January 29, 2025 • 24 mins
I NEED YOUR HELP! I want to hear stories that you have had as a lgbtq+ couple in planning your wedding (past OR present) AND also any questions you might have for my upcoming live podcast at Urban Growler on February 20!
- DM me @widlyconnectedphoto on instagram
- Email me: hello@wildlyconnectedphotography.com
This episode includes Insights from my personal experience as a lgbtq+ engaged person and what's been helping me and giving me hope! I hope you'll listen in and be in this journey with me.
I know facebook is kind of the w*rst right now, but here could be a good place to connect with local queer folks:
Queer Exchange
The intro and all instrumentals were written, sung and recorded by @JaynaDavisMusic
Queerly Beloved, I'm so glad you joined!
Please keep the community going by checking me out on instagram @wildlyconnectedphoto and come say hi! I'd love to hear from you! :)
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Really beloved.
(00:01):
Welcome back to this week'sepisode.
Um, wow.
What an interesting time it isin the world.
It's been about a week sinceinauguration day And I know that
I'm not alone in thinking thatthere has already been so many
(00:23):
crazy and scary shifts in theworld, and so I really just
wanted to have a little bit of alonger intro to this week's
episode just to kind of, I don'tknow, I know this is a podcast
and we're not all together atthe same time, but.
I feel like just taking a secondto feel how heavy things are,
(00:51):
and then to also find ways tofind joy and to find hope, and
yeah, I just want to put outthere that I'm thinking of all
of you, I'm thinking of those inour community a little extra,
(01:11):
these days and wishing so muchlove and peace to our LGBTQ
community and especially to ourtrans siblings right now.
I also just want to say that ifyou are an ally listening, thank
you so much, and Please keepfighting for us and for our
(01:33):
community.
We can't do this alone and we'llreally need your support.
Please know that my DMs arealways open.
If you just need a friendly Earto chat with um, you can find me
at wildly connected photo oninstagram and I would be happy
to just hold space for you andlisten or cry with you or Maybe
(01:58):
you just need to think aboutsomething else like whatever it
might be I just want you all toknow that that is an option also
for those of you who Live inMinnesota or in the Twin Cities
area.
I do have a art gallery up rightnow.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Micr (02:14):
My recent series on rage is being
generously hosted by the BlackHeart of St.
Paul and it's been up for acouple weeks now and Um, it's
been so cool to be there andjust be with people who I know
are probably feeling similarthings and to just kind of have
that space to say, like, hey,when you walk in here, it's okay
(02:36):
to feel angry.
It's okay to feel rage andsadness or whatever you might be
feeling, um, or just kind offeeling like, I don't even know
how to respond to this.
So I'm just also feeling kind ofnumb, like, um.
Yeah, it is.
It's just truly a safe space andI will be there this upcoming
(02:57):
Thursday, the 30th, um, just tokind of talk about the portraits
being community hold space forthose who need it.
So, if you are a local listener,please come by, it'll be up for
a couple more weeks and wouldlove to see you there.
Also as part of this longerintro, I wanted to mention that
(03:19):
I will be doing my first everlive podcast episode at Urban
Growler in St.
Paul, and I'm very excited, alittle bit nervous.
To be sure, but also veryexcited.
And I think that'll also be justa super awesome opportunity to
be with other queer couples andjust kind of be folks who are in
(03:43):
the same boat as you and getsome practical tips on how to.
Um, on that note, I am lookingfor folks to submit, Both any
questions that they might haveand want addressed prior to
(04:05):
February 20th.
And I'm also looking for couplesto maybe share some stories
about what they've experiencedin the wedding space as an LGBTQ
plus couple planning.
whether you're actively planningor.
It's something that happened inthe past, and even if you're
already married, like, I'dreally love to have some
stories, for an interactivesegment of the podcast.
(04:29):
it can all be totally anonymous,so no worries about that, but if
you could please either DM me onInstagram at
wildlyconnectedphoto or shoot mean email, which is hello at
wildlyconnectedphotography.
com with your stories orexperiences or questions.
That's going to be so great.
(04:51):
we will have some otheropportunities for participation
throughout the podcast, but I'dreally like to have some of
those things ahead of time.
