A Mom’s Guide to Tryouts: How to Help (Without Hovering)

Is your athlete gearing up for tryouts… and you’re secretly more stressed than she is?

You’re not alone. Tryout week can bring all the nerves, for athletes and their moms. But how do you actually support her without adding pressure, overstepping, or spiraling right alongside her?

In this episode, we’re breaking down exactly how to prepare your athlete (and yourself) for tryouts – mentally, emotionally, and practically.

Here’s what this episode covers: 

• What parents need to check in on before tryouts even start.
• How to shift the focus from “making the team” to “showing up strong”.
• A coach’s honest perspective on what actually stands out at tryouts.
• Simple ways to help your athlete prep without hovering.
• What to say (and what not to say) during the tryout season.
• How to boost her confidence outside of her sport.
• Key mental skills athletes need to handle nerves, bounce back from mistakes, and perform under pressure.
• What to do if she doesn’t make the team and how to turn disappointment into growth.

Tryouts don’t have to break her or you. Listen in and get the tools to show up steady, supportive, and strong... no matter the outcome.

Episode Highlights: 

[00:00:00] Tryout Season = High Stress. Tryouts bring a wave of stress for athletes, coaches, and especially parents. It’s completely normal to feel anxious, but there are ways to handle it well.

[00:01:47] Start with the Parent. Before helping an athlete, parents should check in with themselves. Acknowledging personal stress and avoiding projection helps create a calmer environment.

[00:03:00] Focus on Her Goals. Instead of assuming what she wants, ask the athlete what her goals are for tryouts. Shifting the focus to effort and pride helps relieve outcome pressure.

[00:05:03] When the Goal Feels Out of Reach. If the athlete sets a big goal, parents can gently steer the conversation toward effort and backup plans, without crushing her confidence.

[00:06:49] Watch the Words. Phrases like “You better make the team” only add pressure. Encouragement should stay focused on effort, attitude, and what’s in her control.

[00:07:41] Mental Game is the Real Game. Tryouts are mentally demanding. Without tools to manage nerves and recover from mistakes, even skilled athletes can struggle.

[00:08:43] Visualize the Outcome. Positive visualization, seeing success before it happens, helps athletes shift from anxious anticipation to confident execution.

[00:09:00] Anchor in Affirmations. Simple self-talk like “I’m ready” or “I belong here” gives athletes something to lean on in high-pressure moments.

[00:10:23] Reset Fast With a Snapback Routine. A go-to reset routine helps athletes move on from mistakes quickly, one of the most valuable tools in competitive sports.

[00:12:28] Real Success is in Adaptability. The biggest win from tryouts? Learning to adapt, stay grounded, and keep going no matter what the outcome says.

Next Steps:

• Join our FREE Training for Sports Moms - How to Strengthen Your Athlete Daughter's Mental Game so She Believes in Herself as Much as You Do
• Visit our podcast website for more great episodes

Thank you in advance for joining us on our mission and leaving a rating and review on Apple Podcasts.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
It's that time of your mom'stryouts the week where moms
probably lose more sleep thantheir athletes for good reason.
Tryouts are.
Stinking stressful for parents,for coaches, for athletes, all
the way around.
So if you are in this boat, thisepisode is for you.
I'm going to be breaking downsome strategies that can help
your athlete prepare for tryoutsand also the things that you can

(00:21):
be doing and saying to help yourathlete as well.
Now, before we get into it, I dowanna give a shout out to a mom
in our community, whichcoincidentally, her daughter
just went through some tryouts.
So her name is Nicole.
She said.
My athlete is afraid ofdisappointing others.
She's a perfectionist for sure,but yesterday she had a tryout
for a national team.

