February 10, 2025 • 54 mins
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Everyone welcome to queer women rising where iPhone lesbian
friends and talk about queer love, how to dodge drama, the
lesbian drama and embrace the peaceful connections we all
deserve. I'm Sofia Spilino, your lesbian
host, and today I'm here with Olive Okaro and I'm so happy to
be talking with you. I love when I just see people on
(00:20):
TikTok and I'm like, I need yourenergy on the show.
Let's hang out. Got you.
I got you. Let's hang out OK, I was
watching your videos and you're just straight up, which I love
because I am straight up, you know, looking for a future wife
and you said I'm looking for a successful wife like you do not
(00:42):
leave any anything to the imagination.
So talking about. OK.
So I first like when I was 17, it was a quarantine time, right?
So I came into college when I was 18 and I that time I was
like, I'm bisexual lies, but I'mbisexual.
I'm getting into my queerness. I always grew around like queer
(01:03):
people on the Internet. So I was like, cool.
I made a list of qualifications for my partner and they're
called terms and conditions. My childhood best friends, they
know the list. Like they're part of the notes
app and it's over like 150 things that I've accumulated
over the years. But I want this type of person.
I want this type of person like I want this person to have these
type beliefs. I want them to be from a certain
(01:23):
like I'm sort of educational background.
I want this, I want this, I wantthis.
I felt as if like the more intentional I am with the what I
want in a partner, the better mypartners will be as I move along
my romantic journey. Which is true.
I became more intentional as theyears went by from dating men
who I did not like, did not careabout today, women that I also
did not care, do not like. And then getting to my current
(01:45):
girlfriend and she's like, oh, OK, She actually matches my
standards. And every single time I like try
to like somebody, my friend would go, do they even match
your conditions? Do they match your list?
And I'm like, oh, you got me there.
You got me there. I love it.
A woman with standards. OK so to get the record straight
out, two questions 1 you are currently dating someone.
(02:06):
Correct. She's great.
OK so guys, you cannot slide into all the DMS right now.
It's just not not a pro pro. OK?
If you want to find love you gotto go to Queer Country Club, my
monogamist lesbian dating platform.
But I'm so happy for you. I'm so freaking happy.
How long have y'all been together?
We've been together almost six months now.
Oh OK dude, they say the seven month is the hardest.
(02:27):
Like yeah so I will just thoughts and prayers.
But you look confident. No, because like we actually
communicate a lot. A lot.
We talk a lot. We talk a lot, yeah.
What is the conversation around handling conflict?
Has that come up? Like if there's like some
(02:47):
monumental crazy earth shattering lock you out the
house type argument. We have actually not had the
most argument we've ever had is like we cannot agree on the
temperature in the house. We just can't agree.
Like it's like it's too hot, it's too cold.
Like please, please, we can't agree on that.
But we have not had some big argument if we ever did have it.
I feel like we've come to a stage where just talk it out.
(03:09):
We are very comfortable having hard conversations because we
actually like each other. I feel like a lot of people
think they don't actually like or care about, but like they
love. And that's, that's different
from liking someone to loving somebody.
I feel like she's a really cool friend.
And, and even if we weren't dating, we still be good friends
and we still talk things out. So I want to keep that type of
relationship between me and my girlfriend because I like her
(03:30):
and I want to be like, I don't feel comfortable with this.
And she's going to be like, oh, why?
We just like, talk it out. That's so good.
That's so good that that hits people, they people they don't
actually like. So then like the hard
conversations, it's like, why would you even have it?
Exactly. That's so good.
OK so are you the I need to staywarm girly or she and she keeps
(03:54):
it too cold or is it the opposite because I am currently
on a heating blanket and there'ssnow outside my window in
Louisiana. And anyone who doesn't believe
in climate change, you guys justgo like literally stand in a
fire or stand in the ice becausewe don't need you.
Like I am the one where it's right now, it's 73° in my
apartment. It's warm here.
(04:15):
It feels like a human body when you walk in.
And I need that, you know, I don't even wear a sweater and I
don't care. I feel great.
She needed to always be like cold 68.
And I'm like, I'm freeze. I'm actually dying right now.
Girl, we can't do this. We can't.
Do this. Are you dating someone older
too? Is this like a older woman thing
or she's your age? She's like 2 years older than
me. OK, OK, OK.
I always say women like post menopause and they're always
(04:37):
like, this is so hot. And I'm like, but I'm like
literally the pH of my vajayjay is different than yours.
We require a different level of heat, ma'am.
My God. OK, so you have been with her
for six months. You guys get through everything.
You've had those hard conversations.
Up until that, you didn't know you were a lesbian.
(05:00):
You I I feel like I caught the vibe that you are.
Tell me what you are. What Letter of the alphabet
suit? The first one.
OK, the. First one.
But you thought you were bi, is what I.
I did because, you know, heteronormativity society and
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
I just, it just took a lot of actual experience in my life be
(05:22):
like, oh, something's off. Because The thing is about me, I
tell people all the time, like Idid try men, guys, we actually
tried it. We got there to a certain point.
It was something was off. Something was so off every
single time. And I'm like, what is wrong?
And I tried women. I was like, oh, lesbian.
So yeah, that's anything. Else men can't even like, break
(05:42):
your heart. Like, not only are you not
attracted once you figure it out, at least for me, because
that's why too, but like they have no, like, there is no hold
on me emotionally, period. Yeah.
What was your first heartbreak like with a woman?
Because obviously a man could never break all of his heart.
(06:05):
That's no because I do actually ain't without a man.
I just never think of men at all.
So wouldn't really be a heartbreak.
I don't think I've I've just hadbreakups.
I don't think my past worships. I was really ever in love with
them is more like infatuation because The thing is, I'm 22.
I don't think I've ever been to that stage where also my current
(06:26):
graphics is my longest relationship.
So if we break up, that actuallyhurts my heart.
That would actually break my heart.
My past wishes it was like 3 months Max.
And if I said I love them, it's like this is 3 month
relationship. It's not something that kills
me. Oh my God.
Like no, I have things to do with my life.
I'll get over this. I have been through worse guys.
It's OK. So I have actually never been
(06:47):
through a heartbreak that destroyed me or like put me into
a mental coma, no. Oh, my gosh.
Good for you. Wait.
OK, so then how many girls have you dated?
Because I'm curious. Like, like lesbians have
literally done me in where I thought I was like, RIP.
Like it was. Yeah.
So. But you are 22.
(07:08):
So like, how many have you have you been through?
She's my. 3rd My current girlfriend is my third
girlfriend. OK, so only two other.
I mean, maybe you just got luckyand they didn't like, completely
chew you up, spit you out. Also, The thing is they didn't
that they actually never matchedmy standards.
So I feel like when I'm dating someone who doesn't match my
standards, they it wouldn't takeit to heart.
(07:30):
Like if I view, but if I view someone, it's gonna sound hard
harsh. If I view someone as a loser and
I'm just like, but like at the time my confidence was low.
I had low, low security. Like it's a lot, it's a lot of.
But if I view someone as not worth my time and then we break
up, I'm like that's OK. I like this.
(07:54):
What is? I've never heard someone talk so
frankly. Who's 22?
Just saying freaking love it because by the time you get to
32 like me, you're like, I'm notdating losers.
So much so that you literally invent a lesbian dating platform
to avoid dating such losers. What does Olive define as a
loser? I'm curious.
(08:15):
Enlighten me. It's more like someone who's
also very OK. I remember dating this one
person and their insecurity was just to the fucking roof, bro.
Like I, I had low insecurity, but not to the point where I was
overly. I like I couldn't do anything.
I if I told her like, oh, let's take a picture here.
(08:37):
She's like, Oh no, I'm insecure and let's do this.
Like I know I'm embarrassed. I mean like someone who's always
embarrassed something. I can't do that because you're
not living life you're just in your own shell and you're in
your own head a little too much for my comfort.
So I can't really do that. Like I like to live life.
It's a if it's embarrassing, fuck it, let's do it if it if
it's hard to do, fuck it, let's do it.
Me and my common girlfriend, she's an introvert, but like
(08:58):
she's down to do a lot of cool things because like, why not
life? You only live life and live life
once. I also somebody who doesn't pay
attention to global news or is like in their own really small
bubble. I'm very into getting educated
on international news, what's happening in politics, what's
happening in healthcare. I love that.
I love someone who wants to findout about different things and
(09:19):
reads a lot of different books and just thinks about different
people in a larger scale insteadof just keeping to their own one
family line. That's something I take care of
a lot and that's something I really want to value in my own
relationships because that's something I do if I am in a
certain way. Where I like to run, I like to
do certain workouts, I like to read certain books, I like to
learn about certain cultures. I want my partner to also be on
(09:40):
the same level and the girls I did it before my current partner
were just not on that same level.
Yeah, no, I get that. It's like do something with your
life, have a passion and like care about people other than
yourself. Yes, please.
Pretty pretty basic, but hard tofind.
Exactly. Really hard sometimes.
Oh my gosh. OK, So what do you do?
(10:01):
Because I know you're a creator,but what is like the big vision?
Where are you going with this? And then I want to know what
your girlfriend does because I love to see like how opposites
attract usually. Usually.
Let's see. So great question, thank you for
asking. I'm getting my master's size in
economics at am university. I'm currently graduating this
(10:22):
May with my master's and my bachelor's.
I specifically want to go into nonprofit work and I work also
in marketing. Right now, I work as an intern
in the tech industry and I'm a social media manager for a
church. But I also content create to
make a lot more side money. That's how I've saved so much
money throughout college becauseI did content creating.
I knew it was a great way to do a side hustle, but it got me to
(10:42):
a point where I'm invited to different events.
I'm doing cool things like this,being on podcasts, I'm just
meeting really cool people. And after I graduated, I
specifically want to move to NewYork City and grow a nonprofit
that's based around LGBTQ plus African Africans youth in
America. Last night, I even like made a
Google form that's now on my Instagram.
If you guys want to check the vibe, like there's an Instagram
(11:03):
link where you can people can say they're African queer
experiences if they're based in Africa or they're based in the
US or like anywhere in the world.
I just really want to create a community where queer Africans
find space to talk about what they really they've gone through
their entire lives. Because I know that when I was
getting younger, I wish I had a space like that.
So because I didn't have space like that, I'm creating like how
you're creating a space where women can meet each other.
(11:25):
And that's great. I didn't see that when I was
younger, but now I'm seeing it. Everyone like this is fucking
amazing. I wish I had this when I was
younger. And so that's honestly the goal
of moving to New York, working in marketing, working like a big
company where diversity, inclusion, equity is very put
into people's faces. That we need a world where
people are always asking questions, always trying to help
(11:46):
other people because without community, we are nothing.
Without community, some type of mobility, some type of anything,
learning about each other, we are absolutely nothing.
Oh my God, I love your vision. I love your passion.
So like, you're so smart holy shit.
Like I barely passed an economics class in order to take
it in the summer. Like, isolated to pass a basic
(12:08):
level. And yeah, no, not for me.
I just cannot imagine. Yeah, what's going on up there.
And then to think like, you havethat logical side, but then
you're also creative. That's pretty rare.
Pretty rare. Something to be proud of.
Graduated the masters at 22. Holy shit, bravo.
(12:29):
If you are African queer, pleasego engage with Olive.
You know what's really cool? I I don't talk about the people
on my team a lot, but I have themost incredible, amazing African
queer woman on my team and she'sa femme and she's so.
