June 18, 2025 • 27 mins
How is everyone holding up? This week we check in about all that's happening, learn about the lesbian flag and have a little bit of an uncomfortable conversation on something I get a little firey about. Specifically: the way some straight vendors get excited about photographing queer weddings not because they care about our community, but because it makes them look cool, inclusive, or “good.”
olive's tiktok where I learned about the lesbian flag - follow them!
Other BIPOC folks you should follow (by no means is this comprehensive, please share your favs with me on instagram!!!!)
The intro and all instrumentals were written, sung and recorded by @JaynaDavisMusic
Queerly Beloved, I'm so glad you joined!
Please keep the community going by checking me out on instagram @wildlyconnectedphoto and co
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Queer beloved.
Hey y'all.
How we doing?
How's everybody holding up?
Coming into you feeling a littlebit embarrassed because it's
been a month, uh, since I'veposted my last episode and I'm
realizing that I have thisreally bad habit of.
Always forgetting to mentionthat, uh, it's wedding season
(00:22):
and that therefore means I'll bea little bit more behind than
usual on my posting schedule.
So sorry about that.
But wedding season is indeed infull swing which is super
exciting.
I've already shot quite a fewthis year and it's just been
such an honor and, and so muchfun.
(00:42):
So don't worry, I will still beposting this summer.
It'll just be a little bit moredelayed.
But I do have some cool episodesplanned for the coming weeks, so
hopefully you'll stick with meand, and keep tuning in.
Yeah, just also on the note ofupdates, yeah, what, what a wild
weekend, uh, coming away fromthis past weekend.
(01:06):
I know that I have listenershere in Minnesota, but kind of
all over.
So.
If you're not familiar obviouslythis weekend I had so much going
on, uh, with the no Kingsprotests going on nationwide.
But also in Minnesota we had theadded layer of a shooter
attacking our staterepresentatives killing two and
(01:31):
injuring another, uh, couple.
And yeah, it just, it.
Has felt so heavy here.
Yeah, I mean also just forcontext van Spelter I believe
it's been revealed, but the oand his name is silent.
The shooter from Minnesota livesabout eight blocks away from me.
(01:54):
And so.
Yeah, it's just that extra addedlayer of I personally haven't
seen him on our street, but myneighbors have seen him walking
around our neighborhood and heis very openly anti L-G-B-T-Q
and, you know, I have a, a flagin our yard and, a little queer
(02:17):
like mat on our front step.
So just thinking about that hasbeen a little bit eerie knowing
that we, I mean, I, I drive pasthis house pretty much every day.
And yeah, just that added layerthen of on Saturday there was so
many cops around our house andhelicopters circling around our.
(02:38):
Around our street for hours andjust super eerie.
And I did go to the protest on,on Saturday as well.
And you know, of course justthat added extra layer of
knowing that he had not yet beencaught.
So anyway, all that is to saylike, uh, yeah, on top of that
(03:00):
also, photographed a wedding onFriday protested Saturday, had
another wedding to photograph onon Sunday with the added layer
of it, like being Father's Dayon Sunday and knowing that that
is a little bit complicatedsometimes.
For myself personally, I knowfor many other people as well.
So, yeah, it just, it's been awild weekend, but.
(03:22):
I'd really like to just, yeah.
Focus on, yeah, the world iscrazy, but they're estimating
that with the nationwide protestand all the numbers combined,
that this is one of, if not thebiggest protest, nationwide
protest that the US has seen.
(03:42):
Don't quote me on that becausethat may not be the case
anymore, but I was seeing someearly reports coming out that
that might be true.
And so, if you win, awesome.
Like, you know, great forshowing up.
I think, I think it was soimportant and hopefully that,
you know, gives us all a littlebit of hope just to see like,
(04:03):
okay, wow, there are so manypeople who are.
Who are in this together and whoare feeling the same way I'm
feeling and who are not coolwith what he's doing and what's
happening in our country.
So in that regard, I hope thatit filled you with hope and
gives you energy to keep showingup.
(04:24):
I know it's really exhausting tojust like survive sometimes
being in this world especiallyif you're here as a person of
color or you're here as a queeror trans person.
Like all those extra layers.
Yeah, sometimes it's reallyhard.
I actually just recently put outan Instagram.
(04:48):
Kind of q and a too, to justlearn from all of you how you
are all taking care ofyourselves and, and balancing
sort of that, that hardbalancing act of you know,
needing to show up and be a partof the fight that's happening.
And also recognizing like wecan't be everything always and
(05:08):
sort of finding out what.
Works for us.
And I think, yeah, many peoplejust really touched on the
importance of balance.
Finding things that like you caninvite into your daily routine,
whether that's like setting up amonthly donation or doing some
sort of monthly volunteering.
(05:29):
And then in addition to findingsometimes these bigger things
like showing up for protests andthings like that too.
So.
One thing I really wanted tohighlight the A CLU has been
around for a long time andthey're doing great work.
They are continuing to fightback against Trump, and even now
(05:49):
with the recent rulings inTennessee that is greatly
affecting folks access to genderaffirming care and things like
that.
