Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Oh shit, what's up, Jax? I am day drunk.
Get ready to see my SO. They put her on a plane and they
milked her. I love monkeys.
(00:26):
Wow, nice. Love monkeys.
Everybody loves monkeys. I know everybody wants a monkey.
We all caught a a a glimpse of Courtney Love's.
Get in my vagina. Ali Googles OK I'm going to have
(00:46):
to look up new show. A new new show.
Ali Google Chris O'Dowd on filming together in Ireland.
What's the fucking? Name.
Oh, it's literally. Quitters never give up.
Go ahead. Repping for all of quitters.
(01:08):
Never give up. Check off Christopher, Check
off. Jen Pascorini, check.
Off, Lindsay. Hello, Drew.
The great Ed Wynn, ladies and gentlemen.
I love him so much because I said quitters never give up and
he said that's all they do. I'm just going to launch into a
tirade and tell him to suck my Dick.
(01:34):
A lot of party people it is. Quitters never give up.
Episode 182. It's the Van Halen edition.
That's right. Can't hear a thing?
What's that, Lindsay? What'd you say?
(01:54):
Nothing much better. OK, all right.
Are we ready to get this episodestarted?
Yes. Yes, wait, hold on.
It's the best part here. Let's go ahead and say hello to
the first quitter. Let's go ahead and say hello to
(02:17):
Edwin. I'll wait.
How you doing, Edwin? I don't get a clip today.
What? Oh, did you kill my thing?
I. Did.
I very much did, but. You have.
(02:41):
To wait and. You could have at least said I
killed, yeah. I did say much better.
Shut up, Lindsay. You get back in your car the.
1st. Twitter Well, Edwin.
All right, P Eddie, it's so tragic what happened to him.
(03:05):
He will, he will be missed and he will be missed.
And we're going to put up a number to donate.
We're. Doing we're doing the GoFundMe
for him and his family. He's fine after the tragic,
tragic accident. No tragic accident.
We're thinking about you, Eddie.What's up, Edwin?
Worth it? Good day mates.
Yeah, it was worth the wait. Yeah, I liked it.
(03:25):
That's Brad Williams on the Ralph Report.
All right, let's say hello to Jen.
Are Jennifer's blowies the best?Hi, Jen.
I love party people. That was from a weird There's a
woman that reads these weird stories that have these crazy
double entendres, and I got to send that to you guys, OK?
(03:45):
And let's say hello to Lindsay and.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is exciting.
Put your hands together for another Lindsay.
Hi, Lindsay. Hi, is that SNL?
Yes. The What's it called?
The John Mulaney sketch. I thought it was Kenan Thompson.
(04:10):
That, well, the person who said Lindsay was that, but I think
they're all like doing your dance at a wedding and it's John
Mulaney. But hi.
Hi. What's up?
I think he introduced Lindsay Buckingham.
Yeah, maybe. I don't know.
I was digging for some Lindsay clips.
Edwin had promised me some but didn't send me anything.
(04:31):
Wow. So, Eddie.
And of course, I'm I'm Christopher.
All right, let's go to Chris. He's on line 3.
He's got a classic celebrity impression.
He's going to try to lay on us here.
Hi, Chris. How you doing?
Good. How are you doing?
Yeah, and that was my impressionof me saying, how you doing?
(04:52):
All right, let's get it started with some.
Chris, keep working on that. Get back to us.
Thank you. I will, thank you.
Let's get it started with some moments with, even though that
probably was one. A little bit with Curt.
You're not going to tell us about the the scammer on on the
Twitter? Oh no, I thought that you're
(05:14):
just next time, go ahead, go ahead.
Never mind moment with Chris, live as we go.
There we go. What does the scammer on Twitter
have to do with this? I thought you were going to talk
about that next because you're like, oh, Next up.
Oh, I thought that would be fun to talk about.
Yes, a moment with Chris. OK, here we go.
Some people in a lifestyle for amoment with.
(05:45):
Chris, you, you got to play the lead in where it made it sound
like you were going into like Twitter and other messages.
No, it didn't. I was playing a moment with
Chris and you interrupted it by asking.
There you go. You interrupted it by asking
about a Twitter scammer, for which I had no.
Response previous subject was the messages we were getting or
(06:06):
messages that messages from you know are places of getting
messages and and and you you it sounded like you were going to
bring up the Twitter scammer. During the moments with segment,
that was after the first moment.You really don't have a clear
delineation of your segments. You need like a bumper into it.
(06:30):
Bumper out of it. OK.
OK. OK, well this is this doesn't
have an intro or an outro because it's a group meltdown.
So there will be a little bit ofmoment of silence.
So just hang with. Me.
How am I going to tell when it starts?
(06:51):
And now a moment with the group I.
It just started with with dead there.
I smell, I smell, I smell toast.You can't.
Even get the line right. I couldn't, can't stop laughing.
(07:12):
They just both froze. You both had something to share
and then stopped. That was a moment with a group.
I didn't see anything wrong withthat.
You smell toast. Well, you guys just froze, OK?
Explain to me exactly what I didwrong.
So you both froze and then you couldn't articulate the symptoms
(07:34):
of a stroke, which is smelling burnt toast.
But it was still funny. It was funny.
I was laughing at you guys. A moment with and that's it for
me. I still don't see anything wrong
with that one. All right, what are we doing
next? News.
(07:55):
Oh, news. OK, what's the news, Jen?
We have a special guest host on.Wait, hold on, hold on.
And now breaking news. Boom, there you go.
We have a special guest host next week.
Lisa Mae is gonna join the Quitters Never Give Up podcast.
Yay. That's awesome.
(08:17):
Ray, it's so awesome. Edwin must be so excited to be
here with Lisa May at the same time talking to Lisa May.
I shot myself in the foot on this one.
You're not going to be here, Edwin.
No, I'm going to be on vacation and then you guys get Lisa May
(08:39):
to fill in for me. Nice job.
I told my wife can we cancel allour vacation but she wouldn't.
Is this going to be the vacationwhere you get her finally fall
into the volcano? She won't go to the Volcano
National Park again, so I tried that.
There's some nice cliffs in Hawaii though, so we'll see what
happens. Get her a tiki God.
(09:00):
A tiki. And a trick for the listeners,
we were on our little group chatlast night and Eddie told us he
was going to be on vacation and we need to get if we wanted to
get a Co host. And he kind of jokingly threw
out there, you know, what about Lisa Mae?
And I'm like oh I'll e-mail her.So I did, and within a few
minutes she emailed me back, said she'd be happy to do it.
(09:22):
Nice. That's awesome.
All right. Now we do the flashback.
Now we do the flashback. Yeah, we need a flashback.
Hello and welcome to a very special flashback because I'm
going to introduce you now Flashbacks.
And now? Flashbacks.
Let's have. A look at this.
(09:44):
Just play the intro Look, it's Ralph Garman.
What the hell? I don't know.
I don't know what's happening with her either, says you guys
don't speak Chip. I will pull this show over.
I will just. You'll all get out.
But are you gonna turn around and make us go home?
No, I'm just gonna leave you by the side of the road.
