From Dating Married People & Medicated to Monogamous & Meditated with Lauren Courtney

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Lesbians, queer women, we all know what happens and how it
feels when we go through heartbreak when the person we
love walks away. But today, we're going to be
talking about what happens when the person you love literally
dies and your whole life crumbles into a spiritual
awakening. We're going there.
Can I introduce you to a Token Alley friend in this episode?

(00:23):
Because three years ago I got this random DM.
It was this random woman, Lauren, and she said you're
going to give women the codes towealth now.
I thought she was cold selling me in my DMS.
And there's nothing more annoying when someone pops into
your DMS that you don't know, you don't follow, you don't
engage in, and they're trying totalk to you and it's just weird.

(00:47):
I thought she was nuts. She is such an intuitive, gifted
person that none of this was nuts.
God told her to reach out to me.And it turns out in the next few
years I ended up building socialmedia and business coaching that
has changed lives and women around the world, particularly

(01:11):
lesbians, have been in my program and I'm no longer doing
that. I only offer coaching, like
privately, one-on-one when it comes to business coaching.
But now I'm helping match successful lesbians around the
world. So it's really interesting that
she came to me with this messageand was like, you're going to
give women these codes? And I ended up going into that

(01:32):
work, had no intention of going into that work.
She's truly intuitive. You're going to love hearing the
good energy in this episode. If you're listening to this and
you're like, I just need some good energy in my life, this is
the episode for you. A little bit about Lauren.
She's been a business coaching client of mine.
Back in 2016, Lauren's first love passed away, leaving her

(01:55):
completely heartbroken and believing she would never ever
find love again. And through spiritual awakening
and the messy dating adventures that followed, she discovered
what true love begins with yourself.
The stories we're about to shareare extremely messy.
They involve drugs, dating for money, men cheating on their

(02:18):
wives, body dysmorphia. But hearing this all will make
you feel less alone. However, there's your trigger
warning. As Lauren healed, she realized
that self love in her alignment.These are the foundations for
deep, meaningful connections. Now, as a Keeler author,
spiritual guy, she helps others clear emotional blocks, awaken

(02:42):
their intuition, and cultivate the love they seek, starting
within. She's spiritual, She's bougie.
She's Sex in the City meets Miami City.
Welcome to the show, my dear friend Lauren Courtney.
So let's start ground us. Lauren ground us.
All right, let's take a deep breath in arriving here and now

(03:07):
in this present moment and exhale knowing, trusting that
this conversation is guided by ahigher power for our highest
good, both individually and collectively, for all of the

(03:30):
souls that TuneIn to listen, Knowing and trusting that all of
the wisdom that we are meant to share here today will be
received in its highest good by all ready to receive it.
Whether it's when they listen the first time or if it's later

(03:53):
down the line, they have that aha moment.
Simply trusting that this conversation will be perfect
from the ways that it's meant to, will be messy, will be raw,
will be vulnerable, and will be so real and authentic to who we

(04:17):
both are. Let's take another deep breath
in and release. Thank you.
I am so excited because this doesn't feel like a regular

(04:37):
podcast, like interview because you're my friend and we've
developed this sisterhood, I should say, over the past few
years. So thank you for spending time
with me today and everybody elsewho's listening.
Thank you for having me at. I was telling a girlfriend that
I was recording with you today and she was the one who

(04:58):
initially sent me a video of youway back in the pandemic.
And we were like just so obsessed with watching your
content because it was so fun and playful.
And, you know, we were both like, wow, it's so amazing how
far we've all come since then. And she doesn't even know you,
which is hilarious. And I've gotten to know you and

(05:20):
watch your journey and be a partof parts of your journey and oh
God, it's. What's her name?
Her name's Danielle. Danielle, hi.
Thank you for bringing us together.
I'm so grateful. So crazy.
So the vibe today for me was just like, I'm, I'm just feeling
really good. Like I woke up and I was like,

(05:41):
this is gonna be a great day andwe're gonna have such a good
talk. And I know this episode's gonna
be so loved and like one of those that people go back to for
years. So I'm just happy before we dive
in so our listeners have contextabout you.
What's your sign? I am a Cancer and I'm on the
cusp so I'm a Cancer Leo rising hence the the main and a

(06:05):
Capricorn moon which is thankfully what keeps me
grounded and able to do the workthat I do in this world.
Cancer makes so much sense. I have been like in and out of
like getting to know you phase with the cancer and this makes
so much sense knowing that aboutyou.
We have the biggest hearts. I think Cancers are the mother

(06:28):
of the Zodiac and that like it'sinteresting because Cancer is
the mother, Leo is the child andCapricorn is the father.
And of course, I am all three ofthose.
You're the whole family. Oh my God.
But I, I must say, Cancers, you guys have sex on a different
level. Like I wasn't ready for it.

(06:52):
Is it, is it true for like, is that like a thing that people
know or is it? I think like for me, cancer is
very like a lady in the street freaking machine vibes.
But I will say it's like you have to be comfortable with
someone and feel really emotionally secure.
Like I, I was intimate with someone a few months ago and he

(07:14):
it was still new and we didn't have boundaries and I was like,
no, no, no, I'm not. I can't.
I'm I don't feel safe yet to go here with you.
That's so nice that you feel that about me.
But like you haven't earned that.
So it's definitely like if you earn it like like I will melt
for you kind of vibe. Yes, yes, this makes so much

(07:35):
sense. So much sense.
Well, about love, you've been through a lot.
You've been through a lot of loss.
You're you're 1st and I know allthe lesbians listening.
Guys, give us a give us a chance.
We're going to talk about boys today because Lauren's into the
boys and I never bring allies onanymore.
It's always like super gay women.

(07:57):
But I just your story touches me.
I know it's going to touch everybody else.
You were in love with Jeff sinceyou were 16.
Was that right? Yeah, we met when I was 16, and
we became very close friends at 16.
I was still a virgin then, and he was not trying to take my

(08:17):
virginity at that time. So we didn't date until I was
about, I guess, like 1920 years old.
But we were really close starting at 16.
He was my ride or die for a really long time.
Literally ride or die. And you literally you were in a
relationship on and off with him.
So I was reading your book and I've only gotten to read

(08:39):
snippets. But guys, it's amazing.
It's so good. We're going to talk about it,
but it's like literally Sex and the city meets shock or healing
magic. I don't even know.
And I'm not just saying that. Like this morning I called one
of my friends and I was like, the book's really good.
And you know, I don't like to read like only listen to self
help leadership, like these things, like studying

(09:00):
psychology, those sort of things.
So for me to take time to even read the chapters that you sit
my way, everyone's like, what? And I'm like, no, it's like that
good. It's so good.
It's it makes me feel like you get me, even though it's not
gay. And I don't know how that's
possible. But yeah.
So when I was reading about the loss of Jeff, I kept thinking,

(09:20):
OK, I know I'm going to get morewhen I read the whole book, like
I'm going to get the whole details.
But you were you've known him since you were younger, but he
was so important to you when he passed away at you were 32.
You're my 30. Two.
Yeah. Wow.
OK, So what was that like, like from 16 to 32 because that's.

