March 24, 2025 • 29 mins
The enemy has a strategic playbook for attacking pastors' wives, and in this powerful conversation, we expose those tactics while offering hope and practical solutions. Melody welcomes Cindy and Charlotte from Energize Ministries to discuss the unique vulnerabilities pastoral spouses face during Pastor's Wife Appreciation Month.
"I feel always watched but never seen," shared one pastor's wife, capturing the painful paradox of visibility without connection that many experience. From identity struggles and congregational expectations to isolation and family targeting, we explore how the enemy methodically works to undermine these influential women in ministry. The conversation candidly addresses difficult topics like marital strain when "the church becomes his mistress," the unfair scrutiny placed on pastors' children, and the temptations that arise during seasons of emotional depletion.
But this isn't just about identifying problems – it's about equipping both pastors' wives and congregations with practical strategies for victory. For wives, this means staying rooted in God's Word, establishing healthy boundaries, nurturing their marriages intentionally, and remembering their identity in Christ transcends their role. For church members, it means consistent prayer coverage, initiating genuine friendship, offering specific encouragement, and creating opportunities for rest and retreat.
"It takes seven compliments to overcome one criticism," one guest notes, reminding us how simple acts of encouragement can transform a pastoral family's experience. Whether you're a pastor's wife seeking solidarity or a church member wanting to better support your leadership, this conversation offers insight into the spiritual battlefield of ministry and the weapons we have to overcome.
Visit energizeministries.com to discover resources for supporting pastoral families through retreat opportunities and practical encouragement.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, I'm Melody and I'm Candy and you're listening
to Quirks, bumps and Bruises.
Welcome to a very importantepisode, I think, of Quirks,
bumps and Bruises.
With me this morning are Cindyand Charlotte from Energize
Ministries.
You've heard us talk so muchabout that.
We've been involved togetherand partnering some with
(00:20):
Energize Ministries and that isdefinitely a ministry close to
my heart, because it is aministry all about making sure
that our pastors and theirfamilies are taken care of when
they're just exhausted, givingthem some opportunities to be
able to pause and to rest.
But on the other side of that,we also know and I've been in
(00:41):
ministry a long time myself, notonly on the radio, but I was a
worship leader for 36 years andso on staff at the same church,
if you can believe that and so Ikind of know that the devil can
attack viciously at times onthose that are in the ministry,
not only for the pastor but hiswife and even their family as
(01:02):
well.
And so this morning we're goingto take a few minutes to talk
about.
If I were the devil and I wantedto attack a pastor's wife March
is Pastor's Wife AppreciationMonth, so that's why we're kind
of hunkering down on pastor'swife.
My strategy would be to weakenher in a number of ways.
First, you want to weaken herspiritually, because that's kind
(01:22):
of the umbrella that sits overeverything else.
If you can get her there, a lotof other stuff is not going to
fall into place.
Attack her emotionally andrelationally, because she does
play such a very important rolein the life of her husband.
And so if I were that devil,I'm not y'all, but if I were,
(01:42):
what are some ways that I wouldtry to do those things to weaken
that pastor's wife spiritually,emotionally and relationally?
And Cindy and Charlotte, we'regoing to talk about some of
those ways.
Give me a way where you thinkit would happen.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
First, I think in her identity and just confidence.
As women, we struggle withthose feelings and just make her
feel unworthy and inadequate.
The devil tends to put doubtsin our mind about who we are and
just our confidence in who weare as a person, as a woman and
as a pastor's wife.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
I think one way the devil attacks is by attacking
her confidence.
There's a lot of pastor's wivesthat don't feel like they might
have the skill sets.
Maybe it wasn't something thatthey thought they were going to
do they could.
Possibly their husband couldhave been called into ministry
after they were married and shedidn't see it coming.
And also we have a lot ofexpectations of a pastor's wife,
(02:38):
you know, maybe she doesn'tplay the piano and that every
pastor's wife is supposed to beable to stand up in front of
people and speak, and maybeshe's more of an introvert and
that's not the skill sets thatGod gave her.
So I think pastors wives couldcompare themselves.
Maybe the previous pastor'swives was there for a long time
and she was very well loved andit's like how do you live up to
(03:00):
that?
Yeah, because God didn't giveme the abilities that she gave
her, and so they need to findout who they are and hopefully
they're in a church that allowsthem to be able to be themselves
.
You know, maybe she's more ofthe organizational person behind
the scenes and she likes to setup things.
Or she's the one who is justthe prayer warrior for her
(03:21):
husband because she's raisinglittle children at home, and
that's fine.
The prayer warrior for herhusband because she's raising
little children at home, andthat's fine.
But the expectations, I think,and the comparison with other
pastor's wives can make themfeel inadequate and the devil
puts lies in her heads.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Yeah, all the time so just let her be who she is and
not try to put her in a box ofwhat a pastor's wife should be.
And uh and I do feel like thatis a way.
First of all, the enemy isgoing to try to get her.
If you can make someone feelunworthy, it's like Play-Doh you
can kind of mold them in a lotof ways.
So I think that definitely is abig one.
(03:54):
What about creating maritalstruggles?
I mean, I can see the enemydoing is if he can get the
pastor and the pastor's wifekind of moving against each
other, that's going to causeissues.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
Right, Charlotte.
Yes, Misunderstandings andresentment can all come in the
marriage.
The devil can put that betweenher and her husband and we had
one pastor's wife that told usthat she very much felt unseen
and unappreciated.
And I think lots of times inthe church there's so much
emphasis on the pastor's wifethat she can sometimes feel that
(04:26):
way.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Yeah, absolutely, and I know this by just being on
staff when I was doing thatexhaustion and just feeling
overwhelmed a lot of times.
You know you're trying to notonly be a good wife but a lot of
times like you said, cindy agood mom and you've got young
children and you know that'sfull time and so you're just
exhausted and yet you have to,or feel like you have to, also
(04:51):
be at this level while you're atchurch that everybody wants you
to be.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
And she also might be holding another job a full time
job or a part time job and thedemands on the weekend are when
other people get to rest.
They don't have that luxury.
In fact, I saw something theother day of a pastor's wife say
I don't understand why otherpeople don't realize that Monday
is my favorite day of the weekbecause she survived the weekend
.
Yes, and so there's a lot thatare put on, a lot of things that
(05:19):
are put on her plate thatpeople might not even realize
that are there.
And not only that sometimes, aspastor's wives, we need to
learn to say no, yeah and that'sokay.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
It is okay.
That's something I had to learn.
I'm much better at it now, butI wasn't so good at it in my
younger years.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
It is so important to set some boundaries because at
church they automatically thinkthat the pastor's wife should
attend every event and if shehas small kids and children,
there's just no way possible shecan do that yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
And my daughter is kind of going through that right
now.
She and my son-in-law are at achurch that has a lot going on
all the time.
It's a church that is kind ofmore out in the country, so it
becomes kind of a hub for thecommunity, so to speak.
