June 13, 2023 • 40 mins
Episode 4: The Gremlins
Whether you want to admit it or not....we all have voices inside our head! We all have an inner dialogue or chatter that streams throughout the day and all have a voice of higher reasoning; a conscience.
But have you heard your G R E M L I N S?
Chances are you've experienced "negative self-talk" from time to time. But that's not YOU...it's your G R E M L I N S. 🧟‍♂️💀👻
In this episode, Rachael discusses where these voices come from and how one can distinguish their differences. Rachael will unpack some different ideas regarding how you were programmed/parented.
When embarking on a journey towards healing or spirituality, it is vital to understand the difference between your inner monologue or chatter, your higher self, and what I call “the gremlin”. As the gremlin will tell you lies and try to derail your story….
This episode features unique audio experiences to immerse the listener. Enjoy.
Pictures featuring G R E M L I N S by kids: https://www.facebook.com/100076165542288/posts/pfbid02qv81F4b6rq3j3iqz9Q6Wz3dSX9aFoaLUeh5LjgKUqPJhsySZMw2VHpjyCgHALuC4l/?mibextid=cr9u03
Want more Radically, Rachael?
Follow Rachael on Instagram and TikTok @RadicallyRachaelInterested in Tarot, Coaching or Reiki?
Music Credit: Specialty Music by Miouxx
Intro Music: Stream "SPIRIT" by Radically, Rachael.Intro Music Created and Provided with Permission by BigWonder.
Check out Big Wonder on Spotify and Apple Music.
Closing Music: "Radically Rachael" Provided with Permission by Fine Young Gamers.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
One day I woke up and realized that I wasn't happy.
(00:08):
But the best part about writing your own story is that you can change it whenever you want.
You are the main character and the author.
This is my life story, the spiritual awakening and sexual evolution of a wild woman.
(00:31):
May these stories help you to see and understand your own story better, awakening you to the
magic and synchronicity within your own life.
I know they will make you laugh, cry, and cringe.
But they will also be a light in the darkness and a mirror to teach you more deeply about
(00:53):
who you are called to be.
I am Radically Rachael.
(01:24):
Hello Kings and Queens and everything in between.
Happy Pride!
Suns, moons, and stars, listeners near and listeners far.
Welcome back to the Radically Rachael Podcast.
This is Episode 4.
(02:00):
Listeners near and listeners far.
I have to say thank you to all the listeners so far.
Today as I record Episode 4, the podcast has over 450 downloads total.
That's incredible.
Shout out to some listeners near in Grand Rapids, Michigan, Madison, Wisconsin, Austin,
(02:27):
Texas, but also the listeners very far.
It's hard to believe, but we have listeners very far indeed.
In Brussels, Abu Dhabi, Australia, Spain, Italy, and France.
Welcome Radicals.
(02:49):
However you have come across the Radically Rachael Podcast, I am honored and humbled to
share time and space with you.
Thank you for your downloads and support.
Please leave a review of the show and let me know what you think so far.
I'd love to hear from you.
Before we dive into today's episode, I do need to make a few corrections to previous
(03:14):
episodes.
Per Episode 2, I need to correct that a person's biofield is not 25 to 30 feet around them,
but more 5 to 6 feet.
And if you had me as a teacher, you know I'm the first person to admit math is not my strong
suit.
(03:35):
Thank you, Nereida, for the correction.
Our biofield doesn't grow larger as we get older.
It always is this 5 to 6 feet diameter.
However, we just develop more energetic rings and signatures within our biofield as we age.
(03:55):
In last week's episode, I was speaking about eye movement desensitization and reprocessing
therapy.
For short, you may have caught me a few times say EDMR instead of the accurate acronym EMDR.
(04:16):
So embarrassing.
The correct acronym is EMDR.
Forgive me, but you caught me.
I also love electronic dance music.
Catch me at Electric Forest in a couple of weeks.
I value bringing these corrections to your attention, but also because there is no shame
(04:38):
in making mistakes.
We are all humans, being, learning and growing, evolving all the time.
I want to model that right away up front for you.
We all make mistakes.
I am a coach, a teacher, a leader, a researcher, and an explorer.
(04:58):
I might not get everything right, but I'm still not afraid to try and teach you how
to expand your awareness.
We're all learning together.
(05:22):
Last week, you may have noticed some changes in the audio during my storytelling.
Every now and then, there will be unique audio experiences within the episodes.
You'll begin to grow familiar with the characters and their tones, and you'll recognize them
without introduction.
(05:43):
We learned that spirit can speak through songs and music.
She met my higher self, her voice calm, yet commanding, certain and confident, comforting,
soothing.
She knows something I don't.
(06:03):
We also met my mother.
You are so disgusting.
This is sick.
What's wrong with you?
Are you an animal?
What are you going to live in a barn?
And today, we'll meet my gremlin, the voice of darkness, taunting, shaming, criticizing,
(06:29):
blaming, and mocking.
Soon we will hear spirit too, at least what it sounds like for me.
In today's episode, we will explore more about these voices, where they come from,
and how you can learn to identify these voices within yourself as well.
(06:55):
When embarking on a journey towards healing or spirituality, or if you're just wanting
to develop a better connection to yourself, it's important to understand the difference
between your inner monologue or chatter, your higher self, and what I call the gremlin.
(07:15):
For the gremlin will tell you lies and try to derail your story.
I can't take credit for the name gremlin.
I got that from my best friend Carly.
The gremlin is opposite of higher self.
It's the lowest self.
