January 22, 2025 • 55 mins
Chess boxing, the spirit moves Steven Seagal Bean fainting, Kevin Smith's coffee shop, popular websites, Ralph on jury duty, roller coaster rejections, and a live murder button!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Here we go. Bring me 15 hookers now and get
the drugs ready. Take me to the private island.
Shut the door. Let's get this going.
I'm back. Did I miss anything?
Hey, there's a monkey in the booth.
Guess my fart. Come on, is there a charge for
(00:25):
aggravated pooping? 114.
This is the rehearsal. This.
This is bullshit. Amber Atkins that is not
American teen Princess language good because this.
(00:46):
Isn't an American teen Princess pageant.
This is Quitters never give up. Quit repping for all of
quitters. Never give up.
Check. Off Christopher, check.
Off Jen Pascorini, check off Lindsay.
Hello, Drew. The great Ed Wibb, ladies and
gentlemen. I loved it so much because I
said quitters never give up. And he said that's all.
They do. I don't know.
(01:06):
There's something. I've read reviews and I'm not
that interested. Well, sorry, Lisa, I'm hoping
that the reviews are wrong. Not everybody can get five
stars. You're a bit janky.
Hey now, this is Quitters Never Give Up episode 176.
Let's go ahead and say hello to the first quitter.
So he meets Jen and Jen is the best girl alive.
(01:29):
She must be. Well, I figured in dating for a
while. Why don't we try and take this
to the next level? That's Jen.
That's why girls are better thanguys.
Absolutely. Hi, Jen, how you doing?
I'm good. Hello party people.
Let's go ahead and say hello to Edwin.
Here's the thing, Edwin. I need you to calm down.
(01:51):
Her Hooters are fine. Had nothing.
Yeah. Yeah, I had nothing to do with
her boobies. They are fine.
How you doing, Edwin? Good day mates and thank you
Ally for reassuring me. All right, let's go over to
Lindsay. Lindsay, let's give it a try.
How you doing, Lindsay? I'm doing great and you are.
(02:11):
I'm Christopher. Hey, Chris.
Wake up Chris 121234 Wake up Chris Wake up Chris Wake up
Chris Wake up Chris Wake up Chris Wake up Chris Wake up
Chris. Wake up, Chris, wake up.
(02:33):
Some weird clip I found. I don't know why but I I feel it
fit because I'm just kind of tired today so.
All right, flashback that needs no introduction.
Hello and welcome to a very special flashback.
Because I'm going to introduce you now flashbacks.
And no flashbacks. Let's.
(02:58):
Have a look at this. Just play the intro.
Here we go. Alan, you see this article a
couple of days ago, Huffington Post put it up on alternative
sports. I did.
I saw extreme ironing and I was in extreme ironing.
Have you? Yes, some people iron
underwater. Now, clearly the goal there is
(03:19):
not to get your clothes ready towear if you're ironing
underwater. But they iron hanging from
cliffs. They iron while skiing.
They iron on top of their cars. Extreme ironing is a thing.
And this article is pointing outthat there are, you know, we
always have these big conversations about what's going
to make it into the Olympics. Are sports significant enough
and popular enough and competitive enough to make it
(03:40):
into the Olympics? This is way down the list of
those sports. These are fringe sports, but
some of them have been going on forever, like this wife carrying
competition every year. I see my whole life, I see
articles on this. This is the one in Finland where
guys race with their wives on their backs.
Yeah. And it's a, it's a tradition in
that country that's been going on for years.
(04:00):
Chess boxing I've heard of, which is the one of the most
bizarre things in the world. You sit down and you play chess
for a certain amount of time, and then you get up and you box
and then you sit down and you play more chess. 11 rounds of
that, that's insane. It's insane.
And what are the chance you're going to find people who are
good at chess and good at boxingnow?
There were some on this list I did not know about.
Underwater hockey is a thing. Ally.
(04:22):
As much as you love hockey, would you at all be interested
in seeing underwater hockey? I I take a look.
It is also known as Octo Push. This sport is played worldwide.
It involves 2 teams trying to push a puck using a stick across
the floor of a swimming pool into the opposing teams goal.
It even has its own world championship.
Underwater hockey has been around since 1980.
(04:46):
Who knew? There's toe wrestling, there's a
sport called shin kicking, there's musical canine freestyle
which is 1 where and I've seen this one too.
This is one where you get up andyou sing a song with your dog.
Come on. Yes, so on.
There's a whole world of sports out there that go beyond
football and baseball, and we wanted to find out more about
it. We asked producer Dave who can
(05:06):
we talk to? The commissioner of Alternative
sports is Doctor Frederick McKinney, and he joins us on the
Kevin Devine Show right now. Hey, Doctor, how are you?
Good morning, Kevin and Babe, how are you?
We are. We are fine.
Thank you so much. Glad to hear it.
Thank you so much for joining us.
So alternative. Pleasure to be here.
(05:27):
Really. It is because so many of the
alternative sports, aren't. You say weird sports just aren't
too popular because not enough people know about them, don't
you know? Well, look, there was a time
where, you know, tennis was brand new.
Somebody had to invent that, andit took a while for it to get to
the point where now it's just accepted.
And maybe that's going to be thecase with chess.
It's boxing and cheese rolling down the.
(05:49):
Road. That's how we like to feel here
at the League of Alternative Sports, where we're constantly
coming up with new and exciting games and competitions for
people to engage in. Well, this list from the
Huffington Post has ten of the alternative sports, but you're
telling me there are far more even than go beyond this list?
Oh my goodness, 10 yes, there's many more and some some are
(06:11):
better known than others, of course.
You know, like shin kicking the huge popular sports.
But what about some of the newersports that people aren't aware
of yet? OK, like for instance, how about
hurling? Curling.
Hurling. Curling.
Hurling. It's just like curling where you
throw your stone down the ice totry to get it into the center of
a circle, but the opposing team puts their finger down their
(06:34):
throat and vomits in front of the stone to try to slow it
down. That's.
Disgusting hurling, Curling. I don't know why they would do
that, but OK. It's a competition, you say, all
right? And it takes a lot of skill to
be able to to vomit with pinpoint accuracy.
I never thought about it that way, yeah.
She most people just all over the place, but a good hurler
(06:56):
curler will be able to just boom, put it right where he
wants it. OK, All right.
That's good, Doctor. Also extreme nippling.
Nippling. Yes, that's it's just like
boxing, only you try to subdue your opponent simply by twisting
his nipples. Just give him a purple nipple
until he hits the ground or tapsout.
(07:16):
Now that game is very popular among five year olds, but you're
saying even for adults they're getting into that now?
Oh, adults are the best at the extreme nippling.
Kids have nothing. Kids.
We don't even let kids we don't know Little League for extreme
nippling. This is just for the grown-ups.
And we've got a brand new champion by the way.
Very exciting. He's one of the best nipplers
I've ever seen. Brian Longnips Cantrell is his
(07:40):
name and he's got, it's amazing,these giant pendulous nipples
he's got from playing the sport over the years.
Well, he's really impressive. It's like cauliflower ear for
UFC fighters. I guess it's.
Like it's broccoli nipple we call it.
Come watch a game and see the broccoli nipples.
Also a very popular sport in Asia is Panda Punch.
(08:04):
I don't like the sound of that doctor.
Well, it's not what you think itis.
Kicking a panda. Exactly what I.
Thought Oh my bad, I'm sorry, I thought maybe you were confused. 00:08:18,360 I.
Did think it would be punching not kicking.
So you are you are right. It's.
Not punch. Take your panda and you punt it. 00:08:29,280 Why did you think there'd be
(08:29):
punching? That would be a different sport
called panda punch. That would be different.
But panda punt, taking a panda, first of all, the hardest part
is finding one because there aren't many around.
You got to punch yourself down the panda and then and then it's
a panda hunting punt really. And then you take the panda and
then you just boot it with a with a with a work boot as far
(08:52):
as you can. Oh, I hate that so much.
Oh, the noise they. Make It's just tragic.
Oh, wow, let's not. Let's not have that sport
continue. Doctor, come on.
Are you? Every meal with ball ball.
Ball, ball. No, I'm sorry, I'm not.
Yes, it's where two men, 2 nude men enter a ring and hit each
other in the testicles with an electric fly swag.
(09:16):
That's another terrible idea fora sport.
Well, wasn't she? There is a cheese rolling sport,
though. I forget what country it's in,
but I know they've talked about it a few times.
But then they they have to chaseit down the hill, right.
Yeah, yeah, I so good. Was it like Wisconsin or was it
(09:37):
in another country? I.
Think it's like like a Nordic country, I think.
Yeah, yeah. Hold on.
Let me Google it. Gloucester, England.
Oh. Coopers Hill.
She's rolling in. Wake is an annual event held at
the Spring Bank Holiday at Coopers Hill at Brockworth near
Gloucester, England. But I still think that's funny.
(10:00):
OK, next one. And Rider the Monkey is out this
week. Beer Bug is going to be taking
his slot. Bean makes us guess this is a
list now. This one is going to be so easy
today. You guys great.
Good. That I am going to try to get
to. Let's see if we can we can come
up with the top 15. Usually we do the top ten.
Let's see if we can come up withthe top 15 on this list because
(10:20):
the answers are going to be coming so fast.
We're going to tell you what thecategory is today.
This is 1 you all have lots of experience in.
We are looking for the top 15 most popular websites in the
United States, the most popular websites.
So these are the top 15 sites that are visited by Americans.
And I think Mugs you're filling in for Kevin.
(10:42):
So you get the 1st guest today. Which one you want to put on the
list? TM Mother F&Z.
This is why Mugs is the best. No, not.
Even. Come on.
Not even, that's probably not the top 50.
So, but thank you. Excellent guest.
Ralph, you're up next, google.com.
Well, only number one round. Yeah, that.
(11:03):
Would be my guest mug. See that's that's guessing a
website that would be popular. See, that's OK.
I think I'm, I think I'm understanding it.
That has over 1.1 billion views,by the way, a month Google does
in the United States. Ali, you're up next.
Yahoo. Yahoo is number 4.
Congratulations. Hey, are you keeping score?
Also Blondie. Oh.
Yes, OK, it's not my first row to.
(11:24):
The best of her ability. It's true Bugs.
You're OK. OK.
I think I get it now. I think I'm going to come up
with a high answer. Wikipedia.
Wikipedia. Yes #6.
Help done. Ralph A Hey, I get it.
It's the phone ringing. I know I hit the wrong one.
Aol.com. AOL So you know my dad, I guess,
(11:49):
apparently. No, I'm sorry, that is not on
the list. I'm surprised.
Ally Amazon yes, Amazon is on the list.
At #5 well done, Mugsy E Mother F and BAE. eBay is number 9 on
the list. All right.
So we're starting to fill them in now.
Yeah, we're filling them in now.Oh, let's see as well to
(12:16):
Tambien. Wow, I am blanking.
Well, think about what you use every day, right?
That's what I'm trying to think of.
We need a guest today, please. Yes.
Huffingtonpost.com. Huffington Post Let me Scroll
(12:38):
down. I'm going to say no.
I'm so sorry, Ally. ESPN.
ESPN is not on the list. I have an opportunity to take
the lead right now. You do.
Let's hear it, Mugs Craig's mother Effin.
List stop saying mother effin after every website would you
please? We so have a lot of impact if
(13:00):
you do it. Every time you give an answer.
And they're usually wrong. That's.
Yeah, Mother effin ZE mother effin BAE.
