The Planning Behind a Double Lesbian Proposal with Haily "Alrighty Alphrodite"

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Some love stories start with sparks, but what if yours started with a revolution?

📲 Connect with my guest, Haily.

Follow Haily on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_alrighty__aphrodite

Check out her TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@alrighty__aphrodite

Grab her Queer Poetry Book:

My Human History: Queer Poetry

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Oh, hello there, Sugar pie Dumpling dykes.
I always wanted to start a podcast like that.
I hope that's what I received. I mean, it was love, my little
dumpling dykes. I am Sophia Splino.
I am your host of Cool Women Rising.
I'm a lesbian in the South who was raised to think she was
straight for so long and now hasa lesbian dating platform where

(00:25):
we have women around the world falling in love.
And I have this podcast where I share pure love story.
So if that was your first littleintroduction of me, God bless
your hearts. It only gets weirder.
Welcome to cool Woman Rising, where I found lesbian friends to
talk about how to dodge the dating drama and help us all
prepare for the really beautiful, intentional, peaceful

(00:47):
connections that we all deserve.It's going to be a good time
today. Life updates.
I am now recording this mid February.
I'm about 45 days into my breakup.
I'm eating like normal again. I'm taking care of myself.
My nutritionist would be very, very, very proud.

(01:08):
I remember like two years ago when I was really, really sick
with mold poisoning, I hired a nutritionist.
Shout out to my girl Stephanie Mercurio, and she was helping me
eat and learn what a balanced diet looks like and take more
rest as an entrepreneur. Oh my God, that's all.
That's a tricky 1 for me, but she was teaching me about a

(01:30):
balanced diet and making sure like I'd stop working long
enough to eat. And I don't know about you guys.
It's not that I don't think I deserve to eat or something like
that. I just get like into a passion
project and then realize it's 3:00.
Like literally right now it's 2:15 as I'm filming this and I'm
looking at the half eaten breakfast.
That's still on my. Desk And it's just because I got

(01:52):
excited, OK, I got excited. I got too into what I do.
It is what it is. Anyways, I'm proud to admit that
I am eating really good. Like a lot Like I'm back to
feeling good. Post breakup.
I've created a home. Like this is no longer just a
new house for me. It feels like a home.

(02:15):
We have another freeze coming upand I have to do like home shit
on my own since I don't have a mask.
Daddy lesbian to do it for me ora super femme daddy who wants to
go take care of the plants. I've got to go cover up my
plants tonight because we're going to freeze again in
Louisiana. Global warming, climate change,
climate change, we need to call climate change for the people

(02:36):
who don't don't get it, because this is what's causing crazy,
crazy things in the world, like extreme cold in Louisiana.
This is the South, honey. We're not supposed to have snow.
We're not supposed to have freezes.
And I've got to go cover up all my plants.
Thanks to you guys. So that's what I've got to do
tonight. Not a easy feat.

(02:57):
I don't like getting dirty. That's another thing.
I'm really proud of myself. Like I finally like have a home.
I was really afraid to, to do that because I thought, Oh my
God, like apartment life is justso much easier.
But I have an incredible yard guy and he just comes every
couple weeks and does everything.
And I don't touch any weeds. But I have, I have and my mom is

(03:21):
still in shock that I've kept a couple plants alive and potted
them myself. Yes, I did.
The day before I went to go get my refresher manicure.
I potted the plants myself. I'm extremely proud of that.
And I have two house plans. I'm going get another one.
I want one for this room, but I don't know, there's not like
enough light in here. I think in the corners where I'd

(03:42):
want the plants to go. So we'll see about that.
I might have to just get a fake plan for in here.
But the plants that I've had so far are real and I'm really
proud of myself. And if you're listening to this
and you're like Sophia, but you're an adult, like that's
what adults do. They take care of plants to take
care of children. Things stay alive.
I am a late in life lesbian who has been very very very very
very focused on career and I have not kept anything alive,

(04:05):
not even a little cactus on my desk.
So just know this is a huge featfor me and I do expect applause.
Speaking of plants, I got my first two dozen roses.
Got roses. Got roses.
First roses received since goingthrough a breakup.
And I don't really know what that means for me.

(04:25):
I don't really know if that means that I will begin going
down a dating journey, going on dates with this person.
I don't know. I'm not sure how to proceed from
here. We will see.
All it means right now is that Igot roses.
I still feel like there's a lot of self reflection that I'm
doing. And I'm extremely focused on my

(04:47):
work right now making Queer Country Club the very best place
that I could possibly be. Which by the way, it's my
lesbian dating platform for monogamous extraordinary women
only. And yeah, I'm having so much fun
with that. We've done so many updates this
week, so many tech updates this week, and women are falling in
love. Last night we just had a meet

(05:07):
your future Wife live and we had80 women RSVP did this event.
And these these are women aroundthe world, primarily, primarily
America, but we have members from all around the world.
And what's really cool is the reason it would be really hard
for me to like end a relationship that just obviously

(05:27):
wasn't right in the past was thefear that I would never meet
someone extraordinary again. Like, how am I going to meet
someone that I'm like obsessed with?
And how am I? I just realized I'm like sitting
here cozied up in a blanket and like, I didn't even take it off
to film. Anyway, if you're not watching

(05:47):
the podcast, what are you doing?It's on Spotify and YouTube now.
You should be watching this. But with that being said, I'm
cozied up in front of my rainbowwall with a little purple
blanket and life is good and I got roses and I don't need to
date right now. But when I'm ready, The Queer
Country Club has so many women and like last night I was

(06:09):
hanging out with them. And these women are passionate
and creative and just have a lotof good things going on for them
in life. Like dude, if you're on lesbian
dating apps, like regular queer dating apps, like my heart goes
out to you because you got to swipe through a lot of garbage.

(06:30):
And Queer Country Club is just adifferent place.
It's a better place. So if you're interested in
learning about how it works, youcan DM me Queer Country Club on
Instagram and I would love to tell you more about it.
Or just go to queercountryclub.com and apply.
Honestly, just apply. You're not going to find a
better way to date out there if you're a monogamous lesbian.

(06:52):
Oh, another update about Queer Country Club.
We like launched a retreat when I was like going through it,
like I just like, you know how like you go through breakups and
you get a little manic. That was me.
I was like, I'm going to just plan a retreat.
I'd put going to Canyon Ranch onmy vision board.
I wanted to go with my partner this year.
And then we broke up and I was really sad.

