February 12, 2025 • 26 mins
Couples: What things can you be looking for in how vendors are moving through the world to see if they really are genuinely passionate about working with you and for you and not just doing the bare minimum or rainbow washing?
Vendors: How can you speak authentically both to couples and the general wedding space in a way that genuinely showcases your desire to work with lgbtq+ couples and aren't just checking a box or approaching it in a way that centers you too much?
Listen too this weeks episode to find out! :)
Here is the link to the LGBTQ+ wedding certification course by Equally Wed to learn all the ins and outs of being a great ally in the weeding world!
**REMEMBER to come to my live podcast even on February 20 at Urban Growler!
The intro and all instrumentals were written, sung and recorded by @JaynaDavisMusic
Queerly Beloved, I'm so glad you joined!
Please keep the community going by checking me out on instagram @wildlyconnectedphoto and come say hi! I'd love to hear from you! :)
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo (00:00):
Burley Beloved, welcome back to this
week's episode.
I hope you all are holding upokay and finding ways to Take
care of yourself and findmoments of joy and the craziness
that's been the past few weeks.
If you're in Minnesota or theMidwest, hopefully you're
(00:22):
staying warm and enjoying all ofthe snow we've recently gotten.
I, uh, have mixed feelings aboutit, but anyway, before diving
into this week's episode, justwanting to remind you all that I
do have my first ever live andinteractive podcast episode
coming up.
(00:43):
Uh, it's gonna be at UrbanGrowler on February 20th from 5
to 7 p.
m.
I think it's gonna be such a funtime to like meet with other
couples who are in the same boatas you.
Also just meeting other people.
Queers and cool people ingeneral and I'll be taking some
Polaroids and chatting withpeople and You can also come
(01:04):
check out a really awesome eventspace, too so should be super
fun and I would love to see someof you to some of you all there
and yeah, on that note, I amgoing to jump into this week's
episode and I will be talkingabout, you know, some of this
(01:25):
themes of like inclusivity and,and things like that during the
live podcast.
But I think I wanted to takethis moment to kind of dive in a
little bit about just chattingthrough some things that I think
are really important when youare.
sharing that you are aninclusive business.
(01:46):
So for couples listening, Ithink this is also really
valuable to you just to kind ofmake some mental notes of things
that can maybe help you siftthrough vendors.
Sometimes I think it's reallyeasy to like look at a vendor
and you're like, okay, well thisperson clearly doesn't work with
queer couples or You know,whether it's something specific
(02:09):
they say as far as we actuallydon't, or you just don't see any
representation, like sometimes Ithink it can be easy in some
scenarios to like, look at avendor and kind of be like,
okay, well.
I'm not really seeing the vibeshere, but then I think it can be
a whole other story when you'relooking at a vendor and you're
like, Okay, well, like, I seelike one or like maybe two LGBTQ
(02:33):
couples, you know, I see some ofthese things, but also like It's
a little bit hard for me to makethis person out.
Like, so anyway, this is goingto be for couples in that
aspect.
Like, hopefully this will helpyou kind of feel like you can
sift through some things.
And then also for vendors, likeI would love to just have a
little chat with you about howyou can.
(02:57):
share more about you and yourbusiness in a way that is
genuinely inclusive and aboutyour genuine desire to support
people and not just do it inlike a marketing way, a trendy
way, or a way that, God forbid,feels like rainbow washing.
(03:17):
And I think this is reallyimportant now, because, know, if
you listen to my episodes, it'ssomething I've been talking
about a lot, because the worldis, it's constantly shifting,
and it feels like there's thingschanging all the time, and it
also feels sometimes like wedon't know what's happening
next, and, so anyway, that'sjust to say that, like, This
(03:38):
feels very timely in that Ithink couples and vendors alike
have been responding reallyinterestingly and I wanted to
chat about that.
I think from the couple'sperspective, like, both from
talking to my own couples andalso just experiencing it
myself, like, we're cravingauthenticity and someone who's
(04:00):
really genuine in who we talk toand who we hire.
I think at this point, like,hopefully more and more people
are starting to get to thatbaseline of, like, Yes, you
know, they have one queer coupleon their site, or like, have a
sentence somewhere, you know,about inclusivity but I think a
(04:21):
lot of people are, are wantingto find people who genuinely
are, like, excited to work withthem, and who genuinely, like,
want this experience to bereally safe and healthy for the
couple, and aren't tokenizingway, or things like that.
So, Yeah, I think it's reallyimportant, both for couples and
vendors, and so with that, let'skind of get into some of the
(04:46):
points of how we can do that.
So, the first example is, I havediscussed this in previous
episodes, so nothing new orsuper crazy, but I do really
want to drive home the point ofposting and sharing things year
round.
So I know that this is somethingthat is talked about a lot, just
(05:08):
also, again, it's like abaseline for when you're looking
for vendors.
You know, I've shared a lot inthe past about how it's
important that vendors aren'tjust sharing one post at the
start of pride and then callingit a day.
