October 8, 2022 • 27 mins
Only four months after her breast cancer diagnosis, Kim learned that her husband had pancreatic cancer. Listen and be inspired by Kim Sorrelle - a popular speaker and author who has an incredible story of overcoming adversity and loss you won't want to miss!
#breastcancersurvivor #kimsorrelle #lessonsinloss
To learn more about Kim and purchase her books visit:
https://www.kimsorrelle.com/copy-of-love-challenge
WEBSITE
https://www.kimsorrelle.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Michelle Heaton (00:10):
Well, hey everybody and welcome back to
Qualified, the place whereincredible people share their
stories of overcoming greatadversity and loss to inspire
you and give you hope. I'mMichelle Heaton. I believe one
of the greatest fears many of ushave is getting a report from
the doctor that we have aserious illness. Even though we
(00:32):
know that with the recentadvancements in medical
technology, some health issuescan be cured or reversed. But
that's not always the case.
Getting a diagnosis like this isa real test of faith. How would
you respond? Well, my guesttoday found herself in that
situation back in 2008. When shelearned that she had breast
(00:53):
cancer. Then the unimaginablehappened. Only four months
later, her husband received thenews that he had pancreatic
cancer. Today's episode is astory of an amazing survivor,
entrepreneur, director of anonprofit organization, speaker
and author. Her name is KimSorrelle and it is my great
(01:18):
privilege to have her as myguest on the show today. Welcome
to Qualified Kim.
Kim (01:26):
Michelle, thank you so much. It is so great to be here.
It was wonderful talking to youbefore and I have been
anticipating this moment. Sothank you.
Michelle Heaton (01:35):
Yes, I have as well. And so thank you, Kim, you
got the call from your doctorthat none of us wants to
receive. And you heard thewords, you have cancer. What
went through your mind at thattime? Then what was your
immediate reaction?
Kim (01:53):
Yeah, say I did not expect the biopsy to come back and say
that I had cancer. And I wasshocked. I got a phone call on a
Friday afternoon. So I couldn'tcall the doctor's office back or
do anything about it. And thenyou just know nothing until the
next doctor's appointment andstart to find out some things.
(02:15):
But I was just stunned. I wentfor the biopsy, knowing that
there's no way that it wouldcome back as cancer.
Michelle Heaton (02:25):
Yeah, I'm so sorry. You had to go through
that. And now you had to breakthe news to your husband. How
did he react?
Kim (02:32):
Yeah, well, I called him on the phone. And he was at work.
And I couldn't get a word out. Iwas just crying. And he's like,
what's the matter? What's thematter? And, and I finally was
able to tell him any you're freeto home and he did the exact
right thing. If anybody'swondering what to do, this is
the thing to do is he ran intothe house. And then he just held
(02:54):
me. He just helped me and westood for the longest time just
holding on to each other.
Michelle Heaton (02:59):
Yeah, that's perfect. He just assured you
that he was there for you.
That's wonderful. So now you twoare in this together. He's
committed to helping you getthrough this. You had to go
through multiple surgeries in ashort amount of time, and it
wasn't an easy thing for youemotionally and physically. And
then right in the middle of yourrecovery at home. The next wave
(03:20):
of the storm came crashing down.
Tell us what happened next.
Kim (03:27):
Well, here was just four months into my dealing with my
stuff, right? And it was a weekafter I had a complete
hysterectomy that went alongwith my breast cancer diagnosis
because we're home hormonereceptors and whatever. And so I
was still laying in bed with mypajamas on watching Grey's
(03:47):
Anatomy, reruns, and my husbandwoke up in the morning I woke
up, he was awake when I woke up.
And he just had such pain in hisstomach. And he had gone to the
doctor three times from the timeof my diagnosis. So in the four
months, he had gone to thedoctor three times with these
stomach issues. And they toldhim take some Tums you know,
(04:07):
it's just you're just nervousbecause of your wife. And so I
said to him, that's it. Youknow, this is miserable, you're
miserable. Go to the ER. Andcertainly they'll run a test
they'll do something. So hedrove himself to the emergency
room. And, and I looking back,I'm like, Oh my gosh, I can't
(04:29):
believe I made him do that. ButI mean, he was fine to drive.
And I'm laying in bed. So hedrove and he was a man that
followed rules. And so when itsaid no cell phones, he did not
have his cell phone on. So Icould not get in touch with him.
And so I was waiting and waitingand waiting and finally got a
phone call that you said, Iguess they're gonna keep me
(04:50):
overnight. And I'm like keep itovernight. They don't keep
anybody overnight. What doesthis keep me overnight, so I
threw on some clothes For thefirst time in a week, and I got
in my car and drove like amadwoman and my Vicodin induced
state. And I was almost at thehospital when my phone rang
again. And we sad, I guessthere's a spot on my liver. Like
(05:13):
spot on your liver. I juststarted bawling and bawling. And
I got to the hospital, I don'tremember parking. I do remember
running in holding all parts ofmy body that were sore, because
my entire body had been throughthe mill. And I ran and they
told me where to go. And he wasbehind a curtain and I whipped
(05:35):
the curtain back. And he wasjust sitting on the edge of the
bed like nothing was going on.
And I'm bawling. And he said,Listen, I am not going to invite
you out anymore. If this is theway you're going to behave. I
said, Listen, buddy, you are notallowed to be funny right now.
