Lesbian Dating, Divorce, and Hot Femme Healing with Zara Barrie

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Lesbians, queer women, what if the worst heartbreak of our
lives, of your life, when you were literally lying in the
bathtub with the lights off playing Taylor Swift songs, was
actually your big break? What if.
Welcome to Queer Women Rising where iPhone lesbian friends
talk about queer love, how to dodge the dating drama and

(00:21):
embrace the peaceful connectionswe all deserve.
I'm your host, Sophia Spellino. I'm so glad you're here.
Here with if you're watching this on YouTube, you're going to
see my lovely little neck rash. This has been so freaking fun.
Yeah, yeah. If you're a lesbian who's ever
battled some autoimmune issues, I feel you.

(00:41):
I feel you. I feel like I have just been on
a healing journey for a while, and I really don't know what to
think about what's going on right now.
I have had the craziest month when it comes to getting sick.
I hope it's not just in the stars and I hope you're not sick

(01:01):
too. But it's totally been a thing.
Like it feels like I haven't been able to get better.
Also, just like traveling a lot,I have been going a lot back and
forth, going on dates and then going on queer Country Club
retreats. And I feel like just the stress
of travel and the risk of travelfor someone with autoimmune
issues is a thing, a real thing.So I got super sick, got

(01:25):
bronchitis, literally felt like someone was stepping on my chest
for the past two weeks. I literally.
Soaked you coughing. So fun.
And with all that being said, I will say it was worth it because
all the travelling was for the potential to find love and hang

(01:46):
out with cool people and go on the Queer Country Club retreats
which have been epic, so epic that we just sold our first time
ever Someone who's come on a retreat before wants to come
again. So that just means a lot to me
as a business owner that I couldcreate an experience that was
that impactful that this client wants to come back and not only

(02:10):
sees the potential and finding her future wife at one of our
retreats, but also just loves the transformation for herself,
for her mindset, for her spirituality that comes with
joining us on one of these lesbian retreats.
As of right now, applications are open for our retreat coming

(02:30):
up in August. So freaking pumped if you're
listening to this episode. After that there may be another
retreat in the works. Not sure yet.
If there is, you will see a linkto get on a wait list or apply.
Or you could DM me the word waitlist or retreat on Instagram and

(02:52):
I'll tell you more about it. Send you a link if we're doing
another one. Let me tell you they're
beautiful. I'm just feeling very grateful
right now. I kind of woke up I'm looking at
my vision board this year I decided to create a digital
vision board and on my vision board I had to go to Canyon
Ranch. And to know that I've gotten to

(03:15):
go now twice by the time you hear this episode, maybe three
times I've gotten to go to Canyon Ranch when it was a
lifelong dream, like a bucket list thing.
And to think that I've gotten togo so many times is like, how
blessed am I truly, how blessed am I?
I? The other day was just counting
all the things in my life that Ididn't know would be possible

(03:39):
for me. Coming out of the closet felt
like giving up a lot of dreams, a lot of hopes for a future.
If you're in the lesbian dating world, you know how challenging
it can be to date. Am I ever going to find someone
who aligns with me? These are all things that we
think, and the truth is you will.
The truth is that if you've beenhurt, you will love again and

(04:03):
life is fun and life is worth living.
And if you are feeling like you're in a season where you've
lost that zest, listen to this episode because you're going to
not only hear from me, but from a guest who has been through a
lot and has gone through so muchheartbreak, divorce, all the
things, but can still feel and experience a true love again.

(04:30):
And if that's possible for me and possible for my guess, it's
possible for you. So get ready for this one.
It's going to be a great show. Let me tell you a little bit
about it. Today's guest is a raw,
glittering icon of the queer media.
Zara Berry, the world's first mascara lesbian.

(04:53):
Because we call ourselves lipstick lesbians, being Vims.
If she calls herself a mascara lesbian and we get into that and
why. She's the critically acclaimed
author of Girls Stop Passing Outin Your Makeup.
She's also the former senior sexand dating writer at Elite
Daily, the creator of the fictional audio drama Girls on
Jane, a love letter to lesbian nightlife.

(05:14):
Zara's story didn't begin with writing.
She was a theatre kid turned actress director.
But she had this crazy breakup, as we always do, that puts us on
our path. And she's the most viral, honest
voice in lesbian media. She has viral essays that are
read by millions, she's the self-proclaimed gritty little

(05:37):
sister of Sex and the City, and she's been through it all.
We're going to get into the toxicity that we overcome as
creative lesbians in relationships and honestly how
we got from that pain to living our creative dreams.
Zara is living the dream with a beautiful partner in West

(06:01):
Hollywood, and it's possible foryou to go through trouble in
both your personal romantic lifeand in your career life and
switch things up and come out ontop.
We are both. Evidence of what happens when a
queer woman digs in, when a Crewwoman remembers her power, and

(06:23):
when a queer woman rises. Hey, Zara, welcome.
Hi girl, thank you for having me.
OK, I always start with what letter of the LGBTQIA alphabet
soup are you? OK, I am a old school lesbian.
I am a lesbian. Yeah, through and through.

(06:44):
There's through. And through.
How old were you when you realized?
That OK, so I definitely like came out of the womb a lesbian
like I never was attracted to guys.
I had boyfriends. I kind of thought for a while,
maybe nobody likes sex or makingout even before sex.

(07:08):
And I was always like just fascinated by lesbians.
If we ever saw them, like in a restaurant, I'd be creepily
staring at them. But I didn't really like know it
was an option, I guess. I mean, I grew up in a liberal
household and I'm super gratefulfor that because so many, you
know, of us don't. So I know I'm, I'm very like

(07:30):
aware of that privilege, but I just, I don't know, maybe being
feminine, I wasn't quite sure. And then in high school, I
hooked up with a girl at camp, and I was like, OK, I'm
definitely a lesbian, but I cameout as bisexual first because it
just felt like I could ease my way in.
And then I came out. Yeah, a lot of us do.

(07:51):
And then I fully came out when Ifell in love, like hardcore
love. And I was probably 19 or 20, and
I'm 39 now. So it's been, you know, it's
been a minute. This this lesbian life.
What? What about you?
Thanks for asking, but also, I have to say 39.
I'm shocked because you look so young.

(08:12):
You guys have to catch this on Spotify or YouTube because
you're stunning. Like you look like a little
lesbian Barbie. OK, thanks for asking.
I'm jealous of your coming out experience and like having the
liberal family because that's not the case.
I love my family, but they're extreme conservatives and yeah,

(08:34):
if you know what I mean. And we don't agree on a lot of
things, many important things. And it was really hard to grow
up in that house and hear the things that I heard.
It took me until like 28 to comeout by and then like 2930 was
when I came out lesbian and leftthe relationship I was in with a

(08:56):
man. OK, see, I think it's so to me,
admirable when people grow up ina conservative environment and
come out and I, I wonder, like, who would I be?
I don't know what my story wouldbe if I had a different.
Like, I feel like it gave me an unfair advantage.
Like my mother was a model, so gay men were always around.