(07:13):
And I was like, I'm going to, I'm going to still go on this
trip. Like just because I ended a
relationship doesn't mean that Ishouldn't do every single thing
on my vision board that I wantedto do with my partner this year.
And one night I was just up a little too late.
And I was like, wait, like, I don't have to just go on this

(07:34):
trip alone. I could invite all the
incredible single lesbians in the Queer Country Club.
And then I realized, OK, I can'tinvite all of them because
there's a lot of members at thispoint.
Like it's an extraordinary community, but I can't invite
everybody. I physically can't.
So I wanted to be intimate, intentional.
Anyway, we have 7 incredible beautiful women coming with me

(07:57):
on the 1st retreat. By the time this podcast airs,
the retreat will probably have happened.
With that being said, we had a lot of women who were like sad
that we couldn't accept any morefor this trip.
So I've been working on the nextretreat and by the time you hear
this, it's either going to be out or it's going to be sold
out, most likely sold out again.If you want to get on the

(08:19):
retreat wait list though, or youwant to see if there is space
for this upcoming retreat that we're going to be hosting in
May, then DM me the word retreat.
Now with that being said, this is not a basic ass retreat, OK?
I'm not taking my members on anyvacation that I would not take
with a romantic partner. This needs to be top of the line

(08:43):
Creme de la Creme. Like luxury beyond luxury.
And you know, I'm a bougie bitch, but I love easy, easy,
cool luxury. I love casual.
I love being able to like, show up in my sweats, but like be the
baddest bitch, you know? Like, like I was telling the
women in Queer Country last night, like a lot of them, and

(09:05):
they're extremely successful. They downplay their lives.
They downplay their lives. They're really chill, but
they've got their shit together,if you know what I mean.
This is for the women who enjoy the finer things in life but
want to go somewhere where it isa chill vibe and they want to
have a spiritual renewal experience.
If that sounds like you, like you're like, yeah, Sophia, let's

(09:25):
go get facials, Let's go get massages.
Let's go like do all the things.I don't know what specific
activities I will plan for future retreats.
I have a feeling it's going to fall in line with what I'm
talking about. Now, if that is you, DME retreat
and let's get an application in if there's one available.
If not, we'll put you on the wait list.
I do personally go through the applications.

(09:46):
I'm choosing women I personally want to hang out with and will
contribute to an incredible vibeinside of our space.
So yeah, if you're interested incoming with us to Canyon Ranch
or wherever our next retreat maybe.
Damn retreat. OK, today's guest.
It was such a fun interview because I got to hear her

(10:11):
engagement story. If you love lesbian love, you're
you're going to want to hear this.
Today's guest is known as Alrighty Aphrodite on Instagram
and TikTok, but her name is Haley.
She found her voice as an advocate for LGBTQ rights in
2021, transforming her journey of self acceptance into a
platform for change. Through public speaking, poetry,

(10:33):
content creation, she's built a space where career visibility
thrives. And now she's a published author
dedicated to amplifying our voices and fostering powerful
connection. And the love story she has with
her partner is just just the intentionality.
If you are a lesbian who's like,I'm looking for real.

(10:55):
I'm looking for depth. I'm looking for a partner who
goes above and beyond in like, the sweetest, most intentional
small moments. You're going to love this
episode. Welcome to the show, Haley.
I'm so glad you're here. Thank you, I'm so excited to be
here. We're gonna have so much fun.
So as you know, I put the L in LGBTQ proud lesbian late in

(11:16):
life, lesbian, screaming from the rooftops because I didn't
get to live it for so long. How do you identify?
Yeah, I definitely identify as alesbian as well.
And I think it's funny because it's one of those things where I
think, you know, when you say you're a late in life lesbian, I
feel like a lot of us feel that way because if you don't know
right away when you're 13, it seems like it feels very late no

(11:37):
matter what. So I especially appreciate your
content for that. Thank you.
I love your content. You keep it raw, you keep it
real. There's so much that we've
gotten to see in your world. Now you're married and this
beautiful life, beautiful wife. What is it like?

(11:58):
Is it as hard as people say marriage is?
You know, I might be a little bit biased because we, we've
just been married for a little shy of two months now, but I
don't, I have not found married life to be difficult.
I'm so glad to hear it. Yeah, I feel really lucky to say
that. I think, you know, of course,

(12:18):
I've been in a lot of different types of relationships
throughout my life, but this is by far the easiest relationship
I've ever had. And it's it's not for a lack of
desire to move forward or lack of protest with life, because I
think that's an important part of marriage is recognizing that
you're two different people and you're going to have two
different opinions. But one of the reasons that I
just, I just knew that, you know, was my person is that

(12:41):
we're very polar people. We've got a lot of personality
between the two of us, but it doesn't feel hard.
And that was something I thoughtand was kind of taught growing
up that, you know, marriage is sacrificing.
It's, it's hard and it's brutal and it's, you know, and we've
been together for about 3 years now and I feel like our marriage
is the one kind of safe haven inmy life where everything else

(13:04):
can be going wrong, but it feelslike a marriage is always that
safe place to land. That is so beautiful.
That's how it's supposed to be. How long did you date before you
realized? Like this is the person I want
to spend the rest of my life with.
You know, this is going to soundso classic lesbian fashion, but
when we have been together for maybe eight months, and when we

(13:27):
were eight months and we were looking at rings, we were
picking things out. But I think when we actually
knew, like, OK, we're ready to move forward with this decision.
We were about 2 1/2 years in. What would you tell people who
aren't dating and they're curious?

(13:47):
Like, how do you know? What do you feel?
What do you not feel when you'rewith the right person?
Because I think we all know whatit's like to for it not to be
right up until a certain point. But it's really hard when you
really like someone and you wantsomething to work, but it's not

(14:08):
meant to be. And then you get into a
situation where you're looking for the signs.
Well, things are OK. Do we move forward?
Do we not? How did you know this was more
than just OK? This was your forever person.
That's a really good question. I think, of course, it looks
different for everybody. You know what, What feels right
for me, for a permanent life situation is going to feel

(14:29):
different for you and for every other person as well.
But for me, I think I noticed that relationships are full of
compromises, right? Because we're two different
people, we're in different bodies, we have different
upbringing. Rahina and I are from different
cultures. You know, there's a lot of
compromise that happens in between the lines there.
But for me, the compromise that we made and have continued to

(14:52):
make together feels expansive and not contracted.
And that was a big thing for me because I've been lucky in my
life to fall in love with a lot of different people, a lot of
different kinds of people. But this is different for me in
the sense where when things get difficult or when there's
friction or when there's uncertainty, I think I feel like

(15:13):
the world is bigger when I'm with her then it feels by
myself. And I'm a very, very independent
minded person. I'm a very expressive person.
And I think that's a novelty that I hadn't experienced prior
to meeting her in any person, inany in any friendship, in any
relationship, in any companion I've ever had.

(15:34):
I've never felt like the world was so big and in in the best
way possible. I hope I'm articulating that
clearly enough, but it just feels like when there's
difficulty, I don't have the feeling of like, OK, I need, I
need to solve this all on my own.
And for me even, and this is just a personal thing, but for
me, I had never really wanted kids, for example.

(15:56):
I was like, I don't know that it's for me and I still don't
know if it is. I think it's one of those things
where if I'm in the position in life for it, great.
And if I'm not, that's great too.
But I before I'd met Rahim, I was like, no, no, no, no way, no
way, no way. And with her, I'm like, maybe I
could and we're both very neutral on the stance, but it's
more of the sentiment of I can picture a lot more experiences

(16:19):
in my life in general because she's in it.
Because I feel like I have a partner who is, who is equal and
capable and can stand on her own2 feet and bring so much into my
life where she's pushing me to move that I, I never even
thought were possible. You know, when I met her, I
started to travel, I started to learn different languages.
I started to become more of a person, and I'd never

(16:42):
experienced that with any other human being on this whole
planet. And so there are a lot of
answers to that question, but that is my biggest feeling is of
expansivity with her. That's so good though, because I
think things can be great with somebody, good enough with
somebody, but there's something that feels not expansive.

