HIGH LOVE LOW SYMPATHY

Successful emotional management can lead to you losing sympathy for those you love. Your love for them can remain high while your sympathy ends up low. This is a common yet unexpected result of becoming emotionally intelligent and growing in ways others have yet to do

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Rachel Medina is an Entrepreneur, TEDx Speaker, Christianpreneur, Mommypreneur and an ordinary woman who ditched the C-suite for the SHE-suite by tapping into the new and exciting laptop lifestyle in the SHEconemy, and who built multiple businesses from home, after divorce, as a single mother over 40!

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Welcome to another episode of the Rachel Unpacked podcast.
I am your host Rachel Medina andin every episode we talk about
mindset, wealth, building and faith for every girlie who is
looking to change and level up her life.
If you want to follow me on social media, you can do so at
Rachel Medina 101 or visit my website rachelmedina.com.
But if you are ready to build a business in a life that you

(00:23):
love, head on over to our new she eox.com site again She EO
x.com where you are going to find a tribe of like minded
business building, dream aspiring girlies just like you
connecting, learning and growingtogether.
And a new CEO X Partnership program means we attract the

(00:43):
talented, experienced and successful women who are ready
to teach you how they did it so that you can succeed too.
Let's go. Have you noticed that the more
that you grow, it seems like thepeople around you stay the same
and that could be a rub that youwere not mentally or emotionally
prepared for? Welcome to the emotional

(01:05):
management club of elite graduates, Because I can say
hands down that yes, in one handit is wonderful to experience
personal growth. It is fantastic to really invest
in your emotional intelligence and invest in yourself
emotionally and obviously physically as well and

(01:26):
financially. But when it comes to that
emotional growth, and when you get to a stage where you have
achieved a really high level of emotional management, it becomes
increasingly difficult and impossible to ignore those
around you who have not evolved and who have not invested in

(01:48):
themselves in this way. And one of the ways that this
shows up that I have recently come to realize is that you will
still love them. Let's just choose a person,
whoever you're imagining, first person that comes to your head
that you wish that they would evolve alongside of you is that

(02:11):
you can love them very deeply but no longer have the sympathy
for them in the way that they may have been accustomed to you
having sympathy for them in the past.
So for example, let's use whether it's a friend or a
family member, whoever this person is, let's just use

(02:33):
someone that comes to you and they are venting and venting is
fine, you know, to a degree. But they are coming to you just
to offload. And you notice that every time
you're on a phone call with themor every time you know you're in
interacting with them. It is a like brain dump.

(02:53):
It's really an emotional dump ofthings that they are complaining
about. Maybe they're gossip, gossiping
about, maybe they're crying about and you start to recognize
that it's like the same thing over and over again.
And if you then lend them advice, they're not going to

(03:14):
take it right? Because there are people that
just like to sit in it and they sort of like to roll around in
it. And some of them really like to
spread it around and make a big mess of it.
But what ends up happening with with you when you evolve
emotional and you really take your emotional management by the
rains is that you begin to lose sympathy.

(03:35):
Not empathy. Sympathy, What's the difference?
Empathy is, I can see that you're visibly distraught about
this situation and I'm here to listen and I'm here to, to to
lend advice if that's what you want.
Sympathy is probably more of like the old version of you,
like the one that's the one thatyou were before you really dove

(03:58):
into your personal development. Sympathy is like you feel it
with them, like you are going tosit in there and you're going to
take that journey with them as if you or like experienced it as
well. Some of you have this sort of
naturally. I know I do like if somebody
comes to me and they offload something emotionally and I
really care about that person, Ido tend to take it on.

(04:21):
It's not a it's not a wonderful trait at all.
I just have this innate thing inme that I want to, I want it
fixed. I used to say here, I'll fix it.
Now I'm just like, would you like advice on ways that you can
possibly fix it? Sympathy really becomes

(04:44):
minimized because you can then see very loudly and very
distinctively the areas where itcould possibly be their fault,
the areas where they're overreacting, the areas where
they're being reactive again andhyper emotional, the areas where
maybe they're feeling sorry for themselves.
There is a lot that will stand out to you.

(05:07):
You may not even realize like why that's happening or why you
feel that way. You might even be blaming
yourself as to like, wow, am I just turning into a BITCH?
Like, am I getting older and I just don't have a tolerance for
people Like, am I going to become this like grumpy, you
know, old lady who grow old, who's grows old alone and you

(05:28):
know, a house full of cats. Like it can really make you sort
of question everything because you're going to realize that a
lot of people are just operatingin that place.
The biggest thing that you can do is to sympathize in the
manner of realizing you two wereonce where they are, not just in
that situation, but in their management of that situation.

