January 20, 2025 • 63 mins
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🎤CALLING ALL #AGEGAPLESBIANS!
So @emileemae_writer came out later in life? You did too? Cool. Now imagine this…
…You start dating a woman double your age. What?!
…She proposed on a mountain (and know one knows!)
…You FINALLY tell your family….
…And they don’t accept your partner. Yikes!
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👉 Coming out late in life: What was it like for Emilee to embrace her true self at 30?
👉 Family support: How has Emilee navigated a conservative family that struggles to accept her identity?
👉Homophobia: How to correct with love and set boundaries!
👉 Age gap relationship dynamics: What joys come with loving someone nearly twice your age?
👉 Creativity, writing, and meeting our mentors!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
This relationship is worth defending.
It's really helpful that she is so much older because she has
more experience with being, like, when I came out, I had
this, like, righteous rising. Like, I want to be like, fuck
everybody who's, you know, like being mean to the gays and the
lesbians. And I'm like, I don't care.
(00:20):
They can say whatever they want to say to me.
Like, I'll, you know, like, I just had this, like, rage.
And she's sitting there like, socalmly.
And she's like, oh sweetie, welcome, welcome.
Sapphics and allies, you're listening to Queer Women Rising.
(00:43):
That's women with an X. Because we are inclusive here.
When we hear the stories of queer women who have gone before
us, we see evidence that there'snothing we can't do.
And yes, we can too. It's time for you to level up in
life, in love, and step into your most authentic, abundant
(01:08):
reality. You won't be the same after this
episode. It's your turn to let go of good
for greatness. Let's rise.
Let's. Rise, Let's rise, let's rise,
(01:29):
let's rise my lesbian age gap. Girlies.
You're going to love this episode of Queer Women Rising.
What happens when you realize your true self later in life?
Now for me, I didn't realize I was lesbian until like nearly 30
(01:50):
and the same for my guests. And what would happen if your
love story took a crazy unexpected turn?
Like people had to already accept that you're gay, you are
not straight, you are not who people thought you were even
though you've been it the whole time because you are who you
are. But beyond that, people have to
also accept that you're in this huge age gap relationship.
(02:12):
What if you go around you're like, but guys, it works and
people may or may not get it. Have you ever been in a
situation like that? Or are you thinking about
getting into an age gap relationship because you're into
older women? This is something you're going
to want to think about. Today's guest, Emily May grew up
in North Central Minnesota with Hardy meals and even hardier
(02:34):
religious values. After graduating from Minnesota
State University Mankato in 2015, she set off on a solo
journey around the world. And honestly, travel is a thing
that really opens yourself up toyourself.
It's like by seeing how other people are doing things so
differently than you, when you get out of your daily routines,
(02:55):
you're able to really figure outwho you are.
And she visited places like Peru, South Africa, Greece,
France, Tanzania, and while she was exploring new cultures, her
relationships back home were failing.
Emily May knew that it was time to come out and start living her
(03:16):
truth at 30 years old, and now she's in a loving relationship
with someone nearly twice her age and they couldn't be
happier. We're about to dive into Emily's
journey of coming out late in life, the challenges of
navigating a conservative family.
Totally feel you here, and the dynamics of being in an age gap
relationship. My partner is 17 years older and
(03:40):
Emily Mae's partner is nearly double her age, so I would
assume close to 60. So much time pack here, so much
we're going to get into. And we're also going to share
about how creativity and writinghave really played a part in
helping her with her mental health, which is something I
think we all need more awarenessaround as queer people,
especially through challenging times.
So with that being said, welcometo the show Emily May.
(04:06):
I'm so excited. It's fun talking to age Gap, all
the things. Hey, everyone, if you're tuning
in live on Instagram, welcome, welcome.
You can ask us questions along the way.
And if you're listening to the podcast on Apple or Spotify, I
usually post the podcast episodes like a month to three
(04:28):
months apart from the live show.If you're watching or listening
live on the podcast, not live, I'm tongue twisted.
If you're listening on the podcast later, know you can join
us live, 12:00 PM Central Standard Time every Wednesday.
Oh my gosh, Emily Mae's here. What's up?
Hi. Hi.
How are you today? I am doing pretty good besides
(04:51):
the technical difficulties getting on line.
I'm not sure what happened. I tried to do it inside but I'm
outside now. So we are alive in Florida.
I love it. What part of Florida do you
live? I live in the Panhandle,
northwest Florida. OK, OK, amazing.
Well, I'm so excited to just digin like as if we're just two age
(05:13):
gap girlies having a cup of coffee or martini, because this
is just it. First of all, being a lesbian,
it's like so neat, especially like feminine lesbians, right?
But then you throw in like, yeah, I'm into older women and I
think we all are. But I will say like, we're the
lucky ones. We've landed the.
Gorgeous older women, yes. And I didn't know that it took
(05:37):
me the hardest part was accepting that this works the
best for me and being OK with allowing myself to be happy
because I'm like everyone else, you know?
And like you talked about my intro with my family and stuff
like that is very like, how doesthis work?
This doesn't make sense. Like Emily's gone through a lot
(05:59):
of trauma. Maybe this is a trauma response.
And yes my fiance we got engagedlast October.
Thank you. She is.
I will be 32 in February and sheis 57.
Wow, OK, well that's the exact age gap of my ex ex-girlfriend.
(06:22):
So yeah, I love it. I know, I know.
I do work. Yeah.
What are what are the things youhear most from people?
What do I hear most from people like regarding this is also my
first same sex relationship, so because I came out later in
(06:45):
life, but what do people don't really ask questions?
They're kind of just like, OK, like I don't think people know
what to ask. They're like uncomfortable or
they're just like, hey, good foryou.
Like, I think it has a lot to dowith how comfortable that person
is with themselves. And if they're typically pretty
(07:06):
comfortable with themselves, they'll be like, you know, tell
me more about that. And, and how did you get to know
this person? And how did you know you're a
lesbian? And when did that change for
you? You know, like you, I was in, I
tried the heteronormative relationship for years and years
and years. And I tried to be like the good
(07:27):
little, I'm going to be a wife, I'm going to be my mother.
I can do this. I can do this, but there was
something inside it. I'm like, it's such a red flag
to me and my soul that I have totell myself I can do this.
Yeah, yeah. It wasn't like, I'm just happy
this is a great relationship. Like she is by like light years
(07:50):
the healthiest person I have ever been in a relationship
with. So I'm, I do and I love watching
your show because I'm like, I dofeel really lucky and I do feel
really grateful. And you say a lot of things that
I'm just like, yes, there is such a small niche part of the
population, like you said that actually get this.
(08:10):
OK, well, you said before peopledon't normally ask you a lot of
questions, which I love because that means like no one's like
bothering you, but I'm about to ask you tons of questions, OK.
Bring it on. Bring it on, sister.
I'm ready. All right.
So you let's just start like at the beginning.
You came out at 30, you're in a conservative family.
What was that like? Like what was the reaction?
(08:31):
From them oh, starting off stiff.
So because I had involved, I love my family so much and like
my relationships previously like, oh, I'm with this guy.
And I noticed that I was kind oflike trying to make sure that my
(08:53):
family really liked this guy, whatever whoever this guy was
and that he fit in with the family.
And when I started dating my partner Kelly, I made a
different decision. And this is also like years and
years of therapy. I made a different decision to
protect the relationship and keep it private.
(09:15):
Wow, that's big. And so that's what I did and it
gave me my own permission. I gave like I gave myself
permission to love this person without the judgment of like my
family asking questions or expectations or anything like
(09:36):
that. So I actually didn't tell them
until we were engaged. She proposed to me at the top of
a mountain in northeast Georgia.And it was such a special, like,
it was surprising to me. Like, I felt like it was going
to happen, but I was still really surprised.
And so we're like hiking down this mountain.
(09:58):
We're engaged. And I'm like, I guess I need to
tell my family now. So when I did tell my family, it
was really hard. I felt like I should have
one-on-one conversations with them.
And so I did. I called them each, I have two
older sisters, my mom and dad. And I called them each
personally and they were like, oh, kind of like taken back.
(10:21):
And then each of them took threedays to process and called me
back and expressed their very serious concern and.
They plan that like they all talk like hey, we're going to
take 3 days and then you feel like this ostracized human.
Yeah, it was really ironic that it was 3 days and like a lot of
(10:43):
them said similar things. I know this.
I know, yeah. And I'm sorry.
That's interesting because that's like also what this other
person said when they called me earlier today, like the exact
same phrase. And so so it was like, we're
going to pray for you. I don't think this is God's will
for you, God. And that was October and by
(11:08):
Christmas, my, my brother-in-lawcalled and was like, your
partner is not welcome to Christmas.
So if you like, you are welcome to come because they hosted that
year and and it was like you're welcome to come, but your
partner is not welcome. And if you do come, don't talk
(11:29):
about your relationship in frontof like any of our kids and his.
The kids are teenagers. Oh my.
God, who I have great relationships with and I spent a
lot of time, a lot of the placesthat I traveled to were to take
care of his kids when he was serving.
(11:49):
So in the military. Yeah.
So I just, I was like, wow, I didn't even know.
It was like the fork in the roadthat I I'm like.
I have always felt different in my family system, but now I can
walk my path with complete integrity and honesty to my own
(12:14):
journey and be 100% OK with owning that.
I am different and I can make different choices.
Are they keeping you away from your niece and and like your the
children? They aren't keeping me away from
them. I did go to my oldest niece's
(12:36):
high school graduation, but you're not allowed to.
Bring your partner anywhere. No, as of as of now, no.
It's been a year We haven't had the discussion again and we're
getting married in February. They're those kids are going to
go to college, have their mind opened and then hate their
(12:58):
parents and we're going to become the coolest savor of an
aunt to them because they will be able to go to you for
anything. I know it's got to be so painful
right now. I.
Literally cannot imagine becauseI deeply, deeply love my niece
and nephew. I cannot imagine what you're
going through. I'm so sorry.
(13:19):
Like, yeah, especially do you have your own children?
No, I don't. And I haven't wanted to have my
own kids. I have like been interested in
adopting and things like that. But yeah, they're the only kids
that I have and it's been a verycomplex experience with them.
(13:43):
But both of the girls really look up to me and have like a
good like, it just broke my heart that as soon as I came out
to her parent, the oldest daughter's parents, she like
wrote me this message on Instagram And she was like, I
don't know if you're not going to be coming around the family
anymore, Like, please don't separate yourself.
(14:03):
I really love you and look up toyou.
And it just made me feel like the message had been given to
them that like Auntie Em made this bad decision and she's no
longer going to be a part of thefamily or no longer going to be
around. And so I even though it was so
awkward and uncomfortable, I waslike, I am going to my niece's
(14:24):
graduation, high school graduation, and it was
uncomfortable, but I went and I'm so proud of myself for going
because I have nothing to be ashamed of.
And just that's because I'm in this relationship.
To be ashamed of. And they will be one day when
their kids stand up to them, when the children are actually
(14:44):
adults, which is very short. They're on borrowed time.
It's 2024, and it is going to bevery embarrassing one day.
I'm so sorry. Yeah.
I'm, like, enraged for you. Yeah.
