June 10, 2025 • 8 mins
In this episode of the ADHD MOM podcast, we dive into why many women are diagnosed with ADHD later in life—and how hormones, masking, and misdiagnosis play a role.
You'll learn about the power of a 'done list' to help track wins and stay encouraged, especially when to-do lists feel defeating.
Tune in for real talk, practical tools, and space to reflect on how your brain really works!
To find more tips and support, visit theADHDMom.com and subscribe to the show!
Jessica is a Creative wife & mom of 3 from Northwest Pennsylvania. She is a voiceover artist at Jessica Lewis Voice and enjoys creating calming art through macro and landscape photography at The Painted Square.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jessica Lewis (00:01):
This is the ADHD MOM podcast.
Hey, I'm Jess.
Today we are talking about beinga late bloomer discovering ADHD
in adult women.
And today's quick win iscreating a done list, not a
to-do list.
But before we get into that,first, let's understand late
diagnosed ADHD in women.
(00:22):
Did you know that womentypically get diagnosed with
ADHD about maybe four or fiveyears later than men?
Many women don't discover theyhave ADHD until their thirties,
forties, fifties, and sixties,and here's why.
Women often present differentsymptoms than men.
We tend to be more inattentiverather than hyperactive.
(00:43):
We especially see this in littleboys.
I have one.
We're also masters at maskingour symptoms through
perfectionism andovercompensating, you know,
pushing down those scatteredbrain emotions to make it look
like you know exactly whatsomeone's saying.
You know exactly what happenedyesterday and you remember
(01:04):
everything.
Yeah, we pretend we mask that.
All of that is not overwhelming.
Healthcare providers sometimesmiss the signs because they're
focused on other symptoms likeanxiety and depression, and
although that can happen withADHD, sometimes it masks the
ADHD or the depression masks.
It's just, it's complicated,right?
(01:26):
Especially when we're masking itand we don't understand what is
going on.
Many of us spend years feelinglike, okay, there's something
wrong with me.
Maybe I'm getting treated foranxiety or depression.
Maybe it's just ADHD is the rootcause all along for me.
It was like the puzzle piecesfinally came together.
I could see the whole picture.
(01:48):
It didn't change who I was, butit did help me understand how my
brain works.
Before I was diagnosed and I wasdealing with my son's diagnosis,
a friend and mental healthworker asked, okay, so let's say
you get diagnosed.
Now what?
And that is such a greatquestion, and I think that the
answer is going to be differentfor each and every one of us.
(02:10):
Does it change who we are?
No.
But for me it was helpful ingetting a clearer picture of
what I was dealing with, and italso helps with what strategies
could help and what strategiesdo not help.
So for me, going through thetesting, I realized my memory is
really bad.
I mean, I think my husband knewthat, and I think I knew that.
(02:30):
But to see the data on paper islike, oh, okay.
I do struggle with memory, so Ineeded to put structure into
place to help with that.
I use Notion in the Second Brainsystem, but that's a whole other
show.
And also for another show is thewhole hormonal connection.
Our hormones play a huge role.
Research is showing that ADHDsymptoms can actually change
(02:53):
during our monthly cycle,pregnancy and postpartum, and
perimenopause and menopause.
Yay.
This is why some of us mightfeel like our symptoms are all
over the place at differenttimes of the month.
There are definitely days justbefore my cycle that I feel
completely scatterbrained and Ijust can't keep everything in
(03:16):
focus.
Hormones are surging and goingcrazy, and so it makes sense
that that is the connection.
Now, I'm not a doctor, I'm not aresearcher.
These are just things that Ihave picked up and read.
So I encourage you to do yourown research and look all of
this up and see if these are theconnections that you're also
making.
(03:38):
So if you're newly diagnosed oryou're thinking about getting
diagnosed, or you think you haveADHD, but you're not sure, all
of that is okay.
It's a journey.
But today's quick win is createa done list, not a to-do list.
Throughout the day, write downtasks as you complete them.
Even small ones like I made thebed, or I responded to that
(03:59):
email that's been sitting therefor weeks.
That's a huge win.
The practice of creating a donelist can help you recognize how
much you actually accomplisheddespite feeling scatterbrained.
It helps you build confidence inyour abilities.
You accomplish something, youdid something.
Here's the proof.
It also helps identify yournatural patterns in peak
(04:22):
productivity times.
So for me, this is really hard.
I love to live in the future.
I'm futuristic, vision minded,and I struggle with memory,
which is, you know, looking backand thinking about the past.
I can't remember things fiveminutes ago, let alone what I
did yesterday or the weekbefore, or what I did for my
birthday last year.
No idea.
(04:42):
Poof.
It's gone.