(00:41):
She came home with a smile andsaid, I didn't cry.
That's a first mom.
I embrace this as a huge victoryin my book.
That's enormous progress.
Now, what I wanna point outabout this is that if you have
athletes who are.
You know, will use the wordemotional or sensitive.
This is a good thing, but itcan't always be a good thing
sometimes in sports, right?
So if we have athletes who aredeeply feeling kids and they end

(01:04):
up, you know, feeling emotionalon the court, that can really be
a negative When it comes totryouts, it can get in the way.
It can be potentially a poorreflection for coaches to see.
And so.
This athlete now has the skillsto be able to regulate her
emotions so that she canactually try out for this high
level national team withouthaving something that sets her

(01:25):
off.
Like that is enormous progress.
So I am so happy for you,Nicole, and also for your
daughters, so that she has theseskills that are serving her in
tryouts, but also in life sothat she can show up and be the
athlete that she wants to be.
Alright, let's get into ourstrategies to help with tryouts
because they are superstressful.
And if you're in this boat wherelike it's right around the
corner, I feel you.

(01:45):
Now we're gonna start with you.
Okay?
It always does.
It always starts with us.
So I want you to acknowledgethat your nerves around tryouts
are normal.
Your anxiety, whatever you'refeeling around tryouts are
normal.
But we wanna make sure thatwe're not projecting that onto
athletes.
So.
What stress are you bringinginto this whole equation?
And so we need to be able toground ourselves and realize
that like.
This is tryouts.

(02:06):
It's not like the end of theworld.
You know, we we're going to beokay no matter what happens.
And I want you to also just tocheck your motives.
Like check in with yourself,like are you chasing a specific
team or level for your athleteor are you supporting her goals?
And a lot of times the stresscomes from because like.
She has said she wants to make acertain team and we're not sure
if it's gonna happen.
Like there's a lot of stressthere.

(02:27):
We just want our kids to behappy.
And so the stress ofdisappointments, like all of
that is a part of it.
Okay, so there's a good reasonfor us to feel this way, but
let's avoid projecting onto ourathletes.
Let's manage our emotions aroundthis in a really healthy let,
let's ground ourselves in thepresent and realize that like.
Hey, it is just tryouts.
No matter what happens, I'mgonna be okay.
My daughter's gonna be okay, andwe're gonna get through whatever

(02:47):
happens.
Okay?
So that's just a good check inwith ourselves.
Part two, what are her goals fortryouts?
Let's check in with her.
Like ask her, what are yourgoals for these tryouts?
What are we going after here?
All right.
What would make you feel proudafterwards?
You know, how kind of helpsshift the energy a little bit
from like, making the team toshowing up and doing her best.
And tryouts really are justlike.
A showcase of what you can doand.

(03:07):
I'm a coach myself.
I'm a high school coach, so I'mabout to do tryouts in a few
weeks.
I will tell you from the coachperspective, that tryouts also
suck.
And so just know that like it'sall just kind of a tough thing.
But what I'm looking for as acoach in athletes for tryouts,
like obviously I'm looking forspecific skills for specific
positions, and I make thatreally clear to athletes.
And so hopefully they know aheadof time like.

(03:27):
How many girls are we carryingon a team?
What positions is coach lookingfor?
All of that.
Like hopefully the coach hasmade that clear.
And even if they haven't, likeit's okay.
don't get into a tizzy aroundlike, oh, I don't know what's
expected.
No, you just go up and you justplay.
You just do that.
Okay.
But what I'm looking for in anathlete, aside from some of
those skills, is.
What's their resilience likewhen they make a mistake, how do

(03:48):
they respond?
Do they get super down onthemselves and start bringing
other people down?
Or do they bounce back and getback into the game kind of
teammate?
Are they right?
Are they cheering other peopleon?
Are they encouraging otherpeople or are they somebody who
is just kind of focused onthemselves?
Do they hustle, right?
Are they like moving betweendrills fast?
Are they hustling to get water?
Are they the first one?
You know, background, do theyvolunteer for things?

(04:10):
Like if I'm asking for somehelp, do they volunteer to help,
to demonstrate?
What else?
Like just the little things likethat.
Are they loud?
Are they talking like all ofthose that actually have nothing
to do with skill?
All of those things are thingsthat will set your athlete apart
and that you can tell her like,these are things that you can do
aside, like you can't show upand perform.
More than you're physicallycapable of like your skills are

(04:32):
your skills.
You're gonna go in with whatyou've got, and your goal is to
just show what you've got.
But beyond that, coach is alsolooking for some intangible
things, like the things I justmentioned.
Okay.
So know what her goals are.
I think what gets a little bithard is like if she tells you a
goal that you're like, I don'tknow if that's possible.
Okay.
Now you don't need to burst yourbubble.
We just need to.

