Chapter 18: Polled Hard Ravished By the Voting Machine

Join us in this week's episode to discuss Polled Hard by Fannie Tucker. In this episode we talk about everything from Presidential awards to Presidential qualifications. Please send us book recs and follow us on our socials @theRPHpodcast https://linktr.ee/raunchypowerhour

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
As with every election, people are going to feel a lot of ways.

(00:04):
We want this episode to be a reprieve for everyone.
We're going to make jokes and have fun, but please do your research and form your own
opinions and for the love of God, don't get your political opinion from someone that reads
smut on the internet.
Welcome to Runchy Power Hour, a book club for discussing romance, from the erotic to

(00:24):
the erroneous.
As always, this is an explicit podcast that contains strong language, adult themes, and
sexual content.
If you are sensitive to these things, we urge you calmly but sincerely to turn off your
radio now.
This month, we are reading Bold Hard, Ravished by the Voting Machine by Fanny Tucker.
Go ahead and grab a snack and a drink unless you're driving.

(00:49):
I'm your producer, Ashlyn.
I'm your host, Sydney.
We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice
and ensure tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and
secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, to ordain and establish

(01:11):
this constitution for the United States of America.
Get ready to get raunchy.
Do you like this new legal document?

(01:34):
I pledge allegiance to Lauren.
One nation under Lauren.
One nation under Lauren.
Do you like this new legally binding document I've signed into our country, the Constitution?
Constitution, I love that.

(01:55):
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
I'm back.
It's been a while.
Welcome back, baby.
Hi.
Hi.
So, viewers, the reason I've been gone for a little bit is actually we needed to sublease
the basement out for a little bit for human rights violation issues.

(02:19):
It did flood.
Yeah, the flood.
The flood from a couple months ago, like human rights issues, like, like, almost had FIFA.
What's the organization that comes in?
The soccer World Cup?
That's the people.
Wait, what are the people that come in after natural disasters?
It's not FIFA.

(02:40):
Wait.
Oh god.
I know what this is.
Hold on.
Red Cross?
What are you talking about?
No, it's, it's like a four letter word like that.

(03:04):
I'm gonna be stalled.
Hold on, I'm stalling.
Oh my god.
Unison?
No, it's like FIFA, but it's something different.
It's not FIFA.
FEMA!
It's FEMA!

(03:24):
FEMA!
My god.
Never mind, the mold got to me in the basement.
She did have to stay down there the whole time while they were fumigating.
I have like a third arm, seriously.
And like, it's, you know, it's a new adjustment to life, but I'm back.

(03:46):
I've been summoned upstairs again and I'm scared for what I'm about to find.
Yeah, we put Christina down there so she can double check all of the insulation and everything.
Yeah.
She's probably gonna go back, so I'm mutant as well.
Yeah.
She might come back with another bad French accent.
Oh god.
Not again.

(04:06):
It will be permanent this time.
Well, Lauren, for your first book back, what did you think of Pulled Hard, Ravished by
the Voting Machine by Fanny Tucker?

(04:27):
You know, I'm sure I would have had a lot of thoughts if I read it.
You rude bitch.
Well, since she didn't read it, y'all, I guess it's on me to do normal general info.
I'm gonna shame her to the corner.
She had all the time in the basement.
What were you doing down there?

(04:50):
Nothing.
So, this little ebook was published back in November 2nd of 2016.
It was a self-published book on Amazon by Fanny Tucker herself.
And on Goodreads, we have an average of a 2.4 stars out of 50 reviews and a 2.65 on

(05:14):
Goodreads out of only 12.
Yeah, not getting that.
Nestle's are the lowest we've had ever, right?
No, I think Where Turkey was lower.
I think Where Turkey was lower.
Unfortunate.
I think it puts in puts in puts a little audio clip of how much of the stars on there.

(05:38):
But before we go into it, I did write a note that I wanted to read a review to you guys
because I found it so funny.
Give me just a moment.
All right.
The review says.

(05:59):
This is from Winden Watch, Winder Watch.
I don't know.
It's W-I-N-D-R-W-T-C-H on Goodreads.
And their review says, mind your business.
TikTok is a wild as hell for this wreck.
But if you know me and you see this review, no, you don't.
Oh, good.

(06:21):
I can't wait for my parents to listen to this episode.
Oh, yeah, babes, because you didn't.
It was an experience.
It was something.
Yeah, I think I contracted some like ocular disease when I was down in the flooded basement
and I was unable to read the words that were swimming before my eyes regarding insertion

(06:43):
in a pole machine.
Fair enough, because also on top of it, the characters that we have for this book are
Julia, who the best thing I could say is just not excited to vote and the polling machine
slash Politron 4000.
And they're the voting machine.
That's it.

(07:04):
That's all we have.
They're personified.
Like, they're speaking lines.
For the machine?
Yes, there is.
I thought we were, I didn't know we were doing magical realism.
My bad.
I don't know, so this is it's odd.

(07:27):
It's kind of like there's an AI inside the polling machine for some reason, and it's
smart thinking.
It also has morals, kind of.
Which is confusing.
Morals is a stretch.
It knows what morals are.
Does it have them?
Unsure.
Unclear.
Relatable.
It is very odd.

(07:51):
But listeners, if you can't tell, since Lauren has not read the book, and I have, unfortunately,
we actually have a little game that we're going to be playing today.
I like a game.
Last time I was here, that game involved killing people.
Not real people, to be clear, through out of context.

(08:11):
No, our last game was your birthday episode, I think.
It was the cake.
Oh, yes.
It was fucking people, then killing people in the following episode.
Yep.
And now we have to marry them!
Oh, the polling machine.
Oh wait, no, I guess the last book we read when she wasn't here, Pumpkin Spice Cafe,

(08:36):
you can assume, ended in marriage.
Ugh.
Ugh.
I think I'm okay.
Agreed.
I'll just take that one.
Yeah, I'm glad you would have not liked it.
I'm in my literary ho era.
If there's not a hole to fuck, I don't want it.
You just would have been bored by the straight sex, honestly, Lauren.

(08:58):
Yeah.
Yeah, give me that freaky, freaky polling machine shit.
Yeah, let's get that instead.
Hi, guys.
Hey, it's all.
Hi, baby.
I'm going to be your game master for the day, as always.

(09:18):
Who are you going to be my my little?
My dungeon master?
You know, we have a basement, but no one's allowed in there right now.
Yeah, the flooding was bodily fluids, actually.
It's.
Oh, Lauren, what did you do?

(09:42):
What the fuck were you doing down there?
You gave me them for a month.
What do you think I was going to do?
Aren't you glad I'm back?
I'm so grossed out.

(10:03):
How about do you guys think, you know, the sex lives of the presidents?
And now she's frozen.
OK, there we go.
I'm back now.
Yay.
Sorry, I am in the basement, so I'm in my basement.

(10:23):
Not the fluids basement.
God, I hate this new piece of lore for our podcast.
I hate it for the basement.
The basement just used to be a dark, dank, musty place.
And now we know that it was filled with bodily fluids, and that's why we had to get it redone.
Hey, to be dank, there's got to be some moist involved.

(10:46):
I supplied that.
I've introduced the game already.
OK, so we are going to play a game.
I have 12 questions and one lightning question at the end.
I'm going to ask you questions about the former US presidents, mostly sex lives.

(11:11):
There's some non-sex questions.
If you get the question wrong, then you get to read a section of this book out loud.
And for only being like 25 pages, there's a lot to read.
Should we explain to our listeners what the book was about in the first place?

