August 11, 2025 • 36 mins
Today we're exploring how to make the 5D and 3D both work on this journey. Erica Ballard is a mom of 2 and Spiritual Coach. Reconnect with your inner knowing (and Connect with Erica!) Here!
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Episode Transcript
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Erica (00:00):
When we take care of ourselves, we take care of
everyone else.
What I continue to find when Ifind peace for myself, when I
recognize I'm fully resourced,then I get to show up how I'm
intended to.
For some of us, it's to run abusiness.
For some of us, it's to handlethat tantrum because that is
(00:21):
something, right?
And and for others, it's tolike have the energy to donate.
It's still a little hard,right?
For me, I should say, to liketwist that gear.
Um, but everything you'resaying is true, and I'm always
so grateful to be reminded of itbecause peace does start with
you.
Ryann (00:40):
Hello friends, welcome back to the Raising Wild Hearts
podcast.
So happy you're here.
Today I did somethingdifferent, and I live streamed
on Facebook and YouTube.
And if you're not following meout on Facebook or YouTube, I
think I might do this.
I don't know if I'll do itevery time, but I'm gonna do it
once in a while.
So go follow me on YouTube atRaising Wild Hearts and
(01:00):
Facebook, I think it'sfacebook.com slash RW Hearts.
But you could also find me bysearching Raising Wild Hearts.
Also, if you haven't yet, goget on my mailing list at
raisingwildhearts.com.
Click on become an insider, andI will send you weekly love
notes every Wednesday.
Mostly every Wednesday.
I've skipped a coupleWednesdays this summer because
summer has been, well, summer.
(01:22):
Okay, so today I'm sitting downwith Erica Ballard, and I'm so
excited for you guys to hearthis conversation.
About halfway through, werealized that we were at the
same event in 2018, and we wereabsolutely cracking up.
And even after we recorded, wewere like, can you even believe
it?
So that was a fun synchronicityin this conversation.
Erica Ballard is a life coach,a spiritual teacher, and a mom
(01:45):
of two, having a very humanexperience.
She is described as a beautifulblend of high-performance
habits, growth mindset, andwoo-woo.
In this conversation, we unpackmany things, including peace,
including motherhood, somaticwork.
We define somatics, we talk alot about blending the practical
(02:10):
with the spiritual, and so muchmore.
I hope you enjoy thisconversation as much as I did.
Let's jump in.
Erica, welcome to the RaisingWild Arts podcast.
Hi, Ryan.
I'm so glad to be here.
So the first place I want tostart is you said in your first
message to me, I'm a coach, I'ma teacher, I'm a mom of two, and
(02:31):
I'm having quite the humanexperience.
And I was like, yep, you had meat human experience.
Because I think I know what youmeant by that.
But would you tell us what youmean by you're having quite the
human experience?
Erica (02:45):
Listen, life lives.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Iron Katie talks about how weoften try to fight reality.
And I understand why.
Like, can I understand why?
Right there.
Just it's summertime.
I have two kids at home.
Life is lifing.
I got let go on maternityleave.
I'm refining myself even thoughI've been doing the work for so
long.
And like, I'm really having ahuman experience.
(03:07):
I'm experiencing all theemotions because when I think
about what it means, right, tobe here, it's not this like
levelness, this numbness.
It's a healthy nervous system,right?
A hue, a full human experienceis all of the emotions, all of
the feelings, all of it.
I know I'm a spirit.
I get it, but I'm a spirithaving a human experience.
(03:29):
And so I got one foot here andone foot there, and we're doing
our best.
We're doing our best.
Ryann (03:36):
I'm imagining that there's some sort of for me,
there's like this equanimitythat I have to ultimately
surrender to this capacity tofeel that top of the roller
coaster and then like thebottom, whether it's like wiping
the butt, it's holding spacefor the tantrum, whether it's
recording this podcast, it'shere we are.
And it doesn't mean that it'sgood or bad.
(03:58):
How do you, how does that landfor you?
Erica (04:00):
I mean, wonderful.
Like when I can get there,right?
Which is which I will say, I'vebeen doing the work enough to
know that I can, right?
Like, but this non-duality thatyou speak of, it's a journey to
get there.
What I continue to find is thatpeace is available there.
So great example.
Yesterday I was like, I'm athome where I grew up, and all I
(04:21):
wanted to do was watch afreaking lesson on somatics.
That was it.
That's all, like, it was twoand a half, to be fair, it was
two and a half hours, but Iwanted to study, listen, do it.
And I mean, I'm livid that Ican't because I have kids
running around, husband beingreally helpful, but like, you
know, like he's being a dadinstead of like a caretaker in
my highs, right?
My mom has watched the kids allday and she's tired.
(04:45):
And like, but I'm like, for thelove of God, I guess what?
And I walk out and I'm likeirritated.
And then I just stopped myselfand said, or alternatively, this
is perfect.
Or alternatively, this iswhat's supposed to be happening.
And it was like, Yeah.
Why did I want the only reasonI wanted to finish that was for
my ego.
The only reason I want tofinish that was because I
(05:06):
thought it would mean something.
Right.
And so it's this like the goodor bad, right?
Is it good or is it bad?
Who does this make me?
And it's like when you get outof that and realize that
everything is God, that there isno good or bad.
Ryann (05:17):
The affirmation I've been saying lately in the mornings
this summer, because this summerhas been just um, it's just
been.
It's just it's just been thissummer.
And uh, I've been saying peacebegins with me.
And it's just so true becausekids are going through various
challenges, we're going throughvarious logistical things, we're
(05:37):
all a little like tired of eachother.
It's five billion degrees inFlorida.
And it's just like, can Ichoose to show up in peace?
Because that's it.
That's really beautiful.
I've been saying I'm fullyresourced.
Oh, that just makes me likemelt a little bit.
I'm fully resourced.
Yes.
Erica (05:56):
Yeah.
Yes.
But how continues to be achallenge, honestly, in this in
this space, right?
The spiritual growth, thespiritual space is this
understanding that like this ismy science language, like we're
the end of one, right?
There's only one of us.
And that when we take care ofourselves, we take care of
everyone else, right?
Like when you look around theworld, like I was, uh, I don't
(06:20):
want to call it doom scrollingbecause that's not what was
happening.
I was trying to numb out, andthen I saw pictures of Gaza and
then was like immediatelyincapable of numbing out.
Um like, what?
You know what I mean?
Like me taking care of me canhelp that.
Are you sure?
But what I continue to find,when I find peace for myself,
when I recognize I'm fullyresourced, then I get to show up
(06:41):
how I'm intended to.
And for some of some of us,it's to run a business in that
moment.
For some of us, it's to handlethat tantrum, because that is
something, right?
And and for other of us, it'sto like have the energy to
donate, have the energy tofundraise, have the energy to so
it's so true.
But I do understand that whenwe say this, that it's really
(07:02):
natural to be like because thereis, it's still a little hard,
right?
For me, I should say, to liketwist that gear.
But everything you're saying istrue.
And I'm always so grateful tobe reminded of it because peace
does start with you because it'sonly you.
Yeah.
It's only you, you know?
Ryann (07:20):
Yeah.
So you've been described as abeautiful blend of high
performance habits, growthmindset, and woo-woo.
Tell me what it is about thiscombination that makes you such
a powerhouse, an effectivebusinesswoman, a present mother,
all the things.
Like, what is it about thecombination of that that makes
(07:42):
Erica so Erica?
Erica (07:44):
Great question.
Here's what I would say.
I going back to the humanexperience, we're spirit having
a human experience, right?
And so understanding thatalready, I think gives me an
edge, right?
And I think anyone who getsthat understands that, like,
okay, my language, this world isan illusion, right?
When you get it, you can justnaturally calm down, like for a
second, right?
I'm a student of a course inmiracles.
(08:05):
So um prefacing with that lensis our mind gets to choose,
right?
And yes, I, you know, I talk alot about like body, mind
connection.
I believe this thing is yourwalking subconscious, but our
mind gets to choose.
And because my experience hereis one of a learner, one who
absorbs information, what'sreally fun is that my growth is
(08:28):
tied to choosing the truth.
And I know multiple ways tochoose the truth.
So it's like high performancehabits, like growth mindset.
It's because I I love to learnand I know that when I'm
spiraling, as some of us do fromtime to time, is I get to
choose in my mind what I see.