But just chip. We didn't do anything yet.
It was only chips. It's a matter of time before
they do something. Come on, this was fascinating to
(10:05):
me as we start the showbiz beat the Nielsen Company.
You may be familiar with them. They track TV and whatnot.
They're good at rating. Stuff.
Yeah, they track radio too. They're the ones who own the
ratings. What The radio as well.
I thought that was Arbitron. No old days it.
Was the old days. What the hell?
Well, then we love Nielsen and everything that they do and they
(10:28):
have a marketing department. As you can imagine that amongst
other things, studies celebrities, OK, largely those
who who pitch products and then rank them in the most successful
in terms of you're if you are a company and you want to hire a
celebrity to hawk your product. These are the most trustworthy,
(10:52):
the most liked. The public has most awareness of
them. They have the most influence and
other factors in terms. Of the famous Q rating, Ralph,
is that what this is? This would not be the Q rating
being, but God bless you. Q rating is mostly likability
and awareness just in terms of high profile on television.
OK, this is specifically aimed towards advertisers.
(11:14):
These are celebrities who have or are open to advertising and
have had enormous success in thepast due to these various
factors that they've compiled. OK.
It's an interesting list and I think you will enjoy it.
Can we take a guess at who mightbe most popular?
I would love for you guys to take a guess.
That's what I live for. Bill Cosby comes to mind.
He. Is number one Dad, absolutely
(11:35):
number one, you know with with the big pharma companies, if
you're going to dose somebody, you want Bill doing your.
I always use the brand of Bill which causes the completeness of
the sleeper time. I'm going to say Michael Jordan.
(11:58):
That is a great guest. Not in the top 10?
Come on. Jamie Lee Curtis makes me want
to eat yogurt for ladies. Yes, and poop.
Well, no, she's not on the list.Not on the list are all of
these. So all of these people are
people who who we probably see on TV often Hocking their wares
around. See and or hear.
Voice over. If you have a spokesperson doing
(12:20):
a big time voiceover, also very successful as well.
I'm going to like, on that note,I'm going to say the one that I
always notice because he's so excellent on radio commercials
is Michael Douglas. Ah.
Michael No. What about Roz?
From Frazier, she does a lot of She did like Wells Fargo and all
those ads. I should have.
I should have been clear out. I apologize.
(12:40):
Real people. These are celebrities, but he's
a. Voiceover, She has a very.
But once a guy, I think, I thinkI established early on this is
the world of celebrity endorsements.
I don't believe Ross from Frazier is going to be in the
top ten of celebrity endorsers. OK, I have a a guest and it is
it is Flo the Progressive insurance.
(13:01):
Flo I I will pull this show overand make you all get out.
Let's try this again. These are celebrity
endorsements. I see.
OK, so that's this. Isn't this?
Isn't this isn't Perry Gilpin from Frazier or Roz the
insurance lady who, to the best of my knowledge, is not a
celebrity? All right, I have one.
(13:23):
I have one. Celebrity Console.
Morgan Freeman. That is a great guest.
Thank you for finally playing the game, Kevin.
But no. What?
No Morgan Freeman. 3rd on the list.
Now we're talking 3rd on the list.
(13:44):
Sam Jackson not on the list of top 10 celebrity endorsers.
How about? Mr. William Shatner.
That is a great guess that it's also not not tough.
We're. Terrible.
You are not good at this. Well you started off poorly I
think with Roz and Flo. I think maybe have have eaten up
some precious time that could beused for better guesses.
(14:06):
Yeah. Jones Jones, step in the black
arts #2 on the list. Jones Jet.
No, no Rodney, I'm saying Adele never made the list.
Pop music star Falco. Leonardo DiCaprio.
No. Now see, now you're.
Not taking this seriously, I forget you lost the Red Nosed
(14:26):
reindeer once again, I fear perhaps you've just given.
Up. So we've only got.
One out of 10, one out of 10. Ellen DeGeneres.
I will break you. When's the license start doing
commercial? Yesterday.
Before what was that product? Ally Tissue.
All right, give us how about howabout Julie Louis Dreyfus from
(14:50):
the Old Navy Commercial? Not on the list.
Come on, she's popular, people like her and she's a well loved
celebrity. I'm not.
Sick. She's not any of those things.
How about I'm just saying she's not on the list?
How about her Co star Jerry Seinfeld for American Express?
No. Athletes.
These are all performers. These are all actors, actors,
(15:10):
actresses. Alec Baldwin, Did we already say
that? You didn't, but it's wrong.
OK? So feel free not to say it all,
right? How about Alec Baldwin?
You can say it right? Jim Morrison, maybe?
Alec Bugwin. Maybe just tell us what I.
Think maybe that would be for the best.
(15:33):
I'm going to work you up. 12:50 All right, OK, here you go.
JK Simmons from Law and Order and sure, Whiplash.
Sure. Yeah, of course he is.
He's the face of Farmers Insurance.
Of course. He's one of the most beloved,
trusted and likable personalities in celebrity
endorsements today. There you go.
Dennis Haysbert from 24 Sure, ofCourse does all those Allstate
(15:56):
commercials and apparently has ahuge trustworthy factor with the
audience. Your list is better than ours.
So far so good. Jim Parsons of The Big Bang
Theory. What's he advertise?
He advertises the the, the tech,the tech thing.
Oh, Cisco. No, dammit, that he does things,
(16:16):
but he's going to is at the factory and he's talking about
all the things that they can do now with their technologies.
Part. I miss that, yeah.
OK, Sofia Vergara from Modern Family and Natalie Portman.
Natalie Portman is now selling, I want to say Chanel I.
Believe Chanel. Yeah.
All right. Those are the bottom 5, the top
(16:38):
five, Jennifer Garner. Think about oh, she has some
sort of hair product or face product or something.
Yes, and she has Neutrogena, I believe.
And also what's in your wallet? The Capital One?
Oh, OK. Jeff Bridges, Jeff Bridges,
Jeff, come on. America loves.
Jeff, he does a lot of voice over stuff.
(16:58):
A ton. Of stuff forever ready battery
and for Hyundai automobiles ton of voice over stuff.
Surprised you guys didn't name this one because he was very
high profile with his commercials.
Series of commercials for the Lincoln automobile.
Matthew McConaughey. Well, Kevin mentioned that.
I did say that when Matthew McConaughey, you, you, you told
me it was #3 you said it was number. 30 OK, I'll give you
that one. OK, Right.
(17:20):
Pierce Brosnan. Didn't think of that.
All right, OK. And the number one, Liam Neeson.
Liam Neeson the number one celebrity endorser.
If you can get Liam Neeson to promote your product, you win.
Dick poop. No Dick poop did all Did not
this year. Did not.
I think the list is over. Pretty sure that you gave us all
top there. Pretty sure we've got it all.
(17:41):
All right, I'm out of time. That was fun though.
That was a lot of fun. We're terrible.
That was great, Raz. I think may be my favorite test
of anything we've ever asked of any question ever.
Today's celebrity birthdays. These people all born on today
my. Name is Dick Padman, not Chuck.
