August 19, 2025 • 24 mins
What happens when a snarky cat tangles with a kitten from a polygamist cult in Utah? Tune in each week to hear a chapter of Quirky Cat Goes Splat by Adele Park on Pet Life Radio. Meow Kitties!
EPISODE NOTES: Quirky Cat Goes Splat! Chapter 10
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EPISODE NOTES: Quirky Cat Goes Splat! Chapter 10
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/quirky-cat-nips-pet-life-radio-original--6670161/support.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Life is Pet Life Radio, let's talk pets.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Cat lovers and feline friends. It's time for Adele Park's
Quirky Cat Nips.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Today on Quirky Catnips, we're airing a chapter of Quirky
Cat Goes Splat by Adele Park. This frightfully funny tale
is narrated by the ever so snarky Skitter's the Cat.
Find out what happens when Skitters goes Cattie wump Us
for a kitten named Harriet. Tune in each week to
hear a new chapter of Quirky Cat Goes Splat. Only
(00:38):
on Pet Life Radio. Meow Kiddies.
Speaker 4 (00:46):
Audio Recording, Saint George presents Quirky Cat Goes Splat, Written,
produced and edited by Adele Park, narrated by a full cast.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Splat Meow Bitches Twisted Tails by Skidders the Cat. Part ten.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
I'm secure in my cathood, an attribute which enables me
to remain in good humor when it comes to my
twin handlers. As one would expect, they have fallen hopelessly
in love with my stylish stripes and Halloween grin. Though
it's hard to top this masterpiece, these little darlings try Nonetheless,
(01:36):
the twins are fond of hosting formal afternoon tea parties
with me as their most honored guest. They stuff me
into baby doll outfits and transport me to the festivities
in an old fashioned pram. I feel no shame in
being displayed in a stunning ensemble. From time to time,
(01:57):
I just don't like that green check address with a
lace call. It clashes with my stripes and looks so yesterday.
To ensure I wouldn't suffer the humiliation of being seen
in that dress again, I chewed the collar off and
pede on it. Harriet has never had the joy of
a fancy afternoon tea with her human. She hasn't so
(02:20):
much as received a ribbond aware, let alone play with.
Despite this, Harriet is inexplicably bound to Evangeline. I've told
her she should look into trading up, but Harriet just
gives me one of those superior sniffs to remind me
that she thinks I'm an imbecile. Maybe so, my sweet,
but I'm your imbecile. Underneath Harriet's coat of snarky putdowns
(02:45):
lies a scared and lonely soul. Normally, I don't like
to hear other kiddies sob stories. Nancy Neptune siphoned off
two of my life, so if you can't top that,
please close your smiler. Harriet's story is different. Her mother
died pulling her and her sister out of Juniper Hollow
when it was set on fire. Harriet's sister wisely split
(03:07):
that ugly scene, but Harriet remained waiting for Evangeline. Most
people think Nephi Stratton, the profit of Zion Flats, torched
the place to cover up a crime. It certainly wouldn't
be the first time Nephi resorted to violence. Isla Ray Stratton,
a runaway daughter of Nephi's, knew all about what this
(03:29):
polygamist homeboy was capable of. I met her on the
night she finally left that hell hole. Isla Ray had
come to the apartment where I was recovering from having
my rear paw pounded into mincemeat. Selecting Nancy Neptune as
the person to rescue her from the clutches of moral
corruption was an interesting choice.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Bah Chapter ten, Isla Ray Stratton.
Speaker 5 (03:56):
What's the point of breaking up with a guy if
you have to talk to him on the phone. Practically
every day. Okay, I'm not an expert on relationships. I've
only had one boyfriend in my whole life. But still
where I come from, the divorce rate is zero percent.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
No wonder.
Speaker 5 (04:15):
I don't have the skills to run away from this situation.
Most of Brandon's calls have been about Juniper Hollow. He's
been snooping around, which is a very bad idea. I
know that area well. Juniper Hollow is only a few
miles from Zion Flats. It was a great place to
hide when I had the nerve seeking refuge in the
(04:37):
spot where dozens of people have been murdered. Is a
brazen thing to do. Juniper Hollow is breath takingly beautiful.
In addition to Juniper, it's got lots of big willow
and oak trees watered by a spring that feeds a
small lake. On the north side of the lake is
Granite Ridge. Water from the lake carved out a maze
(04:58):
of catacombs underneath it. When Juniper Hollow was owned by
the Fletcher family, one of them pounded iron pegs into
a cave near the back of the catacombs, making a
ladder that goes all the way to the top of
Granite Ridge. This was how the Fletchers kept ahead of
the law when they were distilling hoot. It's a dangerous
(05:18):
climb both ways. I haven't told Brandon about the ladder.
