The Ice Planet Crash Course

Join us in this week's episode to get a crash course on all things Ice Planet Barbarian. Today, we give our newest host a run town on the first two Ice Planet Barbarians books while having to relive them ourselves. Please send us book recs and follow us on our socials @theRPHpodcast https://linktr.ee/raunchypowerhour

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Welcome to The Ranchy Power Hour, a book club for discussing romance from the erotic to

(00:06):
the erroneous.
As always, this is an explicit podcast and contains strong language, adult themes, and
sexual content.
If you are sensitive to these things, we urge you calmly but sincerely to turn off your
radio now.
This month, we are recapping the first two Ice Planet Barbarian books by Ruby Dixon.
So go ahead and grab a drink unless you're driving.

(00:30):
Hi I'm your producer Ashlyn and my favorite scene is when Liz and Rahash give each other
an anatomy lesson.
Hi my name is Sydney, I am one of your hosts.
And my favorite scene is when Georgie and Vectel went into the cave and they found space

(00:52):
Google Translate.
Hi my name is Lauren and my favorite part is when Georgie becomes pregnant with a blue
alien's baby and then just accepts that this is her life now.

(01:14):
And I'm another one of your hosts.
My favorite scene in the books is when the Ice Planet Barbarians wage war on the Fire
Planet Barbarians and then the robots come and things get dicey.
I also have not read any of the books.
Now get ready to get raunchy.

(01:40):
Hey, Christina.
Hello.
We have some questions for you.
Yeah, I have questions for you guys too, but it's fine.
I usually answer the question.
So I felt left out.

(02:02):
Hey, hey, there are plenty of opportunities to have a bit of a metaphorical threesome
here in which I can ask a question and you can also ask a question.
No, no.
We can eiffel tower this experience.
I'm actually going to remove myself.

(02:24):
I'm adding metaphorical threesome to the quote book.
You're welcome.
I'm Christina and I'm no longer one of the hosts.
Signing out.
That was her last episode.

(02:45):
That's fine, Lauren.
I can answer a question, I guess.
I love obedience.
Lauren, I'm going to have to leave.
The tension is too much.
She looks really good today.

(03:05):
I'm just prepping you for the information you were about to receive via human Tsukui
Google Translate.
It gets a lot worse than that.
But you is what do you think an ice planet barbarians penis looks like?
Wait, OK.

(03:28):
I guess that should be a pop point.
OK, let's say I don't even know.
I don't know.
Maybe it's got ribbing.

(03:49):
OK.
OK.
OK.
I don't know.
Maybe it like.
Maybe there's a second penis on the penis.
Wait, oh my God, based on my very spaces, I might be right.
I was saying they're close.

(04:11):
Yeah, it is the equivalent of a finger, basically.
Oh my God.
We'll explain.
This is bad.
I don't think I want you to actually.
I'm OK not knowing.
Well, knowledge is something we like to bestow on this very educational, very non-explicit

(04:34):
podcast, and that, in fact, was just an anatomy lesson.
You know, we're here to enlighten the youths about ways in which they can explore their
sexuality safely with.
Spurs as they're called.
And today we're here to teach you as well.

(04:55):
So, OK, we are here to bless you with the knowledge that.
Moving on to two years now, it gives you.
Thank you so much for your generosity.
Actually, that's too much, too much kindness.
But I'm ready.

(05:15):
I think we insist.
This is like a hazing initiation ritual.
And we feel that with all the time in the basement that you've spent and all the mold
you've inhaled over these months, that we feel like you've morphed and evolved into
a version of yourself that is ready to receive this information.
And so this is actually quite a special day for you.
I'm really excited.

(05:36):
Yeah, this is actually like the whole thing of how we get you into.
Full host mode.
Wow.
It's like I'm a Pokemon and this is my next evolution.
For all you anime lovers out there.
I may have offended in the past, respect to you.

(06:05):
Well, Sydney, is it time to initiate?
Our our new member of the podcast.
I believe it is time.
Oh, sister Lauren, I do believe.
Which one of us shall read the synopsis of the first book in the Ice Planet Barbarian

(06:25):
series?
I'll do it.
All right.
Go for it.
So before we start this, what we are going to be doing here is as we're going to go through
each section, we are going to read the synopsis of the book that we're talking about.

(06:50):
And then Christina has to guess the rest of the plot and then we'll actually tell her
what happens in the book.
All right.
I was about to read it and I was holding the book upside down and I got confused for a

(07:11):
second.
Honestly, I don't think that would ruin the plot recounting experience because there's
not really that much to recount.
Let's be real.
Yeah.
All right.
Are we ready?
Here we go.
For Ice Planet Barbarians.

(07:31):
Fall in love with the out of this world romance between Georgie Carruthers.
I didn't know that was her last name.
A human woman and Vectal.
An alien from another planet.
This is like the expanded edition.
You don't need to read that shit.
You think being abducted by aliens would be the worst thing that could happen to me.

(07:56):
And you'd be wrong because now the aliens are having ship trouble.
They left their cargo of human women, including me, on the ice planet.
We're not equipped for life in this desolate winter wasteland.
Since I'm the unofficial leader, I head out into the snow to look for help.

(08:17):
I find help, all right.
A big blue horned alien introduces himself in a rather startling way.
Vectal says that I'm his mate, his chosen female, and that my presence is the reason
his chest is purring.
He'll help me and my people survive.

(08:37):
But this poses a new problem.
If Vectal helps us survive, I'm not sure he's going to want to let me go.
Wow.
And that is the first book.
That's wild.

(08:58):
I got really caught up on the first part where you said cargo.
So that means that this is maybe an established relationship, like trade relationship, between
Earth and the ice planet.

(09:20):
Unnamed ice planet, I guess.
I don't know if it has a name.
Let's call it Icy.
I'm going to call it Icy.
So they all, all these girls go to Icy.
It's a bad trade.
I have thoughts about, are the barbarians the only people on Icy?

(09:42):
I don't know.
I want to say no.
There's other types of creatures, but we only talk about the barbarians because they're
sexy.
And then the mates is fun because obviously they would be mates from different worlds.

(10:02):
Duh.
I'm thinking that the other girls are the ones that we're going to get the books about that
are also in this crew.
And that's the Bridgerton style of everyone.
Maybe?
Maybe, maybe?
That would make sense.
And then obviously there's got to be some kind of like sleek white situation.

(10:27):
They're doing it on like a examining table.
I feel like that's got to happen at some point in this book.
There's got to be probes.
I'm trying to think of sci-fi kinks.
Probes would make sense.
Maybe the robots that I jokingly talked about before would actually happen here.
Maybe there's a robot on the ship world that is on this planet Icy because it is cold.

(10:54):
So oh, he warms her up with his body and then she wears furs, I bet, from the icy planet
and weird creatures.
And then he has maybe a loincloth that doesn't leave much to the imagination.

(11:15):
And then she becomes like a ruler of his group of people and is like adopted as their queen.
And maybe she makes it better for all these other girls.
That's what I think the book is about.

(11:39):
I mean, do we need to finish the episode?
You got quite a bit right.
Yeah.
Wow.
You were pretty close.
Like there was you got a couple things right.
To be fair, two years ago, I did listen to the podcast episode.

(12:01):
Yeah, two years ago.
That was two years ago and I didn't read it.
I think I listened passively on a plane.
Wow.
I did unfortunately read these books and I have zero recollection of what occurred.
I am also under the influence to a certain degree.
Sydney, I believe you have more recent knowledge of what has occurred in these books and can

(12:24):
help me out.
Yes, I do.
I did listen to our first episode and when we did the second book.
So I do remember most of this, but I'm also inebriated.
So we'll see how well this goes.
Given the huge potholes in my brain, I figure I can kick us off.

