Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Welcome athletes and parents tothe Raising Elite Competitors
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podcast.
I'm Coach Bree, a mentalperformance coach for girl
athletes, and I'm excited thatyou're here.
This is a fun and differentepisode because it's for
athletes, parents.
You can also definitely listen,but I actually giving you a
behind the scenes look at one ofour recent Level Up live
support.
Group calls.
So I get on live with athletesinside our program called The
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Elite Mental Game two times amonth.
And one of the calls we do alittle mindset tip for the week,
and then athletes are justasking questions.
And this Level Up call I thoughthad amazing questions from
athletes that I think otherathletes need to hear.
So we talked about injury andcomparison.
Coach feedback when you have atoxic coach, how to navigate
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that.
How to deal with negativeteammates and the passive
aggressive things that they do.
How to stay calm under pressure,fear of other people's opinions.
Try out anxiety, fear ofmistakes, some parent feedback
that an athlete didn't like andhow to deal with that.
And so there were just reallygreat questions in this call.
And athletes that are listening,I wanted to just have you listen
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to what these answers are.
So I'm on this call.
Same with Coach Saylor and CoachRachel.
And we're just giving feedbackand giving athletes real
actionable tips and tools to beable to use moving forward.
So.
I hope that it's helpful.
Now, before I let you listen tothe replay, I do wanna give a
shout out to a parent who is inour community.
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So this is a parent of anathlete inside the elite mental
game, which is of course ourself-paced mental training
program for girl athletes wealso include live coaching.
In the program, hence the Love,love live call.
But anyways, Deanna is the mom'sname.
She said, my daughter, who justbegan the elite mental game,
attended the Love, love, live,support Zoom for middle school
on Sunday evening.
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She loved it and I listened tothe podcast version afterwards
and was almost in tears.
Listening to all the girls'questions and how the coaches
were so empathetic andempowering with their answers.
My daughter asked two questionsand the support she received is
really amazing.
So, that's what you get to hearin this episode is.
They level up group coachingcall and you get to hear other
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athletes who are askingquestions and how we answered
those questions.
Now, if you're interested in theelite mental game to get this
kind of support for yourself, ifyou're listening as an athlete
or for your athlete, if you'relistening as a parent, go to
train her game.com.
That is our free training wherewe break down our method and
also talk about the elite mentalgame and give you a little
discount.
So that's at trainhergame.com.
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All right.
Without further ado, enjoy theLevel Up Live support call.
This one is with high schoolers,so we do a high school call and
we also do a middle school andyounger call.
So, you get to listen to thehigh school questions.
Enjoy.
I'm Coach Bree.
We have Coach Sailor on the callas well.
So those of you that have beengetting texts from Sailor, you
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now see her real face righthere.
We've got Coach Rachel on thecall as well.
So Rachel is an athlete coachand she's a parent coach.
So she gets to join us today.
Alright, we're gonna kick offthis call like we normally do.
Go ahead and open up your chatand I want you just to give me a
little update.
How's it going?
We're gonna put a win in thechat.
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What is something that has beengoing well lately?
Something you're proud of, a winthat you've had?
Go ahead and drop that into thechat and then we'll get going
with today.
We have a little quick mindsettip and then we had some
pre-submitted questions and thenwe'll answer any questions that
come up on the call.
So drop those in.
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All right, everybody.
I got a quick tip for you.
Your quick tip for today isabout comparison, and this is
actually.
Because of a pre-submittedquestion around like coming back
from an injury.
And it got me thinking aroundhow it's really hard.
Yes, there's comparison when wesee other athletes who play our
sport and we're like, oh mygosh, why does she always get
all the things and why is she sogood?
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And you start to get down onyourself.
But then there's also thecomparison.
Of comparing the athlete thatyou were now to where you were
before, especially if you'recoming back from injury or you
had something major happen inyour athletic career and you're
like, I'm not as good as I wasbefore, is like the thought that
we get stuck in.
So I wanna like combat thiscomparison trap from both of
those sides today.
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All right.
If you, okay, this is, I have alittle story, but if you have a
notebook or a journal orsomething like that, you can
drop some notes down.
Okay.
This, I forgot I put this inhere, but I literally just did
it.
Okay.
We're gonna talk about runningyour own rates, literally.
Okay.
This is me in eighth grade and Iknow right.
I haven't aged today.
Okay.
But in eighth grade I decided Iwould go out for the track team.
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I'm not sure why.
It's not really my jam, but Idid, and I was running, I was
told that I needed to run the200.
Okay, so 200 meters, technicallya sprint.
And I was like, I don't reallywanna do that.
I'm more of like a jumper, butwhatever.
So I get to the, to where wewere running, start the race,
and I go and all of a sudden I'mrunning against 10 other or
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eight other girls.
I think that's, there's eightlanes.
And I was like, wow, I'mactually running really fast.
Like I'm in the lead right now.
And so I was like, dusting thesegirls.
I was running really fast.
I was going around the cornerand I'm like, dang, like nobody
else is around me.
Maybe I actually am pretty goodat this.
And I could see the finish line,but then all of a sudden I was
like, I wonder like how farahead I am of people.
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So I looked over my shoulder tomy left to look at like where
everybody else was.