Thank you so much for listeningto this longer intro, but
there's kind of lots going onright now.
So I felt like it was importantto talk about those things.
If you're still with me, um,this episode is also going to be
fairly brief, but I think stillreally important.
(05:13):
And I wanted to chat a littlebit about my own experience
being someone who is queer in avery open and visible queer
relationship, who's alsoplanning her own wedding.
First of all, To those of youwho are in the same boat as me,
I see you, and it does reallysuck, well, just saying that
(05:39):
it's really, really hard.
And at a time when you'resupposed to be feeling so
excited and just thinking aboutlove and happiness and color
palettes, you're insteadthinking about legal things and
financial things.
And will your marriage even berecognized six months from now?
And so to that, I just want usto, you know, be like, yeah, um,
(06:06):
this is not at all what weddingplanning should be.
And it's okay.
I also really wanted to justtalk about some things that have
been helpful for me and one ofthose things is spend time with
your partner.
Like, I know that sounds sosilly and, and surface level
(06:29):
maybe, but like I mentioned,we're having to think about a
whole other slew of things rightnow and I will talk a little bit
more about that but I think it'sso important to prioritize
spending time with your personthat doesn't involve talking
about the state of the world,that doesn't talk about legal
documents and this and that,that's just purely for you two
(06:50):
to connect and to have joy.
It's definitely been a commontheme that I've seen.
On social media and online,which is so great, but it is
true that that queer joy is aresistance, like, in a time like
this, when it feels like thingsare shifting and it feels like
the world is trying to beagainst us, the last thing that
(07:10):
they want us to do is to havejoy, and so I just highly
encourage you to prioritizespending time with your partner
that's away from the internet,away from the news, away from
um, um, planning and havingscary conversations and to also
prioritize just like being withyour person and protecting your
peace in that way.
(07:33):
Know that for myself sometimesthat can feel weird.
It definitely feels weird for meto be Um, talking about, you
know, being excited to marry mypartner and all these other
things when there's so manythings going on in the world
that deserve our attention andare not necessarily joyful.
(07:54):
But I think that it's stillreally, really important and
it's really important for you asan individual and as a couple to
find that balance.
So please prioritize that andknow that it is, that it is okay
and it is not selfish to dothat.
And in fact, we need that.
We need that as an act ofresistance and we also need that
(08:15):
so that we can come back whenwe're feeling more full of joy
and our cups are full to fightback against all of the changes
too.
It is, however, also actuallyvery important to be having
conversations with your partnerabout walking through all the
various scenarios andsituations.
(08:37):
I know that for many couples,getting married over this last
couple of weeks and months hasfelt like the right option and
that is totally great and Isupport that.
And for some couples that hasn'tfelt like the right option.
And I don't think that there'sone black and white
straightforward answer.
I mean, there's nostraightforward answers around
(08:59):
here, but, um, I just reallyencourage you to be having
conversations about, okay, ifyou're XYZ happens, what is our
response?
in this current climate, what'sour response?
If this happens, how are wegoing to pivot?
Like, it's not fun conversationsto have, but it is important to
(09:22):
chat through what feels rightfor you and.
You know, weighing in so manydifferent elements of making
sure that you have financialplans in place, legal plans in
place, also, you know,discussing if name changes are
part of your identity or yourrelationship, what's the best
(09:44):
answer?
Force of action for you there,also wanted to throw out if you
are a local on Thursday,February 6th, Queerly Beloved
events, not to be confused withthe podcast, we'll be hosting an
event in the evening that's allabout, um, LGBTQ plus futures in
the current world we live in.
(10:05):
Discussing various financial andlegal options that you have as a
queer person.
So highly recommend coming tothat.
I will be there taking photosand, all of that as well.
And also wanted to mention that,we'll be having a lawyer here on
the podcast very soon too.
So know that some more resourcesare coming, but that, there's
(10:27):
lots of resources online and, Iknow that there are plenty of
resources.
Either queer or career affirminglawyers out there as well.
So highly encouraged that eventhough I know firsthand, like,
trust me, we've been havingthese conversations and it's not
fun, like it is not what youwant to be thinking about when
(10:48):
you're planning a wedding, but.