So I would highly recommend.
Even just following along withthem on social media and also
consider donating to theircause.
I know that that was mentionedat the, the protests this past
(06:11):
Saturday.
Just how important their work isright now.
And I just, yeah, I know thatnot.
Everybody can show up toprotest.
And I know not everybody has themeans to donate.
So it, it really is just kind ofthinking about that and
something I'm always thinkingabout too.
So anyway, I know this is areally long intro but I think at
(06:35):
this point, for those of you whohave been around for a while, I
can't.
Not start an episode withoutacknowledging like, what's
happening in the world, becausethat shapes so much of what
happens in our community andit's just, it's really important
to keep talking about it.
And so, yeah, that's my introfor the week.
(06:57):
I hope you all are taking careof yourselves and continuing to
try to find community that youcan support and also have
support you in these times aswell.
So I don't know that there'sreally like a great way to
transition, but I guess too, ifyou're new here, hello, I'm Anna
you.
(07:17):
She, her pronouns, I run wildlyconnected photography and I'm
just super passionate aboutcapturing and elevating queer
love.
So thanks so much everybody forjoining today.
And without further ado, we aregoing to jump into this
episode's No, homo.
(07:38):
Which again, if you're new it isKNOW as in no homo.
Where we are on a journey tolearn more about our community,
our history, our roots, and ourfuture as well.
So this week I wanted to talkabout the lesbian flag.
And this week's no home.
It was courtesy.
Courtesy of Digital Olive onTikTok, who is a black queer
(08:02):
content creator.
Please follow Olive.
I will link them in the shownotes.
And also just wanting to takethis time to please, please
remember to this Pride Monthsupport and.
Elevate and highlight folks ofcolor this month and every
month.
Support your wedding vendors ofcolor, support your bipoc
(08:24):
content creators.
It's just.
It's always important, let me beso clear.
But it's really, reallyimportant that we continue to
support our Bipoc friends andneighbors in this time.
So I'm gonna link some of myfavorite content creators in the
show notes.
I highly recommend you followand listen and learn and
(08:45):
celebrate them.
If.
You are listening and you fallinto that category and you wanna
shout out, like, please let meknow.
I'd love to shout you out andhighlight you.
Or if you're listening and havesome folks you really love, like
please DM them to me at wildlyconnected photo on Instagram.
I would also love to highlightthem.
(09:05):
So yeah, this came from.
The TikTok, which once again Iwill link in the show notes.
And yeah, basically kind of justthe history of the lesbian flag,
which as you all know, part ofthe reason I have this series is
because in a lot of ways I stillfeel like a baby gay just
because I grew up so shelteredand I didn't.
(09:28):
Actually ended up coming outuntil 2021.
So just like four years ago.
And so there's a lot that I'mstill learning.
And so in my mind, I honestlydidn't like, I kind of just
assumed our flag has been whatit's always been.
But actually the original flag.
Which is like a deep purple.
Then there's an upside downblack triangle and then like a
(09:50):
white ax in the middle.
This was created back in 1999 bya gay artist named Sean
Campbell.
With all of those pieces of theflag being references to
important parts of Suffolkculture like one of those things
being that the, the triangle isa reference to how lesbians and
queers were, kind of called outduring Nazi times.
(10:14):
So I think between the fact thatthe flag was created by a man
and some of those sort of sad ornegative associations people
were interested in somethingdifferent.
And so then in 2010, uh, NatalieMcCrae created the lipstick
Lesbian Pride flag which is verysimilar to our current pride
flag, but there was like alittle set of lips on one of the
(10:36):
upper corners and since then hasbeen found out that Natalie is
associated with biphobia andtransphobia, which we hate
around here.
And some people just didn'treally love the term like
lipstick, lesbian or superassociate with kind of the
feminine vibes that came withthat.
(10:57):
Which is kind of how we came tobe with the 2018 flag that, uh,
non-binary lesbian Emily Gwencreated.
So shout out Emily.
Thanks for creating this.
And then lastly there's kind oflike a little breakdown of what
each of the colors mean.
So dark orange is gendernonconformity, coral orange is
independence.
Pale oranges community.
(11:19):
White stripe is unique.
Relationships to womanhood.
The pinkish purple is serenityand peace.
Dark purple.
Pink is love and sex and thedeep magenta is for femininity.
So super interesting.
I love learning about this kindof stuff, and I hope that you
all do too.
And like I said, go listen toOlive on TikTok.
(11:42):
She uses any pronouns but isdoing a really cool series on
something very similar to whatI'm doing.
So definitely be sure to gocheck them out.
Okay, so this week's episode, ifyou are following me on
Instagram, you may have seen my,one of my more recent Instagram
posts where I kind of talk aboutjust some things that I've
(12:07):
noticed over time.
As being an openly gay weddingvendor and sort of going a
little bit deeper than theclassic, like, okay.
Yeah.
We know like every June, likepeople like roll out, roll out
all their pride stuff and likepeople wait till June to like
(12:28):
post the one queer wedding theydid like five years ago.
Like, stuff like that.