(09:41):
A lot, yeah. So, so 16 we met.
I was still in high school. He was 19.
He was already, when I was 16, he was already in college.
And we met totally by chance. But like I had seen him back
when I was a freshman in high school.
He was a senior. And I remember being like, oh,
like that boy is really cute. But like he's a senior.

(10:02):
Like what I'm, you know, like never, never.
And years later, I was having a few friends over to my house and
one friend decided to invite like the whole grade.
And my mom was like, absolutely not everyone out.
So I'm Long Island, where I grewup.
Like if an open house got ended,we would all roll up to the

(10:23):
diner. So we rolled up to the diner and
the diner was like, absolutely not.
And sent us all on our way. And my good friend Matt said to
me, Oh, go get in that white Jeep.
I, I know who's driving it. It was this guy John was driving
the car and I got in the car andJeff was in the front seat and I
was like, Oh my God, that's, that's the guy that I thought

(10:46):
was so cute all the those years ago.
And from that moment on, we created a friendship.
I know from that moment on, I also started spiraling into
trying drugs and trying to impress people and, and being
different than like the the girlthat I was, you know, I was 16

(11:08):
and I wanted to rebel a little. So what we became really good
friends at that point. He actually introduced me later
on to the man I, I ended up losing my virginity to, which I
talk about in the book, and I would hook him up with my
friends that he would make out with also.
So it was it was cool. We had this friendship.
We stayed in touch. I went off to college.

(11:30):
We would hang out when I came home and then ultimately our
bond became so much deeper and going this summer, going into my
senior year of college, we started dating.
We dated through my senior year through me moving back to New
York and then living in the city.
And ultimately the only reason we ended up breaking up was he

(11:52):
was in the throes of his own journey with addiction.
He had had a double hip replacement at a young age due
to injuries with sports and he already liked to party.
And he ended up, you know, beinggiving oxy cottons and all the
different things that were given.
And ultimately he ended up with some with some addiction issues.

(12:16):
And I had to call his parents. I didn't have to, but I chose to
do what I thought was right and let his parents know that I
thought they needed to get him help.
So ultimately we ended up breaking up.
He went into recovery for on andoff for like a few years between
being in recovery and then not living in New York anymore.
And he wouldn't speak to me for probably a period of two to

(12:38):
three years. And then we came back together,
We reconnected. He was living in Florida.
I came down to visit my grandparents and we saw each
other. And it was, it was, it was the
same because our connection, what I understand now, and of
course in his passing was our connection was bigger than like,
oh, that's a cute boy that I recognized.

(12:59):
It was, I recognize your soul and I feel this connection to
you that's so much deeper than anything I've ever experienced
before. Because we knew each other in
other lifetimes before. And I believe we contracted this
meeting in this lifetime to bothhave the experiences we were
meant to have here. So we, you know, started hanging

(13:22):
out again. Eventually he moved up north to
Connecticut. We would, he would come into the
city and have dinner with me. You know, we would hook up again
on occasion. And within like the last year
before he passed away, there were a few moments where he
would both tell me like, I hate you because I'm still alive
because of you. And that really broke my heart

(13:43):
'cause I didn't understand why he didn't want to be alive.
Of course, I've gone on my journey and I understand it a
lot more now. And then he would also waver
between like, well, we still love each other so much.
Like maybe we should just have kids.
So there, there was just so muchpassion and energy between US.

(14:07):
And there were days where it wasreally good and there were days
where I jumped out of the car and was like, get the fuck away
from me. So it was one of those really
tumultuous, deeply karmic relationships that I chose to
really live through and experience.

(14:28):
And the two weeks before he passed, it was Father's Day.
My dad happened to be out of town for business, so I spent
the weekend. We went out to dinner the night
before my sister joined us, and the friend who ultimately found
him after he passed also was at dinner with us.
And he told my sister, like, themost embarrassing stories of

(14:51):
things that had happened betweenus that were more embarrassing
for him. And I was like, why are you
telling my sister these things? Like, it's so embarrassing.
And I later learned that the soul starts starts saying
goodbye two weeks before it passes.
So, you know, we had this dinnerwith my sister where these

(15:13):
stories I never had told anyone.And now her and I can still
laugh about them. And they weren't left just for
me when he left. He wanted me to be able to have
those with her. And the day of Father's Day I
spent with him and his family. His mom, dad's sister,
brother-in-law, his grandmother who I've had a very close

(15:34):
relationship too and she's stillhere.
His aunt and uncle. I had taken trips with them so I
got to have this beautiful last day with his family and it ended
up being the last day all of us saw him alive.
Wow. Yeah.

(15:54):
Wow, I cannot imagine having so much love for somebody that it
the relationship lasts one that long, even though it's
tumultuous. And I think I didn't really
understand anything about like accepting toxic things or not or

(16:14):
karmic relationships until like even this year.
Like be like, no, that's not OK.So it makes sense that it all
happened like when you're 32. And it was just like 3 weeks
before I was turning 33. So I was coming out of my Saturn
return going into my Jesus year and my life was so my life was

(16:39):
so different at the time. Like I thought like, oh, like I
live in New York City, like I'vegot it all figured out.
Like my life is great. And then his death, like
everything came crashing down because I let it.
What is Jesus here? I wanna know.
Well, 33 because that's when Jesus was resurrected.

(17:01):
Okay, so it but does it mean something like good for you in
your life? Like the end of the Saturn
return doesn't mean crucifix. The end of the Saturn return, I
don't know. For me, it was like such a
pivotal year because Jeff died right before I turned 33.
And then six months later, I left New York and moved to LA.
And in that time, I found Reiki went on like my deep spiritual

(17:27):
awakening journey. So it was like I was reborn at
33 into this new version of myself, which, you know, has
continued. How many rebirths have I had
since then? Like can't even count.
Yeah, no. OK.
That makes so much sense. So much sense.
OK, so you go on to have like the spiritual journey.