Maybe he already knows. Hopefully he won't be able to
actually find it. Granite Ridge is shaped like a giant
sea overlooking Juniper Hollow. You can't reach the catacombs without
crossing the lake or else going in from the top
(05:39):
the cavern with the iron pegs isn't easy to get to.
You either have to trespass on Boyd Fletcher's property and
climb down, or swim across the lake and wind through
a maze of catacombs. The passage to the ladder from
the ground is partially blocked by a pile of rock
debris left from when one of the caves collapsed. If
(06:00):
I wasn't worried about what Brandon would do with the information,
I'd tell him this was how Evangeline escaped the night
her mother died. Then he'd want to know how she
got to that side of the lake. Evangeline was only
four at the time, unless she had secretly been training
for the Toddler Olympics in either rowing or swimming. There
is no way Evangeline could have gotten there on her own.
(06:23):
I would die of thirst before I would ever drink
the water in the lake at Juniper Hollow, let alone
swim in it. I've been told TOAs has already taken
a dip. Brandon says, Tas swam through some nasty sludge
in India, so the lake at Juniper Hollow doesn't face
him a bit. There is only one road into Juniper Hollow,
(06:46):
but the catacombs aren't the only escape route. Besides the
tricky climb to the top of Granite Ridge, there is
a narrow passage to the property from the ground. It
blends in with the southeast side of the ridge, halfway
between the catacombs and where the house once stood. Folks
from Zion Flats call it Fletcher's Sneak, like the cave.
(07:08):
With the latter, you have to know what you're looking for.
I used the sneak a lot. It was a heck
of a lot safer than climbing up the ridge. Evangeline
either didn't know about the sneak or was taken to
the catacombs on purpose. Although I never met Evangeline, I
knew her mother Rebecca Simmons better than I cared to.
(07:30):
Rebecca's family was originally from Vancouver, Canada. Authorities had raided
their community, jailing some of the men for bigotry, including
Rebecca's father. The rest of them fled, joining up with
our group in Zion Flats. Rebecca's mother was assigned to
marry my father, Nephi, who is the prophet of Zion Flats.
(07:51):
Since her first marriage was never legal, this wasn't much
of a problem. Father holds all the cards when it
comes to who marries, who are offered as rewards to
the most faithful members of the order. With certain brides, however,
they're assigned as a test. I'm guessing this was the
case with Rebecca. Rebecca was five years older than me.
(08:13):
I was around nine years old when she came to
Zion Flats. Shortly after the Simmons moved into the house
where I was living, Rebecca's little sister was killed in
a freak accident. Looking back, I have to wonder if
it wasn't on purpose. No one ever speaks the truth
about what happens in Zion Flats, so I'll never know
(08:34):
for sure. What is clear is that Rebecca resented having
to care for her sister and was the only witness
to the accident. Right after that happened, Rebecca was placed
in marriage with Nicholas de Luca. Everyone says Nicholas was
obsessed with Rebecca. She was viciously beautiful, with long, dark
(08:56):
hair and silvery eyes. Despite this, Rebecca had a temper
to be reckoned with. Even Nephi was confounded about how
to deal with her. Rebecca seemed to share Nephi's taste
for cruelty. I was already gone from Zion Flats on
the night Rebecca died and Nicholas went missing. My aunt
(09:17):
Orinda told the cops a lot of different stories about
what happened. That's the polygamist way, confuse and baffle the authorities.
Brandon was surprised when he found out Rinda is my aunt.
I didn't know her very well. My father has nearly
two dozen sisters. Orinda was so honrey I usually avoided her.
(09:40):
Evidently her temper hasn't gotten any better. Juniper Hollow had
been abandoned for many years before Nicholas went there to hide,
although his family must have kept up with the property
taxes otherwise, I'm sure someone from the government would have
tried to take over the place. A system had been
rigged up to make it so Nicholas could tap into
(10:00):
the power supply from Zion Flats. He bought a minivan,
put it in Arenda's name, and had her get a
driver's license. On the night Nicholas disappeared, some kind of
violent fight happened in the house. The first thing Orinda
did was cut the power supply. She was either afraid
someone would find out about the illegal power line or
(10:22):
she just wanted to make the situation even more chaotic.
The end result was the Evangeline wound up on Granite Ridge.
Rebecca was dead on the ground at Juniper Hollow, and
Nicholas hasn't been seen since. Here's the truly terrifying thing.
Rebecca wasn't half as scary as her twin brother Willard.
(10:43):
Things were never good in our house, but once Willard
moved in, I started bolting like a jack rabbit. One
of the dirtiest secrets about polygamy is the sickening amount
of molestation that goes on in a lot of homes.
Step siblings from numerous mothers are all together. Women are
regarded as property in polygamy. So there's no boundaries even
(11:05):
with young boys. Willard started trapping my sister in the
bathroom not long after my father married Rebecca's mother. I
didn't fully understand what was happening. I just knew my
sister seemed like she was losing touch with reality. She'd
get this real absent look, like she wasn't even there.