You know, I kind of alreadytalked about that a little bit
in, in previous episodes, but Ithink just something I've
noticed as a queer weddingphotographer, I've seen
firsthand what it looks likewhen vendors show up just to
kind of make themselves lookgood and not actually support
(12:51):
us.
Yeah, I think something I'veseen a lot is.
Uh, photographer, I mean vendorsin general, but, you know, I do
talk with a lot morephotographers specifically.
Just'cause, you know, that's me,that's my, that's who I interact
with a lot.
Hearing them talk to mespecifically, not even
(13:13):
necessarily like.
You know, in passing or onlineor whatever, but like, talking
to me specifically and basicallybeing like, oh yeah, I just
wanted to let you know, likeI'm, I'm shooting this gay
wedding and I'm like so excitedfor it.
Like, oh, I just can't wait tolike change it up and like have
something different and like,I'm really excited and I know
(13:36):
you're probably thinking Anna,okay, what's the big deal?
They're excited.
Great.
Like stop being petty.
Move on.
I hear you.
But I think when you start tosee this pattern developing over
time, people aren't just sayinglike, yay, gay wedding, so fun.
They are saying it in a waythat's laced with them wanting
(14:01):
to get good human points from meor for me to be like, wow, you
are such a great person forbeing excited to shoot one gay
wedding.
Awesome.
And I think this is, this istrue for guests as well and
other vendors, but yeah, eventhinking about guests like them
(14:22):
coming and saying, wow, I'mgoing to a gay wedding is not so
cool and so progressive of me tonot only get the invite to the
wedding, but like to be able toshow people like, wow, I have a
gay friend.
Like what does that say aboutme?
And, and then obviously that'strue for vendors too.
Like what is this mephotographing this gay wedding
(14:42):
say about me?
And so I think that's somethingthat I picked up on over time.
And again, I know you're like,okay, are you just like
nitpicking things at this point?
But it's like.
The whole reason that I havethis podcast is for us to
continue to learn and grow.
And because I will continue toask us all to do better because
(15:03):
I know we can.
And if we can continue to dothat for our straight
counterparts, then I'm gonna askthat we do that for, for our
queer community, but to also goabove and beyond that.
And so I really just wanted totalk about this concept that
I've been picking up on.
That.
I think sometimes people arejust like riding on the vibes of
(15:26):
like, well, yeah, of course.
Like I'm not homophobic.
Like of course I ju a gaywedding.
Actually I have one next monthand it's the one I'm most
excited about because it justwill like change at my
portfolio.
Like the problem here is that.
It centers yourself in queerweddings.
(15:48):
Queer couples aren't props.
They're not there to be content,they're not there to be
diversity check boxes.
And that's what it comes acrossas.
And so.
It is not about whether you canphotograph a queer wedding.
It's about why you want to andhow you show up before, during,
(16:09):
and after.
And I felt that was reallyimportant to say because as I
kind of said in my Instagramposts, which I can also link in
the show notes, if you haven'tyet seen it, being excited to
photograph a queer weddingdoesn't make you an ally, but
like doing the work when no oneelse is watching is what really
(16:30):
does.
And I think the problem issometimes too, is that people
who are in the wedding space inparticular have this really
weird like.
Uh, well, like I, you know, I'mlike, I am in the wedding space
and like all we do is talk aboutlove and like that's what I'm
here for.
Like, I'm not going to like makemy page into all these other
(16:52):
things.
And it's like, okay, but youdon't realize that like by you
taking on a queer wedding.
And if you're wanting to do thatin a way that is authentic and
genuine and in a way that willactually support this couple,
like that is unfortunately intoday's day and age, inherently
political.
It is because even now we'reliving in this time where,
(17:16):
especially for our transbrothers and sisters and
siblings, like they are underconstant attack.
You know, there have been timesthroughout this year where.
Threats on gay marriage havecome up and we're likely to
continue to come up over thenext three and a half years.
And so you can't just show up toa gay wedding, photograph it and
(17:38):
be like, oh, love, but I'm notgonna do anything to support
you.
And being able to.
Keep this marriage that you justspent, you know, probably
thousands of dollars to do and,and hired me to do because I
don't wanna make peopleuncomfortable and I don't wanna
talk about it.
Like those two things do not gohand in hand.
You can't just like post a queerwedding at the start of pride to
(18:02):
be like.
Yes, love is love.
Like hire me if you're gaywedding, I'll do it.
And then never haveconversations with people.
Never do any of the work interms of calling legislatures or
making sure that there aren't,you know, harmful laws that are
getting passed without doinganything about them.
(18:23):
Having hard conversations withvendors who might have said
something homophobic likeactually.
Really showing up.
Like it just, it's not the vibe,sis not in 2025.
Not ever, but come on now.
Like, yeah, you can't just gofor, go for the aesthetics.
(18:44):
You have to really like show upfor the reality of what it
means.
And I think like this sameconcept can be applied to lots
of other folks too.
Like, you know, photographing.
Bipoc weddings and whatpotentially comes with that and
the unique cha challenges thatthose couples face.
(19:05):
Like that's real you like, youcan't, I think what I'm trying
to get at is that I.