And as soon as I did that, Istarted like.
Swerving to the other lane.
I tried to regain, like thebalance that I lost ended up not
being able to do that.
I fell straight on my butt rightin the middle of the race and
everybody else just ran past me.
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And I got up and did my best tojog to the finish lane in last
place.
Okay.
And so this is just my alwayswhat I go back to you on this
reminder that, hey, if Iwould've not done that, like if
I wouldn't have just taken thatmoment to look over my shoulder
and look at what's, what is thatperson doing over there?
I would've won the race and itwould've been fine.
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Okay.
All's good.
Woo woo.
Okay.
But no, I decided that I wasgonna look over my shoulder and
see what was going on.
Okay?
And that was my downfall.
And we.
Do the same thing as athletes,right?
We get, so we're doing our best,we're improving, and then all of
a sudden we look and be like, ohmy gosh, she's getting way
better.
And I, you can go from likefeeling like you're making
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progress to feeling likeabsolute crap because you're
like, oh, you're just comparing.
And so we're gonna run our ownrace and we can use comparison
to actually help us.
Okay.
You can actually see whatsomebody else is doing and be
inspired by it and be like,okay, yeah, without actually
falling and wiping out.
All right, so your first tiparound this, and you can write
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this down if you're gettingstuck in this comparison trap,
is shifting from Why am I notlike her?
Okay?
Those of you that are comingback from an injury, this could
be, why am I not like her?
If we're comparing to somebodyelse on our team or a different
team or something like that, oranother athlete that you look
to, or it could be who you werebefore.
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Okay, so you could be askingyourself like, why am I not like
her?
Like the pre-injury her?
Why am I not her anymore?
Okay.
Shifting from that to what can Ilearn from her?
And just asking that question toyourself, what can I learn from
her?
Because maybe you do see anathlete, another girl that's
ting, she's just feels like sheis always winning.
Like she's always getting theaccolades, she is always doing
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well.
She never makes mistakes,whatever, which is everyone
does.
So that's actually just a liethat our brain tells us.
But what can I learn from her?
What is she doing?
Okay?
Is she like putting in extrawork?
Success Leaves some clues.
So maybe there are some thingsthat this person is doing that
you can learn from.
Okay?
So that's just one thing.
If it's helpful, if it's nothelpful, leave it behind.
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Okay?
This other one, there's threethings, okay?
This is number two, focus onmicro wins.
This is really where it's at.
And those of you that are in EMGto the point where you're doing
your three, two un brave, thisis what you do every single time
you do three, two, and brave.
Okay.
So asking yourself, how was Ibetter than yesterday?
Yesterday?
Me, not five years ago.
Me, not beyond that.
Like just yesterday.
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Okay.
We can't, it does this no goodto compare who we were several
years ago because you're adifferent athlete.
Okay.
It is just, it is.
We're not gonna say like, I'm abetter or a worse athlete.
You're just, it's different.
Eight time does that.
Okay.
But we're just gonna comparewhere we are right now in this
little season.
So how was I better thanyesterday?
And what's one small win fortoday?
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Okay.
No matter how bad you think yourpractice or training session
was, you can always find onesmall thing to focus on and that
gives you hope for the nextpractice.
Okay?
Okay.
So that's number two.
So number one, backing up isshifting from why am I not like
her?
To, what can I learn from her?
Another one I love is if she cando it, it's proof I can too.
Okay.
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And then the last one, anchor inthe right now.
So your confidence is highest,when you're focused on right
now, when you're looking at thepast, you're worried about the
future.
That's where we get into issues.
Okay.
Like when I was running my race,I was looking at the future and
I was like, Hey, how?
I was also looking at the past.
I was not like just doing what Iwas supposed to do, which is
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just run.
Okay?
And so anchor in the, right now,what's my goal for this
practice, right?
How do I wanna feel?
I know that seems a little bitlike a little bit into the
future, but how do I wanna feelwalking off the court, the field
today?
Okay, after this practice, howdo I wanna feel and what am I
gonna do to make sure thathappens?
And maybe that is just give ahundred percent do me.
Okay?
That's what we need to do isjust anchor right now.
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All right?
Okay.
The last little thing, this islike your mini challenge.
You already did number one.
Okay.
One thing you're proud oflately, you already did that.
Okay?
So I want you to write down thenext two right now in your
journals, your notebooks, onething that you're working on,
because comparison is, it'sprobably telling that you do
wanna get better at something,and that's okay.
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Okay?
I am not saying that you need tostop working or anything like
that, but what is something thatyou are working on?
Oh, I have a typo here.
What is one thing that someoneelse did well that you admire?
So I want you to write downthese last two.
So one thing you're working on.
One thing someone else did wellthat you admire.
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The reason for question three,one thing someone else did well
that you admire.
We wanna be the type ofteammates and the type of, I'll
say girl athletes.
I know there's some boys thatare in our program too.
Sometimes you notice likethere's mean girl drama, mean
girl vibes and they're we'relike, almost like when somebody
does something, other peoplewanna tear them down.
I don't know if you've evernoticed that.
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Okay, that's not who we are.