And I think that's still reallytrue, but.
I just wanted to dive into thata little bit deeper.
Like I think I wanted to talkabout this because I personally
(05:32):
noticed kind of an interestingthing happening in the wedding
space.
Since Inauguration Day, really,I felt like there was this huge
crowd of people who was, like,it was, like, Election Day, and
all of a sudden, they were allgung ho, they were all, like,
vocal and loud, and, like, allof a sudden, out of nowhere,
(05:53):
being, like, Oh yeah, this, youknow, like I'm an inclusive
ender, like I'm doing this orI'm doing that.
And while I think that's greatyou know, bear with me.
I know sometimes, some of thethings I say in this podcast may
seem a little bit harsh, but Ipromise I'm, I'm not trying to
come from a harsh standpoint.
I just I care about this a lot,and yeah, on that note, I think
(06:18):
it's really important to, tofind people who have that
attitude more than just whenthings come up, and I think that
can be kind of hard for couplessometimes to sift through if
they're, you know, haven't beenfollowing you for years on
Instagram and they're just nowseeing you, but I think that
(06:39):
there are ways to you know, makeit feel apparent whether that's
pinning a post on your Instagramfeed to showcase right off the
bat, you know, a fairly recentshoot of a couple, like, not
necessarily saying it's bad ifthat photo was from 2018, but if
(07:00):
it is, there should be lots ofother recent examples too.
And I think then being able tothen drive it home on your
website or however couples arethen ultimately getting in touch
with you is really, reallyimportant to have that kind of
like year round aspect.
And yeah, kind of just on thatnote too, I think it is really
(07:20):
important to be doing your bestto share things pretty
consistently and things thataren't just shoots.
Because I think people want tosee that it's something that
you're, you're doing genuinelyand you're not just working with
models who are maybe helping youor coaching you through things,
but it's something that youpractice in your business all
(07:42):
the time.
And so, yeah, I just, I wanted,I felt that was important to
talk about because.
I think, for me, it wassomething really interesting to
experience, both being a vendormyself and also someone getting
married, too.
Is just seeing, like, so manybusinesses just, like, popping
(08:03):
out of nowhere to be, like, Oh,we're in an inclusive space.
Which is, like, don't get mewrong.
Great.
Like, thank you so much forsaying that.
And that's really important andwe value that.
And, at the same time, like, Ipersonally would love to see
more of that energy year round,you know?
Yes, like, Inauguration Day washuge, and, like, these past few
(08:23):
weeks, they have been reallybig.
Like, lots of things arehappening, they're shifting very
fast, and I'm glad that folksare vocal about that and willing
to talk about it.
And, at the same time, I wouldlove to see that year round,
like prior to inauguration day,there was still things that we
needed to talk to, there wasstill like, laws that needed to
(08:43):
be changed, there was stillpractices in the wedding
industry that needed to shift.
So, while I do think it isimportant that people are vocal
now, because we certainly needthat at this moment in time, but
I just like, I want to see thatenergy.
more year round.
(09:04):
And I want to see those vendorsengaging with LGBTQ plus
community year round.
Whether that's, you know,signing petitions, or talking to
their local lawmakers, orsupporting LGBTQ vendors,
influencers, publications goingto events that are for allies or
(09:25):
the community as a whole also,you know, making sure that they
share things that areeducational resources too, and
not just, oh, this is happeningright now and here's what I'm
doing.
I think I also just kind ofwanted to touch a little bit on
some things I was seeing in thevendor community as far as
(09:48):
responses to things that impactthe LGBTQ community.
And again, just wanting topreface that this is all love.
And even when maybe I say thingsthat seem a little bit more
harsh it's not coming from aplace of like anger or judgment,
but hopefully you can feel thatit's coming from like, Hey,
(10:11):
here's things that I'm noticingand.
I would love to just see, like,how we can shift these things,
you know, not, not trying toshame anybody is what I'm
saying.
So, I felt like there was thisHuge response to both the
inauguration and people's fearsand all these things happening.
And in some ways, it felt thatthere were vendors who were
(10:36):
responding in a way that feltlike it was kind of centering
themselves in some senses.
Like, oh, here's what I'm doing.
And like, I'm doing this for thecommunity.
You know, I think that can betough because ultimately, like,
some of those things that folkswere doing for the community
were great and so had goodbenefits.
(10:58):
I think it's just, it's tough,right, if it's not aligning up
with what you're doing yearround.
And yeah, I could talk aboutthis for a while.
It's something I get prettyspicy about just because This is
my business, all day, every day,year round.
It's what I'm passionate about,and it's also my lived
experience, all day, every day.
(11:20):
And I know that's obviously notthe case for everybody, so, I
don't want to get too spicy, butI think if you are going to
suddenly, out of the blue, outof nowhere, be like, oh, here's
what I'm doing, and here's howI'm showing up, like, I hope
that the rest of this year thatthat same energy shows up,
(11:40):
right?
