55. Kimmy Gibbler, Mental Health, and Kindness with Andrea Barber

Episode Transcript
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Katie Doughty (00:04):
Hello, my friends welcome back to another episode
of raising Cain humans. I'm yourhost, Katie Doty. And I know I
say this all the time. But I amso ridiculously excited for you
to listen to this episode. It isliterally a childhood dream come
true that I have the opportunityto sit down and talk for an

(00:26):
entire hour with Andrea Barbour.
I can't even I can't even. Andto add to the excitement of
this, Andrea is one of thekindest humans ever. She was so
generous with her time and herheart and her story, and willing
to sit and chat. And I'm sograteful for that. And I just

(00:50):
want everyone to know what anamazingly kind person she is.
And at the end of the interview,I felt like such a goober I
looked down. My microphone isnot plugged in. I forgot to plug
in my microphone. Of course,that had to happen on this
interview. And she looked at meand she said, it's cool. We

(01:11):
could do this again if we needto. So sweet, so kind. So I do
apologize, the audio is a littledifferent than what I usually
have. However, it's there andthe whole conversation is there.
So I'm okay with that. Anyways,we dive into mental health and
taking care of yourself andanxiety and running and Kimmy

(01:32):
Gibbler we get to talk aboutKimmy Gibbler and being her
authentic self. And I just knowthis conversation will not
disappoint. But where am I FullHouse fans? Do I have full full
house fans out there? I grew upon full house. Literally. I've
seen every episode billions oftimes. I used to record them on

(01:55):
a VHS so I could watch themanytime. And yes, so this was a
fantastic conversation that I'mabsolutely thrilled to share
with you. Um, and on the note ofkindness and kind humans. I'm
curious if anyone out there doesa word of the year do you do a
word of the year like for thenext year? Do you set an

(02:17):
intention or kind of a goal or aword you focus on? I'm hoping
that we can make kindness, theword of the year for 2024. And I
want to do my part in helpingyou and hoping our world bring
more kindness to ourcommunities. So let's do this

(02:38):
together. Let's make 2020 forthe year of kindness. And I
would love to invite you in toTeam Chi in humans. If you have
a kiddo or you know, a kiddo,about elementary aged that would
like to come join team camehumans, we'd love to have them.
And we get together twice amonth. And we talk to nonprofits

(03:00):
and children's book authors andexperts in the field. We just
had a child psych on and wediscuss what's going on that
people are doing in the worldright now that we can help with?
What organizations are outthere. What are they doing? And
How can kids get involved. Wejust met with babies of

(03:22):
homelessness and the kids got tolearn all about diaper need in
the community, which a lot ofadults don't even realize. And
now they're pumped and ready todo a diaper drive. And in team
kind humans, we always have acommunity service project that
goes with whatever we're talkingabout that month. And so let me
make the year of kindness supereasy for you. Come join us in

(03:46):
team kind humans. And we willhave an entire year of being
kind of got it all planned outfor you. You can meet amazing
people doing really cool things,learn about some interesting
things and then do a communityservice project every month that
I can guarantee is easy to dofrom where you are. So wherever
you are in the world, you can dothese projects along with us. So

(04:09):
please come join us team canhumans.com/membership and you
can learn more. You can alsosign up for just $1 to try the
first month out and see if youlike it and come join us but I
hope to see you at our next callin January. Also Are you looking
for a last minute gift? I havetwo children's books out on

(04:33):
Amazon Pat and the great penguinrace is a story about a clumsy
penguin who all of his friendsare very formal, and he slides
on his belly and he's a littledriven. My son used to say
driven instead of different thatis available as well as another
children's book that is anactivity guide. It's called

(04:54):
wattle, I do kindness activityguide and it goes with Pat A
penguin and it has differentcommunity service projects and
kindness activities that thekids can do. It's built to be
colored on cut out and usedwholeheartedly. Those are both
on Amazon if you need a lastminute gift, or you want to
stock your own shelves. Also, ifyou have a preschooler in your

(05:18):
life, I am leaving leapingletters at my birthday price
that I set in November at 1984.
And I'm gonna leave it at thatfor the rest of the year. So if
you want to grab a subscriptionto leaping letters, which is my
digital preschool course, wherewe play through the alphabet, we
build character, we do artprojects, and playdough letter

(05:39):
writing and learning ourletters, lots of fun activities
and games that are allinteractive and keep your kiddo
moving and grooving. That willbe available through the end of
the year. And then the pricewill go up January 1, back to
its original $97. But it is jampacked with so many interactive
videos, activities and resourcesfor your preschooler to play and

(06:01):
be kind. So you can head over toTim Kenny humans.com/sleeping
letters to snag yoursubscription. Or if you want to
gift it to somebody that wouldbe an amazing gift as well. All
right. No more talking for me,because it's time for you to
hear from Andrea. This ishappening. I'm so excited for
you to hear this. So withoutfurther ado, please welcome

(06:24):
Andrea. There it is. There it isworse. Yeah, I can't believe
this is happening right now.
Andrea Barber, thank you forcoming on the podcast today to
talk all about your amazingbook. And of course, full house.
So welcome.

Andrea Barber (06:41):
Oh, thanks. I'm thrilled to be here. I'm so
excited to meet you. Finally,well, not in person, but at
least I can see your face andtalk to you. So I've been
looking forward to this. Sothank you for having me. Yeah,
of course,

anytime you could be a recurring guest. I do.
You're welcome. Anytime. Oh,awesome. Thank you. Let's dive
in. So I'm going to start withfull house because that is my
connection to you. And to saythat I love Full House is like,
there's not a big enough word toshare with full house and you

(07:13):
specifically as a human, I justlove what you're doing. I think
you're one of the kindest,warmest people and you talk
about in your book, you're like,I'm a terrible celebrity.

Unknown (07:24):
I really am. Yes, I still feel that I've been that
way my whole life. I will neverbe a professional celebrity. I'm
just me. I'm just Andrea.

I think that gives everyone else permission
to be just me. And I love thatit makes it feel more authentic
and more real and moreapproachable. And I think more
people should be terriblecelebrity.

Unknown (07:46):
Yeah, you know what? I never thought of it that way.
But yeah, no, that's a greatlesson and just embrace who you
are. And instead of like, for along time I was especially
coming back into the business. Iknow, you said you wanted to
start with full house, but itwas okay, let's just go ahead
real quick. Because I do have apoint, it might take me a while
to get there. But no, I left thebusiness for 20 years after full

(08:06):
house, I stopped, I was like,I'm done. I'm retired. I'm going
to do other things now. But thenI came back for Fuller House 20
years later. And I was reallyself conscious about not knowing
how to be a celebrity because asa kid, in being a child actor in
the 80s and 90s, there were nored carpets, there was no
branding of yourself. There wasno social media, it was a

(08:27):
totally different world. So thenwhen I was thrust back into it
in 2015 2016, I was like, thisis a whole different world. And
I felt really bad about myself,because I'm like, I don't know
how to style myself. I don'tknow, like anything about
publicists. I don't knowanything about red carpets.
They're terrifying. But that's agreat lesson about like, no,
just embrace your faults andyour flaws and make them

(08:50):
something positive. Yeah. And sothat's what I'm not okay, I'm a
terrible celebrity. You know,I'm terrible at all of the
publicity part of this. But I'ma really real person that I
think people can relate to. Sothat's the spin. That's the
positivity. I think you justhelped me figure that out right
now. So thank you. This is like,my gosh, five minutes into this,
and I'm already experiencingmind blowing therapy.

Then I can feel that for you. Because I really
do believe it. I'm not justsaying that I feel like that.
There's often this image thatcomes across Instagram and
social media, and everyone putstheir best stuff out there. And
so yeah, it's overwhelming. AndI think about now I mean, my
daughter and my oldest is 10 andjust how to navigate that. But

(09:39):
then like, we watched some ofyour YouTube channel and
watching some of your things andlike, you show who you are,
you're not darling yourself upand doing this perfect thing.
Yeah, you're like, I'm in mygarage cleaning it out. It's a
mess. Let's go Yeah, that'sright. Like you're just being
who you are. And that's what Iwant. want my kids to see and

(10:02):
feel from the people that theylook up to? Oh, that's great
that oh,

Unknown (10:06):
well, thanks. Yeah, the vlog my YouTube vlog was just
meant to be sort of a passionproject. I don't, I don't really
do it anymore. I haven't done itin years. I just wanted to
capture this time period of mylife. But you, ya know, I think
people love getting that lookinto, you know, behind the
scenes or, you know, behind thescenes of what you see on

(10:26):
Instagram, and which is ahighlight reel. Like you're
absolutely right about thatpeople. It's very curated.
People just show what they wantto show. And it's like, no,
let's just get real. It's like,Let's drop the pretenses drop
the mask, just let's be real.
Yeah. And keep it

real. Yes. And I think that's so important. So
thank you for leading the waywith that and kind of modeling
for people what that might looklike. And speaking of behind the
scenes, okay, you answered a 30plus year question. Like you're
behind the scenes.