Yeah, Thank you. It's that's really just like the
tip of the iceberg. But you know, it's made me
(15:05):
really, really had to rethink mylife and my decisions.
And I'm like, I love my life with my partner and this
relationship is worth defending.Yeah, How is she supporting you
through it? I'm sure she knows how much you
like loved being a part of your family.
(15:26):
She I see it's really helpful that she is so much older
because she has more experience with being like, when I came
out, I had this like righteous rising.
Like, I want to be like, fuck everybody who's, you know, like
(15:48):
being mean to the gays and the lesbians.
And I'm like, I don't care. They can say whatever they want
to say to me. Like I'll, you know, like I just
had this like, rage. And I understand that too.
And she's sitting there like so calmly, and she's like, oh,
sweetie, welcome, welcome. She's like, I'm just going to
sit here and let you have your hissy fit till you realize that
(16:10):
like it doesn't, it won't actually get you anywhere.
But then there's like this, there's like this weird line of
like, but we can't just like pretend to just be like this,
like accepted in straight world and say what we need to say.
Cuz I know how to do that. As a feminine woman.
I'm sure you do too, right? You can get men to respect you.
(16:31):
You can get any like last night.I'm like, add a little like
pizza bar and I'm hearing like straight up like slurs at me
when someone realizes that I'm gay.
But instead of being like ugly back and I could tell the person
next door was like, Oh, that's not politically correct.
Like stop like trying to get herfriend to stop these little old
ladies. When she finally realized like I
(16:52):
was a lesbian because she thought I was a matchmaker.
She's like, let me have your site.
And I'm like, Oh, sure, but it'sit's for gay women.
And when she didn't hear me at the end of the conversation, she
asked again before she left and asked for the site again.
And I tell her and she like flewoff the handle was like, Oh,
honey, what a waste. You're so beautiful.
Whatever. And so I said no, no, no, not
(17:14):
what a waste. God made me this way and I love
how I am and I'm helping so manywomen.
And then she like, it was so weird.
It's like her situate, like her countenance change.
It was like, yeah, you're so right.
As long as you're happy. Because this whole time that we
were talking, I thought you weretalking about your husband.
And I was like, you know, she's like, but if you love her that
much, then I'm so happy for you.You do you.
(17:34):
And then she left and gave me a hug.
And it's so interesting. There's two different ways to
handle it. It could have been like a all
out war right there, and rightfully so.
Or it could have been me shrinking down.
Instead, there was this hybrid sovereign response of let me
correct you right here, right now, but with love.
Yes, yes. And I'm that that's.
(17:59):
So powerful in like you setting the boundary and saying, you
know, and speaking up like we don't have to make ourselves
small. But that's my reaction most of
the time is to make myself smalland go inward.
And I am an introvert and I am the youngest in my family by a
long shot. So that's most that's like my
(18:20):
default mode is to get quiet andgo inward.
But when I actually stand up formyself and not, like you said,
not in a mean way, but in a respectful way, that is that
gets my point across. Yeah.
So I love that you did that. And just like we're so unashamed
and you're like, Yep, this is this is what I'm really talking
(18:42):
about. And you're welcome to join the
conversation. But just so you know, I'm going
to set the expectation right now.
Yeah, like I'll correct you. You're not going to say that I'm
a waster. God made me wrong and, and like
say it with so much love and like this person I know is going
to operate in the world differently.
They're going to react to a queer person differently because
(19:03):
I didn't come out with a pitchfork and I corrected them
using their same spiritual language.
Like, honey, we can play this. We can.
And like God loves me just as much as God loves you.
Like it's just, I think this is not only from time being gay,
but it also comes from watching our older partners handle this.
(19:26):
Yes, because I feel like they will just be like, I'll just sit
and watch all of you make a foolof yourself.
Then I'll say what I need to say.
Yes, and her I, I was like, oh, is that how it's done?
Like the first year we were together, I was like really
like, you know, had that expression of just like, oh,
they can't say they can't do that, you know, whatever.
(19:49):
And she, what did she say? She said something really
profound and it was like, we're never going to get them to
listen to us by responding with anger and.
And being rude back. Never like the only thing like
the best thing that we can do isto respond with love.
(20:09):
We respond with love. And I'm like, but did you hear
what they said? She's like, yes, yes, honey,
I've I've been around for, for awhile.
Yes, I know what they say. Yes, I like, it's like hearing a
story about my girlfriend talking to me like I am a old
lesbian, Like we've been around the block and this is how it
(20:31):
works. And it's so interesting because
I think as someone who is raisedwith faith, which I want to get
into for you, I'm able to like tap into, you know, the
teachings of Jesus and the teachings of Buddha and the
teachings of A Course in Miracles and constantly go back
to unity and forgiveness. But when someone is attacking
(20:52):
your identity. It.
Hurts so hard and it's so easy to fly off the handle.
It is so easy to. And you, like, have a righteous
anger. Yeah.
And we have to realize that thatisn't going to get anyone to
listen to us. So it's something that we can
learn from our older partners. Yes, we can.
(21:12):
Oh my gosh. OK, so like right now you talk
to your siblings but like they like for Christmas or you and
your partner like just planning on your own Christmas.
Yes, that's what we did last year and I'm learning how to
navigate changing. I don't want to say that I'm
(21:38):
like not going to be a part of my family anymore because I will
always be a part of my family. And I do love my family.
But there I think there is a healthy amount of separation
where it's like, OK, it's causing me so much stress and
anxiety to be attending group like family things right now
especially. I moved down to Florida after a
(22:02):
extremely traumatic event in my family where my brother passed
away at 31 years old by suicide.So he was my whole world and,
and totally got me and we were siblings that were just like, we
(22:25):
didn't have to say a thing and we knew what the other person
was feeling. And with my my two older sisters
being so significantly older than me, it's just really like
figuring out how to restructure.What is the future of family
going to look like for me? It might be developing more of
(22:50):
my closer friendships and I havesome extended family members
that I'm really close to as well.
But figuring out what's going tobe healthiest for me as I grow
in this relationship with my partner is something that I
don't have resolved. And I think it's a forever
(23:10):
shifting around because there was like a while where my
brother and I would be like, hey, are you going to go to
Christmas? Are you going to go to
Thanksgiving? And if you're not there, I'm not
going to be there. Like, like we were each other's
allies and, and not because we don't like our family.
It was just like him and I were just different.
(23:33):
And it was like, everybody else has the same ideas and the same
beliefs. And TJ, my brother's name is TJ.
Him and I were much more open minded and we just didn't feel
like there was a lot of space tocontribute to conversation.
And so now that it's me, I've really dove into spiritual work
(23:56):
and looking into like my brother's spirit is still with
me and listening to what my brother's spirit is telling me
and going into these situations,I'm like, OK, I'm not alone.
I'm not alone. I'm not alone even though I feel
alone. Bringing His spirit with me not
(24:19):
only in family situations but just like daily.
Did you get to tell TJ you were gay or has that been something
like you've been communicating? Yeah, it's no, I didn't get to
tell him in person, but his spirit knows.
(24:40):
And I think like if if he were sitting next to me, he would be
like, well, yeah, duh. Like a good.
Thought he's like, definitely like, yeah, duh.
He would be like, well, yeah. And I, I did take over his.
So he started a clothing companyfor men's mental health with a
(25:03):
good friend of his in Minneapolis.
And his friend asked me to take over my brother's portion after
TJ passed and when. And he kind of like him.
And I grew, you know, got reallyclose quickly.
And when I told him about me being a lesbian, he was like,
duh. Like he had the response that I
(25:24):
thought TJ would have. So I'm like, OK, that's a double
confirmation. I love it.
I love it. You're just like you have the
gay energy or you don't have thegay energy.
It's just a thing. Oh my.
God, yeah. And I didn't even know that
about myself. I'm just like, do I?
Do I have those vibes and like people are like, yeah, for sure.
I'm like, OK, cool, awesome. The gay.
(25:45):
I'm glad. The gay, but OK, really quick
before we get into stuff about your girlfriend cuz I want to
know so much more about that. Like as far as virtuality goes,
have you deconstructed completely or are you like
reconstructing? Like what does that look like?
I'm sorry, as far as what? Virtuality goes like, are you
constructed completely or are you reconstructing?
(26:07):
What does that look like? I started deconstructing in
2016. Being raised Christian, I
remember hearing that people that were Buddhists were
actually worshipping the devil. And I met a guy who I worked
(26:28):
with who was Buddhist and like very follow these principles
very, very closely. And we became good friends and
we went on some expeditions together.
And I got to know his spiritual practices and he displayed the
likeness of Jesus more than mostChristians I had ever met in my
(26:49):
life. Yeah.
And so, so I'm like, there's something going on here.
And so then I just started like opening up what are these other
religions saying? What are the other experiences?
And then I went into yoga teacher training and got
certified in 20, 17. And so I, I will call myself a
(27:19):
spiritual person. Yeah, I, I don't something that
was really hard for me growing up in a Christian Church was I
don't think it's OK to ever say that somebody else's religion or
their relationship is wrong. It just never felt OK to me.
(27:40):
And so and I, you know, was very, very into my faith in
college. And I remember meeting a Muslim
man and he was like, your, your faith is so inspiring to me.
It makes me want to return to myfaith.
And I remember thinking, you know, like we're taught that all
these other religions are like, awful.
(28:01):
But I've been privileged enough to be able to travel to these
countries and be able to spend time in other other cultures
with other religions. And I'm like, where there really
is a sameness, There really is aoneness.
And if you can tap into that energetically, I really don't
think it matters which religion or faith you're following as
(28:23):
long as you're seeking God. I agree 100% that's the premise
of everything I believe in just like unity and we all want the
same thing like we all do. All good hearted people want the
same thing which is peace and what I want for me and the
safety and peace that I want formy life my the people I love, my
(28:46):
partner, my niece and nephew. I want that for everyone else's
children in the world. Like that is how I would define
all the things. I love what you said, just like
spirit, just spiritual. I'm spiritual because all all of
the religions point back to the same thing so I'd love to hear
(29:08):
it so good. Yeah, it is.
It's freeing. And I feel, you know, I've
learned a lot of spirituality from my partner, too.
She is 8 years sober. And yeah, and that is just like
phenomenal. I mean, I attended, do you know
(29:32):
Liz Gilbert, the author? So her and my partner Kelly and
I attended Big Magic Retreat in northeast Georgia a couple
months ago. And I said I felt like just this
infant in spirituality around these, you know, wise women who
(29:55):
have so much experience and likethe depths that she has gone
through with her spirit. I just look at her and I'm like,
wow, I have so much to learn. And yes, a lot of it is time and
experience, but it's just they have this like glow and this
this energy about them that is so attractive.
And it's because of the work that they've put into
(30:17):
themselves. Yeah.
Are you saying you got to see Liz Gilbert live at this
retreat? Yes.
Oh, my gosh. Like, so jealous.
So amazing. Yes, And I don't know if you're
familiar. Are you familiar with her and
her late partner? Randy Yes, yes, yeah.
She had a lesbian relationship for a few years and and she took
(30:39):
care of her, right? Yes.
