April 13, 2025 • 16 mins
Reflecting on the wisdom of our elders, I, Carmen Cauthen, invite you to explore the timeless value of honoring those who came before us. Have you ever wondered how cultures like Japan seamlessly weave respect into their societal fabric? This episode promises to reveal the profound impact these values have on our communities and personal lives. With anecdotes from my own experiences and touching stories about my late mother, we'll unravel the essence of respect and how it shapes our integrity and character, even when faced with challenging relationships.
As we journey further, I'll share insights on instilling mutual respect in our families and schools. How do we navigate the complex waters of respect between children and adults while maintaining a sense of hierarchy? This conversation underscores respect as a foundational pillar for strong families and societies. I encourage you to reflect, engage, and share your perspectives as we discuss the universal principle of respecting our elders and fostering an environment where mutual honor thrives.
Join me in this thoughtful exploration and let's embark on a path towards a more respectful world.
====================================
Carmen Wimberley Cauthen is an author, speaker, and lover of history, Black history in particular. As a truth teller, she delights in finding the hidden truths about the lives of people who made a difference - whether they were unknown icons or regular everyday people.
To Learn more of Carmen:
www.carmencauthen.com
www.researchandresource.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
unseen, unheard.
We've lived like that far toolong.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I'm carmen coffin and this is quiet, no more hi,
we're back and I want to talkabout something that I am pretty
passionate about and that ishonoring and respecting people,
(00:28):
and I may do two separatesessions on this, but let's
start with honor.
So what does honor mean?
Here's some definitions thatI'm going to read to you Showing
esteem for one deserving ofrespect, attention or obedience.
Some synonyms of honor arehonesty, integrity and probity,
(00:54):
and all the words meanuprightness of character or
action.
But honor suggests an active oranxious regard for the
standards of one's profession,calling or position, and so you
know those are different things.
Profession is the work that youdo, calling is the purpose that
(01:15):
you're here for, it's thecalling on your life, and that
doesn't mean necessarilysomething religious.
That means the calling, thepurpose that you have, or
position.
So there's a hierarchy in theworld and there are ways to
(01:35):
honor those folk who are in thehierarchy.
The word that's often translatedas honor in the Bible is a
Hebrew word.
It's kavod K-A-V-O-D, and itmeans that something has weight,
or it's heavy or there's gloryto it.
It's a central word that's usedin the Old Testament and it's
(01:59):
used to describe the esteem, therespect and the reverence
that's given to people, god orprinciples, and it can also
refer to wealth, and riches,like the most valuable objects
during that period of time andstill today, are heavy.
They have some weight to them,and so I saw this and I thought
(02:21):
this was really important toshare.
No person has ever been honoredfor what they receive.
They are honored and that's thereward for what they give.
So I grew up learning to honorand respect my elders, my
parents, my grandparents, myparents, my grandparents, the
(02:49):
people who were my parents'friends, who, you know, I didn't
call them by their first names.
I would call them aunt or uncleif they weren't related to me,
and that was a title of respect.
And so sometimes today, intoday's world, I'm called mom or
auntie because of the wisdom orthe fact that I'm an elder in
the community.
(03:09):
Now I'm still a baby elder.
I'm not an elder elder, butbecause of my age and the fact
that I've lived through somethings and I'm able and willing
to share and teach things.
That oftentimes gives peoplethe feel that they should give
me some honor or some respectfor that knowledge and that they
(03:34):
know that I have character,that I have a good character.
They know I'm trustworthy, theyknow that I'm not going to lead
them astray.
I'm going to share truth withthem, and those are things that
are part of reasons why we honorand respect.
But I also learned growing upto honor and respect my parents,
(03:56):
because they were here to leadand guide me to adulthood, when
I could begin to make my owndecisions and my own choices.
I don't see that as much todayin a lot of young people because
they haven't seen some of theirelders respect others.
Respect is something that youcommand.
(04:19):
It's something that grows onyou and you can't just expect it
from anybody.
You should respect and honoryour parents and those elders,
but people who are notnecessarily known to you.
How do you respect them?
How do you know to respect them?
And so one of the ways that isimportant for me is sharing
(04:44):
history, because a lot of timeswe just respect people because
they're older, but a lot oftimes people don't respect the
elders.
In the country of Japan, that isa primary principle and a way
of status.
Elders are honored andrespected, they are taken care
(05:05):
of, they're important in theirsociety.
That has not always translatedin America.
