March 24, 2025 • 68 mins
https://queercountryclub.com/wlw-club?am_id=zsuzsiandziron
Zsuzsi & Ziron met under mystical circumstances at a retreat in upstate New York, where a simple eye-gazing exercise turned into a soul-shaking realization that they were destined for each other. That one moment set them on a path not only as life partners but as mentors in love and self-discovery.
Through their work at Sacred 8 Roadshow, they help queer womxn clear emotional blocks, rewire limiting beliefs, and build the kind of love that feels like home. But can anyone manifest a sacred connection like theirs? And what’s the secret to attracting deep, lasting love?
Let’s find out. Welcome to the show, Zsuzsi & Ziron!
📲 Connect with my guests, Zsuzsi & Ziron:
@Sacred8Roadshow on IG and Tiktok
https://www.sacred8roadshow.com/
Join their Human Design retreat in New York! https://www.eomega.org/workshops/intro-human-design
Start your Human Design Journey and make your chart for FREE!
https://www.hdbyz.com/individual
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Lesbians, have you ever locked eyes with someone and felt
instant, instant soul recognition?
I can think back to one time that I did, and it was a
powerful, powerful relationship for me.
The relationship nearly destroyed me.
(00:24):
For the women we get to talk to you today, it's brought them so
much to life. And as a woman who is single at
the time of recording this episode, I love hearing what's
possible, what kind of love is possible out there.
That's what the show is all about.
Welcome to Queer Women Rising, where iPhone my lesbian friends
(00:46):
talk about queer love, how to dodge the dating drama and
embrace the peaceful connectionswe all deserve.
I'm Sophia Splino, your lesbian host.
And before we dive in, I just want to share what's new in the
world. We're recording this right
before Valentine's Day and I'm processing still going through a
breakup. I am on like week 5 and there
(01:12):
are moments where I really, really, really, really miss the
life that I planned with her. I hesitate to say her because,
well, there are moments when I do miss her.
(01:33):
But I think what I've learned throughout all this is sometimes
people are exactly who we perceive them to be.
And so for a time I perceived her to be one way and in order
to let go, I'm able to perceive and process the wholeness of who
(01:58):
we both are and why it didn't work and that it's OK and I wish
her the best but doesn't mean itdoesn't hurt.
Her birthday also just passed and that made me sad.
It made me sad not to be able tobe like happy birthday.
But you know what, these are thetimes when we get stronger and
(02:24):
we push past and we trust that God has a reason for everything.
And on the other side of this, not only is there the love of my
life, but there is the love of her life.
And I wish that for her. OK, let's talk about what's new
and Queer Country Club. We had an AI matchmaking glitch
(02:50):
which as the creator of a lesbian dating platform, I have
to make sure our AI is just popping to match the women
inside. Keep everybody getting matched
with future wives and we match based on values and some
physical preferences. And we had a little glitch and
it was the first time my AI matchmaker was down.
(03:12):
She was down for a week and I was in the depths of despair
working with my developers all week.
But we got Sapphic Sophie back up and running yesterday.
I matchmakers name is Sapphic Sophie like the AI version of me
and she's so cute. Anyway, women inside of Queer
Country Club are able to continue chatting with her, tell
her your preferences and get herto match you with women inside.
(03:36):
Now I am not ready to date, however, because we had this
glitch, I end up being me and myteam all tested Sapphic Sophie
and let's just say I had a really accurate match.
And when I'm ready to date, I will definitely be reaching out
(03:59):
to this woman in particular inside of Queer Country Club.
And I'm really, really excited to know how good it works for
myself. Like obviously we've tested her,
but for me to go in and it hit different because I am single
now and I can actually test thiswith like, Oh my gosh, like what
(04:21):
do I think of her? It's pretty cool.
So when I'm ready to date again,I will be in my own lesbian
dating club, my own lesbian dating platform, the Queer
Country Club. And if you are single, I invite
you to go to queercountryclub.com and apply
or shoot me Adm on Instagram if you have any questions at Sofia
Espino. OK, let's get into talking about
(04:43):
love, the kind of loves that finds you when you least expect
it. Today's guests fell in love
under mystical circumstances at a retreat.
Zuzi and Zion met under mysticalcircumstances at a retreat, and
they became life partners. And now they're not just
together in love, but they're together as mentors in love and
(05:05):
self discovery. Through their work at Sacred 8
Roadshow, they help queer women clear those emotional blocks,
rewire limiting beliefs, and build the kind of love that
feels like home. You guys know what The kind of
love we all want to manifest. Can we manifest it?
What does it take to manifest a love like this?
How do you get ready for it? Let's find out.
(05:27):
Welcome to the show, Zuzi and Xyron.
I'm so glad to have you here. Oh my gosh, we're so excited.
Thank you so much for having us.It has been so inspirational and
beautiful to see you in my feed,both when I was in a happy,
healthy relationship and now being single again.
(05:49):
To be able to witness such a beautiful love is powerful.
It shows us what's possible and I think there's two types of
people in the world, or maybe there's only one type and then
they evolve. But people see a beautiful
relationship and they can be a little triggered by it, or they
(06:10):
see a beautiful relationship andthey know what's possible for
them because they believe in it or they're already in it.
And so we are speaking to those women who are ready to believe
that this is possible for them. And if you're not there yet, I
invite you to challenge yourselfto move through it in this
episode because we are going to hear so much divine love between
(06:32):
these two. OK, before we get into the love,
I put the L in the LGBTQIA. So I'm curious, what are the
letters of the alphabet soup that you 2 identify with?
When are you, babe? Well, I think the word lesbian
(06:52):
was really hard for me at first,but not because of any other
reason than I wasn't sure if I was like allowed to belong to
this super like amazing club, ifyou will.
I just have been actually my whole life, like really a part
(07:17):
of the LGBTQIA plus community asan ally for a really long time.
And you guys will hear our story, so this will make a
little bit more sense. But I always saw myself as kind
of on the periphery looking in and being like, oh, that.
It looks so nice in there. 'Cause it is nice in here.
(07:42):
And I worked in fashion for manyyears, so I had a lot of gay
friends and spent most of my 20sin gay clubs, going to Pride,
celebrating queer voices. I was a huge fan of the L Word.
There were some. That's a major sign.
(08:06):
Like I'm extremely gay and. Better than I did.
Oh, no. Oh no, Yeah, that's that's a big
one. And yet.
And yet I there was a part of methat still felt like I didn't
belong, that there was. I mean, compet is real.
(08:30):
Yeah. It really, it really was of a
layer of conditioning that I could not get through.
And so there was a time in my life where there was kind of a
fork in the road and I took the path more traveled just because
(08:51):
it was my default. You know, I present very fam.
I am a girly girl. Pink is my favorite color.
Like I must be straight, right? So to.
Siren's like, no, she's up in it.
She ain't straight at all. She's probably more a lesbian
(09:12):
than I am. So now I get to call myself a
lesbian, and I don't take it lightly, right?
It's very sacred to me to be able to say those words out loud
and like, own it. Yeah, I feel that's so hard
(09:32):
because I came out at 30. Between 28 and 30 is where I
went from like bye to I'm a lesbian, so I get that.
How old were you when you realized?
40. I love it.
I love it. Well, we're so glad you're here.
And what about you, Ziron? You know, my whole life everyone
(09:55):
said it was always written across my forehead and I finally
saw the the the flag print about21 so.
OK. My whole adult life, basically,
you know, I've identified as a lesbian.
I love it, I love it. Now your journey is wild.
What's the stories that ultimately LED you to each
(10:17):
other? We're we're going to spend most
of the time talking about the love story, but real quick,
what's like the pre back story? Pre back story up to the night
you met in New York, Do you? Want to go first?
So I think it was really startedwith the personal development
(10:37):
and working on myself in the inner work of, you know, coming
out of a very toxic situation that I'd spent eight years in
and basically lost my entire identity with it.
So coming out of that and reallyjust I just when I commit to
something, I go all in. So I just immersed my immersed,
(11:00):
immersed myself in the self improvement world where I was
doing inner work, going to retreats, get into the spiritual
community, finding my soul family and being surrounded by
that. And through that process I was,
you know, as I was healing, I was awakening myself to the
possibility of us meeting. So I really credit doing all the
(11:24):
work to leading to that point and opening this Destiny portal
for us. I love that inside of Queer
Country Club, my lesbian dating club, I often tell women like
you can think you're ready, but are Are you ready on the inside
to actually be the kind of person that could hold love?
(11:44):
And that is what we do with the coaching, which I'm so excited
to have you ladies come coach for us inside of Queer Country
Club very soon. But it's it's the work leading
up to the relationship that really, really matters.
So even though you were very secure in your sexuality a lot
sooner than Juji, it sounded like there is a lot more work to
(12:07):
be done. And we all know the toxic
relationships that can make you bring, bring out the very worst
of you. We all have shadow sides, but it
sounds like you went through. Perfect.
It like the relationship was exactly what it needed to be in
order to get me to where I am today.
Because I would never would havetaken that dive and really
(12:27):
looked at all my triggers and all of my insecurities and what
was really leading those and what what was the root problem.
So you going through that and really being pushed to do a
deeper dive on myself was it wasperfect.
You could, I couldn't ask for She did her her job perfectly.
I'm curious if you're comfortable sharing like just a
(12:50):
couple things that happened in that relationship that pushed
you to the end of it. Because a lot of women end up on
the show because they're going through breakups.
And my dad always told me every time I go through a rough
breakup, he's like, but God has your person like right on the
other side of you leaving the thing that's not good for you.
(13:11):
And I believe it. I truly believe it.
It's always one step closer, butin that moment where you're
going through turmoil, whether it's heartbreak right after or
literal just like gaslighting circles craziness during a toxic
relationship, you need to have the faith that it's going to get
better and it's worth it to actually leave.
(13:31):
Because sometimes the the discomfort of being in something
bad for you is still more comfortable than being alone.
At least I recognize that fear come up for me.
So what was it for you that was like, these are the last straws?
Like I can't do this relationship anymore.
If you're comfortable sharing. Yeah, well, I definitely had the
(13:51):
the moments of, you know, I would rather just try to stick
this out. I kept trying to prove my love
to her and prove that I was worth loving.
And I just kept going through these different cycles and I
started and somewhere at some point she goes, you need
therapy, you know, in one of those gaslighting moments.
And I'm like, I do. And so I was like, well, fine,
I'll try it. I'm I'm try anything and through
(14:14):
I thought therapy wasn't it wasn't it was great.
It's great for some people, right?
But for me it was more of a, it felt like it was just a venting
session. But there was one great thing
that came from that. And it was that moment where she
said to me, the therapist said to me, do you recognize the
similarities between this and your mom?
Oh. Yes.
(14:36):
Now, just because there's something a little different
doesn't mean that it's not, doesn't mean that that this new
relationship is good. So, and she was like, so you're
comfortable in this pattern because you know this pattern
from childhood. So from that point, it was a
matter of just taking these babysteps to work myself out of it.
(14:57):
And there was always this littlepart of myself that kept going.