Unknown (10:57):
What did I answer? Ooh, I'm

curious. You were walking through the set, like
just seeing the set, like behindthe scenes of the set was
amazing. That's cool. And youcome to the stairs, like from
the bedrooms upstairs, and youcome to the stairs where you can
go left and go downstairs.
Right? And then you're like, Ithink this is how you get to

Unknown (11:16):
the kitchen. Uh huh.
And I have never been

able to figure out where that kitchen stairs
go. And I was like, that goes

Unknown (11:27):
lightbulb moment. I see. And that's just a theory.
Like, I don't actually knowthat. That's just what I assume.
Yeah, from trying to visualizethe house because the house
could not possibly exist in SanFrancisco, like, I've been in
the real house, it looks nothinglike that. And yeah, I'm like,
There's no architectural plansof this, this Full House

(11:47):
anywhere. So I don't think it'spossible to exist. But so in my
mind, that's what happens ifyou're going down the bedroom,
going down the hallway, on thesecond floor, you turn right to
go to the to the downstairs tothe kitchen, you turn left to go
downstairs to the living room.
That's how it lives in my brain.
So that's a better plan, orbetter idea, let me know. But

yeah, I'm curious other people's thoughts on that.
But that's how it lives in mybrain now to because that makes
the most sense to me. I justnever knew like, where are they
going? And how are they gettingthere? I thought maybe it like
goes into Danny's room. I don'tknow. And

Unknown (12:18):
we never go right. You notice we always walk left ever.
And I think that was just adesign because that's where the
opening is, we would actuallywalk out into our craft service
area. So of course we go leftbecause that's where the food
is. And if we were to turnright, I think it's just a lot
of like, tools and wood andlumber and hardware. So that's

(12:39):
why we always go left.

You know, my gosh. Well, it really settled
something for me, so thank youfor that. Hi, missy.

Unknown (12:47):
You're welcome. I'm here to serve. I'm happy that I
I'm answering the hardquestions. You.

Were starting out with the really tough questions
here. Where did the stairs go?
Which, Okay, where did thestairs go? Then in the garage? I
know if you go to the left, theygo to the kitchen. But then
there's a set that goes to theright way. Oh, those go?

Unknown (13:08):
I have no idea. Well, the courage morphs like Okay,
now that I'm doing this, rewatchpodcast with Jody sweeten.
There's a lot of questions thatcome up and we don't have
answers for any of it. But thegarage morphs from a garage to
Joey's bedroom, and then it goesback to a garage for one
episode. And then it's Joey'sbedroom and then it becomes a
recording studio. For for Jesse.
So it morphs several times. Sowho knows Danny has endless

(13:34):
amounts of cash to renovate thisdownstairs basement.

Yeah. And time just quickly, week to week,
whatever you want it to be. It'slike the magical garage. I love
it. Yep,

Unknown (13:45):
yep, it that's sitcom land. You can't think too hard.
Don't pull that thread or itwon't make sense. You just gotta
go with it.

I love it. I love it. Okay, well, let's dive in a
little bit to Full House becauseI don't know if you know this,
but I was a tanner. I lived inthat house. And you you maybe
you saw me but they kind of cutsome of my lines. So I don't
Yeah, I sorry, that never madeit to the air. I didn't write in
the air. But I truly felt like Iwas a teenager growing up and I

(14:13):
I waited for those eight o'clockFriday nights than Tuesdays. But
like those were my times toshine. And I remember like that
822 mark and the music wouldplay the violins right. And I
could feel in my bones like, Oh,I'm gonna grow as a person right

(14:34):
now. Like these are the lifelessons. Yeah. That he's
speaking to me. Danny Tanner isgiving his dad talk to me and I
feel like not a ton of shows hadthat quality of really kind of
talking about what's going on inthe family. And I'm curious your
thoughts on these life lessonsfrom full house? Do you feel

(14:57):
like they are holding up 30years late? her. And are there
any that you're like this onestuck out to me? Oh,

Unknown (15:05):
well, yeah, I mean, I'll admit that I have until I
started doing the podcast withJody, I had only seen a handful
of Full House episodes becausewe were. And same for Jodi
Jodi's never until the podcast,she had never seen any of the
episodes, because we were livingit. We were busy, we were
working full time as kids. Wewere, we were taping the show on

(15:25):
Friday nights, so we weren'thome watching it like the rest
of you were. And then we werejust like, okay, that it was, we
just had no desire to to watchit again, because we had spent
five or six hours taping it onFriday nights. So now 36 years
later, you know, as a 40,something woman watching this
again, having teenagers, it'swild, it's wild rewatching it

(15:48):
again, and the show holds up. Imean, we've only gotten through,
we're not even through all ofseason one yet. We've got one or
two more episodes to go. So I'llsay this as only having watched
most of season one. But thoselessons do hold up. And I find
myself tearing up, when Dan whenthe violence start playing. And
Danny is like, he's just he getsdown to the level of the girls

(16:11):
and is talking to them. And italways ends in a hug. And it
seems so cheesy. But if if youlisten to it, you're like, Yeah,
you know what? Parents don'ttalk to their kids like this
anymore. I mean, not withregularity, because now
everybody's on their phones,everybody's overscheduled kids
are involved in 8 millionactivities. And I'm making some
broad generalizations here,obviously. But it's a different

(16:34):
world that we're living in. AndI want to get back to what life
was like in 1987 and 88, youknow, where like, there aren't,
there's not as much, not as muchtechnological distractions and
families alike. They sattogether, and they ate dinner
together. And they talked toeach other and made eye contact.

(16:54):
They aren't just texting eachother from different rooms. It
makes a huge difference. Andyeah, these life lessons are
great. The one that stands outthe most for me is from the
pilot is from the very firstepisode, where DJ is having a
breakdown in the kitchen. She'syou know, she's sad that her mom
died, grandma left, these twoother guys moved in, everything

(17:17):
has changed. And now she has toshare a room with her little
sister. And she's just she'smad, and she's acting out. And
Danny talks to her in thekitchen. And he's just like,
I'm, I miss mom, too. And Idon't have all the answers. But
we're a family. And we're herefor each other. And we will
always be here for you anytimeyou're having emotions or

(17:38):
feelings. And so let's talk itout. Let's hug it out. It just
blew me away that I was like,Wow, this was 19. This was 1987.
Yeah, when this show, you know,when this when this show started
airing and the fact that it itstill holds up. And these
lessons still hold true. Andit's, it's a show. I know

(17:58):
Johnston? I'll quote John Stamosbecause he said that the central
character of Full House is love.
No, it's not Michelle, it's notJesse. It's not DJ, it's not,
you know, the central characteris love. And that's why I think
people resonated so much withthe show, because regardless of
your circumstances, if you had ahard home life, or a healthy
home life, you could sit down onFriday nights with or without

(18:20):
your family. And watch theseshows and feel like you were
part of the tanner family, likeyou said, like you are you are a
part of the tanner family. Andwe still feel that the cast, we
still feel that 36 years laterwe we feel connected to our
fans, we get emotional when fansshare stories with us about how
much the show means to them.

(18:43):
It's so much more than a job forme. And I think I speak for the
whole cast when I say that it'smore than a job. It's a second
family for us. And you what yousee on the screen. I mean, yes,
we're acting, we're playingcharacters, we're reciting
lines. But that bond and thatconnection, that's all real.
Like, that's real in most shows,you know, they they film for a

(19:08):
season or two, you know, youdon't get you don't get eight
seasons anymore with streaming.
But you shoot for a few seasons.
And then you go your separateways. And you talk maybe once a
year, but that was never thecase with full house we have
always kept in contact.
Sometimes we only see eachother, you know, a couple of
times a year because everybody'skind of spread out around the
country. But we're always incontact through texts, or

(19:29):
FaceTime, or phone calls. Andjust and especially since Bob
Saget passed away, like evenmore so we've understood the
importance of just reach outwhen you're thinking of somebody
just reach out and say, You knowwhat, I'm thinking of you today
and I missed you. And I loveyou. And that's how Bob ended
every single text. I love you.

(19:51):
You know I love you. And it'swhen he passed Sorry, I'm really
going off on a tangent. No, Ilove when he passed. I was so
devastated and So griefstricken. But I felt this piece
because there's no doubt in mymind how he felt about me. He
loved me. And I know that heknows that I love him. And so I

(20:12):
feel a sense of peace knowing,knowing there's nothing, there's
nothing left on the table.
There's nothing unresolved.
There's nothing I'm notthinking, Oh, I wish I had told
him this. No, we set it all.
He's he set it all. And we setit all to him. And so there's a
deep grat gratification forthat.

Yeah, I can't even remember your original
question. Gosh, well, now I'vealready

Unknown (20:35):
been off on a tangent and get I'm like, so emotional.
It's like the holidays. I know,I get so emotional talking about
them. Because they mean so muchto me. And it's so emotional
watching the show. For the firsttime, essentially, you know, and
seeing seeing everyone, youknow, 36 years ago, and just
remembering those times andknowing knowing that those bonds

(20:59):
stayed intact for 36 years, isone of the things I'll be most
grateful for in my entire life.