It's the voice that was born from pain, shame, and fear.
(07:41):
The inner darkness.
It's a voice that screams from the black hole that you are trying to fill.
It is a nasty little dark creature that wants to pick you apart and makes you insecure.
You might not know how to tell the voices apart just yet, and you might think it's
(08:03):
crazy for me to tell you that there are voices in your head.
But there are.
It's just another radical idea.
But I'm going to teach you how to distinguish between these voices and how to tell what
is truth and what is a lie within the stories they are telling you.
(08:24):
It's important to stand up and speak out against your gremlin.
We can only do that by first recognizing the voice of the gremlin and understanding that
it is a separate being and separate creature than your own inner light and truth, your
higher self.
(08:45):
Your higher self, your inner rock star, is the guiding voice, your conscience.
It wants the best for you.
Wants to see you prosper.
It tells you the truth, even when it's hard, but with light and love.
(09:05):
Because your higher self is you, and your higher soul always loves you unconditionally.
It is the best version of yourself, the best best friend a person could have.
When I am working with clients, both children and adults, I tell them to create and imagine
(09:30):
this version of themselves as a king or a queen or a god or goddess.
Maybe you float in a pink sparkly bubble, or you're a warrior ready to charge forth
and tackle any obstacle.
One of my clients imagines herself as a mermaid in the sea.
(09:52):
Or maybe you're a fairy or an otherworldly being, maybe a half animal, half human.
Have fun with it.
Be wild and creative.
What does your higher self sound like and look like?
(10:14):
Create a vision for your higher self.
Begin to imagine this character, who can give you spiritual guidance and clarity whenever
you ask.
If you don't feel that you have a very good dialogue with your higher self, here are my
suggestions.
Begin to talk out loud.
(10:36):
To yourself.
To spirit.
To your higher self.
I usually find that when I talk out loud and my brain is busy talking and I'm processing
my own speech and my own thoughts, I will hear another voice talking back in my head.
And because I'm busy speaking out loud, I trust that the thoughts and the voice I hear
(11:00):
speaking back to me is my higher self.
She's sassy.
She has a sense of humor.
But she keeps me grounded and puts me in check when I need it.
You might never talk or process out loud because you don't want to sound crazy or perhaps because
you lack the ability to to have privacy in your home.
(11:23):
I find personally that talking out loud in the shower and in the car works best for me.
Talk out loud and listen as your higher self talks back.
Now for the gremlin.
(11:50):
What you need to remember is that this voice isn't you.
You may think it is, but it isn't.
Even if it sounds like you, it's a good pretender.
It's just the doubt, the shame and the fear that you've been programmed with.
(12:12):
For me growing up, the gremlin had my voice.
She sounded just like me.
But she's a bitch and a big shit talker.
And she sounded just like the mean girls from school who bullied and picked on me.
As a little girl, because this voice mocked me like the mean girls and sounded like me
(12:36):
a young girl, it was hard to distinguish the difference between my own inner monologue
and the trash talk of the gremlin girls.
As an adult, the voice of the gremlin became wretched, dark, vile and angry, seething and
whispering all at once, wretched, dark, vile, angry.
(13:02):
Who does that remind you of?
Everyone's gremlin sounds a little different.
And over time, I encourage people to create their own representation of their gremlin
to help you differentiate it from your inner chatter.
This is a really interesting activity to work on with children and teens, because it will
(13:26):
really reveal a lot about what they're battling internally.
I'm going to create a post on social media that I'll link in the show notes where you
can see some examples of the gremlins that children have created when I've done different
workshops.
This is the voice that tells you, you're not good enough, and you'll never be good enough.
(13:51):
This voice was born in a dark place.
It's the voice that speaks from a place of shame, blame.
It's ugly and mean, and says things to you you would never say to a friend.
(14:11):
Why can't you just figure it out?
What's wrong with you?
You'll never be good enough.
You'll never get anything right.
You're such an idiot.
That's why bad things happen to you.
You deserve them.
Why are you so worthless?
Why are you so worthless?
(14:32):
It's never enough.
It'll never be enough.
You're not enough.
Why are they always mad at me?
What did I do wrong?
Why am I not good enough?
What's wrong with me?
Why am I not good enough?
What's wrong with me?
What's wrong with me?
What's wrong with me?
What's wrong with me?
I...
Since when have I been the monster?
Since when?
(14:53):
For years you've been the monster.
You're the monster of magic.
You're coming.
You're my beautiful mermaid skirt with a
pair of blue-throated blue-throated Photon suits.
Like socialized
No one will ever love you.
(15:13):
No one could ever love you.
No one loves you.
It would be better if you were gone.
If you aren't sure how to distinguish your gremlins from your own inner monologue,
(15:38):
let me ask you.
Pick an inner thought that you have.
Would you say it out loud to yourself?
For someone else to hear?
Would you say it to a friend?
Is it a fact you can actually prove true?
Does the gremlin repeat something that someone else said to you when you were a child?
(16:04):
Can you think of a scary or fearful moment when your gremlin began to tell you a story?
When your gremlin began to lie to you?
To children, the world seems scarier and much bigger than it does to all us adults.
(16:25):
This stage of their lives, they have little, if any conscious analytic thinking to make sense of their experiences.
Their experiences, without the maturity to make sense of events,
can create emotions and habits that are established and worsen over their lifetime.
(16:49):
I'm going to share with you a core memory I have from my childhood.
It was a very pivotal moment in my development because it was when my sister was born.
Very monumental for a child.
