July 7, 2025 • 29 mins
Your inner voice vs your mental health and how seeking God’s voice can lift you high enough to silence the voice that’s dragging you down
Helping Ordinary Women Build Extraordinary Businesses, Brands, and Lives They Love While Unpacking Their Inner SHEEO with Episodes Enriching Your Mindset, Wealth, and Faith Factor
VISIT: RachelMedina.com or SHEEOX.com
FOLLOW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @RachelMedina101
PLUS: Listen to founders and experts share their entrepreneurial journey on bonus episodes featuring awe inspiring guests
Rachel Medina is an Entrepreneur, TEDx Speaker, Christianpreneur, Mommypreneur and an ordinary woman who ditched the C-suite for the SHE-suite by tapping into the new and exciting laptop lifestyle in the SHEconemy, and who built multiple businesses from home, after divorce, as a single mother over 40!
The Rachel Unpacked Podcast is here to help you avoid common mistakes by learning the lessons she learned along the way! Whether you're a corporate baddie wanting to ditch the grind or a single momma ready to learn a new money making skillset from home, the Rachel Unpacked podcast is for you.
Access resources mentioned on this show here www.rachelmedina.com or at SHEEOX.com
As seen on: TEDx , Wharton School of Business, The Christian Channel, LATV's Get It Girl, Rompiendo El Silencio, David Meltzer's Playbook IG-LIVE, StartEmpire Wire Podcast, Jackie Hernandez Live, Canvas Rebel Magazine, SDvoyager Magazine, Keynote Women's Leadership Conference, to name a few
RACHEL UNPACKED, RACHEL MEDINA, SHEEO, SHEEOx, SHE,EOO,OOO
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to another episode of the Rachel Unpacked podcast.
I am your host Rachel Medina andin every episode we talk about
mindset, wealth, building and faith for every girlie who is
looking to change and level up her life.
If you want to follow me on social media, you can do so at
Rachel Medina 101 or visit my website rachelmedina.com.
But if you are ready to build a business in a life that you
(00:23):
love, head on over to our new she eox.com site again, she EO
x.com where you are going to find a tribe of like minded
business building dream aspiringgirlies just like you
connecting, learning and growingtogether.
And a new CEO X Partnership program means we attract the
(00:43):
talented, experienced and successful women who are ready
to teach you how they did it so that you can succeed too.
Let's go. I want to talk about mental
health this episode. It is something that I have
touched on here and there throughout the seasons just
based on my own life experiences.
Figuring that most of us can identify with the shared
(01:04):
challenges and shared difficulties and obstacles in
life. Realizing that in our most
darkest, deepest moments, we tend to feel alone and we feel
that we are misunderstood. When in reality, if we were to
connect with others during thosedifficult times, we would come
(01:25):
to realize that we are more alike than we are different and
that we are not alone in our experience.
Even if it feels like you may bealone in the moment, on the
journey, in that particular moment or situation in your
life. And I will reveal later on why I
have decided to do this episode.I, I may not air like actually
(01:50):
air it in this episode, but I amin the midst of a time in my
life where I am doing my darn best or have done attempted to
be doing my darned best to help someone in their deepest darkest
moment. And in that experience, and it's
(02:11):
been, it's one that has lasted several, several months.
And in that experience, I have been reminded of my own
experiences that I had to overcome.
And it's really caused me to digdeep and, and look back and
reflect and say to myself, Rachel, how, how did, how did
you get out of that? Like what did you do, say, think
(02:34):
or feel or believe in order to pull myself up and out of some
of the darkest places that I have ever been in order that I
may do my best to help save or rescue a person that I truly
truly admire and care for and and love.
(02:56):
And I decided to do this episodein this way.
A little ominous, like I said, Iwill reveal later on maybe
possibly or not in depth of whatis triggering this episode for
me. But what I wanted to say is
this. If you find yourself in a deep
dark space where you are just filled with resentment of
(03:21):
others, where you are filled with self pity, where you are
filled with self loathing, or you are simply looking around
and don't see a way out. You might be in a financial
crisis. You might be struggling with
your health. You might be in the middle of a
(03:41):
very painful relationship break up.
You might be facing a horrible betrayal from friends or loved
ones. There could be any facet of
these situations that you are facing and the feeling might be
similar in that you might feel very alone.
You might feel like you don't really have anyone to talk to or
(04:04):
you feel that the people that you do talk to don't understand
you. I am here.
If you are hearing my voice, I'mhere to say to you that your own
self talk will be the loudest, most powerful force in your life
(04:24):
in those moments. And you hear me talk about
faith. That is why I advocate to pray.
I advocate to lean towards the higher power that is God,
whatever your belief is to lean and not only lean but run to
(04:45):
that until until that voice lifts you higher and further
beyond what your own voice is doing to pull you down.
And I say your own voice. You notice I didn't say or the
voice of others or whatever because here's another part of
(05:06):
that. If you are dealing with
something incredibly difficult because someone else has broken
your heart, someone else has made you feel ugly, someone else
has rejected you or made you feel unwanted or some other
people are not accepting you andit's really hurting your
(05:29):
feelings and it's making you feel excluded.
And that exclusion is really something that you can't get
past. It's very hurtful.
