December 4, 2024 • 40 mins
This one time at (theater) church camp..... 🎭
"Open your hands." he said. 🥵
🙌🏻 🙌🏻 🙌🏻 🙌🏻
Made ya look.....well, listen!
Pervs. 😉
Rachael talks about Ghosts., God & Spirits...oh my!
Growing up in a haunted house meant that Rachael was always on edge about things that went bump in the night. "Dear God....protect me from the ghosts. Amen." Rachael details a few of her early supernatural and spiritual experiences in this week's episode.
Do you hear voices in your head?
What does that mean if you do?
Can God hear into your head?
Can I talk to Spirit too?
All that, and then some, as always......
Radically, Rachael
=========
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Music Credit: Specialty Music by Miouxx
Intro Music: Stream "SPIRIT" by Radically, Rachael.
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Closing Music: "Radically Rachael" Provided with Permission by Fine Young Gamers.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
My first spiritual experience.
(00:16):
Made you look or listen perverts.
I know what you were thinking.
You thought I was going to tell you about losing my virginity.
We're still a ways off from that one.
Today's episode is my first spiritual experience.
(00:40):
Growing up in an old Victorian home, as a little girl I'd always say my prayers to
God before bed.
But in my head because I didn't want the ghosts to hear me.
Well, can ghosts hear into your head?
Can God hear into your head?
Well Rachel didn't know.
(01:01):
Honestly, Rachel today also isn't always sure.
So because I assumed that the ghosts could hear into my head, then I would say censored
prayers in case the ghosts in the house were judging me.
But then I would lie there, the time in between ending my prayer and falling asleep, and I
(01:22):
would hope that the ghosts wouldn't visit me before I went to bed.
I at least liked knowing the exact day that Santa, the Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy
would visit.
But I couldn't explain and I never knew how or why or when a ghost would make itself known
to me or another family member in my house.
(01:43):
So the time in between my prayers and falling asleep always felt scary.
My first ever supernatural sighting, I was probably three or four as my mom recounted
to me.
Some of the details of the story are hers and some are just a haze to me.
I was in my second story home and playing in my bedroom closet.
(02:07):
It was a walk-in closet, big enough that you could walk in and close the door behind you.
There was a shelf where my parents kept old photo albums and boxes storage, as well as
my clothes.
Underneath the hanging rack was a small window near the floor.
I would sit and crawl under the hanging clothes and look out the window at my neighborhood
(02:28):
below.
I could see where the paper boy was, a few houses away.
I could see my dad's car when it pulled up when he got home from work.
I could see the church across the street and watch all the people dressed in fancy clothes
enter and exit.
The parking lot where I learned to ride my bike during the weekdays was suddenly full
(02:49):
and bustling with people.
I liked to play and watch the world from my bird's eye view.
One time, my mom said I came downstairs a bit shaken up and I reported to her that there
was a woman outside my window.
Not on the ground, but in the sky outside my window, floating outside of my window.
(03:13):
And this is the part that I remember.
I remember what she looked like.
A scary woman, an ugly witch as a fairy tale would portray.
And she had no feet.
She had no eyes.
Her eye sockets were concave in her face and dark, sunken deep.
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Her black hair was crazy and astray all over.
Her black burlap dress hung so long.
Maybe that's why I couldn't see her feet at all.
She didn't have a broom.
She didn't ride a bike.
But she hovered before me.
And I can only assume that this is the part where I ran to my mom because I do not remember
(03:57):
what this woman said to me.
But she appeared to me in daylight.
Another time, I remember looking out my window at night and looking at the stars and asking
for an invisible friend.
Kids on TV had them.
I wanted one too.
Well, is that which?
(04:19):
What the universe gave me?
I asked for an older brother instead.
I wanted an older brother named Trent like the Olsen sisters.
So I began to hope and wish for an older brother on the stars.
The next time I had a supernatural experience, it was still at the same home and I could
(04:39):
have only been five at most.
Our home was a single family home that had once served as a two family home, so the layout
was a little odd.
My bedroom could be entered by passing through my parents' bedroom.
I had a second entrance or door that led to a stairwell that led to our back porch.
(05:00):
It was always locked and I didn't play in that stairwell much.
If I wanted to use the bathroom or use the main foyer stairs, I always had to pass in
and out or through my parents' bedroom.
I woke up one morning and my sister was standing in the doorway of my room, just beyond my
bed staring at me.
(05:21):
She had this shimmery green appearance, glittery in some way.
I asked her, what do you want?
What are you doing?
She ignored me and just stared at me and smiled.
She was maybe three.
I called her name and she didn't respond.
(05:42):
She ran away through my parents' room and into her own room.
I called her again and said, shut the door, shut the door.
I got up and walked to the door and saw my parents laying in bed.
My mom was asleep, but my dad was laying there reading.
What's up?
He said, Ali wouldn't shut my door.
(06:05):
I recounted the story.
My dad told me I must have been dreaming and that she had never passed through.
A few years have passed and we're now in our second family home.
I'm now seven or eight.
This house is bigger and it feels more old and scary than our first home.
(06:29):
I hear the house creak at night and I try to learn the new sounds of it so I can set
my mind at ease.
But this is when the time between my prayers and sleep began to feel scary.
I heard footsteps passing through my bedroom.
I felt someone sit on the edge of my bed, the mattress depress at my feet while I laid
(06:51):
there.
I heard knocking on the walls.
I smelled a new and sudden perfume, heard a cat meow, felt the urge to run suddenly
in certain areas of the house.
The toys talked when they were shut off and put away.
I once felt three long fingers stroke down my back more than once.
(07:17):
That was the height of my terror.
I told my mom every time I experienced something in the house and she never doubted me.
She always affirmed me.
She had had experiences in the house too.
She'd had experiences throughout her life in other homes and places too.
(07:38):
In the house with my dad, she heard a woman crying.
They heard a gasp between their heads in bed.
Coins or money rolling around on the hallway floor.
Over time, even adult friends of the family began to see things and have their own experiences
too.
(07:58):
I have many more little ghost stories from the castle vault.
It was normal to me.
God was in the sky watching over me.
I hoped he could protect me from the ghosts in my house.
