April 26, 2024 • 70 mins
Discover the transformative power of setting boundaries that honor God and protect our spiritual health as Elder Harper and I explore the complexities of living a life aligned with divine wisdom. Crafting boundaries is an art, and today, we're unraveling the canvas of scriptures, personal experiences, and profound insights to bring color to the concept of spiritual safeguards. Our candid conversation illuminates the path for adults and children alike, guiding us to implement limits that are not just personal preferences but align with the Ten Commandments and God's design for our lives.
Navigating the intricacies of relationships can be likened to walking a tightrope; one misstep without a safety net of boundaries can lead to a perilous fall. Elder Harper and I dissect the delicate balance required to maintain our convictions while fostering healthy connections in every area of life. From the professional sphere where faith meets the corporate world, to the intimate dynamics of family life, we share how setting and respecting limits is key to thriving in a purpose-driven existence. As we share our stories, we hope to equip you with the discernment needed to recognize who should remain in your life's story and who may need a graceful exit.
Wrapping up our thought-provoking session, we emphasize the importance of embracing boundaries as a form of spiritual discipline and self-control. It's a powerful stance that resonates with the journey of 'Grown Women Raising Godly Children', where the roadmap of personal limits shapes the future of our offspring. As you reflect on the wisdom shared, I invite you to pass it forward, planting seeds of faith and fortitude in your community. Remember, it's not only about staying true to your spiritual calling but also about 'staying cute for Christ' as you walk in grace and empowerment.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Hey, hey, hey, hey, everyone, this is kiana, your
creator and your host of cutefor christ, and I want to say
thank you to everyone that hasliked and shared and commented,
whatever you done.
I'm so excited and I'm so happyand I just want to say thank
you, thank you, thank you, okay.
So, anyways, tonight, tonight,can you say tonight I am back
(00:49):
with my co-host, elda Harper.
I'm so excited.
How are you tonight, eldaHarper?
I'm doing well.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
I'm doing well.
Thanks for having me on onceagain anytime.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
You know it's always hard to get out there.
People don't understand what wehave to go through sometimes to
record, um, but I'm so excitedthat you're here, I'm so excited
to share just this space andfor you to be here with me
throughout these, this journey.
(01:24):
I always have to make sure Isay thank you and I'm telling
you it's going to get better andbetter.
So, anyways, that was just alittle prophetic that I had to
say so.
Anyways, tonight, you know, wehave been on the topic of grown
women raising Godly or is it God, I'm sorry, Godly women raising
(01:47):
grown children.
And so tonight we're going totalk about creating boundaries.
And so I'm excited because whatI'm really talking about is
creating a healthy and Godlyboundary that will show our
children how to create their ownboundaries in their sector,
(02:10):
Because we can't be with themall the time and we can't just
like show them how to do it they, you know or be right there
saying do this, do that, do that.
But we can show them through ourliving and show them through
the things that God has taughtus when it comes to setting and
creating a healthy and godlyboundary.
(02:34):
And when I say healthy, I meanyou want to have a healthy
boundary where is like acrossthe board, you know, you know,
it's not not that toxic or notjust like oh okay, you know, I
mean a healthy boundary.
Like you know, you can stilltalk to the people, but you just
(02:55):
know how to handle them and howto feed them and how to deal
with them.
So that that's what I meanhealthy, um, all around.
So that's what I mean healthyall around.
And when I say godly, it'ssomething that's biblical, that
we can take and we can use, that.
We can create these boundariesand it's not.
It ain't going to keep us fromgoing with him when he comes.
(03:18):
Hallelujah.
And that's the main thing,because we don't want to like,
we don't want to just be like ohokay, I'm like, I'm like being
around him because of this, this, this, you know, we want to
make sure that is something setfrom above.
Okay that you know, we can kindof follow, you know, because
people don't really talk aboutthis.
(03:39):
A lot of people don't talk aboutthis.
So, um, anyways, I'm going tojump right into it.
I want to say a quick prayerand then we will go right into
just kind of and it's going tobe kind of informal today, it's
going to be just a littletalking, trying to deal with
certain things.
We all trying to create theseboundaries.
(04:06):
Right, we get triggered.
Oh, we're going to that later,so, anyways, I'm gonna say a
quick prayer.
All right, dear heavenly father, we come to you.
First, we want to say thank youfor carving out this time, god,
god, this time that you havecarved out for us to be able to
speak with each other, god, tobe able to just converse on the
(04:30):
things that you have set beforeus, god, and we know that
someone is going to get thismessage.
Somebody is needing to hearabout the message that we have
set.
God, we know that you are hereand you have set your angels out
to be with us, god, god.
So we just thank you now forthe things that you've done,
thank you now for the thingsthat you're doing.
(04:51):
We thank you now for evensending Jesus, god, so he can be
our example, so we can followhim, and we know that he was
able to create boundaries, andwe can do it too, god, and so we
thank you now, god, for whatyou have done.
We know that you're going to ourhouses, god.
You are touching our children,god, god, our sick children, god
(05:12):
.
We thank you now for touchingthem, god, and leading and
guiding them in what they needto do.
God and God.
So we thank you now, god, justfor everybody that is
represented on this line, god,even the ones that are coming,
that are going to touch somebodyelse, god, somebody that is
going to hear this message, god.
(05:32):
We thank you now for opening uptheir ears, god, and open up
their heart, god, and so wethank you now for what you have
done.
We thank you now for whatyou're doing, god.
We thank you now for hiding usbehind the cross and allowing us
to get the message to yourpeople, and so we just thank you
now, god.
We love you, we honor you, god,we cherish you.
It's in Jesus' name that I pray, amen.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Amen, amen, amen, amen, all right, all right.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Look, that's my little dance, y'all.
So anyways, anyways, tonight weare going to talk about it,
talk about it, talk about it howto create a godly, a healthy
and godly boundary when it comesto the biblical standpoint.
(06:27):
You know, we want to be able toshow ourselves, show that we
have created healthy boundarieswhen it comes to our children,
so they can see us and they canemulate us and they can take it
and put it to their life,emulate us, and they can take it
(06:49):
and put it to their life and um, and so one thing that I had
found, and one thing I had foundum on this website, it was it's
, it's clothed with dignity andthey was talking about how to
set biblical boundaries.
As a Christian, I really,really like that, you know,
because sometimes we don't thinkthat it is a biblical principle
(07:10):
when it comes to boundary,because a lot of people say, oh
you say.
And I hate when people say that, oh you say you're supposed to
do that, you're supposed to dothat.
So when you hear that, whenpeople say that, or, or, you
know, because they think thatyou're supposed to be just this
(07:30):
Christian walking around openarms with everybody, so when you
hear that, what do you think?
When it comes to, oh, you'resupposed to be saved.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Yeah, you know, we get it sometimes.
It's what it does.
Is just reminds me that thereis a massive amount of ignorance
in the world as it pertains towhat the godly life looks like,
really, what it is.
(08:00):
Is people not knowing the wordthe Bible is?
Is people not knowing the word?
They're the vibing um andhaving enough um within
themselves to try and to try itfor themselves.
You know what I mean.
So it's it's, it's a matter ofthem being judgy, you know, um,
(08:21):
but when you are really living aChristian life, you're actually
much more compassionate towardspeople, because you yourself
have a better view ofimperfection.
You understand the grace that'sneeded in humanity, you know,
with humanity, tribal people,yeah, it's kind of annoying,
(08:44):
annoying.
It's annoying because there'sstigma there's, there's all kind
of you know ways that you knowpeople think we're supposed to
be, you know, but we're notsupposed to be somebody's
figment of their imagination ofwhat they think christianity
should look like, you know, andeverybody's at different stages
in their lives.
So it's because it's not fair.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
It's not my favorite thing, and it has happened to me
right and and the thing aboutit, they, you know, a lot of
people just think thatchristians are supposed to be
walked all over, you know.
But if you know that jesus inthe bible, he was not like that,
okay, no, he, he did not.
He didn't take.
You know, he took some, hedidn't take as much as people
(09:28):
would have.
They, like you said, they'reignorant.
They haven't read the full thingor they haven't really
interpreted the right way, andso um you know we have to make
sure.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
You know, I make sure it, because we got with Jesus
being God, all God, all man.
He doesn't have any choice butto be walking truth.
Right, he's going to be true,he's going to be truthful, he's
going to be honest.
So he's going to deal withpeople straight up and down and
(10:11):
if he needs to give aparableables, he's going to give
them parables.
If he needs to give them, um,you know some wording or some
questioning that that's going tobring them to another form of
realization and that that's whathe's going to do, because he
was not about hiding.
You know what I mean not tryingto people, please.
Yes, so his boundary was I haveto be the truth and I'm gonna
have to do it in such a way towhere, right, you come into more
(10:31):
knowledge.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
you know about me in the right right right and and uh
, it says here in this, this umarc, it says biblical boundaries
are personal rules that you setin place to make sure that no
one takes advantage of you,hurts or harm you or treats you
(10:54):
with disrespect.
And so that's one thing that wewant to know, that we don't
have to take disrespect, wedon't have to take you hurting
us just because we say, you know, I'm saying yes, yeah, you know
how people say God ain'tthrough me yet, god ain't
(11:15):
through me yet.
But no, seriously, you know, wedon't, we don't have to.
You know, take the, the peopletaking advantage of the simple
fact that you have Christ inyour life, or you know being
hurt or whatever.
And that's one thing that Iwant to kind of talk about,
(11:35):
because I want my children tosee that I don't take that and
they don't have to take it.
You know and um, and so youknow, we know that our children
live by our examples.
Uh, for the most part, like I,like I said, I can't be with
them 24, eight, I can't bestanding next to them and
(11:56):
telling them okay, no, do this,do that, do this, especially
when they get grown.
And so we know that when theyare grown when they get grown.
And so we know that when theyare grown, all we can do is say
that we set the stage for themwhere they can be able to know
that they can follow our example.
One example, they say, ofsetting a boundary includes
(12:19):
saying no to someone cuttingsomeone off in your life, to
someone cutting someone off inyour life, and just loving them
from a distance and walking awayfrom situations that may
require you to abandon yourfaith or change the beliefs that
you have.
And so that's one thing that Iwant my children to know is that
if you're with somebody andthey trying to make you change
(12:42):
what you believe, then you don'thave to, especially if it's
going against the Bible.
You know and see, we don't wantthat.
You can't go in and change, andyou know a lot of people.
They try to use the Bible intheir own way to justify what
(13:03):
they're doing, and so you have.
You know they say thescriptures in the hands of a
fool.
You get the scriptures in thehand of a fool.
They want to change it up, andthat's and that's the thing.
That's one reason why I want todo this, because I want people
to understand that it isbiblical practice right, that it
is biblical practice right Tothis Absolutely, so we don't
(13:30):
have to worry about, you know,when you create that boundary.
You don't have to.
You know.
We know that the Bible says beye in 2 Corinthians 6, 14, be ye
not unequally yoked togetherwith unbelievers.
For what fellowship hathrighteousness with
unrighteousness and whatcommunion have light with
(13:54):
darkness?
So you do not have to sit thereand deal with that, those
things.
So, anyways, we're going to moveright along this thing.
I kind of want to go.
They give five ways toestablish biblical boundaries in
(14:15):
your life and I just want tokind of tackle some of I know I
don't want to be on here toolong but I kind of, you know, I
love to pick Elder Harper'sbrain a little bit so she can
kind of give you know we feedoff each other.
They say.
They say I'm sharp and iron soI like to kind of get that.
So one of the first ways thatthey say is boundaries that are
(14:41):
set by God.
And see, people don't realizethat God actually set boundaries
.
And it says the first kind ofboundary that God set up was
with Adam and Eve.
He told them that they couldlive in the Garden of Eden and
eat from any tree, itself forwhat?
And so I'm laughing becausenobody really thought about that
(15:04):
boundary in the beginning.