Let it go, all right? So far, I believe we've said
Google, we've said Amazon, we'vesaid Wikipedia, we've said eBay. 00:13:19,000 Those are the ones I think.
We have and Yahoo. And Yahoo all.
(13:20):
Right. I think it's Ralph's guest.
Lemon Party. I believe it's not just outside
the top 15. I'm sorry.
We'll give you another stab at it, though.
Youtube.com. YouTube is number two.
(13:41):
Well done, Ralph Garvin. Netflix.
I'm sorry though, what's your mother F and gas mugs?
We're all tied at 2 mugs. Let's go with the most popular,
most visited websites in the United States.
If you're just joining us on B Makes Us Guess, Home Shopping
Network.com. That would be HSN. hsn.com.
(14:05):
Well done. I adore you for that.
All right. Let's go, let's zip around two
more times and then we'll see. See where we're at.
Ralph, you're up next. Cartoon Network.
Dot com. How about youporn.com?
(14:25):
A great guess that'll be OK. I am going to say expedia.com
bugs Dang. It let's go with.
(14:46):
That's the geographic channel.com.
All right, you guys give up #15 is the only one that I thought
might be tough on this list, which is WordPress because it's
all the blogs or WordPress. That was number 50 Facebook.
Thank you, Ali. By the way, that was the one I
(15:07):
was most surprised didn't get answered.
That is number three. Yes, Facebook is number 3 on the
list. ask.com is number 14. Pinterest is number 13.
Pinterest. Ali, you love Pinterest.
No, LinkedIn is number 12. Really.
People actually go on that thing.
All those invitations I've turned down over the years.
Microsoft. #11 MSN is number 10.You mentioned eBay, here's #8
(15:32):
Bing, which is the other search one besides Google.
Bing is number 8, no one number 7, and this one hurt me as a
stockholder. Twitter, ladies and gentlemen,
Twitter is #7 with 290 million. Yeah, I never think of that as a
website because it's just an app, Yeah.
Number six is Wikipedia #5 is Amazon, 4 is Yahoo, 3 is
Facebook #2 is YouTube, and #1 as Ralph correctly guessed, is
(15:53):
Google. Those are your top 50 most
popular websites in America. I think Beer Mug did a mother
effing great job. And it's funny because I looked
it up and a lot of those are still the number one websites.
Not all of them, but. What year was that in?
(16:14):
2015, yeah. It's probably pretty similar,
isn't it? Well, I imagine Google is the
most popular website now becauseeverybody starts there.
Yes, I think, well, not everybody actually because a lot
of people that are not tech savvy, if they buy a laptop like
(16:37):
an HP or something, they'll justuse what comes on it, which is
usually Microsoft and Bing. Yeah, Microsoft Edge garbage.
Yelp or Bing, whatever they havenow.
Well, they got rid of Bing and it's Edge.
No, Edge is the browser. Sorry, Bing.
(16:58):
Yeah, I guess it's Bing. Bing is a search engine.
I'm done. All right, wait, did we want to
talk about the Kevin episode first?
I thought the revelation that itwas AI or that there was an AI
part to it was pretty big. Yeah, it it threw me.
I know all the questions I asked.
(17:19):
I didn't. I wanted to ask more about Marcy
and I just went an AII got totally thrown off because, you
know, I'm a professional and I don't get thrown off.
True. But yeah, we're.
Gonna need to have. Her on.
We do once I. Oh, Marcy.
Marcy Yeah, well, and let's see,what was I saying?
(17:40):
The other thing we needed to say, probably if you haven't
heard their podcast yet, maybe you're you get all your Kevin
and Bean news from us because weare the official news source for
Kevin and Bean. They have a there, it's going to
be on Patreon, right? They haven't released any price
scales or anything. Like that?
Yeah, I searched for it. I can't find it.
Yeah, I did too. Can't find it.
(18:03):
Also, one thing that we probablymight consider is that with the
fires, I think Kevin said he might have had to evacuate.
So maybe they might be delayed, not sure.
I can see that, yeah, maybe. Yeah, so oh, and don't.
Forget the big news is that being mentioned us on his Blue
Sky account? Yes.
(18:25):
So he promoted our interview with Kev Doug, which was really
cool. All right, let's start with the
podcast Rhonda Fruition. Guess my fart.
Nailed it. You get it.
And when you honor to promote your podcast, we got.
It. Hello too happy goodbye to the
(18:45):
blue janky. Podcast.
Why are you always? Doing that, I think you should
go over there and jump over thatlog.
All right, so we'll save Lady a puffing for another day.
Welcome to the podcast Roundup. Let's go ahead and start off
with the Ralph report. It was great to have all the
(19:07):
podcasts back. It was a long two weeks where we
had this drought. And then it was good to start
off with Ralph. He got a new studio, new chairs,
all this stuff, and then he wenton vacation.
Only two episodes and he's gone.I was really upset.
You know, we're paying for this podcast and he just takes days
off whenever he wants to. What?
(19:31):
Edwin, I'm looking at you. Oh yeah, Ralph, what's the deal? 00:19:37,480 Oh, I think Ralph had to
evacuate because of the fires. So this went as well as we
rehearsed. Yeah, no, Ralph had to cut out
because of the fires and jury duty.
(19:51):
So I have a clip of him setting up.
I was talking about jury duty. I As you can tell since I'm
here, I successfully avoided another day of jury duty.
Success. Success.
We've done it. We've done it.
I. Don't want everyone to know I
got nothing against jury duty. I believe in it and I would
(20:12):
actually like to engage in it. But just this is not the week
for it because I'm dying and everyone needs to know that I'm
dying. Whatever I have is getting much
worse. Are you doing anything for it
besides drinking? I'm doing everything for it.
I'm taking vitamins, I'm taking my zinc and quercetin.
Oh, those zinc pills you gave methat Don't.
Work, always work that don't ever work.
(20:33):
I'm dosing myself up with Mucinex and and Dayquil and
every kind of over the counter medication you can think of and
it's not helping and I'm dying. So it was bad Sunday and now
it's getting progressively worse.
So I think I'll be gone by earlynext week.
Yeah. I don't know what this is.
It's some sort of bronchitis. I don't know.
(20:54):
I don't know. But everything's bad and my hair
hurts and my skin hurts and my lungs are filled a gunk and I
can't. I can't.
Stuff coming up or is it still in there?
It's not coming up. No, can't get it out.
No, no, no. It's going to just it's cement.
My lungs are being slowly filledwith cement and then it's going
to be all over. So I just want everyone to know
(21:15):
the these are the last shows so.So that's it.
End of the Ralph report. He's dying now, Eddie.
Eddie, get evacuated. Ralph had to get sort of
evacuated and lost power. Then he got called for jury
duty. So he was basically left telling
everybody, yeah, he couldn't getus any part of his show on.
(21:42):
Well, hopefully he comes back next week.
I think he's feeling better, hopefully.
And then he can maybe say suck it to being for getting on the
jury. I'd rather die than have jury
duty, so. And then drive away rough.
Wednesday, the day. You'd rather die.
All right. Tuesday, the last show of the
(22:05):
week for Ralph. It happened to be a special
holiday for all of us. We were honored to celebrate
with Ralph. Today's also National Pass Gas
Day. Wow, no.
Not this. Oh, that one.
(22:28):
The Percolator National Pass GasDay, held annually on January
7th, says there's no better timeto express ourselves and free
our bowels of stale air without shame.
We produce about 17 to 68 ouncesof gas in our intestines daily.
Wow. We're just farting all the time. 00:22:51,600 We need to, we need to release
(22:51):
it. And there's been so much shame.
On the fart. Yeah.
On the fart. Yeah.
People don't want you doing that.
What 'cause it ruins other people's day?
It does. It's.
A little intrusive. Studies have shown the average
person farts at least 14 times aday.
Really. I'm above average?
Wow. Yeah, I don't know what it is
about getting older, but I've just been just let's blast him.
(23:14):
Wow. Yeah, and I feel bad for Queen
Jay because I tried desperately to be polite about it, right?
I usually go into the restroom if I feel like I have to live.
Away. But I can tell.
I know I'm farting in my sleep. That's just.
Happening that's the worst is when you're half asleep and
you're laying next to someone and.
You just like OK, if I can just.Get it out.
Silent. And it's just like and you're
(23:35):
like. Oh, did I wake you up?
I'm sorry, I thought, I thought I was going to get that one.
You got to grab a cheek. Yeah, you have to spread the
cheeks. Grab one.
Murder you? Oh no, we've lost your sound.
(24:01):
So the week that was. Did you kick me out?
Did. Aw man, if this is the type of
reporting everybody wants, you know what?
Find yourself a a partner that laughs as hard as Queen Jane
does. Send farts.
I know, right? Farts are funny.
I'm just. It's just.
(24:24):
We'll send that clip to Adam Corolla and Jimmy Kimmel.
They'll be on our show next week.
OK. Yeah, I I kind of intentionally
left it long waiting for Lindsayto pull the.
Murder button. I'm starting the timer.
All right, well, I got a fun fact.
(24:44):
Here we go. Farts traveled 10 feet per
second. Wow.
Or seven mph? Damn, depending on you know how
powerful. Brisk walk.
Murder. And you?
Oh no. We lost Christopher yet again.
Gosh, what are the odds? Yeah, I don't.
(25:10):
I don't know what happened. I got kicked out.
I. Don't know either, but I do know
that you've reminded me to have a New Year's resolution, which
is to be better about time for this podcast.
So you are on the clock, Sir. I got kicked out.
I don't know. If you're on the clock, yeah.
On the clock. Wow.
Let's keep talking about it so you'll have less time to talk
(25:32):
about farts. She's a bitch, sorry.
We were out of time. Well, I got tons of fun facts
about farts from Ralph. You know how Ralph is about
information. This is going to be the easiest
edit ever. We'll just take all the podcast
roundabout. This part is just for
Christopher. Well, I mean, I think I think
(25:54):
this is this was a big part of the show on Tuesday, which is
basically 50% of all of Ralph that we got for the week.
I wasn't, I was hoping to get something else later in the
week, but you know, fires and stuff.
All right, let's go over to the Not Today podcast.
We were on like a group trip of friends.
We all got dropped off at Busch Gardens together, which is a
(26:17):
theme park in Tampa. And I liked this guy and he was
going to sit next to me on a roller on a roller coaster.
And it was a big deal, right? This was a big deal for me.
Right before they lock the harnesses like I get in, I lock
my harness. He sits down next to me and all
(26:37):
of a sudden stands up in bolts and leaves me on the roller
coaster by myself. Because someone had told him
like she's got a crush on you and he thought it would be
funny. Oh, that's fucked up.
That moment has stuck with. Me.
That's awful. It's a giant metaphor, getting
(26:58):
left on a fucking roller coaster.
After you get, after you get. Like that's literally.
I'm gonna buckle you in and thenjust send you the fuck off.
Like sorry, Nope. Bye.
And then I'm just sitting there on the climb like everything's
fine, everything's fine, everything's fine.
Holy shit, this is so far up like that.
(27:20):
That is such a metaphor for being in a relationship that's
brutal and being going into the dating process.
But yeah, that is brutal. So a little lead in for that
that I forgot to do was that this is they were taking
questions from listeners and they asked about women asking
guys out and Jen Sturger broughtup this story of when she was
younger and she they went to a amusement park and well, the kid
(27:43):
just jumped off the roller coaster rather than get on with
her. Pretty sad stuff, but a really
good metaphor for dating, I suppose.
