September 8, 2025 • 23 mins
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6 Signs You're Ready to Build a Monogamous Lesbian Relationship
So, how do you know if you're ready for a monogamous lesbian relationship - and not just lonely or burnt out from dating? Here are six clear signs:
1. You're Clear on What You Want, and Communicate It
You’ve stopped saying “I’m open to whatever happens” and started owning what you want: a committed, exclusive relationship. If you're ready to say this on your dating profile and in person, even if it scares some people off, you’re showing true emotional clarity.
2. You’ve Healed from Past Relationships
You don’t view love through the lens of past heartbreak anymore. Sure, you’ve been hurt, but you’ve processed it, reflected on it, and you’re no longer operating out of fear. As a monogamous lesbian, you don’t need to look for someone to “fix” the past - you’re looking to build something new.
3. You’re Comfortable with Emotional Intimacy
Monogamy isn't just about exclusivity; it’s about vulnerability. If you’re comfortable letting someone in emotionally, being seen at your worst, and offering that same safety to a partner, you’re ready for a monogamous bond.
4. You’re Not Distracted by “What Ifs”
You don’t find yourself constantly wondering if the grass is greener. You’re not attached to the idea of endless options or swiping forever. You're looking for depth, not novelty.
5. You’re Ready to Grow with One Person
You understand that even great relationships require effort, compromise, and personal growth. You’re excited to evolve alongside someone rather than bounce from one connection to another.
6. You’re Willing to Prioritize LoveYou’re a clear monogamous lesbian if you are willing to make room in your life for someone else - emotionally, mentally, and logistically. You’re not “too busy” to date; you’re intentionally creating space for partnership.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hi, welcome back to Queer Women Rising.
I'm your host, Sofia Splino. I'm excited you're joining me on
another solo podcast episode today.
If you've never been here. Before this show is all about
how to avoid the dating drama and all of the love, little
moments and joys and queer relationships.
I'm normally interviewing women who have fallen in love and
(00:23):
learning their secrets to how they built their little lives of
joy and love because there's notenough examples of queer women
who are doing it, like doing thething, living a really big life
or a happy, peaceful, small, quiet, soft life and being happy
with their partners. We don't see examples of that.
I know, especially as a femme growing up in South Louisiana,
(00:49):
that I was not shown examples ofwomen who I thought looked like
me. And we're doing certain things
in life that I wanted to do. It was like, oh, there's no one
who looks like me. So I couldn't be gay.
And then I got older. I realized there were no, like,
role models that looked like me that I was aware of.
(01:09):
Right? And so my goal with the show is
to bring on women who are doing really cool things in life,
living really beautiful, healthypartnerships and showing us how
it's done. But today you might be thinking,
I want to be in a space where I'm ready for that kind of love.
(01:32):
But am I like, I want that, but am I actually being that?
Because as you know, in order toattract what we want, we have to
be the energy of that. And many people say, Sophia, why
don't you have your future wife yet then?
I honestly have been very focused on helping other women
find their future wives and not being in the headspace to date
(01:52):
seriously right now. So I'll be the first to admit I
am not ready for this yet because I went through
heartbreak when I thought that this was I was in a place for
this type of relationship, this forever person.
I thought that that's what I had.
And then when I lost it, I realized I just needed to take a
(02:16):
step back and really fall in love with myself, build my own
life, keep working so hard to help my clients find love and
really build my team to make notonly my clients happy, but to
keep growing Queer Country Club to bring you more beautiful,
accomplished, successful women. So I've been putting a lot of
(02:37):
energy into my work and not really into my dating life.
With that being said, I have full faith that when God brings
me my future partner, I'm just. Going to know.
Like I will just know. And until then, I'm getting to
meet beautiful women every single day.
Whether they come to the retreat, they join Queer Country
Club, or they're one of my private matchmaking clients or
(02:59):
they come in for coaching, whatever capacity, I'm meeting
incredible women every day I am dating.
I'm figuring it out. And these are the six signs that
you need to be looking for to ask yourself if you are ready to
go all in and find your future partner.
If you answer these, I want to work with you I.
(03:21):
Genuinely want to work. With you I am like 4 out of 6.
Yes, for me, but I'm so focused on this beautiful work that I
get to do so yes, I know that's the curiosity.
Sophia, why not you? But this is about you right now.
And I know the difference between someone who's ready and
(03:44):
someone who's not ready. I coach literally all day.