And when I can't always gothere spiritually, right?
(08:49):
I get to pull from these toolsthat say, just turn like look
left.
Just look left.
And that enables me to show upin a way that feels and is
genuine, authentic, like loving,even if it's a little direct
for some people, even if it's alittle, you know, it's a little
different than what people mightconsider to be love or love and
(09:12):
light.
Ryann (09:14):
So you say that you figured out how to love life.
I would just love to break downthat secret of how to love life
because I know that it's notbutterflies and rainbows for
you.
I know it's not all love andlight.
So, how is it that you got tothe place?
And what was that particularlywhat was the struggle like?
(09:35):
How was that born from yourchallenge, from your struggle?
Erica (09:42):
The for I wish I knew who said this because I think it's
such a brilliant phrase.
The purgatory of the mundane.
That's kind of where I lived.
Really felt I needed to provemyself and be somebody.
I never thought I was smartenough.
Like the fact that I tell youthat I'm I'm a learner and I use
my intellect, like for so long,I just felt like an idiot.
I just felt stupid andunlovable by other people, like
(10:03):
by a you, by like a person Ididn't know, right?
Friends, I was bullied, allthose things.
And it essentially createdsomeone who was constantly
performing, but extremelyunaware that she was.
And even now, right, it'ssomething that I've got to be
really conscious of.
My mask was like cool girl,like hard worker, achiever, like
(10:24):
to get ahead, to chase whateverversion of success that we all
consume, right?
Is or that version of successwe all consume.
You have to numb out.
Like you have to because it'sinsane when you really think
about it, right?
Like, because it's it'sessentially I will be happy
when.
Yep.
The hamster wheel, the hamsterwheel, and then everything will
(10:46):
come.
Ryann (10:46):
That something is so great in this imagined future
that never actually happensbecause you're always still
focused on the imagined future.
Erica (10:54):
Yeah, and then when you get the imagined future, you
move the needle, not in a likegrateful content, it will come
move the needle, in a likegreat.
I check the box to get to thenext part because really
happiness is this future.
This was just the steppingstone to happiness, you know?
Ryann (11:13):
Yeah, do you know?
Do you know, Red?
Uh still keep going up thatmountain.
You'll you're almost there.
You're almost almost there.
Erica (11:22):
So, you know, you never get there.
And at some point, essentially,like the piece that I love and
hate about the story is that atsome point I was like, just give
up.
Like, not give up life, likegive up dreaming.
This is I'm 28.
I'm in my little scion XA,driving to work.
And I remember looking out thewindow and being like, Why are
you even dreaming of a betterfuture?
This is it.
Like, this is it.
(11:43):
Buckle up, kid.
We just gotta slug it out forthe next 50 plus years.
I was like constantly shuttingdown dreams.
I would stare out a window justmindlessly.
I was numb.
And so that was me for thefirst 30 some years, NBD.
At one point, I saw a womannamed Karen Kenny speak on a
stage.
Ryann (12:03):
I know Karen Kenny.
Okay.
Oh my gosh.
So I saw Karen.
Wow.
Oh my gosh, what event were youat?
Were you at the Ignite YourSoul Summit?
Shut.
Uh so was I.
That's crazy.
Right.
We were in this.
There was only like 270 peoplein that room.
I was there.
I like 2018, right?
(12:23):
Oh my God.
That's hilarious.
She's so oh my god, she's sucha good speaker.
Erica (12:29):
Shout out KK.
We love you.
Oh my God.
And I like Karen cannot knowhow many times I quote her.
Like, I quote Karen pretty muchanytime on a I'm on a podcast.
Ryann (12:38):
The Forgiveness Olympics.
Life is like the fuckingforgiveness Olympics.
Like, favorite quote ever.
Erica (12:44):
My favorite quote from Karen, and this is what she
ended her speech with on thatstage.
She said, The world needssaving and God sent you.
And my whole body went, yup,and I couldn't fight it anymore.
She always tells that storyabout the Course of Miracles,
how she like the book fell onher head, and then she was like
threw it across the room.
Same thing, except that Ibought the book and then it
would like start to disappear inmy house.
And I found it and I startedreading it when I was moving,
(13:05):
and it changed everything.
Like understanding that thisworld's an illusion and chair is
not a chair, like it sent me.
It just opened my eyes to thetruth.
And then I have just keptlooking for it ever since.
Then I started to dive into thescience of it because I moved
from course to quantum physicsand Joe Dispenza and all that,
is my body was just umaccustomed to the negative
(13:28):
feelings.
And so when I start to rememberwhat is my birthright, right?
What is truly available to me,everything started to crumble
because once I understood that,like unhurried, spacious,
impactful, fun, present,invincible, courageous, love,
like all of this is what I am.
And I can train this thing toremember that I can change.
And when the world is set upfor me to reach my goal of
(13:51):
truth, then I'm like, oh,everything here is for me.
And I've done enough work thatwhen I'm really pissed off about
a somatics class, I can stopand say, wait a second, wait a
second.
This is what's true.
This moment is the only thingthat's real.
Yeah.
And that to me has been likethe longest and shortest journey
(14:11):
one can take.
Ryann (14:12):
Yeah.
Erica (14:13):
You know?
Um, and I would say just aslike a preview for me, like
where I'm going, is likeunderstanding that the world is
an illusion was really simple.
Seeing God in everything,that's the walk on right now.
Like the forgiveness Olympics,God is in all of us, like that's
where I am now.
And it's a really wonderful,beautiful, and at times very
(14:34):
challenging place to be.
Ryann (14:36):
So, what I heard you say about this work you've done,
this path you've walked, all theshit that's happened to you.
I'm hearing you say there'slike one central place of you
that you call truth that we'retrying to describe in words,
which is probably impossible.
What came to mind for me islike the is-ness of the moment.
(14:59):
There's like this be, right?
And that's what I'm hearing yousay.
It's it's not even necessarilylike authenticity or alignment
or some of these buzzwords thatwe hear out in the sphere and
they feel really good, but it'slike just stripping all that
away and really getting to likewhat it is.
I'm so curious, also, though,because this reminds me of all
(15:22):
this work that we do, all thishealing that we do.
And you say breaking free ofthe healing loop.
I'm curious what you mean bythat, because for me, I feel as
though I was kind of on thispersonal development hamster
wheel.
So I went from one hamsterwheel of this like ambitious
achieving, you know, varioushamster wheels, I guess.
(15:45):
And then I went to this likepersonal development hamster
wheel.
I was like, I can do this.
I can totally do this.
Yeah, I'll be, I'll still behappy when when I'm done
healing.
Is that what you mean by that?
Like breaking free of this loopof thinking that there's always
more work.
So, what how does that land foryou?
Erica (15:59):
Can I just tell you that I love that you asked the
question, how does that land foryou?
I just think it's such abrilliant, like it's just
beautiful.
Um, I love it.
I'll tell you how it landed.
I was like, that's the problem,right?
We think we're broken.
Like, that's Course of Miracles101.
That's Karen Kenny 101, reallyis like you're whole, period.
And when you understand thatyou're whole, you heal
differently.
(16:19):
And what I mean by like, webecome up, like our purpose
becomes healing.
And it's like we heal to havefun, we heal to enjoy ourselves.
At some point, you have toenjoy yourself.
And you realize that when youcontinue to heal, it's because
you're actually still insurvival.
Your body still doesn't feelsafe here.
Like a bird has two wings andneeds two wings to fly.
It loses a wing, it spiralsright into a circle.
(16:39):
The two wings for humanexperience is practical and
spiritual.
As a as someone who's human,we're on the achieving hamster
wheel, right?
Um, and we are looking to makeas much money as possible and
we're really focused on payingbills, and we're believing and
acting as if like succeeding inthis world, the way that it's
laid out, is it.
Then a portion of us wake upand we hop over to the spiritual
(17:02):
wing.
But then we forget often aboutthe practical.
We're not thinking about payingbills, we're not thinking about
all that.
And that's not necessarily bad,but here's the deal to fly, you
need both wings.
You need to be both practicaland spiritual because you
decided to come here to have ahuman experience.
And so that's what I thinkabout a lot with the healing
loop is like we often go too farand then we spin and then we
(17:24):
wonder why nothing else isworking.
And it's like you're supposedto come back.