So every night there'ssomething going on, and so it
becomes a kind of a hub for thecommunity, so to speak.
So every night there'ssomething going on and she, you
know, kind of had to say Icannot do that.
I have to put my family first.
I can't be at every singlething, and that is perfectly
(06:12):
okay.
Pastor's wives.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
And also if the devil can make you feel guilty about
not doing that, that can do alot to our self-esteem and
confidence.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Yeah, Well, the parishioners can make you feel
guilty, and so the enemy can usethe parishioners to do this.
Speaker 4 (06:27):
Sometimes the pastor's wife can set the
example for other families thatit's OK to put your family first
.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
You know you can't do everything.
Actually, that's how God wantsit right.
Him and then family.
What about isolation?
Speaker 4 (06:38):
I think that's one of the main things.
I hear pastor's wives say thatthey're lonely.
I had one pastor's wife whosaid I feel like I'm always
watched but never seen.
Sometimes there's an inabilityto make friendships and then
you're also afraid of thosefriendships, so you hold back
because you might not be able tobe totally transparent, right,
(07:02):
and it's hard to know who's yourfriend and who you can trust
and who's using you, yeah, toget closer to the pastor or get
their agenda.
Yes, through the church yousound like a former pastor's
wife.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
You've been there and done that, hadn't you?
Speaker 3 (07:15):
cindy, yes, yes, going along with isolating her
comes also the criticism andgossip within the church.
If the devil can make her feellike others are talking about
her and things that can reallyput her to be lonely and isolate
herself away from the people.
And that's why it's so hard forher to find friends inside the
church and to be her authenticself, because she's been burned
(07:39):
so many times.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Yeah, and to constantly being judged,
constantly being scrutinized,and that is going to
automatically lead you to beingso discouraged.
Right, it's just going to leadyou to to that discouragement
and you have to.
Speaker 4 (07:50):
You sometimes feel like you put on this fake face
when you come into church.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
You're not really yourself you're not who you
really are.
Tempting her with comparison isanother way that that can
happen.
Just comparing herself maybe toother pastor's wives or maybe
other women that's in theministry in that particular
church, that's the head ofwhatever.
That can lead to a lot ofinsecurity.
Maybe even let's just be honestsometimes a little jealousy and
(08:16):
even a little pride can comeout there and it just makes her
feel less than Do you feel.
That's definitely a way theenemy can get in there?
Speaker 3 (08:24):
Definitely so.
I think with temptation, lotsof times with new pastor's wives
it comes within a church.
There is always comparison tothe other pastor's wife that was
there.
Maybe she doesn't, like Cindysaid, play the piano or maybe
her gifts is not that.
It may be more working with thechildren's ministry and let her
decide what she wants to do anduse her gift within the church.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
And distracting her.
That's a biggie.
I feel like in the world thatwe live in today, distraction is
so easy to do because we arebombarded, first of all, with so
much information.
There's cell phones and e-mailsand voicemails and TV and
there's just so manydistractions that can keep you
(09:07):
so busy.
I feel like that you kind oflose sight of where you are and
where God wants you to be, andhow to stay rooted to where God
wants you to be, Especially indistracting her from the Word,
reading her Bible and prayertime and just setting aside that
time where she can just bealone with God.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
This is a big one.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
I've heard my daughter say this you can mess
with me, but don't mess with myfamily, don't mess with my
husband, don't mess with mychildren, so attacking her
children and family.
Speaker 4 (09:34):
Absolutely.
I really think the devil puts atarget on pastors' families,
whether it be their children,their marriage, and I really had
felt personally, through whatwe went through, that that's the
way the devil was working,because if he can take down the
pastor, he can take down a wholechurch absolutely.
And you know there is anexpectation that the pastor's
children need to be perfect.
(09:55):
They need to be in environmentsand in a church culture where
they realize that we're humanand we go through the same
struggles.
The children did not ask to bethe children's pastor, the
pastor's kids and have thatexpectation on them is is very
unfair.
What they need from the churchis encouragement.
They need to have people whoare praying for their children,
that are supporting them.
(10:16):
That is, coming alongside themand saying the same thing that
their parents are saying, but ina positive way and not a
negative, and not looking to tryto find out what the pastor's
kid did with the deacon's kid.
You know they're back behindthe church and I think having
people who love on them andsupport them and give them the
freedom to be kids and to behuman and that when they do make
(10:37):
mistakes, that there's graceoffered to them yes, kids and to
be human and that when they domake mistakes, that there's
grace offered to them so thatthey know that they don't run
away from the church.
Because so many pastors, kids,have turned away from church
altogether because of howthey've been treated or what
they've seen.
And they see kids pick up onhypocrisy.
Oh yes, and it's like they cancall that out so fast.
(10:58):
Even before some of us adultscan see it.
They see it and so when theysee hypocrisy, they don't want
to be a part of that, and Ithink that's part of what drives
them away from the church andfrom God, and we need to work to
overcome that.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
Yeah, I agree.
Yes, cindy, as you haveexperienced a lot of this too,
don't you feel like, when youare a family inside the the
church, unlike other moms thatcome, you feel like your kids
are on display, yeah, in anaudience?
Speaker 4 (11:27):
they often talk about the glass house, that you live
in a glass house and that's verytrue, I've seen.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
I've seen that happen time and time again.
This one can be one maybe alittle difficult to talk about,
but it is so important for us tojust be honest and talk about
it.
But pastors' wives can betempted too with things that
could really wreak havoc intheir lives and in the church's
lives and just lead her towardssome unhealthy things that are
(11:53):
going on.
I think a lot of times thathappens because they just have
so much emotional distressbecause of what is going on
around them in the church.
Money, y'all want to talk aboutthat.
Speaker 4 (12:04):
You know, I think there's a lot of temptations out
there and as pastors we aren'tperfect.
We have the same sins andtemptations that everyone has.
So I think we can get involvedin.
Materialism is one thing.
Pastors don't go into ministryto be rich no, financially for
pastors and their families.
That lots of times you know shebecomes obsessed with the
(12:27):
things that others have that shecan't have and you know lusting
for that, coveting those thingsor maybe spending much on the
credit card that she doesn'thave.
Those are temptations that cancome along because you've been
without for so long.
Speaker 3 (12:42):
And that's a hard position to be in.
Also, in today's world, withour Facebook and with all the
advertising and media, it can bereally easy to compare yourself
to others and want what othershave in materialism or just
being like someone else,comparing yourself, yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
I've said many times, social media is the devil's
playground, because it can justmake you look at someone's life,
which most of it's not eventrue.
Let's just be honest.
If you're showing a perfectlife on Facebook, it's a lie,
because nobody has a perfectlife, right?
Nobody.
And so seeing that, though,time and time and time again,
does make you just like what'swrong with me.
(13:19):
Why don't I have that?
And that can be prettydetrimental, I think.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
Another thing that's hard to talk about.