I tried to ask her if she was okay, but
(11:27):
she'd just tell me to mind my own business. She
was a year older than me, but I always felt
like it was my fault for not stopping the horrible
things happening in the bathroom. When Willard started coming after me,
I ran fast.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
Hang tight, kitties, we'll be back in a scratch. You
know the expression cats have nine lives? Well, what if
you can give them one more? But give them ten?
Speaker 6 (11:58):
Movement is on a mission to help give cats an
extra life. How with spee and neoter, spain or nootering
your cat helps them live a longer, healthier life, and
it helps control free rolling cat populations too. Learn more
about the benefits of spee and neoter and meet Scooter
(12:18):
the neotered cat at Give them ten dot Org. That's
give them ten dot Org.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
What's more Quirky than Cannabis A reality TV show where
everyone is half baked. Quirkycannabis Country by Adell Park is
a trip you'll never forget. Get Quirkycannabis Country Today on
audible dot Com Quirkycannabis Country. Snag your copy before the
whole place goes up in smoke. We now return to
(12:53):
more of Quirkycat Goes Splat by Adell Park on Petlife Radio.
Speaker 5 (13:03):
I had stopped believing in God even before Willard came
to live with us. When I was seven, I awoke
to a terrible screaming. Something unspeakable was happening to my mother.
She was in the barn with father. We could hear
her wails from inside our house, even though all the
doors and windows were shut. Micah, my twelve year old brother,
(13:26):
ran to the barn to try and help. The next
day he was gone. No one ever mentioned him again,
not even mother. Later I found out father drove Micah
half way to Salt Lake City and abandoned him on
the side of the interstate. If God were almighty, like
they say, there's no way he would let this kind
(13:47):
of thing happen to a little kid. My mother was
always powerless to do anything about the crimes committed against
her children. Her life was a never ending cycle of
having babies, cooking, cleaning, and trying to make ends meet
in a house where there was never enough of anything.
(14:08):
Father was moody and oftentimes violent. As profit of Zion flats.
It was father's duty to do whatever it took to
place us on the path to righteousness. No one dared
to speak out or tried to defend one another. We
all kept our mouths shut about Willard. Every time Willard
(14:31):
made a move towards me, I would run farther and farther.
I'd come home late and get beaten by my father
on the nights he was staying in my mother's house.
Father decided the best way to break my spirit was
to place me in marriage. I was fourteen. The man
I was to spend all of time and eternity with
(14:53):
was fifty three. He was my uncle. When I tried
to escape, Father invited my soon to be husband to
bear witness to my punishment. I was made to strip
from the waist up so as not to soil my
sacred garments or ruin my dress. I burned with shame.
(15:14):
As I stood naked in front of these men, they
seemed to enjoy my degradation. That frightened me more than anything.
The pain was excruciating. I may have blacked out during
parts of it, judging by the welts on my back.
I was whipped at least a dozen times. Later, as
(15:35):
I lay whimpering in agony and humiliation, I gave God
one final chance. I prayed that he would end my
suffering and let me die. Secretly, I was hoping to
enjoy some time in the celestial kingdom before I was
joined for all of eternity by the men who did
this to me. God decided not to take my call. Instead,
(16:01):
Mother awoke me at the usual time and sent me
off to work at Good Karma. Moon McKenna gives off
the impression that she is all business harsh, even in reality,
Moon is one of the most compassionate people I've met.
Although I had tied some rags to my back to
soak up the blood from the oozing gashes, I was
(16:22):
bleeding through my dress. Moon excused me from work, taking
me to a private part of the compound at Gecko's Gulch.
She used a strange smelling ointment on my back. It
burned at first, then left me feeling mercifully numb. I
could tell Moon was crying while she worked on me.
(16:42):
Her tears stung my open lacerations. Somehow, dripping salt into
my wounds felt like a curious form of medicine. Over
the next few days, whenever Moon could get me alone,
she talked about Nancy Neptune, a radio disc jockey who
helped free Lair Stratton, a cousin of mine. Moon hinted
(17:03):
that Nancy might be able to help me too. The
night before Moon was leaving to work a convention in
Las Vegas, I hid in her van. Moon must have
been expecting this, because she left a pile of cash,
along with a business card for Nancy Neptune in the
cubbyhole where I stowed away. Like most polygamist girls, I
(17:24):
was taught from the moment I could understand words that
everyone in the outside world was against us. They wanted
to put an end to our righteous ways of living.
I didn't put Moon McKenna in this category, but it
was hard to place my faith in Nancy Neptune. She
was a truly unnerving woman, covered in tattoos. I couldn't
(17:46):
believe this was the person who was supposed to help me.