Supposed to come back to thisworld because you do, you need a
period of isolation, like backin the day, right?
We used to like be able to goto a cave or an ashram or
whatever and do that.
But then a fair amount ofpeople get kicked out of the
ashram, right?
To serve in the quote unquotereal world.
And so many of us we don't dothat, and we try to stay in this
(17:47):
like heal, heal, heal.
And what I keep coming upagainst is like when you do
that, you're in survival mode.
And then we're not enjoying ourlife, and then we're wondering
why.
I really think that we aremeant to enjoy this space.
I think that when I think aboutenlightenment, right, it's it's
joy, it's being here and lovinghere.
And you cannot do that if youare on that healing hamstrel
(18:11):
because you're still looking fora future that's different than
now to be joyous.
Love that.
Ryann (18:16):
Well, what would you tell somebody who is in a challenge
right now, whether that'sfinances, children, summer,
motherhood, like all of thevarious things that are going
on.
Erica (18:31):
I would say that if you're not in a relationship
with it, you cannot address itor heal it.
So what does that mean?
It means you have to be withyour thoughts andor your
feelings, because otherwiseyou're trying to solve a problem
that might not actually be one.
That's what I continue to findis our biggest challenge is we
(18:51):
continue, we stay here.
And your pain, yourfrustration, your feeling of
inadequacy, right?
That's what all this is, likeyour feeling of like all that,
like feeling under-resourced,whatever.
That's what all that is.
Until you touch it, you cannotchange it.
And we all try to change ourthoughts.
I had someone say, you know,when I panic, it I try to like
(19:11):
catch my panic attack.
And I'm like, I can appreciatethat so much.
And once your panic attack isstarting to go, like it's so
much harder to catch it.
Ryann (19:20):
Like you have to be your body's already on board the
boat.
Like your body has already setsail.
Erica (19:25):
And you have to be hyper aware of feelings to catch it.
Like you have like I would saygoing back to that, like that
experience of me being out thereand being like, I'm freaking
out.
Like that's a master shit.
Like, like, not to chew my ownhorn, but like 10 years ago, I
could have never felt thatfeeling in that moment.
(19:46):
Yeah.
You have to do a lot of work,truly, to get to a point where
you catch your feelings beforeyour thoughts.
Yeah.
And so it's like go like be inrelationship with what's
happening, and then you canchange it.
Because a lot of us, like, thereason we're on that hamster
wheel, I'm gonna make moremoney.
I'm going to get this job.
I'm going to find a partner wholoves me, right?
(20:07):
Like, I'm going to heal thisaspect.
You're on the wheel because youthink that will solve what
you're feeling.
Ryann (20:14):
Yeah.
The feeling isn't the problem.
The way that you're thinkingabout the feeling and relating
to the feeling is the problem.
Yes.
And the fact that you're noteven willing to feel the feeling
is the So, how did you learnhow to start feeling your
feelings?
Because for some people, theyhear like, just feel your
feelings.
And they're like, uh, what?
How do I do that?
What the hell does that evenmean?
(20:35):
How did you start to tune inand go, oh, I'm feeling this and
that and whatever?
Also, there's like dozens offeelings.
Like if you look at a feelingswheel, like the first time I saw
one of those, I was like, oh myGod, look at all the feelings
I've been missing.
I thought there were like threefeelings and look at all these.
So how do we tune in, name it,feel it, and then watch it float
(20:56):
by like a cloud in the sky?
Erica (20:58):
I had the same, just real quick.
When I saw that feelings wheel,I was like, wait, happy, sad,
mad.
Yeah, totally.
Ryann (21:05):
Happy, sad, mad.
Like, yes.
Yes, yes.
It's very nuanced.
Frustrated.
Yeah.
Overwhelmed, bored.
Yes, yes.
Um, my daughter's sad.
My daughter.
Erica (21:19):
Yeah.
She screams, I'm frustratedwhen things aren't going her
way.
And I was like, you are.
Yep.
And and you still cannot havethat.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Um that's right.
So, yes, it is somatic, whichfor the record, like this has
when we talk about somatics,it's become that also has become
a buzzword, right?
And all I would say that thatmeans is like it's an internal
(21:42):
experience of a problem or likethe internal experience of a
sensation, right?
Like, and it's unique to you.
And I'm just clearing that outbecause I think a lot of times
for me, I know when I think ofsomatics, I think of like
shaking and dancing, and youknow, it's like what that means
is like you I love somaticsbecause you're the expert in
somatics, right?
Right.
And so what I would say for howI started to feel the feelings,
(22:03):
yes, it's somatic.
Yes, there's a billion ways todo it.
And for me, there's twofold.
One was meditation, and whichis not always every most people
hate it.
And I did too when I started,but I always say meditation's
the most wonderful way to get intouch with yourself because the
most and to learn to be calm inchaos because the most chaotic
place in the world is your mind.
(22:24):
Yes, it is.
So I learned how to be in arelationship with my feelings
there, and I had to build thosethe capacity.
I could only do two minuteswhen I started.
Now I do an hour pretty muchevery morning.
Wow.
Yeah, I know.
Ryann (22:37):
That's like that's next level.
I love it.
Yeah, right.
And I'm sure you need it.
You kind of build up yourtolerance a little bit, right?
Erica (22:47):
It's really important to me too.
And it's my way, right?
So first was meditation.
The second way was to, I wouldsay, like this, I didn't have a
language at the time, but orlike could understand it, is I
would find my feeling in mybody.
We hear it all the time, right?
Like, go talk to your feeling,go be with it.
And I at the beginning wouldjust find it.
(23:09):
Where is it?
Where is it sitting?
And sometimes that's all Icould do.
Ryann (23:12):
Yeah.
Well you don't have to labelit, you don't have to name it,
just where is it?
Erica (23:17):
Yeah.
We wanna often in our healingjourney, do all the things.
All the things, but we whatpeople have to understand is
like you don't have the capacityto do it.
And so, and then we try tobulldoze past it.
The irony being that that's thepro like you're using the
(23:37):
problem to try to solve.
And so you just start small.
Where is it?
And the other way that Istarted to feel my feelings is I
started to not just gonegative.
Spoiler, not just go negative.
But when it ex somethingexcited me, maybe I would do it.
One out of every 26 times,right?
Like, let's not be crazy here,but like once a week, what would
be fun?
(23:57):
Okay, I'll do that.
And so I did both the negativeand the positive.
And that's how I've started tosay, okay, these things are
okay.
And this is excitement, notjust being happy, not just being
happy.
But started to decipher whatthese things meant because
really at the root, what we'redoing is we're saying it's safe
to be in relationship.
Ryann (24:18):
Yeah.
Erica (24:19):
And so, how do you build a relationship with someone
outside of yourself?
If we go on a date, it's stilllike two hours, like we'll go on
a two-hour date, right?
Okay.
But usually that two-hour datestarted with like a meat cute at
a coffee shop.
You can start to see, like, oh,how I would make a friend is
how I would make friends withmyself.
Then these little pieces makesense.
Ryann (24:40):
And I think too, there's power in the pause because when
I hear you say, find where yourfeelings are, for me personally,
one of the things that I do isbypass that by simply refusing
to pause, just simply refusingto stop.
It's pushing through ortrudging through or checking off
the, you know, checkbox, thenext thing that needs to be
(25:02):
done, or like, I'm so busy.
And like you said in thebeginning, to bring it full
circle, we're so familiar withthese feelings in our body.
And I think, you know, for me,and I would say for mothers all
over the place, is that we havethis like perfection thing, this
I have to do it all.
There's a lot of martyrdom thathappens.
(25:24):
And I have been unpacking thosekind of topics and themes
throughout my motherhood.
You said when we take care ofourselves, we take care of
everyone else.
I mean, your kid was cryingoutside the door and you're
sitting here doing this becauseyou chose to be here, because
you want to do this, becausethis is important to you and
your mission and your work inthe world.
And I'm like, I'm just like inawe that you can sit here and be
(25:48):
centered and have thisconversation while you allow
your child outside.
They're not alone, they'rebeing cared for by family,
right?
And yet, here you are stillshowing up.
And I think there is tremendouspower and grace in that, and a
testament to the work thatyou've done as well.
So we're gonna land the planesoon.