I want you to understand that God's protection looks like
isolation. Oftentimes God's protection
(05:49):
looks like that person that you are romantically in loved with
gets caught doing something horrible or decides they don't
want to be with you anymore. God's protection looks like that
non invite that you got. It looks like that function that
everyone else is planning without you and then you're not
(06:10):
invited. God's protection looks like
those people talking behind yourback or saying things about you
for whatever reason, and then you finding out about it or you
seeing the eye rolls or the hearing the whispers when they
think that you're not looking. That is God's protection you.
(06:33):
If you were listening to this need and you're going through
something like that, remember that you are divinely protected
and that those realizations are in fact blessings.
I know that we in modern societyposition blessings as these
beautiful things that feel so good, like butterflies and
(06:56):
rainbows. But blessings come wrapped in
all sorts of packages, and some of them kind of sink and some of
them sting, and some of them just hurt really bad.
And some of them seem tragic and, but all of it, all of it,
all of it, if it's truly for your greater good, if it's of
God, it's for your greater good.And if it's of God, it's it's,
(07:18):
it's part of the protection. And I wish that certain
individuals that I have poured into were able to grasp that for
themselves there. If you were going through an
incredibly emotional, difficult,painful breakup in a
relationship, you hearing me say, oh, it's for your greater
(07:41):
good, it's for your protection, It's not going to mean anything
to you. But what I am going to say to
you is that you do not need to give another human being immense
power over you. It is normal to feel pain.
It is a choice to sit and suffering, OK?
(08:04):
Pain in this life is inevitable.Suffering is always optional.
And sometimes, especially if youdid a lot for the person that
you fell in love with and maybe,maybe you really invested in
them. Maybe you really sacrificed a
lot for them. Maybe everyone and their mother
(08:25):
told you what a horrible person they were and to watch out and
you gave them the benefit of thedoubt and you married them
anyways, had the kids anyways, or did the thing anyways.
And lo and behold, the their true colors, you know, shine
through. They shine through for everybody
else. You were just blinded.
Now you're seeing the truth and you were just devastated because
(08:46):
you vouched for this person. There could be a lot of ways to
slice this scenario. When you get involved with
someone and you become a parent with them and you bring
beautiful children into the world, these ideas, this image
that you have of what your life is supposed to be and what they
should sort of appreciate about your life together.
(09:09):
You know when that falls apart, that image that you created in
your mind, that expectation thathelp falls apart, it can be
incredibly devastated, devastating, painful,
heartbreaking, all the things itcould be like triggering and
angry. It could make you become angry.
There could be a lot of things, but one thing it should not be
is controlling your life. It is OK to feel the pain and
(09:35):
and and even think some you know, way out thoughts and that
might seem really dark to othersand might may not make sense to
others. As long as you though continue
to wake up in the morning, you know, make your bed, brush your
teeth, go to the gym, take a shower, you know, eat your
breakfast, go to work, you know,whatever it is that you would
normally just do business as usual.
(09:56):
It's important to stay in routine or to establish a really
solid routine that you can rely on and get into muscle memory
with. That way, no matter how you
feel, you just already are like programming yourself to do this
other thing. And, and this is true too, like
(10:17):
when you have a business and youwant to be successful and you
know, you want to make your, youknow, $100,000 a month and all
these things that we, you know, that I often talk about on this
podcast. So much of that requires you to
really adopt A process. I used to say fall in love.
I used to say the process sucks.Fall in love with it anyways.
And then you'll get rich becauseso many aspects of healing
(10:40):
really require you not to sort of react to every little feeling
that you have. So many aspects of success
require you not to react to every little thing that you
feel. It requires you to stick to a
program. It requires you to be
consistent. It requires you to formulate
(11:02):
healthy habits and mental health.
And especially if you are someone who is having suicidal
thoughts, I will say to you, lean towards your faith and
understand that it's just a thought.
It's not real, it is only in your head.
(11:24):
And if it is coming from an external source, someone that
you were in love with, someone that you are now at odds with,
it might even be a parent that says something that makes you
feel totally worthless. Where you think to yourself, why
am I even here still? It could be anybody in your life
that is emotionally manipulatingyou or bullying you or strong
(11:47):
arming you. Whatever the case may be, you
can and will be victorious in your mind if you seek that
higher power, if you turn to Godand it will not happen right
away because again, part of whatthe plan is for you is for you
to be blessed. And sometimes when you're
(12:08):
destiny, your future has a majorblessing in store for you.
God is going to clear out the House of the he's going to take
out the trash, OK? He's going to reveal your
enemies, or at least the people that are not for you.
He's going to make that person you're going to, you're going to
like break up with that person, whether it's a friend, a
business partner, a romantic partner, whatever the case may
(12:31):
be, there's going to be sort of a separation or break up there.
And then chances are that personwill be just toxic enough to go
pull others with them. OK, So if you're breaking up in
a relationship, you know, they might that person might then go
to the children and convince thechildren what a you know, POS
you are. OK, If it's a business partner,
they might go and try to convince other people out there
(12:54):
that may loosely know you that you're apos like there are they
will go campaign OK to find people to sort of validate them
and join them in their misery. OK, And you even in even in that
that regard, you need to see it as a blessing because I like to
say that once God reveals your enemy and removes your enemy, he
(13:17):
literally commissions the enemy to take out the rest of the
trash and create a huge clearingin your life.