So it took us a few days to getan actual diagnosis. They really
(05:59):
thought it was colon cancer, andthen doing a colonoscopy
realized that it was coming fromthe outside and not something
inside his colon. And so it tooka few days to get the pancreatic
cancer diagnosis. And it's oneof the worst diagnosis as you
can receive. You know, there'sno, there's no anything more
Michelle Heaton (06:22):
So, like you said there are limited treatment
options for this kind of cancer.
And his doctors informed youthat his condition was terminal.
What are you feeling now? Andhow did you cope with this new
reality?
Kim (06:36):
Ah, we just from the very beginning, we just prayed Lord,
heal him like you did the blindand the lame, or the ultimate
healing, which is heaven. Or,please, please don't let him
suffer. Yeah. And God honoredthat he honored that. So it was
(07:00):
a tough diagnosis. But you know,it's interesting, because I've
wondered how much easier it islike for someone to die
immediately, or have an illnessand then you know that they're
going to die. Right. Right. And,well, we had no idea how much
time the doctor thought a year,maybe more than a year, I was
(07:22):
only 47. He was 51. He was lean,and it fit. And so he said to
your young, whatever, you couldgo longer than a year. And we
never expected six weeks. So wedidn't have those conversations
that maybe you have when thingsare near the end. I mean, we
just never did. Because it wasso fast. And but it was
(07:45):
completely God's mercy. It wasit was an answer to prayer,
because he did not suffer.
Michelle Heaton (07:50):
I am so very sorry for your loss, Kim. Six
weeks is so fast. But I'm sohappy to hear that he did not
have to endure a long period ofsuffering in answer to your
prayers. And I know that sheloved him very much. And then it
was incredibly hard on youliving with the knowledge that
you would lose him. Can you tellus a little bit about his
(08:14):
personality, the kind of man hewas, and how you were processing
your grief during this time.
Kim (08:21):
It was a thing that I was able to process over time.
Because it wasn't the immediate,you know, heart attack or
whatever. It takes peopleaccident that takes people right
away. So I had time to do somepre processing. And there were
times that I would just startcrying. And he would hold me
(08:45):
like he did. And he would saydon't cry for me. I know where
I'm going. Don't cry for me.
Right cry for you. Said I feelbad for you. You're the one
staying and I'm like, Well, youknow, whatever. But he was so
good about it. And he was manwith tremendous faith. Yeah, who
got up at five o'clock everymorning and read his Bible was
(09:07):
on his face before God and andhad the devotional book always.
And he was a faithful man whochased God his whole life. And
so I could never begrudge himreally? Because he did it right,
you know, as he did it, right.
And so to go to heaven at 51 andnot be another bill and never
(09:33):
get the flu again. No, that'snot so bad. That's not so bad
for him.
Michelle Heaton (09:39):
Absolutely.
You're right. I remember when myson died at 17. And I talked to
a pastor that I had known foryears and at that time, I was
just undone by my grave. And heconsoled me and he said, you
know Michelle heaven's, not theconsolation prize. And I just
sat with that for a long time.
(10:00):
It's so hard for us to get ourheads around the fact that when
we leave this place, there'smore, so much more for those of
us who believe it's just thebeginning, really, but it's hard
for those of us left behind. Andyou had children, right? How did
their grief affect you?
Kim (10:18):
I just felt like I had to be strong for my kids, my kids
were grown. But I still feltlike I had to be the strong one,
I had to be the one holding thefamily together. And so it took
a while to figure out how toprocess at all.
Michelle Heaton (10:38):
Was there anything in particular that you
did that helped you as you werenavigating all the emotions
associated with losing yourhusband?
Kim (10:47):
That's a really good question. You know, one thing
that I did, or the thing that Idid is when I was ready to go
back to work. So a few monthsafter my husband died, and I was
through all my stuff and readyto go back to work, I wasn't
sure what I was going to do. AndI ended up deciding to be the
part time bookkeeper of anonprofit organization, my dad
(11:09):
and I started 10 years beforethen. And so I started January,
one of 2010. And 12 days later,there was an earthquake in
Haiti, that killed 200,000people. So within two weeks, I
was in Haiti, and for the nextseveral years, I was in Haiti,
at least part of the month. AndI really believe that in
(11:31):
serving, there is healing, I wasable to get outside of myself, I
think, I was in shock for a longtime, not truly grasping this
new life, this new thing, andthen I went and served. And
that's when the healing happen.
Michelle Heaton (11:54):
Yeah, I would agree with that. 100% about
serving, it may seem likethere's no way when you might
feel like you can't even get outof bed in the morning. But for
me, I realized when I began tovolunteer my time helping other
people who are in need, it tookmy mind off my own struggles for
a time. And it made meappreciate the things I did have
in my life. It's really a winwin, because you're helping
(12:17):
someone who needs it. And thenit's really healing for you as
well.
Kim (12:21):
So it really is, it's amazing, because there are so
many things that are theopposite of what you think, in
this world, right, so manythings that that God does
entirely different than weexpect. And service is one of
them. It's like you can't outserve you, there is no way that
you go into service, and givemore than you get in return. It
(12:46):
is odd that it works that way.
But that's exactly the way itworked. And so I did receive so
many blessings. I mean, it wasjust such a wonderful experience
to be able to help to be able tobe in that position, where I
could go serve, and then it justcame back to me tenfold is crazy
how it works.