Oh my gosh, that's just beautiful. And I
love I want to go back to howBob was calling him Bob now.
With and with a love you, I feellike 36 years later, he was
still giving dad talks. He wasstill loving you the way he did
on the show. And what abeautiful reminder to just like,

(21:29):
say it, reach out and say itlike you can assume they know
but just remind them and letthem know that hey, I'm thinking
about you. Take it leaveeverything out on the table.
There are no there's no questionin your mind. I just Oh, that
gives me goosebumps.

Unknown (21:45):
Yeah, it was. It's such a it's such a good lesson
because we get so caught up inthe in the day to day minutia of
life and the busyness and youforget that. You know, when
we're gone. What do you wantpeople to remember you for and
Bob for all of hisaccomplishments, his huge
successes in his professionallife. That's what we remember

(22:08):
the most about him is his heart.
And how much he loved the peoplein his life. And what a
beautiful legacy to leave behindso

And wow, like that. Those are goals right
aspiration to just be like,That's what I want to be
remembered for. Yeah, I've doneall these really cool things,
but you knew you were loved.
Good. I did my job. That's it.
Yeah. Oh, I love it so

Unknown (22:32):
much. Yeah, he's, yeah.
I feel

like your authenticity of your
relationships shine through onthe screen. Like you can feel
that and it almost leaves ussettled feeling in my heart
knowing that those were realrelationships. Right? It's it
makes it feel more real and moreauthentic and more believable.
Even though it's a sitcom.
Right? Yeah, that that love istrue. And something I'm going

(22:57):
through now, which is the mostbizarre feeling is we're also
we're following along with you.
So I'm watching each episodewith my kiddos. Oh, that's so
great. Oh, we're a few behind.
We just finished the big three.
Oh, but Oh, yeah. We're watchingthem and then pulling out the

(23:17):
life lesson because I'm curious.
I want to know, do these lessonshold up because I feel so
passionate about them? And Ifeel like they helped shaped who
I am. And so do they hold up formy children 30 years later, so
we're pulling them out. Butwatching the show as a mother
now, as opposed to a kid like,oh my gosh, my heart? Yeah, we

(23:37):
were speaking about when DJslike, my mom died, my grandma
left. And now these two guys areliving in my home. And I have to
share a room and I'm like, DJ,just want to wrap you up? I
didn't really think about thatas a kid. Like, yeah, that'd be
terrible to share a room. Right?
Right. Right.

Unknown (23:57):
That's all you're thinking about? Is it through a
kid lens? Yeah. And now,

my mom lens. I'm like, these girls lost their
mother and now they have to maketheir own Thanksgiving. Who's
gonna cook for them? Right? Likeit's just a different
perspective. And viewing theshow differently, but we've been
having the best time because noweven my seven year old be like
Mom, what's the lesson in this?
I'm like, What do you think thelesson is about something out
and my daughter was reallyconnecting to one where she's

(24:24):
like, Mom, that is true. I thinkthere was one that said even
though we didn't solve anythingjust talking about it helps.
That was one of the lessons. Ilove that

Unknown (24:35):
lesson. You know, sometimes you don't have all the
answers. Yes, but that doesn'tmean you don't talk about it.
You still talk about it. There'sthere's such value and feeling
heard. You know, mom and daddon't always have the answers,
but they will always listen toyou and validate your feelings.
Huge lesson right? They're

huge and yet so simply put on the screen right
like they just had this lovelycommerce addition, and I just
love the way that DJ was like,we didn't solve anything, but I
feel better. And my daughterimmediately said, that's true.
Just talking about it helps. I'mlike, yes. So just come and chat
with me anytime you need to talkabout something. Even if I don't

(25:16):
have the answer, like we canjust talk about it. So I just
feel like these lessons areholding up and I I'm over the
moon excited that I get to gothrough this process again, with
them. Side by side and talkingabout it. It's just, I'm like,
do you guys want to watch fullhouse? And they're like, yes.
Oh, exciting,

Unknown (25:35):
that I'm so I'm so jealous because I've I have
teenagers now I've have a 16year old and a 19 year old. And
I wish I had sat them down whenthey were younger when they were
under 10. I mean, I guess Icould force them to now but I
don't, I don't think it wouldhave the same effect. And they
were they've never been reallyinterested in my career. They're
always embarrassed when they sawKimmy Gibbler on the screen.

(25:56):
Because it's true. I lookedridiculous in a lot of those
outfits. But I wish I had gottenpast that and made them sit down
and watch it with me when theywere younger. Because you're
right, that it's so satisfyingto watch this show as an adult,
a show that you grew up with asa kid. And now to rewatch it
again, as an adult as a mom.
It's so impactful. It hits sodifferently. As a kid, you're

(26:20):
just like, oh, this is a sillyshow. And it's funny, and Uncle
Jesse is cute. And Michelle isadorable. And they have lots of
animals and funny, you know,funny shenanigans going on. But
it just it hits a lotdifferently as a parent. It's so
deep.

And maybe maybe in the future if your kids
choose to have children, they'llwatch it with their children,
and it will continue to go.

Unknown (26:42):
That's what I'll do it when I have grandchildren which
God willing will not be anytimesoon. I will watch it with my
grandchildren that will bethat's that's my new life goal.

There you go.

Unknown (26:53):
Watch it with the grandkids. Lindsey Graham, a
gambler on the screen. Andthey'll probably be they'll
probably get embarrassed to I'llhave to catch them when they're
younger. Like what? What age doKids start getting embarrassed
is like a tween hood likeAlawite 13. Yeah, I'm gonna have
to catch them when they'rereally young before they get
embarrassed. Yes. Where am I?
Gibbler here,

where am I?
Gambler? Yeah. Oh my gosh,that's so funny. Okay, well,
let's dive into Kimmy because,

Unknown (27:24):
like, as a kid, obviously.

I thought Kimmy was weird. Like Kimmy is a
goofball. She says ridiculousstuff. She wears funny clothes.
Like, that's how I viewed it.
And now it's a mom. I'm like,Camilla. You are bold and
confident and comfortable inyour own skin. Like, yes, I want
that for my child. I want mychild to have a Kimmy Gibbler in
her life, but from a gameperspective. Yeah, it's

(27:49):
different. So can you speak alittle bit to your character of
Kimmy Gibbler? And kind of whatshe means to you?

Unknown (27:58):
Of course, yeah, I will growing up on full house. I
never appreciated Kimmy GibblerI knew my role. And I was like,
Okay, I'm the comic relief. Theydress me silly for the laughs
I'm the butt of the jokes. Youknow, the tanners are always
like Kimmy Gibbler. Go home, youknow. And it was never it was

(28:18):
surface level. For me. I wasjust like, This is just This is
my role. This is what I'm hereto do. Is it embarrassing? Yes.
Because as a teenager,everything's embarrassing. Yeah,
it was it was very surface levelas a kid. And it wasn't until
decades later, I guess. Whensocial media have started coming
around, when fans were able tolike, DM me or respond on

(28:42):
Twitter or Yeah, DM onInstagram, that the stories
started coming out of people whoare my age now but who grew up
on the show, and felt likeoutcasts at school or they just
felt different. You know, theyfelt weird, or they felt
different, but they felt badabout it. Yeah. And they'll tell
me the stories about how theylooked up to give me Kimmy

(29:04):
Gibbler as a role model. Andthat blew me away the first time
I read it, and I was like, okay,that's, that's amazing. But
that's an one off, but thenanother fan would, would DM me
and tell me the same story. Andthen I would meet fans out and
about and they would tell methese stories, and it started to
click and I was like KimmyGibbler is a role model. And I'm

(29:25):
like, yes, it's because she wasso confident about that. And
that is something that wasmissing in my life as a
teenager. I played a confidentcharacter, but I didn't feel
confident in my own life. Youknow, I was insecure about
everything. And I think that'stypical for teenagers to feel
very insecure about.
Everything's you shouldn't evenfeel insecure about but
whatever. Whatever is differentabout you. That's the thing you

(29:47):
either get made fun of for orthe thing that you feel bad
about. And Kimmy didn't care.
She was just like, I'm gonna beme. You know, she never changed
her ways, no matter How manypeople made fun of her no matter
how many times the tanners toldher to go home, she just owned
it. And she loved she had somuch self love. And I was like,

(30:09):
You know what? Kimmy color is agreat role model. Like for all
the zaniness and the weirdness,you know, she is a great role
model at the core. And suddenly,I embraced this character, I was
just like this, this is I'm soproud now that I got to play
this character as a kid, andthen come back, you know, 30

(30:29):
years later and play thecharacter again, as a grown up
who was the similar in that shewas still, you know, quirky. But
she was grown up and had lotsof, you know, still lots of love
for herself and love foreverybody that was around her.
It's, it's, it was such asatisfying experience that I
didn't get as a teenager, but Ido get now. And it's sometimes

