Two Women Making a Baby with Emily Altadonna - Lesbian Relationships - Queer Women Rising® with Sophia Spallino | Finding Lesbian Love and Dodging Dating Drama

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Lesbians who love love. Welcome back to Queer Women
rising where iPhone my lesbian friends and we talk about queer
love, how to dodge the dating drama and embrace the peaceful
connections we all deserve. I'm Sophia Splino, your lesbian
host, and today's life update isgoing to be so fun, so fun for

(00:21):
you. It's January 29th and I'm
recording this and it has been such a fun time going through a
breakup, glorious time going through a breakup.
But what I can say is positive about this whole experience is
the sun does actually come out tomorrow and you will feel happy

(00:41):
again. Yesterday was the first day in a
long time where I just felt joy.And I had this moment where I I
was in the middle of a coaching call with a private client.
We were working on our social media content.
And I literally paused and I just said, hold on.
And what's so weird is like, I didn't say anything particularly

(01:02):
profound. There was no intense
conversation happening. It was a great call, but like
nothing particularly insightful happened.
I hate to say that that sounds like really bad, but like we're
just having a good chat, moving through things and all of a
sudden I felt this. The only way I can describe it

(01:23):
is like a wave going through my head.
The way that you feel when you touch your iPhone to another
iPhone and you like air drop something to somebody.
I felt that happened in my head.It was, if you're watching this
podcast, you'll see my hand was like a wave going through my
head and it started in the left ear, went to the right ear.

(01:48):
And after that moment, I had a profound sense of peace and it
was weird. I just continued on with the
call, continued working. We had a great time, happy
client but I just felt like a different person and I'm
normally extremely OCD and regimented but right after that

(02:08):
coaching call my family come over to help me.
I think making this house a homeis super important in my journey
to healing from this breakup, especially since it's been about
25 days since the breakup. Yesterday was 24 days and I had
my parents come over and help mehang up some things which was

(02:31):
lovely of them. My mom was just so sweet.
She's been so kind helping me through this.
Like I'm talking my mom. I wish everyone could have a mom
like my mom because there just ain't enough good mama's out
there in the world. My mom just been such a
blessing. She brought me tea and she's

(02:53):
just so sweet to help with everything.
Everything I can need help with like hanging this here, where to
put what furniture, just a doll.So we're hanging up things and I
just feel different. And then my dad surprised me and
brought me my college bike. I was going to say childhood,
but not quite childhood college bike.

(03:14):
And now that I have a house, I have a place to put the bike and
I could go on bike rides. So I just felt like a little kid
happy. And there's this part of me
that's always had bike riding with my future wife on my vision
board as like the moment where Ifeel like I will have finally
made it. Like that simple, just joyful

(03:38):
moment of being on a bike next to someone you love, chilling
out and just being on the journey of life together and
feeling fully satisfied with that person by my side and
riding the bike and being like, yeah, like we're together

(04:00):
finally. We made it finally.
And I felt that feeling on my own.
It was kind of weird. I was just on the bike.
There have been times where, like I threw my feet up like a
little kid. Like, look, my no hands, look my
no feet. And I was so happy.
I was listening to my baby grandma playlist, which by the

(04:24):
way, I love sharing my playlist.OK shameless plug for my Spotify
playlist. If you want to know what music
I'm vibing to and you want to vibe to either the oldies
because I'm such a little baby grandma, or you want to vibe to
some really good sapphic music. I, I have playlist.
Oh, and breakup playlist. Breakup playlist that'd be

(04:47):
getting me through. I have music that you're going
to love and I am a harpist, so Ithrow my own songs in there
sometimes. But I will send you the playlist
if you DM me on Instagram, the word playlist.
I would be happy to send it yourway.
A playlist or just a ball of sunshine joy in your day,
Sapphic joy. And that is what we all need a

(05:09):
little bit of more of. So yeah, that's the life update.
I'm moving through the breakup, and I think that I'm doing good.
This is the healthiest I've everbeen post breakup.
And it was the healthiest relationship I ever had.
It was so good, so chill. And, you know, you get to a

(05:31):
point where you're just like, I don't know if this is going to
be it for me. I don't really know if this is
going to be forever. And you make the decisions you
have to make. But at the end of the day, it
was a pretty good relationship. And my breakup healing process
has been pretty good. Like, I cannot complain.
I'm so grateful for where I'm at.

(05:53):
I'm so grateful that I've done so much inner work to feel this
way. And I pray that everybody going
through a breakup has internal strength that they have
developed over years and years. If you have been through pain in
your life again and again, the one thing I'm sick of is being

(06:16):
the strong one. But I will say eventually, the
things that would have been really hard for you in the past
that you would have had to be really strong to do, become
almost normalized where it's like, oh, another breakup.
I can get through this and I have the tools.
It doesn't mean that you go cold.

(06:37):
It means that you're more prepared than ever before, You
know who you are more than ever before, and you have everything
you need within you and you don't question that again.
And when you are done, you don'tgo back and you don't play the
break up make up game because you are smarter now.

(07:00):
You know that it's best for you and the other individual
involved and you feel sure and safe in your decisions.
You are a sovereign woman. And that is what I'm feeling.
And that is where the joy comes from, just knowing that God has
a bigger plan, OK? And we don't roll with it,

(07:24):
honey, because when we make a decision, we stick to it.
We honor our guts. We honor our hearts and we know,
but the path will be cleared. Whatever we're meant to do,
whoever we're meant to be with, you cannot lose who's meant for
you. And you continue on trusting
that everything is divinely unfolding as it should.

(07:44):
That would be my target order coming in.
As you can imagine, I order a lot of Hairspray.
I am a Southern girl at heart. OK, if you are not watching this
podcast, like watching it on YouTube or Spotify, what are you
doing? All the episodes going forward
are going to be filmed and I'm so excited about it.

(08:07):
I even go live on TikTok or Instagram while I am filming and
it's so much fun. It's so much better when you're
watching it, especially when youget to see the beautiful guests
that I have today. This episode is for you if you
are a queer woman and you've always wanted a little family.
You want the little house, you want the biggest fence, you want

(08:28):
the kiddos, you want it all. Everything all those straight
couples get, you just want it with a woman.
I feel you. Do you know what it means to
embrace your full queer truth after living a life of someone
else's story? I know I do.

(08:49):
I know my guess does because we came out later in life.
Maybe you have to. I'm not sure.
Either way, you're going to enjoy this one because I know
for so many lesbians and queer women, the journey to just
authenticity can feel impossible, can feel
overwhelming when there's an existing family, existing
husband, existing children, siatal expectations.

