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December 18, 2024 • 17 mins

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It's almost 2025 so I wanted to create a mini series that will be released in between other longer episodes to break down each part of the wedding day to chat about how you can change it to make it feel less heteronormative and more YOU!
Everything from getting ready to the last minute of the dance floor (or no dance floor, because hey, that's not required ya know!), we will chat about options to change things that will hopefully resonate with you or spark conversation between you and your fiance to find an option best for you.

The intro and all instrumentals were written, sung and recorded by @JaynaDavisMusic

Queerly Beloved, I'm so glad you joined!
Please keep the community going by checking me out on instagram @wildlyconnectedphoto and come say hi! I'd love to hear from you! :)

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo (00:00):
Clearly beloved.

(00:01):
Hello?
Hello.
Hello to my lovely gays days andallies.
So happy that you are tuning inthis sweet and crazy to think
that this is, uh, the 50thepisode, that is absolutely wild
and crazy to think that thispodcast is.

(00:25):
So old already.
I, it's not actually old, but.
That's actually a good segue forme to introduce this new little
mini series.
The mini series is calledqueering parts of your wedding
day.
And which I am going to bemaking little more bite-sized
episode talking about variousparts of a wedding day.

(00:50):
Or elopement or small wedding.
That you can, how to think abouthow you want to clarify it or,
or make it your own.
Because I think that there areso many fun and creative ways to
do that.
And the way that feels.
Like a better fit for you andjust.
Yeah, the goal of this series isto kind of help you think about

(01:12):
different options for doingthings and.
You know, whether or not the waythings are presented here or the
way you want to do them or not,or maybe it just opens up.
Some opportunity for.
You to kind of get creative andthink of your own way, which if
that ends up being the case,please reach out.

(01:33):
I would love to know how youclarify your own wedding.
But.
Yeah.
Seeing as the, as the podcasthas.
Really grown.
Over the last year.
I have had the opportunity totalk about so many amazing
things and have some amazingguests on.
And I've, as I'm sure that someof you have noticed.

(01:56):
It's not always like incrediblywedding specific, right?
Like.
They are, there are really greatways to usually tie it back in,
but.
I think I've really realizedthat there are so many other
topics that I would love tocontinue trotting about this on
this podcast.
All of them relating to thequeer community.

(02:18):
But I think.
That there's just been so manycool doors opened up and you
know, everything from talkingabout.
How we can protect ourselves asqueer folks in our, in our
marriage is too.
Therapy.
And also I've got a livepodcasting about coming up and
all of these different thingsthat.
I'm so excited about, but Ialso, at the same time, Never

(02:41):
want to lose sight of howimportant it is for us to talk
about queer weddings.
So that's why I'm introducingthis fun little mini series and.
This one might be a little bitlonger.
I just, as I'm introducing it,but the future episodes will
just be quick, short.
Bite-size things that you canlisten to quickly on the go to

(03:02):
kind of just give you someideas.
As a couple, getting married forhow you can kind of change
things up.
But I also think it's really funfor allies and other vendors to
listen so that they can maybegive some recommendations to
their couples who are interestedin changing things out.
I'm really excited for thisfirst topic.

(03:23):
The first one we're going totalk about is walking down the
aisle or lack thereof of anaisle.
And I think this is soimportant.
Like while I know it soundslike, oh, you know, we can just
kind of figure that out later.
Or like, I don't know.
We'll just wait until they're inHersel to do that.
I actually argue that this is anincredibly important thing for

(03:46):
you to be thinking about.
Because I actually think that Ican really impact the venue that
you choose.
And whether or not that's anactual venue or your venue is on
top of a cliff.
It is really important to bethinking about, right?
Because if you are choosing atraditional wedding venue, And

(04:08):
maybe traditional is not theright word, but you know, like a
building.
With the roof and walls.
You want to be thinking abouthow their space works with what
you're envisioning for youraisle.
And I don't want to give awayall of the different options
right now, but.
There are.
Things that you can do to set upyour ceremony differently and

(04:29):
you want to make sure that yourvenue.
Can accommodate that, right?
Or same with, you know, being ontop of a mountain or in a
forest, like that's going tototally change what your options
are in terms of how you walk inor don't walk in.
So I think it's reallyimportant.
And I also just think it's like,it's so fun, right?
Like it.
Again, I know some people arejust like, oh, I don't know.