(17:04):
I can look back to every single relationship and be like, but
there's something that's feels like I'm being held back in some
way, shape or form. If I stay in this relationship,
whether that's me as an individual or my career, or just
knowing that there is a more aligned match, it doesn't feel
expansive to stay in it. And so this actually you're

(17:26):
like, am I articulating this right?
It actually is one of the first things that really hits me
compared to the way anyone's ever explained it because that's
the only feeling I can pinpoint when something's wrong, when
everything's OK. It doesn't mean it's the person,
but it was OK. Like the last relationship was

(17:47):
healthy and felt really good, but it didn't feel expansive at
a certain point. And that feels I, I'm sure
someone else listening is like, Oh my gosh, like that just
clicked for me too. And maybe it's going to help
someone not stay in a relationship longer than they
should because your future wife,your future partner should make

(18:08):
you feel that sense of expansiveness.
And like you're like, I'm a whole person with her.
She's made me even more of a whole person.
Like less a mesh meant more wholeness in yourself, which is
really interesting. So you as an individual, Haley,
what does that look like? I know we see on social media,
we see you and your partner. Tell us about you.

(18:31):
What's your career like? What's your dreams?
Yeah, You know, I think that changes every day.
That's a big thing for me as a person, too.
And it ties into into my relationship also, because
Rahina is also one of those jacks of all trades where she's
like, I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow.
And we both find that really invigorating.
For me, I've taken a couple different paths in my career.

(18:52):
I actually started my my degreesin HRM with an emphasis in
employee law. So I started doing, you know,
like payroll, HR kind of stuff, very back end employee relations
sort of things. I worked in recruiting for Apple
for a little bit, but ultimatelynow I'm I'm working in social
media, which is a big shift. But I've always been a very
creative person. It doesn't matter how practical

(19:13):
or tactical my career is, I'm always going to be doing some
sort of like crazy art project on the side.
During quarantine I started a big self-portrait series that
was portraying a lot of surreal elements of what it felt like to
be trapped inside. And I had a couple of magazine
publications with that. So I think I don't think I'm
ever going to pick a path. And that's the thing I like most

(19:35):
about myself, honestly, is that I think you know how they say
that saying it's like a Jack of all trades is a master of none,
But the initial saying was a Jack of all trades is a master
of none, which still has more power than a master of one.
The phrase has been kind of shortened to fit a specialized
society that we're in right now,and there's respect to be found
for that there too. But to answer your question, I

(19:57):
guess I I don't have an answer and I hope I never really find
one because I like tinkering around.
I like talking to people, I likeexpressing.
And as long as I'm in one of those realms, I think I'll be
happy. I love that.
What about your partner? What is lighting her up in her
career? Because it sounds like you guys
are both badasses in your own way.

(20:18):
Yeah, You know, when I met her, get this, She was, this is so
cool. She was a nature survival
teacher. I was.
Like, yeah, like I've never evenheard of that career.
And that's so her, you know, that's so indicative of her.
And so, yeah, there are 1,000,000 different skills that
go inside of that. And now she's working in BSS,
which is like a an intermediary communication.

(20:39):
And in business, she works in the precious metals industry.
So we kind of, we toggle back and forth between doing very
technical corporate things and doing things that are just
totally out on a whim into our niche interest.
And I think we're going to feel very alive, hopefully for a very
long time through that because we're always shifting and
changing pace. And yeah, I just, I love it

(21:01):
because throughout my life when when I had been in love or even,
you know, with close friends andcompanions, there always is this
rhetoric of like, OK, you have to pick one thing and you have
to get really good at that one thing.
And that's great for some people.
I'm, you know, Regina and I, Regina and I, we're just not
those people. And so that's what I mean, you
know, kind of lacing back into that answer with expansivity was

(21:25):
that I remember the first time Iwanted to do a really big career
shift. I was working in, in the
recruiting industry, hiring engineers.
And I was like, oh, I kind of want to do, I kind of want to do
social media full time. And I think most people would
have looked at me and been like,hey, you know, think it through,
slow it down. And she was like, you should,
you should, you should do it right now.

(21:45):
You know, it's just this immediate on board energy
because we have this trust that,hey, listen, you're capable,
you've got a lot of different skills and whatever you do,
you're going to be great at it. And I think that's one of our
strongest bonding points is thatwe're not creative in the same
ways at all. We're very, very opposite
people, but we have that same spirit.
And I think that's that's huge for me and in a life partner for

(22:08):
sure. It is having a partner with that
on board. Energy is everything.
If you have that entrepreneur orcreative spirit, you need
someone who's going to support that.
Otherwise it would feel like someone's kind of dimming your
light or just doesn't get you. Yeah, that's one thing that I

(22:32):
noticed last night. We had to meet up in the Queer
Country Club and we had the coolest, we always have the most
badass when it comes to career women in the world.
But one in particular is like a YouTube that has like these
crazy sponsorships and travels the world.
And she's like, yeah, I need a partner who's like encouraging
me because my life changes everyday.

(22:54):
I'm successful, but it's not, it's not stable even though I'm
successful. Like it's always shifting and so
much of what I do as an entrepreneur, I can feel that
way. Things shift.
And when I've had partners in the past, it it, it's kind of
like the number one thing like Ineed like a cheerleader and I'll
be your cheerleader. But whether you are in corporate

(23:17):
and you just have like a, a drive to climb that ladder or
you're like creative with your little passion projects, those
little passion projects that need to be celebrated big and
and honored by your partner. And it's beautiful to hear that
you guys do that. And I just think the world

(23:39):
doesn't, the world does not see.And if you're in a small town
like me in Lafayette, LA, you don't see how many extraordinary
queer women exist, not only who are like, driven but like,
creative. And so just hearing stories like
yours, knowing there are women out there that find each other
and support each other and you're not going to be alone and

(24:01):
you will find somebody who supports you and believes in
your dreams is huge. You said something interesting
about how you didn't think you wanted like, a baby in the past.
And now you're like neutral, which is so odd because I feel
that way so hard. Like I thought, I'm, I'm not
going to want that. And then I met my last partner
and she was the kind of person that like, I would really want

(24:24):
to raise a baby with. And the only reason that I
thought, well, maybe not is 'cause I was kind of enjoying
like being her baby. Like, let's just travel baby
less essentially. But there was a moment where I
was like, actually, like, I would want to raise a baby with
you, 'cause you're a whole person.
You're, you said the word capable.

(24:44):
And so I think as women, we, we,we've struggled in the dating
world. But when you meet someone,
you're like, oh, wait, like this, this can actually work.
Like there's straight women out there who do this with a man, a
man raise a. Child.
With a man, Oh my God. Anyway, So what was it for you
about your partner that's like, like what traits?