(12:52):
You can literally cut me off at any point in which I inevitably get shit wrong or overlook
important plot beats.
Christina, jump in literally wherever with any questions or concerns you may have.
I have a lot of concerns.
You will have a lot of eyes with the eye.
Yeah, are we ready to reveal the plot of this?

(13:16):
Ice Planet Barbarian by Ruby Dixon.
I don't know why I turned into a 1950s transatlantic actress.
Is that her real name?
Ruby Dixon?
Yeah.
There's no way, right?
Dixon?
I did make a dick joke in the first episode.
Thank you, Christina.

(13:37):
Record.
Dixon is a real last name, okay?
For a woman to become a porn writer.
Damn.
Well, make it a porn.

(13:58):
There's a lot of it in this book.
Basically, from what I remember, which is very little to be clear, the first book follows
a woman named Georgie who they do not say this explicitly, but I believe our consensus
is that she's a millennial woman given her strong love of Star Wars.
Yes.

(14:18):
Okay, so it's literally intended to be like Hoth.
Yes, so much so that she names this planet not Hoth, and that's what we call it for the
duration of the series.
No.
I'm dead serious.
Is that allowed?
Oh, girl.
We discussed that also.

(14:38):
Yeah, it gets mentioned so many times because then they're also like, oh, maybe I have to
bundle for warmth like how Luke did in episode two.
I was like, I don't think you can just say that.
They mentioned Ewoks and like a whole bunch of other things.
I don't know.
But yeah, the planet is called not Hoth.

(15:00):
Trap me if I'm wrong, Sid.
We never actually learned what the real thing is called, do we?
At least in books one and two.
And one and two you don't, from what I remember.
So not Hoth is what we're rocking with.
Georgie, I, Georgie, is abducted with a whole bunch of other young white women.

(15:22):
Oh, there's seven of them, by the way.
I don't know why that number is sticking in my head, but seven.
There's seven other girls.
I was thinking 20 something.
I'm an 80.
No, no, no, because you're you're forgetting the other seven.
Noted, noted.
So a whole bunch of other women, Georgie wakes up on this ship effectively in a cell with

(15:47):
a bunch of these other women, and they have been abducted by quote unquote little green
men.
So notably these aliens are different than the ones we will be.
They're gray.
Little gray men, my bad.
And then we have their guards.
Do you remember the name of the guards that Georgie calls them?

(16:10):
There's two different aliens there.
Is this what I'm thinking of?
I remember Marvin the Martian was referenced at some point.
Is that what I'm thinking?
Yes.
OK, so apparently there's little gray men.
And then there's also you'll remember as soon as I say it, but the basketball heads.
Oh, shit.

(16:31):
OK, yeah.
Why are there basketball heads?
Are they real basketballs?
I don't know.
She's got a millennial quirkiness to her that requires her to name anything that she's unfamiliar
with in such a strange way.
It's giving I must ask you a question.

(16:55):
So yeah, we got aliens.
Traumatic material is mentioned in the opening because these women are effectively getting
sex trafficked by aliens.
So like, you know, the little gray ones.
Yeah.
Yeah.
In league with the basketball heads.
Gotcha.
OK.
Yes.

(17:15):
Yes.
Not the blue men.
The problem is that during their travels, the plane, no, the plane, sorry, the ship.
Delta Airlines.
No, you can't just say that.

(17:36):
I love you, Delta.
I love you all the time.
No.
So what you're thinking of, Laurence, remember, Dorothy decides to do a coup.
What?
Look, we.
This is going to be a long as episode.

(18:03):
Just as long as the first one where we talked about nothing.
She stages a coup.
With power.
So they're in their cargo hold and Lauren, the day that they decide that they're not
just cruising around, that's the day of the coup.

(18:25):
And they're going to kill off one of the basketball heads somehow.
Are the basketball heads bigger than the little gray guys?
Yes.
Oh, so they chose the big target.
OK, anyways.
And the reason they know the reason they're going to do it today is because Kira, who

(18:47):
has the earpiece, was like, they're talking and this is what they're saying.
Yeah.
Apparently, one of the chicks on the ship was given an ear device that allows her to
understand the language of the aliens, and she was sort of in that way, a representative

(19:08):
to like communicate between the hostages and the aliens.
But she had that earpiece for the rest of the books.
Why would they give the hostages like a translator?
I really don't remember.
Interesting political dynamics being hinted at here in this.
Indeed.

(19:29):
So there's a coup, right?
Yep.
And then it causes the ship to crash, right?
Because there's a scuffle.
What happens with the ship crashing?
The ship doesn't crash at all.
Crash on the planet.

(19:49):
The ship doesn't.
They're on the cargo hold and Kira hears a little gray man go, they said they're going
to drop the cargo.
And then literally the cargo drops.
Georgie is still trying to fight the basketball head to kill him.
Why?
Potato potato.

(20:09):
They crash land on the planet.
Yes.
I'm actually.
I'm actually.
This is alien spot.
I don't want to do the differences between a plane crash, a ship crash, my bad, and a
drop landing.
Everybody take a drink every time that Lauren says a plane instead of ship.

(20:40):
So they crash land.
And then several women are injured, right?
Two women.
No two people died.
They die.
Wait, so we don't follow all these girls.
Just the ones hot enough to survive.

(21:01):
Survival of the fittest.
And Georgie's like.
I'm a protagonist.
I'm a go get help on this icy planet that we just landed on.
And they're like, OK, Georgie.
Fuck you.
They don't say that.

(21:21):
They just don't say that what kind of a human they are, right?
Like how long does she survive, how long does she survive?
The whole time.
Does she just die?
Well, that's one end of the story.
One ends the story.
You have to look at her photos.

(21:43):
And then you left.
Damn.
Well, doesn't she collapse?
Is that the tea? No, she gets caught by.
Who's snare?
Victor. Oh, not.
His name's not Victor.
His name is Vectal.
You say that right. Vectal.

(22:05):
Vectal. Yeah, that's right. He.
Yep, she gets caught up in his snare, apparently.
And then he takes her to his like little hunting cave, right?
Yes. And then wakes her up via.
Cunningham's.

(22:27):
Well, that does happen, but before that happens.
He her resonates.
I'm here for the sex.
The blood.
Yeah, yes.
So he he has like a purring in his chest, evidently.

(22:48):
Should I just say what it is in this moment?
OK, so the thing about these blue alien men.
They have this like.
Is it a creature?
I don't know what to call it. Like, what's the.
It's like this like part of them symbiote, right?
It's a symbiote that essentially resonates.

(23:10):
It's the word they use.
It purrs and thrums when they encounter their like mate.
So it's sort of like Fated Mate type trope vibes here.
The problem is that in this group,
there are so few men.
And women are sorry, sorry, other way around.
There's so many men, so few women.
And so they're like starved in a way, right?

(23:33):
They're like, oh, I'm never going to have my mate.
Fuck. And then this guy finds his mate in a human woman
and he's like, let me service her while she's.
This is my mate.
Yeah. And what's big about this, too, is when it resonates,
it means this is the person I'll have the babies with.

(23:56):
Yeah, I logically just so we need.
They don't have sex with anyone that they don't purr for.
No, they do.
Oh, they do. OK.
You can't reproduce.
I assume that's what that means.
But the big thing is that Georgie does not have that symbiote.

(24:16):
Yeah, because she's human.
Yeah, she wakes up with a blue dude's.
Tongue, yeah, I forgot that we didn't mention.
Yeah, tongue is special.
No, he's just good at what he does.
He's welcoming her.