This is something that I've beennoticing for a long time, but I
think it's made itselfabundantly clear over the last
couple of weeks as the state ofour world has just gotten
increasingly more tense with somuch happening with war and
(19:29):
bills and the loss of democracyand on and on, like, and seeing
so much of the wedding vendorcommunity.
Not wanna talk about it or shareanything about it.
And it's like homies.
I don't know how to tell youthat this will eventually affect
you too, if you don't take thetime to like have hard
conversations.
(19:49):
Like in my mind, I just feellike we are past the point of
just posting pretty pictures.
Like I get that, you know.
When you signed up to doweddings in your head you were
just like, yeah, I'm just herefor like good vibes, pretty
photos, you know, working ondays when people's like, really
(20:14):
people are really happy.
I get it.
Like, that's what you signed upfor.
But like the world is shiftingand I feel it's our job as
vendors and participants in thewedding space to shift and to
grow as the world does.
And I just, I really think thatour wedding industry will fail
or at, you know, potentiallyjust stay very stagnant if we
(20:38):
can't take the time to have hardconversations with our vendors.
And you know, I do recognizethat there are still people who,
who still need to have thosebaseline conversations of like.
You know, Hey, please don't behomophobic.
Like please be doing that.
That's great.
(20:58):
But for those of us who arealready there, I mean, yes,
congrats, good job.
You're above baseline.
But then it's like, okay, howcan we keep growing?
And for me, that's just like,you can't just post a picture in
in June.
You can't just.
Say that you're excited to shoota gay wedding because it's
(21:20):
different from what you normallydo.
And think that that makes you agood person and a good vendor
and that that will be the thingthat all of a sudden every gay
person flocks you to shoot theirwedding.
Like you have to show up.
And I think, I think part ofthat too can really just be
like.
(21:41):
Posting things on your feed oron your story that are good
conversation starters.
Like it doesn't always have tobe this whole dramatic thing of
like you're at a wedding andsomeone says something, you call
them out and you have this wholefist fight about it.
Or like getting into dm,someone's dms and telling them
they're a terrible person.
Like, no, like it honestly justis all of us collectively like
(22:03):
asking us to do better.
And yeah, I don't know.
I just, I, I really have beenpicking up on that over the last
few years and also picking up onwhen people just aren't saying
anything.
And I think that's somethingthat like couples aren't always
like privy to in the same sensethat like we interacting in the
(22:23):
wedding vendor space together.
See, but like, that's even morethe reason to do it.
Like, just because your couplescan't see you doing something,
then you should go do it more.
Go do it again.
Go post the thing again.
Have a conversation with someoneagain, show up to a protest
again.
Like that's even more thereason.
(22:44):
So as you can probably tell, Iget really fired up about this.
Because I truly care about thequeer community and about the
couples who, who we are, youknow, get to have the honor of
capturing their story.
And I think that doesn't comelightly.
It might come with joy, but Idon't think it comes lightly.
And I think just also being inthe interesting position that
(23:08):
I'm in of.
Just being so open about myqueerness and I love that it's,
I literally would never changewhat I'm doing or take that away
from my business, but I thinkthat also, you know, opens me up
to some more interestingconversations where, yeah, it's
(23:29):
like this vibe of peopleexpecting me to congratulate
them for being excited to shoota gay wedding.
Or just like saying weird thingsabout gay weddings in front of
me in hopes that like, I'll givethem a pass or something.
Like, I don't know.
It, it is just been interesting,but I'm simmering down.
(23:49):
Hopefully you caught my drift.
And I'm, I'm always happy tochat more about this.
I don't wanna say that like.
I, I hope that what I just saiddoesn't, you know, tell people
I'm not open to conversations.
I really am.
Like that's, that's why I dothis podcast.
I am willing to have thoseconversations because this isn't
about canceling people.
(24:10):
It's an invitation to do better.
You don't have to be perfect.
Certainly not.
I know I'm not, are you kiddingme?
I'm the farthest thing fromperfect.
I know I always have so much tolearn and grow.
Obviously even made clear bywhat I'm doing with my new no
homo segment.
And if this made you feeluncomfortable, that's not a bad
(24:33):
thing.
Let me just say that again.
If you feel uncomfortable.
Sit with it.
Ask what your true intentionsare and if they need to shift.
And if you feel defensive, askyourself why?
Like, why are you feeling ifyou're like upset about me
(24:54):
saying you can't just like, belike, oh, I'm excited to shoot a
gay wedding and then leave it atthat.
And that makes you upset.
Like why is that?
Is that because.
You're realizing that maybe thathas been you, and if so, that's
okay.
Like, like I said, it's aninvitation.
I'm not here to cancel people.
I just want you to sit with itand then decide what you wanna
(25:17):
do.
And I can't tell you exactlywhat that looks like.
I can tell you.
It doesn't have to be, yeah,like some Instagram announcement
or something like that.
I think it could just be.
Shifting how you have thoseconversations around queer
weddings and shifting how youtalk to people about them
shifting how you talk to your,to your queer couples that you
(25:39):
are serving.
I don't have the exact rightanswer for every single person,
but I just do invite you tothink about it.
