January 10, 2025 • 15 mins
It's 2025 my dudes, and one thing we are not going to do, is start our year off by continuing to drag our feet on making important changes in our businesses. Being a more inclusive vendor is important and should be treated with urgency as a means of respect. We need to chat about it's important to do better once you know better in a TIMELY manner.
The intro and all instrumentals were written, sung and recorded by @JaynaDavisMusic
Queerly Beloved, I'm so glad you joined!
Please keep the community going by checking me out on instagram @wildlyconnectedphoto and come say hi! I'd love to hear from you! :)
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Microphone (Yeti Stere (00:00):
Beloved.
(00:00):
Welcome back to.
A double episode.
Uh, two in one week or really.
Really.
Taken off I think after doingthis for awhile, winter is
definitely the time for me.
So.
Also, I think it aligns wellbecause a lot of us are, are
hibernating and wanting thingsto listen to as we.
(00:22):
Hosey up in our houses for thecold winter.
So.
Thank you for sticking with and,and joining in for all of these
new episodes.
The reason that this episode isa double whammy of sorts.
Or the second episode this week.
Is because I think it's soimportant overall, but I hope
that it's a really good way forus to kick off the new year.
(00:47):
And I'm going to be talkingabout.
Oh, man.
It's so sad that I even have tosay this, but again, I'm making
inclusive changes in yourbusiness.
Isn't necessary.
But I also want to talk aboutwhy making those changes in a
timely manner is so important.
(01:07):
And this is actually a based offof a real life thing that
happened to me.
And so.
you know, this might feel likeI'm throwing shade and that's
okay.
Because I think for the purposesof this episode, The story will,
will do what it needs to do.
And obviously there's no hate,but it's okay to have a little
(01:28):
shade sometimes.
So back in, uh, early October.
I photographed a wedding.
And it was a couple where bothof them identified as breads.
Okay.
So it was two brides.
And when these two brides.
We're being announced.
(01:48):
Just kind of right after theyhad come in from their grand
entrance, the DJ said Brian andgrim.
And for extra context, this sameDJ who exactly one year ago.
The past October had done theexact same thing.
With another set of two brides.
Okay.
So normally I'm a very likenon-confrontational person,
(02:12):
which I know is a weird thing tosay as I'm.
Hosting a podcast that can attimes be very confrontational.
Uh, but listen, it's a lotdifferent talking into a blue
microphone, then waltzing up to.
A big tall man, DJ in person.
Live action.
(02:32):
But I decided to do it because Iwas like, you know what?
Like, this is not okay.
And this is wild that Iwitnessed it.
Twice now within one year, likethat's just wild.
So I approached the CJ.
And I just said, you know,respectfully.
This is what you said.
This is the same thing you didlast year.
(02:53):
And like, can we talk aboutthis?
He was a little bit weird.
He did fight me on it, butultimately he was like, you know
what?
Like, I do actually really wantto talk about this and I do want
all couples to like, feelcomfortable.
And we had a good conversationabout it.
And I actually told him aboutthis podcast.
(03:15):
And.
He seemed super interested.
He also asked if I would everhave capacity is who like audit
his website and give himsuggestions.
And I was like, You know what.
As frustrating as this is like,this is, this is why I'm here.
Like, I, I really care aboutchange and helping people make
(03:35):
those changes.
So like great.
Now I know you're probablywondering.
Ana.
That sounds like a, like a goodthing.
Where's this going?
So glad you asked.
So that night before I drovehome from the wedding, I use the
Instagram contact informationthat he had given me.
(03:55):
And sent him the podcastepisode.
Where I was like, Hey, this thisepisode, I'm actually talking
with another DJ who talks abouthow to use inclusive language
and how do you use inclusivepractices?
As a DJ in the wedding space.
And he was like, great.
He saw the message.
And here's where the kickercomes in.
(04:17):
He didn't respond to me and telljust yesterday.
It is January my dudes.
This happened back.
In October.
His message said, thanks somuch.
Finally, just getting around tothis.
Which again, I know some of youmight be like, I don't
(04:38):
understand what the deal islike.
He's, he's looking at whatyou've sent to him.
The kicker for me.
Is that we had a conversationabout this back in October.
And it took until January forthis man to Dean that he had
enough time to dedicate tosomething that he claimed.
(05:00):
To really care about and to wantto change.
That is so incrediblyfrustrating to me because your
actions are speaking louder thanyour words right now.