(09:18):
My dad worked in the fragrance industry.
I'm born in New York City. Like, you know, I just, I have
all my siblings. They're all like open and you
know, so I'm just like, I can't,I just, I, I don't even even
know if I would be out, you know, if I, you never know.
So it's just fascinating. So I think that's so admirable
and says so much about you. Thank you.

(09:39):
I appreciate that. But I think it's really cool
that you've gotten to come whereyou've come from, and maybe you
got your voice and your grounding a little sooner, which
could be why you're so good at. Using it in the way you do.
So you're using your your privilege early coming out for
good. Thank you.
Yeah, the work you're doing is wild.

(10:01):
Do you just want to give me like, a summary of your
professional history for everyone listening?
Because it's intense. So when I was younger, like I
got terrible grades in school and I just all yeah, terrible,
terrible grades. I did not care.
I did not really try. I was obsessed with acting.

(10:21):
I wanted to be an actor. I was like surefire, that's what
I was gonna do. I booked my first movie when I
was, I miss about to like miss my last couple months of high
school dream come true. I'm like, oh, this will be easy.
No, then I didn't book anything for like 4 years, but I so I was
hardcore into acting and and then and I was living in London

(10:43):
because I'm a dual citizen and Ihad a good sort of situation
there with having an American accent but a British passport.
So it kind of gave me like a niche.
And then I had like a horrible experience in London and I ended
up coming moving to Florida where my parents lived and I was
like, I want to just complete life change.

(11:04):
And I ended up running a teen outreach theater for high risk
youth. And I loved it.
It probably would have done it forever, but the universe had
other plans for me. And then I had this terrible
breakup. My first love, heart crushed,
didn't know what to do with all the feelings.
So I started blogging not thinking anyone would read it.

(11:26):
And I had kind of remembered in that experience like, Oh yeah,
in high school and I'm going to age myself.
But there was this popular social media before Facebook
called Live Journal. I don't know.
You're probably too young for it.
It was like early 2000s, all this sort of like punk kids had
a live journal and you'd write about your life.

(11:46):
And I loved it and just never thought about it, even though I,
I had a pretty good following. But it was even before that was
even a term. But I, I never thought about it
until I started blogging. And I was like, oh, yeah, I used
to do this. And then the blog one piece I
wrote about I think heartbreak went viral, Ish.
And the next thing I knew, I waslike, in the offices of Elite

(12:10):
Daily, which made a, you know, abig mainstream media company.
And I ended up getting a job there as a staff writer, and I
was the first staff writer that was like a lesbian.
And I started writing about lesbian sex and dating, and it
ended up shocking to all of us, doing pretty well.
And I just kept that up. I wrote 2000 articles, became a

(12:33):
senior writer, founded their queer vertical, and then I was
ready to move on. So then I ended up being the
executive editor of a lesbian New York magazine called Go
Magazine that I had been readingsince I was a teenager.
So it was very full circle and Iwas there for a couple years and
then I'm one of those people like I always have to change it

(12:56):
up. And then I, I was married and I
ended up getting a divorce. I know I'm like, this is like a
very detailed career story, but no, my personal life, my
personal life always kind of, I guess cuz what I do is so
personal. So my personal life sort of
informs it, but. Were you writing like about your

(13:16):
relationships or about other people's relationships?
I had always written about my own stuff, but then when we our
marriage we had a great relationship, but when it
started to fall apart I started writing fiction.
So I created this. What do you kind of call?
It's an audio drama so you can listen to it.
It has like sound effects and a theme song.

(13:38):
But it was this fiction thing called Girls on Jane.
And it's about a fictional groupof lesbians living in New York
City. Like drugs, sex, drama, humor.
Like just it was just like such an outlet for me when I was so
unhappy with my life. And then we ended up getting
divorced and I just went freelance, started writing, You

(14:02):
know, I wrote a book right before then as well called Girl,
Stop Passing Out Your Makeup. And then I was kind of like in
a, in a lost place. My brother ended up getting
diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.
And I just needed like somethingto ground me.
So I did a life coaching course with Martha Beck, also a lesbian

(14:24):
who I love. And weirdly, I was like, I'll
just use this for my writing andfor my, you know, to help my
followers. And then I ended up taking some
clients and got certified. So I also do that as well.
And I, I incorporate writing into my practice, but my main
thing is always going to be writing.

(14:45):
And I just launched a column on sub stat called Mascara Lesbian
and it is a sex and dating column.
And I, it's like, feels like I'mcoming back home to myself, you
know, writing about the sex and dating again.
I love it. That's amazing.
OK, so you pronounce it mascara.Well, you know what it is?
I feel like I sound like such a pretentious asshole when I say

(15:06):
that. It's my mom is English and
certain words. Yeah, I think certain words I
cannot say with an American accent, even though I was born
here, but I can't say mascara. Like I just, it doesn't roll off
the tongue wrong. So it's just.
But yeah, it's mascara. Mascara.
It's just how I. Gotcha.
I was like, am I pronouncing this wrong?

(15:28):
I thought it was mascara like for like your makeup but like
lipstick. But OK so that's a play on
words. Obviously we're both lipstick
lesbians. What is the mascara lesbian a
play on? I'm not like.
Where did you get the inspiration for that name?
Yeah, I, I started, so I had like a gay guy friend who one

(15:49):
day was like, you're not a lipstick lesbian.
Like you're a mascara lesbian. Cuz I wear a lot of mascara and
not as much lipstick cuz I like to make out.
And I was like, you know, I likethat.
Yeah, right. Exactly.
And it's like with women, it could just look like a murder
scene, you know? So I started calling myself a
mascara lesbian and it ended up catching on it.

(16:11):
This is what I was at Elite Daily.
And I just told everyone like, how do you identify mascara
lesbian? Mascara lesbian.
And like, I start, I made like alittle bit of merch that said
mascara lesbian. And I'm just like this season of
life. Let's go back to it so.
Oh my gosh, So that like makes you like you're the original

(16:31):
girl with lashes who's a like a lesbian because a few years ago
when I was doing more like business coaching, people would
say, Oh, we know your brand fromlips and lashes because I had
like a little bit thicker lip injections.
And I do, oh God, why am I goingto blink on it now?
But I want to talk about it on the podcast Latisse This.

(16:52):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so my lashes get really
long. I actually only really apply one
coat of mascara. But it's so funny because I
would consider myself more of a mascara lesbian too, because I
love to kiss. So on dates, the most I do is
like some lip gloss because it'sgoing to get everywhere.