The most shocking things came out of her mouth. Don't
get me wrong, I wouldn't be free today if it
wasn't for her. It just took I'm getting used to.
Although I no longer believed in God, I didn't give
up on my religion until I met Nancy Neptune. I've
(18:08):
been told she has this kind of effect on people.
Unlike Brandon, who just spouts off about the ugly polygamist
dresses and hideous hairdoos, Nancy Neptune has actually read the
Book of Mormon. The first thing she did was set
me straight on the Word of wisdom, pointing out that
if alcohol was so bad, why was Jesus drinking it
(18:29):
the night before he died. Then she ripped Joseph Smith,
the founder of the Mormon faith, comparing his story about
the Golden Plates to the nursery rhyme heap er peeper.
Growing up, I was taught the angel Morone. I visited
Joseph Smith, revealing to him the place to find the
Golden Plates, which tell the story of our ancestors. The
(18:51):
text was written in an ancient Egyptian language that could
only be deciphered through magical seer stones called the Urim
and Thummin. Nancy referred to those sacred eyeglasses as blurrowman dumbum.
Nancy also scoffed at the idea that the Garden of
Eden was in Missouri when Adam and Eve were kicked
(19:11):
out by God. Showing me pictures from that state on
the Internet, I had to agree, Missouri looks about as
far from paradise as you can get. The list went
on and on. Even our consecrated garments were a source
of scorn. Nancy referred to them as underwear for unfuckable hags.
(19:33):
It took less than twenty four hours with Nancy Neptune
to undo fourteen years of religious doctrine that had been
beaten into me since birth. The first thing I did
was lose the unfuckable underwear. I'm not ready to give
up my chastity just yet, but I don't want to
be caught in those dreadful drawers when I do. If
(19:55):
I had ever used a word like unfuckable in zion Flats,
my face would have been pulverized to the point where
my looks matched my words. The woman I live with
now is named Meredith Andrews. She is the niece of
Laryl Stratton and the one who wrote Nephi a large
check for his freedom. Then she let Nancy Neptune host
(20:19):
a radio contest called Seven Brides for One Brother. Larrel
was married off polygamous style, although his wives were all
women from Naval. Later, at Moon's request, Meredith tried to
buy my freedom. Not surprisingly, Nephi got greedy and asked
for way more than she could pay. Eventually, Nephi got
(20:42):
what he wanted, but only after Nancy Neptune went on
the radio and rounded up donations. Meredith had been adopted
by the family who owns the Diamonds in the Desert Casino.
After Nephi got his grubbers on the money raised by
Nancy Neptune, he signed papers name me Meredith as my
official guardian. I was moved into a ritzy suite on
(21:05):
the property and have been there ever since. I used
to feel guilty about living in such opulence, not that
I'd ever complain out loud about having all the food
I want. Owning a cell phone and computer isn't too
shabby either. Meredith works as a wedding planner and events
coordinator for her family's casino. She put together the engagement
(21:27):
party for Brandon's dad, an event I also helped with
as a way to earn my keep, I set up
chairs and tables whenever Meredith has something going on at
Diamonds in the Desert. She was asked to plan the
wedding at Gecko's Gulch, but Meredith didn't want to show
her face there for the same reasons as me. It's
not a good idea to remind Nephi that either one
(21:50):
of us even exists. I am no longer afraid of
being forced to go back to Zion Flats. Nephi's got
his money and doesn't want any more trouble from a
brawling DJA like Nancy Neptune. What I'm focused on now
is helping Meredith rescue others from the oppression of polygamy.
If either one of us appeared at Gecko's gulch, it
(22:13):
would be like pulling a fire alarm. I can't explain
all this to Brandon without jeopardizing the efforts that are
already underway. Moon is involved too. She's in a tight spot, though,
because she still has to deal with Nephi. Not everyone
who lives in a polygamoust community is trying to escape.
(22:33):
Eternal salvation is the name of the game, especially in
Zion Flats. Many of these people willingly forfeit the lives
they are living, literally dumping the baby out with the
bathwater for the promise of the celestial kingdom. They participate
in the most disgraceful forms of abuse and neglect just
(22:54):
to save their own souls. There are a few, however,
who would rather die as an apostle then live in
heaven with those who harmed them. These are the people
Meredith and I are trying to reach. Having Brandon act
out against the entire community of Zyon Flats isn't helpful
at all. I knew what Brandon was up to long
(23:16):
before he spelled it all out. After I ran away,
Moon had a phone installed in the locker room at
Good Karma. Workers are allowed to use it without any
monitoring or questions. Some of the people who shunned me
when I escaped are now interested in figuring out how
they can too. Hopefully Brandon won't blow their chances.
Speaker 3 (23:40):
Skidders, the cat hates Blue McKenna more than digesting hairballs.