Because you have such a big destiny ahead of you that he
needs to get rid of all the people, places things in, in
situations and even certain opportunities that are not of
him. And that he knows because of
(13:37):
your big heart, you would have wanted to take certain people
with you. He, you would have wanted to
share in your blessings with these certain people that
frankly did not deserve that. Frankly, God sees and hears
things that you have not and he knows what is best for you.
And so if he's removing that, that you know, husband, if he's
(13:59):
removing that fiance, boyfriend,whatever baby daddy, like if
he's removing that best friend, if he's removing that, that
business associate, if he's removing that friend circle or
removing you from them or whatever the case may be, it is
a blessing. And it is, it's a blessing
because you have something so amazing store that he does not
(14:21):
want you to throw your pearls tothe swine.
And there is a whole Bible verseabout that.
And with regards to your voice, the story that you are telling
yourself, it is key to not resent others, to not get into
(14:41):
the blame game with others, to just when you have the tendency
to feel immense pain and look around and it feels like no one
is coming to your rescue, even that is a blessing.
You are not to judge others for not stopping their entire lives
to rescue quote UN quote, rescueyou when they can't do more to
(15:05):
help you than you're willing to do for yourself.
And sometimes people will lay inthe pit or lay right next to it
and, and, and get mad at everybody that walks by because,
gosh, you know, they see me suffering and they're not
helping me. You really need to take charge
(15:26):
of your own voice in your head and then take action to begin to
move yourself up and out. And then what's interesting and
ironic is once you have this momentum of like trying to solve
things for yourself, it's interesting how the right people
will begin to show up and, and then help you lift that.
(15:48):
They'll help you do some heavy lifting.
They'll hold the door open for you in certain aspects of of
life that will help you get further ahead.
But someone that is just lying there curled up crying, feeling
sorry for themselves and, and just completely, you know, in
shambles. Yes, it's heartbreaking.
(16:09):
It is. But it does not attract the
right people. It does not attract the people
that will truly want to help you.
What it tends to attract is those who want to enable you.
There are people who will show up and they will coddle you and
(16:29):
they will enable you. They will be very agreeable with
you. Yeah, you're right.
You're so right. Like, you know what?
Yeah, F them. You know what?
You know, you who did this for these people, like where are
they today and all of these kinds of things and that is not
of God. The anybody who's agreeing with
you in your accusation, false maybe accusation of others and
(16:54):
everything they're not. That's not the right people to
surround yourself with. And I've been seeing this
throughout the years, and it's come to help me realize that
there is a difference between enabling and empowering someone.
Really, if you are a giver, let's just say you know someone
in your life and they're really struggling.
(17:15):
Ask yourself, am I enabling thisperson or am I empowering them
to solve things for themselves in the situation that has really
prompted me to create this episode, This individual, you
know, has known me. I just, I don't want to give it
away just so, so long. And we've known each other and
(17:36):
love each other and everything. And, and one of the things that
I started to notice is that theywould make requests like for
tasks like favors, like, Hey, I'm going to give you an
example. One of them was, hey, there's
somebody that needs me to send them this document, but it's a
(17:58):
photo. It's a jpg, right?
It's a photo. And they don't accept that they
need it in a PDF. When you have time, can you
please do that? And I'm like, well, I'm not
going to have really time today because I'm out, you know, on
meetings in LA. And I mean, I was going to be
gone like all day, going from meeting to meeting and event to
(18:19):
event. So I'm away from a computer, all
that fun stuff. So I said I likely won't be able
to do it anytime soon, maybe late tonight, maybe in the
morning. So if it's urgent, let me let me
give you the steps on how you can convert it yourself so that
when this person wants wants more of this file or whatever
(18:41):
that you have to do more of these, you'll know how to do it.
OK, So enabling would have been for me to stop everything I'm
doing and then do that for them.Empowering OK, is me offering to
teach them how to do it so that they can continue to do it for
themselves in this particular situation.
(19:04):
And the individual got really quiet and actually they kind of
got their feelings hurt. They took it as a rejection.
It was one of the signs that I knew for sure this person was in
a very, very dark place because they were in deep need of
feeling validated, loved, seen, supported, but they were
(19:27):
choosing these random like one off test.
It didn't make any sense that tolike prove that.
So like had I stopped everything, if I would have
said, OK, I'm going to pull overon the four O 5 freeway in the
middle of rush hour traffic, open up my laptop that's in the
back seat and then let me see ifI can hotspot my laptop and
(19:48):
then, you know, with my phone and then see if I can convert it
for you and then get that out toyou.
That is what would have made them feel loved.
But that then. Would be enablement, OK, That
would be like a coddling in their dark moment.
And that would be like a jumpingthrough hoops to prove love that
(20:11):
they should already know is real.
And this is not, I'm not speaking in terms of a romantic
relationship or romantic situation, but it is a very real
scenario. And I and I noticed that.
And so now there's been a situation, and I've seen this by
the way, in lots of scenarios, Marios throughout my life with
(20:33):
family members who pass away, just different situations.