Pretty. And like we just like we text
(12:50):
each other every day, like me and my team, we hype each other
up, but we're just like, Oh my God, it's going to be a good
day. Like we're so blessed.
We pray together all the things.Oh, I notice you do something
for a church, okay? Like you're you're queer and
you're Christian or you're Buddhist or what is it?
I'm, I was baptized Catholic when I was straight out the womb
as a lot of people are a lot of especially W Africans are, but
(13:12):
I'm raised Christian. I go to a church, the open and
affirming church and love it. Open and affirming churches are
everywhere in the US and they'remeant to provide homes to a lot
of queer people, a lot of peoplefrom different backgrounds, a
diverse group of people love it,love it, love it.
I tried to get back into religion when I was like a
sophomore junior in college because I just didn't have a
church in call station where I felt very accepted.
(13:36):
I feel very accepted. And right now I do have a church
where I love the pastor. I talk to the people on a
regular basis. And even my girlfriend, she's
very religious. My family's very religious and
they still accept me to a certain degree.
They still accept me to a certain degree.
But having a relationship with God has really helped me in my
life. And a lot of people think that
(13:56):
you can't be queer and be religious.
That's a false. That's a false thing to say.
Because I feel it's not even that the Bible is, again, being
queer. It's the people.
The people are. Yeah.
And they want people to be in that agenda.
A lot of people are going to break out of the agenda
regardless of what they say, regardless of one.
That is what we're doing. I love it.
(14:17):
I love just spreading light and I'm like, look, I don't care
what God is for you, but like, let's not blame God or universe.
This is people who have truly just distorted the sacred words
of God, which is love God, love people.
That's so. OK.
So you go to, is it a Christian Church, Episcopal Church?
(14:40):
Like what? What is it?
Because where I live, we don't have unity churches.
And the closest thing I can findis a church called St.
Barnabas. That's like accepting, I think
it's Episcopalian. That's it.
So what is it? It's a United Church of Christ.
It's a Christian based church. It's called Friends actually.
Like it's in call station. It's very cute, very small, like
(15:02):
50 people, 5000 people Max. And I'm not like a big mega
church person. I just grew up in mega churches
all my life. I don't know if you have also
been in mega churches. Like over a thou.
Yeah, like over 1000 people every single Sunday.
Girl, I'm over stimulated. Can't be out of here.
I'm over stimulated but. Over stimulated and like, hey,
let's pay our taxes because like, look, I'll give you a pat
on the back because you are running a great business
(15:24):
operation and you're inspiring so many people.
But this is a business. This is, yeah.
Like I see, I remember my churchwhen I was younger, it was a
mega church. I swear it was a cult at some
point because the amount of people just going around, it's
like, oh, every single Sunday give tithes.
You're making at least 10 grand per week there.
(15:45):
This is crazy. This is a business in itself.
It's super insane. But this church I go to, they do
focus on tithing, but like it's more about a message of equality
and unity. And like this past Monday was
MLK Junior Day. So they talked about that during
church. Like that's something I really,
really value because you can't say, oh, except others.
We got to talk about everybody. Let's actually name names.
Who are you trying to accept here?
(16:06):
I try to accept the trans kids. Are you trying to accept the
immigrants? Like who are we trying to accept
here? And I love that they actually
physically say it out loud. I love it.
Yeah. There's no way.
Like, if you're queer where I live, you're like not welcome to
serve at most churches. Yeah, it's it's ridiculous.
It's insane. So I love that.
I love that they spoke about MLK.
(16:28):
I love that you feel seen. And like you said, let's name
names. Like who are you accepting?
Because they say everyone's welcome, but really is.
That really welcome. Really.
No, I I love that. I love that.
OK, so your girlfriend's religious too.
And like, do either of y'all struggle with like dealing with
(16:50):
people in your lives saying you you can't love God and be gay?
Is that a thing? Because I still experience it.
Like I feel accepted but definitely not celebrated by
certain people in my family at all.
For you, is it your family and social media, or is it only your
(17:12):
family? Social media has been really
scary. Like I don't make certain types
of content like I used to, including God, only on TikTok,
Instagram. I got very, very scary.
Like I can't now on a live, but like not like reels that go
viral because I had some that like we're hitting like 7
million views and like they, they came and like attacked my
(17:35):
account was really scary. And yeah, there's people who
love to equate a certain word that starts with AP with queer
people. And that's just absolutely
disturbing. So that is a thing.
But I think the thing that hurtsme is there is this little
wounded girl that just wants like, not just makes like
(17:58):
approval and joy and celebrationfor who I am.
And I'm never like the part of me that's healed is accepting.
I'm never going to get that fromcertain people in my family.
I'm lucky that they talk to me, right?
Like I'm lucky that they tolerate.
Yeah. So yeah, what about you?
(18:19):
1st I'm sorry that you have to go through that.
It does get posting. I OK.
I know in my experience on social media, I started on
TikTok. I've built a community on a
queer POC. So if I was to make any OK.
So this time last year I made a specific video saying you know
it's OK to be gay and gay and praise God, right?
(18:43):
Like it's OK to be gay and Christian.
I showed my can you see it? Can you see it my little cross
up there? Oh.
I love that it's. So cute.
I got it from garage. I literally love it.
Oh my God. But I showed my cross, I showed
my Bible, I showed my love is love flag.
And a lot of people appreciate the the video.
And the thing about me is I am here for the people who are
(19:04):
going to DM me and tell me that my videos help them a lot in
life. I am here for the people that a
year later, they're going to come back to my videos and say
this really helped me in 2024. And I'm very thankful that you
posted this video because I started my journey.
I even this morning I got a video, I got a comment from this
time. I'm the last girlfriend I had.
(19:26):
I broke up with her. I made a video about it got like
8000 likes and I posted it in 2022 or something, something
like that and or 2023. And somebody commented being
like, I come back to this video so many times since it's posted
to remind myself that I am worthy of being respected.
You don't know the impact that you have on other people that
that's 7 million people that sawthat video about you being queer
and religious. There's probably at least couple
(19:48):
100,000 people that needed that video that day.
Oh. Yeah.
The hate comments, even if people don't like it like
something about me, I turn the comments off on Instagram.
I don't like it. I don't like Instagram reels.
I'm a real Instagram, real hater, for real, but I post
every single day because I want people to see it what my content
is. I hate the negativity, I hate
the racism, I hate the homophobia on Instagram.
It's something disgusting, but. On TikTok, everybody builds a
(20:09):
platform with over 100,000 people, so I'm like, let me just
bring the content here and if people don't like it, I don't
give a damn. It's not.
For you I'm. Going to be for the haters.
It was always going to be for that 12 year old girl named
Olive in 2020 in 20 something who needed someone to who looks
like me to tell her that it's OKto be who she is.
That's what I'm doing for. I'm not able to give me hate
(20:30):
comments. I love that.
How old were you when you started like noticing you were
gay and did you try to pray it away?
Oh my God, I made a video about this.
Like last week. I noticed around six that I
liked girls and it's because I had this girl in my class who
like transferred in. It's like first grade.
(20:51):
It's like, Oh my gosh, she's so pretty.
I really want to be friends withher.
That's how it all starts. That's how it all starts.
But I personally never prayed the gay way I prayed to be gay.
It was when I was around 7, not 711, ten years old.
I was a really big Tumblr kid. So I, I was always on Tumblr.
I always followed gay people on Tumblr.
I thought they were the coolest people and they were the most
(21:11):
creative. They're like Someone Like You.
I would follow a creator like you because like, oh, this is so
cool. This is so like inspiring.
And it got to where I saw all the gay people there.
It's like, I want to be gay. I want to be that like type of
creativity and that type of wow and expressive.
So I got I remember so vividly, I got on my knees and asked God
please make me at least bisexual.
(21:31):
I want to be one of the cool kids on Tumblr.
I wanted it so bad. And then ten years later, I'm a
lesbian who makes content on Instagram, TikTok, I.
Love it. Wait so like you grew up with
parents who didn't instill Hellfire in you that you like
actually prayed to be gay? I'm jealous.
I literally like. I see all of the fires on the
(21:55):
news, and I'm like, oh, triggersreligious trauma.
Like, there's literal people outthere right now saying God's
cleansing the earth with what isactually climate change.
Yeah, the audacity to say such athing.
And I actually feel like, oh, myGod.
Like I was taught all this shit about the rapture and God, like
(22:16):
destroying the earth and like all those little things that I
literally tell myself that's nottrue.
This is just climate change. Like, those triggers still come
up. So I am so happy for you that as
a kid you felt safe enough to feel it was OK to be gay and
even to want to be gay to celebrate that authentic desire
(22:36):
in you. Because I knew since I was 5 I
had a crush on this girl. To this day, I have a crush on
this girl. She's so hot.
She just got hotter. She aged like fine wine like I
wish I wish one day she would just like DM me and be like OK
I'm gay but I don't want to likeapproach her I'm she still makes
(22:57):
me nervous. I mean, why not?
You're still scared to. I mean, why not be like, hey.
Hey, if you're listening to this, you know who you are.
You know who? My damn girl.
Hey, hey. No, she's fabulous.
Anyway, Yeah, I remember. Like that first crush, Like,
(23:17):
yeah, well, it's not. I can't look at that and go, Oh
yeah, God made me to self destruct.
Or God made you to like, like something you shouldn't.
Like. Like as humans, no matter what
you believe in, I think there's this innate goodness in us.
And we know what's wrong. We know what hurts other people.
(23:39):
We know what physically hurts ourselves.
And the desires that we have, especially being so young, come
from such a pure place. Yeah, like it doesn't because in
my mind I'm thinking, guys, we got bigger problems to fry.
People are dying, people, there's a war happening.
My gay ass. My gay ass is not the problem
(24:00):
here. We like.
The thing about it is whenever Isee people will be homophobic or
just being against a certain minority group, I'm thinking to
myself, you cannot pay your rentthis week.
So what's happening? You have things you can't eat
right now. You need to have bigger problems
to fry. We should not be the we should
not be the outlet. We should not be your violent
(24:20):
outlet. And I just doesn't make sense
for people to be so hateful of gay people, of people of color,
like of women, guys, we got we got things to do.
We got nations to uphold. We got things to learn.
We got books not to ban. We got things to do and you're
just not. It's different.
I hate unjustified hate. I hate it.
(24:41):
I hate when people are, we see aproblem, right?
And they think, oh, This is why the problem is being caused.
No, no, that's what the people at the top want you to think.
We have to look at we have to think a little bit more.
We have to ask a little bit morequestions and we have to go to
where the problem really is. Because if you don't, you end up
going like infighting between people that's not really your
enemy and they're always trying to help you.
(25:01):
Yes, yes, like making just inventing an enemy out of thin
air is what we're witnessing. Good times.
Seriously, we all need to pray that things get better.
And you know what? It's so weird because OK, real
quick, I need to tell you about WISP and online healthcare
service that is for the girls, gays days and me.
(25:24):
In fact, for three years they have been a part of my daily
regimen. I know many of you listening
long to create beautiful women loving women relationships and
that my dears, begins with excellent Kitty care.
Like, no offense, I don't know about you, but I personally
don't want to be at a Kitty Cat Cafe, if you know what I mean.
(25:46):
That doesn't provide the freshest dessert for me to lick.
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OK, back to the show. There's a lot of shit going on
and it feels so freaking heavy to watch people you love, like
(27:38):
go through so much loss and so much fear.
And I feel like I'm scared and Ihold a lot of privilege as a
white cisgender women woman, right?