May 27th we are. We're done with the list, I
(18:02):
think being you can stop guessing it.
I'm your Gibbons, your. Gibbons did not, once again this
year, make the list. Oh, so good.
What year was that, Jen? Again, I'm pulling off
Alexander's Glasser stuff and itwas 20. 22 May 27th, 2015.
(18:30):
We need a theme for this guy soon.
I know, right? You know.
Jennifer Garner is still doing those commercials, isn't she?
I could have sworn I saw her theother day.
She is, Yeah, I think so. Making a ton of money off of
them. I'm.
I'm surprised the list didn't include this name.
Kurd, Ferguson. I didn't think it needed that
(18:50):
one. Absolutely.
What about? John Sedlak, seen here with his
pet Falcon. That one.
All right, next clue. OK, next one.
When you guys mock me for sayingthat I plan to live to be 100,
is that just because most peopledon't live to be 100, or you
think me in particular are not agood candidate to live to be
(19:11):
100? You.
Yeah, I think you're not going to make it.
Why I'm the healthiest person you know.
See that's This is. This is the.
Problem is that you keep saying that and it's not.
True, and I think you will just start to believe it, I think.
But it is true. All right.
We sat down and made a list. Look at me.
(19:34):
Well, first of all, that is not your strong suit.
I would not, I would not lead. With that, if I were you, a hell
of a specimen. Because you might, I think as
sickly as I think you are, I think you're healthier inside
than you look outside. Wow, OK, all right, that's fair
criticism before you get into your so-called list, Kevin, you
(19:54):
look at me and you don't see a guy who's obese.
You look at me and you don't seea guy who smokes, right?
I don't drink, right? I don't eat red meat, right?
I certainly don't overly exert myself.
Look, we're not saying no danger.
Of that are indicative of an early death.
It's the fact that your body is falling apart despite all those
things that you don't do. But aren't those things that I
(20:15):
just mentioned among those alongwith genetics, aren't those
those among the things that mostlikely ensure you a long life if
you stay away from those problemareas of the drinking and the
smoking and the meat and the, and things like that, that goes
a long way toward helping you with a long life, doesn't it?
What I'll say to you is it's that it's, it's you not
exercising and it's also your accident prone.
(20:37):
I am not accident prone. Oh dear God in heaven.
I've been involved in a couple of a couple little things here
and there, but I'm not accident prone.
I haven't, I mean. Ordinarily I would say this is
true. All things being equal, if you
avoided those things then you would live a long healthy life.
Thank you, but. If your body is repeatedly
failing on you, then those things are irrelevant.
(20:58):
It has nothing to do with your own body is turning against you.
All the all the not smoking and not eating red meat and
everything else isn't going to help you all right.
What do you got Kevin on your your bogus list then?
Well, let's start with the most recent.
I think you you fainted while sitting down.
Yeah, I had been here about two weeks and that happened during
Ralph's entertainment report. You were sitting down and you
(21:18):
fainted. I did.
So it's not like you have low bread.
Buttons up. Low blood pressure and you were
standing up too quickly. That was you were sitting there.
Yeah. That was weird.
I got to be honest. I don't understand.
You know how surprised by that. Healthy.
People don't pass out when they're sitting down, but it was
you're sitting at a conversationwith someone and they pass out.
I don't say, hey, look at how healthy this guy is.
(21:39):
That's not what I say. But I didn't go into a coma.
It was a couple of seconds is all I was and that I was fine.
You know it's healthier than that.
No seconds of passing out. That would be someone who's
healthier than here's what people do.
What? People do when they're about to
pass out is sit down, right? I started out there.
So here we actually have the audio.
Great. Let's go to the tape being
(22:00):
passing. Michael Bolton 62O ow ow.
You're right, I am. What?
What just happened? Who's 62?
You can't do that. I just say just have that
happen. They go, oh, never mind.
I just felt, I fell over. I just felt like.
(22:20):
What do you mean you felt? I just.
I don't, Yeah, I don't. I don't know.
I'm. Hungry Brian Wilson.
I'm hungry, I haven't eaten, I just fell over.
You live, you work out of your house.
I know you can eat whatever you wanted that's in your fridge,
but I. Still work in our body, though.
We've been busy today. We have a busy active show
(22:42):
today. I haven't had a chance.
But you're not like walking downstairs.
You're just standing there. Just.
Standing he's. Sitting.
OK, so that happened, that did happen.
And do we need to bring up anything else?
You wouldn't think, I mean, the man of Self admits I still have
to work in this body. He says it himself.
But really, I mean, there's dilapidated breaking down old
(23:02):
vessel, that's what he said. Did you or did you not pass out
while getting up out of bed one day and fall and break a rib?
I did not. As a matter of fact, it was 2
ribs. 2 ribs. 2 ribs. He was exhausted by the act of
rising from asleep. That guy just knocked him down
onto his knees. Did you at one point in your
life get your finger caught in aspring of a chair and then sit
(23:25):
on the chair catching your finger and pretty much
destroying it? Well, yeah, but that's just an
accident. You have a numb face.
Did that happen? Do you remember numb face?
I Oh, yeah. I had a very, very serious
neuralgia incident. Yeah.
For that, for a couple of years,my face was you.
Couldn't feel your face? For a couple of years, to the
point. Where doctors and yourself, you
were suspecting perhaps it would.
It was Ms. because you were. You're no longer feeling your
(23:46):
face. That's right.
Yeah. What did?
It wind up being. There were a lot of
misdiagnosis. I can't remember what the
technical name of it was, but itwent away.
It was just numb face. For two.
No, but it wasn't. No, but it wasn't healthy face.
That's what it wasn't. Doctors never said, Mr. Baxter,
we believe you've got a case of healthy face.
No one ever said that your face is less than healthy.
(24:08):
You had the least healthy face in the room.
Did you or did you not have a tube in your eye for some
reason? Why?
What was the last tear duct you had?
A tube? Tear duct.
You had a tube in your eye. That's right, But that's a.
That's extremely a minor procedure that doesn't have
anything to do with how long. You know, my eyes never been
blocked. All my eyes, my tear ducts,
tears just shooting out of them left and right, Healthiest tear
(24:28):
ducts in the room. And then?
Did you hurt it while on the air?
Didn't you hurt it? I was, I was it for whatever.
I don't remember what. I think I was down for a popped
out of your breakfast. I was down for a breakfast with
or something like that. And then the next morning on the
air, the tube that they had put in to try to help my tear ducts
did pop out and it freaked everyone out.
He's that guy with the tube. Yeah, there was a.
(24:51):
Tube chicken out of his eye. The.
Healthiest guy in the room. You know why I don't have any
tubes coming out of my eyes, so I think I'm healthier, I said at
that point. Did you ever faint while you
were sitting down? Not once, no.
Never fainted. Period.
Did you ever hurt your back whenyou were putting on pants,
Ralph? Let me think.
No, it's never. Happened because that happened
to Bean while we were in, I think it was campus, someplace
(25:12):
in Florida, Florida. We were at the Super Bowl.
He was putting on his pants and had to go to the emergency room.