(09:11):
Maybe, like me, you live in the South.
Maybe it's just your own fear that stands in your way, fear
what people will think. Maybe you've been out of the
closet for years that there's parts of you that you don't show
online. I was just working through this
with the social media client yesterday.
And she's, she's struggling so hard to get her message out

(09:33):
there because deep down, energetically up until this
point, up until this point, you know who you are.
You're, you're changing it. But she is afraid, was afraid of
being seen, being seen by peoplewho knew her before.
And I was like, what if everyone?
What if I cared what everyone thought who knew me before?
The Sofia who was boy crazy #confett.

(09:57):
The Sofia who was devastated over losing a marriage to a man.
The Sofia who made Romeo and Juliet music videos with boys.
The Sofia who made it such a bigdeal when I was waiting till
marriage, if I cared what all those people who knew the old
indoctrinated me thought, I wouldn't be living my life out

(10:20):
loud today. There are literally people who
are like, oh you're so fake. You're not even a lesbian.
We don't listen to that noise. I know, I know.
If you came out later in life, you hear this same bullshit and
enough is enough. It's just it shouldn't be said.

(10:41):
It's so invalidating. Some of us just couldn't figure
it out until later, because of societal norms, because of
compulsive heteronormativity, because of religion and
indoctrination. Now, Emily, Donna, she knows the
late in life path all too well. Emily's my guest today.

(11:02):
She is a woman who was married to a man in her early 20s, and
she's still raising two children.
It wasn't until later in her life where she found the courage
to embrace her true identity as a lesbian, and now she's engaged
to her fiance, a service member.Thank you for serving our
country, which is in need of some major help right now.

(11:28):
Let's not even go there, but Emily is sharing the story of
this beautiful big little life that she has with her now
partner who she loves, where shecan live her truth because love
and resilience and navigating IVF to expand your family is a

(11:52):
good story and I want her to share it.
I'm really honored that she's here to be vulnerable with us
and how she's inspiring queer women to live authentically.
Welcome to the show, Miss Emily.Adonna, how are you today?
Thank you. I'm well.
How are you? I'm so good.
I'm so excited to be talking with you.
I've been a big fan for a while and I feel like a little giddy.

(12:15):
Me too. So your content's just the most
authentic thing in the world. I do not scroll past it.
I don't care if your kid has a runny nose and you're talking
about that or you're talking about your coming out journey.
Everything just hits and you tell the best stories.
So thank you for existing and sharing your late in life

(12:38):
experience with the world and I'm excited to talk about it
with you today. To start, what letter of our
alphabet soup do I identify with?
L I'm a good old fashioned lesbo.
I love it. OK, thank you.
And what astrological signs am Iworking with today?

(12:59):
I'm in Aquarius and then Scorpiorising and Capricorn moon.
I feel like no one should make you mad.
No, but it's so hard like it, it, it, I feel like it takes a
lot, but then if I'm mad, I'm just like, I'll just never talk
to you again. It's.
Ever. Like ever.
Like once you're done, you're done.

(13:21):
Oh my. God, yeah, it's just like the
delete button. And I'm Italian too, so it's
like just that perfect mix. Me too.
And I'm going through a breakup and I'm just like, OK, like
let's never. Let's like it ends.
It ends with us. You're like that's enough.
That's enough, That's enough. OK.
What is your what was your journey?

(13:43):
How do you get here being a gay Mama?
People are like, how are you lesbian?
You have children. I'm sure you get that a lot.
Yeah, that's, I feel like like my biggest thing, people are
like, oh, it's just a phase. Like, you're not actually gay.
Well, I have two kids and I feellike people don't realize, like
it really only took two times tomake those kids.

(14:06):
Like, it just wasn't a thing I was doing all the time.
And I was super young. So their father was my high
school sweetheart and we were just best friends.
Like I think my unfolding of my sexuality was realizing that I
wasn't bi. Like, I knew I was always
attracted to women, that was always there, but I didn't know

(14:28):
that I wasn't attracted to men because I could have great,
really robust friendships and companionships with them.
And I just thought everyone didn't like sleeping with men.
Like I just thought that was a universal thing.
It's a joke amongst women. Yeah.
You. Know like all women just hate

(14:48):
this. Yeah, I'm like, I thought we all
didn't like it. I was the one who was not in on
the joke. So that was kind of like a thing
for me. And then when I was married, it
was just like, there was always something missing.
Like I just felt like we were best friends and that was it.
And I think I just really wantedto figure out what love could be

(15:10):
because you only got one life. And I was like, I think it just
has to be with a lady. And I was right.
That's good. So before that, had you like
experimented with women? Cuz like this was your high
school sweetheart, right? So like you've been with him
forever. Like how did you know?
Did you have thoughts or, or wasit just something where you woke

(15:32):
up one day and just kind of knew?
I think I always kind of knew, like I always felt the
attraction to like the female form and not the male form, but
I was just like, oh, maybe that's just like a thing that I
have. Like, I don't know.
I think I always kind of knew wehad.

(15:52):
But I was one of those girls in high school who like when we
would experiment with drinking and stuff, I was always like
kissing girls. OK, OK.
But there weren't enough lesbians around, so I didn't
like I, and everyone was doing that.
And I just thought that that wasnormal.
Yeah, you know. Oh, I know, I know.
Yes, Sir. It's like, the perfect excuse.

(16:14):
I remember in college, like, formy birthday, planning how many
drinks it would take for me to not look like I was, like,
planning to kiss this girl who is my bride.
Yeah. Like, how many drinks would it
take for me to look not sober? Like this was an accident.
Just so funny. Yeah, I remember planning that.

(16:37):
So I totally get it. So how do you go from being with
someone? Were you like financially
dependent on him? Did you kind of always have your
own thing? What was like your career like?
I feel like we were pretty even.I'd always had a career in
addition to modeling. Like I never wanted to just rely
on that either. So I was like directing

(17:00):
marketing basically. And so I was OK, I'm good to
split. It's still always hard and
expensive, and we live in California, which is crazy
expensive. But yeah, that was it was just
weird to be on my own as an adult because we had always been
together. So that was really my first time

(17:22):
like figuring it out by myself. Yeah, and like, no matter, like
I know people could watch this and be like, you're so lucky you
had a career, You're so lucky you had your own thing.
It's still really hard. It it still start.
And there's there are women who like, leave with truly nothing
and no matter what, like all pain weighs the same according

(17:44):
to therapists. And when you leave and you're
used to something like losing your best friend, some people
never really had a best friend and their partner.
So the loss of the best friend could be enough to just mentally
throw someone off really bad andget really low.
Was it really hard or did you feel like a sense of freedom

(18:05):
over fear? I think both.
I think it was really hard and Ithink more so because I never
planned to have kids and then tonot have them half the time.
So my kids split custody every other week.
And so there were times where I would really have to sit with
myself. And they were super young.