You know, you deserve better. What do you need to do to get
back to you? And in the process of thinking
you're getting back to yourself,you're really becoming that new
version of yourself because you're never really going
backwards. You're going forward.
So I would, I started with taking walks and I started with,
(15:19):
you know, just recognizing the patterns that I was having in
the complicit behaviors and listening to her gaslight me and
recognizing when she was gaslighting me.
And I stopped trying to defend myself against it.
And just little, just the littlebaby steps.
And to the point of one day, it just broke out in a rage and
(15:41):
she. You don't have to go if if you
feel uncomfortable it's. She, she kicked me out that
night in like the middle of the night in one of her rages.
And I was like, I can't do this anymore.
And now there was still that back and forth for a while
because you know your brain, it takes your brain a while to, to
really catch on to what's happening.
(16:02):
But I did, I do credit myself that I never actually went fully
back after that. Good for you.
I started the self journey of mentorships through the Theo
program. I don't know if you've ever
heard Theo the and then I just continued my journey from that
point. Like I just like I said, I just
(16:23):
fully immersed myself into figuring out my issues and
knowing that I still wanted a partner.
But. I didn't want to be single.
I was learning to be single, which is fine and it's great.
And you and at some point I learned that in one of those
mentorship programs that I had to turn it on myself and I had
to start giving myself everything that I wanted in a
(16:45):
relationship. Yes, that's so good, so good.
And something that I'm learning in the season of singleness too.
Thank you for sharing. What about you, Juji?
Well, so I started a little bit earlier because there was a lot
(17:07):
of of turmoil in my life as well.
Like if you know anything about a Saturn return, which is where
you're in. I just came out of it.
It's it's been a good time. Yeah.
So mine was particularly bumpy, let's just say.
(17:30):
And the, what Zyron was really expressing is this sunk cost
fallacy that we live in, in relationships wherein you
believe that if you've invested X amount of time, energy, love
(17:51):
into somebody, then you have to keep going because otherwise
that's lost somehow. And the truth is you will take
all of those lessons forward with you.
And especially in my Saturn return.
So I was married to man. It was extremely unsatisfying,
(18:16):
shocking. And I supplemented with another
man. I stepped outside of my
marriage, which is totally incongruent with my own like way
of being. I didn't even recognize myself
after a time because I just feltlike I was going against my own
(18:40):
moral compass on such a deep level having done that.
But the truth was that because Ihad stepped out of the marriage,
I My perception was I must have just married the wrong person.
Meaning the person that I was having the affair with was
(19:01):
supposed to be then the one. And it was a pretty prototypical
affair wherein I spent years trying to like, get him to
commit to me instead so that I could just leapfrog from one
relationship to the next. And then they both fell apart.
(19:26):
That is really vulnerable of youto share.
I am. I want you to know your energy
is the energy of a trustworthy woman and that does not define
you. I know you know it, but like
deep in my soul I just see you as like this this woman who
(19:48):
would never. But I also can say I get that.
And I don't know if this was your reason, but looking back at
why I would jump from relationship to relationship
with men, even though as you said it was deeply unsatisfying,
it always came back to confette and being like oh but more male
attention could cure this deeplyunsatisfying feeling.
(20:13):
I didn't know that's what I was doing, but the more attention
equals more security to me that that was what I was taught to
search for as a Southern religious woman.
So I can see parallels there. Even though I didn't step
outside of my marriage, I did step outside of my relationship,
last relationship with a man with his permission to be with
(20:36):
the woman. And then I realized how
satisfying that was. And I was like, OK, bye, bye.
But this all makes so much senseto me.
And yeah, just know about, I know you know who you are, but
if this is any confirmation and affirmation to you is that the
world sees you as who you reallyare, which is totally
trustworthy and just radiant. So thank you for being
(20:57):
vulnerable and sharing that. Yeah, thank you.
You know, it was like the thing that I felt the deepest shame
about because like I said, it went against my own moral
compass. But I I have since started my
(21:17):
own coaching practice and have been on this healing journey for
a long time and have been out inthe world sharing my experience.
And I find that the more I have shared it, the less charge it
holds. And I have shared this
particular piece of my story many times and I have gotten
(21:43):
such an outpouring of not support necessarily, obviously
that too. But people then sharing with me
some of their deep, dark, shameful quote UN quote things
that they have done in the name of trying to make themselves
(22:05):
happy and realizing that they were out of integrity with
themselves. And how feeling less alone in
this very taboo, very, very taboo subject matter.
Because especially for women, there's this perception that
(22:25):
it's always the men who step out.
And I don't think that that's true at all.
It's in the name of trying not to hurt someone else,
ironically, that we tend to seekthe love and validation that
we're not getting in our relationship in order to keep
(22:49):
that relationship, as like backwards as that is.
I just like the mental gymnastics and the hoops you
have to jump through in order tojustify it.
While you're doing it starts to create this whole other reality
that when that bubble pops finally and you're kind of like
(23:12):
looking around your life going like, what have I done and like
what have I allowed? And this is just not who I am or
who I want to be. That's when you really like.
Unfortunately, most of us do have to hit rock bottom in order
to start growing from that darkness.
(23:33):
But the seeds are all there. And if you can help yourself and
pull yourself up by your bootstraps, you will know for
the rest of your life that you can do anything.
Because I thought that was goingto kill me.
I truly did. I thought that that situation
(23:53):
was going to be the death of me.And when I didn't die from it, I
was like, oh, amazing. Yeah, and, and I think unless
you've been in a love triangle situation, when you risk
everything and risk everything and lose both relationships, you
(24:16):
hit rock bottom on another levelbecause one was like your
security and one was like your your dream and you were living
in this fantasy world. And yeah, it it, it, it hits,
it's different. I have my own experiences with
that. I will probably one day share
them. Rough times.
So I feel you so hard. I'm so glad that you guys found
(24:42):
each other after all this turmoil.
Isn't that how it goes? That's how it goes.
I want to encourage there's there's someone out there
listening to that and they needed to hear that exact
message. Please message Zuji and tell her
how grateful you are for sharingher story.
That was so vulnerable. And I know about it.
(25:03):
It touched your heart. It touched my heart.
It was something that I needed to hear.
I know someone else out there needs to hear it.
Like the past you does not define you.
Even if your story's not exactlythe same as hers Exactly.
There's something it's pulling at you.
I can feel it. OK, now bring me back to that
(25:26):
night. Where you guys are in a healthy
state, You're in upstate New York and you meet each other.
What was that like? And yeah, like, give me the play
by play. And also like how you were
feeling if you weren't out of the closet yet or were you that
sort of thing. Yeah.
(25:46):
Give us the context. So the retreat was August 2nd,
3rd and 4th and I was there withmy best friend.
So I got there a day early because we like to do that and
get situated and set up and everything.
And I remember just going into this retreat thinking I don't
even know if I want to be here. Like I'm in such.
(26:09):
I had been through so much in the last six months that I had
done this roller coaster and nowI'm on this really high, high
vibe, loving life, loving being single.
Got all these plans going forward.
I'm just so excited about life and my best friend's like, you
have to go, you have to go with me.
Let's just go hang out with all of our friends and I'm like, OK,
(26:29):
fine, I'll go. So we go, we're hanging out.
So the first night we're just there by ourselves and then the
second night is when. So Friday night is when the the
retreat actually starts and we begin.
Go ahead. Where did you come in?
Like I'm already there. So I'm there hanging out with
everybody, sitting on the back patio, having some drink, you
(26:52):
know, well water, 'cause that's me.
But I mean, I'm having a good time, you know, I'm enjoying my
time with my friends and enjoying the fact that I get to
spend the whole weekend with my soul family and in this high
vibe environment. So I'm in.
Not a queer, not a queer retreat, just like a spiritual.
(27:13):
It's a spiritual retreat, OK? Yeah.
So I had been invited to the retreat in Mount Shasta, where I
live in California at the time, and it perfectly lined up for
when I was wrapping up teaching at the Omega Institute, which is
(27:34):
like an hour away from the retreat.
And I was like, OK, I'm paying attention, spirit.
Like you want me at this retreat.
The dates are just too aligned. It's too perfect, it's too easy.
And I basically drive onto this property and I just hear a voice
saying to me, I receive, I receive, I receive like be open,
(27:57):
be open to whatever is coming. And I just knew that it was
going. I before I'd even left to go to
the East Coast, I had been saying like, I'm coming back a
different person. I'm going to this life changing
experience. Like I don't know what's
happening. We're just going to meditate,
right? So I remember being very
(28:23):
excited, like coming off this high.
I love teaching. I just taught for five days
straight. It was wonderful.
And it was a dream come true, actually.
So I was like, how much higher can I get?
And then the first night, they asked us to sit in this circle
and they pass a mic around and they ask everybody to share
(28:46):
their name and why they're there.
And somebody passes Xyra on the mic and she very honestly says,
I don't know why I'm here. And I thought that that was very
refreshing, first of all. But also I was like, who is
that? Like my antenna was up.
I was like, there's something about her.
(29:09):
And her voice feels so familiar and her face is so kind.
I just, I just want to get to know her.
I just want to know what her. We're going to be friends.
We're going to be friends. So after that circle happens, I
walk right up to her and we start talking and we're like
(29:35):
maybe lingering a little too long.
I had been walked, so we'd takena break after that circle and
I'd been walking out the back door onto the back deck, into
the backyard. And I feel this energy come in
from the right side of me. And it's so strong that my
entire body turned around to seewhat it was.
And it was her walking up to me.So when she walked up and we
started talking, I was like, I remember hearing her name and
(29:58):
going, OK, well, that's a difficult name.
I could probably relate to that with my last name.
So I start talking and I just start spilling my name and
everything. So that allowed her to remember
my name. And then I start thinking she's
she's talking a little bit longer than what's normal for
the first time you meet someone.What's going on here?
(30:21):
So or you like, could she be a little gay?
Like what was going through yourhead?
You know, I've never worried about if they're gay or not.
You just go after them. You know, if they like me and
they want to pursue me then. I'm always curious from the
perspective of a more masculine presenting woman, do do you feel
(30:44):
you have to let someone you're not sure about their sexuality
make the first move? Or do you like, do you kind of
hang back to create that safety or do you make it clear you're
interested? Typically?
Like I know it's a little off topic but like what's the vibe?
We could go to a whole level of human design on this, but it
(31:05):
it's my nature to to be pursued.I prefer to be pursued, but I
will drop little hints like comeget me.
You know so. Like I I've never, I can never
really tell when somebody's flirting with me.
I just figure everybody's being friendly.
(31:25):
But so we split from that conversation to go to dinner and
like, she's going back to her cabin for something.
I'm going to sit down with my best friend for dinner.
And my best friend goes, what was that?
What's going on there? What's that energy?
And I was like, I don't know, why did you feel something?
She's like, oh, yes, something'sgoing on.
I'm going to interrogate her. She's a.
(31:45):
Good. We love the best friend, Yes.
At this point, she's a wing woman.
Which is is hilarious, but it's great so.
Oh, go ahead, go ahead. So we sit down at dinner, and
that's what my best friend starts doing.