It is important.
And unfortunately, it's justwhat we have to do right now to
be protected.
So, please make, make sureyou're prioritizing both.
And, on that note of, you know,spending time together, I also
just want to talk about howimportant community is, and I
know I've been saying this a lotlately on, on Instagram and on
(11:10):
my platforms, but like, I feellike I'm, I'm really, really
firsthand witnessing howimportant it is to be in
community with people whounderstand who you're going
through.
I know that of course, like ourallies are so great and that,
and we need them.
And at the same time, there'sjust something that.
(11:32):
I can't even quite put intowords that is just so incredibly
important and like, being in aroom of people who see you,
understand you, who I feel likesometimes you can just give them
a look or a glance and you knowwhat you're feeling and
experiencing and you don't haveto explain the ins and outs, you
just know and it's just beenamazing.
(11:55):
So incredibly powerful.
So if you are a queer person,whether or not you're planning a
wedding, like.
This is the time to find queercommunity.
Like, for us, it has been sohealing, it has been so
important, so necessary to beable to spend time with people
(12:16):
who see us and understand us andwho are going through the same
thing.
I can't even begin to describehow powerful and how healing and
how necessary that has been formy partner and I.
I really highly encourage you todo that.
there are so many differentlocal groups here in the Twin
Cities.
Um, there are Facebook groups.
(12:38):
Um, there are local communitygroups and I would love to link
some in the show notes, to kindof give you a starting point.
And I know for some that maybein person isn't always an
option, whether for safety orthey don't exist, or a variety
of other things.
So, even if you can safely findlike an online community, like,
even that is really, reallyimportant.
(12:59):
And I think we so need thatright now.
And being in community withQueer siblings that are trans
siblings like that in itself isan active resistance as well.
I just kind of wanted to, to saythat and I know that some of the
things I'm saying are nothingearth shattering, but just like
for me personally, the thingsthat have been so good, um, has
(13:24):
been just being with my partnerin an ever changing world and
being with friends who care forme and, who hold space for us
and who understand.
I just, I can't even, I'm liketearing up thinking about it.
So, um, I really encourage youto find community, be with your
(13:44):
people.
and again, my DMs are alwaysopen.
Like I want, I want everyone tofeel safe and seen and like they
have a space to go.
The last thing that I want totalk about, um, just as
something that I've beenthinking about in planning my
own wedding.
Listen guys, again, I know it'snot like anything earth
shattering, but I think thatthis time is so pivotal in, in
(14:06):
watching how certain vendors,certain industries, venues, all
of that are responding to all ofthe changes in the world.
If you are actively planning,like, of course, like, it's
always been important to knowthat the people that you're
hiring and working with are cooland safe people, like, I, I have
(14:27):
episodes on that, um, and I'llbe talking a little bit about
that at the live podcast aswell, so that has always been
important, but I think now morethan ever, really just taking
extra time and extra care tomake sure that who you're
interested in hiring is beingheard.
Proactive and is also not like,yeah, I'm sure many of you have
(14:53):
seen what's going on with allthe DDEI initiatives, the
changes, what targets been upto, like, I'm not here to get
into the nitty gritties of that,but I think like these next few
weeks and these next few monthsare going to change.
Be really telling of how vendorsand venues are showing up, what
(15:15):
they're saying, um, how they'retreating LGBTQ plus folks that
they're working with.
so I just, I really encourageyou if you are still looking for
things like vendors and venues,like take extra care, like reach
out to other queer couples,reach out.
To me, reach out to other queervendors and like really take
(15:38):
your time in, in figuring outwho you want to reach out to and
if they have experience and ifthey're being proactive, um,
making sure that they, liketheir first priority is for you
to feel good and safe and notjust there to take your money.
And if you have already hiredvendors and venues and you're
not really in that process, Ialso encourage you to see how
(16:02):
they're responding, and if needbe, like, have a list of
questions ready, um, that youcan share with the venue or the
vendors and be like, Hey, like,the world is in a different
place now than it was six monthsago when I hired you.
Can I talk to you about X, Y,and Z?
(16:22):
Like, will you make us feelsafe?
Are you still going to like,take great care of us?