(24:37):
Let's say that.
And my tea, my shade is that she wakes up
with an alien doing this and she's like freaked out internally
in the immediate.
But then she's like.
The ship rocks and so
she just like, accepts it.

(24:59):
Wait, the girl who staged the coup just accepts that.
Yeah, interesting characterization.
All right. Who is sex trafficked?
Yes. Yeah.
Yeah, she's not drama.
OK, she should.
Oh.
Never mind.
I forgot what I was going to say.

(25:20):
Well, here's where you're going to need to help me out a fucking lot,
because I kind of get lost in between how much sex occurs and then.
OK, so after she has after she has an orgasm,
she's like, no, what are you?
And they can't they can't hear you.

(25:41):
They can't speak to each other
because they don't speak the same language.
So she's like, no, like you have to like wait.
And like, I'm not going to have sex with you.
And Vectal in his POV,
by the way, this was this joke with dual POV.

(26:03):
Yeah, it's a dual.
Oh, my God, I would never have guessed.
His whole POV is like, my mate.
Is not furry.
Why is she built like this?
Wait, is he furry or are the females furry?
He's has skin described like suede.

(26:26):
Yeah.
It's disturbing.
Oh, he has horns.
We didn't mention that he does have giant horns.
Oh, he uses the tail and a tail and a tail.
You know, the tail.
OK. Wow.
What a vision.
Yeah. And.

(26:49):
Important, the horns are in a rod and a stone.
Are they? Or is it the tail?
It was a tail. OK.
Maybe both.
It should be both. You get me.
You get me.
I was like, it feels like both.
That we were all said both.
There's so many books, you got to get creative.

(27:12):
Like, yeah, true.
What was I saying?
No, for real, I'm like, where the fuck are we?
OK, so what we're at now is like there.
All we've talked about is that they have sex and she tries to stop him.
He doesn't understand dual POV.

(27:34):
Oh, OK, there we go.
I understand how we got there now.
So she tells us like no to sex and he's like, must careful mate.
So he tries to feed her and like he takes her to go bathe.
And there was like a whole little scene there where she gives him a first.

(27:55):
He gets her first.
Oh, so I was right in the.
I know it.
Yeah.
They have a romance without.
This was where it was kind of weird.
It was.
It was where we had that little hunting montage
of them like going out of the cave together.
I want to be in danger.

(28:17):
Yeah. And then Vectal.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because doesn't she insist on helping?
She's like, yes, I don't want to just sit around while you do all the work.
Like I want to do.
And this is an alien planet, to be clear.
And so she goes, I don't want to do that.
This is an alien planet, to be clear.
And so she goes out and then like encounters these wild creature, alien beasts.

(28:38):
And then is like.
Work and then gets like in danger immediately.
Like it's just not.
It's not good.
And she almost gets attacked.
It might wave her head.
Let me know.
This is almost going to happen.
She's eating fish at this point in the book.
That was no, that was before that was before when she tried to go to the hot spring.

(28:58):
Work.
Yeah, that happened.
Yeah.
I'm just remembering the berries now as well.
Yeah, I'm remembering the berry soap.
I just remembered it.
I do not remember the berry soap.
What are you talking about?
They have berries that they would like put in the water for the juice so that the eating
fish sticks would go away because they don't like the smell and then they use that as soap as well.

(29:22):
I don't remember.
It frothed.
I remember that.
Okay, can I just say this is a lot of world building for this book that I did not expect.
Yeah, it's a lot.
How long is this book?
Not long.
How does this all fit in?
Oh, just wait baby.

(29:44):
It hasn't even begun.
Damn.
So, oh, also on top of it, Vectal is hunting because he's meant to bring back kills to
his village.
So, that's why Vectal is out there and doing all this stuff.
They kind of move from hunting cave to hunting cave.

(30:06):
They kind of move around.
Anyway, Vectal does save Georgie from the evil aliens.
I don't remember.
There's a whole thing about how she doesn't like his spices either.
It's all his food.
Goodness.
Yeah.
This man saved you.

(30:29):
I started a tab in this one, which I did carry on to the next one, which was, what was it?
Alien racism.
Yes.
That was why we had the whole psychological discussion of fetishization because there
were a lot of blurred lines of, if I recall correctly, this barbarism of indigenous peoples.

(30:52):
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Look how different this is.
Ew, your food.
Oh my God.
They're really good at sex.
This kind of weird dynamic.
Folks have mixed opinions on it, but it is a thing that occurs.
Space racism.
Space racism.
But they got big schlongs and that's all that.

(31:13):
Exactly.
It does.
Because Vectal is kind of refusing to go up the mountain and Georgie's like, I don't know
what to do.
So this is the point in which, Christina, you got a second thing right.
Because Georgie decides to have sex with Vectal and she sees his spur and his penis.

(31:43):
So the spur, what we come to find out is just, I think it's a bony thing.
It kind of sticks out right above the penis and it's meant to stimulate.
The clitoris.
Like a finger.

(32:04):
Yeah.
Yeah.
It literally like, it's kind of like.
Yeah, it's kind of like.
Wow.
They're all doing like a little pinch motion.
For all our listeners.
This is awful.
This is the penis.
They're doing the millennial, not the millennial, because then Z heart.
Yeah.

(32:24):
I hate that.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
And then fun fact, this is not, has no bearing on the plot, but.
Oh true, I forgot about this.
There are sex toys you could buy on the market right now that are shaped like.
Sakui penises.

(32:46):
So Wow.
I don't get on that.
Sponsored by Ruby Dixon.
Oh my God.
I was about to ask, this is important information.
Yeah.
Ashlyn.
I'm going to ask Ashlyn because she can find this.
How long was this penis again?

(33:07):
It was very long.
I remember.
The baseball bat might be right.
I feel like she was human.
For some reason, like 12 inches.
I feel like it was long.
It was very long.
It's like giving subway.
Is it always that long?
Is he naked?
No.
If that's the first time she was seeing it, he wears clothes.

(33:28):
He does wear clothes.
No, it's not loincloth.
It's kind of like an intricate like system of leathers and furs that they've gotten all
together.
Who wears the loincloth?
Is it their one?
No, that's that's Rahash.
Cool.
Someone does have a loincloth, but he uses the leathers to rein in his dong.

(33:54):
It's more for hunting, I think.
I don't know.
Anyway, we really should get going.
We've been sitting on anyway.
They have sex and Georgie takes Vectal up the mountain and Vectal is like, mate happy.
I had sex with mate.
They're going up and then they reach the cargo hold where the rest of the girls are and Vectal

(34:17):
is like, oh, this is why Georgie wanted to come up the mountain so bad.
I'll go back to my village with other barbarians and go get them and then we'll like save these
women.
During this whole thing, let me remind you, Vectal and Georgie are not speaking the same

(34:39):
language and cannot understand each other.
So he starts like cuddling up to her and all of her shipmates are like, what the fuck did
you do?
Did you fuck the alien?
She's like, no.
Oh, I also feel like we should point out that in Vectal's POV, doesn't he make comments
about like, oh, this is more potential for my brethren to have to resonate?

(35:04):
Right.
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
Anyway, just wanted to add that.
So Vectal and Georgie leave after like dropping off some stuff that would help the women.
And because Georgie's happy with him, they have sex again.

(35:24):
Only this time, there's a surprise.
And that surprise is...
Nope, we already knew about the tail.
Tail's been there the whole time.
They are not having sex in a normal cave.
It's a cave that Vectal's people calls it the Elder Cave.

(35:48):
But after they've had sex, Georgie goes, there's a blinking light, goes over and clicks the
button and surprise, it's another spaceship.
And remember that little funny thing about how Vectal and Georgie couldn't understand
each other?