But you know, sometimes, as faras the marriage goes, the
pastor might be so busy that hiswife is getting neglected.
Yes, so she looks for emotionalsupport elsewhere, where she
should be getting from herhusband.
And even you know we even talkabout it as a kind of a joke but
that, like christmas and easter, these pastors wives are widows
(13:45):
because they lose theirhusbands because they're working
.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
So ministry widows, yeah so and that's an open door
for the enemy.
Speaker 4 (13:53):
That's just an open door, yeah so we just need to be
aware of that, and that's whyit's so important to keep their
marriages strong.
So I mean that can happen to,to the husband or the wife, yes,
but especially when the husbandmany of them are workaholics,
you know that kind of thepersonality of a pastor.
It seems like that they work sohard and we've got to make sure
(14:14):
that the marriage is stayingstrong, so neither of them are
tempted to stray.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
We talked about Facebook and Instagram.
Sometimes you see the perfectpicture of the family in a photo
that just looks perfect, but inreality, just five minutes
before that, the kids werewrestling on the floor and the
mom was stressed out and the dadwas, and so you don't see those
behind the scenes.
It's all about how, what a goodlife they have.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
It's like that car ride to church on a Sunday
morning and it's just a struggle.
It is just such a struggle andthen you get out of the car and
you smile.
Speaker 4 (14:47):
Everybody's smiling.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Kids fighting in the back seat.
You're on your mask.
This is a big one because itcan cause so much destruction in
all of these other areas, butjust making her doubt the
faithfulness of God, no matterwhat she's going through,
absolutely.
Speaker 4 (15:02):
I feel like if the devil can get you discouraged,
he's won.
I agree he has won the battle.
Pastor's wife has to beintentional in being able to
remember what God has done forthem and to even write down the
things that God has done tobless them.
When my husband was goingthrough his battle with cancer,
that was really hard for me totake my mind and to keep it
(15:25):
positive and one of the things Istarted doing was writing down
every day three things that Godhad done for me or blessed me
are three positives.
You know, god tells us to thinkon the things that are lovely,
beautiful those things, but somany times the negatives consume
us and they bring us down.
So I think it's a veryintentional thing that we keep
(15:47):
our minds focused on the goodthings God has done.
So many times through the OldTestament the Lord had them make
altars and things ofremembrance to remember, like
when they came through theJordan River to remember how he
had taken care of them and soeasy for us to forget.
Sometimes we think about thechildren of Israel wandering
through the wilderness and allof their complaining.
(16:08):
It's like how could theycomplain?
God just brought them throughthe Red Sea.
But we do the same thing overand over and ministry is hard,
so there's going to be a lot ofdiscouragement.
There's going to be times whereyou don't see growth, where the
people seem like they'reagainst you and you feel like,
why am I doing this?
But we got to remember that Godhas brought us through before.
He will bring us through againand if he called us, we just
(16:28):
need to obey and do what he'scalled us to do.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
These have been so helpful.
I think when we're not aware ofwhat the enemy can do to just
absolutely try and destroy us,then we can miss those clues, we
can miss those moments whereit's there and we see yet we
don't see, or we hear yet wedon't hear.
This has been such greatreminders of the way the enemy
(16:52):
can try so hard, because hewould love nothing more than to
destroy a pastor and his family.
Right, he would love nothingmore than to do that.
So let's talk for a second now,because we don't want to always
do the negative without findinga solution, some ways that can
help us.
So how can we overcome thoseattacks?
What are some ways we can usefor?
Speaker 3 (17:12):
that?
Yes, melody.
We have talked about howpastor's wives the devil can
attack pastor's wives in allkinds of ways, and how do we
overcome these attacks?
One way is to stay rooted inprayer and in God's word.
I think that's the number oneand also to surround yourself
with God's people forencouragement in everything, in
(17:33):
everyday struggles.
We can be with other pastors'wives and we can be a friend to
them when they're going throughreally hard times.
Speaker 4 (17:41):
Also taking time to work on your marriage.
It isn't something that justhappens.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Marriage is not easy.
No, I don't care if you're apastor's wife or not.
Speaker 4 (17:51):
In fact, it's probably harder, right?
So making sure you still havedate nights, that you have time
that you two can connect.
The pastor's wife sometimesfeels like the church is his
mistress.
Yeah, so we want to keep themarriage strong and work on that
.
And to you know, and it's okayif they need counseling as well,
you know, we need to take theshame out of that, right right,
(18:14):
counseling is good.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
There's not a marriage, cindy, in my opinion,
that doesn't need counseling.
I don't care how good it is,you know.
Not a marriage, cindy, in myopinion, that doesn't need
counseling.
I don't care how good it is,you know it's always going to be
a good thing.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
We talk about in some of our coffee connections about
how we can set aside a day thatthey can have a date day and
educate the church to let themknow that that's their day off.
Whether I talk to some pastors,wives who with their husband
have dedicated Friday is theirday, and to church members know
just to not bother them on thatday unless it's an emergency or
(18:45):
things.
I think it's very important.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Offer to keep the kids so that they can do that.
Speaker 3 (18:49):
And we talk about setting the boundaries to avoid
burnout.
Speaker 4 (18:54):
Boundaries are just really important to establish
and I think that we need to.
You know, know our limitationsand ask God's help.
You know, we don't always haveto say yes.
It's okay to say no, to havethose limitations.
You know, sometimes we readProverbs 31 and we think that
we've got to do this and thisand do it.
She didn't do that all in oneday.
You know, there are seasons ofour lives and we know there are
(19:15):
seasons where you're to be homewith your children.
There are seasons where you'reto be home with your children.
Yeah, there are seasons whereyou're to be involved in
ministry.
There are seasons when you havethe empty nest and you're able
to go and do more for the Lord.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Or seasons where you're taking care of your own
parents?
Right, there are so manydifferent seasons and you grow
through each of those seasons.
Right, you're learning throughevery one of those, or your
health.
Speaker 4 (19:39):
You might have health issues and there.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
We're talking today about ways that you can kind of
safeguard yourself as a pastor'swife, things to think about and
to kind of get ahead of thegame.
Charlotte, give us some moreideas on that.
Speaker 3 (19:55):
Surround ourselves with trusted friends and mentors
.
It's very important forespecially young pastors' wives
to have an older lady.
Like in Titus 2, the Bibleteaches us to have an older lady
to mentor us, and so that'svery important that we can find
someone outside the church andto be a friend to us and, of
(20:16):
course, I think, ignoring gossipand criticism at all costs.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
You've got to focus on who you are in Christ and not
what others think of you.
So you've got to ignore it,you've got to put it to the side
and you've just got to keepmoving forward, right?
Speaker 4 (20:29):
You know you might need to take a break from social
media that might not be healthy.
That might not be healthy foryou.
I know a lot of pastors wivesstruggle when somebody leaves
their church and then they seethem posting on Facebook about
what they're doing in their newchurch and that's just like a
stab in the heart for them.