Because I think that that is howI would want to feel from a
vendor that I'm hiring, is thatthey are showing up for me and
that they aren't just shootingmy wedding or doing this one
wedding for me so that they canget content or make money, but
that they really genuinely careabout me and my partner or
whatever year round andhopefully I just want to be able
(12:04):
to see that on their page.
So, I guess for couples, yeah,just kind of keep mental notes
and tabs on folks you're talkingto and see if how they are
living their life and sharingthings feels good to you.
I think it can totally feelgood.
Super different for differentcouples too on like what's
important to them or what theymight be looking for.
(12:25):
And vendors I think just, yeah,taking kind of a step back and
seeing how you're sharingthings, when you're sharing
them, what you're saying aboutthem, who are you centering.
Those kinds of things.
And kind of on the same note, Imean, I have it as a different
point, but on the same note Ifind it really frustrating when
vendors seem to have thisinteresting, like, one foot in,
(12:50):
one foot out kind of approach toLGBTQ weddings or working with
queer couples.
And what I mean by that is like,Sometimes I will come across
vendors who have this veryinteresting attitude They'll
say, you know, like, Oh yeah,I'm gonna, like, post this
couple.
It's a recent couple and it'snot like the first time I've
(13:12):
ever worked with a queer couple,anything like that.
But they'll post it and kind ofjust this very, like,
nonchalant, like, Okay, here'sthis couple.
Which is, like, great.
You're, like, representation,great.
They work with queer couples.
But then it's almost sort oflike They don't talk about it
anywhere.
They aren't sharing resources.
They aren't showing that theyreally care about the community.
(13:37):
I don't know.
Maybe, maybe this one is justme, but it is something that I
see fairly often or like seeFacebook groups of seeing
photographers or other vendorskind of make these.
comments that are just so likeThey don't actually really care
(13:58):
kind of attitude where they'rejust like Oh, well, I don't know
like queer couples are just youknow, like everybody else like
what's the big deal?
If you have listened to one ofmy previous episodes where I
talk about kind of finding thatattitude of like Celebrating
versus normalizing.
I want to say that like I amaware of that and I think it is
(14:19):
a balance But I think That thosevendors who say those things can
sometimes then end up being thevendors who are like, Oh, well,
I kind of just like try tofigure out which one of them is
like the more manly one or justlike things like that where
they're like, Oh, yeah.
Well, like these couples arelike the same as everybody else.
(14:40):
So like, why do I need to make abig deal about it?
Or why do I need to change myworkflow for them?
Or why do I need to?
I don't know, so many thingsthat I think having that kind of
nonchalant attitude can thenimpact other things.
And so, sometimes it'sfrustrating for me to see people
doing that, where it's like,Okay, cool, yeah, like, you're
(15:03):
posting queer couples prettyregularly, like, I see them on
your site.
But then I also don't see you,like, saying anything as far as
like, Yes, I work with allcouples, or yes, this is how I
run my business, or yes, Ireally care about that, like, I,
I want to see that, and I thinkit's tough because I think some
(15:24):
people don't want to use that,or they don't want to have a
rainbow in their bio or somethings like that, and while I'm
not saying that you have to likebe so out loud and like in quote
unquote in people's face aboutit, like I do think it is
important to find some way Tocommunicate that and like I
said, whether that's like asimple pinned post on your
(15:45):
Instagram, that's just like.
Yes, I, love and support allqueer people, and I'm here to,
like, support you.
Whether it's just, like, one ortwo sentences on your website,
that's, like, I work witheverybody.
Like, I just, I want there to bejust a little something, just a
little substance, you know?
To say, like, I'm not justposting these photos.
(16:07):
Like, I, I care for queercouples, and I want to go above
and beyond for them.
Like, I think that's reallyimportant.
Like, in my mind, I'm kind oflike, if you can write something
on your website about how youreally love documentary weddings
or, like, something superwhimsical or this, that, and the
other, then I think you can dothe same thing for just, like,
letting people know.
(16:28):
Who you are and who you supportand how you run your business
like, I don't know Sometimes Ijust get the feeling from some
vendors that they're like, oh,i'm just like so cool and casual
about it all like of coursepeople know that like i'm just
cool and casual and of coursei'll work with them if they're
queer and like Listen homie, Idon't want to ruin your cool
(16:49):
vibe.
I get it.
Like I know that sometimes Likeclicking on my bio is like
you're kind of like, all right.
Well How many times can shethrow the word gay in her bio,
like, I, I understand, I, I knowit's not for everybody, but I
think that there is a way tostill kind of go above and
beyond and just, like, make itclear, make it clear that that's
(17:13):
That's, that's what you support.
And I think on that note too,it's something I have here too
is just like, can couplesactually connect with your
passion?
As I mentioned at the start ofthe episode, I think so many
couples now are looking forpeople who are really genuine
and authentic and looking forpeople who like really extra
align with them.