Michelle Heaton (13:09):
Well, I know another one of the ways she
processed your grief was in yourwriting. Even while you were
still recovering, you beginjournaling your thoughts about
everything you're going through.
You've written two books sincethat time, and then the first
one, cry until you laugh. Youlead us through your breast
cancer diagnosis, treatment andrecovery and talk about finding
(13:29):
the good while enduring the bad.
And then the second one love isurine search of the true meaning
of love following your husband'spassing. Let's talk about the
first one. Can you give us oneof the biggest takeaways that
might help someone who'sstruggling with a breast cancer
diagnosis?
Kim (13:50):
Sure, well, I went to the bookstore when I was diagnosed,
because I thought certainlythere's a book that's going to
tell me how to get through allof this, right. And everything
was either very medical ordepressing. And I thought that I
want to know what it feels like,I want to know if there's
choices I have to make. I wantto know what I'm supposed to do.
(14:11):
I had no idea what I'm supposedto do. And there are choices.
There are things there. There'sa lot that you go through the
other side, a lot of differentdoctors that you meet with and
so to know that to be able tofollow somebody else's journey,
while you're on your own, Ithink is just very valuable. It
(14:31):
it certainly would have been forme, writing was very
therapeutic. And of course, Iwas still writing when my
husband was diagnosed and whenhe passed and and so I wrote for
a little over a year. And thebiggest takeaway, I would say,
really, if you are facing abreast cancer diagnosis, know
(14:51):
that you're not alone. There'slots of women out there that you
can talk to that event throughit, but also make sure you get
the best doctor are, you know,don't, don't just go with who
they recommend? Because maybethey're not the best one for
you. And most insurancecompanies will pay for a second
opinion. So get one.
Michelle Heaton (15:12):
Yes, very good.
Well, in your second book Loveis you go deep into the meaning
of love following the loss ofyour husband, as you explore
your relationship with him, andyour relationship with God. What
was one of your biggestdiscoveries about love that
might help someone who's losttheir spouse,
Kim (15:32):
oh my word I discovered so much about love. Love is not an
emotion, like excitement orfear, love is alive. Love is
walking, talking, living,breathing, giving. It's, it's
who you are, who you can be. Andso it's something that you live.
And it's something that yougive, regardless, if you get any
(15:55):
love back or not. It's it's allon you. You know, if if you get
nothing in return for your love,that's fine. Because the minute
you expect anything in returnfor your love, than hate, you're
like bargaining, you're givingsomething to get something. And
love doesn't do that love loveshere yet, right?
Michelle Heaton (16:15):
So your life now involves a lot of public
speaking and podcasts like thisone. And I know your goal is to
help and encourage people withthe experience of everything
you've been through, which Ithink is wonderful. What's one
of the most common questionspeople ask you about your own
trials and adversity?
Kim (16:35):
go there, you know, why, why you why you? And my response
from the beginning has been whynot me? Why would I be immune?
You know, why is anybody everimmune? We're not, I don't
(16:56):
believe that there's a God inheaven, who smites us and says,
Oh, my gosh, I saw you stealthat pack of gum, you're getting
cancer. You know, it doesn'thappen like that. It is random.
It is whatever it is, as theydiscover more and more about it.
It is what it is. And so it's,it's why not me. And that's,
(17:17):
that's a common one. And one ishow, how did you possibly have
cancer and get a diagnosis fourmonths later, and survive at
all. And I have great familysupport. I have wonderful kids
who have wonderful spouses, andwho, lots of great friends, my
(17:38):
sister in law's my brothers andI just had so much great
support. And that's what youneed. You know, it can be easy
to shy away from people who aregrieving. Because you're afraid
that you'll be sad, you'll saythe wrong thing, because you
don't know what to say. It'slike a no that do the opposite.
Embrace the grieving people,embrace them, and let them cry.
(18:00):
You know, sometimes you justneed a good cry. And it's okay.
It's alright, let your friendscry, let your family cry, and
till they can laugh again. Butbe there for them. Don't leave
them.
Michelle Heaton (18:14):
Yeah, this is a real issue for some people.
Grief is hard. And not everyonehas had experience with it. So
there can be a tendency to fleefrom it. Sadly, you only find
out about grief the hard way.
But that's great advice, bethere for them. Don't leave.
Your husband knew what to dowhen you got your news, and he
just helped you. That's allthat's needed sometimes. And I'm
(18:37):
so happy to hear that you had agreat support system in your
time of need. That's soimportant. But what would you
say to someone who's listeningright now that maybe doesn't
have a support system like that?
Where can they turn?
Kim (18:54):
Well, support systems are available everywhere. So even if
you don't have close family orfriends, or if they've deserted
you, or whatever the situationis, there are groups in every
city all over the place that youcan be involved in. And they're
I personally, I looked for otherwidowed women around my age,
(19:18):
because I always thought of theword without as this 95 year old
woman wearing black and crying alot or something I don't know.
And me I was 47 I didn't knowhow to be 47 and widowed. And so
I found some women that weregoing through the same thing at
the same time. And we went todinner once a month for quite a
(19:38):
while and it was it's always sogood to know you're not alone.
You're there are other peoplegoing through exactly what
you're going through. You'reYou're not alone.
Michelle Heaton (19:50):
Yeah, that really helps. Well, you've been
through so much, Kim, how wouldyou describe your lives now?