So when you hear that, what doyou think about that first
boundary off the rip?
Speaker 1 (15:15):
you know that God said when I think of that as a
boundary, that the Lord said andit was like the first thing it
just lets me know that he wasputting his foot down.
You know he meant what he meant.
He meant what he said and nowhe has to begin to execute,
(15:38):
whatever the consequences.
After you know they broke therule.
They did what they were notsupposed to do.
So he shows us that actions dohave to happen after that, so it
can't just be talk.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
It can't be talk.
And you know, like you said,when and I'm going back to our
children when we set thoseboundaries with our children or
we show them that, okay, I knowI'm not supposed to do this,
because this right here willlead me to this, and this is
(16:20):
something that God said in thebeginning.
He told us not to do that.
And when you even get the TenCommandments, when God tells you
not to sin, we have to be thatlight to say, okay, the Ten
Commandments people don't know,those are boundaries, you can't
(16:41):
cross those lines.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, if you can't, you can'tcross those lines.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, so you know we have thoseboundaries that God has said
okay, you do this.
This is what's going to happenyou know, so don't get to that
point, basically.
And so you know, we have to knowthat when God sets up
(17:03):
boundaries in your life, youobey them, you trust in him,
believe that God is doing goodin your life and is protecting
you.
And so that's what we want toknow that when God set
boundaries, he's, he's, he's we.
We should obey him.
Obey them, trust in him,believe that he's doing good.
Obey them, trust in him,believe that he's doing good.
And that's how we want to dowhen we tell our children okay,
(17:28):
don't go to the club like that,guess what.
You want to create thatboundary because I want you to
protect yourself, I want you tomake sure.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
You said that God creates the boundaries for us
and we need to obey them andreally boundaries in general,
when part of the benefit of thembeing created is that it
promotes the proper mindset,because we have to realize that
(18:03):
the boundary is needed for areason and so, whatever the
person is thinking, whatever thesoul is dwelling upon something
, says that crossing thisboundary is okay or going this
far is okay, but that's why theboundary has to be there to say
(18:23):
no, it's not okay.
So when you have to back up andnow adjust and change what what
you're doing, that means that,okay, I need a whole new mindset
now.
I need to know how to liveright here and don't go to this
point.
What is the mindset that Ishould have right here, where I
can remain successful, where Ican continue to be, you know, in
(18:48):
the best way I can be.
You know what I mean, becauseit's right.
Understand that to every rule orlaw or boundary, there is a
mindset that goes with it rightyou know right, and and our and
our thought process should,should be in alignment with them
(19:08):
, because that means we mustneed it, you know, and and we
don't realize when we're justliving and just going our own
way and doing what we do, youknow, and this is this kind of
relates to, like people needingencouragement, things like that
you might not even know is, hey,my head is hung down, right,
(19:29):
you realize, oh, I'm feeling adifferent kind of way.
So it's like the realization is, oh, I need to have my head up,
oh, I need joy, I need to movefrom the place of sadness, move
from the place of.
You see what I mean.
So it's just, it's just anecessary thing to have the
mindset of whatever it is,because I apparently it is
(19:49):
needed, is necessary, andsomething about that is gonna
keep us healthy, whole, saferight, right.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
And I thought about girl, and it's so crazy, because
I was thinking about how, youknow, know, when God set the
boundary with Adam and Eve andyou know, and the devil was like
, oh, you surely won't die, andso he got them to cross that
boundary.
And I was thinking about, likeyou know, when we sin, we might
(20:19):
not think we're going to die,right then the enemy is telling
us oh us, oh you ain't gonna dieif you do that, but guess what?
Your soul is dying, right.
So just say, for instance, youdriving on the highway and you,
you get to a sign that say don'tgo cross, don't pass here a
stop or whatever, and it's acliff on the other side.
(20:42):
But you, you say you know what,I'm going to keep going.
Guess what You're going to end.
The consequences is you're goingto end up off that cliff.
Or you know, you're, you know,and so we have to know that when
the boundaries are there, when,when you get the sign to say to
stop, which is the sign is, isthe boundary right?
So you know that you don't wantto cross that because anything
(21:04):
can happen.
You don't know what can happen.
You know you might not die atthat moment.
But guess what?
You fall off that cliff.
You're going to die when youhit that ground.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Right.
And in the scenario wheresomething doesn't happen right
away, when the person does gopast that boundary now they have
the wrong mindset.
Exactly, person does go pastthat boundary, now they have the
wrong mindset.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
exactly now they got the mindset of oh, I can keep
going nothing has happened.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Nothing, you know.
And then we know how that works.
Things eventually catch up withpeople right and and but, but
that's the wrong mindset.
We can't have the mindset of,oh, you know, it's okay, you
know, nothing is happening to meright now.
We don't really realize what'sactually taking place in our
mind, our heart and our soul andwe're just talking about these
(21:55):
things like kind of on a surfacelevel.
We're not even talking aboutlike spiritually.
You know we're, we'redefinitely lending our members,
opening up doors, you know, toto when you sin, when you're
being disobedient on purpose.
You know, and I love theexamples that were given, even
with the priests and the, thesons of the priesthood there,
(22:19):
and they, you know, the fatherdidn't say anything to the sons
and it's like, yeah, something,they end up losing their lives,
you know right, right thatthat's so good and, like you
said, it could be something sodeeper than that.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Really, you know, um, that spiritual warfare can
start to take place when youstart to go past the boundary
that god has set for you as aChristian.
You know you can start gettingevil ties.
You can start, I mean, it canbe so much.
So, anyways, that's quitedifferent.
(23:01):
We're going to move on to thenext one.
And so the next one is how toestablish healthy boundaries in
relationships.
Healthy boundaries inrelationships Now we're not just
talking about just, you know,marital relationship.
It's relationship as a whole.
So we got you know your workship, your friendship.
(23:26):
You got you know even just yourfamily.
Yeah Right, I don't know why Ilaughed about that, that's an
insider, but you know it is.
And so we know that.
It says, as you probably alreadyknow, we are in a constant
(23:50):
state of spiritual warfare whenit comes to this.
The devil is doing all he canto distract us, tempt us and
drag us away from our faith andour purpose in life.
So we need to make sure that weare solely focusing on God
alone and his will for our lives.
And so when we have to createboundaries in relationship, we
(24:17):
have to realize that sometimesthat relationship can take you
further away from focusing onwhat God has set for your life.
That's why it's always good.
That's why the Bible says do notbe unequally yoked, because
when you get in thoserelationships or get with other
people, that will manipulate youto not doing what God wants you
(24:40):
to do and say oh do it this way, why are you doing it that way,
and so we have to know that itis that where it's like okay, no
, I got to create this boundarybecause I know what God has
called me to do and you're notbeing impactful to my
(25:01):
destination.
So that's, that's the reasonwhy we do the um, the the um
create the boundary with therelationship, or create the
boundary even with the workbeing at work.
So what do you think when youthink about creating a boundary
in those ships?
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Okay, you know, a lot of times I don't think we
always maybe recognize theinfluence, influences that
people have on us.
They may not even bequote-unquote, like manipulating
(25:45):
on purpose.
They may not even be, like youknow, very malicious, because a
lot of times we have to setboundaries for our own selves.
Right, if we see in their livesthat, hey, them just being
themselves is messing up whatwe're doing, we have to make
that decision anyhow that isgirl.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
That is so good, because you have to be able to
discern who you are when itcomes to being around people.
You know that are, that are,are like that, because sometimes
, you know we, when we don't seecertain some of these red flags
that they have on here, youknow one of the ones like
(26:31):
forcing you to do something youdon't want to do.
You know like, oh, you candrink.
You know what I'm saying.
Ain't nothing wrong with youdrinking, or ain't nothing wrong
with you cussing, or whatever.
You know those type of thingswhere they trying to force you
to do things that you don't wantto do.
You already know that.
Okay, god, you have pulled meaway from there, so I don't want
(26:55):
to do that.
You know, and we have to be ableto recognize these, some of
these red flags that they haveon here, that, um, that they,
you know the, like I said, thearticle clothed with dignity
have on here, and I'm onlysaying the article because I
don't know the author right now,the author of it, but anyways,
(27:17):
the author went to writing.
You know different beliefs, youknow, especially when they go
against the Bible, you know, andit is, it is so.
It's so crazy.
Like I said, you have somepeople that will use the
scriptures you know because theywould know the word, just like
(27:40):
we know the word you know.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
And so they will tell you, they will.
You know especially thatscripture about how women are
supposed to keep quiet in thechurch.
They will take that scriptureand run with it and and beat you
on side of the head when, whena woman is inside of a church
doing something or speaking onthe pulpit or whatever.
So you know, it's so crazy.
(28:10):
But oh, one of the other onesthat I like, oh, this one right
here, is a red flag.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
It says it says saying that God told me you are
the one for me that's, that'snot just a red flag, honey, is a
bullhorn, a foghorn, a a fire.
What they with the, with thoselittle flame that they shoot out
(28:44):
when, when you what do you say?
Speaker 2 (28:46):
that the, the, uh.
What do you say?
Listen, run away.
Oh, my goodness.
You know people would say thatyou know, and, because they know
you're a godly woman, or theyknow that you, you know you go
(29:08):
to church, or you, you knowyou're, you're in your spirit.
So now they're using, they'rebeing actually manipulative.
When it comes to that, you knowit's like okay, and you know
some people don't, and that'swhy I say it's good to have the
spirit of discernment.
Now, I ain't saying look, don't, don't.
I ain't saying that everybodythat have said that to you is
(29:29):
not the one for you.
Okay, said that to you is notthe one for you, okay.
I'm saying take it to God,because you know you have to
really, really know, um, youknow and and and, like I said,
another one of these is they,you know, they say it's steering
you away from the faith and youcan be in the workspace.
(29:54):
That and one thing that Ireally I ain't gonna say I don't
like, but you know some jobsthat tell you oh, don't talk
about your faith, you know, andthat right there can put you in
a bad space, especially whenyou're a child of God and you're
trying to minister the word tosomebody.
(30:14):
So have that ever happened toyou, where you just had to
choose between your faith andyour job?
Speaker 1 (30:23):
Um, not so directly, no, not exactly, but I did have
to be wise.
Um, I did have to be wise, um,I did have to just, I mean, like
say it in a way where theyunderstand what I mean and I'm
letting them know I'm a believer, yes, you know, I'm a Jesus
(30:45):
follower, and so everything Isay after this point, you know,
is just how I made it over, youknow, because I don't know.
It's just a way that I think itcan be done, that that could
still make it possible, but Iknow it can be really
challenging.
I've heard a lot of differentsituations where people, you
(31:09):
know, kind of get in troublefrom those things because people
not paying you to be on the jobpreaching and giving the word,
and I do believe that we shouldrender the Caesar what it seizes
.
I understand that, and so ifthat opportunity does come up,
maybe on a lunch break orsomething like that, if you ask
me a question about how Iexperience something I still I'm
(31:31):
obligated to tell you what itis, because I'm not going to lie
on my life, I'm not going tolie on the Lord.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Right, exactly Cause I, you know, I remember being in
the emergency room in ahospital.
You know, everybody knew me.
If you know, I wasn't walkingaround just like, oh, jesus,
jesus, jesus, don't you know I.
But like you say, if, if I hada patient and they were, you
(32:03):
know, I will always assess thesituation, but I never would not
stop talking about God when itcame to this, because I know God
to be a healer and so if I'm,if I'm in there, I'm going to
tell you the man that can healyou.
You know what I'm saying.
But you have to have the faithand so you know it.
(32:24):
It some sometimes, when you itdoes create like this.
You know it's a thin line,because, of course, you need
your job, you know, or you needyour, you know, but you want to
make sure you have this healthy,um, relationship at work with
(32:44):
your, with your co-workers,because you don't want to walk
in there.