That was at one period of time,but not so much today.
We find a lot of young peoplewho do not respect their elders.
They think that because they'reold, and old and elder is not
(05:27):
the same thing, but becausetheir age is older, that they
don't, they're not deserving ofrespect, they're not deserving
of being listened to.
That's a principle that we haveto teach, and we have to teach
that to folks from a young age.
So we teach in ways that say toyoung people, to children you
(05:52):
don't call an elder or someonewho's older than you by their
first name.
That's not respectful.
And you know, maybe there aresome folk out there who don't
earn or who have lost the rightto be respected as an elder.
They may be abusive, they maybe alcoholics, they may have
(06:15):
other issues substance abuse,they may have mental health
issues but they still should beaccorded some form of respect,
even if your respect takes anote that you back away from
them in order to preserve thefact that they are older than
(06:36):
you.
There's a story in the Bibleabout a father who got drunk and
his sons went in and he wasdrunk and naked.
The sons went in backwards andcovered his body so that he
(06:58):
would not be seen in thatposition, so that they would not
see him in that position andthen they left the room because
they respected their father.
They knew he made a mistake, hebehaved in a manner that wasn't
a custom, and so they coveredthat.
They made space for that, andthere are obviously some folks
that we don't want to make spacefor.
We want to not tolerate thosebehaviors.
(07:20):
But we don't just grow up andstart not respecting people
because they have age on them,because they have age on them.
One of the things that I'm doingis honoring and respecting my
mother.
My mother has been dead now foralmost 10 years God, that's
(07:40):
hard to believe and she was anamazing woman.
Her name was Cliff Wimberly,cliffornia Grady Wimberly, and
she taught me so many things.
Now, there were things that shedid that I didn't like, that I
didn't agree with, but she wasmy mother and I respected her,
(08:02):
and I know that there issomething that comes along with
honoring and respecting yourparents.
There is a longevity to life.
That's a promise from the Wordof God that if you honor and
respect your parents, that youwill have a long life.
And I'm not trying to cut mineoff.
(08:22):
I'm 65.
My elders tend to live to their80s and 90s.
My father's mother was 98 whenshe died.
My mother's mother was 93 whenshe died.
I still have some stuff to doand I still have some purpose
left, and so in my baby elderyears I have things to do.
(08:47):
I'm not trying to disrespectelders so that I cut my days off
.
They're promised, I want them.
So I'm going to suggest to youthat that's something you think
about doing.
If you haven't been respectfulof elders because of their age,
change that.
(09:08):
Make that correction and change.
Honor them.
In the main, we were born toparents because that was their
job was to train us, to raise usup in a manner that would allow
(09:29):
us, as we got older, to getrespect and honor, and so if you
aren't doing that, make achange.
Make a change.
Now, like I said, I understandthat there are parents who may
not be the parents that you wantto honor, but respect who they
(09:52):
are and move out of the way.
If that's a problem, there is away to do both.
One of the ways that I wantedto honor my mother for the
things that she did and thewoman that she was was to make
sure that other people honoredher.
Now, I'm not ever going to tellyou that my mother and I did
(10:13):
not disagree going to tell youthat my mother and I did not
disagree, that we did not havesome loud arguments that my dad
and my children didn't know toget out of the way when those
things came.
But even in my disagreementswith her, I honored the woman
that she was and I honor thewoman that she is today because
(10:34):
there are things that she taughtme.
She taught me how to speak up,not only for myself but for
other people in the community.
She taught me how to walk aroad of respect.
She taught me how to walk aroad of knowing who I was.
(11:01):
Over the years I have alwaysknown that I was a young lady,
that there was a certain way Ineeded to carry myself, to be
respected, to be taken seriously.
She always let me know that Iwas smart.
In fact, that could be afrustrating thing sometimes to
be reminded of how smart I was,to be reminded of how smart I
was.
I didn't realize the weight ofthat when I was a child.
I recognize the weight of ittoday because I still have
(11:28):
people to come back to me fromelementary and middle and high
school and college and say butyou are always so smart.
I always knew you were smart.
That's black, white orotherwise and while I didn't
recognize how heavy a weightthat was, it does allow me now
(11:49):
to see that people respectthings that I say because they
know I am going to be thoroughwhen I am researching and
teaching and all of those things.
That was one of the things thatmy mother taught me.
She taught me to respect myelders, to look out for them.
She taught me, by example, totake care of my grandparents.
