December 1, 2024 • 38 mins
This episode touches on some difficult topics including family and domestic violence and coercive control, burnout, and children experiencing trauma. If you or someone you know is struggling with difficult conversations or situations, please check out the resources below.
With a passion for connecting people, ideas and opportunities with purpose, Rebecca Beardsley is a creative and strategic thinker with over 25 years' experience in business development, marketing & communications. Having taken the leap from the corporate landscape, Bec is the founder of Untitled & Co, providing coaching to unstoppable female professionals, corporates and B2B organisations and paving the way for them to thrive, flourish and grow one conversation at a time.
In this episode, Bec bravely shares her story of leaving an abusive relationship and moving states; caring for her children who experienced deep trauma; and starting her own business.
Bec would love to connect with female professionals, corporates and B2B organisations who need a little nudge to reach their unstoppable potential. Connect with Bec on LinkedIn!
----- Resources ------
1800RESPECT
1800RESPECT is available for free, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to support people impacted by domestic, family or sexual violence.
24/7 Confidential information, counselling and support help line - 1800 737 732
Website for resources, text or video chat - 1800respect.org.au
Support Groups
If you are experiencing (or supporting someone experiencing) trauma, know that you are not alone. Consider reaching out to a support group near you.
ConnectGroups Support Group Directory (Western Australia) - connectgroups.org.au/directory
Mental Health Foundation Australia Directory (Australia-wide) - supportgroup.mhfa.org.au/groups
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
Hi Rafters, before this episode begins, we just
want to share a content warningwith you.
This episode touches on somedifficult topics including
family domestic violence andcoercive control, burnout and
children experiencing trauma.
If any of that is triggering foryou, catch us back up in the
next episode.
Otherwise, it's a really greatchat and we hope you'll get a
lot out of it.
As usual, this episode containsadult language and concepts.
UNKNOWN (00:29):
Music
SPEAKER_04 (00:38):
For centuries, women have been taught that we are
each other's worst enemies.
But in our experience, women aremore like otters than queen
bees.
Female otters, bitches, if youwill, join hands with each other
to create rafts that stop themfrom drifting apart and losing
each other while they're asleep.
Just like a literal raft ofbitches, our experience has been
(00:59):
that thriving women often have atight-knit community of other
women who've helped them getthere by providing information
and support along the way andmaking sure that we all stay
afloat.
Welcome back to another episodeof the Raft of Bitches podcast.
I'm here with my co-host, Rikki,and a fun fact about Rikki is
(01:21):
that her first ever doll was nota Barbie or something that you
may imagine.
It was a Skeletor.
SPEAKER_01 (01:27):
Yeah, and do you know what?
I don't even think I reallyloved Skeletor, but I definitely
loved him more than He-Man,so...
I'm here with my co-host Kateand my fun fact about Kate is
that she loves glitter and wouldprobably wear it every day if
she could.
SPEAKER_04 (01:42):
I really would.
I love glitter so much.
I actually just bought five newkinds of body glitter the other
day and my parcel went missing,which I'm really sad about
because I'm going to have to buyfive more and then we'll
probably end up with 10.
SPEAKER_01 (01:54):
Yeah,
SPEAKER_04 (01:54):
I
SPEAKER_01 (01:55):
mean, is that sort of a bug or a feature really?
It's
SPEAKER_04 (01:58):
a little of both.
It's a little of both.
Filling in an Auspost inquiryof, I'm sorry, my$50 of glitter
didn't turn up.
That was fun.
We are here today with Bec andI'm very excited to welcome her
to the show.
So I'm going to tell you alittle bit about our fabulous
guest.
Rebecca has over 25 years ofexperience working with big
(02:19):
firms, small firms,entrepreneurs, helping them grow
and thrive in business.
She has a background inmarketing and business
development and is also anexecutive coach.
But in 2021, in the middle ofCOVID and all of the challenges
that was going on then, Bec tookbold steps to redesign her life,
moving to Western Australia,ending her corporate career for
(02:42):
founding a startup businessUntitled& Co through the final
stages of dissolving hermarriage.
She's now a solo mum, a businessowner and is very passionate
about women in STEM, is heavilyinvolved with Women in
Technology WA and a raft ofother activities.
Welcome to the show, Bec.
(03:03):
Thank you.
Thanks for having me and forthat kind introduction.
SPEAKER_00 (03:06):
It's so good to have you here.
SPEAKER_01 (03:07):
We're going to kick off with a bit of an icebreaker
as we always do.
Now, the one that you've chosenand from the list of candidates
is you want to give us yourfavourite quote.
Do you have a quote or even two
SPEAKER_00 (03:19):
for us?
I've got two.
The first one is obstacles aredetours in the right direction.
So short and sweet.
And that's something that as I'msure we'll talk about, there've
been lots of challenges thatI've had to face along my
journey of life so far.
And that's a quote that I'vekind of kept like front and
centre at my laptop where I workeach day.
(03:39):
It keeps me kind of very hopefulthat sometimes when we hit hard
blocks in life, that that isactually a sign to say that
we're not meant to be going inthat direction.
We're meant to be changingcourse.
And so it's a good thing whenbad things happen or when
roadblocks occur.
The second one that I love is,and again, I've got this one up
(04:00):
in my office too, but that's onlike a massive poster board.
And that is the future belongsto those who believe in the
beauty of their dreams.
What I particularly love aboutthat one is, is I think that
that's a reminder for us toactually dream.
I think as adults, we can forgetto dream quite a lot.
We can get stuck in the busynessof life and in the day-to-day
(04:20):
rhythm of life, and we canforget the dreaming component.
But I think it's also a nicereminder that we are actually in
control of our own destiny.
I
SPEAKER_01 (04:29):
love that.
I also love the idea of a detourbeing kind of, I mean, I don't
really believe in the universespeaking to us, but it's sort of
an anti-manifesting, right?
If you're manifesting something,you're like, I want something to
happen.
This way, it's kind of takingtaking it in like okay maybe
it's time to make a change
SPEAKER_00 (04:45):
yeah love
SPEAKER_04 (04:46):
it such good quotes and I love that you have them
actually printed in your officeyes because sometimes we have
those things that we come backto but having a visual
representation of these are thethings that I do and having that
place that you can come back to
SPEAKER_00 (04:58):
I have them all over my house you know in my kitchen
I've got like a little lightboard and on that that says
never give up and in my bedroomI have little cards next to my
bed right on those cards youknow where I'm focused at any
given point in time in terms ofmy own self-development the
things that I need to rememberbut yeah they're definitely
things that I have aroundeverywhere so that you're
(05:20):
constantly kind of feeding yourmind with the things that you
want to be telling yourself.
SPEAKER_04 (05:25):
I love that.
Tell us about your
SPEAKER_00 (05:28):
raft.
Do you have
SPEAKER_04 (05:28):
a raft
SPEAKER_00 (05:29):
of bitches
SPEAKER_04 (05:29):
in your life?
SPEAKER_00 (05:30):
I do.
Actually I'm still chucklingover the concept of raft of
bitches so forgive me because Ireally love it.
I absolutely do.
I don't think we can besuccessful women of today
without a raft of bitchessupporting and supporting us
each and every day.
(06:11):
strong women in my raft who Ilike to lean on and have them
lean on me and we laugh and havea really good time together.
My number one bitch in my raftis my daughter, Elizabeth.
She's 17 and she's my absolutebestest person in the whole
world.
SPEAKER_01 (06:29):
Excellent.
I think that's the first timewe've had like a family shout
out in the raft.
I think everyone's a bit like, Imean, the family raft is always
there.
SPEAKER_00 (06:37):
Yeah, no, she's definitely, you know, someone
like the most special person tome.
And I don't want to kind of, Ido have, she has a brother and I
have, you know, and I have apartner and, you know, I have
family and all these things.
But, you know, but there'ssomething quite special about,
you know, the journey that we'vebeen on together and the bond
that that has created betweenus.
(06:57):
Lovely.
She's my biggest cheerleader.
SPEAKER_04 (06:59):
I love that.
I'd love to take a little bit ofa journey back through time.
Yes.
Could you tell us a little bitabout your story and how you
kind of came into this work ofcoaching and
SPEAKER_00 (07:13):
unimpostering people?
Unimpostering, sure.
It's interesting because I neverimagined, you know, if we go
back even I think five or sixyears, I never imagined that I
would be in that space.
I always thought that my careerwould be in professional
services in marketing andbusiness development and
communications, which is acareer that I absolutely love.
(07:36):
But then, you know, you talkedabout in the intro about how I
kind of did this life by designthing.