I had to go to the emergency room, getting out of my car and
getting my back stuck in a position where I could not move.
We had to call 911 and have the the ambulance come and take me
away. You know it's.
Healthier than you then people who can put on their pants.
(25:32):
All those people are all healthier than you.
Are But guys, how do you ignore all of that because nobody dies?
Did you or did you not fall off a stage at Acoustic Christmas?
OK, that did happen. Have you ever?
Had your gallbladder removed. Yes, my gallbladder.
Almost burst it almost burst it went.
So for you, your own organ almost killed you.
Did you or? Did you not have your belly
(25:55):
button explode? Did that?
Oh, remember when I had the hernia?
The herniated belly button? Herniated belly button.
We had a grapefruit coming out of your stomach.
For for like weeks. It happened for like weeks
before he went to the doctor. Back up.
Yes. What happened to your belly
button? Don't know, Don't know what
caused herniated Belly is herniated.
Yeah, his. Stomach it just.
(26:15):
Got a red? Intestine started to shoot out
through his belly button. They said F this body, we're
getting out. How long did it take you to say
this isn't right and go to the doctor?
Well, it kept, it kept. No, several months, my belly
button hurt. My belly button got very, very
painful. Just kept getting worse and
worse and worse to the point where I couldn't ignore and I
had to go to a doctor and they had to do surgery on it.
Yeah, you know who's healthier than you?
(26:35):
All the people whose belly button stay inside their bodies,
all those people are healthier than you.
What is your point? Did you?
I don't know the. Catheter to to you for you to
urinate because you couldn't getthe your own urine out of your
body. All right, now let.
Me ask you a question. Did you ever need to put a tube
in your penis to get the urine out of your body?
(26:56):
Am I underoath? Yes, then that did happen.
No, that was healthier than you.Then everybody who pees freely,
I pee freely. That bag is healthier than you
are. That was a weird thing where all
of a. Sudden one day for.
No reason, I just couldn't. They're all weird.
But how can you then say I'm notaccident prone?
Or more importantly, how can yousay I'm the healthiest person in
(27:18):
the room? Because nobody dies from any of
those things. None of those things, none of
those things happen to anyone else.
Liner things. They're not healthy.
Are they healthy things? Would you describe any of those
things as particularly healthy? I'm not saying that there are
things that you want if you if you plan on making a healthy
long face for two years. Would you say, boy, that's
(27:40):
healthy? I keep slapping myself and
feeling nothing. How healthy must I be?
This is the healthiest thing. This is the healthiest my face
has ever felt. But wait a minute, it doesn't
feel anything 'cause it's numb. How are you able to ignore all
of the facts in this case and then say I'm the healthiest man
live because I have the evidenceto the contrary?
(28:00):
I have an answer for you Sir, and that is that I am bidding my
time and I will have the last laugh when I'm 110 years old and
I go remember those guys I used to work with Ralph and Kevin who
died 20 years ago. Remember them if this dog is
laughing. To you, that's my point.
Then what's going to happen in 20 years when your when your
butt hole closes up and you can no longer it may have.
(28:24):
We don't know about that yet. And you're no longer can void
your bowels and you burst into agiant explosion of poop.
Will you still be claiming that you're the healthiest man in the
room? Yes, I will.
All right, concentration. Reps Oh my God, there's so much
to unpack. I can.
(28:46):
Oh man. Oh, I still think Means going to
live to be 100, but he's just going to be a head in the jar.
He's going to be just surroundedby normal brain, Yeah.
And that's the flashbacks. Oh my God, I wonder.
I wonder if they'll extract his brain before or after he fills
(29:11):
up with poop and explodes. I wonder if that's.
Or if they put the knurling chipin his brain, that'll make the
body part still function. Oh shit, OK, that's getting too
far. That's getting too deep for me.
OK. I guess it's my turn the
roundup, right? Yeah.
All right. Here we go.
All right, a little warning before I start the roundup.
(29:33):
Actually, none of these stories include poop.
OK. Oh, thank God.
All right, good. Nailed it.
You get it. And when you want her to pull
out your podcast, we got it. Hello too happy goodbye to the
Blues, Yankee. Podcast.
(29:57):
More rock, less talk. There it is, more rock, less
talk. 50,000 watts of music. Pow pow pow power.
Bumping wattage in your cottage with the platters that matter.
EW. We're reaching the beaches and
rolling the schools. All right, welcome to the
(30:19):
podcast roundup. Take it again.
Let's put this music behind everything.
Hard, Chris. Hard.
You got it. Go hard.
All right, let's start with the first one from Not Today.
(30:40):
Have you seen those jeans? They look like they have a urine
stain on them. Yes.
And like they're, they're $300.00, they're $800. $800.
They're they're designers. I'll do that for free.
I do it for free every day at my.
Age, it's like you don't, It takes you, you can't.
Shake it enough. Have you ever done that on like
(31:00):
and been walked out on stage anddidn't realize?
Yeah, I did it the last time we were doing my other podcast, The
Ralph Report. We do.
We did a live show. I think it was back in like it
was like a. Year ago now, No.
Not in front of Ralph. Not in front of.
The the whole. The Flappers sold out of
Flappers. And you had not flapped enough.
I, I didn't flap at all. I I should have flapped way
(31:21):
more. They're, they're getting ready
to announce me and I'm, I'm standing back getting ready to
go out and I look down. I'm like I got like a fucking
dot like the size of 1/4. On my crotch I'm like.
Fuck, so I just start. I just start rubbing.
That makes it so much more. No, the heat dries it so I'm
just like sitting there trying. To and now you've got an
erection. And now I'm fucking rock hard
and I was so self-conscious. People were going to see it.
(31:41):
I just told everybody. You just boarded it out.
Because I wanted to get ahead ofit, I had to get ahead of the
news cycle. Edwin, I think we were there
when this, when this happened, right, Edwin?
I hope not. I remember him announcing it.
I think I got a recording from that show that we were in.
(32:02):
Of course I peed my pants. Everybody my age pees their
pants. It's the coolest, really.
Yes, you ain't cool unless you pee your pants.
Wow. Yeah, see, Remember right,
Edwin? Yeah, now I remember.
In fact, after he said that, yousaid this.
(32:23):
If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.
So we called you, Miles Davis, the whole night after that.
Are you proud? Are you proud?
I'm very proud. Wait till, wait till later.
Let's go over to the 3/4 podcast, 3/4 Human podcast.
(32:46):
My list if you can't get that name right.
It's a long, you know, you can'teven search the name in the app.
It's. It's fractions.
It's math. Yeah, once you get to fractions.
I was out on math once I got to fractions, just done.
Just no more. All right, let's have some fun
with Courtney. Hi, Courtney.
G Day Coney ready to jump in? He's Australian.
(33:08):
He wants to be Australian today.That's fine, huh?
We Why? This is odd because we didn't
tell him to be Australian. We tried about 3 episodes ago to
have him be Australian and he was like.
He couldn't do it. He did say he was he was going
to practice. He's been obviously practicing.
He's ready. He's late at night.