(30:52):
it takes that it takes time andsometimes decades to gain that
perspective. I assume for thefans that reached out to me and
told me those things, same thingfor them, they didn't kind of
put it all together at at age15. But then when you're in your
30s, and approaching 40, you'rejust like, You know what I have?
I have an adult perspective nowand a deeper appreciation. And
that's how I feel I have such adeep appreciation for this

(31:14):
character, just letting peopleknow that it's okay to be weird.
It's okay to be different. Andin fact, that is that is your
superpower. What makes youdifferent, is what makes you
strong and bold and unique. Andso you should embrace that.
Don't hide it. You know, don'thide it. Don't shirk, shirk away
in the corner and hide yourself.
Just own it and love it. Andpeople will respond to that if

(31:36):
you're confident about yourself.
People aren't going to peoplearen't going to look down at you
and be like, Oh, no, you're youknow, like that. That confidence
begets confidence. And so themore confident you are, the more
people around you will respectthat and maybe be more competent
themselves in in their ownquirkiness. Yeah, I don't know

(31:59):
if I worded that very well. Butyeah, I just have a great
appreciation for this character,which sounds weird, because
you're right. On the surfacelevel, it's a sitcom. It's very
cheesy Kimmy. Gibbler isridiculous. You know, and she
is, she's just she's very rudeat times, a lot of times, and I
heard a lot from fans. You know,that there's like, oh, Kimmy is

(32:20):
like that. I can't, I can't findthe words but they, they would
just put her down. They're justlike, you know, Kimmy is weird.
Kimmy is, you know, I hate thatcharacter. She's so rude. And
she's so and I kind ofinternalize that a little bit as
as a teenager, knowing it's notme. It's a character, but it
still doesn't feel good whenpeople are just like, they would
recognize me out, you know, atthe grocery store and be like,
Oh, my God, you were awful. YouYou were so weird. You were so

(32:43):
rude. And I'm like, it wasn'tme. It was gone. Gibbler Yeah.
So that was a little strange.
But yeah, now I just I'm like,Yeah, you know what, she was a
rude teenager. But she grew intoa fabulous, creative adult with
a lot of love to give. And Ijust, I will champion this
character for the rest of mylife, because I think she is

(33:03):
fabulous.

Oh, my gosh, and she is fabulous. And she's
fiercely loyal to her friends.
And she will be there for youand love and do anything for the
people that she loves. And Ithink that's such a valuable
characteristic in her. And I amcurious about you say like fans
would say, Oh, you wereterrible. And how did you did
you ever catch on like, as ayoung kid, because even even the

(33:30):
adults in the show, thecharacters in the show are not
necessarily nice to Kimmy.
Gibbler this 10 year old girl,did you catch on to that as a
young actress? Or were you justlike, This is the show? This is
how it goes? Like did that getinternalized?

Unknown (33:50):
That's a great question. And that's, that's
something I'm, I'm really, maybestill kind of unpacking. And
I'm, I'm really eager to get tothose later seasons when? A lot
of that. Yeah, that. I don'tknow. vitriol is a harsh word.
But yeah, a lot of those nastycomments from the adults. I'm
eager to get to those episodesand to unpack that on on my

(34:12):
podcast because, yeah, sometimesthe tanners weren't very nice.
The adults weren't very nice toKimmy Gibbler. And I and it
didn't really hit me until I hadmy own kids. And they started
inviting their friends over tomy house and I thought I would
never treat my friends kids thatway. Even if they were annoying.
I would never tell them that totheir face. I would never tell

(34:34):
them go home. You know, I wouldnever say some of these things
to them. Why would you want tomake a kid feel that way? So did
I internalize it and I think Ithink as a teenager, I did a
really good job of separatingthe character from me. So you
know when John Stamos is tellingme go home, you know, go home,

(34:55):
Kimmy Gibbler I didn't reallyI'm like, Okay, we're acting so
John doesn't really feel thatway about me. But yeah, I'm
wondering if on some deep level,it can't feel good to be known
as the hated character. And Ithink a small part of me, maybe
more than small, maybe it will,or maybe like a half of me

(35:17):
wishes wished at the time that Icould get to play a cool
character like DJ, who got towear the cute outfits, and she
had, you know, the cuteboyfriend. And a part of me
wished for that, you know, I'mlike, Oh, I wish I could be like
the pretty one and the cute oneand the one that everybody looks
up to, but that that wasn't myrole. You know, my role was to

(35:39):
be the comic relief. But yeah,as a teenager, I a small part of
me, a more than small part of mewished that I could just be
looked up to Yeah, as a kid tobe that kind of character. And
instead, I got people saying, Doyour feet really stink? Oh my
god, you're so annoying. Thatwas a comment. Oh, my God,
you're so annoying. I'm like,and I like just, I don't feel

(36:03):
that way now, like, people,people. I mean, I think people
don't say that now. Becausegrown up Kimmy Gibbler was not
nearly as annoying as Kid KimmyGibbler. So people are a lot
nicer now. But as a teenager,yeah, that's a lot to put on a
teenager to kind of navigatethat in my own mind. So I don't
have acute memories of beingdisturbed by all of this. But my

(36:26):
memory has been jogged bywatching these earlier episodes
of full house. So I think whenwe get to those, those seasons,
and those episodes where thetanners are mean to Kimmy
Gibbler I'm like, I'm lookingforward to what? What jogs my
memory when I watched those?
Very curious what comes up? Sowe'll see. Oh, my

gosh, I can't wait. That's

Unknown (36:44):
what I remember. At this point. That's what I
remember.

Yeah. Oh, I can't wait to hear what you come up
with. And what yeah, what comesup for you? What comes out for
you? And then yeah, theconversation around that. And
I'm curious if you think like,if Full House aired today, and
it seemed capacity, do you thinkthose things would be changed?
Do you think they'd still berude to Kimmy Gibbler? Or do you

(37:07):
think writing has changed, as itcomes have changed, that maybe
that character wouldn't be thesame?

Unknown (37:13):
Oh, that's a really good question. I think the show
would be a little different,because there's some things that
that didn't hold up. You know,there's some jokes that are off
color that that would not bewritten today, because we're a
different society now. And weknow what's acceptable to say
and what's not. But as far asthe treatment of Kimmy Gibbler,

(37:34):
that's a great question, becauseshows still do have that comic
relief character. I'm trying tothink of current examples, and I
can't really I don't watch a lotof current TV. So I'm thinking
of like friends and like theLisa Kudrow character how she
was kind of wacky and, but theywere never rude to her. They

(37:55):
were just like, okay, that's,that's she's just Phoebe. She's
kooky, and she's out there. Butthey weren't ever mean to her.
So, yeah, I think the show wouldbe, I think the show would be
written, I think it would besofter, like it would be, they
would be softer towards KimmyGibbler. Like, she'd still be
wacky and crazy, but I think itwould be, it would be written
differently. Like, there's oneearly episode of Full House,

(38:17):
where Jesse's trying to figureout how to like diaper the baby
or get the baby to stop crying,and he just tells her to shut
up, right? And I'm like, youcan't tell a baby to shut up.
And I get it. They were tryingto convey that just Jesse's very
inexperienced. With infants. Iunderstand that. But I think
there's a more tactful way towrite it without yelling Shut up

(38:39):
to write and be in a crib. Soyeah, I think I think if Full
House aired for the first timetoday, I think it would hold up
I think people would respond toit in the exact same way. But
yeah, I think it would bewritten just a little bit
differently with just a softer,a softer tone. Yeah, yeah. I
also don't think it would geteight seasons like that.

(39:01):
Unfortunately, the landscape hasjust changed and you don't get
those network sitcoms for eight910 seasons anymore. Like the
the the executives in charge,the studios just don't give
shows time to breathe and todevelop those characters. It's
my number one complaint aboutwatching TV now is as soon as

(39:21):
you get invested in a show andinvested in these characters,
like shows canceled, move on,let's bring new content and and
it's like no, like, I want to beinvested. I want I want to feel
something for these characters.
That's why I still have a jobtoday because people related to
the full House characters andthey're still emotionally
invested in our characters.
Yeah. I don't know if you'regonna get that in 30 years with

(39:43):
the shows that are beingreleased today because there's
no time. They don't give theshow's time to grow and breathe
and develop.