They'd be like, oh lord, hereshe comes, you know, and you
want to make sure that you haveit, but you come to Bible
thumper, so, but you want tomake sure that, um, you not it
(33:06):
uh, one of the things that notallow anyone to force or
pressure you to do anything youdon't want to do, um, and so you
, you want to make sure, andthat, and that goes both ways.
So you don't want to forcepeople and and make them feel
uncomfortable.
That's where the healthinesscomes from, because you don't
(33:27):
want to force each other, andthat's that's one thing, and so,
but one thing you don't want to, but one thing you do want to
do is always make sure you putGod first and allow him to be
the center of the relationship,and when you can allow him,
jesus would know when to let youspeak and when not to let you
(33:48):
speak.
He will know when it's time,you know, to talk about jesus,
or when it's time to talk abouthim, or when it's time when it's
not.
You know it's always, um, it'salways ways to do things, you
know.
So, anyways, I, I, I love it Ilove it so.
(34:11):
So, anyways, we're gonna move tothe next one.
It's a uh boundaries forchildren.
Now that we just had this wholelittle thing, oh my goodness and
um.
But it's always a good thingwhen we can create boundaries
(34:37):
for our children, whether theyare older or not, you know.
But you know we want to makesure that we are setting
boundaries for them because it'simportant even at a start, at a
young age.
So it's important to start at ayoung age teaching them.
(34:58):
Okay, you don't do this.
You do this because you know,like the Bible says in Proverbs
22 and six.
It says train up a child in theway he should go, and when he
is old, he will not depart fromit, and when he is old, he will
(35:18):
not depart from it.
So we want to create thisboundary that is a healthy one.
And one of the examples thatthey give is saying no when
necessary.
And that's good right there,because a lot of people they
want to say yes to everything,especially nowadays, because you
don't want.
You want your children to be afriend.
You know that's what peoplewant.
(35:41):
So what do you say about that?
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Trying to make sure you say no when it's necessary,
because and and really discernand when to say no um, I noticed
for me, though, like I had todeal with some weak spots even
in this process, because thattransition from being a child to
(36:09):
a young adult to an adult ischallenging because the power
and the strengths that youleaned on before is not the same
as when they are adults.
So you may find adults, so youmay find may you know
(36:38):
everybody's different.
I found it challenging to shiftfrom friend to okay.
Now I need to put someboundaries here because, um, I,
I, I want you to still, I wantus to still have a good
relationship, but I also wantyou to know that you can't go
this far.
I need you to do this or justkind of straighten things out,
(37:02):
and I recognize that I had aweak place in there and I didn't
want to speak up.
I didn't want to.
Uh, I recognize that there waslike a personality difference
between myself and and mychildren sometimes, and I had to
just like really get my heartstrengthened, really Right, and
(37:29):
just kind of sort things out andput them back in perspective
and realize that every gooddecision that we make is for the
, the betterment of therelationship.
Everything that we have to dois so that we can maintain and
continue to go forward.
If we don't do things, if wedon't get things squared away,
then it's a lie, it's false,then that's going to be able to
(37:52):
create, you know, break, break,breaking points, um, like
breaches, you know.
And so we need these things tobe talked out.
We need a safe time, a space.
Take safe space to do it right.
It just has to be done, becausethe pressures don't really go
away.
We can try all these differenttactics avoidance and all that
(38:13):
kind of stuff, but at the end ofthe day, you're still gonna be
the parent, they're still gonnabe the kid or the adult right at
the end of the day.
Speaker 2 (38:22):
Look, my I was, um, I was talking to somebody, but I
was like my grandmother is still101 and my and my mama can't
say everything to her that thatright now she done created that
boundary for hell.
Like I'm still, I'm 101 and youstill can't talk to me any kind
of way, you know, or becauseI'm not your friend.
(38:44):
Like you say, we have to learnhow to be able to switch it.
I can, I say, switch it, switchit off.
But I mean, like you can gofrom being this okay, I'm okay
with us joking, or I'm okay withus, you know being, you know
(39:05):
this way.
But when it comes time for meto lead you and lead you into a
way where you need to go, thenyou know it's time.
The Bible says in Hebrews 12, 6through 7, for whom the Lord
loveth, he chases and escorted.
(39:28):
Every son whom he receiveth,every, every son whom he
receiveth.
If ye endure chastening, goddealeth with you as with sons,
for what son he is, whom thefather chasteth not.
So we want to make sure that weare doing what we need to do
when it comes to that time,because we want to, um, really
(39:50):
have that like okay, you'redoing wrong, let me get you
right.
You know what I'm saying.
But at the same token, we comewith love.
We can still be able to be, youknow.
So they can come to us, youknow.
You know how, when Jesus, wecan go to Jesusesus by anything,
(40:11):
but we also know that he can,he can correct us at the same
time.
So yeah, yes yes, that's that'swhat I love about it, because I
could be like, oh god, I don'tfeel like doing that and god be
like, okay, I need you to getyourself together.
(40:31):
You know what I'm saying.
And I'd be like, all right,you're right, you're right, god,
okay, but anyways, the next oneis learning self-control.
(40:52):
Now this one.
Oh, self-control, now this one.
Oh my God, you have to learnhow to have that self-control.
Setting up biblical boundariesfor yourself is more than
protecting yourself from others'behavior, but also about
protecting you from yourself.
That's.
(41:12):
That's a.
That's hard, because sometimeswe can.
We was, we would set boundaries, but we would overstep them in
a minute.
You know, yeah, we will.
We will go back on our wordbecause, oh well, I feel sorry
for them or you know, orwhatever.
(41:33):
But we said you know, we want tobe able to have self-control
when it comes to us and ourboundaries.
That you know, if I'm triggeredby what you have said to me,
then I have to know that thatmeans I don't let you allow you
(41:53):
to overstep that boundary that Ihad already placed.
And so when it comes to that,we have to make sure that we are
not constantly because we arealways constantly spiritual
fighting against the desires ofthe flesh.
So in our minds we're like ohokay, maybe I could do just a
(42:17):
little bit of this.
You know what I'm saying?
Because I don't think.
I don't.
I think because most of thetime here's the thing Most of
the time we think that we setthe boundary and not God set the
boundary, but in actuality Godsaid God gave you that boundary
so you can set it, because heknow what would trigger you.
He know that it will take youout of your character.
And so we have to make surethat when we have that
(42:40):
self-control and I think we weretalking about this before we
started having that self-controlwhen I have stepped outside of
my character, that means youhave triggered me, and that
means I have let my self-controlgo.
So what do you think about that?
Speaker 1 (43:02):
Yes, I think there are some layers of recognition
that has to take place in thosemoments and it is really like a
learning journey really for eachindividual per area that
(43:22):
they're being dealt with in, youknow, and so it's like it's not
just knowing.
Okay, I don't, I want torespond in love, right, but I
feel like we have to not onlylike sit set out to renew our
minds, but to also like practiceour responses and to really be
(43:46):
like fortified in our reasoningof why we're doing what we're
doing, because when you aretrying to accomplish something
good and golly and you're all inon something, you're really
giving it all you got.
And a lot of times we'll setsomething into being.
Like you already said, we'lljust kind of knock it down and
go right past it.
You know, because we're not alot of times we're not all the
(44:09):
way committed, even withinourselves.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
We know we need to be there.
Speaker 1 (44:13):
We'll probably put some up there, but it won't be
like something to where, forreal, there's no other options,
you know, but that takes somepersonal assessment, that takes
some, some examination on theinside, and that means that we
have to really put in the layersthere, put in the mindset, put
(44:33):
in the you know.
Ok, this is how I'm going toact, this is what I'm going to
say, back and think about our,like I said, our reasons why I
like build padding around,reasons why like build padding
around right, build up thatforce, that godly fortitude,
because, um, the enemy is goingto try and he's going to come
from all different kind ofangles anyway, you know.
(44:54):
So I mean, the temptations aregoing to be there and I mean we
I'm sure we've all experiencedthat, you know, we'll, we'll try
and do something right and then, if you don't get you on this
side, he going to try you on theother side.
You know what I'm saying.
And so it's like, okay, youknow, you learn how to get
strong, you learn how to putyour dukes up, you learn how to
(45:17):
get low and humble, but reallyall of that, that's what it's
teaching us.
It's teaching us how tonavigate and move and be
flexible and bob and weave withHoly Spirit, because when we're
doing things in our own flesh,we're likely to get jabbed, you
know, and likely to get hit andget caught with, you know,
(45:44):
taking that bait, you know, thatbait that was put out before us
.
And so sometimes I just I dobelieve that allows certain
things to happen to us, so wereally can take that inner, deep
look.
And so I will say, even formyself, there's something that
happened to me last year was itlast year, around Easter time
(46:04):
time?
And I couldn't believe that Iwas willing to sacrifice
everything that God had built upin my life.
Wow, to be able, just to beable, to retaliate.
Be free, not really free, notgodly freedom, but freedom in
(46:24):
such a way to act a fool that ascripture tells us to be free to
worship.
Don't be right and into sin youknow, act up in our flesh.
We're gonna be a bondage againas a sin, for sure, oh for sure,
you know.
And so I couldn't believe thatI was willing to let go of
everything that my, my witness,my, my name, you know,
(46:47):
reputation, everything justbecause I had been done wrong.
You know that I had experiencedsome injustice and somebody
crossed a boundary with me, andyou know I was ready to let them
know.
You know, in the worst way.
And I'm, and I'm like you knowhow dare I.
I had to get to the point likeit took me days, days of moaning
(47:12):
, groaning, grunting, fighting,fighting, fighting with the lord
, like uh-uh, no, you know whatI mean.
And it's like I had broken downand get to that place where I
realized, like you know, notonly is the situation, the
circumstance not worth it.
I, like you said, lostself-control, I was willing to
(47:37):
let go, to lose, Right.
I mean, I had to look Jesus inthe face and say you're not
worth it.
You don't have.
Ooh, what you got is not enoughfor me, what you don't love is
not enough, your power is notenough.
I mean, you really have to lookin the mirror, ask those
(47:58):
questions and then, if you cansay yes to that, then how are we
really believers, you know?
So I had to like really swallowthat and realize, no, you know,
no, my Lord is enough.
What is way more important thanwhatever else is that's
temporary.
What God does is eternal.
(48:20):
You know it's like it's.
We have to be able to seethings for what they are and
keep going and realize it'sworth it to do the work to
create the boundary and for, forthe, for people, for situations
and scenarios, people, placesand things, and it is worth it
(48:41):
to create it for ourselves,because now we level up in the
area of self-worth, like theworth it's an issue of worth.
You know it's a matter of like.
You know the value that you getis like we gotta look at it, and
(49:06):
so my god.
Speaker 2 (49:10):
I'm sitting over here because that's what I was just
going to say.
You know about knowing yourworth, like you have to know how
precious and valuable you arein God's eyes, you know.
So for you to say you know I'mgonna be influenced by the sin
(49:30):
of this world is basicallysaying that you don't know your
worth in his eye, you don't knowhow valuable you are to him,
yeah.
And and for you to say that youwas like willing to just be
like you know, and that's thatjust blessed my soul Seriously.
Speaker 1 (49:53):
Yeah, and it really made me sad as a daughter.
It really did Right andthinking about it, just all of
that life, all of my life thatwas lived up to this point, what
(50:15):
I really want to throw all ofthat away right you know, then I
really don't love myself, Idon't love myself, or guys like
I said.
Speaker 2 (50:28):
Um, you know, that was one of the things that they,
they said you have to know yourwork, you know, um, casting out
negative thoughts, you know,and emotions in your minds,
because that stuff, like yousaid, will tempt you.
You'll be so tempted to do thewrong thing.
I know, you know, one reasonwhy I stopped drinking was
(50:51):
because I was drinking becausemy father had died, and so when
that negative thought ofthinking about my dad came, then
that negative like oh, you needto grab you a cup of wine, and
I was like, no, I don't, I don't, you know.