And that's a little over threeor four years ago now that that
journey started.
And I think what I found at thattime, I had been separated for a
couple of years.
I was starting to work withwomen more.
And that was predominantlythrough Witwa and the work that
(07:56):
I did there.
And really seeing how womenperhaps weren't having the same
opportunity that I had had in mycareer because it wasn't
difficult for me to climb theranks within the position that I
was in.
But when I leaned into STEM andhaving a look in there and
seeing that women were findingthis really hard, there was sort
(08:17):
of something that really stirredin me that felt really strongly
about it.
So I was doing that work withWitwa and then also feeling this
kind of uneasiness and unrest inmyself And as you described, it
was COVID and I was in Sydney atthe time and I was in my garage
homeschooling my kids for threemonths.
(08:38):
And I just had this day where Ijust, you know, we talk about
obstacles.
being detours.
Like I just felt like everythinghad become hard and those
obstacles were getting biggerand bigger and there was more
and more grit inside me.
I had heard about this conceptof life by design and I was
like, oh, hang on a minute.
I think this means that I don'thave to live my life how I'm
(09:01):
currently living it anymore.
I could be the kind of leader ormaster of my own destiny.
What would I love that to looklike?
And I'd had a burning desire tostart my own business.
And again, I didn't know why atthe time and then also at the
same time of doing all that workwith Witwa I had female founders
approaching me and asking me ifI would work with them or you
(09:22):
know be an advisor to them froma marketing point of view and so
it's kind of like all thesethings happening at one time and
then just one day yeah afterthat thinking of what would I
like life to look like I justsaid actually it's not this it's
not what I've got now and Iwrote down every single thing
that I wanted to change in mylife just for myself and for the
(09:45):
future of my children and sothat meant making the changes
and then I got here in Perth andI worked even more closely with
Witwara and I found that Istarted to share my story of my
marriage which it was filledwith domestic violence for a
very long period of time and Isaw the impact that that was
having on women in particular onmen as well men who want to be
(10:09):
part of creating change in thatspace and then I was also kind
of going through my ownself-development journey and
really considering how small Ihad felt for a long time even
though to the outside world Iappeared very put together and
like I had a big voice and I wasalready advising people on
really big business decisionsand coaching executives from a
(10:30):
business perspective then andthen I realised actually I think
I've probably been through whatI've been through perhaps with a
purpose for helping other peopleas well and it just has grown
since then.
Do
SPEAKER_04 (10:43):
you Do you have anything that you want to share
to any of our listeners thatmight have been or are currently
in a similar boat?
SPEAKER_00 (10:50):
Yeah if I could say one thing about you know if
people are finding themselvesthat they're in that situation
is well it's probably twothings.
One is keep hope because hopekeeps you strong and it keeps
you with something to movetowards and the second thing is
tell people because my bigmistake was that I kept it to
(11:12):
myself for such a long period oftime that it kind of...
It then just became normal.
Like it became reallynormalized.
Whereas I think once I startedto tell people, they were then
able to help me to change mythinking and to, you know,
remind me that I was verycapable of making my kids
(11:33):
lunches if I no longer had ahusband in the house.
And because your self-esteemjust drops so much.
And then I think the tell peoplekind of aligns nicely to
building your raft, really.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (11:46):
Can you tell us what that first conversation was like
with your friends and familywhen you did reach out for help?
SPEAKER_00 (11:52):
It was actually with a therapist so I had experienced
a burnout and a breakdown whilstbeing in the married home still
very in the thick of themarriage and so because I was
dealing with burnout and Ididn't know why I went to see a
therapist to get some helparound that and about six months
(12:13):
into the treatment she startedto probe a little bit more and I
started to disclose some thingsto her.
She said like that was a verylong time to take to share that.
And even then I think it wasjust like tiny fragments that I
shared because I didn't realisethe complexity of it or the
(12:36):
depth of it because I was stillin it at the time and it was
really taken a few years tounderstand exactly what that was
that was happening in there.
And then I think telling familyand friends, it felt really
shameful.
It felt like it wasn't truth.
(12:58):
That was the first thing.
And there was a lot of shameattached to that.
Can I ask...
SPEAKER_01 (13:05):
It's my understanding that this is one
of the hardest things to admitto your friends and family
because there is such a profoundsense of shame.
And, you know, you've been, Iguess, to a certain extent,
you've been made to feel thatyou can't rely on those people.
How would you advise people whoare in this situation to go
about starting thatconversation?
(13:25):
Is there an easy lead in thatyou can have?
Is it always going to be areally confronting conversation?
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (13:32):
That's a really hard question to answer because I
think everyone's experience isso different and their own
feelings about it are different.
But certainly the other womenwho I talk to who have
experienced the same thing, thatshame is a definite thing that's
there.
I think that really, especiallywhen you've been in it for so
long, like I was in thatrelationship for 25 years, so
(13:54):
that's part of where the shamecomes from because you feel
like, you know, what kind ofperson does that make me to have
stayed in it?
in an environment for that longperiod of time.
And I think, you know, it doestake courage to talk about it.
But I think if you are in thatsituation and you know that
(14:14):
you've got to speak to someoneabout it, I think just know in
the back of your mind that thereis no judgment, that people by
nature are kind and they want tohelp you.
And that just telling that oneperson, like it's then it just
you get so much relief fromthat.
Great.
Thanks.
SPEAKER_04 (14:33):
I'd like to do a little bit of a topic shift.
So unlocking your feminine edge,tell us a little bit about what
that is.
SPEAKER_00 (14:41):
Yeah.
So I do like to talk about mywomen or frame my work with
women as feminine edgeactivation.
And to me, that's about kind oftaking women in particular.
I work with men too, but it'sabout taking women in particular
out of that feeling of imposterphenomenon or feeling of not
(15:03):
having the right skills to equipthem to have good negotiation
conversations, but reallyempowering them to understand
understand what their own uniquestrengths are and I am a big
believer that men and women dohave unique strengths they're
not kind of like hard-lined likethere is definite crossover but
I think you know as as women ifwe if we really look at what
(15:27):
they are and we really look atwhat we can bring to the
discussion I reckon that's whenyou're starting to lean into
your feminine edge so you you'rehearing it you're feeling it and
then you're acting on it whatwould you say is a feminine
strength is?
Well, look, we know there'slots.
Communication is obviously oneof those.
And I think emotionalintelligence is another.
(15:51):
So all of the aspects ofemotional intelligence.
And this is absolutely not tosay that men are not good
communicators or men are notemotionally intelligent.
But we know that, you know,those are core things for women.
I think women have incredibleproblem solving capabilities.
They're very resilient.
If you think about, you know,the working mum that does a
thousand things before She, youknow, goes to the office for the
(16:13):
day and she's dealt with thekids and then she's at the
office and then she's at home.
And in my view, that's bothextraordinary and problematic at
the same time.
I don't really encourage it toomuch.
But the skills that are broughtto that are definite superpowers
for women, I think.
SPEAKER_01 (16:28):
Yeah, I would agree with pretty much all of that.
I would say also...
I mean, I think this has beenscientifically tested.
Women are better at multitaskingthan men.
I think everyone's terrible atmultitasking, you know, as
opposed to single tasking.
But women have the edge there aswell.
SPEAKER_04 (16:43):
Yeah, absolutely.
And we've got such powerfulrelationships and friendships as
well.
Yes.
Relationships that women havewith each other are often much
stronger than what men have witheach other, which I think makes
us really special that we canbuild our little rafts.
Yes, I agree.
You've run workshops and thingsin the past about negotiating
your value and your worth.
(17:04):
Yes.
And I heard you talking earlierabout that as well of going in
and negotiating salary andnavigating that.
Do you have anything you want toshare with our listeners about
how to do that?
Because it's really
SPEAKER_00 (17:15):
hard.
I actually think one of the mostimportant things is knowing when
you're in a negotiation becauseI think sometimes we can be in
negotiation and not realisethat.
So if we know the moment we'rein a negotiation, then we can be
highly strategic about how weput ourselves forward into the
(17:37):
negotiation.
I think also understanding thatnegotiation is about a win-win
for everyone.
So it's not a battle.
It's actually about reallyeffective communication to get
our needs met as well as theneeds of whoever it is we're
negotiating with, whether that'sour kids and getting them out
the door on time or whether thatis our manager and we're wanting
(17:59):
a pay increase.
But I think the other piece inthat puzzle really is the
knowing your worth piece.
