Marissa Z - It Wasn't Postpartum Depression

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What happens when the picture-perfect idea of parenthood collides with the messy, isolating, and overwhelming reality? This week on Quiet Connection, Chelsea talks with therapist and author Marissa Z, who opens up about her shocking and painful entry into motherhood, the lack of bonding, the screaming, the despair—and the moment she realized: maybe she didn’t have postpartum depression… maybe this was just that hard. 

Together, they unpack what it means to validate struggle, how we pathologize discomfort, and why acknowledging the difficulty of parenthood could prevent mental health crises. Marissa's story is raw, eye-opening, and deeply relatable for anyone who ever felt like they missed the magic everyone else seems to have. 

Main Takeaways 

• Postpartum depression is real—but so is depression caused by the overwhelming experience of early parenting.
• There is a dangerous lack of language and support for parents who don't immediately bond or feel joy.
• Shame thrives in silence; validation and honesty are powerful tools for healing.
• You can love your child and still hate the job of parenting.
• Clinicians and systems must move beyond checklists and scales (like the Edinburgh) to meet parents where they are.

Sound Bites: 

1. "It wasn't that I was mentally ill. It was that this was just really freaking hard—and nobody said that."
2. "You either have postpartum depression or you're a monster. We need more options."
3. "I felt like the soul was being sucked out of me. No joy. Just responsibility and survival."
4. "Even as a licensed mental health professional, I missed it—because no one told me that not bonding was normal."
5. "Motherhood didn’t make me. It nearly broke me. But it also gave me a purpose."
6. "The baby screamed for months. I didn’t feel connected. I wanted to run—but I didn’t. That’s strength."
7. "I wish someone had said, ‘This is hard. Of course you’re struggling. That makes sense.’"

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Special Thanks to Steve Audy for the use of our theme song: Quiet Connection

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