You can do the summary real quick for anyone who's listening
who doesn't know. OK, so her Liz Gilbert's
partner, Raya, really. So my part, OK, we have these
like similarities. Raya's just this like hardball
(31:00):
heroin addict. She does hair.
She's just like this really. The wind is kicking up as I'm
talking about her spirit. She's like, yeah, that's Raya.
And Liz is just like very conservative in herself and
Midwestern and very humble and quiet and she just wants to be a
(31:20):
writer and and very peaceful. Those are the energies of me and
my partner and as well. And so I published my memoir.
And so Kelly and I are at this retreat together.
And Liz was walking by and I'm like, this is right there.
(31:41):
Like, like literally Liz is right there.
She's blocking by. And I'm not going to speak up
and say anything because I'm just.
Like. Quiet.
Yeah, I can't, I can't do it. And my partner like steps
forward and she goes, hey, she goes, Liz, you've got to know
something. And that was like, she's talking
to Liz. Oh my gosh.
And Liz stops in all her glowingwisdom, she paused and and gave
(32:09):
us, you know, her full attention.
And my partner said we are Liz and Raya 2.0.
I just started. And she goes, oh, she goes, let
me guess who is who? Did you get it right?
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, my partner is.
(32:30):
She is much shorter than me, youknow, she's got like full
sleeve, aren't tatted, like halfof her heads shaved.
Like she's definitely rocking a very different vibe for me.
So it was just sweet that she reached out to Liz and made that
statement and Liz was just like full attention and I got to give
(32:52):
her my. Memoir.
Oh my God, you did. Yes, wow.
That just so growing hub he prayed love was one of my
favorite books ever and I feel like gay just knows gay like
you're we're just attracted to things even if they're not in
the moment gay, but like the truth is like time is like all
(33:14):
this big jumbo. So like I guess in my soul I
knew I was gay. I knew Liz Gibber was gay.
Like you just connection into the book and it was like an I'm
not a big novel reader. Like I probably haven't read
fiction since I was in high school with that book.
I just don't make time for that.I read personal development,
business, whatever that book washighlighted bookmark.
(33:37):
Like I had read it so many timesand it meant so much to me,
which is so weird because I grewup in a family that was like,
you know, other religions. No travel, no stay here and I
love I loved it in this summer. I got to go on my own little
eat, pray, love, adventure through Europe.
And then that's when I fell in love with my partner who was
just my friend at the time. And I don't know, it's just kind
(33:58):
of all crazy how it all works out.
Like these things that we love, these people we look up to,
they're, they're like their souls are somehow weaved into
ours and we're meant to interactwith them.
Probably the way that we've interacted on social media, like
just all these connections. And isn't that amazing that you
(34:21):
got to meet her in real life? Anyway, that's my fangirl
moment. It has been years.
I got stuck at circling New YorkCity because of weather.
One time I was trying to attend a conference of hers a couple
years ago, and it was the plane was like, we can't land.
We can't land yet. And I'm like, this plane needs
(34:41):
to land because I am going to miss Liz Gilbert speaking.
And I did. So it was like my third time,
Yeah, attempting to see her. Isn't it funny though, that if
like you could have heard God source universe, his voice in
that moment would be like but it's OK because you're going to
get to hate and hurt, yes right.Yes.
(35:03):
And like with my partner, like with Kelly standing there and
speaking up for me when I couldn't, I was just like
starstruck. I don't get starstruck like
typically. And I'm like, I just couldn't
say anything. It's like makes me so happy.
It's so weird. Everything works out for us in
the in the weirdest way. And like to know that you got to
(35:23):
have that moment after having that disappointment.
If anyone's listening right now and they're going through a
disappointment, like I know it'shard to imagine like a different
outcome that could be better than what you can imagine, but I
think that's that is the challenge.
If you're listening and like something has disappointed you
lately or you're like, this was my chance or I invested so much
(35:45):
to be here at this thing or do this thing.
There is always going to be likethis time and we don't know when
it will be, but where we are like pay back and and triple
quadruple having like blessings,good things coming in.
So just a reminder of that. I love those little weeks from
God. OK, your relationship.
(36:08):
You're about to get married. How are you planning a wedding
with a family that is behaving like such idiots?
How? Well another situate, just what
you said exactly is what happened here.
So we planned our wedding. We are going to get married here
(36:32):
on the beach. We live literally 2 blocks from
the beach, which is a dream, andwe met diving.
She was my dive master actually.Yeah, I'm a.
Good teacher, man. Yeah, teachers that lesbian.
Like I was like, you can tell meto go anywhere you want me to.
(36:54):
I will go. I'm going as long as I'm next to
you. I feel safe.
I love it. Yeah.
So we planned. We found two venues, and neither
of us have been married before, so that's kind of beautiful.
But also it's like, OK, we're both going down this aisle.
(37:15):
We've never walked before. Yeah.
And we booked the venue. We found the venue.
And we both just, like, got really overwhelmed.
And it was so stressful with like, what do we say with
family? Do who do we invite?
Who do we not invite? And it started causing issues in
our relationship. And we were arguing more than we
(37:39):
do. And it was just like, OK, we
need to take a step back. I still want to be with you.
I think that we just need to postpone this because it's too
overwhelming. Yeah.
Because that family stuff reallydoes breed so much tension.
Yes, so we did. We postponed and that was hard
(38:01):
and then then I saw this post. Have you heard of Equally Wed I?
Haven't. It's a magazine.
It's like the number one LGBTQ magazine in the US.
It's based in QS and they were running in this wedding giveaway
(38:23):
and it was like like two nights.The ceremony included travel to
Key West, the cake like they will plan your wedding.
And I'm like, this is a one in amillion chance, but why not?
So I wrote a letter to them about our story, sent some
(38:43):
pictures and spent some, oh, thefirst thing they did was a
video. And I tried to do a video and
I'm like, I'm terrible at this. So I didn't even send it in.
And then they were then they extended the deadline and said,
OK, you can write a story. And I'm like, oh, yeah, honey, I
got it. I'll, I'll write a story, don't
(39:04):
you worry. So I didn't even tell her I did
it. And I wrote, I wrote in.
And then it was like two or three weeks later we won it.
That's so exciting, so. So now we picked our date as
February 25th, 2025 and we're going to Key West.
(39:28):
Congratulations. Thank you.
It's very, very small. It's going to be 10 people Max.
And then we're going to do a reception back here in Panama
City Beach. And are you inviting any of your
family to that small the actual wedding?
The only person invited so far is my mom.
(39:51):
That for you and can feel the same way, yes, yeah.
It is just my mom. It's been months and months,
years now of like what do I do? I don't want to be rude, I
don't. But I'm like it's my
relationship, it's my wedding. I get to do what I want to do
(40:12):
and if. It makes no sense for me to try
to extend an olive branch to somebody who told me my
partner's not welcome in their home. 100% that's actually
insane. But even if they are nice to
your partner, they do not believe that you are getting
married in the eyes of the universe divine God and that
their partnership is superior toyours.
(40:35):
You do not have a place at my wedding or any wedding
celebrations because you're actually putting some negative
energy on this very special sacred day that you're devoting
yourself to somebody. Like why would you want someone
there casting their like negative thoughts like, well,
that's just like not of God anyway, so it can't last.
(40:55):
Like why would you want that there?
Exactly. And we're both very, very big
about ceremony and energy. Yes.
Same for me. So we are like the energy at
this, at our ceremony is going to be very clear, very clean.
(41:16):
This is what we want. It's going to be all about love.
And we get to surround ourselveswith people who do love us and
support us because we do have a lot of people, you know, outside
of family. I love that.
What about her family? Are are they around?
I know she's significantly older.
Yeah, so unfortunately, both of her parents have passed and she
(41:38):
does have two brothers. I think one of her brothers
she's wanting to invite, and I have not met him yet, but yeah,
so family's a tough one for us. We're kind of having to create
our support system outside of family and, you know, graph in
(42:01):
new people. I mean, I, I get it, family is
so, so, so, so important to me and my partner.
But it does sound like there's certain people who will never
truly support no matter what youdo.
And there's a lot of times in life at the olive branch can be
(42:22):
extended because you prefer peace right over anything else.
But this is your special day. So I'm so glad that you're
setting those boundaries. And that's going to be like, the
energy is going to be like in this container, but no one can
touch like it is your day. Yeah, So good.
So good. Congratulations on that.
(42:44):
And what about your writing now?Like, I know it obviously got
you this wedding, but it's what you're doing now.
Like, what does that look like? I.
Am so pretty big turn of events.I am in my master's degree right
now for social work. OK.
(43:04):
Yes, through a lot of my experiences and writing my
memoir and the travel, and I realized that most of my work
was related to advocacy and social justice.
And so I'm like, I need to understand more how the system
works and how marginalized people groups continue to be at
(43:26):
a disadvantage. And what can I do what?
How can I be more educated aboutthis issue that has lasted since
the start of America? Yeah.
So, like, I don't want to get into a whole political
(43:48):
conversation, but with Trump, you know, coming into the
presidency, our rights are in question.
There's there's no other way to go about it.
It is the truth. So my writing right now, I'm
working on a my first fiction piece, which is based off of
(44:11):
wilderness therapy and a young girl who I I was a instructor in
wilderness therapy for two years.
And so it's based off of a younggirl who had AD one scholarship
to play basketball and her mom did not like some of her
choices, one of them being in a relationship with a black man
(44:33):
and sent her away to wilderness therapy for 90 days, which
really put her DD1 status in jeopardy.
And it's it's a story about family as we're talking about
family. It's a story about control.
And sometimes when we want fate,when we want to improve an
(44:54):
aspect of our lives, especially like as I'm looking to the
decisions that some mothers make, like wanting to make their
lives better for their children,it can actually be really
controlling and do more harm than good.
And that was the experience I had with this young girl.
She is a real person but I basically used her my experience
(45:18):
with her in a spin off to make afictional character.
Wow, that is like I can as a storyteller because I was a
social media strategist before the lesbian dating platform.
I'm just hearing this and like, I wasn't able to even formulate
my next question as an interviewer because you took me
to the space talking about her where it was just like so real.
(45:39):
And I'm visualizing the struggleshe's going through and all the
that could potentially happen toher career.
Would she even be able to get into college?
Because this is all being interrupted by this cat.
Like, Oh my gosh, like I went there in my head.
So good. You're you got a good story in
your hands, good storyteller. Thank you.
(46:00):
Thank you. Not often does that happen to me
and I'm just like floating rightnow.
I'm like, oh, I'm interviewing shit.
I'm so that makes you so happy. That's such a big compliment.
Thank you. It's been like four years I've
been working on this story and Istarted it before my memoir and
I published my memoir and I, my main character has just stuck
(46:22):
with me and, and writing her story is like so important to
me. What's her name?
Zoe. Zoe life, I love it.
Thank you for spending this timewith me.
It was so good to just feel seen, honestly, even though I'm
(46:43):
the interviewer, because a lot of your story is like, so
parallel to mine. And people always say, like,
when they hear my content, they're like, thank you for
making me feel seen. And so I know your story is
going to touch so, so many because I think sometimes it
can't help. Like, it's not like, it's not
(47:03):
like it's going to be like, oh, yeah, I can like, change or
like, make your family accept you.