(17:12):
It's going to get everywhere. It's going to get everywhere.
Yeah. No, your lashes are so long.
I I just started Latisse. It works wonders but I'm still I
I can't like break the habit of multiple layers of mascara.
I'm like, it's never. Totally get it.
Can can I give you like the Latisse tip that changed my
life? Yes.
OK, so everyone's like Latisse. There's so much like controversy

(17:36):
around it. I know someone listening to the
show is going to be like, oh, I needed to hear this.
There's controversy because it can remove the fat under your
eyes and make you look older andit can darken your eyes.
So what I do is I use very little and I can make a bottle.
That's what I don't know. 150, two, $100 lasts about 8 months
and I do it by doing it every 3rd day and on the other two

(18:01):
days I do the ordinaries eyelashserum which is literally like
$27.00. Yeah, OK.
So. I've done it.
It really is. And I've done it for now four
years. I've maybe have been through 5
bottles of Latisse in four years.
So that's a really good investment considering most

(18:22):
girls go in and get like, lash extensions and all these things.
Yeah. So anyway, just wanted to throw
that out there. It's healthy for you.
You lose less fat. Because I don't want to have to
do no judgement to anyone who does feel her in their face.
I'll do it one day, but not yet.It's not.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't, I don't like
filler either. I did it one time and I hated

(18:44):
it. So I want, I want to avoid the
filler and I I'm worried about the I heard the thing about the
fat dissolving. So yeah, good tip.
Very little, just the tiniest little line.
Yeah. Oh my gosh.
OK, so you went through a terrible heartbreak.
That's what led to your whole career literally starting.
I relate to you so hard because my life, like my personal life,

(19:04):
became what made my TikTok grow.And now I'm back to having a
really private personal life, life except when I talk about
like, sex right on the podcast. That's about it.
But like everything's I got nervous about sharing it.
Like it gave me a lot of anxietyand like, it made me feel like
an emotional hangover. How do you handle that?

(19:24):
Because it sounds like you've been doing it a lot longer than
me. Yeah, You know, I would say my
emotional hangovers are so much worse when I'm not sharing.
Like if I go through something in my life, like for instance,
when my brother was sick and he passed away about 5 months ago,

(19:47):
we were best, best friends. He was private and he didn't
really want me. He was shy about letting anyone
know that he was, you know, dying of cancer.
And I had this huge thing and I and I had to, I couldn't share
it. And that made me feel like
emotionally sick almost. And it for me, it's like the
healing is in the sharing. And even when it comes to like

(20:11):
sex or like making mistakes or embarrassing things, I'll hold
on to the shame until it's released into the world.
And then the shame hates. So I don't know if I'm just
wired for sharing. Like I, I feel like
vulnerability has always kind ofcut came a little bit naturally
to me. And so it doesn't, I don't have

(20:36):
that thing. I mean, I've been embarrassed,
I've been shamed, I've been cancelled.
You do this long enough, it's going to happen.
But like, then you also realize,like, that stuff doesn't kill
you and you move on. And the Internet moves so
quickly nobody cares, you know? And I just think for me, as long
as I'm speaking my truth, I don't I, I want to share it, I

(20:59):
guess. I love that.
That's really beautiful. And I can relate to what you
said about the like, it feels kind of heavy until you share it
because then it's like, OK, the shame is undone when you share
it. I feel like there's power in
sharing our stories before someone else can share it for
us, right? And I, I do feel the bigger I go

(21:21):
in this world of online, like, Ihave to like put things out
there before someone's gonna putit out there for me.
Like when it comes to like a breakup.
Or. Who I'm talking to, but there's
also this part of me that's now like, oh, I just want to have
something that's mine and like my future partners like, yeah,
so I'm balancing that. I'm about how does your partner

(21:43):
handle it? Like you sharing.
It's funny, yeah, all that stuff.
I mean, I definitely respect her.
So something I try and put the focus more on me.
So if I'm writing about something in our relationship or
we have a fight or something like that, it's more I've
learned how to do it where it's more coming from my perspective.

(22:06):
And I kinda will leave things that I know she would be
uncomfortable with out of it andturn it back to me.
But she's my girlfriend, works in the music business, but
behind the scenes. And so she's used to being
around artists that are that share and that are like, you
know, open. She loves what I do.

(22:29):
She respects it like as as the art form.
And I think she trusts the boundary thing.
She knows that I won't, I will, I won't exploit her.
You know, I think she kind of likes it.
I think, you know, I mean, I I told a story like in New York, I
did a reading maybe a couple months ago and I told like the
story was about her like fishingby diva cup out of my vagina

(22:53):
when it was like stuck. And she like she loved it.
She was like, hell yeah, I did do that, you know, So whoever
I'm with would have to be cool with that, you know, because I
don't want to dull who I am. You.
Can't and I totally get that too.
Like I, I, I actually have people sign like a content
contract and stuff if we go on more than like 3 dates because

(23:16):
at some point if there would be a breakup, I need to be able to
use that content for 30 days. The team may have drafted it.
I don't want any issues so I. Smart.
That is so smart because I datedsomebody when I first moved to
LA right when my brother got sick.
Vulnerable place dated somebody I highly, highly regret dating.

(23:38):
Like I ended up getting a restraining order.
It was terrible. But she's like, threatened to
sue me several times and I don'teven write about that because
I'm saving that for my book. But like even.
No, if you can't, if it's, if it's true, it's not, you know?
It's not slanderable. Exactly, exactly.
But I won't even write about her.

(23:59):
I'll just write about a toxic relationship and be giving
advice to my young readers and she will think it's about her.
Like threatened to like. Oh yeah.
Written by lawyer. And I'm like, bitch, you're
just, you know, don't fuck with a writer because we will
describe you, you know? But that's smart.
No, you need you definitely. I don't really need to do that.

(24:20):
Like I can even like e-mail you my little like go to contract
because obviously get your own lawyer and stuff.
But I I think it's so important doing what we do.
And I know there's other like lesbian influencers listening
who are like, Oh shit, I should probably do that.
But it's it makes it hard. And maybe you're not a creator
like us, but you're listening and you've had like this

(24:43):
ex-girlfriend like tell you're not allowed to tell stories from
your relationship. That is just proof of how
controlling they were or how toxic they were when they're
like, oh, you shouldn't talk to people about that.
I'm like, then you shouldn't have been an asshole.
Right, exactly. You should have done the thing
if you don't want me to talk about it.
You're right. That is, I think that's a

(25:03):
really, the older I get, that's a really big red flag.
Anytime I've dated someone who is like controlling about the
narrative, it it never ends well.
Like they're a controlling person.
They're obsessed with how peopleperceive them.
And I feel like when you're thatobsessed, it's usually because

(25:23):
like, I don't even think about it because I'm like comfortable
with who I am and my integrity and my morals.
It usually means you're doing something shady.
If you're that like, you know, don't talk about me.
Yeah, but because what they do this type is they get excited
that they're dating you, which I'm sure you've had.
They go to all their friends, but they're a secret, like on

(25:44):
your stuff. Like people know you have this
girl in your life you're talkingabout or you're sharing all
these things. But then they get really picky
about what you say when it ends,even though you never disclose
who they are. It's a, It's a whole thing.
Yeah, it's a. Whole thing I'm curious to let
someone. Yeah, yeah, I'm curious.
Like, how do women respond? Are they cool?