So now, when I think of myfather, I had to create that
(51:14):
boundary and say I'm not goingto do this because I'm, you know
, thinking about my father, youknow.
And so we have to cast downthose negative thoughts.
You know one way to say stay inprayer.
You know, that is big for me youknow, stand in the face of God
(51:38):
and always talking to him.
You know, that's one way that Ihave pre boundary for myself,
so I won't break that boundarymyself Because, you know,
sometimes, like you say, I'll beso ready to just be like, okay,
I ain't finna worry about whatGod do, I'm finna, do this.
(52:01):
And then you know, and it'slike, am, am I gonna throw
everything away for this quickmoment?
No, I'm not, and so that'sthat's.
You know, that's, um, reallyreally good, that's really good.
Like I said, having self-controlis one of the main things in
(52:21):
when you're creating thatboundary.
And it's almost like when yousay I'm finna go, I'm not going
to eat sugar or whatever.
A lot of people can't handlethat because they can't deal
with that boundary, like, okay,I'm going to set this boundary
for myself, I'm not going to dothis, and they can't handle that
(52:42):
.
And so that's when you have tosay, okay, no, I'm gonna stay
away from that, I'm gonna stayaway from this, I'm gonna do
this, I'm gonna do that, youknow.
So, anyways, um, and the lastone is huge as well, because
(53:08):
sometimes the people that wewant to have in our you, away
from the journey that God hasyou on, and so we have to make
(53:48):
sure that we are doing that byand it protects us from the bad
people entering in our lives.
You know what I'm saying,whether it's a friend or family
or you know, just any outsidepeople that are saying, oh, I
can help you do this.
No, you have to make sure thatyou are setting that boundary
for others that are not for yourjourney.
You know, and and of course youhave to test the spirit by the
(54:10):
spirit.
So if they ain't in the spirit,then that's not the right person
that you need to be hangingwith.
That's not the right person inyour life.
So, um, have there ever been atime where you had to just be
like you know what?
You gotta go basically uh, thatwas a.
Speaker 1 (54:29):
The lord had to do that one for me and I just had
to be obedient and accept it andbe okay with it, um, because,
um, I didn't see it at first, hewas.
He was the one who had to tellme this person is no good for
you, you know, and and I needyou to cut them off.
Like he said, sever therelationship.
(54:51):
And I really held it foranother year.
And he came back a year laterlater and said I said, sever the
relationship, you know, and andso, because a lot of times we
don't always catch it, you know,sometimes we do, and but that
was one time where he had to doit for me and I was okay with
(55:13):
that he will do it.
Speaker 2 (55:19):
He will do it, he will take away those ones.
That is not for you, Becauseyou know, one prayer that I
always make sure that I pray isyou know, God, um, take away the
people that are not for me, andGod will always something it
(55:41):
always happened where you knowthat person that came in my life
.
They're not in my life becauseof whatever you know.
And I heard, I think I heard Ithink it was Pastor James that
said this God, God, show me whothey are before I have to take
(56:02):
the knife out my back, orsomething like that.
They are before I have to takethe knife out my back, or
something like that.
And it was like, oh, yes, Showme who they are, so before I
have to take the knife out youdon't want.
You don't want anybody in yourlife that will stab you in your
back, and so that's, that's oneof those things where you want
(56:23):
to set those boundaries forthose people that are not, that
are not impactful for yourjourney.
They are not helpful, they'renot needed, you know, for that
journey or that season anyways,because sometimes it ain't that
they are bad people, it's justthat they're not for that season
(56:46):
in your life, you know.
And so when you set a boundaryfor people that are not in, you
know, for that season of yourlife, like okay, because you
know people come in your life,for they can come in for a
reason or for a season, and sowe have to know what season that
they might be in.
Sometimes we might be trying toput people in different places
(57:09):
where they don't belong.
They might belong across thestreet and you trying to bring
them in one of your rooms in thehouse and that's not where they
belong, and so you got to makesure that you are placing people
in the right place, and that'swhat the setting boundaries are.
(57:29):
And so one thing Pastor Jamesalways say is you create a fence
and not a wall, because if youcreate a fence, you can open up
the door whenever.
If you got the wall built up up, you won't let nobody in.
So you got to make sure that ifyou set in the boundary, the
(57:49):
boundary is where you know whocould come in your life at this
time and who not, who is whobelong and who don't.
It's time for you to go.
And so that's the.
Speaker 1 (57:59):
That's the and I really I really think that
that's wisdom and that'ssomething that I'm trying to
teach my daughter is to beflexible, to not necessarily
like cut people off, but tolearn how to kind of be gracious
in those moments, understand,be compassionate and don't have
(58:30):
expectations on people that theycan't fulfill, you know, and
let people be where they are,you know.
And so don't try and make itmore than what it is and don't
try and make it less than whatit is.
And if there has to be someseparation or boundary place
there to be, you know, um, beflexible and not so rigid,
because you know, that's why youjust gotta, like be good to
people and treat people well,and it's a way to handle things.
(58:53):
You know, what I'm saying Likedepends on, of course, what the
situation is.
Like you said, let them, let meknow who they are before they
stab me in the back, I gotta totake the knife out.
I'm saying, if it's a situationwhere it's still a preventative
you know it's still beforehandthen we can still be gracious,
you know, in those times,because it's not always needed
(59:17):
to build a wall, because we haveto understand that walls end up
hurting us too, it closes usright right that that's so good.
Speaker 2 (59:29):
That's so good.
You know, like you said, we endup suffering because if you
need them at that moment or inthat next season, then now you
can't go back and get them ifyou don't create it, that wall,
you know.
And so we have to have, like itsays, have boundaries with
(59:49):
others and in being that, youhave to be able to know, like
you said, don't build a wall andjust you know, kind of have a
fence where you know if it'stime for them to come in, it's
time for them not, and not tosay that people can't do you the
same way Because you might notbe for those people in that
season.
Speaker 1 (01:00:09):
So it goes both ways you know Right.
You know, sometimes, yeah, andI think that we got to have a
gracious mindset about that too,right, you know, we're not
every tea in every season, andthat's okay, we don't have to
take it as rejection.
(01:00:29):
we don't have to take it as youknow, somebody don't like me no
more, or you know, we, we.
It's important to have thingsin proper perspective and not
take things personally.
And that's why it's good tohave these kind of conversations
, because people don't alwaysrecognize that they're
triggering old wounds and sothey may get touched in a
(01:00:54):
certain place in their heart,not realizing that they
frustrated from being rejectedfrom their childhood.
And it's not even like that,you know, it's just hey, we do
what's best for us right now, inthis time of season, because
we're grown, we're grown-ups, wegot to do what works, and
talking and communicating aboutthose things helps like it's
necessary, like, yeah, that ifwe go back and get a person in
(01:01:18):
the later season, that is a realthing.
And it's like.
It's not even like on us, it'son God, like if he allows that
and he says it's necessary, thenit will be.
But what we don't want to do ismess up what he's trying to do,
and that's why, if we knew theword, we'd be all right.
Speaker 2 (01:01:39):
I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you,
I'm telling you, I'm telling you, it is, god is so.
And I always say he's strategic.
And so if he tell you it's notthe season for them, that don't
(01:01:59):
mean that they not gonna be inyour life again.
And you know, I got a wholestory for that, where, you know,
when I was going throughcertain things, I had to not
talk to one of my friends, andwhen God moved me here to my
next season, we met up.
(01:02:21):
We both was going through thesame thing at the same time.
And now, you know, now God putus back together, where we are
serving together, we at thechurch together, and and it's
just incredible.
And so you know, like we say,what we have to do is do what
God say.
(01:02:41):
When he say OK, it's not you,this is not right for this time,
we said that and say, okay, god, what you I know, your thoughts
is higher than mine, your waysis higher than mine.
So I'm going to listen to youand I am going to follow what
you say.
Speaker 1 (01:03:01):
so anyways, so far I'm telling you yes, man, I'm
telling you so.
Speaker 2 (01:03:10):
Anyways, that's, that's pretty much what we we
can talk about tonight.
I mean, we can go on and on andon talking about some of these
things, but this is somethingthat was has been on my heart
for a few weeks now, but since,you know, with Easter and
everything, it just kind of gotbusy.
(01:03:32):
But guess what?
Somebody is wondering about howto create a healthy boundary
without even, um, having to bereal ugly, basically to people.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (01:03:48):
They don't have to.
Speaker 2 (01:03:49):
you know they don't have to tell people off, so but
anyways, if you have any more,anything else that you would
like to leave, and if you couldpray us out, that would be
wonderful.
Speaker 1 (01:04:04):
Yes, you know, being a godly woman, a godly parent,
it can be.
It can be.
It's something you know, andsharing what we've learned and
what we know with our families,with our children, is really
(01:04:24):
invaluable.
And we don't always get itright.
We have a lot that we havelearned.
There's things that we arestill learning, so know that in
Christ there is grace to be ableto move through these lessons,
to be healed, to be made wholethrough the processes, and even
for your children to be healedand to be whole from their own
(01:04:47):
traumas, because a lot of timeswe don't even realize that we
traumatize our children right wemight have to do with that um.
But yet, even as they grow andwe still maintain those
relationships, boundaries um canstill be set in our, in their,
in our, set in our maturing andcontinuing relationships.
(01:05:08):
These things are possible.
I just want to say that it ispossible.
In Christ, all things arepossible.
And with the word and bearingthe fruit of the spirit, doing
the word, loving you know, doingthe word, loving you know,
(01:05:29):
thanking, casting our cares onthe lord where he cares for us,
all of this stuff put togetheris, is important, and it's, it's
, it's successful through christ.
And I mean I'm, I'm, I'm here,I'm, I think therapy is
wonderful, you know, and I thinkthat if people are able to
partake, partake, you know, yes,they're getting there and learn
(01:05:50):
the skills, learn the um youknow the strategy that that a
professional may be able tooffer, and couple those things
with your word, with yourscripture, and and just make it
all come alive for you so youcan live well, live a whole life
, a life that is of peace and ofjoy and not suffering, because
(01:06:13):
we don't want to be ran over andwe don't want to run over
people, but you don't know whatyou don't know.
So something that I always liketo share is to become educated
and to find support in thesematters.
And that's why we do things likethis.
It's a form of support, it's aform of education and a
(01:06:36):
continuing conversation aboutthese things, and I always like
to share, to share with somebodywho you care about and trust,
somebody that is, that is safeand can handle your emotions and
and some of the the intimatethings, even of your family.
If that's possible, all right.
If you can find a spiritualleader or anything like that, it
(01:06:58):
would be well worth it to do so, because, um, you know, we
don't want to continue todevalue ourselves.
If that's the pattern that wehave been doing for a long time.
We can value ourselves bystrengthening these
relationships, by strengtheningthese boundaries.
(01:07:18):
So I just want to thankeverybody for coming on and
listening.
Tonight.
I'm going to pray us out andlet Ms Kiana close us out, all
right.
So thank you, father, for ourlisteners.
Thank you, lord God, for ourbeautiful, lovely host, god, and
the topic that you have put onour heart.
Lord God, you know your peoplehave been crying out and
(01:07:39):
desiring Father, truth andknowledge.
Father, truth, truth andknowledge.
Lord, we thank you for theexamples that you have all
around.
Lord, godly women, father, wepray that you even bring more
tangible examples in the livesof your people to be able to
(01:08:00):
glean from, lean from, to seehow to move forward in a way
that will aid them and give themencouragement, god, to be the
best that they can be and notsettling.
Not settling for less, notliving less than what you have
(01:08:20):
called us to be.
So I thank you for each andeveryone listening, every
supporter, father, and I praythat um do these meaningful
conversations got them, thatthat um eyes are open and that
it all is directed back to you.
So, father, kept capture yourpeople by the acts, that the
connection is made, the problemdo the solution, and we ask you
(01:08:43):
to have your way in every heart,every household, every
relationship, and we thank youfor it in Jesus' name, amen,
amen.