She just starts asking her questions, like getting to know
her questions. And I was like, yeah, check,
(32:07):
yeah, check. Cool, check.
Yes. And she's hot.
Like, this is going to be awesome.
And then the part where she saysand my husband and I went, and
my whole heart sunk to my stomach.
No, I was not mentally prepared for this part.
(32:32):
My heart is cracking. Oh my God, why is this always
the case? OK, what happened next?
We know it didn't happen as well.
OK. And sometimes when, since I just
shared a very difficult part of my life from my first marriage
(32:58):
and how that blew up and ended up, you know, leaving me in the
darkest place I've ever been. Sometimes when something like
that happens, and I would say that if you're paying attention,
it will definitely happen. You will know why you had to go
through that in order to move through a similar situation in a
(33:22):
completely different way. Yeah.
So we're going to tell you how we event like the next day ended
up connecting. But I just want to say about
having been through what I went through with my first marriage.
And now I'm in my second marriage to a man, which is very
(33:46):
different than the first one andmuch more aligned on a lot of
levels, but still not ultimatelysatisfying in the way that I now
understand a relationship can besatisfying.
And so it was, it was like a full circle moment for me to be
(34:06):
like, oh, I'm having these feelings for someone outside of
the relationship that I'm in. And I know everything that
doesn't work. Sneaking around isn't going to
work. Being deceitful isn't going to
(34:27):
work. You know, trying to make both
situations happen isn't going towork.
So how can I handle this completely differently than I
did last time? And in a way, I am so grateful
now when I reverse engineer thatthat experience because I, I
(34:51):
don't think I would have handledit as smoothly as I ended up
handling it, which we'll talk about.
But it's, it's like, it's like having a prize almost at the end
of that. Really, it's like having to have
run a marathon and getting a trophy at the end.
That's the trophy, is that you are a stronger person who
(35:14):
understands how these things canwork because you understand
everything that doesn't. Yeah, in that moment where
you're experiencing connection with Zirin, was it like, oh,
I'm, I'm gay and This is why allthese relationships haven't been
satisfying? Was that a click or that didn't
(35:35):
matter? Not yet.
Not yet. OK, OK.
Not yet. OK.
So the following day, let's cut to the following day.
We're we do an exercise in the morning that's very powerful and
then. She comes into the tents as we
were putting the chairs back andgives you this massive hug.
(35:56):
And I'm going, oh, that must have been a really powerful
exercise for her. That's nice.
OK, You're just she's just giving me a hug if she needed to
release that somewhere. OK.
And then all of a sudden I I waslike, you know what?
I'm going to ask her to sit nextto me.
I just kicked my best friend anniversary.
That's the best thing I'm. Doing this, I'm not looking at
(36:18):
her across the room, you know, like I said, what do they say?
You can sit here if you'd like. That was mine.
Here's your here's your bait. If you want it, come get it.
I guess because it took every ounce of nerves to to for me to
ask her to sit next to me. And at this point, is this where
(36:40):
you guys do that powerful eye gazing thing?
I know this is like the famous moment.
OK, OK, what? How does this happen?
And is there a tract? What, what, What unlocks?
So the, the exercise was really to get people to understand that
if you can let your guard down and look at each other deeply
(37:02):
and just be, allow yourself to be seen and see the other person
and then it can really create this unity and realize you're
not no longer in separation, you're all one.
So we went, we formed 2 circles,an outer circle and an inner
circle. And the inner circle people
would walk around one person at a time and really look and soul
gaze into each other's eyes to really see the other person and
(37:24):
allow yourself to be seen. And we had masks on.
So the only thing you could really see was isolated was the
eyes. So a lot of times we'd go with
people and we'd have to look down at their shoes to figure
out even if we were looking at the same person or not.
Like who is this? You look completely different
looking just at your eyes. Yeah.
So because we were sitting next to each other, we were standing
(37:45):
next to each other and we went around the circle twice.
So you, you know, the first timeyou were in the inner circle,
The second time the other personwas.
And I go around to her first andI put my hands on like on her
face, you know, and I'm like trying to like stand real tall
and strong and be like, see me, see me.
I know you want to see me. And I'm trying to project myself
(38:07):
out there and nothing happens. So I was like, OK, I'm just
going to go on to the next person now.
And I go around the room and we get back to the beginning.
And then it's her turn to come to me.
So she comes and she's standing in front of me and she's looking
in my eyes and she puts her hands on my shoulders and I go
to put my hands on her waist. What I didn't recognize in that
(38:29):
moment was that she was wearing a dress that was cut out along
the hips, skin to skin. And all of a sudden I got
electrical all the way down and I we were going.
I hope she felt that too, because if not, that's really
going to suck. The magical like queer panic,
(38:53):
just. Completely like, Oh no, what am
I going to do now? What did?
What did happen? What did you do?
So I felt the exact same electrical shock in that moment.
And because we are in this environment where like I said, I
was extremely open energeticallyand I'm clear cognizant, which
(39:18):
is unknowing. I don't see, I don't hear, I
just know. And so when that skin to skin
contact happened and I had that electrical shock the way that
she did, I just knew. I had this deep knowing that we
had spent many lifetimes together and that in each one of
(39:41):
those lifetimes we had been in partnership and sacred union and
that we had been instructed by the forces that be source, God,
whatever you want to call it, toseparate for some time and have
(40:01):
our own individual soul growth. And we felt like.
I had this knowing that I thought that it was just going
to be like a lifetime or two, and it ended up being a lot
longer than that. So we had been kind of lost from
one another for lifetimes between those partnerships, and
(40:27):
we were told that we would be reunited when there was some
really important mission to reunite us.
So here we were on Earth, back together.
It was a reunion. It was not a meeting.
For the first time, I understoodwhy her voice sounded so
(40:47):
familiar when I heard it for thefirst time, when her face just
felt like home to me when I was looking at it and then looking
into her eyes for multiple minutes.
This is not just like a 32nd exercise.
Like we are staring at each other.
And by the way, we both have brown eyes.
They're very similar color. So it was like looking into my
(41:11):
own eyes, but not it was this very intense, extremely loving,
blissful energy that I felt. And it wasn't even like gay, not
gay like it. It was just like, my soul is
home. I'm I finally found you again.
(41:37):
I have been looking for you for however many lifetimes that was.
And so of course, after I have this experience, I can't keep it
to myself. Yeah.
How long do you hold it in for? 5 minutes or five hours.
It was not very long. It was on that break.
(41:58):
She's like, can I tell you what I saw?
And then I'm like, well, of course I need to know.
And then she tells me that storyand I'm like, oh God, she's
crazy. Oh no.
But at the same time, I'm like, because I've always had a level
of discernment and skepticism when it comes to the woo woo,
spiritual, you know, side of things because, you know, so
(42:18):
many people could be faking it, but there's real people out
there. And so I've always been
investigating what's real, what's not.
So there was a part of me that was still like, OK, she's seen
this. I know I'm highly attracted to
her. I know that electrical shock
happened. What's going on?
And let's not forget she has a husband at home.
So let's not get your hopes up right now.
But there was a moment in that retreat not long after that she
(42:39):
was introducing herself to somebody that and she was behind
me and I heard her say her full name.
And it was like all the hair on the back of my neck stood up.
Like I like that. What her full name was, what the
trigger was for me that they're.That was familiar.
She's supposed to have that namefor a reason.
That's why she came in with thatname.
(43:00):
So yeah. So we just continue the the rest
of the week and basically. Orbiting around each other.
Everywhere I went, like boom, there she is.
On purpose a little bit. We were in the kitchen one point
and I was talking to one of my other friends and I was like, I
need to manifest somebody that Ineed to manifest a personal chef
(43:20):
And she goes, I didn't know she was standing there and she goes,
I need what if you manifest a person partner that loves to
cook? And I immediately went well, are
you off? Oh, my gosh.
OK, so now usually I have to know, like, how long between
this moment where you, you just have this knowing you guys share
(43:42):
it, there's a mutual thing goingon.
You're orbiting. How long do you wait before
telling your partner? Hey dude, I met a woman.
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OK, back to the show. I remember you coming up to me
at the retreat saying you're notsupposed to turn your world
upside down or something. Blow my life up.
(46:18):
Blow your life up. Well, because I asked, you know,
I was like, I was like, OK, that's a beautiful story or
that's a beautiful thing to understand about our soul's
history. But like, what does this mean?
Because I didn't know. And the the only message that I
(46:40):
got in that moment was that I wasn't here to blow up my life.
And I think in hindsight, what that really meant was remember
the first time this happened andhow that really did blow up your
life? Like didn't have a place to
live, didn't have a source of like, it was just rock bottom to
(47:03):
the Max. Like, you know, I've heard your
story through your content, Sophia, and it felt very
similar, like just leave everything behind with a
suitcase and no plan and no real, like, Lifeline other than,
(47:25):
you know, certain contingencies I had put into place so that I
wouldn't like, end up on the street, but that that was
blowing up my life. This wasn't going to be that.
So. There, like I said, I had the
tools, I had a lot more self-confidence, I had a lot
(47:48):
more awareness around what I wanted and so I didn't repeat
the same pattern again. That's why we do the work so
that we're not repeating the same pattern again.
And I think that we both felt like, OK, we're going to go home
and like see what happens because this is only like a 48
(48:09):
hour experience. I mean, it felt like 3 months to
be honest. Time and space like was not real
in that retreat. But as soon as we got home, we
were chatting via text. And we had made a point at some
(48:31):
point after that eye gazing exercise to say like we need to
take a picture together at the retreat and we never did.
So I was kind of like teasing her that we never ended up
taking that picture. And so she just randomly sends
me a picture from her desk she'swearing AT shirt and a hoodie
(48:52):
and just like nothing crazy, right?
Just a picture of herself from her desk.
And this like lightning bolt like strikes me the 2nd that I
see this picture and I just hearthat's my wife.
Wow. It was like, and I was like, who
said that? I have Angel bumps.
(49:14):
Oh my God, I you just knew it was it was done deal.
It was a done deal. And then so when we were talking
'cause we ended up having these like 6 hour long FaceTime
conversations that were not evenabout getting to know each
(49:34):
other. It was more about just like
where are you in your process? You know, like how, where is
your spiritual journey leading you to?
How much work have you already done and what do you want to do
with the work that you've done? That kind of thing.
And of course, everybody needs to kind of like give their
(49:57):
background back story. It's like an interesting way to
lead into feeling intimate with someone, which we've already
did. We felt so close already, so it
was kind of like. What have you been up to since
last time we saw? How's Earth going for you?
(50:17):
But how did you tell the husband?
Well OK I just want to preface this with I already had a very
non traditional set up so my husband and I did not live
together. OK.
He has to live 45 minutes from where I live for work and so we
(50:40):
saw each other once or twice a week and usually only for a few
hours. What we were saying is that we
were waiting until he retired inorder to cohabitate.
So as weird as that sounds like,I thought I was being very
(51:02):
modern and, you know, doing whatwas best for me within the
marriage because I didn't want to live where he has to live for
his job and he wasn't trying to get me to move.
