April 30, 2025 • 40 mins
Trying to figure out what you want to wear on your wedding/ elopement day can feel overwhelming for some- dress? pants? neither? both? Listen to this week's episode with Kati from @portraitofabrideonfire to chat through tips and ideas for finding ways to dress and present that will truly bring you joy on your day.
Find all of Kati's socials etc and more by clicking HERE!
The intro and all instrumentals were written, sung and recorded by @JaynaDavisMusic
Queerly Beloved, I'm so glad you joined!
Please keep the community going by checking me out on instagram @wildlyconnectedphoto and come say hi! I'd love to hear from you! :)
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Queer beloved, welcome back.
My name is Anna.
I used to hear pronouns and Irun wildly connected photography
as well as this really coolpodcast.
if this is your first time here,welcome.
So excited to have you join.
I just had a few quick notesbefore we get into this week's
(00:21):
episode, which has a really coolguest talking about something I
wanted to talk about on thepodcast for a really long time.
But yeah, hope you all are doingwell.
I was just out in Oregon doing acrazy amount of shoots and it
was just so fun and it's so gayout there.
I love it.
Highly recommend.
(00:41):
but also I.
Guess what time it is.
It's time for no homo, and ifyou are not familiar, it's now
as in KNOW.
we are on this journey togetherto learn more about queer
culture, queer, queer lingo,things happening, important
information, fun information, etcetera, et cetera.
(01:03):
So this week on No Homo.
Kristen Stewart got married.
Now I know what you're thinking.
Like, okay, are we really aboutto start making this podcast
about pop culture?
No.
I promised I am really not inthe loop all that much myself.
However, I will say KristenStewart has just always felt
(01:27):
like this very special gay iconin my mind.
Like there's just somethingabout her.
I definitely am a Twilight fanin the most ironic way.
And so like seeing her like growfrom that into like all these
roles she's played, um, likeLove Lies, is bleeding and all,
(01:47):
you know, all these otherthings.
Like she's just so like what anicon.
so she married her wife Dylan, Ibelieve, um, on four 20 Iconic.
And it was just something smalland.
They're just such a cool and hotcouple and I don't know, like I
said, I'm not really in the popculture circle all that often,
(02:10):
so that's why I wanted to share,go look at some of the photos
they shared.
It's super cute.
But that is what I got for youon no homo this week.
Before we jump into the episode,I did wanna say there are some
really, really smart gaze outthere.
And so if you have, um, aterminology, a phrase, some
(02:30):
important information, somethingyou think should be shared on
this segment, please let meknow.
I would love to pass it alongand become more homos together.
So please feel free to DM me onInstagram or email me.
Or even comments on the podcastbecause there are cool ways to
(02:50):
interact with the podcast, bothon Spotify, apple, all the
things.
So without further ado, let'sjump into this week's episode.
Okay, clearly beloved, welcomeback to this week's episode.
I am joined, uh, by Katie fromPortrait of a Bride on Fire, and
(03:13):
I'm super excited.
So, before I say anything else,Katie, will you introduce
yourself, your pronouns, and anyidentities you wanna share?
I am Katie.
I am a queer wedding fashionstylist.
I'm queer for sure, but I sayI'm a queer wedding fashion
stylist because I think I'm theonly one that does this.
So my pronouns are she, her, andI am, I'm, I'm here for the
(03:36):
queer folks.
I'm here for it.
Yeah.
I love that.
So, yeah, for those of us whoare not fashion experts, can you
share a little bit more aboutlike what that means and what
you do?
So there's a very smallpopulation of like people in an
industry that they callthemselves bryle stylists, and
(03:57):
they will help people find theirwedding dresses and style
accessories so that your wholehead to toe look or how many
looks you do on your wedding dayare like planned out and really
well thought through.
And bryle stylists do existoutside of bridal shops like
that.
However, I.
I serve a kind of a differentpurpose, and that is because
(04:19):
queer folks specifically.
Nontraditional folks in general,but queer folks specifically
because they're nontraditional,uh, don't have a set process for
finding their wedding attirewhen it's not a suit or a dress.
And because many queer folks areon the gender spectrum and
gender expression, uh, spectrum,uh, the gender expression
(04:40):
spectrum, they.
Often don't align with gendernorms as they are today, or the
social norms of formal attirefor those genders, which is like
a suit and a dress.
And because there's no processfor finding formal attire for
your wedding, it's reallychallenging to navigate that
industry by yourself when you'replanning a wedding and doing a
(05:03):
million other things.
So I I am a little bit differentin that I.
I problem solve and thinkcreatively and try to find
things that are outside themainstream to connect people
with resources and designers andlike smaller businesses.
And basically it's a lot more ofconnecting people and solving
(05:23):
problems than it is the creativelike aspect of styling and
aesthetics and all that stuff.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So you're not like the human outthere like.
Making someone's outfit, butyou're like, Hey, like here are
these options.
And like, here's what I thinkwould work really well together.
(05:44):
Yes.
Like, I'm not, I'm not adesigning or like sewing or any
of that stuff.
I would just connect people withpeople who do that.
And it's a little bit of bothtraditional styling and also
connecting people.
So, kind of being a resource andalso being a creative mind at
the same time.
Yeah.
That is, yeah.
That is so cool.
And much, much needed.
(06:07):
Yeah, as a lot of my listenersknow, I'm like planning my own
wedding right now.
And I think you are also, I'm,I'm getting married in like a
month.
Oh my God.
Mine's in September, butcongrats.
That's so exciting.
You know what you're wearing.
I do have a dress.
Oh, good.
But yeah, it is like.
(06:29):
I don't know.
I, I feel like this is just likeone thing where it's like, I,
like you have a vision in yourmind, but like, I don't like how
to know how to make it come tolife and like, so yeah.
I just, I think what you do isso, so awesome.
Wait, what's your vision?
What do you mean you don't knowhow to make it come to life?
What's your vision?
(06:49):
Is it different?
No, just like, well, I, so I dohave a dress but the vision is I
wanna make it into like a twopiece dress.
Yeah.
And so that's been like, its ownkind of struggle, just because,
do you So I haven't seen a tonof those.
I'm wearing a two piece dressfor.
Shut up.
(07:10):
Oh my God.
Yeah.
I honestly, okay, so I don'tknow how old you are, but when I
was like in middle school, like,uh.
Crop tops and long skirts,separates were a thing for like
prom and stuff or whatever.
Mm-hmm.
And so maybe it was high school,I don't remember.
But, uh, point being is there'sa population of people who
remember that time and don'twant separates to be a thing
(07:32):
again.
But I honestly think thatthey're very much up and coming.
So, I am super into theseparates game, especially for,
I mean, I'm a skirt and dressgirly, so like I love wearing
skirts and dresses, but like.
Separates are so underrated,like why are we not making more
outfits?
I don't know.
It's just like there's so manymore possibilities out there
(07:53):
with separates.
So, but yeah, if you ever needhelp, I'll send you my lookbooks
for inspo or if you need any,whatever resources, let me know.
Yeah.
Oh my gosh, that's incredible.
Yeah.
Yeah, I went to a private schoolso I didn't, with like a
uniform, so I.
Wasn't in that same cool promloop.
(08:13):
But I think actually this is,this is something interesting
that I think kind of flows intolike the next topic of
discussion anyways is like, fromyour perspective, do you think
that the people you work withtend to wear things to their
wedding that are already very,like, similar to what they do or
(08:36):
like day to day or like Totallydifferent.
And I guess I'm asking becauselike for me, I, I haven't worn a
dress in probably like threeyears.
Like they're not my thing, butfor some reason, like something
about me.
Picturing getting married, like,I wanna wear a dress.
So, I don't know, I think that'skind of an interesting, yeah.
(08:56):
Curious.
Yeah.
I think it, the answer to thatquestion definitely depends on
who you are, because I have acouple clients who are like, I
want to wear something thatreally feels like me.
So it's more of an elevatedversion of what they normally
wear on a day-to-day basis.
Right.
It's higher quality, it'sembellished, it's something that
(09:17):
is different that's gonna reallyelevate their outfit.
