November 6, 2024 • 24 mins
Your friendly neighborhood mystic is back.....and she's flipping the script already.
Literally...Rachael kicks off the Season 2 return of the podcast with some fierce affirmations. She's going to need them for the stories she's sharing from the vault today. 🥵
On Wednesdays....we get WILDE!
Rachael's first time kissing a GIRL...
The unsupervised tween time that allowed Rachael to get "wilde & weird" on the internet in the 2000's....
AOL is such a NARC! 😅 (pArEntAl coNTrOLs)
Rachael's middle school acting chops are put to the test when her mother finds a scandelous photo....
Who hacked her instant messenger account!?!?! THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW.
Actually, listen to episode 8.....and you will find out!
Radically, Rachael returns and she wants to know: a/s/l?
EPISODE 8 SPECIAL FEATURES! Head on over to youtube and snuggle up with Rachael and Kelsey while they talk all things middle school, make-outs and more.... www.youtube.com/@radicallyrachael
Want more Radically, Rachael?
Follow Rachael on Instagram and TikTok @RadicallyRachael
Interested in Tarot, Coaching or Reiki?
Music Credit: Specialty Music by Miouxx
Intro Music: Stream "SPIRIT" by Radically, Rachael.
Intro Music Created and Provided with Permission by BigWonder.
Check out Big Wonder on Spotify and Apple Music.
Closing Music: "Radically Rachael" Provided with Permission by Fine Young Gamers.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
One day I woke up and realized that I wasn't happy.
(00:08):
But the best part about writing your own story is that you can change it whenever you want.
You are the main character and the author.
This is my life story, the spiritual awakening and sexual evolution of a wild woman.
(00:31):
May these stories help you to see and understand your own story better,
awakening you to the magic and synchronicity within your own life.
I know they will make you laugh, cry, and cringe.
But they will also be a light in the darkness and a mirror to teach you more deeply about who you are called to be.
(00:58):
I am Radically Rachael.
Hey Radicals, welcome back to the Radically Rachael Podcast.
(01:22):
We're going to do things a bit different today. We're going to start with affirmations right at the top because these are things that I need to say and these are things that I need to hear as I sit down and sit in my recording studio today as I embark on starting this podcast and doing it very differently.
A pivot, if you will.
(01:44):
So we're going to dive in and say these words.
Please repeat after me. I'll read each phrase twice.
I tread fiercely, powerfully, and unapologetically.
(02:11):
I stand in my strengths and stay rooted in the present.
I live in authentic communication with my highest self.
(02:47):
I am fully aligned with the highest frequency available for my evolution at this time.
(03:10):
Thanks everybody.
Isn't that a nice way to come back to the podcast and be together?
Hello kings and queens and everything in between. Suns, moons, and stars listeners near and listeners far.
(03:33):
Welcome back to the Radically Rachael Podcast.
I said earlier I was trying to do things a bit different today. I'm going to tell you what I mean.
It's been a long time since I've sat down to approach the podcast in any capacity.
I've had a lot of resistance in my life towards the podcast and it took me a long time to realize why that is.
(03:55):
I think that something in my production previously just wasn't aligned.
I've known for a long time that I need to tell my story, tell my story, tell my story. It's this burning, deep ember within my heart.
And a big part of my purpose, I know a big part of my purpose, is to share my story and share who I am.
And it feels overwhelming. Sometimes I cry about it and I'm often paralyzed because I don't know what to do or where to go or what to do next.
(04:27):
I don't always know the next right choice or I know the next 10 right choices, things that I could do, but I'm in a functional freeze.
So when I'm avoiding something or feeling resistance around it or anxious about it, I have to really reflect within myself as to why.
I think I felt a lot of pressure around having to tell my story in sequence.
(04:49):
The reason being that I feel like I had to make the listener understand my childhood trauma, which then contributed to me perpetuating the cycles of trauma.
And I had to educate you about all of that before I got to the part where I started saying my shit.
I told my childhood stuff and it got up to that point. And then when it came time for me to tell my stuff, where I started being an ugly, unhealed version of myself, I abandoned shit straight up.
(05:22):
So I knew that there was an element of my perfectionism getting in the way.
But also because it wasn't aligned.
I did love the production and the storytelling and the music and the voices and everything. And maybe some episodes will be like that.
But in the meantime, I know that I just need to get back to sitting in this recording studio and getting behind the microphone and blabbing, which is something I'm so great at.