(26:06):
Like when you present them with something.
I've had very few women be cool with it but at this point in my
career I refuse to date any low level thinkers.
So if you're not doing contractsin your daily work and in your
business then like we won't vibeanyway and this should just be a
regular Monday for you. Look over the contract, send it

(26:28):
to your lawyer. You know, So nowadays it's
pretty normal. And I say it up front.
I noticed especially when we're talking about shame and you
sharing your story, there's certain things that people might
be ashamed about sharing when they get into that talking phase
of a new relationship or even just in the early stages of a
relationship. And what I've learned is sharing

(26:48):
what you really are looking for and what your deal Breakers are
right away will reduce the risk of someone coming back to be and
say like, oh, I thought you werenot like that.
Or oh, I thought you didn't careabout that kind of stuff or
whatever it is. Because that is something that
I've noticed. And in the talking phases going
forward, in this last year, I'vehad 70 women be like, I love

(27:11):
that you just said that, like right away up front.
No, I could never come back and be upset at you for it.
That's actually really smart. I've dated a couple lawyers and
they say that to me and I'm like, Oh my gosh, OK, good,
because. Get.
That out the way up front so. Really, I think a mistake that I
used to make when dating. I don't know if you ever went

(27:32):
through this, but I remember like realizing it in my late
20s. I was like, I treat dates like
they're auditions and I would like find myself giving them the
answer that I intuitively knew that they wanted, not
necessarily because I liked them.
It was like I needed the validation.
I wanted a call back, you know, like it's the second date, you

(27:53):
know, they it's a call back and then I'd wake up like four
months later and I'm like, what the fuck am I doing?
I don't even like this person. We have nothing in common.
I've been hiding who I am. And it's just like once I had
that realization, I tell people up front.
And also I think it's cool to share some of your own quote red

(28:13):
flags. Like I'll tell someone on the
first date. I'm like, here's what I've been
through. Sometimes I get triggered by AB
and CI could be really defensiveand like I've found women like
it. People just relax when you're
honest you. Know yes, it's about being
honest right away and I love theway you just called it red flags
because like So what if it is it's true here's my things that

(28:37):
some people may not like about me.
Let's just get it out the way and then you probably will be
met with more authenticity from them, which takes a lot of the
guesswork out. Right.
Because once you open up about something, then it gives them
permission, and then you're justhaving a realer, deeper
conversation, I think, you know?Maybe that's just the neuro

(28:58):
spicy about me, though, the factthat like I see everything as
like black and white and like contracts, like people listen to
this are probably gonna be like Sophia.
You take it a little too far. But I do see how much someone
like me and you has our work andour business in our life, and
it's hard to separate it. It's just almost impossible.

(29:19):
So yeah, OK. I'm curious about the love story
that broke you down enough to, like, start writing.
What happened? What was the first heartbreak?
My first heartbreak was like thefirst time I truly, truly fell
in love. I was working at the Teen
Outreach Theater and just, we were together for a while, like

(29:41):
probably four years. And then it just, I, I feel like
there's a specific heartbreak when you end something because
it's like, 'cause I loved her somuch, but it's like it was one
of those things I had to choose myself and I knew our lives
would not be aligned. And I think I was like 25 and I
was really starting to like think more deeply about those

(30:05):
things. Like you can love somebody, but
if you're like goals are not aligned and you're going to have
to make a sacrifice where you'regoing to resent them forever.
You know, I just, I, I remember my mom being like, you made the
hard choice, you know, and I made the hard choice and like, I
was so, but I was, but didn't mean I wasn't devastated, you

(30:25):
know, and she was also heartbroken.
And I just remember like, I remember being like, oh, because
I had had boyfriends, you know, in high school.
And I'm like, oh, this is what it feels like.
This is what people write the songs about.
Like you're just like, you thinkyou're going to die.
Like I remember being like, I feel like this could kill me.

(30:47):
And then going forward when it happens again, you're like, this
sucks, but at least I know I will not die from it.
You know, I think that first one, you know, and especially we
were first love with a woman. You know, when you've been with
men in the past is so intense because you give them that
credit in a way. You're like you, you give them

(31:08):
so much power because they're unlocking emotions in you that
you've never felt. But a lot of those feelings are
just feelings for a woman, but you're you're attributing it to
them and like they have this superpower.
And I always tell my, you know, readers or clients or whatever,

(31:28):
like there is a little, there can be a power dynamic
difference when someone is newlyout their first relationship
with a woman and the woman has been in a lot of other ones.
Like you're in a very vulnerablespace.
And I think I was in that space.Yeah, and what I always share
with my clients in my audience is the the focus we give someone

(31:48):
is what creates the love on verylike Abraham Hicks girly.
I don't know if you know, I loveAbraham Hicks.
OK, cool. So like what we put our focus on
expands. And when we do that with an
individual, we're choosing to bestow the love upon them.
That Love's going to expand. And that would happen with
anyone. Yes, there can be chemistry with
someone and that's beautiful, but we can choose to put that

(32:10):
love and focus on someone else again.
And so your heart won't be broken.
Forever. And it feels like you're dying,
though it does. It feels like you're dying.
For a while it's physical like it's it's and I I was
heartbroken when my marriage ended as well for like and I I
feel like I take heartbreak so hard.
I have some friends that seem tomove on a lot faster.

(32:33):
I think I love very deeply. I have a hard time letting go in
general in my life to things. But I remember I was like, I'm a
Taurus. What about you?
I'm a Taurus rising. I see the similarities here, but
I'm a Gemini, so you know, the communication, all that stuff.
I wouldn't be shocked if you were a Gemini rising.

(32:53):
You know I'm a Scorpio rising. OK.
You know, like, makes some sense.
Like I can present a little Scorpio, but I love Geminis and
I have a lot of them in my life.My brother was a Gemini.
Like I get Geminis. I'm sorry about your brother, I
literally can't imagine him. I can't imagine.

