January 27, 2025 • 44 mins
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In this episode, I’m sharing one of the most vulnerable parts of my journey: my recent breakup. As someone who lives openly online and runs The Queer Country Club, a lesbian dating platform, I feel it’s important to let you in on the sad moments too—not just the highlights.
Here’s what I’m diving into:
✨ Why lesbian breakups feel like losing your best friend and your life plan all at once.
🕰️ The timeline of the breakup and how I gave both of us space to process before sharing it publicly.
🛑 What led to the breakup and how I mastered choosing peace over chaos.
🌀 The shame tied to “failed relationships” when you’re a public figure—and why I’m more proud than ever of how I handled this.
🏡 How I’m rebuilding: turning my house into a home, focusing on my relationship with God, and creating a life I love for myself.
Breakups are messy, but they don’t have to mean drama or bitterness. This experience taught me the beauty of letting go when something no longer aligns with my spirit.
If you’ve ever felt the sting of heartbreak, this one’s for you. Whether you were the one who walked away or the one left behind, I hope this episode brings you hope, empowerment, and a little bit of peace.
💬 Feeling lonely post-breakup? Slide into my DMs and let’s encourage each other! https://www.instagram.com/sophiaspallino
Let’s heal and grow together. 🤍
Chapters
00:00 - I am single again
02:30 - Why we broke up and my lessons
12:31 - Three reasons I didn’t tell you sooner
15:59 - The shame of breakups
18:55 - Closure and crying it out
25:34 - Last words to her
28:29 - What’s next for me and dating again
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I'm single again, I'm single again, I'm single again.
And it's OK. It's OK.
And really, I don't know how to say this.
This feels so uncomfortable to record, but it's time that I
share the truth of what's going on with my audience.
Not because I owe anyone any. Like there are a lot of people
(00:20):
in my life who are like, you don't owe your audience.
And yes, I do. I do actually, and it's not
because I think I owe it like inin like a bad way, like what the
the people who love me in my life are trying to protect me by
saying. I've shared this whole journey
with you guys, the journey of finding my future wife, falling
(00:41):
in love with a friend while I was developing a lesbian dating
platform. I have shared it.
So it's important that I finish the story.
Otherwise it just doesn't seem fair.
So that's what I'm here to do today.
I'm really proud of myself because I don't think there was
a more efficient way to let the cards fall, to not drag myself
(01:09):
through mud, through gaslightingmyself, telling me like, oh, it
should be. It should be fine.
Like, get over these things. You should just stay together.
I don't think there was a more efficient way.
I deal with a bit of shame, to be honest, because I am a
(01:33):
lesbian who makes her relationships public, who
literally has been building a dating platform.
I should have it all together. I should have it all figured
out. I also think the root of the
shame comes from religious trauma.
Having that hammered into your head from a young age.
You should get married young. You should be having babies by
(01:57):
now. All these things and then coming
out and feeling like I've even failed at being a lesbian, too.
Yeah, like I tried straight life, right?
Tried to be straight, tried to pray away forever.
Now here I am in lesbian world. Did all this work to come out of
(02:18):
the closet, left a man, left thepicket fence life, left the
house, left the car to be with women.
The first woman completely just dragged me through the mud.
And I've never ever second relationship, third
relationship, 4th relationship. Like I've never let things end
(02:41):
when it was a healthy time for them to end.
Like when someone shows you who they are believed in the first
time. I've never let myself trust
myself enough to do that. I've always given people second
chances, third chances, fourth chances.
In this case, I can honestly saythat there were two chances or
(03:03):
two incidences where my soul waslike screaming at me like, hey,
something's not right here. And I denied that, but not
enough denial to let things get like it would be in the past,
like a circus, like in the past relationships I've had.
I let it go so far that it turnsinto a toxic, very scary, even
(03:26):
at times physically scary situation.
And this was no thank you. No thank you.
I just saw some things that I didn't really want for the rest
of my life and I stopped it. And it hurt me to stop it.
And just because I'm not crying like I normally cry when I share
(03:49):
my breakup content doesn't mean that I love this woman any less.
All relationships are different and take you down different
paths. But the truth of the matter is I
love myself and I've grown up somuch.
Thank you for watching this journey with me, which yes,
admittedly at times has been chaotic, but you've hopefully
(04:12):
witnessed someone grow up and I really feel I have my big girl
panties on like this is a different era.
And I hope that you've grown up with me.
Like you've gone through the journeys, you've gone through
the chaos, and you get to place in your relationships and in
your life where you actually love yourself.
It doesn't matter how much you love someone, if you love
(04:33):
someone way up here, you still love yourself an inch more,
respect yourself an inch more towhere no matter what, no matter
how bad you wanted a life with someone, no matter how much you
have in common, no matter how much feel solid until it
doesn't. When you hear in your heart or
feel in your gut something is off that you have the
(04:55):
sovereignty that you can pick upand just say no, not for me.
And you cannot do this. And I did not realize you cannot
do this unless you deeply, deeply love yourself or
financially responsible for yourself, or at peace with your
life, with or without a person. And look, I'll be the first to
(05:20):
admit I love love. I want a wife so bad.
But at what expense? Like no matter how perfect
something is, if there's things that you're just floored over
and when you bring it up it it escalates and you've been
through toxicity before and you know what's going to come next
(05:44):
and you are strong enough to exit.
I think that is something you should be proud of.
I had to tell people in my life who are really excited about my
relationship with my ex partner and that was hard because I feel
like for the first time I was ina very peaceful, healthy, loving
(06:10):
relationship until a couple moments where it wasn't and we
got to an impasse and therefore it cannot continue out of
respect for her. I don't want to share too too
too, too too much. But that is the gist of why
(06:31):
there's things that just weren'tOK for me, not OK for me at all.
I will not have any inkling of anything but mutual respect.
No control, no control. That's just I, I built a life.
I have worked hard to build thislife and I just want to keep
(06:54):
things as peaceful as possible. And I think what might be
perceived as not controlling to some people might be to me
because of what I've been through.
So I'm not saying anything bad about her, I'm not saying
(07:16):
anything horrible. I genuinely love her.
But there's things that just won't work for me.
Perhaps because of what I went through.
I am a little more on red alert and have a lower threshold to
certain things and it is what itis.
My past has made me shaped me a bit.
(07:41):
I think, of course, we're all responsible for our healing, but
there's certain things in our lives that have happened that no
matter how much you want to healaround it, work around it,
there's things that aren't goingto work for you in a
relationship because it is far too close to something in the
(08:05):
past. That's all I can think about,
why the things were so, so, so, so triggering to me.