(12:12):
It wasn't something that shesaid.
This is something you have todo.
This is something I saw her doand do with joy bringing them
into the home, helping make surethat their finances were
settled when they were havingtrouble, figuring things out,
reaching out and takinggrandparents to doctor's
(12:34):
appointments, making sure thatthey got to church, that they
were able to do the things thatthey wanted to do towards the
end of their life, and that wasan important thing.
And so I learned how to takecare of my elders from watching
her do it and from herencouraging me to participate in
(12:55):
that.
So I remember coming when mymother had to be out of town for
work, coming to her house andstaying and making sure that my
grandmother would get her meals,and sitting and listening to my
grandparents tell me storiesand knowing that was not the
time to interrupt to talk aboutme.
(13:16):
There were other times to talka bit about me and the things
that I was doing, and they wereproud of those things as well.
But there are ways that we canhonor and respect our elders
without it being feeling likewe're forced to do that.
That is a natural tendency.
That is a natural hierarchy.
Younger folk are not moreimportant than elders.
(13:40):
When we begin to age, when webegin to, you know, like I
thought when I was 20 that 40was old.
That's not true, and I began torecognize that as I got older.
But I was still willing torespect them.
Willing to respect them whenour children go to school.
I was taught to respect myteachers and if there was an
(14:06):
issue with the teacher, I didn'ttake it up with the teacher
because that wasn't myresponsibility.
I went home and I talked aboutit with my parents and they
handled that.
And so today we see too manychildren back talking to
teachers.
It's not to say that all theteachers are perfect, but there
is a hierarchy.
There is a way to do things,and we need to continue to teach
(14:28):
that that's a manner of honorand that respect goes both ways.
If you respect your children, ifyou respect the young folk who
are around you, that you arementoring, that you are working
with, then you respect who theyare as you are teaching and
training them and you respectyourself enough to stay in
(14:51):
character while you're workingwith them in.
And so, while all of this isimportant, honor and respect are
the basics that we should foundour families on, and I know
that there's somebody's going tocome back and say you know, we
(15:13):
didn't.
When we were enslaved, we wereforced to do that.
But you know, let me say this Idon't know of a society where
honor and respect for elders isnot important.
It is everywhere that I see inAfrica, it is everywhere that I
see in Europe, it is everywherethat I see on all seven
(15:36):
continents, it is everywherethat I see on all seven
continents.
Youngins are supposed torespect the elders.
That is a principle of life,and while there are people and
things that cross, that, that isbasic, that is a number one
foundation, and so I want toencourage you to do that and I
(15:59):
want you to start to talk aboutit with the other folks that
you're around.
I don't want you to be quietanymore.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
You've been listening to Quiet no More where I share
my journey, so you can be quiet.
Let's connect atwwwcarmencawthoncom, so you can
be quiet.
unseen, unheard.
We've lived like that far toolong.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I'm carmen coffin and this is quiet, no more hi,
we're back and I want to talkabout something that I am pretty
passionate about and that ishonoring and respecting people,
(00:28):
and I may do two separatesessions on this, but let's
start with honor.
So what does honor mean?
Here's some definitions thatI'm going to read to you Showing
esteem for one deserving ofrespect, attention or obedience.
Some synonyms of honor arehonesty, integrity and probity,
(00:54):
and all the words meanuprightness of character or
action.
But honor suggests an active oranxious regard for the
standards of one's profession,calling or position, and so you
know those are different things.
Profession is the work that youdo, calling is the purpose that
(01:15):
you're here for, it's thecalling on your life, and that
doesn't mean necessarilysomething religious.
That means the calling, thepurpose that you have, or
position.
So there's a hierarchy in theworld and there are ways to
(01:35):
honor those folk who are in thehierarchy.
The word that's often translatedas honor in the Bible is a
Hebrew word.
It's kavod K-A-V-O-D, and itmeans that something has weight,
or it's heavy or there's gloryto it.
It's a central word that's usedin the Old Testament and it's
(01:59):
used to describe the esteem, therespect and the reverence
that's given to people, god orprinciples, and it can also
refer to wealth, and riches,like the most valuable objects
during that period of time andstill today, are heavy.
They have some weight to them,and so I saw this and I thought
(02:21):
this was really important toshare.
No person has ever been honoredfor what they receive.
They are honored and that's thereward for what they give.