And then people begin to competewith each other about who did
more to help that person out, who did more with it while they
were alive. And then people begin to then
weaponize the, the kind gesture that they performed for these,
(20:56):
for these individuals or this individual, and they weaponize
it against everyone else. I was the only one that was
doing XYZ. Where was everybody?
And so without taking, without stepping back and saying to
yourself, like, or without stepping back and looking around
and going, well, wait a minute. Like everybody loves this
(21:17):
person. Everybody admires this person
and everybody does it in a different way.
And so usually the person who's suffering, they're going to
create a lot of situations, opportunities to resent others.
They're going to begin to take score when they are locked in a
(21:38):
very and this, if this is you, this this is normal.
What you this is a normal something that happens, but it's
like not OK. And it's like you're in a deep
dark place. Maybe you're out of money, maybe
you feel lonely, you're heartbroken, whatever the case
may be. Now all the sudden there is like
this checks and balances of like, I've been there for
(21:59):
everybody, no one even cares. I'm going through a divorce.
I've been there for everybody. Nobody even cares.
I'm sick. Like I've been there for
everybody. Nobody cares that I just lost
this loved one of mine and I'm more and I'm suffering.
The reality of the situation is,is that you cannot look for you
who you are or that your own tendencies in others because
(22:22):
then you set up an expectation of others that is unrealistic.
And then your expectations are what's disappointing you.
So if you want to guarantee thatyou're going to be disappointed
in life, have expectations of others like you simply should
just not have them. Like people are not you.
(22:42):
If you are a giver, you are someone who will drop everything
and, and drive, you know, 10 hours to go be by someone's
side. You cannot expect that from
them. And I know that's going to feel
super counterintuitive for that person.
It might be, hey, you know what,I'll call you every day or
(23:04):
whatever the case may be. It's like I have a friend and
she anytime it's going to be someone's birthday.
She is the most thoughtful, amazing human being on the
planet when it comes to birthdays.
She is a giver when it comes to birthdays.
And she's very militant about it.
Like, like she will say, Rachel,you know, what do you want to do
(23:25):
for your birthday? You want to go to dinner?
And I'll say, yeah, you and justyou and me, It's fine.
No big deal. No, she she'll say, OK, but then
invite like 10 other girls and then it's like, let's all get
together. And then by the way, these girls
might not even necessarily want to come because I live kind of,
you know, far away, you know, from LA and stuff like that.
And and she will be like, everybody needs to be there,
like make it happen. And then what ends up happening
(23:47):
is, though, when her birthday comes around there, you know,
there might be a person who's like, hey, like, So what should
we do? Should we, like, get together
for her birthday? And it might be kind of, you
know, wishy washy. Some yes, some no.
It's like not as, you know, stringent.
It's kind of like, oh, like not this time.
But then, you know, my friend Will feel some kind of way and
understandably in a sense, because like, I'm not surprised
(24:12):
that it will then hurt her because people do for you what
their love language is. All you have to do is like watch
what they do. Some people love to buy gifts.
Some people send really great messages via text or voice notes
or whatever. Some people like to go places
and invite you places. Some people want to do lunch all
(24:33):
the time. Whatever the case may be, you
know, in your relationships, tryyour best to mirror that.
But you can be honest with yourself to be like, that's just
not my love language. Like birthdays, You know, it
just, for me, it just isn't. But she's just so great about
it. And so in in dealing in helping
this individual in my life, really face these difficult
(24:55):
challenges. One of the things that I was
saying to this person is do yourbest to avoid the tendency to
keep score because you are such an amazing person.
You're such a giver, you're sucha brilliant like light in the
world that you cannot expect that others will then be that
(25:16):
for you. Like this person's capacity to
give and uplift and and provide and support is very unusually
high. It's not the norm.
It's like really above average and and in their darkest moment,
they could feel for the first time the difference and that
(25:38):
felt very lonely to them. It felt very disappointing to
them. It felt very disheartening to
them. And I did everything, everything
I have said and done everything I possibly can to help them say
and see the it's like their own light was creating a darkness
(26:01):
and casting a shadow like their own years of like all of their
years of being an amazing pillarand light was now in this
moment, casting a shadow in their life that was harboring
and fostering resentments towards, by the way, really
(26:23):
great people that actually genuinely love this person.
But but this person like can't see it.
Like they can't see it because right now it there, it's just
such a dark place. So I wanted to do this episode
to say your voice is the loudestvoice and the only voice that's
(26:43):
louder than that is that of God.And so if the voice in your head
is really loud and telling you to do the unmentionable and
telling you to resent other people and to judge other people
for what they haven't done for you and to sit there and like
really think the worst about yourself or your situation or
(27:04):
others. You really need to cry out and
call out to God and seek his loudest possible version of his
voice until that until his voicejust completely silence and
mutes your voice because otherwise the like literally the
(27:27):
worst can happen. And also the voices in our head
are not real and also other people's opinions of us are
actually not real. It does.
Other people's opinions of us don't define us.
Other people's decision to, you know, cheat on us is not a
reflection of us. It's them.