That's why he's especially irk to find that even in death,
Blue won't give him a break. Adding insult to injury,
Skidders is the only one who can help Blue find
her way out of a hellish nightmare involving the DMV Skidterers.
(24:02):
Can't get in a decent nap until he helps Blue crossover.
And that's the rub. Get all the scratchy details in
Quirkycat gets ghosted by Adele Park.
Speaker 5 (24:16):
In case you haven't noticed you've been.
Speaker 3 (24:19):
Ghosted, Quirkycat Gets Ghosted. Get Ghosted today on Audible, Downpour
and Spotify.
Speaker 6 (24:27):
Meow Kiddies, Let's Talk Pets every week on demand only
on petlifradio dot com
Life is Pet Life Radio, let's talk pets.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Cat lovers and feline friends. It's time for Adele Park's
Quirky Cat Nips.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Today on Quirky Catnips, we're airing a chapter of Quirky
Cat Goes Splat by Adele Park. This frightfully funny tale
is narrated by the ever so snarky Skitter's the Cat.
Find out what happens when Skitters goes Cattie wump Us
for a kitten named Harriet. Tune in each week to
hear a new chapter of Quirky Cat Goes Splat. Only
(00:38):
on Pet Life Radio. Meow Kiddies.
Speaker 4 (00:46):
Audio Recording, Saint George presents Quirky Cat Goes Splat, Written,
produced and edited by Adele Park, narrated by a full cast.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Splat Meow Bitches Twisted Tails by Skidders the Cat. Part ten.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
I'm secure in my cathood, an attribute which enables me
to remain in good humor when it comes to my
twin handlers. As one would expect, they have fallen hopelessly
in love with my stylish stripes and Halloween grin. Though
it's hard to top this masterpiece, these little darlings try Nonetheless,
(01:36):
the twins are fond of hosting formal afternoon tea parties
with me as their most honored guest. They stuff me
into baby doll outfits and transport me to the festivities
in an old fashioned pram. I feel no shame in
being displayed in a stunning ensemble. From time to time,
(01:57):
I just don't like that green check address with a
lace call. It clashes with my stripes and looks so yesterday.
To ensure I wouldn't suffer the humiliation of being seen
in that dress again, I chewed the collar off and
pede on it. Harriet has never had the joy of
a fancy afternoon tea with her human. She hasn't so
(02:20):
much as received a ribbond aware, let alone play with.
Despite this, Harriet is inexplicably bound to Evangeline. I've told
her she should look into trading up, but Harriet just
gives me one of those superior sniffs to remind me
that she thinks I'm an imbecile. Maybe so, my sweet,
but I'm your imbecile. Underneath Harriet's coat of snarky putdowns
(02:45):
lies a scared and lonely soul. Normally, I don't like
to hear other kiddies sob stories. Nancy Neptune siphoned off
two of my life, so if you can't top that,
please close your smiler. Harriet's story is different. Her mother
died pulling her and her sister out of Juniper Hollow
when it was set on fire. Harriet's sister wisely split
(03:07):
that ugly scene, but Harriet remained waiting for Evangeline. Most
people think Nephi Stratton, the profit of Zion Flats, torched
the place to cover up a crime. It certainly wouldn't
be the first time Nephi resorted to violence. Isla Ray Stratton,
a runaway daughter of Nephi's, knew all about what this
(03:29):
polygamist homeboy was capable of. I met her on the
night she finally left that hell hole. Isla Ray had
come to the apartment where I was recovering from having
my rear paw pounded into mincemeat. Selecting Nancy Neptune as
the person to rescue her from the clutches of moral
corruption was an interesting choice.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Bah Chapter ten, Isla Ray Stratton.
Speaker 5 (03:56):
What's the point of breaking up with a guy if
you have to talk to him on the phone. Practically
every day. Okay, I'm not an expert on relationships. I've
only had one boyfriend in my whole life. But still
where I come from, the divorce rate is zero percent.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
No wonder.
Speaker 5 (04:15):
I don't have the skills to run away from this situation.
Most of Brandon's calls have been about Juniper Hollow. He's
been snooping around, which is a very bad idea. I
know that area well. Juniper Hollow is only a few
miles from Zion Flats. It was a great place to
hide when I had the nerve seeking refuge in the
(04:37):
spot where dozens of people have been murdered. Is a
brazen thing to do. Juniper Hollow is breath takingly beautiful.
In addition to Juniper, it's got lots of big willow
and oak trees watered by a spring that feeds a
small lake. On the north side of the lake is
Granite Ridge. Water from the lake carved out a maze
(04:58):
of catacombs underneath it. When Juniper Hollow was owned by
the Fletcher family, one of them pounded iron pegs into
a cave near the back of the catacombs, making a
ladder that goes all the way to the top of
Granite Ridge. This was how the Fletchers kept ahead of
the law when they were distilling hoot. It's a dangerous
(05:18):
climb both ways. I haven't told Brandon about the ladder.