Like, how have you responded tothings like this in the past?
Like, I think it is totally fairand okay, although I know it can
be scary as a person who doesn'tlove confrontation, but I think
it is totally fair andreasonable to want to check in
(16:45):
with those you've already hiredand just basically be like, Hey,
like the world's a scary placeand things are changing and
here's how I'm feeling like, arethere extra things that we can
put in place around our day tohelp us feel even safer and more
protected?
You know, maybe it's talking tovenues about having more
(17:06):
security there on your day,which is so unfortunate to say,
or maybe just if you are having.
Your ceremony or event insomewhere that is part of like a
larger public space, liketalking to the venue about ways
that you could maybe add someadditional privacy or shift
where your ceremony is.
And I don't say any of thesethings to, like, cause fear by
(17:27):
any means.
It's more just like, it's okayif you're feeling differently.
now in your wedding process thanyou did six months ago, and it's
okay to want to know youroptions and to shift how you do
things.
I think, yeah, venues are justsuch a big one that come to mind
because they not only set thetone and the vibes for your day,
(17:49):
but they also, you know, have abig role in what information is
shared, who's around, what isthe staff like there that's
working there?
I think that's a great questionto talk to venues about too,
like Hey, like, has your staff,you know, been around these
kinds of weddings before?
Do you have a diverse staff?
Like, I think those are reallyimportant questions, too, just
(18:13):
to know that you're not going tobe getting, like, side eyed
glances from the venue staff orthe catering staff or anything
like that.
And so I just basically want toencourage you to really think
through how you're feeling aboutyour venue, your vendors, the
entire process.
And, you know, ultimately ifthings need to change and it's
(18:34):
something that financially thatIt feels like an option for you.
Like maybe discuss what thatlooks like too.
because ultimately like ournumber one priority as queer
folks is to feel safe andprotected and to set ourselves
up for success so that when weare doing something incredibly
(18:57):
special and sacred, that we arenot concerned about our safety
or concerned about people.
Thinking that what we're doingis wrong.
That's the last thing you wantto be thinking about on your
wedding.
And so, having conversations asa couple as to what you can do
to make that happen is really,really important you know, for
(19:18):
me, someone who is doing alittle bit more of an elopement
style, um, having conversationswith our photographer who's
helping us plan, chattingthrough, like, hey, is the
location that we picked, like,do you think that ultimately
will be a pretty, like, privatelocation and will we be safe
(19:39):
from, like, onlookers and, um,even just checking in on, like,
the general vibes of that areaand what is the legislation
like, um.
out in Washington and justdifferent things like that.
So it's definitely somethingthat I'm doing as well.
And even for me, like thinkingabout, Still needing to hire a
hair and makeup artist.
(19:59):
Like, I'm very much looking veryclosely at who these people are,
what kinds of things thatthey've been posting in these
last few weeks, how they'reresponding to shifts in the
world.
So I guess ultimately I justwant you to know that it's
something that I'm doing too andIt is unfortunate that we have
to be a little bit extravigilant around this time, but,
(20:22):
just know that, that I see you.
I'm in the same boat as you.
And I also still fully believethat, even though the world is
shifting, that we still deserveto have the most joyful time
ever.
Our community is so beautifuland so sacred, and we deserve to
have joy.
And our community has gonethrough so much in, in the past
(20:45):
and obviously in the present andhave always come out on the
other side and I fully believethat and I guess I'll just end
with reiterating a bit of what Isaid before, like, Maybe it's
just me, I'm not sure, but it,it definitely does feel strange
to be wanting to celebrate andto find someone's joy right now
in a time where the world feelsseverely lacking in joy.
(21:10):
And I just really, really wantto encourage you to prioritize
that joy.
You marrying your person isreally sacred and it's really
special and I'm, I don't knowwhy I'm crying again, but, um,
I'm cheering for you.
What we're doing is importantand I don't want you to lose
(21:32):
that light or that joy.
and I know that practically somethings might have to look
differently, but you deserve tohave.
A really special and safe andjoyful day, and just in case you
haven't been hearing thatrecently, I wanted to say it,
so, anyway, um, we're all inthis together, high school
(21:52):
musical style, and, um, Justknow everybody that I'm there
right with you and I'm thinkingof you.