(33:13):
OK, I'm sorry for interrupting. I just had to know yourself.
No. OK, continue on.
What were we talking about? We were talking about.
I love what you were saying though, about the it's so true.
It's like you feel again, like it's this person and part of it
is, but you're right, it's a lotof like you focusing all of your

(33:35):
energy and your love onto someone.
It's almost like being in love gives you this opportunity to
like tap into your like love, ifthat makes sense.
Like it's not 100% about the person.
I mean, they're important. I'm not saying like they're not
important, but like like you said, it's like you can you can

(33:56):
feel it again with somebody you know and.
Yeah, absolutely. And but that had to be hard to
leave knowing that your values. Wouldn't align which?
Compatibility, I will say 20 outof 10 as a matchmaker, most
important thing in the world over any other looks or
chemistry. Compatibility is everything.

(34:17):
So you leave. What was like the deal breaker
for you of like, my life's goingin this direction, your life's
going in this direction and it had to be big, right?
Yeah, I just realized, like, I wanted to go back to New York.
I've always wanted a big life, like out of the womb.
Like I wanted to be famous when I was little.

(34:38):
I I loved acting. And beyond that, that's not
really a goal anymore. But I just wanted to live big,
travel the world. You know, I'm the type of person
like, I don't want to just do this.
I want to do it better than anybody.
And she wasn't wired that way. And I felt I could tell we I was
dulling that part of myself and then she was dulling the part of

(35:02):
herself that wanted a more chilllife.
And just like work ethic differences, that's a big one
for me. I'm realizing like I, I like to
be energized by somebody else who wants something big for
their career. And she didn't have that.
And I just just like this gut feeling of like this isn't and I

(35:24):
knew too I was like this isn't my person.
I love her but she's not my person.
And I had to take that risk. A part of me was like Oh no,
what if she does? You know I was doubting it.
Same with when I left my marriage cuz I loved her as
well. But I just had that gut feeling
like this isn't my person. And I think sometimes you have

(35:44):
to take a bet on yourself and your intuition and you might
feel nuts. Like I went from like, you know,
my ex-wife and I had this fabulous apartment in New York
City, lived a great life. People were shocked when we got
divorced, you know, like people looked up to us in our
community. My followers like loved her,
knew her. So it was, it was definitely

(36:05):
shocking. And then I remember when I left,
I like went back home with, was living with my parents in
Florida, like in my teenage bedroom.
Like did I just like really screw up my life?
But then it's like you have to trust it.
Cuz then now like I, I met somebody who it's like, I feel
like, oh, this is what it's supposed to feel like.
Like that doubt is never even there.

(36:27):
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(38:44):
OK, back to the show. OK, so.
When you married your ex-wife, was there a little like doubt on
the wedding day? Like.
Yeah, I've never, I don't think I've ever said it out loud.
I have maybe regardless, I, I and I and I want to like, talk
openly about it because a lot ofpeople, I think have that doubt

(39:08):
and you just shove it down. And I remember like months
before Googling like, is it normal to like feel panicked?
And I had a column at the time called Confessions of a Lesbian
Bride to Be. And I would write like, oh, I
have this like bridal malaise. Like I couldn't get like that
excited about the wedding. And I was like, acting like, oh,

(39:31):
so this is totally normal. OK, I, it's just like, I'm just
not like that. But I realized like in
hindsight, like it was just my body's cues.
And we have a beautiful wedding,a big, beautiful, like over the
top wedding featured in like thecut, you know, like New York
magazine. It was like a thing like we had
a Unicorn and a mermaid. Like it was so over the top.

(39:54):
And I think you also get to thisplace where you're like, and I'm
glad I had that. And I do think she was meant to
be in my life and I have nothingbut love for her in my heart.
But like I think. You know, people get married all
the time when they deep down have that doubt, and I don't
actually think it's normal to have that.
Personally, OK, So what is the feeling of like safety and

(40:19):
security in this new relationship?
Like when do you sense that you know?
Are there moments? I I it was so strange, like I've
never experienced anything like it.
I was off the dating apps for like the first time ever.
This was a little over a year ago.
Yeah, I like, I love. I'm a big dating app person.

(40:41):
But I was off them because it was an intense time in my life.
My brother was dying. I had a restraining order
against this ex. So I'm like a walking red flag.
You know as well, like, these are two heavy things.
And I was telling everybody like, Zara is closed for
business. I am not dating.
I, I'm rarely single in my life.I was like, I need to be single.

(41:02):
And I remember saying to a friend the night before we met
just out in the wild, which I didn't even know could happen
anymore. But I remember saying to a
friend, I don't, you know, I don't want to get in a
relationship, but if I were to get one and when I do, I want to
date somebody who is like in thearts or entertainment but isn't
trying to be an artist. Maybe they're an agent or a

(41:23):
producer, but they get artists and like, you know, they
understand what I do. They won't undermine.
So like, that's what I want, youknow what, like maybe it would
be nice to date somebody Jewish.Like I've never cared about
that. Not religious, but just from
like a cultural perspective. I was like, you know, maybe that
would also be never dated another Jewish person.
And literally the next night we're at this event in LA called

(41:44):
the Lesbian Supper Club. And it's like a more high end,
you know, lesbian event, a little bit older.
I went with a group of friends. She was friends with the group I
went with. And like, instantly I was like,
oh, I'm fucked, you know, like Ijust like, and, and I, we had so
much chemistry. And of course, me being who I

(42:05):
am, as soon as I feel attracted to someone, it's like, I'll be
nice to everyone. I have to be kind of like, it's
like a tick. Like I have to kind of be a
pitch to them. So we got into this like huge
debate about Taylor Swift. I was mansplaining the music
business to her, not knowing that she was like an executive,
you know, high up in the music world.
So I'm like how music works and Taylor Swift is so talented

(42:27):
because AB and C and I'm then like.
Say you better say she's talented.
I was like, where do you? I love I'm a huge Swifty.
So I'm like, I'm like mansplaining to her.
Find out she works in music and then and she was a good debater
back and I was like, oh, damn, this is hot.
And like we just had that chemistry and we ended up, you
know, getting pretty drunk. All of us.

(42:49):
We all went out and I remember Isaid to her, I was like, you're
really hot. And she was like, should we make
out? And I was like, yeah, let's wait
till our friends leave. And then of course, we were just
like wildly like making out. And the rest is obviously
history. But I've never had.
It's the first time I can say like in my soul, like I have
never thought like there could be somebody better.

(43:15):
Oh, wow. Yeah, it's a.
Good subtle feeling, yeah. In a world of like, so many
options on dating apps, social media, to feel there's nobody
better if this is my person like, that is solid.
Love it. OK I'm curious, what's your type
like? What does she look like?
I. She's very, very much my type.

