February 3, 2025 • 13 mins
Christian children have access to the knowledge for dealing with bullies long before it reaches critical significance. Let the Bible provide understanding to deal with conflict, as a preemptive means to bully-proof your kids.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Ethan (00:01):
Raising joyful children in an angry world, a podcast
dedicated to faithful parentsnavigating their families
through a stormy culture
Well, today I want to talk aboutthe topic, one of the most
popular topics regarding raisingkids and that's the issue of
bullying.
This is Raising Joyful Childrenin an Angry World.
I'm your host, Paul Osborne.
I'd like to explore how we cantry and bully proof our kids as
(00:23):
they go through school andgrowing up.
This topic, as it's discussed,typically, whether it's some
anecdotal stories with friendsor you're reading about it in
the news, it's generally whenThings have escalated to the
place where maybe someone's beeninjured.
Something's happened and thereare no good options left.
(00:45):
We're sitting in theadministrator's office, right?
Accusations are being made andall that kind of stuff.
I want to talk about how do weavoid that in the first place.
So I want to start with howbullying is defined and it is an
aggressive form of intentionalbehavior causing someone injury,
discomfort, and it's on arepeated basis.
(01:08):
And so this is what I thinkwe're going to try and deal with
on how we bully proof that and Ibelieve it comes down to how we
prepare our kids for the factthat bullies exist and then how
to deal with conflict and thenhow to see yourself as a person
that is, you know, more than aconqueror, more than strong
(01:29):
because most bullies are goingto focus on children who they
deem are weak or they think arevulnerable.
I think it's important that weunderstand in our faith, one,
the conflicts are going tohappen that you're in a fallen,
sinful world that producesbullies.
We have to understand that notevery conflict is bullying and
(01:53):
the situations that are conflictor bullying require some wisdom
and some strength, but they'redealt with in very similar ways.
I want to get one thing off thetable.
First and foremost, we have toteach, obviously, our kids to be
kind.
None of us wants to raise abully, and that shouldn't be the
case if we are raising them in achurch and teaching them the
(02:14):
Bible and teaching them basic,Christian virtues.
But also I think it's importantto get off the table that kids
today need to learn some degreeof self defense.
It's probably essential.
And that doesn't mean that yourchildren need to be the
miniature Navy seal, but somebasic self defense, maybe some
(02:35):
wrestling, some jujitsu, some ofthese, these defense practices
are probably important so thatthey can defend themselves
should they find themselves in aviolent situation.
those that who might argueagainst this, I would say, look
at Luke chapter 22, verse 36,Jesus says to his disciples.
(02:55):
Take your money and your cloakand your traveler's bag.
And if you don't have a sword,sell your cloak and buy one.
In other words, simple selfdefense is, scriptural I want to
start with kind of expectationsfirst, right?
So we got to teach our kids thatJesus tells us that we should
(03:16):
expect a confrontation.
We should expect people to reactto us and, and even curse us.
some people are going to, um,They're going to betray us.
Some are going to harass us.
Some people are going to arguewith us.
Some people are going to avoidus.
And hopefully some will seekJesus because of us.
(03:39):
but those that treat us badlybecause of our faith, Jesus
tells us, well, we're blessedwhen that happens, when we're
mocked because of him, it'sactually a blessing.
So not all mocking is necessarya curse, but I do think bullying
when it reaches the place whereit's repeated and it's a threat
(03:59):
to harm, we've moved frommocking to something else.
And that's where we've got tohave.
So first and foremost, to, tonot be the kid that looks
vulnerable, our kids need toknow their identity.
Talk about this all the time,because this is really where the
battle is.
So regardless of how strong yourchild is, or how small they are,
(04:21):
whatever it is that they are,they need to know that this is
where the battle is.
They're a child of the king.
They need to do that.
They have God who was with them.
He's on their side.
He will fight for them.
He will fight with them.
Children need the confidencethat they're in an elite
kingdom.
They have a real king whocontrols the world and they
(04:42):
should not fear other people.
And this identity has to betaught and caught with the
reality that it will be tested.
And that's why we memorize theBible verses and we learn the
Bible stories and we go tochurch and we see how Jesus and
those who are in the scriptures,the prophets and the teachers
(05:04):
and the apostles, how they dealwith this conflict that can lead
to bullying.