Kim (19:57):
Oh, my life is fantastic.
Yeah, I I love life, I lovepeople. And people are the
biggest thing in my life, Ithink they should be any
anybody's life, you know,relationships is what life is
all about. And here we just gotthrough COVID. And there's
people that have kind of turnedinto hermits, because they're
used to staying home and notworking from home and losing
(20:19):
relationships. And it's like,oh, man, do everything you can
to regain those. Stay with yourfriends, say with your family
and call people, you know, reachout.
Michelle Heaton (20:32):
Yeah, that's so true. We need those connections
and relationships in our lives.
Well said, Kim, as youexperience loss and grief, you
also discovered so manyimportant things about love and
life. You told us that when youare going through the most
difficult time, a simpleresponse that requires no words
and is so meaningful. It's justto be present for someone you
(20:55):
shared about the power ofprayer. And that when we pray,
God hears us, you learn thatwhen someone who loves God dies,
their life is really justbeginning. And that as hard as
it is for those of us leftbehind, we can be joyful for
them. And you talked about howserving is a great way to shift
(21:17):
your mind away from your ownproblems, and that you
ultimately get back so much morethan you give. You described how
the process of journaling yourthoughts and feelings was so
therapeutic during your grief,and how it also served as the
beginnings of a book. Youunderstand that when tragedy
strikes, we're never alone, andthat others have been through
(21:41):
similar circumstances, and thatwe can reach out and talk to
them for support. And as aresult of it all, you explored
the true meaning of love, anddiscovered a new depth and
appreciation for living it out.
Kim, what other lessons have youlearned through everything you
experience that you can sharewith someone listening who needs
(22:02):
hope.
Kim (22:03):
One of the biggest things that I learned is that we don't
control everything in life,there are things we have no
choice about. I wouldn't choosefor my husband to have had
cancer, I wouldn't choose foranyone to have cancer, I
wouldn't choose to have lost myhusband, we were going to be
those old people on the porchdrinking lemonade rights, and
(22:23):
then rockers and in our 90s. Andall of a sudden it was a whole
different life. So those thingsI had no choice over. But I do
have things that I can pick thatI get to choose, I get to choose
how I'm going to live, I get tochoose to be happy. I get to
choose to deal with life headon. I get to choose to invent
(22:48):
this new life that anybody thatloses anybody, your life
changes, it doesn't matter goodas your life changes. And so you
have to kind of reinvent alittle bit. And I choose to do
it happily and embrace life.
Michelle Heaton (23:06):
You're so right, we have a choice. Thank
you for that. And now, Kim, Iwould love it if you could tell
us where we can go to find yourbooks?
Kim (23:15):
Yes, for sure. Well, they are available everywhere online,
Amazon, all the booksellers Loveis my latest book is also in
brick and mortar stores. SoBarnes and Noble. Places like
that across the country. Sothey're available everywhere.
They're available on my website.
My name is I am literally theonly Kim Sorrelle spelled my way
(23:37):
in the entire world. Becausethere are way too many letters.
There are two R's, two E's andtwo L's s o r, r, e, ll e. So my
website, Kimsorrelle.com is alittle hard to remember. But you
can also get to my website bytyping and love is the name of
the book Love is dot info. Andso I'm pretty easy to find. Love
(24:01):
is hopefully as easy toremember. And I think it'll
change your life.
Michelle Heaton (24:09):
Thank you and I'll put a link in the show
notes to make it easy to find.
Kim, you have certainly beenthrough some difficult things in
your life, but you've kept thefaith and managed to say very
positive and hopeful through itall. Do you have any final
thoughts that you can share withsomeone listening who might be
struggling with the reality of aserious medical diagnosis they
(24:29):
or a loved one has received orfor someone who might be dealing
with the recent loss of aspouse?
Kim (24:38):
Yeah, I would say pain. We think of it as a bad thing.
Always. But it's not necessarilya bad thing. Because the pain
means that you loved and thepain means that you cared that
which is a really good thing.
That that's a good thing. If youhave no pain, maybe that's not
(25:00):
such a good thing. But embracethe pain because today's pain is
not tomorrow's pain. And it'snot the same pain five years
from now. When people would say,Well, you know, you got to move
on. He's saying, move on, youdon't move on. I don't like
those words. Because forever, myhusband will be a part of my
(25:22):
life forever. Your son will be apart of your life, you will ever
you lose forever, though.
They're part for you. Yeah. Theydon't leave and then it's just
over there. They're part of you.
And so you don't move on. Youmove forward. You take steps in
the right direction. But thepain and the pain, it's easier,
(25:46):
but but embrace it. It's okay tofeel pain. It's all right.
Michelle Heaton (25:54):
That's so true.
Our loved ones will always bewith us. And we can move on with
them as part of who we are. Kim,I just want to thank you so much
for agreeing to come on the showand share your story with us.
It's been such a pleasure tomeet you and hear your story of
overcoming loss and adversity.
Kim (26:12):
Oh, it is great to talk to you, Michelle, and thank you so
much for what you're doing. Thisis such a valuable podcast, and
you do such great job with it.
So thank you so much.