So like I feel the fear and thenI'm like trying to hold even
like hope because the people whohave some privilege right now of
hope and like not being afraid for your life actively, like
(28:03):
we've got to hold the tortures of hope.
We've got to light the way. And so it's this weird nuance of
being like, I feel heavy, but I got to keep going.
Like I got to keep going. Joy in my heart, the joy of the
Lord is going to be my strength.We're going to get through this.
It's a weird thing. It's a weird thing like last
night in our Queer Country Club event, I do this thing called
(28:23):
Meet Your Future Wife live, introduce extraordinary
lesbians. It's so fun.
Plug for Queer Country Club DME apply if you would want to meet
your future wife. It's where you go if you have
standards like Olive, right? Like have yourself together and
have the actual life you love and be clear that you want to
live and die with one woman. And I would love to match you.
(28:45):
But that being said, we do thesethings alive every single month
I host for women to meet each other.
And it was like weird to come onand be like, I'm so happy to be
here with you. But also like we're all grieving
so much this week. We're all holding so much weight
and it's like, yeah, it's a weird, it's a weird thing to
hold both. I I think like God gave me this
(29:08):
strength to hold both, but it's still weird, especially as a
content to get on and be like, hey, but also.
I'm really glad that you do havea platform like that to even be
able to say that. I know it's hard.
People can come together and grieve together because misery
loves company in ways that it's OK to cry together.
(29:32):
It's OK to also know that we canalso mobilize.
We can have spaces like this to talk about it.
And without mobilization, again,we fall.
People just just don't do anything.
You can cry. You can say, oh, everything's
shit. The world's burning down.
We can come back. There's always people fighting.
There's always people. There's always a nonprofit
(29:52):
trying to help people. There's always people like you
who are saying there's other people who look like us too, who
can do a lot of good, who have degrees, patient, who have the
power, who have like some type of ability to make some change
happen. Even if the institutions that
are in control, they don't, theydon't want that change to
happen. Change happens regardless.
Change always happen and will always point towards justice.
(30:14):
Very like every single time. That's the.
Light will win. The light will win.
The battle might be lost, but the war is not over.
Never, never, never, never. So good, so good.
OK, what is the number one like?You seem very involved.
What is a way that you feel everyone listening right now
could give back or take some action for what they believe in
(30:39):
and to help their fellow human? OK, one thing I recommend is go
on letters of Congress and applyfor the newsletter so they can
send you executive orders being made.
I feel like people need to be a lot more informed about the
bills being passed. Trump passed, wrote down a lot
of executive bills, happened on the first day of his office and
it's a lot and it's hard to digest if you don't know what's
(31:02):
happening. Look up websites for nonprofits
that are happening in your area.Don't be discouraged that oh, we
can't do anything, we can. The state are against us.
The legislation just guessed us.No, no, no, no, no.
There's things happening at ground level that can be done to
help other people. I know in Texas right now we are
having a big abortion ban like 2022.
I'm part of this thing called Jane's due process where we try
(31:23):
to help people help women in thestate of Texas get abortion
access for two different states.And hopefully the entire
abortion ban is expand towards the entire nation.
But if it does, we there are stuff we can do Okay, there's a
country, but this is not the first time human being to be
alive. This not the type first country
to ever be in a certain government where women are
discouraged. We keep people discouraged.
(31:44):
There are things that happen in different countries where we can
take action from them and we going to take resources from
them and say, hey, we can also do it here.
I believe will need to see what other countries have been doing,
see what minority groups have been doing, especially the
indigenous people in America, see how they how they've
survived and also try to help them, but also implement the
same tactics to help the people in your own neighborhood.
(32:04):
Because to be a good neighbor, you have to know you're the
people next to you. You have to know the people at
the top, at the bottom, left, right.
And that's how you make actionable change, by knowing
people and seeing what resourceswe can bring together.
So good, so good. And it's not about like hating
people on one side or another. I think it's about truly being
like, hey, this is like they they've engineered a war between
(32:28):
the, the elite and the people. Yeah.
And so all of us remember, like,as just humans, as people on
this planet, we we have so much more in common than we have
different. And in order to win, like you
said. OK.
I love it. So what was that website again?
Letters of Congress or letters from Congress?
(32:50):
Letters of Let me letters. Pull it up because I I've never
heard of that and that seems like a really good resource.
It's called the letters. Maybe Library Library of
Congress. Let me make sure of it.
Yeah, no, figured out because I think that's been the hardest
(33:14):
thing is not understanding how things affect us, not knowing
who to reach out to, not knowing, OK, if there's this
thing that's being proposed, whodo you contact?
Exactly, exactly. OK, It's called Library of
Congress. Let me make sure newsletter.
Library of Congress newsletter. Yes, Library of Congress.
(33:35):
I'm going to put it as a link inthe zoom.
So amazing. About.
It I am subscribed to it, but I also like listen to the news
every single day. I listen to NPR Morning News and
I make sure that trying to be upto date with the news in America
is hard, but it's very, very hard.
I don't expect everybody to knoweverything at all, but just know
(33:57):
what affects the people around you know that, hey, that one
immigrant friend you'd have, if you know they're, they're don't
have the right documentation, don't put them in compromising
situations. Don't go to don't like invite
them to a party where you know it could be dangerous for them
if the police show up. Don't like call out somebody who
(34:19):
doesn't speak fluent English andbe like, oh, where are you from?
What country do you come from? That's that's harmful.
Don't do things that you feel like are intentionally harmful
to other people because that's dangerous.
It's not, it's not a joke. It's not a joke to say, oh,
you're a trans kid, we're going to take away your rights to get
treatment. That's not OK.
It's not OK to do that. Yeah.
No, thank you, beautiful. OK, I'm going to add that link
(34:42):
to the show notes for everyone listening who's like, OK, I want
a passionate woman who cares about what's going on in the
world, who is got her education locked under her belt and I've
got standards. If you were to give your list of
standards for finding your now partner, all of what would those
(35:03):
standards be? I can actually just pull it up
like. Oh, I love it.
She's got a note in the iPhone, Dude, you know the only way to
get through anything, whether it's a breakup, I swear, Like
having the iclist right in frontof you or having the like,
standards list right in front ofyou for when you're dating.
(35:23):
It's the best thing ever. One of my standards for somebody
is has concrete aspirations. That's number 42.
Next is let's see, let's see a good one.
One is great communication, 3 isemotionally intelligent, and I
(35:45):
also put things as inclusive of all sexualities, genders,
culturals, cultures and ethnicities.
One one of them is highly educated in their own field,
like my girlfriend, she's a masters of science and public
health. So works like, Yep, she works in
that type of field of making sure a lot of people who don't
look like her have to say, have right research, have the right
(36:06):
medical needs, stuff like that. I love.
It right, like things I rememberposting the video about having
standards as someone saying like, oh, it's probably a lot of
food or movie movie standards like no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It's things that someone cannot bring to the table unless they
are that person. And that's why I never posted my
list to the Internet at all, because I feel that people
(36:28):
cannot imagine they are not thisperson.
Like, if you're not an artistic person, naturally, you're not
going to imagine. You're not trying to.
Like, I want people to make a facade of what they think I
want. No, no, no, no, no.
Be yourself, bro. If you're not for me, you're not
for me. If I'm not for you, I'm not for
you. And that's OK.
There's 8 billion people out of this world.
I promise you it's not. It's going to be OK to not find
(36:48):
the love of your life in this one second.
Yeah, OK. Describe what your girlfriend
looks like. I'm curious.
She's like around my hide. Puerto Rican with big hair.
OK, OK, OK. I.
Love it. OK, and and in healthcare she
(37:10):
like works like in a hospital oryeah, what do what does this
look like? That's what I assume.
She works. She does research, specifically
research in public health. Yeah.
Oh my God. So I'm not as smart as you.
Geez Louise. I love.
She's so great. She's so smart.
I love this for you. Thank you so much for sharing
(37:31):
all the love. Now I love hearing about queer
women's big dreams. What is your dream vision for
your life like? Your dream career?
Do you want to get married? Do you want kids?
Just tell me what your dream life looks like in 10 years.
OK. So this year I've been a vision
for like I do for the past two years.
And this year, well, for the next 10 years, I want to like
(37:54):
host Ted talks. I want to have my own nonprofit
company where I'm helping queer peoples, visibly an African
diaspora. I want to be on Forbes 30 under
30. I want to create a space for
queer people and helping queer people around the US and just
around the world in general. I want to go back to Nigeria and
build like a library in my name for queer authors and queer
(38:14):
books in the West African, in West Africa in general.
But I also do want to get like Iwant to get married in the
future, but marriage is not in my I'm very career focused as a
person. I'm very education focused.
So I'm also a person where if I don't get the degree, if I don't
get the job, if I don't get the career I want, I will breakdown.
That's I will in fact breakdown.So a lot of things I do on my
(38:37):
daily is based around trying to get a certain future, like me
being part of nonprofits right now, me trying to get a masters,
me being in a certain field is always based around making sure
I have the voice, I have the qualifications and I have the
vision for what I want a certaintype of future in my life to be
like. I do want to be the rich lesbian
mother with my wife and two kidswho helps tons of people, who
(39:00):
goes to conference conference and speaks, who like has my own
podcast, who writes for different authors, who writes
for different magazines. Stuff like that is very
important to me to have a voice and also to like, look like
someone like me who's black, queer, a woman, immigrant, and
so many minority groups just under my belt who's also
educated and who also wants the betterment for other people.
(39:21):
Like it's, it is ecotistical, but it's also, it's ecotistical
in the way that I want to have aplatform so other people know
that they can also have a platform.
There is nothing wrong with wanting what you want.
Like let's flip that around. I cuz I used to do business
coaching. I mean, I still do it.
Like it's more like a secret offer.
Like it's not something I advertise.
But like when someone says like I want a platform, like it's not
(39:43):
egotistical because it feels like that's just the vision God
gave you for your life. Like, yeah, yeah.
Like that's your purpose. I love what you want to do.
I myself want to be the rich lesbian aunt.
I'm like, that's that's the vibe.
So you're not. Did you say aunt or mom?
You want to have your own kids or you don't.
(40:05):
Oh, I do want to have my own kids.
I want to have these two kids, yeah.
OK, OK. I love it.
I love it. Do you want to carry or do you
want your partner to carry? I The thing is, I never wanted
to have children because I thought I was going to end up
with a man. It was a man part that really
had me in the chill cold. But now that I like women, not
that I know I like women. I'm perfectly fine having, like
my own children, carrying them and birthing children with a
(40:26):
beautiful wife. That's lovely.
I thought. She's so nice of me.
Yeah. Isn't it wonderful to think
about how a woman will look? Because I went through like some
eating issues in the past and I feel like a woman would look at
a postpartum body and be like, you're still so like you're
gorgeous, like you carry life like, Oh my God.
(40:50):
And it's just so different than the male gaze.
I don't know. It's just like so juicy for me
to think about. There's a part of me now it's
like, oh, I could have a baby. I'm very also career focused.
Like I a little bit of a workaholic and so I know that
I've got a vision for Queer Country Club.
I want to grow it. That's my goal.
(41:11):
I want to be able to help a lot of people.
That's not possible if I slow down and have kids right now.
I I. Just.
Yeah. And that's OK.
Exactly, exactly. But just knowing, like the idea
of having a little family, a little extraordinary life with a
woman just lights me up. Exactly.