(17:47):
My favorite parts of the book that I've gotten to read so far
was your messy dating life. Like it was just a wild.
And I relate so hard because as a lesbian, I didn't understand
for the longest time that I justsaw men as like, oh, they can do
this for me and that's why they exist.
So I was into like trying to have men just buy me dinners,

(18:09):
buy me dinners, buy me dinners. I went on the yellow app one
time and like for three straightmonths had breakfast, lunch,
dinner, like dates lined up. I would even go to LA and like,
have dates stacked and then hangout with my friends.
Like, it was insane. So yeah, I can admit that that's
been a part of my life and a lotof people listening.

(18:33):
No, but I was the face of like an arrangement relationship
style platform for a long time. And I'm not shy about that
because it definitely helped me venture into like the dating
world and got me out there. So I'm so grateful for what that
did for my career. But people have like this bad
taste in their mouth for an arrangement style dating

(18:55):
situation and you blatantly talkabout it in your book.
So like, let's go there. Tell us about the messy dating
scene and like dating for money and how this like came out after
you lost because I'm sure Jeff, it had nothing to do with what
this man could give you because he obviously wasn't giving you
like the world. No, it's definitely not giving

(19:17):
me the world at all. And it's funny because like when
I found you, it was because of those posts that you were
sharing. So to me, your authenticity and
your vulnerability and being so like, whatever, who the fuck
cares? This is my story ultimately also
gave me permission to continue to be so authentic and tell my

(19:39):
story. So.
So thank you. Yeah.
And, you know, especially, like,seeing where it LED you, right?
Because it's, it's like, I don'twant to shame any part of my
past or deny it happened becauseit's ultimately what led me
here. So sure, my parents, when they

(20:00):
read that chapter might be a little like, oh, OK.
It is what it is and it doesn't change who I am at a corsal
level. I was simply trying to find
myself because I was so lost. So I had moved out to LA six
months after Jeff passed. At the time, prior to moving to

(20:23):
Lai was working as a private chef in New York.
I had a meal delivery service. I was like, OK, this is it, I'm
ready to get to the next level. Was taking it to the next level.
He passed away and I was like, what the fuck is the point of
life? I don't know anymore.
Was guided to learn Reiki, movedout to LA and thought like, OK,

(20:43):
I'll be a cannabis chef in LA. That will be like the next thing
that I do because I've been offered some gigs doing cannabis
things in LA. So I was like, OK, this is it,
it's going to be great. And I got there and was like,
how am I supposed to pay my bills?
Like what am I supposed to do? I don't know anyone in LA.
Like sure, I got some opportunities, but like what am

(21:04):
I doing? And I knew that I couldn't date,
like I knew that I couldn't actually date.
I knew that like I was very muchbroken and shattered and not
broken like oh, I'm broken but like like I was heartbroken.
And prior to Jeff's death. I also share in the book, I

(21:25):
don't know if you read that chapter because it's a few
parts, but I had an ex-boyfriendarrested in my home.
So he was arrested. I had found Kundalini and then
Jeff died and I was just like, I'm done, like I'm done with
dating. I don't I don't know.
I don't know what to even do anymore.
I don't I don't know. So I found myself going on this

(21:48):
arrangement website that and like this was like back when
like things weren't apps like I like literally like on the World
Wide Web, like type shit in I'm like, OK, so like, what if I
just like find an arrangement? Like wouldn't it be great if
like some man just footed the bill for me to live and exist?

(22:09):
And sadly that never happened. But I did go on two dates with
two different men and I talk about them a bit in the book.
Ultimately it was incorrect on both dates.
I was like this, this is not correct.
This doesn't resonate for me. So I ultimately I, I signed off

(22:31):
of the website, but then I got atext.
I got Adm, not a text. I got Adm.
Oh my God. From a man from my past whose
name I do not use in the book. I I use a lot of pseudo names to
protect identity. But he had reached out to me.
I knew him in my college years. He was a married man and said

(22:52):
just in the DM like hey, are areyou into married men?
And I was like, what it's like. Such a wild thing to ask
somebody. Yeah, it was something along
those lines. And I was just like what?
Like And then the panic set in. Oh my God, he knows.

(23:15):
Like he saw I. Was on the website, he saw my
profile. Oh my God, I'm so embarrassed.
Like why would I have logged into this site?
And then I was like, wait, if hesaw it, it's 'cause he's on this
website. So I, you know, I followed up
like or no, he didn't ask me if I was into married men.

(23:38):
He said are you into women? And I said because he's married
and I was like why are you and your wife looking to meet
someone? And he was like no, I was just
curious. And he shared that we have seen
each other once since I moved toLA by chance at an event.
And he was like, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you

(23:58):
since I saw you. And he asked me if I was willing
to get together to have a conversation and shared that his
marriage was open in terms of the fact that he couldn't have
any emotional relationships withwomen, but he could have an
arrangement. Oh my Lord, do you think this

(24:19):
happened because you like, put it out into the universe?
Like the vibe? For sure.
Yeah, because this is insane. And I would be like, offended.
But also I get that like, you were in a vulnerable place.
Your heart was broken. You knew you couldn't, like,
give someone love. So maybe it seemed like.
It just seemed like, OK, well, Ican't love someone.

(24:40):
So if someone's seeking this arrangement, great.
So I never went into it like looking for someone that was
married like by any means, like my parents today is actually
their 47th wedding anniversary. So I grew up very much like in a
traditional household, with verystrong morals and values as it

(25:01):
came to relationships. And again, I was really in this
vulnerable space. So when I went on the
arrangement website, I wasn't looking to be with a married
man, I was just looking for a man that could pay my rent.
Right, right. I mean, some things, whatever.
I was just like, other people dothis, why not me?
Love a daddy. If a man's gotta exist, at least

(25:22):
in my world, we need. Yeah.
Although I I think the world thinks I had a sugar daddy.
For the record, there was no sugar in that daddy.
It was just daddy, no sugar. OK.
And not. Daddy, and maybe you would.
You had hoped like, well, I'd like more sugar.
Yeah, I surely hope getting withan older man that like he would

(25:46):
have done a little better, but we won't go there.
Yeah, you know, but, and it all served a purpose in some
regards. So I agreed to meet him and he
shared with me about the, the arrangement him and his wife
had. And listen, I wasn't gonna call
his wife and be like, so your husband told me that he can be

(26:06):
sexual with me, but not emotional with me.
I simply just trusted what he shared with me.
And I, I, I, I thought about it,I took some time to think about
it. And ultimately I was like, you
know what? Fuck it.
Like if this is your, if this isyour path that you and your wife
have and your arrangement and you wanna have some sort of

(26:28):
arrangement with me, like what could that arrangement be?
Well. Could you?
Could you be capable of? Well, yeah, I felt like I could
because I knew I didn't have thespace to actually really be with
someone. And he was looking to actually
be with me and he was looking for some sort of arrangement.