Once again, my teams are alwaysopen.
Please don't hesitate to reachout.
I'm so thankful for this littlecorner of the internet of the
podcasting world that we get tobe in together.
if you are local, like I said,we'd love to see you at my
(22:15):
exhibit or at the live podcast,We'd love to be in community
with you.
So, thanks everybody forlistening, please take care of
yourselves, and I will see youvery soon.
Really beloved.
(00:01):
Welcome back to this week'sepisode.
Um, wow.
What an interesting time it isin the world.
It's been about a week sinceinauguration day And I know that
I'm not alone in thinking thatthere has already been so many
(00:23):
crazy and scary shifts in theworld, and so I really just
wanted to have a little bit of alonger intro to this week's
episode just to kind of, I don'tknow, I know this is a podcast
and we're not all together atthe same time, but.
I feel like just taking a secondto feel how heavy things are,
(00:51):
and then to also find ways tofind joy and to find hope, and
yeah, I just want to put outthere that I'm thinking of all
of you, I'm thinking of those inour community a little extra,
(01:11):
these days and wishing so muchlove and peace to our LGBTQ
community and especially to ourtrans siblings right now.
I also just want to say that ifyou are an ally listening, thank
you so much, and Please keepfighting for us and for our
(01:33):
community.
We can't do this alone and we'llreally need your support.
Please know that my DMs arealways open.
If you just need a friendly Earto chat with um, you can find me
at wildly connected photo oninstagram and I would be happy
to just hold space for you andlisten or cry with you or Maybe
(01:58):
you just need to think aboutsomething else like whatever it
might be I just want you all toknow that that is an option also
for those of you who Live inMinnesota or in the Twin Cities
area.
I do have a art gallery up rightnow.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Micr (02:14):
My recent series on rage is being
generously hosted by the BlackHeart of St.
Paul and it's been up for acouple weeks now and Um, it's
been so cool to be there andjust be with people who I know
are probably feeling similarthings and to just kind of have
that space to say, like, hey,when you walk in here, it's okay
(02:36):
to feel angry.
It's okay to feel rage andsadness or whatever you might be
feeling, um, or just kind offeeling like, I don't even know
how to respond to this.
So I'm just also feeling kind ofnumb, like, um.
Yeah, it is.
It's just truly a safe space andI will be there this upcoming
(02:57):
Thursday, the 30th, um, just tokind of talk about the portraits
being community hold space forthose who need it.
So, if you are a local listener,please come by, it'll be up for
a couple more weeks and wouldlove to see you there.
Also as part of this longerintro, I wanted to mention that
(03:19):
I will be doing my first everlive podcast episode at Urban
Growler in St.
Paul, and I'm very excited, alittle bit nervous.
To be sure, but also veryexcited.
And I think that'll also be justa super awesome opportunity to
be with other queer couples andjust kind of be folks who are in
(03:43):
the same boat as you and getsome practical tips on how to.
Um, on that note, I am lookingfor folks to submit, Both any
questions that they might haveand want addressed prior to
(04:05):
February 20th.
And I'm also looking for couplesto maybe share some stories
about what they've experiencedin the wedding space as an LGBTQ
plus couple planning.
whether you're actively planningor.
It's something that happened inthe past, and even if you're
already married, like, I'dreally love to have some
stories, for an interactivesegment of the podcast.
(04:29):
it can all be totally anonymous,so no worries about that, but if
you could please either DM me onInstagram at
wildlyconnectedphoto or shoot mean email, which is hello at
wildlyconnectedphotography.
com with your stories orexperiences or questions.
That's going to be so great.
(04:51):
we will have some otheropportunities for participation
throughout the podcast, but I'dreally like to have some of
those things ahead of time.
Thank you so much for listeningto this longer intro, but
there's kind of lots going onright now.
So I felt like it was importantto talk about those things.
If you're still with me, um,this episode is also going to be
fairly brief, but I think stillreally important.
(05:13):
And I wanted to chat a littlebit about my own experience
being someone who is queer in avery open and visible queer
relationship, who's alsoplanning her own wedding.