(05:52):
Get me anywhere. And everyone knows that girl. She's a good blabber. She can chat.
She's a chitty chatty Cathy.
And I'm going to contrived to continue to release the pressure I feel around the control over my story, convincing you or proving anything to you, because that's not what I'm here to do.
I'm just here to tell the story.
(06:14):
And that means I have to let myself be unlikable.
And that means I have to let myself be seen as the ugly character.
I have been and can be and middle school me. Well, she could be a little tough sometimes.
A little hard on the outside, but so soft, so sweet on the inside, such a gummy bear.
(06:39):
But I definitely ruled in my friend group with tough love.
And holding people to a very high moral standard.
I was Christian and I was religious, and so I definitely thought everyone else should be the same.
But as you'll see in this story, my self-righteousness has holes, definite holes, loopholes, Swiss cheese, girl.
(07:08):
Because middle school me was waiting for marriage. Middle school me was very pure.
I had kissed boys, but I hadn't done anything else.
And I definitely hadn't actualized the fact that I was bisexual or queer yet.
Though from this story, it should be obvious to me and to you as well.
(07:31):
But middle school me didn't think that God cared if I were to kiss a girl or not, because I wasn't going to marry a girl anyway.
I just needed to keep myself pure for my future husband. I don't know, guys. I don't know what I was thinking back then.
A few years ago when I was preparing to leave my teaching career, I entered a podcast competition through Audible.
(07:59):
I know I made it into like the higher round of selections, but I didn't get selected.
And I knew that if my podcast got produced, there was no way that I could continue to be an elementary school teacher.
And I was very much banking on not necessarily getting this podcast through Audible, but knowing that I wanted to tell my story.
(08:27):
And so I needed to leave my teaching career so that I could tell my wild, weird stories.
So picking up the torch for many future wild and weird stories, here we go.
This is the sample that I wrote for that podcast submission.
And this is where my podcast episodes had left off with middle school Rachael entering the chat.
(08:51):
Picture it, Chicago, 2002.
That's my best Golden Girls impression.
I remember when my best friend Kelsey Anne told me that she had touched herself for the first time.
(09:15):
I was crushed. Our friendship will never be the same.
I shouted at her. My little Christian heart couldn't handle the new waves that she was riding.
I felt like our friendship was tainted.
I had my first orgasm like three days later. Kelsey Anne was always ahead of the curve.
(09:38):
Middle school me was sporting a retainer and fresh chunky highlights.
A rock star necklace dangled from my neck.
Kelsey Anne also introduced me to silver glitter eyeliner. Thanks, boo.
Kelsey and I spent our weeknights in middle school playing The Sims, chess, gossiping about our classmates, and dry humping.
(10:03):
Though I always looked up to Kay as the daring one, I had kissed my fair share of boys first.
What if I'm bad at it? She said, trying to convince me to give her a kissing lesson.
She was dating the older brother of one of our best friends.
He was an eighth grader and a Greek god, as we called him. But Kelsey had never been kissed.
(10:28):
Sometime that winter, after school, I turned off the lights and we were left in the glow of the three-foot Christmas tree in my bedroom.
She was much taller than I was, so I had her sit on my hamper.
Our lips met in a soft yet sweet swirl.
Every now and then, between play practice, school projects, and nail painting, we would explore our sensual side together.
(10:55):
Chatting in chat rooms, sharing our cyber adventures, we would even Google girls kissing girls.
Now mind you, this was the early internet. Our parents didn't even know how to use the computers we had in our houses.
Kelsey's computer was in her bedroom, and surprisingly you could get through the search results of girls kissing girls pretty quickly.
(11:18):
Kelsey was my best friend, my mother, my teacher, my counselor, and I also loved to trace the stars on her pajama pants with my fingers, dangerously close to the apex of her thighs.
But only if we get our homework done first, my type A self-asserted snaps for being promiscuous and nerdy.
(11:42):
After blasting some Avril Lavigne and Lindsay Lohan, we'd lay in her bed next to the Daniel Radcliffe posters.
I'd go down on you sometime if you like, want to, or need me to, I said at some point. Not sure if she wanted some practice before doing the real thing with her Greek god, you know, just looking out for my friend.
(12:06):
She politely declined.
Later in high school, Kelsey Ann told me that she could see me dating a girl someday.
I told her, I kinda could too.
She also told me I would make a great country singer.