So I was very free, very open. Not that I was like, obviously
(51:23):
looking around, but the fact that we had all of these
evenings that we could speak forthree, 4-5 hours at a time made
it much easier. So when I did tell him, it
wasn't even in person because like, you know, human design
(51:44):
helps me a lot when it comes to how to approach other people as
well as how to love myself. And I just knew that it would be
a lot more aligned for him to beable to sit with all of the
information and have it in writing.
So I wrote him an e-mail and I basically laid it out and I
(52:07):
said, I'm not asking for permission.
I'm not definitively saying what's happening, but I'm going
to pursue this relationship because I think I'm gay.
And he called me pretty much right away and was like, are you
OK? It like what's happening?
(52:29):
This is so confusing. And I said, listen, this was not
my intention. This was not how I wanted this
to go. You know, like when I said I do,
I meant it. And here we are a few years
later and this is just what I have to do.
(52:49):
Like this is this is what's happening and I am very sorry.
So that happened in a few weeks later on a one way ticket.
Wow, wow the lesbian way we you fell.
(53:10):
On our first date I haven't left.
That was months ago. We did go back to my house, get
my car and my things, but. Wow, that is amazing, holy moly.
And it was just annoying and there was no like, needing to
get to know you because your souls had already known each
(53:30):
other. And it was like we're meant to
be together and. We're so aligned it quick.
It was quickly very apparent that how aligned we are and how
much we think the same and just everything is, is so incredible
really when you can, when you line up the way we do and our
beliefs and values and the way the way we see our future.
(53:52):
I'm so curious because with whatI do, I specialize in helping
women find their life partner ina monogamous relationship.
Now are you? Are you too committed to a life
of monogamous Jimmy? Is that the path you're taking?
Oh yeah, I don't share. I love it.
I love it. And before, before this, Zuji,
(54:15):
would you have identified as polyamorous or No, You just.
Yeah. No, you know, I lived in New
York City for 14 years and I have had many friends who tried
that. Like I, I really want to say
(54:37):
tried because I never saw it succeed.
Same, except. Except there are a few polyamory
coaches I know where I'm like, you guys have your shit
together, you know how to do this, but I just can't.
Yeah, never saw it succeed either.
I think 'cause like what we're being taught is that the sacred
(54:58):
union is a new level of love. And you have in order to come
together sacredly in a union, you have to get rid of all of
the human shadows, basically, right?
You have to get rid of all thoseold paradigms, all those old
programming, and you have to be able to come together purely.
So if there are polyamorous relationships that are working,
(55:21):
I'm going to imagine that those had those individuals have done
the work on an individual level to where they don't have that
jealousy and the different and that's their preference.
And OK, but our preference is so, I mean it's been us for
lifetimes, so. So beautiful.
So what? What tools are you 2 using to
(55:43):
make this your lifetime love andkeep this lifetime love?
Well, you know, I'm always goingto be the biggest advocate of
human design for relationships. It's a tool that most people use
to help understand themselves first and foremost.
And the reason why that's important in a relationship is
(56:05):
because it helps with the advocacy.
It helps you advocate for your own wants and needs that aren't
necessarily like the wants and needs of your partner.
So an example that I use very frequently is that in human
design, I'm a hermit. I'm somebody who needs to
recharge my social battery in, in a space that is of my own
(56:33):
creation. So, you know, my office is one
of those spaces that I love, andI used to not be able to
advocate for that because I alsosaw myself as somebody who loves
to socialize. There's this duality within all
of us. And so in previous
(56:54):
relationships, I would just get really annoyed and irritable
when I needed that alone time. And frequently I would pick a
fight in order to get that alonetime.
It was super non functional, youknow, but it was the only way I
knew how because I didn't have the language to be able to
(57:18):
advocate for myself. And now this is like my
baseline. This is what I lead with is it's
not you. It's nothing to do with you, you
know, like, there's a lot of hilarious culture around like
velcroing when you're in a lesbian relationship, right?
(57:38):
And how that that insulation between two people is so
intense. But I knew from early on that
first of all, if I could spend alot of time with my partner, it
meant that it didn't feel like work.
(58:00):
It doesn't feel like I need to be anyone else or put on a face
or be particularly upbeat or happy around them.
I can just be me. And that in and of itself
doesn't drain my battery the waythat being out in the world
does. But then also to be able to say
(58:21):
like, I'm going to go for this walk by myself, or I'm going to
go run this errand by myself, orI'm just going to be in this
room alone. Nothing against you.
You're not, you know, I'm not mad.
There's nothing to fix or anything like that.
This is just what I need right now.
(58:42):
So this is just one very basic example, but we use human design
every single day. It's like I call it the sixth
love language because it helps that communication piece and it
helps us. I mean, I said I had a CHEAT
SHEET on you. She.
Did I showed her at the retreat?I showed her just my basic chart
(59:04):
because she said she's in human design and the next thing I know
she's telling me when my birthday is and how I react to
things and she's guiding her questioning based on it, like
things that I'm going, wow, never in my life does anybody
know me this well. And you've just looked at a
piece of paper. I love it.
Is this something that you do with your clients?
(59:25):
Amazing. What?
What is the if you could explainin a nutshell to my audience
what you do? Who who are you helping?
Are you helping couples? Are you helping single women?
What does it look like? And are you using human design?
So our signature program is called Soulgasm, Heart LED
(59:46):
Relationships for a New Earth. Oh, I like it.
And there's lots of there's different modules and there's
different lessons and tools. Human design is one big piece of
the puzzle. And what we say is that it is
both for people who are in partnership already because it
(01:00:08):
can help smooth out some of those wrinkles that are
potentially getting in the way of having a harmonious
relationship. But it's also for single people
because, you know, you want to clean the house before you
invite someone in. And there is no way that we
could have created this kind of partnership and this kind of
(01:00:33):
relationship with ourselves and each other without these tools
that we had way far in advance. That individual sovereignty
piece. Yes, like we said.
Before, we've both been working on ourselves before we could
even open up to see each other. I definitely believe that like
(01:00:54):
before the universe can hand youyour person.
There's things you got to move through.
I love it. I'm so excited to have you 2
speak inside of Queer Country Club.
I think this episode will come out right after, but just so
excited. So for those of you listening
who don't know, inside of my lesbian dating platform, I have
guest experts, whether they're coaches, therapists,
(01:01:15):
relationships experts, self love, mindset, sexology, all the
things that lesbians need to prepare for their future wife.
And I'm so excited to have you to share.
I know it's going to be just groundbreaking for women to
prepare their hearts for their person.
It's going to be beautiful. Before we go, I'm curious now
(01:01:38):
that you are in QCC as a partnerand if you want to use their
discount code, it will be LinkedIn the show notes.
If you want to join my monogamous lesbian dating club,
you will want to use Zuzi and Zirin's code.
So go ahead and look at it in the show notes.
We're going to have it there foryou.
But I'm curious, even though you're taken, why would you have
(01:01:59):
been most excited if you hadn't met each other?
To use the Queer Country Club tofind your partner?
What would have excited you? Well, I just want to say when we
initially reached out to you, itwas because we had seen that you
had created this platform and like immediately, first of all,
(01:02:23):
I got it right away. You know, you're very clear
about how you deliver that message.
And the message that came through that really touched me
specifically is that you didn't just create a place for people
to meet each other and swipe andhave these really personal
(01:02:44):
experiences or, you know, a lot of people feel that they're just
they're getting lost in this wide world of apps and dating
platforms. But you are very much about
making it tailor made to people,having it be a space to also
(01:03:05):
grow and work on yourself, which, you know, like we're such
big advocates of obviously. And the fact that there is no
swiping that it is a more, it's almost like a virtual Country
Club where you can just go up toanybody and start talking to
(01:03:26):
them because you like their vibe, you like what they're
about, you like what they've been saying in the chat.
So it's a more organic way to connect to people while also
being a space to grow within yourself.
Definitely the organic, it just hit home for me because I always
(01:03:48):
said, I kept saying when I was going back and forth, I was
whether or not I was ready to meet my person.
It's going to need to happen organically.
So not a lot of people, you know, it's hard to meet other
people that have the same mindset as you do.
So being able to have this community that you can go into
and not only find your future wife, but you can, you know, you
(01:04:09):
can get your family together in that community because you may
have a community event. So that is definitely somewhere
where I would have been in therechatting and, you know, trying
to get to know people and feeling everybody out and
knowing that everybody was in itfor the long haul, right.
If I'm going to ask you and we're going to be together,
we're going to be. We're looking for the same thing
in a relationship. Yes, thank you so much for
(01:04:31):
sharing. It makes my heart happy because
now this is my entire world. But it was a a birth as a
passion project and honestly, selfishly for me to find my
future wife. I was kind of collecting the
database of top tier lesbians and realize, shoot, I should
start offering this to everybodybecause I'm getting so many
requests to to match people and I can't physically match
(01:04:54):
everybody. I'm one person.
And So what if I invested in AI to help me match women in the
community? And what if it was application
based and you have to be monogamous and growth minded and
not identify as a man and just all these things that would make
it a little bit more challenge, just a little little more
(01:05:16):
challenging to come in. So there wouldn't be scammers
and people there just for hookups.
So because we have a paywall, people have to come in, they
have to apply. Once they are approved, they can
choose a subscription. What's really cool is if you use
Juji's and Zyran's discount code, you'll get to not have to
(01:05:39):
pay that application fee. So if you're interested in
taking advantage of that, go to the show notes.
This is your moment, ladies. This was so freaking beautiful.
Thank you for sharing your storyso vulnerably.
The shadow parts, the light parts.
I think so many times we hear people's stories and we just
hear the light and we don't knowwhat happened before and we
(01:06:00):
don't know what it took to get to the beauty.
That is a whole healthy relationship.
If you to leave my audience withone piece of advice, what would
it be? I'm going to share a piece of
advice that I shared with a client yesterday and she was
(01:06:23):
like, this is exactly what I needed to hear because she's in
kind of the thick of it. She's in the weeds of her
spiritual awakening and her her journey feels extremely
difficult right now. But I told her, you know, around
the corner is the magic, you know.
(01:06:43):
So keep going, keep pursuing your own passion, keep learning
about who you are and what you need, and keep that faith
because there is so much unexpected beauty that comes
(01:07:05):
with doing the work. I can't tell you what that is.
You know, I don't know where it will lead you, but it will lead
you to unexpected places becausewhen you step outside of the
Matrix, you know, the universe conspires to give you exactly
what you need. So.
(01:07:26):
Good. What about?
You. So sweet.
I hope you are watching the video version of this podcast so
you could see the chemistry. You are precious.
OK guys, if you enjoyed this episode, go follow them on
social media. I'm going to have their handles
below. If you're curious about working
(01:07:47):
with them and preparing your soul to enter into a beautiful
divine partnership in the future, you will want to work
with them. Go look at the program that I
have listed below in the show notes and if you have any
questions I'm sure they can justshoot you a DM on Instagram or
TikTok, right? Yep, at Sacred 8 Roadshow.