And I think as women, I heartime and time again, and I've
been guilty of it too, where wereally undersell ourselves and
we undervalue ourselves in termsof what it is that we deserve in
this world, not just from afinancial perspective, but that
(18:20):
is a huge component of it.
And we kind of feel guilty forasking for things.
So I think an importantcomponent of the negotiation is
feeling really confident in whatit is that we're asking and
being able to back that up withthe right evidence to be able to
tell or share our case in theright way.
SPEAKER_01 (18:39):
I'll never forget when I was first setting out on
freelancing.
I'd been at an agency for 10years and then I went off and
did my own thing.
And I was setting the prices andI was like pretty happy with
what I had come up with.
And then a man who had been ajunior under me at the agency
contacted me on Facebook to go,hey, I'm setting up as a what
(19:02):
should I charge you know he waslike I was thinking of and he
named he said I know I'm notworth as much as you are but I
was thinking of this do youthink that's too much and it was
more more than yours than I wascharging already and so in his
perception he was like obviouslyyou're charging way more than
this because you're way moreexperienced yeah and I was like
(19:25):
well, guess I have to up myprices
SPEAKER_00 (19:27):
then.
So this is where research isreally important as part of the
negotiation.
So really to understand whatthat worth is, just do masses of
research around it.
Like what are other peoplegetting paid in the same
industry, male or female, butthen also research about who it
is that you're negotiating with,you know, what are their
budgets?
What do they normally pay?
Because you don't want to gointo a negotiation if there's
(19:50):
just no negotiation to be had.
So that kind of understandingthat may you feel more confident
because you've got the datathere in front of you then as
well.
SPEAKER_01 (19:58):
Yeah.
I think it was definitely whatyou say about guilt, though,
because I was sort of feelinglike, oh, should I?
Can I?
can I be charging people thismuch?
You can charge whatever youwant.
SPEAKER_00 (20:08):
Yeah.
Well, I would now.
Yeah.
It's just, will they pay for it?
Right.
And so then that is where thevalue proposition comes in
there.
SPEAKER_04 (20:16):
I love that quote that, you know, a bottle of
water costs one price at Coles,another price at a vending
machine and a lot more at anairport.
And it's not the water thatchanges.
It's the like situation thatit's in that it suddenly becomes
more valuable.
And thinking about that whenyou're thinking about your
pricing, because if you cancharge$6 for a bottle of water
at an airport.
(20:37):
wild.
Yes.
Surely there's a place for somekind of ridiculous pricing for
us, for ourselves as well.
SPEAKER_00 (20:43):
And sometimes it's, you know, it's demand driven,
it's timing, it's what do youbring to the table that other
people perhaps can't bring.
SPEAKER_04 (20:51):
Do you have a story from someone that you've
supported through your workthat's had some kind of success
that you want to talk about orlike a little breakthrough
moment, celebrate a little win?
I
SPEAKER_00 (21:03):
don't know if I can talk about
SPEAKER_04 (21:04):
client success.
SPEAKER_00 (21:05):
That's okay.
SPEAKER_04 (21:06):
Do you have your own own little win.
SPEAKER_01 (21:08):
Oh,
SPEAKER_00 (21:09):
I have little wins every day, like just getting out
of bed.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (21:14):
Do you celebrate those as wins?
SPEAKER_00 (21:15):
All the time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Firstly, like for me, gratitudeis really, really important.
So for me, like waking up andlooking at sunshine and hearing
birds and just it's a very sunnylife compared to dark life that
we've had previously.
So I definitely kind of embracethose things for Perhaps the
(21:39):
biggest win that I've had sinceI've been here has been in my
parenting.
And that's been taking mydaughter through a really
traumatic journey that she wasfacing.
Yeah, and so not long after wehad moved here, My daughter was
really struggling.
It was a consequence of all ofthe domestic violence that had
(21:59):
happened in the family and whatI did not know at the time that
I was married was that mydaughter was experiencing
similar things to what I hadbeen experiencing in the home.
So she experienced those when Iwas not there and she had
suppressed all of that for avery long period of time and
then once we moved here she hadher own, you know, things to
(22:21):
deal with and her own version ofa breakdown and we What that
meant was that she could nolonger go to school.
She was in year nine at thetime.
She could no longer leave thehouse.
She had fear of being kind ofhurt outside of the house and
she lost her voice.
So she woke up one morning withabsolutely no voice and there's
(22:42):
a technical term for that andthat is trauma-induced mutism
and she was in a very deep, darkdepression at that time.
So her and I had to kind of workreally hard together to I guess,
take her through her own healingjourney of that.
And look, they were very, very,very hard days.
(23:03):
And but we kind of found joy intiny, tiny little things each
day.
And to keep her To keep her, I'msorry, I'm making you cry.
Look, I get the same reactionfrom people each time I share
this.
You know, we did things to keepher connected to the outside
world.
So Kate, you know, when we talkabout Taylor Swift, Taylor Swift
(23:25):
was a massive influence on mydaughter's life at that time and
still is.
But in a really, really big anddeep way, we would put Taylor
Swift on in the car and godriving around the city at night
time to keep A connected to theworld.
And even though she couldn'tverbalise with anyone and or be
near anyone else it was just herand I connected with her brother
(23:46):
from time to time we kind ofwent on that pathway together
and that was nine months thatshe didn't speak for yeah so no
sound and we found new ways ofcommunicating and new ways of of
doing things and there was noschool for her for most of that
time and she's a really reallybright girl and a really keen
academic and doing well in herstudies was kind of really big
(24:07):
part of her sense of self so ourmission was to get her back to
education as soon as we couldbut we couldn't put her back in
mainstream school because thatwouldn't be the right place for
her so she homeschooled.
So for me it feels like amassive win because her voice
did come back and that was partof her kind of coming out of
that of you know doing all ofthe work that we did together
(24:29):
and she's now doing year 11 andat the end of year 11 and doing
amazingly well in her studiesstill homeschooling but thriving
as a human so I'd say that's apretty big win for her.
SPEAKER_04 (24:41):
Yeah, I want to like jump across the table and hug
you right now.
I just like all of the ballsthat are in the air for you,
were in the air for you of, youknow, navigating a new city,
unpacking what I'm sure wasdifficult on a relationship
level, financial level,supporting your daughter,
(25:05):
building a business.
How did you...
I actually
SPEAKER_00 (25:09):
don't even know.
I wonder that myself because Ilook now and I think life is so
different to what it was even 12months ago.
And you're right, likefinancially incredibly hard,
very hard to go and interactwith clients and build a
business at the same time asgoing home and dealing with that
at home and business.
The answer is I don't know.
(25:30):
I think probably the thing thatkept me going was just to stay
really connected to myself at aspiritual level.
And I'm not religious, butdefinitely lots and lots of
grounding work and thatgratitude piece was really
important in saying okay welllike this is really really
(25:50):
really shit right now but itwon't be forever we know we're
going to find a way out of thisand when we talk about the raft
like the raft looked differentat that time too we had lots of
specialists and really reallygood trained people working with
us to to help us get through atthat time so it's just lots of
little things together thathelped.
SPEAKER_04 (26:11):
I think that's two firsts when we're talking about
rafts.
I don't think anyone hasmentioned family on a raft
before, but I also don't thinkanyone has mentioned, you know,
medical professionals orspecialists or outsiders who
really are sometimes part of ourrafts for a period of time.
SPEAKER_00 (26:26):
And
SPEAKER_04 (26:27):
we don't always need to rely on our friends to
support us, but looking at, youknow,
SPEAKER_00 (26:33):
the systems.
Sometimes your friends can'tsupport you because what I've
just described to you is soinsanely heavy, like, and so
foreign to people.
Like, including us at the time,like we had no idea what was
going on.
So how can friends support youthrough that?
So medical professionals becamereally, they were the only
people we would talk to for aperiod of time.
(26:54):
That's
SPEAKER_01 (26:56):
amazing.
They keep you afloat when youneeded it.
Yes, sure did.
So with your experience, do youhave any advice for other
parents who are homeschoolingtheir children?
SPEAKER_00 (27:06):
Look, I was really lucky because Elizabeth is just
so dedicated to doing herschoolwork.
So that's probably one thing.
Know that homeschooling is notfor everyone.
If anyone asked me to homeschoolmy son, that would be an
absolute no.
But for my daughter, that wasdefinitely the right fit for
her.
So that's the first thing, makesure it's the right fit.
(27:26):
The second thing is just developroutine as soon as you can.