And then I have other clientsthat, uh, like you have not worn
dresses in years and reallythought that they were gonna
wear pants to their weddingbecause of that, uh, because
they, they found it hard to seethemselves.
In a dress, even though that'slike the ideal, right?
I was actually at a weddingdress appointment with a client
(09:39):
last week and they were set on ajumpsuit.
And of course there are nojumpsuits at wedding dress
shops, maybe one, and usuallythey're ugly.
But anyways, they wanted ajumpsuit.
So the idea was the dresses theywere trying on were going to be
converted into a jumpsuit, andmy client was.
Uh, tried on one of the dressesand was almost in tears and was
like, I like this as a dress somuch that I just wanna wear it
(10:03):
as a dress.
And for the first time in likethree years, they're gonna wear
a dress.
Mm-hmm.
And sometimes the world is solike messed up that like, maybe
you don't wear a dress for threeyears because you don't have the
confidence to wear a dress forthree years, but that doesn't
mean you shouldn't be wearingone on your wedding day, you
know?
At the same time, just becauselike you identify a certain way
(10:26):
or you present yourself normallya certain way, doesn't mean you
have to wear a dress on yourwedding day.
I think the social norms thatdictate formal wear are so
archaic and like if we justreally need to break that mold
to like make it okay to dowhatever you want, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I love that the social norms areindeed archaic.
(10:48):
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, I think, I think that makesa lot of sense.
And so, I mean, yeah, I, I wouldlove to just like kind of chat
about like queer wedding entire,like just dive a little bit
deeper.
I know you touched on it alittle bit in your intro just as
far as like.
How needed this is because noteverybody you know mm-hmm.
(11:10):
Fits into those certain boxes orthings like that.
But yeah.
Can you kind of just like givean overview of like.
What options are out there?
Maybe some cool things you'veseen and then we can dive into
the specifics.
Yeah.
Before we get into the, likewhat's an in-between option or
what is not traditional options?
I do wanna hold space for thepeople that are.
(11:34):
Wearing suits, but whom suitsare not designed for them to
wear.
Yeah, there's a lot of peoplewho don't fit into suits like
normally and aren't made fortheir types of bodies or
whatnot.
And similarly, there's a lot ofpeople who would like to wear
dresses.
Traditional wedding dresses andthey're just not made for their
bodies.
Maybe because they're assignedmale at birth, maybe because
(11:55):
they're plus size, whatever,right?
There's a number of reasons whyyou might fit in those gender
norms and still not find yourwedding attire.
So we hold space for thosepeople and we wanna live for
these people too.
But outside of that, there arestill a lot of people that want
to express themselves in waysthat are not part of the
traditional like suit or dressattire.
(12:17):
And.
The problem with social normsdictating traditional attire is
like the social norms are, youknow, uh, built through the
patriarchy and through whitesupremacy.
And so they're like inherentlytrying to suppress like, like
certain things, right?
They, that women shouldn't wearpants and they need to cover
(12:37):
their legs and, you know,whatever it is.
So it kind of still dictates thenorms of today.
But the question is, if youdon't fall into those like.
Gender norms for formal attire,what do you wear?
Because the social norm thatsays if you're outside of the
norm, it's not formal anymore.
What is your solution?
(12:59):
Mm-hmm.
So I think my, the problem thatI've had to begin to solve
recently is, is how to, how to,how to think about formal attire
in a way that is.
Socially acceptable as a queerperson that doesn't wanna
identify or can't fit into themold that people have prescribed
for us.
(13:19):
And I, my creative solution tothat is then well, like what are
formal events outside ofweddings is basically like the
red carpet or then that gala orwhatever, and they treat.
Formality and fashion verydifferently than we do at
weddings, and I like, like, whyis that?
(13:40):
Because Billy Porter can wear adress.
Slash suit on the red carpet andabsolutely slay and that's fine,
but it's not as sociallyacceptable to do that at your
wedding for some reason or why.
Does Billie Eilish wear at-shirt and shorts on the red
carpet?
And that's socially acceptable,but it's not socially acceptable
(14:01):
to wear a t-shirt and shorts toyour wedding.
Granted it's not.
An old ready T-shirt and shorts.
It's a Louis Vuitton shirt andshorts.
But my point is that we shouldreally be reformulating what we
think is formal in likeacceptable and formal occasions.
And.
Right now it's kind of beingheld back.
The wedding industry is reallyheld by tradition and the
(14:23):
fashion wedding industry isreally held by tradition.
So even though fashion itself isquite the opposite in terms of
innovation and wanting to do thenext big thing so I guess my
problem is trying to thinkcreatively about how we do these
things.
And because there are a lot ofqueer people who don't feel
comfortable in anything otherthan a t-shirt.
(14:44):
So how do we make a t-shirt?
Like your wedding attire.
I have a friend who's a designerin New York and actually is
incorporating a t-shirt into hisfirst collection of like wedding
attire.
So, because he knows that thosepeople exist that want that
comfort, you know?
Mm-hmm.
And I think part of the problemis that people don't have the
confidence to wear whatever theywant because the world is the
(15:08):
world, right?
And so part of the job is, isfinding.
Creative solutions to weddingattire, but part of the job is
also trying to uplift andempower people to be like, you
can wear whatever you want, it'syour day, but also you should
wear whatever you want on everyother day anyways.
And like kind of empoweringpeople to be more themselves and
(15:29):
just to be more them centric,which is.
I don't know, sounds like a hottake, but it's not, uh, to take
up more space, especially onyour wedding day.
It's your day.
So it's a little bit of a, it'sa little bit of like helping
people find these resources andhelping people think about the
fashion industry, but also justlike really empowering people to
(15:51):
be themselves and to reclaimthat day for themselves.
Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
You, I think you just like blewmy mind with like talking about
like the comparison of how thestandards are totally different
for something like a red carpetversus a wedding.
Yeah.
Like I've literally neverthought about it, but like that
(16:13):
is so true and it's like, yeah,you see a lot more.
People wearing things theywouldn't normally or dresses or
suits, whatever, like, yeah.
That is so interesting.
I also think what you said aboutlike empowering people to feel
more themselves and what feels,you know, comfortable and like
them is so accurate.
(16:35):
And also it brings to mind, Ijust did a recent episode on how
like.
Trends like as a whole can alsofeel like very straight and
heteronormative.
Mm-hmm.
And how sometimes it can betough as a queer person to like
go against it, right?
Because then you have to likeput more energy and you have to
(16:57):
like explain yourself.
You have to like do all thesethings.
So I guess I'm curious if youhave any like, tips for folks on
kind of navigating that when itcomes to what they're wearing.
I think that is a much biggerquestion than I'm able to solve
because that is like, uh, togive you an example, I, I
uninvited my parents to mywedding and I changed what I
(17:21):
wanted to wear after I uninvitedthem.
Not because I really cared whatthey thought, but like
subconsciously in the back of myhead I was like, I just don't
want to like.
Push the label and make problemsand create situations and like
put more effort in.
I don't want to make it morethan I needed to be.
(17:42):
And so because my parents arejust like not people who are
fully supportive in my life, andso I didn't want them at my
wedding, but that's not themoral of the story.
The moral of the story is whenyou.
Take those like pieces out ofyour wedding that are not fully
supportive or not fully you, itactually changes like the way
you look at attire and the waythat you look at it in terms of
(18:07):
a form of self-expression.
Because if people are limitingwho you are, you're not gonna
wanna express yourself.
And so I think that that's likea bigger question where it's
like.
Yeah, you don't wanna have toexplain yourself or step on
toes, but I like firmly believethat you just shouldn't be
inviting those people in thefirst place.
Hmm.
If they're gonna ruffle feathersby not inviting people to your
(18:29):
wedding, you might as well do itbefore your wedding.
Then on the day of when theystart, like quibbling about what
you're wearing.
Or if you start, go turninginward because, uh, you're like
embarrassed or you're not fullyfeeling yourself, like.
It's your day.
It is also the like most formalevent, biggest event of your
(18:50):
life.