But just to know, like, hey, she's feeling this too.
Like I don't have to feel alone on Christmas knowing I'm alone,
but knowing like I'm not alone being alone.
Yes, it's huge and that shift has really I've struggled with
(47:27):
depression for over a decade andlike the holidays is extremely
hard time, especially with the loss of my brother and I just
like anyone out there, if you'rehaving to spend this holiday
alone, any of the holidays coming up, like you are not
alone. And there's people out there who
(47:48):
are experiencing have experienced loss and you know
they're going through the holidays the first time like my
partner's not here, you know, this family member doesn't
accept me. I just think that's another big
reason of why I wanted to pursuesocial work, because I think
talking about things really takes the power out of the
isolation of something that's painful, because life is
(48:13):
painful, but being isolated and having the experience of
something and feeling like you're the only one going
through it makes it so much moresignificantly worse.
Feels like adult timeout for existing.
Like literally for existing. You're putting into adult
timeout, and it's especially painful and triggering when it
(48:34):
comes from because it's like, yeah, adult time out.
Like why? Just for existing?
Yeah, it's pretty deep, pretty dark.
Let's end it on a positive note.What is your favorite thing
about your partner? I love that question.
(48:56):
You can give me everything you can't nervous.
My favorite thing about my partner?
My favorite, I have lots of favorite things, but how one of
them is that she continues to roll with adversity and has this
(49:24):
like her spiritual practices areso dialed in and she takes such
such good self like care of herself that I'm watching this
person go through very challenging things in life.
(49:45):
This year she broke her fibula and she's a chef and she lost
her job. Oh.
My gosh. And we were going through our
stuff and family stuff and watching her really dial into
(50:05):
her spirituality. And it's like, I need to, this
is first my pieces 1st. And that is such an attractive
quality to me. Like somebody who takes care of
themselves and they that's the only way that you can show up
(50:26):
powerfully as yourself in a relationship is if you're taking
care of yourself. That's so good.
Yeah. I think this personal
responsibility and it preserves the relationship like nothing
else can. So good.
Yeah, good. It's me.
Makes me think like, I think, yes, younger people are capable
(50:48):
of this, but I think that is something that like is just
extra hot and older woman. I will say that people are like,
oh, older, wiser. No, there's so many older women
out there who are just like. Re.
Enacting all their pain. And there's a reason why they're
single and older, right? Like they're not doing the work.
(51:09):
And I think you're so lucky, Emily May, that you've met a
partner who is doing the work. Because I know I personally know
the fruit of being with someone who chooses to be so sovereign
and calm when I'm having, like, a moment.
And she knows how to take care of herself first or even like
(51:30):
this morning, like, I'm like, hey, I miss you.
I only have a few minutes beforeI start working.
She's like, hey, I would love totalk to you, but I have to
finish or I have to start my morning meditation before I can
call. And I'm just like, I love that.
Like, yes, yeah. Yes, it is very attractive and I
think it could be viewed like, oh, I don't want this person to
(51:52):
be offended that I'm going to domy morning, morning meditation
before reaching out to them. But it's like, that is such a
true sign of the health of your relationship by her knowing that
you're not going to be offended by that and you're and you're
like, OK, this is actually goingto be something positive for
both of us. Yeah, no.
(52:13):
And it sounds like it sounds like something your partner has
down into like no matter what adversity is going on, no matter
what waves are crashing, literally, especially you guys
in Florida, no matter what's going on, like I choose my piece
and that is powerful. So I'm so glad that you're with
someone who's healthy for anyonewho is listening and a friend of
(52:38):
Emily May If I didn't get to share before, my name is Sophia
and I came out late in life as well.
I am a baby gay and I started a lesbian dating platform because
as soon as I seriously started dating women and came very clear
to my truth and who I am, it became apparent to me that it
(52:59):
was really challenging to find amonogamous lifetime partner on
queer dating apps. And So what I did is I started a
hybrid platform called the QueerCountry Club that is very much a
community based platform with AImatching lots of ways to get to
know each other based on values.And you're able to tell our AI
(53:20):
matchmaker the values, lifestylepreferences and physical
preferences you have in a partner.
And then beyond that, we have live virtual meetups.
And not just anyone can join. It's application based.
You have to be seeking your lifepartner and you have to be very
committed to monogamy. As much as we love our
polyamorous friends, I have ton of them.
(53:42):
It just was something that our community needed the most
efficient way to find that sovereign partnership.
So if you're interested in that,go ahead shoot me a DM that says
dating. I would love to help you out and
get you an application and for you, Emily May, if anyone's
listening in their lives, I wantto be along for the journey, for
your writing and cheer you on, perhaps by one of your pieces of
(54:07):
work. Where will they go to follow
you? You can follow my Instagram.
It's Emily May, under score writer Emil EE.
My name's a little bit different.
Mae under Score Writer and all my links are on there.
My book is on Amazon, Barnes andNoble, anywhere you can find a
(54:28):
book online. So it's pretty.
Yeah, that's the easiest way to follow me.
It's the name of the memoir that's out now.
It is called Start Here, the rawand honest journey of a nomad in
her 20s. Oh, OK, I love it.
And do you come out in that book?
No. Wow, I am.
(54:49):
I'm working on my second one though, and that one I do.
I'm working on my second memoir and I'm like 3/4 the way
through, so that one's coming, right?
Oh my gosh, you were a busy girl.
You're writing the the novel, the second memoir.
You're in school. Yes.
I love a passion and human I love it.
Yes, thank you so much Sophia for this time and sharing your
(55:13):
truth. It has really helped me own
mine. And I feel there are so many
times where I'll like, watch a video of yours or something and
I'll be like, Kelly, she gets it.
She get listen to this. Listen to what she just said.
She gets it. And she's like, OK, she was
like, I'm glad you found your tribe.
Yeah. So thank you.
Sweet. How long have you been following
(55:35):
along? I've been.
Following for about a year. OK, OK.
Yeah, I loved, I started listening to your podcast and I
loved the story with your partner and like connecting over
(55:56):
her e-mail. It was like about social media
and then and you like neither ofyou had seen each other and you
just like basically just connected for who you were as
people. And and then you're like, oh,
you're attractive. You're an attractive lesbian.
Oh, OK. Like that story.
(56:17):
I just loved it. And I actually send it to a good
friend of mine, Amanda. She might be watching.
I don't know. Hi, Amanda.
Hi, Amanda. She followed you after that.
She is also, I don't think she'sinto older women, but she's a
lesbian as well. So I was like, hey, follow this
(56:37):
girl. Thank.
You yeah, if you guys love this episode, share it, share it with
friends. We we want to be the gay agenda.
Spread all the gay love everywhere.
So yes, get it out there. Thank you so much for following
along. It's an honor to know that I
resonate with you. And one thing like because I, I
(57:00):
mean, I have the dating platform, but first and
foremost, I am a social media strategist.
And what I tell people often is people want to just be a family
on the wall. Like they don't want to see a
super curated podcast. They want to see real people.
They want to see us having a real conversation.
None of this is rehearsed. They want to see, well, your
(57:22):
your introduction part I had to have written in front of me, you
know, other than that, yeah. Yeah.
But people want to see real things.
And so if you've got a story to share now more than ever, it's
so important that you do show up.
You do not let anything that is happening in this really rough
climate we have, especially in America right now.
(57:42):
It's so important that you show up and you don't dim your light,
but nothing dim your life and keep telling your story.
Thank you, Emily. May I?
Thank you so much, Sophia. It's wonderful to meet you.
Wonderful. To meet you.
Have a great day as clear. Women.
(58:04):
That's women with an X because of course we are inclusive here.
As I was saying, as queer women,we haven't always been lifted up
or celebrated. We have often felt left out and
put down in places that historically haven't welcomed
us. In fact, we have been
conditioned by society to be grateful for mere tolerance.
(58:27):
My resilient LGBTQ plus IA community, I am talking to you.
I'll bet you've recognized the spark that God put in your
heart, your unique calling to impact the world, and only a way
that you can. A business idea brand to build,
a coaching program to start, theart to create, the song to sing,
(58:49):
the book to write. That relationship you long to
build. But that little light inside
your soul has often been blown out by the people around you,
leaving you conditioned to play small and not step into your
full potential. You are not alone, and it's
never too late to truly live your most authentic dream.
(59:13):
Life. I would know.
I came out late in life, nearly 30.
A couple years ago, after being bullied for months inside a
Country Club right outside of myweights class.
I was assaulted by a bigoted woman who couldn't stand my
queerness. She physically pushed me, so I
had a meeting with management. I told them I didn't feel safe.
(59:36):
I brought forth evidence and guess what?
They did nothing. Sadly this is normal, but in
order to create change we have to be brave enough to be the
change ourselves. So I did.
A thing I started my own virtualCountry Club for queer women.
A safe place for us to create meaningful connections and grow.
(01:00:01):
So if you're looking for a love connection, networking
opportunities or coaching to live your best freedom life, you
want to apply to be a part of our incredible community of
purpose driven, passionate queerwomen.
Join Queer Women Rising, the online queer Country Club for
growth minded women ready to level up in life and love.
(01:00:23):
To apply, DM me the word Rising on Instagram at Sofia Spellino
or chat me the word Rising on Sofia.
Beyond hosting Queer women rising, I am a personal brand
coach and social media strategist.
If you give me a moment. To tell you about what?
I do. I can share how I can help you
just like I've helped many clients before get famous online
(01:00:46):
and make more money. If you're an exhausted coach or
service provider ready to scale your business for real or you're
just getting started building your dream brand from scratch.
And if you're ready to build your own profitable personal
brand, I can show you how in sixmonths or less.
But why should you take my word for it?
(01:01:08):
Well, I've spent over 10 years. In the social media.
Marketing industry amassing over400,000 followers across
platforms like Instagram, Tiktok, Facebook and YouTube as
a well as hosting a top chartingpodcast, building a successful
service provider business and coaching powerful women to build
(01:01:28):
purpose driven profitable brands.
Yeah, I have the social media and sales process strategies
that can help you finally make the money you deserve because I
want to help you build your dream business that gives you
time, freedom and makes real money.
So for a limited time, I'm giving away your first steps to
(01:01:50):
go from less than 5K moms and advanced to 10 to 20 K moms.
Grab my newly revamped profitable Personal Brand
Blueprint. My proven framework to build
yourself a personal brand that motivates, inspires, and sells
so that your business can thrivethe way it should.
Just go to the link in the show notes.
(01:02:11):
Whether you're a novice at creating or you're feeling stuck
hitting a plateau in your business that once had
consistent revenue and need guidance, support and coaching
to get to your next level, I invite you to book a strategy
call to speak with either me or my team to see if we'd be the
right fit to work with each other inside of the profitable
(01:02:31):
personal brand 6 month coaching program.
Mind you, I am extremely selective and this coaching
program is not for everyone and I'm not afraid to say it.
I am only taking on serious, purpose, driven and committed
queer women and allies inside ofmy community.
If that's you, book your free strategy call.