Like so many things that people do at on the exterior of our
(27:51):
lives that hurt us or affect us actually have very little to do
with us, which is really hard for many people to wrap their
head around. And I just decided to do this
episode because I was reminded of how dark and deep that pit
can be when we let the voice in our mind get louder and stronger
(28:14):
and more profound than the voiceof God.
So may this episode remind you that it's not real.
It feels real, but it's not real.
You can actually turn it around.You can actually see that higher
voice and you can actually beginto form habits in your life to
(28:37):
say no matter what I think in mymind, what my body does is go
business as usual. It gets up, it gets ready, it
gets stressed, it works out, it goes to the gym, you know, to
the gym, it goes to church, it goes to work.
Like, as long as you keep movingand keep moving forward in spite
of the hurt or the sadness or the loneliness or the
(29:00):
disappointment, and continue to seek His voice, eventually you
will be off and running and laughing and rejoicing and
seeing the sun shine in your life once again.
Let's go.
Welcome to another episode of the Rachel Unpacked podcast.
I am your host Rachel Medina andin every episode we talk about
mindset, wealth, building and faith for every girlie who is
looking to change and level up her life.
If you want to follow me on social media, you can do so at
Rachel Medina 101 or visit my website rachelmedina.com.
But if you are ready to build a business in a life that you
(00:23):
love, head on over to our new she eox.com site again, she EO
x.com where you are going to find a tribe of like minded
business building dream aspiringgirlies just like you
connecting, learning and growingtogether.
And a new CEO X Partnership program means we attract the
(00:43):
talented, experienced and successful women who are ready
to teach you how they did it so that you can succeed too.
Let's go. I want to talk about mental
health this episode. It is something that I have
touched on here and there throughout the seasons just
based on my own life experiences.
Figuring that most of us can identify with the shared
(01:04):
challenges and shared difficulties and obstacles in
life. Realizing that in our most
darkest, deepest moments, we tend to feel alone and we feel
that we are misunderstood. When in reality, if we were to
connect with others during thosedifficult times, we would come
(01:25):
to realize that we are more alike than we are different and
that we are not alone in our experience.
Even if it feels like you may bealone in the moment, on the
journey, in that particular moment or situation in your
life. And I will reveal later on why I
have decided to do this episode.I, I may not air like actually
(01:50):
air it in this episode, but I amin the midst of a time in my
life where I am doing my darn best or have done attempted to
be doing my darned best to help someone in their deepest darkest
moment. And in that experience, and it's
(02:11):
been, it's one that has lasted several, several months.
And in that experience, I have been reminded of my own
experiences that I had to overcome.
And it's really caused me to digdeep and, and look back and
reflect and say to myself, Rachel, how, how did, how did
you get out of that? Like what did you do, say, think
(02:34):
or feel or believe in order to pull myself up and out of some
of the darkest places that I have ever been in order that I
may do my best to help save or rescue a person that I truly
truly admire and care for and and love.
(02:56):
And I decided to do this episodein this way.
A little ominous, like I said, Iwill reveal later on maybe
possibly or not in depth of whatis triggering this episode for
me. But what I wanted to say is
this. If you find yourself in a deep
dark space where you are just filled with resentment of
(03:21):
others, where you are filled with self pity, where you are
filled with self loathing, or you are simply looking around
and don't see a way out. You might be in a financial
crisis. You might be struggling with
your health. You might be in the middle of a
(03:41):
very painful relationship break up.
You might be facing a horrible betrayal from friends or loved
ones. There could be any facet of
these situations that you are facing and the feeling might be
similar in that you might feel very alone.
You might feel like you don't really have anyone to talk to or
(04:04):
you feel that the people that you do talk to don't understand
you. I am here.
If you are hearing my voice, I'mhere to say to you that your own
self talk will be the loudest, most powerful force in your life
(04:24):
in those moments. And you hear me talk about
faith. That is why I advocate to pray.
I advocate to lean towards the higher power that is God,
whatever your belief is to lean and not only lean but run to
(04:45):
that until until that voice lifts you higher and further
beyond what your own voice is doing to pull you down.
And I say your own voice. You notice I didn't say or the
voice of others or whatever because here's another part of
(05:06):
that. If you are dealing with
something incredibly difficult because someone else has broken
your heart, someone else has made you feel ugly, someone else
has rejected you or made you feel unwanted or some other
people are not accepting you andit's really hurting your
(05:29):
feelings and it's making you feel excluded.
And that exclusion is really something that you can't get
past. It's very hurtful.
I want you to understand that God's protection looks like
isolation. Oftentimes God's protection
(05:49):
looks like that person that you are romantically in loved with
gets caught doing something horrible or decides they don't
want to be with you anymore. God's protection looks like that
non invite that you got. It looks like that function that
everyone else is planning without you and then you're not
(06:10):
invited. God's protection looks like
those people talking behind yourback or saying things about you
for whatever reason, and then you finding out about it or you
seeing the eye rolls or the hearing the whispers when they
think that you're not looking. That is God's protection you.
(06:33):
If you were listening to this need and you're going through
something like that, remember that you are divinely protected
and that those realizations are in fact blessings.
I know that we in modern societyposition blessings as these
beautiful things that feel so good, like butterflies and
(06:56):
rainbows. But blessings come wrapped in
all sorts of packages, and some of them kind of sink and some of
them sting, and some of them just hurt really bad.