(18:26):
They were like one and three. And I was like, I don't have my
babies with me. Like what the hell do I do?
And I actually ended up dating another man briefly after that
'cause I was like, all right, like, now's my time, take the
leave. I'm a lesbian.
And like, I'm, I'm aware of that.
But then there was another person who stepped in and was
right there. And I was so like lonely and

(18:49):
confused and just needed like a support.
Yeah. I ended up in another
relationship and I was like shoot, Nah, I've done do this
one too. It really sucks because as
women, compulsive heteronormativity, we're
literally trained to like seek security man, security man,
equal security. Especially having kids.

(19:09):
I can't imagine like that's evenmore pressure.
Oh. My God.
OK, so how long did it take fromyour coming out to meet your now
partner? Maybe like 2 years, a year and a
half. Yeah, I, I didn't do like a big

(19:30):
like I'm a lesbian. I got out of my relationship, my
last relationship with a man. And then I kind of like dated.
I was just like, I'm only interested in dating women.
And at first, I actually said bye to a lot of lesbians because
I was navigating this on TikTok.Like, I was putting by for a
while. And then I was like, but I only
want to date women. I'm only attracted to women.

(19:51):
And they'd be like, well, you'regoing to go back to a man.
Like, we know that you're not a real lesbian.
And I felt like there was kind of a little bit of backlash from
the lesbian community where it was like, you're not lesbian
enough or you're just like hopping on a trend.
And so I held on to by for a while.
Because I didn't feel. Comfortable with like, being
like, I didn't feel like I had enough credits, you know what I

(20:13):
mean? I get it.
I think coming out late in life is so invalidating.
We even gaslight ourselves through like, well, like, at
least for me, I had experiences,especially with the last
boyfriend that felt like very safe and nurturing to my nervous
system. So I could never say, Oh, like

(20:33):
sexy time was painful with him. No, I just don't, I don't ever
want to have sex with a man. Like I, it's just not, it's it's
not a thing I want, but it doesn't mean that like I, I can
say something specifically bad about him.
I'm sure like you, like you said, like that sense of
security, you lean towards it and then you get on your feet
and you realize, wait, if we took away all the things that

(20:58):
we're looking for outside of just like pure attraction, who
would we choose, man or woman? And if it's a woman, then like,
yeah, you give it super clear. And I'm sorry that you had that
experience with the lesbian community.
I have definitely experienced itmyself, right when I came out.

(21:19):
And I feel like it takes time for lifelong lesbians to like,
trust that you're, you're serious about it.
Yeah, for sure. But I think.
I've met people on both ends of the like, I know we have a
handful of lesbian couples who are married and have kids on our
street, which is so lucky. But they're like all ends of the

(21:41):
spectrum of like, some of them are gold stars, Some of them
have dated men. And some of them are like, yeah,
I didn't really like. It wasn't disgusting to me.
I just don't want it. And then for me, I think I did
it for well past the point that I should have to where at the
end I was like, I will throw up if I do this again.
Like I just don't want it. Yes, yes, I totally, totally get

(22:04):
that. I'm like, I will I yeah, I'd
rather never be with someone ever again than be with a man.
Yeah. God bless them, though.
I mean, they're amazing people when they're good men.
There. There's some left in the yeah.
It's so exciting to meet a nice boy, but just not in the erotic
way. Exactly.

(22:26):
I try to explain it to people. I'm like, so I can look at a man
and think objectively. That is a good looking human the
way I would look at art but not want to F my painting.
Does that mean like, yeah, like,but with the women?
Yeah. So different.
Like, Oh my God, she's gorgeous.And yeah.
Makes sense. OK.

(22:46):
How did you know that this one was the one for you?
I'd actually taken a break. Like I was like, I think I'm
good for a while. Like I feel like I know myself
now. I feel like I know what I want
because I did date a few women kind of like short term.
And I don't think that they wereever people from the jump who I

(23:08):
was like, oh, this is going to be like my wife.
I think I was just navigating what I wanted out of a
relationship with a woman and what that kind of like balance
was like. And so I felt like I did that.
And then I was like, all right, I'm taking a break.
I'm good for a while. Like let me just get my footing
by myself again for a bit. And then I went to meet a friend

(23:32):
and her group of friends and Lauren was just in that group of
friends and I was like, oh, no, my break's over.
Like I just saw her and I was like, it, it's over.
It's a wrap. Like if she wants to date me,
I'm dating her SO. You just like give it like a
love at first sight. Yeah, I was just like, that's
the one. I was like, I that's the one.

(23:55):
I don't care. I was like, it could be
tomorrow, it could be in 10 years.
And I was like, but I found it. And now I am at peace.
Like I just felt calm. I wasn't really nervous.
I was just like, OK, perfect. Before you talk to her like
you're looking at her and you'relike I.
Was like, that's it, figured it out.
And she was like, kind of navigating a breakup.

(24:18):
And so it took like a month. Like, I planted the seed.
And then it took like a month for her to, like, get into my
DMS. And I was like, I knew you'd be
here. I knew this would happen.
I love those knowings. Are you spiritual, Emily?
Yeah, OK. I love it.
I'm like, I kinda like I was taught, like evangelical

(24:39):
Christian. I put a lot of that to rest, but
I still love Jesus. But I also really get down with
past lives. Like I'm like, I feel like
certain people, you like, travelin a soul group and then you're
gonna meet each other in different lifetimes and
eventually, like you overcome the challenges, like for you to
see her and just know, I feel like there has to be some sort

(25:00):
of history there. Yeah, there was something really
cool to it. And it's something that's kind
of followed us through this relationship that has been so
unique to this one that I haven't experienced in others
because she just is like this calm for me.
And I also think she's like, thehottest thing.
But I had never had both. Like it was always like I was

(25:21):
sacrificing one or the other of like passion or like calm.
Yeah. And I'm like, Oh no, you're
everything perfect. Oh my God, So that's the dream.
I'm always talking about creating a healthy relationship,
but finding your dream person. And I know it's possible.
I am out here like in the trenches be like, let me have

(25:44):
your future wife. And then I just went through a
breakup and I'm like, this sucks.
Like how do I explain this to the world?
But finding that that person where you just know and things
are just easy and they bring youpeace like that is everything we
could all want. I know no relationship's perfect
though. Like do you guys have like a go

(26:05):
to way to handle conflict? I think it's kind of evolved
throughout our relationship. Like at first we were kind of
testing it out like a few maybe old patterns and testing out
like, is this going to be the relationship where if things are
hard or if I'm like my worst, will it work for you?

(26:27):
And that was like the first few,maybe like first 3 little tiffs
and then after that we were like, OK, I've seen your worst,
you've seen my worst and we're good.
So let's just agree to like never go there.
And so we, I don't know, I thinkmy biggest thing from the
beginning has been if we're everat odds and it is both of our

(26:48):
impulse to maybe push the other person away, let's do the
opposite and just lean into creating a soft space.
And we just have a lot of grace for each other.
We're like, all right, I can seethat you're feeling however
you're feeling and you probably don't feel like expressing it to
me or you do. We just try to try to create an
environment where the other person feels love and we

(27:09):
prioritize the other person's comfort.
And then we know we're going to get to like addressing our
things. But I think there can be like,
we're both strong and smart and like passionate people.
And so I think we try to avoid getting into ever like a power
struggle or making the other person feel small or unheard.