(17:33):
And so, like I said, if you'rewilling to show on your site
that you are super into theselike Rad day wedding vibes and
all of that then like great somany couples are going to be
able to connect with that andalso if you take the time to
just like say another littleblurb on your site of like I
(17:56):
love these super rad weddingsand also, you know, it's really
rad equality I don't knowsomething like that.
Like I just think Couples wantto be able to connect with you
and want to know that you areprobably a little bit above the
baseline of just like, okay,cool, they, they work with queer
couples.
(18:16):
So, thinking about how couplescan connect with your passion
and how you live your life, Ithink that's really important.
Something else I wanted to talkabout is the importance of doing
work behind the scenes too.
And I know so many folks areaware of that, but Yeah,
something I just wanted to throwout and that I will link in the
(18:38):
show notes is that Equally Whatactually has like a certificate
which is like a little coursethat you can purchase on on how
to be a great ally and a greatvendor There's actually lots of
resources out there like that.
So I think doing stuff like thattoo, and being able to like
(19:00):
display that on your website, orlike finding ways to maybe share
that information in a way that'snot just like, hello, look how
great I am, here's this.
But I think ways to like, youget a little badge when you
complete the certificate that'sjust kind of like, hey yeah,
like I care about this, I'mtrying to put in the work.
I think that's really valuabletoo.
(19:20):
And it's a great way to, to showcouples that you are genuine in
your passion.
Okay, the last little tidbitthat I wanted to mention as I
wrap up here is, it kind ofrelates to a lot of the things
that I've already mentioned,just as far as like sharing
things year round and engagingand supporting the queer
(19:41):
community year round butsomething that I think we can
often forget that has a lot ofimpact is sharing things.
To your followers on a fairlyregular basis.
And I say this because, oh gosh,this is like Uh, maybe a
(20:01):
problematic, example to sharefrom my own life, but here we
are.
So as many of you know, I grewup very religious, very strict
upbringing.
I went to a Christian schooldad's a pastor, all that good
stuff.
And living the life I live now,for the most part, I'm very far
removed from that community andthose experiences and those
(20:23):
people.
However, I will say that thereare a select few people that I
have kept in my circle for thepurposes of, you know, maybe
some, something that I share oneday, like, could help educate
them or help Maybe shift theirmind on something.
And similarly I think going, ifwe're looking at it as a two way
(20:47):
street, as a two way street Iwill sometimes view their
content and just be like, oh,interesting.
That's what they're sayingabout, the queer community.
That's, that's great to know.
And I'm saying this because Ithink sometimes Especially on
things like Instagram or socialmedia, it can be pretty easy to,
(21:09):
you know, build a community interms of like following accounts
that are similar to you or havesimilar beliefs to you.
And like, I'm very pro thatbecause like, I think sometimes
social media can already be likedetrimental to our mental
health.
And so I'm very pro youfollowing accounts and
(21:29):
interacting with content that islike good and safe and healthy
content.
And I guess what I'm also tryingto say is that sometimes it's
easy to be like, Oh, yes, thereare people out there who are
posting things that are verydifferent from me.
And maybe if we are able tointeract, like, Maybe I share
(21:49):
something that.
They wouldn't always normallysee and maybe by them seeing
that like it sparks a goodconversation or you know Sparks
some good thoughts for them.
So I guess what I'm saying isthat like I think There are a
lot of people in the weddingindustry That could benefit from
(22:11):
you sharing something that is,about going above and beyond for
queer couples or using inclusivelanguage or things like that.
Like, sometimes I think we getin our heads about, like, what
we share on our stories or, youknow, do I even really need to
share this?
And like, for me, I'm just gonnasay, like, go ahead and do it
because you don't know who,like, might see your story and
(22:31):
be like, okay, wow, like, I knowthe person sharing the story is
a great person.
And like.
Also look at what they'resharing and like maybe I could
learn something.
I don't know.
I guess I'm just saying likeSharing things is important.
And I know sometimes it feelsSilly or it can feel repetitive
or it can feel this that and theother but like do it like it's
(22:54):
it's been really good for me Inmy own learning journey like
learning from others seeing whatthey're sharing seeing like the
educational things that they'resharing and I think also
honestly, I have been able to bea good outside influence to some
people from my past.
And for the record, I also knowthat there are people from my
past who are watching me andjudging me, and they've been
(23:18):
very vocal about that, andhonestly, yes, that's a
possibility too, but you justnever know.
And so, I think, share thateducational thing, share
something that is loud andproud, and helps people see
that, like, Queer people deservesafety and love and all those
things too.
So yeah, that's what I got tosay.
(23:39):
I'm going to stop rambling now.
But hopefully for the coupleslistening, hopefully this just
kind of helped you see that Ithink that there are some
interesting markers to lookthrough when you're looking at
vendors and like, can youconnect with them?
Are you feeling their genuineenergy come through in a way
that resonates with you?
And for vendors.
(23:59):
Like, I really, really encourageyou, as always, to just kind of
take a look at your ownpractices, your own website,
your own business, seeing howyou're doing things, and just
making sure that it is comingthrough authentically and
genuinely so that couples areable to vibe with you.