(36:10):
The machine is going to allow her now to just speak his language.
It's literally a shit you not.
Like they literally just there's like a short exchange and then like they just implant the
language effectively in Georgie's mind.
Like, it's a really weird...
Hang on this cave?

(36:31):
It's not a cave, it's an old spaceship that now looks like a cave.
And what Vectal's people, the Sakui, call the Elder Cave, because that's apparently
where they originated from about 200 years ago.
They don't know really how they ended up on the planet.
We don't find that out in these books.

(36:52):
I'm assuming that gets unraveled at some point.
I want to say my guess is that they also were cargo.
Maybe wrong.
Maybe.
When you said you press the button, I thought it was going to be another spaceship with
people on it who are actively watching.
And that's the camera into the cave.
I thought that's what you're saying.

(37:13):
I was like, that's bad, right?
This is lovingly the Google Translate ship.
Wow.
Oh, that's what you were talking about.
OK, OK, OK.
This is my favorite scene.
That's really your favorite scene.
Because it took me out of it, I laughed so hard at the convenience of this.

(37:33):
I was like, OK.
This is funny.
It's just truly so easy.
There's nothing involved.
You literally click some buttons and then she's like, I understand you now.
You're like, dog.
Dog.
I think you understood him plenty.
He was going, bleh.
Anyway.
Not just that.
So after they canoodle and they're able to actually speak to each other, Vectal takes

(38:05):
Georgie back to the village.
And at the same time, another alien is coming in and he's a little more grumpy.
He's got some scars and his name turns out to be Rahash.
The Moen Flosh guy.

(38:26):
Alien.
It's giving man a few words like stoic, like deep down there are layers to me, but I will
not share them.
And it pays off.
I'm being ahead of myself.
So Vectal brings Georgie in and everyone's like, what the fuck is that?

(38:54):
Like pointing at Georgie because, you know, they've never seen anything like her.
And Vectal then calls for, oh, what's her name?
The healer.
Melak?
Melak?
Meelak?
It's something like that.
Maybe Meelak.
Meelak?
We're so close.

(39:14):
I know we are, but she's like the healer of the tribe and also Vectal's ex.
Yeah.
Yes.
Because Vectal begins explaining that like, no, I mean, just because we don't resonate
with someone doesn't mean we can't have sex.
So then when she resonated with someone else, then obviously their exes.

(39:38):
So this is when Georgie finds out that Vectal is the chief of his village.
This is worse.
You were also right about the bit of like becoming royalty in a way.
I'm not going to lie when I was guessing, I was just doing the watered down version
of like Akatar almost.

(39:58):
Oh.
Well.
So Vectal goes in and he also is like, there are women out there.
We should go save them and seven other warriors.
I want to say volunteer to go out there to help save the ladies.

(40:24):
And Vectal's ex, I'm just going to call her that because I don't remember her name.
Sure.
So she comes in and Georgie like gets weirdly jealous of her and there's a little more plot
fill.
And she's like, oh no, like he's been with someone else.
He's not just a virgin.
He hasn't just had me.

(40:46):
Gosh, she's beautiful.
Yeah, truly.
She does that.
And then they go back to get the ladies and they get there with the other warriors.
They're able to get like the women, they get there.
The warriors go into the cargo hold because it's basically open.

(41:08):
And this is where four more Sakui resonate.
So I believe, wasn't there something else with that healer where we find out that Georgie
is?
Oh yeah, we find out that Georgie is pregnant.
Probably, yeah, she's not.

(41:30):
She's known him 24 hours effectively.
Not exactly, but we'll just say for this 24 hours.
48 hours.
Just learned his language.
They fucked maybe a handful of times and she's pregnant with his child now.
And she's just like.
Word, not exactly, but word.

(41:51):
She's more word than I would be in the situation.
So they have children fast?
To question mark, even though she's still in a human body.
Oh, it's special.
So we find this out in book two, how long the pregnancy is.

(42:12):
It's like a year and a half.
Wait, then how did they know that she was pregnant so fast?
Probably something with the cooey, I don't remember.
Yeah, it's some.
Oh, right.
Yeah, it is actually.
You got it right.
It's because Georgie had broken her wrist at some point.

(42:32):
Oh, wait, yeah.
The cooey was like, well, I can't.
The lady was like, I can't do much because you don't have a cooey.
And then Georgie's like, well, what do I do with that?
She goes, well, you have to not ingest it, but you need to accept it.
So we already explained the symbiote, if you're confused, you can't ask a question.

(42:57):
And she's like, that's the only way you guys will survive on the planet is if you get the
symbiote, which is the cooey.
You can get it.
Yeah.
Yes, because they come from an they are like a parasite living inside another animal.
Yes, the cooey have to go and kill them to get it.

(43:20):
Wait, so they crash and they don't know where they came from, but they do know that they
go out and kill these creatures to then add them to their bodies.
Yeah, because without without these things, like they can't withstand the cold or anything
like you would not be able to live on the planet.
Yeah, it's a poison in the atmosphere.

(43:42):
Oh, so she gets that and she stops being no, not yet.
And the cold.
No, not yet.
Eventually, but eventually.
But right now she's sick.
She's sick with morning sickness.
No, she's sick because she's got the atmosphere sickness or whatever is what they call it.

(44:03):
There's so much plot in this porn book.
It's kind of insane.
I just I was gonna say this is so much more plot than I expected.
Yeah, there's a lot more here.
Why did you guys think it was so much?
The second one's way less world build heavy.
It's kind of just more like they fuck and they suck.

(44:24):
You already know the political happenings in the background.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
So, yeah, she's like, well, I can't I don't know.
I'm gonna have to talk to the other girls about what they want to do on if they want
to like try and stay here, try and get saved.

(44:46):
So they go up, they go back up the mountain with other warriors that the other warriors
resonate and there's like a big heart to heart between like all of the original captives
in the cargo because also Christina on top of this, there have been seven girls who have
been in stasis this whole time.

(45:08):
An additional 17.
There's an additional seven died.
No, it's 12.
Yeah, you're right.
I don't do math.
But there's 19 books, right?
How does that?
There's a lot of books, like some of the kids grow up.
I don't know.

(45:28):
No, I kids.
I thought about this when I was actually researching our birthday episode.
Oh, like my birthday episode.
There's more girls later.
Is there another shipment?
Like, what the hell?

(45:51):
So do we get the basketball head guys and the little gray men again in this book?
We don't know.
We haven't read it.
Look, are you asking if they come back?
Yeah.

(46:12):
Possibly, because while the girls go out of stasis, they've all have implants in their
arms this whole time.
Next plan on implant.
And the barbarians remove them.

(46:36):
But they do start buzzing.
So they might come back.
So they are maybe like, oh, got to come back.
Okay, I have answers.
Okay, not Vectal's penis.
I cannot figure out how big that is.
I'm so sorry.
Okay, there are nine girls in the original cargo crash, three of which are deceased.

(46:59):
Okay, so sticks.
There are sticks in stasis.
Which puts us at a total of 12.
12, okay.
Then there are two, three, four, five, six, seven, there's six that are rescued from slavery.

(47:27):
Straight.
Then there is the Ice Planet clones spinoff and the Corsair spinoff.
I'm pretty sure there's a second planet where some of these characters are from.

(47:54):
I have information on the length, firmness, color range, and other factors of the peduses.
According to deepfantasies.com, where you can purchase your very own Ice Barbarian Dillo
for $61, not sponsored, you can pick from a gigantic range of colors.