(27:31):
That makes sense. What?
Do you always? Yeah.
What do you think is the first step to creating the safe space?
Because in the heat of conflict,like nothing to our nervous
systems feel safe. And I'll be the first to admit
that I just, I'm like, this doesn't feel safe.
Please give me some time alone. Like that's just what I need.

(27:52):
What do you do? So you do come together rather
than seek safety outside of eachother.
I try to see it as like a competition, like just that's my
hack for my brain of like, who'sgonna offer a hug first or like
who can push past like their stubbornness first.
And I don't even know if she knows that she's playing that

(28:13):
game, but I'm always like, all right, I feel like being kind of
jerky right now. So recognizing that instead she
probably just wants a hug. I know internally I want 1.
I don't think I do at this moment, but I'm like, all I
really want is to be like loved right now 'cause I'm probably
not feeling that way. And I'm like, oh, I just offer

(28:35):
it up. If I OfferUp to hold her hand or
lay with her or whatever, I get what I want and she gets what
she wants. Yes, yes, like I asked.
Myself to do the the right thing.
So good, you're like gamifying it as as being the bigger person
I suppose, but without like. Don't feel like I'm winning.

(28:55):
Yeah, where you still feel like you're I that's actually really
smart, OK. And I think that would work,
especially for people who are having a little ego struggle,
you know, OK, we can let the egowin, but we're going to get him
fired this way. Interesting.
OK, I've. Never heard.
I'll make it playful and I'll belike, I'm so mad at you.

(29:17):
Let's lay together. And then it just like kind of
lightens it up. I've never heard anyone say it
like that before. And I feel like if a lot more
people who are successful at relationships, who are honest,
they would probably say that 'cause actually it doesn't
always come from a good place. I think like sometimes not a bad

(29:37):
place, but it, it comes from even like a selfish desire to
just, hey, I need, I actually need the hug right now.
I actually need sleep right now.And sometimes it's hard to think
about oneness. It's hard to think about, well,
for the greater good of us. But sometimes it's just not
like, hey, I actually need peaceright now.
And so the way to get it is to be humble first.

(30:00):
Interesting. I like it.
Yeah, you have to figure out what works for your brain.
Like, I know the ways that I'm difficult and so if it's, but
it's also my job to combat that.It's not her job to figure out
how I'm difficult and how to, like, breakthrough that barrier
barrier. So I have to like, find my own
little hacks like that. It's.

(30:22):
Like, OK, I feel like I'm winning.
I did it. Good job.
What? What are you most difficult
about, Emily? Air your dirty laundry.
I think, I think just at times, I, I mean, I'm sure I'm always
trying to like undo trauma responses and I think at times

(30:43):
I'll get scared of like maybe distance or something, like, I
don't know, I've never been scared she was going to leave.
But I think I'm scared of losingconnection, maybe because I've
like had a marriage and kids andI know that like life happens.
And so to a degree, I think thatI'm scared of losing that like

(31:05):
Spark. Yes, yes, yes.
It's the spark. And so it's very important to me
to not like let that fear take over, but to do things in our
relationship that maintain it and do the like John Gottman,
like 22nd kiss before you leave or whatever, whatever the little

(31:25):
things are in a day that just maintain like, hey, I see you.
Yeah, that makes so much sense. OK, so it's 20 seconds, Gottman.
Seconds. You start you start releasing
oxytocin at like 20 seconds. Oh my gosh, that is like a long
kiss. Unless you're making no wait.
It's just I was wrong. It is a 22nd hub, a six second
kiss. Oh, that's what I was like.
I think it OK. Cool.

(31:47):
But I like a 22nd kiss. So we're gonna let we're gonna
let Lauren think it's 20 seconds.
Is it? Is it like Dora's Day style,
like 1950s where you like you keep your lips together?
Are you fully making out for 20 seconds?
I don't know. Either way, it's fine.
I've I would you say 22nd Kiss? I'm like picturing the old
movies where you just hold it 'cause.

(32:08):
Right there, yeah. Open their mouths.
You're just like, what's going on right now?
I mean honestly, we are never more than a few inches apart
when we're at home. Like we are always just like
stuck to each other. So it helps.
But if we do have like a little bit of space, I'm just like hey,
what's going on? Is everything fine 'cause we

(32:28):
haven't touched in 5 minutes? I call it, it's unsettling, but
what you're talking about I called the lesbian Velcro like
could never do. I used to say I could never do
long distance relationships. I'm in a Velcro relationship.
And then I got into a long distance relationship and I we
still had so much like safety where it felt like Velcro just

(32:51):
this the same like just constanteducation.
Yeah, I think, I think Velcro isthe lesbian way.
I don't think there's other way.Well, there's always people in
like the comments who are going to be like, well, you're so
clingy or whatever. But disclaimer, she is that way
too. Like we're both that way and

(33:11):
she'll also do the same exact thing and be like, where have
you been this last five minutes?So just so everyone knows.
It feels like people was like, oh, it's unhealthy.
It's unhealthy. Like you're meshing and I'm
like, that's bullshit. My last relationship didn't end
because of how close we were, that's for sure.
So yeah, no, I'm like, we're so lucky as lesbians that we get to

(33:35):
have our best friend, partner, everything in one person.
I want to do with her. Like that's my goal with my
future wife. OK.
What's your favorite thing that you and Lauren do together?
Oh my gosh, like literally nothing.
I just, I think I love like getting in bed together and just
like we talk about everything and like end up laughing so hard

(33:57):
every night. Like we just barely laugh.
It's like those sleepovers whereyou like stay up too late and
you can't stop laughing. I feel like that sums up our
relationship. How long have you all lived
together? We do like on and off.
So we she's working on moving. She's in the military so it's
kind of difficult to just like up and relocate.

(34:18):
So when I have my kids, I am like an hour away for Monday
through Friday and then I take them up to her for the weekend
and we all hang out or she comesdown.
And then the weeks that I don't have them, I'm with her.
And we've been doing that prettymuch since we started dating.
Hey, that sounds like it's working.
Yeah. It's, I mean, we would obviously

(34:41):
love to have like one household and we'll do that soon.
But in the meantime, it's it's been fine.
That's good. That's good.
OK. How long have y'all been dating?
Like 2. Years.
Oh my gosh, that's so beautiful.I love it.
Only I can't wait. I have not had a long term

(35:01):
relationship with a woman 'causeI just came out and started
dating women a couple years ago,so I'm still my moment to get
past the seven month 8 month mark.
Have it. It's weird, it's like hard to
figure out. I think up until her I was
really confused by what I was looking for and what I needed

(35:21):
because sometimes you start dating a woman and then you're
just like, oh, we're just friends really.
Like I there were a few. Well actually there was 2 where
like they were a few months and I was like, I objectively think
you're so pretty, but we're justfriends.