(04:52):
Bring it back to what's in hercontrol.
Okay?
All right.
That's your goal.
What are you doing to get there?
Okay?
What are you gonna be focusingon?
You can ask things like, okay,what's your backup?
Like, if that doesn't happen,then what?
Okay.
And so having a backup isn'tlike, you know, telling her that
it's not gonna happen.
Backup is like a good plan.
So what I mean by that is like,if we don't make the team, okay,

(05:13):
what are our other options?
You don't need to talk aboutthat right away.
Like, I think that's all right.
But knowing in the back of yourhead, okay, what are our other
options?
Are there other sports?
Are there things that we can do?
Okay, but let's focus on likesetting her up for success.
So next part of this is justsome really low hanging fruit.
to help with this.
If you have a bit of time beforetryouts, then she should be
training, like to prepare forthem.

(05:35):
Okay?
So she should be going to allthe things that are offered by
the coach and by the team sothat she can prepare the best
she can and be present in, inall of that.
She should be like, if she hasgoals to make varsity or JV or
make a team like she should bedoing the things required of her
to do that.
She can't expect just to show upat trials and having done
nothing.
And expect that to go well.
Alright, so set up for success.

(05:56):
Like if you've got a few weeksbefore tryouts or months or
something like that, then you'vegot some runway.
If you don't have a whole lot oftime, then there's not much you
can do.
Okay?
You're gonna show up with howyou show up, but you can do some
things to help.
So.
You can help her by like showingup early, making sure that she
knows where the facility is, youknow, reducing some of that
stress.
Making sure, like I said, havingthose lists of like intangibles,

(06:18):
like effort, being a greatteammate, being coachable.
Her attitude, like helping herfocus on those things, like all
of that is gonna help her justkind of feel a little bit more
prepared.
Avoid you as a parent sayingthings like, well, you better
make this team, or You shouldmake this team.
Or like, all of that is justputting like extra pressure.
So keep everything around likewhat's in her control and, avoid

(06:40):
also comparing her to otherathletes.
I think sometimes as parents weget.
Caught into this trap and we tryand compare and like, you know,
it can get kind of ugly.
So focus just on her, on what'sin her control.
We talk a lot in our communityor in our program about praising
her positive innate qualities,who she is outside of her
sports.
You're like, well, what doesthat have to do with it?
It really does increase herconfidence because now she's not

(07:02):
just tied to the success or thefailure of her tryout.
It is around like who she is asa person outside of just.
An athlete.
Okay?
So all of those things arehelping to prepare her for that
day.
Now, mental training, this islike, tryouts are so mental.
It's tough because sometimesathletes don't perform their
best because they are nervous.
They're too nervous to be ableto like play their best.

(07:22):
And so I always recommend likeif your athlete doesn't have any
mental skills to be able to copewith.
Anxiety, pre-performanceanxiety, coming back from
mistakes.
Like give her those tools if youwant the fast way to do it, go
to our training.
Okay.
Our, free training for parentsand that [e-mail].

(07:42):
So I break down like the simplethings that she can be doing,
the things that are in yourcontrol, around her mental game,
but some really good tools fortryouts.
Number one, breath work.
Okay.
Just.
Allowing her to have the skillof knowing how to breathe
correctly when she isoverwhelmed.
I mean, that's a very low liftskill.

(08:03):
So breathing into her diaphragm,filling her belly, filling her
lungs, exhaling fully, like,just kind of helps calm,
regulate nervous system.
You know, all that is reallygreat visualization.
Okay?
Visualization is something thatshe can be doing leading up to
tryout.
She can see herself in thatmoment.
See yourself hustling.
See yourself enjoying tryouts,feeling confident, you know,
like writing out her goals aheadof time and then visualizing

(08:25):
them.
Like all of those are reallygreat self-talk.
Okay?
So all of the athletes in ourprogram have affirmations and
mantras that they fall back on.
So something like, I'm prepared,I belong here.
So things that she can likeground herself in.
When she's feeling a little bitoverwhelmed, in that tryout
space.
Okay.
Also just like taking a momentto write out and journal and
also visualize like how shewants to show up in tryouts.