That did not elicit such a positive reaction from me.
So somehow in my modern Christian mindset, I was like, it's okay to kiss girls, God doesn't care, being gay is cool, but it's just for fun, I'm going to marry a man someday.
(12:46):
Little did I know.
But we'll come back to that story another time.
Radicals, I've got some special bonus feature related to this episode because I sat down with Kelsey Ann and we did a video episode together for the YouTube channel.
But you have to visit YouTube and hear all the juicy details.
(13:10):
We talk about this experience and then some.
We do a little bit of middle school, a little bit of high school, so you definitely are going to want to check out the YouTube channel.
Find a link in the show notes.
Ironically enough, after Kelsey Ann came and told me about her self-pleasure experiences, and I then began to have them for myself, I then was telling everybody and their sister and their cousin about it.
(13:38):
And me and my friends would call it emming and we would trade tips and tricks.
And I would read cosmopolitan way more than I ever read the Bible.
That's just that's just how it was.
My friends and I would get into all kinds of.
Excavades, sexcapades in chat rooms, in AOL message boards in the early millennium.
(14:03):
And I definitely began to discover my sexuality and awaken to myself there.
Do you have time for another crazy story? Okay, stick with me.
Here we go.
This happens the summer after eighth grade and I've just turned 14.
I wrote an AOL message forum, something about looking for a girl to lick my.
(14:30):
You can fill the blanks.
I was a nasty girl.
I was I was exploring myself in the chat rooms and because I swore I swore in the message.
AOL copied this post and then they sent it to my mom's account because I had some parental controls, I guess, set up.
(14:51):
I didn't know. And they sent my mom this message and they were like your child's account.
You know, they're like using profane language, whatever.
My mom calls me over to the computer and she's like, what is this?
Why are you know, freaking out of me? And I'm just like playing dead possum, man.
I was like, I didn't write that.
I don't know what that is, mom. Mom, I don't know what that is.
(15:13):
I didn't write that. I'm being chill. I'm being chill.
She prints it out. She goes upstairs to show my dad.
So then they're up there talking about what a deviant I am.
I go on the computer. I quickly log on.
I was a middle school girl in the millennium. You know what I was doing?
I was saving my instant message conversations from crushes, from friends, whatever, drama, blackmail.
(15:38):
You know, you know how we were.
I would save conversations in email drafts. So I had like lots of stuff in log.
I quickly pull up some text conversation and I manipulate the text.
So it looks like I'm having a conversation between myself and someone else.
And I make up this guy's screen name, like a guy from my school.
(16:01):
And I use the alternating fonts. It was like red and blue for our usernames.
I had my like font and then I made up a different font.
I'm having this conversation back and forth with somebody where they're like, oh, wasn't that funny?
Like da da da, you got in trouble. And I was like, what are you talking about?
And this person's like, oh, you know, that was me.
I'm like, oh, you hacked my account like you figured out my password.
(16:23):
And I staged this whole dialogue conversation as if some guy from school figured out my password.
Guys. Oh.
And then I tell my mom this the next day, I print it out and I show it to her.
And it has like an AOL timestamp on the bottom of the page and everything because it was from like an email.
So she thinks like this was a real conversation I had with somebody when she went to bed the night before.
(16:47):
So I show it to her. So we changed my password.
I think I made like a new account.
And at that time, like she was really unaware of like how hard it would be to crack a password.
And I think my password at the time was like Ray Babe seven.
And so I made up some really elaborate story how like Kelsey always calls me Ray Bay that school.
(17:12):
He probably heard my jersey number in gym is always seven because it's my favorite number.
We never used to receive in gym class. I never use the number seven.
I was lying, lying out my teeth.
But I was a good actress because I did theater and my mom believed me.
Like she didn't continue to freak out at me. I took that.
(17:33):
I found that conversation she had printed my message board posts.
I took it and then I hid it in my closet underneath like a pile of clothes.
I know I didn't just trash it right away, but I was like burying it.
I was I didn't want her to come across it again.
And remember the things I said.
So fast forward, fast forward.
(17:58):
I think it is the night before I'm about to get married.
And I tell my mom that story.
I'm like, well, mom, you know, just so you know, you remember that one time I refreshed the story with her.
I told her it was me. We laughed.
I think she wasn't even super suspicious.
She believed me, which great, great for me.
(18:22):
Good job, 14 year old Rachael.