The link is in the show notes and if you feel yourself come
(01:02:54):
alive and love listening to Queer Women Rising, please leave
me a five star rating with a kind review.
Wherever you listen to podcasts,be sure to share the show with a
powerful woman you know and remember when you're called to
do something greater in life, love or business.
You. Will be uncomfortable until you
move. So get up and go get what you
(01:03:18):
want. Let's rise, Let's rise.
This relationship is worth defending.
It's really helpful that she is so much older because she has
more experience with being, like, when I came out, I had
this, like, righteous rising. Like, I want to be like, fuck
everybody who's, you know, like being mean to the gays and the
lesbians. And I'm like, I don't care.
(00:20):
They can say whatever they want to say to me.
Like, I'll, you know, like, I just had this, like, rage.
And she's sitting there like, socalmly.
And she's like, oh sweetie, welcome, welcome.
Sapphics and allies, you're listening to Queer Women Rising.
(00:43):
That's women with an X. Because we are inclusive here.
When we hear the stories of queer women who have gone before
us, we see evidence that there'snothing we can't do.
And yes, we can too. It's time for you to level up in
life, in love, and step into your most authentic, abundant
(01:08):
reality. You won't be the same after this
episode. It's your turn to let go of good
for greatness. Let's rise.
Let's. Rise, Let's rise, let's rise,
(01:29):
let's rise my lesbian age gap. Girlies.
You're going to love this episode of Queer Women Rising.
What happens when you realize your true self later in life?
Now for me, I didn't realize I was lesbian until like nearly 30
(01:50):
and the same for my guests. And what would happen if your
love story took a crazy unexpected turn?
Like people had to already accept that you're gay, you are
not straight, you are not who people thought you were even
though you've been it the whole time because you are who you
are. But beyond that, people have to
also accept that you're in this huge age gap relationship.
(02:12):
What if you go around you're like, but guys, it works and
people may or may not get it. Have you ever been in a
situation like that? Or are you thinking about
getting into an age gap relationship because you're into
older women? This is something you're going
to want to think about. Today's guest, Emily May grew up
in North Central Minnesota with Hardy meals and even hardier
(02:34):
religious values. After graduating from Minnesota
State University Mankato in 2015, she set off on a solo
journey around the world. And honestly, travel is a thing
that really opens yourself up toyourself.
It's like by seeing how other people are doing things so
differently than you, when you get out of your daily routines,
(02:55):
you're able to really figure outwho you are.
And she visited places like Peru, South Africa, Greece,
France, Tanzania, and while she was exploring new cultures, her
relationships back home were failing.
Emily May knew that it was time to come out and start living her
(03:16):
truth at 30 years old, and now she's in a loving relationship
with someone nearly twice her age and they couldn't be
happier. We're about to dive into Emily's
journey of coming out late in life, the challenges of
navigating a conservative family.
Totally feel you here, and the dynamics of being in an age gap
relationship. My partner is 17 years older and
(03:40):
Emily Mae's partner is nearly double her age, so I would
assume close to 60. So much time pack here, so much
we're going to get into. And we're also going to share
about how creativity and writinghave really played a part in
helping her with her mental health, which is something I
think we all need more awarenessaround as queer people,
especially through challenging times.
So with that being said, welcometo the show Emily May.
(04:06):
I'm so excited. It's fun talking to age Gap, all
the things. Hey, everyone, if you're tuning
in live on Instagram, welcome, welcome.
You can ask us questions along the way.
And if you're listening to the podcast on Apple or Spotify, I
usually post the podcast episodes like a month to three
(04:28):
months apart from the live show.If you're watching or listening
live on the podcast, not live, I'm tongue twisted.
If you're listening on the podcast later, know you can join
us live, 12:00 PM Central Standard Time every Wednesday.
Oh my gosh, Emily Mae's here. What's up?
Hi. Hi.
How are you today? I am doing pretty good besides
(04:51):
the technical difficulties getting on line.
I'm not sure what happened. I tried to do it inside but I'm
outside now. So we are alive in Florida.
I love it. What part of Florida do you
live? I live in the Panhandle,
northwest Florida. OK, OK, amazing.
Well, I'm so excited to just digin like as if we're just two age
(05:13):
gap girlies having a cup of coffee or martini, because this
is just it. First of all, being a lesbian,
it's like so neat, especially like feminine lesbians, right?
But then you throw in like, yeah, I'm into older women and I
think we all are. But I will say like, we're the
lucky ones. We've landed the.
Gorgeous older women, yes. And I didn't know that it took
(05:37):
me the hardest part was accepting that this works the
best for me and being OK with allowing myself to be happy
because I'm like everyone else, you know?
And like you talked about my intro with my family and stuff
like that is very like, how doesthis work?
This doesn't make sense. Like Emily's gone through a lot
(05:59):
of trauma. Maybe this is a trauma response.
And yes my fiance we got engagedlast October.
Thank you. She is.
I will be 32 in February and sheis 57.
Wow, OK, well that's the exact age gap of my ex ex-girlfriend.
(06:22):
So yeah, I love it. I know, I know.
I do work. Yeah.
What are what are the things youhear most from people?
What do I hear most from people like regarding this is also my
first same sex relationship, so because I came out later in
(06:45):
life, but what do people don't really ask questions?
They're kind of just like, OK, like I don't think people know
what to ask. They're like uncomfortable or
they're just like, hey, good foryou.
Like, I think it has a lot to dowith how comfortable that person
is with themselves. And if they're typically pretty
(07:06):
comfortable with themselves, they'll be like, you know, tell
me more about that. And, and how did you get to know
this person? And how did you know you're a
lesbian? And when did that change for
you? You know, like you, I was in, I
tried the heteronormative relationship for years and years
and years. And I tried to be like the good
(07:27):
little, I'm going to be a wife, I'm going to be my mother.
I can do this. I can do this, but there was
something inside it. I'm like, it's such a red flag
to me and my soul that I have totell myself I can do this.
Yeah, yeah. It wasn't like, I'm just happy
this is a great relationship. Like she is by like light years
(07:50):
the healthiest person I have ever been in a relationship
with. So I'm, I do and I love watching
your show because I'm like, I dofeel really lucky and I do feel
really grateful. And you say a lot of things that
I'm just like, yes, there is such a small niche part of the
population, like you said that actually get this.
(08:10):
OK, well, you said before peopledon't normally ask you a lot of
questions, which I love because that means like no one's like
bothering you, but I'm about to ask you tons of questions, OK.
Bring it on. Bring it on, sister.
I'm ready. All right.
So you let's just start like at the beginning.
You came out at 30, you're in a conservative family.
What was that like? Like what was the reaction?
(08:31):
From them oh, starting off stiff.
So because I had involved, I love my family so much and like
my relationships previously like, oh, I'm with this guy.
And I noticed that I was kind oflike trying to make sure that my
(08:53):
family really liked this guy, whatever whoever this guy was
and that he fit in with the family.
And when I started dating my partner Kelly, I made a
different decision. And this is also like years and
years of therapy. I made a different decision to
protect the relationship and keep it private.
(09:15):
Wow, that's big. And so that's what I did and it
gave me my own permission. I gave like I gave myself
permission to love this person without the judgment of like my
family asking questions or expectations or anything like
(09:36):
that. So I actually didn't tell them
until we were engaged. She proposed to me at the top of
a mountain in northeast Georgia.And it was such a special, like,
it was surprising to me. Like, I felt like it was going
to happen, but I was still really surprised.
And so we're like hiking down this mountain.
(09:58):
We're engaged. And I'm like, I guess I need to
tell my family now. So when I did tell my family, it
was really hard. I felt like I should have
one-on-one conversations with them.
And so I did. I called them each, I have two
older sisters, my mom and dad. And I called them each
personally and they were like, oh, kind of like taken back.
(10:21):
And then each of them took threedays to process and called me
back and expressed their very serious concern and.
They plan that like they all talk like hey, we're going to
take 3 days and then you feel like this ostracized human.
Yeah, it was really ironic that it was 3 days and like a lot of
(10:43):
them said similar things. I know this.
I know, yeah. And I'm sorry.
That's interesting because that's like also what this other
person said when they called me earlier today, like the exact
same phrase. And so so it was like, we're
going to pray for you. I don't think this is God's will
for you, God. And that was October and by
(11:08):
Christmas, my, my brother-in-lawcalled and was like, your
partner is not welcome to Christmas.
So if you like, you are welcome to come because they hosted that
year and and it was like you're welcome to come, but your
partner is not welcome. And if you do come, don't talk
(11:29):
about your relationship in frontof like any of our kids and his.
The kids are teenagers. Oh my.
God, who I have great relationships with and I spent a
lot of time, a lot of the placesthat I traveled to were to take
care of his kids when he was serving.
(11:49):
So in the military. Yeah.
So I just, I was like, wow, I didn't even know.
It was like the fork in the roadthat I I'm like.
I have always felt different in my family system, but now I can
walk my path with complete integrity and honesty to my own
(12:14):
journey and be 100% OK with owning that.
I am different and I can make different choices.
Are they keeping you away from your niece and and like your the
children? They aren't keeping me away from
them. I did go to my oldest niece's
(12:36):
high school graduation, but you're not allowed to.
Bring your partner anywhere. No, as of as of now, no.
It's been a year We haven't had the discussion again and we're
getting married in February. They're those kids are going to
go to college, have their mind opened and then hate their
(12:58):
parents and we're going to become the coolest savor of an
aunt to them because they will be able to go to you for
anything. I know it's got to be so painful
right now. I.
Literally cannot imagine becauseI deeply, deeply love my niece
and nephew. I cannot imagine what you're
going through. I'm so sorry.
(13:19):
Like, yeah, especially do you have your own children?
No, I don't. And I haven't wanted to have my
own kids. I have like been interested in
adopting and things like that. But yeah, they're the only kids
that I have and it's been a verycomplex experience with them.
(13:43):
But both of the girls really look up to me and have like a
good like, it just broke my heart that as soon as I came out
to her parent, the oldest daughter's parents, she like
wrote me this message on Instagram And she was like, I
don't know if you're not going to be coming around the family
anymore, Like, please don't separate yourself.
(14:03):
I really love you and look up toyou.
And it just made me feel like the message had been given to
them that like Auntie Em made this bad decision and she's no
longer going to be a part of thefamily or no longer going to be
around. And so I even though it was so
awkward and uncomfortable, I waslike, I am going to my niece's
(14:24):
graduation, high school graduation, and it was
uncomfortable, but I went and I'm so proud of myself for going
because I have nothing to be ashamed of.
And just that's because I'm in this relationship.
To be ashamed of. And they will be one day when
their kids stand up to them, when the children are actually
(14:44):
adults, which is very short. They're on borrowed time.
It's 2024, and it is going to bevery embarrassing one day.
I'm so sorry. Yeah.
I'm, like, enraged for you. Yeah.
Yeah, Thank you. It's that's really just like the
tip of the iceberg. But you know, it's made me
(15:05):
really, really had to rethink mylife and my decisions.
And I'm like, I love my life with my partner and this
relationship is worth defending.Yeah, How is she supporting you
through it? I'm sure she knows how much you
like loved being a part of your family.