(43:38):
Like long hair, so feminine in that way, but not as feminine as
I am and kind of has a has a masculine energy in that she's
like a boss bitch, you know, super, super career focused, can
negotiate, can kind of do all the things I that I struggle

(43:59):
with. She's like awesome at and I
think I help her with the thingsshe struggles with, but I love
like an assertive masculine energy on a feminine woman to
me. It's super hot.
Yeah, yeah, it's. So hot.
I agree. I agree.
I love it. And I also like it the other way
too. I like really masculine women

(44:21):
who have like this. Like really soft, like feminine.
Yeah, that they only let you seeas well.
So yeah, no, I love that. And she she has that too, where
it's like she's such a a boss. She's so smart, sharp, quick,
but she's so sensitive. Like she's she's as sensitive
maybe even more than I am and can be so doesn't struggle with

(44:44):
vulnerability. We cry like, I need that, that
as well because I feel like it'sso hard to connect on a deep
level if someone isn't willing to be vulnerable, if that makes
sense. Yeah.
How long have y'all dated for? It's been a little over a year
since we met, but like, a lesbian style.

(45:04):
I was like, we're not gonna like, rush.
And then like a month later we were like, in Europe together,
like travelling and like, you know, it's so hard being a
lesbian to pace things. Yeah, exactly it.
Really is especially like, you're lucky you live in LA.
She's probably like your neighbor.
But like for us lesbians who live in like rural areas, the
South, like you meet someone andthen you end up having to like

(45:28):
travel all the time just to see them.
So you do move pretty fast, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Where are you based?
I'm in Lafayette, LA, which is like 2 hours from New Orleans
and pretty small. OK yeah, OK yeah.
Everyone's like how are you there?
And I'm like because the Internet like I.

(45:48):
Yeah, exactly. Don't.
Technically have to be anywhere to do what I do so.
Right. I love that.
I love the Internet and like thefreedom.
Is there like a queer community there?
There is, but it I I'm not like a big that the reason I
developed the Queer Country Clubis truly because I am shy and

(46:10):
I'm introverted. So for me, hanging out online
feels more comfortable than going out in real life.
And like big events give don't give me energy.
They like really drain me actually.
So really really. It's a lot of my friends that

(46:30):
like because most of my like tight circle are people that do
things that are similar to what we do.
And I have found that people that are like very honest, open
on the Internet, have a platformare all like that.
And I feel like it gives us thisability to connect with people
on our terms. But I could like share

(46:51):
everything with you in this context.
But like the the thought of making small talk at an event is
like exhausting and horrible to me.
But I'd still be like, let's go have like, martinis and caviar,
like oysters, Like, I don't wanna do that.
I don't wanna go like, yeah, I don't know.
It's, it's a, it's a big group for me.

(47:11):
That's like really intense. Like I do retreats for women but
they are not more than like 10 women per retreat.
Like that's so great. Yeah, anything bigger than that,
I'm like, I get overwhelmed. And one thing that I promised my
community is I'll never host something or sell you something
that I wouldn't want to do myself.

(47:31):
So like for me, like everyone's like, oh, Sophia put together a
big lesbian festival and I'm like, I don't like big lesbian
festivals. Me neither.
I want to go on whatever your retreats is, it.
Is it if it's for single people?And it's for single people.
I pray you stay with your girlfriend forever.
But if there's ever any reason you are so you would be like the

(47:53):
guest of honor would love. I would love that sounds Yeah, I
love like also I think it one ofthe hard things about being
being LGBTQ plus is that like not I mean, it's a beautiful
thing, but like so much of our like socializing, our big

(48:13):
parties. And when I was living in New
York and I was running a lesbianmagazine that was really like
part of the night life. I would go to all these big and
I and I just, I felt so uncomfortable, you know, in that
whole big lesbian party world, like, just not my thing.
And the intimacy, like, of beingwith like 10 women on a retreat.

(48:34):
Like, that's where I thrive. Like, I would say I thrive at
the book club more than like thenightclub, but like, yeah.
OK, that's so Speaking of book club, you have like this audio
book thing that's like with sound effects and sounds like
you're like listening to a movie.
It's really cool. What do you call such a thing?

(48:54):
And are like this seems so unique.
Thank you. You know, the problem and like
with my agents, like we've been trying to sell it.
And I think part of the problem is like there's not a good term
for it. The technical term is audio
drama, but to me that sounds like it's from the 1800s.
So then I started calling it a fiction podcast, but then that

(49:15):
didn't really, that doesn't really sell it quite either
because I, I, you know, I wantedto elevate it with the sound.
And how I came up with the idea was actually, again, I was kind
of like, my personal life was falling apart, but I didn't feel
comfortable writing about it formy partner's sake.
You know, I didn't want to exploit, you know, what was

(49:36):
really happening between us. So I, like, got lost in this
fiction world. And at first I was like, should
this be a book? My book had just come out.
And I was like, I don't want to wait two years to put this out.
By the time you get the deal, you do all the bells and
whistles, it's two years. This feels very current.
It was COVID. I was like, I think people could
use the escapism. So then I started talking to my

(49:58):
readers and I was like, you knowwhat?
And I found out most of them don't read books.
They're like, we read yours because we've been following
your work for so long. But like, you know, the
attention span or it can feel overwhelming to pick up like a
dense book. And they were saying they listen
to things because they can. Yeah, they can multitask as

(50:18):
well. And that's our culture now.
And I love, you know, because I've been acting background.
So I love like I doing my audio book was like, I had the most
fun in my life. People hate it.
I loved it. So I was like, maybe I should
rather than putting it out all at once, you know, make it
serialized so that way people aren't as overwhelmed.
So each episode is like 45 minutes, 30 to 45 minutes.

(50:42):
There's going to be anticipation.
And then again, it's like, if I do something, I can't just like
do it normal. I have to make it so much
harder. Then I was like, you know what,
like no wonder books are struggling.
Like we have these amazing series and podcasts that have
like theme songs and good art. So then I was like, oh, I want
music. I'm to do this sound effects,

(51:03):
music and all of it, and it was a ton of work, but a real labor
of love. I feel like you're on the cusp
of something so big. Like, sincerely.
I could feel it in my bones. Like, you're gonna start
something that, yeah, like this is the start of something
amazing. And as a kid, my mom would put
on, I don't know if you you had these because I know we're

(51:26):
slightly different generations, but she put on the cassette
tapes of Disney movies. So there'd be some music, but
also someone reading the book. And what you're describing feels
like those long car rides where I would look up and like 3 hours
later we'd be somewhere and I was totally in another world

(51:47):
because of the sound effects. And we don't have any adult
books like that at all. Right.
And when I did my audio book, I was like, we're wasting an
opportunity to like, if we're gonna go audio, like let's go
audio, let's have the music, thesound effects, accents, you
know, like let's actually do it.And I and I was like, why aren't