Michelle Heaton (26:23):
Thanks again, Kim. So for those of you
listening, I don't know whatyour circumstances are. But if
you're here today, you havelikely experienced loss. Kim's
story may seem tragic, but sherealized the good in the
situation and made a decisionabout how she would respond. She
(26:45):
chose joy. I know it's not easyin the early stages of loss and
grief, believe me. But withfaith, hope and love. You too
can find happiness again. Andwhen that day comes, you'll be
able to help someone else withthe lessons you learned in your
(27:07):
loss. Thanks for listening
Well, hey everybody and welcome back to
Qualified, the place whereincredible people share their
stories of overcoming greatadversity and loss to inspire
you and give you hope. I'mMichelle Heaton. I believe one
of the greatest fears many of ushave is getting a report from
the doctor that we have aserious illness. Even though we
(00:32):
know that with the recentadvancements in medical
technology, some health issuescan be cured or reversed. But
that's not always the case.
Getting a diagnosis like this isa real test of faith. How would
you respond? Well, my guesttoday found herself in that
situation back in 2008. When shelearned that she had breast
(00:53):
cancer. Then the unimaginablehappened. Only four months
later, her husband received thenews that he had pancreatic
cancer. Today's episode is astory of an amazing survivor,
entrepreneur, director of anonprofit organization, speaker
and author. Her name is KimSorrelle and it is my great
(01:18):
privilege to have her as myguest on the show today. Welcome
to Qualified Kim.
Kim (01:26):
Michelle, thank you so much. It is so great to be here.
It was wonderful talking to youbefore and I have been
anticipating this moment. Sothank you.
Michelle Heaton (01:35):
Yes, I have as well. And so thank you, Kim, you
got the call from your doctorthat none of us wants to
receive. And you heard thewords, you have cancer. What
went through your mind at thattime? Then what was your
immediate reaction?
Kim (01:53):
Yeah, say I did not expect the biopsy to come back and say
that I had cancer. And I wasshocked. I got a phone call on a
Friday afternoon. So I couldn'tcall the doctor's office back or
do anything about it. And thenyou just know nothing until the
next doctor's appointment andstart to find out some things.
(02:15):
But I was just stunned. I wentfor the biopsy, knowing that
there's no way that it wouldcome back as cancer.
Michelle Heaton (02:25):
Yeah, I'm so sorry. You had to go through
that. And now you had to breakthe news to your husband. How
did he react?
Kim (02:32):
Yeah, well, I called him on the phone. And he was at work.
And I couldn't get a word out. Iwas just crying. And he's like,
what's the matter? What's thematter? And, and I finally was
able to tell him any you're freeto home and he did the exact
right thing. If anybody'swondering what to do, this is
the thing to do is he ran intothe house. And then he just held
(02:54):
me. He just helped me and westood for the longest time just
holding on to each other.
Michelle Heaton (02:59):
Yeah, that's perfect. He just assured you
that he was there for you.
That's wonderful. So now you twoare in this together. He's
committed to helping you getthrough this. You had to go
through multiple surgeries in ashort amount of time, and it
wasn't an easy thing for youemotionally and physically. And
then right in the middle of yourrecovery at home. The next wave
(03:20):
of the storm came crashing down.
Tell us what happened next.
Kim (03:27):
Well, here was just four months into my dealing with my
stuff, right? And it was a weekafter I had a complete
hysterectomy that went alongwith my breast cancer diagnosis
because we're home hormonereceptors and whatever. And so I
was still laying in bed with mypajamas on watching Grey's
(03:47):
Anatomy, reruns, and my husbandwoke up in the morning I woke
up, he was awake when I woke up.
And he just had such pain in hisstomach. And he had gone to the
doctor three times from the timeof my diagnosis. So in the four
months, he had gone to thedoctor three times with these
stomach issues. And they toldhim take some Tums you know,
(04:07):
it's just you're just nervousbecause of your wife. And so I
said to him, that's it. Youknow, this is miserable, you're
miserable. Go to the ER. Andcertainly they'll run a test
they'll do something. So hedrove himself to the emergency
room. And, and I looking back,I'm like, Oh my gosh, I can't
(04:29):
believe I made him do that. ButI mean, he was fine to drive.
And I'm laying in bed. So hedrove and he was a man that
followed rules. And so when itsaid no cell phones, he did not
have his cell phone on. So Icould not get in touch with him.
And so I was waiting and waitingand waiting and finally got a
phone call that you said, Iguess they're gonna keep me
(04:50):
overnight. And I'm like keep itovernight. They don't keep
anybody overnight. What doesthis keep me overnight, so I
threw on some clothes For thefirst time in a week, and I got
in my car and drove like amadwoman and my Vicodin induced
state. And I was almost at thehospital when my phone rang
again. And we sad, I guessthere's a spot on my liver. Like
(05:13):
spot on your liver. I juststarted bawling and bawling. And
I got to the hospital, I don'tremember parking. I do remember
running in holding all parts ofmy body that were sore, because
my entire body had been throughthe mill. And I ran and they
told me where to go. And he wasbehind a curtain and I whipped
(05:35):
the curtain back. And he wasjust sitting on the edge of the
bed like nothing was going on.
And I'm bawling. And he said,Listen, I am not going to invite
you out anymore. If this is theway you're going to behave. I
said, Listen, buddy, you are notallowed to be funny right now.
So it took us a few days to getan actual diagnosis. They really
(05:59):
thought it was colon cancer, andthen doing a colonoscopy
realized that it was coming fromthe outside and not something
inside his colon. And so it tooka few days to get the pancreatic
cancer diagnosis. And it's oneof the worst diagnosis as you
can receive. You know, there'sno, there's no anything more
Michelle Heaton (06:22):
So, like you said there are limited treatment
options for this kind of cancer.