(26:09):
And I wanna end withmotherhood, this work that
you're doing in the world, howit intertwines with caring for
yourself, caring for others,serving, and all of it.
Like, how do you marry all ofthose things so gracefully
together?
Erica (26:26):
Gracefully is a kind word.
Yeah, it's a that's a reallykind word to use.
It's similar to what you'vesaid, right?
So one is is really taking careof myself, right?
In the morning, I meditate foran hour.
I'm a very like, I'm a verywell person.
Like wellness, health, it comesvery naturally, not naturally,
it's now habitual for me.
But I will choose meditation, Iwill choose centering myself, I
(26:47):
will choose my time with Godover everything, always.
And that's number one for me.
And it's it's not to check abox.
And I think that's it, and itwas for so long, which is why
I'm bringing it up.
Yeah, I'm not managing mystress.
I am surrendering, I amreconnecting, I am releasing,
(27:09):
right?
Any pent-up stress, I am notmanaging.
So I think that that's thefirst really big distinction.
And then the other pieces, likeall of this work, right, that
you do that you mentioned.
Like, I'm, I don't want to sayI'm constantly unpacking, but
I'm recognizing and allowingthings to hit.
So a prime example is mydaughter turned four last like
(27:29):
two Saturdays ago.
We did not have the terribletwos.
We did not even have theterrible, like the the three
teenager.
Four.
She turned four.
Uh-huh.
Ryann (27:38):
Psycho, psychopath.
Psychopath.
I know.
Four was the age for my oldestas well.
Also a girl.
Correct.
Yep.
Erica (27:46):
Whoa.
Whoa.
Yep.
I will say I was on, I get feltI felt like I was unprepared.
Yeah.
Quiet.
Like, and I like to be like,who am I?
Yeah.
Who am I?
Ryann (28:02):
I mean watching yourself from above, going like, who the
hell am I?
Erica (28:06):
Right.
Yeah, yeah.
So that was the problem for me,right?
Like it was okay.
It was good initially, but thenI kept like rising up and I was
realizing like I wasn't there.
And when I let myself back tothat lane, like be in touch with
that anger, what I saw blew mymind.
It was like, I love my mom.
But that's how I was spoken to,right?
Ryann (28:27):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Erica (28:28):
But I had blocked that out.
Ryann (28:30):
Yeah.
Erica (28:31):
And so I didn't realize that the only reason I'm talking
to her like that is becausethat's the only way I knew how
to be talked to.
Because I didn't want to feelthat pain of my childhood.
And I started crying in thecar, right?
When I recognized that ithappened and then it turned into
a full laugh, which I is nowkind of, I don't know if this is
your MO, but now I like kind ofcry and then laugh at the song.
Ryann (28:53):
So good when you get to the laughing point.
Yeah.
We call it crafting in ourfamily.
We we hit a cry and then acraft and then the full-on
laugh.
What's wild is I for me haveseen my children at various
ages, and I've relived thoseages with those different
children.
(29:13):
And I'm like, oh, when I wasfour, this was happening.
And now my oldest is like 10and a half on the border of 11.
I'm like, oh my God, this wasgoing on for me when I was 10.
Like it's so wild and thegreatest gift I've ever had in
my life to grow up alongside mychildren.
(29:36):
To let that unfold.
Erica (29:39):
Like it's so cool.
So well put.
And I I think what's sofascinating is that they really
are our little teachers.
My daughter, who's one, walkslike a drunk orangutan.
Okay.
Like, you know exactly what I'mtalking about.
Anyone who has a like a 15month old or a little one.
Yeah.
And she's so quote unquote bigin my eyes.
But one When I get down andjust take like a second to
(30:02):
recognize, she shrinks to theactual size she is.
Yeah.
And I see a love that's like sopure and so true.
And it is like the greatestgift.
Like my daughter this morning,I was meditating, and I'll tell
you, I felt hands on me and Iwas just a little annoyed.
And then she found my mouth,gave me a kiss, and then
whispered in my ear, I love youso much, and then ran out the
(30:25):
door.
And it's like what I thinkabout, and I say this as a
parent all the time like, my jobis to make sure she's the most
her.
They are the most thempossible.
That little laugh, like thelike, I love you so much,
whispering the ear.
Like, my job is to make themthem.
And then I realize I was them.
And it's like when you seethat, it's all is working
together.
Like, I don't know a lot aboutastrology, or at least I don't
(30:47):
know as much as people who arelistening to this podcast.
But what I do know is that myyoungest is a Taurus and my
oldest is a Leo.
My north node is a Taurus, andI always wanted to be a seven on
the Enneagram.
Ryann (31:02):
What's the seven?
It's the enthusiast.
Yeah, like yeah, the really thefun one.
Yes, yes, yes.
What are you on the Enneagram?
I'm an achiever.
Like you're a three.
Erica (31:12):
Okay, I'm a four.
I'm an individualist.
Like totally.
Ryann (31:15):
Yeah, yeah.
Erica (31:16):
Um, I'm a three, and I always wanted to be a seven.
Uh and so I have these twolittle things, like little
things, right?
That are these babies that arejust reminding me of what is
still possible.
And I really feel like that'swhat makes this all doable and
fun.
I hear all the time,particularly from men, but often
(31:36):
from grandmas as well.
It gets easier.
This is fucking fun right now.
Mm-hmm.
But I get it, and I'm trying mybest to like to just be here.
No good, bad, just here.
And I think it's like all ofthe work prior enables me to
enjoy this.
And I would say still, likedoing the work in it enables me
(31:59):
to enjoy it.
Ryann (32:00):
Yep.
Amen.
So good.
Thank you for diving into allthe things with me and with us
today.
Um, this was just so good.
You're such a gift.
I appreciate you justtremendously.
I can't believe we were in thesame room in 2018.
How crazy is that?
Both listening to KK and heramazing speech.
And I hear souls in it.
(32:21):
Like, I just can't even believeit.
And also, I can.
So this is just so great.
I'm gonna ask you the threequestions I ask everybody at the
end of the interview.
But before I do that, actually,where can we find you, follow
you, and learn more abouteverything you're doing in the
world?
Erica (32:37):
Yeah.
Um, where can you find me?
So I'm on LinkedIn.
Um, I'm starting a YouTubechannel.
Awesome.
Erica Ballard, you can find me.
And then my website's EricaBallard.co.
Reach out that way.
And then if it's helpful atall, I can give listeners like a
free download for like fivethings to like get back in touch
with their feelings.
Yeah.
And they can get in touch withme that way because they'll have
my email and everything.
Ryann (32:57):
Perfect.
Amazing.
So the first of the rapid firequestions is what if anything
are you reading right now?
What's on your bookshelf?
The biology of belief.
Erica (33:08):
Oh, that's a dispensa, right?
No, it's um Bruce, Dr.
Bruce slipped in.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Got it.
It's okay.
Really fascinating.
Talks about this how cell, likeour beliefs at the cellular
level.
Yeah.
It's very science-y, correct?
Oh, yeah.
I got my master's from TuftsMedical.
Okay.
Ryann (33:25):
Like I I opened it and closed it.
Erica (33:28):
Yeah.
It's for me.
I failed college algebra anddropped anatomy.
Like things like Joe Dispenza,Biology of Belief, what was the
other one?
Your body keeps score.
I'm like nerding out with thatstuff.
Yeah.
But I want to also preface, I Iwant to also add the counter to
all of that that I read is I amdeep into Catherine Centers.
(33:51):
What's that?
I don't know what that is.
The rom com writer.
Okay.
If you want to just smile,yeah.
The bodyguard and rom commerce.
Ryann (34:01):
Okay.
Perfect August read.
Perfect.
Amazing.
The next question I have foryou is what's bringing you joy
today?
Erica (34:08):
This conversation really, because I get a like, I'm
watching crazy to my left andlike really enjoying talking to
you.
Um, so I would say thisconversation, and the one thing
I will just add is like I drinkthe same coffee every morning
and it brings me the most amountof joy.
I wake up like so stoked to getto it every day.
Ryann (34:27):
Yay, it's coffee.
It's coffee time.
Oh, I love it.
And then the last question Ihave for you, Erica, is who or
what has taught you the most?
Children.
My children.
Erica (34:37):
I um anything that I didn't want to heal, right in
your face.
Right in my face.
And and the biggest amount ofmotivation to do so.