I. Don't understand the metaphor.
Basically she just keeps gettingdumped.
OK, I got on. Yeah, she's right in the roller
coaster alone. By herself after just being left
(28:05):
on. That was a pretty shitty thing
to do for that kid. Driving away in the car?
True, but metaphorically, aren'twe all riding a roller coaster
by ourselves anyway? Roller coaster.
Do you remember the movie Parenthood?
Steve Martin and the grandma whohe thinks is senile.
(28:28):
She comes down there, you know, that kind of part of the movie
where the conflict resolution comes in and she tells the story
of how some people like to be onthe merry go round, where they
just go round and round in circles.
She likes to be on the roller coaster and because you go up
and you go down, you up and down.
And basically that was her metaphor for life, that it was
more exciting to write a roller coaster versus a merry go round
(28:53):
good movie. Was there a penis or a sickle in
this? Movie.
Oh, man. All right, let's go over to
another fun fact. No Hollywood Babylon played
while we were on break. It was a December show.
(29:14):
Kevin was talking about a cafe that he got invited to.
This girl in the audience and she's like, hey, man, will you
come visit my coffee shop? I was like, I don't really drink
coffee. And she's like, it's a satanic
coffee shop, you know? I was like, fucking I'm going to
that, man. So I tracked the place down.
I went to visit it because I'm like, Oh my God, It's going to
(29:35):
be like orgies and fucking cocksand pussies, Latanic and shit
like that. Fucking coffee.
That's all that really. Yeah.
Fucking just and, and, and like,really nice.
Looked like it could have been like Martha Stewart's coffee
shop, but their name was hallowed ground, kind of sweet
(29:55):
man. So I don't drink coffee.
And I was like, I, you know, I should buy something while I'm
here. I I give my wife the mug and
she's like, Oh my God, it's hysterical and shit.
And I was like, can I borrow real quick?
I'm going to take a picture and put up on Instagram.
The mug is like many coffee mugs.
The standard coffee mug joke is don't talk to me until I've had
my coffee. Of course it's very hacked dad
(30:16):
joke that's been around for likefucking 50.
It's like a Garfield level joke.Yes, you know, I hate Mondays
and don't talk to me until I've had my coffee.
So they sold a mug. Shit.
On one side is their logo hallowed grounds.
On the other side it says don't talk to me until I've had my
abortion. So I put the picture up on
(30:37):
Instagram. How'd that go over for you?
Holy fuck. Oh my God, man.
Like there were a bunch of people who were like, what
happened? You were my favorite director of
the 90s and now you celebrate the murder of babies and shit
when what happened to you? And like so many people don't
know you've always celebrated the murder of babies.
By the way, I was like known youfor a long time.
(30:58):
I was like, do you people remember I made dog mug like
fucking the Catholic Church wanted me dead at one point.
Like, but this wasn't even like some sort of statement where I'm
like, I'm staying on my ground. It's a ridiculous fucking mug.
Oh my God, the amount. What a fucking enmity.
Like somebody literally wrote tome.
Are you drinking dead babies outof that cup?
He wasn't drinking dead babies. I want to assure everybody he
(31:20):
actually said he was acting and there wasn't anything in the
cup. So brilliant acting job by Kevin
to make everybody think he's actually drinking something from
the mug. But yeah, they also told him
that his daughter should have been one, which he responded a
coffee cup. So it got pretty dark for Kevin. 00:31:38,120 And then he had to talk to his
mom, which was also weird. So Kevin's not posting anything
(31:44):
like that again. All right, let's go ahead and
start off with the cup of tea ina chat.
It was a weird start to the episode, their first episode
back. I don't know how Lindsay will
appreciate this, but I want to make sure that you understand
that this is part of the Kevin and Bean humor.
Saying you're here will be me expressing confidence.
(32:09):
Impressive. Can you do that to order
watching one another? That's how you want to start a
new year right there. Some outstanding fart comedy.
You got to be watching that Slowhorses, man, Gary Oldman is so
great on that show. And I say to you, Ally and I say
to the kids, welcome in to yet another episode of the podcast
that we'd like to call. A cup of tea and a chat all the
(32:30):
way up to episode #607 if you could believe it, OK?
2025 being is starting the show with a fart noise.
This is so unlikely. I am.
I am in shock. I am.
But let me say this forward, letme say this.
I love slow horses. I've watched every season, every
episode. Gary Oldman is incredible, as he
(32:52):
is of everything, It's my least favorite thing about his
character is that he loves to drop fart bombs on people.
It's just a part. It's part of a thing that he
does. But I thought the Teabaggers
would enjoy it. I feel like it's right up their
alley. Right.
Perfect. It's right up their alley and
bean starting. A bean for goodness sake.
(33:14):
Oh man, it made me laugh so muchto hear Allie's reaction and it
made me proud of being, I mean, come to the dark side, come
over, get real nice and comfortable.
You know, it's, it's, they're fun jokes.
It's funny. It's it's not very high brown,
but it's funny. I got this message with Kevin
(33:35):
from Kevin from the Kevin and Bean Show regarding this clip.
What have you done with bean? Yeah, so he's confused too.
All right. Ali was wondering about quizzes
and whether or not they should continue the quizzes.
So I think she came up with a better game.
(33:56):
Have you ever seen on social media the game that couples
play? Guess my fart where the person
will say guess my fart and the person will go and then the
person farts and if it sounds just like that, they win.
It is one of my favorite things in the world to watch that.
(34:17):
Can't be that, Can't. Be seen.
Sometimes they are so right on that then they just erupt in
this immediate laughter. And then sometimes they fart
again because, you know, you laugh when you fart.
Oh my gosh, guess my fart is thegreatest thing I've ever seen.
It should be ATV. It should be a channel.
It's so awful. That's such.
(34:37):
So good, so good. Guess my fart.
If during the show I say guess my fart, you have to do it just
immediate and it has to be immediate because I can't hold a
fart in right I'm. Not gonna do it, I'm not.
Gonna guess my fart. Participating in either butt
comedy, I've just guess. My fart. 2025, the year of cup
of tea in a chat. Guess my fart.
(34:57):
I suggest that that is a new spin off podcast that you do
with Adam Corolla because he's the only other person besides
you I've ever met who loves farts.
This man OK? Why does it have to be Adam
Corolla? I'm right here.
I could do that spin off podcastwith her.
Be more than happy to. And you have been.
(35:18):
Looking for a side project for awhile so.
Considering I think Lindsay's going to kick me off of this
one. Lindsay, this was on the
podcast. You actually paid for this
podcast. They talked about it.
I have. To laughed.
And you know what? That's all we have to say about
it. You are under 2 minutes, Sir.
(35:38):
I am, yes, for Christopher. Almost.
OK, well let's go with the hurryup offense.
Here's Edwin's call. Dean, Ally, it's Edwin from the
Quitters Never give up podcast. So glad to have you back this
year. Happy new year.
Ally, you went to confession? I thought that's what the crowd
cast was for at least I hope thepriest was a subscriber.
Hopefully there's a stalker level at least to get that
(36:00):
stuff. Or maybe should add a new tier
confession level. We get to hear Alice Juicy
Secret. Welcome back guys.
It was great to hear you. Why did you say juicy sequits?
Everybody loves juicy sequits. That's my side.
That's my side project. OK, that's the sequence with
Edwin. I think based off of the Kevin
(36:23):
and Bean show, confessing thingsis might not be a good idea.
I just. Enough.
But that goes back to Allie. When she was on vacation, she
went to Boston and then she wentto confession for some weird
reason. Lastly, Allie asked this
question to Bean. Very cool story from Scott,
(36:44):
right? I love that.
Has anyone ever written a song about you?
Certainly not. Why would they?
Why would anybody? I don't know, maybe you're
someone's muse. No, nothing like that.
Of course we know this is wrong.Omar.
Oh, this epic ballad for him to.Get the feelings a Dick Dick,
(37:08):
Dick What a Dick, Dick Dick beesa Dick Dick Dick What a giant
Dick Dick bees a Dick Dick Bean is a Dick.
Dick. Dick Beans a Dick.
(37:31):
Sorry, we're out of time. Are we?
I got one more, one more fun facts.
I won't know, take it away. OK, OK, quiet kids.
Here we go. Press the button, my friend.
Send me back into time. Edwin, our listener.
Edwin. Edwin's funny pretty much every
(37:51):
time. It's a new day.
You can't power feature present to Eat the Club 2014.
It hurts when I laugh. OK kids, we're doing January.
(38:14):
Oh, Bean, you OK? OK, well, wait, we're going to
see if it's all right in a second.
January 6 to 10/20/14. First off, Lisa, what did you
think about Arabsons? Did you miss us?
Missed you too. Missed all of y'all.
Oh great, she missed us all. Let's start off How does the
healthiest man in the world spend his vacation?
(38:36):
Here's what happened. I'm at my aunt and uncle's
house. I went to their place for
Christmas and stayed over and then the next morning he comes
and knocks on the door that he'smaking tea.
Would we like to come join him? Right.
He didn't say the house was on fire and you had to jump out of
bed. He just said tea.
I know. So I'm.
We're up very late the night before.
(38:57):
I'm disoriented. I'm in an unfamiliar place.
I haven't eaten in, you know, 14hours or something like that.
Irrelevant from getting out of bed.
And I jumped up out of bed to goanswer the door to tell him,
yeah, sounds great. We'll be right down.
And as I opened the door, I fainted.
What he says. And I, of course, didn't see
(39:22):
this, took two steps back and then just collapsed, hit my head
on the radiator, which, by the way, on a big old metal radiator
from a house that's 100 years old.
But thank God, something else broke my fall.
So I didn't hit my head as hard as I might have on the radiator
because the my side, my left side fell into the bedside table
(39:43):
of the bed and broke a rib. You could have died and you
didn't. Well, if the bedside table
hadn't been there and I had hit the radiator full force, Yeah, I
think it could have been much, much worse.
Kevin and me, microphones were there.
Oh yeah, that was it. So I blacked out and then I
don't know how long it probably 20 seconds later or something
(40:05):
like that. I come, I come out, I come out
of it. And man did I hurt all over.
And man has it hurt every secondof every minute of every day
since then. And it's been hard to breathe.
And of course, you can't sleep. You can't lay on it in any
direction that you lay. It's the worst.
I mean, that's the hardest part of the whole day is trying to
sleep. So yeah, it's a it's a broken,
(40:27):
broken rib for the man. All right, all right.
Wow. This is an unbelievable story.
That you passed out, everybody else gets injured while, I don't
know, doing something stupid, trying something, falling by,
you're trying to climb somethingathletic.
Like when he said he leapt out of bed, I thought, OK, so he
(40:48):
like jumped out of bed and then like tripped or something.
Is this bed like no you passed out?
Is this bed like 2000? Is this a bedroom like 2000
square feet? I mean, no, the guy says, hey,
do you want some tea? Can't you just say from bed,
love it, be there in a minute. I guess I could have, but I
thought I I was just trying to, you know, open the door to look
(41:08):
him and look him in the eye and say thank you.
I don't know you, just that yourinstinct is to greet your host.
And then that's what. Happened.
Is that how? You want to greet your host?
Come on, that thing. Come on this.
Would you like a spot of tea? It hurts when I laugh.
(41:33):
So that's how you start the new year if you're being.
But the good news is I sent thatclip to Bean.
And guess what? He's finally coming on the show. 00:41:42,840 Bean, are you there?