And his doctors informed youthat his condition was terminal.
What are you feeling now? Andhow did you cope with this new
reality?
Kim (06:36):
Ah, we just from the very beginning, we just prayed Lord,
heal him like you did the blindand the lame, or the ultimate
healing, which is heaven. Or,please, please don't let him
suffer. Yeah. And God honoredthat he honored that. So it was
(07:00):
a tough diagnosis. But you know,it's interesting, because I've
wondered how much easier it islike for someone to die
immediately, or have an illnessand then you know that they're
going to die. Right. Right. And,well, we had no idea how much
time the doctor thought a year,maybe more than a year, I was
(07:22):
only 47. He was 51. He was lean,and it fit. And so he said to
your young, whatever, you couldgo longer than a year. And we
never expected six weeks. So wedidn't have those conversations
that maybe you have when thingsare near the end. I mean, we
just never did. Because it wasso fast. And but it was
(07:45):
completely God's mercy. It wasit was an answer to prayer,
because he did not suffer.
Michelle Heaton (07:50):
I am so very sorry for your loss, Kim. Six
weeks is so fast. But I'm sohappy to hear that he did not
have to endure a long period ofsuffering in answer to your
prayers. And I know that sheloved him very much. And then it
was incredibly hard on youliving with the knowledge that
you would lose him. Can you tellus a little bit about his
(08:14):
personality, the kind of man hewas, and how you were processing
your grief during this time.
Kim (08:21):
It was a thing that I was able to process over time.
Because it wasn't the immediate,you know, heart attack or
whatever. It takes peopleaccident that takes people right
away. So I had time to do somepre processing. And there were
times that I would just startcrying. And he would hold me
(08:45):
like he did. And he would saydon't cry for me. I know where
I'm going. Don't cry for me.
Right cry for you. Said I feelbad for you. You're the one
staying and I'm like, Well, youknow, whatever. But he was so
good about it. And he was manwith tremendous faith. Yeah, who
got up at five o'clock everymorning and read his Bible was
(09:07):
on his face before God and andhad the devotional book always.
And he was a faithful man whochased God his whole life. And
so I could never begrudge himreally? Because he did it right,
you know, as he did it, right.
And so to go to heaven at 51 andnot be another bill and never
(09:33):
get the flu again. No, that'snot so bad. That's not so bad
for him.
Michelle Heaton (09:39):
Absolutely.
You're right. I remember when myson died at 17. And I talked to
a pastor that I had known foryears and at that time, I was
just undone by my grave. And heconsoled me and he said, you
know Michelle heaven's, not theconsolation prize. And I just
sat with that for a long time.
(10:00):
It's so hard for us to get ourheads around the fact that when
we leave this place, there'smore, so much more for those of
us who believe it's just thebeginning, really, but it's hard
for those of us left behind. Andyou had children, right? How did
their grief affect you?
Kim (10:18):
I just felt like I had to be strong for my kids, my kids
were grown. But I still feltlike I had to be the strong one,
I had to be the one holding thefamily together. And so it took
a while to figure out how toprocess at all.
Michelle Heaton (10:38):
Was there anything in particular that you
did that helped you as you werenavigating all the emotions
associated with losing yourhusband?
Kim (10:47):
That's a really good question. You know, one thing
that I did, or the thing that Idid is when I was ready to go
back to work. So a few monthsafter my husband died, and I was
through all my stuff and readyto go back to work, I wasn't
sure what I was going to do. AndI ended up deciding to be the
part time bookkeeper of anonprofit organization, my dad
(11:09):
and I started 10 years beforethen. And so I started January,
one of 2010. And 12 days later,there was an earthquake in
Haiti, that killed 200,000people. So within two weeks, I
was in Haiti, and for the nextseveral years, I was in Haiti,
at least part of the month. AndI really believe that in
(11:31):
serving, there is healing, I wasable to get outside of myself, I
think, I was in shock for a longtime, not truly grasping this
new life, this new thing, andthen I went and served. And
that's when the healing happen.
Michelle Heaton (11:54):
Yeah, I would agree with that. 100% about
serving, it may seem likethere's no way when you might
feel like you can't even get outof bed in the morning. But for
me, I realized when I began tovolunteer my time helping other
people who are in need, it tookmy mind off my own struggles for
a time. And it made meappreciate the things I did have
in my life. It's really a winwin, because you're helping
(12:17):
someone who needs it. And thenit's really healing for you as
well.
Kim (12:21):
So it really is, it's amazing, because there are so
many things that are theopposite of what you think, in
this world, right, so manythings that that God does
entirely different than weexpect. And service is one of
them. It's like you can't outserve you, there is no way that
you go into service, and givemore than you get in return. It
(12:46):
is odd that it works that way.
But that's exactly the way itworked. And so I did receive so
many blessings. I mean, it wasjust such a wonderful experience
to be able to help to be able tobe in that position, where I
could go serve, and then it justcame back to me tenfold is crazy
how it works.
Michelle Heaton (13:09):
Well, I know another one of the ways she
processed your grief was in yourwriting. Even while you were
still recovering, you beginjournaling your thoughts about
everything you're going through.
