Episode Transcript
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Jessica Lewis (00:01):
Hey, welcome back
to the ADHD MOM podcast.
Today's episode we're talkingabout executive functioning.
Have you heard that word before?
If not, what the heck is it andwhy does it affect us so much?
Well, if you've ever looked at asink full of dishes and you just
stand there staring at it andhave no idea what to do first,
(00:22):
that's executive dysfunction.
Or maybe you have five things todo, but you just can't start
even one.
You don't even know where tostart.
If that's you, this episode isjust for you.
Before we talk about whatexecutive dysfunction is and
what it looks like in your lifeand your kids' life, here's a
quick win for the day.
(00:43):
We've talked about this before,but just write down one thing
that's stuck in your brain thatyou haven't started getting it
out of your head onto a stickynote onto your phone on the back
of a receipt, wherever.
That one act of externalizingthe task gives your brain
relief, clarity, and just alittle bit of momentum because
(01:05):
when it lives in your head.
It grows, right?
It gets bigger and bigger andbigger.
And the small task of call yourdoctor to schedule an
appointment becomes a full dayof feeling overwhelmed and
stressed.
And if you just write it down,the task shrinks It makes it
into this small task that itreally actually is.
(01:26):
So get it out of your head.
Just write it down in that taskor thing that's been hanging in
your head, won't grow anybigger.
So today we're diving intoexecutive dysfunction.
It sounds super clinical, maybeboring, but if you're an ADHD
mom, it basically explains halfyour life.
It also explains your kid'slife.
(01:47):
So what is executivedysfunction?
Your executive functions arelike the CEO of your brain, so
they help you plan, prioritize,shift, focus, make decisions.
Do you struggle with all ofthis?
Well, it's because of executivedysfunction.
So when the CEO or the one whoplans and prioritizes and starts
(02:08):
things, when that CEO goesoffline, welcome to executive
dysfunction.
What does that look like for us?
ADHD moms?
Well, it doesn't always lookthat dramatic.
Sometimes it could look likestanding in your kitchen and
you're overwhelmed because youknow that dinner needs to be
made, but you can't figure outwhere to start.
(02:29):
What am I gonna make?
What ingredients do I have?
Can I reuse something that'salready in the fridge?
Did we already eat thatyesterday?
Is it healthy?
Do I care about being healthytoday?
All of these things are roamingaround in your head and you just
don't know where to start.
Executive dysfunction also couldlook like walking into a room
and forgetting why you're thereagain.
(02:51):
I talk to my daughter aboutthis.
We do this all the time.
We're like, oh, I need to go do,and then we'll walk into the
room and then totally forget whywe were there.
So then we come back to where wewere and remember, oh, right,
that's what I was doing.
That's what I need.
We go back into the other roomand it's like this cycle of
forgetting.
It's, it's quite impressiveactually.
(03:14):
Executive dysfunction could alsolook like procrastinating, phone
calls or emails until they turninto emergencies.
It could look like getting stuckin that everything feels urgent,
but I can't start anythingspiral.
If you've got an ADHD brain, I'msure you know exactly what I'm
talking about.
So why does it hit us moms sohard?
(03:37):
Well, it's not just ADHD, it's afact that you're a mom and
you're probably managing yourkids' emotional needs and their
physical schedules, your ownwork and responsibilities, and
the invisible mental load of awhole household.
School forms, birthday gifts,grocery lists, soccer practices,
baseball games.
(03:57):
You've got a lot on your platealready, and it just adds to the
overwhelm.
So when executive dysfunctionkicks in, it doesn't just
inconvenience you, it affectsthe entire family, and that's
where shame creeps in.
You start wondering, why can't Ijust get it together?
Well, let's talk about why thisis happening.
(04:18):
This part right here might helpyou breathe easier because
executive dysfunction isn't acharacter flaw.
It's actually brain-based.
So let's break it down.
Your brain is wired differentlyand it might not feel like it
because this is just how youhave always survived, right?
So the part of the brainresponsible for executive
(04:39):
function is called theprefrontal cortex.
It's typically underactive inpeople with ADHD.
So planning, prioritizing,shifting between tasks, all of
that takes extra effort.
So your brain's not broken.
It's just working harder to dothe same job.
And you probably see this withsome of your friends that don't
(05:00):
have ADHD, like how do theymanage all of this?
It's because their prefrontalcortex is more active and can
execute on things.
Ours is a little bit slower andit takes a little bit extra
effort.
Another reason why you might beexperiencing executive
dysfunction is you might havelower levels of dopamine or
norepinephrine.
(05:21):
These are two chemicals thathelp with attention, motivation,
and task initiation.
So when you want to dosomething, your brain might not
be firing up the reward signalto get started.
Overwhelm makes executivedysfunction worse.
Shocker, right?
Stress, noise, too manydecisions.
(05:42):
All of that overloads yoursystem.
And when your nervous system isin fight, flight, or freeze,
your executive functionbasically goes offline, and this
is when you start scrolling.
Hello, Instagram reels, zoningout, or even crying over
something tiny.
I have felt this in the middleof grocery shopping.