This memory is one of the earliest memories that I can recall because I can't really remember my life without my sister.
(17:11):
I can't remember much before her.
She was born in 1992, which means that I would have been two years old.
I'm in my childhood home and I'm with my grandma.
I remember thinking it was kind of strange that we were there by ourselves,
but it's because my mom and my dad and my grandpa, my papa, were at the hospital waiting for my sister to be born.
(17:37):
My grandma and I were working on a card to bring along to the hospital.
I couldn't cut or glue or write this card personally myself, but my grandma helped me create it.
I remember choosing blue construction paper.
I wonder if that's because I wanted a baby brother.
(17:59):
We pasted a picture of Dalmatian puppies on it, and my grandma scrawled a message somewhere along the paper.
My next vision is walking into the hospital room.
I remember that it was very dark and dim.
There were maybe just a few small lamps lit.
(18:22):
Everyone was speaking in soft tones, but very excited and happy and,
are you ready to meet your sister?
And all that kind of energy.
They sat me on the couch that's in the hospital room, and they brought my sister over to me.
I was going to hold her for the first time.
Nobody sat next to me.
(18:44):
I was sitting on the couch by myself, and they passed my baby sister to me.
And I remember everyone saying, hold her head, hold her head.
But my two hands were together because I was trying to create a cradle with my arms.
And so my hands were actually on her back and her butt.
(19:07):
And I kept thinking, well, how do they want me to hold her head?
I can't hold her head.
My hands are nowhere near her head.
My family member passed my sister over to me and set her into my arms.
But of course, immediately her head fell back because I couldn't support her neck, and I wasn't able to do so by myself.
(19:28):
The room that was once filled with soft and gentle murmurs had erupted in a cacophony of shouts and gasps as my family began to yell at me because I wasn't holding my sister properly.
I began to cry.
I'm sure she began to cry.
And that, my friends, is the day my life changed forever.
(19:53):
I didn't gain a best friend for life.
I had gained a mortal enemy.
She ruined my world.
I no longer was the center of attention.
I no longer was the apple of my parents' eye.
Well, now they had two apples to compare, so I was the bad apple because she was the good apple.
(20:17):
Our brain is always trying to tell us a story.
The stories that we are writing and telling ourselves are just projections from our own experiences and our own personal reality.
The stories that we are telling ourselves are not always necessarily true.
(20:43):
Our brains are doing their best to make up a narrative with what little information we have about a situation.
We are telling ourselves whatever we need to in the moment to suit our storyline.
Sometimes the storylines that are playing out are ones that we wrote when we were very little,
(21:04):
without the greater nuances of social-emotional reasoning.
And sometimes the storylines that we are playing out are the stories that have been written for us and given to us,
and we just keep playing the part.
My gremlin told me, at the age of two, that I was not wanted, that I was broken, bad, and that there was something wrong with me,
(21:33):
so wrong that my parents wanted to have another baby.
And of course, that isn't true. It just isn't.
No matter how my childhood circumstances reinforce that to me, it isn't the truth.
It's a story that a two-year-old made up to try to make sense of the world and her pain.
(22:23):
So, if that voice is not you, then who created those voices?
Where did the story come from?
(22:45):
Who created the wiring in your brain?
The programming?
There are many answers for these questions, and I certainly don't have all the answers,
but I can tell you what has worked for me as I have sought to reflect on my own programming.
(23:07):
Note, these programs are often running on autopilot because they run at almost a subconscious level, under the radar, and deep within.
But with awareness, you can question them and reflect upon them.
(23:31):
We enter this world as pure beings of light, little star seeds.
We all come here very different and unique with a special soul purpose.
But as we move through life and develop and grow, we encounter different experiences that cover our light,
(23:53):
almost like we're being covered with a thick, dark tar.
The healing journey, a journey of self-mastery, is the moment when you pick up the chisel
and you start to chip away at your programming and the things that have been thrust upon you
and the things that have been programmed into you, and we chip away at it and we chisel away at it to see who is left underneath.
(24:22):
That original light being, you, on a journey of self-mastery and healing,
to remember who you were before the world tried to tell you who to be.
Let's unpack this a little bit. Let's talk about social programming.
(24:43):
Social programming, or societal programming, is the sociological process of training individuals in a society
to respond in a manner generally approved by the society and social groups.
That's like creating norms, what we deem is normal or appropriate as a response or as a behavior.
(25:10):
The two most commonly used mechanisms of social programming include reward-slash-reinforcement versus punishment
and repetition of the same principle or message.
Societal programming is how we experience the world and how it is reflected back to us.
(25:31):
Today that happens heavily through social media, TV, music, movies, fashion.
Our friends and peers, what they do, what they don't do, what they say, what they wear, what's trending, what is popular.
(25:52):
We follow these things and we do these things because it'll keep us safe.
It'll help us to fit in. We do what we need to do to help us survive.
Societal programming is reflected within gender norms.
Boys don't cry. Pink is for girls. Boys shouldn't paint their nails. Girls should wear dresses, but boys can't.
(26:19):
Girls should shave their legs and armpits. Every different culture has its own norms.
Different ages and different social groups have their own social norms.
Everyone, everywhere, we just want to fit in. We just want to be seen as, quote unquote, normal.
(26:42):
We don't want to stand out and be bullied or ostracized. We want to be accepted.
So oftentimes as young teens we go along with the programming and we go with the flow and look like everybody else
because we don't want to stand out for the wrong reasons.
The rewards and reinforcement and punishment can come in many forms.