(01:08:10):
OK, awesome. Yes, that's another thing at
Sacred 8. And the 8 is the number, right?
Yeah, at Sacred 8 Roadshow is their shared handle.
And thank you for the love that you are just exploding into the
world. Thank you for sharing with my
beautiful lesbians today. And everyone listening, have a
magical, magical day. There's magic just around the
(01:08:34):
corner.
Lesbians, have you ever locked eyes with someone and felt
instant, instant soul recognition?
I can think back to one time that I did, and it was a
powerful, powerful relationship for me.
The relationship nearly destroyed me.
(00:24):
For the women we get to talk to you today, it's brought them so
much to life. And as a woman who is single at
the time of recording this episode, I love hearing what's
possible, what kind of love is possible out there.
That's what the show is all about.
Welcome to Queer Women Rising, where iPhone my lesbian friends
(00:46):
talk about queer love, how to dodge the dating drama and
embrace the peaceful connectionswe all deserve.
I'm Sophia Splino, your lesbian host.
And before we dive in, I just want to share what's new in the
world. We're recording this right
before Valentine's Day and I'm processing still going through a
breakup. I am on like week 5 and there
(01:12):
are moments where I really, really, really, really miss the
life that I planned with her. I hesitate to say her because,
well, there are moments when I do miss her.
(01:33):
But I think what I've learned throughout all this is sometimes
people are exactly who we perceive them to be.
And so for a time I perceived her to be one way and in order
to let go, I'm able to perceive and process the wholeness of who
(01:58):
we both are and why it didn't work and that it's OK and I wish
her the best but doesn't mean itdoesn't hurt.
Her birthday also just passed and that made me sad.
It made me sad not to be able tobe like happy birthday.
But you know what, these are thetimes when we get stronger and
(02:24):
we push past and we trust that God has a reason for everything.
And on the other side of this, not only is there the love of my
life, but there is the love of her life.
And I wish that for her. OK, let's talk about what's new
and Queer Country Club. We had an AI matchmaking glitch
(02:50):
which as the creator of a lesbian dating platform, I have
to make sure our AI is just popping to match the women
inside. Keep everybody getting matched
with future wives and we match based on values and some
physical preferences. And we had a little glitch and
it was the first time my AI matchmaker was down.
(03:12):
She was down for a week and I was in the depths of despair
working with my developers all week.
But we got Sapphic Sophie back up and running yesterday.
I matchmakers name is Sapphic Sophie like the AI version of me
and she's so cute. Anyway, women inside of Queer
Country Club are able to continue chatting with her, tell
her your preferences and get herto match you with women inside.
(03:36):
Now I am not ready to date, however, because we had this
glitch, I end up being me and myteam all tested Sapphic Sophie
and let's just say I had a really accurate match.
And when I'm ready to date, I will definitely be reaching out
(03:59):
to this woman in particular inside of Queer Country Club.
And I'm really, really excited to know how good it works for
myself. Like obviously we've tested her,
but for me to go in and it hit different because I am single
now and I can actually test thiswith like, Oh my gosh, like what
(04:21):
do I think of her? It's pretty cool.
So when I'm ready to date again,I will be in my own lesbian
dating club, my own lesbian dating platform, the Queer
Country Club. And if you are single, I invite
you to go to queercountryclub.com and apply
or shoot me Adm on Instagram if you have any questions at Sofia
Espino. OK, let's get into talking about
(04:43):
love, the kind of loves that finds you when you least expect
it. Today's guests fell in love
under mystical circumstances at a retreat.
Zuzi and Zion met under mysticalcircumstances at a retreat, and
they became life partners. And now they're not just
together in love, but they're together as mentors in love and
(05:05):
self discovery. Through their work at Sacred 8
Roadshow, they help queer women clear those emotional blocks,
rewire limiting beliefs, and build the kind of love that
feels like home. You guys know what The kind of
love we all want to manifest. Can we manifest it?
What does it take to manifest a love like this?
How do you get ready for it? Let's find out.
(05:27):
Welcome to the show, Zuzi and Xyron.
I'm so glad to have you here. Oh my gosh, we're so excited.
Thank you so much for having us.It has been so inspirational and
beautiful to see you in my feed,both when I was in a happy,
healthy relationship and now being single again.
(05:49):
To be able to witness such a beautiful love is powerful.
It shows us what's possible and I think there's two types of
people in the world, or maybe there's only one type and then
they evolve. But people see a beautiful
relationship and they can be a little triggered by it, or they
(06:10):
see a beautiful relationship andthey know what's possible for
them because they believe in it or they're already in it.
And so we are speaking to those women who are ready to believe
that this is possible for them. And if you're not there yet, I
invite you to challenge yourselfto move through it in this
episode because we are going to hear so much divine love between
(06:32):
these two. OK, before we get into the love,
I put the L in the LGBTQIA. So I'm curious, what are the
letters of the alphabet soup that you 2 identify with?
When are you, babe? Well, I think the word lesbian
(06:52):
was really hard for me at first,but not because of any other
reason than I wasn't sure if I was like allowed to belong to
this super like amazing club, ifyou will.
I just have been actually my whole life, like really a part
(07:17):
of the LGBTQIA plus community asan ally for a really long time.
And you guys will hear our story, so this will make a
little bit more sense. But I always saw myself as kind
of on the periphery looking in and being like, oh, that.
It looks so nice in there. 'Cause it is nice in here.
(07:42):
And I worked in fashion for manyyears, so I had a lot of gay
friends and spent most of my 20sin gay clubs, going to Pride,
celebrating queer voices. I was a huge fan of the L Word.
There were some. That's a major sign.
(08:06):
Like I'm extremely gay and. Better than I did.
Oh, no. Oh no, Yeah, that's that's a big
one. And yet.
And yet I there was a part of methat still felt like I didn't
belong, that there was. I mean, compet is real.
(08:30):
Yeah. It really, it really was of a
layer of conditioning that I could not get through.
And so there was a time in my life where there was kind of a
fork in the road and I took the path more traveled just because
(08:51):
it was my default. You know, I present very fam.
I am a girly girl. Pink is my favorite color.
Like I must be straight, right? So to.
Siren's like, no, she's up in it.
She ain't straight at all. She's probably more a lesbian
(09:12):
than I am. So now I get to call myself a
lesbian, and I don't take it lightly, right?
It's very sacred to me to be able to say those words out loud
and like, own it. Yeah, I feel that's so hard
(09:32):
because I came out at 30. Between 28 and 30 is where I
went from like bye to I'm a lesbian, so I get that.
How old were you when you realized?
40. I love it.
I love it. Well, we're so glad you're here.
And what about you, Ziron? You know, my whole life everyone
(09:55):
said it was always written across my forehead and I finally
saw the the the flag print about21 so.
OK. My whole adult life, basically,
you know, I've identified as a lesbian.
I love it, I love it. Now your journey is wild.
What's the stories that ultimately LED you to each
(10:17):
other? We're we're going to spend most
of the time talking about the love story, but real quick,
what's like the pre back story? Pre back story up to the night
you met in New York, Do you? Want to go first?
So I think it was really startedwith the personal development
(10:37):
and working on myself in the inner work of, you know, coming
out of a very toxic situation that I'd spent eight years in
and basically lost my entire identity with it.
So coming out of that and reallyjust I just when I commit to
something, I go all in. So I just immersed my immersed,
(11:00):
immersed myself in the self improvement world where I was
doing inner work, going to retreats, get into the spiritual
community, finding my soul family and being surrounded by
that. And through that process I was,
you know, as I was healing, I was awakening myself to the
possibility of us meeting. So I really credit doing all the
(11:24):
work to leading to that point and opening this Destiny portal
for us. I love that inside of Queer
Country Club, my lesbian dating club, I often tell women like
you can think you're ready, but are Are you ready on the inside
to actually be the kind of person that could hold love?
(11:44):
And that is what we do with the coaching, which I'm so excited
to have you ladies come coach for us inside of Queer Country
Club very soon. But it's it's the work leading
up to the relationship that really, really matters.
So even though you were very secure in your sexuality a lot
sooner than Juji, it sounded like there is a lot more work to
(12:07):
be done. And we all know the toxic
relationships that can make you bring, bring out the very worst
of you. We all have shadow sides, but it
sounds like you went through. Perfect.
It like the relationship was exactly what it needed to be in
order to get me to where I am today.
Because I would never would havetaken that dive and really
(12:27):
looked at all my triggers and all of my insecurities and what
was really leading those and what what was the root problem.
So you going through that and really being pushed to do a
deeper dive on myself was it wasperfect.
You could, I couldn't ask for She did her her job perfectly.
I'm curious if you're comfortable sharing like just a
(12:50):
couple things that happened in that relationship that pushed
you to the end of it. Because a lot of women end up on
the show because they're going through breakups.
And my dad always told me every time I go through a rough
breakup, he's like, but God has your person like right on the
other side of you leaving the thing that's not good for you.
(13:11):
And I believe it. I truly believe it.
It's always one step closer, butin that moment where you're
going through turmoil, whether it's heartbreak right after or
literal just like gaslighting circles craziness during a toxic
relationship, you need to have the faith that it's going to get
better and it's worth it to actually leave.
(13:31):
Because sometimes the the discomfort of being in something
bad for you is still more comfortable than being alone.
At least I recognize that fear come up for me.
So what was it for you that was like, these are the last straws?
Like I can't do this relationship anymore.
If you're comfortable sharing. Yeah, well, I definitely had the
(13:51):
the moments of, you know, I would rather just try to stick
this out. I kept trying to prove my love
to her and prove that I was worth loving.
And I just kept going through these different cycles and I
started and somewhere at some point she goes, you need
therapy, you know, in one of those gaslighting moments.
And I'm like, I do. And so I was like, well, fine,
I'll try it. I'm I'm try anything and through
(14:14):
I thought therapy wasn't it wasn't it was great.
It's great for some people, right?
But for me it was more of a, it felt like it was just a venting
session. But there was one great thing
that came from that. And it was that moment where she
said to me, the therapist said to me, do you recognize the
similarities between this and your mom?
Oh. Yes.
(14:36):
Now, just because there's something a little different
doesn't mean that it's not, doesn't mean that that this new
relationship is good. So, and she was like, so you're
comfortable in this pattern because you know this pattern
from childhood. So from that point, it was a
matter of just taking these babysteps to work myself out of it.
(14:57):
And there was always this littlepart of myself that kept going.
You know, you deserve better. What do you need to do to get
back to you? And in the process of thinking
you're getting back to yourself,you're really becoming that new
version of yourself because you're never really going
backwards. You're going forward.
So I would, I started with taking walks and I started with,
(15:19):
you know, just recognizing the patterns that I was having in
the complicit behaviors and listening to her gaslight me and
recognizing when she was gaslighting me.
And I stopped trying to defend myself against it.
And just little, just the littlebaby steps.
And to the point of one day, it just broke out in a rage and
(15:41):
she. You don't have to go if if you
feel uncomfortable it's. She, she kicked me out that
night in like the middle of the night in one of her rages.
And I was like, I can't do this anymore.
