Breathing Again: How I Reclaimed My Space

Breaking the silence around hoarding, this raw and honest episode explores my personal journey from being overwhelmed by possessions to finding freedom through purposeful decluttering.

After years of accumulation, I invited help to organize my space into clear categories—new items by the door, barely-used items for sale, craft supplies, and more. The process revealed not just the physical weight of my belongings, but the emotional burden I'd been carrying. When my helper told me "it all has value," something clicked. Rather than simply hauling everything to Goodwill, I needed to honor the investment I'd made in these possessions.

This revelation led me to connect with local teachers who desperately needed classroom supplies. As a former PTA president, I knew educators often dig into their own pockets to provide for students. My Honda Pilot, filled to capacity multiple times with supplies I'd hoarded for decades, became a treasure trove for an entire school. The Christmas gifts stockpiled in my "Christmas closet" became a private shopping experience for friends still looking for presents, with each person paying what they felt items were worth.

The transformation wasn't just in my physical space. When Christmas came, I didn't need to hide clutter behind bedroom doors or struggle with overstuffed closets. I felt proud welcoming people into my home. Most importantly, I developed a new relationship with consumption, asking myself purposeful questions before bringing new items home: "Do I really need this? Where specifically will I use it? When will I put it in place?"

If you've ever felt buried under possessions or struggled to let go, know that freedom is possible. The journey requires honesty, help, and finding meaningful ways to honor the value of our things while releasing their hold on us. Join the conversation and share your own experiences with letting go—because we've been quiet about hoarding for far too long.

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Carmen Wimberley Cauthen is an author, speaker, and lover of history, Black history in particular. As a truth teller, she delights in finding the hidden truths about the lives of people who made a difference - whether they were unknown icons or regular everyday people.

To Learn more of Carmen:
www.carmencauthen.com
www.researchandresource.com

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Unseen, unheard.
We've lived like that far toolong.
I'm Carmen Coffin and this isQuiet, no More.
Hi, I want to talk a little bitmore about hoarding because I

(00:24):
know I'm not the only personwho's dealing with it.
I actually took pictures of thestuff after it had been
organized, after someone came inand created categories to put
things in.
So the categories were thingslike brand new items and they
were by the front door so theycould go out the door.
Things that were used butbarely used that could be sold,

(00:54):
as well as those things thatneeded to go out the door.
Bags of trash that can bethrown away, papers that need to
be gone through, to be gonethrough Boxes, boxes that we put
papers in.
One box had unopened mail.
One box had books.
One box had papers that Ineeded to go through personally

(01:14):
and figure out what to do withPutting light things together
Magazines.
In an area I am crafty, I had awhole section of craft stuff and
my friend said I had no ideayou did this much craft stuff.
She didn't know that I createflower arrangements and make

(01:35):
wreaths and whatever I want todo is crafty.
I do it when I have time,usually at this point in my life
for a specific purpose, butthat's what I do and I still buy
stuff to do that.
I used to teach scrapbooking,so I have all the scrapbooking
stuff as well.
So she organized everythinginto specific areas.

(01:59):
And then this was an importantlesson for me she told me I
could not give my things away toGoodwill.
I could not just haul it outand put it in the trunk of the
car and haul it to Goodwill orthe rescue mission or any of
those other places.
Because this is the lesson itall has value.

(02:22):
It all has value.
It all had value.
She said you paid for thesethings, just like your time is
valuable and you need to getpaid for your time.
She said you can sell it orwhatever, but what you do with
it has to be valuable.
And so I tried selling and Iput one thing online to sell and

(02:46):
within a few hours I had 126requests to buy it, which was
way overwhelming.
I could not handle that.
So I was like I can't do this.
So I had to figure out otherways to get rid of things, and
not only as the child of aneducator, but having been

(03:07):
involved actively for probably15 years in PTA.
I know that teachers don't getenough money in their salaries
for the supplies that sometimestheir students need or for the
things that they need to maketheir classrooms work better,

(03:27):
and so they will go into theirpockets and figure out how to
make stuff work.
I had I had so many containersthat once we emptied them out
and put things in organizedsections, I didn't need those
anymore.
And I know that when I was PTApresident, when my oldest

(03:47):
daughter was in fifth grade, wehad students who couldn't afford
school supplies, and I alwayshad extra school supplies.
I was not going to run out.
I'm not coming home from workand you have a project and you
say I need to go to Staples, Ineed to go to Walmart, I need to

(04:09):
go get colored pencils orposter board.
I didn't have time for that.
So, as I said in my previouspodcast, when the school
supplies went on sale at thebeginning of the year, in July
or August, we stocked up,literally.
I had a bin that was about afoot deep by a foot wide.