So.
That is all I have for you guysthis week.
Like I said, I still have moreepisodes coming.
They'll be a little bit moresporadic over these next few
months as I am in full weddingseason and also planning my own
(26:01):
wedding.
But I hope you all will keepshowing up.
And like I said, my dms arealways open.
So please reach out and I hopeyou all have an amazing day.
Queer beloved.
Hey y'all.
How we doing?
How's everybody holding up?
Coming into you feeling a littlebit embarrassed because it's
been a month, uh, since I'veposted my last episode and I'm
realizing that I have thisreally bad habit of.
Always forgetting to mentionthat, uh, it's wedding season
(00:22):
and that therefore means I'll bea little bit more behind than
usual on my posting schedule.
So sorry about that.
But wedding season is indeed infull swing which is super
exciting.
I've already shot quite a fewthis year and it's just been
such an honor and, and so muchfun.
(00:42):
So don't worry, I will still beposting this summer.
It'll just be a little bit moredelayed.
But I do have some cool episodesplanned for the coming weeks, so
hopefully you'll stick with meand, and keep tuning in.
Yeah, just also on the note ofupdates, yeah, what, what a wild
weekend, uh, coming away fromthis past weekend.
(01:06):
I know that I have listenershere in Minnesota, but kind of
all over.
So.
If you're not familiar obviouslythis weekend I had so much going
on, uh, with the no Kingsprotests going on nationwide.
But also in Minnesota we had theadded layer of a shooter
attacking our staterepresentatives killing two and
(01:31):
injuring another, uh, couple.
And yeah, it just, it.
Has felt so heavy here.
Yeah, I mean also just forcontext van Spelter I believe
it's been revealed, but the oand his name is silent.
The shooter from Minnesota livesabout eight blocks away from me.
(01:54):
And so.
Yeah, it's just that extra addedlayer of I personally haven't
seen him on our street, but myneighbors have seen him walking
around our neighborhood and heis very openly anti L-G-B-T-Q
and, you know, I have a, a flagin our yard and, a little queer
(02:17):
like mat on our front step.
So just thinking about that hasbeen a little bit eerie knowing
that we, I mean, I, I drive pasthis house pretty much every day.
And yeah, just that added layerthen of on Saturday there was so
many cops around our house andhelicopters circling around our.
(02:38):
Around our street for hours andjust super eerie.
And I did go to the protest on,on Saturday as well.
And you know, of course justthat added extra layer of
knowing that he had not yet beencaught.
So anyway, all that is to saylike, uh, yeah, on top of that
(03:00):
also, photographed a wedding onFriday protested Saturday, had
another wedding to photograph onon Sunday with the added layer
of it, like being Father's Dayon Sunday and knowing that that
is a little bit complicatedsometimes.
For myself personally, I knowfor many other people as well.
So, yeah, it just, it's been awild weekend, but.
(03:22):
I'd really like to just, yeah.
Focus on, yeah, the world iscrazy, but they're estimating
that with the nationwide protestand all the numbers combined,
that this is one of, if not thebiggest protest, nationwide
protest that the US has seen.
(03:42):
Don't quote me on that becausethat may not be the case
anymore, but I was seeing someearly reports coming out that
that might be true.
And so, if you win, awesome.
Like, you know, great forshowing up.
I think, I think it was soimportant and hopefully that,
you know, gives us all a littlebit of hope just to see like,
(04:03):
okay, wow, there are so manypeople who are.
Who are in this together and whoare feeling the same way I'm
feeling and who are not coolwith what he's doing and what's
happening in our country.
So in that regard, I hope thatit filled you with hope and
gives you energy to keep showingup.
(04:24):
I know it's really exhausting tojust like survive sometimes
being in this world especiallyif you're here as a person of
color or you're here as a queeror trans person.
Like all those extra layers.
Yeah, sometimes it's reallyhard.
I actually just recently put outan Instagram.
(04:48):
Kind of q and a too, to justlearn from all of you how you
are all taking care ofyourselves and, and balancing
sort of that, that hardbalancing act of you know,
needing to show up and be a partof the fight that's happening.
And also recognizing like wecan't be everything always and
(05:08):
sort of finding out what.
Works for us.
And I think, yeah, many peoplejust really touched on the
importance of balance.
Finding things that like you caninvite into your daily routine,
whether that's like setting up amonthly donation or doing some
sort of monthly volunteering.
(05:29):
And then in addition to findingsometimes these bigger things
like showing up for protests andthings like that too.
So.
One thing I really wanted tohighlight the A CLU has been
around for a long time andthey're doing great work.
They are continuing to fightback against Trump, and even now
(05:49):
with the recent rulings inTennessee that is greatly
affecting folks access to genderaffirming care and things like
that.
So I would highly recommend.
Even just following along withthem on social media and also
consider donating to theircause.
I know that that was mentionedat the, the protests this past
(06:11):
Saturday.
Just how important their work isright now.
And I just, yeah, I know thatnot.
Everybody can show up toprotest.
And I know not everybody has themeans to donate.
So it, it really is just kind ofthinking about that and
something I'm always thinkingabout too.