So sometimes it's just best tostep away and to not be as aware
(20:52):
of what's going on there, sothat that doesn't bother you and
get you discouraged.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Right and just keeping your identity in Christ
as a whole and not in thoseroles or expectations.
Make sure your expectations areGod's expectations, yes, and
not your own or other people'sexpectations.
Speaker 4 (21:07):
Yes, sometimes we're in our sentiments.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
Oh, absolutely, yes, and not your own or other
people's expectations.
Yeah, sometimes we're in oursentiments.
Oh, absolutely.
Actually, the beginning of 2025, one of my goals was to take
myself off of Facebook.
I felt like I was spending waytoo much time on it and I need
to be in God's word more, soit's been really refreshing to
me to take that break.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
Well, as you ladies both said earlier, satan knows
that he can take down a pastor'swife, and if he does that, he
can shake the entire church up.
It can destroy a ministry very,very quickly, but Isaiah 54, 17
tells us to just stay strong inhim, and no weapon formed
against you will prosper.
God is greater than all thisstuff that we've talked about,
(21:46):
but let's just spend a fewmoments talking about how the
church can help in that area aswell.
Speaker 4 (21:52):
Absolutely.
I think one of the best thingsthe church can do is pray for
their pastor and his family andhis children, because they need
to be aware that they are underspiritual attack.
As, growing up as a PK and thenbeing married to a pastor, I
know Saturday nights were someof the hardest because Satan was
(22:12):
trying to get him distractedbefore he had to preach God's
word and he would make familydrama come up and all kinds of
things.
We just always knew to be readyon Saturday for that attack.
So praying for your pastor'sfamily diligently is just huge
so many of us.
It seems easy, but it's not.
You've got to stay committed.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Our lives get busy and we forget.
So that is pray for your pastorand his family.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
Another thing is get to know her, connect with her,
invite her out for tea or coffeeand just have a relationship
with her.
You know, sometimes she is notthe one who initiates it because
it's like well, I can't inviteeverybody in the whole church
out for coffee, so you need toinitiate it, absolutely, you
know, so that she has time toget to know you.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
I think that's important.
I'm not a pastor's wife, but mydaughter is, and about a year
ago they moved from one churchto a new church and so that's a
whole new set of people.
Right, and, like you said, youcan't invite everybody over to
your house, you know, for dinnerone night, and so taking the
time to just get to know who sheis as a person not as a
(23:18):
pastor's wife, but as a person Ithink is so important.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
Yes, Just to make her feel appreciated, make her feel
seen and encourage her.
You could send a car to heronce in a while.
You could, as Sandy and Melodysaid, you can take her out to
lunch maybe.
Just show her that she is animportant part of the church.
Speaker 4 (23:36):
And I think that I don't know where this statistic
comes from, but I've heard itsaid that it takes seven
compliments to overcome acriticism, and you don't know
how many times pastors getcriticized.
You know the music's too loud,you know the bathroom was dirty
or whatever it is in the churchthat they didn't like.
They don't like the color ofthe rug, and it's always the
(23:56):
pastor's fault, right?
So just making sure that you'renot the one who is soon as
church is over.
Oh, you know, this is wrong.
This is wrong.
This is wrong.
Giving them a list of thingsbut complimenting them.
You know that is huge.
I really enjoyed your husband'smessage this morning.
You know, even though shewasn't the one who preached it,
(24:19):
it still helps you to overcomesome of the negatives that come
your way.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
Encouragement is a big deal it is.
I think sometimes we forgetabout that.
I know here at Joy FM we'll gettons of voicemails and emails
thanking us and telling us whatthe music has meant to them and
just beautiful words ofencouragement.
And then you get that one thatdoesn't like something, but
that's the one that stays inyour head.
So I think encouragement can gosuch a long way, especially in
(24:47):
the life of a pastor's wife.
Speaker 3 (24:48):
Just a thank.
You can go such a long ways.
It's free to give a thank you.
Speaker 4 (24:53):
I heard a story once about a truck driver had this
1-800 number on the back Tell ushow my driving is?
And this person called thatnumber and they said your driver
was going at the right speed,he was doing everything
correctly, turning on hissignals, and the person who was
taking the call said wait aminute, I'm going to put you on
speaker.
We never hear this.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
They only get the bad .
They only get the negative.
Speaker 4 (25:16):
We never hear the positive about how good and
courteous our drivers were, andyou know it's the same thing.
So many people are ready totell the negative, but we are
slow on giving the positiveencouragement that that's needed
, and you don't know how thatcan just change a person's day
and outlook totally around.
Speaker 3 (25:34):
I agree with that.
I think a lot of times thechurch members will go to the
pastor's wife and bend her earso she will tell the pastor,
maybe some of the criticisms.
So sometimes she's the onethat's targeted to let her
husband know what they don'tlike about the church or what
they didn't like about thesermon.
So she has to carry that to herhusband.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Yeah, I've seen that happen Sunday lunches.
After church on Sunday, youknow, a group of people go to
lunch and tear apart the sermon.
Or I didn't get anything out ofthat service, or I didn't get
invited to lunch.
Speaker 4 (26:07):
I agree with that as well.
Another thing they can do isthey can be her champion.
You know, as you were talkingabout, the criticism and the
gossip that happens in thechurch this is a side note Our
speaker, who's coming to speakto us at our pastor's wives
brunches this month, her speechto us last year, her topics you
talked when you hear gossip shemade us all write it down.
(26:29):
I have no words for thisconversation and not becoming a
part of it and it kind of stopseverybody else.
That stops everybody in theirtracks.
And so she'd say you know, youcome up to someone who wants to
tell you the latest.
I have no words for thisconversation and it was just an
easy way to not put the persondown, but it stops it and it
(26:50):
keeps you totally out of it andit was like that was like one of
the best pieces of wisdom thatI've ever heard.
But you know you can become herchampion.
You can praise her in front ofother people.
We have the best pastor's wife.
She prayed for me when ourfamily was going through this
hard situation.
You know she'll be glad tolisten to your prayer needs and
(27:12):
bring you before the Lord, oryou know she is just, you know,
the best person to be able toask advice from, or something
like that.
So champion her so that otherpeople will also find out her
value and know her value andshare that with them also find
out her value and know her valueand share that with them.
Another thing the church can doas a whole is they can give
(27:33):
their pastor and their pastor'swife's opportunities to take
advantage of a retreat or asabbatical or a conference for
pastor's wives or for pastors orfor a marriage, and that gives
them an opportunity for them tostay strong and to learn new
things that they need to learn.
But it also let the church knowthat we're behind this and
(27:54):
we're trying to help our pastorand to be there to support them
in the ways that they need.
And Energize Ministries offersopportunities for pastors and
their families to get away, andthat helps so much.
We get so many reports backfrom the people who have spent
time away of like how theyneeded that as a family and as a
marriage, to be able to justunite them back together again.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
And Energize Ministries does that absolutely
beautifully in so many differentways, and you can go to
Energize Ministries website,which is energizeministriescom,
and just find out all about thatministry.