(27:05):
Sometimes the currency is laughter from our peers, whether it's positive or negative feedback.
Comments from our parents, our teachers, and employers.
A positive reinforcement would be like a raise or a bonus.
A punishment would be from law enforcement in fines and fees or tickets.
(27:29):
It's everywhere. Be good. Don't be bad. Be gallant, not goofus.
Repetition of the message happens in advertising.
Everywhere. Phones, TVs, screens, food packaging, clothing, influencers, celebrities.
(27:50):
Things said and unsaid. What can actually be read and what is read between the lines.
Another layer of deep programming is that of our family, formed within our home as young children.
What we saw and what we observed in our family system.
(28:11):
The mobile of our family and how we balanced and played off of one another in the home.
Our very early childhood experiences are also a part of this programming.
Especially experiences where we still lacked the emotional maturity to appropriately process what was happening.
(28:32):
Here are some things for your consideration.
What is your family look like?
What did your childhood look like?
How would you describe growing up?
(28:57):
How many places did you call home? Did your parents live together or separate?
What did love look like there?
Do you know both of your parents? Did your parents divorce, remarry?
(29:18):
Do you have any bonus or step family? How about siblings?
Did your grandparents and extended family live near or far?
What did your parents do for work? How did they make money?
(29:39):
How did they view money? How did they treat money?
How did they talk about money?
What messages did your family send you, consciously or unconsciously?
What things did they say that you missed?
(30:01):
And what things did they miss that you needed them to say?
What did they teach you about food and nutrition or about movement and exercise?
What did they think about school? Did they care about your grades?
Involved in your activities and friends?
(30:23):
How did your programmers, I mean parents, how did they problem solve?
How do they show anger? How do they apologize? Do they ever apologize?
These are just some surface things that we can begin to reflect on and bring our awareness to
(30:45):
when we consider the programming that a person, that a child, that a sweet baby soul, that you were programmed with.
Beyond the first few years of your life, there are also the ancestral programs and operating systems
(31:07):
that have been running for decades while you were just a cell in your mother's womb.
When she was even just a baby in your grandmother's womb.
I'm serious. Did you know you've been held and created within many genetic wombs?
(31:28):
When your grandmother carried your mother, she was born with all of her eggs.
That means that your grandmother held you and carried you inside her.
And her mother carried yours and so on and so on.
Your grandmother's energy is in you. Your mother's energy is in you.
(31:55):
The experiences that happen to them, the feelings and emotions, the fears, the memories, the traumas.
On a cellular level, you hold it too. On a cellular level within the coding of your DNA.
But also in the cosmic, the stories and the timelines that have been deeply interwoven into the roots of your family tree.
(32:25):
What patterns and programs has your family been stuck in?
Poverty, purity, scarcity, fear, suffering, addiction, abuse?
(32:46):
Consider the major historical events that have occurred in your family's lineage.
Economic collapse, major diseases, famine and war.
When you truly begin to crack open and confront all of these patterns and programs,
it won't be the most pleasant of experiences.
(33:10):
Some will call this shadow work. Others will call this the dark night of the soul.
It will take you to a new place for sure.
Because questioning yourself in this way and doing inner work
and learning different tools and applications for self-mastery will expand you.
(33:32):
It will crack you open, but it will also help you blossom and bloom.
Don't be afraid of your gremlins. Often they were never yours to begin with.
They just feed on your light.
(33:54):
Don't give them power today. You are more powerful.
Speak out loud to your gremlins and tell it the truth, whatever it needs to hear to heal.
You are loved. You are wanted. There is nothing wrong with you.
(34:14):
You are seen. You are heard. You are valued. You are special.
You are worthy.
(34:38):
The healing that we need to do within ourself is not just for you,
but for your ancestral lineage and for your energetic and spiritual composition.
When you heal your gremlin, you heal yourself.
And when you heal yourself, you heal your ancestral line.
(35:00):
Your ancestors don't want to see you in the same shackles and fear that bound them.
They want you to be set free. They want you to live in a higher vibration as your highest self.
The way a best friend would. Give yourself the words and love your soul longs to hear.
(35:31):
As you know, in each episode, I want to share a few affirmations for you to repeat for yourself.
I believe in the power of positive affirmation.
It's the way we reprogram our brain.
Our subconscious mind is always listening to the words we are saying.
Sometimes our brain is running on old operating systems and faulty wiring, and we need an update.
(35:57):
You can use positive affirmations to help anchor yourself to a higher vibrational thought pattern,
but also to use them as a tool to conquer your gremlin.
I encourage clients to speak out loud to make their physical voice louder than the antagonizing voice of the gremlin inside.
(36:19):
I would encourage you to consider creating some personal affirmations that maybe you specifically needed to hear at one point or time in your life.
The affirmations for today are affirmations that I think little Radically Rachael needed to hear.
Repeat after me.
(36:42):
I am loved.
I am wanted.
There is nothing wrong with me.
I am seen.
I am heard.
I am worthy.
(37:05):
Let's do that one more time.
I am loved.
I am wanted.
There is nothing wrong with me.
I am seen.
I am heard.
(37:27):
I am worthy.
Thank you for joining me.
Until next time, Radically Rachael.
Music for the Radically Rachael podcast has been provided by Big Wonder, Fine Young Gamers, and Mule.
(37:56):
I want to be brave.
I want to be myself.
I don't want to wake up every day as someone else.
I want to be strong.
I want to be soft.
I want every single thing that I've been dreaming of.
That takes courage.