First of all, To those of youwho are in the same boat as me,
I see you, and it does reallysuck, well, just saying that
(05:39):
it's really, really hard.
And at a time when you'resupposed to be feeling so
excited and just thinking aboutlove and happiness and color
palettes, you're insteadthinking about legal things and
financial things.
And will your marriage even berecognized six months from now?
And so to that, I just want usto, you know, be like, yeah, um,
(06:06):
this is not at all what weddingplanning should be.
And it's okay.
I also really wanted to justtalk about some things that have
been helpful for me and one ofthose things is spend time with
your partner.
Like, I know that sounds sosilly and, and surface level
(06:29):
maybe, but like I mentioned,we're having to think about a
whole other slew of things rightnow and I will talk a little bit
more about that but I think it'sso important to prioritize
spending time with your personthat doesn't involve talking
about the state of the world,that doesn't talk about legal
documents and this and that,that's just purely for you two
(06:50):
to connect and to have joy.
It's definitely been a commontheme that I've seen.
On social media and online,which is so great, but it is
true that that queer joy is aresistance, like, in a time like
this, when it feels like thingsare shifting and it feels like
the world is trying to beagainst us, the last thing that
(07:10):
they want us to do is to havejoy, and so I just highly
encourage you to prioritizespending time with your partner
that's away from the internet,away from the news, away from
um, um, planning and havingscary conversations and to also
prioritize just like being withyour person and protecting your
peace in that way.
(07:33):
Know that for myself sometimesthat can feel weird.
It definitely feels weird for meto be Um, talking about, you
know, being excited to marry mypartner and all these other
things when there's so manythings going on in the world
that deserve our attention andare not necessarily joyful.
(07:54):
But I think that it's stillreally, really important and
it's really important for you asan individual and as a couple to
find that balance.
So please prioritize that andknow that it is, that it is okay
and it is not selfish to dothat.
And in fact, we need that.
We need that as an act ofresistance and we also need that
(08:15):
so that we can come back whenwe're feeling more full of joy
and our cups are full to fightback against all of the changes
too.
It is, however, also actuallyvery important to be having
conversations with your partnerabout walking through all the
various scenarios andsituations.
(08:37):
I know that for many couples,getting married over this last
couple of weeks and months hasfelt like the right option and
that is totally great and Isupport that.
And for some couples that hasn'tfelt like the right option.
And I don't think that there'sone black and white
straightforward answer.
I mean, there's nostraightforward answers around
(08:59):
here, but, um, I just reallyencourage you to be having
conversations about, okay, ifyou're XYZ happens, what is our
response?
in this current climate, what'sour response?
If this happens, how are wegoing to pivot?
Like, it's not fun conversationsto have, but it is important to
(09:22):
chat through what feels rightfor you and.
You know, weighing in so manydifferent elements of making
sure that you have financialplans in place, legal plans in
place, also, you know,discussing if name changes are
part of your identity or yourrelationship, what's the best
(09:44):
answer?
Force of action for you there,also wanted to throw out if you
are a local on Thursday,February 6th, Queerly Beloved
events, not to be confused withthe podcast, we'll be hosting an
event in the evening that's allabout, um, LGBTQ plus futures in
the current world we live in.
(10:05):
Discussing various financial andlegal options that you have as a
queer person.
So highly recommend coming tothat.
I will be there taking photosand, all of that as well.
And also wanted to mention that,we'll be having a lawyer here on
the podcast very soon too.
So know that some more resourcesare coming, but that, there's
(10:27):
lots of resources online and, Iknow that there are plenty of
resources.
Either queer or career affirminglawyers out there as well.
So highly encouraged that eventhough I know firsthand, like,
trust me, we've been havingthese conversations and it's not
fun, like it is not what youwant to be thinking about when
(10:48):
you're planning a wedding, but.
It is important.
And unfortunately, it's justwhat we have to do right now to
be protected.
So, please make, make sureyou're prioritizing both.
And, on that note of, you know,spending time together, I also
just want to talk about howimportant community is, and I
know I've been saying this a lotlately on, on Instagram and on
(11:10):
my platforms, but like, I feellike I'm, I'm really, really
firsthand witnessing howimportant it is to be in
community with people whounderstand who you're going
through.