I told my mom I was afraid and she told me to tell God and to tell the spirits that they
(08:18):
weren't allowed to talk to me, that they weren't allowed to touch me, that they should
go towards the light and that I can't help them.
So that is what I began to do.
Any time I encountered something that couldn't be explained but was undoubtedly real for
me, I would say out loud, I can't help you.
(08:40):
Go towards the light.
Starting up with our parents in the latter 90s and early 2000s, the TV was always on.
In the morning it was MSNBC, CNN, or C-SPAN.
(09:04):
Midday it was soap operas, starting over life coaching shows, daytime talk shows.
After school, my sister and I had a small slice of the remote.
I really loved watching Arthur.
Even into middle school, it was such a comfort for me.
My sister and I also really liked growing pains.
(09:27):
I idolized the Siebers because I wished I had a cute little American family like them.
One where the mom and the dad loved and doted over their children.
Disney Channel, ABC Family, Nickelodeon.
In the evening we watched reality TV with our parents.
Road rules, real world, dating shows, home makeover shows, weight loss shows, and ghost
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shows.
Paranormal, aliens, medium, psychics, hauntings.
TV raised me.
It was on just as much and programmed more into me than I think my parents actively did
in terms of direct instruction.
My mom, my sister, and I began to learn more about our spirit gifts and the spirit world
(10:20):
by watching these shows on TV.
I remember this one show in particular where this psychic medium, Chip Coffee, is mentoring
young children's psychics and mediums, teaching them how to harness their gifts.
They're at a family camping retreat somewhere tucked away in the woods.
It was beautiful.
I learned that I could tell spirits how I wanted them to communicate with me so that
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I wasn't afraid.
I could set energetic boundaries.
So I did.
I don't want you to touch me.
I don't want to see you that frightens me.
I don't want you to talk to me out loud.
I knew I had gifts that I didn't necessarily want to shut off entirely, but I didn't want
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to have on all the time.
The world was overstimulating enough.
I was okay with the ghosts showing me something in my mind or telling me something telepathically.
I just kept saying, don't scare me.
I never slept in the dark without a nightlight of sorts until I was in my mid-twenties.
(11:31):
Sometimes I still leave a light on when I'm sleeping somewhere new.
My mom, my sister, and I generally felt the eeriest energy from the guest bedroom that
was most untouched in the house and the basement, this one particular chair.
We later decided that the ghosts perhaps hung out in those places because we were there
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less as a family ourselves.
In time, I told my mom I think I could see the energy of a man.
He had a brown mustache, wore a brown suit, something like an army outfit or something.
Brown hair, tall and skinny, but the brown mustache was for certain.
(12:17):
Years later, my mom found some old lost photos in the attic while cleaning one summer, photos
that belonged to the house and the people who had owned it long before.
There was a photo of a man with a mustache.
He was a doctor and he had helped serve in World War II.
(12:38):
He had glasses, those I had not seen in my vision, but hey, no one's perfect.
An old photo, sepia toned, this man staring at me, smiling gently like the Mona Lisa.
He was affirming to me.
(12:59):
I wasn't crazy.
I wasn't psycho, but maybe a little psychic.
My mom put the photo in a frame and set it on the family desk in the dining room.
He was with us whenever we ate.
We later learned his name was Dr. Knight with a K and he worked as a doctor out of the office
(13:22):
next door and he lived in our home.
In my late teens, I was with a friend and I had closed the door to my bedroom and the
doorknob fell out.
I was stuck outside of my bedroom.
We pushed and tried, but this was an old heavy, real wood door, an old antique lock and latch.
(13:46):
This thing was shut.
No butter knife was going to get me through the latch.
I placed my hands on the door and I asked out loud, help me get into my room.
It's stuck.
I need help.
To my friends and my surprise, the door gently clicked open.
(14:06):
We screamed and ran down the hallway the other direction.
We were in shock and awe and also terrified.
Maybe Dr. K was helping me out.
Over the course of my childhood and teenage years, myself, my family and friends, many
(14:27):
people had experiences in our home.
At the time, I called them ghosts, but now to me, it is all energy.
Maybe it's an energy that visits from time to time or an energy or frequency that finds
resonance with the other energies in the home.
(14:52):
Maybe it's a time loop version of my own energy that's playing back to me across timelines
and airwaves.
Maybe it's an ancestor coming through to say hello.
I don't have the same fear I used to, especially since I discovered I could tune out and command
the energy to come through in a certain way.
(15:15):
I spent many years, dark, offline, leaving these gifts untouched.
Partly because I was evolving as a Christian small group leader in church and I had felt
like these gifts wouldn't be understood or valued in the modern day megachurch.
I had had people tell me, you have demons in your head.
(15:38):
I'll pray for you.
I think it became easier to numb out the connection I had with beyond because it was just easier
on my nervous system.
Until one day, I heard a voice call to me so loud, so clear, it couldn't be ignored.
(16:07):
I was a Christian who believed in God, angels and miracles, but I also believed in ghosts
and spirits.
Both existed in my home and my reality.
Neither was far-fetched.
My grandpa was a retired minister and my parents were my Sunday school teachers.
(16:29):
I was surrounded by lots of open, higher vibrational crown chakra energy and third eye energy since
I was a wee little girl.
The summer before my freshman year, I attended an overnight Christian theater camp.
(16:49):
I had slept away at a church camp as a child, but this was a theater-based camp.
We were going to put on the musical, Grease.
Two hundred teens arrived at a local Christian college on a Monday morning.
We were put onto four different color teams and assigned a dorm room for the week.
(17:10):
There were eight counselors, one male and one female for each team.
Some of the counselors were married, engaged, or dating their color team counterpart, and
I thought that was the coolest thing.
I romanticized being a summer camp counselor with my future husband.
(17:31):
After settling into our bunks, we had pizza and then began the audition rotations.
Voice, theater, and dance.
I was hoping to go for the part of Rizzo.
My best friend and bunkmate was Kayla, my actual neighbor and best friend from home.
She had attended this camp last year and already told me a lot of what to expect, which helped
(17:55):
lessen my nerves.
Monday was auditions.
Tuesday we focused a lot on the show.
Wednesday was most extreme elimination challenge for game time, but we ended the night with
a purity talk.