And so making sure that youadmire looking at other people
and respecting their success andcheering other people on because
the more you cheer other peopleon when they're successful, the
more you are going to get thatback.
And the more you create thatreally good environment,'cause
no one likes to be on a teamwhere people are like tearing
each other down.
That's the worst.
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It's literally the worst.
You could have the best, mosttalented team and then if you've
got these mean girls and peopleare tearing each other down and
all it's, it just makes for aterrible experience.
So you start that.
Okay.
And just admiring what otherpeople are doing.
The next step of this is tellthem, write a little note.
Send'em a text and say, I lovethat you have been working so
hard to practice that.
It shows.
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Okay.
I'll tell you.
When you start to be thatathlete that does that to other
people like you, you actuallystart to feel a lot better.
You're gonna get that back fromother people.
You're gonna play better.
It's just givers game.
You get what you put out.
We're gonna get into some q anda let's answer this in the main
group before we switch.
All right.
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Sailor, you wanna take the firstpart?
Yeah.
Okay.
So first part of the ques thisquestion is, I recently just
returned from injury and feelthat I'm not my old self.
I feel I missed a lot of growthand development that my team had
for the last month.
What can I do?
Yeah.
This is super tough to be outfrom injury for that long and it
feels like you are miles andmiles behind other people.
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Honestly, the tip that you gavetoday, Brie, like nailed it, of
just like running your own raceand really trusting the process.
I think coming back frominjuries, it's so important to
just like really dial in on themicro winds that we talked about
and also just like the smallthings that you can do in your
control to help get you back towhere you want to be.
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But comparing yourself to otherpeople and your old team or your
old self is going to do you nogood and actually getting better
and focusing on the presentmoment.
So I think like stacking thosesmall wins every day, seeing,
okay, how am I better than I wasyesterday?
Did I do the best that I could?
Did I get, did I give it my besteffort?
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Like having those check-ins isgoing to be really key.
Another like activity that Ireally like to do, especially
when you're comparing yourselfto your old self, is writing a
breakup letter to your pastself.
And it seems like really sillyand really goofy, but sometimes
we just gotta break up with ourpast self, like we've become a
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new version of ourselves and weneed to fall in love with who we
are becoming and just solelyfocus on this next chapter.
So if you need to as well, writea breakup letter, right?
Tell that past self how they'renot serving you, right?
How you need to move on, how youare going to now work on your
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future self.
Yeah.
So I think that would be like myquick tips for this one.
And giving yourself grace, likesometimes your role is going to
change in injury.
Being able to see how you canstill contribute, even if you're
not able to be on the courtfield, be competing, still being
able to show up for yourself andfor your team.
(13:58):
Yeah, I think that's great.
Honestly, I think that playerscoming back from an injury are
often stronger, more resilient,better players and those who
have never dealt with an injurybefore.
So looking at it like that, andI know Coach Rachel has some
experience with that too.
Her, especially with herdaughter.
Okay.
And probably with yourself, butRachel, any tips on this second
part of this?
Juan, great to see you all.
Yeah.
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So this question, my coach gaveme feedback today, but I look
scared on the court.
What can I do differently?
First of all, I wanna say thatthis is so common, and not only
has this, the person that askedthis question felt this, but
I've felt this.
I bet Coach Bree has felt this.
I bet Coach Saylor has feltthis, and probably every single
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one of you at some point in yoursports career has felt
overwhelmed or scared by acertain situation that you're
in.
Okay?
So really important to zoom outof that situation and focus.
On things that you can controlin that moment.
Okay, really important.
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All of this, the things thatwe're talking today actually do
relate to each other.
So really important to focus onthe things that you can control
and as most of the things thatyou can control are really your
attitude, your effort, yourcoachability, and your thoughts.
You can't control yourteammate's behavior.
You can't control how muchplaying time you get.
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You can't control the fans orthe refs or the judges.
And so really doing your best inthose moments to focus on the
things that you can control andmake sure that you are showing
up with the best.
Hard, the best version and thehardest working version of
yourself is the way that you aregoing to be able to really
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communicate on the court or thefield or the ice in that moment.
So that's a really importantpiece of just remembering to
focus on the things that you cancontrol.
A couple of other things thatyou can also do to support just
not feeling overwhelmed in thatmoment is the micro wins like
Coach Brie was saying, and justreally leaning into your
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strengths.
So what are your strengths inthat moment or that competition
or that big game?
And that's a time to really feelcomfortable in.
Your training and in the type ofathlete that you are, and just
remembering that you've workedreally hard for the opportunity
to play in this moment.
And so just knowing that yourbody is strong and capable and
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that you have put in the work tobe here.
And then lastly, it's reallyremembering that confidence is
not you feeling happy a hundredpercent of the time.
Okay?
You can feel overwhelmed and youcan feel disappointed, and you
can feel a little bit, a littlebit scared.
You can't be brave unless youfeel a little bit scared.
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So that's why I say a littlebit, but it's really remembering
that confidence is inside of youand it's you trusting that you
are gonna get through thismoment no matter what happens.
And no matter, even if you don'tknow the exact things that you
have to do in that moment, justtrusting that you are smart and
you are dedicated in your sportand that you are gonna get
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through it.