And some of them seem tragic and, but all of it, all of it,
all of it, if it's truly for your greater good, if it's of
God, it's for your greater good.And if it's of God, it's it's,
(07:18):
it's part of the protection. And I wish that certain
individuals that I have poured into were able to grasp that for
themselves there. If you were going through an
incredibly emotional, difficult,painful breakup in a
relationship, you hearing me say, oh, it's for your greater
(07:41):
good, it's for your protection, It's not going to mean anything
to you. But what I am going to say to
you is that you do not need to give another human being immense
power over you. It is normal to feel pain.
It is a choice to sit and suffering, OK?
(08:04):
Pain in this life is inevitable.Suffering is always optional.
And sometimes, especially if youdid a lot for the person that
you fell in love with and maybe,maybe you really invested in
them. Maybe you really sacrificed a
lot for them. Maybe everyone and their mother
(08:25):
told you what a horrible person they were and to watch out and
you gave them the benefit of thedoubt and you married them
anyways, had the kids anyways, or did the thing anyways.
And lo and behold, the their true colors, you know, shine
through. They shine through for everybody
else. You were just blinded.
Now you're seeing the truth and you were just devastated because
(08:46):
you vouched for this person. There could be a lot of ways to
slice this scenario. When you get involved with
someone and you become a parent with them and you bring
beautiful children into the world, these ideas, this image
that you have of what your life is supposed to be and what they
should sort of appreciate about your life together.
(09:09):
You know when that falls apart, that image that you created in
your mind, that expectation thathelp falls apart, it can be
incredibly devastated, devastating, painful,
heartbreaking, all the things itcould be like triggering and
angry. It could make you become angry.
There could be a lot of things, but one thing it should not be
is controlling your life. It is OK to feel the pain and
(09:35):
and and even think some you know, way out thoughts and that
might seem really dark to othersand might may not make sense to
others. As long as you though continue
to wake up in the morning, you know, make your bed, brush your
teeth, go to the gym, take a shower, you know, eat your
breakfast, go to work, you know,whatever it is that you would
normally just do business as usual.
(09:56):
It's important to stay in routine or to establish a really
solid routine that you can rely on and get into muscle memory
with. That way, no matter how you
feel, you just already are like programming yourself to do this
other thing. And, and this is true too, like
(10:17):
when you have a business and youwant to be successful and you
know, you want to make your, youknow, $100,000 a month and all
these things that we, you know, that I often talk about on this
podcast. So much of that requires you to
really adopt A process. I used to say fall in love.
I used to say the process sucks.Fall in love with it anyways.
And then you'll get rich becauseso many aspects of healing
(10:40):
really require you not to sort of react to every little feeling
that you have. So many aspects of success
require you not to react to every little thing that you
feel. It requires you to stick to a
program. It requires you to be
consistent. It requires you to formulate
(11:02):
healthy habits and mental health.
And especially if you are someone who is having suicidal
thoughts, I will say to you, lean towards your faith and
understand that it's just a thought.
It's not real, it is only in your head.
(11:24):
And if it is coming from an external source, someone that
you were in love with, someone that you are now at odds with,
it might even be a parent that says something that makes you
feel totally worthless. Where you think to yourself, why
am I even here still? It could be anybody in your life
that is emotionally manipulatingyou or bullying you or strong
(11:47):
arming you. Whatever the case may be, you
can and will be victorious in your mind if you seek that
higher power, if you turn to Godand it will not happen right
away because again, part of whatthe plan is for you is for you
to be blessed. And sometimes when you're
(12:08):
destiny, your future has a majorblessing in store for you.
God is going to clear out the House of the he's going to take
out the trash, OK? He's going to reveal your
enemies, or at least the people that are not for you.
He's going to make that person you're going to, you're going to
like break up with that person, whether it's a friend, a
business partner, a romantic partner, whatever the case may
(12:31):
be, there's going to be sort of a separation or break up there.
And then chances are that personwill be just toxic enough to go
pull others with them. OK, So if you're breaking up in
a relationship, you know, they might that person might then go
to the children and convince thechildren what a you know, POS
you are. OK, If it's a business partner,
they might go and try to convince other people out there
(12:54):
that may loosely know you that you're apos like there are they
will go campaign OK to find people to sort of validate them
and join them in their misery. OK, And you even in even in that
that regard, you need to see it as a blessing because I like to
say that once God reveals your enemy and removes your enemy, he
(13:17):
literally commissions the enemy to take out the rest of the
trash and create a huge clearingin your life.
Because you have such a big destiny ahead of you that he
needs to get rid of all the people, places things in, in
situations and even certain opportunities that are not of
him. And that he knows because of
(13:37):
your big heart, you would have wanted to take certain people
with you. He, you would have wanted to
share in your blessings with these certain people that
frankly did not deserve that. Frankly, God sees and hears
things that you have not and he knows what is best for you.
And so if he's removing that, that you know, husband, if he's
(13:59):
removing that fiance, boyfriend,whatever baby daddy, like if
he's removing that best friend, if he's removing that, that
business associate, if he's removing that friend circle or
removing you from them or whatever the case may be, it is
a blessing. And it is, it's a blessing
because you have something so amazing store that he does not
(14:21):
want you to throw your pearls tothe swine.