I think you'll be surprised athow much that is done to
encourage pastors, to give thema time of rest and retreat, and
so I do invite you to go andvisit the website to find out
(28:40):
more about it.
So this has been a wonderfulconversation.
I think it's a very much neededconversation, and I think this
particular month is a great timeto do that.
So today, think about yourpastor's wife, pray for her and
then, as you come up on Sunday,first thing you do when you get
up, pray again for her and foryour pastor and just love on
them, because I'm telling youall, I'm not going to tell you
(29:01):
again, it's the hardest job inthe world.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Thanks for listening to the Quirks, bumps and Bruises
podcast with in the world.
Hi, I'm Melody and I'm Candy and you're listening
to Quirks, bumps and Bruises.
Welcome to a very importantepisode, I think, of Quirks,
bumps and Bruises.
With me this morning are Cindyand Charlotte from Energize
Ministries.
You've heard us talk so muchabout that.
We've been involved togetherand partnering some with
(00:20):
Energize Ministries and that isdefinitely a ministry close to
my heart, because it is aministry all about making sure
that our pastors and theirfamilies are taken care of when
they're just exhausted, givingthem some opportunities to be
able to pause and to rest.
But on the other side of that,we also know and I've been in
(00:41):
ministry a long time myself, notonly on the radio, but I was a
worship leader for 36 years andso on staff at the same church,
if you can believe that and so Ikind of know that the devil can
attack viciously at times onthose that are in the ministry,
not only for the pastor but hiswife and even their family as
(01:02):
well.
And so this morning we're goingto take a few minutes to talk
about.
If I were the devil and I wantedto attack a pastor's wife March
is Pastor's Wife AppreciationMonth, so that's why we're kind
of hunkering down on pastor'swife.
My strategy would be to weakenher in a number of ways.
First, you want to weaken herspiritually, because that's kind
(01:22):
of the umbrella that sits overeverything else.
If you can get her there, a lotof other stuff is not going to
fall into place.
Attack her emotionally andrelationally, because she does
play such a very important rolein the life of her husband.
And so if I were that devil,I'm not y'all, but if I were,
(01:42):
what are some ways that I wouldtry to do those things to weaken
that pastor's wife spiritually,emotionally and relationally?
And Cindy and Charlotte, we'regoing to talk about some of
those ways.
Give me a way where you thinkit would happen.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
First, I think in her identity and just confidence.
As women, we struggle withthose feelings and just make her
feel unworthy and inadequate.
The devil tends to put doubtsin our mind about who we are and
just our confidence in who weare as a person, as a woman and
as a pastor's wife.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
I think one way the devil attacks is by attacking
her confidence.
There's a lot of pastor's wivesthat don't feel like they might
have the skill sets.
Maybe it wasn't something thatthey thought they were going to
do they could.
Possibly their husband couldhave been called into ministry
after they were married and shedidn't see it coming.
And also we have a lot ofexpectations of a pastor's wife,
(02:38):
you know, maybe she doesn'tplay the piano and that every
pastor's wife is supposed to beable to stand up in front of
people and speak, and maybeshe's more of an introvert and
that's not the skill sets thatGod gave her.
So I think pastors wives couldcompare themselves.
Maybe the previous pastor'swives was there for a long time
and she was very well loved andit's like how do you live up to
(03:00):
that?
Yeah, because God didn't giveme the abilities that she gave
her, and so they need to findout who they are and hopefully
they're in a church that allowsthem to be able to be themselves
.
You know, maybe she's more ofthe organizational person behind
the scenes and she likes to setup things.
Or she's the one who is justthe prayer warrior for her
(03:21):
husband because she's raisinglittle children at home, and
that's fine.
The prayer warrior for herhusband because she's raising
little children at home, andthat's fine.
But the expectations, I think,and the comparison with other
pastor's wives can make themfeel inadequate and the devil
puts lies in her heads.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Yeah, all the time so just let her be who she is and
not try to put her in a box ofwhat a pastor's wife should be.
And uh and I do feel like thatis a way.
First of all, the enemy isgoing to try to get her.
If you can make someone feelunworthy, it's like Play-Doh you
can kind of mold them in a lotof ways.
So I think that definitely is abig one.
(03:54):
What about creating maritalstruggles?
I mean, I can see the enemydoing is if he can get the
pastor and the pastor's wifekind of moving against each
other, that's going to causeissues.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
Right, Charlotte.
Yes, Misunderstandings andresentment can all come in the
marriage.
The devil can put that betweenher and her husband and we had
one pastor's wife that told usthat she very much felt unseen
and unappreciated.
And I think lots of times inthe church there's so much
emphasis on the pastor's wifethat she can sometimes feel that
(04:26):
way.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Yeah, absolutely, and I know this by just being on
staff when I was doing thatexhaustion and just feeling
overwhelmed a lot of times.
You know you're trying to notonly be a good wife but a lot of
times like you said, cindy agood mom and you've got young
children and you know that'sfull time and so you're just
exhausted and yet you have to,or feel like you have to, also
(04:51):
be at this level while you're atchurch that everybody wants you
to be.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
And she also might be holding another job a full time
job or a part time job and thedemands on the weekend are when
other people get to rest.
They don't have that luxury.
In fact, I saw something theother day of a pastor's wife say
I don't understand why otherpeople don't realize that Monday
is my favorite day of the weekbecause she survived the weekend
.
Yes, and so there's a lot thatare put on, a lot of things that
(05:19):
are put on her plate thatpeople might not even realize
that are there.
And not only that sometimes, aspastor's wives, we need to
learn to say no, yeah and that'sokay.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
It is okay.
That's something I had to learn.
I'm much better at it now, butI wasn't so good at it in my
younger years.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
It is so important to set some boundaries because at
church they automatically thinkthat the pastor's wife should
attend every event and if shehas small kids and children,
there's just no way possible shecan do that yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
And my daughter is kind of going through that right
now.
She and my son-in-law are at achurch that has a lot going on
all the time.
It's a church that is kind ofmore out in the country, so it
becomes kind of a hub for thecommunity, so to speak.
So every night there'ssomething going on, and so it
becomes a kind of a hub for thecommunity, so to speak.
So every night there'ssomething going on and she, you
know, kind of had to say Icannot do that.
I have to put my family first.
I can't be at every singlething, and that is perfectly
(06:12):
okay.
Pastor's wives.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
And also if the devil can make you feel guilty about
not doing that, that can do alot to our self-esteem and
confidence.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Yeah, Well, the parishioners can make you feel
guilty, and so the enemy can usethe parishioners to do this.
Speaker 4 (06:27):
Sometimes the pastor's wife can set the
example for other families thatit's OK to put your family first
.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
You know you can't do everything.
Actually, that's how God wantsit right.
Him and then family.
What about isolation?