So I grew up learning to honorand respect my elders, my
parents, my grandparents, myparents, my grandparents, the
(02:49):
people who were my parents'friends, who, you know, I didn't
call them by their first names.
I would call them aunt or uncleif they weren't related to me,
and that was a title of respect.
And so sometimes today, intoday's world, I'm called mom or
auntie because of the wisdom orthe fact that I'm an elder in
the community.
(03:09):
Now I'm still a baby elder.
I'm not an elder elder, butbecause of my age and the fact
that I've lived through somethings and I'm able and willing
to share and teach things.
That oftentimes gives peoplethe feel that they should give
me some honor or some respectfor that knowledge and that they
(03:34):
know that I have character,that I have a good character.
They know I'm trustworthy, theyknow that I'm not going to lead
them astray.
I'm going to share truth withthem, and those are things that
are part of reasons why we honorand respect.
But I also learned growing upto honor and respect my parents,
(03:56):
because they were here to leadand guide me to adulthood, when
I could begin to make my owndecisions and my own choices.
I don't see that as much todayin a lot of young people because
they haven't seen some of theirelders respect others.
Respect is something that youcommand.
(04:19):
It's something that grows onyou and you can't just expect it
from anybody.
You should respect and honoryour parents and those elders,
but people who are notnecessarily known to you.
How do you respect them?
How do you know to respect them?
And so one of the ways that isimportant for me is sharing
(04:44):
history, because a lot of timeswe just respect people because
they're older, but a lot oftimes people don't respect the
elders.
In the country of Japan, that isa primary principle and a way
of status.
Elders are honored andrespected, they are taken care
(05:05):
of, they're important in theirsociety.
That has not always translatedin America.
That was at one period of time,but not so much today.
We find a lot of young peoplewho do not respect their elders.
They think that because they'reold, and old and elder is not
(05:27):
the same thing, but becausetheir age is older, that they
don't, they're not deserving ofrespect, they're not deserving
of being listened to.
That's a principle that we haveto teach, and we have to teach
that to folks from a young age.
So we teach in ways that say toyoung people, to children you
(05:52):
don't call an elder or someonewho's older than you by their
first name.
That's not respectful.
And you know, maybe there aresome folk out there who don't
earn or who have lost the rightto be respected as an elder.
They may be abusive, they maybe alcoholics, they may have
(06:15):
other issues substance abuse,they may have mental health
issues but they still should beaccorded some form of respect,
even if your respect takes anote that you back away from
them in order to preserve thefact that they are older than
(06:36):
you.
There's a story in the Bibleabout a father who got drunk and
his sons went in and he wasdrunk and naked.
The sons went in backwards andcovered his body so that he
(06:58):
would not be seen in thatposition, so that they would not
see him in that position andthen they left the room because
they respected their father.
They knew he made a mistake, hebehaved in a manner that wasn't
a custom, and so they coveredthat.
They made space for that, andthere are obviously some folks
that we don't want to make spacefor.
We want to not tolerate thosebehaviors.
(07:20):
But we don't just grow up andstart not respecting people
because they have age on them,because they have age on them.
One of the things that I'm doingis honoring and respecting my
mother.
My mother has been dead now foralmost 10 years God, that's
(07:40):
hard to believe and she was anamazing woman.
Her name was Cliff Wimberly,cliffornia Grady Wimberly, and
she taught me so many things.
Now, there were things that shedid that I didn't like, that I
didn't agree with, but she wasmy mother and I respected her,
(08:02):
and I know that there issomething that comes along with
honoring and respecting yourparents.
There is a longevity to life.
That's a promise from the Wordof God that if you honor and
respect your parents, that youwill have a long life.
And I'm not trying to cut mineoff.
(08:22):
I'm 65.
My elders tend to live to their80s and 90s.
My father's mother was 98 whenshe died.
My mother's mother was 93 whenshe died.
I still have some stuff to doand I still have some purpose
left, and so in my baby elderyears I have things to do.
(08:47):
I'm not trying to disrespectelders so that I cut my days off
.
They're promised, I want them.
So I'm going to suggest to youthat that's something you think
about doing.
If you haven't been respectfulof elders because of their age,
change that.
(09:08):
Make that correction and change.
Honor them.
In the main, we were born toparents because that was their
job was to train us, to raise usup in a manner that would allow
(09:29):
us, as we got older, to getrespect and honor, and so if you
aren't doing that, make achange.
Make a change.