(15:26):
She I see it's really helpful that she is so much older
because she has more experience with being like, when I came
out, I had this like righteous rising.
Like, I want to be like, fuck everybody who's, you know, like
(15:48):
being mean to the gays and the lesbians.
And I'm like, I don't care. They can say whatever they want
to say to me. Like I'll, you know, like I just
had this like, rage. And I understand that too.
And she's sitting there like so calmly, and she's like, oh,
sweetie, welcome, welcome. She's like, I'm just going to
sit here and let you have your hissy fit till you realize that
(16:10):
like it doesn't, it won't actually get you anywhere.
But then there's like this, there's like this weird line of
like, but we can't just like pretend to just be like this,
like accepted in straight world and say what we need to say.
Cuz I know how to do that. As a feminine woman.
I'm sure you do too, right? You can get men to respect you.
(16:31):
You can get any like last night.I'm like, add a little like
pizza bar and I'm hearing like straight up like slurs at me
when someone realizes that I'm gay.
But instead of being like ugly back and I could tell the person
next door was like, Oh, that's not politically correct.
Like stop like trying to get herfriend to stop these little old
ladies. When she finally realized like I
(16:52):
was a lesbian because she thought I was a matchmaker.
She's like, let me have your site.
And I'm like, Oh, sure, but it'sit's for gay women.
And when she didn't hear me at the end of the conversation, she
asked again before she left and asked for the site again.
And I tell her and she like flewoff the handle was like, Oh,
honey, what a waste. You're so beautiful.
Whatever. And so I said no, no, no, not
(17:14):
what a waste. God made me this way and I love
how I am and I'm helping so manywomen.
And then she like, it was so weird.
It's like her situate, like her countenance change.
It was like, yeah, you're so right.
As long as you're happy. Because this whole time that we
were talking, I thought you weretalking about your husband.
And I was like, you know, she's like, but if you love her that
much, then I'm so happy for you.You do you.
(17:34):
And then she left and gave me a hug.
And it's so interesting. There's two different ways to
handle it. It could have been like a all
out war right there, and rightfully so.
Or it could have been me shrinking down.
Instead, there was this hybrid sovereign response of let me
correct you right here, right now, but with love.
Yes, yes. And I'm that that's.
(17:59):
So powerful in like you setting the boundary and saying, you
know, and speaking up like we don't have to make ourselves
small. But that's my reaction most of
the time is to make myself smalland go inward.
And I am an introvert and I am the youngest in my family by a
long shot. So that's most that's like my
(18:20):
default mode is to get quiet andgo inward.
But when I actually stand up formyself and not, like you said,
not in a mean way, but in a respectful way, that is that
gets my point across. Yeah.
So I love that you did that. And just like we're so unashamed
and you're like, Yep, this is this is what I'm really talking
(18:42):
about. And you're welcome to join the
conversation. But just so you know, I'm going
to set the expectation right now.
Yeah, like I'll correct you. You're not going to say that I'm
a waster. God made me wrong and, and like
say it with so much love and like this person I know is going
to operate in the world differently.
They're going to react to a queer person differently because
(19:03):
I didn't come out with a pitchfork and I corrected them
using their same spiritual language.
Like, honey, we can play this. We can.
And like God loves me just as much as God loves you.
Like it's just, I think this is not only from time being gay,
but it also comes from watching our older partners handle this.
(19:26):
Yes, because I feel like they will just be like, I'll just sit
and watch all of you make a foolof yourself.
Then I'll say what I need to say.
Yes, and her I, I was like, oh, is that how it's done?
Like the first year we were together, I was like really
like, you know, had that expression of just like, oh,
they can't say they can't do that, you know, whatever.
(19:49):
And she, what did she say? She said something really
profound and it was like, we're never going to get them to
listen to us by responding with anger and.
And being rude back. Never like the only thing like
the best thing that we can do isto respond with love.
(20:09):
We respond with love. And I'm like, but did you hear
what they said? She's like, yes, yes, honey,
I've I've been around for, for awhile.
Yes, I know what they say. Yes, I like, it's like hearing a
story about my girlfriend talking to me like I am a old
lesbian, Like we've been around the block and this is how it
(20:31):
works. And it's so interesting because
I think as someone who is raisedwith faith, which I want to get
into for you, I'm able to like tap into, you know, the
teachings of Jesus and the teachings of Buddha and the
teachings of A Course in Miracles and constantly go back
to unity and forgiveness. But when someone is attacking
(20:52):
your identity. It.
Hurts so hard and it's so easy to fly off the handle.
It is so easy to. And you, like, have a righteous
anger. Yeah.
And we have to realize that thatisn't going to get anyone to
listen to us. So it's something that we can
learn from our older partners. Yes, we can.
(21:12):
Oh my gosh. OK, so like right now you talk
to your siblings but like they like for Christmas or you and
your partner like just planning on your own Christmas.
Yes, that's what we did last year and I'm learning how to
navigate changing. I don't want to say that I'm
(21:38):
like not going to be a part of my family anymore because I will
always be a part of my family. And I do love my family.
But there I think there is a healthy amount of separation
where it's like, OK, it's causing me so much stress and
anxiety to be attending group like family things right now
especially. I moved down to Florida after a
(22:02):
extremely traumatic event in my family where my brother passed
away at 31 years old by suicide.So he was my whole world and,
and totally got me and we were siblings that were just like, we
(22:25):
didn't have to say a thing and we knew what the other person
was feeling. And with my my two older sisters
being so significantly older than me, it's just really like
figuring out how to restructure.What is the future of family
going to look like for me? It might be developing more of
(22:50):
my closer friendships and I havesome extended family members
that I'm really close to as well.
But figuring out what's going tobe healthiest for me as I grow
in this relationship with my partner is something that I
don't have resolved. And I think it's a forever
(23:10):
shifting around because there was like a while where my
brother and I would be like, hey, are you going to go to
Christmas? Are you going to go to
Thanksgiving? And if you're not there, I'm not
going to be there. Like, like we were each other's
allies and, and not because we don't like our family.
It was just like him and I were just different.
(23:33):
And it was like, everybody else has the same ideas and the same
beliefs. And TJ, my brother's name is TJ.
Him and I were much more open minded and we just didn't feel
like there was a lot of space tocontribute to conversation.
And so now that it's me, I've really dove into spiritual work
(23:56):
and looking into like my brother's spirit is still with
me and listening to what my brother's spirit is telling me
and going into these situations,I'm like, OK, I'm not alone.
I'm not alone. I'm not alone even though I feel
alone. Bringing His spirit with me not
(24:19):
only in family situations but just like daily.
Did you get to tell TJ you were gay or has that been something
like you've been communicating? Yeah, it's no, I didn't get to
tell him in person, but his spirit knows.
(24:40):
And I think like if if he were sitting next to me, he would be
like, well, yeah, duh. Like a good.
Thought he's like, definitely like, yeah, duh.
He would be like, well, yeah. And I, I did take over his.
So he started a clothing companyfor men's mental health with a
(25:03):
good friend of his in Minneapolis.
And his friend asked me to take over my brother's portion after
TJ passed and when. And he kind of like him.
And I grew, you know, got reallyclose quickly.
And when I told him about me being a lesbian, he was like,
duh. Like he had the response that I
(25:24):
thought TJ would have. So I'm like, OK, that's a double
confirmation. I love it.
I love it. You're just like you have the
gay energy or you don't have thegay energy.
It's just a thing. Oh my.
God, yeah. And I didn't even know that
about myself. I'm just like, do I?
Do I have those vibes and like people are like, yeah, for sure.
I'm like, OK, cool, awesome. The gay.
(25:45):
I'm glad. The gay, but OK, really quick
before we get into stuff about your girlfriend cuz I want to
know so much more about that. Like as far as virtuality goes,
have you deconstructed completely or are you like
reconstructing? Like what does that look like?
I'm sorry, as far as what? Virtuality goes like, are you
constructed completely or are you reconstructing?
(26:07):
What does that look like? I started deconstructing in
2016. Being raised Christian, I
remember hearing that people that were Buddhists were
actually worshipping the devil. And I met a guy who I worked
(26:28):
with who was Buddhist and like very follow these principles
very, very closely. And we became good friends and
we went on some expeditions together.
And I got to know his spiritual practices and he displayed the
likeness of Jesus more than mostChristians I had ever met in my
(26:49):
life. Yeah.
And so, so I'm like, there's something going on here.
And so then I just started like opening up what are these other
religions saying? What are the other experiences?
And then I went into yoga teacher training and got
certified in 20, 17. And so I, I will call myself a
(27:19):
spiritual person. Yeah, I, I don't something that
was really hard for me growing up in a Christian Church was I
don't think it's OK to ever say that somebody else's religion or
their relationship is wrong. It just never felt OK to me.
(27:40):
And so and I, you know, was very, very into my faith in
college. And I remember meeting a Muslim
man and he was like, your, your faith is so inspiring to me.
It makes me want to return to myfaith.
And I remember thinking, you know, like we're taught that all
these other religions are like, awful.
(28:01):
But I've been privileged enough to be able to travel to these
countries and be able to spend time in other other cultures
with other religions. And I'm like, where there really
is a sameness, There really is aoneness.
And if you can tap into that energetically, I really don't
think it matters which religion or faith you're following as
(28:23):
long as you're seeking God. I agree 100% that's the premise
of everything I believe in just like unity and we all want the
same thing like we all do. All good hearted people want the
same thing which is peace and what I want for me and the
safety and peace that I want formy life my the people I love, my
(28:46):
partner, my niece and nephew. I want that for everyone else's
children in the world. Like that is how I would define
all the things. I love what you said, just like
spirit, just spiritual. I'm spiritual because all all of
the religions point back to the same thing so I'd love to hear
(29:08):
it so good. Yeah, it is.
It's freeing. And I feel, you know, I've
learned a lot of spirituality from my partner, too.
She is 8 years sober. And yeah, and that is just like
phenomenal. I mean, I attended, do you know
(29:32):
Liz Gilbert, the author? So her and my partner Kelly and
I attended Big Magic Retreat in northeast Georgia a couple
months ago. And I said I felt like just this
infant in spirituality around these, you know, wise women who
(29:55):
have so much experience and likethe depths that she has gone
through with her spirit. I just look at her and I'm like,
wow, I have so much to learn. And yes, a lot of it is time and
experience, but it's just they have this like glow and this
this energy about them that is so attractive.
And it's because of the work that they've put into
(30:17):
themselves. Yeah.
Are you saying you got to see Liz Gilbert live at this
retreat? Yes.
Oh, my gosh. Like, so jealous.
So amazing. Yes, And I don't know if you're
familiar. Are you familiar with her and
her late partner? Randy Yes, yes, yeah.
She had a lesbian relationship for a few years and and she took
(30:39):
care of her, right? Yes.
You can do the summary real quick for anyone who's listening
who doesn't know. OK, so her Liz Gilbert's
partner, Raya, really. So my part, OK, we have these
like similarities. Raya's just this like hardball
(31:00):
heroin addict. She does hair.
She's just like this really. The wind is kicking up as I'm
talking about her spirit. She's like, yeah, that's Raya.