So my challenge, and it might beyour challenge too, is living in
the present moment andreflecting on the past.
It takes time and effort andit's something our ADHD brains
don't like effort.
Uh, no thank you, because itslows us down and it makes us
think, and thinking can bereally hard to look back.
(05:06):
It doesn't give us that dopaminehit, but reflecting on our past
is really important to help putthings in place for the present
and to make a better future.
Right?
It's hard to build confidencewhen we don't understand what we
accomplish during the day.
If you took the time to reflecton your day, you realize all the
(05:27):
laundry you washed and folded,all of the clients that you
lined up and emailed back, allthe meal planning you did, all
the taking care of the kids,driving them to and from sports.
We're not trying to be perfecthere.
We're just trying to reflectback on all the things that we
do every day and put togetherour done list.
(05:50):
So what could your done listlook like?
Do you physically write thingsdown on sticky notes or a
notebook?
Maybe you do post-it notes onthe side of the fridge, or I've
got one of those magneticwhiteboards that are, that's on
the side of the fridge.
But the idea is that you writeyour task list down, don't erase
it, maybe cross it off, and thenyou can see all the things that
you've done at the end of theday.
(06:12):
So practically for what thatlooks like for me, I lose paper.
I'm not very good at carryingthe same piece of paper around
with me all the time.
So I use Google tasks and it'son the side of my email and it
syncs to my phone.
'cause I have the app, theGoogle Tasks app on my phone.
So when I cross off a task, itdisappears, which is great
because it cleans everything upand it feels like I'm actually
(06:34):
making progress.
But sometimes it's helpful to goback and look at all of the
things you've crossed off.
Like you can look at the archiveand sometimes we write one big,
huge task down and cross it off.
And we don't realize that thatone big, huge task actually
involved 10 different tasks tobe able to get to that one cross
off.
So don't forget about the smalllittle tasks that add up.
(06:57):
Our brains need to see that wehave done a lot.
So count every freaking taskthat you have done during the
day.
And maybe it sounds crazy, butit's a simple mind shift that
helps us combat the negativeself-talk that many late
diagnosed women haveinternalized over years of
undiagnosed ADHD.
(07:18):
Your diagnosis does not make youa failure.
It's just a first step towardunderstanding yourself better
and creating strategies thatwork for your unique brain.
Do you have a tip or techniquethat works for your brain or
something that works for yourkids?
I'd love to hear it and share iton the show.
Email me jessica@theadhdmom.com,or you can visit our website,
(07:42):
the adhd mom.com for moreresources and blog articles and
leave comments on there as well.
Thanks for listening.
Share the show, spread the wordhelp.
Our favorite creative ADHD momsgo from surviving to thriving.
Until next time, make it abeautiful day.
This is the ADHD MOM podcast.
Hey, I'm Jess.
Today we are talking about beinga late bloomer discovering ADHD
in adult women.
And today's quick win iscreating a done list, not a
to-do list.
But before we get into that,first, let's understand late
diagnosed ADHD in women.
(00:22):
Did you know that womentypically get diagnosed with
ADHD about maybe four or fiveyears later than men?
Many women don't discover theyhave ADHD until their thirties,
forties, fifties, and sixties,and here's why.
Women often present differentsymptoms than men.
We tend to be more inattentiverather than hyperactive.
(00:43):
We especially see this in littleboys.
I have one.
We're also masters at maskingour symptoms through
perfectionism andovercompensating, you know,
pushing down those scatteredbrain emotions to make it look
like you know exactly whatsomeone's saying.
You know exactly what happenedyesterday and you remember
(01:04):
everything.
Yeah, we pretend we mask that.
All of that is not overwhelming.
Healthcare providers sometimesmiss the signs because they're
focused on other symptoms likeanxiety and depression, and
although that can happen withADHD, sometimes it masks the
ADHD or the depression masks.
It's just, it's complicated,right?
(01:26):
Especially when we're masking itand we don't understand what is
going on.
Many of us spend years feelinglike, okay, there's something
wrong with me.
Maybe I'm getting treated foranxiety or depression.
Maybe it's just ADHD is the rootcause all along for me.
It was like the puzzle piecesfinally came together.
I could see the whole picture.
(01:48):
It didn't change who I was, butit did help me understand how my
brain works.
Before I was diagnosed and I wasdealing with my son's diagnosis,
a friend and mental healthworker asked, okay, so let's say
you get diagnosed.
Now what?
And that is such a greatquestion, and I think that the
answer is going to be differentfor each and every one of us.
(02:10):
Does it change who we are?
No.
But for me it was helpful ingetting a clearer picture of
what I was dealing with, and italso helps with what strategies
could help and what strategiesdo not help.
So for me, going through thetesting, I realized my memory is
really bad.