Exactly. And I feel like our society is just
speeding up. And we want moreand more and more faster,
faster, faster, and like growingup watching full house you got
one episode one Last week, ifyou missed it, you missed it.
And everybody would be talkingabout it the next day and you
missed it. And that doesn'thappen anymore. And I think
you've been just season, butyou're not watching it while

(40:12):
others are watching it. So youdon't really talk to them about
it. So it's not like thiscultural or societal thing
that's happening anymore. It'slike in pockets. And so I think
that's where the span and theseasons are not getting, the
length that we used to have, andthe growth and the breathing
room. Because we don't consumeit the same way. And it's, I

(40:33):
feel like it's a loss. Like, Ijust feel like it's a loss, and
I missed that aspect oftelevision. And I've even tried,
and it's too hard. It's like,it's too hard nowadays, but I
even tried to tell the kidsokay, we're gonna watch one a
week, and then you have to wait.
And once we get caught up, Ithink on the podcast, I'm gonna
try to keep it like, Okay, ifthere's no podcast episode out,
we're not watching the episodeand podcast, you know, like, I

(40:54):
love it. That 90 style ofwatching television, and they
just didn't understand. I waslike, you don't even know, you
know what it's like to not havea show? Yeah. So it's just
different. The way that showsare airing now. And I think
you're right about the lifespanof them. They're not going to be
these iconic characters thateveryone remembers from their

(41:18):
childhood.

Unknown (41:20):
Yeah, yeah, it's in that that was a selling point
for Netflix, when Fuller Housepremiered. Because we were the
we were, I believe the firstoriginal family. Family Show for
for Netflix at Netflix haddeveloped like Netflix until
that point had been like moviesand things like that. But then

(41:41):
they started developing originalcontent. And they were like,
Okay, we want to move into thefamily realm. So you're gonna be
the first excuse me, the firstfamily sitcom on Netflix. And so
we had like all these pressbriefings when the show was
getting ready to air because wewere doing a big push a big
press tour. And they were justlike, Okay, this is why
streaming is great. It's becauseit's viewer driven. And you can

(42:03):
download the entire season inone go. And you can watch it all
in one day, you could watch itall in one weekend, or you can
space it out, you could dowhatever you want. It's it's up
to the viewer. And they werelike, This is a great this, this
we've evolved as a society, thisis how television is going to be
and it's fantastic. And so wepushed that we put that in the
in the early seasons. But Ithink now so you know, what is

(42:26):
it been? Eight 910 years later,it's changing, the landscape is
changing, people are kind ofpushing back a little bit on
that. And since we just had wejust finished a couple of
strikes, you know, the writerswent on strike, and actors went
on strike. For these, for a lotof these reasons. Not these
reasons. There's a lot ofreasons. But yeah, I think
streaming has hit its big boom.
And now you're starting to seekind of the fallout of that. So

(42:48):
I'm very interested to see howthe industry changes at this
point, and where it's going, andhow the executives in charge,
what decisions they make goingforward. Because they made
decisions at the time thatworked at the time. And that
sounded great. But now we'reseeing the after effects of

(43:08):
that. It's like, I don'tremember shows that came out
five years ago, because it onlygot one or two seasons. And I
can't tell you what those showswere about or what those
characters meant to me, becauseI forgot him. Because then you
were because the next week andyou were pushing out more
content, Netflix was pushing outthe next best thing because they
just wanted subscribers. And Idon't mean to talk negatively
about Netflix. That's that's allstreamers. They just thought

(43:28):
streaming is the way to go. AndI'm like, there's there's great
things about streaming, if I'mlike, oh, I want to look up this
movie and watch it tonight.
That's great. But as far as thatdelayed gratification, like you
said, like watching one a week,it's so much better. It's so
much better to be watching ashow at the same time as

(43:49):
everyone else in the country andthen talking about it the next
day. And having to wait I knowit's hard to wait seven days for
the next episode, especially ifit ends on a cliffhanger. Not
sitcoms, but with like dramasand like these really, you know,
intense, intense shows. I knowit's hard, but it's so much more
satisfying. And I'm a I'm a bigfan of waiting. And when my

(44:10):
boyfriend I watch shows, we tryto space it out as much as you'd
like. We want to know whathappens. We space it out, maybe
not a full week, but we'll atleast give it you know, a day,
two days, three days, just tokind of savor it and let it
percolate in your brain a littlebit. So you're you're just
thinking about that one episodefor a few days instead of
instead of just going right intothe next episode.

One I think too.
One thing I've really noticed isI literally grew up with the
Tanner's because eight seasons,that's eight years of my life
where now kids can watch it. Youknow, they could binge eight
seasons in a month like it yeah.
And they they're not growlingwith those characters. And so I
was just thinking about likewhen I was going to introduce

(44:52):
this to my daughter. My brainwent to like, Wait, she's not
ready to watch GIA offerStephanie cigarettes. or like
the kissing at the boy party? Orlike, Yeah, but I was aging with
the girls as they grew. And solike, it was all age appropriate
for me. But if I were to watchit with my daughter, all of it

(45:13):
right now, I'm like, Oh, I don'tknow if we're ready for that.
It's just so interesting and howit is. That's,

Unknown (45:19):
that's a great point.
That's a great point that yeah,we are a season on network TV
used to be 26 episodes, 22 to 26episodes, we would start
shooting in July, we would endin February or March. Yeah. So
we grew, the characters grewwith the show and our audience
grew with us. So yeah, when DJand Kimmy are having, you know,

(45:40):
they have their their first kisswith boys at the spin the bottle
party, you're going through thisthe same thing or either you've
just been there, you're about tojust be there. So yeah, there's
a lot of value in findingcharacters that you can relate
to on TV, I think is verypowerful. And watching how
characters navigate those commonhuman experiences is also very

(46:03):
valuable. And yeah, it'ssomething that's missing. Now I
like let's get back to networkTV, and 26 episode season all
in,

let's get back to that. All it's just so
different. Now. It's justdifferent. But let's dive into
your book. Because your book isamazing. It's beautiful. And I
know we're just meeting for thefirst time, but I feel so
ridiculously proud of you, Oh,

Unknown (46:30):
you. Because I

mean, you put your heart on the page, and you
let you let people in and youdidn't hold back. And that is so
difficult to do. And I just Ireally do feel proud of you

Unknown (46:46):
know so much to me, thank you, I It's one of the
things I'm most proud of mybook, out of all the things I've
done in my life, I'm most proudof that. Not because I think
it's a well written book oranything like but but just
because like I got to share mystory. There's something so
cathartic about writing it alldown. And you're unpacking a lot

(47:09):
of this stuff as you're writingit down. Like writing for me has
always been cathartic since Iwas a little girl. It's always
been my thing. You know, I'vealways been a writer, I went to
school, I went to college, andmajored in English literature
because I'm much I love to read,and I love to write. And so
writing for me, it wasn't just Iwasn't doing it for the money, I
wasn't doing it for the fame, orpublicity or anything like that

(47:30):
I was doing it for me. And I'mlike, if somebody can relate to
this great, but I'll be youknow, selfishly I'm doing this
for me to get my story out. Andso I can go back and read it,
you know, when I when I'm older,or my kids can read it, and they
can read about my life beforethey were born. And how I came
to be the person that I am nowand then. And, and a side

(47:53):
benefit of all of this was beingable to connect with other
people who who have dealt withanxiety and depression, and
divorce and like, postpartumanxiety, like all of these
difficult things that so manypeople go through, but it's
gotten better people talk aboutit, people are much more open
about it now. But that hasn'talways been the case. It used to

(48:13):
be very taboo, to talk aboutmental health issues, you know,
you were branded, as you know,something's something's wrong
with you if you have mentalillness, and it's like, well,
no, like, everybody's gotsomething if it's not
depression, it's something else.
So like Kimmy Gibbler, we justembrace the things that we think
are flaws, and make somethinggood out of it. So yeah, it was
really powerful to share, towrite my story, and then to

(48:36):
share it with people. And I wasso nervous to share that too. I
was like, Am I really writingthis down? Like, for public
consumption? I, it was weird.
You know, and I was nervous. Thepeople that know me, and the
people that love me, or thepeople that want to know me,
they they get it and they theylove it, and they appreciate it.

(49:00):
And the critics that don't likeit, or they're not reading it
for the right reasons. Like Ididn't write it to be a best
seller. I didn't write it to bethis, you know, fantastic
novelist or whatever. No, Iwrote it for me and everyone
else out there that has sufferedfrom anxiety or any of any of
the things that I had sufferedfrom as well. So that's, that's,

(49:23):
that's what means the most tome. I don't care. I don't care
about the people that don't likeit. I care about the people that
that resonated with the book.
Well, that's the audience. Yeah,yeah. Those are my people. Yeah,
my people. I Yeah. I love when Ilove when people share their own
stories back to me. It was theaftermath of the book after it
had been out in the world. And Ishared it. I did the whole press
tour for it. The stories that Iheard from people was very

(49:47):
satisfying to because once youfeel that freedom to open up and
share your darkest secret, andyou realize, oh, you know what?
It doesn't need To be a secret,why was I keeping it a secret
for so long? Why was I so afraidof people judging me. And once
you break down that barrier, andyou decide to be open and honest

(50:07):
and share your story, you getthat back tenfold. And it's just
this domino effect of peoplesharing and being cathartic and
relating to one another, andsuddenly you don't feel alone
anymore. And all those, youknow, early, early mornings when
I would wake up at, you know,four in the morning and feel
this surge of anxiety and throwup and I couldn't get couldn't

(50:31):
get a handle on the physicalpart of my anxiety. And I felt
so alone. I don't feel aloneanymore. You know, I don't feel
alone, I still I still havetired, it doesn't mean I'm
cured. Like, I still haveanxiety. Just, you know,
recently, I went through about adifficult time when I started
feeling those things, earlymorning wake ups and the nervous
tummy. And the, you know, thegag reflex is I was like, Okay,

(50:54):
this is familiar, this ishappening again. But now I have
tools to deal with it. Yeah,I've been to therapy, and I feel
more confident in my ability tohandle those, those, those dips,
those hard moments. So, yeah,there's a lot of power in
sharing your story. And I thinkeverybody has a book in them.