So you know it would have beenreally easy particularly for the
way that she was feeling for herto want to kind of stay in bed
or drag out her morning routineand just do school whenever but
my non-negotiable on that was ifyou're going to be homeschooling
you've got to be up and dressedby the time your brother leaves
(27:47):
the house each day and you knowat your desk and ready to work
and I think just be reallyorganised in factoring in time
to you know to do revision toput exams into the schedule and
like but I think that parents doanyway but just know that you
know you're probably going toneed to do a little bit more of
(28:07):
the kind of hand-holding withthat than perhaps what you would
do and also just know that againlike the support network is
there for a reason so we foundthat the teachers attached to
the institution that we use,super, super, super supportive
and the communication with themis vital in making that work for
(28:30):
us.
SPEAKER_04 (28:31):
Can you tell us a little bit about Untitled& Co?
What is the name?
actually mean?
Why Untitled and what do you do?
Okay
SPEAKER_00 (28:40):
I thought starting my own business as a marketer
might mean that finding abusiness name would be really
easy or you know going throughthat exercise would be really
easy but it's actually reallyreally hard but I think at the
time because it was that pointwhere I was kind of
transitioning from you knowmarried mom in corporate life to
whatever was going to come nextand I didn't really know who
(29:02):
that was and I didn't reallyknow it didn't have much of a
sense of belonging and didn'treally know what my own identity
was at that time and sittingthere and I thought well I feel
a little bit untitled right nowlike I don't know you know am I
my married name or my maidenname what am I and then I also
thought well okay well what do Ido for my clients and at that
time of starting the business itwas really only going to be core
(29:25):
to my technical expertise andwhat that's all about is getting
brands and people known withtheir stakeholders.
So going from untitled to titledin a way.
So that was kind of where theuntitled piece came from.
And co, for me, it always had tobe about community.
So it always had to haveconnection in there.
(29:47):
And it was about finding theright people who might come in
and out or some who might stayfor forever that would be part
of that network of supportingwhoever I support as a business
owner and in terms of what I dotoday so I still do marketing
and business development andcommunications and I consult
with organisations doing thatwork and I also work with
(30:10):
entrepreneurs and as an advisorto them so they you know often
don't have budget to have theirown in-house marketing so they
lean on me and get advice fromme but then it does also include
you know my work with womenaround coaching and leadership
training and my workshops that Ideliver for them too.
Because I refer to myself as thefeminine edge activator and I
(30:32):
run workshops on that for womenand I think that really
encompasses who we want to be.
As women, we want to activatethat to be empowered women of
the future.
And so that's a theme.
And I also kind of lean intothis concept of becoming
unstoppable through connection.
(30:54):
And that's connection of selfand connection with our tribe
and our stakeholders in abusiness context.
SPEAKER_01 (30:59):
So it's kind of like a mega raft almost.
Yeah.
Excellent.
This is something that is quitenew for you, isn't it?
You're...
leaning into being unstoppable,helping others be unstoppable.
Can you tell us a bit aboutthat?
SPEAKER_00 (31:13):
Yeah.
So as my business has evolved,I've really thought about, you
know, who are the people that Iwant to be working with in the
future and who would be theright fit for Untitled and Co so
that we could have really greatpartnership together.
And as I considered that, Ithought, actually, like it's the
people who either want to be orare becoming unstoppable whether
(31:37):
that's you know in their life orin their business and I've also
been doing a lot of work aroundconnection and I believe that
you can only become unstoppablethrough having connection as the
foundation of everything you doand that for me means connection
with yourself and with yourtribe so your family or your
(31:58):
friends or your raft andconnection with your
stakeholders so from a businesscontext that's with your you
know your clients or yourmarkets.
Can I ask you about
SPEAKER_01 (32:06):
imposter syndrome?
So, you know, I think that'ssomething that we all think a
lot about.
And I think that's men and womenas well.
I don't think it's necessarilyone more than the other.
But I did see not that long ago,an article and I really wish I
could remember who the quote wasfrom, because it was a female
CEO, someone who works here inPerth, and I can't remember who,
(32:27):
but she said, I'd like to hearless about imposter syndrome
because I'd like us to celebratewomen being successful and just
kicking ass.
And that really resonated withme because I think it's
important to talk about impostersyndrome so that people don't
feel like they're the only oneswho have it, so they don't feel
alone.
But I also like the idea ofreally just being like, yeah,
(32:49):
you know what?
I am a boss.
Yep.
What are your thoughts on that?
That seems kind of where you'recoming from with...
unstoppable.
SPEAKER_00 (32:57):
Definitely yes definitely part of where I'm
coming from with unstoppable andI like to think of it as
imposter phenomenon rather thanimposter syndrome.
A dear friend kind of pointedthis difference out to me and
explained to me that describingit as a syndrome suggests that
we are kind of unwell or we havesome sort of you know diagnosis
which is not the case withimposter phenomenon but I do
(33:18):
think that the more we labelourselves as having imposter
syndrome or imposter phenomenonwhichever we want to call it I
think that keeps us a little bitsmall and holds us back a little
bit.
So I agree with that CEO.
Like I would love for us tostart flipping the language
around that and talking aboutsuccess and talking about the
(33:39):
things that we're doing, youknow, that kind of pave the way
for us to feel bigger and with avoice and more confident as we
step forward.
SPEAKER_01 (33:46):
How do you think we navigate that as Australians who
are famously all about tallpoppy syndrome, we don't really
like people, sound again, maleor female, we don't really like
people sounding off about howsuccessful they are so much
Where's the balance, I guess?
SPEAKER_00 (34:04):
I think, you know, it's practice because you're
right, like there is that tallpoppy syndrome.
We also know that women are lessskilled or less comfortable with
kind of sharing, you know, theiraccolades than perhaps what men
are.
And so I think it's definitelypractice.
It's about feeling a little bituncomfortable about that but
doing it anyway and I thinkremaining authentic in that as
(34:28):
well.
So if we start to talk aboutthings that– And what's next for
you, Bec?
(34:54):
What does the future look like?
I feel scared when I think aboutthat because the vision is very
big but then I have to rememberthat time.
resources limited for me be morework definitely in the corporate
space so I'm doing a lot of workin the mining sector at the
moment so that will absolutelycontinue and I'm thoroughly
enjoying that work and it willbe definitely more coaching so
(35:18):
working with individuals inbecoming unstoppable and sharing
more of my own methodologies Idon't feel like I'm there yet
but I definitely do feel like Ihave an unstoppable mindset so
it's about sharing that withothers.
Well,
SPEAKER_04 (35:34):
from what you've told us today, you've overcome a
lot.
So I think you can go ahead andcall yourself an unstoppable
SPEAKER_00 (35:42):
mindset.
Thank you.
That is the word on my card onmy bedside table at this point
in time.
SPEAKER_01 (35:48):
Yes.
SPEAKER_04 (35:49):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (35:50):
I love that.
So to help you get to whereyou're going, what is it you
need?
Who do you need in your raft?
Or is there anything that ourraft of bitches, our listeners
can do to help you get there?
SPEAKER_00 (36:01):
Oh, that's a really good question.
Sometimes I find it a little bithard to ask for help, so I don't
really know what I would askfor.
This isn't necessarily somethingthat I need for me, but I would
ask people to really kind ofthink about what could they do
for themselves to become asemotionally intelligent people
(36:22):
as possible a lot of the workthat I do in fact you know 99%
of the work that I do whetherthat's BD marketing or workshops
with women is all underpinned byemotional intelligence and I
wholeheartedly believe that ifwe can get that right for
ourselves that we can be goodconfident happy humans which is
really what we want at the endof the day.
SPEAKER_01 (36:43):
Yeah,
SPEAKER_00 (36:43):
that's what I want.
SPEAKER_04 (36:45):
Such a wholesome ask.
I love it.
If people want to get in touchwith you about your work or
learn how to be unstoppable ormaybe play part of the Untitled&
Co tribe, where's the best placeto
SPEAKER_00 (36:59):
contact you?
Definitely LinkedIn.
I talk about connection andcommunication, but I'm
definitely a cup of coffee kindof girl.
So don't hang out on socialmedia too much, but messaging me
on LinkedIn is the best place.
I'm not spread across allplatforms.
I just have this one that I liketo go to.
And you have a website?
I do have a website.
Yes, it is untitledandco.com.au.
(37:21):
So I can be reached there aswell.
SPEAKER_04 (37:23):
Unfortunately, once again, we are utterly
SPEAKER_01 (37:26):
out of time.
That's right.
But if you have a story of howconnection, whether it's with
yourself, your tribe or yourstakeholders, has helped you to
become unstoppable, we'd love tohear from you.
And where can people reach us?