Dang it. OK, maybe Donna can rouse him
for the end of the show. They started off 2014, which is
moments with aplenty. So here's Kevin.
(41:55):
What I'm going to do, I'm not going to play when they chop
them up, make them into a Jinglejust as they occurred, because
they're so good. First new program for 2014 happy
new year everybody from the Kevin Bean show Kevin, what did
you do since the last time we saw you way back in December I
learned 6 new lessons languages.Never mind, that was almost the
(42:17):
moment when. It would have been.
Almost out of the gate, I told you we have to beat last year.
I didn't think I was going to try so soon.
Yeah, Kevin was great out of thegate.
This one was the brother of Nicole Alvarez made the Olympic
tube, so they were going to haveher on.
And here's a bean trying to summarize that well.
(42:41):
I have to go up the air because we.
Have to talk to a guy who. Skates.
Fast. No, Ralph, we couldn't get him.
We have his sister. I'm sorry, I meant to say we
need to talk to the sister of a guy who skates.
Fast right? Dude Nicole is Cuban and she
will cut you if she hears you talking.
Like she will take you out really well as.
(43:02):
We all know all the best ice skaters come out of Cuba.
I think he is actually in for Cuba, but they literally know
he's skating for America. But I think he's literally the
first American ice skater of or of of all the ice skaters who
have skated for with Cuban blood.
I think you know. It's so really.
(43:24):
Fantastic. Happy new year.
Fantastic. Well said was great.
Send that to Omar immediately. They're so back.
Where's Kevins? By the way, they've been asking
for all day, do we have it? We don't.
I don't think we do. We don't have yes, yes, yes,
Yes, no. Omar says it's in there.
(43:46):
Omar says it's in there. It's.
Been in there? He says it's been in there.
It's complicated. You know why?
It's complicated because you will push the goddamn button.
We're out of time, Ralph. Go ahead and do your birthdays.
You do your own birthdays. We'll explain off the air.
Back for one day I hate you people we'll.
Do that and then next hour we'lldo the bean moment with.
OK, so here's what Bean was trying to say.
(44:09):
What is the thing about your brother being the first?
What in the Olympics? He's the first Cuban male on
ice. OK, I could have just said it
like that, just three or four words.
Yeah, just three or four words being kind of drew it out in the
spirit of Kevin and the terrorist situation.
Here's another great moment withit was about a story about
(44:31):
Yasiel Puig. You might be surprised to hear
these words come out of my mouth.
Mouth. The Los Angeles Dodgers.
Yeah. How's that?
How's that for a little offseason?
You don't expect to hear us talking about the Dodgers, but
Yasiel Puig, the superstar outfielder for the Dodgers in
the news. Not as not as finest hour,
Kevin. Well, no, he was driving 110 mph
(44:53):
in Florida and got pulled over by the CHP.
OK. And the guy pretty much.
Now, why were the California Highway Patrol in Florida?
That is a great question. That's.
Way out of their jurisdiction. I never noticed that.
They're they're just following poor.
You feel quick. You can't get away from it,
Alba. They came out of the gate on
(45:17):
fire. It was funny.
By the end of the week, Kevin was still like me, using the
wrong words. And they're like, that doesn't
count. That's just one wrong word.
So that that's not a moment withthey were kind of inured to it
by the end of the year at the end of the week.
And here's here's how Monday show ended after this display of
brilliance. We have an author on who wrote
(45:40):
things I've Learned from Dying Being Baxter.
Being Baxter, I was gonna. Play 114 this is.
The rehearsal, though, just the rehearsal.
Stupid ways you hurt yourself. We're going to take your calls
and we're going to try and find somebody who can Dumber.
Than getting out of bed. Who can top Bean and I have a a
(46:03):
suspicion that we're not going to be able to find anybody to do
that. We're gonna be hard.
Pressed. All right as we go out.
I've eaten for a while and you know how it is when you get out
of a bed. I.
Don't have the sound effect for that.
Now I have the moment with, oh, sorry, final first day of 2014.
I didn't finish that. Yet it's the final first day of
(46:24):
2014 this. Is the first day of 2014 the
final end of the show? And now a moment.
With being, oh, forget. Just have one thing to say.
Hall of Fame. The next day they did.
Oh well. This was one of my favorite
bits. It was Steven Seagal.
(46:45):
He was talking about running forgovernor of Arizona.
And he's got a new one called Steven Skull Lawman, Maricopa
County. So he was doing an interview on
a Phoenix TV station and said this.
Joe Arpaio and I were talking about me running for governor.
I suppose I would remotely consider it, but probably I
(47:05):
would have a lot more other responsibilities, a lot of other
responsibilities there that may be more important to address.
Well, we wanted to find out moreabout Governor Segal, so I
believe we have Steven Segal on the phone with us right now on
the Kevin and Bean Show on K Rock.
Hi, Steven, how are you? Good.
Morning Kevin and Bean. How are?
You. Well, we're fine.
Did we catch out a bad time? No, not at all.
(47:28):
Why do you say that? Well, it just sounds like you
might be in the middle of some yoga or meditation or something. 00:47:34,920 I am constantly in meditation.
I keep my spirit open to the entire world at all times.
Is that music play 24/7? Yes, OK, This way I'm always
open to my surroundings because when you're a sheriff, when
you're a crime fighter, I need to be aware of everything in
(47:50):
your surroundings. Right.
OK. Both your assailant and also the
situation that you find yourselfin, I see because all things are
potential weapons or potential Shields, OK.
And I think that I think that anything that you can use at
your disposal. Right, it's.
Important to be prepared for. Now what was all that mumbo
(48:10):
jumbo about having more important things to do?
Sheriff Joe Arpaio, he's been trying to convince me to run for
governor in the great state of Arizona, right?
And I think I have more. What is that important?
That's possibilities. Noise he made in the interview
to the TV stage. I know.
But my question is, what is that?
(48:31):
Is it a stroke? What's going on with you,
Stephen? Are you OK sometimes?
The spirit moves me, I see. Sometimes being aware of all
your surroundings at one time right can be an influx.
Be overwhelming? Probably.
Exactly. Imagine.
Because my senses are heightened, right?
Being a Shaolin master, yeah, I'm aware of all things at all.
Everything is a weapon, everything is a shield, right?
(48:52):
So Governor Segal, if that, if that were to happen, if you were
to be Governor Segal, what changes would you make in the
state of Arizona? What what would what would you
like to see different in your state?
Hello, Steve. Governor Segal, are you are you
(49:14):
laughing? Sorry, something funny is coming
in that we none of us know about.
Did Omar drop Trout in there? What happened the?
Universe just told me something very funny.
What was it? I can't share it with us.
I can't because you're not a shower.
Now Governor Steven Seagal wouldchange things.
(49:38):
I'm not sure we're looking for the next Hitler.
Yeah, I got to be opposite, right?
It'll. Be under siege movie title but
of course being a Buddhist. Yeah, how does that work?
I I'm torn between peace and love and murder and genocide
sounds. Like you have some issues to
(50:01):
work out before you can. Seriously.
Consider, Yeah, being a Buddhist.
Being a Buddhist, I'll have to get sold.
What? I'll have to get sold with my
(50:22):
with my higher power. Who's your higher power?
I have to sit down with my llama.
Your llama. Your llama gives.
You to. Ladies and gentlemen, we're
back. That one had everything.
Did you hear that last part? Ralph's doing his mutley
(50:44):
impression. Well done, Ralph.
Oh wait, bean. I think bean might be back.
Bean, are you there? Alex, you ready?
Oh, it's not that funny, Ralph. Come on.
(51:04):
OK, Next up, an Alzheimer. Here's they were doing Kevin and
being a Rokie and Lisa was the one up.
Alex, you ready? Yep, good morning party people.
Who do you want of the three? The four?
I'm sorry, who do you want of the four?
Let's get Lisa Maitrey. Oh, good luck.
Oh boy. Well, I got to spin the wheel
(51:26):
and I hope all right. Lisa Mae.
Good. Excellent.
Good news, you got Lisa Mae. Identify this song shut.
Up when I'm talking to you. Shut up when I'm talking to you. 00:51:40,840 Shut up.
One step closer. I don't know why, but we've
(51:50):
never heard the real Lisa May until today.
That was the best ever. That's what it's like.
Wow, When her boyfriend asked her to put the dog.
Could you imagine living with that?
Just who knew she had that in her?
We stopped talking to the dog for a minute.
We're having a conversation and then she just unleashed.
The blood vessels in her face almost exploded.
(52:11):
All right, so everybody is in the drawing.
Only one can win the tickets. Is it Moises, Chad Ramon or
Alex? Who's going to the Club Nokia
this Saturday night? Let's see, I'm getting it.
It is. Oh my God, it's Alex.
Oh, how about? That.
It's Lisa, nice person. What a coincidence.
What? Are the chances.
Alex, congratulations. I have this theory that people
(52:34):
that are very nice, like Lisa underneath, one day they're
going to blow up like that. So I think that was the real
Lisa. How good was that?
I remembered that all these years later.
So wait, Kevin, Kevin, he's back.
What did you think about our show today?
This boggles the mind, this one.I know, I really did boggle the
(52:55):
mind today. Oh wait, Bean, I think Bean's
back. Bean, you ready?
OK, maybe next week. So that's it for the week that
was. Back to you, Steve.
Night. Eddie, say goodbye.
Goodbye, everybody. This was quitters never give up
(53:18):
where your one stop shop for everything Kevin and Bean old,
new and the future. And this was episode something.
What was it guys? 176. 176 Our best if you ask me,
and we will see you in the funnypapers.
Bye, bye. Hi everybody.
(53:40):
Spanish lesson of the day. How do you say please go away in
Spanish Betia la Verga? Stay with me Bette a la verga.
So the next time you're in a Spanish speaking environment and
you'd like to tell someone, please go away.
Just tell them Betia la Verga and they will kindly leave.
(54:03):
Follow me for more wholesome Spanish lessons.
The gas is inside a fart. You'd be interested to know
oxygen so you could you could survive on farts.
You could if you're underwater, right?
Have someone fart in your mouth like.
A mouth to mouth resuscitation. You could breathe on their
farts. Get a fart.
Balloon take it underwater. Methane, methane or methane
depending on how you what part of the world you live in.
(54:25):
Nitrogen, carbon dioxide, hydrogen and just a smidge of
sulfur. That's the part that gives it
that extra. That.
Eggy. Aroma that Tang we all.
Know not deviled egg aroma. I'm thinking it actually makes a
lot of sense why people go fullyfucking insane.
(54:47):
Like I should get it, I should get it.
I think that would be like a release at this point.
Like to just go. I think I'm going to do it as a
treat. I don't know.
I'm ready. Remember for like the first year
that we lived together, Like I would not go to the bathroom in
the morning. I know near.
You she wouldn't even use the bathroom held in the morning
dump. She would have to go to another
bathroom on another. Went down, left Marles junior
(55:08):
and took a shit. She thought she could fool me
into thinking that she never hadany feces.
I get stage fright. Wow.
My God, you got. Shit in front of him if I make
an eye contact. My mind's telling me no, but the
(55:29):
crack yo the crack teams tell meass gaggle.
This has been a quitters never give up presentation.
Here we go. Bring me 15 hookers now and get
the drugs ready. Take me to the private island.
Shut the door. Let's get this going.
I'm back. Did I miss anything?
Hey, there's a monkey in the booth.