So anyway, I know this is areally long intro but I think at
(06:35):
this point, for those of you whohave been around for a while, I
can't.
Not start an episode withoutacknowledging like, what's
happening in the world, becausethat shapes so much of what
happens in our community andit's just, it's really important
to keep talking about it.
And so, yeah, that's my introfor the week.
(06:57):
I hope you all are taking careof yourselves and continuing to
try to find community that youcan support and also have
support you in these times aswell.
So I don't know that there'sreally like a great way to
transition, but I guess too, ifyou're new here, hello, I'm Anna
you.
(07:17):
She, her pronouns, I run wildlyconnected photography and I'm
just super passionate aboutcapturing and elevating queer
love.
So thanks so much everybody forjoining today.
And without further ado, we aregoing to jump into this
episode's No, homo.
(07:38):
Which again, if you're new it isKNOW as in no homo.
Where we are on a journey tolearn more about our community,
our history, our roots, and ourfuture as well.
So this week I wanted to talkabout the lesbian flag.
And this week's no home.
It was courtesy.
Courtesy of Digital Olive onTikTok, who is a black queer
(08:02):
content creator.
Please follow Olive.
I will link them in the shownotes.
And also just wanting to takethis time to please, please
remember to this Pride Monthsupport and.
Elevate and highlight folks ofcolor this month and every
month.
Support your wedding vendors ofcolor, support your bipoc
(08:24):
content creators.
It's just.
It's always important, let me beso clear.
But it's really, reallyimportant that we continue to
support our Bipoc friends andneighbors in this time.
So I'm gonna link some of myfavorite content creators in the
show notes.
I highly recommend you followand listen and learn and
(08:45):
celebrate them.
If.
You are listening and you fallinto that category and you wanna
shout out, like, please let meknow.
I'd love to shout you out andhighlight you.
Or if you're listening and havesome folks you really love, like
please DM them to me at wildlyconnected photo on Instagram.
I would also love to highlightthem.
(09:05):
So yeah, this came from.
The TikTok, which once again Iwill link in the show notes.
And yeah, basically kind of justthe history of the lesbian flag,
which as you all know, part ofthe reason I have this series is
because in a lot of ways I stillfeel like a baby gay just
because I grew up so shelteredand I didn't.
(09:28):
Actually ended up coming outuntil 2021.
So just like four years ago.
And so there's a lot that I'mstill learning.
And so in my mind, I honestlydidn't like, I kind of just
assumed our flag has been whatit's always been.
But actually the original flag.
Which is like a deep purple.
Then there's an upside downblack triangle and then like a
(09:50):
white ax in the middle.
This was created back in 1999 bya gay artist named Sean
Campbell.
With all of those pieces of theflag being references to
important parts of Suffolkculture like one of those things
being that the, the triangle isa reference to how lesbians and
queers were, kind of called outduring Nazi times.
(10:14):
So I think between the fact thatthe flag was created by a man
and some of those sort of sad ornegative associations people
were interested in somethingdifferent.
And so then in 2010, uh, NatalieMcCrae created the lipstick
Lesbian Pride flag which is verysimilar to our current pride
flag, but there was like alittle set of lips on one of the
(10:36):
upper corners and since then hasbeen found out that Natalie is
associated with biphobia andtransphobia, which we hate
around here.
And some people just didn'treally love the term like
lipstick, lesbian or superassociate with kind of the
feminine vibes that came withthat.
(10:57):
Which is kind of how we came tobe with the 2018 flag that, uh,
non-binary lesbian Emily Gwencreated.
So shout out Emily.
Thanks for creating this.
And then lastly there's kind oflike a little breakdown of what
each of the colors mean.
So dark orange is gendernonconformity, coral orange is
independence.
Pale oranges community.
(11:19):
White stripe is unique.
Relationships to womanhood.
The pinkish purple is serenityand peace.
Dark purple.
Pink is love and sex and thedeep magenta is for femininity.
So super interesting.
I love learning about this kindof stuff, and I hope that you
all do too.
And like I said, go listen toOlive on TikTok.
(11:42):
She uses any pronouns but isdoing a really cool series on
something very similar to whatI'm doing.
So definitely be sure to gocheck them out.
Okay, so this week's episode, ifyou are following me on
Instagram, you may have seen my,one of my more recent Instagram
posts where I kind of talk aboutjust some things that I've
(12:07):
noticed over time.
As being an openly gay weddingvendor and sort of going a
little bit deeper than theclassic, like, okay.
Yeah.
We know like every June, likepeople like roll out, roll out
all their pride stuff and likepeople wait till June to like
(12:28):
post the one queer wedding theydid like five years ago.
Like, stuff like that.
You know, I kind of alreadytalked about that a little bit
in, in previous episodes, but Ithink just something I've
noticed as a queer weddingphotographer, I've seen
firsthand what it looks likewhen vendors show up just to
kind of make themselves lookgood and not actually support
(12:51):
us.
Yeah, I think something I'veseen a lot is.
Uh, photographer, I mean vendorsin general, but, you know, I do
talk with a lot morephotographers specifically.