(26:48):
So I kind of was like, OK, like,is he going to like, pay some of
my bills? Like what does that look?
Like. No.
Like they never do, they just they just God bless he.
Did not pay my bills, but he, I,I used to be a very big cannabis
user and he, he's in the cannabis industry and has a

(27:12):
really great brand. I'm not gonna say more than
that. And he was able to provide me
with the highest grade medical level.
I'm glad you got what you neededout of this 'cause it I know
shit's about to hit the fan. OK guys, I've read the chapter.

(27:33):
So I, you know, I, I was able to, to receive medication from
him, right from medicated to meditated.
This is the book after all, right.
So the thing was, he was also a cancer and I'm a cancer.
And the two of us together, whenwe were together, whether or not
it was meant to be emotional, was like just water, like

(27:55):
merging, like, Oh my God, like 2fucking rivers, just like
swimming in each other's energy.And he reminded me a lot of Jeff
in ways, in ways that were both really positive and really
fucking negative. He had his own journey with his
family history, with addiction. He had dealt with death in his

(28:21):
own way on his journey. So there was a lot that we
understood about each other thatperhaps we couldn't talk to
other people about. So our relationship and became a
little entangled in emotion because there was such deep
love. I would say right now, I love

(28:44):
this man. I don't love him.
I'm not seeking him out, but I love him more.
So I love his soul. And I'm so grateful that he did
show up in my life because ultimately there came a time
where I was like, this isn't correct for me anymore because I
do want more. And I got to, I knew I needed

(29:05):
more. And he couldn't give that to me.
And I had to say that to him. And I knew spending time with
him was like walking blindfoldedthrough a forest.
Which was rattled me. I was like, Oh my God said tell
everyone what you told him to like.
You know, he came over and we wehad a nice smoke session and I

(29:29):
turned to him and just looked athim.
I was like, spending time with you is like walking through a
forest blindfolded and I can't do this anymore.
And he didn't even respond because he knew exactly what I
meant. Like we, we were so deeply
connected on a soul level that he knew.
And I thought that that would bethe last time we saw one

(29:52):
another. But it it wasn't.
It ended up taking some time to unravel even like when I moved
to Florida, he introduced me to a friend before I moved here and
I did. I don't write about this in my
book. He introduced me to a friend in
here in Miami to hook me up withweed.
I was coming for a job for two weeks and I met up with his

(30:15):
friend and got cannabis. He called me like, I bet you
guys marry each other and it'll be so great because I'll still
be able to fuck you when you're married to him.
And like, he was like, we could go on trips like as couples.
And I was like, Oh my God, like this, this is, this is not my
reality. Not healthy.

(30:36):
That's what I want. Like like I I can't imagine.
OK, so at this point his wife does not know this.
Is he made this up right? I'm I don't believe he did.
I don't know the level though. I do believe he did have other
relationships 100%. I do think most of those were
more transactional. At some point I do believe she

(31:00):
questioned me and if there was some sort of relationship with
us 'cause that's what I heard through his friend.
Oh my God, what's gonna happen when he reads this book?
I don't know that he will. Let's hope he does not.
I haven't been in touch since the pandemic.

(31:22):
That friend that he had introduced me to told me during
the pandemic and I have 0 relationship with that man
either that's a whole other OK but he let me know that this man
had some psychedelic mushrooms during the pandemic and thought
that I think he thought he like this Is it like I guess he had a

(31:44):
really bad trip and confessed all of his relationships to his
wife and the one she was most upset about was me.
I don't know why that is. I, I'm not really sure.
And after that, like he disappeared on social media, all
of his counts were gone. Like he obviously blocked me

(32:06):
and, and all of that. And I know it's for the best and
I, I genuinely like I, I'm not I, I didn't tell the story for
her to find out or for him to read it.
I told it because I get to release my and my part in it and
also like it's OK. Like I get to be OK with it.

(32:30):
And I know like there's been karma attached to it and I know
what I did ultimately, like who knows what it created?
And it's been a journey that I that I've gone on and ultimately
I love and accept myself for whoI am.
I love and accept myself for whoI am.
And I was in a place where I wasreally vulnerable.

(32:55):
And I would never say he took advantage of that vulnerability.
I would never say that. I will just say I was vulnerable
and it was what I was seeking atthat time because of the space
that I was in. I you're the second person to
come on the show and have this like, confession about like, not

(33:18):
necessarily infidelity for you, but like being a part of
something like that. And I think what's really
interesting, at least in my experience talking to lesbians,
like, we go on the retreats, we tell each other our deepest,
darkest secrets. OK.
And all of us, most of us who have come out later in life have
settled for a relationship with a married woman whose husband

(33:40):
gives her permission to explore.And then it turns into an
emotional thing, and then you'retrapped.
And I have never really talked about it on social media, but I
had been involved with somethingwhere you're you're like stuck
and you're in love with somebodywho's not choosing you.
And that was one of my first ever experiences with the woman.

(34:02):
And it nearly killed me. Like, it's when all my
autoimmune issues came out and Ireally lost myself.
And there's something about having these conversations that
help unpack the shame because you feel terrible, even if that
person like say that wife had given you permission, right?
Like to your face. At the end of the day, I'm just

(34:24):
such a monogamous monogamy girly, especially if you're
going through something like that, right?
Like I'm like, you're mine. That's it.
Queer Country Club, my lesbian dating platform.
Like if you're a lesbian, is monogamy monogamous?
It's for you. If you're not sorry, go find it
somewhere else. I want all people listening to
know that like even if you've gone through something like
this, you're still worthy of thepurest love and like don't worry

(34:49):
about like you said, like the karma, like I know there's
karma. Like I feel that too, Like I was
cheated on. I was hurt after that situation
ship and I felt like, well, thenthat's that's my karma,
whatever. But at the end of the day, I
genuinely love that person. Just like you're talking, you're
like, I really genuinely love that person.
And at that point your souls arelike, there was something that

(35:13):
needed to happen. Like there had to be something,
yes. Like it's just a part of your
journey and it had to happen. And for me, it had to happen to
make me so wholeheartedly ready for a serious relationship.
And without that, I wouldn't be so passionate about monogamy,
which is literally the foundation of my platform.

