January 19, 2024 • 12 mins
Adoption is a topic I care about profusely, so it was a joy preparing this episode for you. I discuss adoption in the Arab world as well as in the Western world; I also discuss international adoption and pitfall of child trafficing; and I do all that through a personal narration of my experience with adoption (or non-adoption as it turns out).
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello there and welcome to Casual Fridays by I Read Aloud, the podcast where weekly
(00:07):
themes are discussed through personal experiences, anecdotes and some storytelling.
I am your host Dada and this podcast is part of my I Read Aloud channel on YouTube, where
I read fairy tales, short stories, children's stories, poetry, letters and other writings.
So if you like such content, make sure to subscribe. You'll find me on YouTube under
(00:30):
at I Read Aloud in the search box. And you can also find me on Instagram, TikTok and
X also under at I Read Aloud.
I also want to know that this podcast airs every Friday on the following platforms, YouTube,
Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, Google Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Samsung Podcasts, Podcast Index,
(00:53):
ListenNotes, RSS and Spotify.
Today's episode is on adoption, a topic very near and dear to my heart. You see, I am one
of those who chose not to have biological children and I have always felt the urge to
adopt a few children to give them a better chance at life. So when I became financially
(01:14):
capable of taking care of a child, I faced a major obstacle. I had to be married to adopt
and since I am someone who refuses to settle into a marriage just because it would be convenient
or provide safety, I am obviously still single and unable to adopt a child. At the age of
(01:35):
45, therefore, I adopted a dog. I know that's really funny, adopting a dog instead of a
child. But seriously, I had to find out if I still had the stamina to take care of another
being and I also want to have some form of companionship and love in my life. And if
(01:58):
you're wondering if I had the stamina still, not so much, but I can manage. Definitely
not a toddler. And it's interesting I'm telling you this because I searched or researched
adoption in Lebanon online and you know what I first got the first couple of hits? It was
(02:21):
about adopting a dog because in Lebanon, our government does not actually have any laws,
any civil laws regarding adoption. And this shows you how careless government officials
are about taking care of the children in this country that they don't even care about the
orphan children who deserve their attention. Yes, there are around 80 orphanages in Lebanon
(02:46):
and it's easier to just place the orphans there without any further effort to try and
secure these orphans the love and care they deserve if placed with a loving family. But
it is not only the government's fault, we the people also bear some responsibility because
premarital sex is still frowned upon in our societies and pregnancy outside the structure
(03:09):
of marriage is still unaccepted in Arab societies. And so we punish the girls and women for their
supposed promiscuity by taking their illegitimate children away from them and we punish their
newborns by condemning them to a life in orphanage, all to save face in society as if the girls
and women just get pregnant all by themselves. Another reason for the almost non-existent
(03:34):
civil laws regarding adoption and in fact any kind of civil laws that govern personal
matters is the fact that we have 18 religions and sects in this country and each has its
own set of rules that govern personal matters. And so there cannot be just one civil law
(03:59):
to cover all these laws and all these regulations. So the government has left the churches, the
mosques and other religious entities to take care of civil rights so to speak. And in fact
in Lebanon only the Christian religion allows for adoption and that must happen of course
(04:21):
through Lebanese courts. And I have to mention something very important here and it is that
there is a system of guardianship instead of adoption in Arab countries and this entails
the child living with a family getting all the perks of being the child of that family
except for the name. So the child will never receive the name of the family. But if there
(04:46):
is that solution then why isn't guardianship the predominant thing to do? The thing is
that the Arab culture is built in such a way that married couples are bullied by their
families to have their own offspring, that they would spend tens of thousands of dollars
on IVF and other methods to conceive instead of adopt an already existing child. In the
(05:09):
end we have to maintain the family name and in the end the purity of the bloodline is
what matters. Now don't get me wrong, I am all for freedom of choice and if a couple
chooses IVF, you know, the way I choose to adopt then who am I to judge anyone? But my
gripe is with the fact that sometimes couples go through so many failed trials of IVF that
(05:33):
their marriage is ruined, the woman's body is in peril, you know, their souls are crushed
and still they don't think of adoption as an option until maybe it's too late or maybe
never. So back to my story. I thought maybe I'd look into international adoption and those
are governed by the Hague Convention but that also requires a married couple to apply for
(05:56):
the adoption or some countries would allow under the convention that, you know, a woman
is like an older, more mature woman, you know, if she is single and I'm not there yet. And
as I researched further I found that the quickest international adoption could take up to two
years and that's the quickest one. And that used to be Thailand, now it seems to be Ukraine.