(48:18):
I'm actually quite...
Anyway.
You can customize your own dick and they come in sizes, extra small, small, and medium,
and then firmness of 30 soft, 50 medium, or 10A firm.
But according to their size chart, which we will go with medium for the purposes of this,

(48:40):
the largest girth at head is 7.8 inches.
The girth at stock is seven inches.
The total length of the instrument is nine inches, but the usable length is seven because
there's the spur part, so it's harder to...
And then the weight is 25 ounces, if you were wondering.
Wow.

(49:01):
What's up with you guys' Christmas gift idea?
Ready?
Fun fact, to test the hardness of a dildo, they use an object called a short, long, long,
short hardness gauge, which looks like a round tire pressure gauge, has a needle on a spring

(49:22):
protruding from one end.
The needle is placed against the rubber or plastic and pressure is applied.
Good to know.
The more you know.
So nine inches.
On average.
On average.
On average.
Oh my God.
I love them.

(49:42):
So yeah, they go back up the mountain with the other guys.
And then Georgie has a heart to heart with all the girls and she's like, I don't know
what we should do.
Should we like try and go back and like, should we go with them?
And it was like a weird will they want they throughout the whole book.

(50:03):
Yeah.
And we all knew it was going to be yes, because where else were they going to go?
And all the ladies are like, we should stay and try with them.
So they all agreed to go hunt the thing that has the kui in them and become part of the

(50:24):
tribe basically.
And Georgie is the one who steps up first because you know, she's the leader.
She accepts the symbiote.
And it takes and Georgie like faints and then wakes up and she resonates immediately for
Vector Victor.

(50:45):
What's his name?
Vectal.
New character Victor.
And then the book ends.
That's how the book ends is that now they're like, I love you.
We're going to have a baby.
Wow.
That's a lot in one book.

(51:12):
That's one hundred and eighty eight pages, according to Goodreads.
Real talk, it wasn't actually that much sex.
Like for what it was advertised, I was deeply disappointed by the lack of canoodling.
But the second book makes up for that.
Yeah, that's a lot of sci fi for just someone who's like in it to read.

(51:39):
I wouldn't have guessed at the world building.
Ruby Dixon, I did not understand your game.
I'm sorry.
I was not familiar with your game, Ruby Dixon.
So based on that recap and knowing that less happens in the second book, what do you think

(52:01):
happens in the second book?
Oh, wait, are you going to read her the synopsis, Lauren?
I can read the synopsis first if you would like.
The synopsis could help because I don't even know who it is.
It's going to be the girl who is like, I don't want to.
The most the most against Georgie.
That's my guess.

(52:23):
OK, is it?
Yeah.
So, Sid, you may have to fact check me on this.
I looked both on Amazon and Goodreads and the synopsis that it pulls up is the same
for both, but it's very short and I don't remember it being this short.
It is not that short.
Does yours start with 12 humans are left?

(52:43):
Nope.
And I read the three sentences that Goodreads said you could read the synopsis.
Sure.
So for Barbarian Alien, the second book on Goodreads, the synopsis is three sentences.
It starts 12 humans are left stranded on a wintry alien planet.
I'm one of them.

(53:04):
Yay me.
In order to survive, we have to take on a symbiont that wants to rewire our bodies to
live in this brutal place.
I like to call it a cootie and my cootie is a jerk because it also thinks I'm the mate
to the biggest, surliest alien of the group.
That's it.
That's all I could find.

(53:27):
You're actually really close with the rest of it.
I think.
Still in the rest?
I'll do the rest.
And my cootie is a jerk because it also thinks I'm the mate to the biggest, grumpy alien
of the bunch of da da da.
Rahash believes the cootie's right, so he steals me away from the group, determined
to make me fall for him or else.
He has no idea what he's up against.

(53:49):
And if I didn't want his insufferable self so much, thanks cootie.
I'd let him know exactly what I'm thinking.
As it is, I'm doing my best to fight the instant attraction.
Just because the symbiote thinks we're supposed to be together doesn't mean I have to go
along with it.
And if a fool around a little, it's merely biology.

(54:10):
It doesn't mean I'm in love or that I'm destined to be his.
So.
What do you think happens?
All right, so who are our characters names again?
I've already forgotten.
Rahash and Liz.
Liz.
Liz.

(54:30):
Okay, I don't know why my brain said Arugula.
That's not someone's name.
Nope.
Okay, so we've got Liz who clearly is anti-Georgie and anti anything barbarian alien.
So my thought is that she goes along with this plan because she realizes you have to

(54:52):
adapt to survive here in Nothoth.
And so she's gonna get the thing.
It's gonna purr.
She's annoyed.
That's all outline.
Now where it gets spicy is that girl.
Girl just wants.
I don't know what she wants.

(55:14):
What does she want from this situation?
It's really tough here because it sounds like she doesn't want much.
She wants to go home.
Maybe she talks about wanting to go home.
Maybe she starts getting into the alcohol.
She figures out their like liquor situation on the planet.

(55:37):
There's lots of sex as you mentioned.
I see that happening.
I see her being like, oh no, it's just casual.
But she also gets pregnant.
And then maybe there's like a special occasion.
They have like a some kind of holiday with the barbarians, the basketball heads do not

(56:04):
come back, but the little gray guys do.
And then she shoots them because she's learning hunting.
And she defends the tribe.
Damn.
You got you got more things right.
Are you kidding me?
Based off your faces, I didn't think so.

(56:25):
I thought I was going in the wrong direction.
No, you went in pretty much the direct like the direct way.
Like you got the hunting bit and everything like that's actually a major part of this
story.
Yeah.
Wait, what?
She's a hunter.
Shall I try to summarize this one?

(56:46):
If you would like to actually remember this one a little better.
Well, then I'll let you do it.
I won't get far.
So we the book starts back at the crash site where all the women are still at.

(57:08):
And Liz is, as you guessed, kind of our grumpy, like rebellious kind of character.
She's like friends with Georgie.
She's not anti Georgie, I would say, but she's definitely the smart aleck that I'm not like
other girls type rough and tumble girl.
We gave her a southern accent for shits and giggles.
I don't remember.
She's actually from the South.
She is.

(57:29):
She is.
Okay.
She's from the South.
I just need to let you guys know Georgie's Floridian and she would not stop talking about
it in the first book.
But the fact that we forgot it, very funny.
Of course.
So Georgie has a southern accent.
Oh, yeah.
Georgie's narrator has a southern accent for sure.

(57:52):
I don't have anything written down for Liz, but my first sentence for the barbarian aliens
summary is I totally forgot Georgie was southern.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So yeah, southern gals.

(58:14):
Liz is injured.
She's sick or injured.
I don't remember.
Both.
She's sick and injured, so she's laid up in the ship.
And then Rahash and the other aliens come in and are like looking.
Vectal's there too, right?
Vectal Georgie.
But Rahash comes in and he's looking around.

(58:34):
And he tries to interact with Liz to like, he's trying to feed her or something to help
her.
He tries to help her because he's around her and he's trying to help her.
And it's because he resonates for her, but he's somehow able to hide it.
Yeah.

(58:54):
Oh, interesting plot development.
There's hiding of resonating.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
He's kind of like not in denial of it, but like, you know.
Yeah, he's not as expressive with respect to Lict his partner.
Anyway, Liz does not like this dude.

(59:16):
She adamantly is like refusing his help and like just being an overall difficult person.
Rahash is like.
Why the fuck is she rejected?
I will add in the last book, we forgot to say this.
Vectal takes his hunters back to the eldership and then they all learn English as well.

(59:40):
So the Google Translate ship can help with teaching a language that it didn't know.
It's by rational.
Yeah.
Yeah.
OK, so English.
Rahash is one of those warriors.
So he understands what Liz is saying.