I mean, I think my husband knewthat, and I think I knew that.
(02:30):
But to see the data on paper islike, oh, okay.
I do struggle with memory, so Ineeded to put structure into
place to help with that.
I use Notion in the Second Brainsystem, but that's a whole other
show.
And also for another show is thewhole hormonal connection.
Our hormones play a huge role.
Research is showing that ADHDsymptoms can actually change
(02:53):
during our monthly cycle,pregnancy and postpartum, and
perimenopause and menopause.
Yay.
This is why some of us mightfeel like our symptoms are all
over the place at differenttimes of the month.
There are definitely days justbefore my cycle that I feel
completely scatterbrained and Ijust can't keep everything in
(03:16):
focus.
Hormones are surging and goingcrazy, and so it makes sense
that that is the connection.
Now, I'm not a doctor, I'm not aresearcher.
These are just things that Ihave picked up and read.
So I encourage you to do yourown research and look all of
this up and see if these are theconnections that you're also
making.
(03:38):
So if you're newly diagnosed oryou're thinking about getting
diagnosed, or you think you haveADHD, but you're not sure, all
of that is okay.
It's a journey.
But today's quick win is createa done list, not a to-do list.
Throughout the day, write downtasks as you complete them.
Even small ones like I made thebed, or I responded to that
(03:59):
email that's been sitting therefor weeks.
That's a huge win.
The practice of creating a donelist can help you recognize how
much you actually accomplisheddespite feeling scatterbrained.
It helps you build confidence inyour abilities.
You accomplish something, youdid something.
Here's the proof.
It also helps identify yournatural patterns in peak
(04:22):
productivity times.
So for me, this is really hard.
I love to live in the future.
I'm futuristic, vision minded,and I struggle with memory,
which is, you know, looking backand thinking about the past.
I can't remember things fiveminutes ago, let alone what I
did yesterday or the weekbefore, or what I did for my
birthday last year.
No idea.
(04:42):
Poof.
It's gone.
So my challenge, and it might beyour challenge too, is living in
the present moment andreflecting on the past.
It takes time and effort andit's something our ADHD brains
don't like effort.
Uh, no thank you, because itslows us down and it makes us
think, and thinking can bereally hard to look back.
(05:06):
It doesn't give us that dopaminehit, but reflecting on our past
is really important to help putthings in place for the present
and to make a better future.
Right?
It's hard to build confidencewhen we don't understand what we
accomplish during the day.
If you took the time to reflecton your day, you realize all the
(05:27):
laundry you washed and folded,all of the clients that you
lined up and emailed back, allthe meal planning you did, all
the taking care of the kids,driving them to and from sports.
We're not trying to be perfecthere.
We're just trying to reflectback on all the things that we
do every day and put togetherour done list.
(05:50):
So what could your done listlook like?
Do you physically write thingsdown on sticky notes or a
notebook?
Maybe you do post-it notes onthe side of the fridge, or I've
got one of those magneticwhiteboards that are, that's on
the side of the fridge.
But the idea is that you writeyour task list down, don't erase
it, maybe cross it off, and thenyou can see all the things that
you've done at the end of theday.
(06:12):
So practically for what thatlooks like for me, I lose paper.
I'm not very good at carryingthe same piece of paper around
with me all the time.
So I use Google tasks and it'son the side of my email and it
syncs to my phone.
'cause I have the app, theGoogle Tasks app on my phone.
So when I cross off a task, itdisappears, which is great
because it cleans everything upand it feels like I'm actually
(06:34):
making progress.
But sometimes it's helpful to goback and look at all of the
things you've crossed off.
Like you can look at the archiveand sometimes we write one big,
huge task down and cross it off.
And we don't realize that thatone big, huge task actually
involved 10 different tasks tobe able to get to that one cross
off.
So don't forget about the smalllittle tasks that add up.
(06:57):
Our brains need to see that wehave done a lot.
So count every freaking taskthat you have done during the
day.
And maybe it sounds crazy, butit's a simple mind shift that
helps us combat the negativeself-talk that many late
diagnosed women haveinternalized over years of
undiagnosed ADHD.
(07:18):
Your diagnosis does not make youa failure.
It's just a first step towardunderstanding yourself better
and creating strategies thatwork for your unique brain.
Do you have a tip or techniquethat works for your brain or
something that works for yourkids?
I'd love to hear it and share iton the show.
Email me jessica@theadhdmom.com,or you can visit our website,
(07:42):
the adhd mom.com for moreresources and blog articles and
leave comments on there as well.
Thanks for listening.
Share the show, spread the wordhelp.
Our favorite creative ADHD momsgo from surviving to thriving.
Until next time, make it abeautiful day.
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