Guess my fart. Come on, is there a charge for
(00:25):
aggravated pooping? 114.
This is the rehearsal. This.
This is bullshit. Amber Atkins that is not
American teen Princess language good because this.
(00:46):
Isn't an American teen Princess pageant.
This is Quitters never give up. Quit repping for all of
quitters. Never give up.
Check. Off Christopher, check.
Off Jen Pascorini, check off Lindsay.
Hello, Drew. The great Ed Wibb, ladies and
gentlemen. I loved it so much because I
said quitters never give up. And he said that's all.
They do. I don't know.
(01:06):
There's something. I've read reviews and I'm not
that interested. Well, sorry, Lisa, I'm hoping
that the reviews are wrong. Not everybody can get five
stars. You're a bit janky.
Hey now, this is Quitters Never Give Up episode 176.
Let's go ahead and say hello to the first quitter.
So he meets Jen and Jen is the best girl alive.
(01:29):
She must be. Well, I figured in dating for a
while. Why don't we try and take this
to the next level? That's Jen.
That's why girls are better thanguys.
Absolutely. Hi, Jen, how you doing?
I'm good. Hello party people.
Let's go ahead and say hello to Edwin.
Here's the thing, Edwin. I need you to calm down.
(01:51):
Her Hooters are fine. Had nothing.
Yeah. Yeah, I had nothing to do with
her boobies. They are fine.
How you doing, Edwin? Good day mates and thank you
Ally for reassuring me. All right, let's go over to
Lindsay. Lindsay, let's give it a try.
How you doing, Lindsay? I'm doing great and you are.
(02:11):
I'm Christopher. Hey, Chris.
Wake up Chris 121234 Wake up Chris Wake up Chris Wake up
Chris Wake up Chris Wake up Chris Wake up Chris Wake up
Chris. Wake up, Chris, wake up.
(02:33):
Some weird clip I found. I don't know why but I I feel it
fit because I'm just kind of tired today so.
All right, flashback that needs no introduction.
Hello and welcome to a very special flashback.
Because I'm going to introduce you now flashbacks.
And no flashbacks. Let's.
(02:58):
Have a look at this. Just play the intro.
Here we go. Alan, you see this article a
couple of days ago, Huffington Post put it up on alternative
sports. I did.
I saw extreme ironing and I was in extreme ironing.
Have you? Yes, some people iron
underwater. Now, clearly the goal there is
(03:19):
not to get your clothes ready towear if you're ironing
underwater. But they iron hanging from
cliffs. They iron while skiing.
They iron on top of their cars. Extreme ironing is a thing.
And this article is pointing outthat there are, you know, we
always have these big conversations about what's going
to make it into the Olympics. Are sports significant enough
and popular enough and competitive enough to make it
(03:40):
into the Olympics? This is way down the list of
those sports. These are fringe sports, but
some of them have been going on forever, like this wife carrying
competition every year. I see my whole life, I see
articles on this. This is the one in Finland where
guys race with their wives on their backs.
Yeah. And it's a, it's a tradition in
that country that's been going on for years.
(04:00):
Chess boxing I've heard of, which is the one of the most
bizarre things in the world. You sit down and you play chess
for a certain amount of time, and then you get up and you box
and then you sit down and you play more chess. 11 rounds of
that, that's insane. It's insane.
And what are the chance you're going to find people who are
good at chess and good at boxingnow?
There were some on this list I did not know about.
Underwater hockey is a thing. Ally.
(04:22):
As much as you love hockey, would you at all be interested
in seeing underwater hockey? I I take a look.
It is also known as Octo Push. This sport is played worldwide.
It involves 2 teams trying to push a puck using a stick across
the floor of a swimming pool into the opposing teams goal.
It even has its own world championship.
Underwater hockey has been around since 1980.
(04:46):
Who knew? There's toe wrestling, there's a
sport called shin kicking, there's musical canine freestyle
which is 1 where and I've seen this one too.
This is one where you get up andyou sing a song with your dog.
Come on. Yes, so on.
There's a whole world of sports out there that go beyond
football and baseball, and we wanted to find out more about
it. We asked producer Dave who can
(05:06):
we talk to? The commissioner of Alternative
sports is Doctor Frederick McKinney, and he joins us on the
Kevin Devine Show right now. Hey, Doctor, how are you?
Good morning, Kevin and Babe, how are you?
We are. We are fine.
Thank you so much. Glad to hear it.
Thank you so much for joining us.
So alternative. Pleasure to be here.
(05:27):
Really. It is because so many of the
alternative sports, aren't. You say weird sports just aren't
too popular because not enough people know about them, don't
you know? Well, look, there was a time
where, you know, tennis was brand new.
Somebody had to invent that, andit took a while for it to get to
the point where now it's just accepted.
And maybe that's going to be thecase with chess.
It's boxing and cheese rolling down the.
(05:49):
Road. That's how we like to feel here
at the League of Alternative Sports, where we're constantly
coming up with new and exciting games and competitions for
people to engage in. Well, this list from the
Huffington Post has ten of the alternative sports, but you're
telling me there are far more even than go beyond this list?
Oh my goodness, 10 yes, there's many more and some some are
(06:11):
better known than others, of course.
You know, like shin kicking the huge popular sports.
But what about some of the newersports that people aren't aware
of yet? OK, like for instance, how about
hurling? Curling.
Hurling. Curling.
Hurling. It's just like curling where you
throw your stone down the ice totry to get it into the center of
a circle, but the opposing team puts their finger down their
(06:34):
throat and vomits in front of the stone to try to slow it
down. That's.
Disgusting hurling, Curling. I don't know why they would do
that, but OK. It's a competition, you say, all
right? And it takes a lot of skill to
be able to to vomit with pinpoint accuracy.
I never thought about it that way, yeah.
She most people just all over the place, but a good hurler
(06:56):
curler will be able to just boom, put it right where he
wants it. OK, All right.
That's good, Doctor. Also extreme nippling.
Nippling. Yes, that's it's just like
boxing, only you try to subdue your opponent simply by twisting
his nipples. Just give him a purple nipple
until he hits the ground or tapsout.
(07:16):
Now that game is very popular among five year olds, but you're
saying even for adults they're getting into that now?
Oh, adults are the best at the extreme nippling.
Kids have nothing. Kids.
We don't even let kids we don't know Little League for extreme
nippling. This is just for the grown-ups.
And we've got a brand new champion by the way.
Very exciting. He's one of the best nipplers
I've ever seen. Brian Longnips Cantrell is his
(07:40):
name and he's got, it's amazing,these giant pendulous nipples
he's got from playing the sport over the years.
Well, he's really impressive. It's like cauliflower ear for
UFC fighters. I guess it's.
Like it's broccoli nipple we call it.
Come watch a game and see the broccoli nipples.
Also a very popular sport in Asia is Panda Punch.
(08:04):
I don't like the sound of that doctor.
Well, it's not what you think itis.
Kicking a panda. Exactly what I.
Thought Oh my bad, I'm sorry, I thought maybe you were confused. 00:08:18,360 I.
Did think it would be punching not kicking.
So you are you are right. It's.
Not punch. Take your panda and you punt it. 00:08:29,280 Why did you think there'd be
(08:29):
punching? That would be a different sport
called panda punch. That would be different.
But panda punt, taking a panda, first of all, the hardest part
is finding one because there aren't many around.
You got to punch yourself down the panda and then and then it's
a panda hunting punt really. And then you take the panda and
then you just boot it with a with a with a work boot as far
(08:52):
as you can. Oh, I hate that so much.
Oh, the noise they. Make It's just tragic.
Oh, wow, let's not. Let's not have that sport
continue. Doctor, come on.
Are you? Every meal with ball ball.
Ball, ball. No, I'm sorry, I'm not.
Yes, it's where two men, 2 nude men enter a ring and hit each
other in the testicles with an electric fly swag.
(09:16):
That's another terrible idea fora sport.
Well, wasn't she? There is a cheese rolling sport,
though. I forget what country it's in,
but I know they've talked about it a few times.
But then they they have to chaseit down the hill, right.
Yeah, yeah, I so good. Was it like Wisconsin or was it
(09:37):
in another country? I.
Think it's like like a Nordic country, I think.
Yeah, yeah. Hold on.
Let me Google it. Gloucester, England.
Oh. Coopers Hill.
She's rolling in. Wake is an annual event held at
the Spring Bank Holiday at Coopers Hill at Brockworth near
Gloucester, England. But I still think that's funny.
(10:00):
OK, next one. And Rider the Monkey is out this
week. Beer Bug is going to be taking
his slot. Bean makes us guess this is a
list now. This one is going to be so easy
today. You guys great.
Good. That I am going to try to get
to. Let's see if we can we can come
up with the top 15. Usually we do the top ten.
Let's see if we can come up withthe top 15 on this list because
(10:20):
the answers are going to be coming so fast.
We're going to tell you what thecategory is today.
This is 1 you all have lots of experience in.
We are looking for the top 15 most popular websites in the
United States, the most popular websites.
So these are the top 15 sites that are visited by Americans.
And I think Mugs you're filling in for Kevin.
(10:42):
So you get the 1st guest today. Which one you want to put on the
list? TM Mother F&Z.
This is why Mugs is the best. No, not.
Even. Come on.
Not even, that's probably not the top 50.
So, but thank you. Excellent guest.
Ralph, you're up next, google.com.
Well, only number one round. Yeah, that.
(11:03):
Would be my guest mug. See that's that's guessing a
website that would be popular. See, that's OK.
I think I'm, I think I'm understanding it.
That has over 1.1 billion views,by the way, a month Google does
in the United States. Ali, you're up next.
Yahoo. Yahoo is number 4.
Congratulations. Hey, are you keeping score?
Also Blondie. Oh.
Yes, OK, it's not my first row to.
(11:24):
The best of her ability. It's true Bugs.
You're OK. OK.
I think I get it now. I think I'm going to come up
with a high answer. Wikipedia.
Wikipedia. Yes #6.
Help done. Ralph A Hey, I get it.
It's the phone ringing. I know I hit the wrong one.
Aol.com. AOL So you know my dad, I guess,
(11:49):
apparently. No, I'm sorry, that is not on
the list. I'm surprised.
Ally Amazon yes, Amazon is on the list.
At #5 well done, Mugsy E Mother F and BAE. eBay is number 9 on
the list. All right.
So we're starting to fill them in now.
Yeah, we're filling them in now.Oh, let's see as well to
(12:16):
Tambien. Wow, I am blanking.
Well, think about what you use every day, right?
That's what I'm trying to think of.
We need a guest today, please. Yes.
Huffingtonpost.com. Huffington Post Let me Scroll
(12:38):
down. I'm going to say no.
I'm so sorry, Ally. ESPN.
ESPN is not on the list. I have an opportunity to take
the lead right now. You do.
Let's hear it, Mugs Craig's mother Effin.
List stop saying mother effin after every website would you
please? We so have a lot of impact if
(13:00):
you do it. Every time you give an answer.
And they're usually wrong. That's.
Yeah, Mother effin ZE mother effin BAE.
Let it go, all right? So far, I believe we've said
Google, we've said Amazon, we'vesaid Wikipedia, we've said eBay. 00:13:19,000 Those are the ones I think.
We have and Yahoo. And Yahoo all.
(13:20):
Right. I think it's Ralph's guest.
Lemon Party. I believe it's not just outside
the top 15. I'm sorry.
We'll give you another stab at it, though.
Youtube.com. YouTube is number two.