I take women in for high level matchmaking and hear their
stories, hear what they went through and hear what they want
next. And I can tell when someone's
truly ready and has the capacityin their life to bring in
partnership. And so there's six signs I want
(04:05):
to go through them with you. And let's see if you were on
that path to being truly single and ready to find your future
wife. OK, so here, let's get into it.
The first one is you are very clear on what you want.
Like you've got what I like to call your future wife wishlist,
which I have as well. Every morning when I wake up and
(04:26):
I do my stretches and I talk to God, I go over my future wife
wish list and I thank God in advance for my future wife with
all these incredible characteristics.
So make yourself A wish list if you haven't yet.
It's super important to help youstay on task.
So it's easy to see someone and be like oh they're cool or
(04:48):
they're hot, but you could keep making exceptions for them and
continue down a path of dating someone you actually don't want
to marry if you are or have a life partnership with.
If you do not stay very focused on what you want, and I highly
encourage making an opposing list A what I don't want and
(05:12):
writing down all the things and past relationships that are now
deal Breakers for you so you canbe really clear and not make
exceptions for the next person when something's really not
working for you. OK, so when someone's ready,
they stop saying stuff like I'm open to whatever happens, right?
And they just start owning what they want.
(05:32):
Like they don't make space for someone who's doing less, for
someone who is less than what they want, for someone who's
less than emotionally available for someone who's less than
their standards. If someone has had trouble with
drinking and they're sober and they know very clearly they need
someone sober in their lives, they're not saying, well, maybe
(05:56):
like she could know they're veryclear that they need a sober
partner too, right? Whatever that is, figure it out.
Know your deal Breakers, know your desires.
A deal breaker desire future wife wishlist super important.
If you haven't done that yet, that's the first thing you need
to do after you listen to this episode.
And you need to look at it everyday and remind yourself that you
(06:18):
are worthy of what you want, that she's out there.
That's one thing I can tell you as I do private matchmaking.
There's so many incredible badass queer women who are
single, who are ready, who are living incredible lives and just
missing their future wife. There's so many.
It's not like you're alone in the world.
(06:38):
It just feels like it because there's not a lot in your area.
But there are actually many women who want exactly what you
want and who will make incredible life partners.
So get that clarity for yourselfand don't settle.
The second sign is that you havethoroughly healed from past
relationships. Like you do not look at your
(07:00):
love, your current experiences through the lens of past
heartbreak. It's OK to have the wisdom from
from past heartbreak, but you'renot looking like literally like
when you put on sunglasses that change your vision to a
different color. Heartbreak can do this to us.
When you are fully healed, you're not just tearing people
(07:22):
to your past or operating out offear.
You are making decisions to align yourself with someone who
you love, their character traits, and you love each other.
You are no longer looking to fixsomeone or fix your past.
There's nothing to fix, you justknow you learned from it.
You were able to get super clear, create your future wife
(07:44):
wish list filled with your desires and your deal Breakers,
and you're no longer operating out of fear or staying away from
people. Well, because of fear.
You're leaning into and magnetizing the people you want
because of the love, the love that's inside of you, the love
that's ready. You're not defining yourself by
those past relationships. That means you've totally healed
(08:04):
from it. OK, three, you are comfortable
with emotional intimacy. This one is tricky, especially
as a matchmaker who only helps women who are looking for that
monogamous life partner. Well, I say only if someone came
to me as a private client and they were like, I really want to
(08:28):
date many beautiful women, blah,blah, blah.
I would just be upfront with thematches and be like, she's not
wanting to find a wife. I would just be upfront,
straight up. But in my work, I am known as
and what I have historically done is be the matchmaker for
monogamous queer women. And monogamy is not just about
(08:51):
exclusivity with who you sleep with.
It is about being vulnerable with one person.
It is about having your partner truly be your best friend and
being intimate in the spiritual sense that like you can read
each other's mind, that telepathy, like all the
closeness that you build with one person doesn't come from you
(09:12):
having emotional intimacy with aton of people.
It is because you've made something sacred between you and
your partner and you've got to let someone in emotionally.
You've got to be comfortable with being seen at your worth.
Worse, you have to offer that same safety to your partner.
And when you have that safety and when you're open to that
level of vulnerability and you truly become your best, each
(09:35):
other's best friend, you build amonogamous bond.
And that can only happen when someone's comfortable with
getting close, with being emotionally vulnerable.
So if you're not ready for that,you need to do some healing.
Now, I will say people think, oh, I'm not ready.
I'm not ready. Guess what?