Speaker 4 (06:38):
I think that's one of the main things.
I hear pastor's wives say thatthey're lonely.
I had one pastor's wife whosaid I feel like I'm always
watched but never seen.
Sometimes there's an inabilityto make friendships and then
you're also afraid of thosefriendships, so you hold back
because you might not be able tobe totally transparent, right,
(07:02):
and it's hard to know who's yourfriend and who you can trust
and who's using you, yeah, toget closer to the pastor or get
their agenda.
Yes, through the church yousound like a former pastor's
wife.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
You've been there and done that, hadn't you?
Speaker 3 (07:15):
cindy, yes, yes, going along with isolating her
comes also the criticism andgossip within the church.
If the devil can make her feellike others are talking about
her and things that can reallyput her to be lonely and isolate
herself away from the people.
And that's why it's so hard forher to find friends inside the
church and to be her authenticself, because she's been burned
(07:39):
so many times.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Yeah, and to constantly being judged,
constantly being scrutinized,and that is going to
automatically lead you to beingso discouraged.
Right, it's just going to leadyou to to that discouragement
and you have to.
Speaker 4 (07:50):
You sometimes feel like you put on this fake face
when you come into church.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
You're not really yourself you're not who you
really are.
Tempting her with comparison isanother way that that can
happen.
Just comparing herself maybe toother pastor's wives or maybe
other women that's in theministry in that particular
church, that's the head ofwhatever.
That can lead to a lot ofinsecurity.
Maybe even let's just be honestsometimes a little jealousy and
(08:16):
even a little pride can comeout there and it just makes her
feel less than Do you feel.
That's definitely a way theenemy can get in there?
Speaker 3 (08:24):
Definitely so.
I think with temptation, lotsof times with new pastor's wives
it comes within a church.
There is always comparison tothe other pastor's wife that was
there.
Maybe she doesn't, like Cindysaid, play the piano or maybe
her gifts is not that.
It may be more working with thechildren's ministry and let her
decide what she wants to do anduse her gift within the church.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
And distracting her.
That's a biggie.
I feel like in the world thatwe live in today, distraction is
so easy to do because we arebombarded, first of all, with so
much information.
There's cell phones and e-mailsand voicemails and TV and
there's just so manydistractions that can keep you
(09:07):
so busy.
I feel like that you kind oflose sight of where you are and
where God wants you to be, andhow to stay rooted to where God
wants you to be, Especially indistracting her from the Word,
reading her Bible and prayertime and just setting aside that
time where she can just bealone with God.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
This is a big one.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
I've heard my daughter say this you can mess
with me, but don't mess with myfamily, don't mess with my
husband, don't mess with mychildren, so attacking her
children and family.
Speaker 4 (09:34):
Absolutely.
I really think the devil puts atarget on pastors' families,
whether it be their children,their marriage, and I really had
felt personally, through whatwe went through, that that's the
way the devil was working,because if he can take down the
pastor, he can take down a wholechurch absolutely.
And you know there is anexpectation that the pastor's
children need to be perfect.
(09:55):
They need to be in environmentsand in a church culture where
they realize that we're humanand we go through the same
struggles.
The children did not ask to bethe children's pastor, the
pastor's kids and have thatexpectation on them is is very
unfair.
What they need from the churchis encouragement.
They need to have people whoare praying for their children,
that are supporting them.
(10:16):
That is, coming alongside themand saying the same thing that
their parents are saying, but ina positive way and not a
negative, and not looking to tryto find out what the pastor's
kid did with the deacon's kid.
You know they're back behindthe church and I think having
people who love on them andsupport them and give them the
freedom to be kids and to behuman and that when they do make
(10:37):
mistakes, that there's graceoffered to them yes, kids and to
be human and that when they domake mistakes, that there's
grace offered to them so thatthey know that they don't run
away from the church.
Because so many pastors, kids,have turned away from church
altogether because of howthey've been treated or what
they've seen.
And they see kids pick up onhypocrisy.
Oh yes, and it's like they cancall that out so fast.
(10:58):
Even before some of us adultscan see it.
They see it and so when theysee hypocrisy, they don't want
to be a part of that, and Ithink that's part of what drives
them away from the church andfrom God, and we need to work to
overcome that.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
Yeah, I agree.
Yes, cindy, as you haveexperienced a lot of this too,
don't you feel like, when youare a family inside the the
church, unlike other moms thatcome, you feel like your kids
are on display, yeah, in anaudience?
Speaker 4 (11:27):
they often talk about the glass house, that you live
in a glass house and that's verytrue, I've seen.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
I've seen that happen time and time again.
This one can be one maybe alittle difficult to talk about,
but it is so important for us tojust be honest and talk about
it.
But pastors' wives can betempted too with things that
could really wreak havoc intheir lives and in the church's
lives and just lead her towardssome unhealthy things that are
(11:53):
going on.
I think a lot of times thathappens because they just have
so much emotional distressbecause of what is going on
around them in the church.
Money, y'all want to talk aboutthat.
Speaker 4 (12:04):
You know, I think there's a lot of temptations out
there and as pastors we aren'tperfect.
We have the same sins andtemptations that everyone has.
So I think we can get involvedin.
Materialism is one thing.
Pastors don't go into ministryto be rich no, financially for
pastors and their families.
That lots of times you know shebecomes obsessed with the
(12:27):
things that others have that shecan't have and you know lusting
for that, coveting those thingsor maybe spending much on the
credit card that she doesn'thave.
Those are temptations that cancome along because you've been
without for so long.
Speaker 3 (12:42):
And that's a hard position to be in.
Also, in today's world, withour Facebook and with all the
advertising and media, it can bereally easy to compare yourself
to others and want what othershave in materialism or just
being like someone else,comparing yourself, yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
I've said many times, social media is the devil's
playground, because it can justmake you look at someone's life,
which most of it's not eventrue.
Let's just be honest.
If you're showing a perfectlife on Facebook, it's a lie,
because nobody has a perfectlife, right?
Nobody.
And so seeing that, though,time and time and time again,
does make you just like what'swrong with me.
(13:19):
Why don't I have that?
And that can be prettydetrimental, I think.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
Another thing that's hard to talk about.
But you know, sometimes, as faras the marriage goes, the
pastor might be so busy that hiswife is getting neglected.
Yes, so she looks for emotionalsupport elsewhere, where she
should be getting from herhusband.
And even you know we even talkabout it as a kind of a joke but
that, like christmas and easter, these pastors wives are widows
(13:45):
because they lose theirhusbands because they're working
.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
So ministry widows, yeah so and that's an open door
for the enemy.
Speaker 4 (13:53):
That's just an open door, yeah so we just need to be
aware of that, and that's whyit's so important to keep their
marriages strong.
So I mean that can happen to,to the husband or the wife, yes,
but especially when the husbandmany of them are workaholics,
you know that kind of thepersonality of a pastor.