The guys and girls split up and we both have a purity talk.
It's like abstinence and how not to dress in a way that causes your brothers to stumble.
(18:21):
They pass out actual purity cards for anyone who wants to sign and keep the commitment
of purity.
At this age, I took a card because I was interested, but I wasn't sure if I was ready to make
that commitment to myself.
I felt like I was too young to make such a claim because when Rachel Wilde says she's
(18:41):
going to do something, she does it.
Thursday there was a talent show and after they have a worship night or like a come to
Jesus night.
It's the last night of camp.
It's super emotional.
Everyone cries.
Lots of people accept God into their heart.
And then on Friday we put on the musical for our parents.
(19:05):
Now I know that a lot of adults today, even some friends of mine, have past traumas and
experiences with church camps, churches and religion in general.
A good handful of listeners and people I know attended this very camp and they might have
had negative experiences with this organization.
(19:29):
And I'll let you know that I personally had a very positive experience at these camps.
Summer camp for me was safe.
It was a calm week.
There was no fighting, no chaos, no hitting, no yelling, no one calling me names.
There was singing, cute boys, three healthy meals a day in a dining hall.
(19:54):
Sleepovers with my friends?
It really was the best.
I loved the gorgeous outdoor campus of the college and I loved walking around to the
different buildings, feeling independent.
The counselors were fun and cool and they made me feel valued and seen.
(20:15):
I felt loved and safe.
And I did even go on to be a counselor at this same sleepover camp when I was a college
student, though I never married my color team counselor counterpart.
I know that like any organized institution, religious or not, when you are working with
(20:36):
youth in a sensitive and vulnerable environment, not every person, not every kid is going to
feel the same way nor have the same experience.
So I know it's important to note that some people will feel very different about their
church camp experiences and especially religious altar call style nights at church camps, cry
(20:59):
nights as they have been deemed socially.
Well, this is my first experience as a preteen teen at a cry night.
(21:23):
Every morning of camp during the week after breakfast, we would go to the sanctuary where
we would have a small worship session led by a teen band.
These three young men were handsome, so cute.
They were like handsome, but Christian question mark and they have the cutest haircuts.
(21:43):
Girls, we all wanted to worship just because we were looking at these cute boys singing
in the band.
That's for dang sure I'm sure of it.
We also heard messages led by different counselors every day.
We were given devotionals with questions and themes and topics.
There was a lot of emphasis on guiding us and directing us towards having our own personal
(22:06):
relationship with God or with Jesus Christ.
I went to church on Sundays.
I went to Sunday school.
I prayed my prayers at night.
And that's just about the level of Christian that I was at that time.
Ever since I was a little girl, my mom was always telling me that I could talk to God
at any time, that I could just talk to God like he was my best friend.
(22:30):
And that was what her dad, my grandfather, the pastor had taught her to do.
So I always kind of approached God and talking to God in such a way like he was my friend.
I also definitely felt like God was writing my life story.
I didn't feel like I had any control or any power or agency in the choices that I made.
(22:52):
I felt like I was always being left up with the task of having to make the right choice
to do the good thing.
I feel like God was always testing me, giving me situations and I was just supposed to pick
or choose the right one.
Now because I went to a small traditional style church when I was going with my family,
(23:14):
whenever I went to these types of camps or larger church youth functions, I never knew
any of the music that was actually being taught or played because growing up I was more familiar
with hymns and music from the hymnal, like old traditional songs.
But these cool, hip, hot worship bands played more contemporary music that I wasn't familiar
(23:39):
with.
On this Thursday cry night, they didn't call it cry night, remember that, it just was Thursday
worship night.
They gathered us all together in the upper commons at this college.
It was a conversation pit type of setup in that you could walk down some stairs and there
(23:59):
was this like carpeted pit that we could sit in.
There were chairs, there were couches, people could sit around the edges and on the walls
of this like pit and it was a really cool dynamic space for us to worship and kind of
have some intimacy and just a close connection after the week of being together.
One of the counselors, this gentleman particularly, was a youth pastor.
(24:23):
He gave a message and he told that story about the metaphor of like God is like the train
conductor and he had to give his son because the train was going across the bridge and
he had to decide am I going to let all the people on the train die or am I going to let
my son die who's like underneath the bridge.
(24:44):
You've heard that story if you're a Christian, you've probably heard that story.
I did not do a good job in my rendition there but you know the one, you know.
He had us all on the edge of our little seats and many of us were crying, many of us were
emotional crying at God making a sacrifice of his only son for us.
(25:06):
And the band was playing songs, people were singing along and I looked around the room
and I saw all these people having emotional experiences, emotional reactions to what I
at the time believed was God.
(25:31):
I wondered maybe these people hear God and know God in a different way than I do and
why does everybody feel so overwhelmed that they are crying?
I was sitting crisscross style on the floor near my friends and I looked around and I
(25:54):
could see other people holding their hands up and open, up and just having their arms
in the sky, holding their arms up, their hands up, worshiping.
And in 2003, 2004, this was like a new thing people were doing in churches and such and
at my church there was only one or two people that were doing it I could think of back at
(26:16):
home.
So when I saw kids doing it I thought it was weird and I thought it was different and I
wasn't for me.
And I definitely had preconceived notions about it based on things I think my mom had said
at home.
So I'm sitting there with my hands in my lap on the floor looking around the room.
(26:39):
I don't really know the songs.
I wish I could sing.
I love to sing.
I wish I could sing these songs too.
I wish that I could worship and be overcome with emotion in the same way that my peers
were, but it just wasn't hitting my heart and I wasn't feeling things as intensely
and I thought a big part of that was because I don't know these songs.
(27:02):
And in my head I said, I wish I knew these songs.
I wish I could sing along.
And then the guitarist began to strum some chords I knew and he began to sing, over the
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mountains and the seas your river runs with love for me and I will open up my heart and
let the healer set me free.
And now remembering this moment I feel goosebumps on my shoulders, the hair on my neck is standing
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because this song was my song.
Let me tell you what I mean.
A few years prior at my small traditional church the choir director heard me singing
and thought I had a nice voice and she wanted to give me an opportunity.