And so it usually involves threethings, right?
One is the use questions andwe're going to talk about the
power of learning to usequestions.
They will often escalate thatthen to warnings if the
(05:26):
questions aren't working.
And then lastly, self defense.
So again, assuming your childhas been taught some self
defense, assuming you have takenthe time to learn some
scriptures like we are more thanconquerors.
When I'm weak, I'm strong.
We need to teach them what Ithink is the power of the
question.
(05:46):
You see, Jesus is always usingquestions when he's engaged in
conflicts and people are tryingto intimidate or insult him.
Questions tend to disarm people.
They aren't expecting them.
And, and if you think about it,it actually puts you in a
position of strength when youbecome the person asking the
(06:08):
question of the person that'strying to intimidate you.
Think of some of his questions.
Why do you call me good?
Why do you tithe the mints andignore the elderly?
It, it questions do something.
And so some questions I likegenerally involve the law.
(06:28):
So I might ask someone, well,does your God teach you to speak
or act this way?
Is this approved by your God?
Or is it lawful in the schoolfor you to act this way?
Do you understand how the schoolworks?
See, you're, you're notthreatening someone, but you're
just simply asking them aquestion and believe it or not,
(06:48):
people and kids fear the law.
Asking someone a law questionworks better than threatening
them to use the law.
And then you can personalize it,right?
Why do you think you treatpeople this way?
You ask the question, you disarmthem.
Or do you think acting this wayor doing this kind of thing,
(07:12):
that you're going to getfriends, that people are going
to like you for the stuff thatyou're doing?
See, questions put you in theposition of power.
Now they're having to answeryou.
And when you learn to do thateffectively in, in, in the right
kind of way, you're going tofind yourself in a position of,
of the first line of defense.
(07:34):
Now, as you know, questionsdon't always work.
People can get, get, just getangry by questions and they can
intensify.
And that's then where you haveto go to what I call the
warning.
I must warn you that my God saidthat anyone causing harm to me
or children of God, you'll beunder his wrath.
This isn't just a curse on yourhead.
(07:55):
You'll be under the wrath ofGod.
When you, you respond to peoplethat way, I, I think your kids
need to know that.
And, and sometimes they may needto use that.
Remember John the Baptist,repent, you brood of vipers.
And Jesus often warns people ofthe wrath of God in Capernaum.
(08:16):
He says, it's going to be, it'dbe better for the days of Sodom
and Gomorrah than it is for you.
He talks about where the wormdoesn't die.
there, there is a, there is ause of warning and it's one we
need to teach.
And the reason we use thewarning of the wrath of God and
the punishment of God coming toyou is because we have to also
(08:40):
teach and understand that insidethe bully is something demonic.
The Bible teaches us inconflicts wars, we don't war
against flesh and blood, butagainst principalities and
powers.
In other words, Paul tells us inthat scripture that we're
dealing with something that'soutside of what is immediately
(09:01):
in front of our face.
And bullies in many cases areunder the control of a demonic
influence and the word of Godthe Holy Spirit battle against
what is controlling the bully.
So once we've moved past therationality of asking questions,
we then have to move to thewarning.
(09:24):
This isn't a warning that whatI'm going to do to you, if you
do this to me, no, I'm warningyou that if you continue in
this, God is going to unleash apower on you that you won't be
prepared to deal with.
I'm telling you, if your kidslearn to do that effectively,
believe it will have an impacton people.
(09:44):
There is still, in the deadestof souls, a place that
understands and the demonsunderstand this.
You remember when the disciplescame back to Jesus and they
said, Oh my even the Demons obeyus.
And he's like, of course, I sawSatan fall from heaven, like
lightning.
In other words, God knows he hasthe power to destroy whatever
demonic influences are outthere.
(10:06):
And your kids have to haveconfidence in that force.
Now, lastly, lastly, sometimeswe get past this.
We get past the rationalquestions.
We get past warning people aboutwhat they're dealing with and we
have to fight and we have todefend ourselves and we have to
protect ourselves.
And so how we do this isknowing.
(10:29):
A good Psalm like 91 that God isfighting with us, that God is in
charge, that God is with us andGod will work this out.