Right there on Kevin's bedside table.
(33:28):
That is true Cornhole. Hey, do you mind if I call you
cornhole Corny? You can call me corny, but let's
stick with that. Wait, wait, wait.
Why? It just sounds friendly yet.
We're not very friendly people. How about horny corny?
Can we call you that? Jakey, But let's keep it page,
(33:51):
shall we? Wow.
We don't want to keep it PG. Look man, we had to do years on
the radio being PG Fuck that shit.
We don't. Love it.
No a solid R or an MA. Remember we tried to get him to
be more R rated and it wouldn't work.
Yeah, yeah. That was fascinating.
Yeah, I I got to pay for the adult version of it, like on TV
(34:12):
back in the day, adults only that extra 10 bucks a month.
So the AI doesn't allow for cursing or even saying horny or
things like that. It's kind.
Of. But how is that?
I don't understand that because it's a program so and it's
pulling information from everywhere.
So it doesn't really, that doesn't make sense that it would
want to stay PG and not kind of go into that stuff.
(34:36):
Well if it's owned by another company, that company could
probably put restrictions like it can't all.
Right, that makes sense. Yeah, although there should be
an extra level that you should be able to pay for for the
cursing level. Yeah, right.
I love when people come in my store and they'll swear and oh,
I'm so sorry. I'm like, no, it's encouraged.
(34:56):
It's lying. The kids love it.
OK, let's go over to Let's stay with the 3/4 Human podcast and
talk about the worst pizza topping ever.
What do you hate on pizza? Because I have one that is
overwhelming for me. Anchovies.
Anchovies. Just love the.
(35:18):
Onion, I mean olives, I can't. Olives are stainless.
Butt hole. I can't, I can't and they say
pick them off Nope. No, because it's ruined.
Olives are the worst. Food.
That has ever existed. You take that pizza, you fold it
all up into a big ball and you throw it the fuck away.
(35:40):
That's what you do with the olive pizza.
But olives, those are cool, you guys, you can put them on your
fingers. Oh well, all right, if you're
going. To play games with them, yeah,
I'm starting to like that, yeah.And I like the big green ones in
martinis. No, you.
Like a dirty. Martini.
Oh yeah, I love dirty Martini with the with the what are they
the yeah, cheese stuffed olives.Yeah, yes, so good.
(36:05):
I love, I love extra dirty. Yeah, olives are the worst
thing. They are Satan's butt hole.
I couldn't agree with Kevin Moore.
It's the worst thing ever invented.
I can't, I can't even put them on my fingers.
It's just, it feels like the olives are taste is everywhere.
It's just gross. Just gross.
Satan's butt hole. Well, it's funny because there's
(36:27):
certain foods, like there's a certain amount of men that don't
like mushrooms at all. I think it's mushrooms and
cucumbers and olives are the three things.
There's a certain percentage where a whole bunch of men don't
like them. So is it a genetic thing?
Is it a texture thing? Is it a smell thing?
Is it a taste thing? Olives are the only thing I
(36:50):
don't like cucumbers and mushrooms.
I can I can have some cucumbers and mushrooms.
All right. And olives.
Mushrooms like a pepperoni mushroom pizza, Pepperoni
mushroom olive if you're feelingadventurous.
Or if you get those mushrooms when you stuff them, those
stuffed mushrooms, those are so delicious, Ding.
(37:10):
Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding.
All right, let's go over to the Ralph report and another person
I agree with. Let's take a look at today's
celebrity birthdays. All these stars Born on February
17th, Singer-songwriter Ed Sheeran turns 37 years old
today. Although my heart is falling
(37:30):
too, I'm in love with you. Yes, that's for you, buddy.
Yeah. I agree and it's amazing being
Ralph and myself all agree with the same with the hate for Ed
Sheeran. But wait, wasn't that Justin
Timberlake song? Lindsay, you want to help?
(37:54):
No, no, sweet spirit. No, it wasn't.
I don't know any of their music so it doesn't really matter, but
that's what I thought it was. You must be mistaken cuz Justin
Timberlake did the music for themovie Trolls and Ed Sheeran is a
troll. There.
That's how you made them. Maybe that's it, yeah.
(38:20):
It's you just got to enjoy the convergence of Ralph me and
being all being in agreement. All right.
Brad Williams was on Friday and he told a story about his first
start and he thanked Ralph and the Kevin Abean Show.
You, you are on that list of people that at the end of the
albums and the end of the specials, I have to say a
(38:42):
special thank you to because because there's people say what
was your big break? I go, well, there's not one big
break in this business. There's the break that leads to
the break that leads to the break that leads to another
break. It's a ladder.
But you were one of the breaks when you got me on that morning
radio show. We're allowed to say Kevin
Abean. Yeah, sure.
Yeah, yeah. So you got me on Kevin Abean
show after you. Hold on, was Edwin drinking
(39:05):
chocolate milk? Yeah, it was going bad, so I had
to make some extra into. It OK good.
I just wanted to make sure here.We go.
You retweeted some of my tweets.I thanked you by showing up to
Hollywood Babylon. I gave you a nice bottle of
Irish whiskey, which I found outafter giving to you.
You don't drink? No, I do drink Irish.
(39:27):
I don't drink Scotch, but I drink Irish Scotch.
Yeah. Dirty Scotch.
But yes. And.
And you just kind of looked at me and was like, when do you
want to come on the show? And I was like, wow, that's all
it takes. Just get Ralph drunk.
Exactly. People who give me alcohol, the
Sky's the limit, really. Anything is possible.
That's what I found out. Yeah, that's right.
That's how we got married. All right.
Yeah. Edwin There it is.
That's where you made a mistake.You'd send in all the funny
(39:50):
jokes, he'd invite you to the show.
But you never got him drunk. You needed to get him some
alcohol. When I went to the studio that
one time, I did give him a bottle of tequila.
So maybe it's just whiskey that gets you in the door.
Yeah, that's the problem. Tequila's not the same.
Get him a nice bottle of whiskey.
Scotch. No Scotch.
He doesn't like Scotch. Bourbon.
Next time. Yeah.
(40:12):
But I love Brad Williams, so I'min 2013 and he's filling in a
ton for Ralph and stuff like that.
And he's just so good on the show and the podcast and so
more. Brad Williams, please.
Or we could get him on our show.I yeah, we could try.
I don't. There he is with the chocolate
milk again. I'll reach out to Brad.
(40:35):
Yeah, let's have Brad Williams on, all right.
Speaking of other guest hosts, Jamie Kaylor was on Funny Guy.
It was a hilarious episode. He was funny.
I don't know who he is, but he'sfunny.
Yeah, and he had an interesting take on aging.
And so I think this kind of contrasts with being and wanting
(40:55):
to be 100. You gotta, you know, you gotta
blow some dust off the the old volumes of lore ones.
I might dude. Honestly by the time I'm like
7580 I might try heroin. I'm going to see, is that what
you're saying? That's a bad choice.
Not really. What do you have to lose at that
stage, really? I mean, come on, they're going
to give you morphine at the end anyway.