(35:35):
So it all happens for a reason. And I want to encourage everyone
listening, if you're in a situation ship like that and
you're trying to find love, to really let it go.
Because to be worthy of wholeheartedness, you've got to
like open yourself up fully and be ready for someone who can
give you their full heart and beworth.
You're worthy of someone who is ready for you and ready to be

(35:58):
wholly yours. Like they're not questioning it.
They're not questioning their sexuality.
They're not questioning if they want to stay.
And like, your soulmate won't come to you married to somebody
like your your karmic trauma will, but not like your forever
life partner. OK.
Like, as much as I could look back and be like I loved her
more than anything. Yeah, Yeah, I did Just like you

(36:21):
could. I could see it in your face.
It's like, I actually really love this person.
People be like, oh, no, you werejust obsessed with the toxic.
No, I genuinely loved her more than words could explain.
And yeah, if I, I mean, even to this day, if I see her, my soul
will leave my body. So I can't see her.
I don't, I don't go places whereshe will be.

(36:42):
And it hurts and it's sad. But at the end of the day, it
had to happen and it had to happen for you.
So what was the biggest lesson coming out of that for you yet?
How did you actually break it off?
Because that that was hard. For me also it it ultimately it

(37:02):
ended after we saw each other inNew York by chance.
We were both like we both lived in LA and we were both in New
York. And I ended up meeting up with
him and I felt really bad about it.
I felt really bad. It was the first time I felt bad
about it cuz I already had said like, I need to get out of this
dark forest and then was still like tiptoeing back into it

(37:26):
because right, Like when something's comfortable, when
something feels good, we just want to keep feeling.
It was like, it was like the pacifier, right?
I'm like, oh, but like, maybe I can hold on to this a little
longer, maybe just a little longer.
And ultimately it was after seeing him in New York on that
trip, I left two days later to go to Spain.
And I spoke to him a few times when I was in Spain and I was

(37:49):
just like, I can't do this to myself anymore.
And through that trip, I actually ended up being like,
like, what the fuck am I doing? I've moved to Miami.
I'm not even living in LA anymore.
Why am I still in connection with this man?
Like I've really got to let it go.
And ultimately, I found self love for myself and I found

(38:11):
healing. And after I got home from that
trip to Spain, that's when I started recording my Glow Up
Your chakras sound healing program.
I recorded 14 sound healings over like a three-week period
and would sit and listen to themover and over and over and over
again, clearing my own chakras, activating my chakras, really

(38:32):
taking time to be my own client.And then that ultimately led me
to creating my first live coaching program called, it was
originally called the Guru in you.
And I ultimately changed it to Glow up your Chakras.
And from there I, I went on to build my business.
So I, I turned all of like all of the energy I was pouring into

(38:55):
that and all of the things that weren't actually building me up
because there were other men I was like pouring into in
business and all different things.
So I was like, I'm taking it allback.
I'm taking my power back. I'm not fucking giving it all to
you anymore because I was helping people in business.
I was doing so much. And I know you can relate to

(39:16):
that. Yeah.
Like, I'm taking it all back andI'm building my life now.
And that's ultimately what happened.
And he would reach out on occasion.
But again, like I shared during the pandemic, that was like I
never heard from him after that again after his I guess journey
with psychedelic. Oh my gosh, the one time that

(39:38):
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You're welcome. OK, back to the show.
Was in Miami and like I know he comes to Miami, but I saw he was
somewhere that I, I go on occasion having an event for his
company. Thankfully I was not there that
night. He was there with his wife.
We've never bumped into each other.
Sometimes I'm like shit, is thathim?

(42:11):
And I'm like no no, no PTSD you're good cuz I wouldn't wanna
see him again. Kind of similar.
I just know how much like like intensity there was and it
wouldn't serve either of us to see one another at this point in
our lives. Like I've I've moved on, I'm

(42:32):
sure he's moved on. I've got nothing but love.
But like, we don't, we don't need to cross paths again in
this lifetime. I get it.
I feel the same way. I get it.
I'm sure someone else listening is like, Yep, know what that
feels like? OK, so as if that wasn't enough,
you added a story in the book Glow Up Your Chakras about the

(42:53):
yellow app guy. We'll just call it yellow App.
Everyone knows what it is. But yeah, so that story
especially touched me because I dealt with body dysmorphia,
like, in my early 20s, really, really bad.
And now I really love myself. It was kind of weird.
I just had a day where, like, I was like, oh, God, we're not
going to ever not love ourselves.
Actually, it took getting reallysick and losing a lot of weight

(43:15):
and becoming quote, UN quote my goal weight and then looking in
the mirror and being like, Oh shit, I like go away to have no
ass. My boobs sink down to my belly
button. Like my face looks like is the
word gaunt. Like I was like, I don't want to
be that go away. So it took me like getting sick
to love myself. And so when I was reading that,
I was just whoa. So I don't know if you want to

(43:38):
like, share or read the messagesor whatever, but it was it.
Let me it's a good story. I'll read it.
I have the book right here. Yes, so everyone the cover
because they can watch this on Spotify and YouTube, it's so.
Beautiful. It's it's not available yet for
release. It's out May 2nd.
So this does not for release. This this is not actually a part

(43:59):
of the cover. It's just my proof copy.
But what's really cool is it's like all the crystals mixed with
like pills like to make up your chakras.
And then the back also, it's like from medicated to meditated
all the crystals in the container, which obviously
relates to Chapter 1, but we'll,we'll.
Are you are you smoking these days or is that something?