(09:56):
They're everyone's going to havea thought about their ex
sometimes. Everyone's going to have a
thought of like, I'm afraid to be vulnerable about this, But
are you capable of doing it anyway?
Because you cannot spend your whole life waiting to be healed.
There is no healed ideal you. You are an imperfect human.
But are you making the active choices to be better, to be
(10:18):
ready to step into the newest version of you, To take one step
forward today? You're always one decision away
from a whole new life, from yourwhole new love, from meeting
your soulmate, from landing yourdream job, from writing your
book. Like, whatever it is, you're
always one decision away. And if you are afraid to step
(10:40):
into the dating world again or to start looking for love or
just be open to smiling people in the grocery store, if you're
not open to that, you're not ready to emotional, emotional
intimacy. And no one's going to be ready
for everything all at once. But you have to be committed to
taking that next step. If you're not not thinking about
(11:03):
the future and you're living in the past, there's no way that
you can be ready for that emotional intimacy with someone
else. So if you can't at least be
committed to always taking the next step and doing the next
right thing and trying your bestto be vulnerable with the person
you're with, then you are ready and you can count #3 as a sign
to go. OK, real.
(11:24):
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(11:46):
Like no offense, I don't know about you.
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(12:09):
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(12:30):
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(12:51):
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(13:13):
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You can order discrete online testing from your bed before you
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(13:34):
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You're welcome. OK.
Back to the show for this is tricky.
You are not distracted by what ifs in the world of social
media, in the world of endless swiping on endless profiles,
swiping fatigue on regular dating apps.
(13:57):
Shameless plug, Core Country Club is a swipeless community
platform where women get to knoweach other based on their values
and are matched with AI and meetand live virtual meetups.
You need to not be distracted bywhat ifs, OK?
You if you're not in queer Country Club or whatever,
wherever you're at, whether you're on social media, you're
(14:19):
on traditional dating apps. I don't want you to be living in
your headspace thinking the grass is always greener because
it's not. Having a crush on someone new is
literally just not knowing information about them.
Like literally what makes a crush and those chemicals in
(14:40):
your body and the excitement is not knowing someone yet, them
not being fully known to you andyou having a deep attraction and
curiosity about them. If you need to be chasing that
feeling all the time, you are not emotionally mature.
You need to slow down on your consumption.
(15:02):
You need to stop swiping. You need to probably quit
scrolling on social media as much.
You need to go on like a dopamine cleanse because if you
have a desire to always have that new crush feeling, you are
not ready for deep stable love. Because deep stable love, the
(15:23):
kind of love that is peaceful and you wake up in the morning
and you drink coffee together and you know your partner is
always going to be there for you.
That is not the kind of relationship where you think
what if? What if they're not my person?
You are thinking that because you are over stimulated because
you are so distracted and there's so many options at all
(15:44):
times in this day and age in 2025.
But you know you're ready when you're in the place of I don't
want to think about options. I just want to meet someone
who's a good fit for me and I want to do the work with that
person. Which brings me to #5 you are
ready to grow with that one person.
(16:04):
Like, you know, they're not going to be perfect.
You understand that relationships require work,
require effort, require compromise, and in the effort
you are going to get tired sometimes in the effort of just
dating. Lesbian dating is freaking hard.
We are like 1% of the population.
(16:25):
Even with my help, even joining Queer Country Club, what I know
and believe is the best dating platform filled with the highest
quality lesbians in the world, it's still going to require
effort because you have to put yourself out there.
If you don't put yourself out there and you don't be the best
version of yourself and show people who you are and, and be
known and actually sign into people's DMS.
(16:47):
And if you're in a relationship and you're not ready to grow
with one person, you're not ready to do the work in that
relationship. You're not ready to be known and
not ready to be intimately vulnerable and emotionally
vulnerable. You're not ready to go down the
personal growth path of self reflection when you get into an
argument and try to change and be the better person.
You're not ready because you have to know I, I will do what
(17:11):
it takes to grow. It doesn't matter what it is.
I will do what it takes because I'm ready for a solid forever
partnership. I want to wake up with the same
woman when I'm 60. I want to wake up with the same
woman when I'm 70. I want to do the work.
I want to know a deep love. I want to know what deep
devotion looks like. I want to live my life with
(17:31):
someone, not just have someone be like a little accessory.
That is one of the biggest signs.
If you're ready to grow with oneperson, you find it interesting
to grow with one person. And that idea doesn't seem
boring to you. You're like, I'm actually ready
for that. I want to settle. 6.
You are willing to prioritize love.