I know that of course, like ourallies are so great and that,
and we need them.
And at the same time, there'sjust something that.
(11:32):
I can't even quite put intowords that is just so incredibly
important and like, being in aroom of people who see you,
understand you, who I feel likesometimes you can just give them
a look or a glance and you knowwhat you're feeling and
experiencing and you don't haveto explain the ins and outs, you
just know and it's just beenamazing.
(11:55):
So incredibly powerful.
So if you are a queer person,whether or not you're planning a
wedding, like.
This is the time to find queercommunity.
Like, for us, it has been sohealing, it has been so
important, so necessary to beable to spend time with people
(12:16):
who see us and understand us andwho are going through the same
thing.
I can't even begin to describehow powerful and how healing and
how necessary that has been formy partner and I.
I really highly encourage you todo that.
there are so many differentlocal groups here in the Twin
Cities.
Um, there are Facebook groups.
(12:38):
Um, there are local communitygroups and I would love to link
some in the show notes, to kindof give you a starting point.
And I know for some that maybein person isn't always an
option, whether for safety orthey don't exist, or a variety
of other things.
So, even if you can safely findlike an online community, like,
even that is really, reallyimportant.
(12:59):
And I think we so need thatright now.
And being in community withQueer siblings that are trans
siblings like that in itself isan active resistance as well.
I just kind of wanted to, to saythat and I know that some of the
things I'm saying are nothingearth shattering, but just like
for me personally, the thingsthat have been so good, um, has
(13:24):
been just being with my partnerin an ever changing world and
being with friends who care forme and, who hold space for us
and who understand.
I just, I can't even, I'm liketearing up thinking about it.
So, um, I really encourage youto find community, be with your
(13:44):
people.
and again, my DMs are alwaysopen.
Like I want, I want everyone tofeel safe and seen and like they
have a space to go.
The last thing that I want totalk about, um, just as
something that I've beenthinking about in planning my
own wedding.
Listen guys, again, I know it'snot like anything earth
shattering, but I think thatthis time is so pivotal in, in
(14:06):
watching how certain vendors,certain industries, venues, all
of that are responding to all ofthe changes in the world.
If you are actively planning,like, of course, like, it's
always been important to knowthat the people that you're
hiring and working with are cooland safe people, like, I, I have
(14:27):
episodes on that, um, and I'llbe talking a little bit about
that at the live podcast aswell, so that has always been
important, but I think now morethan ever, really just taking
extra time and extra care tomake sure that who you're
interested in hiring is beingheard.
Proactive and is also not like,yeah, I'm sure many of you have
(14:53):
seen what's going on with allthe DDEI initiatives, the
changes, what targets been upto, like, I'm not here to get
into the nitty gritties of that,but I think like these next few
weeks and these next few monthsare going to change.
Be really telling of how vendorsand venues are showing up, what
(15:15):
they're saying, um, how they'retreating LGBTQ plus folks that
they're working with.
so I just, I really encourageyou if you are still looking for
things like vendors and venues,like take extra care, like reach
out to other queer couples,reach out.
To me, reach out to other queervendors and like really take
(15:38):
your time in, in figuring outwho you want to reach out to and
if they have experience and ifthey're being proactive, um,
making sure that they, liketheir first priority is for you
to feel good and safe and notjust there to take your money.
And if you have already hiredvendors and venues and you're
not really in that process, Ialso encourage you to see how
(16:02):
they're responding, and if needbe, like, have a list of
questions ready, um, that youcan share with the venue or the
vendors and be like, Hey, like,the world is in a different
place now than it was six monthsago when I hired you.
Can I talk to you about X, Y,and Z?
(16:22):
Like, will you make us feelsafe?
Are you still going to like,take great care of us?
Like, how have you responded tothings like this in the past?
Like, I think it is totally fairand okay, although I know it can
be scary as a person who doesn'tlove confrontation, but I think
it is totally fair andreasonable to want to check in
(16:45):
with those you've already hiredand just basically be like, Hey,
like the world's a scary placeand things are changing and
here's how I'm feeling like, arethere extra things that we can
put in place around our day tohelp us feel even safer and more
protected?