You didn't get your ass grounded that summer, though I could have.
So if my family didn't know I was queer, then they definitely know now.
Because I really confused them when a couple years later, I found a picture of a penis on the Internet and I printed it out and I put it on between the record player and the stand, the table that held the record player.
(18:53):
I hid it in between thinking this will be here forever for when I want to look at it later, I guess.
And one time I came home from school and my mom had rearranged the furniture and the picture of this young man and his penis sitting on the dining room table.
That was not a really good day because I had an audition.
(19:18):
I had an audition for like a play or for the Academy or something for the drama Academy or something like the next day or something.
And I'm like, why? Why is she showing me this right now?
I have a monologue to be studying.
So I blamed that one on some email chain.
I said somebody sent it to me.
I wanted to print it for a friend.
Ha ha ha.
Email chains.
(19:40):
Really, that was some guy who sent me a photo from like a chat room or something.
I don't even know the guy.
Probably wasn't a real guy's like photo.
It probably was a model of some sort because he was laying on like a gold satin.
Yeah, I don't know why I thought that was real.
Rachael in middle school on the interwebs.
(20:15):
Speaking of interwebs, if you would like more Radically Rachael, check out the YouTube channel.
YouTube dot com forward slash at Radically Rachael.
Don't forget the extra a.
Now, you know, friends, why I was a little bit nervous for that episode because I knew I was going to be wild and weird publicly.
(20:37):
But I'm always wild and weird in public.
So we will end today's episode with claiming our affirmations one more time.
I tread fiercely, powerfully and unapologetically.
(20:58):
I stand in my strengths and stay rooted in the present.
I live in authentic communication with my highest self.
I am fully aligned with the highest frequency available for my evolution at this time.
(21:28):
Thanks for joining me.
And I'll see you on YouTube.
Music for the Radically Rachael podcast has been provided by Big Wonder, Fine Young Gamers and Mew.
I want to be brave.
I want to be myself.
(21:50):
I don't want to wake up every day as someone else.
I want to be strong.
I want to be soft.
I want every single thing that I've been dreaming of.
But that takes courage and that takes time and a single moment to decide to change your mind.
(22:15):
If you don't like the world you are, just turn around.
You too can start living a radically different life.
You want to be radical, don't you?
Treat all the ways it matters with nothing left to prove.
You want to be radical, don't you?
(22:39):
Lose yourself to find yourself to find out what's true.
Before anything was something it first had to be a dream.
And dreamers have to dream the worlds that no one else can see.
Two eyes closed and one heart open, straight from destiny.
Following the path you chose, the story you chose to be.
(23:05):
You want to be radical, don't you?
Treat all the ways it matters with nothing left to prove.
You want to be radical, don't you?
Lose yourself to find yourself to find out what's true.
You want to be radical, don't you?
(23:30):
Treat all the ways it matters with nothing left to prove.
You want to be radical, don't you?
Lose yourself to find yourself to find out what's true.
One day I woke up and realized that I wasn't happy.
(00:08):
But the best part about writing your own story is that you can change it whenever you want.
You are the main character and the author.
This is my life story, the spiritual awakening and sexual evolution of a wild woman.
(00:31):
May these stories help you to see and understand your own story better,
awakening you to the magic and synchronicity within your own life.
I know they will make you laugh, cry, and cringe.
But they will also be a light in the darkness and a mirror to teach you more deeply about who you are called to be.
(00:58):
I am Radically Rachael.
Hey Radicals, welcome back to the Radically Rachael Podcast.
(01:22):
We're going to do things a bit different today. We're going to start with affirmations right at the top because these are things that I need to say and these are things that I need to hear as I sit down and sit in my recording studio today as I embark on starting this podcast and doing it very differently.
A pivot, if you will.
(01:44):
So we're going to dive in and say these words.
Please repeat after me. I'll read each phrase twice.
I tread fiercely, powerfully, and unapologetically.
(02:11):
I stand in my strengths and stay rooted in the present.
I live in authentic communication with my highest self.
(02:47):
I am fully aligned with the highest frequency available for my evolution at this time.
(03:10):
Thanks everybody.
Isn't that a nice way to come back to the podcast and be together?
Hello kings and queens and everything in between. Suns, moons, and stars listeners near and listeners far.
(03:33):
Welcome back to the Radically Rachael Podcast.
I said earlier I was trying to do things a bit different today. I'm going to tell you what I mean.