Thanks to them.
Yeah.
Thank you so much again forbeing here.
Ryann (34:47):
This was such a gift.
Thank you.
When we take care of ourselves, we take care of
everyone else.
What I continue to find when Ifind peace for myself, when I
recognize I'm fully resourced,then I get to show up how I'm
intended to.
For some of us, it's to run abusiness.
For some of us, it's to handlethat tantrum because that is
(00:21):
something, right?
And and for others, it's tolike have the energy to donate.
It's still a little hard,right?
For me, I should say, to liketwist that gear.
Um, but everything you'resaying is true, and I'm always
so grateful to be reminded of itbecause peace does start with
you.
Ryann (00:40):
Hello friends, welcome back to the Raising Wild Hearts
podcast.
So happy you're here.
Today I did somethingdifferent, and I live streamed
on Facebook and YouTube.
And if you're not following meout on Facebook or YouTube, I
think I might do this.
I don't know if I'll do itevery time, but I'm gonna do it
once in a while.
So go follow me on YouTube atRaising Wild Hearts and
(01:00):
Facebook, I think it'sfacebook.com slash RW Hearts.
But you could also find me bysearching Raising Wild Hearts.
Also, if you haven't yet, goget on my mailing list at
raisingwildhearts.com.
Click on become an insider, andI will send you weekly love
notes every Wednesday.
Mostly every Wednesday.
I've skipped a coupleWednesdays this summer because
summer has been, well, summer.
(01:22):
Okay, so today I'm sitting downwith Erica Ballard, and I'm so
excited for you guys to hearthis conversation.
About halfway through, werealized that we were at the
same event in 2018, and we wereabsolutely cracking up.
And even after we recorded, wewere like, can you even believe
it?
So that was a fun synchronicityin this conversation.
Erica Ballard is a life coach,a spiritual teacher, and a mom
(01:45):
of two, having a very humanexperience.
She is described as a beautifulblend of high-performance
habits, growth mindset, andwoo-woo.
In this conversation, we unpackmany things, including peace,
including motherhood, somaticwork.
We define somatics, we talk alot about blending the practical
(02:10):
with the spiritual, and so muchmore.
I hope you enjoy thisconversation as much as I did.
Let's jump in.
Erica, welcome to the RaisingWild Arts podcast.
Hi, Ryan.
I'm so glad to be here.
So the first place I want tostart is you said in your first
message to me, I'm a coach, I'ma teacher, I'm a mom of two, and
(02:31):
I'm having quite the humanexperience.
And I was like, yep, you had meat human experience.
Because I think I know what youmeant by that.
But would you tell us what youmean by you're having quite the
human experience?
Erica (02:45):
Listen, life lives.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Iron Katie talks about how weoften try to fight reality.
And I understand why.
Like, can I understand why?
Right there.
Just it's summertime.
I have two kids at home.
Life is lifing.
I got let go on maternityleave.
I'm refining myself even thoughI've been doing the work for so
long.
And like, I'm really having ahuman experience.
(03:07):
I'm experiencing all theemotions because when I think
about what it means, right, tobe here, it's not this like
levelness, this numbness.
It's a healthy nervous system,right?
A hue, a full human experienceis all of the emotions, all of
the feelings, all of it.
I know I'm a spirit.
I get it, but I'm a spirithaving a human experience.
(03:29):
And so I got one foot here andone foot there, and we're doing
our best.
We're doing our best.
Ryann (03:36):
I'm imagining that there's some sort of for me,
there's like this equanimitythat I have to ultimately
surrender to this capacity tofeel that top of the roller
coaster and then like thebottom, whether it's like wiping
the butt, it's holding spacefor the tantrum, whether it's
recording this podcast, it'shere we are.
And it doesn't mean that it'sgood or bad.
(03:58):
How do you, how does that landfor you?
Erica (04:00):
I mean, wonderful.
Like when I can get there,right?
Which is which I will say, I'vebeen doing the work enough to
know that I can, right?
Like, but this non-duality thatyou speak of, it's a journey to
get there.
What I continue to find is thatpeace is available there.
So great example.
Yesterday I was like, I'm athome where I grew up, and all I
(04:21):
wanted to do was watch afreaking lesson on somatics.
That was it.
That's all, like, it was twoand a half, to be fair, it was
two and a half hours, but Iwanted to study, listen, do it.
And I mean, I'm livid that Ican't because I have kids
running around, husband beingreally helpful, but like, you
know, like he's being a dadinstead of like a caretaker in
my highs, right?
My mom has watched the kids allday and she's tired.
(04:45):
And like, but I'm like, for thelove of God, I guess what?
And I walk out and I'm likeirritated.
And then I just stopped myselfand said, or alternatively, this
is perfect.
Or alternatively, this iswhat's supposed to be happening.
And it was like, Yeah.
Why did I want the only reasonI wanted to finish that was for
my ego.
The only reason I want tofinish that was because I
(05:06):
thought it would mean something.
Right.
And so it's this like the goodor bad, right?
Is it good or is it bad?
Who does this make me?
And it's like when you get outof that and realize that
everything is God, that there isno good or bad.
Ryann (05:17):
The affirmation I've been saying lately in the mornings
this summer, because this summerhas been just um, it's just
been.
It's just it's just been thissummer.
And uh, I've been saying peacebegins with me.
And it's just so true becausekids are going through various
challenges, we're going throughvarious logistical things, we're
(05:37):
all a little like tired of eachother.
It's five billion degrees inFlorida.
And it's just like, can Ichoose to show up in peace?
Because that's it.
That's really beautiful.
I've been saying I'm fullyresourced.
Oh, that just makes me likemelt a little bit.
I'm fully resourced.
Yes.
Erica (05:56):
Yeah.
Yes.
But how continues to be achallenge, honestly, in this in
this space, right?
The spiritual growth, thespiritual space is this
understanding that like this ismy science language, like we're
the end of one, right?
There's only one of us.
And that when we take care ofourselves, we take care of
everyone else, right?
Like when you look around theworld, like I was, uh, I don't
(06:20):
want to call it doom scrollingbecause that's not what was
happening.
I was trying to numb out, andthen I saw pictures of Gaza and
then was like immediatelyincapable of numbing out.
Um like, what?
You know what I mean?
Like me taking care of me canhelp that.
Are you sure?
But what I continue to find,when I find peace for myself,
when I recognize I'm fullyresourced, then I get to show up
(06:41):
how I'm intended to.
And for some of some of us,it's to run a business in that
moment.
For some of us, it's to handlethat tantrum, because that is
something, right?
And and for other of us, it'sto like have the energy to
donate, have the energy tofundraise, have the energy to so
it's so true.
But I do understand that whenwe say this, that it's really
(07:02):
natural to be like because thereis, it's still a little hard,
right?
For me, I should say, to liketwist that gear.
But everything you're saying istrue.
And I'm always so grateful tobe reminded of it because peace
does start with you because it'sonly you.
Yeah.
It's only you, you know?
Ryann (07:20):
Yeah.
So you've been described as abeautiful blend of high
performance habits, growthmindset, and woo-woo.
Tell me what it is about thiscombination that makes you such
a powerhouse, an effectivebusinesswoman, a present mother,
all the things.
Like, what is it about thecombination of that that makes
(07:42):
Erica so Erica?
Erica (07:44):
Great question.
Here's what I would say.
I going back to the humanexperience, we're spirit having
a human experience, right?
And so understanding thatalready, I think gives me an
edge, right?
And I think anyone who getsthat understands that, like,
okay, my language, this world isan illusion, right?
When you get it, you can justnaturally calm down, like for a
second, right?
I'm a student of a course inmiracles.
(08:05):
So um prefacing with that lensis our mind gets to choose,
right?
And yes, I, you know, I talk alot about like body, mind
connection.
I believe this thing is yourwalking subconscious, but our
mind gets to choose.
And because my experience hereis one of a learner, one who
absorbs information, what'sreally fun is that my growth is
(08:28):
tied to choosing the truth.
And I know multiple ways tochoose the truth.
So it's like high performancehabits, like growth mindset.
It's because I I love to learnand I know that when I'm
spiraling, as some of us do fromtime to time, is I get to
choose in my mind what I see.
And when I can't always gothere spiritually, right?
(08:49):
I get to pull from these toolsthat say, just turn like look
left.