Because most people don't go tothe MET Gala or the red carpet
or a celebrity whatever, right?
Mm-hmm.
That this is, this is your day.
It's not, I don't believe thatit's the best day of your life.
I'm not that kind of person.
But it could be, and it, youshould treat it as a very big
occasion.
It is a big deal.
I just think that everyonedeserves to like feel themselves
(19:12):
and be themselves.
And so yeah, it's like hard tofind wedding attire, but I also
just feel like don't take on theresponsibility of providing for
those people that take away fromwho you are.
On your wedding day, which is, Isaid, it's a much bigger problem
than I'm here to solve, but Ijust, I really, really believe
(19:35):
that like you can't fully beyourself if there are people
holding you back.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's so true.
Almost kind of like it's up toeach individual person and then
together as a couple to kind ofdecide like what.
(19:56):
Their capacity is.
Mm-hmm.
Like, I don't know, something Ifeel like I'm thinking is,
you're like doing a wedding tourand the person's like, oh, it's
two brides, or something likethat.
Like, of course we're inclusive.
Can't wait to see your dresses.
You know, like just things likethat where people are almost
like, mm-hmm.
Okay.
Is it more important to me tolike, you know, save my energy
(20:21):
for something else?
Or does it feel more importantto just kind of be like.
Just easier to do this.
Like, yeah.
So when I, when I got engaged,everyone was like, so, uh, are
you wearing a dress or pants?
And I'm like, does me gettingengaged to a woman that I've
been dating for seven yearschange my gender identity or
(20:43):
expression at all?
Like, no, it should not, itshould not.
Like.
But then I'm sitting there andI'm like, wow, well, I really
should just fucking be myself.
You know?
I like why it shouldn't changemy gender identity, but, but
also if I'm not expressingmyself who I am at that time,
(21:04):
when why not?
You know what I mean?
Uh, weddings are gonna rufflefeathers no matter what, even if
you do everything right.
Uh, quote unquote.
Right.
Uh, weddings are gonna rufflefeathers even when you're as
inclusive as you can.
Even if you're trying to be asaccommodating to everyone as you
can.
Even if you're trying to invitethe people you don't wanna
(21:25):
invite.
You're gonna ruffle feathers nomatter what.
Because for some reason peoplehave expectations and when
expectations are, are not met,people react really differently.
And it's really challenging tosee the ups and downs of
weddings because weddings arefunerals, like weddings are.
As much grieving as it is.
(21:46):
Celebrating.
Like weddings are really fuckingchallenging sometimes because
you take a lot of emotionalbaggage with you.
And I just, I, your wedding'sgonna be about you.
If you're gonna have a wedding,you might as well make it you,
you know?
You shouldn't hold a wedding forsomeone else, you know?
(22:07):
Yeah.
I love kind of what you calledout earlier too, that whatever
combination of things thatpeople wanna wear at their
wedding are like.
Great and totally acceptable.
And so I was thinking it couldbe interesting just to see if
you like, had any ideas orthings you wanted to share kind
of for several different combos.
(22:28):
So like, I don't know, I'm eventhinking, I've heard people say
things like, oh, if there aretwo people wearing dresses, like
you should be mindful of.
The, like, shades of light sothat they're not like making
one, I don't know, just likeanything kind of like that, that
comes to mind.
I personal preference, if you'reboth wearing dresses, just don't
(22:53):
make it the same neckline.
It can be the same silhouette,but I just sometimes think if
you have the same neckline, itlooks really, really like twins.
I was thinking about thisrecently because I have a client
couple, so two people who aregetting married and I'm styling
them both.
And I was wondering, even thoughthey have different inspiration
for what they wanna wear.
(23:13):
I was wondering if they shouldbe going to the same designer,
because they're both looking fora custom outfit.
Right.
And the, the pros and cons ofthat would be like, if you're
going to the same designer,obviously you're going to look
very unified.
You're gonna look like a com.
Like, like it was all wellthought out.
It's gonna be a lot harder tocoordinate something if it's two
(23:34):
different designers.
However you kind of.
Take away someone's of IndiIndividuality.
When you pick a designer thataligns with one person and out
the other.
So if they both align, that'sgreat, but you don't wanna take
away that individuality.
So my point in saying this is I,if you are both like really into
(23:54):
a high neckline, then wear thefreaking high neckline, you
know?
But I just really think thatsometimes people don't.
Dig deep enough to askthemselves like, what really
feels like me?
They kind of default to thingsthat they're used to and or they
expect, uh, that people wantthem to wear, you know,
something like that.
And I just think people kind ofget stuck especially, uh, in
(24:18):
like.
Relationships where peopleidentify the same people kind of
share personalities at a certainpoint.
And so it's not uncommon to picka similar dress if you're both
wearing dresses.
So I don't have any tips forlike matching colors.
Obviously, like if you wearchampagne dress in a pure snow
white dress, that contrast mightlook a little interesting and
(24:40):
not have the same bridal effectas it normally would.
Also, if you're gonna be happywearing that, just fucking wear
it.
You know what I mean?
I just, I really believe thatlike, if you're in touch with,
with, uh, personal style andyou're in touch with what you
love and expressing yourselfthrough fashion, you literally
can't go wrong.
You really can't go wrong.
(25:01):
Mm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Love that.
Yeah.
What about like things that I.
You like, loved or reallyenjoyed seeing if like two
people are wearing suits orthere's one of these?
I, what I really actually loveto see is just when people think
really creatively about it islike, I think.
(25:26):
Like the future of bridalfashion, in my opinion, is gonna
be like jackets, boleros capes,like those types of things
because it's a gender neutrallike garment like an overskirt
can be over pants.
It doesn't have to be overanother dress, you know?
I think there's a, and a lot ofpeople want the drama of a
(25:48):
dress, but not the femininity ofa dress.
And so I think like.
The, the, the creative ways tothink about it's how do you
incorporate the drama of the, ofa train, of a dress without
having a dress?
Like how do you get a trainwithout having a dress?
Is it a cape?
Is it an overskirt?
Is it, uh, you know, uh, reallylong sleeves?
(26:09):
You know how, uh, like long, 70sleeves and I just.
I think like thinking creativelyis the best way to do it because
I think a lot of people play itsafe and do what they think they
should be doing, or they worrytoo much about shades of white
or they worry too much aboutcomplimenting each other.
When I really think peopleshould turn inward and just
(26:30):
think about what makesthemselves happy, and then tell
a story with that and what yourpartner's wearing.
I see a lot of celebrities thatreally don't dress the as like.
They don't go off, they don'tlike dress as well as they
should at their wedding.
And I, I don't know what it is,but they are like way more
closed off.
(26:50):
And I just feel like there's alot of people who don't express
themselves enough at theirwedding.
And so I would just reallyencourage everyone to like, I.
Explore, do a lot ofinspiration, like looking at a
lot of inspiration and thinkingabout what is out there because
there's a lot of possibilitiesand it's not just like suit and
(27:10):
dress.
So, you can play with color, youcan play with texture, you can
play with the fabrics, you canplay with silhouettes and pants
and skirts and anything.
Jackets and corsets andanything, you can literally play
with it all.
So I think that's, it's reallyfun when people get creative.
I wouldn't worry too much aboutit if it feels like you.
It's good.
(27:32):
Yeah.
Are there some things that likeyou have like seen recently or
see like popping up that arelike, just super fun and
interesting in terms of.
Styling.
I think something that's reallyinteresting is, well, there's,
(27:52):
there's more brands doing,having inclusive styling.
When I say inclusive styling, Imean they're incorporating a
little bit more of pants.
Uh, they aren't necessarilybeing inclusive in their
representation of people wearingthose clothes, but it's fine.
Uh, but I wanted to note that, Ithink the more fun things.
(28:12):
And the new shift that we'reseeing is like for the wedding
party.
And'cause I think that's alsoreally hard and that's something
that I do sometimes as well.
And so I wanna talk about itbecause people are in a wedding
party way more than they'regetting married.