(01:00:02):
So when she's like, you know, he's.
Yeah.
The.
I was going to say, my bad, you go, you go, tiger.
You go.
OK, OK, OK, sorry.
Liz the fun bit about this is that Liz does not know he understands English because he

(01:00:25):
speaks so little and gives no indication that good.
Yeah, and it's not.
We learn leaders on purpose.
Yeah, he's not like being deceitful in the way of like.
You know, I don't want her to know, but it's just kind of like, I don't think he really
cares to show that he does.

(01:00:46):
You know what I mean?
It's like he just is that dude.
So she is saying all of these things out loud.
She's like insulting him.
She's like calling him stupid or brutish or like whatever, and he's just understanding
it and she thinks he can't understand it.
So it's like the whole thing.
They all start maneuvering out of the ship because the the alien dudes have brought a

(01:01:09):
whole bunch of cooey for the women to take because what?
No, they have to go hunt for them.
It's hunting time.
Oh, that is it.
Last time, though, it's just like a blip, right?
Yeah, but they have to go hunting to get the the cooey.
Just like the big thing is then the girls see that it's just like a bug thing and they're

(01:01:33):
like, oh, they get grossed out.
Noted.
OK, so they go hunt for cooey.
Bug like thing.
Sorry.
Yeah, it's like a peristyle type.
Yeah.
And then they want to start giving them out.
And then a lot of the girlies are like.
No, including Liz.

(01:01:55):
And then Rahaash.
The whole reason they're like also no is because they see Georgie take it and then she fainted
after getting the cooey.
That's fair.
Yeah.
Oh, you get knocked out when you when you have a cooey, by the way.

(01:02:16):
Yes.
Look, wait, is this a mistake?
Should I look up Ice Planet Barbarian fan art?
Yes, don't look.
I need to help visualizing this.
To be fair, I don't know what the cooey looks like either.
I don't know if we ever looked that up.
I don't know.
I didn't want to.

(01:02:37):
It kind of looks like Avatar, but they're furry instead.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's basically Avatar.
It's like if you took a D&D teething and mixed it with the Avatar, like, yes, because the
rendering will be.
OK, people do not like focusing on what whatever is going on on the chest.

(01:03:02):
The fan artists do not care.
They said that's not the important part here.
That's not the important part.
It isn't.
Not for them.
Oh, and they have long hair.
You know what they're drawing.
Is that brought up?
Yeah, I do.
Well, not all of them are drawing that.
It's different characters.
I'm sure.
Yeah.

(01:03:24):
OK, sorry for with my detour.
No, you're so good.
You're so good.
Um, so while the women are freaking out, including Liz, even though since we're harsh resonated
for Liz, he was like, oh, I got to give her this shit and I don't want the other light,

(01:03:48):
you know, dudes to like get in the way or some other shit, whatever.
He takes her away from the group, runs off with her, abscends with her, kidnaps her and
then takes her to one of his hunting caves, like far out from the tribe.
It's like a secret cave that the tribe members don't know about.

(01:04:10):
And then she wakes up there.
It is not a happy camper.
Well, she's he also does he like treats her wounds and stuff like that, but she already
has the cooey, so it's going to increase her healing.
Yeah, because when you get a second, you get a plus two to AC.
Yeah.

(01:04:31):
Plus two plus.
Um, she happy.
No, she's pissed the fuck off.
She like doesn't want anything to do with him.
He kind of.
Respects it in a way just because he is like, you know, strong and silent type, so he'll
like leave for periods of time and like hunt for her hunt.

(01:04:53):
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He goes to hunt.
No, no, you go.
I know what you're about to do.
I don't think you do.
What are you about to say?
I was going to talk about how she gets.
Also Rahash leaves to go hunt for her and then she gets horny and she's like, yes, the

(01:05:16):
hornyest she's ever been.
That's what we were talking about.
Yep.
We were both talking about.
She is a horny motherfucker and continues to be throughout the entire book.
Um, because.
Because the symbiote increases.
Uh huh.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm getting out of myself.
Weird.
Of course.
Of course it does.
She has a kui.
She is in fact resonating for Rahash, but doesn't want, doesn't like him, doesn't want

(01:05:38):
him to know that she's in denial of it.
So she's out here being like, I'm horny.
Um, doesn't she try to relieve herself and then Rahash comes back?
He does.
Yep.
And then, um.
Does he finish it?
Well.

(01:05:59):
So what?
You can say.
Because.
I'll just, I'll say it out.
Yeah.
It's, it's a, they're both masturbating, but facing each other.
Yeah.
Okay.
So that's what, that's how it starts.
Mm hmm.
Yeah.
And it's just downhill from there.

(01:06:19):
Or uphill, I guess.
Uh.
Well, also.
I remember we freaked out at this last year.
I was like, we were, we were feral for this line last year, which was when Rahash just
stared at her and said, watch me.
It's like.
Vectal's vanilla.
I'll say it.

(01:06:39):
Yeah.
Rahash?
Vanilla.
Rahash?
More like Rahat.
Um.
Yeah.
So even after that though, I'm pretty sure she's still in denial about the whole thing.
After two weeks, she finds out that he understands her at some point in all of this and is like

(01:07:01):
equally pissed over that.
She finds out because she's teaching him to kiss.
Cause of course he's got to do that.
And then she teaches him how to kiss, but not on his lips.
And wow.
And then to reciprocate, he's eating her out.
And then she finds out he could speak English because he said he moans her name.

(01:07:25):
That does not account because I mean, he could have heard her name multiple times.
That's not English.
I agree with that.
I agree.
Malaysia's one smart cookie.
This leads me to the question, if she's teaching him how to kiss, did he have a previous ex-lover
slash are the females anatomy the same of the barbarians?

(01:07:51):
He was just kissing them by himself.
Yeah.
And I mean, they also don't have kissing in their thing.
So that's new.
These human girls are rocking their world.
Truly.
Truly.

(01:08:12):
These naked little mole rats are like...
Yeah.
Wait, now I'm curious in later books if there's any girl who doesn't have the whole mate that
thing.
But if she still is like, hey, I'm going to teach you some tricks for later and then just
makes its rounds in their community, I don't know, I think that'd be kind of funny.

(01:08:33):
The community whore.
She runs around.
No, she's the educator.
It's the kissing booth.
Oh my god.
The kissing booth for aliens.
Oh my god.
I would love that.
I hope you're listening.
Pay us a card.
Oh Jesus.
Oh god.

(01:08:55):
Liz is also mad because she wants to go hunting because her dad and her went hunting when
she was a kid.
Southerners.
How old are these girls?
They're in their 20s.
Okay, okay, okay.
That's fine.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, I'm not sure.
Well, we also didn't mention this in the first book too.

(01:09:17):
The girls all find out that they all are not close with their family or friends, don't
have any close contacts, wouldn't be missed if they weren't missing, and most importantly
in their 20s and not pregnant.
Oh.
It was the criteria to be abducted, I guess.
To be abducted.
Okay, I was wondering because I was like, if she hadn't been out hunting since she was

(01:09:40):
a kid, if you're an adult, you're capable of just going hunting.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, she needs the materials to make a bow.
So because that's what she wants to use specifically.
Of course.
Naturally.
So yeah.
But eventually he lets her out with her or lets her out with him to hunt, right?

(01:10:01):
Or-
Yes.
But that's after she leaves, runs into the polefish, same as Georgie, Rahash saves her.
But they're able to get like the tree thing so that Liz can make a bow.
Yeah.
And Rahash is like fine.