(11:33):
Sure.
Should we just...
I'll do it since I'm the one talking.
Hi.
Sorry, my dog is wanting to say anything.
Do you want to say something?
She's climbing all over me.

(11:54):
OK.
Hold hard, ravished by the voting machine.
It's pretty self-explanatory.
There's a lady, her name's Julia, and she's not very excited to vote.

(12:16):
She goes into a high school to vote, an old lady sitting there and she's doing like a
little puzzle.
And the lady's like, oh, go to machine number 10.
So she does.
And Julia notices how human-like the polling machine looks.

(12:39):
Because it's like a regular screen and then for some reason it has legs and arms and there's
a rod which you push down to cast your vote.
And she goes to do that and then the voting machine basically comes to life and fucks
her.
Question.

(13:00):
Did it have to take place in a high school?
Like they couldn't pick a different voting location?
Didn't have to.
That's the most upsetting piece of this.

(13:21):
Easy cleanup.
It's not carpeted.
You know, I have always really appreciated the game of golf in which you aim for the
lowest score possible.
And that's what we're doing tonight.
I want to read some of these sections.
Yeah.
Oh, and trust me, Lauren, there will be some on here, some things that are described that

(13:46):
I think will go into bad anatomy.
Because I've written them down.
Oh thank God.
I've been missing that in my life.
Let me just tease you a little bit more.
You can flick my voting poll.
Nope.
Nope.
Nope.
Nope.

(14:07):
Not that one.
Please God.
Please.
Are you guys able to buzz for me?
I can buzz.
You can buzz.
Oh, where is it?
Where is it?
Oh, do that to me again.
I just.
Oh, Lauren.
Oh God.
Did I be the police siren?

(14:43):
Oh my God.
Sure.
Oh, there's so many more now.
I haven't changed the sound effects from our Halloween episode with Lauren.
So it's still all scream sounds.
Oh hell yeah.
Okay.

(15:03):
Mine.
Mine is going to be the sirens.
Excellent.
Because I'm trouble incoming.
Of course.
It seems too long.
I'll do phone call.
Amazing.
Play.
Oh Lord.

(15:24):
Ready kids?
Yeah.
Would it be bad if sometimes we uploaded to the soundboard just the sound of a vibrator?
Oh my God.
Oh.
It's just.
I hate it here.

(15:49):
You're welcome.
You decided to join.
I did not.
I was roped into this.
I was roped into this.
I never said it was your idea.
It was my idea.
Well, okay, I'm going to start off.
I'm not easy.
This is going to be great.

(16:09):
Which US president nicknamed his penis Jerry and his lover's vagina Miss Pooterson.
Your options are Warren G Harding, Calvin Coolidge or Woodrow Wilson.
Yes Lauren.

(16:29):
That's such a long buzz in.
I'm going to say Coolidge because I would hope it's not Harding because hard is already
in your name.
True missed opportunity.
I'm going to guess Wilson.

(16:55):
I don't know why I feel like that man fucked for some reason.
Oh, it's Warren G Harding who in love letters to his mistress nicknamed his penis Jerry
and his lover's vagina Miss Pooterson.
Bro.
Bro.

(17:15):
That's so tragic.
Your name is Harding and you said Jerry's a turd on.
But Miss Pooterson.
Miss Pooterson.
It is spelled P O U T E R S O N.
Pooterson Pooterson.

(17:37):
He's literally saying that she queefs when they have sex all the time.
Oh my god.
Lord.
So what does this mean if we're both wrong?
Yeah, what does that mean?
Can we read every other word?
Oh god please no.
There's two paragraphs you guys can switch.

(18:00):
Okay, we'll split the paragraphs.
It's going to start with inside comma she let the curtain.
Inside she let the curtain.
Mm hmm.
Inside comma she let the curtain.
It is not letting me find it.
I found it.
Oh hold on.

(18:21):
Inside.
Oh.
All right, who's going first?
I'm going to go first because I think Lauren it would be more iconic for you to read the
second paragraph.
Agreed.
Wonderful.
Wonderful.
Sorry.
Inside she let the curtain fall shut behind her.

(18:47):
After setting her purse on the small waist high shelf mounted on the sidewall, she examined
at the voting machine.
She had expected the touch screen panel but not the construct in which it was mounted.
A pair of sturdy supports of brushed steel looked almost like legs and two folding metal
arms extended to either side.
A set of instructions hung from one.

(19:08):
The other held a typed list of candidates for various local, state, and federal offices.
Beneath a screen a chrome lever jutted upward long smooth and cylindrical.
Can I say what I'm mentally picturing right now?

(19:28):
You know Karen from SpongeBob?
Yeah, that's what I imagined too.
Okay, that's what I were on the same page.
This thing looks like a robot with an erect penis.
Julia's first impression made her blush a little.
Either I'm a pervert or whoever designed this thing should have their head shat by Dr.

(19:52):
Freud.
Get the fuck out of here.
Sorry, Freud?
Okay, I'm gonna shut up.
And that's where you should read it.
And Freud's ideology.
Did he discuss robot sex?
I don't really think that was in the manual.

(20:15):
Lauren keep going.
You got a little left.
More?
As she stepped closer to the screen a cheery face appeared and spoke in a syn- why am I
reading?
I'm high off a cold medicine.
As she stepped closer to the screen a cheery face appeared and spoke in a synthesized robotic

(20:36):
tone.
Oh shit.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
Greetings citizen.
I am Poultron 4000 and I'm glad you've come to do your civic duty.
Touch me anywhere to get started.
Excellent, thank you.
Beautiful, beautiful.
You're welcome.
Lauren, how do you feel?

(20:58):
I think right now this is set up like a porn written by a straight woman that's ashamed.
I feel like she's more of like a trolling kind of romance author.

(21:22):
Like she just writes just random shit because she can, you know?
Can I ask how many pages we're in?
Because on mine it's like the page count's messed up.
So it says 30 but here's the thing, like the book is really about like 20 pages because
the other 10 are like ads for her other books.
That's why I was wondering, are we like straight up page two and we're already talking about

(21:46):
robot dick?
Uh, yeah.
Just 10% from the book on that page.
You know, I respect a woman in STEM who wants to get down to the science.
I really do.
I can't wait.
She wants to get down for science.

(22:09):
For science and for justice.
Question number two.
Which president was known for his harem of young, attractive White House secretaries?
Largest of police officers.

(22:30):
Is Kennedy on the list?
Kennedy is on the list.
I'm picking that one but go on.
Is it JFK, Millard Fillmore or Lyndon B. Johnson?
Yes, Sid.
I actually believe it was Lyndon B. Johnson.

(22:56):
Any cracks Lauren?
Well, I guess if we're buzzing in, you have to tell us if we're right or wrong.
Oh, okay.
That's fine.
I said you're right.
Oh no.
I was right!
Yes!
You're right!
Thank God.
Give me more of this sacred text.
Okay, Lauren, you're going to start with Julia started to leave the booth.

(23:20):
Can I say one thing before she starts reading?
Absolutely.
I was just going to say if his last name is Johnson, of course he has a large harem of
young, attractive secretaries.
Oh, oh.
I'm going to look up a picture of LBJ in his...

(23:42):
Oh, it is prime.
Oh, hi.
LBJ.
Enter.
Yes.
Images.
Why am I seeing pictures of LeBron James?
You know, he's got a little bit of a of a of a corked up white boy look about him, but

(24:03):
I kind of like that.
Wait, let me let me send you this picture.
This was posted by the Presidential Library on National Hot Dog Day.
Let me see this man.
I can't wait.
Ashley, did you say he likes his hot dogs?