(04:51):
It's just walking.
Like, why is it such a big dealto be thinking about this?
But I think.
That it can be really, reallyfun and special and unique to
you.
And.
Yeah, let's dive into it.
Cause I think it's so fun.
So I've actually talked aboutthis a little bit and some of my
former episodes talking aboutlike old practices and

(05:14):
traditions within the weddingspace.
So definitely go give some ofthose old episodes of listen.
But just kind of re bringing upthat.
The concept of, of walking downthe aisle is very shortly tied.
So like being given away right.
Which has a lot of ties to.
Kind of patriarchal vibes and.

(05:36):
Many places cited as an act oftransferring of ownership,
which.
Is, you know, It doesn't feellike 20, 24 vibes.
So, It certainly doesn't have tomean that anymore.
Right.
And I think for most people itdoesn't, but I think it's just
important to like recognizewhere it came from.

(05:58):
And just, you know, Knowing whatthose roots are.
And at the same time, I alsohave an episode that talks about
how tradition can feel like areally important thing in the
queer community.
And the sense that there arethose traditional aspects of a
wedding where.
As a queer person.

(06:19):
You see these traditions andyou're like, oh, well that's
never going to be me because.
I don't want to be given away toa man or, you know, insert your
own thoughts and feelings.
And so being able to reclaimthat and, and still be able to
have the experience, you neverthought you'd be able to have
like, That's important too.

(06:40):
Right?
So.
I also don't want to say this ina way that's like, You just
can't because it has, you know,some weird traditions, like I
understand that both can existat the same time.
But I do want folks to know thatthere are so many other like fun
options, and that's what we'regoing to talk about.

(07:02):
So stay tuned.
So.
Thinking about your wedding.
I want you to, just for asecond, try to think about
something.
That's not just one of youwalking down than the other or
being given away.
And if you ended up coming backto that great, but for now,
Think about this.

(07:23):
So.
The first action I'm going topresent is.
Fairly basic, but it's become alot more common.
And I think it's really, reallygreat.
So the first option is justwalking by yourself, right?
Like you don't have to beaccompanied by somebody.
You don't have to be given awayby somebody.
I can literally just be you and.

(07:46):
I know some people haveexpressed like, oh, but like
it's really important to my dador to X, Y, and Z.
And think.
I think that there are ways tomake that person who you were
envisioning, locking you downthe aisle still feel really,
really special.
Maybe it's asking them to justwalk you to the start of the

(08:08):
aisle and then they go beforeyou take their seat and you can
still walk solo.
Maybe it's asking them to give aspeech instead.
Or I think that there are waysto have conversations with those
people that lets them know, Hey,you're still really, really
important to me.
But I really want to walk downthe aisle solo and just feel

(08:29):
empowered and just have mymoment.
And I think that's totallygreat.
Then the hard part is you kindof have to figure out if who's
going to go first or what thatlooks like.
Maybe you just flip a Klein.
I don't know.
I've seen lots of couples dothis.
And the weddings that I'vephotographed, and it's always
really interesting to hear howthey decided who would go first,

(08:50):
you know, I feel like a commonthing I hear is, oh, well
so-and-so had to go firstbecause.
I would cry too much if I wentfirst or, you know, things like
that.
So I think it also opens up somereally fun conversations for
you.
Two as a couple.
But if you're like, oh man, wereally can't decide who wants to

(09:11):
go first or what that would looklike.
The second option I'm going topresent.
Is you guys walking together?
Oh my gosh.
I love when couples do this.
I think it's so sweet.
Like going down the aisletogether is just like such a.
Such a cute way to kick off theceremony and to kick off the
start of your marriage.

(09:32):
Like.
I think it's a really beautifulway to show like, Hey, we're in
this together.
And.
We're going to start it offtogether.
And it's kind of like a coolsymbol of just quality of
partnership of being in thistogether.
So I think that's a really,really beautiful option.
Another thing that you could dothat I think I personally am

(09:57):
going to be doing is a variationof walking together.
But instead of walking together,like side-by-side down the same
aisle.
Again, this is where it'simportant to think about what,
how the space works and if itwill work in your particular
venue, but.
For my fiance and I, we areactually imagining coming from.

(10:19):
opposite sides.
And meeting in the middle.
Which I think is a really alsoreally beautiful and symbolic,
and I'm going to start crying,thinking about it.
If I don't move on.
So that's the second option.
Another option could be ifyou're like.
But I do so want to havesomebody with me when I walked
down the aisle.