It's been a long time since I've sat down to approach the podcast in any capacity.
I've had a lot of resistance in my life towards the podcast and it took me a long time to realize why that is.
(03:55):
I think that something in my production previously just wasn't aligned.
I've known for a long time that I need to tell my story, tell my story, tell my story. It's this burning, deep ember within my heart.
And a big part of my purpose, I know a big part of my purpose, is to share my story and share who I am.
And it feels overwhelming. Sometimes I cry about it and I'm often paralyzed because I don't know what to do or where to go or what to do next.
(04:27):
I don't always know the next right choice or I know the next 10 right choices, things that I could do, but I'm in a functional freeze.
So when I'm avoiding something or feeling resistance around it or anxious about it, I have to really reflect within myself as to why.
I think I felt a lot of pressure around having to tell my story in sequence.
(04:49):
The reason being that I feel like I had to make the listener understand my childhood trauma, which then contributed to me perpetuating the cycles of trauma.
And I had to educate you about all of that before I got to the part where I started saying my shit.
I told my childhood stuff and it got up to that point. And then when it came time for me to tell my stuff, where I started being an ugly, unhealed version of myself, I abandoned shit straight up.
(05:22):
So I knew that there was an element of my perfectionism getting in the way.
But also because it wasn't aligned.
I did love the production and the storytelling and the music and the voices and everything. And maybe some episodes will be like that.
But in the meantime, I know that I just need to get back to sitting in this recording studio and getting behind the microphone and blabbing, which is something I'm so great at.
(05:52):
Get me anywhere. And everyone knows that girl. She's a good blabber. She can chat.
She's a chitty chatty Cathy.
And I'm going to contrived to continue to release the pressure I feel around the control over my story, convincing you or proving anything to you, because that's not what I'm here to do.
I'm just here to tell the story.
(06:14):
And that means I have to let myself be unlikable.
And that means I have to let myself be seen as the ugly character.
I have been and can be and middle school me. Well, she could be a little tough sometimes.
A little hard on the outside, but so soft, so sweet on the inside, such a gummy bear.
(06:39):
But I definitely ruled in my friend group with tough love.
And holding people to a very high moral standard.
I was Christian and I was religious, and so I definitely thought everyone else should be the same.
But as you'll see in this story, my self-righteousness has holes, definite holes, loopholes, Swiss cheese, girl.
(07:08):
Because middle school me was waiting for marriage. Middle school me was very pure.
I had kissed boys, but I hadn't done anything else.
And I definitely hadn't actualized the fact that I was bisexual or queer yet.
Though from this story, it should be obvious to me and to you as well.
(07:31):
But middle school me didn't think that God cared if I were to kiss a girl or not, because I wasn't going to marry a girl anyway.
I just needed to keep myself pure for my future husband. I don't know, guys. I don't know what I was thinking back then.
A few years ago when I was preparing to leave my teaching career, I entered a podcast competition through Audible.
(07:59):
I know I made it into like the higher round of selections, but I didn't get selected.
And I knew that if my podcast got produced, there was no way that I could continue to be an elementary school teacher.
And I was very much banking on not necessarily getting this podcast through Audible, but knowing that I wanted to tell my story.
(08:27):
And so I needed to leave my teaching career so that I could tell my wild, weird stories.
So picking up the torch for many future wild and weird stories, here we go.
This is the sample that I wrote for that podcast submission.
And this is where my podcast episodes had left off with middle school Rachael entering the chat.
(08:51):
Picture it, Chicago, 2002.
That's my best Golden Girls impression.
I remember when my best friend Kelsey Anne told me that she had touched herself for the first time.
(09:15):
I was crushed. Our friendship will never be the same.
I shouted at her. My little Christian heart couldn't handle the new waves that she was riding.
I felt like our friendship was tainted.
I had my first orgasm like three days later. Kelsey Anne was always ahead of the curve.
(09:38):
Middle school me was sporting a retainer and fresh chunky highlights.
A rock star necklace dangled from my neck.
Kelsey Anne also introduced me to silver glitter eyeliner. Thanks, boo.
Kelsey and I spent our weeknights in middle school playing The Sims, chess, gossiping about our classmates, and dry humping.
(10:03):
Though I always looked up to Kay as the daring one, I had kissed my fair share of boys first.
What if I'm bad at it? She said, trying to convince me to give her a kissing lesson.
She was dating the older brother of one of our best friends.