(52:10):
people doing it? So then I knew I had to do it.
But I and I think probably you've had this experience
because you're very innovative. It's really hard to kind of be
at the beginning. We have something though, as far
as like convincing the men in the suits, you know, my agents
that like CIA, you know, like they're, it's hard for them to

(52:31):
like, they're like we love this,but like we don't really know
how to pitch it. So then it's like, OK, I'll
pitch it myself and try and do it myself.
But like, it's been, it's been hard, you know, to even describe
it to people. OK, but hear me out.
Other day I was listening to Oprah.
Podcast and the guy who wrote like the chicken soup for the
soul shit, you know, book like sold like yeah, but Jillian

(52:53):
copies. He was told no 200 times, 200
times, and now his book, I thinkit's just 300 million in China
alone, I think was the number that I.
Heard. Yeah, that's insane.
Yeah, so. I know.
Keep that faith up because I believe in it.
How do how do my listeners startlistening to this audio

(53:16):
experience now? Like how do they get their hands
on? That yeah.
So it's it's free on all podcastplatforms, Spotify.
You just putting girls on Jane. It's like a play on words.
Cuz Jane St. in like the West Village, you know, is one of my
favorite streets. And then Jane, you know, like
Jane Doe girls. I don't know, that's kind of how

(53:37):
it started. But yeah, you can just put in
girls on Jane and it's it's everywhere.
And I thought that was also likea thing like, you know, books
are, it's a very tough industry publishing and books don't sell
that well. You know, unless you're a
celebrity or you really hit something, it's really hard to
sell books in this culture. So I'm like, rather than getting

(53:59):
mad about it, like, why don't wejust figure out how to get our
work out there in a way that's palatable to the people?
And like everyone is on, you know, Spotify or Apple podcast.
People love it. And I know for me, I love to
just, like, listen to people talk and I love to talk.
But sometimes, like, I want a linear story, so.

(54:20):
And I found a lot of people feltthat way.
Like, not every day do you just want, you know, sometimes, like,
I want a story, I want drama, I want a cliffhanger, you know, So
I tried to give that. Yeah.
Yeah. OK, so if if someone's listening
for the first time, do they go back to the very first episode?
Like where should they start? OK.
Yeah, I definitely think the first episode and cuz that kind

(54:42):
of sets the the stage and it's it's two seasons as of now and
it it picks up each one picks upthe characters develop, you
know, all of that. So exciting.
I'm definitely going to be listening.
I'm going to put a link in the show notes for everyone to
listen. And also beyond that, you just
watch mascara Lesbians. So tell us about that.

(55:05):
Yeah, and I also do that in audio as well.
I don't do all the sound effectscuz it's a, it's, you know, it's
a column, but I, I record them. So if people, cuz again, I think
a lot of people listen instead of read And I, I don't care how
you get there as long as you getthere.
But mascara lesbian is my new sex and dating column.
I've done 3 installments. I actually did 1 and I'm curious

(55:28):
what you are. I did 1 yesterday.
Are you a practical lesbian or acinematic lesbian?
And I can deal with, Yeah, I feel like they're two very
different kinds of lesbians. They're the lesbians that are
dramatic. And, you know, it's like being

(55:48):
inside the movie Blue is the Warmest Color.
It's like dramatic and passionate.
And maybe there's like fights and like, you know, deep love
and a love for love and drama and theater.
Like there there is that type. And then there is just as many

(56:09):
that are are the practical lesbians that like have the
cooler with the wheels very efficient.
You know, they're very like, they have stable jobs and
they're, it's like there's so many practical lesbians and
we're so different. And I'm a cinematic lesbian, my
girlfriend's a cinematic lesbian.
I do think the two can make for a really good match if they

(56:33):
respect each other's differencesand don't shame or try and
change one another. You know, and people think like,
oh, is it like feminine women are more cinematic?
And no, I mean the amount of mass presenting women that have
like, I mean, look at Melissa Etheridge, you know, like the
way she sings about like loggingand the the lesbian intensity,

(56:56):
the eye contact, like there are a lot you could be either or,
you know, it has nothing to do with butchness or femininity.
You know, how would you say you're practical or cinematic?
I'm a cinematic but with like very big goals that if anyone

(57:17):
wastes my time because I know you associated like efficiency
with practical lesbian. So I guess I think I lean
cinematic but I've got extreme like like what I did this
morning before talking to you isinsane.
I did 2 sales calls, I prepped for the podcast, I did hair and
makeup for this and filmed a healthcare commercial because I

(57:38):
still I don't turn money down. I still you know, have like my
little side hustle. So like yeah, kind of crazy.
Oh and approved of a match for aclient for my Co matchmaker.
See, I to me, that just sounds like you've been an amazing work
ethic. And I think you can have the
amazing work ethic and not want to waste your time and also be

(57:59):
cinematic. Yeah.
And in fact, having these big ambitions that you have and
being like, you know, a creativeentrepreneur that does something
unique with your life, to me sounds more cinematic.
Like, I feel like the practical can be anything from like a
movie producer who's just logistics, or they could be like

(58:22):
a firefighter, which we have a lot in our community, you know,
So, but they're more practical jobs.
I feel like with what you're doing with your life is is like
less practical and more like extraordinary.
It's more like, Oh my God, that that turn on Instagram, do you
see it where it's like I told him I was a blah blah blah and

(58:43):
then like you share what you actually are and then it's like,
holy fucking air ball. Have you seen that trend?
No. OK, you have to do it like, oh,
I said I was a a lesbian writer and they're like, oh, so you
write like little lesbian love poems and then you would put
like, no, I literally create audio experiences that no one in

(59:04):
any book industry has done so far, but like whatever your
accomplishments are and then putholy fucking airball.
It's look up that trend. You should rock it.
I. Will I?
Will I? Yeah.
It's interesting because I thinka certain type of woman I I
found in dating, if I say I'm a writer or do some, you know, a

(59:25):
writer podcast or all the thingsI've done, I almost feel like
they automatically think I'm like, oh, it's like just a cute
thing I do. Like what's your real job kind
of thing. Like I've had that condescending
and I've got so tired of it. So I'm so glad I'm with somebody
in the arts now. You know who gets it, But I
don't know. Have you ever come across like

(59:45):
people who can't really rap their brain around the fact that
you do what you love and you make money?
Yeah, so last year I was at Velvet Ibiza in Spain and I was
like, so excited because my first, like, lesbian festival
thing. And I've never been around this
many lesbians from where I live.I'm not like in LA like you are.
And this girl came up to me, andshe was.