(35:41):
How does that happen? Like do you just stop like doing
The Dirty like? I don't know.
I think I just like one of them was kind of just not a great
like she was an influencer and just wasn't that that authentic.
She's pretty much the opposite of like how I carry myself

(36:02):
online You're. Not a victim of of Miss Arizona.
No, Nope. We can talk later and I'll tell.
You if we could talk later. She, I don't know, she was just
kind of like artificial, and it was never meant to be a serious
thing. Like I said, I was kind of
navigating what I needed and by the time we were like a few

(36:25):
months in, I was just like, I don't really feel romantically
about you. And also you're kind of like a
bad person. So that that kind of wrapped up.
And then the next one, we kind of played relationship.
Like I thought she was so cool and so sweet and we'd both been
out of relationships for a while.
And so I think it was really more of a thing of like, I'm
just having a girlfriend. Like, we just want someone to

(36:47):
buy flowers for and, like, let'sput out.
Yeah. And But I could only really say
that in hindsight. Like, in the beginning, we were
just like, OK, like, I think you're hot.
You think I'm hot. Let's hang out and see where it
goes. And then pretty quickly, I was
like, I think we just want to play girlfriend.
When that ended, we were we wereimmediately friends.

(37:08):
There was not a tear, not even like, any disappointment.
We were just like, all right, cool.
Like let's fist bump and move on.
Interesting. OK, so that just was like the
traction part was either not there or it just fizzled out and
and then you're just friends andit's easy.
Is that what I'm? Hearing yeah, yeah, I don't know
I just didn't have like the emotional like tie to them.

(37:33):
I don't know what do you but that that second one was someone
who like I think I didn't realize at the time, but I
wanted to be more of the kind oflesbian that she was.
I think I admired her as a lesbian.
I was like, I like your style. I like like I took.
I ended up with a lot of her hand me downs.

(37:54):
That was just it. And I wasn't like I couldn't
figure out what my lesbian attraction was.
Like your type. Yeah, I was like, I don't know
if I want to be you or if I wantto date you.
Interesting. So now do you have a distinct
type? Yeah, I think I figured it out.
Like right before I met Lauren. And I was like, until I see that

(38:17):
I'm not, I'm not dating. Interesting, interesting.
It's so weird because I feel like I, I have two different
types. I have a type that if I'm, if I
see a mask that I'm into, it's got to be like this type of
mask. And if I see a femme I'm into,
it's got to be this type of femme.
So like I have two different types for the two different

(38:38):
spectrums. I think where I don't have a
type is like like someone who's more in between, like they're
like you could look at them and not know they're gay and they're
not extremely stylishly thin like that.
Like they're just got, they wearfeminine clothes, but they're

(38:58):
not like extremely stylish. I'm like, if I'm going to date a
thin, I want you to be like woman like.
Oh. Yeah, thin it up, like let me
see your beautiful hair nails. But if I'm with a masculine
woman and she's distinctly masked, she doesn't have to be
over the top mask. I just, I think, OK, I think

(39:19):
it's that I just like someone who knows who they are, like
whatever your style, you're thatlike really hard and you're not
like fluctuating in your style. I think that's that.
That makes sense. I think that like kind of
expresses like a certain level of confidence.
Confidence is a big thing for me.
Like I want to date someone who who does know who they are and

(39:40):
what they like and stuff. Yeah.
Like, Lauren is really middle ofthe road.
She wears makeup and has long hair but will wear like, boy
clothes. And I was like, perfect.
Because I do want a little bit of both worlds.
But like I can look at her and she knows who she is.
Like you can feel the energy andthe content where she's not like
teetering on like she's she's got a distinct look and that is

(40:04):
hot. Like it's it's cool.
Y'all go together. It's like.
Yeah, you just do make sense. Makes sense?
Yeah, it's funny because when I started dating her, people would
be like, what kind of like mask would you say she is?
And I was like, I don't know, maybe like a chapstick mask.
And she was like, I'm not mask. And I was like, you kind of give
mask like you kind of do. She's like, but I'm not.

(40:27):
And I was like, you kind of are.It's OK.
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Oh my God. OK, I know you can't like speak
for. Her.
Or maybe she's so open about it that you feel comfortable.
Just tell me if you don't want to talk about it.
But I'm curious like what it's like to be queer in the
military? Like is this weird or is it is

(43:00):
working out OK? I think so people have asked
that question before. So I'll kind of give like the
answer that she, I think she would give and she really hasn't
experienced a lot of like difficulty like everyone's.
I think the military is such an equalizer where it's like you
have every race, you have men, you have women, and at the end

(43:22):
of the day, you have jobs that have to be done.
And so I think everyone's been really respectful to her and she
really hasn't faced anything there.
It's more like the real world where we have to like deal with
that. But I think also she's such a
likable person and people reallyrespect her.

(43:43):
So it's like just her sexuality is neither here nor there.
Everyone who meets her like loves her.
I love that. That's, that's good to hear.
I had a friend in the military who is straight and like her
experiences were just horrific. Like, like just the amount of
trauma. So yeah, that's actually really

(44:05):
refreshing to hear. Thanks for.
Yeah, I think it's person dependent too.
Like I when I was exiting high school, I was thinking about
joining the Air Force and 'causeI just didn't know what I wanted
to do. And I was like, I can get yelled
at that I don't care. And one of the recruiters was
kind of like flirting with me. And it totally brought my guard
up. And I was like, I don't want to

(44:26):
do it anymore. Not interested.
And so I think it just depends on the person.
She also joined later, like she was in boot camp at like 30.
So that's like another story probably too.
Yeah, yeah. There's something at like 18
being like, hey, you know. Maybe one day I'll have you guys
both on. But I know she's I feel like

(44:48):
every lesbian influencer or person of the Internet, maybe
like me, you hate the word influencer.
But just like our our partners are more shy.
I think it's just like what we attract.
Yeah, it totally is. Totally a thing.
Oh my God, I, I just, it's so beautiful how opposites attract

(45:11):
even in lesbian world and how you make this life together and
you learn to navigate with each other and get each other.
So she's more quiet. Are you, are you able to
navigate that without it being personal for two years and you
understand her now and like whatwas that like her accepting you

(45:34):
as a person of the Internet withher more private life?
I think sometimes it makes her like a little anxious.
And so we've just been able to kind of talk that through.
Like I told her from the beginning, like, hey, I would
love, I'm proud of you. I'm proud to be with you.
And this little world that I've created is really an extension

(45:54):
of me. And that's what I want to share
with people. And so like, what is your
comfort zone? How involved do you feel like
you can be? And I also give her like the
opportunity to be like, Hey, delete that, cut that.
I don't want that in there. That's I'm nervous about my bad
showing for the military or whatever.