And that when we defendourselves, we don't fear what
other people think.
We don't fear what might happento us.
We know that God's in charge andwe know our family.
Our family will not hold us insome sort of punishment for self
(10:54):
defense.
And once you have kind ofbundled this together, I think
you've got as, as much aspossible, a child that walks
confidently, a child that knowshow to deal with conflict, and a
child that knows spiritualwarfare, and lastly, how to
defend themselves.
So often I hear parents incasual conversations, Well, I'm
(11:17):
going to put my kid and they'regoing to learn to play football,
or they're going to learn to dothis.
They're going to go to theboxing match and, and those
things are, I'm not sayingthey're not important, but
fights and violence should bethe last thing that we have to
imply.
Learn to use questions, learn tofire the warnings that the
scripture tells us we have theright to warn people about, and
(11:39):
then lastly, defending ourselvesphysically should be the third
and final option.
So to just say this in summary,our kids have to understand
their identity.
Never let anyone tell youdifferently and don't give any
value to the opinions of peoplecare more about what God says to
(11:59):
expect confrontation.
We have to teach our kids thathumanity's fallen.
It's a sinful world.
We have to expect it.
The best way to deal withconflict is to begin with
questions.
Ask people questions, don'tthreaten them back.
Then, if the questions fail,inform them.
(12:19):
Inform them that they aremessing with the potential of
being in the wrath of God.
Inform them of spiritualwarfare.
Invoke God's name into theconversation.
And then lastly, You know walkknowing that the Lord is in
charge of the situation Do notfear any outcome have confidence
(12:40):
in God and when all else failsWhen it cannot be avoided then
we must fight back like Psalm 91tells us Though a thousand may
fall up my left and to my rightGod is with me and I will remain
standing I think these areconcepts that are preemptive to
ever having to get to the placewhere we're really concerned
(13:01):
about bullying.
And I believe the Bible andChristian education prepares us
for this better than anythingelse we can know.
The ultimate battle for theheart and soul is a fight for
identity.
Our king invites our kids toknow who they are, what to
(13:22):
believe, and where they belong.
Until next time, let's rememberthe words for theirs is the
Kingdom of Heaven.
Raising joyful children in an angry world, a podcast
dedicated to faithful parentsnavigating their families
through a stormy culture
Well, today I want to talk aboutthe topic, one of the most
popular topics regarding raisingkids and that's the issue of
bullying.
This is Raising Joyful Childrenin an Angry World.
I'm your host, Paul Osborne.
I'd like to explore how we cantry and bully proof our kids as
(00:23):
they go through school andgrowing up.
This topic, as it's discussed,typically, whether it's some
anecdotal stories with friendsor you're reading about it in
the news, it's generally whenThings have escalated to the
place where maybe someone's beeninjured.
Something's happened and thereare no good options left.
(00:45):
We're sitting in theadministrator's office, right?
Accusations are being made andall that kind of stuff.
I want to talk about how do weavoid that in the first place.
So I want to start with howbullying is defined and it is an
aggressive form of intentionalbehavior causing someone injury,
discomfort, and it's on arepeated basis.
(01:08):
And so this is what I thinkwe're going to try and deal with
on how we bully proof that and Ibelieve it comes down to how we
prepare our kids for the factthat bullies exist and then how
to deal with conflict and thenhow to see yourself as a person
that is, you know, more than aconqueror, more than strong
(01:29):
because most bullies are goingto focus on children who they
deem are weak or they think arevulnerable.
I think it's important that weunderstand in our faith, one,
the conflicts are going tohappen that you're in a fallen,
sinful world that producesbullies.
We have to understand that notevery conflict is bullying and
(01:53):
the situations that are conflictor bullying require some wisdom
and some strength, but they'redealt with in very similar ways.
I want to get one thing off thetable.
First and foremost, we have toteach, obviously, our kids to be
kind.
None of us wants to raise abully, and that shouldn't be the
case if we are raising them in achurch and teaching them the
(02:14):
Bible and teaching them basic,Christian virtues.
But also I think it's importantto get off the table that kids
today need to learn some degreeof self defense.
It's probably essential.