(06:19):
I'm not so sure about exactly, you know, which is the quickest or fastest country to adopt
from but that's, you know, kind of like what I grasp from the internet. But in general,
you know, international adoption could take up to six or more years. And what is worse
(06:39):
is that you have to be aware of child trafficking, especially if you're adopting from Asia and
Africa. Apparently there are, you know, false applications submitted for adoption in those
continents and of course infants are stolen from their families in Asia and Africa and
(07:00):
they end up in the hands of child traffickers. So you have to be careful to go through the
channels of a legitimate adoption agency, you know, if you want to adopt internationally
or you would be actually propagating and aiding child trafficking. And you might think that,
you know, if you adopt from child traffickers that you are saving a few children from that
(07:20):
world but then you'd also be encouraging the traffickers to steal more children by doing
business with them. So it's really a huge dilemma and there does not seem to be a solution
for trafficking, especially in the near future. And that's quite unfortunate really. Now because
(07:41):
I am a curious person, I also want to know about adoption in the USA and Canada and Europe
and Australia too. And it turns out that adopting children already in the foster care system
set up by the government is the fastest way to adopt a child. It usually takes between
six months and 18 months. While adopting, for example, a newborn could take from two
(08:04):
to seven years. I mean, seven years. If you decide to adopt a newborn at the age of 32,
you won't become a parent until the age of 39. I mean, do you know how much of life happened
in seven years? I am not sure if you would even still stand by your decision after all
this time. So here is my question. Why the need to adopt newly born babies? For me, if
(08:28):
it happened that I knew someone who got pregnant and I could kind of help them by adopting
the baby and if I could adopt the baby, it would happen fairly quickly, then yes, I would
do it. But otherwise, why would I have put myself with the agony and the torture and
the pain of waiting for years to adopt a newborn baby? It seems that about 54% of people adopt
(08:52):
children between the ages of zero and five. 25% adopt those between the ages of six and
10. 17% adopt kids between the ages of 11 and 15. And only 4% adopt children or older
youth between the ages of 16 and 20. And I think the majority adopt babies and toddlers
(09:13):
because they feel they will have a deeper connection with them and they could maybe
also opt out of announcing the child they were adopted. But I tell you from experience
and the result of teaching grades seven, eight, nine and 10 for a few years, and that's because
between ages of 11 and 16 or so, I can tell you that the kids up to the age of 11 or 12
(09:38):
are still extremely emotional and they latch onto anyone who shows them any love and they
do that so easily. You know, there used to be this student when I was teaching grade
seven who used to come up to me every day before class and she demanded a hug and a
peck on the cheek. And one day, half the class stood in indignation and they were like
(10:01):
crowd in front of me and they were upset that why should she be the only one who gets, you
know, the hug and the peck on the cheek that they all wanted to. So I asked them all to
sit in their places and I promised to go around and give each one of them a hug and a peck
on the cheek. I did that to 32 young girls who were between the ages of 11 and 12. And
(10:24):
I will never forget that day. It was so lovely. And I'm telling you, kids that age really,
I mean, they just, you know, they need to see a bit of love from you and they will love
you unconditionally. It's totally amazing. Now kids above the age of 13 become more critical
of you and they become more skeptical and may give you a bit of a hard time at first,
(10:46):
but you know, these are the teenage years in the end and this is normal behavior even
with biological parents. And you know, in the end, and as I've said before in other
episodes, all everyone wants in this world is to be loved. Love in the end is all that
matters. So be brave and think of adoption in general and adopting older youth in particular
(11:10):
and guardianship works too. Anything to take care of these beautiful children who are left,
you know, alone to fend for themselves in this world. I for one have not yet given up
on my intention to adopt children and I would adopt older children for sure. Some countries
allow more mature women, meaning older women to adopt even if they are single. So there
(11:33):
is still that hope for me if I don't end up in a partnership. And so we'll see what happens.
And I will leave you now with the opening words of the preamble of the Hague Convention
that reads, the child for the full and harmonious development of his or her own personality
(11:53):
should grow up in a family environment and an atmosphere of happiness, love and understanding.
And so with that, I end this episode. Next week's topic shall be on birthday celebrations.