(41:33):
Taking a look, sprints, going toschool with them, like it's so
nice. That sounds so lovely.
It is. It is.
OK. So the last thing I want to ask
you about is you're moving to New York because I saw a video.
You're like, I don't know how, but I'm moving.
What? Will happen.
It will happen and I believe youbecause there were things like
(41:54):
six months ago I was like, I don't know how I'm going to have
a house, but it's going to happen.
Here I am in my house and my podcast to be like you make
should happen, God make should happen.
What is the vision for that and is your girlfriend along for
this ride? OK.
So the vision for that is I actually made a whole financial
budget plan in December and I chilled my like, the vision what
I have is like this, it's quite big and I'm in a financial plan
(42:18):
for it. I talked to my family members
who live in New York City, like,OK, what, what cities do you
think I should live in? And they specifically also have
Brooklyn would be the best. First, it's cheaper than
Manhattan. Everybody knows this, we know
this. But it's also like more
creative, it's more POC friendly, it's more queer
friendly, like all that stuff. So I was like OK, Brooklyn, but
also I talked to my girlfriend, my parents and my best friends
(42:39):
about it and they were all trying to give me advice.
Be like, OK, do you have the finances for it?
We're going to build the finances every single month from
January till I graduate would have to be 3K just save like the
high yield savings account to make sure I have the finances to
move to New York and May. I'm going to go there with my
girlfriend to even view apartment.
And I talked to my girlfriend about it.
She has a full time job here. There's no reason for her to
(43:00):
move to a different state if shedoes not have a full time job
that pays like twice as much in New York City.
So we're probably fine doing long distance because we've been
doing long distance our entire relationship.
It's great. We see each other every other
weekend. Like it's literally fine.
So I if she can find a job there, that'd be great.
But also she's also never been to New York City.
So like when we first go to divorce, that's gonna be her
first time even feeling the city.
(43:21):
I personally feel like she's going to love New York City.
I can just right up her alley ofwhat diversity and how
fast-paced it is. I think she would literally love
it. But for right now, it's more
about saving money, budgeting, creating a bigger platform so I
can get more brand deals coming in.
I know that I'm having a lot more queer brands.
Ask me like, hey, you want to make content for us?
Like yes, I will pay me, pay me,pay me please, please please.
(43:46):
But just having the brand deals coming in and doing like more
side jobs in marketing and even starting to do like freelance
digital products with my girlfriend and freelance
marketing for different brands is something that is helping me
a lot financially before I graduate.
Oh my gosh. OK, and so you have until May to
make it all happen. Until May, July, there's no
(44:08):
really deadline for anything, but I just want to be able to
have a place to stay. I can also like rent.
I'm in like so many Facebook, Facebook group chats where
people are like, oh, like sublease this, rent this.
And even getting advice from people who've lived in New York
for many years. It's OK to not have it all
figured out when you get to New York City.
It's literally OK. I guys, I am not on a Thai
(44:30):
schedule here. This is just a personal thing I
want to do with my life, to be able to go to New York City, go
into like the economic, political and cultural hubbony
of the entire nation. This feels right for me.
So having that plan set in motion and trying my best to get
there because without a without a plan, how's it going to
happen? It's not.
Exactly. Oh my God.
OK, I'm not trying to sell you anything at all.
(44:52):
And I mean that sincerely. I'm literally not going to sell
you anything. Won't charge you a dime before I
say this, and I've never said this publicly on a podcast, so
no 1D me about this because I'm not going to say this to anyone
else. Most likely only when God tells
you to. But would you be interested in
being scholarship into my profitable personal brand
coaching program just to help you grow?
(45:14):
OK. Because if you only have so much
time, we do coaching like every two weeks.
And I'm like, like, let's freaking get you to the next
level. Let's, let's go.
We need, we need wealth in the hands of queer women.
Yeah, let's do this. OK, Chris, go ahead and e-mail
(45:37):
Olive. Let's get her in for tonight.
Let's do it. Let's do it.
We do. Yeah.
It's the most extraordinary group of queer women.
And I will scholarship you at least through March, March.
And. And then I want to see if I'm
going to take a break. I might take a break offering
coaching completely. But if, you know, if I, if I'm
(45:59):
not, I will extend your tenure. OK, Yeah, I I want to see you
succeed. Like you're just, you've already
come so freaking far on your ownand the vision you have is just
massive. Yeah.
I definitely like why can't it happen?
People have done a lot more withfar less, so if someone else can
(46:21):
do it, God knows I can do it. Amen.
OK. Where did you get this mindset?
Did you create this through practices, or did your parents
raise you to just have these really strong positive beliefs
about yourself? I honestly feel that being
Nigerian really was the forefront of my mentality
because a lot of Nigerian women,it's bro.
(46:43):
A lot of the time I see I'm a very baseless basic confidence
really runs my entire life because regardless if I'm doing
bad, I just have something to mymind like I'm going to make it
out. I'm going to make it out.
Like growing up Christian, growing up with a Nigerian
mindset of we have to make money.
We have to like succeed. Regardless of what happens in
life. It just has to happen.
Kind of toxic, kind of like it kind of goes down on you
(47:05):
sometimes like, oh, I'm not succeeding enough.
So therefore I just, I'm not living up to my parents
standards. So I'm not living up to my
standards. It comes to a point where having
a clear vision and having a motive to why you want to do
this vision and having passion, it comes before anything else
because even if I'm not motivated one day, it's all
about the end goal. At some point, we have to keep
on going. We have to keep on going.
Oh, I don't feel good enough to go to the gym today.
(47:27):
I'm feeling too tired. There's a goal here that we need
to meet. So I'm perfectly fine being able
to say, hey, I know I'm not doing well, good today, but
tomorrow this has to happen. Like even this entire podcast,
this gave me a deadline to make sure I had the Google Forms
ready. This gave me a deadline to
finalize the I am the type person to sign up for a program
(47:48):
or sign up for like a new networking thing or sign up for
a new conference to make myself a physical deadline where other
people are expecting things fromme and making sure I have it
unlocked by the time I get there.
So I'm looking professional. I'm looking up to standards of
what I want to be to other people's view.
So yeah. Yes, no, your mindset is just
chef's kiss. Like you're 22 and that's
(48:08):
blowing my mind. Like I feel like I'm talking to
someone at least 35. You look young, but I like your
soul and the strength and the tenacity you already have at 22.
There's not one lazy bone in your body.
Like I love it. I love it like you.
You come into the program tonight.
I just I want to see you kick ass.
And we'll in life. Let's go.
(48:30):
Let's go. New York City, I'm going to be
waiting to see like when you land in your apartment when you
like have your boxes on the floor like I can visualize it
now I can visualize it now like your first like take out while
you're unpacking and then your girlfriend being like God just
delivering the best job for her there too yes yes Lauren,
(48:56):
that's. Yes, yes.
Oh my gosh, OK this has been so fun.
If there's any word of advice you want to leave with queer
women who are looking for someone healthy because I do
believe what you found is a healthy balanced relationship.
What is the advice that you would leave with Queer Women
Rising? I would lead to queer woman
(49:18):
rising. So please work on yourself
before you try to chase somebodyelse.
You're chasing people who you admire, you find are amazing,
but you also don't meet their standards, but you don't also
meet the standards for yourself.If you do want somebody who's
like, knows how to cook, who's very ambitious, who has their
lives together, I fear you have to get to the same level.
You have to be the same level tomeet someone at that level.
(49:39):
So don't be so hard on trying tofind a life.
Don't be so hard on trying to find a girlfriend.
Just find yourself first. Please find.
Yourself so good so good like ifyou want that then you gotta be
that yes so good and if you already are that if you all that
and a bag of chips, you got yourshit together.
You hate dating apps, you hate swiping you're looking for the
(50:01):
love of your life. If I haven't made it clear
enough, I have a lesbian dating platform for monogamous queer
women only. We love our polyamorous friends
we love you guys. I literally like I have a
polyamorous friend that I spent time with talking on the phone
this morning, like I'm close to my people, but I know how hard
it is as a lesbian to find love with someone who truly wants to
(50:23):
live and die with one wife for life.
And that's why I created the Queer Country Club.
If you are interested in joininga dating club of only
extraordinary lesbians from around the world, you're going
to want to DM me the word apply.We're going to get you an
application. It's super quick.
It's like 60 seconds. You'll apply.
We want to make sure you've got the right mindset.
You got to have a good mindset. You know what, you have to be
(50:44):
ass off the wall as me and Olivehere because we are like, we're
going to run this world. But but having a mindset like I
don't care. There's one lady I love this
lady in queer Country Club. I call her Miss Dorothy.
I never call people Miss, but I swear I just call her Miss
because she carries like that Mama bear energy.
Women in Country Club are like 35 to 65.
(51:04):
She's like in her 50s and she's like, I don't care, honey, if
you paint cats and she's rich asfuck, OK.
And she's like, I don't care if you want to just paint cats, but
you better be passionate about what you're doing.
If all you do is paint cats, youbetter be the best cat painter
I've ever seen. And I was just like, yes, like
bring some passion. Like whatever it is, I don't
(51:26):
care what it is, Just do your thing and do it well.
Be extraordinary. If it's creativity, if it's
being a homemaker, being the best homemaker, if it is being
the highest in tech, be the bestat that.
But just do you Boo and do a big.
So if you've got a life that's amazing, but you're missing your
future wife, DM me. Apply or visit
(51:47):
queercountryclub.com. We want to have you inside AI
matching, live virtual meetups, live coaching, and then of
course, an entire community thathelps women meet based on their
values. OK, that's it for queer women
Rising Olive, thank you so much for joining me.
I'll be emailing on you. Yeah, I want to have you in, in
(52:09):
the coaching program. So I'll, I'll send you an e-mail
right after this. My manager will get you another,
like official e-mail right before tonight.
And we do live calls every two weeks.
And tonight is 1. So if you're available, it's at
7:00 PM. If you're not, you can come to
the next one. But the live calls are just,
that's where the energy's at. Cool.
(52:31):
Would you like to do a little? Picture.
Oh my God, yes, let's do it. Yes, I got it.
Thank you. I over botoxed my lip like I
told the girl I was like do morethan usual.
And she was like, I shouldn't dothat.
And I was like no, like I'm paying you like do it.
And she was right. OK, She was right.
(52:53):
And like now I it's hard to smile but it'll go away.
It'll go away. You know lesbians, we, we tend
to use the mouth a good bit. So like my mouth will get worked
out, the Botox will go away. What?
I think it looks super good. It matches your face.
Well, thank you. But like the problem is the
(53:13):
problem is it's not that it's it's not filler, it's a
paralyzed muscle. So you I can't lift to see my
top teeth. So when I eat an apple, I have
to physically do that right now.And it'll heal.
And it'll heal. Yeah, no, it's just, it's a
(53:34):
neurotoxin will go away like twomonths now.
But I always just tell people I'm like, it's not that I'm not
smiling at you physically can't.Oh my God, this is so fun.
Have an amazing day. And I'll see you inside of the
profitable personal brand coaching program because I I
want to see rise. OK, I, I literally, I'm ready
(53:56):
for the New York video. I I can visualize it now you
posting on TikTok being like we made it and like unboxing.
I just see it like, hold the vision, Abraham Hicks 17
seconds. Like it's there, It's there.
You. Know like listen to the video,
be like, hey guys, I made it. Send me the video.
Yes. OK.
Love you much. Talk to you soon.
(54:17):
Bye guys. See you in the next episode.