(44:22):
You no, not, not right now, especially like while I'm
promoting the book and just taking care of myself, I'm also
getting ready early May. I'm doing a Kundalini yoga
prenatal teacher training. So I like to be really clear
when I go into trainings and then I'm having a tongue tie
release surgery. So I'm just like really focused

(44:44):
on I dealt with a lot of pain and obviously I talk about this
in the book and being medicated for 10 years of my life.
So now that I've been diagnosed with a tongue tie and we figured
out the root of the pain, I I want to feel it as I let it Eve,
which is like, which is so me that I'm like, I want to feel it

(45:06):
all. That's so my like human design
35 to be like, let me feel it all.
So no, I'm, I'm definitely and just kind of, I wouldn't use the
term sober now. I definitely had a cocktail last
weekend and like 2 weeks ago, girlfriend, like I know you're
not smoking now we're out for a watch like, but do you want to
hit this joint? And I checked in with my
intuition. It was like, yeah, have two

(45:27):
hits. Like you don't need to be so
rigid. But like, I don't, I don't have
any cannabis at this moment, which is like, miss you love
you. Yes, yeah, again, maybe sometime
whenever it's aligned. I love that it works for some
people. For me it just gives me anxiety
like so bad so I. Don't, you know, now it's very

(45:48):
different for me because I was using it for so long to deal
with pain and manage pain that, you know, it's like rewiring
that relationship to it can be atool that I use or like
something that like if I just want to like laugh with a
girlfriend and like, yeah, everyday that's more where I'm

(46:10):
inviting it into my life as opposed to numbing out or using
it to deal with pain or using itto not deal with reality.
So yeah, it's, it's been a beautiful journey to say the
least. I love that you're sharing.
It's been a conversation we haveinside of Queer Country Club

(46:30):
because some women are like, I, I need to date someone who
smokes like that. And I'm very much adamant I get
like, get cigarette smoke, but I'm like, I don't care what
anyone else does. I just know it doesn't really
work for me. But it's interesting to see
because we talk about preferences so much that it's
super important to some people and it's super important to

(46:51):
others that they have someone who completely doesn't smoke.
Interesting. I definitely have questioned it
for myself because of my own journey.
And back in December I dated someone briefly who is very much
in recovery, very much sober, told me all his stories and it
was like someone I was totally meant to meet.

(47:13):
He's a trauma therapist and through that experience like
which was short lived, I realized I don't I don't want to
date someone that is in recovery.
No. Or like how like even if you've
been in recovery X amount of years, I can't go down that path
again? Right, because you've been
through, it's different for other people.

(47:34):
This is something this is a softspot for you.
Yeah. So I'm like, as long as you have
a healthy relationship with substances, that's all.
That's really all I care about. Yeah.
All right. I definitely want to date
someone who enjoys going have a cocktail.
I'm like a martini and oysters is my favorite thing.

(47:56):
Yes, it is a love language. I am such a martini and oysters
girl, Like, and I talk about in the book how like oysters and a
glass of wine was my last drink before I got sober for five
years because my mediumship was just coming on so strong.
And I, I was questioning, am I an alcoholic?
Like, why do I black out What's happening?

(48:17):
But now, like, I love me a glassof crisp white wine.
I was going to say like on a warm summer day, but I live in
Miami, so like every day is warmsummer day.
I'm like, I might have to get oysters and a glass of wine
after this. Oh my gosh, it sounds so good.
It sounds so good. I just went to Miami and sat at
this place on the water and had oysters and the martini and it

(48:39):
was like icy cold. It was just so good.
Anyway, OK, so good. Let's hear.
Let's hear a man food shame and weight shame and a trigger
warning if you go through any sort of eating or body
dysmorphia stuff. But this was healing for me to
hear your response, which is whyI want you to read this.
All right, so it was May of 2024and I felt this intuitive nudge

(49:03):
to download the yellow dating app.
Within an hour of being on the app, I had a new match and
something told me I needed to connect with him.
On this app, women have to send messages first, so I did.
So I did just that by asking himwhat is something I wouldn't
know about you based on your profile.
I can't quite recall what he told me because what what?

(49:26):
That wasn't the important part, it was the conversation that
followed. After responding, this man
followed up with the same question for me and I shared
with him that I am a chef, whichI do not advertise on dating
sites. It's one of my hidden talents I
get to reveal if I feel so inclined, and in that moment, I
did. He asked me what I like to cook
and I shared with him a meal I have made for friends over the

(49:48):
weekend, which consisted of savory roasted chicken thighs
with fennel and endive, along with an arugula salad with fresh
herbs and balsamic dressing and roasted carrots drizzled with
fragrant truffle oil, feta and parsley.
That recipe is in Section 3 of the book.
You're welcome. It was.
I couldn't smell it. After sharing that this is where

(50:10):
it got good, I'll share the playby play.
Let's call him EE. Are you fat?
I would be lol. Thankfully all of my cooking is
extremely basic. Me.
No I'm not EE Phew, me neither. Me, My photos are actually me
EE. Yay.

(50:30):
Photos are deceptive sometimes. Are you under £130?
Yup, he actually wrote those words now.
Remember how earlier I shared with you how I used to ridicule
myself if I wasn't 135 lbs? OK, it gets better, let's
continue. Me.
No I'm not, nor would I want to be at my height.

(50:50):
I'm 57 for inquisitive minds. Me.
Are you fat phobic? E Yes, admittedly I am.
To which I replied Interesting though what I was thinking was
wow while also taking a deep breath to understand why I felt
called to have this conversationwith this man.
EI prefer fit girls isn't? Is it interesting or unusual?

(51:15):
To which I said interesting thatyou asked a specific weight.
The conversation continued with him sharing gems like my ex was
115 lbs then 170 pregnant and lost all the weight.
It's not hard to lose weight, just eat less and even went on
to say, but I feel people are too fat nowadays.
Girls aren't trying to be thin and fit, he continued on saying.

(51:38):
It's kind of interesting. I grew up attracted to Sports
Illustrated Swimsuit models and Victoria's Secret girls.
That was every boy's fantasy. That was it.
This was my moment. My moment to stand up for
myself, to transmute my fears ofnot being thin enough,
attractive enough or worthy enough by just being me.
The intuitive hit I felt when I messaged him wasn't about going

(52:01):
on a date, it was about having amirror reflect back to me.
An old ugly self hatred version of myself.
So I responded by simply saying are you still a boy or have you
grown into a man? To which he said I think I'm
still a boy when it comes to that.
It was at that moment a part of me was set free, that insecure,
not attractive or worthy enough.Part of me was no longer me.

(52:25):
That was a little girl who grew up with Victoria's Secret and
swims and Sports Illustrated Swimsuit models and unlike EI,
decided to evolve from girl to woman.
I ended the conversation shortlyafter, letting him know I was a
chef, health coach and author. I appreciated the reflection and
conversation and would be sure to share it with others.

