miscarriage the first
time. And that is, you're onlyin your storm for as long as you
allow yourself to be. And whatdoes that mean? For me, God
(21:51):
said, I have no limits. Whenyou're ready. I am, I am here.
And the other portion of whathelped me in knowing is the
thought that I heard about this,the sooner I turn it over to
God, the sooner the healingprocess can start. So we have to
(22:16):
learn to release our pain toGod, and walk through it.
Because it don't leave you butwalk through it. And trusting
him to get you through day byday. And then be open to the
people around you that aregenuinely there to support you
(22:38):
receive the help receive allthat you need. And then for a
person that is dealing withsomeone that is going through
the loss. Sometimes you don'thave to go there with a whole
lot of words, perhaps taking ameal, some flowers, and just
(23:02):
say, I'm here, just so that youknow, I'm just gonna be out you
don't have to talk. I just wantyou to know I see you and I'm
present. I'm not here to talk. Ijust want you to know that
you're not alone. And I'm here.
Yeah.
Michelle (23:20):
Very comforting. Yeah, thanks for that. I'm sure that's
going to help somebody. So Iappreciate that. In your
coaching and speakingexperiences, have you seen
others began to turn their livesaround and trusting God? And
because I know that that's,that's a goal that you have. Can
(23:42):
you give us an example of one ofthose situations?
Veronica (23:47):
Yes, working with different people and talking to
different people. Yes, they haveturned turn their lives around.
I remember going through what Iwas going through in my life, I
had a co worker come to me, andshe said, Can you meet me in the
bathroom? And I said, okay,because I could see her face and
she's just crying. And she said,I know that you are a believer.
(24:13):
And I want to accept the Jesusthat you believe in. Can you
pray for me? And how do Ireceive him? And I pray with her
for the prayer of salvation. AndI even went a little further
because she didn't live too farfrom me. I showed her a church
where she can go and receivemore not just for today but that
(24:39):
would help her on a daily basisor further weekly basis if she
wanted to go
Michelle (24:44):
Yeah, that's important. And it's wonderful
that she saw Jesus in youbecause you're living
Veronica (24:50):
out yes because I'm I was on a job and I was going
through but I every day I thinkwhat mess them up. The more is
that everyday they probably Youwanted to deal with me. But I
always went in with joy and asmile, my energy, I don't know,
my sister is always a YouTubehybrid for me. But no matter how
I'm going through, because Godalways, you know, you may not
(25:13):
agree with how people treat you,but you know, they treated Jesus
bad. And he never said amumbling word. And so what
you're going to do is you submitthose people to Him in prayer,
and you keep it moving.
Michelle (25:25):
Well, I like that you said that it was modeling
Jesus's behavior to you, whichturned out to be a wonderful
testimony. Veronica, throughoutour discussion, you've we've
done some really good lessonsabout adversity and loss. And I
want to summarize here, youtalked about discerning the
voice of God, and told us thatwe can sometimes sense it
(25:47):
through reading a book, orreading scripture, through words
of comfort from other people orfor music, if we're open to
hearing from him. You said thatwhen you experienced your own
adversity, you realize that youare now equipped to help other
people through what you learned.
And you pointed out the hardreality, that we don't just
(26:08):
experience a single loss in ourlives, but that will have
multiple losses over the courseof our lives. And that each one
gives us coping skills that willhelp us survive the next one.
You said that we're only in ourstorm for as long as we allow
ourselves to be, and that wehave God to turn to and lean on
(26:29):
in difficult times. You told usthat the sooner we release our
pain to God, the sooner thehealing process can start. You
explain the New Testamentpassage in Romans chapter eight,
verse 28, about how God worksall things for good for those
who love Him, and who are calledaccording to His purpose. And
(26:50):
you encouraged us to trust thosewords, and believe that he will
work it out. Veronica, whatother lessons have you learned
from your life experiences withgrief and loss? Can you share
with someone listening who needshope right now,
Veronica (27:07):
the big life lesson that I learned through the pain
or the loss or anything thatI've gone through is that it's
not going to last long. Andthere is a process and just hold
out for the process, and realizethat there is either a blessing
(27:31):
on the other side. And thenthere's healing on the other
side. I recently lost a familymember. Actually, it was
recently my mom several weeksago, my sister who passed away,
her husband passed away. And soI was able to go home. And it
(27:54):
was nothing but the grace of Godthat allowed me to officiate his
burial. And one of the thingsthat I told everyone there, and
I will tell anyone, because it'show I dealt with it is think of
a fond memory that had a lastingeffect on you by that person.
(28:18):
Because you're part of theirlegacy. Whenever you're going
through and you're thinkingabout that person, let that
memory come to life, as well aspray that God will help you get
through the void you're leftwith. Yeah. Yeah, from that
(28:40):
individual. utilize resourcesaround you and people.
Organizations are other sourcesthat are positive, positive
resources. And don't give upbefore the blessing or the
(29:01):
healing takes place. Hang inthere. You got that.
Michelle (29:06):
Amen. Well, Veronica, I will put a link in the show
notes to your website solisteners can learn more about
you and the services you offer.
Thank you so much for agreeingto be my guest on the show
today. It was a pleasure to meetyou and to hear your story.
Veronica (29:22):
Oh, thank you so much, Michelle. I really enjoyed it.
Michelle (29:28):
So for those of you listening, you may find yourself
in a place where you can't evenimagine comforting others
because of your own devastation.
I understand. I felt that waytoo. In the beginning, it feels
like it'll never get better. ButI love what Veronica shared
about only being in the stormfor as long as you allow
(29:49):
yourself to be. That's wisdom.
She learned that lesson bywalking through the pain and
then making the decision to keepwalking with God as her sword
strength. If you don't feel likeyou have God to lean on, I get
that too. I felt like that atone point in my life. But it's
(30:10):
as easy as asking him to be withyou right now. And he'll be
there. Many of my guests haveshared their stories of faith
and often say, I don't know howpeople do it that don't have
faith in God. And I agree. It'sthe hard way. You don't need to
take that road. Call out to Godtoday, my friend. He understands
(30:32):
your pain, and he'll comealongside you in the midst of
it, like no one else can. Thanksfor listening
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