(01:00:09):
God, she was so weird. I pray for the people who are
this unfuckable because she literally came up to me and like
clawed my jacket, clawed with her fingernails, and then was
like, I've been watching you fortwo days.
And so I thought, OK, she's really creepy and not cute, but
I'm going to give her a moment because like, that's really a
big compliment. So she asked me what I did for

(01:00:30):
work and I asked her what she did for work.
But when I answered, she was like, you don't really make
money doing that. I was like, girl, like if we had
kids I'd put them through college, but whatever, OK, like.
Right. I it's so condescending.
I used to get it all the time when I was dating.

(01:00:51):
And then they'd see my articles on the Internet and they'd be
like, oh, like, so wait, it's like a real job.
Like, no bitch, like I work 12 hours a day.
You know, I have written 4000 articles.
I have, I'm wrapped by like a huge agency.
See, I've had a book deal like don't fuck with me.

(01:01:12):
I'm so proud of you with the book deal.
And also do you coach people on their books because Lauren is
who connected us? Is that something?
You're still doing. Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
I love to, like, help people tell their stories.
It's one of my greatest passions.
And I let. Me pitch you real quick because
yeah, Lauren's book's freaking amazing.

(01:01:34):
She's one of my past business coaching clients.
And she just loved working with you, You and, like, told me
she's like, you got to meet Zara.
Like, this girl is the coolest lesbian ever.
And like you, like, she's so lesbian, but she doesn't even,
like, look like, you know, the whole vibe.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's so feminine.
Like, just. She was.
She could sing your praises forever about how much you.

(01:01:55):
Loved her. Yeah, she was amazing.
So like if someone wants to workwith you on that do they just DM
you on Instagram? They can I have a website
zarberry.com and where I like there's more information,
testimonials, emails are at zarberry.com and I took a little

(01:02:15):
break. I, I worked on a huge project
with someone, took a little break to finish my next book and
I, I was just saying today I like, I, I, I want another like
book client 'cause I love it so great.
And it's, it's always like just a really special, I think honor
to help somebody really tell their story and help them find

(01:02:38):
their voice as a writer. Everyone has so much magic
inside of them. They just need someone to help
pull it out. And I, I always say to them,
it's like you're the talent, you're the actor and I'm the
director. So this is like your scene, it's
coming from you. But an actor would never be in a
play without a director to help them access, you know, their

(01:03:01):
emotions and make the performance what it is.
So like that's what I feel like what I do with, you know, my
clients and just pull the pull the magic out, you know, they
all. Have it.
Yeah. And everyone, like, has a story.
I think it's hard to get it downin a structured way that makes
it palatable to an audience. And it sounds like you know how
to do that for every freaking medium, which is so cool.

(01:03:23):
I can already see your brain works on another level.
Like, I don't see it with, like,videos, like, layers of video
editing, but the, like, organizing Lauren's book, the
way that it's so structured and you just want to keep turning
the pages. I'm like, wow, Zara's really
talented. I know it's Lauren's story, but
the structure, you know? Yeah, then that's the thing.

(01:03:46):
Like, unless you do this for a living, would you even
understand? Like, you could be a good
writer, but books are such an animal, you know of their own.
So like, people wouldn't know, like you don't start your memoir
at childhood because nobody, they don't care about you yet.
So it's gonna be boring. You gotta start like the worst
day of your life when everythingfell apart, high drama.

(01:04:09):
And then you like, then you peelback to the childhood.
But like, you know, there's justlike things that people don't
think about or know. And like, I just, I love, I
really love it. You you can tell you're really
good at everything you do. I'm.
Really I'm really bad at everything else in life though.
Like I'm one of those people I'mI can own.

(01:04:31):
Like I'm good at what I'm good at, but then everything else I'm
terrible at. So I mean.
It's OK it to be so extraordinary at one thing or
like the few things that we are as like creators.
Whatever your creative geniuses,your God-given ability to be
truly extraordinary at somethingis what people are going to

(01:04:53):
remember over being average and everything.
Honestly. Thank you.
Yeah. I just feel like, you know, I,
I, I see it with like a lot of friends and just people in my
life where I'm like, I just wantto see more people utilizing
their gifts in work, you know, and like build a life that
honors what you're good at rather than trying to fit into

(01:05:16):
this thing that you hate and that you're bad at, you know?
Amen. Amen.
I hope that we've had a lot of women listening who feel seen in
the fact that, like, we're two queer women who have like really
big goals, really big dreams. And that's really who the show
is for. Because I feel like sometimes in

(01:05:37):
queer culture, basic queer culture, basic queer dating
apps, like, you feel kind of lost and like.
Totally. Yeah, like, like this isn't my,
these aren't my people. And if you're listening to this
and you came from Zara's audience, I just wanted to
share. I have a lesbian dating platform
that is extremely different and has women like me and Zara
inside who care about their careers, who are passionate

(01:05:59):
about something in life and who are build, who want to build
their life with a partner. And I know it's hard to find
find someone who cares about their values and who's going to
give you all those red flags immediately like we talked
about, but that's the kind of women that I am attracting in my
marketing and that we scan for for this community.
So if that's you, go to queercountryclub.com and apply.

(01:06:22):
If you're coming from my audience and you've never heard
of Czar before, I really want you to go in the show notes and
check out mascara Lesbian. Go listen to girls on Jane.
You're going to love it. I cannot wait to go listen
myself and like download them for my next plane ride.
That's my plan, so. And honestly, what you're doing
is so needed. If I was single, I would be like

(01:06:45):
the first to sign up because like you said, I, I don't want
to waste my time, you know, so it's like to just have a curated
group that is more elevated and you don't have to like go
through all, it's exhausting. And like, I don't want to waste
my time bored on a date with someone.
I just know I'm like settling because I can't and it's and

(01:07:07):
it's hard out there. So I think what you're doing is
so so. Thank you and I hope your
relationship lasts forever. But if for some reason I would
hook you up with the most extraordinary successful private
clients, I'm just you would be an easy sell.
They'd eat you up like ice cream, you know?
My girlfriend, if you're listening to this, you got to

(01:07:29):
step it up. Yeah, no, she didn't hear that.
You're step it up if you're listening.
You heard how much Zara, like, is obsessed with you.
He knows. Yeah, she does.
Totally does. Yeah.
Oh, my gosh. I'm getting over bronchitis.
And I'm like, I'm gonna laugh. I can feel like it's coming up.
Anyway, this was so fun. Thank you so much for being

(01:07:50):
here. And I look forward to sharing
your work with my audience and genuinely just getting addicted
to the story myself because thatI'm a little kid on the inside.
I'm like, I'm a little Disney guy.
So I feel like you've got some magic in this.
Oh, thank you. Thank you.
And yeah, I again, thank you so much for having me.

(01:08:11):
When I relaunch my podcast, I would love to have you as a
guest in the process of figuringall that out.
But yeah, for sure. Whenever that happens, please
message me. I am 100%.
Amazing. Thank you.
Thank you.

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