I hope you'll tune in then. For now, I wish you a lovely weekend and I send you all my
(12:14):
love till next Friday.
Hello there and welcome to Casual Fridays by I Read Aloud, the podcast where weekly
(00:07):
themes are discussed through personal experiences, anecdotes and some storytelling.
I am your host Dada and this podcast is part of my I Read Aloud channel on YouTube, where
I read fairy tales, short stories, children's stories, poetry, letters and other writings.
So if you like such content, make sure to subscribe. You'll find me on YouTube under
(00:30):
at I Read Aloud in the search box. And you can also find me on Instagram, TikTok and
X also under at I Read Aloud.
I also want to know that this podcast airs every Friday on the following platforms, YouTube,
Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, Google Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Samsung Podcasts, Podcast Index,
(00:53):
ListenNotes, RSS and Spotify.
Today's episode is on adoption, a topic very near and dear to my heart. You see, I am one
of those who chose not to have biological children and I have always felt the urge to
adopt a few children to give them a better chance at life. So when I became financially
(01:14):
capable of taking care of a child, I faced a major obstacle. I had to be married to adopt
and since I am someone who refuses to settle into a marriage just because it would be convenient
or provide safety, I am obviously still single and unable to adopt a child. At the age of
(01:35):
45, therefore, I adopted a dog. I know that's really funny, adopting a dog instead of a
child. But seriously, I had to find out if I still had the stamina to take care of another
being and I also want to have some form of companionship and love in my life. And if
(01:58):
you're wondering if I had the stamina still, not so much, but I can manage. Definitely
not a toddler. And it's interesting I'm telling you this because I searched or researched
adoption in Lebanon online and you know what I first got the first couple of hits? It was
(02:21):
about adopting a dog because in Lebanon, our government does not actually have any laws,
any civil laws regarding adoption. And this shows you how careless government officials
are about taking care of the children in this country that they don't even care about the
orphan children who deserve their attention. Yes, there are around 80 orphanages in Lebanon
(02:46):
and it's easier to just place the orphans there without any further effort to try and
secure these orphans the love and care they deserve if placed with a loving family. But
it is not only the government's fault, we the people also bear some responsibility because
premarital sex is still frowned upon in our societies and pregnancy outside the structure
(03:09):
of marriage is still unaccepted in Arab societies. And so we punish the girls and women for their
supposed promiscuity by taking their illegitimate children away from them and we punish their
newborns by condemning them to a life in orphanage, all to save face in society as if the girls
and women just get pregnant all by themselves. Another reason for the almost non-existent
(03:34):
civil laws regarding adoption and in fact any kind of civil laws that govern personal
matters is the fact that we have 18 religions and sects in this country and each has its
own set of rules that govern personal matters. And so there cannot be just one civil law
(03:59):
to cover all these laws and all these regulations. So the government has left the churches, the
mosques and other religious entities to take care of civil rights so to speak. And in fact
in Lebanon only the Christian religion allows for adoption and that must happen of course
(04:21):
through Lebanese courts. And I have to mention something very important here and it is that
there is a system of guardianship instead of adoption in Arab countries and this entails
the child living with a family getting all the perks of being the child of that family
except for the name. So the child will never receive the name of the family. But if there
(04:46):
is that solution then why isn't guardianship the predominant thing to do? The thing is
that the Arab culture is built in such a way that married couples are bullied by their
families to have their own offspring, that they would spend tens of thousands of dollars
on IVF and other methods to conceive instead of adopt an already existing child. In the
(05:09):
end we have to maintain the family name and in the end the purity of the bloodline is
what matters. Now don't get me wrong, I am all for freedom of choice and if a couple
chooses IVF, you know, the way I choose to adopt then who am I to judge anyone? But my
gripe is with the fact that sometimes couples go through so many failed trials of IVF that
(05:33):
their marriage is ruined, the woman's body is in peril, you know, their souls are crushed
and still they don't think of adoption as an option until maybe it's too late or maybe
never. So back to my story. I thought maybe I'd look into international adoption and those
are governed by the Hague Convention but that also requires a married couple to apply for
(05:56):
the adoption or some countries would allow under the convention that, you know, a woman
is like an older, more mature woman, you know, if she is single and I'm not there yet. And
as I researched further I found that the quickest international adoption could take up to two
years and that's the quickest one. And that used to be Thailand, now it seems to be Ukraine.