Other than Sophia, congratulations, you actually
love yourself. You're not going to let anyone
convince you that your feelings are wrong are invalid and for
the first time, and I'm a scaredto death to do it to stand up
(08:29):
and be like no thank you. But I did.
And relationships are all lessons.
They teach us something. They all teach us something and
this time I'm proud to say that my lesson was much smaller
(08:52):
compared to anything I've ever been to in the past.
And I want to remind you that something doesn't have to be
toxic, toxic everyday to simply be not right for you.
There could be things like for me that that felt extremely
(09:14):
toxic, although very few. And the moment you see it, you
could step back and just say that's enough.
I had an awful first girlfriend.You guys all remember if you've
been here for a while. But she was, although chewed me
up, spit me out. She was very wise about having
(09:38):
standards in her life for her male partners that were very
different than her female partners.
Because when she met me, I was broke as a joke.
But she told me whenever we stayed friends after we had
(09:59):
broken up the first time and I got into a different situation
trip, she told me you just step back and you notice things and
you don't say much. You just notice.
You just observe and right now everyone's talking about the
leptin theory. It's very much like that.
(10:20):
You don't try to change anyone. You can, if the relationship is
important to you, share how it makes you feel.
Beyond that, I personally believe certain things are just
to be respected. You shouldn't have to explain
too hard. Certain things are just basic
(10:44):
human decency and shouldn't haveto be explained too hard.
And I think there's times in many relationships where we
justify a lot, a lot, a lot of things that I was not perfect in
this relationship at all, at all.
(11:04):
But there will be things when it's not the right person that
no matter how much you try to explain it, if you're not
understood, like deeply understood and it just rolls, it
(11:25):
just continues. There's no actual coming to a
resolution. Then that's when you know,
that's when you know you're not hurt and and you're probably not
going to ever be heard about this.
And the way this person has reacted is what you can expect
again. And with that being said, she
(11:47):
might not have liked what I was upset about.
And for her, I have a feeling there were things that were deal
Breakers about me where she's just like, oh, I don't like that
you're having these feelings come up.
Why? I don't deserve to have these
feelings come up towards me. OK.
That is all I can describe the culmination of the ending of our
(12:10):
relationship as. With that being said, this was a
pretty mutual situation. After I was like, I don't know
about this. I normally record about my
(12:33):
breakups while I'm crying, neverin a peaceful state as I am now.
The truth of the matter is I'm recording this on January 25th
and I think the breakup was likeJanuary 4th or 5th.
(12:54):
So I've had 20 days to sit with it, 20 days to sit with it.
And it's not that I didn't want to tell you sooner.
There's two reasons why. 3 reasons I don't share things
right away. One is mental health.
I have to process something before I share it with the
world. Hearing people's opinions about
(13:17):
your relationship, about how youdo life, about your business
that you work so hard on, like it can really, really hurt your
soul. So mental health, I could not
bring this to a table right away.
And I'm at a stage in my life where I actually really, really,
really respect and honor my nervous system.
(13:40):
This was not a thing before. I didn't know what that really
meant except like the fluffy. Like, take care of yourself.
I had no idea stress could really kill you.
It turns out stress can really kill you.
Went through so much autoimmune things in the last three years
that brought me to my knees and now I take care of myself, mind,
(14:02):
body, spirit because he got it. So that's the first reason.
The second reason is although there was some mutuality to
this, I think she needed some time to process the breakup as
much as I needed time to grieve the breakup and go through a
(14:26):
true beautiful, peaceful, mutualno contact season and get to a
place where we both could do that and find some inner peace
before sharing this with the world.
So out of respect for her and mylove for her, I wanted to wait
(14:51):
to share any news of a breakup. And the third reason is I run a
business. I have a team of 6.
I work in advance as all contentcreators do.
I would say about half the content I post on a given day is
(15:12):
created on that day and the other half is pre drafted.
At people helping me with graphics.
At people helping me with videosand all these videos with my ex
partner were pre drafted pre created or in production and it
would have been very costly and time consuming to me as a small
(15:35):
business owner to say Oh yeah strip all my my fun times with
my future wife content off my page and let's put out a breakup
episode. I was in no state of mind to
release a breakup episode. I needed a moment.
It's especially shameful to go through a breakup.
(16:01):
I know it's not, I know it's not.
I know that's not the truth. But I feel in my most vulnerable
moments, Shame about going through a breakup.
Having shared a journey, having opened my heart again.
Telling the world open your heart to love only to have it
(16:24):
broken again. This time it was broken
different feel. I was able to pick up my pieces
a little bit faster and I was not broken as a person this time
because I'm stronger and I'm sovereign.
And I'm sovereign in my decisions and my choices and my
(16:45):
knowing from God about what to do, what next steps to take in
life. I trust it now.
I trust those little nudges in my tummy now.
I forgot what I was just saying,damn it.
But I feel so discombobulated. This is so hard to just share
(17:08):
from my heart and like just let it flow.
I don't even know what to say next.
The shame that comes up about sharing this and people being
like, well you don't even have your shit together.
The truth is I feel like I have my shit together better than
(17:30):
I've ever had in my entire life because dating is dating.
It's not marriage as much as I love monogamy and I want to find
my one wife for life. Dating is a process and until
(17:53):
you find your person, being committed to the pursuit of joy,
unconditional love and finding your life partner is the very
best you can do and is the very best that I am committed to.
Dating requires living authentically and that means
(18:14):
cutting ties when something doesnot work.
It doesn't mean you are married and you need to stay in
something just because you made a commitment, just because you.
And even then, when you're married, my God, if something
isn't healthy, Lord Jesus, don'ttorture yourself.
(18:36):
Set yourself free. It's dating.
As Elizabeth Gilbert says, there's no such thing as one way
liberation. It's dating.
When something doesn't work out,you bless and release the
person. There was a moment during our
breakup where I put my hand on her heart.
(18:57):
It was our moment of closure. And I said the Hawaiian Hohopuno
prayer, which I've used in my music, if you haven't heard my
music, it's on Spotify. There's a song called My
Healing. It's so funny how God has this
right, the things that we need the most, our own lessons in
life. But my healing is beyond the
(19:19):
harp. I play the harp and my voice and
music that I wrote, and in the background, you'll hear writing
and I'm writing the Hawaiian Homeopono prayer.
This prayer is so powerful. This prayer immediately disarms
(19:40):
fear and otherness. And I think right now in the
world, whether it's a breakup orjust the climate of the world
right now, pursuing oneness and seeing unity in each other even
when we disagree with each otheris so powerful, especially in
(20:01):
moments of breakup saying. This may not work out for us in
this lifetime, but I see you andI love you and thank you for
being a part of my life. People are here for a what is it
(20:23):
a reason? A season, a moment?