(17:53):
And this is the hardest one for me because if you're a clear
monogamous lesbian who's ready for life partnership, you are
ready to make a room in your life, in your lifestyle and your
plan and your five year plan andyour day-to-day plan plan to
make room for someone else emotionally, mentally,
(18:15):
logistically, especially as manylesbians start out long
distance. You are not too busy to date
because you know that if you don't start now, like literally
when are you going to freaking find your person, Sharon?
It's like you're 45. If you do not prioritize love
now, when will you ever do it? When will you ever find it?
When we ever have that life, When will you ever have time to
prioritize it? You are not too busy.
(18:38):
You need to be intentional. Everyone has the same amount of
time in the day. You can be an incredibly
accomplished, ambitious woman. I know because I am that and my
clients are that. My clients, many of them are
extremely successful and have gone 10 times further than me
and their businesses. And they are making time for
(18:58):
love intentionally because they know if they don't, they never
will. It is time to createspace for
what you want. If you keep doing the same thing
over and over, living the same routine, not making space,
taking things casual, getting onthe same platforms, doing the
same song and dance with your ex.
If you're not willing to prioritize love like real love
because it's going to take more time and effort, I don't think
(19:21):
you are going to find it to be honest.
Because it takes time. And intimacy truly demands
presence, and you can't give someone your presence if you
don't give. Them your.
Time and if you don't make time for someone else, you're not
(19:42):
making time for yourself to findlove and that's not healthy for
you at this point if you're still listening to this episode
because you are ready and craving that partnership.
So I hope that hearing this has solidified like you are ready
and you need to make time for yourself.
Or maybe it helped you realize like, oh, I need to not be
distracted by the what ifs. I, I say, I want this thing, but
(20:06):
then I actually like go down this rabbit hole of what ifs.
If you're listening to this and you feel like I am talking to
you, I'm open to continuing the conversation.
Shoot me Adm on Instagram at Sofia Spilino.
I want to help you find love. Lesbian love is hard to find.
Doesn't have to be that hard. I want to help in whatever
(20:28):
capacity that I can have a big network of outstanding women and
I'd love to introduce you. And with all that being said,
start with the first first sign that I gave you the growth work
for getting clear on what you want.
Like seriously, if you do one thing after this podcast
(20:50):
episode, I want you to go write your future wife wishlist.
One page is your desire. So one side is your deal
Breakers. If you are struggling to get
your desires out, start by writing your deal Breakers from
last relationships and then reflect on the opposite page,
the opposite thing that you want.
So if you're like, my ex was notphysically affectionate, I had
(21:10):
to really push to have sex. So you would put that on one
page and then on the opposite page you'd be like I am looking
for someone who physical touchestheir love language.
My future wife loves to touch me.
We have sex whatever frequency. Just share your dreams, share
your visions, share your future wife wishlist.
(21:31):
This isn't just hope, this is a checklist of what you are
looking for, what you are capable of finding, and what you
are capable of receiving if you make yourself truly available
for that lasting love, that lifepartner.
OK, until next time I'll see youon Queer Woman Rising, be sure
(21:53):
to follow me on Instagram at Sophia Spolino.
And if you're curious about joining me and seven to 10
extraordinary lesbians, single lesbians in a luxury setting at
Canyon Ranch, be sure to apply to be a part of our next
retreat. I'd love to see you there.
You can apply by DME Retreat on Instagram so me and my team can
(22:19):
look at your application and interview you.
Make sure you're a good fit to come on this high caliber trip
and go out there and make yourself emotionally available.
Ladies like you, you've, you've here heard all six signs of what
you need to be. And if there's anything that you
feel you're not ready already doing, but you know you want to
(22:44):
do it, start today. Freaking start today and read
the six signs one more time. You need to be clear on what you
want and communicating it. You need to be healed from past
relationships. Again, healing is not linear.
Just because you think of your ex doesn't mean you're not
healed, but it does mean that you're not looking through life
through the lens tainted lens ofpast relationships.
(23:07):
Three, you're comfortable with emotional intimacy or working
towards it. Four, you're not distracted by
what ifs. You actually want to settle down
with one person. You don't want to wonder if the
grass is greener. You want to do the work with
somebody 5. You're ready to grow with one
person. You understand the effort that
it takes 6. You're willing to prioritize
(23:29):
love with your time. You understand that if you don't
start dating now, and if you don't find love now, how could
you find your forever person? You are ready to put in that
time. OK my loves, I'll see you in the
next episode. Have an.
Amazing day, bye.