(25:05):
And what is it about her about? You're like, hey, like a baby
isn't number one on the list, but like, if you could
accidentally get me pregnant, I wouldn't mind.
That's totally it too, you know,Well, I think, I think in order
to answer that, I also have to reflect on the past a little
bit. The cries.
Every other relationship I've had, I've felt the total

(25:25):
opposite where I've been like, no, no way, no way.
And I think also the idea of wanting a child or not wanting a
child, there is sort of this meta narrative in society that's
like when you meet the right person, when the right event
occurs in your life, then you'llwant it.
And I don't want to perpetuate that either.
But I think for me, in the past,I couldn't see it because if I'm

(25:48):
being honest with myself, I don't think I could see a full
blown future where I wasn't fearful that I would have to be
the most. I want to articulate this
correctly. The, the, the provider of
everything, almost the provider of the labor, the provider of
the financial stability, The, you know, there are just, I
think people that and with all due respect, that I've loved

(26:10):
very deeply in my life that I didn't feel secure enough to
bring a whole person into the world because it's all fun and
games when it's just me and my creative pursuits and maybe my
partner and our travel plan. And that's great.
But to have the confidence to bring a whole human being into
the world and say, Hey, listen, I'm going to do my best to teach
you how to be a good person and to teach you what I know and

(26:32):
what I think, and then let you take it from there and develop
your own sense of self. I feel like you have to be so
certain of the person that you're with it if and it will
happen, life will happen. You're going to lose your job,
you know, you're going to get sick.
There are things that will happen and making sure that the
person you're with is somebody who is going to be able to
suffer well. I heard somebody the other day

(26:54):
and it struck me so, so deeply because basically what she was
saying was something to the sentiment of that When you
choose somebody to marry, you have to choose somebody who's
going to suffer well, who has the endurance to face what life
has to throw at you. And with Rehena, it's not just
that I think she's a person witha lot of endurance and a lot of
capability, but it's also that. This is going to sound wild but

(27:17):
stay with me here. I feel like I could maybe want a
child with her because I also know that I would just as
readily choose a life without a child with her.
You know what I mean? In my marriage, my wife is going
to be #1 always. And it's a very person to person
thing. But for me, I, I picked you in
life like you're my person. You know, you're half of me now.
You are my number one. If you want kids and that's

(27:39):
right for us, we'll do that. If you don't want kids and
that's right for us, we'll do that.
You know, I'm OK with that as long as I get to spend my life
with you. And so there are a lot of
answers and there are no answers, I guess in summation.
But I think the difference for me was that I just feel like
she's someone who has the ability to live any life with me

(28:01):
and vice versa. You know, I could live any life
truly. I could.
I could be a multimillionaire and be super rich or I could be,
you know, I could be making nothing.
We joke about that, her and I frequently.
She's she's always like, oh, youcould, you know, you could, you
can open up a stand on the side of the road with us, what you
want to do. And I would have such a happy
life with you. And we both feel that way, you
know? So it's like there are a lot of

(28:22):
unexpected elements of this life.
And that's why I always say, youknow, I could have a kid.
I could not have a kid. I have no idea where my life is
gonna go. And I think the acceptance of
that with the person that I'm with is what makes me feel that
way, you know? Yeah, no, I do.
It's like it. It was really scary, at least
for me, late in life. What?
What? When did you come out?

(28:43):
Was how old were you? I think I was 22, which felt
late to me. I know it's not late, but it
feels late. It felt late for me.
I was like 26 when I admitted tomyself I was by 28 when I came
out, by 29 when I was like, oh, I'm a lesbian.
Like I'm never like after I slept with the woman, I was
like, Oh my God, like I'm never doing anything else again.

(29:06):
So for me it was like I kind of thought, well, here I am at 29.
I guess I give up the idea of the picket fence life, the
stable forever marriage, the child because I'm late.
Like I'm not going to meet someone who wants to have a baby
right now. I don't even have my life

(29:27):
together because my career was built on my ex partners career
helping him build his business. I left with nothing.
I can't bring a child in the world financially.
How I have a SO everything you're saying really makes sense
to me because I didn't want to. Even if you have a partner who
has their shit together, anyone can get a divorce.

(29:48):
Anyone could be left with a child.
And so you have to think, am I able to do this on my own if I
had to? Or you have to have a partner so
amazing that you can't imagine them ever wanting to do life
without you. And that's when you bring a
child into the world where you're like, no matter what
suffering is thrown at us or individually, this person would

(30:12):
never turn against me and would always be the best parent in the
world to even Co parent with. If you don't know that for a
fact, you shouldn't reproduce. Especially as beautiful
homosexuals who get to choose that we reproduce.
There's no accidents here. We get to very, very

(30:32):
intentionally choose who we wantto procreate with and how.
Like, it's so cool we don't haveany babies that are accidents.
Like we get to intentionally be like, I want to make a good
person in this world. That's a big responsibility.
It is. And you're right, it's a very
deliberate choice. It's not like, you know, I, I,

(30:55):
I've been thinking about this a lot actually, because I have a
lot of friends who are in straight relationships or
straight marriages and they're getting to that point where
they're having kids. And it's so interesting to see
the difference between what we have to think about versus what
they have to think about becauseit truly can happen
accidentally, which is, you know, it's so exciting for them

(31:16):
in some ways, and that's so great.
But it's an entirely different process for us.
You know, we're talking about investing probably hundreds of
thousands of dollars in the initial process of even maybe
being able to get pregnant. And then beyond that, you know,
the the different treatments that we would need and all that
good stuff. So it's it, it's such a
different process. And so, yeah, it does have to be
very deliberate, even more so than than, you know, typically

(31:39):
it would be. Yeah, so everything's just
flipped on its head and more expensive.
And then of course, there's like, typically queer women are
a marginalized community, so there could be economic
disparities. And like, it's it's that much
more expensive, yet most of the time women make that much less.
And it's like, whoa, so deliberate.

(32:01):
And it's truly a privilege to have a child.
With all this being said, I knowthat you and your partner don't
do traditional gender roles. And as you were going through
your beautiful relationship, I saw that you, the feminine
counterpart might I call you, were the ones that proposed?

(32:22):
And how shocked people were thatyou proposed to your more
masculine counterpart. Can you tell us about the
proposal and how you planned it?Did she know?
And people's reactions after? Oh, you know, our proposal story
was kind of an odd 1. So, so we've course had a
preliminary conversation prior to me proposing and I feel like

(32:45):
that's an important one. Have to make sure everybody's on
the same page. We're all good.
There are no surprises, right? Be on the surprises you want.
And so I started my proposal planning process and it was so
elaborate. I'm a very elaborate person,
probably not a surprise there, but so here's how I had planned
it. It happened so different than
the way I had planned it. So there was this park that we

(33:07):
used to take our dog to and the park was really heavily symbolic
for us because the first couple years we've been together, it
felt like outside of us, like outside of the relationship.
It was disaster after disaster after disaster.
Like we lived in two different apartments that had gotten
swatted, which was insane. We had, we had been through like

(33:29):
job loss and just, you know, it was, it was a lot of different
things that were hitting us fromall angles.
And when we moved to a differenthouse on the other side of town
and we started taking our dog for walks around this park, it
was around the time that life started to get a lot easier for
us. It was just circumstantial, you
know what I mean? Just things happen to be going a
lot smoother. And it was a place of that

(33:50):
represented a lot of solace and a lot of peace for us after a
lot of just crazy things that were outside of our control in
those months, Even like our our landlord broke in and stole all
of our stuff 'cause they had a misconception.
But when the lease date ended, like it was truly like we didn't
feel like we were stable anywhere.
And anyway, all I can say it, itwas horrible.

(34:13):
It really was. But anyway, so.
Like I have so many questions with like, did you get your
stuff back? So, so I'm not allowed to talk
about it too much because we didgo with it.
Don't do it. Don't do it then.
But anyway, so the, yeah, the park represented a lot of just
like tranquility for us after a period of, of a lot of upheaval.