It seems like that they work sohard and we've got to make sure
(14:14):
that the marriage is stayingstrong, so neither of them are
tempted to stray.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
We talked about Facebook and Instagram.
Sometimes you see the perfectpicture of the family in a photo
that just looks perfect, but inreality, just five minutes
before that, the kids werewrestling on the floor and the
mom was stressed out and the dadwas, and so you don't see those
behind the scenes.
It's all about how, what a goodlife they have.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
It's like that car ride to church on a Sunday
morning and it's just a struggle.
It is just such a struggle andthen you get out of the car and
you smile.
Speaker 4 (14:47):
Everybody's smiling.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Kids fighting in the back seat.
You're on your mask.
This is a big one because itcan cause so much destruction in
all of these other areas, butjust making her doubt the
faithfulness of God, no matterwhat she's going through,
absolutely.
Speaker 4 (15:02):
I feel like if the devil can get you discouraged,
he's won.
I agree he has won the battle.
Pastor's wife has to beintentional in being able to
remember what God has done forthem and to even write down the
things that God has done tobless them.
When my husband was goingthrough his battle with cancer,
that was really hard for me totake my mind and to keep it
(15:25):
positive and one of the things Istarted doing was writing down
every day three things that Godhad done for me or blessed me
are three positives.
You know, god tells us to thinkon the things that are lovely,
beautiful those things, but somany times the negatives consume
us and they bring us down.
So I think it's a veryintentional thing that we keep
(15:47):
our minds focused on the goodthings God has done.
So many times through the OldTestament the Lord had them make
altars and things ofremembrance to remember, like
when they came through theJordan River to remember how he
had taken care of them and soeasy for us to forget.
Sometimes we think about thechildren of Israel wandering
through the wilderness and allof their complaining.
(16:08):
It's like how could theycomplain?
God just brought them throughthe Red Sea.
But we do the same thing overand over and ministry is hard,
so there's going to be a lot ofdiscouragement.
There's going to be times whereyou don't see growth, where the
people seem like they'reagainst you and you feel like,
why am I doing this?
But we got to remember that Godhas brought us through before.
He will bring us through againand if he called us, we just
(16:28):
need to obey and do what he'scalled us to do.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
These have been so helpful.
I think when we're not aware ofwhat the enemy can do to just
absolutely try and destroy us,then we can miss those clues, we
can miss those moments whereit's there and we see yet we
don't see, or we hear yet wedon't hear.
This has been such greatreminders of the way the enemy
(16:52):
can try so hard, because hewould love nothing more than to
destroy a pastor and his family.
Right, he would love nothingmore than to do that.
So let's talk for a second now,because we don't want to always
do the negative without findinga solution, some ways that can
help us.
So how can we overcome thoseattacks?
What are some ways we can usefor?
Speaker 3 (17:12):
that?
Yes, melody.
We have talked about howpastor's wives the devil can
attack pastor's wives in allkinds of ways, and how do we
overcome these attacks?
One way is to stay rooted inprayer and in God's word.
I think that's the number oneand also to surround yourself
with God's people forencouragement in everything, in
(17:33):
everyday struggles.
We can be with other pastors'wives and we can be a friend to
them when they're going throughreally hard times.
Speaker 4 (17:41):
Also taking time to work on your marriage.
It isn't something that justhappens.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Marriage is not easy.
No, I don't care if you're apastor's wife or not.
Speaker 4 (17:51):
In fact, it's probably harder, right?
So making sure you still havedate nights, that you have time
that you two can connect.
The pastor's wife sometimesfeels like the church is his
mistress.
Yeah, so we want to keep themarriage strong and work on that
.
And to you know, and it's okayif they need counseling as well,
you know, we need to take theshame out of that, right right,
(18:14):
counseling is good.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
There's not a marriage, cindy, in my opinion,
that doesn't need counseling.
I don't care how good it is,you know.
Not a marriage, cindy, in myopinion, that doesn't need
counseling.
I don't care how good it is,you know it's always going to be
a good thing.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
We talk about in some of our coffee connections about
how we can set aside a day thatthey can have a date day and
educate the church to let themknow that that's their day off.
Whether I talk to some pastors,wives who with their husband
have dedicated Friday is theirday, and to church members know
just to not bother them on thatday unless it's an emergency or
(18:45):
things.
I think it's very important.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Offer to keep the kids so that they can do that.
Speaker 3 (18:49):
And we talk about setting the boundaries to avoid
burnout.
Speaker 4 (18:54):
Boundaries are just really important to establish
and I think that we need to.
You know, know our limitationsand ask God's help.
You know, we don't always haveto say yes.
It's okay to say no, to havethose limitations.
You know, sometimes we readProverbs 31 and we think that
we've got to do this and thisand do it.
She didn't do that all in oneday.
You know, there are seasons ofour lives and we know there are
(19:15):
seasons where you're to be homewith your children.
There are seasons where you'reto be home with your children.
Yeah, there are seasons whereyou're to be involved in
ministry.
There are seasons when you havethe empty nest and you're able
to go and do more for the Lord.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Or seasons where you're taking care of your own
parents?
Right, there are so manydifferent seasons and you grow
through each of those seasons.
Right, you're learning throughevery one of those, or your
health.
Speaker 4 (19:39):
You might have health issues and there.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
We're talking today about ways that you can kind of
safeguard yourself as a pastor'swife, things to think about and
to kind of get ahead of thegame.
Charlotte, give us some moreideas on that.
Speaker 3 (19:55):
Surround ourselves with trusted friends and mentors
.
It's very important forespecially young pastors' wives
to have an older lady.
Like in Titus 2, the Bibleteaches us to have an older lady
to mentor us, and so that'svery important that we can find
someone outside the church andto be a friend to us and, of
(20:16):
course, I think, ignoring gossipand criticism at all costs.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
You've got to focus on who you are in Christ and not
what others think of you.
So you've got to ignore it,you've got to put it to the side
and you've just got to keepmoving forward, right?
Speaker 4 (20:29):
You know you might need to take a break from social
media that might not be healthy.
That might not be healthy foryou.
I know a lot of pastors wivesstruggle when somebody leaves
their church and then they seethem posting on Facebook about
what they're doing in their newchurch and that's just like a
stab in the heart for them.
So sometimes it's just best tostep away and to not be as aware
(20:52):
of what's going on there, sothat that doesn't bother you and
get you discouraged.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Right and just keeping your identity in Christ
as a whole and not in thoseroles or expectations.
Make sure your expectations areGod's expectations, yes, and
not your own or other people'sexpectations.
Speaker 4 (21:07):
Yes, sometimes we're in our sentiments.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
Oh, absolutely, yes, and not your own or other
people's expectations.
Yeah, sometimes we're in oursentiments.
Oh, absolutely.
Actually, the beginning of 2025, one of my goals was to take
myself off of Facebook.
I felt like I was spending waytoo much time on it and I need
to be in God's word more, soit's been really refreshing to
me to take that break.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
Well, as you ladies both said earlier, satan knows
that he can take down a pastor'swife, and if he does that, he
can shake the entire church up.