(06:04):
Standing in Walmart, forgettingmy list, and it's overwhelming.
The lights are so bright, themusic is loud.
The people are crazy.
And the Walmart shoppers, youknow, with the big huge carts,
like I'm getting run over bythem every turn.
It's overwhelming.
And I literally feel like cryingin the middle of Walmart over
(06:27):
grocery shopping.
So overwhelm makes it worse.
It's your brain begging for abreak.
Another thing that affects yourexecutive functioning is lack of
sleep hormone changes.
Yay.
And chronic stress can alsoworsen executive dysfunction.
I.
ADHD brains already have lessmargin.
(06:48):
So even one rough night can makeeverything feel so much harder,
right?
Like you've been there before.
And if you're dealing withpostpartum perimenopause or just
plain exhaustion from raisinghumans, the burnout and lack of
sleep, it compounds.
And one last thing to add tothis list is a lack of structure
(07:09):
equals mental chaos.
ADHD Brain's grave structure,but we also rebel against it.
Do you feel me here whenroutines are missing or it's too
loose?
It's hard to know what to donext.
That's why we need to functionbetter when we have external
systems.
Our checklists, reminders,accountability rather than
(07:31):
trying to manage it all in ourheads.
So now what can we do aboutthis?
So here's the good news.
You do not need a braintransplant.
You just need supportive systemsthat meet your brain where it
is.
So let's talk about some toolsfirst.
Externalize everything.
(07:51):
Don't keep it in your head.
That was the quick win earlier.
Remember, write it down.
Don't keep it in your head.
Just write it down.
If you keep it in your head,things get bigger and bigger and
bigger.
When you write it down, when youexternalize it, it doesn't have
that power over you.
When you keep it in your head,it just adds a lot of pressure.
So don't keep it in your head.
(08:12):
Use a whiteboard and write downyour three big priorities for
the day.
You could use sticky notes, youcould use Notion.
I love using notion, um,Evernote, Google Tasks, a visual
calendar that the whole familycan see.
Sticky notes.
Just getting it out of yourbrain gives you clarity.
(08:34):
Another thing you can do is useactivation tools so your brain
struggles with starting notdoing.
So activation tools like the twominute roll start something for
just two minutes.
You could pair it with a task ormusic or a timer, the Pomodoro
method timer, saying it out loudor saying out loud what you're
(08:57):
about to do.
I'm going to fold this onebasket of laundry.
That's one way of externalizingit.
Just saying it out loud, gettingit out of your head actually
really helps, and this littlestart often leads to a lot of
momentum.
Another tool you can use is tojust simplify your decisions.
You could wear the same uniformmost days.
(09:19):
And that might not sound fun toa lot of us.
We like to be fun and colorfuland, but maybe if that is really
overwhelming for you.
If you have a hard time pickingout what you're going to wear
every day, that takes up a lotof mental space.
And so a lot of us just need topick a color.
(09:40):
My husband is like, you wearblack all the time.
And I was like, yeah.
'cause it goes with everything.
And it's slimming, right?
So I, that's how I, I don'treally have a uniform, but I
like to wear a lot of black tokeep it simple.
Um, have theme nights for yourmeals.
Taco Tuesday, you could plan theweek in one batch and then write
(10:02):
everything down.
Setting up automation is huge.
So automating your bills orsetting up your pre-made grocery
lists, all of that helps you getit out of your brain and
automate the process.
The fewer choices you make in aday, the more energy you save.
You could also lean into bodydoubling and co-regulation, and
(10:23):
now I haven't done bodydoubling, like sitting with
somebody on Zoom and you just.
Are there together, but you'reworking on things that you just
don't want to do, likemarketing.
Um, I know a lot of people dothat and they find it really
helpful.
I just haven't done it yet, butI know it would be helpful
because our ADHD brains oftenneed another person nearby just
(10:45):
to help us stay on task.
Also, and this is really hard, Ithink for most of us moms to do
is ask for help early.
Don't wait until you'redrowning.
I.
If you're feeling stuck,overwhelmed, or behind, say it
out loud.
Text a friend and just say, Ineed a five minute vent session.
Um, my friend and I text all thetime every day with vent
(11:09):
sessions, and then we'll belike, okay, thank you.
That feels better.
You could also ask your partner,Hey, can you do the bedtime
routine tonight so I canregroup?
Or if you, if you have a coachor a mentor or a therapist, let
them know how you're feeling andsee the signs of burnout before
you start burning out executivedysfunction.
(11:30):
Yeah, it's frustrating and itmakes everyday life feel so much
harder than it should be, butit's not because you're failing
and it's not because you're nottrying.
It's just because your brainneeds different tools.
You need different pacing.
You need different support.
What it looks like for you lookslike something totally different
(11:51):
for someone else.
You are not lazy, you are notbehind, and you're not broken.
You're doing the best you canwith a brain that sometimes just
needs a little extrascaffolding, and that's okay.
If this episode helped you feelseen, encouraged, or.
Just a little less alone in thechaos.
(12:12):
Share it with another ADHD momwho needs to hear it.
You deserve systems that workwith your brain, not against it.
Until next time, you're awesome.
You're doing better than youthink.