Speaker 2 (01:08:55):
Yes, thank you.
That is so good.
God is so good and I know he'sgoing to touch somebody on today
, like she said.
Thank you for tuning in.
Make sure, if you need to getsome help with this, find some
(01:09:16):
help please.
I want to, because you know weget on here and I can say we
discussed this, but it's alwaysgood to get the help, get the
education, talk to somebody,okay.
So, anyways, we thank you againfor tuning in.
Make sure you are liking,you're sharing, you're
(01:09:37):
commenting, share this withsomeone that you know so they
can be just as blessed as youare.
Okay, and just make sure thatyou are staying cute for Christ.
All right, bye, y'all.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, everyone, this is kiana, your
creator and your host of cutefor christ, and I want to say
thank you to everyone that hasliked and shared and commented,
whatever you done.
I'm so excited and I'm so happyand I just want to say thank
you, thank you, thank you, okay.
So, anyways, tonight, tonight,can you say tonight I am back
(00:49):
with my co-host, elda Harper.
I'm so excited.
How are you tonight, eldaHarper?
I'm doing well.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
I'm doing well.
Thanks for having me on onceagain anytime.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
You know it's always hard to get out there.
People don't understand what wehave to go through sometimes to
record, um, but I'm so excitedthat you're here, I'm so excited
to share just this space andfor you to be here with me
throughout these, this journey.
(01:24):
I always have to make sure Isay thank you and I'm telling
you it's going to get better andbetter.
So, anyways, that was just alittle prophetic that I had to
say so.
Anyways, tonight, you know, wehave been on the topic of grown
women raising Godly or is it God, I'm sorry, Godly women raising
(01:47):
grown children.
And so tonight we're going totalk about creating boundaries.
And so I'm excited because whatI'm really talking about is
creating a healthy and Godlyboundary that will show our
children how to create their ownboundaries in their sector,
(02:10):
Because we can't be with themall the time and we can't just
like show them how to do it they, you know or be right there
saying do this, do that, do that.
But we can show them through ourliving and show them through
the things that God has taughtus when it comes to setting and
creating a healthy and godlyboundary.
(02:34):
And when I say healthy, I meanyou want to have a healthy
boundary where is like acrossthe board, you know, you know,
it's not not that toxic or notjust like oh okay, you know, I
mean a healthy boundary.
Like you know, you can stilltalk to the people, but you just
(02:55):
know how to handle them and howto feed them and how to deal
with them.
So that that's what I meanhealthy, um, all around.
So that's what I mean healthyall around.
And when I say godly, it'ssomething that's biblical, that
we can take and we can use, that.
We can create these boundariesand it's not.
It ain't going to keep us fromgoing with him when he comes.
(03:18):
Hallelujah.
And that's the main thing,because we don't want to like,
we don't want to just be like ohokay, I'm like, I'm like being
around him because of this, this, this, you know, we want to
make sure that is something setfrom above.
Okay that you know, we can kindof follow, you know, because
people don't really talk aboutthis.
(03:39):
A lot of people don't talk aboutthis.
So, um, anyways, I'm going tojump right into it.
I want to say a quick prayerand then we will go right into
just kind of and it's going tobe kind of informal today, it's
going to be just a littletalking, trying to deal with
certain things.
We all trying to create theseboundaries.
(04:06):
Right, we get triggered.
Oh, we're going to that later,so, anyways, I'm gonna say a
quick prayer.
All right, dear heavenly father, we come to you.
First, we want to say thank youfor carving out this time, god,
god, this time that you havecarved out for us to be able to
speak with each other, god, tobe able to just converse on the
(04:30):
things that you have set beforeus, god, and we know that
someone is going to get thismessage.
Somebody is needing to hearabout the message that we have
set.
God, we know that you are hereand you have set your angels out
to be with us, god, god.
So we just thank you now forthe things that you've done,
thank you now for the thingsthat you're doing.
(04:51):
We thank you now for evensending Jesus, god, so he can be
our example, so we can followhim, and we know that he was
able to create boundaries, andwe can do it too, god, and so we
thank you now, god, for whatyou have done.
We know that you're going to ourhouses, god.
You are touching our children,god, god, our sick children, god
(05:12):
.
We thank you now for touchingthem, god, and leading and
guiding them in what they needto do.
God and God.
So we thank you now, god, justfor everybody that is
represented on this line, god,even the ones that are coming,
that are going to touch somebodyelse, god, somebody that is
going to hear this message, god.
(05:32):
We thank you now for opening uptheir ears, god, and open up
their heart, god, and so wethank you now for what you have
done.
We thank you now for whatyou're doing, god.
We thank you now for hiding usbehind the cross and allowing us
to get the message to yourpeople, and so we just thank you
now, god.
We love you, we honor you, god,we cherish you.
It's in Jesus' name that I pray, amen.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Amen, amen, amen, amen, all right, all right.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Look, that's my little dance, y'all.
So anyways, anyways, tonight weare going to talk about it,
talk about it, talk about it howto create a godly, a healthy
and godly boundary when it comesto the biblical standpoint.
(06:27):
You know, we want to be able toshow ourselves, show that we
have created healthy boundarieswhen it comes to our children,
so they can see us and they canemulate us and they can take it
and put it to their life,emulate us, and they can take it
(06:49):
and put it to their life and um, and so one thing that I had
found, and one thing I had foundum on this website, it was it's
, it's clothed with dignity andthey was talking about how to
set biblical boundaries.
As a Christian, I really,really like that, you know,
because sometimes we don't thinkthat it is a biblical principle
(07:10):
when it comes to boundary,because a lot of people say, oh
you say.
And I hate when people say that, oh you say you're supposed to
do that, you're supposed to dothat.
So when you hear that, whenpeople say that, or, or, you
know, because they think thatyou're supposed to be just this
(07:30):
Christian walking around openarms with everybody, so when you
hear that, what do you think?
When it comes to, oh, you'resupposed to be saved.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Yeah, you know, we get it sometimes.
It's what it does.
Is just reminds me that thereis a massive amount of ignorance
in the world as it pertains towhat the godly life looks like,
really, what it is.
(08:00):
Is people not knowing the wordthe Bible is?
Is people not knowing the word?
They're the vibing um andhaving enough um within
themselves to try and to try itfor themselves.
You know what I mean.
So it's it's, it's a matter ofthem being judgy, you know, um,
(08:21):
but when you are really living aChristian life, you're actually
much more compassionate towardspeople, because you yourself
have a better view ofimperfection.
You understand the grace that'sneeded in humanity, you know,
with humanity, tribal people,yeah, it's kind of annoying,
(08:44):
annoying.
It's annoying because there'sstigma there's, there's all kind
of you know ways that you knowpeople think we're supposed to
be, you know, but we're notsupposed to be somebody's
figment of their imagination ofwhat they think christianity
should look like, you know, andeverybody's at different stages
in their lives.
So it's because it's not fair.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
It's not my favorite thing, and it has happened to me
right and and the thing aboutit, they, you know, a lot of
people just think thatchristians are supposed to be
walked all over, you know.
But if you know that jesus inthe bible, he was not like that,
okay, no, he, he did not.
He didn't take.
You know, he took some, hedidn't take as much as people
(09:28):
would have.
They, like you said, they'reignorant.
They haven't read the full thingor they haven't really
interpreted the right way, andso um you know we have to make
sure.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
You know, I make sure it, because we got with Jesus
being God, all God, all man.
He doesn't have any choice butto be walking truth.
Right, he's going to be true,he's going to be truthful, he's
going to be honest.
So he's going to deal withpeople straight up and down and
(10:11):
if he needs to give aparableables, he's going to give
them parables.
If he needs to give them, um,you know some wording or some
questioning that that's going tobring them to another form of
realization and that that's whathe's going to do, because he
was not about hiding.
You know what I mean not tryingto people, please.
Yes, so his boundary was I haveto be the truth and I'm gonna
have to do it in such a way towhere, right, you come into more
(10:31):
knowledge.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
you know about me in the right right right and and uh
, it says here in this, this umarc, it says biblical boundaries
are personal rules that you setin place to make sure that no
one takes advantage of you,hurts or harm you or treats you
(10:54):
with disrespect.
And so that's one thing that wewant to know, that we don't
have to take disrespect, wedon't have to take you hurting
us just because we say, you know, I'm saying yes, yeah, you know
how people say God ain'tthrough me yet, god ain't
(11:15):
through me yet.
But no, seriously, you know, wedon't, we don't have to.
You know, take the, the peopletaking advantage of the simple
fact that you have Christ inyour life, or you know being
hurt or whatever.
And that's one thing that Iwant to kind of talk about,
(11:35):
because I want my children tosee that I don't take that and
they don't have to take it.
You know and um, and so youknow, we know that our children
live by our examples.
Uh, for the most part, like I,like I said, I can't be with
them 24, eight, I can't bestanding next to them and
(11:56):
telling them okay, no, do this,do that, do this, especially
when they get grown.
And so we know that when theyare grown when they get grown.
And so we know that when theyare grown, all we can do is say
that we set the stage for themwhere they can be able to know
that they can follow our example.
One example, they say, ofsetting a boundary includes
(12:19):
saying no to someone cuttingsomeone off in your life, to
someone cutting someone off inyour life, and just loving them
from a distance and walking awayfrom situations that may
require you to abandon yourfaith or change the beliefs that
you have.
And so that's one thing that Iwant my children to know is that
if you're with somebody andthey trying to make you change
(12:42):
what you believe, then you don'thave to, especially if it's
going against the Bible.
You know and see, we don't wantthat.
You can't go in and change, andyou know a lot of people.
They try to use the Bible intheir own way to justify what
(13:03):
they're doing, and so you have.
You know they say thescriptures in the hands of a
fool.
You get the scriptures in thehand of a fool.
They want to change it up, andthat's and that's the thing.
That's one reason why I want todo this, because I want people
to understand that it isbiblical practice right, that it
is biblical practice right Tothis Absolutely, so we don't
(13:30):
have to worry about, you know,when you create that boundary.
You don't have to.
You know.
We know that the Bible says beye in 2 Corinthians 6, 14, be ye
not unequally yoked togetherwith unbelievers.
For what fellowship hathrighteousness with
unrighteousness and whatcommunion have light with
(13:54):
darkness?
So you do not have to sit thereand deal with that, those
things.
So, anyways, we're going to moveright along this thing.
I kind of want to go.
They give five ways toestablish biblical boundaries in
(14:15):
your life and I just want tokind of tackle some of I know I
don't want to be on here toolong but I kind of, you know, I
love to pick Elder Harper'sbrain a little bit so she can
kind of give you know we feedoff each other.
They say.
They say I'm sharp and iron soI like to kind of get that.
So one of the first ways thatthey say is boundaries that are
(14:41):
set by God.
And see, people don't realizethat God actually set boundaries
.
And it says the first kind ofboundary that God set up was
with Adam and Eve.
He told them that they couldlive in the Garden of Eden and
eat from any tree, itself forwhat?
And so I'm laughing becausenobody really thought about that
(15:04):
boundary in the beginning.
So when you hear that, what doyou think about that first
boundary off the rip?
Speaker 1 (15:15):
you know that God said when I think of that as a
boundary, that the Lord said andit was like the first thing it
just lets me know that he wasputting his foot down.
You know he meant what he meant.
He meant what he said and nowhe has to begin to execute,
(15:38):
whatever the consequences.
After you know they broke therule.
They did what they were notsupposed to do.
So he shows us that actions dohave to happen after that, so it
can't just be talk.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
It can't be talk.
And you know, like you said,when and I'm going back to our
children when we set thoseboundaries with our children or
we show them that, okay, I knowI'm not supposed to do this,
because this right here willlead me to this, and this is
(16:20):
something that God said in thebeginning.
He told us not to do that.