Coach Breyer, coach Taylor,anything to add?
I don't, I think that was allreally good.
My only thought was like maybeyou could ask your coach, like
what specifically they'reseeing.
But you probably already know ifthere's like some specifics, but
you probably are aware.
You're like, I'm hesitating orwhatever it is.
Yeah.
I think what Rachel said isgreat control.
We control.
(17:35):
Yeah.
One thing I would maybe add isalmost like flipping it of you
brainstorming and coming up withwhat would it look like to be
brave on the court?
What would it look like to feelunstoppable and strong and like
coming up with those checkpointsfor you to check in and be able
to focus on, okay, like I wannashow up brave today.
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Here's my like blueprint for howto do that.
'cause I want you to focus onhow you do want to show up, not
how you don't wanna show up,right?
Instead of trying to play andnot be scared.
How can you play and be brave?
So coming up with what thosethings actually look like.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's solid.
(18:18):
Very good.
And 3, 2, 1 brave would reallybe helpful for this.
So like just setting yourintention before practice and
visualizing it and yeah.
So if you haven't already donephase two, like coming back from
your injury and heading intoyour sport, like I would
definitely do that.
I'd probably redo it if you'vealready done it, like
pre-injury, because it's gonnalook different now that you can
compete again.
(18:39):
Avery ignoring negativeteammates.
Try and change their mindset.
Yeah, we, I think sometimes wewaste so much time trying to
change other people's attitudesand like you can't, and it's
really hard to not focus on it.
Go ahead and put your questionsin the chat girls, but I did a
lesson or a like a live trainingwith a softball team last week
that was local.
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They were doing some of ourtrainings and they just happened
to be local and I was like, oh,I'm free tonight.
I stopped by a practice and Iended up doing like a lesson
with them live and which wasreally cool.
And so there's all girls on theteam and.
11 of them were locked in.
They had their journals, theywere taking notes.
They were like on the edge oftheir seat listening to me.
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They were like doing thevisualizations.
They were doing all of it.
Okay.
And there's this one girl thatwouldn't do anything.
She had her notebook out.
She wouldn't write anythingdown.
She just sta her out into thedugout or she was in dugout.
She sta out into the fieldvisualization.
She just sat there with her eyesopen, just like I could care
less to even be here.
Look, and I'll tell you rightnow, I had to work so hard to
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not focus on her.
I wanted to be like, Hey, you'relike selling yourself short.
Do you know the best athletes dothis?
And I just wanted to get herengaged.
And I'm like, you know what?
I need to release this.
Maybe she's having a bad day.
Maybe there could be a millionthings going on.
I do not know this girl.
Okay, I gotta release that.
And.
I wanna focus on the other 11that are literally eating this
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up and getting better.
Okay.
So sometimes we have to do thatas our teammates too.
It's so easy to focus on likethe negative person or the
person who's trying to spreadthe stuff.
Like you have to work so hardand open your eyes to, oh,
there's all these other peoplewho aren't doing that.
Okay, let's see.
Sailor, you wanna take.
Brits.
Yes, I will take Brits.
(20:26):
Okay.
How can I feel more calm in themoment when I'm playing?
Yeah.
Britt, this is a great question.
I would identify some of thethings in the past that have
made you feel calm before, whichI don't know if you're in a
place to come off mute or if youwanna put in anything in the
chat, but I would be curiouslike what has helped you play
calmly in the past?
(20:48):
Bri, you can come off mute ifyou want, if you're in a place
where you can, I should put itin the chat.
Okay.
Yeah, taking deep breaths oracting like myself and being fun
when I play.
Okay.
So those are like the threethings that ground you and help
you stay calm.
I don't want you to get awayfrom those.
You don't need to like reinventthe wheel and.
Do anything else.
(21:09):
So taking some deep breaths assoon as maybe you start feeling
your heart pound a little bit,right?
Whatever it is that makes youfeel nervous or makes you not
feel calm, like ground yourselfwith your breath, and then yeah,
showing up like yourself.
You don't need to be anybodyelse.
You have it in you, right?
Like your confidence comes fromyou and then incorporating some
(21:31):
sort of fun as well.
And there's lots of differentways to do that.
We talked a little bit about itin the middle school call as
well, like having these likemini games in your competition,
right?
Singing, I don't know.
We're talking to a cross countryplayer at our last call and it
was like, can you sing a song inyour head?
What are those little things?
Can you pretend that you'rebeing chased by like a lion and
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you're trying to like get to thefinish line?
So adding in some sort of fun,maybe it's connecting with
teammates and coming up withsecret handshakes with them,
right?
So I would not get away fromthose things.
Right.
And then also coming up ahead oftime, what does it look like for
you to play calmly?
Coming up with thosecharacteristics, those
qualities, those kind of likecheckpoints for yourself?
(22:14):
What does your body languagelook like?
What kind of self-talk do youhave?
How do you show up for yourteammates?
How do you play?
Right?
So those are the things that Iwould really key in on to ground
yourself right now.
Yeah, I think that's good.
And you're not gonna feel likemy college coach you to say, oh
(22:35):
gosh, what was it?
Oh, you should feel like, thismight sound really weird, Brit.
Okay, so sorry if it does.