(46:16):
The thing is, I make sure that Igive her the opportunity to
consent to whatever is going up.Hey, look, I at the end of the
day, like this is my life beforeit is my business.
And so if it's ever going to be something that is going to cause
a problem between us, it's not aquestion.
I'll cut whatever, I'll decline whatever partnership or whatever

(46:39):
it has to be. But she's also like, she's so
supportive and even though it's not naturally her personality to
do this, she's like, I want you to be happy.
This this makes you happy. This is what you love.
And I think she sees that. I'm very mission oriented, like
I'm not doing this to be known or to make money.

(47:02):
Obviously I need to 'cause I have children, but like I'm
doing it because ultimately 'cause I want to touch people
and connect with people. And I really think that we have
a lot of work to do and I think that social media is such a
powerful way to do it. It really is.
What do you? What is your mission for the

(47:22):
future like? How are you going to get there?
Is it through like keeping this your career with brand
partnerships? Like what's your ultimate dream
of moving forward with your platform?
I feel like there's so many waysto go.
I think partnerships have been abig one because I don't, I don't
have like I haven't transformed this into a business and I'm

(47:45):
really hesitant to ask my community for money in any way.
So I've tried to make sure that most of my income comes from
grand partnerships because I don't have a big offering right
now. And so my partnerships I'm
really strategic with and I willonly work with brands who
totally align and or who are resources that I feel can help

(48:09):
the community. Do you want my honest thoughts
as like a business coach? Yeah, sure.
I, especially with your modelingbackground, would probably do
exactly what you're doing. Do not start selling anything to
people and yeah, so selective with your brand partnerships the

(48:30):
way like I literally only work with one company, Wisp and like
I love it. People trust me with it.
Like, yeah, you so selective andthen just keep growing it to
where your videos are. You have such high engagement
because you're not offering a lot of things that you're able
to rack up the dollars on the partnerships in ways that people
who are selling other things can't because their engagement's

(48:54):
not as high. So I think you're going down the
right path, especially with yourmodeling background.
Oh my God. But yeah, I'm, I'm nosy about
that. Like what is that like?
And are you still modeling? I'm not anymore.
I stopped recently though, because I started when I was 15.
I did it as a way, well, I was scouted so I was like excited to

(49:18):
do it. But I also, I think I was so
awkward and I wasn't really comfortable with myself and, and
really like love being myself when I was that young.
And modeling was the way for me to step into like an alter ego
and kind of dissociate a little bit and be like, OK, here I'm

(49:39):
cool and I'm confident and I canbe weird and that's celebrated
and I can have a tooth gap and that's celebrated.
And like, it was just my space where I was in the zone.
I loved being creative and like watching like professional
stylists and like people photographers.
I loved watching them work. And so that was just a totally

(50:03):
different, like Hannah Montana esque space for me to learn like
a creative process and to kind of be my most confident self.
And so when I started creating, I was like, oh, I'm no longer
running from myself. I'm no longer having to step
into somebody else. I found me and now I want to

(50:25):
present myself as exactly me andbuild from there.
Like, I don't want to be like you're cool because you're a
model. I want to be like you're cool
because you're Emily and becausenobody else is Emily.
And people will like that, or they won't, but at least you're
being 100% you. Yeah, that's good.

(50:46):
I think creating for yourself made it just so obvious that
you're like going against yourself in in some ways.
And then you feel that and then it's hard to go back.
So it's really brave of you to like stop a stream of revenue
completely. Holy shit.
Like speaks to how authentic youare.

(51:07):
I'm curious because I knew your face before I saw you on TikTok.
Like I know I've seen you placeslike what were your biggest,
like proudest moments in the modeling industry?
If you're, if you can legally share because I feel like I've
seen your face in commercials orI don't know, like were you an

(51:28):
Abercrombie model? Were you a Victoria's Secret
girl? Like what were you?
I did. I did a lot of, I did a lot of
stuff and I've looked very different throughout because
there are a lot of things that are like super photoshopped and
then some things that aren't. So I did a lot of makeup.
I did hair, like there was the hair commercial that I did for

(51:50):
like Madison Reed. I did a lot of Banana Republic
was like my favorite. Like they booked me a few times
and after I worked with them, I was like, that's it.
That's my pinnacle 'cause they're like, it was just so
cool. Their whole like operation and
like going to their headquartersand stuff.
I was like this is it? That is it.

(52:12):
That's amazing. But I maybe it was the Madison
Reed commercial. I feel like we were all trying
to dye our hair during the Rona at home and.
That was big in the South. That was a That one did real
well in the. South.
Oh yeah, I must have seen it. Really.
A Southern girl. Jesus.
OK, interesting. OK, well I would say Banana

(52:32):
Republic is huge and something to be really proud of.
Yeah, I think a lot of my favorite ones were honestly just
like this small. Like there were some
photographers who were like, I have this vision, I'm gonna
pitch it to magazines, like let's do a really cool shoot.
And so I think just like gettingto work with people and see
things manifest from their brains as just like a little

(52:53):
idea and create something was like honestly my favorite part.
Yeah. Do you feel like you get to take
some of the experience there? And as a creator, I know, like,
you literally, you write the commercials, you style the
commercials. You like all this like you're
doing everything that you were. Yeah, like, yeah, you're getting

(53:15):
paid for all the freaking jobs. I mean, you know, you, you
really do everything and it's like a one woman show.
And I couldn't vocalize it because creating or influencing
or whatever was not, was not what it is now when I started
and I didn't know what all went into it.
But when I was modeling, I was like, my dream is to do all of

(53:37):
this. Like I want to set up a shoot.
I want to have the vision, I want to execute it in just the
way that I want. And so this really gave me the
space to do that. And that's that's why I think I
kind of lost the spark for that and it moved into this.
I'm really proud of you. It's a huge leap, OK.
Are there any? Are there any projects that

(53:59):
you're working on now that you're most excited about?
I think I've kind of turned our IVF journey into a big project.
Something that I noticed when I when we were looking at it and
kind of starting was how many people don't know about it,
don't know that it's an option, don't see it as something that

(54:20):
will ever be accessible to them.And so I'm working right now to
at, at bare minimum, do some kind of major giveaway at the
end to make this a reality for somebody I really want.
I know that there's so many people out there who really want
to start a family and who just don't see the path to doing so.

(54:43):
So a big goal for me is to be able to help queer families to
grow and ultimately to show people like, hey, we're here,
we're here, we're queer and we're we're great at all the
things. We're great at business, we're
great at being partners and friends and moms, if that's
something that you want to be. So yeah, that's, I think just

(55:07):
trying to fill out my life and what makes me feel whole and
being able to help use my platform to make that accessible
to other people. I love it and that is huge
because I know that one of the biggest challenges for queer
couples is the cost of IBF. Like that is a luxury and it
should be something that we can access.