(34:36):
And we, we used to joke during that time we were like, oh man,
like I'm really glad I'm with you.
Because I think if I was with anybody else, there would have
been issues in the relationship.And that was the craziest thing
about it is we were under so much stress and our relationship
was still good, which is insane because the most stuff that was
going on was out of this world. But anyway, so I knew I had to

(34:57):
do it here at this park, but I didn't want it to be the class
like, oh, we're at a park and I'm going to get down on one Me.
I'm I'm more detailed than that.And so there were these canoes
that you could rent and take outon the on the little lake around
there. And so I had just met a new
friend that my now wife had not been introduced to, hadn't seen
her, didn't know her. And I was like, oh, how fun

(35:19):
would it be if I planted a stranger and her husband in this
canoe? So here was my whole plan.
She was going to pull up in the canoe and I was going to be
like, hey, listen, you know, we,we have this reservation for
another hour, but we have to leave.
Like, do you guys want to? And I knew, I knew that Raheen
would be like, yeah, of course, because she has that nature

(35:40):
about her, you know. And so I had a whole playlist
gathered and a little speaker toput in the canoe, like the whole
9 yards photographer in the bushes because that's just, it's
simple. But it was such the nature of
our relationship. And like I said, she was a
nature survival teacher when I met her.
She loves to be outdoors. I was like, this is perfect.

(36:01):
So while I'm planning this, I'm speaking to our mutual friends
about it, right? Because there are a lot of bells
and whistles that needed to be put on it and things that needed
to be arranged and planted and actually had a little ring box
that was in a walnut shell. Oh, my God.
Yeah. Was to like, be like, oh, my
gosh. That's because walnuts don't
grow where we live. And she would know that.
And so it was my intention to kind of like, put it in the

(36:23):
bottom of this canoe. Be like, oh, my gosh, like,
these don't grow here. What is it knowing she would
pick it up and open it because that is that's she would pick it
up, crack it open. That's 100% what she would do.
I love that you know her so well.
This is so thoughtful. Well, you get one, right, You
get 1. So I was like, it's got to be
perfect. So I'm telling my friends about

(36:45):
this plan, our mutual friends the whole way through.
And at the same time she was planning a proposal for me,
which was eerily similar in nature.
Like eerily similar in nature, same thing but with a kayak was
more or less what she was planning.
But I was a little bit ahead of her.
And so I, I planned this whole thing out, scheduled it, booked

(37:07):
the photographer, you know, the whole 9 yards.
And the story gets even longer. So there was one one month where
I had planned to go to Guatemalabecause I've made a commitment
to myself at least once a year to make sure that I'm traveling
solo. And that's just a commitment I
made to myself a long time ago because I used to be the type of

(37:30):
person who would lose myself in relationships.
So it's like, no, you know, I need to make sure that I'm going
somewhere I've never been before, putting myself in
uncomfortable circumstances. So I'm still in touch with
myself. So this trip was coming up and
Marina had just gotten a promotion.
It was a really big promotion ather work and she was so excited.
But it was going to involve a schedule change.

(37:52):
And the important thing about this is that I was intending to
propose right when I got back from Guatemala.
So I didn't have, and this was like a month long trip, so I
didn't have a lot of other time to arrange anything.
Everything was booked. She's like, Oh yeah, I'm going
to have a schedule change and I had booked this whole thing for
the day that she would now end up working, but it.

(38:14):
Was and. It was a new position, so it's
not like I could do the K request these days off.
So what, So I can take you on a walk to the park, you know, like
that one just made sense. So anyway, so I was very anxious
about the schedule component andI was like, hey, do you know
your schedule? Do you know your schedule?

(38:34):
And she knows me very well. And so over time, she started to
become a little agitated. She was like, why are you so
worried about my schedule? You know, like, I got a
promotion. This is not the time to be
worried about my schedule. And, you know, so I had a couple
friends weigh in and make a story up of a trip they wanted.
It got very messy. And eventually she came to me
and she was very upset. And she was like, listen, I feel

(38:55):
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All your Kitty needs. You're welcome.
OK, back to the show. And I was like, oh man, 'cause
my my anxiety about the schedulehad definitely been showing and.
Sounds stressful to me as a OCD person, Like oh I'm nervous for
you, I know. And this was like, you know,
maybe four days before I was supposed to leave the country

(41:33):
for a month. Like I'm not, I, there's no way
I can handle this out of the country, right?
I didn't even know if I'd have reception or what was going on
'cause I was backpacking througha lot of the country.
And so, you know, we're on the phone and she's really upset
with me. Reasonably so.
I would have been too, you know,in retrospect, I would have been
too, because she didn't feel celebrated enough.
And I was like, oh man, I'm so sorry.

(41:53):
I didn't mean to make you feel that way.
And she's like, hey, I like, I'mgoing to have dinner with a
friend. I'm going to let you go.
And she hangs up the phone. And I was like, shoot, you know,
so I call my mom. I call my dad.
What do I do in this situation? You know, like, I made this
situation such a mess and it wassomething that I intended to be
special for her. But, you know, she didn't know I

(42:13):
was planning to propose. She didn't understand why the
schedule is such a priority. And both my mom and my dad
separately, they're like, you have to tell her.
They're like, you have to tell. You can't let her go to bed
feeling undervalued, Like you have to tell her.
So I'm like, OK, but if I tell her, then she's going to know
the ring that I picked out because she's a very, very, very
picky person. And we had been at a pawn shop

(42:37):
actually like a month prior. And there was this ring and she
just lit up when she saw it. And she was like, oh, my God, I
love it. And it was very similar to a
ring that had been her grandfather's.
And she lost it on a night out when she was like 20 or
something like this. And she'd beat herself up for it
ever since. She was like, oh, my God, I love
it. I love it.
I love it. And I was like, do you do you
want to like, I can get it rightnow And, you know, it can be a

(42:58):
wedding band. She's like, no, that's OK.
That's OK. We go home and like a week
later, she's like, do you think that ring is still there?
I was like, I don't know. I don't know.
And she kept mentioning it and Iwas like, you know, why didn't
you let me buy it at the time? And this was so heartbreaking.
She said to me, she was like, I just, I don't feel like I

(43:20):
deserve something that's that nice.
And I was like, oh, forget it. So, you know, of course, I run
back to the shop. Thank God they still had it and
I bought it and so I had to playit off like, oh, I went back,
they didn't have it. I'm sorry, you know?
So point being, the ring was a big part of the surprise of the
proposal. It was the only one she'd ever
liked. I know she's super specific and.