(08:47):
She's probably alreadyvisualizing it just in a
negative way because that's whatwe do.
We have a negativity bias andso.
When we anticipate things, wetend to focus on what all the
bad things that could happeninstead of like what could go
right?
And so just visualizing like,here's how I wanna walk into the
gym.
Here's what, how I'm gonna treatother teammates.
Here's how I'm gonna hustlebetween drills.
Here's how, you know, highlighther strengths as well.

(09:07):
I tell athletes, like, try toturn out a time to focus on your
weaknesses.
Like showcase what you're goodat.
If you're a really greatblocker.
That's what you're gonna go allin on.
Like obviously you've gotta likeshowcase all of your skills, but
like all athletes have strengthsand weaknesses and so show what
you're good at because that'sprobably the thing that you're
gonna be chosen for.
When I look for athletes, I'mlike, oh, she's a great blocker.

(09:28):
Like this is where I'm gonna beable to utilize that skill.
Not like, oh, well she's not sogreat at passing.
It's like, well, you don't needto be a great passer to be a
great blocker.
Okay, and so highlight what sheis good at.
Now a snapback routine isanother really useful skill.
It's one of the number oneskills that athletes come out of
our program, the elite mentalgame.
You know, just saying like ittotally changed their sports

(09:49):
trajectory because they now havea way to get over mistakes fast.
Okay.
It's a combination of breath, areset word or reset signal.
It's so great to have becausethey can come back from mistakes
without having to dwell on them.
So those are just like simplethings that your athlete should
have in place before she headsinto not only tryouts, but like
her season, right?
These are like.
You know, the foundationalmental training skills.
So if you wanna learn more aboutthese as well as our program,

(10:11):
the elite mental game where shecan go in depth and learn these,
herself, go to our freetraining, that's at train her
game.com.
Alright.
Recapping this try out season.
I'm acknowledging right now, Iknow it's stressful for us as
parents.
Okay.
Check in with yourself, likewhere is this stress coming
from?
Are you, putting stress on herand pressure on her to make a
certain team?
And if so, let's let go of that.
This is her experience.

(10:32):
I guess one thing I didn't talkabout is, you know what?
The chips will fall, where theyfall and there's going to be
every tryout season, there'sgonna be some disappointments,
probably there's gonna be somehappiness.
you're gonna experience it all.
You know, the longer that yourathlete is in sports, the longer
that you're gonna see all of thethings that happen.
Okay?
Her not making the team that shewants to make is not necessarily

(10:53):
a terrible thing.
And so we have to equip athletesto also handle disappointment
better as well.
That's part of resiliency.
And if your athlete isdisappointed after tryouts and
you just go to, well, we'regonna go talk to the coach and
that's not right, and all ofthese reasons, you're
automatically teaching her thatwhen we don't get what we want.
We're just gonna go into victimmindset and blame everybody

(11:14):
else.
And that is not the mindset Iknow because you're listening to
this podcast that you wanna beteaching your athlete.
And so, yes, it's okay to bedisappointed, but also, all
right, what are our optionshere?
How can we problem solve?
It's reasonable to ask forfeedback of course, but that
needs to come from your athlete.
But also any situation likewhether she makes a team or
doesn't like you, can moveforward from it.
Okay.

(11:34):
And we have to teach ourathletes that skill of I'm
adaptable.
No matter what happens.
I'm gonna find a way forward andI'm gonna find how I'm gonna get
better as a result of this.
That's ultimately the mindsetthat tryouts teach us.
Okay?
So there's that too.
But also equip your athlete withmental skills that she needs,
before she has into the tryouts.
You can do that by going to ourfree [e-mail].

(11:55):
That'll give you everything youneed to know.
Alright, good luck with tryoutsat Moms.
Know that I am rooting for you,and no matter what happens, it's
going to be okay.
All right.
I'm Coach Bre.
I'll see you in the next episodeof the Raising Elite Competitors
podcast.