You've written two books sincethat time, and then the first
one, cry until you laugh. Youlead us through your breast
cancer diagnosis, treatment andrecovery and talk about finding
(13:29):
the good while enduring the bad.
And then the second one love isurine search of the true meaning
of love following your husband'spassing. Let's talk about the
first one. Can you give us oneof the biggest takeaways that
might help someone who'sstruggling with a breast cancer
diagnosis?
Kim (13:50):
Sure, well, I went to the bookstore when I was diagnosed,
because I thought certainlythere's a book that's going to
tell me how to get through allof this, right. And everything
was either very medical ordepressing. And I thought that I
want to know what it feels like,I want to know if there's
choices I have to make. I wantto know what I'm supposed to do.
(14:11):
I had no idea what I'm supposedto do. And there are choices.
There are things there. There'sa lot that you go through the
other side, a lot of differentdoctors that you meet with and
so to know that to be able tofollow somebody else's journey,
while you're on your own, Ithink is just very valuable. It
(14:31):
it certainly would have been forme, writing was very
therapeutic. And of course, Iwas still writing when my
husband was diagnosed and whenhe passed and and so I wrote for
a little over a year. And thebiggest takeaway, I would say,
really, if you are facing abreast cancer diagnosis, know
(14:51):
that you're not alone. There'slots of women out there that you
can talk to that event throughit, but also make sure you get
the best doctor are, you know,don't, don't just go with who
they recommend? Because maybethey're not the best one for
you. And most insurancecompanies will pay for a second
opinion. So get one.
Michelle Heaton (15:12):
Yes, very good.
Well, in your second book Loveis you go deep into the meaning
of love following the loss ofyour husband, as you explore
your relationship with him, andyour relationship with God. What
was one of your biggestdiscoveries about love that
might help someone who's losttheir spouse,
Kim (15:32):
oh my word I discovered so much about love. Love is not an
emotion, like excitement orfear, love is alive. Love is
walking, talking, living,breathing, giving. It's, it's
who you are, who you can be. Andso it's something that you live.
And it's something that yougive, regardless, if you get any
(15:55):
love back or not. It's it's allon you. You know, if if you get
nothing in return for your love,that's fine. Because the minute
you expect anything in returnfor your love, than hate, you're
like bargaining, you're givingsomething to get something. And
love doesn't do that love loveshere yet, right?
Michelle Heaton (16:15):
So your life now involves a lot of public
speaking and podcasts like thisone. And I know your goal is to
help and encourage people withthe experience of everything
you've been through, which Ithink is wonderful. What's one
of the most common questionspeople ask you about your own
trials and adversity?
Kim (16:35):
go there, you know, why, why you why you? And my response
from the beginning has been whynot me? Why would I be immune?
You know, why is anybody everimmune? We're not, I don't
(16:56):
believe that there's a God inheaven, who smites us and says,
Oh, my gosh, I saw you stealthat pack of gum, you're getting
cancer. You know, it doesn'thappen like that. It is random.
It is whatever it is, as theydiscover more and more about it.
It is what it is. And so it's,it's why not me. And that's,
(17:17):
that's a common one. And one ishow, how did you possibly have
cancer and get a diagnosis fourmonths later, and survive at
all. And I have great familysupport. I have wonderful kids
who have wonderful spouses, andwho, lots of great friends, my
(17:38):
sister in law's my brothers andI just had so much great
support. And that's what youneed. You know, it can be easy
to shy away from people who aregrieving. Because you're afraid
that you'll be sad, you'll saythe wrong thing, because you
don't know what to say. It'slike a no that do the opposite.
Embrace the grieving people,embrace them, and let them cry.
(18:00):
You know, sometimes you justneed a good cry. And it's okay.
It's alright, let your friendscry, let your family cry, and
till they can laugh again. Butbe there for them. Don't leave
them.
Michelle Heaton (18:14):
Yeah, this is a real issue for some people.
Grief is hard. And not everyonehas had experience with it. So
there can be a tendency to fleefrom it. Sadly, you only find
out about grief the hard way.
But that's great advice, bethere for them. Don't leave.
Your husband knew what to dowhen you got your news, and he
just helped you. That's allthat's needed sometimes. And I'm
(18:37):
so happy to hear that you had agreat support system in your
time of need. That's soimportant. But what would you
say to someone who's listeningright now that maybe doesn't
have a support system like that?
Where can they turn?
Kim (18:54):
Well, support systems are available everywhere. So even if
you don't have close family orfriends, or if they've deserted
you, or whatever the situationis, there are groups in every
city all over the place that youcan be involved in. And they're
I personally, I looked for otherwidowed women around my age,
(19:18):
because I always thought of theword without as this 95 year old
woman wearing black and crying alot or something I don't know.
And me I was 47 I didn't knowhow to be 47 and widowed. And so
I found some women that weregoing through the same thing at
the same time. And we went todinner once a month for quite a
(19:38):
while and it was it's always sogood to know you're not alone.
You're there are other peoplegoing through exactly what
you're going through. You'reYou're not alone.
Michelle Heaton (19:50):
Yeah, that really helps. Well, you've been
through so much, Kim, how wouldyou describe your lives now?
Kim (19:57):
Oh, my life is fantastic.
Yeah, I I love life, I lovepeople. And people are the
biggest thing in my life, Ithink they should be any
anybody's life, you know,relationships is what life is
all about. And here we just gotthrough COVID. And there's
people that have kind of turnedinto hermits, because they're
used to staying home and notworking from home and losing
(20:19):
relationships. And it's like,oh, man, do everything you can
to regain those. Stay with yourfriends, say with your family
and call people, you know, reachout.