(24:24):
And his secretaries, I guess.
Apparently.
Ashlyn, I cut out for a second.
Did you say if he's not a Johnson, I'm not coming?
I didn't.
I wish I had.
I said I said something about if his name is Johnson and then I stopped.
That's better than what I thought.

(24:45):
Oh, what's happening?
I got Lauren geeked up over LBJ pictures.
Oh, I'm mostly confused over what was sent.
Lauren, tell me his body language.
This one isn't fantastic.
Yeah, that's what I thought.

(25:09):
Yeah.
Yeah, he's a if I were to psychoanalyze this man from a single picture, capsulated in time,
I would say he is currently attracted to Mr. Kennedy there, who is actually afraid of his
dominance and is he's leading away.

(25:31):
There's a male in this interaction in which Linden B.J. is the alpha.
I'll say, Lauren, here's a young photo of him.
I know.
Listen.
I know.
I like him kind of nerdy.
Like I think it would be someone that I wouldn't immediately look at across the bar.
But like if we started talking and he had a good personality, like I'd probably get

(25:54):
married to that.
You know what I mean?
He looks like Matt Smith.
And I think that's why you think so much.
Oh my God, he does.
For the record, in the second picture, he's showing off his gallbladder scar.
I thought he was tickling his nipple.
I'm not joking.
I'm not joking.
He's pointing.
He's pointing at his scar.
Also, guys, I love that you guys are pointing out that it looks like Linden B. is the alpha

(26:19):
in that photo with John F.K. because he was John F.K.'s vice president and then took over
his presidency after JFK was assassinated.
He knows it inside job.
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
Read what we said in the intro.

(26:41):
Please do not get your political opinion from Lauren.
The basement fumes.
They're kidding to me.
Oh, God.
Hey, Lauren, will you take me on a smut journey, please, with your voice?
Where do I need to read to?
You're going to.
I'll cut you off.
Oh, good.

(27:02):
Tell me when to be quiet.
All right.
I didn't miss that.
Julia started to leave the booth, but before she could get very far, she felt something
tug at the back of her skirt.
Hey, she's fun to see you on the voting machine steel arms reach out, taking hold of her skirt

(27:23):
with a pincer as the sheet of voting instructions flutter to the floor.
But it wasn't the metal claw gripping her skirt that captured her attention.
On the voting machine screen, the cheery face stared back at her with the look of sheer
disapproval.
I am disappointed in you, citizen, it said.

(27:43):
Is that really how you want to use your vote?
That's it.
Thank you.
Fantastic.
Well done.
Beautiful, beautiful voice.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Oh, Lord.
It helps.
It helps set up nasally.
How do you feel right now, Lauren?
Are you are you turned on by the voting machine?
Not yet.
It's a little vanilla for my liking.
I need something else.
Yeah.
OK, perfect.

(28:04):
Next question.
Next question.
Which president had the most amount of children at a whopping 15 kids before he died?

(28:24):
Your options are Andrew Johnson.
Thomas Jefferson or John Tyler.
Yes, Lauren.
I don't know.
Jefferson.
It is not Jefferson, though.
Jefferson's this is confirmed children.

(28:44):
Jefferson actually has the same number of kids, supposedly, which is speaking.
That is a good answer.
They actually have the exact same number of children if we're talking accused of.
Wonderful.
Hard, hard, hard.
What are my options again?
Andrew Johnson, Thomas Jefferson or John Tyler.

(29:06):
Oh, we got another Johnson.
Oh, God.
We got another Johnson.
I'm going to go with option number three.
John Tyler.
Yes, I know.
It is John Tyler.

(29:26):
John Tyler was the 10th president of the United States.
He had 15 kids, questionably 16 before he died, and two of his grandkids are still alive
today.
No, you're lying.
I am not.
I am not.

(29:47):
Oh, like 100.
I I couldn't tell you.
Actually, I say that they're still alive today.
I take that back.
One died in 2020.
The other is 96.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Yeah.
Your grandfather was the president of the United States.

(30:10):
Dear God.
I don't even know where he's from.
I'm looking it up.
Don't tell you this, but you're going to start at with a growl.
Thank God.

(30:31):
With a growl.
Yep.
With a growl.
Oh, John Tyler was from Virginia.
Oh, hey, Sydney.
I just realized that you have a sprout in your hair and you did not, in fact, put your bangs
back.
I thought it was a hair clip the whole time.
Nope.
I love that.
All right.

(30:51):
I'm at with a growl.
Go for it, baby.
I love that.
I'm just going to end up reading this whole book.
With a growl, Julia stabbed at the screen again.
Oh, so she's growling.
I thought, OK.
Never mind.
My bad for imposing gender roles.
Julia stabbed at the screen again.

(31:14):
Poultrons.
Poultrons face disappeared before she could poke it in the eye and she hit her original
choice instead.
Haven't we discussed that candidate citizen?
Julia groaned.
Look, you don't like either one.
Neither do I, to be honest.
But if there's not a good choice, what am I supposed to do?
Vote for a third party candidate?

(31:37):
The machine stared at her for a long moment.
It didn't move or speak.
Finally, the face on the screen blinked.
No optimal choice exists.
Warning.
Poultron 4000 logic algorithm unstuck in an infinite loop of denial and anger.
Contact a system administrator to reset.
Oh, my God.

(31:57):
Whatever.
Look, I've just got better things to do tonight.
Just take my vote.
Julia snapped, grabbing the shiny metal lever and jerking it around.
I'm sorry, jerking it down.
I did not do that intentionally.
I'm going to cut you off.

(32:18):
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, man.
I'm trying to get them to fuck already.
You don't need to rush it.
There's so much that happens in so little faith.
I want a slow burn in my political porn.

(32:39):
This is not it.
I want a fast action lawsuit.
You know what I mean?
Oh, my God, Lauren.
Oh, my God.
You're taking a fast action lawsuit in your porn.
Oh, my God.

(32:59):
I need it.
This is one that I feel like Sydney's going to get immediately, but it's fine.
Which US president nicknamed his dick Jumbo and even had to special order pants with extra
room in the crotch?
That was said.
I know who that is.

(33:20):
Who is it?
Do I?
Can I get double points if I guess it right?
No.
You're going to guess it right.
I'm going to as well.
Nixon.
It's not.
It's not Nixon.
Nixon is an option.
Your options are Lyndon B. Johnson, Teddy Roosevelt or George Washington.

(33:42):
And Lauren, you get to choose first.
The Roosevelt thing.
He has the Kerry wield a big stick type.
Listen, listen, Teddy's my man, but Teddy is not correct.
He's not hung.
Because according to this, he is not hung.

(34:06):
I think I know who it is.
Who is it?
I think it's Lyndon B. Johnson.
It is Lyndon B. Johnson.
It is Lyndon B. Johnson, who was known for regularly talking about the size of his penis
as well as whipping it out in front of people because it was just so awesome.
He would do it in executive meetings because he was so proud of it.

(34:31):
I forgot.
He just whip it out.
He used to pee in front of interns because it was just so great.
He was like, look at it.
We the people in order to form a more perfect union.
Justice.
Honestly, the universe must make.
I know what to name this man.

(34:52):
Lyndon B. Johnson.
You know, somehow knowledge is not power in this case, and I'm no longer attracted to
Lyndon B. Johnson.
All right, where am I reading?

(35:12):
Sid, you're going to start at the Poltron 4000 rocked on its metal supports.
Okay.
The Poltron 4000 rocked on its metal supports.
Ratbed manual input detected.
Possible vertical trigger like a stimuli response.