On that note, I am going to endthis week's episode.
(24:20):
I hope you all are having anamazing morning or afternoon or
evening, whenever you're tuningin.
And I would love to all, to seeyou all at the live podcast.
And if you're celebratingValentine's day, happy
Valentine's day.
I hope, I hope you have somegreat times with your partner,
your community, your friends,and I will see you all at the
(24:42):
next episode.
Burley Beloved, welcome back to this
week's episode.
I hope you all are holding upokay and finding ways to Take
care of yourself and findmoments of joy and the craziness
that's been the past few weeks.
If you're in Minnesota or theMidwest, hopefully you're
(00:22):
staying warm and enjoying all ofthe snow we've recently gotten.
I, uh, have mixed feelings aboutit, but anyway, before diving
into this week's episode, justwanting to remind you all that I
do have my first ever live andinteractive podcast episode
coming up.
(00:43):
Uh, it's gonna be at UrbanGrowler on February 20th from 5
to 7 p.
m.
I think it's gonna be such a funtime to like meet with other
couples who are in the same boatas you.
Also just meeting other people.
Queers and cool people ingeneral and I'll be taking some
Polaroids and chatting withpeople and You can also come
(01:04):
check out a really awesome eventspace, too so should be super
fun and I would love to see someof you to some of you all there
and yeah, on that note, I amgoing to jump into this week's
episode and I will be talkingabout, you know, some of this
(01:25):
themes of like inclusivity and,and things like that during the
live podcast.
But I think I wanted to takethis moment to kind of dive in a
little bit about just chattingthrough some things that I think
are really important when youare.
sharing that you are aninclusive business.
(01:46):
So for couples listening, Ithink this is also really
valuable to you just to kind ofmake some mental notes of things
that can maybe help you siftthrough vendors.
Sometimes I think it's reallyeasy to like look at a vendor
and you're like, okay, well thisperson clearly doesn't work with
queer couples or You know,whether it's something specific
(02:09):
they say as far as we actuallydon't, or you just don't see any
representation, like sometimes Ithink it can be easy in some
scenarios to like, look at avendor and kind of be like,
okay, well.
I'm not really seeing the vibeshere, but then I think it can be
a whole other story when you'relooking at a vendor and you're
like, Okay, well, like, I seelike one or like maybe two LGBTQ
(02:33):
couples, you know, I see some ofthese things, but also like It's
a little bit hard for me to makethis person out.
Like, so anyway, this is goingto be for couples in that
aspect.
Like, hopefully this will helpyou kind of feel like you can
sift through some things.
And then also for vendors, likeI would love to just have a
little chat with you about howyou can.
(02:57):
share more about you and yourbusiness in a way that is
genuinely inclusive and aboutyour genuine desire to support
people and not just do it inlike a marketing way, a trendy
way, or a way that, God forbid,feels like rainbow washing.
(03:17):
And I think this is reallyimportant now, because, know, if
you listen to my episodes, it'ssomething I've been talking
about a lot, because the worldis, it's constantly shifting,
and it feels like there's thingschanging all the time, and it
also feels sometimes like wedon't know what's happening
next, and, so anyway, that'sjust to say that, like, This
(03:38):
feels very timely in that Ithink couples and vendors alike
have been responding reallyinterestingly and I wanted to
chat about that.
I think from the couple'sperspective, like, both from
talking to my own couples andalso just experiencing it
myself, like, we're cravingauthenticity and someone who's
(04:00):
really genuine in who we talk toand who we hire.
I think at this point, like,hopefully more and more people
are starting to get to thatbaseline of, like, Yes, you
know, they have one queer coupleon their site, or like, have a
sentence somewhere, you know,about inclusivity but I think a
(04:21):
lot of people are, are wantingto find people who genuinely
are, like, excited to work withthem, and who genuinely, like,
want this experience to bereally safe and healthy for the
couple, and aren't tokenizingway, or things like that.
So, Yeah, I think it's reallyimportant, both for couples and
vendors, and so with that, let'skind of get into some of the
(04:46):
points of how we can do that.
So, the first example is, I havediscussed this in previous
episodes, so nothing new orsuper crazy, but I do really
want to drive home the point ofposting and sharing things year
round.
So I know that this is somethingthat is talked about a lot, just
(05:08):
also, again, it's like abaseline for when you're looking
for vendors.
You know, I've shared a lot inthe past about how it's
important that vendors aren'tjust sharing one post at the
start of pride and then callingit a day.
And I think that's still reallytrue, but.
I just wanted to dive into thata little bit deeper.
Like I think I wanted to talkabout this because I personally
(05:32):
noticed kind of an interestingthing happening in the wedding
space.
Since Inauguration Day, really,I felt like there was this huge
crowd of people who was, like,it was, like, Election Day, and
all of a sudden, they were allgung ho, they were all, like,
vocal and loud, and, like, allof a sudden, out of nowhere,
(05:53):
being, like, Oh yeah, this, youknow, like I'm an inclusive
ender, like I'm doing this orI'm doing that.