Just look left.
And that enables me to show upin a way that feels and is
genuine, authentic, like loving,even if it's a little direct
for some people, even if it's alittle, you know, it's a little
different than what people mightconsider to be love or love and
(09:12):
light.
Ryann (09:14):
So you say that you figured out how to love life.
I would just love to break downthat secret of how to love life
because I know that it's notbutterflies and rainbows for
you.
I know it's not all love andlight.
So, how is it that you got tothe place?
And what was that particularlywhat was the struggle like?
(09:35):
How was that born from yourchallenge, from your struggle?
Erica (09:42):
The for I wish I knew who said this because I think it's
such a brilliant phrase.
The purgatory of the mundane.
That's kind of where I lived.
Really felt I needed to provemyself and be somebody.
I never thought I was smartenough.
Like the fact that I tell youthat I'm I'm a learner and I use
my intellect, like for so long,I just felt like an idiot.
I just felt stupid andunlovable by other people, like
(10:03):
by a you, by like a person Ididn't know, right?
Friends, I was bullied, allthose things.
And it essentially createdsomeone who was constantly
performing, but extremelyunaware that she was.
And even now, right, it'ssomething that I've got to be
really conscious of.
My mask was like cool girl,like hard worker, achiever, like
(10:24):
to get ahead, to chase whateverversion of success that we all
consume, right?
Is or that version of successwe all consume.
You have to numb out.
Like you have to because it'sinsane when you really think
about it, right?
Like, because it's it'sessentially I will be happy
when.
Yep.
The hamster wheel, the hamsterwheel, and then everything will
(10:46):
come.
Ryann (10:46):
That something is so great in this imagined future
that never actually happensbecause you're always still
focused on the imagined future.
Erica (10:54):
Yeah, and then when you get the imagined future, you
move the needle, not in a likegrateful content, it will come
move the needle, in a likegreat.
I check the box to get to thenext part because really
happiness is this future.
This was just the steppingstone to happiness, you know?
Ryann (11:13):
Yeah, do you know?
Do you know, Red?
Uh still keep going up thatmountain.
You'll you're almost there.
You're almost almost there.
Erica (11:22):
So, you know, you never get there.
And at some point, essentially,like the piece that I love and
hate about the story is that atsome point I was like, just give
up.
Like, not give up life, likegive up dreaming.
This is I'm 28.
I'm in my little scion XA,driving to work.
And I remember looking out thewindow and being like, Why are
you even dreaming of a betterfuture?
This is it.
Like, this is it.
(11:43):
Buckle up, kid.
We just gotta slug it out forthe next 50 plus years.
I was like constantly shuttingdown dreams.
I would stare out a window justmindlessly.
I was numb.
And so that was me for thefirst 30 some years, NBD.
At one point, I saw a womannamed Karen Kenny speak on a
stage.
Ryann (12:03):
I know Karen Kenny.
Okay.
Oh my gosh.
So I saw Karen.
Wow.
Oh my gosh, what event were youat?
Were you at the Ignite YourSoul Summit?
Shut.
Uh so was I.
That's crazy.
Right.
We were in this.
There was only like 270 peoplein that room.
I was there.
I like 2018, right?
(12:23):
Oh my God.
That's hilarious.
She's so oh my god, she's sucha good speaker.
Erica (12:29):
Shout out KK.
We love you.
Oh my God.
And I like Karen cannot knowhow many times I quote her.
Like, I quote Karen pretty muchanytime on a I'm on a podcast.
Ryann (12:38):
The Forgiveness Olympics.
Life is like the fuckingforgiveness Olympics.
Like, favorite quote ever.
Erica (12:44):
My favorite quote from Karen, and this is what she
ended her speech with on thatstage.
She said, The world needssaving and God sent you.
And my whole body went, yup,and I couldn't fight it anymore.
She always tells that storyabout the Course of Miracles,
how she like the book fell onher head, and then she was like
threw it across the room.
Same thing, except that Ibought the book and then it
would like start to disappear inmy house.
And I found it and I startedreading it when I was moving,
(13:05):
and it changed everything.
Like understanding that thisworld's an illusion and chair is
not a chair, like it sent me.
It just opened my eyes to thetruth.
And then I have just keptlooking for it ever since.
Then I started to dive into thescience of it because I moved
from course to quantum physicsand Joe Dispenza and all that,
is my body was just umaccustomed to the negative
(13:28):
feelings.
And so when I start to rememberwhat is my birthright, right?
What is truly available to me,everything started to crumble
because once I understood that,like unhurried, spacious,
impactful, fun, present,invincible, courageous, love,
like all of this is what I am.
And I can train this thing toremember that I can change.
And when the world is set upfor me to reach my goal of
(13:51):
truth, then I'm like, oh,everything here is for me.
And I've done enough work thatwhen I'm really pissed off about
a somatics class, I can stopand say, wait a second, wait a
second.
This is what's true.
This moment is the only thingthat's real.
Yeah.
And that to me has been likethe longest and shortest journey
(14:11):
one can take.
Ryann (14:12):
Yeah.
Erica (14:13):
You know?
Um, and I would say just aslike a preview for me, like
where I'm going, is likeunderstanding that the world is
an illusion was really simple.
Seeing God in everything,that's the walk on right now.
Like the forgiveness Olympics,God is in all of us, like that's
where I am now.
And it's a really wonderful,beautiful, and at times very
(14:34):
challenging place to be.
Ryann (14:36):
So, what I heard you say about this work you've done,
this path you've walked, all theshit that's happened to you.
I'm hearing you say there'slike one central place of you
that you call truth that we'retrying to describe in words,
which is probably impossible.
What came to mind for me islike the is-ness of the moment.
(14:59):
There's like this be, right?
And that's what I'm hearing yousay.
It's it's not even necessarilylike authenticity or alignment
or some of these buzzwords thatwe hear out in the sphere and
they feel really good, but it'slike just stripping all that
away and really getting to likewhat it is.
I'm so curious, also, though,because this reminds me of all
(15:22):
this work that we do, all thishealing that we do.
And you say breaking free ofthe healing loop.
I'm curious what you mean bythat, because for me, I feel as
though I was kind of on thispersonal development hamster
wheel.
So I went from one hamsterwheel of this like ambitious
achieving, you know, varioushamster wheels, I guess.
(15:45):
And then I went to this likepersonal development hamster
wheel.
I was like, I can do this.
I can totally do this.
Yeah, I'll be, I'll still behappy when when I'm done
healing.
Is that what you mean by that?
Like breaking free of this loopof thinking that there's always
more work.
So, what how does that land foryou?
Erica (15:59):
Can I just tell you that I love that you asked the
question, how does that land foryou?
I just think it's such abrilliant, like it's just
beautiful.
Um, I love it.
I'll tell you how it landed.
I was like, that's the problem,right?
We think we're broken.
Like, that's Course of Miracles101.
That's Karen Kenny 101, reallyis like you're whole, period.
And when you understand thatyou're whole, you heal
differently.
(16:19):
And what I mean by like, webecome up, like our purpose
becomes healing.
And it's like we heal to havefun, we heal to enjoy ourselves.
At some point, you have toenjoy yourself.
And you realize that when youcontinue to heal, it's because
you're actually still insurvival.
Your body still doesn't feelsafe here.
Like a bird has two wings andneeds two wings to fly.
It loses a wing, it spiralsright into a circle.
(16:39):
The two wings for humanexperience is practical and
spiritual.
As a as someone who's human,we're on the achieving hamster
wheel, right?
Um, and we are looking to makeas much money as possible and
we're really focused on payingbills, and we're believing and
acting as if like succeeding inthis world, the way that it's
laid out, is it.
Then a portion of us wake upand we hop over to the spiritual
(17:02):
wing.
But then we forget often aboutthe practical.
We're not thinking about payingbills, we're not thinking about
all that.
And that's not necessarily bad,but here's the deal to fly, you
need both wings.
You need to be both practicaland spiritual because you
decided to come here to have ahuman experience.
And so that's what I thinkabout a lot with the healing
loop is like we often go too farand then we spin and then we
(17:24):
wonder why nothing else isworking.
And it's like you're supposedto come back.
Supposed to come back to thisworld because you do, you need a
period of isolation, like backin the day, right?
We used to like be able to goto a cave or an ashram or
whatever and do that.