And it's hard in a wedding partywhen everyone wants to be
identical because if you're nota dress girl and everyone's
wearing a dress and everyone'swearing an identical dress on
(28:35):
top of it, you're really gonnastick out and you're trying not
to stick out in a wedding partyusually.
And.
So that gets really challenging.
So I would really encourageanyone who's going to get
married to not put too manyrules around what people are
wearing.
Uh, leave it a little bitopen-ended if you wanna dictate
colors, dictate colors butreally let people experiment
(28:57):
with what they find.
What they find formal and likegreat.
And like try to coordinate itafter the fact.
Let your wedding party wearcapes and vests and pants and
whatever.
Because I think a wedding partyis an archaic like understanding
of like weddings anyways, thatthere are only girls on the
(29:20):
girls side and boys on the boysside.
It's kind of weird and notreally modern.
And not really the case anymore.
So I don't know why bridalparties are still a thing, but I
think that if you're someonewho's having a wedding, if
you're not putting the pressureon queer people to do something
(29:42):
different when everyone else isdoing what the traditional norm
is, really ostracizes queerpeople further.
So I just like would reallyencourage anyone who's like
getting married soon to thinkabout in their wedding party.
To encourage more than just thequeer people to think outside
the box.
Because I think that wouldreally, really change the game.
Some things that people do thatI think do think outside the box
(30:05):
that could be like gender fluidthings are I.
Scarves or like an ascot, youknow, like something around your
neck that's not necessarily aformal like men traditional
men's tie.
Or like a bolo tie.
Those are very, I would seethose are gender neutral.
Stuff around your neck.
Capes are definitely genderneutral.
I think the style of the cape islike sometimes feminine and
(30:27):
sometimes max masculine, but Ithink.
Tapes can be that gender neutraland also monochrome outfits are
always formal no matter what.
So I think that's like a genderneutral way to do like a wedding
party.
As long as your like outfitsmatching.
If it's separate, it's fine, youknow?
Wow.
I love even just being able toask that question.
(30:47):
How did you say it?
Like how do you view formal,like that's so.
I don't know.
I, I, it's like something Iwould never think about, but
like even just being asked thatand being like, oh yeah, what do
I think?
Like, that's such a good way tokind of kick things off.
So, yeah.
I love that.
So kind of like, as we startwrapping up, for folks listening
(31:10):
who are like, yes, Katie, yougot me.
I love this.
Like, I'm, I really wanna trysomething different.
I like wanna, you know, maybeget outside of my comfort zone.
But like, there's so manyoptions, like mm-hmm.
How do you usually tell peopleto kind of start.
Like narrowing in, like, am Ileaning more towards pants?
(31:31):
Am I leaning more towards adress, but a different neckline?
Like how does, how do you, howdoes one even do that?
I think there's a lot lessoptions than you think.
Mostly for gender fluid attire.
Like I said, there's no, there'sno prescribed process for
finding gender fluid wettingattire like there is for a
(31:52):
traditional fem like dress or atraditional mask.
Tuck suit, what have you.
And so things start to pile ontop of each other.
The limitations start to add upbecause there's like a budget
limitation, which reallyeliminates a lot of options.
Uh, there's a size limitationbecause when you're dealing with
smaller budgets, your odds areyou're not dealing with a custom
(32:15):
measurement situation, whichmeans like you're stuck to the
standard measurements of thebrand, which are.
Most of the time, not inclusive.
And then there's the whole,well, what color do you wanna
wear?
You know, that's when you, Imean, then there's also like,
are you, are you disabled whereyou have to have a certain type
(32:36):
of attire?
You know?
And like you get to a pointwhere once you finally get to
choose what you're wearing, youare at a very much smaller like
pool of options.
So I find it is actually really,really easy to narrow down what
you're gonna wear because onceyou start having, once you start
getting into the field of thisis the universe of what I can
(32:59):
choose from and have personalpreferences from based upon all
the things I can't control Ithink things start to make a
little bit more sense, such aslike, I want a cape, but all the
capes are$4,000 and my budget is$2,000.
Like, then you might be stuckwith.
Maybe we have to find one onEtsy or maybe we have to like
(33:20):
find one resale and then youmight have to like give on color
because it's not necessarily,it's something that's in your
budget, you know?
And it's really just problemsolving until you can find
something that fits the bill.
And I think that it's reallytragic that there are not more
options out there, because Ithink typical people,
traditional people.
(33:40):
Even the privileged people havehave options.
They have all the options in theworld.
And so I just, I don't thinkthere's, there's that much out
there that is going to fit allof the intersections of those
limitations.
Oftentimes it's like.
How do you maximize the amountof options that you have with
(34:03):
all the limitations that youhave And like, that's what I do,
right?
Like that's what I do, is I'mhere to like give you all the
resources to show you that thereare more options so that you
don't have to default to addresswhen you don't feel comfortable
wearing one.
Or you don't have to default toa suit when you want something a
little bit more feminine.
That's what I do.
I mean, I literally just.
Research and research andresearch and try to find more
(34:24):
and more and more in multipledifferent kinds of budgets so
that people can have moreoptions.
Like, that's pretty much all Ido.
To answer your question, like ifyou had all the money in the
world and you were optimally thesize that people normally have
and you didn't have any likedisability that limited what
(34:44):
kind of clothes that you couldwear, what have you, right?
And you had all the options inthe world.
I think the best place to startfor finding what you wanna wear
is think about what you reallyfind joy in, and not necessarily
what kind of fashion do you findjoy in, because I don't think a
lot of people know the answer tothat question.
(35:04):
But like I, for example, findjoy in like bright colors.
But that doesn't necessarilymean I'm gonna be like wearing
bright colors at the weddingbecause I don't know, I wanna
wear white.
But my point is to start withthe things that you really find
inspirational, that you find joyin.
I have a client who fi who,whose inspiration board is the
(35:28):
intersection between MeganRapino and David Bowie, and it's
awesome.
And like that Venn diagram likecreating like.
The structure and the geometryand the, the, the silhouette of
David Bowie.
But adding onto like the, thestyle of Megan Rapinoe is
(35:49):
actually so easy.
It is so clear in my brain whatthat looks like.
And that is like one of theeasiest inspo words I've ever
had to put together becausesomebody said, I'm inspired by
these two things, which is.
David Bowie and the structure oftheir attire and Meghan Rapinoe
style.
Granted, those are thingsdirectly related to fashion, but
(36:10):
I also had someone give me amood board that had like graphic
design and paintings on it.
That has nothing to do withfashion, but when you're
conveying an emotion, there's away to translate that into
attire, and I think that's.
If you have all the options inthe world, I think you should
probably get a stylist becauseit would be really challenging
to translate what you love intofashion if you're not used to
(36:33):
it.
Yeah.
So kind of starting out with aMarie Kondo approach, like does
it bring joy?
Oh, 100%.
Yeah.
I mean that, I think that is howyou should approach everyday
fashion anyways is like whatreally brings you joy?
What doesn't push your, whatpushes the boundaries without
pushing your limits, you know?
(36:53):
You don't wanna overstep yourown boundaries, but you also
wanna push yourself to like bechallenged in your every day and
like create new things.
Really return to like the art,the things that moves, move you,
you know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Well, so on that note I will besure to share all of your
information in the show notes,but how can people work with
(37:16):
you?
Where can people find you?
I am on TikTok and Instagram atPortrait of a Bride on Fire and.
The link in my bio will have myother relevant links, which will
lead you to my website, mycontact form, all the different
things.
But I just, I, uh, and I wannasay that having a, working with
(37:40):
a stylist one-on-one is not theonly thing that I offer because
that's like obviously a reallychallenging thing to afford for
most people.
I really do work with otherpeople's budgets and I can
tailor a service to be like.
Into your budget and make itwork, make sense for you?
Because I genuinely think thatlike you should not exclude
(38:01):
people just'cause they can'tafford your services.
No.
It's like, how do I thinkcreatively about creating a
service so that it works forboth of us?
Like I would, I'm really open toworking with people, so if
people, my prices are on mywebsite, but again, that's just
like.
With one-on-one work that's notwith tailored packages for
making it work for other people.