Hi, welcome back to Queer Women Rising.
I'm your host, Sofia Splino. I'm excited you're joining me on
another solo podcast episode today.
If you've never been here. Before this show is all about
how to avoid the dating drama and all of the love, little
moments and joys and queer relationships.
I'm normally interviewing women who have fallen in love and
(00:23):
learning their secrets to how they built their little lives of
joy and love because there's notenough examples of queer women
who are doing it, like doing thething, living a really big life
or a happy, peaceful, small, quiet, soft life and being happy
with their partners. We don't see examples of that.
I know, especially as a femme growing up in South Louisiana,
(00:49):
that I was not shown examples ofwomen who I thought looked like
me. And we're doing certain things
in life that I wanted to do. It was like, oh, there's no one
who looks like me. So I couldn't be gay.
And then I got older. I realized there were no, like,
role models that looked like me that I was aware of.
(01:09):
Right? And so my goal with the show is
to bring on women who are doing really cool things in life,
living really beautiful, healthypartnerships and showing us how
it's done. But today you might be thinking,
I want to be in a space where I'm ready for that kind of love.
(01:32):
But am I like, I want that, but am I actually being that?
Because as you know, in order toattract what we want, we have to
be the energy of that. And many people say, Sophia, why
don't you have your future wife yet then?
I honestly have been very focused on helping other women
find their future wives and not being in the headspace to date
(01:52):
seriously right now. So I'll be the first to admit I
am not ready for this yet because I went through
heartbreak when I thought that this was I was in a place for
this type of relationship, this forever person.
I thought that that's what I had.
And then when I lost it, I realized I just needed to take a
(02:16):
step back and really fall in love with myself, build my own
life, keep working so hard to help my clients find love and
really build my team to make notonly my clients happy, but to
keep growing Queer Country Club to bring you more beautiful,
accomplished, successful women. So I've been putting a lot of
(02:37):
energy into my work and not really into my dating life.
With that being said, I have full faith that when God brings
me my future partner, I'm just. Going to know.
Like I will just know. And until then, I'm getting to
meet beautiful women every single day.
Whether they come to the retreat, they join Queer Country
Club, or they're one of my private matchmaking clients or
(02:59):
they come in for coaching, whatever capacity, I'm meeting
incredible women every day I am dating.
I'm figuring it out. And these are the six signs that
you need to be looking for to ask yourself if you are ready to
go all in and find your future partner.
If you answer these, I want to work with you I.
(03:21):
Genuinely want to work. With you I am like 4 out of 6.
Yes, for me, but I'm so focused on this beautiful work that I
get to do so yes, I know that's the curiosity.
Sophia, why not you? But this is about you right now.
And I know the difference between someone who's ready and
(03:44):
someone who's not ready. I coach literally all day.
I take women in for high level matchmaking and hear their
stories, hear what they went through and hear what they want
next. And I can tell when someone's
truly ready and has the capacityin their life to bring in
partnership. And so there's six signs I want
(04:05):
to go through them with you. And let's see if you were on
that path to being truly single and ready to find your future
wife. OK, so here, let's get into it.
The first one is you are very clear on what you want.
Like you've got what I like to call your future wife wishlist,
which I have as well. Every morning when I wake up and
(04:26):
I do my stretches and I talk to God, I go over my future wife
wish list and I thank God in advance for my future wife with
all these incredible characteristics.
So make yourself A wish list if you haven't yet.
It's super important to help youstay on task.
So it's easy to see someone and be like oh they're cool or
(04:48):
they're hot, but you could keep making exceptions for them and
continue down a path of dating someone you actually don't want
to marry if you are or have a life partnership with.
If you do not stay very focused on what you want, and I highly
encourage making an opposing list A what I don't want and
(05:12):
writing down all the things and past relationships that are now
deal Breakers for you so you canbe really clear and not make
exceptions for the next person when something's really not
working for you. OK, so when someone's ready,
they stop saying stuff like I'm open to whatever happens, right?
And they just start owning what they want.
(05:32):
Like they don't make space for someone who's doing less, for
someone who is less than what they want, for someone who's
less than emotionally available for someone who's less than
their standards. If someone has had trouble with
drinking and they're sober and they know very clearly they need
someone sober in their lives, they're not saying, well, maybe
(05:56):
like she could know they're veryclear that they need a sober
partner too, right? Whatever that is, figure it out.
Know your deal Breakers, know your desires.
A deal breaker desire future wife wishlist super important.