And that doesn't mean that yourchildren need to be the
miniature Navy seal, but somebasic self defense, maybe some
(02:35):
wrestling, some jujitsu, some ofthese, these defense practices
are probably important so thatthey can defend themselves
should they find themselves in aviolent situation.
those that who might argueagainst this, I would say, look
at Luke chapter 22, verse 36,Jesus says to his disciples.
(02:55):
Take your money and your cloakand your traveler's bag.
And if you don't have a sword,sell your cloak and buy one.
In other words, simple selfdefense is, scriptural I want to
start with kind of expectationsfirst, right?
So we got to teach our kids thatJesus tells us that we should
(03:16):
expect a confrontation.
We should expect people to reactto us and, and even curse us.
some people are going to, um,They're going to betray us.
Some are going to harass us.
Some people are going to arguewith us.
Some people are going to avoidus.
And hopefully some will seekJesus because of us.
(03:39):
but those that treat us badlybecause of our faith, Jesus
tells us, well, we're blessedwhen that happens, when we're
mocked because of him, it'sactually a blessing.
So not all mocking is necessarya curse, but I do think bullying
when it reaches the place whereit's repeated and it's a threat
(03:59):
to harm, we've moved frommocking to something else.
And that's where we've got tohave.
So first and foremost, to, tonot be the kid that looks
vulnerable, our kids need toknow their identity.
Talk about this all the time,because this is really where the
battle is.
So regardless of how strong yourchild is, or how small they are,
(04:21):
whatever it is that they are,they need to know that this is
where the battle is.
They're a child of the king.
They need to do that.
They have God who was with them.
He's on their side.
He will fight for them.
He will fight with them.
Children need the confidencethat they're in an elite
kingdom.
They have a real king whocontrols the world and they
(04:42):
should not fear other people.
And this identity has to betaught and caught with the
reality that it will be tested.
And that's why we memorize theBible verses and we learn the
Bible stories and we go tochurch and we see how Jesus and
those who are in the scriptures,the prophets and the teachers
(05:04):
and the apostles, how they dealwith this conflict that can lead
to bullying.
And so it usually involves threethings, right?
One is the use questions andwe're going to talk about the
power of learning to usequestions.
They will often escalate thatthen to warnings if the
(05:26):
questions aren't working.
And then lastly, self defense.
So again, assuming your childhas been taught some self
defense, assuming you have takenthe time to learn some
scriptures like we are more thanconquerors.
When I'm weak, I'm strong.
We need to teach them what Ithink is the power of the
question.
(05:46):
You see, Jesus is always usingquestions when he's engaged in
conflicts and people are tryingto intimidate or insult him.
Questions tend to disarm people.
They aren't expecting them.
And, and if you think about it,it actually puts you in a
position of strength when youbecome the person asking the
(06:08):
question of the person that'strying to intimidate you.
Think of some of his questions.
Why do you call me good?
Why do you tithe the mints andignore the elderly?
It, it questions do something.
And so some questions I likegenerally involve the law.
(06:28):
So I might ask someone, well,does your God teach you to speak
or act this way?
Is this approved by your God?
Or is it lawful in the schoolfor you to act this way?
Do you understand how the schoolworks?
See, you're, you're notthreatening someone, but you're
just simply asking them aquestion and believe it or not,
(06:48):
people and kids fear the law.
Asking someone a law questionworks better than threatening
them to use the law.
And then you can personalize it,right?
Why do you think you treatpeople this way?
You ask the question, you disarmthem.
Or do you think acting this wayor doing this kind of thing,
(07:12):
that you're going to getfriends, that people are going
to like you for the stuff thatyou're doing?
See, questions put you in theposition of power.
Now they're having to answeryou.
And when you learn to do thateffectively in, in, in the right
kind of way, you're going tofind yourself in a position of,
of the first line of defense.
(07:34):
Now, as you know, questionsdon't always work.
People can get, get, just getangry by questions and they can
intensify.
And that's then where you haveto go to what I call the
warning.
I must warn you that my God saidthat anyone causing harm to me
or children of God, you'll beunder his wrath.
This isn't just a curse on yourhead.
(07:55):
You'll be under the wrath ofGod.