(43:42):
Like a grandpa ring. I'm so in.
One of my best friends has like an engagement ring that looks
like a grandpa ring and it's like so hot on a woman.
I love it. Yes.
Oh, I know. I loved it too.
And it's so her. It's so classic.
It's timeless anyway. And so when I got off the phone
with my parents and they were like, you have to tell her.
You have to tell her. I was like, if I tell her, she's

(44:03):
going to know the ring I have and whatever.
And so I, I called my best friend at the time and I was
like, hey, like, I think I'm going to propose tonight.
And she was like, OK, like, OK, you know, like, just clean the
house, you know, take a shower, put something nice on.
I'm like, I'll grab some flowersand some wine and some beer and
I'll bring it over. Like, OK, so I, I line like the

(44:24):
whole house with candles and everything.
I put, you know, her the, the playlist I'd intended on flowers
all over everything. So she calls me back.
This is the worst part. During this whole process of me
setting everything up, she callsme back and she's like, hey, I'm
really sorry. Like I think I think I
overreacted before. You know, like you, you do
deserve to know your schedule. And I think I'm just under a lot

(44:44):
of stress, like I'm really sorry.
And here I am on the other end of the phone, you know, setting
everything up. And I'm like, no, I'm, you know,
because it was valid that she felt that way.
You know, it totally was. Anyway, so she gets home and,
you know, the music and the candles and everything, but she
doesn't even suspect anything because we're both big
romantics. Like this is something that I do
not never, right. Like I probably do this once

(45:05):
every three months. And so she comes in, she sits
down, she tells me about her dayand we're laughing and we're
talking and I'm shaking. You know, I've got this, this
ring in my in in my purse next to me.
And so I tell her everything andI'm just like, Hey, listen, you
know, this is this is the way I'd intended it happening.
But and I do, I do consider thisto be one of the cornerstones of

(45:26):
our marriage as I was like, you know, I am always going to
prioritize the way that you're feeling on a given day over
whatever else grandiose is goingon.
You know what I mean? I would rather you feel loved
and respected by me than have some grand I can, I have the
rest of my life to, to give you grand gestures.
You know what I mean? But I don't want you to go to

(45:46):
bed feeling like I don't value you or like I don't celebrate
your success. And that's always going to be
that's always going to be my number one priority.
And as I'm telling her, you knowhow I'd intended to propose, I
didn't tell her the whole story about how I'd intended to
propose. Oh, her face fell.
She was like, she was like, I had that thought.
I thought that maybe that was the case.
That's why I called you back, you know.

(46:06):
So I guess the point of playlistwhere the song hits where I'm
I'm supposed to, I've planned itall out meticulously in very
type A. Tell me this ring is still in a
walnut. Well, actually, so I ended up
proposing twice. So I saved the walnut for mother
getaway took her on like a monthafter I got back because I don't
want her to not have you know, that that glitter sort of

(46:27):
moment. So I still did the whole grand
gesture. So I, I, it was just a, a what I
I bought like 3 different boxes to put the ring in just in case
'cause I just wanted it to be the right one.
So yeah, so I picked out a different one for that day so
that I could still use the walnut for later on.
And yeah, I got what? Was the song.

(46:48):
It was Desfruit though, which isit's basically like a song about
being in love with somebody despite the labours of life.
And yeah. And so I, I knelt down, I
proposed and of course she said yes.
And she's like, wait a minute, wait a minute.
She goes running out of, we're on the back patio.
She goes running out of the backpatio into our guest room and

(47:09):
she comes back with a ring box and she knelt down and proposed
to me at the same time. She was like, I can't be wearing
a ring if you're not. And so it was a very long winded
story. But all that to say, yeah, it's
it's kind of representative of us though, you know, like I
think a lot of things go wrong in this life and things don't go
to plan and miscommunications happen and things get

(47:30):
misconstrued. But the number one priority
always is each other. Wow, like like the tears, like
it's just she, she was ready to propose to you.
Did she have like a plan or she was kind of just holding on like
she had found the ring for you and was just ready for the right
moment? What was her thought process?

(47:53):
Well, that was the thing. And she had actually booked
everything as well. The photographer that you know,
but that's our mutual friends, didn't know what to do because
her plan was very similar to mine, except for instead of a
canoe, she had picked a kayak, which I don't know that would
have worked in a kayak, but you know.
But yeah, it was, it was more orless the exact same plan, except

(48:13):
for she had also hired like a band as well.
That's still her 'cause she wanted to take us underneath in
the kayak, she wanted to take usunderneath this overpass.
And on top of the overpass, she'd wanted to write Will you
marry me? Unlike a banner with a band on
the top. So it's similar concept but
slightly different execution. And our mutual friends, after we

(48:34):
announced we were engaged, they were like, we had no idea what
to do. You're planning the same
proposal, but we couldn't tell either of you to not do it or
would ruin the whole thing, you know?
Oh my gosh, it's so romantic though.
It's. I feel like this is like just
the epitome of what it's like tobe with a woman like in in the

(48:55):
most beautiful way. Of course, not everyone gets as
beautiful of a magical moment, but like when we fantasize of
women loving women relationships, this is like the
ultimate example of like just loving each other so well.
So BB, you're both so blessed tohave each other.
That is beautiful. And then you said you proposed a

(49:17):
gun in the great outdoors. What was that like?
So, so here's what I had done. I had planned after I had
proposed to her my initial plan,right immediately I was going to
take her for a weekend getaway because I wanted to make it
special. And so I went to the restaurant
we had our first date at. And I wish I had it on me
actually, it's in the kitchen over there, but I printed out

(49:40):
and laminated like a menu to have them plant on the table for
one because of course, you know the proposal.
And then I had dinner plans immediately.
And so I made this whole menu and I did still execute this
part. And it was like, you know, the
appetizer, the main course, the dessert.
And I had basically highlighted key moments in our relationship
where I was like, you know, thisis the appetizer was, you know,

(50:01):
how we met, how we came together.
The main piece was, you know, getting to spend the rest of our
lives with each other. And then dessert, I had detailed
just a little bit about the getaway we were about to go on
and what she should pack. So I took her to dinner and it,
it was fantastic. Of course, you know, it was like
the the same place we had our first date.
So it was very romantic and justvery nostalgic.
We sat at the same table. We had sat out on our first date

(50:23):
also. And then, yeah, immediately I
had already put our dog in boarding.
I took her home. I had her pack everything.
And then we went for sort of like a glamping ask experience
because she loves being outside.So I took her to this place
called Tulula Mesa, which isn't too far outside of Austin in
Marble Falls. I think it is.
And so there are these big gorgeous tents that have these

(50:46):
glass walls on the front fireplaces and a private pool.
And nobody else had booked out the whole place that weekend.
So it was just a it was fantastic.
Yeah. We just spent the whole weekend
doing stuff that she, she loves basically, you know, we, we
grilled out and we, we used the private pool they had and we,
you know, sat around and told stories and watched movies and

(51:07):
it was just a nice little escapefor us.
And toward the end of this weekend, it was a three day
weekend because it was around Labor Day.
I, I kind of executed the same plan, but without the canoe
where I planted the walnut on the ground.
And I was like, Rahima, come look at this.
And she runs over and I'm like, do you see?
I didn't think we had walnut trees here.
And she was like, we don't, and she picks it up and, you know,

(51:31):
opens it up and there's the ring.
And I was like, because she had taken, she had just showered and
she took it off to shower. So I, I put it back in the, in
the box and I ran over and I executed the whole thing.
But it was so special because itwas, it was just us, you know,
there was nobody else around. It was exactly the type of of
environment that I knew she would feel most connected and

(51:52):
most comfortable and at home. And yeah, it was special.
And I think when I posted that we had gotten engaged and even
our wedding content, people weresaying in the comments like, I
can't find the engagement video.I can't find the proposal video.
And I don't have one. And and that was very much on
purpose because I think I love social media, I love posting.