And yes, I'm using this story asa, as a real life example to
kind of kick off the episode.
But I realized that this isn't,this isn't about him.
This is about me continuouslyseeing how, even though we're
(05:24):
trying to, as an industry shift,to be more inclusive, there are
so many people who are draggingtheir feet.
And I think that there's avariety of reasons for that.
Of course, I think.
That's some people.
Don't want their businesses tobe inclusive and that way, and
obviously that's not really.
(05:45):
We're targeting.
We're targeting the people whodo want to change.
So I'm just here to remind you.
That if you are here today,listening.
And it is 2025.
And there are things that youhave been meaning to do on your
website and your businesspractices and your language.
Like it is time.
It is time for that change.
(06:07):
And it is really, reallyimportant work to be doing.
This is not something you putoff for three months.
Like.
I also want to give the caveatof, like, I think that there are
people out there who are stilllearning.
Like they haven't quite maybegotten the same information as
everybody else.
(06:27):
And you don't know what youdon't know.
So I don't want to necessarilybe making all these huge blanket
statements, but at the sametime, like it is 20, 25 and
there are a lot of people outthere sharing education, sharing
resources.
Trying to foster change.
So at the same time, it's kindof like, there is so much out
there.
(06:47):
And it's time.
Like this is.
I have an important thing to doin a timely manner.
And I, I think what's wild too,is that.
The people or businesses ororganizations who are dragging
their feet on this, like theydon't realize that they're
losing business.
Oh, of course, this is so muchdeeper than business, but like
(07:10):
you are losing business becauseby, by having inclusive
practices, like.
People are going to appreciatethat.
And I would say that clients areincreasingly looking for
businesses that are open aboutthat and that care about that,
and that align with their ownpersonal values.
And so I think what's just soinsane about all of this is
(07:33):
that.
The.
You know, the business ownersand organizations who are like,
yeah, yeah, we'll get to it.
Like we know this is important,but.
You know, we're just, we're busyor we're waiting for the right
time.
It's like, Great.
You're losing business.
You're losing people.
You are not creating a safe workenvironment, a safe environment
(07:53):
for clients to reach out to you.
Like.
You are missing out on so muchbecause you're a quote unquote,
too busy to do something that'sreally, really important.
And I just.
On on all sides, it's reallyfrustrating.
Right?
Cause it's like, how can you notsee that this is something
that's really good for you?
And going to benefit you in acapitalist society, but it's
(08:15):
also really good for the peoplearound you.
And it's also frustratingbecause it's just like, by
seeing that so much, and by.
Seeing people continually notmake it a priority.
It's like, great.
Well, you are just deeming ourcomfortability and our safety, a
non priority.
And that sucks.
And it also says a lot about youas a person.
(08:36):
As a business owner as anorganization.
Like it really shows your truecolors.
And I think.
That over the next four years.
We are going to see a lot ofpeople's true colors.
One way or another, but.
Despite how our world shiftslike.
Change is going to still happen.
(08:59):
I think it's possible for us tosee some negative change, but I
think that there are so manypeople in the wedding industry
who care about.
Making positive changes who careabout being more inclusive, that
like, regardless of whathappens, like we are moving
forward, we're moving forwardwith making a more inclusive
budding industry and like, It'shappening like it is happening.
(09:21):
It is time.
It is time.
And the crazy part of it too, isthat so much of this.
Is easy and it's free.
Like even in talking to this DJthat I was referencing at the
start of the podcast episode.
You know, he was walking methrough some things on his
(09:43):
website and showing me hiscontact form and showing me that
it's still says bride and groomand You know, is the bride doing
a father, daughter dance?
You know, just like very, verygendered, very specific things.
And I was like, okay, well, Ithink that's.
That's pretty easy to change.
Like I think.
I think you can change it.
And he was just giving all ofthese yamas busy season and oh,
(10:07):
I just, I don't know, like.
Is it going to be weird if Istart sending out a different
questionnaire and you know, allof these things that it's just
like, I guarantee that if youwere to really sit down and like
go through your website and beready to make all of these
changes, you could probably geta lot of add-on in like an hour
or two, right?
(10:28):
It's not, you're not redesigningyour whole website.
You're not redesigning thewheel.
You're updating language.
You're shifting some things.
Maybe you change a picture tolike, It's it's easy and it's
free and it benefits you.
And yet people are still justlike not seeing it as a
priority.