Great. Why didn't I grab Kleenex?
Oh, I did. Oh my God.
Everyone I date does call me Kleenex queen because I do keep
it funny at all times. I'm shocked.
It wasn't like hanging out my bra this entire time.
And the Hawaiian hope and a prayer is I'm sorry, please
(20:45):
forgive me, Thank you, I love you.
And we were both crying because we knew it was over.
And I just put my hand on her heart and I said, I'm sorry,
please forgive me. Thank you.
I love you. And when you say this prayer to
(21:09):
someone, you're not necessarily you could be, you could be
really sorry for something shitty you did, but it doesn't
have to be that way. It could just be I'm sorry for
these circumstances. I'm sorry for the pain that
we're experiencing together. I'm sorry.
Please forgive me. Forgive me for any contribution
to your pain, to your sorrow. Thank you.
(21:33):
OK. Thank you for every good moment
that I experienced with you. The piece you showed me, the
healthy relationship you did show me for a while, for a very
(21:58):
long time, Thank you. Thank you for the beautiful
trips you took us on. Thank you for the way you
(22:19):
encouraged me to launch the Queer Country Club, a dream
that's been in my heart for probably five years and I don't
think I would have had the courage to do it without
thinking, believing you would forever be by my side.
It's been a very expensive journey for me to launch this
(22:45):
dating platform and like just believing I had a partner in
case I would need support, whichthankfully we've made it.
The platform made it. But I was worried if I did this,
if I took this leap of faith to pursue my dream of having a
(23:07):
lesbian dating platform, I mightnot make it.
And without having you in my life, I probably would have
never done it. I would have been too scared.
Thank you for giving me that courage because I truly believed
we'd be together. I truly thought if something
(23:28):
goes wrong, I've got a beautifulwife and she would help me and
we would make it together. So I had that, that courage by
having you by my side, a strong woman who's built businesses
before. Thank you.
(23:48):
Thank you for helping me heal parts that we're so scared,
physically afraid, abused. Thank you.
Thank you for showing me tenderness and what it felt to
(24:09):
really feel like someone's Princess.
Thank you. Thank you for picking me up off
the floor when I thought my parents were gone.
Thank you for helping me throughpanic attacks when my parents
almost died. Thank you.
(24:37):
I really want you to know how grateful I am for every every
loving benefit you put in my life.
But most importantly, thank you for showing me unconditional
love and that after a really terrible breakup that made me
(24:58):
feel like nothing and scared andthat I could be chosen.
Thank you for showing me that I could be chosen.
Thank you for letting me choose you and being so patient while I
went through some healing stuff.Most importantly, thank you for
(25:40):
being a beautiful season of my life, one that I will look back
on fondly and be so grateful forevery experience I shared with
you. And thank you for releasing me
gracefully and knowing that I dolove you and accepting because I
(26:00):
know if I know, because we're all connected, I know.
If I know that something isn't exactly right for forever, then
deep down, deep, deep down, you must know it too.
And that we could both heal peacefully and lovingly.
(26:24):
And I thank you for that. And lastly, it's part of the
Hawaiian home of Pono Prayer. I put my hand on her heart and I
said I love you because I do. Just because you love someone,
just because something was greatdoesn't mean that it's a forever
(26:48):
thing. And that's OK.
I think if I'm going through this, there's other women out
there I know who probably need to hear this now.
If there's something that's justnot right, even if there has
been great times, there's a timewhere you work through things
(27:10):
and there's a time where you just say this is not right.
It tends to keep coming up. Maybe not the same thing, but
the same themes keep coming up. And so this is, is the word an
impasse? Yeah, this is an impasse.
And you love yourself and you love that person enough to say,
(27:35):
let's release each other. Let's release each other.
Lesbian breakups are the absolute worst.
I lost my best friend, I lost mylover, I lost our dreams of a
(27:57):
future. We used to call it our La La
land and it just feels like poof, all gone.
But with that comes a strange kind of peace that can only come
(28:20):
from the divine God and self-reliance that says it's
going to be OK no matter what. We're OK because we're OK.
I'm OK because I'm OK. I've been working to make my
house. I just got a house, working to
make it a home without her, which is hard because when I got
(28:42):
this house, I definitely plannedon having a partner to share it
with. And although it's not a big
house, it feels really big to meand it feels lonely sometimes.
But my work, my internal work isbeing joyful, being peaceful and
(29:06):
being content with who I am, with how I spend my time and the
beautiful piece that I create inside of this space with my
newly found freed up time. There is a few things I plan on
doing. The first one is, of course, I
(29:29):
tend to do this. I throw myself into work, which
means for the past month I've been doing like 12-14 hour days
just clicking away and making sure that the Queer Country Club
is the absolutely best dating platform that there is in the
world. For those of you who don't know
my journey of starting it, I metmy partner right before I
(29:51):
started building the platform. We were just friends and I was
building the thing that I knew would help me find my future
wife. I saw what was missing in the
world and I was like, I'm going to make this and I'm going to
find my future wife on my own platform because lesbian dating
just traditionally sucks. So now when I'm ready to date
(30:16):
again, which I'm going to take alittle bit of time, but when I'm
ready to date again, I have a digital Rolodex at my
fingertips, so do not worry about me.
I think in the past I would takebreakups extra hard, not only
because of the pain of the breakup but the fear of
(30:38):
scarcity. Like I'm never going to find
someone I love again. I'm never going to find someone
that I really connect with. I'm never going to find someone
that I'm as attracted to. But like, I really believed
that. And now after like having the
queer Country Club for now sevenmonths and seeing the beautiful
women inside, I know that like that's not true.
(31:01):
The moment I'm ready to date again, the most extraordinary
list because the world will be there.
I don't want to look too excitedabout it because I don't want to
look cold and I'm definitely notready to date again.
OK, but I am ready to spend evenmore time making it the best
community Country Club dating platform AI matching it could
(31:24):
be. And there will be something
really exciting coming that I'vehad just a lot more time on my
hands to plan. And I think I could use a little
getaway. And I thought about what, what
kind of lovely luxury trip wouldI want to take?
And would I want to take some extraordinary lesbians with me
(31:47):
from the Queer Country Club? So stay tuned.
I'm working on that. I've been spending time on that.
I've been spending more time in my music, playing the harp
again. So happy to be doing that.
We've had a freeze here in SouthLouisiana.
Hashtag climate change has been fun.