We're on Instagram atraftpodcast.
or you can email hello
SPEAKER_04 (37:42):
at
SPEAKER_01 (37:43):
raftpodcast.com.
SPEAKER_04 (37:44):
And for previous episodes or to find out more,
don't forget to check out ourwebsite, raftpodcast.com.
Thanks for listening, rafters.
Catch you next
SPEAKER_01 (37:51):
time.
SPEAKER_04 (38:13):
Thank you for sharing all of that.
I literally did have chills.
SPEAKER_01 (38:17):
Not from the noisy air conditioning.
SPEAKER_04 (38:19):
No, although I am quite cold.
But it was definitely you, notthe air conditioning that
SPEAKER_01 (38:24):
was giving me chills.
Hi Rafters, before this episode begins, we just
want to share a content warningwith you.
This episode touches on somedifficult topics including
family domestic violence andcoercive control, burnout and
children experiencing trauma.
If any of that is triggering foryou, catch us back up in the
next episode.
Otherwise, it's a really greatchat and we hope you'll get a
lot out of it.
As usual, this episode containsadult language and concepts.
UNKNOWN (00:29):
Music
SPEAKER_04 (00:38):
For centuries, women have been taught that we are
each other's worst enemies.
But in our experience, women aremore like otters than queen
bees.
Female otters, bitches, if youwill, join hands with each other
to create rafts that stop themfrom drifting apart and losing
each other while they're asleep.
Just like a literal raft ofbitches, our experience has been
(00:59):
that thriving women often have atight-knit community of other
women who've helped them getthere by providing information
and support along the way andmaking sure that we all stay
afloat.
Welcome back to another episodeof the Raft of Bitches podcast.
I'm here with my co-host, Rikki,and a fun fact about Rikki is
(01:21):
that her first ever doll was nota Barbie or something that you
may imagine.
It was a Skeletor.
SPEAKER_01 (01:27):
Yeah, and do you know what?
I don't even think I reallyloved Skeletor, but I definitely
loved him more than He-Man,so...
I'm here with my co-host Kateand my fun fact about Kate is
that she loves glitter and wouldprobably wear it every day if
she could.
SPEAKER_04 (01:42):
I really would.
I love glitter so much.
I actually just bought five newkinds of body glitter the other
day and my parcel went missing,which I'm really sad about
because I'm going to have to buyfive more and then we'll
probably end up with 10.
SPEAKER_01 (01:54):
Yeah,
SPEAKER_04 (01:54):
I
SPEAKER_01 (01:55):
mean, is that sort of a bug or a feature really?
It's
SPEAKER_04 (01:58):
a little of both.
It's a little of both.
Filling in an Auspost inquiryof, I'm sorry, my$50 of glitter
didn't turn up.
That was fun.
We are here today with Bec andI'm very excited to welcome her
to the show.
So I'm going to tell you alittle bit about our fabulous
guest.
Rebecca has over 25 years ofexperience working with big
(02:19):
firms, small firms,entrepreneurs, helping them grow
and thrive in business.
She has a background inmarketing and business
development and is also anexecutive coach.
But in 2021, in the middle ofCOVID and all of the challenges
that was going on then, Bec tookbold steps to redesign her life,
moving to Western Australia,ending her corporate career for
(02:42):
founding a startup businessUntitled& Co through the final
stages of dissolving hermarriage.
She's now a solo mum, a businessowner and is very passionate
about women in STEM, is heavilyinvolved with Women in
Technology WA and a raft ofother activities.
Welcome to the show, Bec.
(03:03):
Thank you.
Thanks for having me and forthat kind introduction.
SPEAKER_00 (03:06):
It's so good to have you here.
SPEAKER_01 (03:07):
We're going to kick off with a bit of an icebreaker
as we always do.
Now, the one that you've chosenand from the list of candidates
is you want to give us yourfavourite quote.
Do you have a quote or even two
SPEAKER_00 (03:19):
for us?
I've got two.
The first one is obstacles aredetours in the right direction.
So short and sweet.
And that's something that as I'msure we'll talk about, there've
been lots of challenges thatI've had to face along my
journey of life so far.
And that's a quote that I'vekind of kept like front and
centre at my laptop where I workeach day.
(03:39):
It keeps me kind of very hopefulthat sometimes when we hit hard
blocks in life, that that isactually a sign to say that
we're not meant to be going inthat direction.
We're meant to be changingcourse.
And so it's a good thing whenbad things happen or when
roadblocks occur.
The second one that I love is,and again, I've got this one up
(04:00):
in my office too, but that's onlike a massive poster board.
And that is the future belongsto those who believe in the
beauty of their dreams.
What I particularly love aboutthat one is, is I think that
that's a reminder for us toactually dream.
I think as adults, we can forgetto dream quite a lot.
We can get stuck in the busynessof life and in the day-to-day
(04:20):
rhythm of life, and we canforget the dreaming component.
But I think it's also a nicereminder that we are actually in
control of our own destiny.
I
SPEAKER_01 (04:29):
love that.
I also love the idea of a detourbeing kind of, I mean, I don't
really believe in the universespeaking to us, but it's sort of
an anti-manifesting, right?
If you're manifesting something,you're like, I want something to
happen.
This way, it's kind of takingtaking it in like okay maybe
it's time to make a change
SPEAKER_00 (04:45):
yeah love
SPEAKER_04 (04:46):
it such good quotes and I love that you have them
actually printed in your officeyes because sometimes we have
those things that we come backto but having a visual
representation of these are thethings that I do and having that
place that you can come back to
SPEAKER_00 (04:58):
I have them all over my house you know in my kitchen
I've got like a little lightboard and on that that says
never give up and in my bedroomI have little cards next to my
bed right on those cards youknow where I'm focused at any
given point in time in terms ofmy own self-development the
things that I need to rememberbut yeah they're definitely
things that I have aroundeverywhere so that you're
(05:20):
constantly kind of feeding yourmind with the things that you
want to be telling yourself.
SPEAKER_04 (05:25):
I love that.
Tell us about your
SPEAKER_00 (05:28):
raft.
Do you have
SPEAKER_04 (05:28):
a raft
SPEAKER_00 (05:29):
of bitches
SPEAKER_04 (05:29):
in your life?
SPEAKER_00 (05:30):
I do.
Actually I'm still chucklingover the concept of raft of
bitches so forgive me because Ireally love it.
I absolutely do.
I don't think we can besuccessful women of today
without a raft of bitchessupporting and supporting us
each and every day.
(06:11):
strong women in my raft who Ilike to lean on and have them
lean on me and we laugh and havea really good time together.
My number one bitch in my raftis my daughter, Elizabeth.
She's 17 and she's my absolutebestest person in the whole
world.
SPEAKER_01 (06:29):
Excellent.
I think that's the first timewe've had like a family shout
out in the raft.
I think everyone's a bit like, Imean, the family raft is always
there.
SPEAKER_00 (06:37):
Yeah, no, she's definitely, you know, someone
like the most special person tome.
And I don't want to kind of, Ido have, she has a brother and I
have, you know, and I have apartner and, you know, I have
family and all these things.
But, you know, but there'ssomething quite special about,
you know, the journey that we'vebeen on together and the bond
that that has created betweenus.
(06:57):
Lovely.
She's my biggest cheerleader.
SPEAKER_04 (06:59):
I love that.
I'd love to take a little bit ofa journey back through time.
Yes.
Could you tell us a little bitabout your story and how you
kind of came into this work ofcoaching and
SPEAKER_00 (07:13):
unimpostering people?
Unimpostering, sure.
It's interesting because I neverimagined, you know, if we go
back even I think five or sixyears, I never imagined that I
would be in that space.
I always thought that my careerwould be in professional
services in marketing andbusiness development and
communications, which is acareer that I absolutely love.
(07:36):
But then, you know, you talkedabout in the intro about how I
kind of did this life by designthing.
And that's a little over threeor four years ago now that that
journey started.
And I think what I found at thattime, I had been separated for a
couple of years.
I was starting to work withwomen more.
And that was predominantlythrough Witwa and the work that
(07:56):
I did there.
And really seeing how womenperhaps weren't having the same
opportunity that I had had in mycareer because it wasn't
difficult for me to climb theranks within the position that I
was in.
But when I leaned into STEM andhaving a look in there and
seeing that women were findingthis really hard, there was sort
(08:17):
of something that really stirredin me that felt really strongly
about it.
So I was doing that work withWitwa and then also feeling this
kind of uneasiness and unrest inmyself And as you described, it
was COVID and I was in Sydney atthe time and I was in my garage
homeschooling my kids for threemonths.