So, I just wanna remind peopleof that and.
(38:24):
Also just tag me in anything youwant me to see, because I would
love to see your queer outfitsand like your Met gala moments,
and that would really bring mejoy, so, oh, I love that.
Oh my gosh, yes.
Absolutely.
Well thank you so, so much.
It has been so fun chatting withyou.
Queer beloved, welcome back.
My name is Anna.
I used to hear pronouns and Irun wildly connected photography
as well as this really coolpodcast.
if this is your first time here,welcome.
So excited to have you join.
I just had a few quick notesbefore we get into this week's
(00:21):
episode, which has a really coolguest talking about something I
wanted to talk about on thepodcast for a really long time.
But yeah, hope you all are doingwell.
I was just out in Oregon doing acrazy amount of shoots and it
was just so fun and it's so gayout there.
I love it.
Highly recommend.
(00:41):
but also I.
Guess what time it is.
It's time for no homo, and ifyou are not familiar, it's now
as in KNOW.
we are on this journey togetherto learn more about queer
culture, queer, queer lingo,things happening, important
information, fun information, etcetera, et cetera.
(01:03):
So this week on No Homo.
Kristen Stewart got married.
Now I know what you're thinking.
Like, okay, are we really aboutto start making this podcast
about pop culture?
No.
I promised I am really not inthe loop all that much myself.
However, I will say KristenStewart has just always felt
(01:27):
like this very special gay iconin my mind.
Like there's just somethingabout her.
I definitely am a Twilight fanin the most ironic way.
And so like seeing her like growfrom that into like all these
roles she's played, um, likeLove Lies, is bleeding and all,
(01:47):
you know, all these otherthings.
Like she's just so like what anicon.
so she married her wife Dylan, Ibelieve, um, on four 20 Iconic.
And it was just something smalland.
They're just such a cool and hotcouple and I don't know, like I
said, I'm not really in the popculture circle all that often,
(02:10):
so that's why I wanted to share,go look at some of the photos
they shared.
It's super cute.
But that is what I got for youon no homo this week.
Before we jump into the episode,I did wanna say there are some
really, really smart gaze outthere.
And so if you have, um, aterminology, a phrase, some
(02:30):
important information, somethingyou think should be shared on
this segment, please let meknow.
I would love to pass it alongand become more homos together.
So please feel free to DM me onInstagram or email me.
Or even comments on the podcastbecause there are cool ways to
(02:50):
interact with the podcast, bothon Spotify, apple, all the
things.
So without further ado, let'sjump into this week's episode.
Okay, clearly beloved, welcomeback to this week's episode.
I am joined, uh, by Katie fromPortrait of a Bride on Fire, and
(03:13):
I'm super excited.
So, before I say anything else,Katie, will you introduce
yourself, your pronouns, and anyidentities you wanna share?
I am Katie.
I am a queer wedding fashionstylist.
I'm queer for sure, but I sayI'm a queer wedding fashion
stylist because I think I'm theonly one that does this.
So my pronouns are she, her, andI am, I'm, I'm here for the
(03:36):
queer folks.
I'm here for it.
Yeah.
I love that.
So, yeah, for those of us whoare not fashion experts, can you
share a little bit more aboutlike what that means and what
you do?
So there's a very smallpopulation of like people in an
industry that they callthemselves bryle stylists, and
(03:57):
they will help people find theirwedding dresses and style
accessories so that your wholehead to toe look or how many
looks you do on your wedding dayare like planned out and really
well thought through.
And bryle stylists do existoutside of bridal shops like
that.
However, I.
I serve a kind of a differentpurpose, and that is because
(04:19):
queer folks specifically.
Nontraditional folks in general,but queer folks specifically
because they're nontraditional,uh, don't have a set process for
finding their wedding attirewhen it's not a suit or a dress.
And because many queer folks areon the gender spectrum and
gender expression, uh, spectrum,uh, the gender expression
(04:40):
spectrum, they.
Often don't align with gendernorms as they are today, or the
social norms of formal attirefor those genders, which is like
a suit and a dress.
And because there's no processfor finding formal attire for
your wedding, it's reallychallenging to navigate that
industry by yourself when you'replanning a wedding and doing a
(05:03):
million other things.
So I I am a little bit differentin that I.
I problem solve and thinkcreatively and try to find
things that are outside themainstream to connect people
with resources and designers andlike smaller businesses.
And basically it's a lot more ofconnecting people and solving
(05:23):
problems than it is the creativelike aspect of styling and
aesthetics and all that stuff.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So you're not like the human outthere like.
Making someone's outfit, butyou're like, Hey, like here are
these options.
And like, here's what I thinkwould work really well together.
(05:44):
Yes.
Like, I'm not, I'm not adesigning or like sewing or any
of that stuff.
I would just connect people withpeople who do that.
And it's a little bit of bothtraditional styling and also
connecting people.
So, kind of being a resource andalso being a creative mind at
the same time.
Yeah.
That is, yeah.
That is so cool.
And much, much needed.
(06:07):
Yeah, as a lot of my listenersknow, I'm like planning my own
wedding right now.
And I think you are also, I'm,I'm getting married in like a
month.
Oh my God.
Mine's in September, butcongrats.
That's so exciting.
You know what you're wearing.
I do have a dress.
Oh, good.
But yeah, it is like.
(06:29):
I don't know.
I, I feel like this is just likeone thing where it's like, I,
like you have a vision in yourmind, but like, I don't like how
to know how to make it come tolife and like, so yeah.
I just, I think what you do isso, so awesome.
Wait, what's your vision?
What do you mean you don't knowhow to make it come to life?
What's your vision?
(06:49):
Is it different?
No, just like, well, I, so I dohave a dress but the vision is I
wanna make it into like a twopiece dress.
Yeah.
And so that's been like, its ownkind of struggle, just because,
do you So I haven't seen a tonof those.
I'm wearing a two piece dressfor.
Shut up.
(07:10):
Oh my God.
Yeah.
I honestly, okay, so I don'tknow how old you are, but when I
was like in middle school, like,uh.
Crop tops and long skirts,separates were a thing for like
prom and stuff or whatever.
Mm-hmm.
And so maybe it was high school,I don't remember.
But, uh, point being is there'sa population of people who
remember that time and don'twant separates to be a thing
(07:32):
again.
But I honestly think thatthey're very much up and coming.
So, I am super into theseparates game, especially for,
I mean, I'm a skirt and dressgirly, so like I love wearing
skirts and dresses, but like.
Separates are so underrated,like why are we not making more
outfits?
I don't know.
It's just like there's so manymore possibilities out there
(07:53):
with separates.
So, but yeah, if you ever needhelp, I'll send you my lookbooks
for inspo or if you need any,whatever resources, let me know.
Yeah.
Oh my gosh, that's incredible.
Yeah.
Yeah, I went to a private schoolso I didn't, with like a
uniform, so I.
Wasn't in that same cool promloop.
(08:13):
But I think actually this is,this is something interesting
that I think kind of flows intolike the next topic of
discussion anyways is like, fromyour perspective, do you think
that the people you work withtend to wear things to their
wedding that are already very,like, similar to what they do or
(08:36):
like day to day or like Totallydifferent.
And I guess I'm asking becauselike for me, I, I haven't worn a
dress in probably like threeyears.
Like they're not my thing, butfor some reason, like something
about me.
Picturing getting married, like,I wanna wear a dress.
So, I don't know, I think that'skind of an interesting, yeah.
(08:56):
Curious.
Yeah.
I think it, the answer to thatquestion definitely depends on
who you are, because I have acouple clients who are like, I
want to wear something thatreally feels like me.
So it's more of an elevatedversion of what they normally
wear on a day-to-day basis.
Right.
It's higher quality, it'sembellished, it's something that
(09:17):
is different that's gonna reallyelevate their outfit.
And then I have other clientsthat, uh, like you have not worn
dresses in years and reallythought that they were gonna
wear pants to their weddingbecause of that, uh, because
they, they found it hard to seethemselves.
In a dress, even though that'slike the ideal, right?