(38:26):
If you don't like the road you are on, just turn around.
You too will start living a radically different life.
You want to be radical, don't you?
Treating all the ways it matters with nothing left to prove.
You want to be radical, don't you?
(38:50):
Lose yourself to find yourself to find out what is true.
Before anything was something it first had to be a dream.
And dreamers have to dream the world that no one else can see.
Two eyes closed and one heart open, straight for destiny.
Following the path you chose before you chose to be.
(39:15):
You want to be radical, don't you?
Treating all the ways it matters with nothing left to prove.
You want to be radical, don't you?
Lose yourself to find yourself to find out what is true.
You want to be radical, don't you?
(39:40):
Treating all the ways it matters with nothing left to prove.
You want to be radical, don't you?
Lose yourself to find yourself to find out what is true.
One day I woke up and realized that I wasn't happy.
(00:08):
But the best part about writing your own story is that you can change it whenever you want.
You are the main character and the author.
This is my life story, the spiritual awakening and sexual evolution of a wild woman.
(00:31):
May these stories help you to see and understand your own story better, awakening you to the
magic and synchronicity within your own life.
I know they will make you laugh, cry, and cringe.
But they will also be a light in the darkness and a mirror to teach you more deeply about
(00:53):
who you are called to be.
I am Radically Rachael.
(01:24):
Hello Kings and Queens and everything in between.
Happy Pride!
Suns, moons, and stars, listeners near and listeners far.
Welcome back to the Radically Rachael Podcast.
This is Episode 4.
(02:00):
Listeners near and listeners far.
I have to say thank you to all the listeners so far.
Today as I record Episode 4, the podcast has over 450 downloads total.
That's incredible.
Shout out to some listeners near in Grand Rapids, Michigan, Madison, Wisconsin, Austin,
(02:27):
Texas, but also the listeners very far.
It's hard to believe, but we have listeners very far indeed.
In Brussels, Abu Dhabi, Australia, Spain, Italy, and France.
Welcome Radicals.
(02:49):
However you have come across the Radically Rachael Podcast, I am honored and humbled to
share time and space with you.
Thank you for your downloads and support.
Please leave a review of the show and let me know what you think so far.
I'd love to hear from you.
Before we dive into today's episode, I do need to make a few corrections to previous
(03:14):
episodes.
Per Episode 2, I need to correct that a person's biofield is not 25 to 30 feet around them,
but more 5 to 6 feet.
And if you had me as a teacher, you know I'm the first person to admit math is not my strong
suit.
(03:35):
Thank you, Nereida, for the correction.
Our biofield doesn't grow larger as we get older.
It always is this 5 to 6 feet diameter.
However, we just develop more energetic rings and signatures within our biofield as we age.
(03:55):
In last week's episode, I was speaking about eye movement desensitization and reprocessing
therapy.
For short, you may have caught me a few times say EDMR instead of the accurate acronym EMDR.
(04:16):
So embarrassing.
The correct acronym is EMDR.
Forgive me, but you caught me.
I also love electronic dance music.
Catch me at Electric Forest in a couple of weeks.
I value bringing these corrections to your attention, but also because there is no shame
(04:38):
in making mistakes.
We are all humans, being, learning and growing, evolving all the time.
I want to model that right away up front for you.
We all make mistakes.
I am a coach, a teacher, a leader, a researcher, and an explorer.
(04:58):
I might not get everything right, but I'm still not afraid to try and teach you how
to expand your awareness.
We're all learning together.
(05:22):
Last week, you may have noticed some changes in the audio during my storytelling.
Every now and then, there will be unique audio experiences within the episodes.
You'll begin to grow familiar with the characters and their tones, and you'll recognize them
without introduction.
(05:43):
We learned that spirit can speak through songs and music.
She met my higher self, her voice calm, yet commanding, certain and confident, comforting,
soothing.
She knows something I don't.
(06:03):
We also met my mother.
You are so disgusting.
This is sick.
What's wrong with you?
Are you an animal?
What are you going to live in a barn?
And today, we'll meet my gremlin, the voice of darkness, taunting, shaming, criticizing,
(06:29):
blaming, and mocking.
Soon we will hear spirit too, at least what it sounds like for me.
In today's episode, we will explore more about these voices, where they come from,
and how you can learn to identify these voices within yourself as well.
(06:55):
When embarking on a journey towards healing or spirituality, or if you're just wanting
to develop a better connection to yourself, it's important to understand the difference
between your inner monologue or chatter, your higher self, and what I call the gremlin.
(07:15):
For the gremlin will tell you lies and try to derail your story.
I can't take credit for the name gremlin.
I got that from my best friend Carly.
The gremlin is opposite of higher self.
It's the lowest self.
It's the voice that was born from pain, shame, and fear.
(07:41):
The inner darkness.
It's a voice that screams from the black hole that you are trying to fill.
It is a nasty little dark creature that wants to pick you apart and makes you insecure.
You might not know how to tell the voices apart just yet, and you might think it's
(08:03):
crazy for me to tell you that there are voices in your head.
But there are.
It's just another radical idea.
But I'm going to teach you how to distinguish between these voices and how to tell what
is truth and what is a lie within the stories they are telling you.
(08:24):
It's important to stand up and speak out against your gremlin.
We can only do that by first recognizing the voice of the gremlin and understanding that
it is a separate being and separate creature than your own inner light and truth, your
higher self.
(08:45):
Your higher self, your inner rock star, is the guiding voice, your conscience.
It wants the best for you.