Just'cause, you know, that's me,that's my, that's who I interact
with a lot.
Hearing them talk to mespecifically, not even
(13:13):
necessarily like.
You know, in passing or onlineor whatever, but like, talking
to me specifically and basicallybeing like, oh yeah, I just
wanted to let you know, likeI'm, I'm shooting this gay
wedding and I'm like so excitedfor it.
Like, oh, I just can't wait tolike change it up and like have
something different and like,I'm really excited and I know
(13:36):
you're probably thinking Anna,okay, what's the big deal?
They're excited.
Great.
Like stop being petty.
Move on.
I hear you.
But I think when you start tosee this pattern developing over
time, people aren't just sayinglike, yay, gay wedding, so fun.
They are saying it in a waythat's laced with them wanting
(14:01):
to get good human points from meor for me to be like, wow, you
are such a great person forbeing excited to shoot one gay
wedding.
Awesome.
And I think this is, this istrue for guests as well and
other vendors, but yeah, eventhinking about guests like them
(14:22):
coming and saying, wow, I'mgoing to a gay wedding is not so
cool and so progressive of me tonot only get the invite to the
wedding, but like to be able toshow people like, wow, I have a
gay friend.
Like what does that say aboutme?
And, and then obviously that'strue for vendors too.
Like what is this mephotographing this gay wedding
(14:42):
say about me?
And so I think that's somethingthat I picked up on over time.
And again, I know you're like,okay, are you just like
nitpicking things at this point?
But it's like.
The whole reason that I havethis podcast is for us to
continue to learn and grow.
And because I will continue toask us all to do better because
(15:03):
I know we can.
And if we can continue to dothat for our straight
counterparts, then I'm gonna askthat we do that for, for our
queer community, but to also goabove and beyond that.
And so I really just wanted totalk about this concept that
I've been picking up on.
That.
I think sometimes people arejust like riding on the vibes of
(15:26):
like, well, yeah, of course.
Like I'm not homophobic.
Like of course I ju a gaywedding.
Actually I have one next monthand it's the one I'm most
excited about because it justwill like change at my
portfolio.
Like the problem here is that.
It centers yourself in queerweddings.
(15:48):
Queer couples aren't props.
They're not there to be content,they're not there to be
diversity check boxes.
And that's what it comes acrossas.
And so.
It is not about whether you canphotograph a queer wedding.
It's about why you want to andhow you show up before, during,
(16:09):
and after.
And I felt that was reallyimportant to say because as I
kind of said in my Instagramposts, which I can also link in
the show notes, if you haven'tyet seen it, being excited to
photograph a queer weddingdoesn't make you an ally, but
like doing the work when no oneelse is watching is what really
(16:30):
does.
And I think the problem issometimes too, is that people
who are in the wedding space inparticular have this really
weird like.
Uh, well, like I, you know, I'mlike, I am in the wedding space
and like all we do is talk aboutlove and like that's what I'm
here for.
Like, I'm not going to like makemy page into all these other
(16:52):
things.
And it's like, okay, but youdon't realize that like by you
taking on a queer wedding.
And if you're wanting to do thatin a way that is authentic and
genuine and in a way that willactually support this couple,
like that is unfortunately intoday's day and age, inherently
political.
It is because even now we'reliving in this time where,
(17:16):
especially for our transbrothers and sisters and
siblings, like they are underconstant attack.
You know, there have been timesthroughout this year where.
Threats on gay marriage havecome up and we're likely to
continue to come up over thenext three and a half years.
And so you can't just show up toa gay wedding, photograph it and
(17:38):
be like, oh, love, but I'm notgonna do anything to support
you.
And being able to.
Keep this marriage that you justspent, you know, probably
thousands of dollars to do and,and hired me to do because I
don't wanna make peopleuncomfortable and I don't wanna
talk about it.
Like those two things do not gohand in hand.
You can't just like post a queerwedding at the start of pride to
(18:02):
be like.
Yes, love is love.
Like hire me if you're gaywedding, I'll do it.
And then never haveconversations with people.
Never do any of the work interms of calling legislatures or
making sure that there aren't,you know, harmful laws that are
getting passed without doinganything about them.
(18:23):
Having hard conversations withvendors who might have said
something homophobic likeactually.
Really showing up.
Like it just, it's not the vibe,sis not in 2025.
Not ever, but come on now.
Like, yeah, you can't just gofor, go for the aesthetics.
(18:44):
You have to really like show upfor the reality of what it
means.
And I think like this sameconcept can be applied to lots
of other folks too.
Like, you know, photographing.
Bipoc weddings and whatpotentially comes with that and
the unique cha challenges thatthose couples face.
(19:05):
Like that's real you like, youcan't, I think what I'm trying
to get at is that I.
This is something that I've beennoticing for a long time, but I
think it's made itselfabundantly clear over the last
couple of weeks as the state ofour world has just gotten
increasingly more tense with somuch happening with war and
(19:29):
bills and the loss of democracyand on and on, like, and seeing
so much of the wedding vendorcommunity.
Not wanna talk about it or shareanything about it.
And it's like homies.