When you, you respond to peoplethat way, I, I think your kids
need to know that.
And, and sometimes they may needto use that.
Remember John the Baptist,repent, you brood of vipers.
And Jesus often warns people ofthe wrath of God in Capernaum.
(08:16):
He says, it's going to be, it'dbe better for the days of Sodom
and Gomorrah than it is for you.
He talks about where the wormdoesn't die.
there, there is a, there is ause of warning and it's one we
need to teach.
And the reason we use thewarning of the wrath of God and
the punishment of God coming toyou is because we have to also
(08:40):
teach and understand that insidethe bully is something demonic.
The Bible teaches us inconflicts wars, we don't war
against flesh and blood, butagainst principalities and
powers.
In other words, Paul tells us inthat scripture that we're
dealing with something that'soutside of what is immediately
(09:01):
in front of our face.
And bullies in many cases areunder the control of a demonic
influence and the word of Godthe Holy Spirit battle against
what is controlling the bully.
So once we've moved past therationality of asking questions,
we then have to move to thewarning.
(09:24):
This isn't a warning that whatI'm going to do to you, if you
do this to me, no, I'm warningyou that if you continue in
this, God is going to unleash apower on you that you won't be
prepared to deal with.
I'm telling you, if your kidslearn to do that effectively,
believe it will have an impacton people.
(09:44):
There is still, in the deadestof souls, a place that
understands and the demonsunderstand this.
You remember when the disciplescame back to Jesus and they
said, Oh my even the Demons obeyus.
And he's like, of course, I sawSatan fall from heaven, like
lightning.
In other words, God knows he hasthe power to destroy whatever
demonic influences are outthere.
(10:06):
And your kids have to haveconfidence in that force.
Now, lastly, lastly, sometimeswe get past this.
We get past the rationalquestions.
We get past warning people aboutwhat they're dealing with and we
have to fight and we have todefend ourselves and we have to
protect ourselves.
And so how we do this isknowing.
(10:29):
A good Psalm like 91 that God isfighting with us, that God is in
charge, that God is with us andGod will work this out.
And that when we defendourselves, we don't fear what
other people think.
We don't fear what might happento us.
We know that God's in charge andwe know our family.
Our family will not hold us insome sort of punishment for self
(10:54):
defense.
And once you have kind ofbundled this together, I think
you've got as, as much aspossible, a child that walks
confidently, a child that knowshow to deal with conflict, and a
child that knows spiritualwarfare, and lastly, how to
defend themselves.
So often I hear parents incasual conversations, Well, I'm
(11:17):
going to put my kid and they'regoing to learn to play football,
or they're going to learn to dothis.
They're going to go to theboxing match and, and those
things are, I'm not sayingthey're not important, but
fights and violence should bethe last thing that we have to
imply.
Learn to use questions, learn tofire the warnings that the
scripture tells us we have theright to warn people about, and
(11:39):
then lastly, defending ourselvesphysically should be the third
and final option.
So to just say this in summary,our kids have to understand
their identity.
Never let anyone tell youdifferently and don't give any
value to the opinions of peoplecare more about what God says to
(11:59):
expect confrontation.
We have to teach our kids thathumanity's fallen.
It's a sinful world.
We have to expect it.
The best way to deal withconflict is to begin with
questions.
Ask people questions, don'tthreaten them back.
Then, if the questions fail,inform them.
(12:19):
Inform them that they aremessing with the potential of
being in the wrath of God.
Inform them of spiritualwarfare.
Invoke God's name into theconversation.
And then lastly, You know walkknowing that the Lord is in
charge of the situation Do notfear any outcome have confidence
(12:40):
in God and when all else failsWhen it cannot be avoided then
we must fight back like Psalm 91tells us Though a thousand may
fall up my left and to my rightGod is with me and I will remain
standing I think these areconcepts that are preemptive to
ever having to get to the placewhere we're really concerned
(13:01):
about bullying.
And I believe the Bible andChristian education prepares us
for this better than anythingelse we can know.
The ultimate battle for theheart and soul is a fight for
identity.
Our king invites our kids toknow who they are, what to
(13:22):
believe, and where they belong.
Until next time, let's rememberthe words for theirs is the
Kingdom of Heaven.
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