(52:45):
Why? Because you need to remember
that your insecurities will showup so you can look them in the
eyes and defeat them. In that conversation, I was able
to slay my own dragon and find both empathy and love for this
45 year old boy man who had yet to grow up and was still living
in his childhood fantasies. I know what it's like to live in

(53:06):
fantasy. I was stuck there for some time.
Can you relate? It was in this conversation that
I further found and strengthenedmy voice, love, and devotion to
myself. Once at pump time, this
conversation would have rocked me and sent me down a shame
spiral, but on this day I ended the conversation and popped into
Trader Joe's to grab some groceries.

(53:27):
Oh it's so good. Like get Angel bumps and oh,
thank you for sharing that. I haven't read that one out
loud. So wow, it feels so good to just
like, even as I share it, right,I get to transmute it further.
And I know as other people read it, they're gonna feel it and
it's gonna release them from their own demons.

(53:49):
And they're a. 100% especially like the women listening who are
dating, actively dating and feeling insecure in their body
and just knowing like if someonedoesn't like you for who you
are, let them go like by like we're looking for alignment.
We're looking for someone who doesn't care about just this

(54:10):
superficial. I mean, that's like the way you
the way you came back at him so peacefully and sovereignly.
Like, are you still, would you say, are you still a boy?
Yeah, or have. You grown into a man.
That's so good and I'm sure it gave him a moment to self
reflect. Now, I don't know if he's this

(54:31):
is the kind of person who can change at this point, right?
Like this is a man who's a boy, but just maybe it's a moment for
all of us. It's a moment for all of us to
self reflect and go in the ways that we're a little harsh on
preferences. Maybe it's not this, maybe it's
something else because as a woman, I think we all appreciate
a little something to grab on to.

(54:52):
OK. But maybe in other ways, we have
preferences that are extremely harsh and we put up walls.
And is that a girl thing to do or is that a woman thing to do?
And boundaries can be a woman thing to do or it could be a
little girl thing to do. And I think that that's a really
great question to ask, so thank you.

(55:12):
Thank you so much. Yeah, you're so welcome.
It's I mean, I remember finishing that conversation and
I was like about to delete to delete it.
And I was like, no, no, no screenshot this, this is for
your book. And I screenshot it.
And I was like, OK. And then I and then I literally

(55:32):
deleted the app after cuz I'll get these inner knowings to
download the app and I'll meet the person I'm supposed to meet
like the man I had met in December.
Yeah. Immediately knew this is the
person I'm supposed to meet. I got the correct signs.
We have this nice little time together.
And then when it was done, it was done.

(55:54):
And I knew, like, you showed up for a reason.
Not a season, not a lifetime, a reason.
And I, and I now approach datingfrom that perspective because I
used to be like, Oh my God, is this my lifetime?
Is this my person? And it's like, sweetie, calm the
fuck down. Yeah.
Let them be a reason before you're letting them move into

(56:15):
your fucking house that you workto build.
Like why are you just inviting someone in?
And I, I know you always say lesbians move a lot quicker.
OK. Also, I want to remind you like
before you move so quickly. And I and I think moving quickly
is totally like, OK, like when you know, you know, I believe
that and ask yourself, what is the reason this person is

(56:36):
showing up first? Yeah, before being like.
No, I and I think we all have intentions, at least in Queer
Country Club, we all have intentions of wanting to find
the forever person. That's what we want.
But at the end of the day, you have to date someone and it's OK
to date someone and realize they're not the one for you.

(56:57):
I mean, we try to make things easier with some AI matching
compatibility. Sophie, the matchmaker asks you
lots of questions and make sure that she's aligning you.
But still, dating is a way to figure out what you don't want,
a way to figure out the lessons.And the sooner you can realize
the lesson and walk away from it, I like to say like you
graduated to your next level of life's a video game.

(57:19):
If it would have taken like for me, it took me like a year in a
toxic relationship before I knewsomething was off to go.
And then I got it down to six months.
And then I got it down to three months and I'm like, OK, OK, I
got this. Yeah, and I think that's so
important because ultimately everyone we date is bringing us
closer to ourselves and to our authenticity.

(57:41):
So it's like if like it's so easy to be like, Oh my God, I
can't believe it didn't work outand like go into the woe is me.
But it's like, Oh my God, what agift.
What a gift that I got to meet this person who brought me
closer to my divine partner. Like, yeah, it sucks and it
hurts at times, but it's also like, what a gift.

(58:02):
What a gift. Like this is such a beautiful
lesson and journey. I love how you knew and you're
like, I'm screenshotting this for my book.
When did you know you were goingto write this?
Well, it started off as a shocker healing cookbook like
maybe eight years ago and I had it drafted in my files, but I
wasn't getting to it. And God kept kind of like poking
me like, hey, you need to work on your book.

(58:24):
But I was like, Oh no, no, no, like I'm over here building my 6
figure coaching business. Like that's what I was.
Working on healings like I'm booked and busy.
I don't have time for this book.And then three years ago, my
grandmother passed away. And I've been reflecting a lot
on this. When Jeff died.
And when two years after Jeff died, my best friend from
kindergarten, she passed. And in both of their passings, I

(58:48):
found spirituality, I found God,I found source, I found this
other world that was so different then.
I didn't dive so, so deeply intogrief because I I was
experiencing something so different.
So Fast forward when my grandmother passed 3 years ago,
like my world shattered. I lived 45 minutes here in Miami

(59:12):
from my grandmother. I would see her all the time and
like we just had a very special relationship and when she
crossed over, I started having these deep inner knowings.
You need to slow down. You are on your way to burnout.
This was not the point of this. You need to slow down.

(59:33):
So when client contracts came toan end, I didn't allow them to
renew. When my groups were finished, I
didn't create new ones. When my Reiki trainings were
done off my calendar, I didn't put any more on.
And I was, I was like in full surrender, like God, like, how
am I going to pay my bills? Like I got, I got a mortgage to

(59:53):
pay now, like what am I doing? And I just kept hearing you need
to heal and you need to write your book.
And I reached out to a mentor I had worked with, ended up
spending some time doing someoneon one work with him and then
went to Romania to do another training with him.
And in the work that I studied with him, which is called true

(01:00:14):
body intelligence. And then from there I went to
Egypt. And at that point like.
My heart cracked wide open and it was like I was bleeding out.
It was like I'm just letting it all go like I, I am.
I thought I was broken before, but like I didn't even know what
was possible because my grandmother's death, while Jeff

(01:00:37):
and Ashley's passing took me into my crown chakra and into
this new universe, My grandmother's passing brought me
down to earth and it grounded meand it took me into my roots to
really look at where was I disconnected.
And I went on a deep journey to reconnect with my inner child
over these last three years because I realized, you know,