(55:28):
What blows my mind is straight mother truckers can just have a
drunk night are not qualified tohave children.
So many, many, not all, but manyshould not be having kids cannot
not only afford to have childrenand like feed them, but like,
like they're just going to traumatize them further.

(55:48):
Like they're just it. It blows my mind.
It blows my mind. I live in the South, I see
people just popping out babies so young and they don't
necessarily even want them, but they feel they have to have them
because, well, not having a baby.
We're not going to say the word,but exterminating the pregnancy
would be like a bad thing in theSouth, right?

(56:09):
Like with the religious child. So what we end up with is people
who really don't really want kids from, like, the sacred
wholeness in their heart of like, I really want a baby.
I want to bring this life into the world and be the best mother
I can be. It's more like people who just
got stuck having a baby. And it's wild to me that queer
people are so intentional when they want children.

(56:30):
They so badly want to bring a child into the world for the
most pure reasons possible to raise a baby, to teach it so
many great things, to just be a great parent, maybe a parent
that they didn't get to have. And yet it's so hard, not only
financially to make it happen, but even in some states legally,

(56:50):
like I had a a guy couple friends where like they can't
get a surrogate. Like certain things are just
illegal. Like it's mind blowing to me
because they have financially, they're going to be able to give
a kid an incredible life, then spiritually, mentally,
emotionally, give a kid a great life.
How is this happening? So it just breaks my heart and

(57:14):
I'm so excited about your mission.
What has been the hardest part in the personal side of it?
Like who is actually getting theinjections?
Tell us about that process. Is it you?
Is. It so it's her.
We've used her egg to create theembryo.
And so leading up to the egg retrieval, she had a lot of

(57:38):
injections. I think there were like almost
like 30 in the weeks leading up.And I gave her all those, which
was amazing. She didn't want to do it
herself. And so I did it, which was a
really bonding process 'cause wewould be like crying.
I, I would sometimes cry 'cause I hated like hurting her and

(57:59):
like seeing all her injection sites and having to give her
another one. And then she would cry 'cause
she just felt uncomfortable. And so I think that was actually
like the most for me, beautiful part of the process, even though
it was like the worst because itwas just both of us being so
raw. So that was the first part.

(58:20):
And then she had the egg retrieval where they do put you
under for about 15 minutes. I cried the whole time because
obviously I cry all the time. So I was just like, she's out
and I'm the only person here andlike, are you done with her yet?
Is she safe? Is she OK?
Is she breathing? Like it just, it shocked me how

(58:40):
nervous I was and. You don't get to be in the room
right? Like you're in the way.
I was in the waiting room pacinglike I gave birth to her myself.
Like I was just like, Oh my God,is she OK?
How many minutes has it been? Like can I have to have some tea
or something? I was just freaking out.
But it went really well and she was just bloated after like

(59:01):
ultimately fine. And then I some people have to
do shots leading up to their embryo transfer.
I didn't have to. So I think everyone's course of
action is different. I don't know what you can ask
for or what you need for your own body, but I just had to do
progesterone. And so there are a couple

(59:24):
different ways you can take thatminor like oral and Suppository
and then the embryo transfer itself to put the embryo into
me. I was awake.
They just use that darn speculumto spread the open, and then
there's a little catheter that goes in and drops the embryo in.

(59:44):
Wow. OK, so let me get this right.
You're going to carry. OK, OK, OK, OK.
So you're taking her eggs. OK, this is this is beautiful.
No, it's it's wonderful. I love it.
There's so many different ways it could go.
Like I've known people who they each have one, then, OK, these

(01:00:08):
these other girls just gave eachother an egg.
Like there's just so many different ways, beautiful ways
for queer people to make families.
Oh my God. OK, so you are with child now.
Is is that what's going on? I don't know.
So we have all, all of our testing this week.
So we'll see. Hopefully.
It's kind of like you're pregnant until proven otherwise

(01:00:30):
if it doesn't stick. But yeah, all the steps are
done. I'm so excited.
OK, Please update me on this. And I'm gonna send all the good
vibes this week that you get good news.
Thank you. OK.
And this step beyond this, I obviously want things to go
great. But if for some reason it

(01:00:50):
wouldn't, what is the next step to like what what?
What is the next step? There's got to be another.
Yeah. So we are really lucky that
Lauren had a ton of eggs and we were able to make enough embryos
to we have them on ice. And so if we need to do it again
or if later we decide we want tohave four kids total, which it

(01:01:13):
seems like a lot, but whatever, we can always use one of those
and it's just the same thing. They just can go ahead and thaw
it and then pop it in. I love this.
I love this. OK, so thank you for explaining.
And when you guys started talking about having a baby, was
this something that you were like, I want more kids or was

(01:01:34):
she like, I want my first from my body baby?
It was both, I think like I was open to having more.
I don't think I would have felt devastated if I found a partner
who did not want more. But I was like, I don't know, I
kind of feel like doing one moreand doing it like, right.
I was so young when I had my girls that I obviously wasn't

(01:01:55):
like super in love. I was young.
I didn't know what I was doing. It was like a scramble to get my
life together. And so now what I'm like
established and found the right partner.
So I was so excited at the idea of it.
And she had always wanted kids. And I was like, well, like,
let's carry on your bloodline. I already had my chance to have
my like genetic babies. And this is a, this was a way

(01:02:20):
where she didn't necessarily feel a strong desire to be
pregnant. And I was like, I'll do it.
I love it. It's so cute.
And so it was a way for us to both be like biologically
involved, which I just think is the coolest thing.
I think the coolest thing as a girl, you has a background with
like some eating issues from a young age, the fact that you can

(01:02:44):
have modeled, overcome the modeling industry and you're
just like, I'll pop out another baby.
Like you have that much just body positivity.
Like, Oh my God, I wish we couldall have that.
And you look freaking amazing. Like amazing, amazing.
You're going to be the cutest Mama ever.
All Mamas are beautiful, but you're a freaking model.

(01:03:05):
Like you're legitimately a model.
People need to be watching the video version of the podcast.
Thank you. It's, yeah, it's like a journey,
I think because I had them so young.
I was 20 when I had like my first stretch marks from giving
birth and stuff. And I I popped back down to a
little size. And so it's I guess great for
what it is. But I realized like parenting is

(01:03:28):
just the most rewarding experience for me.
And like, the only thing you take with you, I think is just
love and not all the body stuff.I'm like, I'm good with me.
Like I finally got to a place where I'm good with all my flaws
and everything that's gonna go wrong.
It's it's probably all downhill from here unless I invest

(01:03:48):
heavily in procedures. So I'm like, either way, it's
I'm not gonna be 19 again. Like it's just not gonna happen.
And so all I can do is just build and create love and hope
for the best. How old are you 2?
She is 35 and I'm I'm about to turn 29.