The guy O DS at 77 from heroin, everybody's like, well look, he
(41:19):
went out. I know and.
Doing what he loved and. People like, well, you know, you
do, you want to live longer and I go, So what?
So instead of dying at 88, I dieat 84.
Just had this conversation. I'll give you those four I don't
want. I don't even Would I rather have
a drink and and watch a fun movie or do I want to live four
more horrifying years in a Hospice?
So I don't want it. I completely agree, especially
(41:41):
after listening to the segment with Bean almost dying like
every week pulling up his. Pants.
Yeah, right. No.
Thank you. Let's jump over to a cup of tea
in a chat. Here is a rare sneeze.
Another one. Interesting move though.
And I, and I don't know, I mean I assume, Oh my God, I'm sorry.
(42:03):
Wow. That one came out of nowhere.
I know the feeling. I know I.
Had to cover my my nose. I couldn't press the button I I.
Noticed that there was the coughbutton.
It was ignored, certainly, but OK.
This is a show for sneezes though, yeah?
It should be a a cup of sneeze in a chat.
I think that's OK. Let's go over to the reason
(42:26):
we're all here, a Van Halen story from Allie.
David Lee Roth and her almost had a show.
You know my diamond Dave Sitch, right?
No. Did you guys do it?
No. Oh, thank you.
Would you have done it in 1984? Really.
No, I would have been very youngfor him, not even in the double
(42:48):
digits. That's.
Great. I withdraw the question.
My story is CBS got a hold of meand said we are flying you out,
we are auditioning you for a newradio show and you will be
sitting alongside David Lee Roth.
And I was like, let's do this. This is when Howard left
(43:08):
terrestrial radio. You were on that short list with
Diamond, Dave. I sure was, except the day
before I was leaving he calls and he said to my agent, he said
yeah, so he doesn't want to havea female Co host.
And my agent was like any femaleCo host.
(43:29):
Yeah, any female Co host? I know how he feels.
It's. A little backhand comment from
being Oh man, but she was almostCo hosting with David Lee Roth
and apparently he had a show after Howard Stern.
I don't know. I don't follow radio.
I was always bored by radio, never interested me.
(43:49):
Anybody remember that period of time?
Edwin, our radio person. The only thing I ever remember
is after Howard Stern left KLSX,that's the right broadcast here.
I think Adam Corolla took over the morning slot for a while.
He did mention. On a duty I think was that when
(44:09):
they were working together. I think what he he had mentioned
that they broke up the segment, they broke up the regions.
So the West Coast got Adam Corolla somewhere in the middle
of America got David Lee Roth orSouth America, South Southern
States of America, not not in Peru, but somewhere in the
(44:32):
southern region got got David Lee Roth, which is odd because
David Lee Roth was Ala born rocker.
So it's like from Pasadena. So it's weird.
Anyhow, that was that was Ali's Dave Sitch.
All right, back to some more Ed Sheeran news.
We had that conversation. A Lister asked who I would
rather be locked in a room with Josh Gad, my mortal enemy, or Ed
(44:56):
Sheeran. And of course I chose Ed Sheeran
because I realized I could beat him up at least.
Well, this Lister maybe doesn't agree.
Hey, this is Listener Sid from Washington and.
I just mortgaged my house and then took out a second mortgage
and I would like to put all of that money on Ed Sheeran.
(45:16):
How dare you? Because he's going to whip your.
Ass. Come on now, all.
Right, Bean? He might be able to beat your
ass, but I don't think he can beat you.
Me and Ralph, I think we can take him.
I think we'll take him out back,you know, punish him for
everything. Beat the crap out of him.
That'll be good. Like a pinata.
(45:37):
Like a little red headed pinata.Lindsay, you want in on it?
Lindsay, Lindsay, Ralph and I will go beat up Ed Sheeran.
Why? Cuz.
You gotta get rid of the trolls.They bring bad luck.
OK, All right, Last part. Edwin Bean had a problem during
(46:04):
the Thursday show. I got a problem today.
OK, I'm going to have to pee at some point.
There's a better than 5050 chance I'm going to have to pee.
OK, that doesn't usually happen during a show.
No, it doesn't. I've been very busy today.
Very active. Lots of errands, lots of chores,
lots of running around, lots of beverages.
Right. Now I tried to coax a last
minute urination out right before we started the podcast
(46:28):
here. What?
I was giving my penis a pep talk.
I was like, come on little buddy, you can do it.
Little buddy. Oh, Donna.
You're such, you're such a good boy.
You're such a good boy. You could do it.
Let's do it for Daddy. Oh again.
I hope nobody heard me say that.Anyway, I was unsuccessful.
So I guess what I'm saying to you is there's an excellent
chance that there will be a break of the action today.
(46:50):
I don't know if I'm supposed to raise my hand and ask for
permission to leave. Well, I'd rather it be your
hand, yeah. Well, or do you have any of your
really long white people brunch stories?
I could just glide out of the room, take care of business,
come on back. Nobody would ever know I was
gone. Jesus.
Christ. So, you know, being had to go,
(47:11):
I'm sure they took a break and took care of it.
You know, listening to the clipsthough, you can hear him make
noise still on the keyboard and playing with his mouse clicking
on the it's kind of weird. I picked up some noise on this
clip over one of Ali's boring brunch stories.
White people, boring stories is it's Crash.
(47:35):
And yeah, she it's, it's, yeah, it apparently has a lot of
twists and turns. Looks great.
Can't wait to see it. Here's the thing.
She has been away from home for a long time.
She was shooting this and then she was shooting her other show
in Scotland, living her best life in the UK and in Ireland.
(47:56):
There's no poop on this one. No a poopy podcast.
No fart jokes either. Wait, didn't he say he's
(48:16):
changing the name of the show toa cup of piano chat?
Hey, Lanta. Lyle.
Can I get thoughts on this podcast roundup?
Oh, that was the grossest. Thing I've ever heard in my
life. Let's go.
Excellent. Wonderful.
(48:43):
All right, that's the left tip. Edwin Press.
The button, my friend, send me back into time.
Edwin, our listener, Edwin, he'sa funny.
Man, Edwin's funny pretty much every.
Time. Funny, funny man.
It's a new day we can. Have the Power feature present
to meet the Club 114. Hello, I am I'm a horse and I'm
(49:16):
on Viagra. Oh, beans doing impressions
again. Kids are going to love it.
I'm going to cover the week thatwas February 17th to 21/20/14,
so let's just get into that. Rap is on vacation, so Bean is
stepping up doing impressions. Story one Russian women leaving
Russian men on the sidelines in Sochi.
(49:37):
Apparently they are flirting with foreigners and they don't
want anything to do with Russianmen.
And the Russian men are very, very upset about this because
all of the Russian women are hitting on all of the foreigners
and they are being left on the sideline.
According to one Russian man, all these, these ladies, they
meet these foreigners and now they do not let me put my luge
(49:58):
in them. Wasn't very Russian, was it?
There is a national clown shortage.
According to the New York Daily News, it seems older clowns are
dying and not nearly as many younger clowns are joining.