But yawning and feeling like youkinda have to go to the
bathroom, like pee is like a,it's like good place to be.
And what she meant by that wasthat you don't wanna be like.
(22:56):
All the way calm, and you haveto know your hype number.
Okay.
But if you are about to fallasleep and you're like that
calm, you probably aren't gonnaplay your best.
There should be a little bit ofurgency where you feel like, all
right, I'm here.
Like my body's preparing me toplay.
So it's okay if you don't feellike a hundred percent calm, but
yes, there is a point whereyou're like overboard.
So know where you need to be onyour high, your scale of one to
(23:19):
10.
Okay?
I'll take Avery's and then we'llgo.
Rachel will just pop around.
So Rachel will go Stella andthen Sailor Ruby.
Yeah.
And then I'll come back to me.
Okay.
All right.
How can I try to not let thefear of others' opinions get in
the way of my progress?
Okay.
I love this because there'salways people who are always
(23:40):
having their opinions probably.
So first thing.
Whose opinion actually matters.
If you're familiar with BreneBrown, she has an activity that
I always go back to, like in myhead, when I start to go down
this route of what other peopleare thinking.
And honestly, if you're doinganything in your life, you're
gonna have people who aretalking.
So if you don't want anyone toever have an opinion about you,
then you need to stay in yourroom and close your door and
(24:01):
like never live.
Okay?
That's not what we're doing inthis life.
And you're not doing that as anathlete, okay?
So just accept that if you'reout doing things, you're playing
a sport, like you're performing,you're like, you're gonna,
people are just gonna talk.
I'm not saying it's a goodthing, but it's just gonna, it's
gonna happen.
But whose voice are youlistening to?
Andrene Brown has this littlething where it's like you get a
two by two square and literallyyou, I did this one time where
(24:22):
you just write it down.
And you're gonna, you can onlyfit a few names in there.
So in your square you're gonnaput like the names that actually
matter.
And so for me, at that time inmy life, it was like my husband,
my mom.
I think that was it.
Oh, my coaches like my assistantcoach.
'cause this was like in avolleyball context.
And I was like, then that's it.
Anybody else that has anopinion, like I can run it
(24:44):
through the filters of do Icare?
Does this person have the bestinterest?
Do they know about me?
Like, you can run it throughthat.
And most of the time if theanswer is no to any of those
questions, then you don't needto worry about it.
So what voice are you listeningto and what, who is that for
you?
Like even write'em down,replacing what will they think
with what do I think?
(25:04):
Like why do I play?
Did I play how I wanted to showup?
Did I give effort today?
Did I get better than I wasyesterday?
Like.
Those are the questions that youneed to be answering yourself
versus what do they think of me?
I wonder what they're sayingabout me because honestly it's
none of your business anyways.
Okay?
So you are wasting time tryingto figure that out and then
(25:26):
figure out like why do you play?
You're not here to like impressor you're not here to win over
people's opinions or whatever.
Like why do you play?
Do you play?
Because it's your passion.
It connects you to a purpose.
You love it.
It's fun.
Like why are you doing whatyou're doing?
And that can help you tune outthe noise a little bit as well.
(25:46):
Oh, that's what I got.
Sailor or Rachel, you haveanything else?
Dad, think that's good?
yeah.
Good question, Avery.
Yeah?
Okay.
Rachel?
Did I say Rachel?
Ella?
I was just, I'll hit send sothat this is here, but then I'll
also answer this.
This is so common, so I am gladStella brought this up because
there are a lot of high schooltryouts that are just coming up
(26:08):
in the month of August, and Ithink sometimes it's easy to
look at something that's comingup in your life and start to
create anxiety in your mindabout it because it's unknown to
you.
So I challenge you to really notwrap too much mental energy into
those things, because if you'vebeen putting the work in out of
the season, like if you're on aclub team or you've gone to
camps or you've been workinghard, then you are.
(26:32):
Game knowledge is improving andalso your skills are improving.
So those are something to leaninto knowing that you're already
doing the hard work.
But also the anxiety that wefeel sometimes comes from like
past mistakes or like futureexpectations.
So when you get to the trial,it's really staying present in
the moment and just doing thebest that you can to bring out
(26:55):
your strengths, lean into yourstrengths, lean into the things
that you are really strong at,and that, and that you can do
really well.
And being able to come backafter mistakes or come back to
show like a really goodattitude.
Coaches are watching all ofthese little things, right?
And Coach Bree is a high schoolcoach, but I'm sure that Coach
Bree would agree that between.
(27:16):
Two players who are of equaltalent.
If one of'em is a reallycoachable player and like the
hardest working player on thecourt, she's gonna see that in
the tryout.
And so just committing toyourself to be like, no matter
what, the hardest working playeron the court coaches are gonna
see that your effort and yourattitude are in the right place.
(27:37):
And in addition to all the otherthings that I mentioned about
staying in the present momentand recovering from mistakes,
like just all of that comes downto just focusing on what you can
control.
So don't worry too much.
Don't spend too much timeworrying about this next two
weeks, especially if you've putthe work in when you get there.
This is just another opportunityfor you to play your game.
(28:00):
You're gonna be fine.
Yeah, I love that.