It can destroy a ministry very,very quickly, but Isaiah 54, 17
tells us to just stay strong inhim, and no weapon formed
against you will prosper.
God is greater than all thisstuff that we've talked about,
(21:46):
but let's just spend a fewmoments talking about how the
church can help in that area aswell.
Speaker 4 (21:52):
Absolutely.
I think one of the best thingsthe church can do is pray for
their pastor and his family andhis children, because they need
to be aware that they are underspiritual attack.
As, growing up as a PK and thenbeing married to a pastor, I
know Saturday nights were someof the hardest because Satan was
(22:12):
trying to get him distractedbefore he had to preach God's
word and he would make familydrama come up and all kinds of
things.
We just always knew to be readyon Saturday for that attack.
So praying for your pastor'sfamily diligently is just huge
so many of us.
It seems easy, but it's not.
You've got to stay committed.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Our lives get busy and we forget.
So that is pray for your pastorand his family.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
Another thing is get to know her, connect with her,
invite her out for tea or coffeeand just have a relationship
with her.
You know, sometimes she is notthe one who initiates it because
it's like well, I can't inviteeverybody in the whole church
out for coffee, so you need toinitiate it, absolutely, you
know, so that she has time toget to know you.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
I think that's important.
I'm not a pastor's wife, but mydaughter is, and about a year
ago they moved from one churchto a new church and so that's a
whole new set of people.
Right, and, like you said, youcan't invite everybody over to
your house, you know, for dinnerone night, and so taking the
time to just get to know who sheis as a person not as a
(23:18):
pastor's wife, but as a person Ithink is so important.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
Yes, Just to make her feel appreciated, make her feel
seen and encourage her.
You could send a car to heronce in a while.
You could, as Sandy and Melodysaid, you can take her out to
lunch maybe.
Just show her that she is animportant part of the church.
Speaker 4 (23:36):
And I think that I don't know where this statistic
comes from, but I've heard itsaid that it takes seven
compliments to overcome acriticism, and you don't know
how many times pastors getcriticized.
You know the music's too loud,you know the bathroom was dirty
or whatever it is in the churchthat they didn't like.
They don't like the color ofthe rug, and it's always the
(23:56):
pastor's fault, right?
So just making sure that you'renot the one who is soon as
church is over.
Oh, you know, this is wrong.
This is wrong.
This is wrong.
Giving them a list of thingsbut complimenting them.
You know that is huge.
I really enjoyed your husband'smessage this morning.
You know, even though shewasn't the one who preached it,
(24:19):
it still helps you to overcomesome of the negatives that come
your way.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
Encouragement is a big deal it is.
I think sometimes we forgetabout that.
I know here at Joy FM we'll gettons of voicemails and emails
thanking us and telling us whatthe music has meant to them and
just beautiful words ofencouragement.
And then you get that one thatdoesn't like something, but
that's the one that stays inyour head.
So I think encouragement can gosuch a long way, especially in
(24:47):
the life of a pastor's wife.
Speaker 3 (24:48):
Just a thank.
You can go such a long ways.
It's free to give a thank you.
Speaker 4 (24:53):
I heard a story once about a truck driver had this
1-800 number on the back Tell ushow my driving is?
And this person called thatnumber and they said your driver
was going at the right speed,he was doing everything
correctly, turning on hissignals, and the person who was
taking the call said wait aminute, I'm going to put you on
speaker.
We never hear this.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
They only get the bad .
They only get the negative.
Speaker 4 (25:16):
We never hear the positive about how good and
courteous our drivers were, andyou know it's the same thing.
So many people are ready totell the negative, but we are
slow on giving the positiveencouragement that that's needed
, and you don't know how thatcan just change a person's day
and outlook totally around.
Speaker 3 (25:34):
I agree with that.
I think a lot of times thechurch members will go to the
pastor's wife and bend her earso she will tell the pastor,
maybe some of the criticisms.
So sometimes she's the onethat's targeted to let her
husband know what they don'tlike about the church or what
they didn't like about thesermon.
So she has to carry that to herhusband.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Yeah, I've seen that happen Sunday lunches.
After church on Sunday, youknow, a group of people go to
lunch and tear apart the sermon.
Or I didn't get anything out ofthat service, or I didn't get
invited to lunch.
Speaker 4 (26:07):
I agree with that as well.
Another thing they can do isthey can be her champion.
You know, as you were talkingabout, the criticism and the
gossip that happens in thechurch this is a side note Our
speaker, who's coming to speakto us at our pastor's wives
brunches this month, her speechto us last year, her topics you
talked when you hear gossip shemade us all write it down.
(26:29):
I have no words for thisconversation and not becoming a
part of it and it kind of stopseverybody else.
That stops everybody in theirtracks.
And so she'd say you know, youcome up to someone who wants to
tell you the latest.
I have no words for thisconversation and it was just an
easy way to not put the persondown, but it stops it and it
(26:50):
keeps you totally out of it andit was like that was like one of
the best pieces of wisdom thatI've ever heard.
But you know you can become herchampion.
You can praise her in front ofother people.
We have the best pastor's wife.
She prayed for me when ourfamily was going through this
hard situation.
You know she'll be glad tolisten to your prayer needs and
(27:12):
bring you before the Lord, oryou know she is just, you know,
the best person to be able toask advice from, or something
like that.
So champion her so that otherpeople will also find out her
value and know her value andshare that with them also find
out her value and know her valueand share that with them.
Another thing the church can doas a whole is they can give
(27:33):
their pastor and their pastor'swife's opportunities to take
advantage of a retreat or asabbatical or a conference for
pastor's wives or for pastors orfor a marriage, and that gives
them an opportunity for them tostay strong and to learn new
things that they need to learn.
But it also let the church knowthat we're behind this and
(27:54):
we're trying to help our pastorand to be there to support them
in the ways that they need.
And Energize Ministries offersopportunities for pastors and
their families to get away, andthat helps so much.
We get so many reports backfrom the people who have spent
time away of like how theyneeded that as a family and as a
marriage, to be able to justunite them back together again.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
And Energize Ministries does that absolutely
beautifully in so many differentways, and you can go to
Energize Ministries website,which is energizeministriescom,
and just find out all about thatministry.
I think you'll be surprised athow much that is done to
encourage pastors, to give thema time of rest and retreat, and
so I do invite you to go andvisit the website to find out
(28:40):
more about it.
So this has been a wonderfulconversation.
I think it's a very much neededconversation, and I think this
particular month is a great timeto do that.
So today, think about yourpastor's wife, pray for her and
then, as you come up on Sunday,first thing you do when you get
up, pray again for her and foryour pastor and just love on
them, because I'm telling youall, I'm not going to tell you
(29:01):
again, it's the hardest job inthe world.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Thanks for listening to the Quirks, bumps and Bruises
podcast with in the world.
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