(32:08):
And my harp strings keep poppingbecause of the change in, I
guess, pressure outside. Dear God, I keep having to like
restring the harp. There's 47 strings, by the way.
They're not easy. They're like thick strings.
So I've been restringing my harpand spending time being the
(32:29):
world's greatest auntie ever. My little niece is my pride and
joy. She's 3 and we sing a lot of
Frozen together. Tonight I have a little
sleepover with her. We're going to do makeup and
make bracelets. I'm grateful for my family and
(32:50):
I'm thankful for all of you. If you are going through a
breakup and this podcast found you, thanks for listening.
Know that I understand what you're going through.
If you're especially going through it hard, my DMS are
open. Breakups suck, but there's no
(33:11):
linear way to heal. There is just the active
choosing to let go, to release, to let go, to forgive yourself,
to forgive them, and to not makepain your identity.
I talk so much about what I've been through on social media,
(33:37):
but that's not who I am. I can tell you, especially after
going through this breakup, thatI am a very, very strong woman
is so funny. My mom and I were talking about
(33:58):
some pretty terrible things thatI've gone on towards women in
our family lineage. And I just started letting it
out. And this was like two days after
(34:18):
the breakup and my granny was there and my my mom was just
like, don't mess with Sophia. She has strong boundaries.
She's going to just say she wasn't telling my granny not to
mess with me but she was just like don't mess with Sophia.
She's like she will say exactly what she's thinking and set the
boundary and if the boundaries crossed then the relationship
(34:43):
just does not exist. Gotten really good at
communication. I am so proud of myself for
being where I'm at now. And I pray that you listening to
this this episode doesn't come across as cold because that's my
greatest fear. But I also don't want to like
(35:05):
pretend to cry like in the past.I'm losing my shit, but I'm
recording in the moment during abreakup.
I recorded a few things for somevideos in the future to have
some like B roll of real emotions that we go through as
lesbians. But at the end of the day, my
first announcement of this breakup is not me crying and
(35:30):
losing my mind because I've losteverything and lost myself,
because I haven't. Not this time.
I'm at peace with who I am. I'm at peace with my queerness
and how God made me. I know my future wife is out
there. I cannot wait to meet her.
(35:51):
And in the meantime, I'll be focusing on my healing, peace,
and continuing down the path of listening to my nervous system.
Because in the last relationship, there were like 2
times before the final time thatI felt a little nudge.
(36:18):
The next time I'm ever either ina relationship or in a dating
getting to know you phase and I feel a little nudge, I will
immediately say something and set a very strong, strong
boundary right from the beginning.
(36:40):
And I won't be afraid to becauseI'm for the first time ever.
I'm not saying this in a cocky way.
I'm saying this from a sovereignlove and unity place, but I'm
not afraid of losing anyone but myself.
(37:05):
When you lose yourself, it takesa while to come back.
But if you lose someone else andyou have yourself at the end of
the day, you'll be strong enoughto realize perhaps you never
really had them in the first place.
(37:28):
And if you did, OK, you lost someone you loved.
But there will be more. But the sun will rise again.
But there will be someone who comes into your life and makes
your heart sing again. There will be someone who you
love the way they smell. Again, there will be someone you
(37:53):
like the way they breathe in your ear.
Again, there will be someone whothe first time you touch hands,
your fingers touch. The first time you're on a walk
and you've never held hands before and you're about to and
you feel that excitement. It will happen again.
(38:15):
The world is not coming to an end when you go through a
breakup. That is what I've learned.
If you have yourself, your worldis not coming to an end when you
go through a breakup, just a season of your story.
If your life is ATV show, it's just a season.
That season's over. Guess what?
(38:36):
New adventures are coming. New incredible people and
characters in your life are coming in and what is for you,
what God has for you, the person, the relationship that
God has for you will be there. You cannot lose what you were
meant to have. So make peace with that.
(39:01):
I hope that this was encouragingto you out there.
If you're a lesbian who loves love stories, not necessarily
sad ones like these, but love stories, you're going to love
this podcast. The podcast is called Queer
Woman Rising, and if you knew you want to hear happier things,
(39:22):
then subscribe because it's normally happier.
I promise. If you know someone going
through a breakup, share this with them because there's a lot
of shame. A lot of shame, especially if
they've gone through religious trauma like me, where it feels
like you're supposed to have it all right, get it done, get
(39:43):
married, and then you come out. Yet somehow you're still
struggling with what you're supposed to do, how it's
supposed to be, how it's supposed to look.
I really thought, this is so good, this is so healthy.
And then there was so much shame.
And the realizing, oh, this isn't actually so good for me.
(40:05):
But the truth is there's not shame in that.
It's just realizing things. I truly believe if my ex partner
wouldn't have come to live with me I wouldn't have figured this
out so quickly. I needed to live with her to
figure it out, even if it wasn'tfor a long time.
(40:25):
She needed to live with me to figure it out, even if it wasn't
a long time. Do not regret the opportunities
you gave for love. There was this friend who went
through a breakup recently and she's like, I don't know if I
(40:46):
could ever give my heart again to somebody after what I just
went through. I'm done, I'm done.
I hear that all the time, right?There's women who come in my
inbox and I'm like, why haven't you joined Queer Country Club
yet? And they're like, I'm done.
I'm not dating again. My heart was too broken.
If you are not willing, as I was, to be a fool for love, I'm
(41:10):
talking all in, in a safe relationship, OK?
I'm not staying in an abusive situation, but in a safe
relationship like I was. If you are not willing to be all
in and open your heart and trustsomeone again and be excited
about someone again and fall in love again, let yourself go
there. How will you ever get there?
(41:31):
How will you ever find your future partner, your future
wife? So as I go on this healing
journey, for me it's about noticing when I will be able to
fully be open again, be fully ready to trust someone again, be
fully ready to walk in with hopein my heart.
(41:57):
I'm going to let these little bit little roots of hurt get
weeded out, pull them out over the next month or so, and then
I'm going to jump back on the horse.
Yes, I will, and y'all will be there as always to watch the
journey. In fact, may this be a public
(42:20):
declaration. Y'all don't let me date someone
who doesn't want to be on socialmedia ever again, OK?
Because it makes it really complicated to make videos, edit
videos. She was really, really kind
about it and I wanted to respecther, right?
But going forward, if you're watching this feature, wife, I
(42:45):
hope you want a podcast with me.I hope you, if your musical,
want to create music with me. I hope you want to go to yoga
with me. I hope you want to go sit by the
pool with me. I hope you're not shy about
those things. I hope that you're just happy to
take pictures with me. I hope that you take your
(43:07):
sunglasses off to take pictures with me.