And when you even get the TenCommandments, when God tells you
not to sin, we have to be thatlight to say, okay, the Ten
Commandments people don't know,those are boundaries, you can't
(16:41):
cross those lines.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, if you can't, you can'tcross those lines.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, so you know we have thoseboundaries that God has said
okay, you do this.
This is what's going to happenyou know, so don't get to that
point, basically.
And so you know, we have to knowthat when God sets up
(17:03):
boundaries in your life, youobey them, you trust in him,
believe that God is doing goodin your life and is protecting
you.
And so that's what we want toknow that when God set
boundaries, he's, he's, he's we.
We should obey him.
Obey them, trust in him,believe that he's doing good.
Obey them, trust in him,believe that he's doing good.
And that's how we want to dowhen we tell our children okay,
(17:28):
don't go to the club like that,guess what.
You want to create thatboundary because I want you to
protect yourself, I want you tomake sure.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
You said that God creates the boundaries for us
and we need to obey them andreally boundaries in general,
when part of the benefit of thembeing created is that it
promotes the proper mindset,because we have to realize that
(18:03):
the boundary is needed for areason and so, whatever the
person is thinking, whatever thesoul is dwelling upon something
, says that crossing thisboundary is okay or going this
far is okay, but that's why theboundary has to be there to say
(18:23):
no, it's not okay.
So when you have to back up andnow adjust and change what what
you're doing, that means that,okay, I need a whole new mindset
now.
I need to know how to liveright here and don't go to this
point.
What is the mindset that Ishould have right here, where I
can remain successful, where Ican continue to be, you know, in
(18:48):
the best way I can be.
You know what I mean, becauseit's right.
Understand that to every rule orlaw or boundary, there is a
mindset that goes with it rightyou know right, and and our and
our thought process should,should be in alignment with them
(19:08):
, because that means we mustneed it, you know, and and we
don't realize when we're justliving and just going our own
way and doing what we do, youknow, and this is this kind of
relates to, like people needingencouragement, things like that
you might not even know is, hey,my head is hung down, right,
(19:29):
you realize, oh, I'm feeling adifferent kind of way.
So it's like the realization is, oh, I need to have my head up,
oh, I need joy, I need to movefrom the place of sadness, move
from the place of.
You see what I mean.
So it's just, it's just anecessary thing to have the
mindset of whatever it is,because I apparently it is
(19:49):
needed, is necessary, andsomething about that is gonna
keep us healthy, whole, saferight, right.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
And I thought about girl, and it's so crazy, because
I was thinking about how, youknow, know, when God set the
boundary with Adam and Eve andyou know, and the devil was like
, oh, you surely won't die, andso he got them to cross that
boundary.
And I was thinking about, likeyou know, when we sin, we might
(20:19):
not think we're going to die,right then the enemy is telling
us oh us, oh you ain't gonna dieif you do that, but guess what?
Your soul is dying, right.
So just say, for instance, youdriving on the highway and you,
you get to a sign that say don'tgo cross, don't pass here a
stop or whatever, and it's acliff on the other side.
(20:42):
But you, you say you know what,I'm going to keep going.
Guess what You're going to end.
The consequences is you're goingto end up off that cliff.
Or you know, you're, you know,and so we have to know that when
the boundaries are there, when,when you get the sign to say to
stop, which is the sign is, isthe boundary right?
So you know that you don't wantto cross that because anything
(21:04):
can happen.
You don't know what can happen.
You know you might not die atthat moment.
But guess what?
You fall off that cliff.
You're going to die when youhit that ground.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Right.
And in the scenario wheresomething doesn't happen right
away, when the person does gopast that boundary now they have
the wrong mindset.
Exactly, person does go pastthat boundary, now they have the
wrong mindset.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
exactly now they got the mindset of oh, I can keep
going nothing has happened.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Nothing, you know.
And then we know how that works.
Things eventually catch up withpeople right and and but, but
that's the wrong mindset.
We can't have the mindset of,oh, you know, it's okay, you
know, nothing is happening to meright now.
We don't really realize what'sactually taking place in our
mind, our heart and our soul andwe're just talking about these
(21:55):
things like kind of on a surfacelevel.
We're not even talking aboutlike spiritually.
You know we're, we'redefinitely lending our members,
opening up doors, you know, toto when you sin, when you're
being disobedient on purpose.
You know, and I love theexamples that were given, even
with the priests and the, thesons of the priesthood there,
(22:19):
and they, you know, the fatherdidn't say anything to the sons
and it's like, yeah, something,they end up losing their lives,
you know right, right thatthat's so good and, like you
said, it could be something sodeeper than that.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Really, you know, um, that spiritual warfare can
start to take place when youstart to go past the boundary
that god has set for you as aChristian.
You know you can start gettingevil ties.
You can start, I mean, it canbe so much.
So, anyways, that's quitedifferent.
(23:01):
We're going to move on to thenext one.
And so the next one is how toestablish healthy boundaries in
relationships.
Healthy boundaries inrelationships Now we're not just
talking about just, you know,marital relationship.
It's relationship as a whole.
So we got you know your workship, your friendship.
(23:26):
You got you know even just yourfamily.
Yeah Right, I don't know why Ilaughed about that, that's an
insider, but you know it is.
And so we know that.
It says, as you probably alreadyknow, we are in a constant
(23:50):
state of spiritual warfare whenit comes to this.
The devil is doing all he canto distract us, tempt us and
drag us away from our faith andour purpose in life.
So we need to make sure that weare solely focusing on God
alone and his will for our lives.
And so when we have to createboundaries in relationship, we
(24:17):
have to realize that sometimesthat relationship can take you
further away from focusing onwhat God has set for your life.
That's why it's always good.
That's why the Bible says do notbe unequally yoked, because
when you get in thoserelationships or get with other
people, that will manipulate youto not doing what God wants you
(24:40):
to do and say oh do it this way, why are you doing it that way,
and so we have to know that itis that where it's like okay, no
, I got to create this boundarybecause I know what God has
called me to do and you're notbeing impactful to my
(25:01):
destination.
So that's, that's the reasonwhy we do the um, the the um
create the boundary with therelationship, or create the
boundary even with the workbeing at work.
So what do you think when youthink about creating a boundary
in those ships?
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Okay, you know, a lot of times I don't think we
always maybe recognize theinfluence, influences that
people have on us.
They may not even bequote-unquote, like manipulating
(25:45):
on purpose.
They may not even be, like youknow, very malicious, because a
lot of times we have to setboundaries for our own selves.
Right, if we see in their livesthat, hey, them just being
themselves is messing up whatwe're doing, we have to make
that decision anyhow that isgirl.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
That is so good, because you have to be able to
discern who you are when itcomes to being around people.
You know that are, that are,are like that, because sometimes
, you know we, when we don't seecertain some of these red flags
that they have on here, youknow one of the ones like
(26:31):
forcing you to do something youdon't want to do.
You know like, oh, you candrink.
You know what I'm saying.
Ain't nothing wrong with youdrinking, or ain't nothing wrong
with you cussing, or whatever.
You know those type of thingswhere they trying to force you
to do things that you don't wantto do.
You already know that.
Okay, god, you have pulled meaway from there, so I don't want
(26:55):
to do that.
You know, and we have to be ableto recognize these, some of
these red flags that they haveon here, that, um, that they,
you know the, like I said, thearticle clothed with dignity
have on here, and I'm onlysaying the article because I
don't know the author right now,the author of it, but anyways,
(27:17):
the author went to writing.
You know different beliefs, youknow, especially when they go
against the Bible, you know, andit is, it is so.
It's so crazy.
Like I said, you have somepeople that will use the
scriptures you know because theywould know the word, just like
(27:40):
we know the word you know.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
And so they will tell you, they will.
You know especially thatscripture about how women are
supposed to keep quiet in thechurch.
They will take that scriptureand run with it and and beat you
on side of the head when, whena woman is inside of a church
doing something or speaking onthe pulpit or whatever.
So you know, it's so crazy.
(28:10):
But oh, one of the other onesthat I like, oh, this one right
here, is a red flag.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
It says it says saying that God told me you are
the one for me that's, that'snot just a red flag, honey, is a
bullhorn, a foghorn, a a fire.
What they with the, with thoselittle flame that they shoot out
(28:44):
when, when you what do you say?
Speaker 2 (28:46):
that the, the, uh.
What do you say?
Listen, run away.
Oh, my goodness.
You know people would say thatyou know, and, because they know
you're a godly woman, or theyknow that you, you know you go
(29:08):
to church, or you, you knowyou're, you're in your spirit.
So now they're using, they'rebeing actually manipulative.
When it comes to that, you knowit's like okay, and you know
some people don't, and that'swhy I say it's good to have the
spirit of discernment.
Now, I ain't saying look, don't, don't.
I ain't saying that everybodythat have said that to you is
(29:29):
not the one for you.
Okay, said that to you is notthe one for you, okay.
I'm saying take it to God,because you know you have to
really, really know, um, youknow and and and, like I said,
another one of these is they,you know, they say it's steering
you away from the faith and youcan be in the workspace.
(29:54):
That and one thing that Ireally I ain't gonna say I don't
like, but you know some jobsthat tell you oh, don't talk
about your faith, you know, andthat right there can put you in
a bad space, especially whenyou're a child of God and you're
trying to minister the word tosomebody.
(30:14):
So have that ever happened toyou, where you just had to
choose between your faith andyour job?
Speaker 1 (30:23):
Um, not so directly, no, not exactly, but I did have
to be wise.
Um, I did have to be wise, um,I did have to just, I mean, like
say it in a way where theyunderstand what I mean and I'm
letting them know I'm a believer, yes, you know, I'm a Jesus
(30:45):
follower, and so everything Isay after this point, you know,
is just how I made it over, youknow, because I don't know.
It's just a way that I think itcan be done, that that could
still make it possible, but Iknow it can be really
challenging.
I've heard a lot of differentsituations where people, you
(31:09):
know, kind of get in troublefrom those things because people
not paying you to be on the jobpreaching and giving the word,
and I do believe that we shouldrender the Caesar what it seizes
.
I understand that, and so ifthat opportunity does come up,
maybe on a lunch break orsomething like that, if you ask
me a question about how Iexperience something I still I'm
(31:31):
obligated to tell you what itis, because I'm not going to lie
on my life, I'm not going tolie on the Lord.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Right, exactly Cause I, you know, I remember being in
the emergency room in ahospital.
You know, everybody knew me.
If you know, I wasn't walkingaround just like, oh, jesus,
jesus, jesus, don't you know I.
But like you say, if, if I hada patient and they were, you
(32:03):
know, I will always assess thesituation, but I never would not
stop talking about God when itcame to this, because I know God
to be a healer and so if I'm,if I'm in there, I'm going to
tell you the man that can healyou.
You know what I'm saying.
But you have to have the faithand so you know it.
(32:24):
It some sometimes, when you itdoes create like this.
You know it's a thin line,because, of course, you need
your job, you know, or you needyour, you know, but you want to
make sure you have this healthy,um, relationship at work with
(32:44):
your, with your co-workers,because you don't want to walk
in there.
They'd be like, oh lord, hereshe comes, you know, and you
want to make sure that you haveit, but you come to Bible
thumper, so, but you want tomake sure that, um, you not it
(33:06):
uh, one of the things that notallow anyone to force or
pressure you to do anything youdon't want to do, um, and so you
, you want to make sure, andthat, and that goes both ways.
So you don't want to forcepeople and and make them feel
uncomfortable.
That's where the healthinesscomes from, because you don't
(33:27):
want to force each other, andthat's that's one thing, and so,
but one thing you don't want to, but one thing you do want to
do is always make sure you putGod first and allow him to be
the center of the relationship,and when you can allow him,
jesus would know when to let youspeak and when not to let you
(33:48):
speak.
He will know when it's time,you know, to talk about jesus,
or when it's time to talk abouthim, or when it's time when it's
not.