(35:35):
Now Julia recoiled.
What?
Ew!
She could slip away.
Two flexible metal arms snaked around her waist, pulling her close to the machine.
The face appeared on the touchscreen larger than life, as if the robot's virtual head
was leaning in close.

(35:56):
Don't leave, citizen.
We're just getting started.
Even when your choices are terrible, you must continue to pull the lever.
Are we still going?
That's what this means more.
Keep going.
Okay.
This has gone far enough.

(36:16):
She said, twisting in the robot's grasp, its steel appendages tightened their grip around
her waist.
Sid, do you want to take over?
Nope.
No?
Okay.
They don't like me.
Okay.
Okay.

(36:37):
Okay.
I'm just not going to move.
I don't know what's happening.
I'm scared.
That's where I'm cutting you off for this one.
Okay.
Question number five, my dear friends.
Which US president would have literal withdrawal symptoms if he didn't have sex every few

(36:57):
days?
Your choices are Richard Nixon, JFK, or Ronald Reagan.
Oh, shit.
Lauren.
I forgot to put this in.
I voted Reagan before the show and I'm sticking with it.
Lauren, do you like reading sex with the voting machine?

(37:19):
Because you're going to keep reading sex with the voting machine.
That was my goal today.
You want to take a stab?
It was JFK and Nixon, right?
Yep.
That's what's left.
It's definitely Nixon.
It's JFK.
My first pick was right.
It's JFK.
JFK has-
The horny man is out.
He told a visiting diplomat that if he didn't have sex every few days, that he would start

(37:47):
having headaches.
Was that his preemptive defense for when he got impeached?
Kennedy?
Kennedy got impeached.
Kennedy got shot.
Oh, sorry.
I'm done.
Fuck.
I'm thinking of a commitment.
I was thinking of a commitment.
What?
What?
You have a hot one.
Not Clinton.

(38:10):
For some reason, I'm high on cold medicine.
Remember, for some reason I was thinking of the Monica Lewinsky scandal and I was trying
to be like, is that his excuse for cheating and being Monica?
Hillary wasn't available.
See, I thought you were going to say that about Jackie and keeping Marilyn around, but

(38:32):
damn.
No.
Poor Jackie, man.
Man, I sure do love this book.
I can't wait to read more.
You're reading it now, so congratulations.
Lauren, you're going to start just two paragraphs away with Julia squirmed and then Sid, you're

(38:58):
going to start on the vibrations.
Oh, great.
Okay.
Julia squirmed.
Why don't you just accept my vote?
That's your job.
My job.
Both candidates want to fuck you.
They just use different approaches.

(39:18):
One prefers to do so.
One prefers to do so using his sexual organs.
The other will fuck you in the metaphorical sense using policy.
It appears that either way you are voting to get fucked, but if you're not citizen,
Poltron 4000 is equipped to meet your knee, knee, knee, knees.

(39:41):
Thank you for the ad lib.
You're welcome.
The vibrations pulsing through the steel lever suddenly intensified.
Through Julia's shock and confusion rose something else, a yearning to scratch some
undefinable itch.
She squirmed against the lever, not pulling away now, but pressing against it, unable

(40:02):
to resist the urge it had awakened in her.
On the screen, Poltron's smile widened.
Yes, your needs were obvious from the moment you entered the boot.
Get down on your knees, citizen.
It's polling time.
I'm sorry.

(40:22):
Is this like Edward Cullen when he smells like blood and he's like, I guess you're on
your cycle today, Bella.
I know what you want.
Like did he just like smell the pheromones or something when she entered the boot?
I don't know.
Oh god.

(40:42):
I'm so ready.
My favorite thing too is the fact, Lauren, you didn't read this in the book, but the
lady who was sitting at the front desk before Julia walked into this area was like, these
newfangled machines are making this process go so fast.
And I just like wrote down in my notes.
I was like, I feel like Julia is going to take longer.
Yeah.
Yeah.

(41:02):
Oh boy.
Do do.
There we go.
Okay.
Which of the following presidents does not have a Grammy?
Jimmy Carter, Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, or Barack Obama.

(41:25):
That was a forfer.
I'm sorry.
Yes, Lauren.
I don't recall Obama having a singing career.
Obama actually has an Emmy and a Grammy.
He is halfway to an EECOT.

(41:46):
What the hell?
It is for best recorded album for like an audio book.
Oh, for an audio book.
Damn.
I didn't even think about that.
Okay.
So we have Jimmy Carter, Donald Trump, and Bill Clinton.

(42:08):
Bill Clinton.
I feel like Jimmy Carter doesn't got a Grammy.
Jimmy Carter has a Grammy.
Also for best recorded album.
I guess it's.
Okay, wait.
I was about to say it's probably Trump that doesn't have one.

(42:31):
Donald Trump does not have a Grammy.
Okay, there we go.
Which is definitely not what I thought it would be when I was researching that.
That is so interesting.
Do you picture that being the audio voice for like a book that you're reading or it's
like, hold us.
What's the line?
I have huge plans.
I have kind of a huge plan.
Did you see a shark?
It means something else.

(42:51):
Can you imagine that?
With the bearing of the electric motors, Proton's special cock put it itself into her mouth.
Oh my God.
We should read this next section like that.
That is the next section.
Okay, perfect.
We're gonna get Donald Trump that Grammy.

(43:14):
Let's go.
Okay.
Lauren is going to start with the worrying.
And then said you're going to start Politron smooth.
Great.
Okay.
Okay.
Should we do Trump or Obama for me?

(43:35):
Oh, I don't think we should do Obama.
No Obama.
We can't ruin him like this.
Okay.
With the wearing of electric motors, Poltron's Robocock put itself in her mouth.

(43:55):
The gym ceiling lights gleaned down on smooth brown chrome as a mechanical hand I said,
dressed against the back of Julia's head, pulling her in extra big closer.
That's a big word for me.
And it's okay.
This isn't funny anymore.
Oh, she's on the skip.

(44:20):
She pressed back against the hand, but her strength was feeble by comparison.
And I like me.
I'm not feeble.
The steel phallus touched her lips and she opened her mouth before I could break her
head open.
Sleepy Joe.
We're taken over by the spirit of Donald Trump.

(44:42):
I've been working on my impression recently.
That was unreal.
It's a big improvement from fucking the wall.
Oh my God.
It's a great wall.
It's a great wall.
It's a great wall.
I'm going to fuck the wall.

(45:05):
Poltron's smooth steel manhood pressed her tongue down flat as it propped towards the
back of her throat, filling Julia's mouth with a metallic flavor.
Stuck it like flesh, Julia.
I have two extensive data from the former president's experience in the office.
Would you like me to show you an instructional video?

(45:28):
I'll cut you off there.
Okay.
Lauren, how do you feel?
An instructional video?
This is like new.
We usually don't watch porn with single porn.
I don't like this.
We do have to add, oh yeah, you added steel manhood.

(45:49):
I did.
Correlable anatomy.
Thank you.
That's great.
I really hated metallic flavor too.
I should add that.
Yeah.
It's not really part of anatomy though.
No.
What?
It depends.
When you're in your cycle.
We have nut paste and New England clam chowder.
Yeah, add it in.

(46:09):
Add it in.
England clam chowder.
That's what the Sonic can't pick.
Yeah.
That is.
Yeah.
Oh, good times.
Oh Lord.
Which US president never voted in an election until his own name was on the ballot?