Maybe he already knows. Hopefully he won't be able to
actually find it. Granite Ridge is shaped like a giant
sea overlooking Juniper Hollow. You can't reach the catacombs without
crossing the lake or else going in from the top
(05:39):
the cavern with the iron pegs isn't easy to get to.
You either have to trespass on Boyd Fletcher's property and
climb down, or swim across the lake and wind through
a maze of catacombs. The passage to the ladder from
the ground is partially blocked by a pile of rock
debris left from when one of the caves collapsed. If
(06:00):
I wasn't worried about what Brandon would do with the information,
I'd tell him this was how Evangeline escaped the night
her mother died. Then he'd want to know how she
got to that side of the lake. Evangeline was only
four at the time, unless she had secretly been training
for the Toddler Olympics in either rowing or swimming. There
is no way Evangeline could have gotten there on her own.
(06:23):
I would die of thirst before I would ever drink
the water in the lake at Juniper Hollow, let alone
swim in it. I've been told TOAs has already taken
a dip. Brandon says, Tas swam through some nasty sludge
in India, so the lake at Juniper Hollow doesn't face
him a bit. There is only one road into Juniper Hollow,
(06:46):
but the catacombs aren't the only escape route. Besides the
tricky climb to the top of Granite Ridge, there is
a narrow passage to the property from the ground. It
blends in with the southeast side of the ridge, halfway
between the catacombs and where the house once stood. Folks
from Zion Flats call it Fletcher's Sneak, like the cave.
(07:08):
With the latter, you have to know what you're looking for.
I used the sneak a lot. It was a heck
of a lot safer than climbing up the ridge. Evangeline
either didn't know about the sneak or was taken to
the catacombs on purpose. Although I never met Evangeline, I
knew her mother Rebecca Simmons better than I cared to.
(07:30):
Rebecca's family was originally from Vancouver, Canada. Authorities had raided
their community, jailing some of the men for bigotry, including
Rebecca's father. The rest of them fled, joining up with
our group in Zion Flats. Rebecca's mother was assigned to
marry my father, Nephi, who is the prophet of Zion Flats.
(07:51):
Since her first marriage was never legal, this wasn't much
of a problem. Father holds all the cards when it
comes to who marries, who are offered as rewards to
the most faithful members of the order. With certain brides, however,
they're assigned as a test. I'm guessing this was the
case with Rebecca. Rebecca was five years older than me.
(08:13):
I was around nine years old when she came to
Zion Flats. Shortly after the Simmons moved into the house
where I was living, Rebecca's little sister was killed in
a freak accident. Looking back, I have to wonder if
it wasn't on purpose. No one ever speaks the truth
about what happens in Zion Flats, so I'll never know
(08:34):
for sure. What is clear is that Rebecca resented having
to care for her sister and was the only witness
to the accident. Right after that happened, Rebecca was placed
in marriage with Nicholas de Luca. Everyone says Nicholas was
obsessed with Rebecca. She was viciously beautiful, with long, dark
(08:56):
hair and silvery eyes. Despite this, Rebecca had a temper
to be reckoned with. Even Nephi was confounded about how
to deal with her. Rebecca seemed to share Nephi's taste
for cruelty. I was already gone from Zion Flats on
the night Rebecca died and Nicholas went missing. My aunt
(09:17):
Orinda told the cops a lot of different stories about
what happened. That's the polygamist way, confuse and baffle the authorities.
Brandon was surprised when he found out Rinda is my aunt.
I didn't know her very well. My father has nearly
two dozen sisters. Orinda was so honrey I usually avoided her.
(09:40):
Evidently her temper hasn't gotten any better. Juniper Hollow had
been abandoned for many years before Nicholas went there to hide,
although his family must have kept up with the property
taxes otherwise, I'm sure someone from the government would have
tried to take over the place. A system had been
rigged up to make it so Nicholas could tap into
(10:00):
the power supply from Zion Flats. He bought a minivan,
put it in Arenda's name, and had her get a
driver's license. On the night Nicholas disappeared, some kind of
violent fight happened in the house. The first thing Orinda
did was cut the power supply. She was either afraid
someone would find out about the illegal power line or
(10:22):
she just wanted to make the situation even more chaotic.
The end result was the Evangeline wound up on Granite Ridge.
Rebecca was dead on the ground at Juniper Hollow, and
Nicholas hasn't been seen since. Here's the truly terrifying thing.
Rebecca wasn't half as scary as her twin brother Willard.
(10:43):
Things were never good in our house, but once Willard
moved in, I started bolting like a jack rabbit. One
of the dirtiest secrets about polygamy is the sickening amount
of molestation that goes on in a lot of homes.