And now there was still that back and forth for a while
because you know your brain, it takes your brain a while to, to
really catch on to what's happening.
(16:02):
But I did, I do credit myself that I never actually went fully
back after that. Good for you.
I started the self journey of mentorships through the Theo
program. I don't know if you've ever
heard Theo the and then I just continued my journey from that
point. Like I just like I said, I just
(16:23):
fully immersed myself into figuring out my issues and
knowing that I still wanted a partner.
But. I didn't want to be single.
I was learning to be single, which is fine and it's great.
And you and at some point I learned that in one of those
mentorship programs that I had to turn it on myself and I had
to start giving myself everything that I wanted in a
(16:45):
relationship. Yes, that's so good, so good.
And something that I'm learning in the season of singleness too.
Thank you for sharing. What about you, Juji?
Well, so I started a little bit earlier because there was a lot
(17:07):
of of turmoil in my life as well.
Like if you know anything about a Saturn return, which is where
you're in. I just came out of it.
It's it's been a good time. Yeah.
So mine was particularly bumpy, let's just say.
(17:30):
And the, what Zyron was really expressing is this sunk cost
fallacy that we live in, in relationships wherein you
believe that if you've invested X amount of time, energy, love
(17:51):
into somebody, then you have to keep going because otherwise
that's lost somehow. And the truth is you will take
all of those lessons forward with you.
And especially in my Saturn return.
So I was married to man. It was extremely unsatisfying,
(18:16):
shocking. And I supplemented with another
man. I stepped outside of my
marriage, which is totally incongruent with my own like way
of being. I didn't even recognize myself
after a time because I just feltlike I was going against my own
(18:40):
moral compass on such a deep level having done that.
But the truth was that because Ihad stepped out of the marriage,
I My perception was I must have just married the wrong person.
Meaning the person that I was having the affair with was
(19:01):
supposed to be then the one. And it was a pretty prototypical
affair wherein I spent years trying to like, get him to
commit to me instead so that I could just leapfrog from one
relationship to the next. And then they both fell apart.
(19:26):
That is really vulnerable of youto share.
I am. I want you to know your energy
is the energy of a trustworthy woman and that does not define
you. I know you know it, but like
deep in my soul I just see you as like this this woman who
(19:48):
would never. But I also can say I get that.
And I don't know if this was your reason, but looking back at
why I would jump from relationship to relationship
with men, even though as you said it was deeply unsatisfying,
it always came back to confette and being like oh but more male
attention could cure this deeplyunsatisfying feeling.
(20:13):
I didn't know that's what I was doing, but the more attention
equals more security to me that that was what I was taught to
search for as a Southern religious woman.
So I can see parallels there. Even though I didn't step
outside of my marriage, I did step outside of my relationship,
last relationship with a man with his permission to be with
(20:36):
the woman. And then I realized how
satisfying that was. And I was like, OK, bye, bye.
But this all makes so much senseto me.
And yeah, just know about, I know you know who you are, but
if this is any confirmation and affirmation to you is that the
world sees you as who you reallyare, which is totally
trustworthy and just radiant. So thank you for being
(20:57):
vulnerable and sharing that. Yeah, thank you.
You know, it was like the thing that I felt the deepest shame
about because like I said, it went against my own moral
compass. But I I have since started my
(21:17):
own coaching practice and have been on this healing journey for
a long time and have been out inthe world sharing my experience.
And I find that the more I have shared it, the less charge it
holds. And I have shared this
particular piece of my story many times and I have gotten
(21:43):
such an outpouring of not support necessarily, obviously
that too. But people then sharing with me
some of their deep, dark, shameful quote UN quote things
that they have done in the name of trying to make themselves
(22:05):
happy and realizing that they were out of integrity with
themselves. And how feeling less alone in
this very taboo, very, very taboo subject matter.
Because especially for women, there's this perception that
(22:25):
it's always the men who step out.
And I don't think that that's true at all.
It's in the name of trying not to hurt someone else,
ironically, that we tend to seekthe love and validation that
we're not getting in our relationship in order to keep
(22:49):
that relationship, as like backwards as that is.
I just like the mental gymnastics and the hoops you
have to jump through in order tojustify it.
While you're doing it starts to create this whole other reality
that when that bubble pops finally and you're kind of like
(23:12):
looking around your life going like, what have I done and like
what have I allowed? And this is just not who I am or
who I want to be. That's when you really like.
Unfortunately, most of us do have to hit rock bottom in order
to start growing from that darkness.
(23:33):
But the seeds are all there. And if you can help yourself and
pull yourself up by your bootstraps, you will know for
the rest of your life that you can do anything.
Because I thought that was goingto kill me.
I truly did. I thought that that situation
(23:53):
was going to be the death of me.And when I didn't die from it, I
was like, oh, amazing. Yeah, and, and I think unless
you've been in a love triangle situation, when you risk
everything and risk everything and lose both relationships, you
(24:16):
hit rock bottom on another levelbecause one was like your
security and one was like your your dream and you were living
in this fantasy world. And yeah, it it, it, it hits,
it's different. I have my own experiences with
that. I will probably one day share
them. Rough times.
So I feel you so hard. I'm so glad that you guys found
(24:42):
each other after all this turmoil.
Isn't that how it goes? That's how it goes.
I want to encourage there's there's someone out there
listening to that and they needed to hear that exact
message. Please message Zuji and tell her
how grateful you are for sharingher story.
That was so vulnerable. And I know about it.
(25:03):
It touched your heart. It touched my heart.
It was something that I needed to hear.
I know someone else out there needs to hear it.
Like the past you does not define you.
Even if your story's not exactlythe same as hers Exactly.
There's something it's pulling at you.
I can feel it. OK, now bring me back to that
(25:26):
night. Where you guys are in a healthy
state, You're in upstate New York and you meet each other.
What was that like? And yeah, like, give me the play
by play. And also like how you were
feeling if you weren't out of the closet yet or were you that
sort of thing. Yeah.
(25:46):
Give us the context. So the retreat was August 2nd,
3rd and 4th and I was there withmy best friend.
So I got there a day early because we like to do that and
get situated and set up and everything.
And I remember just going into this retreat thinking I don't
even know if I want to be here. Like I'm in such.
(26:09):
I had been through so much in the last six months that I had
done this roller coaster and nowI'm on this really high, high
vibe, loving life, loving being single.
Got all these plans going forward.
I'm just so excited about life and my best friend's like, you
have to go, you have to go with me.
Let's just go hang out with all of our friends and I'm like, OK,
(26:29):
fine, I'll go. So we go, we're hanging out.
So the first night we're just there by ourselves and then the
second night is when. So Friday night is when the the
retreat actually starts and we begin.
Go ahead. Where did you come in?
Like I'm already there. So I'm there hanging out with
everybody, sitting on the back patio, having some drink, you
(26:52):
know, well water, 'cause that's me.
But I mean, I'm having a good time, you know, I'm enjoying my
time with my friends and enjoying the fact that I get to
spend the whole weekend with my soul family and in this high
vibe environment. So I'm in.
Not a queer, not a queer retreat, just like a spiritual.
(27:13):
It's a spiritual retreat, OK? Yeah.
So I had been invited to the retreat in Mount Shasta, where I
live in California at the time, and it perfectly lined up for
when I was wrapping up teaching at the Omega Institute, which is
(27:34):
like an hour away from the retreat.
And I was like, OK, I'm paying attention, spirit.
Like you want me at this retreat.
The dates are just too aligned. It's too perfect, it's too easy.
And I basically drive onto this property and I just hear a voice
saying to me, I receive, I receive, I receive like be open,
(27:57):
be open to whatever is coming. And I just knew that it was
going. I before I'd even left to go to
the East Coast, I had been saying like, I'm coming back a
different person. I'm going to this life changing
experience. Like I don't know what's
happening. We're just going to meditate,
right? So I remember being very
(28:23):
excited, like coming off this high.
I love teaching. I just taught for five days
straight. It was wonderful.
And it was a dream come true, actually.
So I was like, how much higher can I get?
And then the first night, they asked us to sit in this circle
and they pass a mic around and they ask everybody to share
(28:46):
their name and why they're there.
And somebody passes Xyra on the mic and she very honestly says,
I don't know why I'm here. And I thought that that was very
refreshing, first of all. But also I was like, who is
that? Like my antenna was up.
I was like, there's something about her.
(29:09):
And her voice feels so familiar and her face is so kind.
I just, I just want to get to know her.
I just want to know what her. We're going to be friends.
We're going to be friends. So after that circle happens, I
walk right up to her and we start talking and we're like
(29:35):
maybe lingering a little too long.
I had been walked, so we'd takena break after that circle and
I'd been walking out the back door onto the back deck, into
the backyard. And I feel this energy come in
from the right side of me. And it's so strong that my
entire body turned around to seewhat it was.
And it was her walking up to me.So when she walked up and we
started talking, I was like, I remember hearing her name and
(29:58):
going, OK, well, that's a difficult name.
I could probably relate to that with my last name.
So I start talking and I just start spilling my name and
everything. So that allowed her to remember
my name. And then I start thinking she's
she's talking a little bit longer than what's normal for
the first time you meet someone.What's going on here?
(30:21):
So or you like, could she be a little gay?
Like what was going through yourhead?
You know, I've never worried about if they're gay or not.
You just go after them. You know, if they like me and
they want to pursue me then. I'm always curious from the
perspective of a more masculine presenting woman, do do you feel
(30:44):
you have to let someone you're not sure about their sexuality
make the first move? Or do you like, do you kind of
hang back to create that safety or do you make it clear you're
interested? Typically?
Like I know it's a little off topic but like what's the vibe?
We could go to a whole level of human design on this, but it
(31:05):
it's my nature to to be pursued.I prefer to be pursued, but I
will drop little hints like comeget me.
You know so. Like I I've never, I can never
really tell when somebody's flirting with me.
I just figure everybody's being friendly.
(31:25):
But so we split from that conversation to go to dinner and
like, she's going back to her cabin for something.
I'm going to sit down with my best friend for dinner.
And my best friend goes, what was that?
What's going on there? What's that energy?
And I was like, I don't know, why did you feel something?
She's like, oh, yes, something'sgoing on.
I'm going to interrogate her. She's a.
(31:45):
Good. We love the best friend, Yes.
At this point, she's a wing woman.
Which is is hilarious, but it's great so.
Oh, go ahead, go ahead. So we sit down at dinner, and
that's what my best friend starts doing.
She just starts asking her questions, like getting to know
her questions. And I was like, yeah, check,
(32:07):
yeah, check. Cool, check.
Yes. And she's hot.
Like, this is going to be awesome.
And then the part where she saysand my husband and I went, and
my whole heart sunk to my stomach.
No, I was not mentally prepared for this part.
(32:32):
My heart is cracking. Oh my God, why is this always
the case? OK, what happened next?
We know it didn't happen as well.
OK. And sometimes when, since I just
shared a very difficult part of my life from my first marriage
(32:58):
and how that blew up and ended up, you know, leaving me in the
darkest place I've ever been. Sometimes when something like
that happens, and I would say that if you're paying attention,
it will definitely happen. You will know why you had to go
through that in order to move through a similar situation in a
(33:22):
completely different way. Yeah.