Everyone welcome to queer women rising where iPhone lesbian
friends and talk about queer love, how to dodge drama, the
lesbian drama and embrace the peaceful connections we all
deserve. I'm Sofia Spilino, your lesbian
host, and today I'm here with Olive Okaro and I'm so happy to
be talking with you. I love when I just see people on
(00:20):
TikTok and I'm like, I need yourenergy on the show.
Let's hang out. Got you.
I got you. Let's hang out OK, I was
watching your videos and you're just straight up, which I love
because I am straight up, you know, looking for a future wife
and you said I'm looking for a successful wife like you do not
(00:42):
leave any anything to the imagination.
So talking about. OK.
So I first like when I was 17, it was a quarantine time, right?
So I came into college when I was 18 and I that time I was
like, I'm bisexual lies, but I'mbisexual.
I'm getting into my queerness. I always grew around like queer
(01:03):
people on the Internet. So I was like, cool.
I made a list of qualifications for my partner and they're
called terms and conditions. My childhood best friends, they
know the list. Like they're part of the notes
app and it's over like 150 things that I've accumulated
over the years. But I want this type of person.
I want this type of person like I want this person to have these
type beliefs. I want them to be from a certain
(01:23):
like I'm sort of educational background.
I want this, I want this, I wantthis.
I felt as if like the more intentional I am with the what I
want in a partner, the better mypartners will be as I move along
my romantic journey. Which is true.
I became more intentional as theyears went by from dating men
who I did not like, did not careabout today, women that I also
did not care, do not like. And then getting to my current
(01:45):
girlfriend and she's like, oh, OK, She actually matches my
standards. And every single time I like try
to like somebody, my friend would go, do they even match
your conditions? Do they match your list?
And I'm like, oh, you got me there.
You got me there. I love it.
A woman with standards. OK so to get the record straight
out, two questions 1 you are currently dating someone.
(02:06):
Correct. She's great.
OK so guys, you cannot slide into all the DMS right now.
It's just not not a pro pro. OK?
If you want to find love you gotto go to Queer Country Club, my
monogamist lesbian dating platform.
But I'm so happy for you. I'm so freaking happy.
How long have y'all been together?
We've been together almost six months now.
Oh OK dude, they say the seven month is the hardest.
(02:27):
Like yeah so I will just thoughts and prayers.
But you look confident. No, because like we actually
communicate a lot. A lot.
We talk a lot. We talk a lot, yeah.
What is the conversation around handling conflict?
Has that come up? Like if there's like some
(02:47):
monumental crazy earth shattering lock you out the
house type argument. We have actually not had the
most argument we've ever had is like we cannot agree on the
temperature in the house. We just can't agree.
Like it's like it's too hot, it's too cold.
Like please, please, we can't agree on that.
But we have not had some big argument if we ever did have it.
I feel like we've come to a stage where just talk it out.
(03:09):
We are very comfortable having hard conversations because we
actually like each other. I feel like a lot of people
think they don't actually like or care about, but like they
love. And that's, that's different
from liking someone to loving somebody.
I feel like she's a really cool friend.
And, and even if we weren't dating, we still be good friends
and we still talk things out. So I want to keep that type of
relationship between me and my girlfriend because I like her
(03:30):
and I want to be like, I don't feel comfortable with this.
And she's going to be like, oh, why?
We just like, talk it out. That's so good.
That's so good that that hits people, they people they don't
actually like. So then like the hard
conversations, it's like, why would you even have it?
Exactly. That's so good.
OK so are you the I need to staywarm girly or she and she keeps
(03:54):
it too cold or is it the opposite because I am currently
on a heating blanket and there'ssnow outside my window in
Louisiana. And anyone who doesn't believe
in climate change, you guys justgo like literally stand in a
fire or stand in the ice becausewe don't need you.
Like I am the one where it's right now, it's 73° in my
apartment. It's warm here.
(04:15):
It feels like a human body when you walk in.
And I need that, you know, I don't even wear a sweater and I
don't care. I feel great.
She needed to always be like cold 68.
And I'm like, I'm freeze. I'm actually dying right now.
Girl, we can't do this. We can't.
Do this. Are you dating someone older
too? Is this like a older woman thing
or she's your age? She's like 2 years older than
me. OK, OK, OK.
I always say women like post menopause and they're always
(04:37):
like, this is so hot. And I'm like, but I'm like
literally the pH of my vajayjay is different than yours.
We require a different level of heat, ma'am.
My God. OK, so you have been with her
for six months. You guys get through everything.
You've had those hard conversations.
Up until that, you didn't know you were a lesbian.
(05:00):
You I I feel like I caught the vibe that you are.
Tell me what you are. What Letter of the alphabet
suit? The first one.
OK, the. First one.
But you thought you were bi, is what I.
I did because, you know, heteronormativity society and
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
I just, it just took a lot of actual experience in my life be
(05:22):
like, oh, something's off. Because The thing is about me, I
tell people all the time, like Idid try men, guys, we actually
tried it. We got there to a certain point.
It was something was off. Something was so off every
single time. And I'm like, what is wrong?
And I tried women. I was like, oh, lesbian.
So yeah, that's anything. Else men can't even like, break
(05:42):
your heart. Like, not only are you not
attracted once you figure it out, at least for me, because
that's why too, but like they have no, like, there is no hold
on me emotionally, period. Yeah.
What was your first heartbreak like with a woman?
Because obviously a man could never break all of his heart.
(06:05):
That's no because I do actually ain't without a man.
I just never think of men at all.
So wouldn't really be a heartbreak.
I don't think I've I've just hadbreakups.
I don't think my past worships. I was really ever in love with
them is more like infatuation because The thing is, I'm 22.
I don't think I've ever been to that stage where also my current
(06:26):
graphics is my longest relationship.
So if we break up, that actuallyhurts my heart.
That would actually break my heart.
My past wishes it was like 3 months Max.
And if I said I love them, it's like this is 3 month
relationship. It's not something that kills
me. Oh my God.
Like no, I have things to do with my life.
I'll get over this. I have been through worse guys.
It's OK. So I have actually never been
(06:47):
through a heartbreak that destroyed me or like put me into
a mental coma, no. Oh, my gosh.
Good for you. Wait.
OK, so then how many girls have you dated?
Because I'm curious. Like, like lesbians have
literally done me in where I thought I was like, RIP.
Like it was. Yeah.
So. But you are 22.
(07:08):
So like, how many have you have you been through?
She's my. 3rd My current girlfriend is my third
girlfriend. OK, so only two other.
I mean, maybe you just got luckyand they didn't like, completely
chew you up, spit you out. Also, The thing is they didn't
that they actually never matchedmy standards.
So I feel like when I'm dating someone who doesn't match my
standards, they it wouldn't takeit to heart.
(07:30):
Like if I view, but if I view someone, it's gonna sound hard
harsh. If I view someone as a loser and
I'm just like, but like at the time my confidence was low.
I had low, low security. Like it's a lot, it's a lot of.
But if I view someone as not worth my time and then we break
up, I'm like that's OK. I like this.
(07:54):
What is? I've never heard someone talk so
frankly. Who's 22?
Just saying freaking love it because by the time you get to
32 like me, you're like, I'm notdating losers.
So much so that you literally invent a lesbian dating platform
to avoid dating such losers. What does Olive define as a
loser? I'm curious.
(08:15):
Enlighten me. It's more like someone who's
also very OK. I remember dating this one
person and their insecurity was just to the fucking roof, bro.
Like I, I had low insecurity, but not to the point where I was
overly. I like I couldn't do anything.
I if I told her like, oh, let's take a picture here.
(08:37):
She's like, Oh no, I'm insecure and let's do this.
Like I know I'm embarrassed. I mean like someone who's always
embarrassed something. I can't do that because you're
not living life you're just in your own shell and you're in
your own head a little too much for my comfort.
So I can't really do that. Like I like to live life.
It's a if it's embarrassing, fuck it, let's do it if it if
it's hard to do, fuck it, let's do it.
Me and my common girlfriend, she's an introvert, but like
(08:58):
she's down to do a lot of cool things because like, why not
life? You only live life and live life
once. I also somebody who doesn't pay
attention to global news or is like in their own really small
bubble. I'm very into getting educated
on international news, what's happening in politics, what's
happening in healthcare. I love that.
I love someone who wants to findout about different things and
(09:19):
reads a lot of different books and just thinks about different
people in a larger scale insteadof just keeping to their own one
family line. That's something I take care of
a lot and that's something I really want to value in my own
relationships because that's something I do if I am in a
certain way. Where I like to run, I like to
do certain workouts, I like to read certain books, I like to
learn about certain cultures. I want my partner to also be on
(09:40):
the same level and the girls I did it before my current partner
were just not on that same level.
Yeah, no, I get that. It's like do something with your
life, have a passion and like care about people other than
yourself. Yes, please.
Pretty pretty basic, but hard tofind.
Exactly. Really hard sometimes.
Oh my gosh. OK, So what do you do?
(10:01):
Because I know you're a creator,but what is like the big vision?
Where are you going with this? And then I want to know what
your girlfriend does because I love to see like how opposites
attract usually. Usually.
Let's see. So great question, thank you for
asking. I'm getting my master's size in
economics at am university. I'm currently graduating this
(10:22):
May with my master's and my bachelor's.
I specifically want to go into nonprofit work and I work also
in marketing. Right now, I work as an intern
in the tech industry and I'm a social media manager for a
church. But I also content create to
make a lot more side money. That's how I've saved so much
money throughout college becauseI did content creating.
I knew it was a great way to do a side hustle, but it got me to
(10:42):
a point where I'm invited to different events.
I'm doing cool things like this,being on podcasts, I'm just
meeting really cool people. And after I graduated, I
specifically want to move to NewYork City and grow a nonprofit
that's based around LGBTQ plus African Africans youth in
America. Last night, I even like made a
Google form that's now on my Instagram.
If you guys want to check the vibe, like there's an Instagram
(11:03):
link where you can people can say they're African queer
experiences if they're based in Africa or they're based in the
US or like anywhere in the world.
I just really want to create a community where queer Africans
find space to talk about what they really they've gone through
their entire lives. Because I know that when I was
getting younger, I wish I had a space like that.
So because I didn't have space like that, I'm creating like how
you're creating a space where women can meet each other.
(11:25):
And that's great. I didn't see that when I was
younger, but now I'm seeing it. Everyone like this is fucking
amazing. I wish I had this when I was
younger. And so that's honestly the goal
of moving to New York, working in marketing, working like a big
company where diversity, inclusion, equity is very put
into people's faces. That we need a world where
people are always asking questions, always trying to help
(11:46):
other people because without community, we are nothing.
Without community, some type of mobility, some type of anything,
learning about each other, we are absolutely nothing.
Oh my God, I love your vision. I love your passion.
So like, you're so smart holy shit.
Like I barely passed an economics class in order to take
it in the summer. Like, isolated to pass a basic
(12:08):
level. And yeah, no, not for me.
I just cannot imagine. Yeah, what's going on up there.
And then to think like, you havethat logical side, but then
you're also creative. That's pretty rare.
Pretty rare. Something to be proud of.
Graduated the masters at 22. Holy shit, bravo.
(12:29):
If you are African queer, pleasego engage with Olive.
You know what's really cool? I I don't talk about the people
on my team a lot, but I have themost incredible, amazing African
queer woman on my team and she'sa femme and she's so.
Pretty. And like we just like we text
(12:50):
each other every day, like me and my team, we hype each other
up, but we're just like, Oh my God, it's going to be a good
day. Like we're so blessed.