(08:38):
And I just had this day where Ijust, you know, we talk about
obstacles.
being detours.
Like I just felt like everythinghad become hard and those
obstacles were getting biggerand bigger and there was more
and more grit inside me.
I had heard about this conceptof life by design and I was
like, oh, hang on a minute.
I think this means that I don'thave to live my life how I'm
(09:01):
currently living it anymore.
I could be the kind of leader ormaster of my own destiny.
What would I love that to looklike?
And I'd had a burning desire tostart my own business.
And again, I didn't know why atthe time and then also at the
same time of doing all that workwith Witwa I had female founders
approaching me and asking me ifI would work with them or you
(09:22):
know be an advisor to them froma marketing point of view and so
it's kind of like all thesethings happening at one time and
then just one day yeah afterthat thinking of what would I
like life to look like I justsaid actually it's not this it's
not what I've got now and Iwrote down every single thing
that I wanted to change in mylife just for myself and for the
(09:45):
future of my children and sothat meant making the changes
and then I got here in Perth andI worked even more closely with
Witwara and I found that Istarted to share my story of my
marriage which it was filledwith domestic violence for a
very long period of time and Isaw the impact that that was
having on women in particular onmen as well men who want to be
(10:09):
part of creating change in thatspace and then I was also kind
of going through my ownself-development journey and
really considering how small Ihad felt for a long time even
though to the outside world Iappeared very put together and
like I had a big voice and I wasalready advising people on
really big business decisionsand coaching executives from a
(10:30):
business perspective then andthen I realised actually I think
I've probably been through whatI've been through perhaps with a
purpose for helping other peopleas well and it just has grown
since then.
Do
SPEAKER_04 (10:43):
you Do you have anything that you want to share
to any of our listeners thatmight have been or are currently
in a similar boat?
SPEAKER_00 (10:50):
Yeah if I could say one thing about you know if
people are finding themselvesthat they're in that situation
is well it's probably twothings.
One is keep hope because hopekeeps you strong and it keeps
you with something to movetowards and the second thing is
tell people because my bigmistake was that I kept it to
(11:12):
myself for such a long period oftime that it kind of...
It then just became normal.
Like it became reallynormalized.
Whereas I think once I startedto tell people, they were then
able to help me to change mythinking and to, you know,
remind me that I was verycapable of making my kids
(11:33):
lunches if I no longer had ahusband in the house.
And because your self-esteemjust drops so much.
And then I think the tell peoplekind of aligns nicely to
building your raft, really.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (11:46):
Can you tell us what that first conversation was like
with your friends and familywhen you did reach out for help?
SPEAKER_00 (11:52):
It was actually with a therapist so I had experienced
a burnout and a breakdown whilstbeing in the married home still
very in the thick of themarriage and so because I was
dealing with burnout and Ididn't know why I went to see a
therapist to get some helparound that and about six months
(12:13):
into the treatment she startedto probe a little bit more and I
started to disclose some thingsto her.
She said like that was a verylong time to take to share that.
And even then I think it wasjust like tiny fragments that I
shared because I didn't realisethe complexity of it or the
(12:36):
depth of it because I was stillin it at the time and it was
really taken a few years tounderstand exactly what that was
that was happening in there.
And then I think telling familyand friends, it felt really
shameful.
It felt like it wasn't truth.
(12:58):
That was the first thing.
And there was a lot of shameattached to that.
Can I ask...
SPEAKER_01 (13:05):
It's my understanding that this is one
of the hardest things to admitto your friends and family
because there is such a profoundsense of shame.
And, you know, you've been, Iguess, to a certain extent,
you've been made to feel thatyou can't rely on those people.
How would you advise people whoare in this situation to go
about starting thatconversation?
(13:25):
Is there an easy lead in thatyou can have?
Is it always going to be areally confronting conversation?
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (13:32):
That's a really hard question to answer because I
think everyone's experience isso different and their own
feelings about it are different.
But certainly the other womenwho I talk to who have
experienced the same thing, thatshame is a definite thing that's
there.
I think that really, especiallywhen you've been in it for so
long, like I was in thatrelationship for 25 years, so
(13:54):
that's part of where the shamecomes from because you feel
like, you know, what kind ofperson does that make me to have
stayed in it?
in an environment for that longperiod of time.
And I think, you know, it doestake courage to talk about it.
But I think if you are in thatsituation and you know that
(14:14):
you've got to speak to someoneabout it, I think just know in
the back of your mind that thereis no judgment, that people by
nature are kind and they want tohelp you.
And that just telling that oneperson, like it's then it just
you get so much relief fromthat.
Great.
Thanks.
SPEAKER_04 (14:33):
I'd like to do a little bit of a topic shift.
So unlocking your feminine edge,tell us a little bit about what
that is.
SPEAKER_00 (14:41):
Yeah.
So I do like to talk about mywomen or frame my work with
women as feminine edgeactivation.
And to me, that's about kind oftaking women in particular.
I work with men too, but it'sabout taking women in particular
out of that feeling of imposterphenomenon or feeling of not
(15:03):
having the right skills to equipthem to have good negotiation
conversations, but reallyempowering them to understand
understand what their own uniquestrengths are and I am a big
believer that men and women dohave unique strengths they're
not kind of like hard-lined likethere is definite crossover but
I think you know as as women ifwe if we really look at what
(15:27):
they are and we really look atwhat we can bring to the
discussion I reckon that's whenyou're starting to lean into
your feminine edge so you you'rehearing it you're feeling it and
then you're acting on it whatwould you say is a feminine
strength is?
Well, look, we know there'slots.
Communication is obviously oneof those.
And I think emotionalintelligence is another.
(15:51):
So all of the aspects ofemotional intelligence.
And this is absolutely not tosay that men are not good
communicators or men are notemotionally intelligent.
But we know that, you know,those are core things for women.
I think women have incredibleproblem solving capabilities.
They're very resilient.
If you think about, you know,the working mum that does a
thousand things before She, youknow, goes to the office for the
(16:13):
day and she's dealt with thekids and then she's at the
office and then she's at home.
And in my view, that's bothextraordinary and problematic at
the same time.
I don't really encourage it toomuch.
But the skills that are broughtto that are definite superpowers
for women, I think.
SPEAKER_01 (16:28):
Yeah, I would agree with pretty much all of that.
I would say also...
I mean, I think this has beenscientifically tested.
Women are better at multitaskingthan men.
I think everyone's terrible atmultitasking, you know, as
opposed to single tasking.
But women have the edge there aswell.
SPEAKER_04 (16:43):
Yeah, absolutely.
And we've got such powerfulrelationships and friendships as
well.
Yes.
Relationships that women havewith each other are often much
stronger than what men have witheach other, which I think makes
us really special that we canbuild our little rafts.
Yes, I agree.
You've run workshops and thingsin the past about negotiating
your value and your worth.
(17:04):
Yes.
And I heard you talking earlierabout that as well of going in
and negotiating salary andnavigating that.
Do you have anything you want toshare with our listeners about
how to do that?
Because it's really
SPEAKER_00 (17:15):
hard.
I actually think one of the mostimportant things is knowing when
you're in a negotiation becauseI think sometimes we can be in
negotiation and not realisethat.
So if we know the moment we'rein a negotiation, then we can be
highly strategic about how weput ourselves forward into the
(17:37):
negotiation.
I think also understanding thatnegotiation is about a win-win
for everyone.
So it's not a battle.
It's actually about reallyeffective communication to get
our needs met as well as theneeds of whoever it is we're
negotiating with, whether that'sour kids and getting them out
the door on time or whether thatis our manager and we're wanting
(17:59):
a pay increase.
But I think the other piece inthat puzzle really is the
knowing your worth piece.
And I think as women, I heartime and time again, and I've
been guilty of it too, where wereally undersell ourselves and
we undervalue ourselves in termsof what it is that we deserve in
this world, not just from afinancial perspective, but that
(18:20):
is a huge component of it.
And we kind of feel guilty forasking for things.
So I think an importantcomponent of the negotiation is
feeling really confident in whatit is that we're asking and
being able to back that up withthe right evidence to be able to
tell or share our case in theright way.
SPEAKER_01 (18:39):
I'll never forget when I was first setting out on
freelancing.
I'd been at an agency for 10years and then I went off and
did my own thing.
And I was setting the prices andI was like pretty happy with
what I had come up with.