(01:04:10):
OK, OK, OK. I remember 29.
I was like, this feels so weird.It's my last year, but also I
was in such a different place at29, like I was just starting to
build a career and I obviously have no kids.
Like you're a full grown up at 29.

(01:04:30):
Yeah, it's weird. I feel like I've been doing it
for so long, like I simultaneously feel much older.
Yeah. And I'm also like, my daughter
had to tell me the other day that I was turning 29.
I was like, I'm turning 28. She was like, you're turning 29.
I was like, there's no way that's true.
I was like, I just lost a year and I didn't realize it.
You look so young though, I feellike you probably aged in

(01:04:52):
reverse when you quit dating men.
That might be a thing. It could be the fountain of
youth. Could be the fountain of youth,
I will say. Like the type of moisturizer we
get as lesbians is just simply better than being with guys.
OK, looking ahead, what is the hope for your future just in

(01:05:15):
life with your partner? Do you see marriage?
Is that not a thing? Do you not need marriage to like
have this family? Like what does that look like
for you personally? We are going to get married.
I don't think either of us ironically, because I have like
this whole platform are big on like being, I don't know, like
the center of attention. I don't feel like either of us

(01:05:36):
feel the need to have like a bigwedding or are as excited about
that as like having a baby. So I think we will likely go
down to a City Hall and make it beautiful and like a very small
way. I totally get that, like 100%
get that. We have cameras in our face all

(01:05:59):
the time. Like I've done the fairy tale
wedding with a man. So every woman that I begin a
talking phase with, I let them know right away.
Like I'm not interested in a bigif you want it by all means.
But for me, that's just like, not like, I don't.
I don't need that, period. Yeah, neither of us.
And we're also pretty like frugal people, just to be

(01:06:22):
honest. Like that's why I'm not out here
like, oh, I you need to buy thispurse.
Like that's just not the kind oflike influencer that I am.
We're pretty frugal and like pretty basic people.
And so I'm like, I don't really want to spend $30,000 on a
wedding. I would rather invest that or
anything else. Take a vacation.
Same, same. Personally, I, I would like like

(01:06:45):
if, if we're talking like where are we going to spend the money?
I want a nice engagement ring and I want my partner to have a
nice engagement, her wedding ring, whatever she wants because
that to me that's like forever. And I, oh, I saw your, your
video about your, your rings andI was just like, Oh my God, I
love this. I grew up with my family in the
jewelry business. So like, I geeked out for your
jewelry. I was just like, this is

(01:07:06):
amazing. But yeah, I, I think there's
just other places to put your money, like you said, investing
like actual real life things I can't get over.
I cannot get over that people spend.
Even when I got married and had my dream wedding, I still
handcrafted a lot of things. And my entire wedding, including
the honeymoon, which the honeymoon was a luxury.

(01:07:27):
It was 10 years ago. That's account for inflation,
but still everything was under $15,000.
And that was like a huge weddingwith a luxury honeymoon included
in that. So really, the wedding was
probably $7000 and I can honestly say even that was too
much. I wouldn't do it again.
Yeah, I've always believed that just like for me, and if again,

(01:07:51):
if people want a dream wedding and that is like what they want
out of their life, by all means,like do it and I'll accept the
invitation and I'll go and be sohappy for you.
But I think for me it's just like rings are like great
because like you said, they're forever pictures.
Like all invest in a great photographer because that's what
you keep. Other than that and it honestly

(01:08:12):
if you have a great photographerit doesn't even matter how the
wedding looks because they'll make it look amazing.
It's really. That's all you really need to
put your money into. And I think as like, queer
women, too, it's so important for us to create generational
wealth and to make sure that we're being responsible and
financially literate. So that's like a big priority
for us over having like, a big wedding.

(01:08:34):
But it'll happen probably soon and probably like spur the
moment. Yes, and as much as I love
watching your content, I hope that you get to keep it as
private as you want 'cause I know how sacred it is for you
and I know how hard it is to balance the privacy.
And like, people want to see your happy moments, just like

(01:08:55):
people want to see like right now my breakup and I'm like, I
have boundaries around this. Like I was not going to talk
about it until I was at a certain place.
And I think like happy things are different.
You may want to talk about it sooner, but it's not your job to
have your the camera in your face during your bowels.
Yeah, no, I don't know. We'll see what we end up

(01:09:17):
sharing. I think our proposal was one of
those things where we were both like, let's do this private so
that it's organic and it's not like it doesn't feel
manufactured. And for for my followers, 'cause
I know a lot of them do genuinely care and I'm so I'm so
grateful that they do. But I was just like, hey, you
guys OK with the fact that like when this happens, we would like
to keep it between US and everyone was like, yeah, by all

(01:09:39):
means do it. So I think that's the thing too.
It was like knowing that like I'm in control is also
maintaining transparency and being like, hey, I'm going to
include you guys in my decision to keep this private.
Are we all good? And then everyone's so
supportive. Yeah, I remember seeing that
video and I was like, please keep it for yourself.

(01:10:00):
Like it. It feels so real.
But again, if your partner, if you want a dream proposal, your
partner wants to surprise you and film it, OK, cool.
But if you it's going to take either one of you out of the
moment to have like some high pressure thing, I would honestly
rather my partner propose to me in a bubble bath at home or just

(01:10:23):
dancing in the kitchen than having this big stressful moment
that like those manufactured, there's so much about our lives
that they say, pause, let me getthat take again.
I don't want it to be my proposal.
Yeah, totally. There are also some.
Yeah, of course. No, I was going to say like I

(01:10:44):
think that there are also some like I think I see you be so
mindful about like making thingsorganic too.
And I there are some creators who just don't feel that way.
And I never want to. I never want to be that.
I get that. I get that.
I never, yeah, there's things where I just go, oh, that
doesn't like feel right for me. And I think people can read it

(01:11:05):
for sure. Well, I'm grateful for what
you're doing in the world. Whoever gets the opportunity to
follow you and end up being ableto benefit from your IVF journey
and any giveaway you do is goingto be so blessed.
How can people follow you, Emily?
My handle on TikTok is Emily Adonna with two As and then on

(01:11:28):
Instagram it's just one A at theend.
OK awesome. All her information will be in
the show notes. Thank you for being on Queer
Women Rising. If you love this show, share it
with your queer friends, maybe your friends who are considering
IVF right now because there there's a lot of reasons to
follow Emily for that journey. And if you're looking for love,

(01:11:50):
I'd love to see you inside of mylesbian dating platform, the
Queer Country Club. It is for monogamous lesbians
who are truly ready to find the one.
If that's you, go to the link inthe show notes or Queer
countryclub.com. And if you have any questions,
of course, you can DM me on Instagram as well.
Go out there and have a queer fully joyful day.

(01:12:10):
Bye, Emily. Bye.

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Two Women Making a Baby with Emily Altadonna - Lesbian Relationships

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