And Liz is just like very conservative in herself and
Midwestern and very humble and quiet and she just wants to be a
(31:20):
writer and and very peaceful. Those are the energies of me and
my partner and as well. And so I published my memoir.
And so Kelly and I are at this retreat together.
And Liz was walking by and I'm like, this is right there.
(31:41):
Like, like literally Liz is right there.
She's blocking by. And I'm not going to speak up
and say anything because I'm just.
Like. Quiet.
Yeah, I can't, I can't do it. And my partner like steps
forward and she goes, hey, she goes, Liz, you've got to know
something. And that was like, she's talking
to Liz. Oh my gosh.
And Liz stops in all her glowingwisdom, she paused and and gave
(32:09):
us, you know, her full attention.
And my partner said we are Liz and Raya 2.0.
I just started. And she goes, oh, she goes, let
me guess who is who? Did you get it right?
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, my partner is.
(32:30):
She is much shorter than me, youknow, she's got like full
sleeve, aren't tatted, like halfof her heads shaved.
Like she's definitely rocking a very different vibe for me.
So it was just sweet that she reached out to Liz and made that
statement and Liz was just like full attention and I got to give
(32:52):
her my. Memoir.
Oh my God, you did. Yes, wow.
That just so growing hub he prayed love was one of my
favorite books ever and I feel like gay just knows gay like
you're we're just attracted to things even if they're not in
the moment gay, but like the truth is like time is like all
(33:14):
this big jumbo. So like I guess in my soul I
knew I was gay. I knew Liz Gibber was gay.
Like you just connection into the book and it was like an I'm
not a big novel reader. Like I probably haven't read
fiction since I was in high school with that book.
I just don't make time for that.I read personal development,
business, whatever that book washighlighted bookmark.
(33:37):
Like I had read it so many timesand it meant so much to me,
which is so weird because I grewup in a family that was like,
you know, other religions. No travel, no stay here and I
love I loved it in this summer. I got to go on my own little
eat, pray, love, adventure through Europe.
And then that's when I fell in love with my partner who was
just my friend at the time. And I don't know, it's just kind
(33:58):
of all crazy how it all works out.
Like these things that we love, these people we look up to,
they're, they're like their souls are somehow weaved into
ours and we're meant to interactwith them.
Probably the way that we've interacted on social media, like
just all these connections. And isn't that amazing that you
(34:21):
got to meet her in real life? Anyway, that's my fangirl
moment. It has been years.
I got stuck at circling New YorkCity because of weather.
One time I was trying to attend a conference of hers a couple
years ago, and it was the plane was like, we can't land.
We can't land yet. And I'm like, this plane needs
(34:41):
to land because I am going to miss Liz Gilbert speaking.
And I did. So it was like my third time,
Yeah, attempting to see her. Isn't it funny though, that if
like you could have heard God source universe, his voice in
that moment would be like but it's OK because you're going to
get to hate and hurt, yes right.Yes.
(35:03):
And like with my partner, like with Kelly standing there and
speaking up for me when I couldn't, I was just like
starstruck. I don't get starstruck like
typically. And I'm like, I just couldn't
say anything. It's like makes me so happy.
It's so weird. Everything works out for us in
the in the weirdest way. And like to know that you got to
(35:23):
have that moment after having that disappointment.
If anyone's listening right now and they're going through a
disappointment, like I know it'shard to imagine like a different
outcome that could be better than what you can imagine, but I
think that's that is the challenge.
If you're listening and like something has disappointed you
lately or you're like, this was my chance or I invested so much
(35:45):
to be here at this thing or do this thing.
There is always going to be likethis time and we don't know when
it will be, but where we are like pay back and and triple
quadruple having like blessings,good things coming in.
So just a reminder of that. I love those little weeks from
God. OK, your relationship.
(36:08):
You're about to get married. How are you planning a wedding
with a family that is behaving like such idiots?
How? Well another situate, just what
you said exactly is what happened here.
So we planned our wedding. We are going to get married here
(36:32):
on the beach. We live literally 2 blocks from
the beach, which is a dream, andwe met diving.
She was my dive master actually.Yeah, I'm a.
Good teacher, man. Yeah, teachers that lesbian.
Like I was like, you can tell meto go anywhere you want me to.
(36:54):
I will go. I'm going as long as I'm next to
you. I feel safe.
I love it. Yeah.
So we planned. We found two venues, and neither
of us have been married before, so that's kind of beautiful.
But also it's like, OK, we're both going down this aisle.
(37:15):
We've never walked before. Yeah.
And we booked the venue. We found the venue.
And we both just, like, got really overwhelmed.
And it was so stressful with like, what do we say with
family? Do who do we invite?
Who do we not invite? And it started causing issues in
our relationship. And we were arguing more than we
(37:39):
do. And it was just like, OK, we
need to take a step back. I still want to be with you.
I think that we just need to postpone this because it's too
overwhelming. Yeah.
Because that family stuff reallydoes breed so much tension.
Yes, so we did. We postponed and that was hard
(38:01):
and then then I saw this post. Have you heard of Equally Wed I?
Haven't. It's a magazine.
It's like the number one LGBTQ magazine in the US.
It's based in QS and they were running in this wedding giveaway
(38:23):
and it was like like two nights.The ceremony included travel to
Key West, the cake like they will plan your wedding.
And I'm like, this is a one in amillion chance, but why not?
So I wrote a letter to them about our story, sent some
(38:43):
pictures and spent some, oh, thefirst thing they did was a
video. And I tried to do a video and
I'm like, I'm terrible at this. So I didn't even send it in.
And then they were then they extended the deadline and said,
OK, you can write a story. And I'm like, oh, yeah, honey, I
got it. I'll, I'll write a story, don't
(39:04):
you worry. So I didn't even tell her I did
it. And I wrote, I wrote in.
And then it was like two or three weeks later we won it.
That's so exciting, so. So now we picked our date as
February 25th, 2025 and we're going to Key West.
(39:28):
Congratulations. Thank you.
It's very, very small. It's going to be 10 people Max.
And then we're going to do a reception back here in Panama
City Beach. And are you inviting any of your
family to that small the actual wedding?
The only person invited so far is my mom.
(39:51):
That for you and can feel the same way, yes, yeah.
It is just my mom. It's been months and months,
years now of like what do I do? I don't want to be rude, I
don't. But I'm like it's my
relationship, it's my wedding. I get to do what I want to do
(40:12):
and if. It makes no sense for me to try
to extend an olive branch to somebody who told me my
partner's not welcome in their home. 100% that's actually
insane. But even if they are nice to
your partner, they do not believe that you are getting
married in the eyes of the universe divine God and that
their partnership is superior toyours.
(40:35):
You do not have a place at my wedding or any wedding
celebrations because you're actually putting some negative
energy on this very special sacred day that you're devoting
yourself to somebody. Like why would you want someone
there casting their like negative thoughts like, well,
that's just like not of God anyway, so it can't last.
(40:55):
Like why would you want that there?
Exactly. And we're both very, very big
about ceremony and energy. Yes.
Same for me. So we are like the energy at
this, at our ceremony is going to be very clear, very clean.
(41:16):
This is what we want. It's going to be all about love.
And we get to surround ourselveswith people who do love us and
support us because we do have a lot of people, you know, outside
of family. I love that.
What about her family? Are are they around?
I know she's significantly older.
Yeah, so unfortunately, both of her parents have passed and she
(41:38):
does have two brothers. I think one of her brothers
she's wanting to invite, and I have not met him yet, but yeah,
so family's a tough one for us. We're kind of having to create
our support system outside of family and, you know, graph in
(42:01):
new people. I mean, I, I get it, family is
so, so, so, so important to me and my partner.
But it does sound like there's certain people who will never
truly support no matter what youdo.
And there's a lot of times in life at the olive branch can be
(42:22):
extended because you prefer peace right over anything else.
But this is your special day. So I'm so glad that you're
setting those boundaries. And that's going to be like, the
energy is going to be like in this container, but no one can
touch like it is your day. Yeah, So good.
So good. Congratulations on that.
(42:44):
And what about your writing now?Like, I know it obviously got
you this wedding, but it's what you're doing now.
Like, what does that look like? I.
Am so pretty big turn of events.I am in my master's degree right
now for social work. OK.
(43:04):
Yes, through a lot of my experiences and writing my
memoir and the travel, and I realized that most of my work
was related to advocacy and social justice.
And so I'm like, I need to understand more how the system
works and how marginalized people groups continue to be at
(43:26):
a disadvantage. And what can I do what?
How can I be more educated aboutthis issue that has lasted since
the start of America? Yeah.
So, like, I don't want to get into a whole political
(43:48):
conversation, but with Trump, you know, coming into the
presidency, our rights are in question.
There's there's no other way to go about it.
It is the truth. So my writing right now, I'm
working on a my first fiction piece, which is based off of
(44:11):
wilderness therapy and a young girl who I I was a instructor in
wilderness therapy for two years.
And so it's based off of a younggirl who had AD one scholarship
to play basketball and her mom did not like some of her
choices, one of them being in a relationship with a black man
(44:33):
and sent her away to wilderness therapy for 90 days, which
really put her DD1 status in jeopardy.
And it's it's a story about family as we're talking about
family. It's a story about control.
And sometimes when we want fate,when we want to improve an
(44:54):
aspect of our lives, especially like as I'm looking to the
decisions that some mothers make, like wanting to make their
lives better for their children,it can actually be really
controlling and do more harm than good.
And that was the experience I had with this young girl.
She is a real person but I basically used her my experience
(45:18):
with her in a spin off to make afictional character.
Wow, that is like I can as a storyteller because I was a
social media strategist before the lesbian dating platform.
I'm just hearing this and like, I wasn't able to even formulate
my next question as an interviewer because you took me
to the space talking about her where it was just like so real.
(45:39):
And I'm visualizing the struggleshe's going through and all the
that could potentially happen toher career.
Would she even be able to get into college?
Because this is all being interrupted by this cat.
Like, Oh my gosh, like I went there in my head.
So good. You're you got a good story in
your hands, good storyteller. Thank you.
(46:00):
Thank you. Not often does that happen to me
and I'm just like floating rightnow.
I'm like, oh, I'm interviewing shit.
I'm so that makes you so happy. That's such a big compliment.
Thank you. It's been like four years I've
been working on this story and Istarted it before my memoir and
I published my memoir and I, my main character has just stuck
(46:22):
with me and, and writing her story is like so important to
me. What's her name?
Zoe. Zoe life, I love it.
Thank you for spending this timewith me.
It was so good to just feel seen, honestly, even though I'm
(46:43):
the interviewer, because a lot of your story is like, so
parallel to mine. And people always say, like,
when they hear my content, they're like, thank you for
making me feel seen. And so I know your story is
going to touch so, so many because I think sometimes it
can't help. Like, it's not like, it's not
(47:03):
like it's going to be like, oh, yeah, I can like, change or
like, make your family accept you.
But just to know, like, hey, she's feeling this too.
Like I don't have to feel alone on Christmas knowing I'm alone,
but knowing like I'm not alone being alone.