(46:32):
That's kind of country.
Ronald Reagan.
Zachary Taylor.
Sorry, I almost said Tyler.
Zachary Taylor or Jimmy Carter.
Yes, Sid.
That seems like Ronald Reagan to me.
No, I know it's not Ronald Reagan.

(46:52):
I know it's Carter.
Cause I saw, I'm like confident it is.
Okay, wait.
Okay.
So go for it.
Explain.
Oh wait.
That is not who I have, but I chose my other options at random.
So there is a chance that you're right and I'll give it to you if you're right.

(47:13):
No, I think I'm just.
Physically rules.
Rude.
I was just confident.
There was no basis for the confidence.
I was just like, I know it's Carter.
I answered that with the same audacity as a mediocre white man and I should be treated
as.
Nothing suggesting that Jimmy Carter did not vote prior to his own election.

(47:40):
I hate to tell you both, but it is Zachary Taylor who, uh, his first time voting was
voting for himself, which is iconic actually.
Kind of iconic.
Yeah.
I kind of want that country energy.
Go Devo.
So you're going to start just one paragraph away with Julia said, you're going to start

(48:01):
and then Lauren, you'll do the next paragraph.
Julia said, then sealed her lips around the metal cylinder and gently pulled at it.
She felt that tingle again, stronger now close against her skin, like static electricity

(48:22):
on a balloon.
The energy suffused her body, quickening her pulse and making her shiver with a potent
mix of dread and anticipation.
The voting machine loomed over her, leering down as she sucked on its leer.
The whole thing felt surreal, but a secret part of her embraced it, driven by a desperate
shame she would have never confessed, not even to her closest friends.

(48:45):
She hadn't been in a relationship in months and the sudden enthusiastic burst of attention
thrilled her even if it came from an out of control robot.
Closing her eyes, Julia gave in, resting her hands against the machine's stout metal legs
as she leaned forward, taking Poultron's steel member deeper.

(49:07):
That robotic voice spoke again, quieter this time, its tone soothing and hypnotic.
Oh God.
Oh God.
That's it, citizen.
Pull that lever.
Oh yeah.
Amazing.
Wait, how do you say lever?
You say lever and I say lever.

(49:28):
Yeah, I don't know what's right.
I don't think there really is a right way to say it.
I'm pretty sure the right way is lever, but that's not going to go over there.
I will.
See, I just do it the way the Queen Eartha Kitt said it in Emperor's New Groove.
Pull the lever, cronk.

(49:49):
Oh, yep.
Pull the lever, cronk.
Yeah, good score.
Pull the lever, cronk.
Congratulations, Lauren.
You watched way too much British TV as a kid.

(50:12):
I knew it.
I knew that was the case.
It's okay, I talked to you.
With like the TARDIS being like pulling levers and...
I was about to say, when I do half tense, I do a T. I feel you.
Lauren as well, you do kind of sound like a Dalek when you're doing the Poultron 4000.

(50:36):
Oh hell yeah.
Exterminate.
Exterminate.
Oh God.
Incredible.
Incredible.
Exterminate.
Oh, that was good.
Oh my God.

(50:57):
I can't wait.
Which US president was featured on the short lived $500 bill?
Is it James Garfield, Rutherford B. Hayes, or William McKinley?
Yes, Lauren.
Fuck it, Rutherford.
My brother, Rutherford.

(51:19):
Lauren really likes reading porn.
Oh my God.
That's crazy.
I got a single point.
I think either of us have gotten a point in the past three rounds.
It's been rough.
It's been rough.
Sid, you got to guess?
James Garfield, Rutherford B. Hayes, or William McKinley?

(51:41):
I'm going to go Garfield.
Oh, you're both reading.
It's William McKinley.
See, I thought it was going to be Garfield because Garfield was a big man.
He was a big, big boy.
A big, big boy.
He was a big, big boy.
Will you please start us with strong metal appendages and Sid, we'll start with the machine's

(52:04):
arms flexed.
Yeah.
Oh great.
Thanks, babes.
Strong metal appendages slipped beneath her arms and pulled her to her feet.
Julia found herself staring at the screen.
The animated face swept its gaze up and down her figure, ogling her curves.

(52:25):
A gleam in its electric eyes seemed strangely aware, strangely alive.
Don't think we're done yet, citizen, Poultron said, the pulling process has just begun.
The machine's arms flexed and bent as its hands slid downward to squeeze Julia's buttocks.

(52:49):
She felt cold, unyielding fingers dig into her flesh, and then Poultron pulled her skirt
up to bare her pale white skin.
A metal digit traced the lazy frill of her panties, and she hurried to pull them down
before the machine could tear them off.
Done.
Aloud.
Poultron commanded as her silk underwear whispered down her thighs.

(53:11):
Julia obediently turned to face the door of the booth.
Now bend over.
Oh.
Lauren is stunned into silence.

(53:31):
Well, I'm just hoping that I'll say this.
This book will be a bust if they don't engage with temperature play because it's a metal
machine and they don't make a comment on the coldness of the metal.
Bad news.

(53:52):
Looking for it.
I'm looking at what I have highlighted and I have bad news.
This book sucks.
I just thought of another one for the.
Not again.
I'm backing.

(54:15):
I was just saying I have another one for the Dalek for the Dalek voice, which is Penetrate.
Oh my God.
How much do you I will I am willing to bet my life that someone in the Doctor Who fandom
has written a Dalek fan fiction and instead of exterminate they've put in their penetrate.

(54:38):
Oh yeah.
And their name is Lauren.
Lauren what fan fanfic website are you using to publish this?
Uh, asking for a friend.
Hey, she's probably used the same line in every fanfic she's ever written because she

(55:07):
wrote one banger line at 12 years old that I could find every other fan.
I did not comment on this episode.
I think I was going to catch Strayz this evening.
Okay.
I love you.
I missed you.
Oh my God.
And for the record, the banger line was his dark green orbs glistened in the light.

(55:32):
It's not.
It's not.
Not the orbs, not the orbs again.
I did.
I was a big fan of orbs when I was 13.
Damn.
Not as an adult.
Whenever I read it now, I'm like damn.
Damn.
Hey guys, which US president had the longest presidency?

(56:01):
Is it is it FDR?
Is it George Washington or is it Theodore Roosevelt?
Yes, Sydney.
It was FDR.
It was FDR.
Congratulations.
Because he had three terms and then after they were like, oh, we can't do three more
terms anymore.
So that's when they put in the amendment that a president can only do two.

(56:22):
I know I should.
No, I knew she'd do that one.
I wasn't even going to try.
Yeah, because he did.
He did three because he we were going into World War Two.
I knew this stuff.
You know, we're on question 10.
I think that's the first one you've gotten right with like sheer confidence.
I knew this stuff.

(56:45):
I know my shit.
Lauren, you're going to start with the word of electric motors.
OK.
Didn't they already use that line earlier?
Certainly.
This is some serious deja vu.

(57:08):
With the word of electric motors, Poultron leaned over her and reached around to cut
her breasts through her shirt and bra.
Dealfingers pinched her nipples.
Oh, Jesus.
Until Juliet fried out at the sharp throbbing pain that shot through her bosom.
Her hand let go of the booth's frame and clutched Poultron's.
But instead of trying to pull it away, she held it against her breast, biting her lip

(57:30):
as the machine squeezed harder.
It was just a real problem.
Yeah, it was just a robot devoid of emotion, but she swore she could sense its eager anticipation
and the way it pressed its lever against her, rubbing her soft bare flesh.
A twinge of desire tightened the muscles between Julia's thighs and without realizing that

(57:56):
exposing her sex to the thing behind her inviting it in.
Oh, great.
OK, I'm not awake.
I got to read this.
A please sound floated out of Poultron's speakers.
Data inconclusive, deeper polling required.
Excellent.
Excellent.