(51:14):
And everybody should write itdown. Whether you publish it or
not write it down, you know,because everybody's got a good
story to tell. Everybody

has a book in them. That's so true. And I'm
curious, how did you know it wastime to sit down and write your
story? What was the catalyst forthat?

Unknown (51:34):
Well, that's all because of Rennie Dyball, who
has on? Yeah, Rennie. She is aforce. And she's, I'm so proud
to call her a friend now. I hadalways wanted to write a book,
but I assumed if I'm going towrite a memoir, it's going to be
at the end of my life, not not,you know, when I'm How old was I
was probably early 40s When,when this all started coming up.

(51:57):
But for whatever reason, Reniyou know, thought, hey, you
know, Andrew, I think Andrew hasgot a book in her. And so she
reached out to to my manager andwas like, you know, Xandria ever
thought of writing a book. And Iwas like, Well, yeah, but now.
And she's like, Yeah, now's thetime. Because, I mean, for
marketing purposes, I was onFuller House at the time. So I

(52:19):
had the audience, I had theattention of people. And that
was the best time to write abook and market a book, because
people were still interested inme. So there is like, there's
that side of it. But also,Rennie was just like, why wait,
like, it's fresh now. Like, Imean, yeah, I got divorced 10
years ago. And all of that was along time ago. But now enough

(52:39):
time has passed that I haveperspective about it, but it's
still fresh enough to remember.
So now is the time to write thatstory. And that's what resonated
with me. I don't care about themarketing side of it. I don't
care about the publicity side ofit, but I was just like, Yeah,
you know, why am I gonna waittill I'm 80 years old? When my
memory may, who knows what'sgonna, my memory my memory might
go, or, you know, and tomorrowis never promised either. Like,

(53:03):
that's the other lesson I'velearned in recent years after
losing people in my life thatI'm very close to, you're never
promised tomorrow. So write thatbook now. And I'm so grateful to
Rennie for forgiving me thatnudge and she was just the best
we collaborated throughout thewhole process. And I told her, I
was like, I want to write itmyself. You know, I have the

(53:24):
confidence in myself to do this.
But I need some help. BecauseI've never written a book
before, really. So she was veryhelpful in guiding me through
the process of how you write abook proposal, and how you try
to pitch your book, you know,she was so helpful with with
just how do you do it? Cuz I'mlike, I don't know, do I just
sit down and just start typing?
What do I do? She's like, Well,you got to find your process.
But here's my process. So shewas like a mentor for me

(53:46):
throughout that entire process.
And she became a dear friend asa result of that. And she's
great and she has a children'sbook out to be for Belize. Be
experimentally though it's sucha good book. I wish I wish I had
had that book when my kids werelittle, because it's such a
great message about bodypositivity. So yeah, Randy.

(54:09):
Randy is just a wonderful,wonderful person. I'm so
grateful that she came into mylife and gave me that nudge
because without her I might havenever written a book who knows
so and

and yes, and shout out to Ronny. I adore her
and no unreasonable for her toshe's so sweet and so relatable
of it. But I'm so grateful thatshe did reach out to you because
had you waited, you're right,your memory might be different.
But think about all of thepeople you're helping now right

(54:39):
now in their life going throughthis reading your experience
like Oh, even Andrea barber goesthrough this like somebody I've
looked up to my whole life. Itmakes it okay, it makes it okay
to talk about and I'm curious, Iwant to ask for some some of
your opinions and your advice onthe topic of anxiety. At BK. My,

(55:02):
like almost my entire extendedfamily has anxiety in some
capacity. And so I'm veryfamiliar with it. But I'm
curious for from yourperspective, what advice do you
have for people who want tosupport those who are feeling
this crushing anxiety, likeright now. But also need to kind

(55:23):
of protect their own boundariesand, and, and their own mental
health, like they want to bethere, they want to support you,
but they're not in a place wherethey can climb into bed with you
right now. Like, how do yousupport somebody? Or what advice
do you have for for somebody whowants to love somebody so hard,
but doesn't know what to do?

Unknown (55:42):
Yeah, that's such a good question. And I can answer
part of it. Because my boyfriendwho I've been with for nine
years, I feel weird sayingboyfriend because I'm 47 years
old, but he's my, he's my, mylife partner, my, you know, he's
my person, I just call him myperson. He's my Michael. And
he's just been transformative insupporting me. And, you know, my

(56:05):
ex husband wasn't the bestperson. And that's not a knock
on him. But he wasn't the bestperson to support me through my
anxiety, because I don't thinkhe understood it. And he didn't
know how to support me. And thatjust caused a lot of friction.
But then Michael came into mylife, and he's just so
supportive, like, I'm not afraidthat he's going to leave me,

(56:26):
because I'm anxious. And that,that is huge. So I think just,
he's a great listener. Solistening is so important.
Listening without judgment,listening without solving the
problems, because you don't eversolve anxiety. You just learn to
live with it. And you learndifferent tools of how to cope

(56:46):
with it so that you remainhealthy. And you don't spiral
into a dark despair. Solistening, acceptance, loving
the person, whether they'rehaving a bad day or not. And
yeah, just that reassurance likehe's so he's so good about.

(57:06):
Like, if I'm, if I'm having areally like, I'm really, really
struggling and like, I can't getout of bed, he'll just go sit
with me, or he'll, you know,he'll, he'll spoon me. Or we
don't even have to say anything,but it's just feeling that
physical comfort. That's whatworks for me. I mean, everybody
with anxiety is different. Andmaybe you don't want to be
touched when you when you haveanxiety. But just feeling like

(57:28):
that warm hug. It's just, it'sjust that comfort. So yeah,
that's how to support someone isjust just to listen without
judgment and reassure thatperson that you will always love
them, no matter how anxious theyget. It sounds so simple, but it
makes a world of difference. Butthe part of your question that

(57:49):
I'm struggling to answer is howto how does the supporter
protect their own mental health?
Because I know, it's hard livingwith someone with anxiety. I
feel bad about that every day,because I know it like when I'm
anxious. I'm like, I can't Ican't focus on anything else.
And I can't talk about anythingelse. And I'm like, Yeah, that's
really difficult to live with.
So I don't know, I should go askMichael. Mike, how do you

(58:12):
protect your mental health? Idon't know. But I think it's
just I think, I don't have allthe answers. But I think it's
just finding, it's riding theroller coaster and knowing that,
that you'll always come out ofit. You know, no matter how dark
and how deep you go into youranxiety or depression, there's
always you'll always go back up,you know, and you just wait for

(58:36):
those moments. And once you getthrough to the other side,
relish those moments, and, youknow, make time for the person,
whether it's going out on a datenight, or go into the movie,
like, like, I'm describing thisfrom a romantic relationship.
But, you know, if you're justsupporting a sister or a parent,

(58:57):
or a child who has anxiety, it'sgoing to look a little bit
different, but just, you know,celebrate those small wins. You
know, if you had a good day, ifyou slept through the night,
celebrate that go out forcoffee, you know, say hey, you
know what, this is great. Let'sgo celebrate and get a Starbucks
and have a special, you know, aspecial Frappuccino or whatever,
some little indulgence. And Idon't know how he does it. I

(59:20):
don't know how he protects hisown mental health. To be honest,
he's just amazing. He's amazingat it. So I'm very grateful that
we're compatible. Yeah, he's nothe's not bothered by it doesn't
seem to faze him. When I whenI'm going through through the
struggle, the struggles hedoesn't, it doesn't faze him.
He's just like, it's okay. Youknow, I'm here for you. And it's

(59:42):
okay. So yeah, I wish I had abetter answer for the second
love

that I have. And I don't mean like in a negative
way, but I know sometimes it canbe overwhelming for someone
who's not going through it andyou want to be there for them
and you want to support them butyou're also You know, getting
pulled in and try and it kind ofconsumes a little bit. And so
trying to how do you I like whatyou said is just letting them

(01:00:08):
know you're here listeningwithout judgment, like I just
love those steps of okay, whatcan I do so that they know and
then I'll be here when you'reready or if you want to talk
about it or any of thosedifferent things. So, yeah,

Unknown (01:00:22):
I think you said it lovely. Thank

Katie Doughty (01:00:23):
you for that.
Yeah, I

Unknown (01:00:24):
do. I'm also a big fan of just like also setting
boundaries and communicatingthose. So if, if you as the
supporter are feelingoverwhelmed by your loved ones
anxiety, it's okay to say youknow what, I love you. But I'm
not in the right headspace rightnow to help you. So I need to
go, I need to go whatever youneed, I need to go for a walk,

(01:00:47):
or I need to focus on my work,or I need to do it's okay to say
that. As long as it's said withlove. It's not like, Oh, I can't
deal with you right now. No,it's all about the delivery and
how you say something andpresent it. I am all about
boundaries. Man. I am I ammiddle age now. And I'm like,
set your boundaries, tell peoplewhat you need. And don't back
down. Don't give in just setthose boundaries and and

(01:01:09):
communicate your needs as well.
Because it's so important. Youcan't you can't support other
people. Unless you are feelingwhole yourself. So true. I'm all
but I'm in my groups era. Yeah.