So she let me sing this song, I could sing of your love forever as a solo.
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I sang it in front of the whole church.
My family was very proud.
My grandpa thought I was a really great singer and so he started to put me in singing lessons
and I took singing lessons for a few years with a woman.
She was one of the counselors at this summer camp.
(28:32):
I then ended up going to work for this summer camp, this theater company.
They were a huge part of preparing me to become an elementary school teacher but so much of
my story and my journey is hinged around that song, that song that started to play.
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It was a contemporary song I happened to know because it was the first solo I was ever given
in church that then allowed my family to know I can sing and then that spurred my grandpa
pushing me into my talents and hobbies which then led me to theater and led me to this
camp where I was.
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So in the moment I felt the gravity of that and because the song started to play within
seconds of me saying to God in my head I wish I could sing.
I wish I knew these songs.
My song, my song with God started to play.
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So there I am I think I would have been 13 or 14 and I started to cry.
I started to sob because I felt like God was playing that song just for me.
I started to sing along and I was absolutely overcome with emotion but that's not where
my story ends.
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I'm sitting there on the floor surrounded by other teenagers.
I'm hearing everybody singing around me.
People are putting their arms around their friends.
People are holding each other crying.
Some of my peers have their hands up in the air and they're worshiping freely.
They're not ashamed and they're not afraid and they don't care what people think about
them.
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And I'm looking at those people and I hear an audible voice for the first time in my
life and I know God said to me, open your hands.
My eyes widened.
I clenched my fists even tighter.
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God was talking to me.
I heard him and he said one more time, open your hands.
And that is the moment that I heard spirit, that I heard God for the first time and I
knew he could hear me.
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He could hear me and I could hear him and this was real.
This was real.
So I opened up my hands and the floodgates poured out of me in that moment because that
is when I let go of my life.
I let go of control.
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That moment is when I began to trust that the universe has a plan for me and even though
I can't make sense of so much of the things that happen in the world and my world, especially
as a 13-year-old, 14-year-old girl, I knew that this personal relationship with God that
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the counselors were talking about or that my peers were talking about, that my mom was
talking about, it was real because I had heard God for the first time.
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Ghosts, God, Spirit, oh my.
I think I was a believer before that day just by proxy, just by the experience of my family,
just by learning and following in their teachings and their footsteps.
But on that night, at cry night, at Greece overnight, summer high school camp, I heard
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God for the first time and that is when my life changed.
I don't hear Spirit, God, out loud, audibly, in that way and I haven't since then.
That was a time 20 years ago now when God commanded me, I heard Him and it sounded like
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a masculine voice.
It probably sounded like that because that's what I imagined God to be.
But now when I do hear from Spirit in my mind, the voices, the guidance, all sounds like
one voice.
It's not really masculine nor feminine, but it's just this higher voice of consciousness,
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a higher voice of guidance.
But it comes to me like clear cognizance, knowing I just know or I hear something inside
my mind.
But this day, my first spiritual experience was quite unlike anything else I've encountered.
(33:52):
Now some of you listeners, I believe and I'm sure you have your own personal relationship
with God, Goddess, Spirit, Divine, whatever name you call it to be, Source.
And if there's some of you listeners who are wanting your own connection with the Divine
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and you're wondering, why does Rachel get to hear voices in her head?
I wish I heard voices in my head.
I believe that everyone can.
I believe that everyone has the ability to dialogue with Spirit.
But I do believe it's also essential that we believe it's possible, that we within
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our body, our frequency is open and believes that it can happen.
One of my favorite Christmas movies, The Santa Clause, Charlie is taught that believing is
seeing.
Seeing isn't believing.
So if we believe that Spirit is talking all the time, if we believe that God, Goddess,
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Divine, Creator, Source wants to connect with us in the daily, in the here and now, in the
small and mundane, if we believe it, then it can happen.
If we are open to receive, then it can happen.
And also we have to understand that sometimes the answers or the dialogue or the signs or
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the synchronicities, they might not look or sound the way we anticipate them to.
But when you see something, when you catch something, a word, a phrase, a name, a number,
a quote, I don't know, when you see something and you think, is that for me?
Is the universe talking to me?
Well, that was just a coincidence.
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No, no, that's the moment.
Do not call it a coincidence.
Trust it.
Trust it and believe.
Is the world that magical?
Can God really hear inside my head?
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
Because God could hear inside mine when I was a 14-year-old girl.
And now the dialogue has only grown and evolved and become more beautiful since then.
(36:08):
Sounds different, but I know that Spirit is still speaking.
So the affirmations and mantras that I prepared for you today are for people who are looking
to deepen their connection and their personal relationship with Spirit, as I know it today.
(36:29):
Repeat after me.
I am open.
I am ready.
I am open and I am ready for a dialogue with Spirit.
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I know that messages are around me and available to me at any time.
I will affirm and trust that messages are coming my way.
(37:19):
Thanks Radicals for tuning in.
And if you are enjoying the Radically Rachel podcast in any capacity, it would mean so
much to me if you would send an episode to a friend, a coworker, send it to somebody
you hate so you could tell them you need Jesus, you need this episode, just kidding.
(37:40):
But send them your favorite episode and you could tell them, hey, this chick, she's a
little wild, she's a little weird, but stick around because you will learn a little bit
and you will laugh along the way.
And I wanted to share this episode with you all because I want you to know that God, Goddess,
Spirit, Divine, Source, Creator, Universe is still speaking.
(38:08):
The Creator of the universe does not merely exist in a book written by man.
Don't get it twisted.
Spirit is still speaking today.
Radically Rachel.
Work for the Radically Rachel podcast has been provided by Big Wonder, Fine Young Gamers,
(38:35):
and Miehl.
I want to be brave.
I want to be myself.
I don't want to wake up every day as someone else.
I want to be strong.
I want to be soft.
I want every single thing that I've been dreaming of.
But that takes courage.
(39:01):
And that takes time.
(39:26):
Nothing left to prove
You wanna be radical, don't you?
Lose yourself to find yourself
To find out what's true
Before anything was something
It first had to be a dream
And dreamers have to dream the world
That no one else can see
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Two eyes closed in one heart
Open stream of destiny
Following the path you chose
The story you chose to be
You wanna be radical, don't you?