If you haven't done that yet, that's the first thing you need
to do after you listen to this episode.
And you need to look at it everyday and remind yourself that you
(06:18):
are worthy of what you want, that she's out there.
That's one thing I can tell you as I do private matchmaking.
There's so many incredible badass queer women who are
single, who are ready, who are living incredible lives and just
missing their future wife. There's so many.
It's not like you're alone in the world.
(06:38):
It just feels like it because there's not a lot in your area.
But there are actually many women who want exactly what you
want and who will make incredible life partners.
So get that clarity for yourselfand don't settle.
The second sign is that you havethoroughly healed from past
relationships. Like you do not look at your
(07:00):
love, your current experiences through the lens of past
heartbreak. It's OK to have the wisdom from
from past heartbreak, but you'renot looking like literally like
when you put on sunglasses that change your vision to a
different color. Heartbreak can do this to us.
When you are fully healed, you're not just tearing people
(07:22):
to your past or operating out offear.
You are making decisions to align yourself with someone who
you love, their character traits, and you love each other.
You are no longer looking to fixsomeone or fix your past.
There's nothing to fix, you justknow you learned from it.
You were able to get super clear, create your future wife
(07:44):
wish list filled with your desires and your deal Breakers,
and you're no longer operating out of fear or staying away from
people. Well, because of fear.
You're leaning into and magnetizing the people you want
because of the love, the love that's inside of you, the love
that's ready. You're not defining yourself by
those past relationships. That means you've totally healed
(08:04):
from it. OK, three, you are comfortable
with emotional intimacy. This one is tricky, especially
as a matchmaker who only helps women who are looking for that
monogamous life partner. Well, I say only if someone came
to me as a private client and they were like, I really want to
(08:28):
date many beautiful women, blah,blah, blah.
I would just be upfront with thematches and be like, she's not
wanting to find a wife. I would just be upfront,
straight up. But in my work, I am known as
and what I have historically done is be the matchmaker for
monogamous queer women. And monogamy is not just about
(08:51):
exclusivity with who you sleep with.
It is about being vulnerable with one person.
It is about having your partner truly be your best friend and
being intimate in the spiritual sense that like you can read
each other's mind, that telepathy, like all the
closeness that you build with one person doesn't come from you
(09:12):
having emotional intimacy with aton of people.
It is because you've made something sacred between you and
your partner and you've got to let someone in emotionally.
You've got to be comfortable with being seen at your worth.
Worse, you have to offer that same safety to your partner.
And when you have that safety and when you're open to that
level of vulnerability and you truly become your best, each
(09:35):
other's best friend, you build amonogamous bond.
And that can only happen when someone's comfortable with
getting close, with being emotionally vulnerable.
So if you're not ready for that,you need to do some healing.
Now, I will say people think, oh, I'm not ready.
I'm not ready. Guess what?
(09:56):
They're everyone's going to havea thought about their ex
sometimes. Everyone's going to have a
thought of like, I'm afraid to be vulnerable about this, But
are you capable of doing it anyway?
Because you cannot spend your whole life waiting to be healed.
There is no healed ideal you. You are an imperfect human.
But are you making the active choices to be better, to be
(10:18):
ready to step into the newest version of you, To take one step
forward today? You're always one decision away
from a whole new life, from yourwhole new love, from meeting
your soulmate, from landing yourdream job, from writing your
book. Like, whatever it is, you're
always one decision away. And if you are afraid to step
(10:40):
into the dating world again or to start looking for love or
just be open to smiling people in the grocery store, if you're
not open to that, you're not ready to emotional, emotional
intimacy. And no one's going to be ready
for everything all at once. But you have to be committed to
taking that next step. If you're not not thinking about
(11:03):
the future and you're living in the past, there's no way that
you can be ready for that emotional intimacy with someone
else. So if you can't at least be
committed to always taking the next step and doing the next
right thing and trying your bestto be vulnerable with the person
you're with, then you are ready and you can count #3 as a sign
to go. OK, real.
(11:24):
Quick, I need to tell you about WISP, an online healthcare
service that is for the girls, gays, days and me.
In fact, for three years they have been a part of my daily
regimen. I know many of you listening
long to create beautiful women loving women relationships and
that my dears begins with excellent Kitty care.
(11:46):
Like no offense, I don't know about you.
But I. Personally don't want to be at a
Kitty cat cafe if you know what I mean.
That doesn't provide the freshest dessert for me to lick.
So do unto others. As you'd have them do unto you.
And keep your Kitty cat cafe fresh.