And then a man who had been ajunior under me at the agency
contacted me on Facebook to go,hey, I'm setting up as a what
(19:02):
should I charge you know he waslike I was thinking of and he
named he said I know I'm notworth as much as you are but I
was thinking of this do youthink that's too much and it was
more more than yours than I wascharging already and so in his
perception he was like obviouslyyou're charging way more than
this because you're way moreexperienced yeah and I was like
(19:25):
well, guess I have to up myprices
SPEAKER_00 (19:27):
then.
So this is where research isreally important as part of the
negotiation.
So really to understand whatthat worth is, just do masses of
research around it.
Like what are other peoplegetting paid in the same
industry, male or female, butthen also research about who it
is that you're negotiating with,you know, what are their
budgets?
What do they normally pay?
Because you don't want to gointo a negotiation if there's
(19:50):
just no negotiation to be had.
So that kind of understandingthat may you feel more confident
because you've got the datathere in front of you then as
well.
SPEAKER_01 (19:58):
Yeah.
I think it was definitely whatyou say about guilt, though,
because I was sort of feelinglike, oh, should I?
Can I?
can I be charging people thismuch?
You can charge whatever youwant.
SPEAKER_00 (20:08):
Yeah.
Well, I would now.
Yeah.
It's just, will they pay for it?
Right.
And so then that is where thevalue proposition comes in
there.
SPEAKER_04 (20:16):
I love that quote that, you know, a bottle of
water costs one price at Coles,another price at a vending
machine and a lot more at anairport.
And it's not the water thatchanges.
It's the like situation thatit's in that it suddenly becomes
more valuable.
And thinking about that whenyou're thinking about your
pricing, because if you cancharge$6 for a bottle of water
at an airport.
(20:37):
wild.
Yes.
Surely there's a place for somekind of ridiculous pricing for
us, for ourselves as well.
SPEAKER_00 (20:43):
And sometimes it's, you know, it's demand driven,
it's timing, it's what do youbring to the table that other
people perhaps can't bring.
SPEAKER_04 (20:51):
Do you have a story from someone that you've
supported through your workthat's had some kind of success
that you want to talk about orlike a little breakthrough
moment, celebrate a little win?
I
SPEAKER_00 (21:03):
don't know if I can talk about
SPEAKER_04 (21:04):
client success.
SPEAKER_00 (21:05):
That's okay.
SPEAKER_04 (21:06):
Do you have your own own little win.
SPEAKER_01 (21:08):
Oh,
SPEAKER_00 (21:09):
I have little wins every day, like just getting out
of bed.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (21:14):
Do you celebrate those as wins?
SPEAKER_00 (21:15):
All the time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Firstly, like for me, gratitudeis really, really important.
So for me, like waking up andlooking at sunshine and hearing
birds and just it's a very sunnylife compared to dark life that
we've had previously.
So I definitely kind of embracethose things for Perhaps the
(21:39):
biggest win that I've had sinceI've been here has been in my
parenting.
And that's been taking mydaughter through a really
traumatic journey that she wasfacing.
Yeah, and so not long after wehad moved here, My daughter was
really struggling.
It was a consequence of all ofthe domestic violence that had
(21:59):
happened in the family and whatI did not know at the time that
I was married was that mydaughter was experiencing
similar things to what I hadbeen experiencing in the home.
So she experienced those when Iwas not there and she had
suppressed all of that for avery long period of time and
then once we moved here she hadher own, you know, things to
(22:21):
deal with and her own version ofa breakdown and we What that
meant was that she could nolonger go to school.
She was in year nine at thetime.
She could no longer leave thehouse.
She had fear of being kind ofhurt outside of the house and
she lost her voice.
So she woke up one morning withabsolutely no voice and there's
(22:42):
a technical term for that andthat is trauma-induced mutism
and she was in a very deep, darkdepression at that time.
So her and I had to kind of workreally hard together to I guess,
take her through her own healingjourney of that.
And look, they were very, very,very hard days.
(23:03):
And but we kind of found joy intiny, tiny little things each
day.
And to keep her To keep her, I'msorry, I'm making you cry.
Look, I get the same reactionfrom people each time I share
this.
You know, we did things to keepher connected to the outside
world.
So Kate, you know, when we talkabout Taylor Swift, Taylor Swift
(23:25):
was a massive influence on mydaughter's life at that time and
still is.
But in a really, really big anddeep way, we would put Taylor
Swift on in the car and godriving around the city at night
time to keep A connected to theworld.
And even though she couldn'tverbalise with anyone and or be
near anyone else it was just herand I connected with her brother
(23:46):
from time to time we kind ofwent on that pathway together
and that was nine months thatshe didn't speak for yeah so no
sound and we found new ways ofcommunicating and new ways of of
doing things and there was noschool for her for most of that
time and she's a really reallybright girl and a really keen
academic and doing well in herstudies was kind of really big
(24:07):
part of her sense of self so ourmission was to get her back to
education as soon as we couldbut we couldn't put her back in
mainstream school because thatwouldn't be the right place for
her so she homeschooled.
So for me it feels like amassive win because her voice
did come back and that was partof her kind of coming out of
that of you know doing all ofthe work that we did together
(24:29):
and she's now doing year 11 andat the end of year 11 and doing
amazingly well in her studiesstill homeschooling but thriving
as a human so I'd say that's apretty big win for her.
SPEAKER_04 (24:41):
Yeah, I want to like jump across the table and hug
you right now.
I just like all of the ballsthat are in the air for you,
were in the air for you of, youknow, navigating a new city,
unpacking what I'm sure wasdifficult on a relationship
level, financial level,supporting your daughter,
(25:05):
building a business.
How did you...
I actually
SPEAKER_00 (25:09):
don't even know.
I wonder that myself because Ilook now and I think life is so
different to what it was even 12months ago.
And you're right, likefinancially incredibly hard,
very hard to go and interactwith clients and build a
business at the same time asgoing home and dealing with that
at home and business.
The answer is I don't know.
(25:30):
I think probably the thing thatkept me going was just to stay
really connected to myself at aspiritual level.
And I'm not religious, butdefinitely lots and lots of
grounding work and thatgratitude piece was really
important in saying okay welllike this is really really
(25:50):
really shit right now but itwon't be forever we know we're
going to find a way out of thisand when we talk about the raft
like the raft looked differentat that time too we had lots of
specialists and really reallygood trained people working with
us to to help us get through atthat time so it's just lots of
little things together thathelped.
SPEAKER_04 (26:11):
I think that's two firsts when we're talking about
rafts.
I don't think anyone hasmentioned family on a raft
before, but I also don't thinkanyone has mentioned, you know,
medical professionals orspecialists or outsiders who
really are sometimes part of ourrafts for a period of time.
SPEAKER_00 (26:26):
And
SPEAKER_04 (26:27):
we don't always need to rely on our friends to
support us, but looking at, youknow,
SPEAKER_00 (26:33):
the systems.
Sometimes your friends can'tsupport you because what I've
just described to you is soinsanely heavy, like, and so
foreign to people.
Like, including us at the time,like we had no idea what was
going on.
So how can friends support youthrough that?
So medical professionals becamereally, they were the only
people we would talk to for aperiod of time.
(26:54):
That's
SPEAKER_01 (26:56):
amazing.
They keep you afloat when youneeded it.
Yes, sure did.
So with your experience, do youhave any advice for other
parents who are homeschoolingtheir children?
SPEAKER_00 (27:06):
Look, I was really lucky because Elizabeth is just
so dedicated to doing herschoolwork.
So that's probably one thing.
Know that homeschooling is notfor everyone.
If anyone asked me to homeschoolmy son, that would be an
absolute no.
But for my daughter, that wasdefinitely the right fit for
her.
So that's the first thing, makesure it's the right fit.
(27:26):
The second thing is just developroutine as soon as you can.
So you know it would have beenreally easy particularly for the
way that she was feeling for herto want to kind of stay in bed
or drag out her morning routineand just do school whenever but
my non-negotiable on that was ifyou're going to be homeschooling
you've got to be up and dressedby the time your brother leaves
(27:47):
the house each day and you knowat your desk and ready to work
and I think just be reallyorganised in factoring in time
to you know to do revision toput exams into the schedule and
like but I think that parents doanyway but just know that you
know you're probably going toneed to do a little bit more of
(28:07):
the kind of hand-holding withthat than perhaps what you would
do and also just know that againlike the support network is
there for a reason so we foundthat the teachers attached to
the institution that we use,super, super, super supportive
and the communication with themis vital in making that work for
(28:30):
us.
SPEAKER_04 (28:31):
Can you tell us a little bit about Untitled& Co?
What is the name?
actually mean?