And there is a whole Bible verseabout that.
And with regards to your voice, the story that you are telling
yourself, it is key to not resent others, to not get into
(14:41):
the blame game with others, to just when you have the tendency
to feel immense pain and look around and it feels like no one
is coming to your rescue, even that is a blessing.
You are not to judge others for not stopping their entire lives
to rescue quote UN quote, rescueyou when they can't do more to
(15:05):
help you than you're willing to do for yourself.
And sometimes people will lay inthe pit or lay right next to it
and, and, and get mad at everybody that walks by because,
gosh, you know, they see me suffering and they're not
helping me. You really need to take charge
(15:26):
of your own voice in your head and then take action to begin to
move yourself up and out. And then what's interesting and
ironic is once you have this momentum of like trying to solve
things for yourself, it's interesting how the right people
will begin to show up and, and then help you lift that.
(15:48):
They'll help you do some heavy lifting.
They'll hold the door open for you in certain aspects of of
life that will help you get further ahead.
But someone that is just lying there curled up crying, feeling
sorry for themselves and, and just completely, you know, in
shambles. Yes, it's heartbreaking.
(16:09):
It is. But it does not attract the
right people. It does not attract the people
that will truly want to help you.
What it tends to attract is those who want to enable you.
There are people who will show up and they will coddle you and
(16:29):
they will enable you. They will be very agreeable with
you. Yeah, you're right.
You're so right. Like, you know what?
Yeah, F them. You know what?
You know, you who did this for these people, like where are
they today and all of these kinds of things and that is not
of God. The anybody who's agreeing with
you in your accusation, false maybe accusation of others and
(16:54):
everything they're not. That's not the right people to
surround yourself with. And I've been seeing this
throughout the years, and it's come to help me realize that
there is a difference between enabling and empowering someone.
Really, if you are a giver, let's just say you know someone
in your life and they're really struggling.
(17:15):
Ask yourself, am I enabling thisperson or am I empowering them
to solve things for themselves in the situation that has really
prompted me to create this episode, This individual, you
know, has known me. I just, I don't want to give it
away just so, so long. And we've known each other and
(17:36):
love each other and everything. And, and one of the things that
I started to notice is that theywould make requests like for
tasks like favors, like, Hey, I'm going to give you an
example. One of them was, hey, there's
somebody that needs me to send them this document, but it's a
(17:58):
photo. It's a jpg, right?
It's a photo. And they don't accept that they
need it in a PDF. When you have time, can you
please do that? And I'm like, well, I'm not
going to have really time today because I'm out, you know, on
meetings in LA. And I mean, I was going to be
gone like all day, going from meeting to meeting and event to
(18:19):
event. So I'm away from a computer, all
that fun stuff. So I said I likely won't be able
to do it anytime soon, maybe late tonight, maybe in the
morning. So if it's urgent, let me let me
give you the steps on how you can convert it yourself so that
when this person wants wants more of this file or whatever
(18:41):
that you have to do more of these, you'll know how to do it.
OK, So enabling would have been for me to stop everything I'm
doing and then do that for them.Empowering OK, is me offering to
teach them how to do it so that they can continue to do it for
themselves in this particular situation.
(19:04):
And the individual got really quiet and actually they kind of
got their feelings hurt. They took it as a rejection.
It was one of the signs that I knew for sure this person was in
a very, very dark place because they were in deep need of
feeling validated, loved, seen, supported, but they were
(19:27):
choosing these random like one off test.
It didn't make any sense that tolike prove that.
So like had I stopped everything, if I would have
said, OK, I'm going to pull overon the four O 5 freeway in the
middle of rush hour traffic, open up my laptop that's in the
back seat and then let me see ifI can hotspot my laptop and
(19:48):
then, you know, with my phone and then see if I can convert it
for you and then get that out toyou.
That is what would have made them feel loved.
But that then. Would be enablement, OK, That
would be like a coddling in their dark moment.
And that would be like a jumpingthrough hoops to prove love that
(20:11):
they should already know is real.
And this is not, I'm not speaking in terms of a romantic
relationship or romantic situation, but it is a very real
scenario. And I and I noticed that.
And so now there's been a situation, and I've seen this by
the way, in lots of scenarios, Marios throughout my life with
(20:33):
family members who pass away, just different situations.
And then people begin to competewith each other about who did
more to help that person out, who did more with it while they
were alive. And then people begin to then
weaponize the, the kind gesture that they performed for these,
(20:56):
for these individuals or this individual, and they weaponize
it against everyone else. I was the only one that was
doing XYZ. Where was everybody?
And so without taking, without stepping back and saying to
yourself, like, or without stepping back and looking around
and going, well, wait a minute. Like everybody loves this
(21:17):
person. Everybody admires this person
and everybody does it in a different way.
And so usually the person who's suffering, they're going to
create a lot of situations, opportunities to resent others.
They're going to begin to take score when they are locked in a
(21:38):
very and this, if this is you, this this is normal.