I hope that I don't have to say one more picture.
Let's get it right, smile. I just want you to be smiling.
I just want you to be smiling. I just want you to be happy and
I want you to be OK with being seen.
(43:28):
I think it would take a lot for me to date someone who didn't
want to at least be on social media sometimes.
You don't have to be a personality on my content
regularly, but I already can't show pictures with my family,
OK? They don't want to be seen on my
platform, their rights, whatever.
(43:51):
I want to share people I love. I really want to share people I
love. So, future wife, if you're
listening. I hope you're OK with making a
(44:11):
podcast every now and then and being in a video.
And most importantly, I hope youdance.
I hope you smile for the picture.
That would mean a lot to me. OK, that's it.
Bye y'all.
I'm single again, I'm single again, I'm single again.
And it's OK. It's OK.
And really, I don't know how to say this.
This feels so uncomfortable to record, but it's time that I
share the truth of what's going on with my audience.
Not because I owe anyone any. Like there are a lot of people
(00:20):
in my life who are like, you don't owe your audience.
And yes, I do. I do actually, and it's not
because I think I owe it like inin like a bad way, like what the
the people who love me in my life are trying to protect me by
saying. I've shared this whole journey
with you guys, the journey of finding my future wife, falling
(00:41):
in love with a friend while I was developing a lesbian dating
platform. I have shared it.
So it's important that I finish the story.
Otherwise it just doesn't seem fair.
So that's what I'm here to do today.
I'm really proud of myself because I don't think there was
a more efficient way to let the cards fall, to not drag myself
(01:09):
through mud, through gaslightingmyself, telling me like, oh, it
should be. It should be fine.
Like, get over these things. You should just stay together.
I don't think there was a more efficient way.
I deal with a bit of shame, to be honest, because I am a
(01:33):
lesbian who makes her relationships public, who
literally has been building a dating platform.
I should have it all together. I should have it all figured
out. I also think the root of the
shame comes from religious trauma.
Having that hammered into your head from a young age.
You should get married young. You should be having babies by
(01:57):
now. All these things and then coming
out and feeling like I've even failed at being a lesbian, too.
Yeah, like I tried straight life, right?
Tried to be straight, tried to pray away forever.
Now here I am in lesbian world. Did all this work to come out of
(02:18):
the closet, left a man, left thepicket fence life, left the
house, left the car to be with women.
The first woman completely just dragged me through the mud.
And I've never ever second relationship, third
relationship, 4th relationship. Like I've never let things end
(02:41):
when it was a healthy time for them to end.
Like when someone shows you who they are believed in the first
time. I've never let myself trust
myself enough to do that. I've always given people second
chances, third chances, fourth chances.
In this case, I can honestly saythat there were two chances or
(03:03):
two incidences where my soul waslike screaming at me like, hey,
something's not right here. And I denied that, but not
enough denial to let things get like it would be in the past,
like a circus, like in the past relationships I've had.
I let it go so far that it turnsinto a toxic, very scary, even
(03:26):
at times physically scary situation.
And this was no thank you. No thank you.
I just saw some things that I didn't really want for the rest
of my life and I stopped it. And it hurt me to stop it.
And just because I'm not crying like I normally cry when I share
(03:49):
my breakup content doesn't mean that I love this woman any less.
All relationships are different and take you down different
paths. But the truth of the matter is I
love myself and I've grown up somuch.
Thank you for watching this journey with me, which yes,
admittedly at times has been chaotic, but you've hopefully
(04:12):
witnessed someone grow up and I really feel I have my big girl
panties on like this is a different era.
And I hope that you've grown up with me.
Like you've gone through the journeys, you've gone through
the chaos, and you get to place in your relationships and in
your life where you actually love yourself.
It doesn't matter how much you love someone, if you love
(04:33):
someone way up here, you still love yourself an inch more,
respect yourself an inch more towhere no matter what, no matter
how bad you wanted a life with someone, no matter how much you
have in common, no matter how much feel solid until it
doesn't. When you hear in your heart or
feel in your gut something is off that you have the
(04:55):
sovereignty that you can pick upand just say no, not for me.
And you cannot do this. And I did not realize you cannot
do this unless you deeply, deeply love yourself or
financially responsible for yourself, or at peace with your
life, with or without a person. And look, I'll be the first to
(05:20):
admit I love love. I want a wife so bad.
But at what expense? Like no matter how perfect
something is, if there's things that you're just floored over
and when you bring it up it it escalates and you've been
through toxicity before and you know what's going to come next
(05:44):
and you are strong enough to exit.
I think that is something you should be proud of.
I had to tell people in my life who are really excited about my
relationship with my ex partner and that was hard because I feel
like for the first time I was ina very peaceful, healthy, loving
(06:10):
relationship until a couple moments where it wasn't and we
got to an impasse and therefore it cannot continue out of
respect for her. I don't want to share too too
too, too too much. But that is the gist of why
(06:31):
there's things that just weren'tOK for me, not OK for me at all.
I will not have any inkling of anything but mutual respect.
No control, no control. That's just I, I built a life.
I have worked hard to build thislife and I just want to keep
(06:54):
things as peaceful as possible. And I think what might be
perceived as not controlling to some people might be to me
because of what I've been through.
So I'm not saying anything bad about her, I'm not saying
(07:16):
anything horrible. I genuinely love her.
But there's things that just won't work for me.
Perhaps because of what I went through.
I am a little more on red alert and have a lower threshold to
certain things and it is what itis.
My past has made me shaped me a bit.
(07:41):
I think, of course, we're all responsible for our healing, but
there's certain things in our lives that have happened that no
matter how much you want to healaround it, work around it,
there's things that aren't goingto work for you in a
relationship because it is far too close to something in the
(08:05):
past. That's all I can think about,
why the things were so, so, so, so triggering to me.
Other than Sophia, congratulations, you actually
love yourself. You're not going to let anyone
convince you that your feelings are wrong are invalid and for
the first time, and I'm a scaredto death to do it to stand up
(08:29):
and be like no thank you. But I did.
And relationships are all lessons.
They teach us something. They all teach us something and
this time I'm proud to say that my lesson was much smaller
(08:52):
compared to anything I've ever been to in the past.
And I want to remind you that something doesn't have to be
toxic, toxic everyday to simply be not right for you.
There could be things like for me that that felt extremely
(09:14):
toxic, although very few. And the moment you see it, you
could step back and just say that's enough.
I had an awful first girlfriend.You guys all remember if you've
been here for a while. But she was, although chewed me
up, spit me out. She was very wise about having
(09:38):
standards in her life for her male partners that were very
different than her female partners.