And so I really just wanted tothrow in this episode for the
(10:51):
week.
Because obviously it's, it'sJanuary, it's a new year.
I think it's a time when peopleare interested in.
New habits and practices andgoals and all of that.
And so I think that this is sucha good way to kick off the year,
because if you've been draggingyour feet again, like now is the
time.
(11:12):
If you're not sure, like.
Please reach out to me.
Or, you know, hire another queercontent creator artist.
Trend and buy them lunch.
Like.
There are ways that you can dothis and you kind of just need
to take that first step, like.
It's so frustrating.
(11:32):
As a queer person, as somebodyin this space to like see
people, not taking the time oreffort to do something.
That's so simple and can makesuch a big impact.
So, Yeah.
It's time.
I do it really, really is timeand it is valuable.
Like I think some people tojust.
Forget.
(11:53):
Or don't see the value in like,okay, well, if my contact form
says bride and groom, like.
All that person has to do is in,in the notes.
In the contact form, just like,let me know that, that one of
them isn't a bride or something.
Like come on now.
Come on.
That is just an incredibly wildthing to say that.
(12:16):
It doesn't matter that much or.
Whatever cause no, like people.
That will scare people away, orif it doesn't like what a
terrible position to put themin.
Okay.
I am.
As you can see very, very heatedand passionate about this topic.
So.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna leave itthere.
(12:37):
Thank you for listening to mylittle rant and honestly, If
there are people in yourcircles.
That you're aware of that you'vebeen like having these
conversations with, or younoticed it on their profile or
in their work that maybe they,they have some shifts to make
and you feel comfortable.
Either sending them thisepisode, or just trying to have
(12:59):
a quick conversation with them.
I think that was also a greattime to do that.
And honestly, to, from, again,from like a pro business
standpoint, like these next fewmonths are like big booking
months.
As people are getting engagedand I'm starting to like really
deep dive into their weddingplanning for the upcoming year.
So like be ahead of the curve,like show people that you are
(13:23):
inclusive, that you care.
And that you want to keepgrowing and being a better
vendor, all right.
Clearly beloved.
Thank you so much for listening.
Yeah, please feel free to reachout to me on Instagram.
Or VMI website or email justreach out if you were struggling
with this, or if you'restruggling to figure out how to
(13:43):
talk to another vendor aboutthis, like I'm here and I want
to help.
And.
It's, it might be scary to makethose changes too, but it's
going to be fine.
So.
That is all I have for youtoday.
Have an awesome day.
Beloved.
(00:00):
Welcome back to.
A double episode.
Uh, two in one week or really.
Really.
Taken off I think after doingthis for awhile, winter is
definitely the time for me.
So.
Also, I think it aligns wellbecause a lot of us are, are
hibernating and wanting thingsto listen to as we.
(00:22):
Hosey up in our houses for thecold winter.
So.
Thank you for sticking with and,and joining in for all of these
new episodes.
The reason that this episode isa double whammy of sorts.
Or the second episode this week.
Is because I think it's soimportant overall, but I hope
that it's a really good way forus to kick off the new year.
(00:47):
And I'm going to be talkingabout.
Oh, man.
It's so sad that I even have tosay this, but again, I'm making
inclusive changes in yourbusiness.
Isn't necessary.
But I also want to talk aboutwhy making those changes in a
timely manner is so important.
(01:07):
And this is actually a based offof a real life thing that
happened to me.
And so.
you know, this might feel likeI'm throwing shade and that's
okay.
Because I think for the purposesof this episode, The story will,
will do what it needs to do.
And obviously there's no hate,but it's okay to have a little
(01:28):
shade sometimes.
So back in, uh, early October.
I photographed a wedding.
And it was a couple where bothof them identified as breads.
Okay.
So it was two brides.
And when these two brides.
We're being announced.
(01:48):
Just kind of right after theyhad come in from their grand
entrance, the DJ said Brian andgrim.
And for extra context, this sameDJ who exactly one year ago.
The past October had done theexact same thing.
With another set of two brides.
Okay.
So normally I'm a very likenon-confrontational person,
(02:12):
which I know is a weird thing tosay as I'm.
Hosting a podcast that can attimes be very confrontational.
Uh, but listen, it's a lotdifferent talking into a blue
microphone, then waltzing up to.
A big tall man, DJ in person.
Live action.
(02:32):
But I decided to do it because Iwas like, you know what?