(50:19):
So the there's going to be a clown shortage very soon,
according to the president of the Clowns of America.
I'm tired of being a clown because every time I get in a
car, it's me and 30 other car people in car, it's me and 30
other people in the car and it'stoo crowded.
I don't like it you. Had a Warren.
(50:42):
He had a horn. New Mexico horse racing
regulators are disciplining a trainer because some of the
horses tested positive for Viagra, according to one of the
horses. Hello I'm I'm a horse and I'm on
Viagra and when I run a race my name is old 5 legs.
(51:11):
Somebody has created weed beef jerky.
Weed beef jerky at a testing labin California.
How great is that? That's exciting.
Everybody loves beef jerky, right?
Weed beef jerky, according to one Weed beef jerky, man, dude,
it's so wait, what are we talking about?
I like. It.
(51:35):
No, I think it went well. I like it.
Background. Next up, here's some listener
impressions. We had beans impressions.
Here's listener impressions. We want look, we want.
Your friends are surprised how much you sound like that person.
We're not looking for this kind of Arnold Schwarzenegger.
(51:55):
Yeah. Karen and Bean, this is Arnold.
I'm here to tell you that I wantthe behavior show.
That's an interesting name. Why don't you call me back?
I will be back. Because.
You're terrible. That's not that's not what we're
looking for here. So 1-800-520-1067 You actually
(52:16):
do a good impression of a celebrity.
We want to hear it. Shall we go ahead and start with
the guy who's on the line who can do Arnold?
Let's go ahead and go to Jared. Now that we've heard a terrible
Governor Schwarzenegger, let's hear what Jared's got.
Maybe he'll restore our faith inhumanity here.
Jared, this is. Me, Kevin and Dean.
Hello. How are you today?
(52:37):
Better. Better.
Better, but we're still like, you're still like 20% of Ralph's
Arnold, though. Oh, that's not right, Kevin.
Whatever you are, whoever you are.
All right. Nice effort, though, Jared.
Is that Is that it? Is that the only.
OK? That's the only one he's got.
Let's move on to James. Let's see what James got for us.
(52:58):
He's on line for. By the way, we'll take as many
calls we have time for. If you've got an impression,
even if it's just one, even if it's just short, we want to hear
it. 1-800-520-1067 Hi, James. I know Michael Caine.
Michael Caine. All right, let's hear it.
There we go. One day I saw a child playing
with a Ruby the size of a tangerine.
(53:19):
The bandit have been throwing him away.
So why steal them? Because he thought it was good
sport. Because some men are looking for
anything logical like money. It can be bought, bullied,
reason or negotiated with some men.
Have to watch the word burn. You know what?
I got up the delivery. I got to give him an E for
effort. I'll tell you that.
(53:39):
I applaud him for Del. That wasn't bad.
That wasn't good. I do a great Paul Walker.
Oh, wow. Too soon.
OK, here we go. Ready.
You're funny. All right.
Thank you, Jamie. I was afraid that we were going
to hear, like a car screeching into a tree that was going to be
right there. All right, let's go to Chris.
He's on line 3. He's got a classic celebrity
(54:00):
impression. He's going to try to lay on us
here. Hi, Chris.
How are you guys doing? Good.
You're picking a classic, though.
I mean, this is something that kids have grown up with for
years, so you're going to have to really nail it.
All right, here we go. Hello, Kermit the Frog here.
Not bad. What else you got?
Keep going. That's good.
Hello, Miss Peaky. I say I.
(54:22):
Can only do a little bit of it. So you got the Hello Kermit the
Frog here. Hello, Kermit the Frog here.
That's not bad. OK.
No, thank you. Yeah, you're good.
If you could say more than thosewords, you would be awesome.
All right, the call. Chris.
Keep working on that. Get back to us.
Thank you. Wow, That was a strong start.
(54:43):
That was pretty good. Yeah, this was like the American
Idol contestants that are bad. You know, in the first few
episodes they had like half of agood impression.
They did like 3 segments too. OK, these ones are a little bit
better. This was from the next segment.
All right, let's go to Chris. He's up next on line 8.
Don't look, Kevin. I think you'll be able to get
(55:03):
this one though. Hi, Chris, you're on the air.
Hello Kevin Bean, How are you? Is that the boss on The
Simpsons? It does.
It sounds like Mr. Smithers. Yeah.
Is it or Mr. Burns? I think you'd.
Be Mr. Burns, Mr. Burns, I hear that there's a shortage of
clowns. Oh, Krusty, what are you doing
here? Hello, everybody.
(55:25):
You look clown. He's putting two of them
together. Yeah.
How about that sketch based on something we did yesterday or
Friday or whatever it was and the cherry mess?
That you have on the radio. All right, we got it.
Take it easy, Gracie. Yeah, so that's about as good as
it's got. The burns was OK, crusty, not so
hot. But anyway, let's go to the next
(55:47):
one. They were coming out of a
contest and Bean got a little excited.
Let's go moment with. Kevin, who's our winner?
Sean Ruggles from Glendale Sean Ruggles from Glendale, Glendale
won the trip for two to Brazil to see Lollapalooza and Vampire
Weekend. Wow, amazing.
(56:07):
So we'll be contacting you laterin the day for all the details.
Sean, thank you so much for listening to the world famous,
what are we called? I like it.
Wow. That's a good one.
Cat Corbett came on. She was doing the showbiz beat
for Ralph because he was out. She was really good too.
So I put this into two clips because she, you know, Kat
(56:29):
Corbett, goes to all the parties, runs into all the
people. So Lord is gearing up for an AUS
tour including Coachella and we love her.
And her opening act is a band called Loafing, who I went to go
see the other night at Soho House.
And they're they're. Really good.
He's great. He's really great.
Super fun. Nice guy, Matthew.
(56:50):
He is. And it was really nice and it
was really fun because Al Pacinowas there.
He wasn't there for the show. He was just there at Soho House.
And I normally don't like to, you know, divulge what's going
on in those secret places, but of course you do.
It's so fun to, like, see Al Pacino.
Come on. Yeah, That's amazing.
And he has a tiny ponytail, like, tiny.
(57:12):
Like, I don't think you can measure it.
It's so tiny. That's not good.
Not too good. And then we had a message from
Al Pacino, who are Monday ponytails not that small.
Come on now, more keg, Corbett ran into more celebrities.
(57:34):
But anyway, I didn't get to the meat of the story.
Sorry, Arbett. Oh, wait, sorry, there's more.
Really. That's a bad.
Choice of words, actually, what I'm about to say.
So we go to the valet and happento just turn around and we all
caught a, a, a glimpse of Courtney Love's What?
Oh, yeah. Was she getting into a car?
(57:55):
She was sitting there waiting. Waiting for Brett Radner.
We're having a meeting. Can.
I hear your impression again. I wait.
I sound like Doug Kriegel. It was dudes.
It was shocking. It was like a troll doll holding
a pastrami sandwich coming out. We were, we all stopped.
We were like whoa. Yeah, did.
(58:16):
I'll see it, I hope not. Now.
I would be horrified by this story except for the fact that I
don't know anyone who hasn't seen Courtney Loves Vagina.