But then a fair amount ofpeople get kicked out of the
ashram, right?
To serve in the quote unquotereal world.
And so many of us we don't dothat, and we try to stay in this
(17:47):
like heal, heal, heal.
And what I keep coming upagainst is like when you do
that, you're in survival mode.
And then we're not enjoying ourlife, and then we're wondering
why.
I really think that we aremeant to enjoy this space.
I think that when I think aboutenlightenment, right, it's it's
joy, it's being here and lovinghere.
And you cannot do that if youare on that healing hamstrel
(18:11):
because you're still looking fora future that's different than
now to be joyous.
Love that.
Ryann (18:16):
Well, what would you tell somebody who is in a challenge
right now, whether that'sfinances, children, summer,
motherhood, like all of thevarious things that are going
on.
Erica (18:31):
I would say that if you're not in a relationship
with it, you cannot address itor heal it.
So what does that mean?
It means you have to be withyour thoughts andor your
feelings, because otherwiseyou're trying to solve a problem
that might not actually be one.
That's what I continue to findis our biggest challenge is we
(18:51):
continue, we stay here.
And your pain, yourfrustration, your feeling of
inadequacy, right?
That's what all this is, likeyour feeling of like all that,
like feeling under-resourced,whatever.
That's what all that is.
Until you touch it, you cannotchange it.
And we all try to change ourthoughts.
I had someone say, you know,when I panic, it I try to like
(19:11):
catch my panic attack.
And I'm like, I can appreciatethat so much.
And once your panic attack isstarting to go, like it's so
much harder to catch it.
Ryann (19:20):
Like you have to be your body's already on board the
boat.
Like your body has already setsail.
Erica (19:25):
And you have to be hyper aware of feelings to catch it.
Like you have like I would saygoing back to that, like that
experience of me being out thereand being like, I'm freaking
out.
Like that's a master shit.
Like, like, not to chew my ownhorn, but like 10 years ago, I
could have never felt thatfeeling in that moment.
(19:46):
Yeah.
You have to do a lot of work,truly, to get to a point where
you catch your feelings beforeyour thoughts.
Yeah.
And so it's like go like be inrelationship with what's
happening, and then you canchange it.
Because a lot of us, like, thereason we're on that hamster
wheel, I'm gonna make moremoney.
I'm going to get this job.
I'm going to find a partner wholoves me, right?
(20:07):
Like, I'm going to heal thisaspect.
You're on the wheel because youthink that will solve what
you're feeling.
Ryann (20:14):
Yeah.
The feeling isn't the problem.
The way that you're thinkingabout the feeling and relating
to the feeling is the problem.
Yes.
And the fact that you're noteven willing to feel the feeling
is the So, how did you learnhow to start feeling your
feelings?
Because for some people, theyhear like, just feel your
feelings.
And they're like, uh, what?
How do I do that?
What the hell does that evenmean?
(20:35):
How did you start to tune inand go, oh, I'm feeling this and
that and whatever?
Also, there's like dozens offeelings.
Like if you look at a feelingswheel, like the first time I saw
one of those, I was like, oh myGod, look at all the feelings
I've been missing.
I thought there were like threefeelings and look at all these.
So how do we tune in, name it,feel it, and then watch it float
(20:56):
by like a cloud in the sky?
Erica (20:58):
I had the same, just real quick.
When I saw that feelings wheel,I was like, wait, happy, sad,
mad.
Yeah, totally.
Ryann (21:05):
Happy, sad, mad.
Like, yes.
Yes, yes.
It's very nuanced.
Frustrated.
Yeah.
Overwhelmed, bored.
Yes, yes.
Um, my daughter's sad.
My daughter.
Erica (21:19):
Yeah.
She screams, I'm frustratedwhen things aren't going her
way.
And I was like, you are.
Yep.
And and you still cannot havethat.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Um that's right.
So, yes, it is somatic, whichfor the record, like this has
when we talk about somatics,it's become that also has become
a buzzword, right?
And all I would say that thatmeans is like it's an internal
(21:42):
experience of a problem or likethe internal experience of a
sensation, right?
Like, and it's unique to you.
And I'm just clearing that outbecause I think a lot of times
for me, I know when I think ofsomatics, I think of like
shaking and dancing, and youknow, it's like what that means
is like you I love somaticsbecause you're the expert in
somatics, right?
Right.
And so what I would say for howI started to feel the feelings,
(22:03):
yes, it's somatic.
Yes, there's a billion ways todo it.
And for me, there's twofold.
One was meditation, and whichis not always every most people
hate it.
And I did too when I started,but I always say meditation's
the most wonderful way to get intouch with yourself because the
most and to learn to be calm inchaos because the most chaotic
place in the world is your mind.
(22:24):
Yes, it is.
So I learned how to be in arelationship with my feelings
there, and I had to build thosethe capacity.
I could only do two minuteswhen I started.
Now I do an hour pretty muchevery morning.
Wow.
Yeah, I know.
Ryann (22:37):
That's like that's next level.
I love it.
Yeah, right.
And I'm sure you need it.
You kind of build up yourtolerance a little bit, right?
Erica (22:47):
It's really important to me too.
And it's my way, right?
So first was meditation.
The second way was to, I wouldsay, like this, I didn't have a
language at the time, but orlike could understand it, is I
would find my feeling in mybody.
We hear it all the time, right?
Like, go talk to your feeling,go be with it.
And I at the beginning wouldjust find it.
(23:09):
Where is it?
Where is it sitting?
And sometimes that's all Icould do.
Ryann (23:12):
Yeah.
Well you don't have to labelit, you don't have to name it,
just where is it?
Erica (23:17):
Yeah.
We wanna often in our healingjourney, do all the things.
All the things, but we whatpeople have to understand is
like you don't have the capacityto do it.
And so, and then we try tobulldoze past it.
The irony being that that's thepro like you're using the
(23:37):
problem to try to solve.
And so you just start small.
Where is it?
And the other way that Istarted to feel my feelings is I
started to not just gonegative.
Spoiler, not just go negative.
But when it ex somethingexcited me, maybe I would do it.
One out of every 26 times,right?
Like, let's not be crazy here,but like once a week, what would
be fun?
(23:57):
Okay, I'll do that.
And so I did both the negativeand the positive.
And that's how I've started tosay, okay, these things are
okay.
And this is excitement, notjust being happy, not just being
happy.
But started to decipher whatthese things meant because
really at the root, what we'redoing is we're saying it's safe
to be in relationship.
Ryann (24:18):
Yeah.
Erica (24:19):
And so, how do you build a relationship with someone
outside of yourself?
If we go on a date, it's stilllike two hours, like we'll go on
a two-hour date, right?
Okay.
But usually that two-hour datestarted with like a meat cute at
a coffee shop.
You can start to see, like, oh,how I would make a friend is
how I would make friends withmyself.
Then these little pieces makesense.
Ryann (24:40):
And I think too, there's power in the pause because when
I hear you say, find where yourfeelings are, for me personally,
one of the things that I do isbypass that by simply refusing
to pause, just simply refusingto stop.
It's pushing through ortrudging through or checking off
the, you know, checkbox, thenext thing that needs to be
(25:02):
done, or like, I'm so busy.
And like you said in thebeginning, to bring it full
circle, we're so familiar withthese feelings in our body.
And I think, you know, for me,and I would say for mothers all
over the place, is that we havethis like perfection thing, this
I have to do it all.
There's a lot of martyrdom thathappens.
(25:24):
And I have been unpacking thosekind of topics and themes
throughout my motherhood.
You said when we take care ofourselves, we take care of
everyone else.
I mean, your kid was cryingoutside the door and you're
sitting here doing this becauseyou chose to be here, because
you want to do this, becausethis is important to you and
your mission and your work inthe world.
And I'm like, I'm just like inawe that you can sit here and be
(25:48):
centered and have thisconversation while you allow
your child outside.
They're not alone, they'rebeing cared for by family,
right?
And yet, here you are stillshowing up.
And I think there is tremendouspower and grace in that, and a
testament to the work thatyou've done as well.
So we're gonna land the planesoon.
(26:09):
And I wanna end withmotherhood, this work that
you're doing in the world, howit intertwines with caring for
yourself, caring for others,serving, and all of it.
Like, how do you marry all ofthose things so gracefully
together?