Why Untitled and what do you do?
Okay
SPEAKER_00 (28:40):
I thought starting my own business as a marketer
might mean that finding abusiness name would be really
easy or you know going throughthat exercise would be really
easy but it's actually reallyreally hard but I think at the
time because it was that pointwhere I was kind of
transitioning from you knowmarried mom in corporate life to
whatever was going to come nextand I didn't really know who
(29:02):
that was and I didn't reallyknow it didn't have much of a
sense of belonging and didn'treally know what my own identity
was at that time and sittingthere and I thought well I feel
a little bit untitled right nowlike I don't know you know am I
my married name or my maidenname what am I and then I also
thought well okay well what do Ido for my clients and at that
time of starting the business itwas really only going to be core
(29:25):
to my technical expertise andwhat that's all about is getting
brands and people known withtheir stakeholders.
So going from untitled to titledin a way.
So that was kind of where theuntitled piece came from.
And co, for me, it always had tobe about community.
So it always had to haveconnection in there.
(29:47):
And it was about finding theright people who might come in
and out or some who might stayfor forever that would be part
of that network of supportingwhoever I support as a business
owner and in terms of what I dotoday so I still do marketing
and business development andcommunications and I consult
with organisations doing thatwork and I also work with
(30:10):
entrepreneurs and as an advisorto them so they you know often
don't have budget to have theirown in-house marketing so they
lean on me and get advice fromme but then it does also include
you know my work with womenaround coaching and leadership
training and my workshops that Ideliver for them too.
Because I refer to myself as thefeminine edge activator and I
(30:32):
run workshops on that for womenand I think that really
encompasses who we want to be.
As women, we want to activatethat to be empowered women of
the future.
And so that's a theme.
And I also kind of lean intothis concept of becoming
unstoppable through connection.
(30:54):
And that's connection of selfand connection with our tribe
and our stakeholders in abusiness context.
SPEAKER_01 (30:59):
So it's kind of like a mega raft almost.
Yeah.
Excellent.
This is something that is quitenew for you, isn't it?
You're...
leaning into being unstoppable,helping others be unstoppable.
Can you tell us a bit aboutthat?
SPEAKER_00 (31:13):
Yeah.
So as my business has evolved,I've really thought about, you
know, who are the people that Iwant to be working with in the
future and who would be theright fit for Untitled and Co so
that we could have really greatpartnership together.
And as I considered that, Ithought, actually, like it's the
people who either want to be orare becoming unstoppable whether
(31:37):
that's you know in their life orin their business and I've also
been doing a lot of work aroundconnection and I believe that
you can only become unstoppablethrough having connection as the
foundation of everything you doand that for me means connection
with yourself and with yourtribe so your family or your
(31:58):
friends or your raft andconnection with your
stakeholders so from a businesscontext that's with your you
know your clients or yourmarkets.
Can I ask you about
SPEAKER_01 (32:06):
imposter syndrome?
So, you know, I think that'ssomething that we all think a
lot about.
And I think that's men and womenas well.
I don't think it's necessarilyone more than the other.
But I did see not that long ago,an article and I really wish I
could remember who the quote wasfrom, because it was a female
CEO, someone who works here inPerth, and I can't remember who,
(32:27):
but she said, I'd like to hearless about imposter syndrome
because I'd like us to celebratewomen being successful and just
kicking ass.
And that really resonated withme because I think it's
important to talk about impostersyndrome so that people don't
feel like they're the only oneswho have it, so they don't feel
alone.
But I also like the idea ofreally just being like, yeah,
(32:49):
you know what?
I am a boss.
Yep.
What are your thoughts on that?
That seems kind of where you'recoming from with...
unstoppable.
SPEAKER_00 (32:57):
Definitely yes definitely part of where I'm
coming from with unstoppable andI like to think of it as
imposter phenomenon rather thanimposter syndrome.
A dear friend kind of pointedthis difference out to me and
explained to me that describingit as a syndrome suggests that
we are kind of unwell or we havesome sort of you know diagnosis
which is not the case withimposter phenomenon but I do
(33:18):
think that the more we labelourselves as having imposter
syndrome or imposter phenomenonwhichever we want to call it I
think that keeps us a little bitsmall and holds us back a little
bit.
So I agree with that CEO.
Like I would love for us tostart flipping the language
around that and talking aboutsuccess and talking about the
(33:39):
things that we're doing, youknow, that kind of pave the way
for us to feel bigger and with avoice and more confident as we
step forward.
SPEAKER_01 (33:46):
How do you think we navigate that as Australians who
are famously all about tallpoppy syndrome, we don't really
like people, sound again, maleor female, we don't really like
people sounding off about howsuccessful they are so much
Where's the balance, I guess?
SPEAKER_00 (34:04):
I think, you know, it's practice because you're
right, like there is that tallpoppy syndrome.
We also know that women are lessskilled or less comfortable with
kind of sharing, you know, theiraccolades than perhaps what men
are.
And so I think it's definitelypractice.
It's about feeling a little bituncomfortable about that but
doing it anyway and I thinkremaining authentic in that as
(34:28):
well.
So if we start to talk aboutthings that– And what's next for
you, Bec?
(34:54):
What does the future look like?
I feel scared when I think aboutthat because the vision is very
big but then I have to rememberthat time.
resources limited for me be morework definitely in the corporate
space so I'm doing a lot of workin the mining sector at the
moment so that will absolutelycontinue and I'm thoroughly
enjoying that work and it willbe definitely more coaching so
(35:18):
working with individuals inbecoming unstoppable and sharing
more of my own methodologies Idon't feel like I'm there yet
but I definitely do feel like Ihave an unstoppable mindset so
it's about sharing that withothers.
Well,
SPEAKER_04 (35:34):
from what you've told us today, you've overcome a
lot.
So I think you can go ahead andcall yourself an unstoppable
SPEAKER_00 (35:42):
mindset.
Thank you.
That is the word on my card onmy bedside table at this point
in time.
SPEAKER_01 (35:48):
Yes.
SPEAKER_04 (35:49):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (35:50):
I love that.
So to help you get to whereyou're going, what is it you
need?
Who do you need in your raft?
Or is there anything that ourraft of bitches, our listeners
can do to help you get there?
SPEAKER_00 (36:01):
Oh, that's a really good question.
Sometimes I find it a little bithard to ask for help, so I don't
really know what I would askfor.
This isn't necessarily somethingthat I need for me, but I would
ask people to really kind ofthink about what could they do
for themselves to become asemotionally intelligent people
(36:22):
as possible a lot of the workthat I do in fact you know 99%
of the work that I do whetherthat's BD marketing or workshops
with women is all underpinned byemotional intelligence and I
wholeheartedly believe that ifwe can get that right for
ourselves that we can be goodconfident happy humans which is
really what we want at the endof the day.
SPEAKER_01 (36:43):
Yeah,
SPEAKER_00 (36:43):
that's what I want.
SPEAKER_04 (36:45):
Such a wholesome ask.
I love it.
If people want to get in touchwith you about your work or
learn how to be unstoppable ormaybe play part of the Untitled&
Co tribe, where's the best placeto
SPEAKER_00 (36:59):
contact you?
Definitely LinkedIn.
I talk about connection andcommunication, but I'm
definitely a cup of coffee kindof girl.
So don't hang out on socialmedia too much, but messaging me
on LinkedIn is the best place.
I'm not spread across allplatforms.
I just have this one that I liketo go to.
And you have a website?
I do have a website.
Yes, it is untitledandco.com.au.
(37:21):
So I can be reached there aswell.
SPEAKER_04 (37:23):
Unfortunately, once again, we are utterly
SPEAKER_01 (37:26):
out of time.
That's right.
But if you have a story of howconnection, whether it's with
yourself, your tribe or yourstakeholders, has helped you to
become unstoppable, we'd love tohear from you.
And where can people reach us?
We're on Instagram atraftpodcast.
or you can email hello
SPEAKER_04 (37:42):
at
SPEAKER_01 (37:43):
raftpodcast.com.
SPEAKER_04 (37:44):
And for previous episodes or to find out more,
don't forget to check out ourwebsite, raftpodcast.com.
Thanks for listening, rafters.
Catch you next
SPEAKER_01 (37:51):
time.
SPEAKER_04 (38:13):
Thank you for sharing all of that.
I literally did have chills.
SPEAKER_01 (38:17):
Not from the noisy air conditioning.
SPEAKER_04 (38:19):
No, although I am quite cold.
But it was definitely you, notthe air conditioning that
SPEAKER_01 (38:24):
was giving me chills.
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