And while I think that's greatyou know, bear with me.
I know sometimes, some of thethings I say in this podcast may
seem a little bit harsh, but Ipromise I'm, I'm not trying to
come from a harsh standpoint.
I just I care about this a lot,and yeah, on that note, I think
(06:18):
it's really important to, tofind people who have that
attitude more than just whenthings come up, and I think that
can be kind of hard for couplessometimes to sift through if
they're, you know, haven't beenfollowing you for years on
Instagram and they're just nowseeing you, but I think that
(06:39):
there are ways to you know, makeit feel apparent whether that's
pinning a post on your Instagramfeed to showcase right off the
bat, you know, a fairly recentshoot of a couple, like, not
necessarily saying it's bad ifthat photo was from 2018, but if
(07:00):
it is, there should be lots ofother recent examples too.
And I think then being able tothen drive it home on your
website or however couples arethen ultimately getting in touch
with you is really, reallyimportant to have that kind of
like year round aspect.
And yeah, kind of just on thatnote too, I think it is really
(07:20):
important to be doing your bestto share things pretty
consistently and things thataren't just shoots.
Because I think people want tosee that it's something that
you're, you're doing genuinelyand you're not just working with
models who are maybe helping youor coaching you through things,
but it's something that youpractice in your business all
(07:42):
the time.
And so, yeah, I just, I wanted,I felt that was important to
talk about because.
I think, for me, it wassomething really interesting to
experience, both being a vendormyself and also someone getting
married, too.
Is just seeing, like, so manybusinesses just, like, popping
(08:03):
out of nowhere to be, like, Oh,we're in an inclusive space.
Which is, like, don't get mewrong.
Great.
Like, thank you so much forsaying that.
And that's really important andwe value that.
And, at the same time, like, Ipersonally would love to see
more of that energy year round,you know?
Yes, like, Inauguration Day washuge, and, like, these past few
(08:23):
weeks, they have been reallybig.
Like, lots of things arehappening, they're shifting very
fast, and I'm glad that folksare vocal about that and willing
to talk about it.
And, at the same time, I wouldlove to see that year round,
like prior to inauguration day,there was still things that we
needed to talk to, there wasstill like, laws that needed to
(08:43):
be changed, there was stillpractices in the wedding
industry that needed to shift.
So, while I do think it isimportant that people are vocal
now, because we certainly needthat at this moment in time, but
I just like, I want to see thatenergy.
more year round.
(09:04):
And I want to see those vendorsengaging with LGBTQ plus
community year round.
Whether that's, you know,signing petitions, or talking to
their local lawmakers, orsupporting LGBTQ vendors,
influencers, publications goingto events that are for allies or
(09:25):
the community as a whole also,you know, making sure that they
share things that areeducational resources too, and
not just, oh, this is happeningright now and here's what I'm
doing.
I think I also just kind ofwanted to touch a little bit on
some things I was seeing in thevendor community as far as
(09:48):
responses to things that impactthe LGBTQ community.
And again, just wanting topreface that this is all love.
And even when maybe I say thingsthat seem a little bit more
harsh it's not coming from aplace of like anger or judgment,
but hopefully you can feel thatit's coming from like, Hey,
(10:11):
here's things that I'm noticingand.
I would love to just see, like,how we can shift these things,
you know, not, not trying toshame anybody is what I'm
saying.
So, I felt like there was thisHuge response to both the
inauguration and people's fearsand all these things happening.
And in some ways, it felt thatthere were vendors who were
(10:36):
responding in a way that feltlike it was kind of centering
themselves in some senses.
Like, oh, here's what I'm doing.
And like, I'm doing this for thecommunity.
You know, I think that can betough because ultimately, like,
some of those things that folkswere doing for the community
were great and so had goodbenefits.
(10:58):
I think it's just, it's tough,right, if it's not aligning up
with what you're doing yearround.
And yeah, I could talk aboutthis for a while.
It's something I get prettyspicy about just because This is
my business, all day, every day,year round.
It's what I'm passionate about,and it's also my lived
experience, all day, every day.
(11:20):
And I know that's obviously notthe case for everybody, so, I
don't want to get too spicy, butI think if you are going to
suddenly, out of the blue, outof nowhere, be like, oh, here's
what I'm doing, and here's howI'm showing up, like, I hope
that the rest of this year thatthat same energy shows up,
(11:40):
right?
Because I think that that is howI would want to feel from a
vendor that I'm hiring, is thatthey are showing up for me and
that they aren't just shootingmy wedding or doing this one
wedding for me so that they canget content or make money, but
that they really genuinely careabout me and my partner or
whatever year round andhopefully I just want to be able
(12:04):
to see that on their page.
So, I guess for couples, yeah,just kind of keep mental notes
and tabs on folks you're talkingto and see if how they are
living their life and sharingthings feels good to you.
I think it can totally feelgood.