Wants to see you prosper.
It tells you the truth, even when it's hard, but with light and love.
(09:05):
Because your higher self is you, and your higher soul always loves you unconditionally.
It is the best version of yourself, the best best friend a person could have.
When I am working with clients, both children and adults, I tell them to create and imagine
(09:30):
this version of themselves as a king or a queen or a god or goddess.
Maybe you float in a pink sparkly bubble, or you're a warrior ready to charge forth
and tackle any obstacle.
One of my clients imagines herself as a mermaid in the sea.
(09:52):
Or maybe you're a fairy or an otherworldly being, maybe a half animal, half human.
Have fun with it.
Be wild and creative.
What does your higher self sound like and look like?
(10:14):
Create a vision for your higher self.
Begin to imagine this character, who can give you spiritual guidance and clarity whenever
you ask.
If you don't feel that you have a very good dialogue with your higher self, here are my
suggestions.
Begin to talk out loud.
(10:36):
To yourself.
To spirit.
To your higher self.
I usually find that when I talk out loud and my brain is busy talking and I'm processing
my own speech and my own thoughts, I will hear another voice talking back in my head.
And because I'm busy speaking out loud, I trust that the thoughts and the voice I hear
(11:00):
speaking back to me is my higher self.
She's sassy.
She has a sense of humor.
But she keeps me grounded and puts me in check when I need it.
You might never talk or process out loud because you don't want to sound crazy or perhaps because
you lack the ability to to have privacy in your home.
(11:23):
I find personally that talking out loud in the shower and in the car works best for me.
Talk out loud and listen as your higher self talks back.
Now for the gremlin.
(11:50):
What you need to remember is that this voice isn't you.
You may think it is, but it isn't.
Even if it sounds like you, it's a good pretender.
It's just the doubt, the shame and the fear that you've been programmed with.
(12:12):
For me growing up, the gremlin had my voice.
She sounded just like me.
But she's a bitch and a big shit talker.
And she sounded just like the mean girls from school who bullied and picked on me.
As a little girl, because this voice mocked me like the mean girls and sounded like me
(12:36):
a young girl, it was hard to distinguish the difference between my own inner monologue
and the trash talk of the gremlin girls.
As an adult, the voice of the gremlin became wretched, dark, vile and angry, seething and
whispering all at once, wretched, dark, vile, angry.
(13:02):
Who does that remind you of?
Everyone's gremlin sounds a little different.
And over time, I encourage people to create their own representation of their gremlin
to help you differentiate it from your inner chatter.
This is a really interesting activity to work on with children and teens, because it will
(13:26):
really reveal a lot about what they're battling internally.
I'm going to create a post on social media that I'll link in the show notes where you
can see some examples of the gremlins that children have created when I've done different
workshops.
This is the voice that tells you, you're not good enough, and you'll never be good enough.
(13:51):
This voice was born in a dark place.
It's the voice that speaks from a place of shame, blame.
It's ugly and mean, and says things to you you would never say to a friend.
(14:11):
Why can't you just figure it out?
What's wrong with you?
You'll never be good enough.
You'll never get anything right.
You're such an idiot.
That's why bad things happen to you.
You deserve them.
Why are you so worthless?
Why are you so worthless?
(14:32):
It's never enough.
It'll never be enough.
You're not enough.
Why are they always mad at me?
What did I do wrong?
Why am I not good enough?
What's wrong with me?
Why am I not good enough?
What's wrong with me?
What's wrong with me?
What's wrong with me?
What's wrong with me?
I...
Since when have I been the monster?
Since when?
(14:53):
For years you've been the monster.
You're the monster of magic.
You're coming.
You're my beautiful mermaid skirt with a
pair of blue-throated blue-throated Photon suits.
Like socialized
No one will ever love you.
(15:13):
No one could ever love you.
No one loves you.
It would be better if you were gone.
If you aren't sure how to distinguish your gremlins from your own inner monologue,
(15:38):
let me ask you.
Pick an inner thought that you have.
Would you say it out loud to yourself?
For someone else to hear?
Would you say it to a friend?
Is it a fact you can actually prove true?
Does the gremlin repeat something that someone else said to you when you were a child?
(16:04):
Can you think of a scary or fearful moment when your gremlin began to tell you a story?
When your gremlin began to lie to you?
To children, the world seems scarier and much bigger than it does to all us adults.
(16:25):
This stage of their lives, they have little, if any conscious analytic thinking to make sense of their experiences.
Their experiences, without the maturity to make sense of events,
can create emotions and habits that are established and worsen over their lifetime.
(16:49):
I'm going to share with you a core memory I have from my childhood.
It was a very pivotal moment in my development because it was when my sister was born.
Very monumental for a child.
This memory is one of the earliest memories that I can recall because I can't really remember my life without my sister.
(17:11):
I can't remember much before her.
She was born in 1992, which means that I would have been two years old.
I'm in my childhood home and I'm with my grandma.
I remember thinking it was kind of strange that we were there by ourselves,
but it's because my mom and my dad and my grandpa, my papa, were at the hospital waiting for my sister to be born.
(17:37):
My grandma and I were working on a card to bring along to the hospital.
I couldn't cut or glue or write this card personally myself, but my grandma helped me create it.
I remember choosing blue construction paper.
I wonder if that's because I wanted a baby brother.
(17:59):
We pasted a picture of Dalmatian puppies on it, and my grandma scrawled a message somewhere along the paper.
My next vision is walking into the hospital room.
I remember that it was very dark and dim.