With Wisp. Everything from the console to
(12:09):
receiving meds is done from the comfort of your phone, and the
company is proud of being inclusive, cost effective, and
accessible for everyone. WISP believes that you know your
body better than anyone else, which means no more urgent care
visits for issues such as UTI's,yeast infections, or STI
treatment. You can save so much time not
(12:30):
going to in person appointments or waiting in line at
pharmacies. The free shipping will save you
so much time or same day pharmacy pickup can have you
feeling better faster. Before Wisp I was prone to
getting BV, but my Kitty pH balance stays perfect.
Chef's kiss now that I am on a consistent probiotic regimen.
(12:51):
Ladies, this is so important. Personally I subscribe monthly
to Wisp Probiotics, sexy time Lube and OMG cream.
It's like female Viagra. I also get D manos and boric
acid vaginal suppositories as needed so I'm prepared if
something starts to fill off down there.
Also if you're about. To meet a new partner from my
(13:13):
lesbian dating platform, you definitely want to be.
Tested before. Sleeping with someone new?
You can order discrete online testing from your bed before you
jump into bed out of a link in the show notes to learn more.
Or go to hellowisp.com. And use my code Sophia for 15%
off. That's code Sophia, Sophia for
(13:34):
15% off. All your Kitty needs.
You're welcome. OK.
Back to the show for this is tricky.
You are not distracted by what ifs in the world of social
media, in the world of endless swiping on endless profiles,
swiping fatigue on regular dating apps.
(13:57):
Shameless plug, Core Country Club is a swipeless community
platform where women get to knoweach other based on their values
and are matched with AI and meetand live virtual meetups.
You need to not be distracted bywhat ifs, OK?
You if you're not in queer Country Club or whatever,
wherever you're at, whether you're on social media, you're
(14:19):
on traditional dating apps. I don't want you to be living in
your headspace thinking the grass is always greener because
it's not. Having a crush on someone new is
literally just not knowing information about them.
Like literally what makes a crush and those chemicals in
(14:40):
your body and the excitement is not knowing someone yet, them
not being fully known to you andyou having a deep attraction and
curiosity about them. If you need to be chasing that
feeling all the time, you are not emotionally mature.
You need to slow down on your consumption.
(15:02):
You need to stop swiping. You need to probably quit
scrolling on social media as much.
You need to go on like a dopamine cleanse because if you
have a desire to always have that new crush feeling, you are
not ready for deep stable love. Because deep stable love, the
(15:23):
kind of love that is peaceful and you wake up in the morning
and you drink coffee together and you know your partner is
always going to be there for you.
That is not the kind of relationship where you think
what if? What if they're not my person?
You are thinking that because you are over stimulated because
you are so distracted and there's so many options at all
(15:44):
times in this day and age in 2025.
But you know you're ready when you're in the place of I don't
want to think about options. I just want to meet someone
who's a good fit for me and I want to do the work with that
person. Which brings me to #5 you are
ready to grow with that one person.
(16:04):
Like, you know, they're not going to be perfect.
You understand that relationships require work,
require effort, require compromise, and in the effort
you are going to get tired sometimes in the effort of just
dating. Lesbian dating is freaking hard.
We are like 1% of the population.
(16:25):
Even with my help, even joining Queer Country Club, what I know
and believe is the best dating platform filled with the highest
quality lesbians in the world, it's still going to require
effort because you have to put yourself out there.
If you don't put yourself out there and you don't be the best
version of yourself and show people who you are and, and be
known and actually sign into people's DMS.
(16:47):
And if you're in a relationship and you're not ready to grow
with one person, you're not ready to do the work in that
relationship. You're not ready to be known and
not ready to be intimately vulnerable and emotionally
vulnerable. You're not ready to go down the
personal growth path of self reflection when you get into an
argument and try to change and be the better person.
You're not ready because you have to know I, I will do what
(17:11):
it takes to grow. It doesn't matter what it is.
I will do what it takes because I'm ready for a solid forever
partnership. I want to wake up with the same
woman when I'm 60. I want to wake up with the same
woman when I'm 70. I want to do the work.
I want to know a deep love. I want to know what deep
devotion looks like. I want to live my life with
(17:31):
someone, not just have someone be like a little accessory.
That is one of the biggest signs.
If you're ready to grow with oneperson, you find it interesting
to grow with one person. And that idea doesn't seem
boring to you. You're like, I'm actually ready
for that. I want to settle. 6.
You are willing to prioritize love.