Don't you?
Free in all the ways it matters
Nothing left to prove
Nothing left to prove
(40:09):
You wanna be radical, don't you?
Don't you?
Lose yourself to find yourself
To find out what's true
You wanna be radical, don't you?
Free in all the ways it matters
Nothing left to prove
You wanna be radical, don't you?
(40:32):
Lose yourself to find yourself
To find out what's true
My first spiritual experience.
(00:16):
Made you look or listen perverts.
I know what you were thinking.
You thought I was going to tell you about losing my virginity.
We're still a ways off from that one.
Today's episode is my first spiritual experience.
(00:40):
Growing up in an old Victorian home, as a little girl I'd always say my prayers to
God before bed.
But in my head because I didn't want the ghosts to hear me.
Well, can ghosts hear into your head?
Can God hear into your head?
Well Rachel didn't know.
(01:01):
Honestly, Rachel today also isn't always sure.
So because I assumed that the ghosts could hear into my head, then I would say censored
prayers in case the ghosts in the house were judging me.
But then I would lie there, the time in between ending my prayer and falling asleep, and I
(01:22):
would hope that the ghosts wouldn't visit me before I went to bed.
I at least liked knowing the exact day that Santa, the Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy
would visit.
But I couldn't explain and I never knew how or why or when a ghost would make itself known
to me or another family member in my house.
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So the time in between my prayers and falling asleep always felt scary.
My first ever supernatural sighting, I was probably three or four as my mom recounted
to me.
Some of the details of the story are hers and some are just a haze to me.
I was in my second story home and playing in my bedroom closet.
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It was a walk-in closet, big enough that you could walk in and close the door behind you.
There was a shelf where my parents kept old photo albums and boxes storage, as well as
my clothes.
Underneath the hanging rack was a small window near the floor.
I would sit and crawl under the hanging clothes and look out the window at my neighborhood
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below.
I could see where the paper boy was, a few houses away.
I could see my dad's car when it pulled up when he got home from work.
I could see the church across the street and watch all the people dressed in fancy clothes
enter and exit.
The parking lot where I learned to ride my bike during the weekdays was suddenly full
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and bustling with people.
I liked to play and watch the world from my bird's eye view.
One time, my mom said I came downstairs a bit shaken up and I reported to her that there
was a woman outside my window.
Not on the ground, but in the sky outside my window, floating outside of my window.
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And this is the part that I remember.
I remember what she looked like.
A scary woman, an ugly witch as a fairy tale would portray.
And she had no feet.
She had no eyes.
Her eye sockets were concave in her face and dark, sunken deep.
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Her black hair was crazy and astray all over.
Her black burlap dress hung so long.
Maybe that's why I couldn't see her feet at all.
She didn't have a broom.
She didn't ride a bike.
But she hovered before me.
And I can only assume that this is the part where I ran to my mom because I do not remember
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what this woman said to me.
But she appeared to me in daylight.
Another time, I remember looking out my window at night and looking at the stars and asking
for an invisible friend.
Kids on TV had them.
I wanted one too.
Well, is that which?
(04:19):
What the universe gave me?
I asked for an older brother instead.
I wanted an older brother named Trent like the Olsen sisters.
So I began to hope and wish for an older brother on the stars.
The next time I had a supernatural experience, it was still at the same home and I could
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have only been five at most.
Our home was a single family home that had once served as a two family home, so the layout
was a little odd.
My bedroom could be entered by passing through my parents' bedroom.
I had a second entrance or door that led to a stairwell that led to our back porch.
(05:00):
It was always locked and I didn't play in that stairwell much.
If I wanted to use the bathroom or use the main foyer stairs, I always had to pass in
and out or through my parents' bedroom.
I woke up one morning and my sister was standing in the doorway of my room, just beyond my
bed staring at me.
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She had this shimmery green appearance, glittery in some way.
I asked her, what do you want?
What are you doing?
She ignored me and just stared at me and smiled.
She was maybe three.
I called her name and she didn't respond.
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She ran away through my parents' room and into her own room.
I called her again and said, shut the door, shut the door.
I got up and walked to the door and saw my parents laying in bed.
My mom was asleep, but my dad was laying there reading.
What's up?
He said, Ali wouldn't shut my door.
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I recounted the story.
My dad told me I must have been dreaming and that she had never passed through.
A few years have passed and we're now in our second family home.
I'm now seven or eight.
This house is bigger and it feels more old and scary than our first home.
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I hear the house creak at night and I try to learn the new sounds of it so I can set
my mind at ease.
But this is when the time between my prayers and sleep began to feel scary.
I heard footsteps passing through my bedroom.
I felt someone sit on the edge of my bed, the mattress depress at my feet while I laid
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there.
I heard knocking on the walls.
I smelled a new and sudden perfume, heard a cat meow, felt the urge to run suddenly
in certain areas of the house.
The toys talked when they were shut off and put away.
I once felt three long fingers stroke down my back more than once.
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That was the height of my terror.
I told my mom every time I experienced something in the house and she never doubted me.
She always affirmed me.
She had had experiences in the house too.
She'd had experiences throughout her life in other homes and places too.
(07:38):
In the house with my dad, she heard a woman crying.
They heard a gasp between their heads in bed.
Coins or money rolling around on the hallway floor.
Over time, even adult friends of the family began to see things and have their own experiences
too.
(07:58):
I have many more little ghost stories from the castle vault.
It was normal to me.
God was in the sky watching over me.
I hoped he could protect me from the ghosts in my house.
I told my mom I was afraid and she told me to tell God and to tell the spirits that they
(08:18):
weren't allowed to talk to me, that they weren't allowed to touch me, that they should
go towards the light and that I can't help them.
So that is what I began to do.
Any time I encountered something that couldn't be explained but was undoubtedly real for
me, I would say out loud, I can't help you.
(08:40):
Go towards the light.
Starting up with our parents in the latter 90s and early 2000s, the TV was always on.
In the morning it was MSNBC, CNN, or C-SPAN.
(09:04):
Midday it was soap operas, starting over life coaching shows, daytime talk shows.
After school, my sister and I had a small slice of the remote.
I really loved watching Arthur.