Like, this is not okay.
And this is wild that Iwitnessed it.
Twice now within one year, likethat's just wild.
So I approached the CJ.
And I just said, you know,respectfully.
This is what you said.
This is the same thing you didlast year.
(02:53):
And like, can we talk aboutthis?
He was a little bit weird.
He did fight me on it, butultimately he was like, you know
what?
Like, I do actually really wantto talk about this and I do want
all couples to like, feelcomfortable.
And we had a good conversationabout it.
And I actually told him aboutthis podcast.
(03:15):
And.
He seemed super interested.
He also asked if I would everhave capacity is who like audit
his website and give himsuggestions.
And I was like, You know what.
As frustrating as this is like,this is, this is why I'm here.
Like, I, I really care aboutchange and helping people make
(03:35):
those changes.
So like great.
Now I know you're probablywondering.
Ana.
That sounds like a, like a goodthing.
Where's this going?
So glad you asked.
So that night before I drovehome from the wedding, I use the
Instagram contact informationthat he had given me.
(03:55):
And sent him the podcastepisode.
Where I was like, Hey, this thisepisode, I'm actually talking
with another DJ who talks abouthow to use inclusive language
and how do you use inclusivepractices?
As a DJ in the wedding space.
And he was like, great.
He saw the message.
And here's where the kickercomes in.
(04:17):
He didn't respond to me and telljust yesterday.
It is January my dudes.
This happened back.
In October.
His message said, thanks somuch.
Finally, just getting around tothis.
Which again, I know some of youmight be like, I don't
(04:38):
understand what the deal islike.
He's, he's looking at whatyou've sent to him.
The kicker for me.
Is that we had a conversationabout this back in October.
And it took until January forthis man to Dean that he had
enough time to dedicate tosomething that he claimed.
(05:00):
To really care about and to wantto change.
That is so incrediblyfrustrating to me because your
actions are speaking louder thanyour words right now.
And yes, I'm using this story asa, as a real life example to
kind of kick off the episode.
But I realized that this isn't,this isn't about him.
This is about me continuouslyseeing how, even though we're
(05:24):
trying to, as an industry shift,to be more inclusive, there are
so many people who are draggingtheir feet.
And I think that there's avariety of reasons for that.
Of course, I think.
That's some people.
Don't want their businesses tobe inclusive and that way, and
obviously that's not really.
(05:45):
We're targeting.
We're targeting the people whodo want to change.
So I'm just here to remind you.
That if you are here today,listening.
And it is 2025.
And there are things that youhave been meaning to do on your
website and your businesspractices and your language.
Like it is time.
It is time for that change.
(06:07):
And it is really, reallyimportant work to be doing.
This is not something you putoff for three months.
Like.
I also want to give the caveatof, like, I think that there are
people out there who are stilllearning.
Like they haven't quite maybegotten the same information as
everybody else.
(06:27):
And you don't know what youdon't know.
So I don't want to necessarilybe making all these huge blanket
statements, but at the sametime, like it is 20, 25 and
there are a lot of people outthere sharing education, sharing
resources.
Trying to foster change.
So at the same time, it's kindof like, there is so much out
there.
(06:47):
And it's time.
Like this is.
I have an important thing to doin a timely manner.
And I, I think what's wild too,is that.
The people or businesses ororganizations who are dragging
their feet on this, like theydon't realize that they're
losing business.
Oh, of course, this is so muchdeeper than business, but like
(07:10):
you are losing business becauseby, by having inclusive
practices, like.
People are going to appreciatethat.
And I would say that clients areincreasingly looking for
businesses that are open aboutthat and that care about that,
and that align with their ownpersonal values.
And so I think what's just soinsane about all of this is
(07:33):
that.
The.
You know, the business ownersand organizations who are like,
yeah, yeah, we'll get to it.
Like we know this is important,but.
You know, we're just, we're busyor we're waiting for the right
time.
It's like, Great.
You're losing business.
You're losing people.
You are not creating a safe workenvironment, a safe environment
(07:53):
for clients to reach out to you.
Like.
You are missing out on so muchbecause you're a quote unquote,
too busy to do something that'sreally, really important.
And I just.
On on all sides, it's reallyfrustrating.
Right?
Cause it's like, how can you notsee that this is something
that's really good for you?
And going to benefit you in acapitalist society, but it's
(08:15):
also really good for the peoplearound you.