Yep, it's so true. And I'm learning that too,
as I get older of like selfcare, is not selfish. And
setting yourself up to take careof yourself is not selfish. Do
you have to do that. Because aswe get older, I feel like I have
more people to take care of.
Yeah, things to manage, andmore, more hearts to manage. And
so it's something that I have toremind myself of, and I'm

(01:01:45):
curious for you, you saidsomething in your book about
when you were when you weregoing through some of these deep
depression and anxiety. You letyourself feel your feelings, you
felt them hard. And then you gotyourself out to do something,

(01:02:06):
can you speak to that a littlebit, because that is a very
difficult thing to do. And Ijust applaud you for doing it.
And then and then helping otherssee that it is possible. So for
you what was it like to feelyour feelings? And move on? What
did that? What did that looklike for you?

Unknown (01:02:27):
Yeah, that came straight from my therapist. And
I was dealing with the grief ofmy divorce, which was, it was
the hardest thing I had everbeen been through at that point.
It was, it was devastating tome. And I had a lot of grieving
to do you fight against youfight against negative feelings.
So whether it's anxiousfeelings, or depression, or

(01:02:47):
grief or whatever is likethere's a tendency for us
naturally to just be like, Idon't want to feel those. So I'm
going to distract myself bygetting on my phone, or I'm
gonna distract myself with a TVshow or whatever, whatever your
distraction techniques are. Andthat's just avoidance. And so
what my therapist taught me isthat, in order to get past those
feelings, you have to feel them,you can't ignore them, you can't

(01:03:10):
push them away. You have to cryas hard as you can. And feel it
but don't dwell on it. Andthat's the important thing is to
not stay in that negativeheadspace because that's what I
was doing. I was grieving andcrying, and then not recovering
from it. So she said, you feelthe feelings, feel them fully

(01:03:31):
cry as hard as you can. And thenmake sure you have plans to go
out with a friend or girlfriend.
And that's, that's when thedistraction comes, whether
you're going out with friends orgo see a movie, or whatever it
is, like you almost have toschedule it. You have to
compartmentalize it and scheduleyourself say, Okay, I'm gonna
cry, I'm feeling bad. I'm gonnacry tonight. But tomorrow, I'm
gonna go, I'm gonna go dosomething for me, I'm gonna fill

(01:03:53):
my bucket. So you have to findways to fill your bucket, as
well as grieve or work or feelthose feelings. So yeah, that's
the important thing is to notsit in it for too long, feel it,
but then consciously make thedecision to move on. And it's
hard. Like, it's easy to saythat, but it's so hard to do
that. And so it's a skill. It'slike a muscle you have to

(01:04:17):
practice you have to, you haveto exercise that muscle and and
let it grow. And then it becomeseasier, the more you do it, but
it doesn't come naturally atfirst. Yeah, that's what therapy
is for, you know, it's thoseweekly check ins and for my
therapist to remind me, you knowthat that you can't sit, you
can't sit in the darknessforever. You have to feel it and

(01:04:38):
then and then move on. Move on.

I love that. I love that and giving
encouragement to those who mightbe feeling it right now. Like
yes, it's validating thosefeelings. Feel them, feel them
hard. And then go find somethingthat makes you feel good. Find
something that lifts you up thatyou want to do or that you
Enjoy, but not dwelling in thoseI think is so, so stinking

(01:05:04):
important. So I'm grateful yousaid that. Yeah. And it's I
always I fight

Unknown (01:05:10):
some sometimes I fight crying like I'm like, Oh, I
gotta hold it together. Like ifI'm anxious, I'm super anxious
or something. I'm like, I feelthe need to cry, but I'll fight
it. And sometimes you have tobecause if you're out in public
or you're Yeah, at your job orsomething, you can't cry right
then. But it's such a, it's sucha feeling where I'm just getting
wound up. And the more I fightthe crying, the worse I feel.

(01:05:32):
But once I like, I get in thebathtub, you know, I draw my
bath, I get in there, and I justlet it all go. I feel so good.
It's like a workout. Like itfeels so good afterwards, and
the endorphins start hitting.
And I'm just like, Wow, all Ineeded was a big cry. And it
didn't solve anything. Like Istill have the same problems I
had before. But it's just such acathartic relief. So don't fight

(01:05:53):
those feelings. Like just, ifsometimes all you need is a big
cry. And that's enough to makeit make you feel like okay, now
I can go on with my day. Yeah,because I had that big cry, we
have

to let it all out. It's all these emotions
that are bottling up and growinginside and letting them out is
what is something you need todo. And which brings us to my
next thing I want to talk aboutyou started running. You like
running and okay, I had thismajor squeal moment while I was
reading your book, because youdescribe a moment from your

(01:06:29):
first half marathon that onlyone other person understands.
Because I was there. I literallyran through the castle at
sunrise at the Tinker Bell halfmarathon in 2012. But no the
same marathon name line. Yeah,

Unknown (01:06:48):
that's amazing. Like this is fate that we've met as
bait. Oh my gosh,

I know what you you describe that moment in your
book. And that is one of thoselike, when I need to go to my
happy place. That's my happyplace is running through the
castle at Sun sunrise inDisneyland, and you described it
in there. And that was yourfirst half marathon that you
did. And you talked about one ofthe signs it was like worst
parade ever. I remember passingor something like that. The

(01:07:17):
signs are great. Yeah. So funny.
Yeah. But I was wondering if youcould speak a little bit to how
you got into running what itmeans to you. And then we can
geek out over running

Unknown (01:07:28):
over running. Yeah, you know what I have to admit, it's
been a few years like I don'trun it anymore. I have a
peloton, though. So now I know,my peloton, and I get that same
sort of fulfillment. Yes. Fromthat, that's my workout of
choice now just that's just whatit is. But I do miss running.
And I've been thinking a lotlately. I need to get back into
it. Because I miss I miss thosefeelings of setting a goal. Yes,

(01:07:53):
that seems impossible, likerunning 13 miles all in one go.
And then accomplishing itworking towards that goal and
then accomplishing it is such asatisfying feeling. But how I
got into running was kind of byaccident. I am like a sheep. I
just follow whatever my friendsdo. So I had friends who were
who were like, Oh, this is theinaugural Tinkerbell half

(01:08:13):
marathon, we have to do it likeand so I had FOMO. And I was
like, oh, okay, I'm gonna signup to thinking I'm like, Okay,
well, worst case scenario, I'lljust walk the whole thing. But
then I got nervous. And I'mlike, oh, no, I really need to
start training hard for this.
And so I did. And yeah, it wassuch a great feeling of
accomplishment. And it, I reallywas able this was around the
time I was getting divorced,too. So I was really able to

(01:08:35):
work through a lot of mydifficult feelings at the time,
there's something about running,and the repetitiveness of it, of
your food of your shoes, youknow, slapping the pavement and
it's like, it's almost like ametronome. You know, and you get
into this rhythm, and it's likea moving meditation, where you
just clear your mind of all thenoise. Yeah. And suddenly, you

(01:08:59):
find answers to answers that youcouldn't find before in the
busyness of life. And with allthe noise that clutters your
brain running just empties allof that out and things become
crystal clear. And I don't know.
I don't know why I don't knowthe physical mechanics behind

(01:09:20):
that. Why I'm sure there's likea physical disk. You know, a
reason why this happens. And Idon't I can't speak to that. But
it's great like that runner'shigh is real like that is not a
myth. And I'm sure yeah, it'sthe endorphins. It's all of
those things too. But it's themental aspect, the the
meditative quality of justfalling into the rhythm and

(01:09:41):
being in tune with your breath,and running outside. With fresh
air and sun on your face. Likeyou forget how important that is
to when we're cooped up in ouroffices all day or behind a
computer or rushing around inour cars from one place to the
other. You forget just how muchwe need. that connection with
the earth. Yeah. And the sun andthe fresh air like it's it's

(01:10:05):
very restorative. It's so it'sso simple, but it's also very
easy to forget. Like I I fell inlove with running. And I don't
know why I stopped I guess Idon't I don't know why I don't
know why I stopped. I could sayI got busy but that's kind of an
excuse. I'm like, Well,everybody's busy you you make

(01:10:26):
time for the things that areimportant to you. Yeah, but I
got a peloton so it's differentI can I can now run or not run I
can I can cycle or at all hoursof the day. I don't have to you
know if it's 5am or if it's, youknow, dark at night. I don't
have to worry about oh my gosh,am I gonna get my run in? I tend
just peloton anytime. So maybethat's why I switched to that.
But I would always go championof running are always a runner.