There were maybe just a few small lamps lit.
(18:22):
Everyone was speaking in soft tones, but very excited and happy and,
are you ready to meet your sister?
And all that kind of energy.
They sat me on the couch that's in the hospital room, and they brought my sister over to me.
I was going to hold her for the first time.
Nobody sat next to me.
(18:44):
I was sitting on the couch by myself, and they passed my baby sister to me.
And I remember everyone saying, hold her head, hold her head.
But my two hands were together because I was trying to create a cradle with my arms.
And so my hands were actually on her back and her butt.
(19:07):
And I kept thinking, well, how do they want me to hold her head?
I can't hold her head.
My hands are nowhere near her head.
My family member passed my sister over to me and set her into my arms.
But of course, immediately her head fell back because I couldn't support her neck, and I wasn't able to do so by myself.
(19:28):
The room that was once filled with soft and gentle murmurs had erupted in a cacophony of shouts and gasps as my family began to yell at me because I wasn't holding my sister properly.
I began to cry.
I'm sure she began to cry.
And that, my friends, is the day my life changed forever.
(19:53):
I didn't gain a best friend for life.
I had gained a mortal enemy.
She ruined my world.
I no longer was the center of attention.
I no longer was the apple of my parents' eye.
Well, now they had two apples to compare, so I was the bad apple because she was the good apple.
(20:17):
Our brain is always trying to tell us a story.
The stories that we are writing and telling ourselves are just projections from our own experiences and our own personal reality.
The stories that we are telling ourselves are not always necessarily true.
(20:43):
Our brains are doing their best to make up a narrative with what little information we have about a situation.
We are telling ourselves whatever we need to in the moment to suit our storyline.
Sometimes the storylines that are playing out are ones that we wrote when we were very little,
(21:04):
without the greater nuances of social-emotional reasoning.
And sometimes the storylines that we are playing out are the stories that have been written for us and given to us,
and we just keep playing the part.
My gremlin told me, at the age of two, that I was not wanted, that I was broken, bad, and that there was something wrong with me,
(21:33):
so wrong that my parents wanted to have another baby.
And of course, that isn't true. It just isn't.
No matter how my childhood circumstances reinforce that to me, it isn't the truth.
It's a story that a two-year-old made up to try to make sense of the world and her pain.
(22:23):
So, if that voice is not you, then who created those voices?
Where did the story come from?
(22:45):
Who created the wiring in your brain?
The programming?
There are many answers for these questions, and I certainly don't have all the answers,
but I can tell you what has worked for me as I have sought to reflect on my own programming.
(23:07):
Note, these programs are often running on autopilot because they run at almost a subconscious level, under the radar, and deep within.
But with awareness, you can question them and reflect upon them.
(23:31):
We enter this world as pure beings of light, little star seeds.
We all come here very different and unique with a special soul purpose.
But as we move through life and develop and grow, we encounter different experiences that cover our light,
(23:53):
almost like we're being covered with a thick, dark tar.
The healing journey, a journey of self-mastery, is the moment when you pick up the chisel
and you start to chip away at your programming and the things that have been thrust upon you
and the things that have been programmed into you, and we chip away at it and we chisel away at it to see who is left underneath.
(24:22):
That original light being, you, on a journey of self-mastery and healing,
to remember who you were before the world tried to tell you who to be.
Let's unpack this a little bit. Let's talk about social programming.
(24:43):
Social programming, or societal programming, is the sociological process of training individuals in a society
to respond in a manner generally approved by the society and social groups.
That's like creating norms, what we deem is normal or appropriate as a response or as a behavior.
(25:10):
The two most commonly used mechanisms of social programming include reward-slash-reinforcement versus punishment
and repetition of the same principle or message.
Societal programming is how we experience the world and how it is reflected back to us.
(25:31):
Today that happens heavily through social media, TV, music, movies, fashion.
Our friends and peers, what they do, what they don't do, what they say, what they wear, what's trending, what is popular.
(25:52):
We follow these things and we do these things because it'll keep us safe.
It'll help us to fit in. We do what we need to do to help us survive.
Societal programming is reflected within gender norms.
Boys don't cry. Pink is for girls. Boys shouldn't paint their nails. Girls should wear dresses, but boys can't.
(26:19):
Girls should shave their legs and armpits. Every different culture has its own norms.
Different ages and different social groups have their own social norms.
Everyone, everywhere, we just want to fit in. We just want to be seen as, quote unquote, normal.
(26:42):
We don't want to stand out and be bullied or ostracized. We want to be accepted.
So oftentimes as young teens we go along with the programming and we go with the flow and look like everybody else
because we don't want to stand out for the wrong reasons.
The rewards and reinforcement and punishment can come in many forms.
(27:05):
Sometimes the currency is laughter from our peers, whether it's positive or negative feedback.
Comments from our parents, our teachers, and employers.
A positive reinforcement would be like a raise or a bonus.
A punishment would be from law enforcement in fines and fees or tickets.
(27:29):
It's everywhere. Be good. Don't be bad. Be gallant, not goofus.
Repetition of the message happens in advertising.
Everywhere. Phones, TVs, screens, food packaging, clothing, influencers, celebrities.
(27:50):
Things said and unsaid. What can actually be read and what is read between the lines.
Another layer of deep programming is that of our family, formed within our home as young children.
What we saw and what we observed in our family system.
(28:11):
The mobile of our family and how we balanced and played off of one another in the home.
Our very early childhood experiences are also a part of this programming.