Erica (26:26):
Gracefully is a kind word.
Yeah, it's a that's a reallykind word to use.
It's similar to what you'vesaid, right?
So one is is really taking careof myself, right?
In the morning, I meditate foran hour.
I'm a very like, I'm a verywell person.
Like wellness, health, it comesvery naturally, not naturally,
it's now habitual for me.
But I will choose meditation, Iwill choose centering myself, I
(26:47):
will choose my time with Godover everything, always.
And that's number one for me.
And it's it's not to check abox.
And I think that's it, and itwas for so long, which is why
I'm bringing it up.
Yeah, I'm not managing mystress.
I am surrendering, I amreconnecting, I am releasing,
(27:09):
right?
Any pent-up stress, I am notmanaging.
So I think that that's thefirst really big distinction.
And then the other pieces, likeall of this work, right, that
you do that you mentioned.
Like, I'm, I don't want to sayI'm constantly unpacking, but
I'm recognizing and allowingthings to hit.
So a prime example is mydaughter turned four last like
(27:29):
two Saturdays ago.
We did not have the terribletwos.
We did not even have theterrible, like the the three
teenager.
Four.
She turned four.
Uh-huh.
Ryann (27:38):
Psycho, psychopath.
Psychopath.
I know.
Four was the age for my oldestas well.
Also a girl.
Correct.
Yep.
Erica (27:46):
Whoa.
Whoa.
Yep.
I will say I was on, I get feltI felt like I was unprepared.
Yeah.
Quiet.
Like, and I like to be like,who am I?
Yeah.
Who am I?
Ryann (28:02):
I mean watching yourself from above, going like, who the
hell am I?
Erica (28:06):
Right.
Yeah, yeah.
So that was the problem for me,right?
Like it was okay.
It was good initially, but thenI kept like rising up and I was
realizing like I wasn't there.
And when I let myself back tothat lane, like be in touch with
that anger, what I saw blew mymind.
It was like, I love my mom.
But that's how I was spoken to,right?
Ryann (28:27):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Erica (28:28):
But I had blocked that out.
Ryann (28:30):
Yeah.
Erica (28:31):
And so I didn't realize that the only reason I'm talking
to her like that is becausethat's the only way I knew how
to be talked to.
Because I didn't want to feelthat pain of my childhood.
And I started crying in thecar, right?
When I recognized that ithappened and then it turned into
a full laugh, which I is nowkind of, I don't know if this is
your MO, but now I like kind ofcry and then laugh at the song.
Ryann (28:53):
So good when you get to the laughing point.
Yeah.
We call it crafting in ourfamily.
We we hit a cry and then acraft and then the full-on
laugh.
What's wild is I for me haveseen my children at various
ages, and I've relived thoseages with those different
children.
(29:13):
And I'm like, oh, when I wasfour, this was happening.
And now my oldest is like 10and a half on the border of 11.
I'm like, oh my God, this wasgoing on for me when I was 10.
Like it's so wild and thegreatest gift I've ever had in
my life to grow up alongside mychildren.
(29:36):
To let that unfold.
Erica (29:39):
Like it's so cool.
So well put.
And I I think what's sofascinating is that they really
are our little teachers.
My daughter, who's one, walkslike a drunk orangutan.
Okay.
Like, you know exactly what I'mtalking about.
Anyone who has a like a 15month old or a little one.
Yeah.
And she's so quote unquote bigin my eyes.
But one When I get down andjust take like a second to
(30:02):
recognize, she shrinks to theactual size she is.
Yeah.
And I see a love that's like sopure and so true.
And it is like the greatestgift.
Like my daughter this morning,I was meditating, and I'll tell
you, I felt hands on me and Iwas just a little annoyed.
And then she found my mouth,gave me a kiss, and then
whispered in my ear, I love youso much, and then ran out the
(30:25):
door.
And it's like what I thinkabout, and I say this as a
parent all the time like, my jobis to make sure she's the most
her.
They are the most thempossible.
That little laugh, like thelike, I love you so much,
whispering the ear.
Like, my job is to make themthem.
And then I realize I was them.
And it's like when you seethat, it's all is working
together.
Like, I don't know a lot aboutastrology, or at least I don't
(30:47):
know as much as people who arelistening to this podcast.
But what I do know is that myyoungest is a Taurus and my
oldest is a Leo.
My north node is a Taurus, andI always wanted to be a seven on
the Enneagram.
Ryann (31:02):
What's the seven?
It's the enthusiast.
Yeah, like yeah, the really thefun one.
Yes, yes, yes.
What are you on the Enneagram?
I'm an achiever.
Like you're a three.
Erica (31:12):
Okay, I'm a four.
I'm an individualist.
Like totally.
Ryann (31:15):
Yeah, yeah.
Erica (31:16):
Um, I'm a three, and I always wanted to be a seven.
Uh and so I have these twolittle things, like little
things, right?
That are these babies that arejust reminding me of what is
still possible.
And I really feel like that'swhat makes this all doable and
fun.
I hear all the time,particularly from men, but often
(31:36):
from grandmas as well.
It gets easier.
This is fucking fun right now.
Mm-hmm.
But I get it, and I'm trying mybest to like to just be here.
No good, bad, just here.
And I think it's like all ofthe work prior enables me to
enjoy this.
And I would say still, likedoing the work in it enables me
(31:59):
to enjoy it.
Ryann (32:00):
Yep.
Amen.
So good.
Thank you for diving into allthe things with me and with us
today.
Um, this was just so good.
You're such a gift.
I appreciate you justtremendously.
I can't believe we were in thesame room in 2018.
How crazy is that?
Both listening to KK and heramazing speech.
And I hear souls in it.
(32:21):
Like, I just can't even believeit.
And also, I can.
So this is just so great.
I'm gonna ask you the threequestions I ask everybody at the
end of the interview.
But before I do that, actually,where can we find you, follow
you, and learn more abouteverything you're doing in the
world?
Erica (32:37):
Yeah.
Um, where can you find me?
So I'm on LinkedIn.
Um, I'm starting a YouTubechannel.
Awesome.
Erica Ballard, you can find me.
And then my website's EricaBallard.co.
Reach out that way.
And then if it's helpful atall, I can give listeners like a
free download for like fivethings to like get back in touch
with their feelings.
Yeah.
And they can get in touch withme that way because they'll have
my email and everything.
Ryann (32:57):
Perfect.
Amazing.
So the first of the rapid firequestions is what if anything
are you reading right now?
What's on your bookshelf?
The biology of belief.
Erica (33:08):
Oh, that's a dispensa, right?
No, it's um Bruce, Dr.
Bruce slipped in.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Got it.
It's okay.
Really fascinating.
Talks about this how cell, likeour beliefs at the cellular
level.
Yeah.
It's very science-y, correct?
Oh, yeah.
I got my master's from TuftsMedical.
Okay.
Ryann (33:25):
Like I I opened it and closed it.
Erica (33:28):
Yeah.
It's for me.
I failed college algebra anddropped anatomy.
Like things like Joe Dispenza,Biology of Belief, what was the
other one?
Your body keeps score.
I'm like nerding out with thatstuff.
Yeah.
But I want to also preface, I Iwant to also add the counter to
all of that that I read is I amdeep into Catherine Centers.
(33:51):
What's that?
I don't know what that is.
The rom com writer.
Okay.
If you want to just smile,yeah.
The bodyguard and rom commerce.
Ryann (34:01):
Okay.
Perfect August read.
Perfect.
Amazing.
The next question I have foryou is what's bringing you joy
today?
Erica (34:08):
This conversation really, because I get a like, I'm
watching crazy to my left andlike really enjoying talking to
you.
Um, so I would say thisconversation, and the one thing
I will just add is like I drinkthe same coffee every morning
and it brings me the most amountof joy.
I wake up like so stoked to getto it every day.
Ryann (34:27):
Yay, it's coffee.
It's coffee time.
Oh, I love it.
And then the last question Ihave for you, Erica, is who or
what has taught you the most?
Children.
My children.
Erica (34:37):
I um anything that I didn't want to heal, right in
your face.
Right in my face.
And and the biggest amount ofmotivation to do so.
Thanks to them.
Yeah.
Thank you so much again forbeing here.
Ryann (34:47):
This was such a gift.
Thank you.
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