Step siblings from numerous mothers are all together. Women are
regarded as property in polygamy. So there's no boundaries even
(11:05):
with young boys. Willard started trapping my sister in the
bathroom not long after my father married Rebecca's mother. I
didn't fully understand what was happening. I just knew my
sister seemed like she was losing touch with reality. She'd
get this real absent look, like she wasn't even there.
I tried to ask her if she was okay, but
(11:27):
she'd just tell me to mind my own business. She
was a year older than me, but I always felt
like it was my fault for not stopping the horrible
things happening in the bathroom. When Willard started coming after me,
I ran fast.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
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Speaker 5 (13:03):
I had stopped believing in God even before Willard came
to live with us. When I was seven, I awoke
to a terrible screaming. Something unspeakable was happening to my mother.
She was in the barn with father. We could hear
her wails from inside our house, even though all the
doors and windows were shut. Micah, my twelve year old brother,
(13:26):
ran to the barn to try and help. The next
day he was gone. No one ever mentioned him again,
not even mother. Later I found out father drove Micah
half way to Salt Lake City and abandoned him on
the side of the interstate. If God were almighty, like
they say, there's no way he would let this kind
(13:47):
of thing happen to a little kid. My mother was
always powerless to do anything about the crimes committed against
her children. Her life was a never ending cycle of
having babies, cooking, cleaning, and trying to make ends meet
in a house where there was never enough of anything.
(14:08):
Father was moody and oftentimes violent. As profit of Zion flats.
It was father's duty to do whatever it took to
place us on the path to righteousness. No one dared
to speak out or tried to defend one another. We
all kept our mouths shut about Willard. Every time Willard
(14:31):
made a move towards me, I would run farther and farther.
I'd come home late and get beaten by my father
on the nights he was staying in my mother's house.
Father decided the best way to break my spirit was
to place me in marriage. I was fourteen. The man
I was to spend all of time and eternity with
(14:53):
was fifty three. He was my uncle. When I tried
to escape, Father invited my soon to be husband to
bear witness to my punishment. I was made to strip
from the waist up so as not to soil my
sacred garments or ruin my dress. I burned with shame.
(15:14):
As I stood naked in front of these men, they
seemed to enjoy my degradation. That frightened me more than anything.
The pain was excruciating. I may have blacked out during
parts of it, judging by the welts on my back.
I was whipped at least a dozen times. Later, as
(15:35):
I lay whimpering in agony and humiliation, I gave God
one final chance. I prayed that he would end my
suffering and let me die. Secretly, I was hoping to
enjoy some time in the celestial kingdom before I was
joined for all of eternity by the men who did
this to me. God decided not to take my call. Instead,
(16:01):
Mother awoke me at the usual time and sent me
off to work at Good Karma. Moon McKenna gives off
the impression that she is all business harsh, even in reality,
Moon is one of the most compassionate people I've met.
Although I had tied some rags to my back to
soak up the blood from the oozing gashes, I was
(16:22):
bleeding through my dress. Moon excused me from work, taking
me to a private part of the compound at Gecko's Gulch.
She used a strange smelling ointment on my back. It
burned at first, then left me feeling mercifully numb. I
could tell Moon was crying while she worked on me.
(16:42):
Her tears stung my open lacerations. Somehow, dripping salt into
my wounds felt like a curious form of medicine. Over
the next few days, whenever Moon could get me alone,
she talked about Nancy Neptune, a radio disc jockey who
helped free Lair Stratton, a cousin of mine. Moon hinted
(17:03):
that Nancy might be able to help me too. The
night before Moon was leaving to work a convention in
Las Vegas, I hid in her van. Moon must have
been expecting this, because she left a pile of cash,
along with a business card for Nancy Neptune in the
cubbyhole where I stowed away. Like most polygamist girls, I
(17:24):
was taught from the moment I could understand words that
everyone in the outside world was against us. They wanted
to put an end to our righteous ways of living.
I didn't put Moon McKenna in this category, but it
was hard to place my faith in Nancy Neptune. She
was a truly unnerving woman, covered in tattoos. I couldn't
(17:46):
believe this was the person who was supposed to help me.
The most shocking things came out of her mouth. Don't
get me wrong, I wouldn't be free today if it
wasn't for her. It just took I'm getting used to.
Although I no longer believed in God, I didn't give
up on my religion until I met Nancy Neptune. I've
(18:08):
been told she has this kind of effect on people.
Unlike Brandon, who just spouts off about the ugly polygamist
dresses and hideous hairdoos, Nancy Neptune has actually read the
Book of Mormon. The first thing she did was set
me straight on the Word of wisdom, pointing out that
if alcohol was so bad, why was Jesus drinking it
(18:29):
the night before he died. Then she ripped Joseph Smith,
the founder of the Mormon faith, comparing his story about
the Golden Plates to the nursery rhyme heap er peeper.