And I think you nailed it.
Okay.
Ruby, when other teammatesalways have something negative
to say, even in my wins, how canI get past that and not take it
to heart all the time?
Yeah.
Ruby, I'm sorry that this ishappening.
It sucks to have some negativeteammates and that can like
really bring the vibe down.
(28:20):
And it's really tough becausewhat your teammates say do their
attitudes, their actions is outof your control.
So you need to refocus on whatis in your control in this
situation, which I don't know ifall of your teammates are being
negative.
Right?
That is super tough and that'swhen maybe you have
(28:40):
conversations with them.
Right?
And it would be, it's tough todo that, but you can stand up
for yourself, right?
And say, Hey, we gotta cut thisout right now.
This isn't helping.
Anybody.
Sometimes we have to imagine wehave a bubble or a barrier over
ourselves, right?
You get to decide what's cominginto your bubble, what you are
(29:00):
actually going to listen to andtake to heart as well.
Everything else can bounce offthat bubble, right?
All of the negative things thatthey say, don't let it come into
your bubble.
Let it bounce off right in oneear, out the other.
But if you have a few like.
Positive teammates or teammatesthat you can trust.
I would really lean on thosepeople.
Surround yourself with them.
(29:22):
And I'm not saying exclude allof your other teammates, right?
But that's going to be helpfulfor you in those moments.
And maybe those are the peoplewho you share your wins with,
right?
And that you uplift as well.
So refocus on what is in yourcontrol, and then what Bree was
saying too, you decide whoseopinions actually matter, right?
(29:43):
It sounds like these teammatesare bringing you down again,
that you can let their talk toyou and their attitudes bounce
off your bubble.
Like you decide whose opinionsactually matter of like how
you're playing.
It's probably like you, maybeyour coach, right?
Who you wanna listen to and likeyour parents.
Or maybe you have like a.
Friend who's not on the sameteam as you, but you guys share
(30:05):
the same sport, right?
Coming up with, okay, whoseopinions actually matter and how
can I surround myself with thosepeople?
And then the last thing I wouldadd too is potentially doing
something like what we just didin the activity today.
Like maybe you start writingnotes and noticing things to
these teammates of, Hey, I'msuper proud of the way that you
(30:28):
showed up today.
I like, notice how much workyou're putting in and just see
what kind of ripple effect thatyou can have.
And if that would be helpful andworth your time if it's not
right.
Like refocus on what you cancontrol and protect yourself in
this situation.
Yeah, this is tough.
Good question.
Ruby, do you get Coach Rachel orCoach Brie, anything?
(30:50):
To add.
I have one thing to add.
Sometimes I suggest to athleteswhen we're working on one-on-one
and they're facing a similarsituation to use an opposite
strategy.
Maybe this particular playerisn't getting any confidence or
like support at home.
(31:10):
Maybe they have some issues thatreally they're taking out on the
people that they're playingwith.
Maybe there's a lot of pressurefrom them, from their parents or
something like, we don't know.
But I always encourage myathletes to give a compliment.
Like Coach Sailor saying You it,you can write it on a note, but
it could even be you walking upafterwards.
And I know this is incrediblydifficult because it's like
(31:32):
their negative and it's like theopposite of what you wanna do,
but I kid you not a complimentcan change someone's life.
And it's free.
It doesn't cost anything.
And so if you walked up, youdon't have to make a big show
about it, right?
Everyone doesn't have to see youdoing it, but you break, you
walk up to that person and yousay, gosh, I'm really impressed
(31:53):
with the way that you're playingdefense today.
Or, wow, like your shot isawesome.
It really looks like you've beenworking really hard.
That might mean more to thatplayer than you could ever
imagine.
And it costs you nothing to doit.
So I just, and the change, theshift in them might be almost
immediate, where like you mightsee them like, oh my gosh, open
(32:14):
up or relax.
So sometimes just like flippingsomething around and doing a
totally different mindset withsomeone else can really change
their life.
Yeah.
I love that you added that.
It's this the, a similarphenomenon that happens when you
know, you recognize or youadmire something and somebody
else just saying it to'em.
(32:35):
Like it really does change thevibe.
So.
It's really hard to do, though.
It's hard to do.
It'll be feel way betterafterwards.
You're like, wow, actually thatwas awesome.
Okay, you guys have greatquestions.
We're gonna move through'empretty quickly so we can get th
through them by six 30 my time,at least six 30.
How can I help put away the fearI'm making mistakes so I can
(32:57):
take more risks in a game?
So this is a great question.
I asked, do you have a snapbackroutine yet?
But it's totally fine if youdon't.
It sounds like you're juststarting the program, but that
really this, when you create asnapback routine, so that's in
phase one of EMG, and it's whereyou, it's like a custom routine,
a breath, a reset word, a resetsignal.
It's very simple.
Like honestly, it's one of themost simple things that you
could do, but it can make thebiggest difference because it
(33:18):
gives you confidence to takerisks knowing that you have a
way to get a real mistake.
If you haven't done a lesson,definitely do it.
It's like phase one.
I think the whole thing takes 30minutes.
It's not very long.
There's a few videos to it, butit also helps you realize like.