(58:19):
Beautiful.
Which U.S. president was rumored to have a longstanding roommate relationship that had
people whispering about his unique take on bachelorhood?
What the fuck?
James Buchanan, Chester Arthur or Grover Cleveland?

(58:44):
Oh, I don't know who that was.
Rock, paper, scissors.
I saw Lauren's pop up first, but I heard Sydney's first.
But I think it was just because of a delay in my sound.
I think it was Lauren.
OK, OK, I'll give it to Lauren.
Lauren, you go ahead.
I have zero points.
Let me go ahead.
Let me have this.
I'll let you go.

(59:04):
Is it Arthur?
It is not.
I'm assuming.
It's Buchanan, isn't it?
It is Buchanan.
James Buchanan was not married.
He did not have an accent.
He was he was his sister, wasn't it?

(59:24):
The first lady of the White House was his like nerd nanny when he was young.
It's so odd.
It was very odd.
And when his roommates, quote unquote, had to move away, he wrote something along the
lines of he's lonely and he'll never feel not alone again.

(59:44):
Weirdly tragic.
How's it going?
I know, kind of sad.
So so sad for James Buchanan.
I have to look at a picture of James Buchanan because I don't know what he looks like.
He's not not the member of the Florida House of Representatives, James Buchanan.

(01:00:04):
Apparently there's oh.
Huh?
Why is this picture so close?
Wait.
Lauren, you're going to start with the very next paragraph.

(01:00:25):
He does look kind of cunty, though.
I guess that was the opposite of the problem.
Yeah, you know, probably right.
Yeah, he had a wet nurse for the first lady of the United States.
I mean, this man wasn't pulling it.
I mean, let's just say this man wasn't pulling any bitches.

(01:00:48):
No, evidently not.
Evidently not.
Where am I?
Julia felt the tip.
Great.
Julia felt the tip of Pultron's metal rod slide down her.

(01:01:10):
I don't think we've had the word crack in any of our.
Exceeds before so good.
Here we go.
This is what I'm looking for.
And sending a thrill through her body before moving lower.

(01:01:31):
When the smooth, unforgiving metal met the delicate flower of her labia, hard chrome,
parted soft pink flesh as easily as a registered voter stepping through the birds.
That's actually genius.
She sighed as it entered her and thickened hard, wet with the juices of her desire.

(01:01:56):
It's a metal rod.
It's metal.
Wait.
OK.
She was almost gushing down there, so full of need that there was no room to acknowledge
the surreal insanity of Pultron.
Did I keep going?
Inside her, Pultron's subtle vibrations swelled in intensity, pushing a shocked cry from Julia's

(01:02:21):
lungs.
The buzzing hum reminded her of the toy she kept in her nightstand with its knob twisted
to the highest setting.
But this was far more powerful.
Why doesn't voting machine live?
I said liver.
Why does a voting machine lever need to vibrate anyway?

(01:02:41):
You're finally getting that sex scene you dreamed of.
How do you feel?
I like it, but I think we're confused on what appendages we're working with.
Oh.
Like, again, I'm I'm missing the actual benefits of.
All right, it's all the message from our inter.

(01:03:09):
I'm just saying there are benefits to using a metal instrument and like.
Those benefits are not being leveraged here.
You know, you're taking.
Benefits, what are those benefits exactly, Lauren?

(01:03:30):
What's it doing?
So there's no right pile dysfunction because it's metal.
There's temperature play, so it's like cold and like a warm cavern.
It's.
It's a.

(01:03:55):
What's the next question?
The next question, our quiz, you want the.
Yeah, which which president enjoyed skinny dipping in the Potomac River as part of his
daily routine?
Is it James Monroe, John Quincy Adams or Thomas Jefferson?

(01:04:19):
Yes, Sydney.
I think why do I feel like it's Adams?
John Quincy Adams.
Yes, I want to say John Quincy Adams.
That is correct.
John John Quincy Adams with skinny up daily in the stomach, we go for a swim.

(01:04:44):
I'm not even mad because I was going to guess Monroe, so it saved me the embarrassment.
I'm told I'm wrong for the first time.
Lauren, this is your punishment for never reading the books and never being prepared.
Is it punishment?
Is it punishment?
I think some would argue, some being me.
It's sexy punishment.

(01:05:05):
I'm not mad at it.
I like a little bit of pain and my pleasure.
Hell yeah, you do.
Lauren, can you start with Julia Grunted, please?
Yeah, of course.
It's everything I want and more.
Julia Grunted as its steel cylinder moved in and out of her, each time accompanied by

(01:05:28):
a wave of pleasure that rolled through her body and left her quivering and breathless.
Soon she was moving with the machine's hands, rolling her hips as she pushed back, burying
its lever deep inside.
Pultron sensed her surrender and robotic fingers tightened on the flesh of her hips as the
voting machine began to rock back and forth.
Do you think it sounds like ee-err, ee-err, ee-err?

(01:05:52):
What if it's the song that went viral on TikTok for a bit?
Yes, I know what you're talking about.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Soon its metal torso slapped against her buttocks with a hollow rhythmic sound.
Gee!
She could feel its enthusiasm as hot and desperate as a senator left unsupervised with a cute

(01:06:15):
intern.
I'm gonna let that hang for a minute.
We were all on Twitter a handful of months ago when we saw some White House interns at
the staff room.
What the fuck?
You don't know what I'm talking about?
No!
Oh my god, wait, we're taking a pause so I can educate you on a pop culture moment.

(01:06:40):
I was gonna say, Lauren, you're the only one who runs the account.
I don't run.
Which pop culture moment is this?
Because if we count how many times we've seen senators on Twitter with interns.
Oh no, it's not a senator.
So this was, I believe, I don't know his exact position, but basically think White House
intern like our age, Gen Z, invited his boyfriend into one of the Senate chambers, I think,

(01:07:04):
and then they filmed having sex and then it got out, it leaked, and then obviously he
got fired and it was some Democratic House member or senator that he worked under and
it was a huge scandal.
What the hell?
Yeah, it was huge.
So you can see the video online still.
I don't want to see it.

(01:07:25):
I don't want to see it.
Anywho.
I'm shocked.
I'm disgusted.
I'm dismayed.
I'm revolted.
This is the US history I'm proving to.
Okay.
Where was I?

(01:07:52):
Julia gripped the voting booths frame more tightly to keep them being pushed through.
Oh no, no, no.
She's turning forward.
She flipped off.
You're skipping forward babe.
You're going to jump forward to she grasped it.
Oh, she grasped it.
Have I asked a question?

(01:08:13):
No, I only read one paragraph from my punishment section and then that was all that you were
reading.
Yeah.
I was like, wait, I want to read the whole thing.
I'm trying to get the plot.
You're blue balling me.
It's okay.
It's just porn.
When you get the next one wrong, it'll be so much better.

(01:08:38):
Good.
Okay.
My answer is Abraham Lincoln.
Next.
Oh my God, you got me.
No.
Okay.
Who was the first left-handed president?
Is it James Garfield, William Howard Taft or James Buchanan?

(01:09:00):
It's not like being a lefty is a gay thing to do.
Is it Buchanan?
Yeah.
Are you buzzing in with that?
Hey, Sid.
Is it wrong?
Then yes.
We have Taft, Buchanan and who?
And Garfield.
And Garfield.