What you this is a normal something that happens, but it's
like not OK. And it's like you're in a deep
dark place. Maybe you're out of money, maybe
you feel lonely, you're heartbroken, whatever the case
may be. Now all the sudden there is like
this checks and balances of like, I've been there for
(21:59):
everybody, no one even cares. I'm going through a divorce.
I've been there for everybody. Nobody even cares.
I'm sick. Like I've been there for
everybody. Nobody cares that I just lost
this loved one of mine and I'm more and I'm suffering.
The reality of the situation is,is that you cannot look for you
who you are or that your own tendencies in others because
(22:22):
then you set up an expectation of others that is unrealistic.
And then your expectations are what's disappointing you.
So if you want to guarantee thatyou're going to be disappointed
in life, have expectations of others like you simply should
just not have them. Like people are not you.
(22:42):
If you are a giver, you are someone who will drop everything
and, and drive, you know, 10 hours to go be by someone's
side. You cannot expect that from
them. And I know that's going to feel
super counterintuitive for that person.
It might be, hey, you know what,I'll call you every day or
(23:04):
whatever the case may be. It's like I have a friend and
she anytime it's going to be someone's birthday.
She is the most thoughtful, amazing human being on the
planet when it comes to birthdays.
She is a giver when it comes to birthdays.
And she's very militant about it.
Like, like she will say, Rachel,you know, what do you want to do
(23:25):
for your birthday? You want to go to dinner?
And I'll say, yeah, you and justyou and me, It's fine.
No big deal. No, she she'll say, OK, but then
invite like 10 other girls and then it's like, let's all get
together. And then by the way, these girls
might not even necessarily want to come because I live kind of,
you know, far away, you know, from LA and stuff like that.
And and she will be like, everybody needs to be there,
like make it happen. And then what ends up happening
(23:47):
is, though, when her birthday comes around there, you know,
there might be a person who's like, hey, like, So what should
we do? Should we, like, get together
for her birthday? And it might be kind of, you
know, wishy washy. Some yes, some no.
It's like not as, you know, stringent.
It's kind of like, oh, like not this time.
But then, you know, my friend Will feel some kind of way and
understandably in a sense, because like, I'm not surprised
(24:12):
that it will then hurt her because people do for you what
their love language is. All you have to do is like watch
what they do. Some people love to buy gifts.
Some people send really great messages via text or voice notes
or whatever. Some people like to go places
and invite you places. Some people want to do lunch all
(24:33):
the time. Whatever the case may be, you
know, in your relationships, tryyour best to mirror that.
But you can be honest with yourself to be like, that's just
not my love language. Like birthdays, You know, it
just, for me, it just isn't. But she's just so great about
it. And so in in dealing in helping
this individual in my life, really face these difficult
(24:55):
challenges. One of the things that I was
saying to this person is do yourbest to avoid the tendency to
keep score because you are such an amazing person.
You're such a giver, you're sucha brilliant like light in the
world that you cannot expect that others will then be that
(25:16):
for you. Like this person's capacity to
give and uplift and and provide and support is very unusually
high. It's not the norm.
It's like really above average and and in their darkest moment,
they could feel for the first time the difference and that
(25:38):
felt very lonely to them. It felt very disappointing to
them. It felt very disheartening to
them. And I did everything, everything
I have said and done everything I possibly can to help them say
and see the it's like their own light was creating a darkness
(26:01):
and casting a shadow like their own years of like all of their
years of being an amazing pillarand light was now in this
moment, casting a shadow in their life that was harboring
and fostering resentments towards, by the way, really
(26:23):
great people that actually genuinely love this person.
But but this person like can't see it.
Like they can't see it because right now it there, it's just
such a dark place. So I wanted to do this episode
to say your voice is the loudestvoice and the only voice that's
(26:43):
louder than that is that of God.And so if the voice in your head
is really loud and telling you to do the unmentionable and
telling you to resent other people and to judge other people
for what they haven't done for you and to sit there and like
really think the worst about yourself or your situation or
(27:04):
others. You really need to cry out and
call out to God and seek his loudest possible version of his
voice until that until his voicejust completely silence and
mutes your voice because otherwise the like literally the
(27:27):
worst can happen. And also the voices in our head
are not real and also other people's opinions of us are
actually not real. It does.
Other people's opinions of us don't define us.
Other people's decision to, you know, cheat on us is not a
reflection of us. It's them.
Like so many things that people do at on the exterior of our
(27:51):
lives that hurt us or affect us actually have very little to do
with us, which is really hard for many people to wrap their
head around. And I just decided to do this
episode because I was reminded of how dark and deep that pit
can be when we let the voice in our mind get louder and stronger
(28:14):
and more profound than the voiceof God.
So may this episode remind you that it's not real.
It feels real, but it's not real.
You can actually turn it around.You can actually see that higher
voice and you can actually beginto form habits in your life to
(28:37):
say no matter what I think in mymind, what my body does is go
business as usual. It gets up, it gets ready, it
gets stressed, it works out, it goes to the gym, you know, to
the gym, it goes to church, it goes to work.
Like, as long as you keep movingand keep moving forward in spite
of the hurt or the sadness or the loneliness or the
(29:00):
disappointment, and continue to seek His voice, eventually you
will be off and running and laughing and rejoicing and
seeing the sun shine in your life once again.
Let's go.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.