You know, maybe it's talking tovenues about having more
(17:06):
security there on your day,which is so unfortunate to say,
or maybe just if you are having.
Your ceremony or event insomewhere that is part of like a
larger public space, liketalking to the venue about ways
that you could maybe add someadditional privacy or shift
where your ceremony is.
And I don't say any of thesethings to, like, cause fear by
(17:27):
any means.
It's more just like, it's okayif you're feeling differently.
now in your wedding process thanyou did six months ago, and it's
okay to want to know youroptions and to shift how you do
things.
I think, yeah, venues are justsuch a big one that come to mind
because they not only set thetone and the vibes for your day,
(17:49):
but they also, you know, have abig role in what information is
shared, who's around, what isthe staff like there that's
working there?
I think that's a great questionto talk to venues about too,
like Hey, like, has your staff,you know, been around these
kinds of weddings before?
Do you have a diverse staff?
Like, I think those are reallyimportant questions, too, just
(18:13):
to know that you're not going tobe getting, like, side eyed
glances from the venue staff orthe catering staff or anything
like that.
And so I just basically want toencourage you to really think
through how you're feeling aboutyour venue, your vendors, the
entire process.
And, you know, ultimately ifthings need to change and it's
(18:34):
something that financially thatIt feels like an option for you.
Like maybe discuss what thatlooks like too.
because ultimately like ournumber one priority as queer
folks is to feel safe andprotected and to set ourselves
up for success so that when weare doing something incredibly
(18:57):
special and sacred, that we arenot concerned about our safety
or concerned about people.
Thinking that what we're doingis wrong.
That's the last thing you wantto be thinking about on your
wedding.
And so, having conversations asa couple as to what you can do
to make that happen is really,really important you know, for
(19:18):
me, someone who is doing alittle bit more of an elopement
style, um, having conversationswith our photographer who's
helping us plan, chattingthrough, like, hey, is the
location that we picked, like,do you think that ultimately
will be a pretty, like, privatelocation and will we be safe
(19:39):
from, like, onlookers and, um,even just checking in on, like,
the general vibes of that areaand what is the legislation
like, um.
out in Washington and justdifferent things like that.
So it's definitely somethingthat I'm doing as well.
And even for me, like thinkingabout, Still needing to hire a
hair and makeup artist.
(19:59):
Like, I'm very much looking veryclosely at who these people are,
what kinds of things thatthey've been posting in these
last few weeks, how they'reresponding to shifts in the
world.
So I guess ultimately I justwant you to know that it's
something that I'm doing too andIt is unfortunate that we have
to be a little bit extravigilant around this time, but,
(20:22):
just know that, that I see you.
I'm in the same boat as you.
And I also still fully believethat, even though the world is
shifting, that we still deserveto have the most joyful time
ever.
Our community is so beautifuland so sacred, and we deserve to
have joy.
And our community has gonethrough so much in, in the past
(20:45):
and obviously in the present andhave always come out on the
other side and I fully believethat and I guess I'll just end
with reiterating a bit of what Isaid before, like, Maybe it's
just me, I'm not sure, but it,it definitely does feel strange
to be wanting to celebrate andto find someone's joy right now
in a time where the world feelsseverely lacking in joy.
(21:10):
And I just really, really wantto encourage you to prioritize
that joy.
You marrying your person isreally sacred and it's really
special and I'm, I don't knowwhy I'm crying again, but, um,
I'm cheering for you.
What we're doing is importantand I don't want you to lose
(21:32):
that light or that joy.
and I know that practically somethings might have to look
differently, but you deserve tohave.
A really special and safe andjoyful day, and just in case you
haven't been hearing thatrecently, I wanted to say it,
so, anyway, um, we're all inthis together, high school
(21:52):
musical style, and, um, Justknow everybody that I'm there
right with you and I'm thinkingof you.
Once again, my teams are alwaysopen.
Please don't hesitate to reachout.
I'm so thankful for this littlecorner of the internet of the
podcasting world that we get tobe in together.
if you are local, like I said,we'd love to see you at my
(22:15):
exhibit or at the live podcast,We'd love to be in community
with you.
So, thanks everybody forlistening, please take care of
yourselves, and I will see youvery soon.
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