You know it's always, um, it'salways ways to do things, you
know.
So, anyways, I, I, I love it Ilove it so.
(34:11):
So, anyways, we're gonna move tothe next one.
It's a uh boundaries forchildren.
Now that we just had this wholelittle thing, oh my goodness and
um.
But it's always a good thingwhen we can create boundaries
(34:37):
for our children, whether theyare older or not, you know.
But you know we want to makesure that we are setting
boundaries for them because it'simportant even at a start, at a
young age.
So it's important to start at ayoung age teaching them.
(34:58):
Okay, you don't do this.
You do this because you know,like the Bible says in Proverbs
22 and six.
It says train up a child in theway he should go, and when he
is old, he will not depart fromit, and when he is old, he will
(35:18):
not depart from it.
So we want to create thisboundary that is a healthy one.
And one of the examples thatthey give is saying no when
necessary.
And that's good right there,because a lot of people they
want to say yes to everything,especially nowadays, because you
don't want.
You want your children to be afriend.
You know that's what peoplewant.
(35:41):
So what do you say about that?
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Trying to make sure you say no when it's necessary,
because and and really discernand when to say no um, I noticed
for me, though, like I had todeal with some weak spots even
in this process, because thattransition from being a child to
(36:09):
a young adult to an adult ischallenging because the power
and the strengths that youleaned on before is not the same
as when they are adults.
So you may find adults, so youmay find may you know
(36:38):
everybody's different.
I found it challenging to shiftfrom friend to okay.
Now I need to put someboundaries here because, um, I,
I, I want you to still, I wantus to still have a good
relationship, but I also wantyou to know that you can't go
this far.
I need you to do this or justkind of straighten things out,
(37:02):
and I recognize that I had aweak place in there and I didn't
want to speak up.
I didn't want to.
Uh, I recognize that there waslike a personality difference
between myself and and mychildren sometimes, and I had to
just like really get my heartstrengthened, really Right, and
(37:29):
just kind of sort things out andput them back in perspective
and realize that every gooddecision that we make is for the
, the betterment of therelationship.
Everything that we have to dois so that we can maintain and
continue to go forward.
If we don't do things, if wedon't get things squared away,
then it's a lie, it's false,then that's going to be able to
(37:52):
create, you know, break, break,breaking points, um, like
breaches, you know.
And so we need these things tobe talked out.
We need a safe time, a space.
Take safe space to do it right.
It just has to be done, becausethe pressures don't really go
away.
We can try all these differenttactics avoidance and all that
(38:13):
kind of stuff, but at the end ofthe day, you're still gonna be
the parent, they're still gonnabe the kid or the adult right at
the end of the day.
Speaker 2 (38:22):
Look, my I was, um, I was talking to somebody, but I
was like my grandmother is still101 and my and my mama can't
say everything to her that thatright now she done created that
boundary for hell.
Like I'm still, I'm 101 and youstill can't talk to me any kind
of way, you know, or becauseI'm not your friend.
(38:44):
Like you say, we have to learnhow to be able to switch it.
I can, I say, switch it, switchit off.
But I mean, like you can gofrom being this okay, I'm okay
with us joking, or I'm okay withus, you know being, you know
(39:05):
this way.
But when it comes time for meto lead you and lead you into a
way where you need to go, thenyou know it's time.
The Bible says in Hebrews 12, 6through 7, for whom the Lord
loveth, he chases and escorted.
(39:28):
Every son whom he receiveth,every, every son whom he
receiveth.
If ye endure chastening, goddealeth with you as with sons,
for what son he is, whom thefather chasteth not.
So we want to make sure that weare doing what we need to do
when it comes to that time,because we want to, um, really
(39:50):
have that like okay, you'redoing wrong, let me get you
right.
You know what I'm saying.
But at the same token, we comewith love.
We can still be able to be, youknow.
So they can come to us, youknow.
You know how, when Jesus, wecan go to Jesusesus by anything,
(40:11):
but we also know that he can,he can correct us at the same
time.
So yeah, yes yes, that's that'swhat I love about it, because I
could be like, oh god, I don'tfeel like doing that and god be
like, okay, I need you to getyourself together.
(40:31):
You know what I'm saying.
And I'd be like, all right,you're right, you're right, god,
okay, but anyways, the next oneis learning self-control.
(40:52):
Now this one.
Oh, self-control, now this one.
Oh my God, you have to learnhow to have that self-control.
Setting up biblical boundariesfor yourself is more than
protecting yourself from others'behavior, but also about
protecting you from yourself.
That's.
(41:12):
That's a.
That's hard, because sometimeswe can.
We was, we would set boundaries, but we would overstep them in
a minute.
You know, yeah, we will.
We will go back on our wordbecause, oh well, I feel sorry
for them or you know, orwhatever.
(41:33):
But we said you know, we want tobe able to have self-control
when it comes to us and ourboundaries.
That you know, if I'm triggeredby what you have said to me,
then I have to know that thatmeans I don't let you allow you
(41:53):
to overstep that boundary that Ihad already placed.
And so when it comes to that,we have to make sure that we are
not constantly because we arealways constantly spiritual
fighting against the desires ofthe flesh.
So in our minds we're like ohokay, maybe I could do just a
(42:17):
little bit of this.
You know what I'm saying?
Because I don't think.
I don't.
I think because most of thetime here's the thing Most of
the time we think that we setthe boundary and not God set the
boundary, but in actuality Godsaid God gave you that boundary
so you can set it, because heknow what would trigger you.
He know that it will take youout of your character.
And so we have to make surethat when we have that
(42:40):
self-control and I think we weretalking about this before we
started having that self-controlwhen I have stepped outside of
my character, that means youhave triggered me, and that
means I have let my self-controlgo.
So what do you think about that?
Speaker 1 (43:02):
Yes, I think there are some layers of recognition
that has to take place in thosemoments and it is really like a
learning journey really for eachindividual per area that
(43:22):
they're being dealt with in, youknow, and so it's like it's not
just knowing.
Okay, I don't, I want torespond in love, right, but I
feel like we have to not onlylike sit set out to renew our
minds, but to also like practiceour responses and to really be
(43:46):
like fortified in our reasoningof why we're doing what we're
doing, because when you aretrying to accomplish something
good and golly and you're all inon something, you're really
giving it all you got.
And a lot of times we'll setsomething into being.
Like you already said, we'lljust kind of knock it down and
go right past it.
You know, because we're not alot of times we're not all the
(44:09):
way committed, even withinourselves.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
We know we need to be there.
Speaker 1 (44:13):
We'll probably put some up there, but it won't be
like something to where, forreal, there's no other options,
you know, but that takes somepersonal assessment, that takes
some, some examination on theinside, and that means that we
have to really put in the layersthere, put in the mindset, put
(44:33):
in the you know.
Ok, this is how I'm going toact, this is what I'm going to
say, back and think about our,like I said, our reasons why I
like build padding around,reasons why like build padding
around right, build up thatforce, that godly fortitude,
because, um, the enemy is goingto try and he's going to come
from all different kind ofangles anyway, you know.
(44:54):
So I mean, the temptations aregoing to be there and I mean we
I'm sure we've all experiencedthat, you know, we'll, we'll try
and do something right and then, if you don't get you on this
side, he going to try you on theother side.
You know what I'm saying.
And so it's like, okay, youknow, you learn how to get
strong, you learn how to putyour dukes up, you learn how to
(45:17):
get low and humble, but reallyall of that, that's what it's
teaching us.
It's teaching us how tonavigate and move and be
flexible and bob and weave withHoly Spirit, because when we're
doing things in our own flesh,we're likely to get jabbed, you
know, and likely to get hit andget caught with, you know,
(45:44):
taking that bait, you know, thatbait that was put out before us
.
And so sometimes I just I dobelieve that allows certain
things to happen to us, so wereally can take that inner, deep
look.
And so I will say, even formyself, there's something that
happened to me last year was itlast year, around Easter time
(46:04):
time?
And I couldn't believe that Iwas willing to sacrifice
everything that God had built upin my life.
Wow, to be able, just to beable, to retaliate.
Be free, not really free, notgodly freedom, but freedom in
(46:24):
such a way to act a fool that ascripture tells us to be free to
worship.
Don't be right and into sin youknow, act up in our flesh.
We're gonna be a bondage againas a sin, for sure, oh for sure,
you know.
And so I couldn't believe thatI was willing to let go of
everything that my, my witness,my, my name, you know,
(46:47):
reputation, everything justbecause I had been done wrong.
You know that I had experiencedsome injustice and somebody
crossed a boundary with me, andyou know I was ready to let them
know.
You know, in the worst way.
And I'm, and I'm like you knowhow dare I.
I had to get to the point likeit took me days, days of moaning
(47:12):
, groaning, grunting, fighting,fighting, fighting with the lord
, like uh-uh, no, you know whatI mean.
And it's like I had broken downand get to that place where I
realized, like you know, notonly is the situation, the
circumstance not worth it.
I, like you said, lostself-control, I was willing to
(47:37):
let go, to lose, Right.
I mean, I had to look Jesus inthe face and say you're not
worth it.
You don't have.
Ooh, what you got is not enoughfor me, what you don't love is
not enough, your power is notenough.
I mean, you really have to lookin the mirror, ask those
(47:58):
questions and then, if you cansay yes to that, then how are we
really believers, you know?
So I had to like really swallowthat and realize, no, you know,
no, my Lord is enough.
What is way more important thanwhatever else is that's
temporary.
What God does is eternal.
(48:20):
You know it's like it's.
We have to be able to seethings for what they are and
keep going and realize it'sworth it to do the work to
create the boundary and for, forthe, for people, for situations
and scenarios, people, placesand things, and it is worth it
(48:41):
to create it for ourselves,because now we level up in the
area of self-worth, like theworth it's an issue of worth.
You know it's a matter of like.
You know the value that you getis like we gotta look at it, and
(49:06):
so my god.
Speaker 2 (49:10):
I'm sitting over here because that's what I was just
going to say.
You know about knowing yourworth, like you have to know how
precious and valuable you arein God's eyes, you know.
So for you to say you know I'mgonna be influenced by the sin
(49:30):
of this world is basicallysaying that you don't know your
worth in his eye, you don't knowhow valuable you are to him,
yeah.
And and for you to say that youwas like willing to just be
like you know, and that's thatjust blessed my soul Seriously.
Speaker 1 (49:53):
Yeah, and it really made me sad as a daughter.
It really did Right andthinking about it, just all of
that life, all of my life thatwas lived up to this point, what
(50:15):
I really want to throw all ofthat away right you know, then I
really don't love myself, Idon't love myself, or guys like
I said.
Speaker 2 (50:28):
Um, you know, that was one of the things that they,
they said you have to know yourwork, you know, um, casting out
negative thoughts, you know,and emotions in your minds,
because that stuff, like yousaid, will tempt you.
You'll be so tempted to do thewrong thing.
I know, you know, one reasonwhy I stopped drinking was
(50:51):
because I was drinking becausemy father had died, and so when
that negative thought ofthinking about my dad came, then
that negative like oh, you needto grab you a cup of wine, and
I was like, no, I don't, I don't, you know.
So now, when I think of myfather, I had to create that
(51:14):
boundary and say I'm not goingto do this because I'm, you know
, thinking about my father, youknow.
And so we have to cast downthose negative thoughts.
You know one way to say stay inprayer.
You know, that is big for me youknow, stand in the face of God
(51:38):
and always talking to him.
You know, that's one way that Ihave pre boundary for myself,
so I won't break that boundarymyself Because, you know,
sometimes, like you say, I'll beso ready to just be like, okay,
I ain't finna worry about whatGod do, I'm finna, do this.
(52:01):
And then you know, and it'slike, am, am I gonna throw
everything away for this quickmoment?
No, I'm not, and so that'sthat's.
You know, that's, um, reallyreally good, that's really good.