I don't know how to tell youthat this will eventually affect
you too, if you don't take thetime to like have hard
conversations.
(19:49):
Like in my mind, I just feellike we are past the point of
just posting pretty pictures.
Like I get that, you know.
When you signed up to doweddings in your head you were
just like, yeah, I'm just herefor like good vibes, pretty
photos, you know, working ondays when people's like, really
(20:14):
people are really happy.
I get it.
Like, that's what you signed upfor.
But like the world is shiftingand I feel it's our job as
vendors and participants in thewedding space to shift and to
grow as the world does.
And I just, I really think thatour wedding industry will fail
or at, you know, potentiallyjust stay very stagnant if we
(20:38):
can't take the time to have hardconversations with our vendors.
And you know, I do recognizethat there are still people who,
who still need to have thosebaseline conversations of like.
You know, Hey, please don't behomophobic.
Like please be doing that.
That's great.
(20:58):
But for those of us who arealready there, I mean, yes,
congrats, good job.
You're above baseline.
But then it's like, okay, howcan we keep growing?
And for me, that's just like,you can't just post a picture in
in June.
You can't just.
Say that you're excited to shoota gay wedding because it's
(21:20):
different from what you normallydo.
And think that that makes you agood person and a good vendor
and that that will be the thingthat all of a sudden every gay
person flocks you to shoot theirwedding.
Like you have to show up.
And I think, I think part ofthat too can really just be
like.
(21:41):
Posting things on your feed oron your story that are good
conversation starters.
Like it doesn't always have tobe this whole dramatic thing of
like you're at a wedding andsomeone says something, you call
them out and you have this wholefist fight about it.
Or like getting into dm,someone's dms and telling them
they're a terrible person.
Like, no, like it honestly justis all of us collectively like
(22:03):
asking us to do better.
And yeah, I don't know.
I just, I, I really have beenpicking up on that over the last
few years and also picking up onwhen people just aren't saying
anything.
And I think that's somethingthat like couples aren't always
like privy to in the same sensethat like we interacting in the
(22:23):
wedding vendor space together.
See, but like, that's even morethe reason to do it.
Like, just because your couplescan't see you doing something,
then you should go do it more.
Go do it again.
Go post the thing again.
Have a conversation with someoneagain, show up to a protest
again.
Like that's even more thereason.
(22:44):
So as you can probably tell, Iget really fired up about this.
Because I truly care about thequeer community and about the
couples who, who we are, youknow, get to have the honor of
capturing their story.
And I think that doesn't comelightly.
It might come with joy, but Idon't think it comes lightly.
And I think just also being inthe interesting position that
(23:08):
I'm in of.
Just being so open about myqueerness and I love that it's,
I literally would never changewhat I'm doing or take that away
from my business, but I thinkthat also, you know, opens me up
to some more interestingconversations where, yeah, it's
(23:29):
like this vibe of peopleexpecting me to congratulate
them for being excited to shoota gay wedding.
Or just like saying weird thingsabout gay weddings in front of
me in hopes that like, I'll givethem a pass or something.
Like, I don't know.
It, it is just been interesting,but I'm simmering down.
(23:49):
Hopefully you caught my drift.
And I'm, I'm always happy tochat more about this.
I don't wanna say that like.
I, I hope that what I just saiddoesn't, you know, tell people
I'm not open to conversations.
I really am.
Like that's, that's why I dothis podcast.
I am willing to have thoseconversations because this isn't
about canceling people.
(24:10):
It's an invitation to do better.
You don't have to be perfect.
Certainly not.
I know I'm not, are you kiddingme?
I'm the farthest thing fromperfect.
I know I always have so much tolearn and grow.
Obviously even made clear bywhat I'm doing with my new no
homo segment.
And if this made you feeluncomfortable, that's not a bad
(24:33):
thing.
Let me just say that again.
If you feel uncomfortable.
Sit with it.
Ask what your true intentionsare and if they need to shift.
And if you feel defensive, askyourself why?
Like, why are you feeling ifyou're like upset about me
(24:54):
saying you can't just like, belike, oh, I'm excited to shoot a
gay wedding and then leave it atthat.
And that makes you upset.
Like why is that?
Is that because.
You're realizing that maybe thathas been you, and if so, that's
okay.
Like, like I said, it's aninvitation.
I'm not here to cancel people.
I just want you to sit with itand then decide what you wanna
(25:17):
do.
And I can't tell you exactlywhat that looks like.
I can tell you.
It doesn't have to be, yeah,like some Instagram announcement
or something like that.
I think it could just be.
Shifting how you have thoseconversations around queer
weddings and shifting how youtalk to people about them
shifting how you talk to your,to your queer couples that you
(25:39):
are serving.
I don't have the exact rightanswer for every single person,
but I just do invite you tothink about it.
So.
That is all I have for you guysthis week.
Like I said, I still have moreepisodes coming.
They'll be a little bit moresporadic over these next few
months as I am in full weddingseason and also planning my own
(26:01):
wedding.
But I hope you all will keepshowing up.
And like I said, my dms arealways open.
So please reach out and I hopeyou all have an amazing day.
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