(52:13):
But he was just one of those moments that I think for me was
too special to have for anybody but us.
So I prefer that we kind of cameaway from it with the stories
instead of, you know, the, the, the content.
I 100% get that and the the loveand intentionality that you put

(52:35):
into this is incredible. Like Regina, I want to say her
name, right, Rahina, is that correct?
Rahina is just so, so lucky to have you, and I'm sure you're
lucky to have her, but what you've described is like the
lesbian dream, just so you know,Like that level of

(52:57):
intentionality. The menu.
Did you post something about themenu though later on?
Yeah, the menu I did. When I was planning to get at
the restaurant, I was so nervous.
I was like, I hope. I don't think I'm too corny for
this, but but I have. It was too fun.
It was so sweet. And like, I remember that post.
I was like, I'm pretty sure thatwas you because I mean, who else
would think of that? Yeah, it's it's just so

(53:19):
beautiful. And it, it gives me hope that
that kind of love is out there, the kind of love that would
propel me to do something like that for somebody.
Like they're so worth that intentionality and the kind of
love that someone else would do that for me.
And I'm sure women listening areinspired.

(53:40):
It's it's beautiful and intentionality is rare.
So thank you for doing that for her.
It's beautiful. I know y'all aren't tradition
like the like the ones like maskthin thin mask?
I know you had some reactions topeople being shocked that you

(54:02):
proposed first. Do you have any particular story
of someone who's like, wait, whoproposed to who?
I think I think that we get thatreaction in a lot of different
facets of our lives because, youknow, I think even in the queer
community, and that's something I spend a lot of my time
thinking about is even in the queer community, there is that

(54:25):
that gender role kind of idea that's still perpetuated was
like if you present more feminine, then you're the girl
and if you present more masculine, then you're the boy
and expect you to kind of have those traits.
I think for US it was, I mean, you know, people online I think
had opinions about the proposal,but I think in in real everyday

(54:45):
life, it's more about the other roles that we play that people
tend to be a little bit shocked by.
You know, a lot of times people will expect her human to be the
person that is more outspoken ormore dominant or makes more
decisions. And our partnership is very much
equal, I would say. But of the two of us, I think I
have more masculine leaning traits in my personality.

(55:09):
You know, I tend to be more outspoken.
I tend to like to make a lot of the decisions, you know, that's,
that's inherently me. I do remember though, that
after, after I had proposed, we went to, we went to a lot of
celebration dinners. It was our favorite thing to do.
We walked around town. We were like, we just got
engaged, you know, So it was oneof several, but we went to a

(55:31):
yeah, to a dinner. And I remember the waiter said
to us, because I put on the reservation, I was like, we just
got engaged. And he was like, oh,
congratulations. You know, he's very kind about.
And he meant no, no ill will by it by any means.
But he turned to me and he was like, I just knew you had gotten
proposed to because you're glowing.
Like, you look beautiful. And he turned to my now wife.

(55:53):
And he was like, you know, like you, you really did well with
her. And so sometimes we'll find that
people will speak to her. He know, almost like she's a man
where he is like you just got proposed to, you're glowing, you
know, which is lovely. Make a compliment all day.
But you know, and it's, it's notworth it to actually be like
actually, you know, like what, whatever, we'll just let it go.

(56:14):
But that is very commonly the response that we're met with.
And I again, I don't think it's ill will from people, but I
think we just have our minds so programmed to a very binary idea
of what relationships look like.A 100% like even in the queer
community because like as a woman who runs a lesbian dating

(56:34):
platform, I have to, to put people with who they are
interested in, right? So a lot of times people are
very interested only like feminine with masculine,
masculine, feminine hybrid with feminine, like those sort of
things. And so of course, we do our very
best to match people as they want to be matched.
And I myself come from the Southwhere I'm used to like men doing

(56:58):
everything. And I do want to be like in my
housewife energy one day. Like I do want that.
But I also see how partnerships like you have are freaking
beautiful. And now we're both in this.
It's like there, there's 'cause you look, you just said your
energy is so massive, masculine,yet on the outside so feminine.

(57:21):
And at the end of the day, that's what we all are.
We're all women, we're all, we're all wavering between the
polarity. So I think it's just so
different for each individual. And honestly, like there's women
I've been with who make me more feminine because they're so in
their masculine. And so when they bring that

(57:41):
masculine energy, it, it relaxesme.
And then the only time I'm in mymasculine is like in my career.
So with you and and your partner, what do you think that
her energy brought to you differently than what your life
was like before her? Like did it does she make you
lean into or is is it that she'sactually like putting you in

(58:04):
that neutral state? Cause y'all are both more in a
neutral. Yeah, that's a good question.
And I like the way that you saidthat too.
I I was immediately when you asked it, I was thinking of
neutrality. And I think that's why this
relationship has felt like the most authentic connection I've
had in my life because I feel like with her, I've been able to

(58:25):
decide who I want to be everyday.
You know, I think in other relationships I've had, I felt
like I was put very heavily in my feminine energy or very
heavily in my masculine energy. And I think with Rahima, we are
who we wake up as that day. And that's who I love among the,
the most of that's one of the things I love the most about our

(58:47):
relationship is that some days I'm like, hey, listen.
And we do this a lot in our relationship.
We're we're having a day where we're like, I can't make a
decision today. We're very verbal about that.
We say that a lot worse, like, hey, listen, I can't take
decisions today. Can you just take the decision?
And that little communication isso helpful for us because, yeah,
I feel like there is always thisbasis of neutrality.

(59:09):
And I can just be whoever I wantto be.
You know, if I want to open all the doors for her that day and I
want to take her out and I want to pay for dinner, then I do.
And, you know, we're married, soit's all the same thing at this
point. But you get the concept, right?
And vice versa, if I'm like, hey, listen, I don't want to
make a single decision today. I don't want to drive the car.
I don't want to do a thing. She's like, OK, you know, I'll
take care of it. And I think it's just allowed me
to feel, I feel more like a human being with her than I've

(59:32):
felt with it with anybody in my entire life.
You know, I don't feel like I have to be anybody or I'm put in
any sort of energy. I feel like I just, I just am
it's. So good.
I love that. Like you're saying, I don't like
just honestly, like I don't wantto be the one to make a decision
today. And then that allows you to lean

(59:53):
back and let her take the lead in like you just can flow and
switch. That's so important.
I'll never forget one of my exeswho is masculine telling me
there's a lot of bullshit that she told me it was a bad
relationship, but this she had, right.
I remember one day she looked atme and she just goes, Sophia,

(01:00:14):
I'm a woman too. And I was like, damn.
And I, I will tell you that's the one time where I can look
back and go, yeah, I deserve to like not have that expectation
of her that day. And it hit, it hit.
So yeah, I don't know this, thisdefinitely makes me reflect.

(01:00:37):
And the truth is every single person that we're we're with can
influence us to shift into different versions of ourselves.
And it's really cool that you found this love and have been
able to what it seems like not easy because relationships
aren't easy. But as easily as possible, as

(01:00:58):
naturally as possible, maintain this love because it is so
neutral for you and no one's doing the heavy lifting here.
Yeah, no, exactly. It feels, it feels like you said
there's nobody doing the heavy lifting.
We're lifting together. And I've never experienced that
in such a raw form. And I think there's a lot of
validity to what you're saying with your experience too, with

(01:01:20):
your ex where she looked at you and she's like, hey, listen,
like I'm still a woman too. I think it's difficult in queer
relationships and especially in in, at least for me in my first
couple of queer relationships, to know what role we play
because we don't. You don't really realize it
until you get into queer spaces and get into queer
relationships. How much of the way that you
behave in your relationships arescripted.