(10:40):
You could walk down with, withmultiple people or a group of
people.
It could be chosen family.
It could be friends, it couldbe.
You walking in with your weddingparty.
Or it could be walking in withyour little furry friend, like
your little dog.
Oh.
Walking in with them.
That could be so cute.
This works really, really wellfor people who have blended

(11:04):
families who have chosenfamilies.
Or who maybe don't have familiespresent, but want to still feel
that familial kind of love andsupport like.
Having multiple people go outwith you and release.
Quite literally surrounding youin love would be a super sweet
way to do that.
The next option is again.

(11:26):
Y at the beginning, I was sayinghow important this is, because
if you are going on venue toursor.
You know, looking at differentstate or national parks to get
married in like, I think that'swhy it's so important to be
thinking about how you want todo your entrance moment,
because.
I have seen some couples do acircular set up for their

(11:49):
ceremony versus like each sideof the room.
And instead it's just one bigcircle.
So you want to make sure thatthe venue that you pick can
accommodate for that and theirceremony space.
Oftentimes places can, if they,it just kind of depends on the
size of the room on, you know,All of those things.

(12:10):
So just make sure you're kind ofable to envision that and talk
to your, your venue coordinatoras well.
I think that this is so cool.
You know, From a photographystandpoint, I'm not going to
lie.
It can get a little bit trickybecause there's so many
different angles, but that alsomakes it super, super fun.

(12:30):
Right.
I also think that a really,really cool thing with this is
that it eliminates the, likewhose side is on what side and
which side do I need to sit on?
Because.
Maybe I know this bride a littlebit better than the other broad,
but like where do I sit?
And.
I think that that's a reallyhard tradition for people to let
go of, even if they're nottrying to be traditional, it's

(12:53):
something that I hear.
And the little guest chatter asI'm in the background quite
often.
Like if there is not a sign thatsays which side is which like,
guess phrase, they're like, ohmy God, I don't know which side
to sit on and becomes a wholething.
And so I think that having likethe circle kind of set up also

(13:13):
is just a really cool symbol forjust being like.
We're all here for each other.
We're all in this together.
It doesn't have to be aboutsides.
And I think that's really,really beautiful.
Yeah, I think it's a super funoption, but again, You just have
to have like open conversationwith like your venue person or
your photographer to it'simportant so that they're

(13:34):
prepared.
Yeah.
And then the last thing that Iwanted to talk about was just,
there are other ways.
Let me back up.
If you kind of ultimately decidelike, Hey, we still want to have
a traditional aisle and like,Maybe we're going to still have
a fairly traditional entrance,like think about other ways that

(13:58):
you can maybe make it fun orunique.
Maybe it's like.
Walking into a chapel room song,maybe it's having a different
kind of flower person or Yeah,just things like that.
I think that there are so manydifferent ways for you to.
Also incorporate like yourcommunity, your identities

(14:19):
Things like that.
I think there are so many funoptions.
And again, there's no shame inthe game if you're like, I
really just want something like.
Super traditional andstraightforward, and that feels
like me.
Great.
Awesome.
Like.
Do that.
I just also want people to knowthat.

(14:39):
Just because there'straditionally like a walking
down the aisle moment.
That doesn't mean that you haveto do it like.
There's really, really funoptions.
And I think it's just importantto, to think about what's going
to make you feel safe andcelebrated too.
Like, do you want that momentwhen everyone's eyes are on you,

(14:59):
would you feel better if there'slike multiple people walking up
with you?
Would you feel better if yourpartner is right next to you?
Making sure you don't trip.
You know, just.
It's actually such a reallyimportant thing to be thinking
about.
So.
Hopefully, this gets some goodconversations going with you.
And if you are a vendor or avenue owner or a coordinator

(15:22):
like.
Please feel free to encourageyour couples to be thinking
about this and.
That is all for this little miniseries, queering parts of your
wedding day.
There are so many other littleparts of the day that I'm going
to be breaking down and givingideas to so.
Keep listening and know thatthere's other really exciting

(15:46):
content coming.
Some wedding related, noteverything, but it's all going
to be amazing.
So.
Clearly beloved.
I hope you have an amazingmorning, afternoon, evening.
Whenever you're tuning in.
And I will see you all veryshortly.
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