Even into middle school, it was such a comfort for me.
My sister and I also really liked growing pains.
(09:27):
I idolized the Siebers because I wished I had a cute little American family like them.
One where the mom and the dad loved and doted over their children.
Disney Channel, ABC Family, Nickelodeon.
In the evening we watched reality TV with our parents.
Road rules, real world, dating shows, home makeover shows, weight loss shows, and ghost
(09:54):
shows.
Paranormal, aliens, medium, psychics, hauntings.
TV raised me.
It was on just as much and programmed more into me than I think my parents actively did
in terms of direct instruction.
My mom, my sister, and I began to learn more about our spirit gifts and the spirit world
(10:20):
by watching these shows on TV.
I remember this one show in particular where this psychic medium, Chip Coffee, is mentoring
young children's psychics and mediums, teaching them how to harness their gifts.
They're at a family camping retreat somewhere tucked away in the woods.
It was beautiful.
I learned that I could tell spirits how I wanted them to communicate with me so that
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I wasn't afraid.
I could set energetic boundaries.
So I did.
I don't want you to touch me.
I don't want to see you that frightens me.
I don't want you to talk to me out loud.
I knew I had gifts that I didn't necessarily want to shut off entirely, but I didn't want
(11:07):
to have on all the time.
The world was overstimulating enough.
I was okay with the ghosts showing me something in my mind or telling me something telepathically.
I just kept saying, don't scare me.
I never slept in the dark without a nightlight of sorts until I was in my mid-twenties.
(11:31):
Sometimes I still leave a light on when I'm sleeping somewhere new.
My mom, my sister, and I generally felt the eeriest energy from the guest bedroom that
was most untouched in the house and the basement, this one particular chair.
We later decided that the ghosts perhaps hung out in those places because we were there
(11:54):
less as a family ourselves.
In time, I told my mom I think I could see the energy of a man.
He had a brown mustache, wore a brown suit, something like an army outfit or something.
Brown hair, tall and skinny, but the brown mustache was for certain.
(12:17):
Years later, my mom found some old lost photos in the attic while cleaning one summer, photos
that belonged to the house and the people who had owned it long before.
There was a photo of a man with a mustache.
He was a doctor and he had helped serve in World War II.
(12:38):
He had glasses, those I had not seen in my vision, but hey, no one's perfect.
An old photo, sepia toned, this man staring at me, smiling gently like the Mona Lisa.
He was affirming to me.
(12:59):
I wasn't crazy.
I wasn't psycho, but maybe a little psychic.
My mom put the photo in a frame and set it on the family desk in the dining room.
He was with us whenever we ate.
We later learned his name was Dr. Knight with a K and he worked as a doctor out of the office
(13:22):
next door and he lived in our home.
In my late teens, I was with a friend and I had closed the door to my bedroom and the
doorknob fell out.
I was stuck outside of my bedroom.
We pushed and tried, but this was an old heavy, real wood door, an old antique lock and latch.
(13:46):
This thing was shut.
No butter knife was going to get me through the latch.
I placed my hands on the door and I asked out loud, help me get into my room.
It's stuck.
I need help.
To my friends and my surprise, the door gently clicked open.
(14:06):
We screamed and ran down the hallway the other direction.
We were in shock and awe and also terrified.
Maybe Dr. K was helping me out.
Over the course of my childhood and teenage years, myself, my family and friends, many
(14:27):
people had experiences in our home.
At the time, I called them ghosts, but now to me, it is all energy.
Maybe it's an energy that visits from time to time or an energy or frequency that finds
resonance with the other energies in the home.
(14:52):
Maybe it's a time loop version of my own energy that's playing back to me across timelines
and airwaves.
Maybe it's an ancestor coming through to say hello.
I don't have the same fear I used to, especially since I discovered I could tune out and command
the energy to come through in a certain way.
(15:15):
I spent many years, dark, offline, leaving these gifts untouched.
Partly because I was evolving as a Christian small group leader in church and I had felt
like these gifts wouldn't be understood or valued in the modern day megachurch.
I had had people tell me, you have demons in your head.
(15:38):
I'll pray for you.
I think it became easier to numb out the connection I had with beyond because it was just easier
on my nervous system.
Until one day, I heard a voice call to me so loud, so clear, it couldn't be ignored.
(16:07):
I was a Christian who believed in God, angels and miracles, but I also believed in ghosts
and spirits.
Both existed in my home and my reality.
Neither was far-fetched.
My grandpa was a retired minister and my parents were my Sunday school teachers.
(16:29):
I was surrounded by lots of open, higher vibrational crown chakra energy and third eye energy since
I was a wee little girl.
The summer before my freshman year, I attended an overnight Christian theater camp.
(16:49):
I had slept away at a church camp as a child, but this was a theater-based camp.
We were going to put on the musical, Grease.
Two hundred teens arrived at a local Christian college on a Monday morning.
We were put onto four different color teams and assigned a dorm room for the week.
(17:10):
There were eight counselors, one male and one female for each team.
Some of the counselors were married, engaged, or dating their color team counterpart, and
I thought that was the coolest thing.
I romanticized being a summer camp counselor with my future husband.
(17:31):
After settling into our bunks, we had pizza and then began the audition rotations.
Voice, theater, and dance.
I was hoping to go for the part of Rizzo.
My best friend and bunkmate was Kayla, my actual neighbor and best friend from home.
She had attended this camp last year and already told me a lot of what to expect, which helped
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lessen my nerves.
Monday was auditions.
Tuesday we focused a lot on the show.
Wednesday was most extreme elimination challenge for game time, but we ended the night with
a purity talk.
The guys and girls split up and we both have a purity talk.
It's like abstinence and how not to dress in a way that causes your brothers to stumble.
(18:21):
They pass out actual purity cards for anyone who wants to sign and keep the commitment
of purity.
At this age, I took a card because I was interested, but I wasn't sure if I was ready to make
that commitment to myself.
I felt like I was too young to make such a claim because when Rachel Wilde says she's
(18:41):
going to do something, she does it.
Thursday there was a talent show and after they have a worship night or like a come to
Jesus night.
It's the last night of camp.
It's super emotional.
Everyone cries.