(01:01:41):
You know, like when I was datingman, it was like, of course he
pays for dinner. Of course he he opens the door.
And when I started dating women,it really made me self reflect.
So I was like, wait a minute, what part of this do I want to
do? You know, because I because I
can not that I couldn't with men, but you know what I mean?
It's different. There are different expectations
inherently on you. And so that adds to the concept

(01:02:01):
of expansivity for me. But I'd be lying if I said that
there weren't moments for sure. What in my first couple of
relationships in, in the queer dating space where my
expectations weren't properly calibrated because it was, it
was new. I didn't know how to behave
outside of the role that I have been given and outside of the
role I've been performing. So I hear you when you're when
you're talking about that experience because it's such a

(01:02:22):
such a intense moment of self reflection that it causes I
think. It is, it is and I have to take
a moment and share about the Queer Country Club, my
monogamous lesbian dating platform.
The women inside they're, they're at a stage in their life
where they're like, I want a partner, not a mother.
Like I, I want a self-sufficientperson.

(01:02:45):
I want someone who has their shit together.
And that's, that's the women inside they're just, they've,
they've got an incredible life. They know what they want.
If they are more in their masculine or in their feminine,
they're very aware of the counterpart that they're looking
for. And I love this because it is
confusing in the beginning of queer dating, like you said, it

(01:03:07):
is, you don't know what role you're playing.
You don't know if you're doing it because it's scripted or if
it's actually what you're genuine fire is.
It's OK to have like that genuine polarity desire.
I know I have it for sure. Like I want a daddy, but like I
still know that it's important to find someone who's
emotionally aware enough to and be me, be emotionally aware

(01:03:33):
about like, hey, even though that we do have like these maybe
primary roles because I am more femme, whatever.
Like we still are both women andwe still fluctuate and we take
care of ourselves. We're whole people.
If that's what you're looking for and you are single and
you're listening to Haley's beautiful love story and you're
like, I want to find my future wife.
Please DM me on Instagram, future wife or go to

(01:03:55):
queercountryclub.com and apply. I would love to have you inside
of the platform if you are monogamous and if you are ready
for love. We only accept serious,
passionate, driven women inside.Go ahead and apply.
And I'm curious, Haley, is thereanything right now that the Go
project that you want to share with people, something about the
work you're doing in the world, directing my audience to follow

(01:04:18):
you? What would that be?
Yeah, and thank you for asking that question.
I actually just published my very first book this year, which
was Oh my God, yes. What's it called?
It's called My Human History, and it's kind of a queer take on
a history book, if you will, because in my experience being
queer, I found that things are not chronological in the way

(01:04:42):
that people might expect. You know, it's not for all of
us. It's not.
I realized I was gay when I was 13 and then I came out and then
I only dated women and everything was perfect.
You know, for a lot of us, especially, you know, for people
like you and me who came out beyond adolescence, it's a lot
of trial and error and it's a lot of thinking, you know,
yourself and then regressing back into patterns that don't
serve you and learning about yourself in the world.

(01:05:04):
And I found a lot of similarity between the way that that
journey of self discovery operates and the way that human
history itself operates, right? Where we human history operates
in cycles. We think that we've solved
certain world problems or solvedcertain social issues, and then
we regress and we go back and wehave to fight through it again.
And that's hence the title of myhuman history.
So it's a book of queer poetry that kind of takes you through

(01:05:26):
through that entire life cycle of things, from the moment where
I was like, oh man, maybe, maybeI am queer all the way up until
I found my wife. And so it's really life cycle of
the queer experience. And so I felt very compelled to
share that with the world in some way because I very rarely
see people start conversations like that.

(01:05:47):
And that's part of why I've always admired your content a
lot as well, is that even in thequeer community, I think there
are some pieces that are taboo about realizing who you are.
So it's available on Amazon. It's linked on every single
social profile that I have on already.
Aphrodite. And yeah, it's kind of my baby.
Oh, I love it. I love that, that you've got a

(01:06:11):
baby. I love that you've got art that
you're putting into the world. And the message is so beautiful.
And you're right there. There has been no linear path.
Like it's, it's even the I, I can look back and go, oh, when I
was 5, I had a crush on a girl. But like the world told me I
didn't. And the world told me it was
wrong. And so to hear queer stories,

(01:06:34):
just like you're sharing today, just like you shared in your
poetry book, to hear those things helps validate us because
we live in a world that's consistently tried to
essentially gaslight us into being straight.
I mean, just straight up, it's been like, no, no, you couldn't
be. No, you couldn't be, at least
for me. And so reading that is going to

(01:06:55):
feel so good for the soul. OK, We'll have a link in the
show notes. I'm so, so glad that you were
here today. I'm so grateful that you told
your story. I really felt like I was there
with you and your wife. And I know, but it's going to be
a beacon of hope to women who are still looking for love and
waiting for that dream proposal or planning the dream proposal.

(01:07:19):
So thank you for inspiring us. Thank you for having me.
I'm so, so grateful for your platform at large.
I'm so grateful you invited me on.
I've been so excited. Thank you.
It's really an honor. It's an honor to connect with
all the queer women around the world.
And I mean, if you're listening to this and you're like, I have
a platform, I I'm a either a creative queer woman or a

(01:07:41):
successful queer woman, or you've got a really good love
story. I'd love to have you on because
at the end of the day, and maybeyou could speak to this, Haley,
I think I would have come out sooner if I saw more queer women
who looked like me. And that's why I like to have
women on the show who don't looklike me, Right?
But I didn't see like, a power feminine woman in the South

(01:08:05):
walking. I didn't see lesbians in the
wild. What about you?
Where did? Where were you raised?
I know I was raised in northern Wisconsin and it was an itty
bitty town, like 500 people. And I remember the day they
installed a stoplight because everybody was like, we're a city
now, we have a stoplight. So there was definitely not
representation where and actually, I remember there was

(01:08:27):
maybe one or two kids who would come out as gay at my school and
they were put in an alternative school for behavioral issues.
So it was certainly not something that I saw growing up.
And not to mention, you know, the media at the time was very,
you know, if if you were lucky, you saw Ellen DeGeneres.
And like, like you're saying, I was like, well, that doesn't
really describe me. You know, I, I don't, I didn't

(01:08:48):
really identify with her. And so I was like, OK, I'm in
the clear, you know, like that can't be that can't be possible.
Every girl just kind of feels like this.
So I agree. And that's part of why I enjoy
content creation is because I like to think that maybe there's
at least one, you know, young woman or a young queer person
who watches my content is like, oh, I resonate with that.

(01:09:11):
And at the very least that can be a little bit of a flashlight
in in where they're going. Yeah, no, 100%.
When I started figuring things out, I, it was like I, I was
ravenous for podcasts and books and poetry books like yours that
could help me understand myself.I became obsessed with trying to

(01:09:32):
understand myself. And I get what that's like.
It's, it's like you're searchingfor the validation.
You're afraid you're going to blow up your life, especially if
you're late in life, you're going to like blow up your life
for, for what? For maybe you just had a moment
of confusion. And it's like, no, not a moment
of confusion. This is very, very real for you.

(01:09:53):
You've probably always been thisway.
You probably just were convincedby society you weren't.
So I love that we get to see that in you.
I love how you show up so feminine and free.
Keep shining on social media andthank you all for joining us
with Queer Women Rising. Rate the podcast, give us five
stars and share this with a friend.

(01:10:14):
Share this with a friend who needs to believe and love.
Because your dream love, your dream relationship, your
intentional love story proposal magic is out there for you.
Just wait for it. It's coming, it's coming, it's
coming.