(01:10:22):
We'll go out.
But they do have sex.
How does this take?
Not, not bows.
They don't have any bows.
Oh, okay.
Sorry.
Sure.
They're good.
But they come back.
Well, so the reason their relationship like really jumps off is because on one hunting

(01:10:43):
excursion, I don't remember if it's the first or not.
I don't know if it really matters.
They get surrounded by a whole bunch of, I want to say, Metlax.
It's like some creature.
I don't remember.
I think it's that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They're like, I don't know.
They move, it was like a it was like a pack thing, right?
They find like a cub and then like the parents.

(01:11:04):
I don't remember.
It's a really dangerous fight.
And then Rahash is insistent that Liz runs Liz being a I'm not like other girls.
Protagonist is like, what would I leave it here?
Which ends up being the right call because Rahash is like, you know, recooked.
And then she ends up being like.
Run.

(01:11:24):
Fires an arrow into like the creature's eye or whatever.
It falls off the cliff.
It saves the day.
She drags Rahash's very unconscious body all the way back to her camp.
Takes care of him for several days while he's at a.
Days.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then I guess grows a soft spot for him in that time.

(01:11:46):
And then he wakes up and they just kind of bone.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
But this was this was a special boating because they went.
He went from behind.
That's all about me.
That's all about it was a special boning.

(01:12:06):
So yeah, they're they're kind of a team now.
And then unfortunately, the honeymoon phase is not last that long because a couple of
other men from the tribe are out searching for them and then come across the cave.
Yeah, names, but they're like protagonists in the other books, like, you know, they resonate

(01:12:29):
and shit.
So they're not out there.
Not right now.
They find them.
They're like, hey, what the fuck?
You weren't supposed to run off with somebody and Raja's like, hmm.
And they basically like after a lot of arguing.
Agree.

(01:12:49):
Well, OK, there was like a weird thing where like, I guess they were doubtful that like
Liz would be into it, right?
It was like a weird they were trying to paint this group.
Well, I remember like in that doesn't Liz pretend to be.
Screwing harsh when they're all camping.
Oh, no, she doesn't pretend she does it.

(01:13:10):
Oh, I thought she did pretend was that she pretended.
I'm pretty sure it was like a thing where like they were questioning whether the abduction
was like, you know.
This is one of those times where I need to jump in.
OK, Raja doesn't like kidnap Liz.

(01:13:31):
He literally kidnaps Liz.
The men of the tribe have kind of agreed that all of the women are going to go back and
then we'll get our picks because they don't want men to be rewarded for just stealing
a woman and running.
So Raja literally steals a woman and runs, which is an issue.
Then let's see.

(01:13:51):
OK, so then the guys show up and they're like, hey, you literally stole a woman.
You can't do that.
I have to scroll.
Oh, my God, I did not take enough notes.
OK, so.
Two other aliens come to collect Raja and Liz.
Raja has broken the law by not bringing those back to the village.

(01:14:16):
Liz leans into the mate thing because she's actually kind of into Raja.
So she does pretend and make a bunch of noise and the other aliens are like kind of embarrassed
Loki.
Yeah, something about alien being a slur in here.

(01:14:39):
The one that you were talking about where they actually have sex is when they're in
the like men's barracks thing.
Oh, yeah.
That's when they have public sex.
There you go.
We'll get there.
What?
Why?
Wait.
The horny.
The mystery.
Damn.
So, yeah, they all go back to the tribal caves and then they kind of separate them in their

(01:15:09):
caves like Raj goes off with like Vectal in them because he's getting like, you know.
What's the word I'm looking for?
And my hermanded.
Yeah.
And then it was really big words to say punished.
Big words for porn book.

(01:15:32):
And then Liz is like taking back to the women with Georgie and like all this shit.
Georgie and Vectal kind of got the Vectal's got to like lay down the law and Georgie's
trying to explain that to Liz.
Right.
That plus Liz sees the same healer that Georgie did and she's pregnant.
Of course.

(01:15:55):
I knew that.
Apparently, there's like there's apparently four or five other girls who were also pregnant.
Wait, so we might end up following.
I say we as if I'm going to read all these.
We might end up following a girl who has already had a kid.

(01:16:16):
No, this is like the beginning.
This is like the living hell.
It's literally this whole series is one big pregnancy trope and it's my living hell.
I hate it so much.
Disgust me.
And this is also when we find out that the length of the pregnancies are over a year

(01:16:39):
long.
But that's just for the Sakui.
So we don't know what a Sakui human hybrid pregnancy will be.
Wow.
Okay, so they don't know how the pregnancy is going to go.
How are the other like female aliens feeling about this?
We don't know.
We never know.

(01:17:03):
There's four.
There's four, I think.
Four adult females.
Wait, how big is this community?
Not the pig.
A lot of dudes and then.
Not too many.
No.
But the same part.
Oh, you go, you go.
I was just going to say six girls hadn't resonated yet.
Y'all are so stupid.
I'm not stupid.
I'm not stupid.
I'm not stupid.
I'm not stupid.

(01:17:23):
I'm not stupid.
I'm not stupid.
I'm not stupid.
I'm not stupid.
Yeah, we get to that later in the series.
Nope, they didn't.
They haven't resonated.
Good for them.
Right?
Right?
Honestly, escape this hell.
Get out of there.
Get off, not Hoth.
Yeah.
But is during these, like, you know, interactions with the tribe that Liz learns sort of kind

(01:17:52):
of this like other reason for why Rojas may have kidnapped her, which is essentially that
Rojas's mother did not like Rojas's father.
It was like a similar situation where like Rojas's dad resonated for her.
And because she didn't want to be with him, he kidnapped her and their kids or kid Rojas,

(01:18:15):
I should say, when he was young and then took them off into the wilderness and that same
little hunting cave.
And then when, you know, he finally came back to the tribe and whatnot, they like didn't
they like punish him and he like died?
No, I think Rojas came back.

(01:18:38):
Rojas found him or they found him.
His father's dead.
Both his parents are dead.
They like die somehow.
I just don't remember how.
And his little brother.
Yeah, there are siblings in this world.
Yes.
Yeah.
We do the alien species like, do they have a name for the blue guys?

(01:19:02):
The Sikui.
Oh, wait.
Oh, my God.
OK, yeah.
Yeah, I see what it is.
I looked at it.
Rojas's mother and brother died.
The father returns to the caves and is exiled and then has never heard from again.
That's what happened.

(01:19:23):
Noted.
So like that's the history behind Rojas and like everyone's assuming that he's just as
bad as his own father.
And while Rojas is like Vectal's best friend, Vectal has to, you know, like as Lauren said,
lay down the law and Rojas is exiled from the cave and he can't see Liz or their future

(01:19:49):
baby.
Wow.
The scenes that follow crack me up.
It's not supposed to be funny, but it cracks me up because there's like a certain radius
in which Rojas can like be in in regards to the cave.
And so for like several days or weeks, whatever the time span is, he stands at that point

(01:20:10):
of threshold.
So it's like barely in view of the cave's entrance and then Liz will come and sit at
the cave entrance, which is supposed to be the sweet thing.
It's like, you know, lovers apart, but it's just like from miles away, this big blue dude
is like.
No, it's actually Stockholm syndrome, I think.
He has.
He does bring her food, like when even though there's plenty of food at the cave, he just

(01:20:38):
makes sure you're pregnant, bitch.
And then the next thing is like Liz is like talking to Georgie and she's like, you could
have talked to him.
You could like bring it back.
And she's like, no, I can't do anything because I'm Georgie and you know, Vectal's the leader.
So they just need to do that.

(01:20:59):
And this is like, oh, she was like, if I can't be with him in here in the cave thing, then
I'm going to get exiled as well.
And that's what Liz does.
She does a pretend thing where she holds a knife or something up to one of the throats
of the Sakui.