(13:41):
Well done, Ralph Garvin. Netflix.
I'm sorry though, what's your mother F and gas mugs?
We're all tied at 2 mugs. Let's go with the most popular,
most visited websites in the United States.
If you're just joining us on B Makes Us Guess, Home Shopping
Network.com. That would be HSN. hsn.com.
(14:05):
Well done. I adore you for that.
All right. Let's go, let's zip around two
more times and then we'll see. See where we're at.
Ralph, you're up next. Cartoon Network.
Dot com. How about youporn.com?
(14:25):
A great guess that'll be OK. I am going to say expedia.com
bugs Dang. It let's go with.
(14:46):
That's the geographic channel.com.
All right, you guys give up #15 is the only one that I thought
might be tough on this list, which is WordPress because it's
all the blogs or WordPress. That was number 50 Facebook.
Thank you, Ali. By the way, that was the one I
(15:07):
was most surprised didn't get answered.
That is number three. Yes, Facebook is number 3 on the
list. ask.com is number 14. Pinterest is number 13.
Pinterest. Ali, you love Pinterest.
No, LinkedIn is number 12. Really.
People actually go on that thing.
All those invitations I've turned down over the years.
Microsoft. #11 MSN is number 10.You mentioned eBay, here's #8
(15:32):
Bing, which is the other search one besides Google.
Bing is number 8, no one number 7, and this one hurt me as a
stockholder. Twitter, ladies and gentlemen,
Twitter is #7 with 290 million. Yeah, I never think of that as a
website because it's just an app, Yeah.
Number six is Wikipedia #5 is Amazon, 4 is Yahoo, 3 is
Facebook #2 is YouTube, and #1 as Ralph correctly guessed, is
(15:53):
Google. Those are your top 50 most
popular websites in America. I think Beer Mug did a mother
effing great job. And it's funny because I looked
it up and a lot of those are still the number one websites.
Not all of them, but. What year was that in?
(16:14):
2015, yeah. It's probably pretty similar,
isn't it? Well, I imagine Google is the
most popular website now becauseeverybody starts there.
Yes, I think, well, not everybody actually because a lot
of people that are not tech savvy, if they buy a laptop like
(16:37):
an HP or something, they'll justuse what comes on it, which is
usually Microsoft and Bing. Yeah, Microsoft Edge garbage.
Yelp or Bing, whatever they havenow.
Well, they got rid of Bing and it's Edge.
No, Edge is the browser. Sorry, Bing.
(16:58):
Yeah, I guess it's Bing. Bing is a search engine.
I'm done. All right, wait, did we want to
talk about the Kevin episode first?
I thought the revelation that itwas AI or that there was an AI
part to it was pretty big. Yeah, it it threw me.
I know all the questions I asked.
(17:19):
I didn't. I wanted to ask more about Marcy
and I just went an AII got totally thrown off because, you
know, I'm a professional and I don't get thrown off.
True. But yeah, we're.
Gonna need to have. Her on.
We do once I. Oh, Marcy.
Marcy Yeah, well, and let's see,what was I saying?
(17:40):
The other thing we needed to say, probably if you haven't
heard their podcast yet, maybe you're you get all your Kevin
and Bean news from us because weare the official news source for
Kevin and Bean. They have a there, it's going to
be on Patreon, right? They haven't released any price
scales or anything. Like that?
Yeah, I searched for it. I can't find it.
Yeah, I did too. Can't find it.
(18:03):
Also, one thing that we probablymight consider is that with the
fires, I think Kevin said he might have had to evacuate.
So maybe they might be delayed, not sure.
I can see that, yeah, maybe. Yeah, so oh, and don't.
Forget the big news is that being mentioned us on his Blue
Sky account? Yes.
(18:25):
So he promoted our interview with Kev Doug, which was really
cool. All right, let's start with the
podcast Rhonda Fruition. Guess my fart.
Nailed it. You get it.
And when you honor to promote your podcast, we got.
It. Hello too happy goodbye to the
(18:45):
blue janky. Podcast.
Why are you always? Doing that, I think you should
go over there and jump over thatlog.
All right, so we'll save Lady a puffing for another day.
Welcome to the podcast Roundup. Let's go ahead and start off
with the Ralph report. It was great to have all the
(19:07):
podcasts back. It was a long two weeks where we
had this drought. And then it was good to start
off with Ralph. He got a new studio, new chairs,
all this stuff, and then he wenton vacation.
Only two episodes and he's gone.I was really upset.
You know, we're paying for this podcast and he just takes days
off whenever he wants to. What?
(19:31):
Edwin, I'm looking at you. Oh yeah, Ralph, what's the deal? 00:19:37,480 Oh, I think Ralph had to
evacuate because of the fires. So this went as well as we
rehearsed. Yeah, no, Ralph had to cut out
because of the fires and jury duty.
(19:51):
So I have a clip of him setting up.
I was talking about jury duty. I As you can tell since I'm
here, I successfully avoided another day of jury duty.
Success. Success.
We've done it. We've done it.
I. Don't want everyone to know I
got nothing against jury duty. I believe in it and I would
(20:12):
actually like to engage in it. But just this is not the week
for it because I'm dying and everyone needs to know that I'm
dying. Whatever I have is getting much
worse. Are you doing anything for it
besides drinking? I'm doing everything for it.
I'm taking vitamins, I'm taking my zinc and quercetin.
Oh, those zinc pills you gave methat Don't.
Work, always work that don't ever work.
(20:33):
I'm dosing myself up with Mucinex and and Dayquil and
every kind of over the counter medication you can think of and
it's not helping and I'm dying. So it was bad Sunday and now
it's getting progressively worse.
So I think I'll be gone by earlynext week.
Yeah. I don't know what this is.
It's some sort of bronchitis. I don't know.
(20:54):
I don't know. But everything's bad and my hair
hurts and my skin hurts and my lungs are filled a gunk and I
can't. I can't.
Stuff coming up or is it still in there?
It's not coming up. No, can't get it out.
No, no, no. It's going to just it's cement.
My lungs are being slowly filledwith cement and then it's going
to be all over. So I just want everyone to know
(21:15):
the these are the last shows so.So that's it.
End of the Ralph report. He's dying now, Eddie.
Eddie, get evacuated. Ralph had to get sort of
evacuated and lost power. Then he got called for jury
duty. So he was basically left telling
everybody, yeah, he couldn't getus any part of his show on.
(21:42):
Well, hopefully he comes back next week.
I think he's feeling better, hopefully.
And then he can maybe say suck it to being for getting on the
jury. I'd rather die than have jury
duty, so. And then drive away rough.
Wednesday, the day. You'd rather die.
All right. Tuesday, the last show of the
(22:05):
week for Ralph. It happened to be a special
holiday for all of us. We were honored to celebrate
with Ralph. Today's also National Pass Gas
Day. Wow, no.
Not this. Oh, that one.
(22:28):
The Percolator National Pass GasDay, held annually on January
7th, says there's no better timeto express ourselves and free
our bowels of stale air without shame.
We produce about 17 to 68 ouncesof gas in our intestines daily.
Wow. We're just farting all the time. 00:22:51,600 We need to, we need to release
(22:51):
it. And there's been so much shame.
On the fart. Yeah.
On the fart. Yeah.
People don't want you doing that.
What 'cause it ruins other people's day?
It does. It's.
A little intrusive. Studies have shown the average
person farts at least 14 times aday.
Really. I'm above average?
Wow. Yeah, I don't know what it is
about getting older, but I've just been just let's blast him.
(23:14):
Wow. Yeah, and I feel bad for Queen
Jay because I tried desperately to be polite about it, right?
I usually go into the restroom if I feel like I have to live.
Away. But I can tell.
I know I'm farting in my sleep. That's just.
Happening that's the worst is when you're half asleep and
you're laying next to someone and.
You just like OK, if I can just.Get it out.
Silent. And it's just like and you're
(23:35):
like. Oh, did I wake you up?
I'm sorry, I thought, I thought I was going to get that one.
You got to grab a cheek. Yeah, you have to spread the
cheeks. Grab one.
Murder you? Oh no, we've lost your sound.
(24:01):
So the week that was. Did you kick me out?
Did. Aw man, if this is the type of
reporting everybody wants, you know what?
Find yourself a a partner that laughs as hard as Queen Jane
does. Send farts.
I know, right? Farts are funny.
I'm just. It's just.
(24:24):
We'll send that clip to Adam Corolla and Jimmy Kimmel.
They'll be on our show next week.
OK. Yeah, I I kind of intentionally
left it long waiting for Lindsayto pull the.
Murder button. I'm starting the timer.
All right, well, I got a fun fact.
(24:44):
Here we go. Farts traveled 10 feet per
second. Wow.
Or seven mph? Damn, depending on you know how
powerful. Brisk walk.
Murder. And you?
Oh no. We lost Christopher yet again.
Gosh, what are the odds? Yeah, I don't.
(25:10):
I don't know what happened. I got kicked out.
I. Don't know either, but I do know
that you've reminded me to have a New Year's resolution, which
is to be better about time for this podcast.
So you are on the clock, Sir. I got kicked out.
I don't know. If you're on the clock, yeah.
On the clock. Wow.
Let's keep talking about it so you'll have less time to talk
(25:32):
about farts. She's a bitch, sorry.
We were out of time. Well, I got tons of fun facts
about farts from Ralph. You know how Ralph is about
information. This is going to be the easiest
edit ever. We'll just take all the podcast
roundabout. This part is just for
Christopher. Well, I mean, I think I think
(25:54):
this is this was a big part of the show on Tuesday, which is
basically 50% of all of Ralph that we got for the week.
I wasn't, I was hoping to get something else later in the
week, but you know, fires and stuff.
All right, let's go over to the Not Today podcast.
We were on like a group trip of friends.
We all got dropped off at Busch Gardens together, which is a
(26:17):
theme park in Tampa. And I liked this guy and he was
going to sit next to me on a roller on a roller coaster.
And it was a big deal, right? This was a big deal for me.
Right before they lock the harnesses like I get in, I lock
my harness. He sits down next to me and all
(26:37):
of a sudden stands up in bolts and leaves me on the roller
coaster by myself. Because someone had told him
like she's got a crush on you and he thought it would be
funny. Oh, that's fucked up.
That moment has stuck with. Me.
That's awful. It's a giant metaphor, getting
(26:58):
left on a fucking roller coaster.
After you get, after you get. Like that's literally.
I'm gonna buckle you in and thenjust send you the fuck off.
Like sorry, Nope. Bye.
And then I'm just sitting there on the climb like everything's
fine, everything's fine, everything's fine.
Holy shit, this is so far up like that.
(27:20):
That is such a metaphor for being in a relationship that's
brutal and being going into the dating process.
But yeah, that is brutal. So a little lead in for that
that I forgot to do was that this is they were taking
questions from listeners and they asked about women asking
guys out and Jen Sturger broughtup this story of when she was
younger and she they went to a amusement park and well, the kid
(27:43):
just jumped off the roller coaster rather than get on with
her. Pretty sad stuff, but a really
good metaphor for dating, I suppose.
I. Don't understand the metaphor.
Basically she just keeps gettingdumped.
OK, I got on. Yeah, she's right in the roller
coaster alone. By herself after just being left
(28:05):
on. That was a pretty shitty thing
to do for that kid. Driving away in the car?
True, but metaphorically, aren'twe all riding a roller coaster
by ourselves anyway? Roller coaster.
Do you remember the movie Parenthood?