When like common situations thatthrow you off, like maybe a ref
makes a bad call or you make acertain mistake, you get out of
(33:38):
the zone and then you start tohesitate and you make more
mistakes.
Then you're like, dang, now I'mjust really not playing well.
And so it stops that cyclebefore it starts, but you have
to practice it ahead of time.
So it's a breath, you say areset word.
I tell you how to come up withwhat your reset word is.
You need your reset gesture orsignal and that just helps you
snap out of it a little bitfaster.
They're ready.
And my paper's not ready yet,but maybe yours.
(34:00):
That is super helpful.
'cause then you can take morerisks knowing you have a way to
get over it.
But also just realizing, I mightsound like a brokered record,
but you're gonna make mistakes.
It's gonna happen, anticipateit.
You're gonna actually make moremistakes if you're hesitating
because you're actually like,and this is the coach and me
talking, you're biomechanicallylike not doing the movement
(34:20):
correctly.
You're like the girls that arejust trying to make their
servant.
This is volleyball.
Miss their serve like so manytimes because they're doing
something different than whatthey've done thousands of times
before.
They're like changing it alittle bit and I'm like, you
served it.
You didn't even make 10 footline on our side of the net,
what happened?
But if they were just to go anddo their serve, like they've
done thousands and thousands oftimes, they would make their
(34:42):
serve.
And so just realize that likeyou actually holding back is
causing you to make moremistakes and not play well.
So you've gotta risk it in orderto get some reward.
So anyways, hopefully that'shelpful.
Snapback routine.
Realize like you're gonna makemistakes, take some risks
knowing that yeah, it could goeither way, but you, in order
(35:04):
for you to have some reward,you've gotta, you've gotta take
some risks.
Yeah.
I dunno if anyone, anything elseto add?
That's a very good question.
I'll add something really quick.
I always say there's threethings you wanna know about
mistakes.
The first is that mistakes arenormal, right?
Literally, everybody makesmistakes in sports.
Sports are a game of mistakes.
The highest competitors aremaking the same mistakes that
(35:26):
you are.
Probably.
The second thing is thatmistakes are necessary.
I always ask athletes, do youlearn more from making a mistake
or doing something Exactlyright.
You learn more from actuallymaking a mistake, right?
So view it as a learningopportunity.
And then the last thing is thatmistakes don't define you,
right?
Celia, you are not your mistake.
So I want you to separateyourself from those.
(35:48):
But mistakes are normal,mistakes are necessary.
You are not your mistake.
That's all I would add to that.
Yeah, I really like that.
Okay.
Who's next?
Coach?
Taylor or Rachel?
Rachel.
Rachel.
I think Rachel.
And then I'll have Tatum.
Okay.
Which 1:00 AM I on?
Tatum, I lost.
(36:08):
I think you're on Avery's.
So I lost track.
Oh no.
You're either volleyball.
Yeah.
Okay.
And then Taylor or Taylor.
Taylor.
You team, this is about negativeteammates or is there another
one from Avery?
Oh, maybe fear.
Fear of others.
Get in the way of progress, ordid we already answer that one?
(36:29):
This one, Avery.
Nervous for volleyball thisseason.
Okay.
Has changed.
Okay.
So I would say that this issimilar to other things that
we've talked about today, justnot focusing your energy on one
particular person, becauseknowing that you can protect
your own energy and Coach Sailorsaid, having a bubble and being
able to really understand thatyou can't change somebody else's
(36:51):
behavior, but you also don'twanna.
Invest a lot of emotional energyinto that person.
So doing things that you can tonot avoid her, but instead
finding people that really bringyou up and align yourself.
Practice pepper, work on, I'mnot sure what your volleyball,
do things warm up with peoplewho are really positive and who
(37:12):
you can get feed off of and getenergy from.
I think that's really important.
The coach is gonna know if you,if there's a really negative
player, the coach is probablyaware of this already, so it's
not your job to change them.
It's not your job to talk to thecoach about it.
Really, your job is just tocreate and display or put out
the best version of yourselfthat you can.
(37:34):
So one thing you can do is justlet those worries go.
Sometimes I tell athletes to putthem in a box, close the box and
put them up on the shelf and letit go.
'cause it's not your job andit's not your responsibility.
So just go out there and focuson yourself and the things that
you can control.
Stay positive in a high vibe andgo crush it.
You can do it.
Yeah.
(37:55):
I think there was this, a secondpart of that.
How do I tell coaches aboutnegative teammates?
Or do you Yeah, I think that'sspecific.
And without knowing a lot of thebackground in it, certainly you
don't wanna start a new teamwith being someone who's going
to go in and be telling allthese.
Maybe things that happened thatmaybe there's not an appropriate
(38:15):
place for.
If there is bullying happeningor if there is abusive behavior,
then those are things that thecoach needs to know about.
But you also don't wanna createan environment where there's
drama on the team.
Don't be the one that's creatinga bunch of drama either.
So I think it just, I think itdepends on the situation and if
you wanna reach out to one ofus, coach Sailor, if there's
more specifics to talk about, wecertainly can give you more help
(38:39):
with that.
But I would just go back to,again, doing the best that you
can to really focus on your ownself and not really trying to
direct or change other people'sbehavior.