We pray together all the things.Oh, I notice you do something
for a church, okay? Like you're you're queer and
you're Christian or you're Buddhist or what is it?
I'm, I was baptized Catholic when I was straight out the womb
as a lot of people are a lot of especially W Africans are, but
(13:12):
I'm raised Christian. I go to a church, the open and
affirming church and love it. Open and affirming churches are
everywhere in the US and they'remeant to provide homes to a lot
of queer people, a lot of peoplefrom different backgrounds, a
diverse group of people love it,love it, love it.
I tried to get back into religion when I was like a
sophomore junior in college because I just didn't have a
church in call station where I felt very accepted.
(13:36):
I feel very accepted. And right now I do have a church
where I love the pastor. I talk to the people on a
regular basis. And even my girlfriend, she's
very religious. My family's very religious and
they still accept me to a certain degree.
They still accept me to a certain degree.
But having a relationship with God has really helped me in my
life. And a lot of people think that
(13:56):
you can't be queer and be religious.
That's a false. That's a false thing to say.
Because I feel it's not even that the Bible is, again, being
queer. It's the people.
The people are. Yeah.
And they want people to be in that agenda.
A lot of people are going to break out of the agenda
regardless of what they say, regardless of one.
That is what we're doing. I love it.
(14:17):
I love just spreading light and I'm like, look, I don't care
what God is for you, but like, let's not blame God or universe.
This is people who have truly just distorted the sacred words
of God, which is love God, love people.
That's so. OK.
So you go to, is it a Christian Church, Episcopal Church?
(14:40):
Like what? What is it?
Because where I live, we don't have unity churches.
And the closest thing I can findis a church called St.
Barnabas. That's like accepting, I think
it's Episcopalian. That's it.
So what is it? It's a United Church of Christ.
It's a Christian based church. It's called Friends actually.
Like it's in call station. It's very cute, very small, like
(15:02):
50 people, 5000 people Max. And I'm not like a big mega
church person. I just grew up in mega churches
all my life. I don't know if you have also
been in mega churches. Like over a thou.
Yeah, like over 1000 people every single Sunday.
Girl, I'm over stimulated. Can't be out of here.
I'm over stimulated but. Over stimulated and like, hey,
let's pay our taxes because like, look, I'll give you a pat
on the back because you are running a great business
(15:24):
operation and you're inspiring so many people.
But this is a business. This is, yeah.
Like I see, I remember my churchwhen I was younger, it was a
mega church. I swear it was a cult at some
point because the amount of people just going around, it's
like, oh, every single Sunday give tithes.
You're making at least 10 grand per week there.
(15:45):
This is crazy. This is a business in itself.
It's super insane. But this church I go to, they do
focus on tithing, but like it's more about a message of equality
and unity. And like this past Monday was
MLK Junior Day. So they talked about that during
church. Like that's something I really,
really value because you can't say, oh, except others.
We got to talk about everybody. Let's actually name names.
Who are you trying to accept here?
(16:06):
I try to accept the trans kids. Are you trying to accept the
immigrants? Like who are we trying to accept
here? And I love that they actually
physically say it out loud. I love it.
Yeah. There's no way.
Like, if you're queer where I live, you're like not welcome to
serve at most churches. Yeah, it's it's ridiculous.
It's insane. So I love that.
I love that they spoke about MLK.
(16:28):
I love that you feel seen. And like you said, let's name
names. Like who are you accepting?
Because they say everyone's welcome, but really is.
That really welcome. Really.
No, I I love that. I love that.
OK, so your girlfriend's religious too.
And like, do either of y'all struggle with like dealing with
(16:50):
people in your lives saying you you can't love God and be gay?
Is that a thing? Because I still experience it.
Like I feel accepted but definitely not celebrated by
certain people in my family at all.
For you, is it your family and social media, or is it only your
(17:12):
family? Social media has been really
scary. Like I don't make certain types
of content like I used to, including God, only on TikTok,
Instagram. I got very, very scary.
Like I can't now on a live, but like not like reels that go
viral because I had some that like we're hitting like 7
million views and like they, they came and like attacked my
(17:35):
account was really scary. And yeah, there's people who
love to equate a certain word that starts with AP with queer
people. And that's just absolutely
disturbing. So that is a thing.
But I think the thing that hurtsme is there is this little
wounded girl that just wants like, not just makes like
(17:58):
approval and joy and celebrationfor who I am.
And I'm never like the part of me that's healed is accepting.
I'm never going to get that fromcertain people in my family.
I'm lucky that they talk to me, right?
Like I'm lucky that they tolerate.
Yeah. So yeah, what about you?
(18:19):
1st I'm sorry that you have to go through that.
It does get posting. I OK.
I know in my experience on social media, I started on
TikTok. I've built a community on a
queer POC. So if I was to make any OK.
So this time last year I made a specific video saying you know
it's OK to be gay and gay and praise God, right?
(18:43):
Like it's OK to be gay and Christian.
I showed my can you see it? Can you see it my little cross
up there? Oh.
I love that it's. So cute.
I got it from garage. I literally love it.
Oh my God. But I showed my cross, I showed
my Bible, I showed my love is love flag.
And a lot of people appreciate the the video.
And the thing about me is I am here for the people who are
(19:04):
going to DM me and tell me that my videos help them a lot in
life. I am here for the people that a
year later, they're going to come back to my videos and say
this really helped me in 2024. And I'm very thankful that you
posted this video because I started my journey.
I even this morning I got a video, I got a comment from this
time. I'm the last girlfriend I had.
(19:26):
I broke up with her. I made a video about it got like
8000 likes and I posted it in 2022 or something, something
like that and or 2023. And somebody commented being
like, I come back to this video so many times since it's posted
to remind myself that I am worthy of being respected.
You don't know the impact that you have on other people that
that's 7 million people that sawthat video about you being queer
and religious. There's probably at least couple
(19:48):
100,000 people that needed that video that day.
Oh. Yeah.
The hate comments, even if people don't like it like
something about me, I turn the comments off on Instagram.
I don't like it. I don't like Instagram reels.
I'm a real Instagram, real hater, for real, but I post
every single day because I want people to see it what my content
is. I hate the negativity, I hate
the racism, I hate the homophobia on Instagram.
It's something disgusting, but. On TikTok, everybody builds a
(20:09):
platform with over 100,000 people, so I'm like, let me just
bring the content here and if people don't like it, I don't
give a damn. It's not.
For you I'm. Going to be for the haters.
It was always going to be for that 12 year old girl named
Olive in 2020 in 20 something who needed someone to who looks
like me to tell her that it's OKto be who she is.
That's what I'm doing for. I'm not able to give me hate
(20:30):
comments. I love that.
How old were you when you started like noticing you were
gay and did you try to pray it away?
Oh my God, I made a video about this.
Like last week. I noticed around six that I
liked girls and it's because I had this girl in my class who
like transferred in. It's like first grade.
(20:51):
It's like, Oh my gosh, she's so pretty.
I really want to be friends withher.
That's how it all starts. That's how it all starts.
But I personally never prayed the gay way I prayed to be gay.
It was when I was around 7, not 711, ten years old.
I was a really big Tumblr kid. So I, I was always on Tumblr.
I always followed gay people on Tumblr.
I thought they were the coolest people and they were the most
(21:11):
creative. They're like Someone Like You.
I would follow a creator like you because like, oh, this is so
cool. This is so like inspiring.
And it got to where I saw all the gay people there.
It's like, I want to be gay. I want to be that like type of
creativity and that type of wow and expressive.
So I got I remember so vividly, I got on my knees and asked God
please make me at least bisexual.
(21:31):
I want to be one of the cool kids on Tumblr.
I wanted it so bad. And then ten years later, I'm a
lesbian who makes content on Instagram, TikTok, I.
Love it. Wait so like you grew up with
parents who didn't instill Hellfire in you that you like
actually prayed to be gay? I'm jealous.
I literally like. I see all of the fires on the
(21:55):
news, and I'm like, oh, triggersreligious trauma.
Like, there's literal people outthere right now saying God's
cleansing the earth with what isactually climate change.
Yeah, the audacity to say such athing.
And I actually feel like, oh, myGod.
Like I was taught all this shit about the rapture and God, like
(22:16):
destroying the earth and like all those little things that I
literally tell myself that's nottrue.
This is just climate change. Like, those triggers still come
up. So I am so happy for you that as
a kid you felt safe enough to feel it was OK to be gay and
even to want to be gay to celebrate that authentic desire
(22:36):
in you. Because I knew since I was 5 I
had a crush on this girl. To this day, I have a crush on
this girl. She's so hot.
She just got hotter. She aged like fine wine like I
wish I wish one day she would just like DM me and be like OK
I'm gay but I don't want to likeapproach her I'm she still makes
(22:57):
me nervous. I mean, why not?
You're still scared to. I mean, why not be like, hey.
Hey, if you're listening to this, you know who you are.
You know who? My damn girl.
Hey, hey. No, she's fabulous.
Anyway, Yeah, I remember. Like that first crush, Like,
(23:17):
yeah, well, it's not. I can't look at that and go, Oh
yeah, God made me to self destruct.
Or God made you to like, like something you shouldn't.
Like. Like as humans, no matter what
you believe in, I think there's this innate goodness in us.
And we know what's wrong. We know what hurts other people.
(23:39):
We know what physically hurts ourselves.
And the desires that we have, especially being so young, come
from such a pure place. Yeah, like it doesn't because in
my mind I'm thinking, guys, we got bigger problems to fry.
People are dying, people, there's a war happening.
My gay ass. My gay ass is not the problem
(24:00):
here. We like.
The thing about it is whenever Isee people will be homophobic or
just being against a certain minority group, I'm thinking to
myself, you cannot pay your rentthis week.
So what's happening? You have things you can't eat
right now. You need to have bigger problems
to fry. We should not be the we should
not be the outlet. We should not be your violent
(24:20):
outlet. And I just doesn't make sense
for people to be so hateful of gay people, of people of color,
like of women, guys, we got we got things to do.
We got nations to uphold. We got things to learn.
We got books not to ban. We got things to do and you're
just not. It's different.
I hate unjustified hate. I hate it.
(24:41):
I hate when people are, we see aproblem, right?
And they think, oh, This is why the problem is being caused.
No, no, that's what the people at the top want you to think.
We have to look at we have to think a little bit more.
We have to ask a little bit morequestions and we have to go to
where the problem really is. Because if you don't, you end up
going like infighting between people that's not really your
enemy and they're always trying to help you.
(25:01):
Yes, yes, like making just inventing an enemy out of thin
air is what we're witnessing. Good times.
Seriously, we all need to pray that things get better.
And you know what? It's so weird because OK, real
quick, I need to tell you about WISP and online healthcare
service that is for the girls, gays days and me.
(25:24):
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Like, no offense, I don't know about you, but I personally
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(26:08):
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I also get D manos and boric acid vaginal suppositories as
needed so I'm prepared if something starts to fill off
down there. Also, if you're about to meet a
new partner from my lesbian dating platform, you definitely
want to be tested before sleeping with someone new.
You can order discreet online testing from your bed before you
(27:15):
jump into bed out of a link in the show notes to learn more.
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All your Kitty needs. You're welcome.
OK, back to the show. There's a lot of shit going on
and it feels so freaking heavy to watch people you love, like
(27:38):
go through so much loss and so much fear.