Because when she met me, I was broke as a joke.
But she told me whenever we stayed friends after we had
(09:59):
broken up the first time and I got into a different situation
trip, she told me you just step back and you notice things and
you don't say much. You just notice.
You just observe and right now everyone's talking about the
leptin theory. It's very much like that.
(10:20):
You don't try to change anyone. You can, if the relationship is
important to you, share how it makes you feel.
Beyond that, I personally believe certain things are just
to be respected. You shouldn't have to explain
too hard. Certain things are just basic
(10:44):
human decency and shouldn't haveto be explained too hard.
And I think there's times in many relationships where we
justify a lot, a lot, a lot of things that I was not perfect in
this relationship at all, at all.
(11:04):
But there will be things when it's not the right person that
no matter how much you try to explain it, if you're not
understood, like deeply understood and it just rolls, it
(11:25):
just continues. There's no actual coming to a
resolution. Then that's when you know,
that's when you know you're not hurt and and you're probably not
going to ever be heard about this.
And the way this person has reacted is what you can expect
again. And with that being said, she
(11:47):
might not have liked what I was upset about.
And for her, I have a feeling there were things that were deal
Breakers about me where she's just like, oh, I don't like that
you're having these feelings come up.
Why? I don't deserve to have these
feelings come up towards me. OK.
That is all I can describe the culmination of the ending of our
(12:10):
relationship as. With that being said, this was a
pretty mutual situation. After I was like, I don't know
about this. I normally record about my
(12:33):
breakups while I'm crying, neverin a peaceful state as I am now.
The truth of the matter is I'm recording this on January 25th
and I think the breakup was likeJanuary 4th or 5th.
(12:54):
So I've had 20 days to sit with it, 20 days to sit with it.
And it's not that I didn't want to tell you sooner.
There's two reasons why. 3 reasons I don't share things
right away. One is mental health.
I have to process something before I share it with the
world. Hearing people's opinions about
(13:17):
your relationship, about how youdo life, about your business
that you work so hard on, like it can really, really hurt your
soul. So mental health, I could not
bring this to a table right away.
And I'm at a stage in my life where I actually really, really,
really respect and honor my nervous system.
(13:40):
This was not a thing before. I didn't know what that really
meant except like the fluffy. Like, take care of yourself.
I had no idea stress could really kill you.
It turns out stress can really kill you.
Went through so much autoimmune things in the last three years
that brought me to my knees and now I take care of myself, mind,
(14:02):
body, spirit because he got it. So that's the first reason.
The second reason is although there was some mutuality to
this, I think she needed some time to process the breakup as
much as I needed time to grieve the breakup and go through a
(14:26):
true beautiful, peaceful, mutualno contact season and get to a
place where we both could do that and find some inner peace
before sharing this with the world.
So out of respect for her and mylove for her, I wanted to wait
(14:51):
to share any news of a breakup. And the third reason is I run a
business. I have a team of 6.
I work in advance as all contentcreators do.
I would say about half the content I post on a given day is
(15:12):
created on that day and the other half is pre drafted.
At people helping me with graphics.
At people helping me with videosand all these videos with my ex
partner were pre drafted pre created or in production and it
would have been very costly and time consuming to me as a small
(15:35):
business owner to say Oh yeah strip all my my fun times with
my future wife content off my page and let's put out a breakup
episode. I was in no state of mind to
release a breakup episode. I needed a moment.
It's especially shameful to go through a breakup.
(16:01):
I know it's not, I know it's not.
I know that's not the truth. But I feel in my most vulnerable
moments, Shame about going through a breakup.
Having shared a journey, having opened my heart again.
Telling the world open your heart to love only to have it
(16:24):
broken again. This time it was broken
different feel. I was able to pick up my pieces
a little bit faster and I was not broken as a person this time
because I'm stronger and I'm sovereign.
And I'm sovereign in my decisions and my choices and my
(16:45):
knowing from God about what to do, what next steps to take in
life. I trust it now.
I trust those little nudges in my tummy now.
I forgot what I was just saying,damn it.
But I feel so discombobulated. This is so hard to just share
(17:08):
from my heart and like just let it flow.
I don't even know what to say next.
The shame that comes up about sharing this and people being
like, well you don't even have your shit together.
The truth is I feel like I have my shit together better than
(17:30):
I've ever had in my entire life because dating is dating.
It's not marriage as much as I love monogamy and I want to find
my one wife for life. Dating is a process and until
(17:53):
you find your person, being committed to the pursuit of joy,
unconditional love and finding your life partner is the very
best you can do and is the very best that I am committed to.
Dating requires living authentically and that means
(18:14):
cutting ties when something doesnot work.
It doesn't mean you are married and you need to stay in
something just because you made a commitment, just because you.
And even then, when you're married, my God, if something
isn't healthy, Lord Jesus, don'ttorture yourself.
(18:36):
Set yourself free. It's dating.
As Elizabeth Gilbert says, there's no such thing as one way
liberation. It's dating.
When something doesn't work out,you bless and release the
person. There was a moment during our
breakup where I put my hand on her heart.
(18:57):
It was our moment of closure. And I said the Hawaiian Hohopuno
prayer, which I've used in my music, if you haven't heard my
music, it's on Spotify. There's a song called My
Healing. It's so funny how God has this
right, the things that we need the most, our own lessons in
life. But my healing is beyond the
(19:19):
harp. I play the harp and my voice and
music that I wrote, and in the background, you'll hear writing
and I'm writing the Hawaiian Homeopono prayer.
This prayer is so powerful. This prayer immediately disarms
(19:40):
fear and otherness. And I think right now in the
world, whether it's a breakup orjust the climate of the world
right now, pursuing oneness and seeing unity in each other even
when we disagree with each otheris so powerful, especially in
(20:01):
moments of breakup saying. This may not work out for us in
this lifetime, but I see you andI love you and thank you for
being a part of my life. People are here for a what is it
(20:23):
a reason? A season, a moment?
Great. Why didn't I grab Kleenex?
Oh, I did. Oh my God.
Everyone I date does call me Kleenex queen because I do keep
it funny at all times. I'm shocked.
It wasn't like hanging out my bra this entire time.
And the Hawaiian hope and a prayer is I'm sorry, please
(20:45):
forgive me, Thank you, I love you.
And we were both crying because we knew it was over.
And I just put my hand on her heart and I said, I'm sorry,
please forgive me. Thank you.