So we're going to tell you how we event like the next day ended
up connecting. But I just want to say about
having been through what I went through with my first marriage.
And now I'm in my second marriage to a man, which is very
(33:46):
different than the first one andmuch more aligned on a lot of
levels, but still not ultimatelysatisfying in the way that I now
understand a relationship can besatisfying.
And so it was, it was like a full circle moment for me to be
(34:06):
like, oh, I'm having these feelings for someone outside of
the relationship that I'm in. And I know everything that
doesn't work. Sneaking around isn't going to
work. Being deceitful isn't going to
(34:27):
work. You know, trying to make both
situations happen isn't going towork.
So how can I handle this completely differently than I
did last time? And in a way, I am so grateful
now when I reverse engineer thatthat experience because I, I
(34:51):
don't think I would have handledit as smoothly as I ended up
handling it, which we'll talk about.
But it's, it's like, it's like having a prize almost at the end
of that. Really, it's like having to have
run a marathon and getting a trophy at the end.
That's the trophy, is that you are a stronger person who
(35:14):
understands how these things canwork because you understand
everything that doesn't. Yeah, in that moment where
you're experiencing connection with Zirin, was it like, oh,
I'm, I'm gay and This is why allthese relationships haven't been
satisfying? Was that a click or that didn't
(35:35):
matter? Not yet.
Not yet. OK, OK.
Not yet. OK.
So the following day, let's cut to the following day.
We're we do an exercise in the morning that's very powerful and
then. She comes into the tents as we
were putting the chairs back andgives you this massive hug.
(35:56):
And I'm going, oh, that must have been a really powerful
exercise for her. That's nice.
OK, You're just she's just giving me a hug if she needed to
release that somewhere. OK.
And then all of a sudden I I waslike, you know what?
I'm going to ask her to sit nextto me.
I just kicked my best friend anniversary.
That's the best thing I'm. Doing this, I'm not looking at
(36:18):
her across the room, you know, like I said, what do they say?
You can sit here if you'd like. That was mine.
Here's your here's your bait. If you want it, come get it.
I guess because it took every ounce of nerves to to for me to
ask her to sit next to me. And at this point, is this where
(36:40):
you guys do that powerful eye gazing thing?
I know this is like the famous moment.
OK, OK, what? How does this happen?
And is there a tract? What, what, What unlocks?
So the, the exercise was really to get people to understand that
if you can let your guard down and look at each other deeply
(37:02):
and just be, allow yourself to be seen and see the other person
and then it can really create this unity and realize you're
not no longer in separation, you're all one.
So we went, we formed 2 circles,an outer circle and an inner
circle. And the inner circle people
would walk around one person at a time and really look and soul
gaze into each other's eyes to really see the other person and
(37:24):
allow yourself to be seen. And we had masks on.
So the only thing you could really see was isolated was the
eyes. So a lot of times we'd go with
people and we'd have to look down at their shoes to figure
out even if we were looking at the same person or not.
Like who is this? You look completely different
looking just at your eyes. Yeah.
So because we were sitting next to each other, we were standing
(37:45):
next to each other and we went around the circle twice.
So you, you know, the first timeyou were in the inner circle,
The second time the other personwas.
And I go around to her first andI put my hands on like on her
face, you know, and I'm like trying to like stand real tall
and strong and be like, see me, see me.
I know you want to see me. And I'm trying to project myself
(38:07):
out there and nothing happens. So I was like, OK, I'm just
going to go on to the next person now.
And I go around the room and we get back to the beginning.
And then it's her turn to come to me.
So she comes and she's standing in front of me and she's looking
in my eyes and she puts her hands on my shoulders and I go
to put my hands on her waist. What I didn't recognize in that
(38:29):
moment was that she was wearing a dress that was cut out along
the hips, skin to skin. And all of a sudden I got
electrical all the way down and I we were going.
I hope she felt that too, because if not, that's really
going to suck. The magical like queer panic,
(38:53):
just. Completely like, Oh no, what am
I going to do now? What did?
What did happen? What did you do?
So I felt the exact same electrical shock in that moment.
And because we are in this environment where like I said, I
was extremely open energeticallyand I'm clear cognizant, which
(39:18):
is unknowing. I don't see, I don't hear, I
just know. And so when that skin to skin
contact happened and I had that electrical shock the way that
she did, I just knew. I had this deep knowing that we
had spent many lifetimes together and that in each one of
(39:41):
those lifetimes we had been in partnership and sacred union and
that we had been instructed by the forces that be source, God,
whatever you want to call it, toseparate for some time and have
(40:01):
our own individual soul growth. And we felt like.
I had this knowing that I thought that it was just going
to be like a lifetime or two, and it ended up being a lot
longer than that. So we had been kind of lost from
one another for lifetimes between those partnerships, and
(40:27):
we were told that we would be reunited when there was some
really important mission to reunite us.
So here we were on Earth, back together.
It was a reunion. It was not a meeting.
For the first time, I understoodwhy her voice sounded so
(40:47):
familiar when I heard it for thefirst time, when her face just
felt like home to me when I was looking at it and then looking
into her eyes for multiple minutes.
This is not just like a 32nd exercise.
Like we are staring at each other.
And by the way, we both have brown eyes.
They're very similar color. So it was like looking into my
(41:11):
own eyes, but not it was this very intense, extremely loving,
blissful energy that I felt. And it wasn't even like gay, not
gay like it. It was just like, my soul is
home. I'm I finally found you again.
(41:37):
I have been looking for you for however many lifetimes that was.
And so of course, after I have this experience, I can't keep it
to myself. Yeah.
How long do you hold it in for? 5 minutes or five hours.
It was not very long. It was on that break.
(41:58):
She's like, can I tell you what I saw?
And then I'm like, well, of course I need to know.
And then she tells me that storyand I'm like, oh God, she's
crazy. Oh no.
But at the same time, I'm like, because I've always had a level
of discernment and skepticism when it comes to the woo woo,
spiritual, you know, side of things because, you know, so
(42:18):
many people could be faking it, but there's real people out
there. And so I've always been
investigating what's real, what's not.
So there was a part of me that was still like, OK, she's seen
this. I know I'm highly attracted to
her. I know that electrical shock
happened. What's going on?
And let's not forget she has a husband at home.
So let's not get your hopes up right now.
But there was a moment in that retreat not long after that she
(42:39):
was introducing herself to somebody that and she was behind
me and I heard her say her full name.
And it was like all the hair on the back of my neck stood up.
Like I like that. What her full name was, what the
trigger was for me that they're.That was familiar.
She's supposed to have that namefor a reason.
That's why she came in with thatname.
(43:00):
So yeah. So we just continue the the rest
of the week and basically. Orbiting around each other.
Everywhere I went, like boom, there she is.
On purpose a little bit. We were in the kitchen one point
and I was talking to one of my other friends and I was like, I
need to manifest somebody that Ineed to manifest a personal chef
(43:20):
And she goes, I didn't know she was standing there and she goes,
I need what if you manifest a person partner that loves to
cook? And I immediately went well, are
you off? Oh, my gosh.
OK, so now usually I have to know, like, how long between
this moment where you, you just have this knowing you guys share
(43:42):
it, there's a mutual thing goingon.
You're orbiting. How long do you wait before
telling your partner? Hey dude, I met a woman.
OK, real quick I need to tell you about WISP, an online
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(44:03):
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Like, no offense, I don't know about you, but I personally
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(44:49):
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(45:33):
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Also, if you're about to meet a new partner from my lesbian
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(45:55):
Or go to hellowisp.com and use my code Sophia for 15% off.
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All your Kitty needs. You're welcome.
OK, back to the show. I remember you coming up to me
at the retreat saying you're notsupposed to turn your world
upside down or something. Blow my life up.
(46:18):
Blow your life up. Well, because I asked, you know,
I was like, I was like, OK, that's a beautiful story or
that's a beautiful thing to understand about our soul's
history. But like, what does this mean?
Because I didn't know. And the the only message that I
(46:40):
got in that moment was that I wasn't here to blow up my life.
And I think in hindsight, what that really meant was remember
the first time this happened andhow that really did blow up your
life? Like didn't have a place to
live, didn't have a source of like, it was just rock bottom to
(47:03):
the Max. Like, you know, I've heard your
story through your content, Sophia, and it felt very
similar, like just leave everything behind with a
suitcase and no plan and no real, like, Lifeline other than,
(47:25):
you know, certain contingencies I had put into place so that I
wouldn't like, end up on the street, but that that was
blowing up my life. This wasn't going to be that.
So. There, like I said, I had the
tools, I had a lot more self-confidence, I had a lot
(47:48):
more awareness around what I wanted and so I didn't repeat
the same pattern again. That's why we do the work so
that we're not repeating the same pattern again.
And I think that we both felt like, OK, we're going to go home
and like see what happens because this is only like a 48
(48:09):
hour experience. I mean, it felt like 3 months to
be honest. Time and space like was not real
in that retreat. But as soon as we got home, we
were chatting via text. And we had made a point at some
(48:31):
point after that eye gazing exercise to say like we need to
take a picture together at the retreat and we never did.
So I was kind of like teasing her that we never ended up
taking that picture. And so she just randomly sends
me a picture from her desk she'swearing AT shirt and a hoodie
(48:52):
and just like nothing crazy, right?
Just a picture of herself from her desk.
And this like lightning bolt like strikes me the 2nd that I
see this picture and I just hearthat's my wife.
Wow. It was like, and I was like, who
said that? I have Angel bumps.
(49:14):
Oh my God, I you just knew it was it was done deal.
It was a done deal. And then so when we were talking
'cause we ended up having these like 6 hour long FaceTime
conversations that were not evenabout getting to know each
(49:34):
other. It was more about just like
where are you in your process? You know, like how, where is
your spiritual journey leading you to?
How much work have you already done and what do you want to do
with the work that you've done? That kind of thing.
And of course, everybody needs to kind of like give their
(49:57):
background back story. It's like an interesting way to
lead into feeling intimate with someone, which we've already
did. We felt so close already, so it
was kind of like. What have you been up to since
last time we saw? How's Earth going for you?
(50:17):
But how did you tell the husband?
Well OK I just want to preface this with I already had a very
non traditional set up so my husband and I did not live
together. OK.
He has to live 45 minutes from where I live for work and so we
(50:40):
saw each other once or twice a week and usually only for a few
hours. What we were saying is that we
were waiting until he retired inorder to cohabitate.
So as weird as that sounds like,I thought I was being very
(51:02):
modern and, you know, doing whatwas best for me within the
marriage because I didn't want to live where he has to live for
his job and he wasn't trying to get me to move.
So I was very free, very open. Not that I was like, obviously
(51:23):
looking around, but the fact that we had all of these
evenings that we could speak forthree, 4-5 hours at a time made
it much easier. So when I did tell him, it
wasn't even in person because like, you know, human design
(51:44):
helps me a lot when it comes to how to approach other people as
well as how to love myself. And I just knew that it would be
a lot more aligned for him to beable to sit with all of the
information and have it in writing.