Yes, it's huge and that shift has really I've struggled with
(47:27):
depression for over a decade andlike the holidays is extremely
hard time, especially with the loss of my brother and I just
like anyone out there, if you'rehaving to spend this holiday
alone, any of the holidays coming up, like you are not
alone. And there's people out there who
(47:48):
are experiencing have experienced loss and you know
they're going through the holidays the first time like my
partner's not here, you know, this family member doesn't
accept me. I just think that's another big
reason of why I wanted to pursuesocial work, because I think
talking about things really takes the power out of the
isolation of something that's painful, because life is
(48:13):
painful, but being isolated and having the experience of
something and feeling like you're the only one going
through it makes it so much moresignificantly worse.
Feels like adult timeout for existing.
Like literally for existing. You're putting into adult
timeout, and it's especially painful and triggering when it
(48:34):
comes from because it's like, yeah, adult time out.
Like why? Just for existing?
Yeah, it's pretty deep, pretty dark.
Let's end it on a positive note.What is your favorite thing
about your partner? I love that question.
(48:56):
You can give me everything you can't nervous.
My favorite thing about my partner?
My favorite, I have lots of favorite things, but how one of
them is that she continues to roll with adversity and has this
(49:24):
like her spiritual practices areso dialed in and she takes such
such good self like care of herself that I'm watching this
person go through very challenging things in life.
(49:45):
This year she broke her fibula and she's a chef and she lost
her job. Oh.
My gosh. And we were going through our
stuff and family stuff and watching her really dial into
(50:05):
her spirituality. And it's like, I need to, this
is first my pieces 1st. And that is such an attractive
quality to me. Like somebody who takes care of
themselves and they that's the only way that you can show up
(50:26):
powerfully as yourself in a relationship is if you're taking
care of yourself. That's so good.
Yeah. I think this personal
responsibility and it preserves the relationship like nothing
else can. So good.
Yeah, good. It's me.
Makes me think like, I think, yes, younger people are capable
(50:48):
of this, but I think that is something that like is just
extra hot and older woman. I will say that people are like,
oh, older, wiser. No, there's so many older women
out there who are just like. Re.
Enacting all their pain. And there's a reason why they're
single and older, right? Like they're not doing the work.
(51:09):
And I think you're so lucky, Emily May, that you've met a
partner who is doing the work. Because I know I personally know
the fruit of being with someone who chooses to be so sovereign
and calm when I'm having, like, a moment.
And she knows how to take care of herself first or even like
(51:30):
this morning, like, I'm like, hey, I miss you.
I only have a few minutes beforeI start working.
She's like, hey, I would love totalk to you, but I have to
finish or I have to start my morning meditation before I can
call. And I'm just like, I love that.
Like, yes, yeah. Yes, it is very attractive and I
think it could be viewed like, oh, I don't want this person to
(51:52):
be offended that I'm going to domy morning, morning meditation
before reaching out to them. But it's like, that is such a
true sign of the health of your relationship by her knowing that
you're not going to be offended by that and you're and you're
like, OK, this is actually goingto be something positive for
both of us. Yeah, no.
(52:13):
And it sounds like it sounds like something your partner has
down into like no matter what adversity is going on, no matter
what waves are crashing, literally, especially you guys
in Florida, no matter what's going on, like I choose my piece
and that is powerful. So I'm so glad that you're with
someone who's healthy for anyonewho is listening and a friend of
(52:38):
Emily May If I didn't get to share before, my name is Sophia
and I came out late in life as well.
I am a baby gay and I started a lesbian dating platform because
as soon as I seriously started dating women and came very clear
to my truth and who I am, it became apparent to me that it
(52:59):
was really challenging to find amonogamous lifetime partner on
queer dating apps. And So what I did is I started a
hybrid platform called the QueerCountry Club that is very much a
community based platform with AImatching lots of ways to get to
know each other based on values.And you're able to tell our AI
(53:20):
matchmaker the values, lifestylepreferences and physical
preferences you have in a partner.
And then beyond that, we have live virtual meetups.
And not just anyone can join. It's application based.
You have to be seeking your lifepartner and you have to be very
committed to monogamy. As much as we love our
polyamorous friends, I have ton of them.
(53:42):
It just was something that our community needed the most
efficient way to find that sovereign partnership.
So if you're interested in that,go ahead shoot me a DM that says
dating. I would love to help you out and
get you an application and for you, Emily May, if anyone's
listening in their lives, I wantto be along for the journey, for
your writing and cheer you on, perhaps by one of your pieces of
(54:07):
work. Where will they go to follow
you? You can follow my Instagram.
It's Emily May, under score writer Emil EE.
My name's a little bit different.
Mae under Score Writer and all my links are on there.
My book is on Amazon, Barnes andNoble, anywhere you can find a
(54:28):
book online. So it's pretty.
Yeah, that's the easiest way to follow me.
It's the name of the memoir that's out now.
It is called Start Here, the rawand honest journey of a nomad in
her 20s. Oh, OK, I love it.
And do you come out in that book?
No. Wow, I am.
(54:49):
I'm working on my second one though, and that one I do.
I'm working on my second memoir and I'm like 3/4 the way
through, so that one's coming, right?
Oh my gosh, you were a busy girl.
You're writing the the novel, the second memoir.
You're in school. Yes.
I love a passion and human I love it.
Yes, thank you so much Sophia for this time and sharing your
(55:13):
truth. It has really helped me own
mine. And I feel there are so many
times where I'll like, watch a video of yours or something and
I'll be like, Kelly, she gets it.
She get listen to this. Listen to what she just said.
She gets it. And she's like, OK, she was
like, I'm glad you found your tribe.
Yeah. So thank you.
Sweet. How long have you been following
(55:35):
along? I've been.
Following for about a year. OK, OK.
Yeah, I loved, I started listening to your podcast and I
loved the story with your partner and like connecting over
(55:56):
her e-mail. It was like about social media
and then and you like neither ofyou had seen each other and you
just like basically just connected for who you were as
people. And and then you're like, oh,
you're attractive. You're an attractive lesbian.
Oh, OK. Like that story.
(56:17):
I just loved it. And I actually send it to a good
friend of mine, Amanda. She might be watching.
I don't know. Hi, Amanda.
Hi, Amanda. She followed you after that.
She is also, I don't think she'sinto older women, but she's a
lesbian as well. So I was like, hey, follow this
(56:37):
girl. Thank.
You yeah, if you guys love this episode, share it, share it with
friends. We we want to be the gay agenda.
Spread all the gay love everywhere.
So yes, get it out there. Thank you so much for following
along. It's an honor to know that I
resonate with you. And one thing like because I, I
(57:00):
mean, I have the dating platform, but first and
foremost, I am a social media strategist.
And what I tell people often is people want to just be a family
on the wall. Like they don't want to see a
super curated podcast. They want to see real people.
They want to see us having a real conversation.
None of this is rehearsed. They want to see, well, your
(57:22):
your introduction part I had to have written in front of me, you
know, other than that, yeah. Yeah.
But people want to see real things.
And so if you've got a story to share now more than ever, it's
so important that you do show up.
You do not let anything that is happening in this really rough
climate we have, especially in America right now.
(57:42):
It's so important that you show up and you don't dim your light,
but nothing dim your life and keep telling your story.
Thank you, Emily. May I?
Thank you so much, Sophia. It's wonderful to meet you.
Wonderful. To meet you.
Have a great day as clear. Women.
(58:04):
That's women with an X because of course we are inclusive here.
As I was saying, as queer women,we haven't always been lifted up
or celebrated. We have often felt left out and
put down in places that historically haven't welcomed
us. In fact, we have been
conditioned by society to be grateful for mere tolerance.
(58:27):
My resilient LGBTQ plus IA community, I am talking to you.
I'll bet you've recognized the spark that God put in your
heart, your unique calling to impact the world, and only a way
that you can. A business idea brand to build,
a coaching program to start, theart to create, the song to sing,
(58:49):
the book to write. That relationship you long to
build. But that little light inside
your soul has often been blown out by the people around you,
leaving you conditioned to play small and not step into your
full potential. You are not alone, and it's
never too late to truly live your most authentic dream.
(59:13):
Life. I would know.
I came out late in life, nearly 30.
A couple years ago, after being bullied for months inside a
Country Club right outside of myweights class.
I was assaulted by a bigoted woman who couldn't stand my
queerness. She physically pushed me, so I
had a meeting with management. I told them I didn't feel safe.
(59:36):
I brought forth evidence and guess what?
They did nothing. Sadly this is normal, but in
order to create change we have to be brave enough to be the
change ourselves. So I did.
A thing I started my own virtualCountry Club for queer women.
A safe place for us to create meaningful connections and grow.
(01:00:01):
So if you're looking for a love connection, networking
opportunities or coaching to live your best freedom life, you
want to apply to be a part of our incredible community of
purpose driven, passionate queerwomen.
Join Queer Women Rising, the online queer Country Club for
growth minded women ready to level up in life and love.
(01:00:23):
To apply, DM me the word Rising on Instagram at Sofia Spellino
or chat me the word Rising on Sofia.
Beyond hosting Queer women rising, I am a personal brand
coach and social media strategist.
If you give me a moment. To tell you about what?
I do. I can share how I can help you
just like I've helped many clients before get famous online
(01:00:46):
and make more money. If you're an exhausted coach or
service provider ready to scale your business for real or you're
just getting started building your dream brand from scratch.
And if you're ready to build your own profitable personal
brand, I can show you how in sixmonths or less.
But why should you take my word for it?
(01:01:08):
Well, I've spent over 10 years. In the social media.
Marketing industry amassing over400,000 followers across
platforms like Instagram, Tiktok, Facebook and YouTube as
a well as hosting a top chartingpodcast, building a successful
service provider business and coaching powerful women to build
(01:01:28):
purpose driven profitable brands.
Yeah, I have the social media and sales process strategies
that can help you finally make the money you deserve because I
want to help you build your dream business that gives you
time, freedom and makes real money.
So for a limited time, I'm giving away your first steps to
(01:01:50):
go from less than 5K moms and advanced to 10 to 20 K moms.
Grab my newly revamped profitable Personal Brand
Blueprint. My proven framework to build
yourself a personal brand that motivates, inspires, and sells
so that your business can thrivethe way it should.
Just go to the link in the show notes.
(01:02:11):
Whether you're a novice at creating or you're feeling stuck
hitting a plateau in your business that once had
consistent revenue and need guidance, support and coaching
to get to your next level, I invite you to book a strategy
call to speak with either me or my team to see if we'd be the
right fit to work with each other inside of the profitable
(01:02:31):
personal brand 6 month coaching program.
Mind you, I am extremely selective and this coaching
program is not for everyone and I'm not afraid to say it.
I am only taking on serious, purpose, driven and committed
queer women and allies inside ofmy community.
If that's you, book your free strategy call.
The link is in the show notes and if you feel yourself come
(01:02:54):
alive and love listening to Queer Women Rising, please leave
me a five star rating with a kind review.
Wherever you listen to podcasts,be sure to share the show with a
powerful woman you know and remember when you're called to
do something greater in life, love or business.
You. Will be uncomfortable until you
move. So get up and go get what you
(01:03:18):
want. Let's rise, Let's rise.
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