And it's also frustratingbecause it's just like, by
seeing that so much, and by.
Seeing people continually notmake it a priority.
It's like, great.
Well, you are just deeming ourcomfortability and our safety, a
non priority.
And that sucks.
And it also says a lot about youas a person.
(08:36):
As a business owner as anorganization.
Like it really shows your truecolors.
And I think.
That over the next four years.
We are going to see a lot ofpeople's true colors.
One way or another, but.
Despite how our world shiftslike.
Change is going to still happen.
(08:59):
I think it's possible for us tosee some negative change, but I
think that there are so manypeople in the wedding industry
who care about.
Making positive changes who careabout being more inclusive, that
like, regardless of whathappens, like we are moving
forward, we're moving forwardwith making a more inclusive
budding industry and like, It'shappening like it is happening.
(09:21):
It is time.
It is time.
And the crazy part of it too, isthat so much of this.
Is easy and it's free.
Like even in talking to this DJthat I was referencing at the
start of the podcast episode.
You know, he was walking methrough some things on his
(09:43):
website and showing me hiscontact form and showing me that
it's still says bride and groomand You know, is the bride doing
a father, daughter dance?
You know, just like very, verygendered, very specific things.
And I was like, okay, well, Ithink that's.
That's pretty easy to change.
Like I think.
I think you can change it.
And he was just giving all ofthese yamas busy season and oh,
(10:07):
I just, I don't know, like.
Is it going to be weird if Istart sending out a different
questionnaire and you know, allof these things that it's just
like, I guarantee that if youwere to really sit down and like
go through your website and beready to make all of these
changes, you could probably geta lot of add-on in like an hour
or two, right?
(10:28):
It's not, you're not redesigningyour whole website.
You're not redesigning thewheel.
You're updating language.
You're shifting some things.
Maybe you change a picture tolike, It's it's easy and it's
free and it benefits you.
And yet people are still justlike not seeing it as a
priority.
And so I really just wanted tothrow in this episode for the
(10:51):
week.
Because obviously it's, it'sJanuary, it's a new year.
I think it's a time when peopleare interested in.
New habits and practices andgoals and all of that.
And so I think that this is sucha good way to kick off the year,
because if you've been draggingyour feet again, like now is the
time.
(11:12):
If you're not sure, like.
Please reach out to me.
Or, you know, hire another queercontent creator artist.
Trend and buy them lunch.
Like.
There are ways that you can dothis and you kind of just need
to take that first step, like.
It's so frustrating.
(11:32):
As a queer person, as somebodyin this space to like see
people, not taking the time oreffort to do something.
That's so simple and can makesuch a big impact.
So, Yeah.
It's time.
I do it really, really is timeand it is valuable.
Like I think some people tojust.
Forget.
(11:53):
Or don't see the value in like,okay, well, if my contact form
says bride and groom, like.
All that person has to do is in,in the notes.
In the contact form, just like,let me know that, that one of
them isn't a bride or something.
Like come on now.
Come on.
That is just an incredibly wildthing to say that.
(12:16):
It doesn't matter that much or.
Whatever cause no, like people.
That will scare people away, orif it doesn't like what a
terrible position to put themin.
Okay.
I am.
As you can see very, very heatedand passionate about this topic.
So.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna leave itthere.
(12:37):
Thank you for listening to mylittle rant and honestly, If
there are people in yourcircles.
That you're aware of that you'vebeen like having these
conversations with, or younoticed it on their profile or
in their work that maybe they,they have some shifts to make
and you feel comfortable.
Either sending them thisepisode, or just trying to have
(12:59):
a quick conversation with them.
I think that was also a greattime to do that.
And honestly, to, from, again,from like a pro business
standpoint, like these next fewmonths are like big booking
months.
As people are getting engagedand I'm starting to like really
deep dive into their weddingplanning for the upcoming year.
So like be ahead of the curve,like show people that you are
(13:23):
inclusive, that you care.
And that you want to keepgrowing and being a better
vendor, all right.
Clearly beloved.
Thank you so much for listening.
Yeah, please feel free to reachout to me on Instagram.
Or VMI website or email justreach out if you were struggling
with this, or if you'restruggling to figure out how to
(13:43):
talk to another vendor aboutthis, like I'm here and I want
to help.
And.
It's, it might be scary to makethose changes too, but it's
going to be fine.
So.
That is all I have for youtoday.
Have an awesome day.
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