Lots of people accept God into their heart.
And then on Friday we put on the musical for our parents.
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Now I know that a lot of adults today, even some friends of mine, have past traumas and
experiences with church camps, churches and religion in general.
A good handful of listeners and people I know attended this very camp and they might have
had negative experiences with this organization.
(19:29):
And I'll let you know that I personally had a very positive experience at these camps.
Summer camp for me was safe.
It was a calm week.
There was no fighting, no chaos, no hitting, no yelling, no one calling me names.
There was singing, cute boys, three healthy meals a day in a dining hall.
(19:54):
Sleepovers with my friends?
It really was the best.
I loved the gorgeous outdoor campus of the college and I loved walking around to the
different buildings, feeling independent.
The counselors were fun and cool and they made me feel valued and seen.
(20:15):
I felt loved and safe.
And I did even go on to be a counselor at this same sleepover camp when I was a college
student, though I never married my color team counselor counterpart.
I know that like any organized institution, religious or not, when you are working with
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youth in a sensitive and vulnerable environment, not every person, not every kid is going to
feel the same way nor have the same experience.
So I know it's important to note that some people will feel very different about their
church camp experiences and especially religious altar call style nights at church camps, cry
(20:59):
nights as they have been deemed socially.
Well, this is my first experience as a preteen teen at a cry night.
(21:23):
Every morning of camp during the week after breakfast, we would go to the sanctuary where
we would have a small worship session led by a teen band.
These three young men were handsome, so cute.
They were like handsome, but Christian question mark and they have the cutest haircuts.
(21:43):
Girls, we all wanted to worship just because we were looking at these cute boys singing
in the band.
That's for dang sure I'm sure of it.
We also heard messages led by different counselors every day.
We were given devotionals with questions and themes and topics.
There was a lot of emphasis on guiding us and directing us towards having our own personal
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relationship with God or with Jesus Christ.
I went to church on Sundays.
I went to Sunday school.
I prayed my prayers at night.
And that's just about the level of Christian that I was at that time.
Ever since I was a little girl, my mom was always telling me that I could talk to God
at any time, that I could just talk to God like he was my best friend.
(22:30):
And that was what her dad, my grandfather, the pastor had taught her to do.
So I always kind of approached God and talking to God in such a way like he was my friend.
I also definitely felt like God was writing my life story.
I didn't feel like I had any control or any power or agency in the choices that I made.
(22:52):
I felt like I was always being left up with the task of having to make the right choice
to do the good thing.
I feel like God was always testing me, giving me situations and I was just supposed to pick
or choose the right one.
Now because I went to a small traditional style church when I was going with my family,
(23:14):
whenever I went to these types of camps or larger church youth functions, I never knew
any of the music that was actually being taught or played because growing up I was more familiar
with hymns and music from the hymnal, like old traditional songs.
But these cool, hip, hot worship bands played more contemporary music that I wasn't familiar
(23:39):
with.
On this Thursday cry night, they didn't call it cry night, remember that, it just was Thursday
worship night.
They gathered us all together in the upper commons at this college.
It was a conversation pit type of setup in that you could walk down some stairs and there
(23:59):
was this like carpeted pit that we could sit in.
There were chairs, there were couches, people could sit around the edges and on the walls
of this like pit and it was a really cool dynamic space for us to worship and kind of
have some intimacy and just a close connection after the week of being together.
One of the counselors, this gentleman particularly, was a youth pastor.
(24:23):
He gave a message and he told that story about the metaphor of like God is like the train
conductor and he had to give his son because the train was going across the bridge and
he had to decide am I going to let all the people on the train die or am I going to let
my son die who's like underneath the bridge.
(24:44):
You've heard that story if you're a Christian, you've probably heard that story.
I did not do a good job in my rendition there but you know the one, you know.
He had us all on the edge of our little seats and many of us were crying, many of us were
emotional crying at God making a sacrifice of his only son for us.
(25:06):
And the band was playing songs, people were singing along and I looked around the room
and I saw all these people having emotional experiences, emotional reactions to what I
at the time believed was God.
(25:31):
I wondered maybe these people hear God and know God in a different way than I do and
why does everybody feel so overwhelmed that they are crying?
I was sitting crisscross style on the floor near my friends and I looked around and I
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could see other people holding their hands up and open, up and just having their arms
in the sky, holding their arms up, their hands up, worshiping.
And in 2003, 2004, this was like a new thing people were doing in churches and such and
at my church there was only one or two people that were doing it I could think of back at
(26:16):
home.
So when I saw kids doing it I thought it was weird and I thought it was different and I
wasn't for me.
And I definitely had preconceived notions about it based on things I think my mom had said
at home.
So I'm sitting there with my hands in my lap on the floor looking around the room.
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I don't really know the songs.
I wish I could sing.
I love to sing.
I wish I could sing these songs too.
I wish that I could worship and be overcome with emotion in the same way that my peers
were, but it just wasn't hitting my heart and I wasn't feeling things as intensely
and I thought a big part of that was because I don't know these songs.
(27:02):
And in my head I said, I wish I knew these songs.
I wish I could sing along.
And then the guitarist began to strum some chords I knew and he began to sing, over the
(27:26):
mountains and the seas your river runs with love for me and I will open up my heart and
let the healer set me free.
And now remembering this moment I feel goosebumps on my shoulders, the hair on my neck is standing
(27:48):
because this song was my song.
Let me tell you what I mean.
A few years prior at my small traditional church the choir director heard me singing
and thought I had a nice voice and she wanted to give me an opportunity.
So she let me sing this song, I could sing of your love forever as a solo.
(28:12):
I sang it in front of the whole church.
My family was very proud.
My grandpa thought I was a really great singer and so he started to put me in singing lessons
and I took singing lessons for a few years with a woman.
She was one of the counselors at this summer camp.
(28:32):
I then ended up going to work for this summer camp, this theater company.
They were a huge part of preparing me to become an elementary school teacher but so much of
my story and my journey is hinged around that song, that song that started to play.
(28:55):
It was a contemporary song I happened to know because it was the first solo I was ever given
in church that then allowed my family to know I can sing and then that spurred my grandpa
pushing me into my talents and hobbies which then led me to theater and led me to this
camp where I was.