(17:53):
And this is the hardest one for me because if you're a clear
monogamous lesbian who's ready for life partnership, you are
ready to make a room in your life, in your lifestyle and your
plan and your five year plan andyour day-to-day plan plan to
make room for someone else emotionally, mentally,
(18:15):
logistically, especially as manylesbians start out long
distance. You are not too busy to date
because you know that if you don't start now, like literally
when are you going to freaking find your person, Sharon?
It's like you're 45. If you do not prioritize love
now, when will you ever do it? When will you ever find it?
When we ever have that life, When will you ever have time to
prioritize it? You are not too busy.
(18:38):
You need to be intentional. Everyone has the same amount of
time in the day. You can be an incredibly
accomplished, ambitious woman. I know because I am that and my
clients are that. My clients, many of them are
extremely successful and have gone 10 times further than me
and their businesses. And they are making time for
(18:58):
love intentionally because they know if they don't, they never
will. It is time to createspace for
what you want. If you keep doing the same thing
over and over, living the same routine, not making space,
taking things casual, getting onthe same platforms, doing the
same song and dance with your ex.
If you're not willing to prioritize love like real love
because it's going to take more time and effort, I don't think
(19:21):
you are going to find it to be honest.
Because it takes time. And intimacy truly demands
presence, and you can't give someone your presence if you
don't give. Them your.
Time and if you don't make time for someone else, you're not
(19:42):
making time for yourself to findlove and that's not healthy for
you at this point if you're still listening to this episode
because you are ready and craving that partnership.
So I hope that hearing this has solidified like you are ready
and you need to make time for yourself.
Or maybe it helped you realize like, oh, I need to not be
distracted by the what ifs. I, I say, I want this thing, but
(20:06):
then I actually like go down this rabbit hole of what ifs.
If you're listening to this and you feel like I am talking to
you, I'm open to continuing the conversation.
Shoot me Adm on Instagram at Sofia Spilino.
I want to help you find love. Lesbian love is hard to find.
Doesn't have to be that hard. I want to help in whatever
(20:28):
capacity that I can have a big network of outstanding women and
I'd love to introduce you. And with all that being said,
start with the first first sign that I gave you the growth work
for getting clear on what you want.
Like seriously, if you do one thing after this podcast
(20:50):
episode, I want you to go write your future wife wishlist.
One page is your desire. So one side is your deal
Breakers. If you are struggling to get
your desires out, start by writing your deal Breakers from
last relationships and then reflect on the opposite page,
the opposite thing that you want.
So if you're like, my ex was notphysically affectionate, I had
(21:10):
to really push to have sex. So you would put that on one
page and then on the opposite page you'd be like I am looking
for someone who physical touchestheir love language.
My future wife loves to touch me.
We have sex whatever frequency. Just share your dreams, share
your visions, share your future wife wishlist.
(21:31):
This isn't just hope, this is a checklist of what you are
looking for, what you are capable of finding, and what you
are capable of receiving if you make yourself truly available
for that lasting love, that lifepartner.
OK, until next time I'll see youon Queer Woman Rising, be sure
(21:53):
to follow me on Instagram at Sophia Spolino.
And if you're curious about joining me and seven to 10
extraordinary lesbians, single lesbians in a luxury setting at
Canyon Ranch, be sure to apply to be a part of our next
retreat. I'd love to see you there.
You can apply by DME Retreat on Instagram so me and my team can
(22:19):
look at your application and interview you.
Make sure you're a good fit to come on this high caliber trip
and go out there and make yourself emotionally available.
Ladies like you, you've, you've here heard all six signs of what
you need to be. And if there's anything that you
feel you're not ready already doing, but you know you want to
(22:44):
do it, start today. Freaking start today and read
the six signs one more time. You need to be clear on what you
want and communicating it. You need to be healed from past
relationships. Again, healing is not linear.
Just because you think of your ex doesn't mean you're not
healed, but it does mean that you're not looking through life
through the lens tainted lens ofpast relationships.
(23:07):
Three, you're comfortable with emotional intimacy or working
towards it. Four, you're not distracted by
what ifs. You actually want to settle down
with one person. You don't want to wonder if the
grass is greener. You want to do the work with
somebody 5. You're ready to grow with one
person. You understand the effort that
it takes 6. You're willing to prioritize
(23:29):
love with your time. You understand that if you don't
start dating now, and if you don't find love now, how could
you find your forever person? You are ready to put in that
time. OK my loves, I'll see you in the
next episode. Have an.
Amazing day, bye.
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