(01:09:21):
Yes.
I think it was Taft.
That is incorrect.
Damn.
You want to take a stab?
It was Buchanan?
It was Buchanan.
Oh, you want to read this?
No.

(01:09:42):
You can have it.
It's big.
You guys can split it if you want.
That's what she said.
No, I'm going to hear you moaning in my ears.
That's what mommy said.
Sid, you're going to start.
She grasped it.
You're reading a lot.
I'll cut you off when you get there.
Sounds good, mom.
Yes.
Me.

(01:10:03):
Yes.
Oh.
No.
Okay, mommy.
You said you would hold me and make me beg for it.
I certainly did not.
I am no Dami Mommy.
Thank you though.
That's Lauren.

(01:10:25):
You give off Dami Mommy.
Lauren, you are Dami Mommy like no other.
Holy smokes.
Sorry.
So Christina is not recording with us, but she is in the chat.
So she's seeing what we're sending back and forth.
Oh, she just did a picture of young Ford.
Oh my God.

(01:10:47):
Yeah, he was a pretty man.
I need to save that to my folder.
No, it's still be right there.
I don't know.
I need to objectify him.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.

(01:11:08):
So we have Dami Mommy Lauren hot forward.
So be a mode in our ears, please.
You got it, baby.
I

(01:11:42):
didn't want to talk to her.
in all caps and the other anal pounding still in all caps make your choice
Julia's hand trembled as she reached upward to the monitor her finger wavered

(01:12:04):
for a second she hesitated over anal pounding bitch for the anal pounding
button no that's too much she chose vibrator massage instead you have chosen
anal pounding citizen your selection will begin immediately Julia stepped back
what no I chose the voting machine let out an uncanny burst of mechanical

(01:12:29):
laughter ah ha ha sorry citizen but the system is rigged prepare for dis
franchised to be dis franchised oh my god stop making us horny for dead
presidents so I asked Christina

(01:12:49):
where is it I asked Christina which US president is the sexiest she said first
she said JFK I said obviously it's Teddy Roosevelt she said both Roosevelt's and
then she said Taft which is really out there Jimmy Carter Ford and now Ronald
Reagan if we give her enough time I think she'll name every president yeah

(01:13:18):
well I'm gonna I'm like I am looking up young well oh who are we looking at mr.
Taft himself hello hello I hate that for me actually ladies we are at the end of

(01:13:49):
our quiz game which means despite the fact that you both have like negative
16 points we will be doing thank you very much we will be doing a lightning
speed round it will be lightning but it will be a speed round there are a
finite number of US presidents that have not had a verified case of infidelity

(01:14:13):
you're gonna name precedence until you name a president that has not actually
until you know a president that has had an affair I have a list of the very few
that have not had affairs when you name a president that has had an affair you'll
read let's say you'll read a paragraph of what I have left

(01:14:36):
your goal your goal is not to get busted wait so I have to we have to name like
shout out names of presidents that have had affairs and then if we say one that
have not had affairs that have not had affairs go to be like

(01:14:58):
you as presidents that have not had affairs when you say one there you have
to read a paragraph okay okay okay we're gonna start okay we're gonna start it oh
my god oh my god Tina okay wait so we so that's where we are going to begin if we

(01:15:27):
have to breed a paragraph yep okay if you have to read you're gonna start at
the paragraph Julia shook her head and you're just gonna go until I like you're
gonna read the paragraph where the line breaks is where you stop then you get
in front of me okay yep just go back and forth okay I'm on board

(01:15:50):
right last said Lauren yes I did so Lauren you're gonna start name a
president that has not had an affair verified affair FDR
bad news bears FDR has had a verified affair no yeah give me that paragraph

(01:16:19):
babe
all minute here all men all men all men except for the eight I have listed here
apparently eight let me be clear there's eight and several of them have accused

(01:16:42):
have been accused of having affairs they're just not verified okay so but
these are yes verified cases of infidelity that's not a good running
thing for becoming president the United States and being faithful to your wife
yes it's a stressful job or you have a Julia shook her head staring wide-eyed

(01:17:14):
at the thick metal shaft down there it was pushing more insistently now and she
had to clench her muscles to keep it from plunging into her ass
okay my turn to guess yep
Obama Obama is correct that's my man that's my man Harry Truman Harry

(01:17:44):
Truman is correct said hey shit
Abe Lincoln next paragraph please

(01:18:08):
whole John made a clucking noise citizen and a two-party system choice is an
illusion you get screwed either way you're not even pretending to give me
what I asked for Julia protested

(01:18:31):
hmm
I'm gonna say Carter Jimmy Carter is correct oh shit oh damn it I was about
to say Carter next cuz I can't do Clinton can't do JFK no um yeah do Trump

(01:18:53):
no no can't do any other reason wait no there are the two bushes to either the
bushes have an extramarital affair that's the question

(01:19:13):
Bush is in the name George Bush senior senior senior give me that next
paragraph poltron smile never wavered a compromise then I shall grant you both

(01:19:34):
the machine raised a robot hand Julia heard the faint buzzing as its fingers
began to vibrate her eyes followed the hand widening as poltron lowered it to
her crotch and pressed two humming fingers against the swollen flesh
between her legs
three now we've we've we have three men three presently so far yeah of eight

(01:19:59):
that's a lot there's a lot more presidents is it is Teddy Roosevelt on
there Teddy Roosevelt is not on here poor man
yeah he was he was a very testosterone field man yeah carry speaks awfully and

(01:20:20):
carry a big sick yeah oh wait I just thought of one
hold it yourself Lauren's got a reading holding it I'm holding it
sudden spasm of pleasure racked Julia's whole body in the muscles in her anus
loosen allowing poltron to slide into that dark tight hole

(01:20:42):
ever been don't know that would be but only the robot oh my god it felt so big
inside her pressing out in all directions which she dared not move the
lever began to vibrate again a deep pulsing resonance that matched the hum
of steel fingers against her clit suddenly an explosion of ecstasy matched

(01:21:07):
the unbearable pressure and Julia screamed bucking and thrashing as much
as she was able impaled by a robot caught between machine and voting booth
wall
RJ are a guy James Buchanan I don't think he's had an extramarital affair
because he wasn't married you know he was not listed because you can't have

(01:21:30):
infidelity if you're not married good job well I guess you could seeing
someone though you gotta shoot
cheating babe we were just engaged exactly it doesn't count

(01:21:57):
so interestingly enough he was engaged and his well he was briefly engaged to
a wealthy woman named Anne Coleman the marriage never went through because she
suspected that Buchanan was having an affair was led her to break off the
engagement oh okay okay but okay but it counts it counts that's fine

(01:22:20):
Lauren nine men and one of them's gay
let me think
Eisenhower
and give me the next paragraph please I'm gonna have to know who the rest of

(01:22:45):
these men were after we're done I know I'm guessing it's not any of like the
early presidents especially they all just like had a bunch of kids out of
wedlock and like shit like that so it has to be like that middle-era
mmm I'm thinking wait oh wait I say him yes I did

(01:23:06):
we'll find out because we're about to climax since you're climax voting
machine pressed harder against her the rod in her ass thrumming with a swall of
power that spread through her abdomen like a slow rolling wall of ecstasy
Julia clinched the steel arm pulling it tighter against her crotch as she
squirmed and shuttered

(01:23:34):
John Adams is correct
Martha's George Washington also James and James Adams really Martha they were