So I wrote him an e-mail and I basically laid it out and I
(52:07):
said, I'm not asking for permission.
I'm not definitively saying what's happening, but I'm going
to pursue this relationship because I think I'm gay.
And he called me pretty much right away and was like, are you
OK? It like what's happening?
(52:29):
This is so confusing. And I said, listen, this was not
my intention. This was not how I wanted this
to go. You know, like when I said I do,
I meant it. And here we are a few years
later and this is just what I have to do.
(52:49):
Like this is this is what's happening and I am very sorry.
So that happened in a few weeks later on a one way ticket.
Wow, wow the lesbian way we you fell.
(53:10):
On our first date I haven't left.
That was months ago. We did go back to my house, get
my car and my things, but. Wow, that is amazing, holy moly.
And it was just annoying and there was no like, needing to
get to know you because your souls had already known each
(53:30):
other. And it was like we're meant to
be together and. We're so aligned it quick.
It was quickly very apparent that how aligned we are and how
much we think the same and just everything is, is so incredible
really when you can, when you line up the way we do and our
beliefs and values and the way the way we see our future.
(53:52):
I'm so curious because with whatI do, I specialize in helping
women find their life partner ina monogamous relationship.
Now are you? Are you too committed to a life
of monogamous Jimmy? Is that the path you're taking?
Oh yeah, I don't share. I love it.
I love it. And before, before this, Zuji,
(54:15):
would you have identified as polyamorous or No, You just.
Yeah. No, you know, I lived in New
York City for 14 years and I have had many friends who tried
that. Like I, I really want to say
(54:37):
tried because I never saw it succeed.
Same, except. Except there are a few polyamory
coaches I know where I'm like, you guys have your shit
together, you know how to do this, but I just can't.
Yeah, never saw it succeed either.
I think 'cause like what we're being taught is that the sacred
(54:58):
union is a new level of love. And you have in order to come
together sacredly in a union, you have to get rid of all of
the human shadows, basically, right?
You have to get rid of all thoseold paradigms, all those old
programming, and you have to be able to come together purely.
So if there are polyamorous relationships that are working,
(55:21):
I'm going to imagine that those had those individuals have done
the work on an individual level to where they don't have that
jealousy and the different and that's their preference.
And OK, but our preference is so, I mean it's been us for
lifetimes, so. So beautiful.
So what? What tools are you 2 using to
(55:43):
make this your lifetime love andkeep this lifetime love?
Well, you know, I'm always goingto be the biggest advocate of
human design for relationships. It's a tool that most people use
to help understand themselves first and foremost.
And the reason why that's important in a relationship is
(56:05):
because it helps with the advocacy.
It helps you advocate for your own wants and needs that aren't
necessarily like the wants and needs of your partner.
So an example that I use very frequently is that in human
design, I'm a hermit. I'm somebody who needs to
recharge my social battery in, in a space that is of my own
(56:33):
creation. So, you know, my office is one
of those spaces that I love, andI used to not be able to
advocate for that because I alsosaw myself as somebody who loves
to socialize. There's this duality within all
of us. And so in previous
(56:54):
relationships, I would just get really annoyed and irritable
when I needed that alone time. And frequently I would pick a
fight in order to get that alonetime.
It was super non functional, youknow, but it was the only way I
knew how because I didn't have the language to be able to
(57:18):
advocate for myself. And now this is like my
baseline. This is what I lead with is it's
not you. It's nothing to do with you, you
know, like, there's a lot of hilarious culture around like
velcroing when you're in a lesbian relationship, right?
(57:38):
And how that that insulation between two people is so
intense. But I knew from early on that
first of all, if I could spend alot of time with my partner, it
meant that it didn't feel like work.
(58:00):
It doesn't feel like I need to be anyone else or put on a face
or be particularly upbeat or happy around them.
I can just be me. And that in and of itself
doesn't drain my battery the waythat being out in the world
does. But then also to be able to say
(58:21):
like, I'm going to go for this walk by myself, or I'm going to
go run this errand by myself, orI'm just going to be in this
room alone. Nothing against you.
You're not, you know, I'm not mad.
There's nothing to fix or anything like that.
This is just what I need right now.
(58:42):
So this is just one very basic example, but we use human design
every single day. It's like I call it the sixth
love language because it helps that communication piece and it
helps us. I mean, I said I had a CHEAT
SHEET on you. She.
Did I showed her at the retreat?I showed her just my basic chart
(59:04):
because she said she's in human design and the next thing I know
she's telling me when my birthday is and how I react to
things and she's guiding her questioning based on it, like
things that I'm going, wow, never in my life does anybody
know me this well. And you've just looked at a
piece of paper. I love it.
Is this something that you do with your clients?
(59:25):
Amazing. What?
What is the if you could explainin a nutshell to my audience
what you do? Who who are you helping?
Are you helping couples? Are you helping single women?
What does it look like? And are you using human design?
So our signature program is called Soulgasm, Heart LED
(59:46):
Relationships for a New Earth. Oh, I like it.
And there's lots of there's different modules and there's
different lessons and tools. Human design is one big piece of
the puzzle. And what we say is that it is
both for people who are in partnership already because it
(01:00:08):
can help smooth out some of those wrinkles that are
potentially getting in the way of having a harmonious
relationship. But it's also for single people
because, you know, you want to clean the house before you
invite someone in. And there is no way that we
could have created this kind of partnership and this kind of
(01:00:33):
relationship with ourselves and each other without these tools
that we had way far in advance. That individual sovereignty
piece. Yes, like we said.
Before, we've both been working on ourselves before we could
even open up to see each other. I definitely believe that like
(01:00:54):
before the universe can hand youyour person.
There's things you got to move through.
I love it. I'm so excited to have you 2
speak inside of Queer Country Club.
I think this episode will come out right after, but just so
excited. So for those of you listening
who don't know, inside of my lesbian dating platform, I have
guest experts, whether they're coaches, therapists,
(01:01:15):
relationships experts, self love, mindset, sexology, all the
things that lesbians need to prepare for their future wife.
And I'm so excited to have you to share.
I know it's going to be just groundbreaking for women to
prepare their hearts for their person.
It's going to be beautiful. Before we go, I'm curious now
(01:01:38):
that you are in QCC as a partnerand if you want to use their
discount code, it will be LinkedIn the show notes.
If you want to join my monogamous lesbian dating club,
you will want to use Zuzi and Zirin's code.
So go ahead and look at it in the show notes.
We're going to have it there foryou.
But I'm curious, even though you're taken, why would you have
(01:01:59):
been most excited if you hadn't met each other?
To use the Queer Country Club tofind your partner?
What would have excited you? Well, I just want to say when we
initially reached out to you, itwas because we had seen that you
had created this platform and like immediately, first of all,
(01:02:23):
I got it right away. You know, you're very clear
about how you deliver that message.
And the message that came through that really touched me
specifically is that you didn't just create a place for people
to meet each other and swipe andhave these really personal
(01:02:44):
experiences or, you know, a lot of people feel that they're just
they're getting lost in this wide world of apps and dating
platforms. But you are very much about
making it tailor made to people,having it be a space to also
(01:03:05):
grow and work on yourself, which, you know, like we're such
big advocates of obviously. And the fact that there is no
swiping that it is a more, it's almost like a virtual Country
Club where you can just go up toanybody and start talking to
(01:03:26):
them because you like their vibe, you like what they're
about, you like what they've been saying in the chat.
So it's a more organic way to connect to people while also
being a space to grow within yourself.
Definitely the organic, it just hit home for me because I always
(01:03:48):
said, I kept saying when I was going back and forth, I was
whether or not I was ready to meet my person.
It's going to need to happen organically.
So not a lot of people, you know, it's hard to meet other
people that have the same mindset as you do.
So being able to have this community that you can go into
and not only find your future wife, but you can, you know, you
(01:04:09):
can get your family together in that community because you may
have a community event. So that is definitely somewhere
where I would have been in therechatting and, you know, trying
to get to know people and feeling everybody out and
knowing that everybody was in itfor the long haul, right.
If I'm going to ask you and we're going to be together,
we're going to be. We're looking for the same thing
in a relationship. Yes, thank you so much for
(01:04:31):
sharing. It makes my heart happy because
now this is my entire world. But it was a a birth as a
passion project and honestly, selfishly for me to find my
future wife. I was kind of collecting the
database of top tier lesbians and realize, shoot, I should
start offering this to everybodybecause I'm getting so many
requests to to match people and I can't physically match
(01:04:54):
everybody. I'm one person.
And So what if I invested in AI to help me match women in the
community? And what if it was application
based and you have to be monogamous and growth minded and
not identify as a man and just all these things that would make
it a little bit more challenge, just a little little more
(01:05:16):
challenging to come in. So there wouldn't be scammers
and people there just for hookups.
So because we have a paywall, people have to come in, they
have to apply. Once they are approved, they can
choose a subscription. What's really cool is if you use
Juji's and Zyran's discount code, you'll get to not have to
(01:05:39):
pay that application fee. So if you're interested in
taking advantage of that, go to the show notes.
This is your moment, ladies. This was so freaking beautiful.
Thank you for sharing your storyso vulnerably.
The shadow parts, the light parts.
I think so many times we hear people's stories and we just
hear the light and we don't knowwhat happened before and we
(01:06:00):
don't know what it took to get to the beauty.
That is a whole healthy relationship.
If you to leave my audience withone piece of advice, what would
it be? I'm going to share a piece of
advice that I shared with a client yesterday and she was
(01:06:23):
like, this is exactly what I needed to hear because she's in
kind of the thick of it. She's in the weeds of her
spiritual awakening and her her journey feels extremely
difficult right now. But I told her, you know, around
the corner is the magic, you know.
(01:06:43):
So keep going, keep pursuing your own passion, keep learning
about who you are and what you need, and keep that faith
because there is so much unexpected beauty that comes
(01:07:05):
with doing the work. I can't tell you what that is.
You know, I don't know where it will lead you, but it will lead
you to unexpected places becausewhen you step outside of the
Matrix, you know, the universe conspires to give you exactly
what you need. So.
(01:07:26):
Good. What about?
You. So sweet.
I hope you are watching the video version of this podcast so
you could see the chemistry. You are precious.
OK guys, if you enjoyed this episode, go follow them on
social media. I'm going to have their handles
below. If you're curious about working
(01:07:47):
with them and preparing your soul to enter into a beautiful
divine partnership in the future, you will want to work
with them. Go look at the program that I
have listed below in the show notes and if you have any
questions I'm sure they can justshoot you a DM on Instagram or
TikTok, right? Yep, at Sacred 8 Roadshow.
(01:08:10):
OK, awesome. Yes, that's another thing at
Sacred 8. And the 8 is the number, right?
Yeah, at Sacred 8 Roadshow is their shared handle.
And thank you for the love that you are just exploding into the
world. Thank you for sharing with my
beautiful lesbians today. And everyone listening, have a
magical, magical day. There's magic just around the
(01:08:34):
corner.
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