(01:00:58):
they're, they talk in therapy, Little T, big T, little trauma,
big trauma. So, so often when someone has a
childhood trauma, people want toassociate it with like you,
well, then you were sexually assaulted.
Who hurt you when you were a child, right?
And those things are very real. And when people would present
that to me as maybe what happened to me, like it never

(01:01:20):
felt correct. It never felt a line.
But I knew something happened atmy birth.
I knew something happened at my birth.
I knew I didn't want to come here.
I knew there was something that ultimately was incorrect and it
let that knowing led me to take Kundalini yoga teacher training
in 2004 because I I had this knowing that I wasn't breathing

(01:01:42):
properly and that it was connected to my birth that I
didn't breathe properly. And it turned out now I've
learned in this last year that Ihave a tongue tie, which is
typically when you're born if you're breastfed, which I
wasn't, if you don't latch properly, they'll cut the
tongue. And I ultimately wasn't
breastfed. It wasn't caught that I had a

(01:02:03):
tongue tie. So I grew with that and it
affected my nervous system for the rest of my life.
It's likely why I ended up having surgeries could be why I
ended up with ADD because I wasn't getting proper oxygen to
my brain because I wasn't breathing properly.
It's it's been this whole big thing that I've been uprooting,
but ultimately that's what led me to reopen my book and start

(01:02:26):
writing again. And it changed.
I, I again like I thought it wasjust this is my chakra healing
cookbook and it evolved into a chakra healing memoir meets
cookbook. Cuz there is that section on the
chakra chef at the end where I share recipes how to eat for
your chakras and I talk about inthe chakra sections as well.

(01:02:48):
So it was a journey. I cooked again on a retreat for
Julianne Hough's company Kenergy.
I flew up to New York and cookedfor a client for a month who was
going through a her own situation.
I was doing sound healing and cooking for her.
So writing led me back into the kitchen to cook, which

(01:03:08):
ultimately helped me heal myself.
And then it led me to to writingthese stories.
And you know, we, we store our trauma, we, we store our grief
in our bodies. Like, you know, there's that
book The body keeps the score. And it truly does.
And I needed to pull the stress and trauma out of my physical

(01:03:30):
organs. I had to get to the issues that
were in my tissues. So I did all of this work.
And then ultimately, in doing the work, I was then able to
write and further transmute whathad once lived inside of me.
And I, I've been saying lately, like, like this book used to
live inside of me. Like all of these stories lived

(01:03:51):
inside of me. And now I can just put it on a
shelf. And with that, it's like this
old timeline that existed before.
It gets to live, it gets to havea purpose.
It gets to help heal other people.
And now what I've always truly wanted, which is that healthy
monogamous relationship with is a family, which is all of those

(01:04:12):
things. Now I have the space for it, and
I'm not going to walk into it asa wounded girl.
I get to walk into it as a healed woman.
I feel it. Oh my gosh, like just the Angel
bumps that like this episode. I've just been sitting here just
so good. Someone else needs to hear that.

(01:04:34):
Like take it and put it on the shelf.
And just reading your story, although different from mine,
I've never dabbled in drugs. Never, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm
lesbian. I had dated men, but our stories
are so different. Yet I see myself so much in in
you and in the things you go through in your book.

(01:04:56):
And I know other women listeninghave felt the alignment to grab
the book to either work with youor follow you on Instagram.
How can they stay in touch with you and get their hands on this
book, Lauren? Yeah, so the book is available
May 2nd on Amazon. It's called Glow up your Chakras
from medicated to meditated. You'll also find a link on my

(01:05:17):
website for it. My website is Lauren
courtneyheels.com and you could find me on Instagram at I am
Lauren Courtney. I take clients when it, whether
it's one-on-one work or I have my glow up community with two
live healing calls a month and access to that sound healing
program I mentioned. Glow up your chakras, plus glow

(01:05:37):
up your aura, blow up your organs, and glow up your
business. Because once we start healing
ourselves on these deep levels, it's pretty likely you're also
going to start a business that you've been not starting because
you were in fear and trapped andafraid to step forward as your
most authentic self. So good, thank you for being my
very special ally friend that got to come on the show.

(01:06:00):
Thank you for having me, truly. I mean, I love talking to you
because, right, Like, you are a lesbian and I am a straight
woman, and I see so much of myself in your story as well.
And I think what it comes down to is we're empathic women.
Yeah. And there are so many empaths

(01:06:21):
likely listening to this. And I know in your community, in
my community, and as empaths, often we struggle because we
don't understand our, our worth and value always because we've
been trampled in our own energy and told like we have to be a
certain way instead of being intuitive, which is really what

(01:06:41):
we're meant to be. Yeah, I feel that.
I totally feel that. And a lot of the women who find
me are impacts because there's like this spiritual component.
I totally believe that like God controls the algorithm.
And so, yeah, they end up here and like, we're all like,
deconstructing and reconstructing and into all of

(01:07:02):
our magical things. It's funny, the other day I was
talking to my mom about something and about therapy, and
she was like, well, you should go to a therapist who doesn't
pull out tarot cards. And I was like, OK, the fact
that you just said that shows a lack of respect for like, what I
do, how I do it. But we'll pause with that.

(01:07:24):
But my therapist is like trauma.Like, she works with first
responders and doesn't pull out tarot cards.
Like, she's just like, so interesting.
Like people, people see and witness and identify me with
being like this really spiritualperson, even though that's not
like what I put out all the time.
And I think that's like somehow it brings all the other impacts

(01:07:47):
together. Like the energies out there,
kind of like you put out with the arrangement website, then
you got that, like the energies out there, the spiritual
energies out there. So I know there may even be
straight women who ended up on this podcast that are like, how
did I get here? Like, how did I get here?
If you feel led to share what was most impactful with Lauren,
please reach out to her. I am Lauren Courtney on

(01:08:08):
Instagram, share with her and get the book.
I would say support my friend, but honestly, this book will
support you. And I'm not just saying that.
I'm not being paid to say that. Lawrence, not only I, I
mentioned it in the intro how she's impacted me and, and came
into my life in like the weirdest way, but beyond that,

(01:08:29):
like she's been able to like literally do distance healing
with me and pull stuff from my past and tell me things about my
childhood that I did not tell anyone before.
And so you truly are a gift and your energy is in these pages.
Reading them will help you self reflect and help you on your
healing journey. So crab, go up your chakras and

(01:08:51):
you'll have an amazing. Day, thank you.

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