(06:19):
I'm not so sure about exactly, you know, which is the quickest or fastest country to adopt
from but that's, you know, kind of like what I grasp from the internet. But in general,
you know, international adoption could take up to six or more years. And what is worse
(06:39):
is that you have to be aware of child trafficking, especially if you're adopting from Asia and
Africa. Apparently there are, you know, false applications submitted for adoption in those
continents and of course infants are stolen from their families in Asia and Africa and
(07:00):
they end up in the hands of child traffickers. So you have to be careful to go through the
channels of a legitimate adoption agency, you know, if you want to adopt internationally
or you would be actually propagating and aiding child trafficking. And you might think that,
you know, if you adopt from child traffickers that you are saving a few children from that
(07:20):
world but then you'd also be encouraging the traffickers to steal more children by doing
business with them. So it's really a huge dilemma and there does not seem to be a solution
for trafficking, especially in the near future. And that's quite unfortunate really. Now because
(07:41):
I am a curious person, I also want to know about adoption in the USA and Canada and Europe
and Australia too. And it turns out that adopting children already in the foster care system
set up by the government is the fastest way to adopt a child. It usually takes between
six months and 18 months. While adopting, for example, a newborn could take from two
(08:04):
to seven years. I mean, seven years. If you decide to adopt a newborn at the age of 32,
you won't become a parent until the age of 39. I mean, do you know how much of life happened
in seven years? I am not sure if you would even still stand by your decision after all
this time. So here is my question. Why the need to adopt newly born babies? For me, if
(08:28):
it happened that I knew someone who got pregnant and I could kind of help them by adopting
the baby and if I could adopt the baby, it would happen fairly quickly, then yes, I would
do it. But otherwise, why would I have put myself with the agony and the torture and
the pain of waiting for years to adopt a newborn baby? It seems that about 54% of people adopt
(08:52):
children between the ages of zero and five. 25% adopt those between the ages of six and
10. 17% adopt kids between the ages of 11 and 15. And only 4% adopt children or older
youth between the ages of 16 and 20. And I think the majority adopt babies and toddlers
(09:13):
because they feel they will have a deeper connection with them and they could maybe
also opt out of announcing the child they were adopted. But I tell you from experience
and the result of teaching grades seven, eight, nine and 10 for a few years, and that's because
between ages of 11 and 16 or so, I can tell you that the kids up to the age of 11 or 12
(09:38):
are still extremely emotional and they latch onto anyone who shows them any love and they
do that so easily. You know, there used to be this student when I was teaching grade
seven who used to come up to me every day before class and she demanded a hug and a
peck on the cheek. And one day, half the class stood in indignation and they were like
(10:01):
crowd in front of me and they were upset that why should she be the only one who gets, you
know, the hug and the peck on the cheek that they all wanted to. So I asked them all to
sit in their places and I promised to go around and give each one of them a hug and a peck
on the cheek. I did that to 32 young girls who were between the ages of 11 and 12. And
(10:24):
I will never forget that day. It was so lovely. And I'm telling you, kids that age really,
I mean, they just, you know, they need to see a bit of love from you and they will love
you unconditionally. It's totally amazing. Now kids above the age of 13 become more critical
of you and they become more skeptical and may give you a bit of a hard time at first,
(10:46):
but you know, these are the teenage years in the end and this is normal behavior even
with biological parents. And you know, in the end, and as I've said before in other
episodes, all everyone wants in this world is to be loved. Love in the end is all that
matters. So be brave and think of adoption in general and adopting older youth in particular
(11:10):
and guardianship works too. Anything to take care of these beautiful children who are left,
you know, alone to fend for themselves in this world. I for one have not yet given up
on my intention to adopt children and I would adopt older children for sure. Some countries
allow more mature women, meaning older women to adopt even if they are single. So there
(11:33):
is still that hope for me if I don't end up in a partnership. And so we'll see what happens.
And I will leave you now with the opening words of the preamble of the Hague Convention
that reads, the child for the full and harmonious development of his or her own personality
(11:53):
should grow up in a family environment and an atmosphere of happiness, love and understanding.
And so with that, I end this episode. Next week's topic shall be on birthday celebrations.
I hope you'll tune in then. For now, I wish you a lovely weekend and I send you all my
(12:14):
love till next Friday.
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