(29:16):
So in the moment I felt the gravity of that and because the song started to play within
seconds of me saying to God in my head I wish I could sing.
I wish I knew these songs.
My song, my song with God started to play.
(29:39):
So there I am I think I would have been 13 or 14 and I started to cry.
I started to sob because I felt like God was playing that song just for me.
I started to sing along and I was absolutely overcome with emotion but that's not where
my story ends.
(30:04):
I'm sitting there on the floor surrounded by other teenagers.
I'm hearing everybody singing around me.
People are putting their arms around their friends.
People are holding each other crying.
Some of my peers have their hands up in the air and they're worshiping freely.
They're not ashamed and they're not afraid and they don't care what people think about
them.
(30:25):
And I'm looking at those people and I hear an audible voice for the first time in my
life and I know God said to me, open your hands.
My eyes widened.
I clenched my fists even tighter.
(30:45):
God was talking to me.
I heard him and he said one more time, open your hands.
And that is the moment that I heard spirit, that I heard God for the first time and I
knew he could hear me.
(31:06):
He could hear me and I could hear him and this was real.
This was real.
So I opened up my hands and the floodgates poured out of me in that moment because that
is when I let go of my life.
I let go of control.
(31:29):
That moment is when I began to trust that the universe has a plan for me and even though
I can't make sense of so much of the things that happen in the world and my world, especially
as a 13-year-old, 14-year-old girl, I knew that this personal relationship with God that
(31:50):
the counselors were talking about or that my peers were talking about, that my mom was
talking about, it was real because I had heard God for the first time.
(32:11):
Ghosts, God, Spirit, oh my.
I think I was a believer before that day just by proxy, just by the experience of my family,
just by learning and following in their teachings and their footsteps.
But on that night, at cry night, at Greece overnight, summer high school camp, I heard
(32:38):
God for the first time and that is when my life changed.
I don't hear Spirit, God, out loud, audibly, in that way and I haven't since then.
That was a time 20 years ago now when God commanded me, I heard Him and it sounded like
(33:02):
a masculine voice.
It probably sounded like that because that's what I imagined God to be.
But now when I do hear from Spirit in my mind, the voices, the guidance, all sounds like
one voice.
It's not really masculine nor feminine, but it's just this higher voice of consciousness,
(33:24):
a higher voice of guidance.
But it comes to me like clear cognizance, knowing I just know or I hear something inside
my mind.
But this day, my first spiritual experience was quite unlike anything else I've encountered.
(33:52):
Now some of you listeners, I believe and I'm sure you have your own personal relationship
with God, Goddess, Spirit, Divine, whatever name you call it to be, Source.
And if there's some of you listeners who are wanting your own connection with the Divine
(34:13):
and you're wondering, why does Rachel get to hear voices in her head?
I wish I heard voices in my head.
I believe that everyone can.
I believe that everyone has the ability to dialogue with Spirit.
But I do believe it's also essential that we believe it's possible, that we within
(34:36):
our body, our frequency is open and believes that it can happen.
One of my favorite Christmas movies, The Santa Clause, Charlie is taught that believing is
seeing.
Seeing isn't believing.
So if we believe that Spirit is talking all the time, if we believe that God, Goddess,
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Divine, Creator, Source wants to connect with us in the daily, in the here and now, in the
small and mundane, if we believe it, then it can happen.
If we are open to receive, then it can happen.
And also we have to understand that sometimes the answers or the dialogue or the signs or
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the synchronicities, they might not look or sound the way we anticipate them to.
But when you see something, when you catch something, a word, a phrase, a name, a number,
a quote, I don't know, when you see something and you think, is that for me?
Is the universe talking to me?
Well, that was just a coincidence.
(35:43):
No, no, that's the moment.
Do not call it a coincidence.
Trust it.
Trust it and believe.
Is the world that magical?
Can God really hear inside my head?
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
Because God could hear inside mine when I was a 14-year-old girl.
And now the dialogue has only grown and evolved and become more beautiful since then.
(36:08):
Sounds different, but I know that Spirit is still speaking.
So the affirmations and mantras that I prepared for you today are for people who are looking
to deepen their connection and their personal relationship with Spirit, as I know it today.
(36:29):
Repeat after me.
I am open.
I am ready.
I am open and I am ready for a dialogue with Spirit.
(36:49):
I know that messages are around me and available to me at any time.
I will affirm and trust that messages are coming my way.
(37:19):
Thanks Radicals for tuning in.
And if you are enjoying the Radically Rachel podcast in any capacity, it would mean so
much to me if you would send an episode to a friend, a coworker, send it to somebody
you hate so you could tell them you need Jesus, you need this episode, just kidding.
(37:40):
But send them your favorite episode and you could tell them, hey, this chick, she's a
little wild, she's a little weird, but stick around because you will learn a little bit
and you will laugh along the way.
And I wanted to share this episode with you all because I want you to know that God, Goddess,
Spirit, Divine, Source, Creator, Universe is still speaking.
(38:08):
The Creator of the universe does not merely exist in a book written by man.
Don't get it twisted.
Spirit is still speaking today.
Radically Rachel.
Work for the Radically Rachel podcast has been provided by Big Wonder, Fine Young Gamers,
(38:35):
and Miehl.
I want to be brave.
I want to be myself.
I don't want to wake up every day as someone else.
I want to be strong.
I want to be soft.
I want every single thing that I've been dreaming of.
But that takes courage.
(39:01):
And that takes time.
(39:26):
Nothing left to prove
You wanna be radical, don't you?
Lose yourself to find yourself
To find out what's true
Before anything was something
It first had to be a dream
And dreamers have to dream the world
That no one else can see
(39:49):
Two eyes closed in one heart
Open stream of destiny
Following the path you chose
The story you chose to be
You wanna be radical, don't you?
Don't you?
Free in all the ways it matters
Nothing left to prove
Nothing left to prove
(40:09):
You wanna be radical, don't you?
Don't you?
Lose yourself to find yourself
To find out what's true
You wanna be radical, don't you?
Free in all the ways it matters
Nothing left to prove
You wanna be radical, don't you?
(40:32):
Lose yourself to find yourself
To find out what's true
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