When the Church Hurts You: Grace, Humility, and Healing

Ever said, “the church hurt me”? In this powerful conversation, Melody and Parker Webb unpack what “church hurt” really means and why it often comes down to a few people, not the entire body of Christ. With honesty, humor, and vulnerability, they share stories of wounds, grace, and the hard but healing work of humility — reminding us not to let what people did to us keep us from what Jesus did for us.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
On this episode of Quirks, Bumps and Bruises, it's
Melody, along with Parker Webb,and we're going to talk about
church hurt, not necessarily fora church member, but for the
pastor and or his family.

Speaker 2 (00:13):
And I want to start, Parker, by having you listen to
this One thing that I thinkpeople sometimes don't realize
pastors get hurt by churches alot.
You should see my inbox and thecounselor I was at.
He had something that was goingon.
I said, man, like I'm justfrustrated with the church.
And I said it like man, thechurch has really hurt me.
And he was a really wise manand he said hey, josh, write

(00:37):
down on that sheet of paper thepeople who hurt you.
And I wrote down six names andwhen I was done, I held it up
and he said hey, man, I justwant you to know something.
There's only six names on thatsheet of paper, but there's over
a thousand people in yourchurch.
The church didn't hurt you.
Six people in your church hurtyou.

Speaker 1 (00:59):
He said to me Josh don't let what a few people in
the church did to you keep youfrom what Jesus did for you.
So, parker, you and I both havebeen in ministry positions for
long periods of time and, yes, Ihave said it too, that the
church has hurt me.
That's right, but isn't thattrue?
The church doesn't hurt us.

Speaker 3 (01:11):
People hurt us.
That's right.
That's right Because here's thedeal.
Those experiences are mountains, they're big.
Anytime we have interaction withan individual it's personal
good and bad but when you lookat the whole God's church as a
whole, they are people.
They are people and people aregoing to be people.
And even saved people stillhave a sin nature and they're

(01:33):
going to hurt.
But overarchingly, there's noplace I'd rather be than with
God's people.
If I'm going to be with people,I want to be with God's people.
Because with people I want tobe with God's people Because
there is an element there ofwhen we do get together.
We have God's Word that we cango to.
We have Matthew that speaksabout conflict and hurt and how
to handle that properly as achurch.
So I would much rather be withGod's people than with

(01:57):
non-believers going throughconflict.
You're always going to have itas long as you have people.
There are times, in fact.
The other day I hurt Melody andthe boys by something I said.
I was frustrated, I could notfind the coaster to put my
coffee on sitting on my dresser,and I made the comment and it's
always there.
And it wasn't there.
Always there, that is my domain.

(02:17):
That's what I said to them mydresser and my side table, y'all
can have the run of the house,just don't mess with my coaster,
so I can put my.
I showed anger to them and soafter they left, they all were
so sweet.
They were looking around tryingto help me find my coaster.
I looked as they walked out thedoor and I had remembered the

(02:38):
day before the condensation fromthe day before from my drink
had picked up the coaster and itrolled off behind my dresser
100% my fault.
So I was so overwhelmed withconviction I called him.
I said Melody, put me onspeaker.

(03:00):
I want everybody in the car tohear I am so sorry what I did.
I A that was way over the top tofuss about a coaster.
When I could have gotten apaper towel to lay down or
something, I should not havetaken that out on them.
Top to fuss about a coaster.
When I could have gotten apaper towel to lay down or
something, I should not havetaken that out on them.
So I think as a church, if wecan approach life like that,
that wait a minute.
I have been on the hurting side.
I've been the one that has hurtsomebody before.
Maybe I need to show a littlegrace for that person that hurt

(03:21):
me and turn that back around.

Speaker 1 (03:23):
And I think sometimes it's kind of like sending the
text that you don't mean at allthe way the person took it.
Sometimes we can say things andwe don't mean it at all, like
the person took it, but they didget defensive about it and hurt
by it.
I've done that to others, nottrying to do that, it just did.
That's right, and so when thatdoes happen, the best thing is

(03:44):
to do what you did is to admitit, apologize for it and that
was that I don't do that all thetime.

Speaker 3 (03:50):
My pride, my human, selfish pride, does not allow me
to do that like I should.
But that was just a moment forme where I thought you know, if
I want them to show me grace fornot meeting the mark sometime,
or even something I didn't do,they're going to have to see
from me.
So, even as a pastor, I'veapologized more in the last five
years of being a worship pastorthan I have in my entire life,

(04:12):
because I know, if I don't, wellthen what are the sheep going
to do?
Are the sheep going to turnaround?
No, they'll emulate theirleader.

Speaker 1 (04:18):
Leading by example?
Yes, leading by example, andwhat a wonderful example you
showed your children.

Speaker 3 (04:23):
Well, I hope so, I hope so and I hope it convicts
me even more and hopefully theLord will bring that moment to
my mind the next time mytestosterone builds and
frustration builds, where theLord can say, oh, don't hurt
your testimony that you tried tofix back here by getting angry
again.
So, hopefully it'll snowballinto a great routine as

(04:44):
interaction and then carry on tothe church Right.
Family first, how you treatyour family.
Sometimes we treat our churchpeople better than or worse.

Speaker 1 (04:54):
We tend to treat the ones we love the most and the
worst.

Speaker 3 (04:58):
That's the way to put it.
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, becauseit's safe.
But our churches are, they'reour family, so we need to be
giving them more grace thananybody else, because we are in
the family of God.

Speaker 1 (05:10):
So pastors get hurt at times, church members get
hurt at times we all have dealtwith that where we have either
been hurt or hurt someone else,and I can't think of a better
example leading, like we justsaid with Parker than to show
that grace.
But we want.

Speaker 3 (05:27):
That's right.

Speaker 1 (05:27):
We want to have that same grace shown to us, and so
we show it to others.