Steve Martin and the grandma whohe thinks is senile.
(28:28):
She comes down there, you know, that kind of part of the movie
where the conflict resolution comes in and she tells the story
of how some people like to be onthe merry go round, where they
just go round and round in circles.
She likes to be on the roller coaster and because you go up
and you go down, you up and down.
And basically that was her metaphor for life, that it was
more exciting to write a roller coaster versus a merry go round
(28:53):
good movie. Was there a penis or a sickle in
this? Movie.
Oh, man. All right, let's go over to
another fun fact. No Hollywood Babylon played
while we were on break. It was a December show.
(29:14):
Kevin was talking about a cafe that he got invited to.
This girl in the audience and she's like, hey, man, will you
come visit my coffee shop? I was like, I don't really drink
coffee. And she's like, it's a satanic
coffee shop, you know? I was like, fucking I'm going to
that, man. So I tracked the place down.
I went to visit it because I'm like, Oh my God, It's going to
(29:35):
be like orgies and fucking cocksand pussies, Latanic and shit
like that. Fucking coffee.
That's all that really. Yeah.
Fucking just and, and, and like,really nice.
Looked like it could have been like Martha Stewart's coffee
shop, but their name was hallowed ground, kind of sweet
(29:55):
man. So I don't drink coffee.
And I was like, I, you know, I should buy something while I'm
here. I I give my wife the mug and
she's like, Oh my God, it's hysterical and shit.
And I was like, can I borrow real quick?
I'm going to take a picture and put up on Instagram.
The mug is like many coffee mugs.
The standard coffee mug joke is don't talk to me until I've had
my coffee. Of course it's very hacked dad
(30:16):
joke that's been around for likefucking 50.
It's like a Garfield level joke.Yes, you know, I hate Mondays
and don't talk to me until I've had my coffee.
So they sold a mug. Shit.
On one side is their logo hallowed grounds.
On the other side it says don't talk to me until I've had my
abortion. So I put the picture up on
(30:37):
Instagram. How'd that go over for you?
Holy fuck. Oh my God, man.
Like there were a bunch of people who were like, what
happened? You were my favorite director of
the 90s and now you celebrate the murder of babies and shit
when what happened to you? And like so many people don't
know you've always celebrated the murder of babies.
By the way, I was like known youfor a long time.
(30:58):
I was like, do you people remember I made dog mug like
fucking the Catholic Church wanted me dead at one point.
Like, but this wasn't even like some sort of statement where I'm
like, I'm staying on my ground. It's a ridiculous fucking mug.
Oh my God, the amount. What a fucking enmity.
Like somebody literally wrote tome.
Are you drinking dead babies outof that cup?
He wasn't drinking dead babies. I want to assure everybody he
(31:20):
actually said he was acting and there wasn't anything in the
cup. So brilliant acting job by Kevin
to make everybody think he's actually drinking something from
the mug. But yeah, they also told him
that his daughter should have been one, which he responded a
coffee cup. So it got pretty dark for Kevin. 00:31:38,120 And then he had to talk to his
mom, which was also weird. So Kevin's not posting anything
(31:44):
like that again. All right, let's go ahead and
start off with the cup of tea ina chat.
It was a weird start to the episode, their first episode
back. I don't know how Lindsay will
appreciate this, but I want to make sure that you understand
that this is part of the Kevin and Bean humor.
Saying you're here will be me expressing confidence.
(32:09):
Impressive. Can you do that to order
watching one another? That's how you want to start a
new year right there. Some outstanding fart comedy.
You got to be watching that Slowhorses, man, Gary Oldman is so
great on that show. And I say to you, Ally and I say
to the kids, welcome in to yet another episode of the podcast
that we'd like to call. A cup of tea and a chat all the
(32:30):
way up to episode #607 if you could believe it, OK?
2025 being is starting the show with a fart noise.
This is so unlikely. I am.
I am in shock. I am.
But let me say this forward, letme say this.
I love slow horses. I've watched every season, every
episode. Gary Oldman is incredible, as he
(32:52):
is of everything, It's my least favorite thing about his
character is that he loves to drop fart bombs on people.
It's just a part. It's part of a thing that he
does. But I thought the Teabaggers
would enjoy it. I feel like it's right up their
alley. Right.
Perfect. It's right up their alley and
bean starting. A bean for goodness sake.
(33:14):
Oh man, it made me laugh so muchto hear Allie's reaction and it
made me proud of being, I mean, come to the dark side, come
over, get real nice and comfortable.
You know, it's, it's, they're fun jokes.
It's funny. It's it's not very high brown,
but it's funny. I got this message with Kevin
(33:35):
from Kevin from the Kevin and Bean Show regarding this clip.
What have you done with bean? Yeah, so he's confused too.
All right. Ali was wondering about quizzes
and whether or not they should continue the quizzes.
So I think she came up with a better game.
(33:56):
Have you ever seen on social media the game that couples
play? Guess my fart where the person
will say guess my fart and the person will go and then the
person farts and if it sounds just like that, they win.
It is one of my favorite things in the world to watch that.
(34:17):
Can't be that, Can't. Be seen.
Sometimes they are so right on that then they just erupt in
this immediate laughter. And then sometimes they fart
again because, you know, you laugh when you fart.
Oh my gosh, guess my fart is thegreatest thing I've ever seen.
It should be ATV. It should be a channel.
It's so awful. That's such.
(34:37):
So good, so good. Guess my fart.
If during the show I say guess my fart, you have to do it just
immediate and it has to be immediate because I can't hold a
fart in right I'm. Not gonna do it, I'm not.
Gonna guess my fart. Participating in either butt
comedy, I've just guess. My fart. 2025, the year of cup
of tea in a chat. Guess my fart.
(34:57):
I suggest that that is a new spin off podcast that you do
with Adam Corolla because he's the only other person besides
you I've ever met who loves farts.
This man OK? Why does it have to be Adam
Corolla? I'm right here.
I could do that spin off podcastwith her.
Be more than happy to. And you have been.
(35:18):
Looking for a side project for awhile so.
Considering I think Lindsay's going to kick me off of this
one. Lindsay, this was on the
podcast. You actually paid for this
podcast. They talked about it.
I have. To laughed.
And you know what? That's all we have to say about
it. You are under 2 minutes, Sir.
(35:38):
I am, yes, for Christopher. Almost.
OK, well let's go with the hurryup offense.
Here's Edwin's call. Dean, Ally, it's Edwin from the
Quitters Never give up podcast. So glad to have you back this
year. Happy new year.
Ally, you went to confession? I thought that's what the crowd
cast was for at least I hope thepriest was a subscriber.
Hopefully there's a stalker level at least to get that
(36:00):
stuff. Or maybe should add a new tier
confession level. We get to hear Alice Juicy
Secret. Welcome back guys.
It was great to hear you. Why did you say juicy sequits?
Everybody loves juicy sequits. That's my side.
That's my side project. OK, that's the sequence with
Edwin. I think based off of the Kevin
(36:23):
and Bean show, confessing thingsis might not be a good idea.
I just. Enough.
But that goes back to Allie. When she was on vacation, she
went to Boston and then she wentto confession for some weird
reason. Lastly, Allie asked this
question to Bean. Very cool story from Scott,
(36:44):
right? I love that.
Has anyone ever written a song about you?
Certainly not. Why would they?
Why would anybody? I don't know, maybe you're
someone's muse. No, nothing like that.
Of course we know this is wrong.Omar.
Oh, this epic ballad for him to.Get the feelings a Dick Dick,
(37:08):
Dick What a Dick, Dick Dick beesa Dick Dick Dick What a giant
Dick Dick bees a Dick Dick Bean is a Dick.
Dick. Dick Beans a Dick.
(37:31):
Sorry, we're out of time. Are we?
I got one more, one more fun facts.
I won't know, take it away. OK, OK, quiet kids.
Here we go. Press the button, my friend.
Send me back into time. Edwin, our listener.
Edwin. Edwin's funny pretty much every
(37:51):
time. It's a new day.
You can't power feature present to Eat the Club 2014.
It hurts when I laugh. OK kids, we're doing January.
(38:14):
Oh, Bean, you OK? OK, well, wait, we're going to
see if it's all right in a second.
January 6 to 10/20/14. First off, Lisa, what did you
think about Arabsons? Did you miss us?
Missed you too. Missed all of y'all.
Oh great, she missed us all. Let's start off How does the
healthiest man in the world spend his vacation?
(38:36):
Here's what happened. I'm at my aunt and uncle's
house. I went to their place for
Christmas and stayed over and then the next morning he comes
and knocks on the door that he'smaking tea.
Would we like to come join him? Right.
He didn't say the house was on fire and you had to jump out of
bed. He just said tea.
I know. So I'm.
We're up very late the night before.
(38:57):
I'm disoriented. I'm in an unfamiliar place.
I haven't eaten in, you know, 14hours or something like that.
Irrelevant from getting out of bed.
And I jumped up out of bed to goanswer the door to tell him,
yeah, sounds great. We'll be right down.
And as I opened the door, I fainted.
What he says. And I, of course, didn't see
(39:22):
this, took two steps back and then just collapsed, hit my head
on the radiator, which, by the way, on a big old metal radiator
from a house that's 100 years old.
But thank God, something else broke my fall.
So I didn't hit my head as hard as I might have on the radiator
because the my side, my left side fell into the bedside table
(39:43):
of the bed and broke a rib. You could have died and you
didn't. Well, if the bedside table
hadn't been there and I had hit the radiator full force, Yeah, I
think it could have been much, much worse.
Kevin and me, microphones were there.
Oh yeah, that was it. So I blacked out and then I
don't know how long it probably 20 seconds later or something
(40:05):
like that. I come, I come out, I come out
of it. And man did I hurt all over.
And man has it hurt every secondof every minute of every day
since then. And it's been hard to breathe.
And of course, you can't sleep. You can't lay on it in any
direction that you lay. It's the worst.
I mean, that's the hardest part of the whole day is trying to
sleep. So yeah, it's a it's a broken,
(40:27):
broken rib for the man. All right, all right.
Wow. This is an unbelievable story.
That you passed out, everybody else gets injured while, I don't
know, doing something stupid, trying something, falling by,
you're trying to climb somethingathletic.
Like when he said he leapt out of bed, I thought, OK, so he
(40:48):
like jumped out of bed and then like tripped or something.
Is this bed like no you passed out?
Is this bed like 2000? Is this a bedroom like 2000
square feet? I mean, no, the guy says, hey,
do you want some tea? Can't you just say from bed,
love it, be there in a minute. I guess I could have, but I
thought I I was just trying to, you know, open the door to look
(41:08):
him and look him in the eye and say thank you.
I don't know you, just that yourinstinct is to greet your host.
And then that's what. Happened.
Is that how? You want to greet your host?
Come on, that thing. Come on this.
Would you like a spot of tea? It hurts when I laugh.
(41:33):
So that's how you start the new year if you're being.
But the good news is I sent thatclip to Bean.
And guess what? He's finally coming on the show. 00:41:42,840 Bean, are you there?
Dang it. OK, maybe Donna can rouse him
for the end of the show. They started off 2014, which is
moments with aplenty. So here's Kevin.
(41:55):
What I'm going to do, I'm not going to play when they chop
them up, make them into a Jinglejust as they occurred, because
they're so good. First new program for 2014 happy
new year everybody from the Kevin Bean show Kevin, what did
you do since the last time we saw you way back in December I
learned 6 new lessons languages.Never mind, that was almost the
(42:17):
moment when. It would have been.