He was an eighth grader and a Greek god, as we called him. But Kelsey had never been kissed.
(10:28):
Sometime that winter, after school, I turned off the lights and we were left in the glow of the three-foot Christmas tree in my bedroom.
She was much taller than I was, so I had her sit on my hamper.
Our lips met in a soft yet sweet swirl.
Every now and then, between play practice, school projects, and nail painting, we would explore our sensual side together.
(10:55):
Chatting in chat rooms, sharing our cyber adventures, we would even Google girls kissing girls.
Now mind you, this was the early internet. Our parents didn't even know how to use the computers we had in our houses.
Kelsey's computer was in her bedroom, and surprisingly you could get through the search results of girls kissing girls pretty quickly.
(11:18):
Kelsey was my best friend, my mother, my teacher, my counselor, and I also loved to trace the stars on her pajama pants with my fingers, dangerously close to the apex of her thighs.
But only if we get our homework done first, my type A self-asserted snaps for being promiscuous and nerdy.
(11:42):
After blasting some Avril Lavigne and Lindsay Lohan, we'd lay in her bed next to the Daniel Radcliffe posters.
I'd go down on you sometime if you like, want to, or need me to, I said at some point. Not sure if she wanted some practice before doing the real thing with her Greek god, you know, just looking out for my friend.
(12:06):
She politely declined.
Later in high school, Kelsey Ann told me that she could see me dating a girl someday.
I told her, I kinda could too.
She also told me I would make a great country singer.
That did not elicit such a positive reaction from me.
So somehow in my modern Christian mindset, I was like, it's okay to kiss girls, God doesn't care, being gay is cool, but it's just for fun, I'm going to marry a man someday.
(12:46):
Little did I know.
But we'll come back to that story another time.
Radicals, I've got some special bonus feature related to this episode because I sat down with Kelsey Ann and we did a video episode together for the YouTube channel.
But you have to visit YouTube and hear all the juicy details.
(13:10):
We talk about this experience and then some.
We do a little bit of middle school, a little bit of high school, so you definitely are going to want to check out the YouTube channel.
Find a link in the show notes.
Ironically enough, after Kelsey Ann came and told me about her self-pleasure experiences, and I then began to have them for myself, I then was telling everybody and their sister and their cousin about it.
(13:38):
And me and my friends would call it emming and we would trade tips and tricks.
And I would read cosmopolitan way more than I ever read the Bible.
That's just that's just how it was.
My friends and I would get into all kinds of.
Excavades, sexcapades in chat rooms, in AOL message boards in the early millennium.
(14:03):
And I definitely began to discover my sexuality and awaken to myself there.
Do you have time for another crazy story? Okay, stick with me.
Here we go.
This happens the summer after eighth grade and I've just turned 14.
I wrote an AOL message forum, something about looking for a girl to lick my.
(14:30):
You can fill the blanks.
I was a nasty girl.
I was I was exploring myself in the chat rooms and because I swore I swore in the message.
AOL copied this post and then they sent it to my mom's account because I had some parental controls, I guess, set up.
(14:51):
I didn't know. And they sent my mom this message and they were like your child's account.
You know, they're like using profane language, whatever.
My mom calls me over to the computer and she's like, what is this?
Why are you know, freaking out of me? And I'm just like playing dead possum, man.
I was like, I didn't write that.
I don't know what that is, mom. Mom, I don't know what that is.
(15:13):
I didn't write that. I'm being chill. I'm being chill.
She prints it out. She goes upstairs to show my dad.
So then they're up there talking about what a deviant I am.
I go on the computer. I quickly log on.
I was a middle school girl in the millennium. You know what I was doing?
I was saving my instant message conversations from crushes, from friends, whatever, drama, blackmail.
(15:38):
You know, you know how we were.
I would save conversations in email drafts. So I had like lots of stuff in log.
I quickly pull up some text conversation and I manipulate the text.
So it looks like I'm having a conversation between myself and someone else.
And I make up this guy's screen name, like a guy from my school.
(16:01):
And I use the alternating fonts. It was like red and blue for our usernames.
I had my like font and then I made up a different font.
I'm having this conversation back and forth with somebody where they're like, oh, wasn't that funny?
Like da da da, you got in trouble. And I was like, what are you talking about?
And this person's like, oh, you know, that was me.
I'm like, oh, you hacked my account like you figured out my password.