Michelle Heaton (20:32):
Yeah, that's so true. We need those connections
and relationships in our lives.
Well said, Kim, as youexperience loss and grief, you
also discovered so manyimportant things about love and
life. You told us that when youare going through the most
difficult time, a simpleresponse that requires no words
and is so meaningful. It's justto be present for someone you
(20:55):
shared about the power ofprayer. And that when we pray,
God hears us, you learn thatwhen someone who loves God dies,
their life is really justbeginning. And that as hard as
it is for those of us leftbehind, we can be joyful for
them. And you talked about howserving is a great way to shift
(21:17):
your mind away from your ownproblems, and that you
ultimately get back so much morethan you give. You described how
the process of journaling yourthoughts and feelings was so
therapeutic during your grief,and how it also served as the
beginnings of a book. Youunderstand that when tragedy
strikes, we're never alone, andthat others have been through
(21:41):
similar circumstances, and thatwe can reach out and talk to
them for support. And as aresult of it all, you explored
the true meaning of love, anddiscovered a new depth and
appreciation for living it out.
Kim, what other lessons have youlearned through everything you
experience that you can sharewith someone listening who needs
(22:02):
hope.
Kim (22:03):
One of the biggest things that I learned is that we don't
control everything in life,there are things we have no
choice about. I wouldn't choosefor my husband to have had
cancer, I wouldn't choose foranyone to have cancer, I
wouldn't choose to have lost myhusband, we were going to be
those old people on the porchdrinking lemonade rights, and
(22:23):
then rockers and in our 90s. Andall of a sudden it was a whole
different life. So those thingsI had no choice over. But I do
have things that I can pick thatI get to choose, I get to choose
how I'm going to live, I get tochoose to be happy. I get to
choose to deal with life headon. I get to choose to invent
(22:48):
this new life that anybody thatloses anybody, your life
changes, it doesn't matter goodas your life changes. And so you
have to kind of reinvent alittle bit. And I choose to do
it happily and embrace life.
Michelle Heaton (23:06):
You're so right, we have a choice. Thank
you for that. And now, Kim, Iwould love it if you could tell
us where we can go to find yourbooks?
Kim (23:15):
Yes, for sure. Well, they are available everywhere online,
Amazon, all the booksellers Loveis my latest book is also in
brick and mortar stores. SoBarnes and Noble. Places like
that across the country. Sothey're available everywhere.
They're available on my website.
My name is I am literally theonly Kim Sorrelle spelled my way
(23:37):
in the entire world. Becausethere are way too many letters.
There are two R's, two E's andtwo L's s o r, r, e, ll e. So my
website, Kimsorrelle.com is alittle hard to remember. But you
can also get to my website bytyping and love is the name of
the book Love is dot info. Andso I'm pretty easy to find. Love
(24:01):
is hopefully as easy toremember. And I think it'll
change your life.
Michelle Heaton (24:09):
Thank you and I'll put a link in the show
notes to make it easy to find.
Kim, you have certainly beenthrough some difficult things in
your life, but you've kept thefaith and managed to say very
positive and hopeful through itall. Do you have any final
thoughts that you can share withsomeone listening who might be
struggling with the reality of aserious medical diagnosis they
(24:29):
or a loved one has received orfor someone who might be dealing
with the recent loss of aspouse?
Kim (24:38):
Yeah, I would say pain. We think of it as a bad thing.
Always. But it's not necessarilya bad thing. Because the pain
means that you loved and thepain means that you cared that
which is a really good thing.
That that's a good thing. If youhave no pain, maybe that's not
(25:00):
such a good thing. But embracethe pain because today's pain is
not tomorrow's pain. And it'snot the same pain five years
from now. When people would say,Well, you know, you got to move
on. He's saying, move on, youdon't move on. I don't like
those words. Because forever, myhusband will be a part of my
(25:22):
life forever. Your son will be apart of your life, you will ever
you lose forever, though.
They're part for you. Yeah. Theydon't leave and then it's just
over there. They're part of you.
And so you don't move on. Youmove forward. You take steps in
the right direction. But thepain and the pain, it's easier,
(25:46):
but but embrace it. It's okay tofeel pain. It's all right.
Michelle Heaton (25:54):
That's so true.
Our loved ones will always bewith us. And we can move on with
them as part of who we are. Kim,I just want to thank you so much
for agreeing to come on the showand share your story with us.
It's been such a pleasure tomeet you and hear your story of
overcoming loss and adversity.
Kim (26:12):
Oh, it is great to talk to you, Michelle, and thank you so
much for what you're doing. Thisis such a valuable podcast, and
you do such great job with it.
So thank you so much.
Michelle Heaton (26:23):
Thanks again, Kim. So for those of you
listening, I don't know whatyour circumstances are. But if
you're here today, you havelikely experienced loss. Kim's
story may seem tragic, but sherealized the good in the
situation and made a decisionabout how she would respond. She
(26:45):
chose joy. I know it's not easyin the early stages of loss and
grief, believe me. But withfaith, hope and love. You too
can find happiness again. Andwhen that day comes, you'll be
able to help someone else withthe lessons you learned in your
(27:07):
loss. Thanks for listening
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!