I love you. And when you say this prayer to
(21:09):
someone, you're not necessarily you could be, you could be
really sorry for something shitty you did, but it doesn't
have to be that way. It could just be I'm sorry for
these circumstances. I'm sorry for the pain that
we're experiencing together. I'm sorry.
Please forgive me. Forgive me for any contribution
to your pain, to your sorrow. Thank you.
(21:33):
OK. Thank you for every good moment
that I experienced with you. The piece you showed me, the
healthy relationship you did show me for a while, for a very
(21:58):
long time, Thank you. Thank you for the beautiful
trips you took us on. Thank you for the way you
(22:19):
encouraged me to launch the Queer Country Club, a dream
that's been in my heart for probably five years and I don't
think I would have had the courage to do it without
thinking, believing you would forever be by my side.
It's been a very expensive journey for me to launch this
(22:45):
dating platform and like just believing I had a partner in
case I would need support, whichthankfully we've made it.
The platform made it. But I was worried if I did this,
if I took this leap of faith to pursue my dream of having a
(23:07):
lesbian dating platform, I mightnot make it.
And without having you in my life, I probably would have
never done it. I would have been too scared.
Thank you for giving me that courage because I truly believed
we'd be together. I truly thought if something
(23:28):
goes wrong, I've got a beautifulwife and she would help me and
we would make it together. So I had that, that courage by
having you by my side, a strong woman who's built businesses
before. Thank you.
(23:48):
Thank you for helping me heal parts that we're so scared,
physically afraid, abused. Thank you.
Thank you for showing me tenderness and what it felt to
(24:09):
really feel like someone's Princess.
Thank you. Thank you for picking me up off
the floor when I thought my parents were gone.
Thank you for helping me throughpanic attacks when my parents
almost died. Thank you.
(24:37):
I really want you to know how grateful I am for every every
loving benefit you put in my life.
But most importantly, thank you for showing me unconditional
love and that after a really terrible breakup that made me
(24:58):
feel like nothing and scared andthat I could be chosen.
Thank you for showing me that I could be chosen.
Thank you for letting me choose you and being so patient while I
went through some healing stuff.Most importantly, thank you for
(25:40):
being a beautiful season of my life, one that I will look back
on fondly and be so grateful forevery experience I shared with
you. And thank you for releasing me
gracefully and knowing that I dolove you and accepting because I
(26:00):
know if I know, because we're all connected, I know.
If I know that something isn't exactly right for forever, then
deep down, deep, deep down, you must know it too.
And that we could both heal peacefully and lovingly.
(26:24):
And I thank you for that. And lastly, it's part of the
Hawaiian home of Pono Prayer. I put my hand on her heart and I
said I love you because I do. Just because you love someone,
just because something was greatdoesn't mean that it's a forever
(26:48):
thing. And that's OK.
I think if I'm going through this, there's other women out
there I know who probably need to hear this now.
If there's something that's justnot right, even if there has
been great times, there's a timewhere you work through things
(27:10):
and there's a time where you just say this is not right.
It tends to keep coming up. Maybe not the same thing, but
the same themes keep coming up. And so this is, is the word an
impasse? Yeah, this is an impasse.
And you love yourself and you love that person enough to say,
(27:35):
let's release each other. Let's release each other.
Lesbian breakups are the absolute worst.
I lost my best friend, I lost mylover, I lost our dreams of a
(27:57):
future. We used to call it our La La
land and it just feels like poof, all gone.
But with that comes a strange kind of peace that can only come
(28:20):
from the divine God and self-reliance that says it's
going to be OK no matter what. We're OK because we're OK.
I'm OK because I'm OK. I've been working to make my
house. I just got a house, working to
make it a home without her, which is hard because when I got
(28:42):
this house, I definitely plannedon having a partner to share it
with. And although it's not a big
house, it feels really big to meand it feels lonely sometimes.
But my work, my internal work isbeing joyful, being peaceful and
(29:06):
being content with who I am, with how I spend my time and the
beautiful piece that I create inside of this space with my
newly found freed up time. There is a few things I plan on
doing. The first one is, of course, I
(29:29):
tend to do this. I throw myself into work, which
means for the past month I've been doing like 12-14 hour days
just clicking away and making sure that the Queer Country Club
is the absolutely best dating platform that there is in the
world. For those of you who don't know
my journey of starting it, I metmy partner right before I
(29:51):
started building the platform. We were just friends and I was
building the thing that I knew would help me find my future
wife. I saw what was missing in the
world and I was like, I'm going to make this and I'm going to
find my future wife on my own platform because lesbian dating
just traditionally sucks. So now when I'm ready to date
(30:16):
again, which I'm going to take alittle bit of time, but when I'm
ready to date again, I have a digital Rolodex at my
fingertips, so do not worry about me.
I think in the past I would takebreakups extra hard, not only
because of the pain of the breakup but the fear of
(30:38):
scarcity. Like I'm never going to find
someone I love again. I'm never going to find someone
that I really connect with. I'm never going to find someone
that I'm as attracted to. But like, I really believed
that. And now after like having the
queer Country Club for now sevenmonths and seeing the beautiful
women inside, I know that like that's not true.
(31:01):
The moment I'm ready to date again, the most extraordinary
list because the world will be there.
I don't want to look too excitedabout it because I don't want to
look cold and I'm definitely notready to date again.
OK, but I am ready to spend evenmore time making it the best
community Country Club dating platform AI matching it could
(31:24):
be. And there will be something
really exciting coming that I'vehad just a lot more time on my
hands to plan. And I think I could use a little
getaway. And I thought about what, what
kind of lovely luxury trip wouldI want to take?
And would I want to take some extraordinary lesbians with me
(31:47):
from the Queer Country Club? So stay tuned.
I'm working on that. I've been spending time on that.
I've been spending more time in my music, playing the harp
again. So happy to be doing that.
We've had a freeze here in SouthLouisiana.
Hashtag climate change has been fun.
(32:08):
And my harp strings keep poppingbecause of the change in, I
guess, pressure outside. Dear God, I keep having to like
restring the harp. There's 47 strings, by the way.
They're not easy. They're like thick strings.
So I've been restringing my harpand spending time being the
(32:29):
world's greatest auntie ever. My little niece is my pride and
joy. She's 3 and we sing a lot of
Frozen together. Tonight I have a little
sleepover with her. We're going to do makeup and
make bracelets. I'm grateful for my family and
(32:50):
I'm thankful for all of you. If you are going through a
breakup and this podcast found you, thanks for listening.
Know that I understand what you're going through.
If you're especially going through it hard, my DMS are
open. Breakups suck, but there's no
(33:11):
linear way to heal. There is just the active
choosing to let go, to release, to let go, to forgive yourself,
to forgive them, and to not makepain your identity.