Yeah, I think that's good.
I think, yeah, Avery, there's,if there's like bullying, then
that's a different situation.
And this is the perfect thingfor, to use Coach on call
texting for, like Rachel said.
(38:59):
Yeah.
All right.
Finish off with Tatums.
Yeah, great question everybody,by the way.
Yes.
Okay.
Tatum says, during teampractice, my dad watched and
told me I didn't play my best,but I feel like I did play my
best, the best that I could andafter he said that, I got, after
he said that, I got in my head.
Yeah.
Tatum, I'm really sorry to hearthis.
(39:20):
That's again, super tough,especially coming from your
parent and probably someone youreally look up to and admire,
like what they say and theirfeedback.
I have a few thoughts about thissituation.
One is having a conversationwith your dad about it, right?
If you feel comfortable, wethink of like effort as I give,
(39:40):
like the gas tank example,right?
We use that in EMG as well.
Sometimes your tank is a hundredpercent full and you can give
that a hundred percent andthat's what your best looks like
for that day.
Sometimes it's at 40%.
That is still your best for thatday and it sounds like you did
your best.
So that's all that you can askfor in this situation.
But maybe explaining to yourdad, Hey, my best is sometimes
(40:03):
gonna look different everysingle day.
I did the best I could for thisday.
I felt really good about that.
The other thing too is maybeswitching, and I don't know
exactly what your post practiceroutine looks like, but maybe
you start off by sharing yourwins from practice and like the
little things that you wereproud of and how you felt like
practice went that day and youstarted off.
(40:25):
Rather than having a parentstart it off, like I think
that's super important in yourpregame routine is, or post,
sorry, post practice routine tobe able to reflect on your own
first before getting any sort oflike outside opinion.
So even bringing that up of,hey, after practices, I want to
(40:45):
be the first one to reflect.
I just wanna like describe howmy practice went and think about
the things that went well andmaybe some things that I'm going
to improve on for the nextpractice.
But yeah, like it is in yourcontrol to do the best that you
can.
And it sounds like you did that,so I'm proud of you for that.
And it sounds like maybe justtweaking a few things in that
(41:06):
post practice or postcompetition routine.
Or even maybe you ask your dadnot to watch practices too,
right?
Like maybe you have to set thatboundary of, Hey, I want
practices to just be my ownthing right now.
Yeah.
Coaches, would you add anything?
I'm super curious what Rachelhas to say, just from the parent
perspective of, I don't know.
(41:29):
Yeah, it's difficult to talk toyour parents about this because
I know that it can feel likeoverwhelming and, but I think it
is important as Coach Saylorsaid to just you.
Talk, talk to your dad and say,dad, I'm really working hard.
And when I hear things likethat, it really affects me.
And so I'd love to, I'd love tobe able to maybe share my goals
(41:49):
with you or talk about these ina little bit different way, but
I need a little bit of spaceright now.
And I think that your dad'sgonna respect that.
Your dad's probably neverthought about it.
And so I think that these aregood communications for you to
have.
And it also shows that you arereally mature in the way that
you're approaching this.
And you, this is your sport.
It is your life and it's yoursport, and you get to navigate
(42:10):
this journey.
But also your parents are therefor you and that they do a lot
of investment in resources foryou.
But I think it's really good tohave open lines of communication
if you can.
We talked about this on the lastcall, but you can do this in a
way where you start withsomething positive.
Hey Dad, I really appreciate howmuch that you love and have
invested in my sport.
And I think that's, it's reallyimportant to me.
(42:33):
Help me understand what yourexpectations are at this point
in my journey and help meunderstand if we can set up a
few boundaries so that this is ahealthy relationship and that
this is healthy for me to alsodo this journey for myself,
right?
Because it's not your dad'sjourney, it's yours, but it does
take a little bit of thinkingbefore you get to the
(42:54):
conversation.
I wouldn't go in emotional'causethat can also be really hard,
but if you need more helpframing this, again, reach out
to us.
We'll certainly help you throughit.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think those are bothgood.
This is a almost exact questionthat somebody had in the last
call too, so it's a really goodquestion.
And on the last call I just hadalso the athlete reflect a
(43:14):
little bit like.
Is there, of course you knowyour own body and your own
effort and you should be proudof the things that you're proud
of from that practice.
And two things can be true atonce.
Like they could have, somebodyelse can have a different
perspective.
I'm gonna ask, if you were to dothat whole practice over, is
there anything that you would dodifferently?
And it's okay to be like, okay,yeah, I would do this
differently.
Or maybe you do see a little bitof their perspective too,
(43:37):
because there's yourperspective.
His perspective, and then thetruth is probably somewhere in
the middle.
Yeah.
It's okay also to be open tofeedback, but I think what
Rachel said, like the line, theopen lines of communication is
so important.
And I love what say said aboutmaybe you just put some
boundaries in place a little bitaround like after practice we're
gonna start with the good andwe're we'll go from there.
(43:58):
So yeah.
Great questions everybody.
I know we've got seasons rightaround the corner, so use the
season Power up by Rachel andtext us if you have any other
questions because we're here foryou.
Okay.
All right, everyone, have agreat week.