Especially experiences where we still lacked the emotional maturity to appropriately process what was happening.
(28:32):
Here are some things for your consideration.
What is your family look like?
What did your childhood look like?
How would you describe growing up?
(28:57):
How many places did you call home? Did your parents live together or separate?
What did love look like there?
Do you know both of your parents? Did your parents divorce, remarry?
(29:18):
Do you have any bonus or step family? How about siblings?
Did your grandparents and extended family live near or far?
What did your parents do for work? How did they make money?
(29:39):
How did they view money? How did they treat money?
How did they talk about money?
What messages did your family send you, consciously or unconsciously?
What things did they say that you missed?
(30:01):
And what things did they miss that you needed them to say?
What did they teach you about food and nutrition or about movement and exercise?
What did they think about school? Did they care about your grades?
Involved in your activities and friends?
(30:23):
How did your programmers, I mean parents, how did they problem solve?
How do they show anger? How do they apologize? Do they ever apologize?
These are just some surface things that we can begin to reflect on and bring our awareness to
(30:45):
when we consider the programming that a person, that a child, that a sweet baby soul, that you were programmed with.
Beyond the first few years of your life, there are also the ancestral programs and operating systems
(31:07):
that have been running for decades while you were just a cell in your mother's womb.
When she was even just a baby in your grandmother's womb.
I'm serious. Did you know you've been held and created within many genetic wombs?
(31:28):
When your grandmother carried your mother, she was born with all of her eggs.
That means that your grandmother held you and carried you inside her.
And her mother carried yours and so on and so on.
Your grandmother's energy is in you. Your mother's energy is in you.
(31:55):
The experiences that happen to them, the feelings and emotions, the fears, the memories, the traumas.
On a cellular level, you hold it too. On a cellular level within the coding of your DNA.
But also in the cosmic, the stories and the timelines that have been deeply interwoven into the roots of your family tree.
(32:25):
What patterns and programs has your family been stuck in?
Poverty, purity, scarcity, fear, suffering, addiction, abuse?
(32:46):
Consider the major historical events that have occurred in your family's lineage.
Economic collapse, major diseases, famine and war.
When you truly begin to crack open and confront all of these patterns and programs,
it won't be the most pleasant of experiences.
(33:10):
Some will call this shadow work. Others will call this the dark night of the soul.
It will take you to a new place for sure.
Because questioning yourself in this way and doing inner work
and learning different tools and applications for self-mastery will expand you.
(33:32):
It will crack you open, but it will also help you blossom and bloom.
Don't be afraid of your gremlins. Often they were never yours to begin with.
They just feed on your light.
(33:54):
Don't give them power today. You are more powerful.
Speak out loud to your gremlins and tell it the truth, whatever it needs to hear to heal.
You are loved. You are wanted. There is nothing wrong with you.
(34:14):
You are seen. You are heard. You are valued. You are special.
You are worthy.
(34:38):
The healing that we need to do within ourself is not just for you,
but for your ancestral lineage and for your energetic and spiritual composition.
When you heal your gremlin, you heal yourself.
And when you heal yourself, you heal your ancestral line.
(35:00):
Your ancestors don't want to see you in the same shackles and fear that bound them.
They want you to be set free. They want you to live in a higher vibration as your highest self.
The way a best friend would. Give yourself the words and love your soul longs to hear.
(35:31):
As you know, in each episode, I want to share a few affirmations for you to repeat for yourself.
I believe in the power of positive affirmation.
It's the way we reprogram our brain.
Our subconscious mind is always listening to the words we are saying.
Sometimes our brain is running on old operating systems and faulty wiring, and we need an update.
(35:57):
You can use positive affirmations to help anchor yourself to a higher vibrational thought pattern,
but also to use them as a tool to conquer your gremlin.
I encourage clients to speak out loud to make their physical voice louder than the antagonizing voice of the gremlin inside.
(36:19):
I would encourage you to consider creating some personal affirmations that maybe you specifically needed to hear at one point or time in your life.
The affirmations for today are affirmations that I think little Radically Rachael needed to hear.
Repeat after me.
(36:42):
I am loved.
I am wanted.
There is nothing wrong with me.
I am seen.
I am heard.
I am worthy.
(37:05):
Let's do that one more time.
I am loved.
I am wanted.
There is nothing wrong with me.
I am seen.
I am heard.
(37:27):
I am worthy.
Thank you for joining me.
Until next time, Radically Rachael.
Music for the Radically Rachael podcast has been provided by Big Wonder, Fine Young Gamers, and Mule.
(37:56):
I want to be brave.
I want to be myself.
I don't want to wake up every day as someone else.
I want to be strong.
I want to be soft.
I want every single thing that I've been dreaming of.
That takes courage.
(38:26):
If you don't like the road you are on, just turn around.
You too will start living a radically different life.
You want to be radical, don't you?
Treating all the ways it matters with nothing left to prove.
You want to be radical, don't you?
(38:50):
Lose yourself to find yourself to find out what is true.
Before anything was something it first had to be a dream.
And dreamers have to dream the world that no one else can see.
Two eyes closed and one heart open, straight for destiny.
Following the path you chose before you chose to be.
(39:15):
You want to be radical, don't you?
Treating all the ways it matters with nothing left to prove.
You want to be radical, don't you?
Lose yourself to find yourself to find out what is true.
You want to be radical, don't you?
(39:40):
Treating all the ways it matters with nothing left to prove.
You want to be radical, don't you?
Lose yourself to find yourself to find out what is true.
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