I was actually at a weddingdress appointment with a client
(09:39):
last week and they were set on ajumpsuit.
And of course there are nojumpsuits at wedding dress
shops, maybe one, and usuallythey're ugly.
But anyways, they wanted ajumpsuit.
So the idea was the dresses theywere trying on were going to be
converted into a jumpsuit, andmy client was.
Uh, tried on one of the dressesand was almost in tears and was
like, I like this as a dress somuch that I just wanna wear it
(10:03):
as a dress.
And for the first time in likethree years, they're gonna wear
a dress.
Mm-hmm.
And sometimes the world is solike messed up that like, maybe
you don't wear a dress for threeyears because you don't have the
confidence to wear a dress forthree years, but that doesn't
mean you shouldn't be wearingone on your wedding day, you
know?
At the same time, just becauselike you identify a certain way
(10:26):
or you present yourself normallya certain way, doesn't mean you
have to wear a dress on yourwedding day.
I think the social norms thatdictate formal wear are so
archaic and like if we justreally need to break that mold
to like make it okay to dowhatever you want, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I love that the social norms areindeed archaic.
(10:48):
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, I think, I think that makesa lot of sense.
And so, I mean, yeah, I, I wouldlove to just like kind of chat
about like queer wedding entire,like just dive a little bit
deeper.
I know you touched on it alittle bit in your intro just as
far as like.
How needed this is because noteverybody you know mm-hmm.
(11:10):
Fits into those certain boxes orthings like that.
But yeah.
Can you kind of just like givean overview of like.
What options are out there?
Maybe some cool things you'veseen and then we can dive into
the specifics.
Yeah.
Before we get into the, likewhat's an in-between option or
what is not traditional options?
I do wanna hold space for thepeople that are.
(11:34):
Wearing suits, but whom suitsare not designed for them to
wear.
Yeah, there's a lot of peoplewho don't fit into suits like
normally and aren't made fortheir types of bodies or
whatnot.
And similarly, there's a lot ofpeople who would like to wear
dresses.
Traditional wedding dresses andthey're just not made for their
bodies.
Maybe because they're assignedmale at birth, maybe because
(11:55):
they're plus size, whatever,right?
There's a number of reasons whyyou might fit in those gender
norms and still not find yourwedding attire.
So we hold space for thosepeople and we wanna live for
these people too.
But outside of that, there arestill a lot of people that want
to express themselves in waysthat are not part of the
traditional like suit or dressattire.
(12:17):
And.
The problem with social normsdictating traditional attire is
like the social norms are, youknow, uh, built through the
patriarchy and through whitesupremacy.
And so they're like inherentlytrying to suppress like, like
certain things, right?
They, that women shouldn't wearpants and they need to cover
(12:37):
their legs and, you know,whatever it is.
So it kind of still dictates thenorms of today.
But the question is, if youdon't fall into those like.
Gender norms for formal attire,what do you wear?
Because the social norm thatsays if you're outside of the
norm, it's not formal anymore.
What is your solution?
(12:59):
Mm-hmm.
So I think my, the problem thatI've had to begin to solve
recently is, is how to, how to,how to think about formal attire
in a way that is.
Socially acceptable as a queerperson that doesn't wanna
identify or can't fit into themold that people have prescribed
for us.
(13:19):
And I, my creative solution tothat is then well, like what are
formal events outside ofweddings is basically like the
red carpet or then that gala orwhatever, and they treat.
Formality and fashion verydifferently than we do at
weddings, and I like, like, whyis that?
(13:40):
Because Billy Porter can wear adress.
Slash suit on the red carpet andabsolutely slay and that's fine,
but it's not as sociallyacceptable to do that at your
wedding for some reason or why.
Does Billie Eilish wear at-shirt and shorts on the red
carpet?
And that's socially acceptable,but it's not socially acceptable
(14:01):
to wear a t-shirt and shorts toyour wedding.
Granted it's not.
An old ready T-shirt and shorts.
It's a Louis Vuitton shirt andshorts.
But my point is that we shouldreally be reformulating what we
think is formal in likeacceptable and formal occasions.
And.
Right now it's kind of beingheld back.
The wedding industry is reallyheld by tradition and the
(14:23):
fashion wedding industry isreally held by tradition.
So even though fashion itself isquite the opposite in terms of
innovation and wanting to do thenext big thing so I guess my
problem is trying to thinkcreatively about how we do these
things.
And because there are a lot ofqueer people who don't feel
comfortable in anything otherthan a t-shirt.
(14:44):
So how do we make a t-shirt?
Like your wedding attire.
I have a friend who's a designerin New York and actually is
incorporating a t-shirt into hisfirst collection of like wedding
attire.
So, because he knows that thosepeople exist that want that
comfort, you know?
Mm-hmm.
And I think part of the problemis that people don't have the
confidence to wear whatever theywant because the world is the
(15:08):
world, right?
And so part of the job is, isfinding.
Creative solutions to weddingattire, but part of the job is
also trying to uplift andempower people to be like, you
can wear whatever you want, it'syour day, but also you should
wear whatever you want on everyother day anyways.
And like kind of empoweringpeople to be more themselves and
(15:29):
just to be more them centric,which is.
I don't know, sounds like a hottake, but it's not, uh, to take
up more space, especially onyour wedding day.
It's your day.
So it's a little bit of a, it'sa little bit of like helping
people find these resources andhelping people think about the
fashion industry, but also justlike really empowering people to
(15:51):
be themselves and to reclaimthat day for themselves.
Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
You, I think you just like blewmy mind with like talking about
like the comparison of how thestandards are totally different
for something like a red carpetversus a wedding.
Yeah.
Like I've literally neverthought about it, but like that
(16:13):
is so true and it's like, yeah,you see a lot more.
People wearing things theywouldn't normally or dresses or
suits, whatever, like, yeah.
That is so interesting.
I also think what you said aboutlike empowering people to feel
more themselves and what feels,you know, comfortable and like
them is so accurate.
(16:35):
And also it brings to mind, Ijust did a recent episode on how
like.
Trends like as a whole can alsofeel like very straight and
heteronormative.
Mm-hmm.
And how sometimes it can betough as a queer person to like
go against it, right?
Because then you have to likeput more energy and you have to
(16:57):
like explain yourself.
You have to like do all thesethings.
So I guess I'm curious if youhave any like, tips for folks on
kind of navigating that when itcomes to what they're wearing.
I think that is a much biggerquestion than I'm able to solve
because that is like, uh, togive you an example, I, I
uninvited my parents to mywedding and I changed what I
(17:21):
wanted to wear after I uninvitedthem.
Not because I really cared whatthey thought, but like
subconsciously in the back of myhead I was like, I just don't
want to like.
Push the label and make problemsand create situations and like
put more effort in.
I don't want to make it morethan I needed to be.
(17:42):
And so because my parents arejust like not people who are
fully supportive in my life, andso I didn't want them at my
wedding, but that's not themoral of the story.
The moral of the story is whenyou.
Take those like pieces out ofyour wedding that are not fully
supportive or not fully you, itactually changes like the way
you look at attire and the waythat you look at it in terms of
(18:07):
a form of self-expression.
Because if people are limitingwho you are, you're not gonna
wanna express yourself.
And so I think that that's likea bigger question where it's
like.
Yeah, you don't wanna have toexplain yourself or step on
toes, but I like firmly believethat you just shouldn't be
inviting those people in thefirst place.
Hmm.
If they're gonna ruffle feathersby not inviting people to your
(18:29):
wedding, you might as well do itbefore your wedding.
Then on the day of when theystart, like quibbling about what
you're wearing.
Or if you start, go turninginward because, uh, you're like
embarrassed or you're not fullyfeeling yourself, like.
It's your day.
It is also the like most formalevent, biggest event of your
(18:50):
life.
Because most people don't go tothe MET Gala or the red carpet
or a celebrity whatever, right?
Mm-hmm.
That this is, this is your day.
It's not, I don't believe thatit's the best day of your life.
I'm not that kind of person.
But it could be, and it, youshould treat it as a very big
occasion.
It is a big deal.