(16:23):
And I staged this whole dialogue conversation as if some guy from school figured out my password.
Guys. Oh.
And then I tell my mom this the next day, I print it out and I show it to her.
And it has like an AOL timestamp on the bottom of the page and everything because it was from like an email.
So she thinks like this was a real conversation I had with somebody when she went to bed the night before.
(16:47):
So I show it to her. So we changed my password.
I think I made like a new account.
And at that time, like she was really unaware of like how hard it would be to crack a password.
And I think my password at the time was like Ray Babe seven.
And so I made up some really elaborate story how like Kelsey always calls me Ray Bay that school.
(17:12):
He probably heard my jersey number in gym is always seven because it's my favorite number.
We never used to receive in gym class. I never use the number seven.
I was lying, lying out my teeth.
But I was a good actress because I did theater and my mom believed me.
Like she didn't continue to freak out at me. I took that.
(17:33):
I found that conversation she had printed my message board posts.
I took it and then I hid it in my closet underneath like a pile of clothes.
I know I didn't just trash it right away, but I was like burying it.
I was I didn't want her to come across it again.
And remember the things I said.
So fast forward, fast forward.
(17:58):
I think it is the night before I'm about to get married.
And I tell my mom that story.
I'm like, well, mom, you know, just so you know, you remember that one time I refreshed the story with her.
I told her it was me. We laughed.
I think she wasn't even super suspicious.
She believed me, which great, great for me.
(18:22):
Good job, 14 year old Rachael.
You didn't get your ass grounded that summer, though I could have.
So if my family didn't know I was queer, then they definitely know now.
Because I really confused them when a couple years later, I found a picture of a penis on the Internet and I printed it out and I put it on between the record player and the stand, the table that held the record player.
(18:53):
I hid it in between thinking this will be here forever for when I want to look at it later, I guess.
And one time I came home from school and my mom had rearranged the furniture and the picture of this young man and his penis sitting on the dining room table.
That was not a really good day because I had an audition.
(19:18):
I had an audition for like a play or for the Academy or something for the drama Academy or something like the next day or something.
And I'm like, why? Why is she showing me this right now?
I have a monologue to be studying.
So I blamed that one on some email chain.
I said somebody sent it to me.
I wanted to print it for a friend.
Ha ha ha.
Email chains.
(19:40):
Really, that was some guy who sent me a photo from like a chat room or something.
I don't even know the guy.
Probably wasn't a real guy's like photo.
It probably was a model of some sort because he was laying on like a gold satin.
Yeah, I don't know why I thought that was real.
Rachael in middle school on the interwebs.
(20:15):
Speaking of interwebs, if you would like more Radically Rachael, check out the YouTube channel.
YouTube dot com forward slash at Radically Rachael.
Don't forget the extra a.
Now, you know, friends, why I was a little bit nervous for that episode because I knew I was going to be wild and weird publicly.
(20:37):
But I'm always wild and weird in public.
So we will end today's episode with claiming our affirmations one more time.
I tread fiercely, powerfully and unapologetically.
(20:58):
I stand in my strengths and stay rooted in the present.
I live in authentic communication with my highest self.
I am fully aligned with the highest frequency available for my evolution at this time.
(21:28):
Thanks for joining me.
And I'll see you on YouTube.
Music for the Radically Rachael podcast has been provided by Big Wonder, Fine Young Gamers and Mew.
I want to be brave.
I want to be myself.
(21:50):
I don't want to wake up every day as someone else.
I want to be strong.
I want to be soft.
I want every single thing that I've been dreaming of.
But that takes courage and that takes time and a single moment to decide to change your mind.
(22:15):
If you don't like the world you are, just turn around.
You too can start living a radically different life.
You want to be radical, don't you?
Treat all the ways it matters with nothing left to prove.
You want to be radical, don't you?
(22:39):
Lose yourself to find yourself to find out what's true.
Before anything was something it first had to be a dream.
And dreamers have to dream the worlds that no one else can see.
Two eyes closed and one heart open, straight from destiny.
Following the path you chose, the story you chose to be.
(23:05):
You want to be radical, don't you?
Treat all the ways it matters with nothing left to prove.
You want to be radical, don't you?
Lose yourself to find yourself to find out what's true.
You want to be radical, don't you?
(23:30):
Treat all the ways it matters with nothing left to prove.
You want to be radical, don't you?
Lose yourself to find yourself to find out what's true.
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