Now, like I said, I understandthat there are parents who may
not be the parents that you wantto honor, but respect who they
(09:52):
are and move out of the way.
If that's a problem, there is away to do both.
One of the ways that I wantedto honor my mother for the
things that she did and thewoman that she was was to make
sure that other people honoredher.
Now, I'm not ever going to tellyou that my mother and I did
(10:13):
not disagree going to tell youthat my mother and I did not
disagree, that we did not havesome loud arguments that my dad
and my children didn't know toget out of the way when those
things came.
But even in my disagreementswith her, I honored the woman
that she was and I honor thewoman that she is today because
(10:34):
there are things that she taughtme.
She taught me how to speak up,not only for myself but for
other people in the community.
She taught me how to walk aroad of respect.
She taught me how to walk aroad of knowing who I was.
(11:01):
Over the years I have alwaysknown that I was a young lady,
that there was a certain way Ineeded to carry myself, to be
respected, to be taken seriously.
She always let me know that Iwas smart.
In fact, that could be afrustrating thing sometimes to
be reminded of how smart I was,to be reminded of how smart I
was.
I didn't realize the weight ofthat when I was a child.
I recognize the weight of ittoday because I still have
(11:28):
people to come back to me fromelementary and middle and high
school and college and say butyou are always so smart.
I always knew you were smart.
That's black, white orotherwise and while I didn't
recognize how heavy a weightthat was, it does allow me now
(11:49):
to see that people respectthings that I say because they
know I am going to be thoroughwhen I am researching and
teaching and all of those things.
That was one of the things thatmy mother taught me.
She taught me to respect myelders, to look out for them.
She taught me, by example, totake care of my grandparents.
(12:12):
It wasn't something that shesaid.
This is something you have todo.
This is something I saw her doand do with joy bringing them
into the home, helping make surethat their finances were
settled when they were havingtrouble, figuring things out,
reaching out and takinggrandparents to doctor's
(12:34):
appointments, making sure thatthey got to church, that they
were able to do the things thatthey wanted to do towards the
end of their life, and that wasan important thing.
And so I learned how to takecare of my elders from watching
her do it and from herencouraging me to participate in
(12:55):
that.
So I remember coming when mymother had to be out of town for
work, coming to her house andstaying and making sure that my
grandmother would get her meals,and sitting and listening to my
grandparents tell me storiesand knowing that was not the
time to interrupt to talk aboutme.
(13:16):
There were other times to talka bit about me and the things
that I was doing, and they wereproud of those things as well.
But there are ways that we canhonor and respect our elders
without it being feeling likewe're forced to do that.
That is a natural tendency.
That is a natural hierarchy.
Younger folk are not moreimportant than elders.
(13:40):
When we begin to age, when webegin to, you know, like I
thought when I was 20 that 40was old.
That's not true, and I began torecognize that as I got older.
But I was still willing torespect them.
Willing to respect them whenour children go to school.
I was taught to respect myteachers and if there was an
(14:06):
issue with the teacher, I didn'ttake it up with the teacher
because that wasn't myresponsibility.
I went home and I talked aboutit with my parents and they
handled that.
And so today we see too manychildren back talking to
teachers.
It's not to say that all theteachers are perfect, but there
is a hierarchy.
There is a way to do things,and we need to continue to teach
(14:28):
that that's a manner of honorand that respect goes both ways.
If you respect your children, ifyou respect the young folk who
are around you, that you arementoring, that you are working
with, then you respect who theyare as you are teaching and
training them and you respectyourself enough to stay in
(14:51):
character while you're workingwith them in.
And so, while all of this isimportant, honor and respect are
the basics that we should foundour families on, and I know
that there's somebody's going tocome back and say you know, we
(15:13):
didn't.
When we were enslaved, we wereforced to do that.
But you know, let me say this Idon't know of a society where
honor and respect for elders isnot important.
It is everywhere that I see inAfrica, it is everywhere that I
see in Europe, it is everywherethat I see on all seven
(15:36):
continents, it is everywherethat I see on all seven
continents.
Youngins are supposed torespect the elders.
That is a principle of life,and while there are people and
things that cross, that, that isbasic, that is a number one
foundation, and so I want toencourage you to do that and I
(15:59):
want you to start to talk aboutit with the other folks that
you're around.
I don't want you to be quietanymore.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
You've been listening to Quiet no More where I share
my journey, so you can be quiet.
Let's connect atwwwcarmencawthoncom, so you can
be quiet.
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