Almost out of the gate, I told you we have to beat last year.
I didn't think I was going to try so soon.
Yeah, Kevin was great out of thegate.
This one was the brother of Nicole Alvarez made the Olympic
tube, so they were going to haveher on.
And here's a bean trying to summarize that well.
(42:41):
I have to go up the air because we.
Have to talk to a guy who. Skates.
Fast. No, Ralph, we couldn't get him.
We have his sister. I'm sorry, I meant to say we
need to talk to the sister of a guy who skates.
Fast right? Dude Nicole is Cuban and she
will cut you if she hears you talking.
Like she will take you out really well as.
(43:02):
We all know all the best ice skaters come out of Cuba.
I think he is actually in for Cuba, but they literally know
he's skating for America. But I think he's literally the
first American ice skater of or of of all the ice skaters who
have skated for with Cuban blood.
I think you know. It's so really.
(43:24):
Fantastic. Happy new year.
Fantastic. Well said was great.
Send that to Omar immediately. They're so back.
Where's Kevins? By the way, they've been asking
for all day, do we have it? We don't.
I don't think we do. We don't have yes, yes, yes,
Yes, no. Omar says it's in there.
(43:46):
Omar says it's in there. It's.
Been in there? He says it's been in there.
It's complicated. You know why?
It's complicated because you will push the goddamn button.
We're out of time, Ralph. Go ahead and do your birthdays.
You do your own birthdays. We'll explain off the air.
Back for one day I hate you people we'll.
Do that and then next hour we'lldo the bean moment with.
OK, so here's what Bean was trying to say.
(44:09):
What is the thing about your brother being the first?
What in the Olympics? He's the first Cuban male on
ice. OK, I could have just said it
like that, just three or four words.
Yeah, just three or four words being kind of drew it out in the
spirit of Kevin and the terrorist situation.
Here's another great moment withit was about a story about
(44:31):
Yasiel Puig. You might be surprised to hear
these words come out of my mouth.
Mouth. The Los Angeles Dodgers.
Yeah. How's that?
How's that for a little offseason?
You don't expect to hear us talking about the Dodgers, but
Yasiel Puig, the superstar outfielder for the Dodgers in
the news. Not as not as finest hour,
Kevin. Well, no, he was driving 110 mph
(44:53):
in Florida and got pulled over by the CHP.
OK. And the guy pretty much.
Now, why were the California Highway Patrol in Florida?
That is a great question. That's.
Way out of their jurisdiction. I never noticed that.
They're they're just following poor.
You feel quick. You can't get away from it,
Alba. They came out of the gate on
(45:17):
fire. It was funny.
By the end of the week, Kevin was still like me, using the
wrong words. And they're like, that doesn't
count. That's just one wrong word.
So that that's not a moment withthey were kind of inured to it
by the end of the year at the end of the week.
And here's here's how Monday show ended after this display of
brilliance. We have an author on who wrote
(45:40):
things I've Learned from Dying Being Baxter.
Being Baxter, I was gonna. Play 114 this is.
The rehearsal, though, just the rehearsal.
Stupid ways you hurt yourself. We're going to take your calls
and we're going to try and find somebody who can Dumber.
Than getting out of bed. Who can top Bean and I have a a
(46:03):
suspicion that we're not going to be able to find anybody to do
that. We're gonna be hard.
Pressed. All right as we go out.
I've eaten for a while and you know how it is when you get out
of a bed. I.
Don't have the sound effect for that.
Now I have the moment with, oh, sorry, final first day of 2014.
I didn't finish that. Yet it's the final first day of
(46:24):
2014 this. Is the first day of 2014 the
final end of the show? And now a moment.
With being, oh, forget. Just have one thing to say.
Hall of Fame. The next day they did.
Oh well. This was one of my favorite
bits. It was Steven Seagal.
(46:45):
He was talking about running forgovernor of Arizona.
And he's got a new one called Steven Skull Lawman, Maricopa
County. So he was doing an interview on
a Phoenix TV station and said this.
Joe Arpaio and I were talking about me running for governor.
I suppose I would remotely consider it, but probably I
(47:05):
would have a lot more other responsibilities, a lot of other
responsibilities there that may be more important to address.
Well, we wanted to find out moreabout Governor Segal, so I
believe we have Steven Segal on the phone with us right now on
the Kevin and Bean Show on K Rock.
Hi, Steven, how are you? Good.
Morning Kevin and Bean. How are?
You. Well, we're fine.
Did we catch out a bad time? No, not at all.
(47:28):
Why do you say that? Well, it just sounds like you
might be in the middle of some yoga or meditation or something. 00:47:34,920 I am constantly in meditation.
I keep my spirit open to the entire world at all times.
Is that music play 24/7? Yes, OK, This way I'm always
open to my surroundings because when you're a sheriff, when
you're a crime fighter, I need to be aware of everything in
(47:50):
your surroundings. Right.
OK. Both your assailant and also the
situation that you find yourselfin, I see because all things are
potential weapons or potential Shields, OK.
And I think that I think that anything that you can use at
your disposal. Right, it's.
Important to be prepared for. Now what was all that mumbo
(48:10):
jumbo about having more important things to do?
Sheriff Joe Arpaio, he's been trying to convince me to run for
governor in the great state of Arizona, right?
And I think I have more. What is that important?
That's possibilities. Noise he made in the interview
to the TV stage. I know.
But my question is, what is that?
(48:31):
Is it a stroke? What's going on with you,
Stephen? Are you OK sometimes?
The spirit moves me, I see. Sometimes being aware of all
your surroundings at one time right can be an influx.
Be overwhelming? Probably.
Exactly. Imagine.
Because my senses are heightened, right?
Being a Shaolin master, yeah, I'm aware of all things at all.
Everything is a weapon, everything is a shield, right?
(48:52):
So Governor Segal, if that, if that were to happen, if you were
to be Governor Segal, what changes would you make in the
state of Arizona? What what would what would you
like to see different in your state?
Hello, Steve. Governor Segal, are you are you
(49:14):
laughing? Sorry, something funny is coming
in that we none of us know about.
Did Omar drop Trout in there? What happened the?
Universe just told me something very funny.
What was it? I can't share it with us.
I can't because you're not a shower.
Now Governor Steven Seagal wouldchange things.
(49:38):
I'm not sure we're looking for the next Hitler.
Yeah, I got to be opposite, right?
It'll. Be under siege movie title but
of course being a Buddhist. Yeah, how does that work?
I I'm torn between peace and love and murder and genocide
sounds. Like you have some issues to
(50:01):
work out before you can. Seriously.
Consider, Yeah, being a Buddhist.
Being a Buddhist, I'll have to get sold.
What? I'll have to get sold with my
(50:22):
with my higher power. Who's your higher power?
I have to sit down with my llama.
Your llama. Your llama gives.
You to. Ladies and gentlemen, we're
back. That one had everything.
Did you hear that last part? Ralph's doing his mutley
(50:44):
impression. Well done, Ralph.
Oh wait, bean. I think bean might be back.
Bean, are you there? Alex, you ready?
Oh, it's not that funny, Ralph. Come on.
(51:04):
OK, Next up, an Alzheimer. Here's they were doing Kevin and
being a Rokie and Lisa was the one up.
Alex, you ready? Yep, good morning party people.
Who do you want of the three? The four?
I'm sorry, who do you want of the four?
Let's get Lisa Maitrey. Oh, good luck.
Oh boy. Well, I got to spin the wheel
(51:26):
and I hope all right. Lisa Mae.
Good. Excellent.
Good news, you got Lisa Mae. Identify this song shut.
Up when I'm talking to you. Shut up when I'm talking to you. 00:51:40,840 Shut up.
One step closer. I don't know why, but we've
(51:50):
never heard the real Lisa May until today.
That was the best ever. That's what it's like.
Wow, When her boyfriend asked her to put the dog.
Could you imagine living with that?
Just who knew she had that in her?
We stopped talking to the dog for a minute.
We're having a conversation and then she just unleashed.
The blood vessels in her face almost exploded.
(52:11):
All right, so everybody is in the drawing.
Only one can win the tickets. Is it Moises, Chad Ramon or
Alex? Who's going to the Club Nokia
this Saturday night? Let's see, I'm getting it.
It is. Oh my God, it's Alex.
Oh, how about? That.
It's Lisa, nice person. What a coincidence.
What? Are the chances.
Alex, congratulations. I have this theory that people
(52:34):
that are very nice, like Lisa underneath, one day they're
going to blow up like that. So I think that was the real
Lisa. How good was that?
I remembered that all these years later.
So wait, Kevin, Kevin, he's back.
What did you think about our show today?
This boggles the mind, this one.I know, I really did boggle the
(52:55):
mind today. Oh wait, Bean, I think Bean's
back. Bean, you ready?
OK, maybe next week. So that's it for the week that
was. Back to you, Steve.
Night. Eddie, say goodbye.
Goodbye, everybody. This was quitters never give up
(53:18):
where your one stop shop for everything Kevin and Bean old,
new and the future. And this was episode something.
What was it guys? 176. 176 Our best if you ask me,
and we will see you in the funnypapers.
Bye, bye. Hi everybody.
(53:40):
Spanish lesson of the day. How do you say please go away in
Spanish Betia la Verga? Stay with me Bette a la verga.
So the next time you're in a Spanish speaking environment and
you'd like to tell someone, please go away.
Just tell them Betia la Verga and they will kindly leave.
(54:03):
Follow me for more wholesome Spanish lessons.
The gas is inside a fart. You'd be interested to know
oxygen so you could you could survive on farts.
You could if you're underwater, right?
Have someone fart in your mouth like.
A mouth to mouth resuscitation. You could breathe on their
farts. Get a fart.
Balloon take it underwater. Methane, methane or methane
depending on how you what part of the world you live in.
(54:25):
Nitrogen, carbon dioxide, hydrogen and just a smidge of
sulfur. That's the part that gives it
that extra. That.
Eggy. Aroma that Tang we all.
Know not deviled egg aroma. I'm thinking it actually makes a
lot of sense why people go fullyfucking insane.
(54:47):
Like I should get it, I should get it.
I think that would be like a release at this point.
Like to just go. I think I'm going to do it as a
treat. I don't know.
I'm ready. Remember for like the first year
that we lived together, Like I would not go to the bathroom in
the morning. I know near.
You she wouldn't even use the bathroom held in the morning
dump. She would have to go to another
bathroom on another. Went down, left Marles junior
(55:08):
and took a shit. She thought she could fool me
into thinking that she never hadany feces.
I get stage fright. Wow.
My God, you got. Shit in front of him if I make
an eye contact. My mind's telling me no, but the
(55:29):
crack yo the crack teams tell meass gaggle.
This has been a quitters never give up presentation.
Popular Podcasts
Are You A Charlotte?
In 1997, actress Kristin Davis’ life was forever changed when she took on the role of Charlotte York in Sex and the City. As we watched Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte navigate relationships in NYC, the show helped push once unacceptable conversation topics out of the shadows and altered the narrative around women and sex. We all saw ourselves in them as they searched for fulfillment in life, sex and friendships. Now, Kristin Davis wants to connect with you, the fans, and share untold stories and all the behind the scenes. Together, with Kristin and special guests, what will begin with Sex and the City will evolve into talks about themes that are still so relevant today. "Are you a Charlotte?" is much more than just rewatching this beloved show, it brings the past and the present together as we talk with heart, humor and of course some optimism.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.