And I feel like I'm scared and Ihold a lot of privilege as a
white cisgender women woman, right?
So like I feel the fear and thenI'm like trying to hold even
like hope because the people whohave some privilege right now of
hope and like not being afraid for your life actively, like
(28:03):
we've got to hold the tortures of hope.
We've got to light the way. And so it's this weird nuance of
being like, I feel heavy, but I got to keep going.
Like I got to keep going. Joy in my heart, the joy of the
Lord is going to be my strength.We're going to get through this.
It's a weird thing. It's a weird thing like last
night in our Queer Country Club event, I do this thing called
(28:23):
Meet Your Future Wife live, introduce extraordinary
lesbians. It's so fun.
Plug for Queer Country Club DME apply if you would want to meet
your future wife. It's where you go if you have
standards like Olive, right? Like have yourself together and
have the actual life you love and be clear that you want to
live and die with one woman. And I would love to match you.
(28:45):
But that being said, we do thesethings alive every single month
I host for women to meet each other.
And it was like weird to come onand be like, I'm so happy to be
here with you. But also like we're all grieving
so much this week. We're all holding so much weight
and it's like, yeah, it's a weird, it's a weird thing to
hold both. I I think like God gave me this
(29:08):
strength to hold both, but it's still weird, especially as a
content to get on and be like, hey, but also.
I'm really glad that you do havea platform like that to even be
able to say that. I know it's hard.
People can come together and grieve together because misery
loves company in ways that it's OK to cry together.
(29:32):
It's OK to also know that we canalso mobilize.
We can have spaces like this to talk about it.
And without mobilization, again,we fall.
People just just don't do anything.
You can cry. You can say, oh, everything's
shit. The world's burning down.
We can come back. There's always people fighting.
There's always people. There's always a nonprofit
(29:52):
trying to help people. There's always people like you
who are saying there's other people who look like us too, who
can do a lot of good, who have degrees, patient, who have the
power, who have like some type of ability to make some change
happen. Even if the institutions that
are in control, they don't, theydon't want that change to
happen. Change happens regardless.
Change always happen and will always point towards justice.
(30:14):
Very like every single time. That's the.
Light will win. The light will win.
The battle might be lost, but the war is not over.
Never, never, never, never. So good, so good.
OK, what is the number one like?You seem very involved.
What is a way that you feel everyone listening right now
could give back or take some action for what they believe in
(30:39):
and to help their fellow human? OK, one thing I recommend is go
on letters of Congress and applyfor the newsletter so they can
send you executive orders being made.
I feel like people need to be a lot more informed about the
bills being passed. Trump passed, wrote down a lot
of executive bills, happened on the first day of his office and
it's a lot and it's hard to digest if you don't know what's
(31:02):
happening. Look up websites for nonprofits
that are happening in your area.Don't be discouraged that oh, we
can't do anything, we can. The state are against us.
The legislation just guessed us.No, no, no, no, no.
There's things happening at ground level that can be done to
help other people. I know in Texas right now we are
having a big abortion ban like 2022.
I'm part of this thing called Jane's due process where we try
(31:23):
to help people help women in thestate of Texas get abortion
access for two different states.And hopefully the entire
abortion ban is expand towards the entire nation.
But if it does, we there are stuff we can do Okay, there's a
country, but this is not the first time human being to be
alive. This not the type first country
to ever be in a certain government where women are
discouraged. We keep people discouraged.
(31:44):
There are things that happen in different countries where we can
take action from them and we going to take resources from
them and say, hey, we can also do it here.
I believe will need to see what other countries have been doing,
see what minority groups have been doing, especially the
indigenous people in America, see how they how they've
survived and also try to help them, but also implement the
same tactics to help the people in your own neighborhood.
(32:04):
Because to be a good neighbor, you have to know you're the
people next to you. You have to know the people at
the top, at the bottom, left, right.
And that's how you make actionable change, by knowing
people and seeing what resourceswe can bring together.
So good, so good. And it's not about like hating
people on one side or another. I think it's about truly being
like, hey, this is like they they've engineered a war between
(32:28):
the, the elite and the people. Yeah.
And so all of us remember, like,as just humans, as people on
this planet, we we have so much more in common than we have
different. And in order to win, like you
said. OK.
I love it. So what was that website again?
Letters of Congress or letters from Congress?
(32:50):
Letters of Let me letters. Pull it up because I I've never
heard of that and that seems like a really good resource.
It's called the letters. Maybe Library Library of
Congress. Let me make sure of it.
Yeah, no, figured out because I think that's been the hardest
(33:14):
thing is not understanding how things affect us, not knowing
who to reach out to, not knowing, OK, if there's this
thing that's being proposed, whodo you contact?
Exactly, exactly. OK, It's called Library of
Congress. Let me make sure newsletter.
Library of Congress newsletter. Yes, Library of Congress.
(33:35):
I'm going to put it as a link inthe zoom.
So amazing. About.
It I am subscribed to it, but I also like listen to the news
every single day. I listen to NPR Morning News and
I make sure that trying to be upto date with the news in America
is hard, but it's very, very hard.
I don't expect everybody to knoweverything at all, but just know
(33:57):
what affects the people around you know that, hey, that one
immigrant friend you'd have, if you know they're, they're don't
have the right documentation, don't put them in compromising
situations. Don't go to don't like invite
them to a party where you know it could be dangerous for them
if the police show up. Don't like call out somebody who
(34:19):
doesn't speak fluent English andbe like, oh, where are you from?
What country do you come from? That's that's harmful.
Don't do things that you feel like are intentionally harmful
to other people because that's dangerous.
It's not, it's not a joke. It's not a joke to say, oh,
you're a trans kid, we're going to take away your rights to get
treatment. That's not OK.
It's not OK to do that. Yeah.
No, thank you, beautiful. OK, I'm going to add that link
(34:42):
to the show notes for everyone listening who's like, OK, I want
a passionate woman who cares about what's going on in the
world, who is got her education locked under her belt and I've
got standards. If you were to give your list of
standards for finding your now partner, all of what would those
(35:03):
standards be? I can actually just pull it up
like. Oh, I love it.
She's got a note in the iPhone, Dude, you know the only way to
get through anything, whether it's a breakup, I swear, Like
having the iclist right in frontof you or having the like,
standards list right in front ofyou for when you're dating.
(35:23):
It's the best thing ever. One of my standards for somebody
is has concrete aspirations. That's number 42.
Next is let's see, let's see a good one.
One is great communication, 3 isemotionally intelligent, and I
(35:45):
also put things as inclusive of all sexualities, genders,
culturals, cultures and ethnicities.
One one of them is highly educated in their own field,
like my girlfriend, she's a masters of science and public
health. So works like, Yep, she works in
that type of field of making sure a lot of people who don't
look like her have to say, have right research, have the right
(36:06):
medical needs, stuff like that. I love.
It right, like things I rememberposting the video about having
standards as someone saying like, oh, it's probably a lot of
food or movie movie standards like no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It's things that someone cannot bring to the table unless they
are that person. And that's why I never posted my
list to the Internet at all, because I feel that people
(36:28):
cannot imagine they are not thisperson.
Like, if you're not an artistic person, naturally, you're not
going to imagine. You're not trying to.
Like, I want people to make a facade of what they think I
want. No, no, no, no, no.
Be yourself, bro. If you're not for me, you're not
for me. If I'm not for you, I'm not for
you. And that's OK.
There's 8 billion people out of this world.
I promise you it's not. It's going to be OK to not find
(36:48):
the love of your life in this one second.
Yeah, OK. Describe what your girlfriend
looks like. I'm curious.
She's like around my hide. Puerto Rican with big hair.
OK, OK, OK. I.
Love it. OK, and and in healthcare she
(37:10):
like works like in a hospital oryeah, what do what does this
look like? That's what I assume.
She works. She does research, specifically
research in public health. Yeah.
Oh my God. So I'm not as smart as you.
Geez Louise. I love.
She's so great. She's so smart.
I love this for you. Thank you so much for sharing
(37:31):
all the love. Now I love hearing about queer
women's big dreams. What is your dream vision for
your life like? Your dream career?
Do you want to get married? Do you want kids?
Just tell me what your dream life looks like in 10 years.
OK. So this year I've been a vision
for like I do for the past two years.
And this year, well, for the next 10 years, I want to like
(37:54):
host Ted talks. I want to have my own nonprofit
company where I'm helping queer peoples, visibly an African
diaspora. I want to be on Forbes 30 under
30. I want to create a space for
queer people and helping queer people around the US and just
around the world in general. I want to go back to Nigeria and
build like a library in my name for queer authors and queer
(38:14):
books in the West African, in West Africa in general.
But I also do want to get like Iwant to get married in the
future, but marriage is not in my I'm very career focused as a
person. I'm very education focused.
So I'm also a person where if I don't get the degree, if I don't
get the job, if I don't get the career I want, I will breakdown.
That's I will in fact breakdown.So a lot of things I do on my
(38:37):
daily is based around trying to get a certain future, like me
being part of nonprofits right now, me trying to get a masters,
me being in a certain field is always based around making sure
I have the voice, I have the qualifications and I have the
vision for what I want a certaintype of future in my life to be
like. I do want to be the rich lesbian
mother with my wife and two kidswho helps tons of people, who
(39:00):
goes to conference conference and speaks, who like has my own
podcast, who writes for different authors, who writes
for different magazines. Stuff like that is very
important to me to have a voice and also to like, look like
someone like me who's black, queer, a woman, immigrant, and
so many minority groups just under my belt who's also
educated and who also wants the betterment for other people.
(39:21):
Like it's, it is ecotistical, but it's also, it's ecotistical
in the way that I want to have aplatform so other people know
that they can also have a platform.
There is nothing wrong with wanting what you want.
Like let's flip that around. I cuz I used to do business
coaching. I mean, I still do it.
Like it's more like a secret offer.
Like it's not something I advertise.
But like when someone says like I want a platform, like it's not
(39:43):
egotistical because it feels like that's just the vision God
gave you for your life. Like, yeah, yeah.
Like that's your purpose. I love what you want to do.
I myself want to be the rich lesbian aunt.
I'm like, that's that's the vibe.
So you're not. Did you say aunt or mom?
You want to have your own kids or you don't.
(40:05):
Oh, I do want to have my own kids.
I want to have these two kids, yeah.
OK, OK. I love it.
I love it. Do you want to carry or do you
want your partner to carry? I The thing is, I never wanted
to have children because I thought I was going to end up
with a man. It was a man part that really
had me in the chill cold. But now that I like women, not
that I know I like women. I'm perfectly fine having, like
my own children, carrying them and birthing children with a
(40:26):
beautiful wife. That's lovely.
I thought. She's so nice of me.
Yeah. Isn't it wonderful to think
about how a woman will look? Because I went through like some
eating issues in the past and I feel like a woman would look at
a postpartum body and be like, you're still so like you're
gorgeous, like you carry life like, Oh my God.
(40:50):
And it's just so different than the male gaze.
I don't know. It's just like so juicy for me
to think about. There's a part of me now it's
like, oh, I could have a baby. I'm very also career focused.
Like I a little bit of a workaholic and so I know that
I've got a vision for Queer Country Club.
I want to grow it. That's my goal.
(41:11):
I want to be able to help a lot of people.
That's not possible if I slow down and have kids right now.
I I. Just.
Yeah. And that's OK.
Exactly, exactly. But just knowing, like the idea
of having a little family, a little extraordinary life with a
woman just lights me up. Exactly.