(05:52):
You two were once like them in some degree.
You two were once maybe getting offended by a friend and then
calling another friend would be like, Can you believe like that?
She said blah, blah, blah versusbeing evolved is to have those
same types of situations happen,looking at them constructively,

(06:14):
telling the individual like, oh,I didn't realize you felt that
way. Well, thank you for letting me
know. Or you know what, like, I don't
know, I guess we're going to agree to disagree.
And then if you do bring it up with another person to be more
constructive and being able to say, hey, you know, I just got
off the phone with, you know, Susie Lou and she seemed really
bothered by the fact that, you know, I showed up, you know, at

(06:35):
the event 10 out 10 minutes late, you know, But what's your
take? Like, what would be like what
you know her well, like, what advice can you give me to just
kind of smooth that over? It's it's really coming.
When you're emotionally evolved and you have really taken
control of your emotional management system, you are
seeking solutions. You are seeking paths to

(06:59):
reconciliation or at least common ground, or at least
agreeing to disagree in a real civil fashion.
It's not about, you know, kissing, you know, BUTT or
anything like that, or brown nosing or, or the need to be
liked. It's none of that.
It's truly just evolved and it'svery constructive and, and it's
very effective and just conducive to peace and, and

(07:22):
maturity and joy. And I don't know, I just feel
like, you know, you could solve problems faster and move on to
the good parts of the relationship.
Be, be in a friendship, a working relationship, you know,
in business or, you know, in your marriage and, and, and even
with your children and things like that.
So you will notice that as you stand out ahead of the pack in

(07:46):
your circles, as the more evolved 1, as the one who can go
through the storm and like the Buffalo, not run away from the
storm, not avoid the storm, not sit in the storm and wallow.
But to see the storm coming ahead and actually charge
through it and grow through the storm.

(08:07):
You just need to realize that you're going to look around and
see what everyone else is doing.And it's going to possibly
bother you. It's going to possibly make you
feel isolated, a bit of, you know, alone, misunderstood.
And those of you who are listening, who are brand new on
the journey, like you are crawling, you're in diapers on

(08:28):
this emotional maturity, emotional intelligence
management, whatever you want tocall it, journey.
Understand that those people in your life who you really used to
have a great time with and that you used to be able to go to
them and they would be like, Oh yeah, she said that to you, but
forget her like and really make you feel justified in all of
your BS, so to speak. Understand that they still love

(08:52):
you. Understand that they that they
understand you. You're just not as far along as
they are. And it doesn't mean that they
think they're better than you. They just want you to be better.
OK, I'm going to repeat that. They don't think they're better
than you in most cases. They just want you to be better.

(09:14):
So there is this desire for you to sort of look and listen and,
you know, observe and like scan and assess, you know, like Alexa
does, and really then shift thatenergy into something that's
going to create change for the better for your life.

(09:35):
I think the hardest thing is when you do evolve.
And again, evolution doesn't come easy.
It really comes from painful experiences.
And it comes from being that person who felt sorry for
themselves a lot, or it comes from creating messes in your
life and then, you know, whiningwhen other people don't come to
clean it up. And then you realize, girl,

(09:55):
you're the one that literally made that mess.
It comes from, you know, being able to be in a difficult
situation and argument, confrontation, a break up, a
business thing gone wrong and ask yourself, was I the villain?
Am I the villain? And maybe not entirely, but
there are aspects of that story that you contributed to.
And I don't mean things you did to trigger them because they are

(10:18):
responsible for managing their own reactions to things.
But just there are things that we can all take stock in and we
can all take a personal inventory when it comes to our
reactions and what comes out of our mouths and, and what we hold
in our hearts, be it resentments, you know, what are

(10:39):
the stories that we're telling ourselves about the situation,
about the person and you focusing and turning the tables
on yourself and taking the accountability in every which
way that you can is a good thing.
It could go all the way back to the beginning of like, why did I
continue to have this person as a friend when I saw the red

(10:59):
flags instead of like just blaming that person for being
who they are. So there's a lot of layers to
this topic, but I wanted to justtouch on the part of it where
once you become emotionally evolved and you really get a
grasp in a, in a handle on your emotional management, realizing
that you're capacity to feel sympathy really goes down

(11:24):
because of the phrase that you've heard me say on this
show. Pain is inevitable, but
suffering is optional. So when we are evolved and we
watch people choosing suffrage, when we watch people wallow in
it and choose the suffering, oursympathy goes all the way down.
And then the person who is suffering feels like attacked

(11:49):
and they feel judged and they feel all these sort of crazy way
out things. That the person who is more
emotional evolved is not at all intending.
That is not going through their head.
They just want you to want better for yourself.
And likely they're standing by waiting for you to ask for ways

(12:12):
that they can get better and getout of those situations so they
don't repeat the cycles. And that's it.
Get great cheers. If you are someone who enjoys
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that is she EO dot community. There is a link in the show
notes. Head on over, create your free

(12:32):
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And one of those is the Mindset Reset space inside of the SHE EO
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(12:52):
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