Growing up, I was taught the angel Morone. I visited
Joseph Smith, revealing to him the place to find the
Golden Plates, which tell the story of our ancestors. The
(18:51):
text was written in an ancient Egyptian language that could
only be deciphered through magical seer stones called the Urim
and Thummin. Nancy referred to those sacred eyeglasses as blurrowman dumbum.
Nancy also scoffed at the idea that the Garden of
Eden was in Missouri when Adam and Eve were kicked
(19:11):
out by God. Showing me pictures from that state on
the Internet, I had to agree, Missouri looks about as
far from paradise as you can get. The list went
on and on. Even our consecrated garments were a source
of scorn. Nancy referred to them as underwear for unfuckable hags.
(19:33):
It took less than twenty four hours with Nancy Neptune
to undo fourteen years of religious doctrine that had been
beaten into me since birth. The first thing I did
was lose the unfuckable underwear. I'm not ready to give
up my chastity just yet, but I don't want to
be caught in those dreadful drawers when I do. If
(19:55):
I had ever used a word like unfuckable in zion Flats,
my face would have been pulverized to the point where
my looks matched my words. The woman I live with
now is named Meredith Andrews. She is the niece of
Laryl Stratton and the one who wrote Nephi a large
check for his freedom. Then she let Nancy Neptune host
(20:19):
a radio contest called Seven Brides for One Brother. Larrel
was married off polygamous style, although his wives were all
women from Naval. Later, at Moon's request, Meredith tried to
buy my freedom. Not surprisingly, Nephi got greedy and asked
for way more than she could pay. Eventually, Nephi got
(20:42):
what he wanted, but only after Nancy Neptune went on
the radio and rounded up donations. Meredith had been adopted
by the family who owns the Diamonds in the Desert Casino.
After Nephi got his grubbers on the money raised by
Nancy Neptune, he signed papers name me Meredith as my
official guardian. I was moved into a ritzy suite on
(21:05):
the property and have been there ever since. I used
to feel guilty about living in such opulence, not that
I'd ever complain out loud about having all the food
I want. Owning a cell phone and computer isn't too
shabby either. Meredith works as a wedding planner and events
coordinator for her family's casino. She put together the engagement
(21:27):
party for Brandon's dad, an event I also helped with
as a way to earn my keep, I set up
chairs and tables whenever Meredith has something going on at
Diamonds in the Desert. She was asked to plan the
wedding at Gecko's Gulch, but Meredith didn't want to show
her face there for the same reasons as me. It's
not a good idea to remind Nephi that either one
(21:50):
of us even exists. I am no longer afraid of
being forced to go back to Zion Flats. Nephi's got
his money and doesn't want any more trouble from a
brawling DJA like Nancy Neptune. What I'm focused on now
is helping Meredith rescue others from the oppression of polygamy.
If either one of us appeared at Gecko's gulch, it
(22:13):
would be like pulling a fire alarm. I can't explain
all this to Brandon without jeopardizing the efforts that are
already underway. Moon is involved too. She's in a tight spot, though,
because she still has to deal with Nephi. Not everyone
who lives in a polygamoust community is trying to escape.
(22:33):
Eternal salvation is the name of the game, especially in
Zion Flats. Many of these people willingly forfeit the lives
they are living, literally dumping the baby out with the
bathwater for the promise of the celestial kingdom. They participate
in the most disgraceful forms of abuse and neglect just
(22:54):
to save their own souls. There are a few, however,
who would rather die as an apostle then live in
heaven with those who harmed them. These are the people
Meredith and I are trying to reach. Having Brandon act
out against the entire community of Zyon Flats isn't helpful
at all. I knew what Brandon was up to long
(23:16):
before he spelled it all out. After I ran away,
Moon had a phone installed in the locker room at
Good Karma. Workers are allowed to use it without any
monitoring or questions. Some of the people who shunned me
when I escaped are now interested in figuring out how
they can too. Hopefully Brandon won't blow their chances.
Speaker 3 (23:40):
Skidders, the cat hates Blue McKenna more than digesting hairballs.
That's why he's especially irk to find that even in death,
Blue won't give him a break. Adding insult to injury,
Skidders is the only one who can help Blue find
her way out of a hellish nightmare involving the DMV Skidterers.
(24:02):
Can't get in a decent nap until he helps Blue crossover.
And that's the rub. Get all the scratchy details in
Quirkycat gets ghosted by Adele Park.
Speaker 5 (24:16):
In case you haven't noticed you've been.
Speaker 3 (24:19):
Ghosted, Quirkycat Gets Ghosted. Get Ghosted today on Audible, Downpour
and Spotify.
Speaker 6 (24:27):
Meow Kiddies, Let's Talk Pets every week on demand only
on petlifradio dot com
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