(01:10:49):
And I have been thinking latelyI need to get back to it. It's
going to be painful. Gettingback to those first few weeks of
getting into a runner. Theyalways suck. Yeah, and it's
hard. But when you get past it,it's so rewarding is so
rewarding. I have to keep thatin mind.

Oh my gosh. I feel the same way. Because it's
been a few years for me too. AndI recently tried to get back
into it. But you're right,getting past those first two
weeks. It's just like, it'shorrible, painful. And the more
years that passed, I feel likeit gets worse. Yeah, so but what
I love what you're saying is, itdoesn't matter if you're a
runner. You use your peloton,it's exercise, right mental

(01:11:26):
health and exercise. They needto go hand in hand because
clearing your brain gettingthose endorphins, sweating it
out. I feel like all of thosethings are so powerful for
having healthier mentality andbeing able to have a more clear
mind. So yeah, regardless ofwhat you even just going for a
walk, like you said, getting thesun on your face, getting your

(01:11:48):
body moving, it doesn't need tobe this big production. Yeah,
you don't have to sign up for amarathon, but just getting out
and getting outside. And that'ssomething too that I'm focusing
on with my own kids for theirmental health. Get outside, like
following the 1000 hours outsidemovement, and Oh, nice. Just
getting them to be one withnature is so important. I feel

(01:12:10):
like it's really helpful intheir mental health.

Unknown (01:12:13):
Yeah. And you're right walking, walking is so
restorative like, Yeah, youdon't have to be talented, you
don't have to be athletic.
There's even just gettingoutside for 15 minutes on your
lunch break from work isextremely powerful and
restorative. So, yeah, you don'thave to run a half marathon. You
don't have to run every day. Butjust getting outside and just

(01:12:34):
some sort of movement, whateveryour form of movement is,
whether it's a bicycle or justwalking shoes. It's just it's
critical for mental health.
Absolutely. It's a critical toolin your tool belt of how to
combat mental mental healthissues. Yeah,

yeah. And I love your shout out to the 12 Minute
milers in your book, you'relike, Yeah, I pay you and I'm
like 12 minute miler here likeyou're like, Why do only the
fast runners post their times?
Let me see the 12 Minute milers,you got out there. You did it.
Let's celebrate that. And so Ijust want to shout that out.

(01:13:13):
Because it's so true. And justremind people, time doesn't
matter. Speed doesn't matter.
Distance doesn't matter. Are youtaking care of yourself? Let's
celebrate you that's soimportant. Let's celebrate

Unknown (01:13:25):
everyone, no matter how fast or slow. And I have so much
respect for for you the middleof the middle of the packers or
the back of the Packers becauseyou know what those back of the
Packers are out there a lotlonger than the elites right won
the marathon. Yeah, you know,those back of the Packers are
out there for hours and hoursand hours and that is so
difficult mentally andphysically. So I have so much

(01:13:47):
respect for 12 minute milers, 16minute mile or 20 minute mile or
whatever it is like mad respectto those people and they deserve
100% to be just as celebrated asthe elites. Absolutely.

Oh, and I also loved you talk about the cart of
shame. Oh, that's

Unknown (01:14:06):
the runDisney card of shame. Yeah,

the card of shame. So we I did the Rock and
Roll Marathon. And we call itthe sagen wagon. And there was
one. Well, you talk abouthitting the wall too. When
you're talking about yourmarathon and I hit my wall I was
running with my husband. And wewere running one direction and

(01:14:29):
like coming down this way. Andit was a long way up in a long
way back. But you could see thewagon wagon coming this way. And
I was just like, in tears. I waslike it's gonna pick me up. I'm
never going to finish this. Theworst thing ever. So I when you
said cart of shame. I'm likethat is exactly what it is.

(01:14:50):
Yeah. Scary. Yeah.

Unknown (01:14:53):
I understand the necessity for it because you
can't have I mean, the streetsare only open for so long so
they have to collect aroundyours. Yeah. And it's like, No,
we got to open the streets backup. So I understand the purpose
of it. But it is veryintimidating. You're like, Oh my
God, you're here comes the cardof shame to pick me up.

Maybe we went on it.

Unknown (01:15:12):
Which is not true.
That's always that is not true.
You're never alone, even ifyou're on the card of shame.
Yeah,

that's true. That is true. Yeah. Oh, my gosh.
Well, I have one more questionfor you. I mean, I could sit and
chat with you for oh, yeah,yeah, gates, because you are so
easy to talk to and so kindhearted, I appreciate this. So
much. But you've mentioned inyour book at the end, kind of
like, what am I going to go fromhere? And one of them is writing
children's books. Ooh, curious.
Is that still on your mind? Areyou kind of ruminating about

(01:15:42):
writing children's books?

Unknown (01:15:46):
It's always on my mind.
So is it on my mind? Absolutely.
And Reni Reni will always she'lltext me now. And then she's
like, he's still thinking aboutwriting. And so yeah, it's
always in the back of my mind.
But I don't know what'spreventing me from taking that
leap. Yeah. And I think it'sinexperience, which is dumb,
because I could just call Ronnieand be like, Hey, tell me, lead
me. You know, you mentored meonce before? Let's do it again.

(01:16:10):
And she's offered. She's justlike, you ever want to
collaborate? Let's collaborate.
So yeah, I would love to writechildren's books, I guess I just
need to find, like a, I need tofind a focus, like, what am I
going to write about? Like, whathasn't been written? What? What
do kids need to read? What dothey want to read? What age
group? I don't know. It's allvery overwhelming. And I know,

(01:16:32):
it seems easier to writechildren's books, but it's
really not because every wordcounts. Like it's almost harder
because it is you can't just goon and on and on and a paragraph
you have to make it short andtight. And every word counts. So
Exactly. Yeah. So maybe it's mylack of knowledge that's holding
me back. I don't know. But it'sdefinitely on my bucket list.

(01:16:53):
Yeah. I do want to do itsomeday. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna
say it. I'm going to write achildren's book someday. I don't
know when. I don't know when butI've just decided this right now
that you've given me that littlepush you further here, folks.
Don't know if it's going to beanytime soon. Or maybe it'll be
you know, 30 years from now? Idon't know. But someday, that

(01:17:14):
that's on my list my bucket listto do. Yeah. Yeah. I just need I
just need that push. And I needI need to, to narrow in on what
topic?

Oh, my gosh, talk about, okay, well, we can have
brainstorm sessions. Okay. I'mworking on it. So I'm writing a
book, right. And I've written acouple children's books, but I'm
working on a book for adultsright now. So I am in the
headspace of writing. I lovethat. Let's chat, my friend.
Let's get this done for you.
It's

Unknown (01:17:40):
not the end of our friendship or a relationship.
It's not just podcast orrelationship here. This started
something great.

We're moving forward. Oh, now my brains out
thinking like, well, what couldyou write about? I feel like
there's Yeah, the topic ofmental health. Maybe a kid who
runs maybe like some kind of Idon't know. Okay, we'll have to
brainstorm will percolate.

Unknown (01:18:00):
Yeah, brainstorm. Okay.

Yeah, for sure.
Oh, my gosh, I want to saygoodbye. I feel like it's only
been like five minutes. But Idon't know, grateful for you.
I'm so grateful for the heartand soul that you put into what
you do and the way that you showup in the world because it's so
needed. And I just, I value whatyou have to offer. So thank you
for being here. Thank you forsharing all of this. And

(01:18:24):
everyone go by full circle. Goread it right now. And come
cheer on Andrea Barbara, becauseshe's amazing. Oh, you

Unknown (01:18:33):
are so sweet. And I have enjoyed this conversation.
It's been such a satisfyingconversation like, in, in this
industry in the Hollywoodindustry as an actor. I'm so
used to like quick conversationsand quick sound bites. And you
know, I gotta tighten things up.
And you don't really get tothat, that time to flesh out a
conversation. So this has beendeeply satisfying for me to have
this conversation with you justabout some really important

(01:18:57):
topics not just about you know,what are you wearing today? Or
what you know, it's it's like,these are these are this is what
we need to talk about. Yes,about mental health and running
and you know, all of the all ofthe topics that matter. So thank
you for this. This has been ahighlight for me and I just
enjoyed our conversation somuch. That

means the world to me. Thank you. Okay, here's
how I'm going to end thisconversation. Are you ready?

Unknown (01:19:23):
I'm ready. Do good do Bob. Data. Yeah.

Thank you.

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