Very. True.
It's just that now you don't expect to see it at the valet,
nor what I'm saying, you know, Nor do you.
And to now. And isn't she?
She's 45 at least, right? She's.
Older. She's going to be 50, right?
(58:36):
Yeah. I would think, OK, so let's say
she's around 50 at that. Isn't that the age by which you
pretty much have figured out panties?
I guess I don't know. I mean, maybe that'll happen in
the I. Mean even if you're a wild, if
you're a Hollywood wild child and you're, you know, you're
Brittany or somebody and you love running around in your 20s
with no underwear on, that's onething.
But at 50, she should have gotten the message that cover
(58:58):
that up. She just trapped that down.
Yeah, and she looks great. I'm not saying that.
It's just weird when you turn around and you're like, whoa,
hey, what's up? What?
You expect is. It like a lady.
You're gonna dress like that. Yeah, I don't think you want to
see Courtney Love like that. They said it was like a troll
Dome, so she had. Like, I don't even wanna go
(59:19):
back. She.
Was birthing Ed Sharon? I think that's what it was.
OK, let's move on to cycle. Mike came in, he did the last
showbiz beat of the week and he was very funny.
Speaking of people who do voiceson this show, I just wanted to
give someone a little warning for fans of wrestling.
I I I just found this out, but let's hear him, brother.
(59:42):
Oh yeah? What's your God, brother?
He's coming back to the WWE. What, he's 65 years?
Old Well, he's been wrestling inother organizations for quite
some time, but you know, the WWF, formerly WWF really is
where he became famous and now he's going back to the WWE.
And I just wanted to know if we can get a comment.
That is a terrible idea, by the way.
(01:00:04):
I think it's a terrible idea, brother.
There's no way a guy of my age should be out there putting
putting my body on the line again.
I haven't I given enough to thiscountry.
I should be spending more time making sex tapes with Bubba the
Love Spudge's girlfriend that I should be wrestling in the WE.
What's wrong with me? I I got to give credit.
Usually you fight it and you don't deliver.
(01:00:24):
That one's pretty solid. Not bad.
Yeah. So that's that.
He's coming back all. Right, good times.
Bring back the Iron Chic. That's all I got to say.
The greatest entertainer in the world.
I love the iron. Chic.
Yeah, if you don't. Follow the Iron Chic on Twitter.
I don't. He's the only non hot chick I
follow. He's the bet.
(01:00:47):
All right. Celebrity birthdays.
Yes, we find them here. I don't have them, so who cares?
Oh yeah. Woo.
Bassist Eric Wilson from Sublime44.
Yeah, Eric, you're going to get your money.
You'll be getting paid fast. Double Cross.
(01:01:07):
Corbin Blue of High School Musical, 25 years old.
Ellen Page of Drew. No.
Didn't she just recently come out?
She did. Did her Ellen Page for her?
27 years old, the beautiful Ashley Green one of the most
beautiful girls I've ever met. Ashley Green She is gorgeous and
she worked out earlier and she was in yoga pants.
So you can go to the that their Internet and find that.
(01:01:30):
The pants are good. Yeah.
Yeah. I don't know.
On the right people. Yeah.
Because even some girls are so thin that it it's almost like
it's like almost like camel toe magnification, Right.
You know, like it's like, what are you doing?
Birthdays. Oh, sorry.
Kelsey Grammar, 59 years old. Yes.
It's hard to get Mike to focus. David Geffen, Big camel toe, 71.
(01:01:57):
That's all OK. Thanks guys.
Thank you for filling in. Are you back on drugs, by the
way? I just.
I have to. I have to ask.
Or are you still clean? No, I I I'm clean.
OK. Good.
Yeah. I seem a little skittish.
No, no, no, no, no. You're terrific.
You. Were right on point.
All right. Good old psycho Mike.
(01:02:19):
Now we're going to go out with don't Bogart that joint.
But first we got the whole show to comment on the week.
That was this week. Wasn't it a great?
Episode Lisa. It was great.
Wasn't it awesome? But I knew.
The worst show ever. Oh, how awful is this?
Terrible. So good.
Yeah, by so good you mean horrible.
(01:02:41):
And it's a sensation. It is a sensation.
We have dozens and dozens of listeners.
Let's finish up with the showbizbeat.
We got a little bit of Psycho Mic in there and maybe a little
moment with two and here we go. We will see you.
Thank you. On Monday, Jim Jeffries will be
here in studio. Very funny man.
Plus we have Ben Kingsley. What Ben Kingsley on the.
(01:03:06):
Phone don't bogard that join my friend.
Bruce Kingsley Pass. It over to me.
That's so crazy. Don't bogard that join my
friend. Pass it over to me, God.
That was hot nonsense. You're right.
(01:03:31):
You're. Right.
Well, I guess this story has a happy ending after all, just
like my last massage. Audiences were mystified, then
transfixed. They didn't understand what they
were seeing, but they couldn't look away.
This conversation conserved no purpose anymore.
(01:03:54):
Goodbye. Back here again, you Jack chump.
This party is over. It no longer is.
It was. Is that it?
Can I leave now? Oh, not yet.
We've got a big finish. This was CBS, the Columbia
broadcast things with just. Let it go, Hua.
My potato's not that small. Come on now, Cat Hua all.
(01:04:16):
Right. Oh, did we talk about the
Singles party? We did.
Did we recap it? We did.
We. Did wondering.
Yeah, cuz it happened after thatman tired all right.
We got Lisa May next week. Lisa May next week.
Nice. It's.
Gonna be a fun one. Jen, say goodbye.
(01:04:37):
Bye, everybody. Thanks for listening.
We got Lisa May next week. Honestly, I got a lady boner.
Yeah, it was amazing. That's not me, I promise.
It is it close Facebook for fuck's sake, you've gotten like
85 notifications. I understand.
You're oh, wait a minute. Oh, wait, Lisa just sent me a
(01:04:58):
message. OK, wait, hold on.
You're not sharing here, He says.
She's coming on the show. I unshared your sound because
I'm so annoyed. So share it again.
Close Facebook. All right, Hey, great to see you
again. Welcome back, man.
The. Pleasure man, y'all keep rocking
OK? Hey guys, video folks.
(01:05:18):
The people love him. People don't hang out anymore.
I don't know. We got to do something about
that. Hey, Sam, if I could just butt
in here if you're singing a lot of what would appear to be a
love song to your wife. Hello.
He's listening. Turn on the radio.
Did he turn up the radio, Sam? How many, how many years have we
had you on, Sam? Turn down your radio, Sam, Turn
(01:05:44):
down your radio. What was your question going to
be? Well, if you're going to sing a
love song to somebody, you shouldn't say I don't know what
it is. You should maybe list some of
the things you like about them. Yeah.
Sam, where did you go? Turn down.
Unbelievable. Thank you. 0 for effort, 0 for
(01:06:05):
style, 0 for style quality. And you know what?
I'm being generous. Cuando la queremos lunes, lunes.
Lunes. This has been a quitters never
give up presentation. Nice job dumbass.