(41:33):
Taking a look, sprints, going toschool with them, like it's so
nice. That sounds so lovely.
It is. It is.
OK. So the last thing I want to ask
you about is you're moving to New York because I saw a video.
You're like, I don't know how, but I'm moving.
What? Will happen.
It will happen and I believe youbecause there were things like
(41:54):
six months ago I was like, I don't know how I'm going to have
a house, but it's going to happen.
Here I am in my house and my podcast to be like you make
should happen, God make should happen.
What is the vision for that and is your girlfriend along for
this ride? OK.
So the vision for that is I actually made a whole financial
budget plan in December and I chilled my like, the vision what
I have is like this, it's quite big and I'm in a financial plan
(42:18):
for it. I talked to my family members
who live in New York City, like,OK, what, what cities do you
think I should live in? And they specifically also have
Brooklyn would be the best. First, it's cheaper than
Manhattan. Everybody knows this, we know
this. But it's also like more
creative, it's more POC friendly, it's more queer
friendly, like all that stuff. So I was like OK, Brooklyn, but
also I talked to my girlfriend, my parents and my best friends
(42:39):
about it and they were all trying to give me advice.
Be like, OK, do you have the finances for it?
We're going to build the finances every single month from
January till I graduate would have to be 3K just save like the
high yield savings account to make sure I have the finances to
move to New York and May. I'm going to go there with my
girlfriend to even view apartment.
And I talked to my girlfriend about it.
She has a full time job here. There's no reason for her to
(43:00):
move to a different state if shedoes not have a full time job
that pays like twice as much in New York City.
So we're probably fine doing long distance because we've been
doing long distance our entire relationship.
It's great. We see each other every other
weekend. Like it's literally fine.
So I if she can find a job there, that'd be great.
But also she's also never been to New York City.
So like when we first go to divorce, that's gonna be her
first time even feeling the city.
(43:21):
I personally feel like she's going to love New York City.
I can just right up her alley ofwhat diversity and how
fast-paced it is. I think she would literally love
it. But for right now, it's more
about saving money, budgeting, creating a bigger platform so I
can get more brand deals coming in.
I know that I'm having a lot more queer brands.
Ask me like, hey, you want to make content for us?
Like yes, I will pay me, pay me,pay me please, please please.
(43:46):
But just having the brand deals coming in and doing like more
side jobs in marketing and even starting to do like freelance
digital products with my girlfriend and freelance
marketing for different brands is something that is helping me
a lot financially before I graduate.
Oh my gosh. OK, and so you have until May to
make it all happen. Until May, July, there's no
(44:08):
really deadline for anything, but I just want to be able to
have a place to stay. I can also like rent.
I'm in like so many Facebook, Facebook group chats where
people are like, oh, like sublease this, rent this.
And even getting advice from people who've lived in New York
for many years. It's OK to not have it all
figured out when you get to New York City.
It's literally OK. I guys, I am not on a Thai
(44:30):
schedule here. This is just a personal thing I
want to do with my life, to be able to go to New York City, go
into like the economic, political and cultural hubbony
of the entire nation. This feels right for me.
So having that plan set in motion and trying my best to get
there because without a without a plan, how's it going to
happen? It's not.
Exactly. Oh my God.
OK, I'm not trying to sell you anything at all.
(44:52):
And I mean that sincerely. I'm literally not going to sell
you anything. Won't charge you a dime before I
say this, and I've never said this publicly on a podcast, so
no 1D me about this because I'm not going to say this to anyone
else. Most likely only when God tells
you to. But would you be interested in
being scholarship into my profitable personal brand
coaching program just to help you grow?
(45:14):
OK. Because if you only have so much
time, we do coaching like every two weeks.
And I'm like, like, let's freaking get you to the next
level. Let's, let's go.
We need, we need wealth in the hands of queer women.
Yeah, let's do this. OK, Chris, go ahead and e-mail
(45:37):
Olive. Let's get her in for tonight.
Let's do it. Let's do it.
We do. Yeah.
It's the most extraordinary group of queer women.
And I will scholarship you at least through March, March.
And. And then I want to see if I'm
going to take a break. I might take a break offering
coaching completely. But if, you know, if I, if I'm
(45:59):
not, I will extend your tenure. OK, Yeah, I I want to see you
succeed. Like you're just, you've already
come so freaking far on your ownand the vision you have is just
massive. Yeah.
I definitely like why can't it happen?
People have done a lot more withfar less, so if someone else can
(46:21):
do it, God knows I can do it. Amen.
OK. Where did you get this mindset?
Did you create this through practices, or did your parents
raise you to just have these really strong positive beliefs
about yourself? I honestly feel that being
Nigerian really was the forefront of my mentality
because a lot of Nigerian women,it's bro.
(46:43):
A lot of the time I see I'm a very baseless basic confidence
really runs my entire life because regardless if I'm doing
bad, I just have something to mymind like I'm going to make it
out. I'm going to make it out.
Like growing up Christian, growing up with a Nigerian
mindset of we have to make money.
We have to like succeed. Regardless of what happens in
life. It just has to happen.
Kind of toxic, kind of like it kind of goes down on you
(47:05):
sometimes like, oh, I'm not succeeding enough.
So therefore I just, I'm not living up to my parents
standards. So I'm not living up to my
standards. It comes to a point where having
a clear vision and having a motive to why you want to do
this vision and having passion, it comes before anything else
because even if I'm not motivated one day, it's all
about the end goal. At some point, we have to keep
on going. We have to keep on going.
Oh, I don't feel good enough to go to the gym today.
(47:27):
I'm feeling too tired. There's a goal here that we need
to meet. So I'm perfectly fine being able
to say, hey, I know I'm not doing well, good today, but
tomorrow this has to happen. Like even this entire podcast,
this gave me a deadline to make sure I had the Google Forms
ready. This gave me a deadline to
finalize the I am the type person to sign up for a program
(47:48):
or sign up for like a new networking thing or sign up for
a new conference to make myself a physical deadline where other
people are expecting things fromme and making sure I have it
unlocked by the time I get there.
So I'm looking professional. I'm looking up to standards of
what I want to be to other people's view.
So yeah. Yes, no, your mindset is just
chef's kiss. Like you're 22 and that's
(48:08):
blowing my mind. Like I feel like I'm talking to
someone at least 35. You look young, but I like your
soul and the strength and the tenacity you already have at 22.
There's not one lazy bone in your body.
Like I love it. I love it like you.
You come into the program tonight.
I just I want to see you kick ass.
And we'll in life. Let's go.
(48:30):
Let's go. New York City, I'm going to be
waiting to see like when you land in your apartment when you
like have your boxes on the floor like I can visualize it
now I can visualize it now like your first like take out while
you're unpacking and then your girlfriend being like God just
delivering the best job for her there too yes yes Lauren,
(48:56):
that's. Yes, yes.
Oh my gosh, OK this has been so fun.
If there's any word of advice you want to leave with queer
women who are looking for someone healthy because I do
believe what you found is a healthy balanced relationship.
What is the advice that you would leave with Queer Women
Rising? I would lead to queer woman
(49:18):
rising. So please work on yourself
before you try to chase somebodyelse.
You're chasing people who you admire, you find are amazing,
but you also don't meet their standards, but you don't also
meet the standards for yourself.If you do want somebody who's
like, knows how to cook, who's very ambitious, who has their
lives together, I fear you have to get to the same level.
You have to be the same level tomeet someone at that level.
(49:39):
So don't be so hard on trying tofind a life.
Don't be so hard on trying to find a girlfriend.
Just find yourself first. Please find.
Yourself so good so good like ifyou want that then you gotta be
that yes so good and if you already are that if you all that
and a bag of chips, you got yourshit together.
You hate dating apps, you hate swiping you're looking for the
(50:01):
love of your life. If I haven't made it clear
enough, I have a lesbian dating platform for monogamous queer
women only. We love our polyamorous friends
we love you guys. I literally like I have a
polyamorous friend that I spent time with talking on the phone
this morning, like I'm close to my people, but I know how hard
it is as a lesbian to find love with someone who truly wants to
(50:23):
live and die with one wife for life.
And that's why I created the Queer Country Club.
If you are interested in joininga dating club of only
extraordinary lesbians from around the world, you're going
to want to DM me the word apply.We're going to get you an
application. It's super quick.
It's like 60 seconds. You'll apply.
We want to make sure you've got the right mindset.
You got to have a good mindset. You know what, you have to be
(50:44):
ass off the wall as me and Olivehere because we are like, we're
going to run this world. But but having a mindset like I
don't care. There's one lady I love this
lady in queer Country Club. I call her Miss Dorothy.
I never call people Miss, but I swear I just call her Miss
because she carries like that Mama bear energy.
Women in Country Club are like 35 to 65.
(51:04):
She's like in her 50s and she's like, I don't care, honey, if
you paint cats and she's rich asfuck, OK.
And she's like, I don't care if you want to just paint cats, but
you better be passionate about what you're doing.
If all you do is paint cats, youbetter be the best cat painter
I've ever seen. And I was just like, yes, like
bring some passion. Like whatever it is, I don't
(51:26):
care what it is, Just do your thing and do it well.
Be extraordinary. If it's creativity, if it's
being a homemaker, being the best homemaker, if it is being
the highest in tech, be the bestat that.
But just do you Boo and do a big.
So if you've got a life that's amazing, but you're missing your
future wife, DM me. Apply or visit
(51:47):
queercountryclub.com. We want to have you inside AI
matching, live virtual meetups, live coaching, and then of
course, an entire community thathelps women meet based on their
values. OK, that's it for queer women
Rising Olive, thank you so much for joining me.
I'll be emailing on you. Yeah, I want to have you in, in
(52:09):
the coaching program. So I'll, I'll send you an e-mail
right after this. My manager will get you another,
like official e-mail right before tonight.
And we do live calls every two weeks.
And tonight is 1. So if you're available, it's at
7:00 PM. If you're not, you can come to
the next one. But the live calls are just,
that's where the energy's at. Cool.
(52:31):
Would you like to do a little? Picture.
Oh my God, yes, let's do it. Yes, I got it.
Thank you. I over botoxed my lip like I
told the girl I was like do morethan usual.
And she was like, I shouldn't dothat.
And I was like no, like I'm paying you like do it.
And she was right. OK, She was right.
(52:53):
And like now I it's hard to smile but it'll go away.
It'll go away. You know lesbians, we, we tend
to use the mouth a good bit. So like my mouth will get worked
out, the Botox will go away. What?
I think it looks super good. It matches your face.
Well, thank you. But like the problem is the
(53:13):
problem is it's not that it's it's not filler, it's a
paralyzed muscle. So you I can't lift to see my
top teeth. So when I eat an apple, I have
to physically do that right now.And it'll heal.
And it'll heal. Yeah, no, it's just, it's a
(53:34):
neurotoxin will go away like twomonths now.
But I always just tell people I'm like, it's not that I'm not
smiling at you physically can't.Oh my God, this is so fun.
Have an amazing day. And I'll see you inside of the
profitable personal brand coaching program because I I
want to see rise. OK, I, I literally, I'm ready
(53:56):
for the New York video. I I can visualize it now you
posting on TikTok being like we made it and like unboxing.
I just see it like, hold the vision, Abraham Hicks 17
seconds. Like it's there, It's there.
You. Know like listen to the video,
be like, hey guys, I made it. Send me the video.
Yes. OK.
Love you much. Talk to you soon.
(54:17):
Bye guys. See you in the next episode.
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