I talk so much about what I've been through on social media,
(33:37):
but that's not who I am. I can tell you, especially after
going through this breakup, thatI am a very, very strong woman
is so funny. My mom and I were talking about
(33:58):
some pretty terrible things thatI've gone on towards women in
our family lineage. And I just started letting it
out. And this was like two days after
(34:18):
the breakup and my granny was there and my my mom was just
like, don't mess with Sophia. She has strong boundaries.
She's going to just say she wasn't telling my granny not to
mess with me but she was just like don't mess with Sophia.
She's like she will say exactly what she's thinking and set the
boundary and if the boundaries crossed then the relationship
(34:43):
just does not exist. Gotten really good at
communication. I am so proud of myself for
being where I'm at now. And I pray that you listening to
this this episode doesn't come across as cold because that's my
greatest fear. But I also don't want to like
(35:05):
pretend to cry like in the past.I'm losing my shit, but I'm
recording in the moment during abreakup.
I recorded a few things for somevideos in the future to have
some like B roll of real emotions that we go through as
lesbians. But at the end of the day, my
first announcement of this breakup is not me crying and
(35:30):
losing my mind because I've losteverything and lost myself,
because I haven't. Not this time.
I'm at peace with who I am. I'm at peace with my queerness
and how God made me. I know my future wife is out
there. I cannot wait to meet her.
(35:51):
And in the meantime, I'll be focusing on my healing, peace,
and continuing down the path of listening to my nervous system.
Because in the last relationship, there were like 2
times before the final time thatI felt a little nudge.
(36:18):
The next time I'm ever either ina relationship or in a dating
getting to know you phase and I feel a little nudge, I will
immediately say something and set a very strong, strong
boundary right from the beginning.
(36:40):
And I won't be afraid to becauseI'm for the first time ever.
I'm not saying this in a cocky way.
I'm saying this from a sovereignlove and unity place, but I'm
not afraid of losing anyone but myself.
(37:05):
When you lose yourself, it takesa while to come back.
But if you lose someone else andyou have yourself at the end of
the day, you'll be strong enoughto realize perhaps you never
really had them in the first place.
(37:28):
And if you did, OK, you lost someone you loved.
But there will be more. But the sun will rise again.
But there will be someone who comes into your life and makes
your heart sing again. There will be someone who you
love the way they smell. Again, there will be someone you
(37:53):
like the way they breathe in your ear.
Again, there will be someone whothe first time you touch hands,
your fingers touch. The first time you're on a walk
and you've never held hands before and you're about to and
you feel that excitement. It will happen again.
(38:15):
The world is not coming to an end when you go through a
breakup. That is what I've learned.
If you have yourself, your worldis not coming to an end when you
go through a breakup, just a season of your story.
If your life is ATV show, it's just a season.
That season's over. Guess what?
(38:36):
New adventures are coming. New incredible people and
characters in your life are coming in and what is for you,
what God has for you, the person, the relationship that
God has for you will be there. You cannot lose what you were
meant to have. So make peace with that.
(39:01):
I hope that this was encouragingto you out there.
If you're a lesbian who loves love stories, not necessarily
sad ones like these, but love stories, you're going to love
this podcast. The podcast is called Queer
Woman Rising, and if you knew you want to hear happier things,
(39:22):
then subscribe because it's normally happier.
I promise. If you know someone going
through a breakup, share this with them because there's a lot
of shame. A lot of shame, especially if
they've gone through religious trauma like me, where it feels
like you're supposed to have it all right, get it done, get
(39:43):
married, and then you come out. Yet somehow you're still
struggling with what you're supposed to do, how it's
supposed to be, how it's supposed to look.
I really thought, this is so good, this is so healthy.
And then there was so much shame.
And the realizing, oh, this isn't actually so good for me.
(40:05):
But the truth is there's not shame in that.
It's just realizing things. I truly believe if my ex partner
wouldn't have come to live with me I wouldn't have figured this
out so quickly. I needed to live with her to
figure it out, even if it wasn'tfor a long time.
(40:25):
She needed to live with me to figure it out, even if it wasn't
a long time. Do not regret the opportunities
you gave for love. There was this friend who went
through a breakup recently and she's like, I don't know if I
(40:46):
could ever give my heart again to somebody after what I just
went through. I'm done, I'm done.
I hear that all the time, right?There's women who come in my
inbox and I'm like, why haven't you joined Queer Country Club
yet? And they're like, I'm done.
I'm not dating again. My heart was too broken.
If you are not willing, as I was, to be a fool for love, I'm
(41:10):
talking all in, in a safe relationship, OK?
I'm not staying in an abusive situation, but in a safe
relationship like I was. If you are not willing to be all
in and open your heart and trustsomeone again and be excited
about someone again and fall in love again, let yourself go
there. How will you ever get there?
(41:31):
How will you ever find your future partner, your future
wife? So as I go on this healing
journey, for me it's about noticing when I will be able to
fully be open again, be fully ready to trust someone again, be
fully ready to walk in with hopein my heart.
(41:57):
I'm going to let these little bit little roots of hurt get
weeded out, pull them out over the next month or so, and then
I'm going to jump back on the horse.
Yes, I will, and y'all will be there as always to watch the
journey. In fact, may this be a public
(42:20):
declaration. Y'all don't let me date someone
who doesn't want to be on socialmedia ever again, OK?
Because it makes it really complicated to make videos, edit
videos. She was really, really kind
about it and I wanted to respecther, right?
But going forward, if you're watching this feature, wife, I
(42:45):
hope you want a podcast with me.I hope you, if your musical,
want to create music with me. I hope you want to go to yoga
with me. I hope you want to go sit by the
pool with me. I hope you're not shy about
those things. I hope that you're just happy to
take pictures with me. I hope that you take your
(43:07):
sunglasses off to take pictures with me.
I hope that I don't have to say one more picture.
Let's get it right, smile. I just want you to be smiling.
I just want you to be smiling. I just want you to be happy and
I want you to be OK with being seen.
(43:28):
I think it would take a lot for me to date someone who didn't
want to at least be on social media sometimes.
You don't have to be a personality on my content
regularly, but I already can't show pictures with my family,
OK? They don't want to be seen on my
platform, their rights, whatever.
(43:51):
I want to share people I love. I really want to share people I
love. So, future wife, if you're
listening. I hope you're OK with making a
(44:11):
podcast every now and then and being in a video.
And most importantly, I hope youdance.
I hope you smile for the picture.
That would mean a lot to me. OK, that's it.
Bye y'all.
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