(04:36):
That was nothing buthighlighters, because I had
bought that many.
I mean it was full.
I had pencils.
I have given stuff away in thepast, but at our school, the PTA
.
They were not necessarilypleased about it, but we bought
a cabinet and put it in theteacher teacher's lounge and we

(04:58):
would fill it with supplies.
I would ask other parents tobring supplies.
We had a certain amount ofmoney that we put towards maybe
$200 towards buying supplies andputting them in that cabinet so
that teachers, if a studentneeded something and didn't have
it, they could go get it out ofthe supply cabinet for their
students and they didn't have togo in their pockets.

(05:20):
They didn't have to.
The students didn't have to beembarrassed by not having
something and there was nostipulations on whether a
student had to not be able toafford it or if they just didn't
have it with them.
And so even after my childrenleft elementary school, I still
carried supplies to that school.

(05:41):
So some of these things wereI've had for 20 years.
I had paper that I hadunwrapped, not paper for
printing, necessarily, butcertain types of paper brochure
paper or specialty papers that Ihad used for something and
maybe bought too much.
I had all of those things still.
So I found a teacher in aclassroom that I knew who needed

(06:04):
.
They needed supplies, theyneeded organizational things,
and I took some pictures of someof the things I had and I sent
out an email to about 15 or 20people and said do you need any
of this stuff?
If so, 15 or 20 people and saiddo you need any of this stuff?
If so, I'm willing to donate itto a good purpose.
So that was giving value for me.

(06:24):
That was having value.
That wasn't just hauling itsomewhere so somebody else could
sell it.
I knew that this was going to beused for good purpose and I
filled up the back of my carwith stuff and carried it to the
school, and she was able toshare it with her team.
There were some things I hadpictures of that I had not

(06:44):
carried to her.
So she came to my house thenext day and she filled up her
car the rest of the front seat,the back seat and the trunk with
stuff to take back for herschool, for her teachers and
students to use.
She was not only able to sharewith her team, but she was able
to share with other teachers inher school.

(07:07):
And then I carried another loadto her the next day.
Now, mind you, I have a HondaPilot.
I have a big space to loadstuff in and I was able to do
that and I was happy because Ihad already spent the money.
It wasn't like I was trying toget the money back, but the
value of it and the importancefor me to be able to share,

(07:31):
because I'm a giver at heart andso it was an important thing
for me to be able to do.
But then I just worked on myoffice.
I knew that Christmas closetthat I had.
I have bought Christmas aheadfor all ages, all generations,

(07:52):
for years, and so I went andtook all the stuff out, figured
out who was getting what forChristmas and everything that
was left over.
I decided to have a privatesale.
I put things like I had a store.
I sent out some photos toanother group of people and said

(08:12):
if you still need to do someChristmas shopping, come here.
And I gave dates and times thatI was available and I had
people come who had not startedtheir Christmas shopping two
weeks before Christmas I'mnormally done by June and they
shopped and I didn't priceanything.

(08:34):
I told them to pay me what itwas worth to them and I got all
that stuff out of the house.
What was left over, that waswhat I took to Goodwill.
It might've been a differentthrifting company, but that is
what I took.
But I felt better and I feltlighter.

(08:57):
And when I hosted Christmasdinner and had a Christmas party
at my house, I didn't have togo hide stuff in my bedroom.
I didn't have to try to jamthings in closets where the
doors wouldn't open.
I was pleased and I was proudto have stuff in my space and I
didn't mind people coming to myhouse.

(09:18):
It made a difference.
It made a difference to theweight the mental and the
emotional weight that I had.
And I've spent time before I goto buy something now thinking
do I really need that?
Do I really want to have that?
Where specifically am I goingto use it and when am I going to

(09:42):
put that in place?
And I feel freer, and so I'mnot going to be quiet anymore
when I'm talking about hoardingor hauling and keeping stuff
that you don't need.
Thanks, thanks.