(01:21:22):
And she's like, just help me out.
I just want to see him.
And when Vectal like hears all this and Georgie, she's like, well, exile me too.
I did something equally as bad.
So you have to let me go to him.

(01:21:42):
And then Rosh is brought back to the cave.
He sees Liz and Vectal changes his sentencing and basically says, you're like half exiled.
So like for you switch.
So once a week you can be here in the caves.
And then for like two weeks, you have to be like out in the hunter caves and like really

(01:22:04):
hunting and providing for us.
And it's like for a certain number of years.
And they say like, you guys can do that together so you can be together.
And that's what they do.
And it's not a punishment because they like hunting.
So like, you know, work and they like each other.

(01:22:26):
And then the baby is born.
No, maybe not.
No we don't.
Maybe we'll be born at some point.
And that's when they're allowed back in the caves.
So no baby allowed.
Oh, they're allowed back once the baby's born.
So she's once the baby's born while pregnant.
While a year and a half pregnant.

(01:22:48):
I think it's a year and a half to two years.
There's something stupid.
Living hell, capital L.
I just want to skip forward to a book that has the babies around.
So if this third book has a baby in it, I'm not going to read the rest of it and I will
not show up to record.

(01:23:09):
So I see the honeymoon books and then I'm looking at the covers and there's definitely
one that has a baby.
That's later.
I hate it here.
Book 6.1, Having the Barbarian's Baby.
I'm going to say someone is ready to give birth and then there's Ice Ice Baby.

(01:23:29):
Ice Ice Babies.
Oh, OK, sorry.
There is like the honeymoon stuff in our books specifically.
They're kind of at the end of our deluxe editions.

(01:23:53):
Yeah, it's kind of like a bonus chapter.
Oh, I'm so sorry to tell you, Lauren, after book six, it looks like the babies are mentioned
a lot.
I'm going to throw up.
There's at least this other is having the barbarians baby ice ice babies.
Then you get your typical book seven and then book seven and a half is calm with the baby

(01:24:15):
on the cover.
Sorry, did you just say ice ice babies?
Yeah, I was losing my mind.
It's hard being a new mom on a barren, wintry planet.
How about a mom times two?
One of the characters has to find a way to juggle babies, her mate and friendships while

(01:24:37):
catching the occasional nap.
Can she get her groove back?
It's a slice of life short story set in the Ice Planet Barbarian series and does not stand
alone.
It should be read after barbarians mate, which is book six.
You know, you know, the whole banned books thing where people are banning books because
of harmful material.

(01:24:58):
No, Lauren, don't say it.
But all I'm saying is like when I'm thinking about hot, steamy aliens and spurs and barbs
and all of the things that come with that, I don't want to think about a two year gestational

(01:25:19):
period in which a little blue critter is growing inside of me and comes out and goes goo goo
ga ga, not hot.
And then I ruin that whole experience for me.
I don't want to think about the trials and tribulations of parenthood.
I want to torch every single.
I think I'm the opposite of Lauren here.
I think I only want the baby books.

(01:25:41):
I'm curious about the world building with the babies because this open up like do you
have to go chase down a kui for the babies?
If you have twins, do you have to hunt too?
You were just pregnant.
Does that fall to the barbarian guy?
Do you have more kids?

(01:26:01):
Really?
The whole book is going to be an internal monologue about like, oh my God, my life is
lacked meaning until I had kids.
Let me go fuck this husband of mine.
Oh my God, I love my baby so much.
Oh no, my baby is in trouble because it's ran up to this little alien creature out in
the woods.
Oh my God, I'm going to go see baby.
Oh my God, you're so hot husband for saving baby.

(01:26:23):
You may have just guessed one of the books.
Now guys, sorry, now I'm just reading about some of these books.
Book five starts with it's hard being the most popular girl on the ice planet.
There's some stuff to look forward to.

(01:26:45):
I'm so ready.
Well require.
I was going to ask Christina, do you feel ready to now jump into the ice planet barbarian
universe and read the third book?
Dude, okay.
So I was like not looking forward to this.
You guys kept like dangling above me like you have to read an ice planet barbarian book

(01:27:08):
and I was like, God, I don't want to do this.
I actually don't think it's fun.
But now that you've told me about it, I'm actually really into the world.
I want to know how long does it take this baby to form in the womb?
I need to know the nitty gritty of this world.

(01:27:29):
What is it actually called?
What is the name of the planet?
It can't just be not hot.
I need to know where did the aliens come from?
Is there another planet they're all going to or is that the planet that all the aliens
are at?
I need to know is there a hub?
Is there a city that all the other aliens are at?
And so we're obviously following the people who are just like out hunting, like doing

(01:27:50):
their own thing, but like, oh, what about basketball heads?
Where are they?
I want to know.
And why were they tracking the girls?
And how did they know to take the tracker out?
I have a lot of questions and no answers.
Well, welcome.
This is this was the ultimate test.

(01:28:12):
I'm so ready.
I'm so ready.
I'm going to hate it.
Would you say that?
Would you say that you are resonating with this podcast and are thrilled to.
Get your own cooey and read this book.

(01:28:32):
None of the words.
Oh, do you prefer cootie?
You can always call it a cootie.
Oh, my God.
I literally hated that in this book.
It's worse.
She refused to call it the right word.
Yeah, space racism.
That is also that is pretty bad.

(01:28:52):
I got to say, I don't think I resonated with Georgie or Liz.
They sounded pretty awful.
Liz was better.
Liz was better.
Strangely enough, she's obnoxious, but in a way that's entertaining, Georgie is a wet
blanket.
Georgie was Mary Sue.
Oh, and Liz is like messy, but interesting.
Yes.
She actually learned about her background and it was like, oh, my God, crazy.

(01:29:16):
OK.
They remember Earth.
Yes.
Yes.
Well, we'll all get matching instruments at that link I just dropped and it'll be a cool
little bonding experience.
This feels like a bad Tupperware party.
Oh, my God.

(01:29:38):
Mom, could you pick me up?
I was opening.
What is?
I'm trying to think, is there anything else?

(01:29:59):
Christina, do you have any questions about anything we just said?
You know, I think I asked all my questions.
You don't have any others?
I sure do.
But I'm starting to think that I just have to keep reading.

(01:30:20):
I have a question.
I was excited for book number three.
No, Lauren, you were excited to read book three last year because you were just like,
can we read it next?
You were.
You were so excited.
A lot has happened.

(01:30:40):
I am older, I am wiser, I am more cunty and I don't want to read it.
It is a longer book.
But this is with Kira.
Don't you remember what Kira was doing?
Yeah, and I hate Kira and her man.
So guys, it's three hundred thirty six pages.
That is the size of the book.

(01:31:03):
Yeah, almost as long as their schlongs.
Yep, I put that.
Does this have to be in not like Rahash?
Hold on.
I can't remember.
I'm looking up if they got alien schlong bookmarks that we can all buy and use.
Sounds like, have you seen It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia with like the like strong arm

(01:31:27):
like a join our whatever and it it looks bad.
No one.
And with that, it's time to say good night.
Come join us next time when we do part one of Barbarian Lover by Ruby Dixon, aka the
third Ice Planet Barbarian books in celebration of us being two years old.

(01:31:54):
If you like what you listen to here, we do have other episodes where we talk about Ice
Planet Barbarians more in depth.
You can also go listen to any of our other podcasts about other monster fucking because
we read we've read quite a few of those as well.
Go follow us on TikTok, Instagram, X and Twitch.

(01:32:22):
Is that it?
Yeah, that's it.
And with that, I'll say good night to you barbarian babes.