Super different for differentcouples too on like what's
important to them or what theymight be looking for.
(12:25):
And vendors I think just, yeah,taking kind of a step back and
seeing how you're sharingthings, when you're sharing
them, what you're saying aboutthem, who are you centering.
Those kinds of things.
And kind of on the same note, Imean, I have it as a different
point, but on the same note Ifind it really frustrating when
vendors seem to have thisinteresting, like, one foot in,
(12:50):
one foot out kind of approach toLGBTQ weddings or working with
queer couples.
And what I mean by that is like,Sometimes I will come across
vendors who have this veryinteresting attitude They'll
say, you know, like, Oh yeah,I'm gonna, like, post this
couple.
It's a recent couple and it'snot like the first time I've
(13:12):
ever worked with a queer couple,anything like that.
But they'll post it and kind ofjust this very, like,
nonchalant, like, Okay, here'sthis couple.
Which is, like, great.
You're, like, representation,great.
They work with queer couples.
But then it's almost sort oflike They don't talk about it
anywhere.
They aren't sharing resources.
They aren't showing that theyreally care about the community.
(13:37):
I don't know.
Maybe, maybe this one is justme, but it is something that I
see fairly often or like seeFacebook groups of seeing
photographers or other vendorskind of make these.
comments that are just so likeThey don't actually really care
(13:58):
kind of attitude where they'rejust like Oh, well, I don't know
like queer couples are just youknow, like everybody else like
what's the big deal?
If you have listened to one ofmy previous episodes where I
talk about kind of finding thatattitude of like Celebrating
versus normalizing.
I want to say that like I amaware of that and I think it is
(14:19):
a balance But I think That thosevendors who say those things can
sometimes then end up being thevendors who are like, Oh, well,
I kind of just like try tofigure out which one of them is
like the more manly one or justlike things like that where
they're like, Oh, yeah.
Well, like these couples arelike the same as everybody else.
(14:40):
So like, why do I need to make abig deal about it?
Or why do I need to change myworkflow for them?
Or why do I need to?
I don't know, so many thingsthat I think having that kind of
nonchalant attitude can thenimpact other things.
And so, sometimes it'sfrustrating for me to see people
doing that, where it's like,Okay, cool, yeah, like, you're
(15:03):
posting queer couples prettyregularly, like, I see them on
your site.
But then I also don't see you,like, saying anything as far as
like, Yes, I work with allcouples, or yes, this is how I
run my business, or yes, Ireally care about that, like, I,
I want to see that, and I thinkit's tough because I think some
(15:24):
people don't want to use that,or they don't want to have a
rainbow in their bio or somethings like that, and while I'm
not saying that you have to likebe so out loud and like in quote
unquote in people's face aboutit, like I do think it is
important to find some way Tocommunicate that and like I
said, whether that's like asimple pinned post on your
(15:45):
Instagram, that's just like.
Yes, I, love and support allqueer people, and I'm here to,
like, support you.
Whether it's just, like, one ortwo sentences on your website,
that's, like, I work witheverybody.
Like, I just, I want there to bejust a little something, just a
little substance, you know?
To say, like, I'm not justposting these photos.
(16:07):
Like, I, I care for queercouples, and I want to go above
and beyond for them.
Like, I think that's reallyimportant.
Like, in my mind, I'm kind oflike, if you can write something
on your website about how youreally love documentary weddings
or, like, something superwhimsical or this, that, and the
other, then I think you can dothe same thing for just, like,
letting people know.
(16:28):
Who you are and who you supportand how you run your business
like, I don't know Sometimes Ijust get the feeling from some
vendors that they're like, oh,i'm just like so cool and casual
about it all like of coursepeople know that like i'm just
cool and casual and of coursei'll work with them if they're
queer and like Listen homie, Idon't want to ruin your cool
(16:49):
vibe.
I get it.
Like I know that sometimes Likeclicking on my bio is like
you're kind of like, all right.
Well How many times can shethrow the word gay in her bio,
like, I, I understand, I, I knowit's not for everybody, but I
think that there is a way tostill kind of go above and
beyond and just, like, make itclear, make it clear that that's
(17:13):
That's, that's what you support.
And I think on that note too,it's something I have here too
is just like, can couplesactually connect with your
passion?
As I mentioned at the start ofthe episode, I think so many
couples now are looking forpeople who are really genuine
and authentic and looking forpeople who like really extra
align with them.
(17:33):
And so, like I said, if you'rewilling to show on your site
that you are super into theselike Rad day wedding vibes and
all of that then like great somany couples are going to be
able to connect with that andalso if you take the time to
just like say another littleblurb on your site of like I
(17:56):
love these super rad weddingsand also, you know, it's really
rad equality I don't knowsomething like that.
Like I just think Couples wantto be able to connect with you
and want to know that you areprobably a little bit above the
baseline of just like, okay,cool, they, they work with queer
couples.
(18:16):
So, thinking about how couplescan connect with your passion
and how you live your life, Ithink that's really important.