Like I said, having self-controlis one of the main things in
(52:21):
when you're creating thatboundary.
And it's almost like when yousay I'm finna go, I'm not going
to eat sugar or whatever.
A lot of people can't handlethat because they can't deal
with that boundary, like, okay,I'm going to set this boundary
for myself, I'm not going to dothis, and they can't handle that
(52:42):
.
And so that's when you have tosay, okay, no, I'm gonna stay
away from that, I'm gonna stayaway from this, I'm gonna do
this, I'm gonna do that, youknow.
So, anyways, um, and the lastone is huge as well, because
(53:08):
sometimes the people that wewant to have in our you, away
from the journey that God hasyou on, and so we have to make
(53:48):
sure that we are doing that byand it protects us from the bad
people entering in our lives.
You know what I'm saying,whether it's a friend or family
or you know, just any outsidepeople that are saying, oh, I
can help you do this.
No, you have to make sure thatyou are setting that boundary
for others that are not for yourjourney.
You know, and and of course youhave to test the spirit by the
(54:10):
spirit.
So if they ain't in the spirit,then that's not the right person
that you need to be hangingwith.
That's not the right person inyour life.
So, um, have there ever been atime where you had to just be
like you know what?
You gotta go basically uh, thatwas a.
Speaker 1 (54:29):
The lord had to do that one for me and I just had
to be obedient and accept it andbe okay with it, um, because,
um, I didn't see it at first, hewas.
He was the one who had to tellme this person is no good for
you, you know, and and I needyou to cut them off.
Like he said, sever therelationship.
(54:51):
And I really held it foranother year.
And he came back a year laterlater and said I said, sever the
relationship, you know, and andso, because a lot of times we
don't always catch it, you know,sometimes we do, and but that
was one time where he had to doit for me and I was okay with
(55:13):
that he will do it.
Speaker 2 (55:19):
He will do it, he will take away those ones.
That is not for you, Becauseyou know, one prayer that I
always make sure that I pray isyou know, God, um, take away the
people that are not for me, andGod will always something it
(55:41):
always happened where you knowthat person that came in my life
.
They're not in my life becauseof whatever you know.
And I heard, I think I heard Ithink it was Pastor James that
said this God, God, show me whothey are before I have to take
(56:02):
the knife out my back, orsomething like that.
They are before I have to takethe knife out my back, or
something like that.
And it was like, oh, yes, Showme who they are, so before I
have to take the knife out youdon't want.
You don't want anybody in yourlife that will stab you in your
back, and so that's, that's oneof those things where you want
(56:23):
to set those boundaries forthose people that are not, that
are not impactful for yourjourney.
They are not helpful, they'renot needed, you know, for that
journey or that season anyways,because sometimes it ain't that
they are bad people, it's justthat they're not for that season
(56:46):
in your life, you know.
And so when you set a boundaryfor people that are not in, you
know, for that season of yourlife, like okay, because you
know people come in your life,for they can come in for a
reason or for a season, and sowe have to know what season that
they might be in.
Sometimes we might be trying toput people in different places
(57:09):
where they don't belong.
They might belong across thestreet and you trying to bring
them in one of your rooms in thehouse and that's not where they
belong, and so you got to makesure that you are placing people
in the right place, and that'swhat the setting boundaries are.
(57:29):
And so one thing Pastor Jamesalways say is you create a fence
and not a wall, because if youcreate a fence, you can open up
the door whenever.
If you got the wall built up up, you won't let nobody in.
So you got to make sure that ifyou set in the boundary, the
(57:49):
boundary is where you know whocould come in your life at this
time and who not, who is whobelong and who don't.
It's time for you to go.
And so that's the.
Speaker 1 (57:59):
That's the and I really I really think that
that's wisdom and that'ssomething that I'm trying to
teach my daughter is to beflexible, to not necessarily
like cut people off, but tolearn how to kind of be gracious
in those moments, understand,be compassionate and don't have
(58:30):
expectations on people that theycan't fulfill, you know, and
let people be where they are,you know.
And so don't try and make itmore than what it is and don't
try and make it less than whatit is.
And if there has to be someseparation or boundary place
there to be, you know, um, beflexible and not so rigid,
because you know, that's why youjust gotta, like be good to
people and treat people well,and it's a way to handle things.
(58:53):
You know, what I'm saying Likedepends on, of course, what the
situation is.
Like you said, let them, let meknow who they are before they
stab me in the back, I gotta totake the knife out.
I'm saying, if it's a situationwhere it's still a preventative
you know it's still beforehandthen we can still be gracious,
you know, in those times,because it's not always needed
(59:17):
to build a wall, because we haveto understand that walls end up
hurting us too, it closes usright right that that's so good.
Speaker 2 (59:29):
That's so good.
You know, like you said, we endup suffering because if you
need them at that moment or inthat next season, then now you
can't go back and get them ifyou don't create it, that wall,
you know.
And so we have to have, like itsays, have boundaries with
(59:49):
others and in being that, youhave to be able to know, like
you said, don't build a wall andjust you know, kind of have a
fence where you know if it'stime for them to come in, it's
time for them not, and not tosay that people can't do you the
same way Because you might notbe for those people in that
season.
Speaker 1 (01:00:09):
So it goes both ways you know Right.
You know, sometimes, yeah, andI think that we got to have a
gracious mindset about that too,right, you know, we're not
every tea in every season, andthat's okay, we don't have to
take it as rejection.
(01:00:29):
we don't have to take it as youknow, somebody don't like me no
more, or you know, we, we.
It's important to have thingsin proper perspective and not
take things personally.
And that's why it's good tohave these kind of conversations
, because people don't alwaysrecognize that they're
triggering old wounds and sothey may get touched in a
(01:00:54):
certain place in their heart,not realizing that they
frustrated from being rejectedfrom their childhood.
And it's not even like that,you know, it's just hey, we do
what's best for us right now, inthis time of season, because
we're grown, we're grown-ups, wegot to do what works, and
talking and communicating aboutthose things helps like it's
necessary, like, yeah, that ifwe go back and get a person in
(01:01:18):
the later season, that is a realthing.
And it's like.
It's not even like on us, it'son God, like if he allows that
and he says it's necessary, thenit will be.
But what we don't want to do ismess up what he's trying to do,
and that's why, if we knew theword, we'd be all right.
Speaker 2 (01:01:39):
I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you,
I'm telling you, I'm telling you, it is, god is so.
And I always say he's strategic.
And so if he tell you it's notthe season for them, that don't
(01:01:59):
mean that they not gonna be inyour life again.
And you know, I got a wholestory for that, where, you know,
when I was going throughcertain things, I had to not
talk to one of my friends, andwhen God moved me here to my
next season, we met up.
(01:02:21):
We both was going through thesame thing at the same time.
And now, you know, now God putus back together, where we are
serving together, we at thechurch together, and and it's
just incredible.
And so you know, like we say,what we have to do is do what
God say.
(01:02:41):
When he say OK, it's not you,this is not right for this time,
we said that and say, okay, god, what you I know, your thoughts
is higher than mine, your waysis higher than mine.
So I'm going to listen to youand I am going to follow what
you say.
Speaker 1 (01:03:01):
so anyways, so far I'm telling you yes, man, I'm
telling you so.
Speaker 2 (01:03:10):
Anyways, that's, that's pretty much what we we
can talk about tonight.
I mean, we can go on and on andon talking about some of these
things, but this is somethingthat was has been on my heart
for a few weeks now, but since,you know, with Easter and
everything, it just kind of gotbusy.
(01:03:32):
But guess what?
Somebody is wondering about howto create a healthy boundary
without even, um, having to bereal ugly, basically to people.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (01:03:48):
They don't have to.
Speaker 2 (01:03:49):
you know they don't have to tell people off, so but
anyways, if you have any more,anything else that you would
like to leave, and if you couldpray us out, that would be
wonderful.
Speaker 1 (01:04:04):
Yes, you know, being a godly woman, a godly parent,
it can be.
It can be.
It's something you know, andsharing what we've learned and
what we know with our families,with our children, is really
(01:04:24):
invaluable.
And we don't always get itright.
We have a lot that we havelearned.
There's things that we arestill learning, so know that in
Christ there is grace to be ableto move through these lessons,
to be healed, to be made wholethrough the processes, and even
for your children to be healedand to be whole from their own
(01:04:47):
traumas, because a lot of timeswe don't even realize that we
traumatize our children right wemight have to do with that um.
But yet, even as they grow andwe still maintain those
relationships, boundaries um canstill be set in our, in their,
in our, set in our maturing andcontinuing relationships.
(01:05:08):
These things are possible.
I just want to say that it ispossible.
In Christ, all things arepossible.
And with the word and bearingthe fruit of the spirit, doing
the word, loving you know, doingthe word, loving you know,
(01:05:29):
thanking, casting our cares onthe lord where he cares for us,
all of this stuff put togetheris, is important, and it's, it's
, it's successful through christ.
And I mean I'm, I'm, I'm here,I'm, I think therapy is
wonderful, you know, and I thinkthat if people are able to
partake, partake, you know, yes,they're getting there and learn
(01:05:50):
the skills, learn the um youknow the strategy that that a
professional may be able tooffer, and couple those things
with your word, with yourscripture, and and just make it
all come alive for you so youcan live well, live a whole life
, a life that is of peace and ofjoy and not suffering, because
(01:06:13):
we don't want to be ran over andwe don't want to run over
people, but you don't know whatyou don't know.
So something that I always liketo share is to become educated
and to find support in thesematters.
And that's why we do things likethis.
It's a form of support, it's aform of education and a
(01:06:36):
continuing conversation aboutthese things, and I always like
to share, to share with somebodywho you care about and trust,
somebody that is, that is safeand can handle your emotions and
and some of the the intimatethings, even of your family.
If that's possible, all right.
If you can find a spiritualleader or anything like that, it
(01:06:58):
would be well worth it to do so, because, um, you know, we
don't want to continue todevalue ourselves.
If that's the pattern that wehave been doing for a long time.
We can value ourselves bystrengthening these
relationships, by strengtheningthese boundaries.
(01:07:18):
So I just want to thankeverybody for coming on and
listening.
Tonight.
I'm going to pray us out andlet Ms Kiana close us out, all
right.
So thank you, father, for ourlisteners.
Thank you, lord God, for ourbeautiful, lovely host, god, and
the topic that you have put onour heart.
Lord God, you know your peoplehave been crying out and
(01:07:39):
desiring Father, truth andknowledge.
Father, truth, truth andknowledge.
Lord, we thank you for theexamples that you have all
around.
Lord, godly women, father, wepray that you even bring more
tangible examples in the livesof your people to be able to
(01:08:00):
glean from, lean from, to seehow to move forward in a way
that will aid them and give themencouragement, god, to be the
best that they can be and notsettling.
Not settling for less, notliving less than what you have
(01:08:20):
called us to be.
So I thank you for each andeveryone listening, every
supporter, father, and I praythat um do these meaningful
conversations got them, thatthat um eyes are open and that
it all is directed back to you.
So, father, kept capture yourpeople by the acts, that the
connection is made, the problemdo the solution, and we ask you
(01:08:43):
to have your way in every heart,every household, every
relationship, and we thank youfor it in Jesus' name, amen,
amen.
Speaker 2 (01:08:55):
Yes, thank you.
That is so good.
God is so good and I know he'sgoing to touch somebody on today
, like she said.
Thank you for tuning in.
Make sure, if you need to getsome help with this, find some
(01:09:16):
help please.
I want to, because you know weget on here and I can say we
discussed this, but it's alwaysgood to get the help, get the
education, talk to somebody,okay.
So, anyways, we thank you againfor tuning in.
Make sure you are liking,you're sharing, you're
(01:09:37):
commenting, share this withsomeone that you know so they
can be just as blessed as youare.
Okay, and just make sure thatyou are staying cute for Christ.
All right, bye, y'all.
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