(01:23:54):
both named Martha because his wife was named Abigail what's my bad
I know you want to get on Abigail she was too beautiful for that he actually
sent her like thousands of love letters over the course of their life he was

(01:24:15):
down bad for her I want that kind of love did we already say Cleveland yeah
the next one anyway no it's until someone says something wrong oh okay I

(01:24:36):
don't think anyone has said Cleveland I don't remember are you going with
Cleveland Lauren why not that's fantastic read the next paragraph Julia
blinked at the suddenness of oh wait sorry you have her whole body shaking
Julia slumped against the wall bathed in sweat and panting for breath

(01:24:57):
poltron's computerized face smiled at her the same friendly grin she had seen
when she entered the booth as the last of her orgasm ebbed the machine moved
back and she let out a relieved sigh as its rod stopped buzzing and slipped free
of her now that's her I had us ending but there's still oh god four people

(01:25:18):
left yeah let's keep going okay um okay so we have four left they're for laughs
definitely not Jefferson um wash out yes James Madison hmm that was gonna be my

(01:25:39):
next guess but you could take it I'm not gonna guess that cuz Lauren I love you
but you keep getting it wrong I got a decent few right at the beginning
let's not forget she pulled Truman out of nowhere
my favorite president oh oh lit

(01:26:05):
Lauren Lauren Sydney is singing through the entire president song silently I am
I know this is a great audio listening a good auditory experience I'm gonna say
rant you listen says grant is correct

(01:26:31):
Lauren halfed halfed is incorrect Wow T
Julia blinked at a sudden miss of its withdrawal but then again what did she
expected this is a political machine after all full of promises that meant

(01:26:52):
little once it had gotten what it wanted then again she couldn't deny she had
enjoyed voting for the first time in her life three left there's so much on the
line we're gonna write out a paragraph before we get this right there's more
presidents the paragraphs

(01:27:19):
both of you have said something better up here
and not guess that your president Bush jr. George Bush jr. that is incorrect
here I said senior before damn I'm you both wrong yeah and you slimy bushes

(01:27:40):
anyway keeping one eye on the strange machine she fumbled her skirt and panties
back into place then gathered her purse and its contents off the voting booths
floor

(01:28:01):
Lauren I was on a streak
Martin Van Buren
I had to pull up a list of like president portrait like that's the vibe

(01:28:25):
I'm going off of and I was like I need this early this may have with his well
I do like mutton chops anyway so you have a lot of fun Lauren yeah
where's it
I'm as she swept aside the curtain right yeah yeah as she swept aside the curtain

(01:28:48):
a chipper voice called out behind her I hope you found today oh wait I hope you
found today's voting experience pleasant citizen no I didn't James Madison James

(01:29:12):
Madison is correct oh yes Madison and then y'all gas me out of it I didn't
guess anyone out of anything I've kept my mouth shut no you cast yourself out

(01:29:33):
because you said it couldn't be an any of the early presidents and how to be
all the ones in the middle no no I said Madison you were like Lauren's always
wrong I'm not this would happen to them yeah hmm stolen valor James K. Polk

(01:29:53):
incorrect fuck don't worry I'm like so but now Julia this one let's look behind
her poltron stood against the back wall again motionless looking at it now it
didn't seem possible but it could have done what it did but the aching in her

(01:30:13):
loins gave testimony to its strange capability
I'm gonna eat in your room and I'll say can we a king in her loins add to the
bad horrible anatomy yeah Franklin Pierce kind of a baddie
wait wait wait wait Franklin Pierce kind of hold up oh well you need to

(01:30:49):
sorry I was trying to who Martin Van Buren possibly cheated on but
is he not married so he was not married during his time in office he was married
at some point yeah Hannah hoes spelled H O E S maybe she cheated on him yeah

(01:31:16):
oh possible I don't see anything about infidelity so whoever said Martin Van
Buren I take it back
Lauren's gonna get it I read this should be read a brief I read these short
little bit next for so Lauren can have that validation thank you her valor yeah

(01:31:39):
I'll give her back her valor thank you next time I think I'll just vote
absentee she said her legs wobbled as she passed the registration desk
I said short I was only gonna give you a little bit give you a little taste

(01:32:00):
is it your turn to guess now or me I don't remember it's mine it's mine again
I think okay um Cleveland we already say Cleveland we did we did okay

(01:32:25):
Cleveland yeah
hmm interesting
okay I have to apologize to George senior he didn't cheat George senior did
not cheat or there hasn't been an accusation see I don't know if anyone

(01:32:50):
really tapped I said taft who said taft one of us I actually think that this
whole quiz has been a disenfranchisement and we should get fucked in the ass
okay everyone there have been some updates to my list though we have more

(01:33:16):
than eight I'm not gonna make you keep going um the final list would include
Calvin Coolidge Obama George W senior that seems wrong Carter
Ford Truman Hoover Coolidge Taft that that's what I can offer there you can

(01:33:40):
I'm gonna be who was ever married you said Adams and Madison to you I'm sorry
yes because the other thing didn't list anyone earlier as well John Adams James
Madison Ulysses S. Grant and Harry S. Truman now I have George Washington on
my list and that is interesting because it was specifically verified infidelity
and there was no verified infidelity for George Washington a lot of accusation

(01:34:05):
though I'm so happy that Gerald Ford didn't cheat because Florida's hot kind
of his hot the fact that we know he loved his wife kind of nice that goes to
show that your man can still be fine and also a glass of wine I was gonna say
loyal but okay

(01:34:30):
well oh my god look at him sorry well Lauren if you had to rate the book from
the snippets you read what out of five
I'm gonna say three okay because I think there were many opportunities where the

(01:34:54):
lead-up to anal sex could have been better I'm also not a fan of reading
about anal hey Lauren did I say forward yeah you said 40
oh it's unconfirmed but Ford allegedly had a an affair with a suspected German

(01:35:19):
spy okay but that's kind of hot apparently also J Edgar Hoover had an
affair the same alleged spy and then allegedly used it to blackmail Ford at
some point it's so deep I love that I love that for that German spy obviously

(01:35:43):
who was the spy wait can we know this Queen's name yeah let me go back to it
man Ellen Romesh our OME TSC a go Ellen you go Ellen I don't know if I said

(01:36:04):
Ronald Reagan did or did not cheat but he's been accused yeah I was like Reagan
yeah yes okay what is going on what is going on your southern accent came out

(01:36:26):
so hard there no I do that on purpose what is going on I do that there are so
many people in this list no oh my god Ford is so hot this is both bushes have

(01:36:49):
been accused of infidelity so who knows I was verified cases of infidelity
that's what I'm trying to hire who knows that boy's a liar liar oh god
take us home kids all right well I'll give my quick review of this book since

(01:37:13):
I read the whole thing it was a two just because I also don't enjoy reading about
anal stuff but it was funny to laugh at and giggle with my friends so what else
can I say it brought joy to my world in that way um anyway next episode guys
will actually be Ashlyn's birthday episode celebrating our amazing producer

(01:37:37):
with whatever hellish game she has devised for us so if you liked this
episode we have a ton of other like book reviews as well as tipsy fanfic nights
which this is very similar to and go check us out on we have a X account we
have an Instagram we have tick-tock and we have a YouTube channel also go check

(01:38:03):
us out on
which yeah we have twitch right so what I'm thinking of that we have okay
and go check us out on twitch and you could also listen to a bunch of our
episodes either wherever you listen to your podcast like Spotify or Apple music

(01:38:26):
YouTube you can also listen to us through there so yeah go check us out
thanks for joining us and we'll see you later you vulgar voters