Something else I wanted to talkabout is the importance of doing
work behind the scenes too.
And I know so many folks areaware of that, but Yeah,
something I just wanted to throwout and that I will link in the
(18:38):
show notes is that Equally Whatactually has like a certificate
which is like a little coursethat you can purchase on on how
to be a great ally and a greatvendor There's actually lots of
resources out there like that.
So I think doing stuff like thattoo, and being able to like
(19:00):
display that on your website, orlike finding ways to maybe share
that information in a way that'snot just like, hello, look how
great I am, here's this.
But I think ways to like, youget a little badge when you
complete the certificate that'sjust kind of like, hey yeah,
like I care about this, I'mtrying to put in the work.
I think that's really valuabletoo.
(19:20):
And it's a great way to, to showcouples that you are genuine in
your passion.
Okay, the last little tidbitthat I wanted to mention as I
wrap up here is, it kind ofrelates to a lot of the things
that I've already mentioned,just as far as like sharing
things year round and engagingand supporting the queer
(19:41):
community year round butsomething that I think we can
often forget that has a lot ofimpact is sharing things.
To your followers on a fairlyregular basis.
And I say this because, oh gosh,this is like Uh, maybe a
(20:01):
problematic, example to sharefrom my own life, but here we
are.
So as many of you know, I grewup very religious, very strict
upbringing.
I went to a Christian schooldad's a pastor, all that good
stuff.
And living the life I live now,for the most part, I'm very far
removed from that community andthose experiences and those
(20:23):
people.
However, I will say that thereare a select few people that I
have kept in my circle for thepurposes of, you know, maybe
some, something that I share oneday, like, could help educate
them or help Maybe shift theirmind on something.
And similarly I think going, ifwe're looking at it as a two way
(20:47):
street, as a two way street Iwill sometimes view their
content and just be like, oh,interesting.
That's what they're sayingabout, the queer community.
That's, that's great to know.
And I'm saying this because Ithink sometimes Especially on
things like Instagram or socialmedia, it can be pretty easy to,
(21:09):
you know, build a community interms of like following accounts
that are similar to you or havesimilar beliefs to you.
And like, I'm very pro thatbecause like, I think sometimes
social media can already be likedetrimental to our mental
health.
And so I'm very pro youfollowing accounts and
(21:29):
interacting with content that islike good and safe and healthy
content.
And I guess what I'm also tryingto say is that sometimes it's
easy to be like, Oh, yes, thereare people out there who are
posting things that are verydifferent from me.
And maybe if we are able tointeract, like, Maybe I share
(21:49):
something that.
They wouldn't always normallysee and maybe by them seeing
that like it sparks a goodconversation or you know Sparks
some good thoughts for them.
So I guess what I'm saying isthat like I think There are a
lot of people in the weddingindustry That could benefit from
(22:11):
you sharing something that is,about going above and beyond for
queer couples or using inclusivelanguage or things like that.
Like, sometimes I think we getin our heads about, like, what
we share on our stories or, youknow, do I even really need to
share this?
And like, for me, I'm just gonnasay, like, go ahead and do it
because you don't know who,like, might see your story and
(22:31):
be like, okay, wow, like, I knowthe person sharing the story is
a great person.
And like.
Also look at what they'resharing and like maybe I could
learn something.
I don't know.
I guess I'm just saying likeSharing things is important.
And I know sometimes it feelsSilly or it can feel repetitive
or it can feel this that and theother but like do it like it's
(22:54):
it's been really good for me Inmy own learning journey like
learning from others seeing whatthey're sharing seeing like the
educational things that they'resharing and I think also
honestly, I have been able to bea good outside influence to some
people from my past.
And for the record, I also knowthat there are people from my
past who are watching me andjudging me, and they've been
(23:18):
very vocal about that, andhonestly, yes, that's a
possibility too, but you justnever know.
And so, I think, share thateducational thing, share
something that is loud andproud, and helps people see
that, like, Queer people deservesafety and love and all those
things too.
So yeah, that's what I got tosay.
(23:39):
I'm going to stop rambling now.
But hopefully for the coupleslistening, hopefully this just
kind of helped you see that Ithink that there are some
interesting markers to lookthrough when you're looking at
vendors and like, can youconnect with them?
Are you feeling their genuineenergy come through in a way
that resonates with you?
And for vendors.
(23:59):
Like, I really, really encourageyou, as always, to just kind of
take a look at your ownpractices, your own website,
your own business, seeing howyou're doing things, and just
making sure that it is comingthrough authentically and
genuinely so that couples areable to vibe with you.
On that note, I am going to endthis week's episode.
(24:20):
I hope you all are having anamazing morning or afternoon or
evening, whenever you're tuningin.
And I would love to all, to seeyou all at the live podcast.
And if you're celebratingValentine's day, happy
Valentine's day.
I hope, I hope you have somegreat times with your partner,
your community, your friends,and I will see you all at the
(24:42):
next episode.
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