I just think that everyonedeserves to like feel themselves
(19:12):
and be themselves.
And so yeah, it's like hard tofind wedding attire, but I also
just feel like don't take on theresponsibility of providing for
those people that take away fromwho you are.
On your wedding day, which is, Isaid, it's a much bigger problem
than I'm here to solve, but Ijust, I really, really believe
(19:35):
that like you can't fully beyourself if there are people
holding you back.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's so true.
Almost kind of like it's up toeach individual person and then
together as a couple to kind ofdecide like what.
(19:56):
Their capacity is.
Mm-hmm.
Like, I don't know, something Ifeel like I'm thinking is,
you're like doing a wedding tourand the person's like, oh, it's
two brides, or something likethat.
Like, of course we're inclusive.
Can't wait to see your dresses.
You know, like just things likethat where people are almost
like, mm-hmm.
Okay.
Is it more important to me tolike, you know, save my energy
(20:21):
for something else?
Or does it feel more importantto just kind of be like.
Just easier to do this.
Like, yeah.
So when I, when I got engaged,everyone was like, so, uh, are
you wearing a dress or pants?
And I'm like, does me gettingengaged to a woman that I've
been dating for seven yearschange my gender identity or
(20:43):
expression at all?
Like, no, it should not, itshould not.
Like.
But then I'm sitting there andI'm like, wow, well, I really
should just fucking be myself.
You know?
I like why it shouldn't changemy gender identity, but, but
also if I'm not expressingmyself who I am at that time,
(21:04):
when why not?
You know what I mean?
Uh, weddings are gonna rufflefeathers no matter what, even if
you do everything right.
Uh, quote unquote.
Right.
Uh, weddings are gonna rufflefeathers even when you're as
inclusive as you can.
Even if you're trying to be asaccommodating to everyone as you
can.
Even if you're trying to invitethe people you don't wanna
(21:25):
invite.
You're gonna ruffle feathers nomatter what.
Because for some reason peoplehave expectations and when
expectations are, are not met,people react really differently.
And it's really challenging tosee the ups and downs of
weddings because weddings arefunerals, like weddings are.
As much grieving as it is.
(21:46):
Celebrating.
Like weddings are really fuckingchallenging sometimes because
you take a lot of emotionalbaggage with you.
And I just, I, your wedding'sgonna be about you.
If you're gonna have a wedding,you might as well make it you,
you know?
You shouldn't hold a wedding forsomeone else, you know?
(22:07):
Yeah.
I love kind of what you calledout earlier too, that whatever
combination of things thatpeople wanna wear at their
wedding are like.
Great and totally acceptable.
And so I was thinking it couldbe interesting just to see if
you like, had any ideas orthings you wanted to share kind
of for several different combos.
(22:28):
So like, I don't know, I'm eventhinking, I've heard people say
things like, oh, if there aretwo people wearing dresses, like
you should be mindful of.
The, like, shades of light sothat they're not like making
one, I don't know, just likeanything kind of like that, that
comes to mind.
I personal preference, if you'reboth wearing dresses, just don't
(22:53):
make it the same neckline.
It can be the same silhouette,but I just sometimes think if
you have the same neckline, itlooks really, really like twins.
I was thinking about thisrecently because I have a client
couple, so two people who aregetting married and I'm styling
them both.
And I was wondering, even thoughthey have different inspiration
for what they wanna wear.
(23:13):
I was wondering if they shouldbe going to the same designer,
because they're both looking fora custom outfit.
Right.
And the, the pros and cons ofthat would be like, if you're
going to the same designer,obviously you're going to look
very unified.
You're gonna look like a com.
Like, like it was all wellthought out.
It's gonna be a lot harder tocoordinate something if it's two
(23:34):
different designers.
However you kind of.
Take away someone's of IndiIndividuality.
When you pick a designer thataligns with one person and out
the other.
So if they both align, that'sgreat, but you don't wanna take
away that individuality.
So my point in saying this is I,if you are both like really into
(23:54):
a high neckline, then wear thefreaking high neckline, you
know?
But I just really think thatsometimes people don't.
Dig deep enough to askthemselves like, what really
feels like me?
They kind of default to thingsthat they're used to and or they
expect, uh, that people wantthem to wear, you know,
something like that.
And I just think people kind ofget stuck especially, uh, in
(24:18):
like.
Relationships where peopleidentify the same people kind of
share personalities at a certainpoint.
And so it's not uncommon to picka similar dress if you're both
wearing dresses.
So I don't have any tips forlike matching colors.
Obviously, like if you wearchampagne dress in a pure snow
white dress, that contrast mightlook a little interesting and
(24:40):
not have the same bridal effectas it normally would.
Also, if you're gonna be happywearing that, just fucking wear
it.
You know what I mean?
I just, I really believe thatlike, if you're in touch with,
with, uh, personal style andyou're in touch with what you
love and expressing yourselfthrough fashion, you literally
can't go wrong.
You really can't go wrong.
(25:01):
Mm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Love that.
Yeah.
What about like things that I.
You like, loved or reallyenjoyed seeing if like two
people are wearing suits orthere's one of these?
I, what I really actually loveto see is just when people think
really creatively about it islike, I think.
(25:26):
Like the future of bridalfashion, in my opinion, is gonna
be like jackets, boleros capes,like those types of things
because it's a gender neutrallike garment like an overskirt
can be over pants.
It doesn't have to be overanother dress, you know?
I think there's a, and a lot ofpeople want the drama of a
(25:48):
dress, but not the femininity ofa dress.
And so I think like.
The, the, the creative ways tothink about it's how do you
incorporate the drama of the, ofa train, of a dress without
having a dress?
Like how do you get a trainwithout having a dress?
Is it a cape?
Is it an overskirt?
Is it, uh, you know, uh, reallylong sleeves?
(26:09):
You know how, uh, like long, 70sleeves and I just.
I think like thinking creativelyis the best way to do it because
I think a lot of people play itsafe and do what they think they
should be doing, or they worrytoo much about shades of white
or they worry too much aboutcomplimenting each other.
When I really think peopleshould turn inward and just
(26:30):
think about what makesthemselves happy, and then tell
a story with that and what yourpartner's wearing.
I see a lot of celebrities thatreally don't dress the as like.
They don't go off, they don'tlike dress as well as they
should at their wedding.
And I, I don't know what it is,but they are like way more
closed off.
(26:50):
And I just feel like there's alot of people who don't express
themselves enough at theirwedding.
And so I would just reallyencourage everyone to like, I.
Explore, do a lot ofinspiration, like looking at a
lot of inspiration and thinkingabout what is out there because
there's a lot of possibilitiesand it's not just like suit and
(27:10):
dress.
So, you can play with color, youcan play with texture, you can
play with the fabrics, you canplay with silhouettes and pants
and skirts and anything.
Jackets and corsets andanything, you can literally play
with it all.
So I think that's, it's reallyfun when people get creative.
I wouldn't worry too much aboutit if it feels like you.
It's good.
(27:32):
Yeah.
Are there some things that likeyou have like seen recently or
see like popping up that arelike, just super fun and
interesting in terms of.
Styling.
I think something that's reallyinteresting is, well, there's,
(27:52):
there's more brands doing,having inclusive styling.
When I say inclusive styling, Imean they're incorporating a
little bit more of pants.
Uh, they aren't necessarilybeing inclusive in their
representation of people wearingthose clothes, but it's fine.
Uh, but I wanted to note that, Ithink the more fun things.
(28:12):
And the new shift that we'reseeing is like for the wedding
party.
And'cause I think that's alsoreally hard and that's something
that I do sometimes as well.
And so I wanna talk about itbecause people are in a wedding
party way more than they'regetting married.
And it's hard in a wedding partywhen everyone wants to be
identical because if you're nota dress girl and everyone's
wearing a dress and everyone'swearing an identical dress on
(28:35):
top of it, you're really gonnastick out and you're trying not
to stick out in a wedding partyusually.
And.
So that gets really challenging.
So I would really encourageanyone who's going to get
married to not put too manyrules around what people are
wearing.
Uh, leave it a little bitopen-ended if you wanna dictate
colors, dictate colors butreally let people experiment
(28:57):
with what they find.
What they find formal and likegreat.
And like try to coordinate itafter the fact.
Let your wedding party wearcapes and vests and pants and
whatever.
Because I think a wedding partyis an archaic like understanding
of like weddings anyways, thatthere are only girls on the
(29:20):
girls side and boys on the boysside.
It's kind of weird and notreally modern.
And not really the case anymore.
So I don't know why bridalparties are still a thing, but I
think that if you're someonewho's having a wedding, if
you're not putting the pressureon queer people to do something
(29:42):
different when everyone else isdoing what the traditional norm
is, really ostracizes queerpeople further.
So I just like would reallyencourage anyone who's like
getting married soon to thinkabout in their wedding party.
To encourage more than just thequeer people to think outside
the box.
Because I think that wouldreally, really change the game.
Some things that people do thatI think do think outside the box
(30:05):
that could be like gender fluidthings are I.
Scarves or like an ascot, youknow, like something around your
neck that's not necessarily aformal like men traditional
men's tie.
Or like a bolo tie.
Those are very, I would seethose are gender neutral.
Stuff around your neck.
Capes are definitely genderneutral.
I think the style of the cape islike sometimes feminine and
(30:27):
sometimes max masculine, but Ithink.
Tapes can be that gender neutraland also monochrome outfits are
always formal no matter what.
So I think that's like a genderneutral way to do like a wedding
party.
As long as your like outfitsmatching.
If it's separate, it's fine, youknow?
Wow.
I love even just being able toask that question.
(30:47):
How did you say it?
Like how do you view formal,like that's so.
I don't know.
I, I, it's like something Iwould never think about, but
like even just being asked thatand being like, oh yeah, what do
I think?
Like, that's such a good way tokind of kick things off.
So, yeah.
I love that.
So kind of like, as we startwrapping up, for folks listening
(31:10):
who are like, yes, Katie, yougot me.
I love this.
Like, I'm, I really wanna trysomething different.
I like wanna, you know, maybeget outside of my comfort zone.
But like, there's so manyoptions, like mm-hmm.
How do you usually tell peopleto kind of start.
Like narrowing in, like, am Ileaning more towards pants?
(31:31):
Am I leaning more towards adress, but a different neckline?
Like how does, how do you, howdoes one even do that?
I think there's a lot lessoptions than you think.
Mostly for gender fluid attire.
Like I said, there's no, there'sno prescribed process for
finding gender fluid wettingattire like there is for a
(31:52):
traditional fem like dress or atraditional mask.
Tuck suit, what have you.
And so things start to pile ontop of each other.
The limitations start to add upbecause there's like a budget
limitation, which reallyeliminates a lot of options.
Uh, there's a size limitationbecause when you're dealing with
smaller budgets, your odds areyou're not dealing with a custom
(32:15):
measurement situation, whichmeans like you're stuck to the
standard measurements of thebrand, which are.
Most of the time, not inclusive.
And then there's the whole,well, what color do you wanna
wear?
You know, that's when you, Imean, then there's also like,
are you, are you disabled whereyou have to have a certain type
(32:36):
of attire?
You know?
And like you get to a pointwhere once you finally get to
choose what you're wearing, youare at a very much smaller like
pool of options.
So I find it is actually really,really easy to narrow down what
you're gonna wear because onceyou start having, once you start
getting into the field of thisis the universe of what I can
(32:59):
choose from and have personalpreferences from based upon all
the things I can't control Ithink things start to make a
little bit more sense, such aslike, I want a cape, but all the
capes are$4,000 and my budget is$2,000.
Like, then you might be stuckwith.
Maybe we have to find one onEtsy or maybe we have to like
(33:20):
find one resale and then youmight have to like give on color
because it's not necessarily,it's something that's in your
budget, you know?
And it's really just problemsolving until you can find
something that fits the bill.
And I think that it's reallytragic that there are not more
options out there, because Ithink typical people,
traditional people.
(33:40):
Even the privileged people havehave options.
They have all the options in theworld.
And so I just, I don't thinkthere's, there's that much out
there that is going to fit allof the intersections of those
limitations.
Oftentimes it's like.
How do you maximize the amountof options that you have with
(34:03):
all the limitations that youhave And like, that's what I do,
right?
Like that's what I do, is I'mhere to like give you all the
resources to show you that thereare more options so that you
don't have to default to addresswhen you don't feel comfortable
wearing one.
Or you don't have to default toa suit when you want something a
little bit more feminine.
That's what I do.
I mean, I literally just.
Research and research andresearch and try to find more
(34:24):
and more and more in multipledifferent kinds of budgets so
that people can have moreoptions.
Like, that's pretty much all Ido.
To answer your question, like ifyou had all the money in the
world and you were optimally thesize that people normally have
and you didn't have any likedisability that limited what
(34:44):
kind of clothes that you couldwear, what have you, right?
And you had all the options inthe world.
I think the best place to startfor finding what you wanna wear
is think about what you reallyfind joy in, and not necessarily
what kind of fashion do you findjoy in, because I don't think a
lot of people know the answer tothat question.
(35:04):
But like I, for example, findjoy in like bright colors.
But that doesn't necessarilymean I'm gonna be like wearing
bright colors at the weddingbecause I don't know, I wanna
wear white.
But my point is to start withthe things that you really find
inspirational, that you find joyin.
I have a client who fi who,whose inspiration board is the
(35:28):
intersection between MeganRapino and David Bowie, and it's
awesome.
And like that Venn diagram likecreating like.
The structure and the geometryand the, the, the silhouette of
David Bowie.
But adding onto like the, thestyle of Megan Rapinoe is
(35:49):
actually so easy.
It is so clear in my brain whatthat looks like.
And that is like one of theeasiest inspo words I've ever
had to put together becausesomebody said, I'm inspired by
these two things, which is.
David Bowie and the structure oftheir attire and Meghan Rapinoe
style.
Granted, those are thingsdirectly related to fashion, but
(36:10):
I also had someone give me amood board that had like graphic
design and paintings on it.
That has nothing to do withfashion, but when you're
conveying an emotion, there's away to translate that into
attire, and I think that's.
If you have all the options inthe world, I think you should
probably get a stylist becauseit would be really challenging
to translate what you love intofashion if you're not used to
(36:33):
it.
Yeah.
So kind of starting out with aMarie Kondo approach, like does
it bring joy?
Oh, 100%.
Yeah.
I mean that, I think that is howyou should approach everyday
fashion anyways is like whatreally brings you joy?
What doesn't push your, whatpushes the boundaries without
pushing your limits, you know?
(36:53):
You don't wanna overstep yourown boundaries, but you also
wanna push yourself to like bechallenged in your every day and
like create new things.
Really return to like the art,the things that moves, move you,
you know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Well, so on that note I will besure to share all of your
information in the show notes,but how can people work with
(37:16):
you?
Where can people find you?
I am on TikTok and Instagram atPortrait of a Bride on Fire and.
The link in my bio will have myother relevant links, which will
lead you to my website, mycontact form, all the different
things.
But I just, I, uh, and I wannasay that having a, working with
(37:40):
a stylist one-on-one is not theonly thing that I offer because
that's like obviously a reallychallenging thing to afford for
most people.
I really do work with otherpeople's budgets and I can
tailor a service to be like.
Into your budget and make itwork, make sense for you?
Because I genuinely think thatlike you should not exclude
(38:01):
people just'cause they can'tafford your services.
No.
It's like, how do I thinkcreatively about creating a
service so that it works forboth of us?
Like I would, I'm really open toworking with people, so if
people, my prices are on mywebsite, but again, that's just
like.
With one-on-one work that's notwith tailored packages for
making it work for other people.
So, I just wanna remind peopleof that and.
(38:24):
Also just tag me in anything youwant me to see, because I would
love to see your queer outfitsand like your Met gala moments,
and that would really bring mejoy, so, oh, I love that.
Oh my gosh, yes.
Absolutely.
Well thank you so, so much.
It has been so fun chatting withyou.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.